Tag: Spout Lore

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore!

I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara Joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdulaziz Hello everybody! Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers Hi! And playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai Hello!

When last we left our heroes, they had gotten the piss kicked out of them By Colm Blackhammer, one of the Princeps of the Fired Fields Principality and leader of their military forces We gave as good as we got I feel like I think so too Dude, Billy is, was 20% knife for a while It's a good percentage to be Means I'm like a weapon of destruction The knife was facing the wrong way, Billy It's okay, just take it out and then you can use it on someone else Don't take that out That's what you did do, you just ripped it out of your chest Oh we actually did, I remember, okay so the party ran back to Hither and Yon Through the finishing battle between the Alliance and Firefield's forces with the victory of the Alliance against all odds Pretty cool It's also from their perspective hilarious where three insane people show up Out of a toilet Beat the shit out of a robot Yeah Run away Kill Colm Blackhammer Back into a toilet Yeah, run Come back with a dying child And then run back into a toilet Did everybody see that?

We're on the same page, right?

With two hit points left, Billy decided to roll a Defy Danger to remove the knife from his body Insane Pretty metal Fucking insane move Jess Pretty cool I could never do it in real life I'm too scared Ah, fantasy Yeah The intervening time following their return to Hither and Yon was spent dealing with that The fact that Billy was mortally wounded in this fight with Colm Blackhammer There was some relaxation had as Billy still in his winter form was having a bit of a, should we say temper tantrum?

Is that how we would, a temper tantrum? Yeah, a temper tantrum? Temperature tantrum?

Because he was now cold Temperature tantrum, good one Tuck took a little snooze in the rest period Mm-hmm Having his, not dream, sleep Brain Sleep place Yeah, I guess like the empty vacuum Like for Tuck most of the time, like if he sleeps now without the dream, he closes his eyes and just wakes up Yeah Like no sense of intervening time Yeah, and if he is brought into his mind it is an empty void And that void was temporarily filled for a time by the icon of servitude Trapped in the coin embedded in his chest It is sort of worm tongue Lucifer style trying to get you to allow it to help you in some way Yeah Yeah Like a real bad boy Jiminy Cricket Yeah, bad boy Jiminy Cricket Yeah That's sick Yeah, sick Jiminy Cricket with a leather jacket Yeah, cigarette And a cigarette And a candy can Yeah Hither and Yon disconnected from the fanny pack Everyone realized that if Morris and Perel were going to complete anything that they needed to complete, they would have to do something else To complete anything that they needed to do at the High Spirit they required their tools and their equipment which were all back at the fanny pack So Ving used his abilities to commune with the spirit of Hither and Yon as it were, whatever that spirit takes the form of And connect with the deep, deep need of Victor the Lyre Wolf who is absolutely horrified at the thought of you all being alone without him alone quote unquote It was one of the cutest scenes we've ever done Yes Because Victor considers anyone that is not with him alone, no matter how many other people are there And connected those two extra planar locations allowing Hither and Yon and the fanny pack to reconnect Morris then devised a plan to bring the fanny pack into Hither and Yon by constructing a shed in the clearing to use the door as a back door entrance The shed was constructed over a series of days while the party recovered And Billy had a dream during his recovery time of the Gibbous Man And an encounter he had with the Gibbous Man who knows how long ago The Gibbous Man attempted to enter the Halfling Lands and was denied by Billy the Tree Morris constructed his shed, the party was getting ready to leave the clearing And on that last night Ving went out to work on some night moves, look at the night sky, get some information about their foe the Gibbous Man Who then appeared before you There was some shit talking done And then Ving immediately rolled fight with honor It was so cool So powerful Get my son's name out of your mouth The Gibbous Man's main move in this fight was to destroy the shed thereby cutting Ving off from the Hither and Yon During which time Ving used his ability to predict the actions and mistakes of his foes getting the Gibbous Man close enough to lay hands on him Shoving him, proving that he has a physical form After which the Gibbous Man disappeared Back inside the party prepared to move Hither and Yon to Highspear City to drop off Morris and Perel And as they were saying goodbye they saw a rally happening in the town square that they'd arrived outside of Which seemed to promote the mayoral election of a one Etienne Boggins, the savior of Mudlark It's such a stupid Thing to see And that is where we find our heroes now Oh wait you missed one thing Ving and Tuck have over the course of the entire show been playing a game where they try and show each other their dick and balls How could we forget?

That's getting cut, that's getting cut Yeah Ving and Tuck have apparently been playing that dick and ball showing game from waiting for the last seven years From the Ryan Reynolds From the Ryan Reynolds vehicle waiting Huh Yeah whenever Billy goes to sleep they apparently show each other their penis I really wish I didn't sign up for this So fanfic writers do your thing Somebody draw this That is where we find our heroes now You see a mayoral rally happening before you, what do you do?

Did Morris and Perel walk away? They're standing there, Perel is looking at you guys Uh huh Cause he looks and points Etienne Boggins Uh oh That's that guy, right?

From season one From the first season of the show He's from January on the calendar From our mayors of Spout Lore calendar Billy's on most of those months It's mostly Billy In different monocles and different top hats The mayor of Mudlark The mayor of Lil Sur Just Billy in different outfits I do like this Yeah it's very funny Can you remind me of what our relationship was like with Etienne when we left him?

I don't think it was good We did bad stuff Didn't we lock him in a closet or that's the other guy?

We did No we did, we locked him in a closet for a couple of days Yeah for a while Yeah and then we sort of fucked him over He was working for Maggie under her guise as muckraker Right When she was a quote unquote criminal She put him in office She got him elected as mayor of Mudlark And the last that we saw was you guys had kind of accidentally framed him Right And he was like the theft of the box And he was like roughed up and taken away Right Oh by Caroline By Caroline Oh Yeah so he would not love seeing us No he would not like you guys at all I'm gonna roll fight with honor You do see that he is not here You see banners of Etienne Boggins Okay You see people on stage And now like the speech has happened and they're handing out flyers and stuff What color are banners?

I just want to know politically I'm thinking Which way is he leaning here? Probably blue Blue or red? Probably blue Oh He's fiscally liberal Or brown Socially conservative He's an idiot That's under that's like the tagline The tagline Yeah Everyone's like this is bad His banners are all tie-dyed He's a tie-dyed Actually I do wonder if they might be kind of brown From Mudlark?

Yeah he's trying to play up this savior of Mudlark thing So they're brown and green He's from Vertgrass Yeah He's from Vertgrass Yeah He's from Vertgrass Yeah He's from Vertgrass Yeah He's from Vertgrass Yeah He's from Vertgrass Yeah He's from Vertgrass though He's from Vert- So he's from the Black Tree Principality Right He was mayor of Mudlark And now he's running for mayor of Highspear It's tie-dyed black, green, and brown Yeah It's his camo It's camo It's camo It's camo Because he wants to be the strong like military leader Does he?

Oh my god Of the alliance Oh Right?

Because the alliance is new Right Yeah So you think he's jockeying for Okay let's roll some stuff This is cool No he wants to get the people behind the army Yeah And I also think that the- Maggie is still pulling the strings here because he Yes He doesn't have the wherewithal No To put himself in office Maybe even Maggie would never make such an ugly poster Yeah His campaign is failing Bad campaign Maggie's also like thousands of kilometers away as far as you know So then this is maybe a different branch of the Menders Could be I personally think that this is his own thing That he was not welcome really in Mudlark So he's like I have to go somewhere else I have to go Oh classic So who's rolling what?

What do you mean? You said we had to roll to figure this out Well I said yeah I mean it could be a spell or Discern realities Discern realities Are we all just like hanging out of the doorway or something? Yeah people keep trying to come in and we're like fuck off Yeah get out of here Mears is like this is a pub you could just go But this is our pub We don't understand Yeah we don't get it Technically it's my pub Yeah fair What?

I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know Yeah fair What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? And Allison are fucking close. And they're the same person. Oh my God. Sorry, I keep derailing. Colonel Dan, he just puts nail polish on his finger. On his nails. Puts it asleep.

Paints his nails, sits on his hand until he falls asleep. He gives himself to strangers. That's what Allison was the whole time. It was Colonel Dan giving himself to strangers. He put a pile of books on his penis until his penis fell asleep. It feels like you're jerking off a stranger. A pile of books on your penis. Just horrible. Jerking off somebody else's penis rather than having a stranger jerk him off. Hey, it's sound. This would work. Somebody draw this. Somebody draw this.

Draw Colonel Dan putting a pile of books on his penis for just long enough that it goes to sleep and then him painting his nails red and jerking himself off. If anyone draws this, I will find a way to ban you from the podcast. I will make it happen. Jess has started drawing. Did you paper cut yourself? I did because I got too excited. No, don't. She's doing it. Zoom in. Well, Jessica drew a stack of books on a penis. It's really long. That's a really good stack of books.

That's a stack of books on a penis. Oh my God. Oh my God. Paul reached for his phone so fast. Two phones. Just smashed both of your phones. You just shared your contacts with me. Jessica's so mad at herself for drawing this. It's so hard to make your penis fall asleep and remain hard. It's so funny. The head is sticking up from under the phone. Oh, I love it so much. This will be the title card for this episode. I saw it. I saw it. Did you see this, dude? Yeah, I saw it. Did everyone see this?

Yeah, that's a little dickhead sticking out of the pile. Oh, there it is. Now I've seen it. Oh man, I'm making this my background. So I think, okay, so the thing that you need to be on the lookout for, you are looking at this crowd, which is not, it's not huge. Yeah. It's not a huge crowd. Do they seem like they're supporting him? It seems like they're interested.

Like by the time you got here, it seems like they've got the vibe of, this guy was saying some interesting stuff about this candidate. That's fascinating. Huh. But you don't know exactly what it is, but you do see people handing out pamphlets and flyers. Who's really in control here? Okay, so who's really in control here? You can't help but think as you're looking at this, you're like, fuck, Etienne Boggins, you're connecting all the dots from your last encounter. Like two years.

Two years ago, two and a half years ago. But from where you are, you see nothing that would suggest this is like a Maggie Cole operation or a Mender thing. It seems like this is Etienne Boggins. Okay. Yeah. He's an independent. He's running as an independent. Yes, that is it. He is running as an independent. For sure he is. There are several political parties in High Spear City and he was part of none of them. I kind of imagine this like a street all full of candidates. It's like a market.

Oh, nice. It's like a big market full of stages. Yeah. There's several stages and there are many candidates giving speeches. That makes sense. And the crowd chooses and they're mostly going towards his camo. And then on the other side is a bunch of like food stands and like hushy games and stuff like that. And those are packed. They're like food for mayor. So there's a carnival. Yeah, there's a carnival on one side. Hot dog drop. Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe this is like a time honored democratic practice in the principalities is like a carnival where all the candidates come out and are like, I'm running for office. And there's also food. Yeah. Yeah. Food and games. And there's a like prize hog competition also happening. One time, one of the prize hogs accidentally became mayor. Because people didn't know. Francis is like, pardon me. I see a bunch of junk in those ladies' trunks. And he just swaddles out to look at the prize hogs.

Curls his mustache. Good day, ladies. Oops. I was trying to do a pig sound. I just almost tooted. Whoa. That's how the shit got on your chair. There was not shit on my chair, fool. You can't. Paul sharted through his pants last time we recorded. That did not happen. Nobody draw that. When we came back, there was a brown stain on his chair this time. That was shocking and true. That was shocking and true. Just totally middle school turn on you. But then also fully acknowledged.

That didn't happen. That didn't happen. That is shocking and true. That is shocking and true. I will recognize that as an adult person. Okay. Yeah. So, I mean. Oh, you get one more question. What here's not what it appears to be? Oh, interesting. So, you are a warrior of great experience. You are adept at recognizing, especially with your newfound role as this repository of ancient knowledge. You're good at reading people's intentions.

And you're seeing a lot of people in this crowd that all seem off, but not off in like a sinister way. Often you're like, oh, those are people that are pretending to be casual. Ugh. Like there's somebody that'll like go up to a cart and like pick up an apple and like look at the apple, but be like looking or like clearly watching the crowd. Okay. Yeah. Can I use a refresh street rat? Remind me what that one is. I get to ask what is the biggest threat here? Cool. Then yes, absolutely. Yeah.

So what? Yeah. Tuck scans the crowd and he sees these weirdos being weird. Yeah. Weird. And those, those. You notice like there are like guards walking around, you know, like the class. I've got a helmet and a little tabard and a spear and I'm here for security. But these individuals of which I think from where you are, you see like four or five spread out through the crowd. Those are the most dangerous people here. Yeah. It overlays a Terminator vision. Yeah, totally. Yeah.

And you are, you are picking out like, oh, uh, this person's got like a knife, like hidden in their vests. Like every, they're all armed and they're all secretly armed. You see dangerous lumps in people's clothing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because Tuck is an idiot. He's just been standing slack-jawed for like two minutes looking at the people who are not trying not to have attention drawn to them.

Just like staring drools coming out of your mouth. I look drunk. I look like a drunk guy about to get in a fight. Tuck, what are you doing? Those guys are dangerous. Okay. Play it cool. Cripes. Your clothes. Give them to me. As you close your boots and your motorcycle. And your motorcycle. Yeah. So what is your what's your plan here? Like, do you are you sticking around for this? I want to now. All these bad guys roaming around. Yeah. Etienne Bargains is trying to get elected for mayor.

Canonically, we do not let that guy be mayor. It is our moral responsibility to make sure he's not mayor. We have to take this side. It's foundational to our characters. I want to I want to be clear to you and I want to be clear to the listeners. Yes. You guys can walk away. I know right now. Well, I feel like we kind of. Well, Morrison Perel do have work here. Yeah, of course. So they'll be here for a month or two. Probably working on this.

We don't want Morrison Perel stuck somewhere where there's like these like armed assassins or whatever they are. What if they are associated with the benders? Then the wizards are in great danger. Yeah. So we have to make sure that Morrison Perel are safe. Yeah. Yeah. So I guess this would be. Oh, wait. Did you guys bully me into agreeing that the High Spears over? The mall? No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. It's on like a cliff side. It's on a cliff side. Yeah.

Yeah. It's on a mountainside that is like the city is at the base of this mountain. It's kind of like the chief is Squamish. Yeah. Yeah. And there's a big tower on top of it. Isn't the High Spear like thousands of feet in the air? I wouldn't see it from miles away. It's like a skyscraper. It is. You guys did see it from very far away. Yeah. In the like second season when you were traveling. So there are those floating pieces above it too.

So it's built into the side of a mountain, but also parts of it like extend below like into a mountain valley. So there's lower entrances as well. And do you want bits that like float? Oh, for sure. There's parts of it that have like broken off that are like floating around. Yeah. That's so cool. Then yeah, you've got this. You've got the square before you. You've got some sinister, mysterious figures in the crowd and you guys are staying in High Spear? Yeah. For the time being. Yeah, we should.

Can we stay in High Spear? We should stay in the Hither and Yon, right? Can we use it as? You got your room keys. You can kind of pop in whenever you want. Yeah. Is the Hither and Yon staying? Mears kind of shrugs and goes, maybe. Okay. Unless someone really needs something, then the Hither and Yon kind of decides where it's going. Tuck closes the door and reopens it from the outside. Yeah. You open it. He's still there. He goes, guess so. Don't do that.

Victor is at the door like trying to nudge it open. Like, let me come. Let me join you. Time passes differently. So we open it. Oh, yeah. You open it. I had to be so mad. Stuff is happening as you're opening and closing. Yeah. Mears is gone. Yeah. Victor's there. I have to be. Let's take Victor with us. Let's take Victor with us. Yeah. So Victor shoulders his way out of the door. What does he look like now? Because he was getting more domesticated and easier to see. He's getting easier to see.

His ears are drooping, right? His ears are drooping a little bit. He's kind of becoming dog-like. I like thinking he's got them in like airplane mode, you know? Where they point back? Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. Because he's like just listening. He's listening to so much stuff. Yeah. And they're a little floppy from being so comfortable. Not floppy, but like a little bendy. He's got a little bend to him. And he is becoming somewhat easier to see.

You kind of get like glimpses of limestone colored fur. Like it's kind of like off. It's like a white, green, gray almost. I like that. That's cool. But he's the kind of thing where like if you're not looking right at him, he kind of fades from view. If you look like he does not appear in peripheral vision. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah. Also, something I realized, Ving, you have the ability to make it possible for other people to hear animals speak.

You're now in a city with tens of thousands of people in it. Yes. Do you keep that going? So do we think that I can direction it? Oh, sure. So what I'm saying basically is that people will be able to hear Victor speak if he speaks. And most people are not accustomed to hearing animals speak. I could use a fairy child to create. I could use a fairy child to create a convincing illusion. Oh, just make him look like a regular dog or something? Maybe. Or like a guy.

Or just turn into a beautiful husky. Yeah. Beautiful husky. Who then still talks. Or a man named Victor. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. A man named Victor. Makes more sense. 11. Holy shit. Okay. Yep. What does Billy think Victor would look like as a person? Like what does he make Victor look like? Like a tough guy. Like a bald. Yeah. Bald. Nice. The earring thing. Like a criminal would have. Oh, yeah. A stud? Yeah. Studs. I love that. I think he's the dude from like Slow Horses.

One of the Russian agents. Oh, yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The younger bald one. Yeah. Yeah. So he's got like a leather jacket on. He also looks kind of like a, he's got a farmer build. So he's just like stocky in like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he goes, oh, I am magnificent. Oh, no, there's gonna be a problem. Oh, I knew he'd like it. He sees himself in a window and goes, yes. Beautiful. Beautiful. This is what I feel. And now you see what I think I am. It's nice to finally meet you, Victor.

He puts out a hand and you feel a wolf paw. Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. Shake a paw. Shake a paw. Good boy. And you feel his teeth sink into your hair. You put your hand. Into a wet wolf's mouth. I grab some granola in my pocket and throw it in the air for him. In his human form. He goes. Chomps it out of the air. Good boy. Now I am undercover. I am the ultimate stealth operative. Exactly. We all have to be stealthy here. Very good. And he takes a step forward. Hello, everyone. Normal human man here.

What a beautiful diet market. And he goes. He looks back at all of you and he winks. I give him a thumbs up. Perfect. I give him a thumbs up. He's actually a pretty casual Russian. As far as Russians go. It's really convincing. Super cash. Super cash. And Morris and Perel kind of hike up their backpack straps. Morris is like, I definitely thought this was going to be a sort of solo excursion for the two of us. We won't bother you. Billy, I mean this in the most generous way possible. What?

You're already bothering us. You're already bothering us. You're already bothering us. Billy's feelings are really hurt. But then it shifts to a wide and because Victor isn't used to like his bulk in a market scenario, he tips over an apple cart. Apples everywhere. And he goes, yes. Just keeps walking. Your apple cart was too weak for my hips. And Perel goes, Billy, you're fine. And he pats you on the shoulder. What's the plan here? Why are you? Well, what's your plan?

We're going to try and make. Look at these guys. Look at that guy. Look at that guy. What? Look at them. They're shifty as all get out. Oh my God. Do you think Perel starts getting really nervous? What do you think they're? What do you think? He's sweating immediately. Is it the light guard again? Are they coming for us? I don't think it's the light guard. And then I pull him in really close, like almost too close. And I'm like, all right, Perel.

The last time we interacted with that damn boggarts, he was working for the menders. These guys might be menders. Right? Right? So maybe keep a low profile on all the magic stuff when you're here. Very low pro. And you see him like start tensing his muscles and he like shrinks down a little bit. What? Not like physically, not magically, but he starts like curling in his shoulders and like dipping his head a little bit. And he's like, got it. I have to suppress my thalmic field.

Is that what you just did? Yeah. Did you fart? No, not yet. It smells really bad. Okay. I did a little bit. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. Maybe it's maybe, maybe it is best. You guys hang out. Cause if these are menders, that's going to be a real problem. Yeah. We'll keep our distance. We'll follow you. You take the lead. Okay. So the goal, like Morris and Perel's goal is to get to the high spear, which is, um, where do we think it is in relation to where you are right now? Far away.

It's gotta be like on the outskirts of town, right? Yeah, totally. The entrance to it. Um, so I guess your main concern here would be drawing the attention of the people that in the crowd, like the sinister people. How do we determine what they're on the lookout for? Do I still have any of my beefy things? Uh, well, which one are you thinking about? Connections? Uh, yeah, absolutely. I want to sidle up to one of the, like the game tents.

So connect, so connections, as we all remember is Billy leaves a sign of some kind for the ragamuffins in an area and asks for something. Great. Oh wait, no, I'll do the candy apple cart. Yep. Okay. There's a person. There's a person selling candy apples here. Uh huh. One candy apple, please. Right away. I don't know who this guy is. Uh, and he holds out a candy apple. I take it. What's going on? I don't know. Is Billy buying it? Is Billy just buying a candy apple? Yes. Okay. One coin, please.

Do I have a coin? You might. I would like to use a fairy child to charm him. Okay. Uh, cause I don't want to check if I have money. Okay. Don't remember if I have any money. Okay. So you spend your fairy hold to charm an individual, which I believe your summer form allows you to do for longer. Ooh. So you've charmed this candy apple person. Oh shit. Yeah. He says that I look just like his son. You look just like my little boy and for you a candy apple on the house. Wow. Thank you, sir.

Oh, of course. It's my pleasure on such an auspicious day as the mayor's carnival. Mayor fair. The mayor fair. Mayor fair. Mayor fair. Um, and I wish him a good day and eat the candy wapple. Uh, one bite. It's delicious. Um, and then I use the stick to carve a little symbol on the ground in the dried mud, in the dried mud to get a stick. Amazing. So many sticks laying around. Yeah. This is a good stick. Yeah. This is a really good stick. And also this is, you totally in summer form.

You're chilling. You're spending. Spending them like crazy. Okay. So what do you roll for connections? Charisma. Okay, great. Nine. Eight. How are you eating? I'm going to bring up a little bit of a water that's usually like carving into the mud, but it's like concrete. So give a little moist. Great. I got seven. Oh, perfect. So that makes it a 10. So on a 10 plus with connections. Mm hmm. On 10 plus. Uh, someone has it just for me. Mm hmm. Yeah. So I leave a symbol out.

That is kind of like a universal thing for ragamuffins. And, uh, you go and wait like the appropriate distance away to wait for someone to see your symbol. Yeah. I'm leaning against, uh, the, um, gosh, I've never, I haven't gone to enough carnivals. No. All the booths. The one where you like, uh, you shoot, you shoot an arrow at a duck, like a fake duck. Real arrow. Real arrow though. There's a duck flying around. Yeah. It's on.

It's like, it's like a puppet master up on the top of the tent and he's like puppeting some ducks and you have to shoot them with arrows. Yeah. Awesome. He's behind the duck. Yeah. The counter guy is like, Oh my God. There are arrows just shooting out of the fabric of the tent every few minutes. There's so many arrows in the stuffies that you'll win. Oh, the big stuffy, the biggest one. Just full of arrows. That's where Tuck and Ving went while you were doing this. And Tuck is so bad at archery.

He's so angry. He's just like, stop telling me to chill out. I can get one. Okay. You gotta relax your elbows. Yeah. You gotta relax your elbows. Everybody stop telling me to relax. It's not working. I see that. And Billy, after a while. I'm leaning against the post with the stick in my mouth, like a piece of wheat. And you see a little ragamuffin. Notice the sign on the ground. I flick the stick onto the ground. I walk up to him. What does this ragamuffin look like? Like a long bean pole kid.

And brown hair and blue eyes. And he's looking very casual. Yeah. He's got a little button in his hand. And he's flicking it like a coin and catching it. It's a pretty sweet coin you have. Thanks. It's a snatch. It's a button. Used to hold my pants up. And now. And he lifts up his shirt. And he's got a belt on. Don't need it. Whoa. Ain't that the truth. And the kid nods. Wow. So. You need something? I see you've got that little sign there. I imagine it's this.

It's the universal symbol for ragamuffins. Yeah. The universal symbol is the cool S. The cool S that everybody draws. Yeah. I don't know if you've noticed, but there's some weird shifty looking fellows hanging around the fair. His eyes widen and he grabs you by the shoulder. And he pulls you behind the arrow booth. Tell me what you know about them. There are arrows shooting over your head. We keep having to duck. Fuck. We're flat on the ground now. Relax your shoulders. Ving, give me more coins.

I need more coins. Coins are here. So you guys. Corral, do you have any coins? I don't have any money. I'm a wizard. I mean, I'm a poor. Nice. All these heads look over and they're like, no, he's just a poor. He's just a poor. Just poor. So you're laying. Misspoke. You're laying on your stomach with this kid. Uh-huh. Yeah. Just don't. You can't be too, uh, too obvious with these guys. No, I'm trying not to be. I'm trying to be pretty chill about it.

The, the word on the street, the scuttlebutt is, uh, they rolled into town about a week and a half, two weeks ago. Yeah. Just as the adults were getting ready for the mayor fair. Then all of a sudden, new candidate. Which one? Any gestures towards Etienne Boggins. Boggins? Yeah. That's the name. I can't read, but I assume that that's what it says on that banner. That's also what I assume it says. I recognize his face. Yeah. So many B's.

I recognize most of the shapes of those letters, but not enough of them to understand fully. There's for sure one B in there. B's shaped like butt. That's how I read it. Exactly. It is shaped like a butt. And boobs. Oh. Ving's. I'll go back to the stand. Relax your shoulders. I wave Ving away. You're embarrassing me. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. It's just so cute. You're friends with you guys. Yeah. I don't know what their deal is, but they're definitely connected to that bobbin.

Do you think that they're on his side? I think so. They must be. Did they come in with him? I didn't see them come in with him, but people like the other ragamuffins have been saying that they've been around him. Where are those dudes staying? They're staying at the Spearmint B&B near the mall. I know a kid that steals bread from there, and he said that they've got a couple rooms out there. Oh, right. All right. Okay. Thanks, man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

On his side long wise a tear escapes my eye goodbye buttons you're a real hero I go back to you guys and uh you guys are at the front of the aero booth and a kid rolls by on the ground billy's new friend and then I roll up to you guys billy nice rolling bud thank you um I want to tell you what he told me oh yeah go for it apparently those dudes came in with boggins and they're staying at the spearmint b&b wherever that is in the mall I think we do know where that is we've stayed there before have you yeah I think we got oh that's where you got love and lust from yeah we got a lot of lessons from it so yeah you should be able to get to the spearmint b&b if that's where you're going yeah I feel like we should roll out try and figure out what the fuck's going on with these guys we all roll out of here yeah did you win a stuffy uh 2d6 plus dexterity fuck I do of course you did five there's uh the guy that runs the booth is currently wrapping a show an arrow wound in his shoulder yeah we can't no I didn't get a stuffy but we have to leave now because they called the cops I got mad and they called the cops and that guy got stabbed with an arrow I guess accidentally fuck uh yeah so you can head to the spearmint b&b you can head to the spearmint b&b okay so you're walking through town high spear we haven't really seen what's high spears architecture like do we think rocky yeah stone stone lots of glass yeah like windows yeah tall wind tall narrow windows and stone buildings yeah lots of uh masonry fine masonry it's almost like the city was carved out of the mountain yeah like that a lot like there are some buildings that look like they're a single piece yeah yeah there's a little bristly pine trees yeah little like small parks what was I wonder what high spear was before it was the capital because kinos was the capital just a generation ago it was like a bureaucratic center for in we did this in an outlander oh I thought that was oh the high spear city was a was the bureaucratic diplomatic diplomatic center which is why it's kind of smaller yeah yeah it's like yeah it's like a government lawn like that style like yeah old oh yeah huge lawns and then it makes sense too that it's protected by like the mountains because it keeps them protected but also it's like harder to get in and out right yeah it's like the one one or two ways in it also means that they haven't and then because it's everything's made out of stone they haven't suffered massive losses by hoarders or yeah hordes of outsiders or by fire so everything's really really old and fountains everywhere a lot of stairways yeah loads of like lots of levels oh it's a very like uh elevated there's a lot of elevation differences in the city that's cool stepped yeah a lot of like old forums like the big open I have been taken over by like people setting up shanty towns or stalls in them so the streets were kind of like pristine like ivory tower style but now they're like lined with stalls everywhere you go like if people lived in the acropolis in rome and stuff totally yeah take over the ruins and make it their own yeah I completely forgot we did the outlander where like the mall was initially built as like the usual outlander and then it was like un kind of place basically yeah got built up over time to service people why the high spirit is here yes because it was they needed a way to translate everyone's languages of course so that they could uh broker like peace deals and stuff makes sense perfect sense so yeah there is a great there's a big that's why there's so many people running and like democracy is such a big thing here because they're very obsessed with the democratic ideals whether or not they are successful in uh actually representing them so yeah they're you're passing through the through a fairly bustling mid-sized city you're passing food stalls and restaurants people on the street what's the environment like right now I guess it is there's lots of campaign posters all over plastered to walls people handing out flyers for all their candidates um people hawking goods yeah oh yeah people entertaining on the streets yeah good time to do the things I think there's more people here than there usually are too because it's all the refugees from the riverways that have come up totally right now and they're like oh my god I'm gonna go to the riverways yes so the city is like kind of over capacity right now I bet there's lots of like trailers and like wagons and stuff where people have brought their goods or like sleeping in them or performances there's a cringe festival going on right here cringe festival yeah so there you actually you enter like one of the larger like fountain squares and there are wagons everywhere and there are tents set up and there are like cook fires going on because they've sort of designated this area as like a restaurant and they're like refugee center and it is the square in front of the mall so the mall is on the other side of this big long square oh cool towering structure yeah fucking huge mall yeah and then high above in the distance climbing up the side of the mountain that washes down over high spear city is the high spear itself a massive structure of metal and glass yeah people who have lived here for a long time can tell what time it is and what time it is and what time it is and what time it is and what time it is by where the shadow falls in the city oh cool or like yeah and like the movement of the the disconnected pieces are kind of like an like a clock almost that's really cool yeah you know the patterns of it like wind chimes like all the crystals like oh yeah that's so cool like the pieces that are floating around it yeah yeah cool sick you kind of follow your half remembered path back to the spearmint b&b you pass through this densely populated square and you see people the lower principalities that have come here fleeing the war families gathered around fires just like cooking stuff on spits just a real press of humanity sort of situation it's like noticeably tenser maybe than when we were here last yeah exactly there's the kind of thing where like there are now a lot of people from a lot of different places all living very close together and there might be some clashing of ideals and motivations and politics the high spirit can bring your language together but it can't bring your views together exactly yeah we see a couple of fights break out yeah totally over just like you know some space yeah like kid like that's your bite is my tent my tent goes from here to here and he's like my tent goes from here to here and then they just start beating the shit out of each other sick oh that really escalated that escalated so fast it was kind of for nothing guys it's pretty tense in here they both start yelling at you did you hear that guy he said it's intense that's some kind of pun make us look like idiots come at me I dare you I'm rolling for honor fight for honor I got three if I these two dudes pile on you oh shit she's laughing laughing uh yeah so you can pass through this fairly simply like you're just walking through a very tense spot but this is a very tense spot and you're just walking through a very tense spot and you're just a few feet away and you can kind of struggle a few feet away and you struggle a few feet away okay tuck wants to stealthily move through the crowd so he doesn't draw the attention of potential watchers yeah because if they're a covert operations group they probably got like people monitoring the crowd that is outside spearman could do so he wants to secretly get through this crap 2d6 plus dexterity I guess okay hey you got a problem with me Okay.

Hey, you. Guy. Me? I poke a random person. Who, me? Yeah, you. What? What's your name? Randall. Randall? Give me your clothes. What? No. Give me your clothes. Why? I'm super obvious. I have to be more stealthy. This is going from… I have to be stealthy to I have to strip this man. So this is going to be charisma, not dexterity. Okay, come on. Give me some clothes. I don't know. I'm trying to sneak into the Spearmint B&B. I'll bring something back for you. Oh. Oh. This is a parlay.

Free shampoos. Yeah. Free shampoos. The most exciting. Wait a sec. They got them little shampoos in there. Yeah, they do. And it's still continental breakfast time. So I can bring you some old oranges. Hot damn. Continental breakfast. All right. All right. Roll it. Okay, here we go. Ten. Nice. He's like, I don't know, and he starts unbuttoning his shirt. But if they got them little shampoos in there… I want something with yo-yo bar in it. Something with ylang-ylang. Okay.

And he's stripping off. He's just loudly saying ingredients and shampoos. No Laurel sulfites, though. Shut the fuck up, dude. They fuck with my scalp pH. And he starts unbuttoning. He undoes his belt and he starts wiggling out of his pants. Yeah, Tuck starts wiggling out of his rag. The rag he's worn for his entire life. Cover my eyes. He's got a string on his waist and it just drops to the ground with a flop. And then I look at Bing. Damn it. That's two. That's two.

No, you're still ahead by one. Oh, okay. And so this guy, Randall, gives you his clothes. Okay. He is obviously a lot smaller than you. You are one of the largest living people. But he's been wearing really baggy clothes. I actually lost a bunch of white. I lost a bunch of white recently on a special diet. That special diet is just armadillo meat. You eat enough armadillo, you don't want to eat for a long time. It's called intermittent fasting. And he's still wiggling out of his clothes.

Are you in a cut face right now? I'm in a cut face. Thank you for noticing. You look great. Thank you. It's all the armadillo. It made me barf a lot. And he's folding his pants and his shirt very neatly into a pile. Okay. I just take it and put it on. And then I give him my rag. All right. And he starts folding it. Okay. Is he totally nude? I'm totally nude right now. Okay, cool. I've been working hard for this body and I want to show it all. Now is my time. Now is Randall's time to show off.

And once I get that ylang ylang, I'm going to shine, baby. They're not going to turn me away at the front door of the mall anymore for having crunchy hair. They're going to take my picture down off the band for life wall in the mall for sure. That's what this naked guy said. And then he jumps into the fountain. Randall's day is coming. He starts wiping himself off. Yeah. Getting ready for a lathering. Now you bring that yo-yo ball back to me, boy. Okay. I'll do that. Can't hit a breakfast too.

I like them little sausages. He's getting further away. I also like that little thing with the cereal where you twist it and it falls out like a vending machine. I'm going to get that. It's fortune control. And that's what my armadillo diet's all about. I got a certain distance away and then the volume stayed the same no matter how much further away I got. That's crazy. So funny. So now you're wearing a- I think it's a high spear. Yeah.

He's trying to impart meaning to Tuck so any distance away you can hear it. I can kind of hear him. Yeah. I'm going to get that. I'm going to get that. I'm going to get that. I'm going to get that. I'm going to get that. I can kind of hear him. Yeah. And then Tuck comes back and he's like, he's got a button up shirt that's like straight at the button. And basically capri pants for sure. Yeah. And capri. I look like the Hulk. You look like the Hulk has changed into the Hulk. Yeah. All right.

I'm ready to sneak in guys. Ready to go. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Morse and Perel- Are walking way ahead of us. Yeah. They're gone. And you can see them walking towards a cafe. Okay. Where are we? Are you going to be at the cafe? We're not actually going to do. And he's kind of circling his finger at your whole stealth operation. He shakes his head. Not interested. You're lost my friend. And then Tuck puts fake teeth in. Like there's a hot topic booth that we've had. Yeah.

Some of the malls shops have come out into the square to try and hawk their wares during the mayor fair. Yeah. Victor and I are sharing a super long hot dog. It's a double dog. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is the most incredible thing I've ever seen. This dog is two dogs. Yeah. It's the best dog you can get. Is this what being a human being is all about? It is, Victor. A tear starts to roll down his cheek. Don't cry.

I'm not crying. This is a beautiful moment we're sharing right now. I don't see beauty. I see meat. Oh my God. Do you need me for the stealth operation or can I? I just continue to eat the dogs. Can you stay with Morris and Perel? I will follow them unseen. Right. Yeah. Also keep them safe because we don't know how dangerous it is here. They're very weak physically. I know how weak they are. Every time they want me not to take their slippers, they cannot stop me.

I have eaten so many slippers and they have done nothing. I will go. I'll stop anyone from and he's looking at the hot dog and he stops talking. Hot dog. I would like to use another fairy child to get him another hot dog. Get your switcherooing something in your hand to a hot dog. Oh my God. I'm switchering. Yeah. So I'm going to switch objects. Okay. Yeah. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to take the half hot dog we have left and switch it for a brand new full hot dog.

You're flipping an existing hot dog? You need to give him a hot dog. I'm going to give him a hot dog. I'm going to give him a hot dog. I'm going to give him an allowance to teach him about the economy. It's not even like not, it's not, it's still half a hot dog. Only half though and I want a full double dog for Victor. Yeah. You see the guy at the hot, the double dog booth is about to hand someone a full double dog. And I go, no, I'm taking that. Yeah. And it switches into a half.

And Randall's like portion control. Fantastic. Thank you so much. Is there any armadillo in this? How much armadillo? Snacks. Snacks. Snacks. Snacks. Snacks. Snacks. Snacks. Snacks. Snacks. It's a şu.

So nude fully nude I need 70 or more armadillo if I'm gonna meet my macros today and you are victor uh stalks off with his full double dog in his mouth in his full hand is carrying it in his mouth panting yeah in his human form uh shouldering people out of the way because it seems like people don't see him before he hits them and then he just plows right through but he disappears into the crowd I think he's gone to a booth and he's got uh etienne boggins mayor thumb up shirt all decked out in full camo oh yeah yeah sweet they always hand it out for free it's fun to go undercover after dressing camo yeah uh what's billy does billy have a stealth outfit um his stealth outfit is uh a bag was flowing blowing around in the wind just a lovely bag just a plastic bag yeah it's a burlap sack that held uh powdered donuts it says donuts on it upside down that's actually a great costume yeah so I threw I put that on stick my head through the bottom I go I'm ready the three most perfectly disguised people to ever exist two people that are approximately seven feet tall yeah so conspicuous and then a little bag of he's covered in powder yeah and as he walks it's like powdering out the bottom of his outfit yeah he's got a little cloud of powdered sugar around him like pig pen his pupils are dilated slowly over time they get pinning and they're dilating and they're pinning he's just wiggly pupils uh and you see before you spearmint bnb the little mint leaf logo that you've seen in every town and city you've been to it's like a little bit of a thing to see in a little bit of a thing it feels like oh right it's a chain it's a chain all right yeah let's go in yeah you you head in through the front door and there is uh the desk with the man that you met here a year and a half ago two years ago still working here sort of a middle-aged guy with the he's got a mustache whether he had one then or just grew it now who can say and he's kind of balding on top he's got dark hair and he's reading a paperback novel what is he reading uh lust unbound oh my god I like your mustache thank you welcome to spearmint bnb do you remember us a lot of people come in here sorry especially with the mayor fair you know we got people coming in and out that's what we're in town for yeah voting for this guy oh yeah eddie and bargains he's oh you know what his actually his campaign office is uh no way he's been staying here oh what floor I would love to meet them oh that's oh hey any points at you I can't tell you I'm not going to tell you you that oh no way we're big fans it's against the rules everything you know the people that stay here he pats a big thick book on the desk I gotta keep it safe that's my job well they had asked us to come because we were potential campaign donors as you could see from my attire and then he does a couple more buttons up we're very rich all right td6 plus charisma I guess please please this is what he's doing in his head he's like please snake eyes no snake eyes okay in character so he goes nice try buddy you took those clothes from randall what he's been hanging out outside for a while now and I know what his big baggy fucking shirt looks like if you look on the back tech didn't see this but it says randall randall's shirt on the back it says randall's shirt and on the ass of the pants it says randall's pants son of a bitch just looking behind him so if look I don't know what your game is but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave no no no we just want a room for the night please well you did get a six so I do have something badass to happen so look it's against company policy for people to come here under false pretenses I know that seems weird for a chain motel because that's like 90 of our business is false pretenses but uh let's say you kick me a little bit extra and I overlook it kidding me man I complimented your mustache yeah what are you reading we like books too I'm reading lust unbound actually oh what if we sweeten the deal with like an extra thing to read and tuck wicks I mean I like books but I can buy books you know I could buy books with money I have money that you give me could I could I ask if I can see the book why because I want to learn how to read I'm trying to foster a love of learning and reading this book's a little uh inappropriate for a boy like you well I can't read yet so I don't know what's inside but I want to look at the cover okay and he leans over the counter and shows you the cover of the book and I'm like looking at it like wow so cool and fun but it's two buff knights just wearing the gauntlets and helmets and pants and they're like embracing I want to smear some oil of tag it on it do you still have oil I have one use okay so 2d6 plus dexterity nine nine eight oh seven okay so that does make it a 10 yeah so yeah he starts leaning forward doing the like look with your eyes thing and he's like I don't know what to do with this book I grab his forearm and just stretch it down to grab it I'm like whoa thank you thing what does it say it says love unbound what does that part say it says the story of two daddies who love each other I've smeared it's pretty oily now and I'm like whoa thanks for telling me thanks for showing me your book and he takes the book bag goes oh you got all your kid stuff on it I was eating donuts oh man all right again I'm gonna need a little bit of cash up front or some hey stuff for a room what's your name my name hey doug doug doug doug doug huh and his eyelids are getting heavier and heavier it's okay it's okay we'll watch the desk while you sleep no I open your eyes he opens his eyes and then slams them shut nice all right we're in and then he starts snoozing right at the front desk I steal a key for a room yeah you can there's there's keys on a rack you can just grab a key I grab the the guest book the ledger yeah so you grab the ledger off the desk you grab a key for a room and you just take off yeah yeah what room do you grab like what floor I I make sure it's a room that's empty in the ledger okay so you're flipping through the ledger really quick yeah okay number 13 oh this section in the back has palatial suites in it and you grab a key and are you grabbing a polite you're grabbing a yeah palatial suite yeah we're gonna grab the biggest room yeah obviously for us yeah so you grab the room key and you take the book and you hustle up to the the top floor and there is a room just absolutely massive it's got a room and then a bathroom whoa and that's it whoa whoa two rooms two beds two beds two double beds holy shit what's what are we gonna use the other bed for I don't know look at the size of this coffee machine with a bunch of little pods next to it look at all this free coffee oh man check out all this there's all shampoo and a conditioner sick and then took grabs that and for randall yeah totally so you guys have a room key to this spearmint b&b you've got a book what are you doing let's flip through the book and see if we can find the etienne boggins oh yeah certain realities uh yeah you can Discern realities for sure.

26 plus wisdom. 11. Okay. Three questions off the discern realities list. What here is useful or valuable to us? You find a room listed as Etienne Boggins. It is the, I mean, you grab the palatial suite, fourth floor key. So he's just a few rooms down. Oh, shit. You're in 403. He's in 405. Oh, nice. So close. Too close? Really close. Actually, I think that would make it across the hall. Yeah. You're directly across the hall. Yeah, we had to walk by a bunch of campaign people in the hall.

Those sketchy people eyeing us up. With the book from the front desk under your arm, just eyes wide, walking right past him. Just gives him a stupid two thumbs up. Go team. So are his like henchmen or whatever, like staying in the rooms around him? You didn't. So you do see that there are, there is one more room. That is taken out, but it is under a name you don't recognize. What's the name? It's the bad boys. Bad boys. Bad boys. Company. It is.

It's on a business account under the bad boys company and it's a bad boys co. Yeah. And it is 404. So it's the one next to you. Beside us. No, it's a clustered us here. Bad boys company. The BBC. The BBC. Nice. Really well funded. And it's the room next to you. Okay. I have an idea. Tuck starts climbing out the window. Okay. Right out the window. And you are like overlook. The thing is, is this window is overlooking the street. So what do you do? What's your plan here?

Tuck was thinking of climbing over to see who's in the room next to us. Yeah. No, that makes perfect sense. Yeah. I mean, I do think it's funny that you're sending the seven foot tall 500 pound member of your party to climb out onto a wall. Yeah. It's a window ledge, but it's great. This is what Tuck would do. Yes. Yeah. You want to, you're like, why don't we need to like, maybe just like sneak over there. Oh yeah. You want to take it, take over like you did with the fucking duck shooting thing.

Amen. Yeah. If you relax your elbows enough, you could probably go unseen. Relax this dude. Farts and then climbs out the window. Yeah. Climbs out the window. I'll fucking show you who can shoot a fucking duck with an arrow. It's like having two children. All right. 2d6 plus. This feels like dexterity again. Fuck. Oh, here we go. I'll fucking show Bing who's good with an arrow. Piece of shit. Okay. So that's nine. Cause I rolled a 10 and I have a negative one. Okay. So seven to nine.

I'll eight them. Okay. Relax your elbows. Your knees. You're so rigid in the knees. So angry. All right. 2d6 plus bond. Oh yeah. Yeah. You yells at some birds and they come and they distract the guy at the other window. Mm. Mm. Mm. Oh yeah. I failed. I got four, five. Dang it. Shit. So, uh, the, so it's a seven to nine. You do fail, which means that you are trying to talk to birds. Yeah. So which reactivates your animal communication field. Yeah. So the birds are like, Hey, fuck you, buddy.

You don't tell us what to do. You don't tell us what to do. I just want to say, check, check out the window right there. And you see a bunch of people down on the street. Look up to hear who's screaming and you see tuck. You're like climbing out the window and you start to hear somebody. Oh, my God. Open the window. Oh shit. You wanted to aid. Um, I want to run outside, knock on the door. Oh, I'm going to tuck myself into the donut bag. Oh my God. Like, like I'm room service. This is great.

Roll two D six plus bond. This is an aid. I think. Uh, 11. Amazing. You hear somebody start opening the window and Billy. Knocks on the door and curls up inside the donut bag. Yeah. And you hear somebody go, Oh, somebody's at the door and they, their fingers go back inside and then it took us. And then a bunch of birds shit all over just covered in bird shit. This is what we think of you telling us to check stuff out. You piece of shit.

What happens when somebody tells me to look at something, but you are able to get to the window unseen and unnoticed. Okay, cool. I look inside. Yeah. You see, um, a room with two double beds, clothes all over the place. Discern realities. Uh, yeah, totally. Let's see who the fuck's in here. Oh, six. Uh, Hey, how are you guys aiding in this situation? It goes out on the ledge to sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak. Get the fuck out. This was supposed to be stealthy. Yeah.

We're being as stealthy as possible. This is floors off. So high. Go ahead. Two, six. Holy shit. Failed again. Oh my God. Oh my God. Okay. So you guys are both out on the ledge, four floors in the air, roughly 60 to 80 feet. I do have a luck of the fair folk, which lets me aid from any distance. Oh yeah. Sick. Thank you. That works. Yeah. Yeah. So are you aiding my aid? Yes. Okay. Great. So you got a six? I got a, I got a six. So you got a six. So if you can aid Ving, it would aid. Okay.

We're doing this again. Aid Ving. Yeah. I'm going to create a convincing illusion. I'm going to look like when they open the bag, I'll look like a bunch of donuts. Fresh, fresh bag. Yeah. His hand goes into the guy's mouth. Grabbing like granola. So do you, is, so the creating a convincing illusion does cost a fairy job. It sure does. Okay. Okay. That's okay. So how many do you have left? One. Okay. Perfect. Oh shit. You had so many to say. I got a lot to use. Seven. Holy shit. Oh my gosh.

Thank you. So that makes that a seven, which makes your discern realities a 10. Sick. And it's cause no, it makes mine a seven. Yeah. Oh my God. That makes yours a seven. I forgot. So there was like, it's a combination of like tuck gets shit on and like he gets shit on his hands and like his grip starts loosening on the, on the wall. And Ving comes out and starts, I got poop on me. Ving starts squeaking along the railing, trying to help. Tuck's like, get away from me. I can do this.

And you guys are like bonking against the glass in the window. We're a team. And the guy in there is like opening the door and starts like turning his head. But then you see him sniff and he looks down at a fresh baked box of donuts. A bag. A bag. A fresh bag full of fresh baked. Fresh donuts. And that's what he says. Oh my God. I love fresh baked fresh donuts. And he fully turns away from you two. And he reaches down and he strains to pick up the donuts. Oh my God.

There's so many fresh baked fresh donuts in here. It's the heaviest bag in the world. And that's what he explains to the security guards that are outside of. Yeah. Outside of Eddie and Boggins' room. Guys, did you see your fresh donuts get dropped off? I love Spearmint B&B. They give you fresh baked donuts. But these are for me. And he starts closing the door. But he's like, he puts the donuts on the table. Billy, you get put on the table. Yeah. And he's just looking, nodding.

You know, uh, uh, Thand, Thandy, Thandy, you've come a long way. You've come a long way, Thandy. Everyone thinks he has a speech impediment. No, it's D-H. My name is Thandy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thandy, come a long way from the streets of high school city. Don't walk in here. The security police got free donuts. This guy's just talking to himself.

This is what your bare success is, is you have the opportunity to answer one question as this guy is just like, no, I'm just going to appreciate the little things. Like a fresh bag of donuts. Mmm, smells good. Don't even want to taste them. Not yet. While he's doing this, Tuck and Vigor have like slowly snuck into him. We see him over his shoulder. He's like. Over his shoulder as he's nodding at the donuts. Shut the fuck up. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.

Stop relaxing your elbows and get the fucking window. Just like. Recovered in shit. Knocking over a lamp. Picking up a lamp. Just holding it. Watching Thand. Because he goes, probably some brown sugar donuts in there. I feel like I can smell them. I've had many donuts. I haven't had maxi donuts. I'm so. Excited. I grew up in the high school mall and now here I am. Getting free donuts at a hotel. Ving's laying like a bear rugs on his face in front of the fireplace. Slowly bringing his butt up.

Slowly inching forward. What are we trying to find out? Does he have a badge? I want to discern realities. Imagine Tuck is behind a curtain. Yeah, totally. And Tuck sees it. It's kind of like when Catherine Zeta-Jones is going around. Yeah. Yeah. You're so really amped. But like one curtain is flat against the wall. The other one is five feet out of the room. It's so huge. But Tuck does get a question. This was his basic. He gets one question from the certain realities. Oh my gosh.

Yeah, I forgot what we were doing. What discern realities on what seems to be a useless individual to investigate. But you do see there's stuff all over the room. Like there's clothes everywhere. Working security. Yeah. Yeah. And he starts reaching his hand out to the donut. He goes, Thandie, no. You got to wait. Makes it even better. They'll be gone. Now they just kind of bring the room together a little bit, I think. Ah, I love my job. What here is not what it appears to be. The fucking donut.

The fucking donut. God damn it, what a waste. It's true. Tuck is like, holy shit, a box of donuts. A bag of donuts is on the table. Fresh box of fresh donuts. Fresh box of fresh donuts. It's over there. Holy shit. I got to kill this guy to get those donuts. And Thandie is standing in front of the donuts and he's like, man, I love my job. Doing security for a kind of weird guy who's running for mayor.

You know, Thandie, now that we're alone, I think we can voice some concerns that we've always had about the job we've been doing. I think that guy's wearing a wig. I think he's wearing a wig for sure. And if it wasn't for that guy, I think he's wearing a wig for sure. If it wasn't for my love of free hotel stuff, like donuts and little shampoos and little hairnets they give you in the shower, I would say something.

But I don't want to jeopardize that, even though I think that guy is wearing a wig. He starts reaching towards the donuts. It's just that TM Bargains is wearing a wig. That's all he's revealed. And I, you know, and Thandie, I was also thinking of something else that I saw on the internet. I saw that was concerning to me that I'm voicing. He's a real exposition Thandie. Thandie exposition. That's my name. From the alleyways of the High Spear Mall.

They've always known me to be the guy to summarize events. I also heard this guy talking and he has a fancy accent. But here's the secret. Thandie, he doesn't have it all the time. Well, I think I might have it. I give myself a little donut. These fresh baked donuts ain't getting any fresher. It's going to be a bag of fresh stale donuts. And Billy, you see a hand start reaching towards you. And I lift up like a pinch of granola and it looks like a little mini donut popping up. Uh huh.

Do you think this is maintained by your convincing illusion? I am laser focused. A donut. Do we think that the donut is going to stay a donut after he removes it from Billy's hand? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Probably. You said convincing illusion. This is a convincing illusion. Yeah. So he takes a, he's got a full donut in his hand and he starts reaching it towards his mouth. And you see, even if he doesn't realize it, his fingers are like pinching together as they're going towards his mouth.

And he puts a little bit of granola in his mouth. He goes, oh, that's delicious. Tastes like a fresh baked donut. Oh, a lot of oats in there. Must be some kind of oat donut, Thandie. Well, now it's time to eat. Now it's time for me to turn slowly back towards the room in general. I sure hope everybody is where they're supposed to be. I'm rolling fight with honor. No, not Thandie. Thandie, no. Not this simple idiot. So fight with honor would be a brawl.

If you're going to fight this guy, it's going to be kind of loud. Are you comfortable with that? No. Okay. Okay. Ving's going to go a sneak inchworm style up to his feet and try and. You know, jump up and cover his mouth. Yeah, totally. 2d6 plus dexterity to get close to him. Okay. My dex is at zero. Boxcar 12. Oh, shit. Yeah. He's all right. Here we go. Time for me to slowly turn back towards the room and my bed.

And as he turns around, Ving is right behind him, covering his mouth, saying, looking for this. Looking for what? Looking for us. Who are you? Whoa. He took it really well. You're trying to knock him out. Yeah. Okay. Then, yeah. Roll your damage. Three. That is plenty to knock this man down into a position where he is not loud. Yeah. Shush. He's scared. Sorry. Oh, my gosh. Ving kisses him on the cheek. I'm so sorry. That was really loud. I just scared the shit out of Jessica with a kiss.

I'm just in fight or flight mode now. From a kiss. Okay. Somebody has to fight Jessica or let her run away. Yeah. Run. Jess, run. Run away from the kiss. No, I'm going to fight her. And his eyes are wide and you've got your hand over his mouth. Thandie, we're not going to hurt you. Take care. He's like pointing at the, he's like shaking his head. What? What? Yes. I let go of his mouth, but just enough. He nods. What? Are you here for the donuts? These donuts were never meant for you. No. No.

But I ate. One. That's right, Thandie. These donuts were meant. Oh, who are, where'd you come from? I'm still talking from behind the curtain. The fucking curtain is dark. It's my conscience. He knows. My conscience knows I ate a donut that wasn't mine. Oh, no. Did you see your name on those donuts? No. You saw the donut's name on those donuts. Oh, my God. What are you going to do to me? Tuck comes out from behind the curtain. Oh, no. And then Tuck goes, from now on, you work for us. Oh, okay.

All right. I can't give you this this easily. Roll a 2v6 plus charisma. Okay. This is very funny. Thandie, we know all your dirty laundry. Uh-oh. This won't shut up about you. No, we know all the fucked up stuff you had to do to get this job working for Etienne Boggins. And you're going to be a mole for us. 13. 13. Yes. 13. Okay. So, Thandie looks at the donuts. He remembers the taste of the donut in his mouth.

Thinks back to all the things he had to do to get a job working security for Etienne Boggins. You see his eyes well with tears. And he nods. Okay. I'll do whatever you need me to do. What do you need me to… What do you need? We need to know… What we need. What, like, the secret dudes are up to or whatever. He's looking around. You guys… You guys know what you need, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. You guys know why you're here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know. Of course we do. We know. Of course.

You think we're going to climb out of a window on the fourth story of a hotel into your room without knowing what the point of that is? And we're both talking to a bag of donuts. Okay. So, what do you need me to do? We need you to tell us about those guys. What guys? Who hired you? Who hired you to protect Etienne Boggins? Who hired me? Yeah. Oh. Oh, no. I shouldn't say. You gotta. Oh, but I would be betraying the trust of the person that hired me. Well, I'll kill you if you don't. Okay.

I'll do it. That took so long for us to get there. That is really the only thing we have. Okay. I'll tell you. I didn't ever meet him face to face. I only met through intermediaries hiring extra muscle for a security campaign. But I did get the name. The Kestrel. And then you hear a rattle at the door. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. Thank you for joining us, everybody. My name's Sean O'Hara. I've been your Game Master.

Joining me as always, playing Tacombe Dome, the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. So long, everybody. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Take care. Playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Thank you to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music. You can find all of the music that Aaron has produced for the show at Spotify. And you can find all of Aaron's music at Spotify.com. And you can find all of Aaron's original music at AaronReed.Bandcamp.com.

Thank you to all of our susporters around the world for susporting the show. If you would like to susport us and get access to a whole bunch of cool stuff, like the up-to-date feed for Mall Brats, postcards, lore drops, gift boxes, even games run by Abdul and myself, you can find us at Patreon.com slash SpeltLore or SpeltLore.com slash MoneyPlease. And thank you finally, and most of all, to all of you for listening. We'll see you next time. Bye.

So ends the tale of adventures three Who tried the best they can Though dumb and scared and lost they be For time's abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I'd gladly SpeltLore

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart.

Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round friends and listen close, for the tale's about to start. Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your game master Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdulaziz. Hello everybody, I'm gonna fucking kill Colm Blackhammer. Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Hoppers. I'm probably gonna fail at killing Colm Blackhammer.

And playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai. I'm probably gonna die trying to kill Colm Blackhammer. We're like running through, we're running through a fucking war. And we're just holding you together with our hands. Yeah. How much of me is knife right now? It's 33%. No way, that's a lot. That's so much knife. When last we left our heroes they had in earnest entered a battlefield. A war between the High Spear and Riverways Principality which we have called the Alliance.

Which is such a tropey name. It's a cool name. The Coalition. Ew. Okay, the Union, no not the Union. I feel like no one was ever called the Union. Well except during the Civil War. Oh right, American history is quite fra- Uh, the Alliance is fine. Yeah. If I decide a cooler name. I think this is a conversation that happens a lot. Oh yeah. Should we call ourselves the Alliance? It's pretty rote at this point. There's been a lot of alliances.

When history looks back on this will they know they're talking about us? I mean what are we aligning with? Just us? Yeah we're just what, we're allying together? That's stupid. Frankly. I think we're coalitioning more than we're allying. Guys there's potstickers in the main room. Holy shit, potstickers. They keep running out of those. Uh, they entered a battlefield between the Riverways and the High Spear Principality and the Firefields.

On the field of battle, Colm Blackhammer of the Blackhammer Twins, one of the Princeps of the Firefields. Billy Tuck and Ving did a whole bunch of really cool fantasy fighting posing. To varying levels of success. Hey. Paul, you're so mad about the outcome of last one. Man, the dice tell a story. That's true. You know, and sometimes that story is a ha ha. Ha ha. Welcome to Flopsville. But the party did manage to take down a war machine. We've just been calling them mechs.

I think that's the shorthand that people use in the war. But it's M-A-C-H. War Machine. Oh man. Because it's the shorthand. Oh man. Because it's the shorthand part. Oh, mechs. Yeah, mechs. Oh, I like that. That's cool. They're called mechs. I like that. Oof. Because then it's also kind of Celtic. Yeah. They took down a mech, basically on there, a big mech. Oh, big mech. Big mech. It's bad now. It sucks now. They took down a mech, mostly by themselves, helping turn the tide of battle.

And through some flat rolls, the battle turned in favor of the alliance, which is incredible. Taking this opportunity to really grab the battle by the balls, Tuck charged Colm Blackhammer of the Blackhammer Twins. Because he ran away from me, and it activated my bully instinct to chase. Tuck tried so hard to use his new move, Demonize, to find out if there was demonic influence on the field, and it caused Colm to flee.

Billion Vang followed Tuck, stopping Colm and engaging in a battle with the basically power armor wearing warlord, and he fucking mopped the floor with you guys. He was like Batman in Batman Vs. Batman. Batman in Batman Vs. Superman. Yeah, where he's gotta wear the anti-Superman suit. Yeah. Yeah, totally. The fight was cool. It was very cinematic. We discovered that the demonic influence was not from Colm, but from his sword. Yeah.

Billy and Vang, both at different times, held the blade and were filled with cold animal rage, and a lust for battle. This was planted, this blade planted like a sapling in the shoulder of Colm Blackhammer, which seemed to damage, but not dismay him. He removed the blade, and Billy switcherooed it, which was a great move, choosing to charge Colm, was stopped dead in his tracks, and stabbed in the chest with a steak knife. And it was at this point that the two dads decided the fight was over.

It was one of those moments on the playground where you're just like, no, we're done. We're going home. We're done. And I'm arguing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And Tuck disabled Colm's armor by destroying the steam engine on the back of it. Yeah. I used a scrap of ass. Yeah. To fight dirty and escape, leaving Colm in his immobilized armor, laughing maniacally, saying he can't wait to do this again. And you ran off into the night, holding your bleeding son. And that is where we find our heroes now.

Are we still running? Yes. We got to get back to Hither and Yon. It's the safest place, right? Toilet. Yeah. Are you going back to the outhouse? We'll have to run through the remnants of a battle to go through there. It's the closest door, right? Totally. That's probably just where you're running. Yeah. Not even thinking. Yeah. And you come up this hill that you chased Colm down. I'm rolling a flat check. I'm rolling 2d6 and then I'm adding modifiers based on the battle's conditions.

You get pluses to these flat checks depending on how you succeed and help the fight. Plus one because you took down the Mac, plus one because Colm fled. So 2d6 plus two. 2d6 plus two to see how this is going for the Alliance forces up here. Okay. Hey, that's a 10. Nice. Hell yeah. You come up the hill and they are mopping up the last, like a lot of them have fled. You're like running past people.

It's like that Tom Cruise, War of the Worlds thing where everyone's running away from danger and you're running towards it. So you're passing people that are just fleeing. They've thrown down their weapons. Officers are like yelling at people, trying to get them rallied back up. And you hear, all right, sharp boys, time to fall back. Archers, come on. Archers do your thing. I don't know why he says it like that, but he does.

And you hear a twang, twang, twang, twang, twang, twang, twang, and a rush of arrows as the absolute fucking sharpshooters of the Riverways Archers just clean out a bunch of guys. Yeah. These are guys that can like shoot arrows at fish kind of thing. Yeah, exactly. And it looks like the field of battle is one. You hear cheering as the Alliance forces see the last of their foes run down the hill and they see you coming up the hill. What do you do? I don't give a fuck about them.

I'm going to the outhouse. So a bunch of people like start rushing up to you, like cheering as you bowl through them. I push their face into the ground. Yeah. I just go fuck off. And you run towards this almost destroyed outhouse. The door is just hanging there. I close the door and stick my key in whatever closest thing there is to a keyhole. Oh, maybe it's like as you put the key towards the knob, like a lock forms. Oh, cool. And you click, click, open, hither and yon. Pile in.

Pile in, door closes, shutter slam. You are safe. That's so cool. That's awesome. That's so sick. The shutter slamming. It's like a spaceship is like. Oh yeah, totally. Yeah. Yeah. The blast door is closing. Yeah. Yeah. And Morrison, Perel and Mears are here. Ving just clears off the bar. Drinks food. Everything smashes it to the ground. Mears is like, I'm going to the bar. Yeah. And he goes, whoa. Throw Billy down. And he goes, whoa. I'm fine. Don't even worry about it. I'm still mostly boy.

Sure, I'm a little knife. That's okay. A little bit of knife. We could have fought. I'm fine. I'm still mostly boys. Billy, you are still in your winter form. Yeah. So I think there is like the bar starts to open. Starts to frost over where Billy is placed on it, melting only because his blood warms the frost. Is Billy fighting back the negative influences of winter? I mean, Billy is just like, why are we leaving? There's still so much left to do out there.

Billy, there's a time when even the strongest warrior has to run, and that time is when he has a steak knife sticking out of his fucking chest. But I'm no more important than the rest of them out there. You're 30% knife right now, Billy. You gotta let us take it out of you. I'll take it out then. No, no, no, no, no, no. What does Billy do? He takes it out. Whoa, and he starts bleeding. Ving puts a pulse down, does whatever he can to strap and tuck.

Billy is doing a defy danger to remove the blade without killing himself. Dexterity? 11. Okay. You know, I've done this before. Yeah, he's pulled blades out of himself plenty of times. So he like wiggles it out. It's frozen. So maybe in the same way that it would cauterize, it's frozen. It's like a frozen. Yeah. So it won't gurgle as much blood. Yeah, but there's still like a slushy red blood like rising in his chest. It'll be fine. Yeah, it will be fine.

With this poultice that I use, Ving uses. So Billy just heals seven damage, but it will take, you know, a few hours. We have time. Yeah. And Mears is like, what happened out there? Tech guys, we won a war. We won the whole war, guys. He has no idea the scale of the conflict. Ving's specifically picturing the entire field. Yeah, all the tents we saw. The scope of the war. Yeah. We got in there. We fucking killed the mech. We fucking fucked up. Culling Blackhammer. War's done.

This is when Ving starts to clock that maybe Tuck needs a poultice as well. Yeah. Uh-oh. Sorry, Gibbous Man. Did we destroy your war and save the High Spirit? Maybe try harder next time not to be a little dildo. This is what PTSD does to somebody with weaponized dissociation. Tuck is actively passing out, it sounds like. Yeah. He is shutting down in front of the fire. Like, he sat down in a chair and is just falling asleep. Like Abdul hanging out with a friend.

Thanks for the pizza chicken, Jessica. So, Billy, you are wrapped in bandages and given a poultice, and you're just… Being asked to lie on the table for a while. What are we doing now? I want to ask Perel and Morris about the sword. Um, well, I personally have not had much experience with enchanting. I think it is a coward's art. Um, I think you either make a thing good or you don't. You don't have to make a magic thing, but that's beside the point. Are you jealous, Perel?

I would not be jealous in a million years. Making swords is for babies and apprentices. Um, anyway… Morris, do you know anything? One of my exes was an enchanter. Oh. We don't really need to get into it now, but, um, he's quite jealous. Uh, but it sounds like instead of… I mean, again, I am a spatial thaumaturge, but it sounds like instead of using a coin to possess a person, this sword has been constructed to possess whoever bears it?

And Tuck comes up and he's like, I think Colm might have been a warlock. What makes you say that? I don't know. I felt something around him. It was like he was talking to the sword. When he saw me, he was listening to something. And then he ran away. Whoa. Interesting. And if what you say about the wound that Ving dealt him is true, it had no effect on him? Very little. Interesting. Yeah, those things are so fucking sharp. It went through steel until it reached his flesh. Wow.

And he like leans back on his stool. That is an interesting theory. What do you guys know about warlocks? Can I roll? Uh, yeah, 2d6 plus intelligence to Spout Lore. Can someone else roll? You don't get to do that. You asked if you could. Minus two? I have minus one. Oh, yeah, okay. We can't help you. Maybe mine. You can aid and stuff. Aid and stuff? Oh, God. Yeah, we can aid. I know stuff. I know I know stuff. Come on, Tuck. You know you know stuff sometimes. Whoa, look at how much you know.

Six. Whoa. Uh, yeah, I'll aid. 2d6 plus bond. Mm-hmm. 11. 11? So that's a seven to nine. Seven to nine. Yeah. So a warlock is someone who attempts to serve an icon and by doing so takes on an aspect of their power. Yeah. But retains their individuality. He's a warlock warlord. Oh, yeah. That makes so much more sense. Tuck says, these words are the same. So it has to be true. Bing, you're so smart. I know. Where do you think I got these glasses?

Morris is like, so remind me again what you felt when you held the blade? Blind animal rage from every species I've ever seen. I've never felt. Blind rage. Billy, what did you feel? Yeah, rage. Like it just took over and like I wanted to kill him. The only thing that could fill the insatiable emptiness in my heart was somebody else's blood. Hmm. And I didn't wield it. So I don't know. Hmm. So that sounds like an icon for sure. Which one specifically? I can't say. I have theories.

Does your theory in the book? No. Involve it maybe being rage? Well, that's an emotion. That's not a human concept. Oh. Everything feels rage. War, battle, conquest. Okay. But I would guess it's one of those probably. And especially if he is waging a war, it would make sense that he would make a deal with an icon that would be able to help him do such and that the creation of more situations in which war or battle could flourish would give him more power. Well, at least there's two of them.

Oh, fuck. Right. His fucking brother. They're working in tandem. Yes. Who knows what his weapon is? Oh, yeah. He could have a magical clipboard full of all sorts of powers. Yeah. Or magical pair of like nerd glasses or something. Oh, yeah. He could have binoculars to see our weaknesses. Oh. Don't worry. I'll cut that out. Magic. Magic. Magic. Magic. Magic. Magic. Magic. Magic. Magic. Magic. There's a ton of magical binoculars to see your weakness. I like it. It is kind of a cool idea.

It's also a really funny that you said that. All right. Well, I can't deny that my mind is mostly on the fact that our fanny pack has been left in the wind. But we have to get to the Hyspia. Perry and I. So we can do our part. What is your plan with the Hyspia. We're going to investigate it however we can and attempt to use the equipment there to. There. Do something wizard-like magic. And he starts twiddling his fingers in front of you. You have no idea. I mean, I've got some ideas.

I escaped from an extra plane or space. I escaped from the trap that was set for all wizard kind. Yeah. Do we remember what the original thought we had for them coming here was? I thought they were going to boost it and then bring all the wizards back. That was their thought, is they might be able to use the sort of broadcasting technology to connect with the people that are stuck in other spaces, the wizards that have been trapped. He's hoping, because it is going to be a great undertaking.

It is like… It'll take a long time. A long time. Maybe months of work. So they got some road ahead. But you need the fanny pack for this. We do. That's all of our fucking equipment is in the fanny pack. We actually can't go to the high spear unless we have that stuff. Why can't we go back straight to the fanny pack? Because it is in an extra plane or space and it is hard, almost impossible to connect two extra plane or spaces like that. It's like um… What's a good way?

It's like connecting two fishing lines under the water with two different rods. What if we try? Can we roll for it? We could certainly try. Yeah, Mir said that he was like getting better at like making the bar do what he wanted. Yeah, that's true. And if it if Hither and Yon has connected to the fanny pack before, then it might have that sort of like a taste for it. Yeah. Got the scent. Would a communion of whispers do any good in this liminal space reaching out to the whispers of the other?

Uh… You might be able to connect to… You think you might be able to connect to the Hither and Yon, but it could be a way to try and be like hey, could you please go back to our fanny pack? That's a good idea. Or a way that you could get there, like it could give you an option. I'm gonna do it. Alright. I'm gonna commune with the whispers of the Hither and Yon. Roll plus wisdom. Ten. Nice. Okay. Yeah. So what is the vision here? You reach out to the Hither and Yon.

Do you connect with like a… I don't think it's quite like a spirit like you've spoken to in the past. Like it doesn't have a personage really, but you have this overwhelming sense of like… You know when you get into bed and you just wash the sheets? You just dried them. You just put them on the bed. That like ooh settling in feeling. Yeah. You get an overwhelming feeling of hospitality. I like this.

And that they're also you're cozy and quiet and safe, but there's a big friendly party happening downstairs in the house. Yeah. Oh, the sound of a party in an adjacent room. Yeah. And you reach out to that feeling. And what is the vision that… Because I'm honestly, Sean O'Hara is not sure how this would work. So let's talk about it. What if Francis and Victor are like waiting at the door? At the guest door. Oh. Like he's like pawing at it. He's doing the dog thing. Yeah.

They're both doing the dog thing. Uh-huh. And they're trying to work together now. Like they fought for a while. Yeah. But they're like we both want the same thing. They fought for a while and then got sad that no one was watching them. And Victor was going… It's quite alright old boy. They'll be back in no time. It's just that what if their pathetic nature causes them to come to harm? And I, in my greatness, are not there to save them. They are so weak. And pathetic.

I just can't bear to think about all of the ways they can fail when I am not there. Where they are, hither and yon, there is my home. It is a place of safety. A place of comfort. They will not come to harm when within its walls… And then Victor starts to cry. And then Francis licks the tears off of him. And he licks and goes Don't cry old friend. Don't cry old boy. Don't cry old boy, old chap. Stiff upper lip. Stiff upper lip. Hello. What's all this then? He's like okay. I will be strong.

And he starts bawling at the bottom of the door. And that is the vision that Ving is filled with. He's bawling his eyes out. And you're like no. What I need more than anything is to get those animals somewhere safe. You have to help me hither and yon. Please. Oh you funnel the need that you get from them into the bar. You supercharge the need. So you connecting with them with that vision, your need creates like one side and their need creates the other side.

The fishing line in the water is drawn to the other fishing line. Doot doot doot doot. And they dock. Yeah. And you hear downstairs like where is Ving doing this? There's a hammock upstairs. Oh and he's just chilling in a hammock. And he's in the room that his key is for. Tuck and Billy are on the ground. Tuck is like cross-legged. In the room? Yeah. He's making sure Billy stops like picking the poultice out of his word. Yeah. You guys strap me to a cutting board.

He keeps eating it because there's molasses in there. Yeah. You ever had a cone on? Billy. Yeah. Oh that's what it is. We put a cone on you. He's got a cone. You keep getting stuck in corners. Yeah. Help me! And you hear a crash downstairs. An absolute just slamming. And there's a bunch of stuff getting knocked over and you hear Mears go, oh I'm so glad! I'm so glad! Yay! Francis! And he runs up and like you can hear thumping and crashing. And you go, oh Mears! Young lad, my chap, Master Mears!

I'm so happy to see you again! Victor comes in and doesn't see us and just assumes that we're murdered. Yeah. They've perished! I am too late to save them! I know! Wait a second. I smell little boys and he runs upstairs. I smell little boys. Say that a different way. I smell little boys. Sean O'Hara. Cut that! Why is there an S on that? From the show. That's a new fan favorite. Wait a second. I smell sticky. I smell blood? No! And you charge.

And cramming his way through this hallway, you see the massive shoulders and head of Victor pop into the door. Oh! Thank the moon! And he pushes his way into the room. And he starts licking everybody. Gross. I can only imagine how many dangers you have faced with my absence. You have no idea, Victor, how much you were needed. I see here you were almost destroyed as I knew you would be. Yeah, Billy had this steak knife through him and then I hold it up.

And his eyes narrow on the knife and he takes the knife in his jaws and he starts shaking it back and forth. You bastard knife! You almost killed boy! I mean, yeah, it was the man to well, yeah. He puts it on the ground and he does that thing where they like hop up and pound on it with like their front two paws. You stupid blade! I cut myself. Oh, did you cut me? It's trying to kill us all! And he bats it out of the room and he starts chasing it up and down the halls.

He tries to bury it in a bed. He goes to another room. He's nosing it under a bed. And he noses it finally under the bed and he goes, alright, the danger has passed. It is unreachable. It is under a piece of furniture. Nothing returns from under furniture. And your animals have returned. You have reconnected with the fanny pack. Perel comes into the room and he's like, we've now been faced with another challenge. How do we wrap up the fanny pack and stay connected to hither and yon?

I got a solution to that. Tuck raises his axe. And Mears goes, no. No, no, no, no. And Morris is like, no. We've been over this. You can't just cut through the wall of an interdimensional building. I've done it before. I know. And you shouldn't have. But I could. I could potentially. I guess, okay. Alright, I have an idea. Oh my god, I'm a genius. I will build outside the fanny pack in the glade a shed. Yes. A shed? A shed. I will build a shed. A shed. S-H-E-D.

You could just build a shed in here. The hither and yon's got a head. I have no time to bandy about. I'm building a shed right now. Just eating pepperonis. I have no time to bandy about with those of lower intellect than me. I have a shed to build. We all do. We all got a shed brewing inside of us. And he leaves. And he walks off into the fanny pack. We just have to like idiot him out of the room. We know how to get rid of him.

And unless you guys have anything that you want, you can follow Mars if you want. You can stay here and do other stuff. But he's got a task he's gonna undertake. Should we rest a little bit? We gotta rest. We're all fucked up. Oh, so we're doing a recover. And do we get a bonus because it's hither and yon? I would say that there isn't necessarily a bonus you would need because recover is just it takes time. But any time that you spend in hither and yon means there is less time passing outside.

Oh, okay. Because I think what we said a long time ago is that every day that passes in hither and yon feels like three days. Oh, yeah. Which developed because people were like, man, I feel like I was really able to just relax in there. Right. And I still got to work the next day. Yeah. So I think all that means is that timelines for you aren't as strict in here as they are elsewhere. Right. So you can totally rest. You've got time. Cool. Yeah, let's do it. We need to heal.

And also Billy's being a little fucking asshole right now. How long is he gonna be in the winter form, Billy? Billy was fine. But now that he's bored, not fighting, he's just like taken to kicking at the wall and saying mean things to you guys. And he's got a cone on. He's got a cone on. What are some mean little kid things that Billy says? Your face is bad. I know, Billy. That's why I have the beard. Billy, you've never been in a cut phase. You're just kidding to yourself. I have been in a…

Billy, what are you talking about? I have been in a cut phase. Remember when we were… Remember those six months that happened off screen? Remember those six months where we were in Cash's apartment and I… It was before season seven started. I was in a cut phase. I don't remember. Billy, I was. What does Billy say to Vig? Billy, be nicer. A backbone thing. Stand up for yourself. Jesus Christ. I don't have to. I love how hard it is for Jessica to be mean to you guys. I don't like this.

Not to editorialize, but just by way of reminding people the resources we have available, Billy does have the reason for the season where he can change his season. Oh, that's true. And also a day has passed. Billy's trying that. Because he knows deep down this sucks. It was a long, dark, cold day. It was. And he was having bad sleep. And he was really groggy from it. Did you have a dream? I had a lot of dreams. Can we hear a dream? Yeah, let's hear one.

There was one where someone betrayed him one time when he was in his winter form. And he hunted them down and stabbed them to death. And he knew that that was a really bad thing. But what's happening outside of Billy's head is that he came into Tuck's room and then was just kicking the whole night. Why are you taking up all the room? Because I'm big. The bed is small for me. Yeah, well, get out then. Billy, you have your own bed. I don't want that bed. I want your bed and your bed. Get out.

That's totally what I can't wait. I can't sleep because you guys keep making sounds. Sound like this. You know what? I'm going to leave. And when you learn a little bit of fucking respect, you can come talk to me. And Billy wants to cry, but he's so mad. He's like, I'll never talk to you again. Well, then I am very angry with you. Billy rips off his cone and he storms out of the room. And he starts biting at his stitches right away. He's going to eat his scab.

So he throws the cone on the ground and walks out? Yeah. Damn it. He goes to chug a bunch of milk. Whoa. Oh my God. He's hitting the bottle. Oh, wow. It's a bad day. It's a bad day. Is he going to try and change his form or are you holding on to it? No. Okay. As he's chugging this milk, he's sitting there melancholically drinking some milk. What have I become? Talking to Mears. Mears, what have I become? And he's cleaning a glass with a rag. He goes, it's a tough, tough break, kid.

I never wanted to fight again. Not like that. You know, at the end of the day, every warrior's got to know when to put down the sword. I'm not a warrior. I just didn't want him to get hurt. Should I roll fairy child first? Yeah, you get to roll your fairy child and then you get to change your season. Seven. So I get three holds. Perfect. And Ving, I can see you. I'm going to, because it's a new day roll, what the bones know. Yeah. That's a five. Holy shit.

Better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better. So Ving, you like go to sleep thinking about how bad things were. Like how Colm absolutely wiped the fucking floor with you. Yeah. Like, well, it can only go up from here. Yeah. Tomorrow is probably going to be a better day. Plus I'm comforted because I switched out all the cream in the fridge for oat milk. So Billy's drinking oat milk thinking he's getting drunk. He's doing the thing the kids do. I think I feel it.

I'm really feeling it now. I'm feeling it. I had beer battered fish. I'm wasted. There's rum in this chocolate. I've never been drunker in my life. And now to change the form. Let's see where it goes. Let's see where we go. Four. Four. Four. Oh, geez. Dang it. I hate this. I hate everything. I push all my drinks off the counter. And they smash on the ground. And freeze in place. Oh, yeah. And freeze the ice crackling across the ground. Billy regrets everything. He runs to his room.

Slams the door. Oh, seals it shut. Oh, yeah. Freezes it. Oh, freezes it shut. And he sits there and thinks. He thinks. What's he thinking about? He's just thinking about what a bad guy he is. Oh. And how poorly he's acting. He's distracted. I like that it's snowing in his room. I remember it so well. Oh, yeah. He's regretting so many things. Oh, God. I should have just been a good person while I had the chance. Wow. The winter form really took hold of him.

Well, he's been holding back for so long. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Man. Okay. So, yeah. The ice is like filling. If you walk past Billy's room, it's freezing. Duck and Bing, what are you doing? Hmm. What are we doing? Bing, what do you want to do? I don't know. I was thinking about maybe. Are you guys laying in bed right now? Yeah. No, I have a hammock.

It's like a bunk bed, but I'm in a hammock on the side, and I just hang out in a hammock when we're chatting and decompressing about our piece of shit kid. God, he's just such a little piece of shit when he's in his winter form. It is unbearable. I understand the concept of adoption. Like putting a child up for adoption? Yeah. Growing a child. Really extreme. What do you think would happen if I put this on Francis and I have the razor tusk helmet? Oh my God. What the fuck? What?

I'm just making casual conversation. He would become like a war pig. You think so? Yeah. He would start to control other pigs. That's pretty sick. You would start the hogpocalypse again. All over again. All over again. Yeah. We would be heroes with really cool moves there. What? Bing's thinking back to when he was really cool during the hogpocalypse. He's like, man, I'm fucking up fighting people. I'm so good at fighting pigs though. Gotta go back to that. I'll put this back on.

He should probably keep it out of his sight. Bing. Yeah. People died during the hogpocalypse. Yeah, but it would be cool to fulfill its purpose. The pig helmet's talking to Bing like the green goblin mask. Yes, Bing. Put the helmet on the pig. Fulfill the purpose. Be cool again. You look like shit in that fight back there. You're probably right. You're probably right. Take up the power. Oh my God. It's just hanging on the back of a chair every time Bing goes to sleep it like glints at him.

Every time Tuck walks past his room he sees him like sitting in the dark looking at the helmet. Looking over his eyebrows. We cut back to Billy's room. Billy has opened a bottle of emo music. Oh right. Because Billy's and Billy's tips get frosted when he's in his winter form. Oh yeah. It's all drooping across his eyes. And they're kind of drooping across his eyes a little bit. Big bags under his eyes. Yeah. Vindicated. I'm selfish. I'm wrong. I'm right. I swear I'm right.

And he has a bottle of oat milk I guess. And he's chugging it. Drinking it. He's doing the like drunk teen from the early 2000s thing where he's like, and I'm flawed. And he smashes it on the ground. Put a thumb on it. And he's like, I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. And he's like, and I'm flawed. And he smashes it on the ground. I put thumb holes in all of his sweater sleeves. Billy comes out totally emo. As an emo.

Two days later. The next day the door cracked, the ice cracks, a snow drift blows out of his room. And you just hear ding, ding, ding, ding. As Billy emerges and he's got his bangs plastered to his forehead. And he's like, I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. And he's got his bangs plastered to his forehead.

He's got a long sweater, thumbs poking through the sleeves. It's one of those striped ones. Stripey ones, black and white stripes. And Billy grabs a piece of paper and starts writing poetry by the fireplace. But it's in Billy language so he gets fucking scribbles. And Mears comes over, he's like, hey buddy, can I get you anything? You want some croissants? Do you want a hot dog? I can make anything. I feel nothing anymore. You want some breakfast? No.

Go give breakfast to someone who deserves it. Holy shit. Oh, God. Jeez. Fierce just walks away like, wow. You don't have to pretend you like me. I don't even like me. Billy. No, and he comes back over and he sits down. I like you. Of course I like you. No, you don't. And that's fine. I'm in a magic bar that traveled to you because you needed me. I don't need you anymore. Is that? Come on. Is that true? She starts being mean.

Spending as much time as I have as the barkeeper, Fither and Yawn, has taught me a few things about the heart. I know that stressful times, scary times, can make us feel strange, make us feel not like ourselves. Mirrors, what if I'm stuck like this forever? I shouldn't have changed over. You did it because you had to protect the people you love. And the next time you need to change, you'll change. I want to use. Yeah, don't you have a fairy? Yeah. Yeah. Reason for the season.

You just melt in front of the fire with the heart. Yeah. Mirrors is trying so hard. I'm like, I can do this. I can, I can be a good guy. Yeah. So you just, you just get to do it one more time. You spend a fairy hold and you can change. Two. So what does two make you? Summer. Oh, okay. Oh my God. I immediately break out into a sweat. Why am I wearing a sweater? I look like shit. Mirrors is just like, what is going on? As the ice just melts off of you. And sheets. And mirrors is getting hot.

Oh yeah. Oh my God. It's so warm in here now. I'm going to turn. I'm going to put the fire out. Yeah. Oh, the fire lit lights. Oh yeah. Sorry about that. I will definitely. Have breakfast. Oh, okay. All right. I'm going to get some breakfast started. Is summer Billy normal, Billy? No spring. Billy is normal. Summer is like more mischievous. Yeah. I'm normal again. Trust me. It's a little trickster now and he's cut his emo thing into a crop into like one of those. Oh yeah.

His little summertime boy. Yeah. Yeah. It's one of the spring break tanks from Daytona. It says Daytona sleeves up. He's rolled his pants up into little shorts. Yeah. They're too tight. So like the fat is like just bunched around. And uh, yeah. Mirrors makes you a very wonderful breakfast. I guess. Are we waiting for Morris's task to be finished? Yeah. Um, so that night tuck has a dream and I think like you basically just stand in this void. You're like sick. This is great. There's nothing here.

They're here. My head is empty. Uh huh. Huh? I feel like I probably should be more concerned. I'm sorry about that. Why am I here? Yeah. If there's nothing in my head, why am I in my head? I nothing. Oh, he tries to call up the pizza hut. Mine palace. Yeah. Nothing. He can't get it. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, Oh my God. Sit down. Pizza. Delight kind of shimmers. That's not quite right. Did the Onero phage destroy the pizza palace? Might have. Whoa. That's a huge loss. Yeah. And you hear the words.

How can I help you? He took turns around in the void. He was like, who's there? You need my help. They all need your help. Can I roll to see what this is? Yeah, totally. Defy danger. Wisdom. Okay. Ooh, nice. Ooh, boy. Wow. 11. Okay. Holy shit. You feel in your sleeping body reflected in this void that is now empty. Void that is now your mind. Mm-hmm. Like a tugging. Like a tingling in your chest. And you just immediately are like, ah, fuck. It's a demon. Oh, no. You just know.

It's not even a like, oh, what is this? You're just like, servitude. And Tuck is like, are you possessing me right now? Stop. Don't do it. He jumps around. No. He's like, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. But if you let me, I could help you. Release me. What would you do? How would you help me? I live to serve. You're thinking about it. No, I'm not. I'm in your mind. I know what you're thinking about.

Well, tell me what I'm thinking about. Tits, tits, tits, tits, tits. You're thinking about tits, aren't you? Fuck! I'm thinking of a number between one and a thousand. No, you're not. You're thinking about tits. Anyone would have guessed that. But everybody knows. Everybody knows I like tits. You're thinking that you'll fail them. You're thinking about the end and the lie that waits there for you. Tuck, in the dream, materializes a knife in his hand and cuts his hand and wakes up. Oh. Yeah.

Cool. And he shoots up in bed. He shoots up into the butt of Ving, who's hanging a hammock above him. Whose hammock is right above the bed. Sorry. Sorry. Oh, my God. Where did you put the hammock above my bed? I wanted it. It's cold in here. Billy's form is too cold. And you guys smell cooking breakfast. You smell some eggs. You smell some sausages. Probably some sort of gruel. But it's good gruel that Mears has devised. He calls it ghoul because it's good gruel. Ghoul? Ghoul. G-O-O-L. Okay.

Okay. It's good. G-O-O-L. Ghoul. Because it's good gruel. He's been explaining this to everybody for a few minutes. Hey, you want some ghoul? Ew, no. But it's good gruel. Okay. Give me ghoul. Here you go. And he slides it down the bar to you. Tuck has two tampons in his nose because his nose broke when he woke up. He broke it on Ving's firm buttocks. It's the firmest ass I've ever smashed my face against. And let me tell you, I've smashed my face against a lot of asses. A lot. And it went in.

You got it right in the middle. It went in. That's all you got to say. And let me tell you, it went in. My crack is in a cut face. I'm telling this to Perel who's like, just picks up his breakfast and goes to a different table. You guys are just in a restaurant now, basically. You just have a restaurant to yourselves. And let me tell you, it went right. And Billy, you find Billy downstairs in a fucking crop top and shorts. Hey, guys. Oh, my God. Holy shit. I'm better now. Little surfer Billy.

I'm so sorry. It's the risk. You know, when you live it up and you try something new. I mean, you did save our butts out there in the war fields. Are you feeling better? I feel great. I feel pretty good, honestly. Yeah? Kind of hot in here, though. You look different. I know. I made a shirt. Your hair is kind of like bleach blonde now. Oh, cool. Yeah. It's got a good wave to it. It's not as curly as it used to be. Swishes around. Pretty cool look. Thanks. Yeah.

I'm going to gobble down a bunch of food now. Okay, go for it. Uh-huh. I might steal Perel's food. Yeah, do it. While he's not looking. Oh, Summer Billy's trying to do a prank. He walks by, accidentally tips over a bunch of salt onto Perel's plate. Perel goes, Oh, oh. Hi, Billy. Hi. Are you going to be reasonable now? Why are you talking to me like that? It's just that you were a little rude to me the other day. So many apologies.

You said that my bald head looked bad, and I am suffering from male pattern baldness. When my thalmic field activated, I lost all my hair. Wait, you had hair? I had beautiful hair. And now it's gone because I'm magical. Becoming a wizard made you bald? Yeah, it made me bald. Morris, why did it make you bald? Because I have such a powerful brain that it creates a lush environment for the hairs growing. The follicles are empowered by my great intellect.

Anyway, everybody, I have completed phase one of my project. Thanks. I would love if you would all join me in the spooky glade to see what I have constructed. Is it safe? Oh, is it safe? What do you mean, is it safe? Is it safe in the glade? Do you want me to make a little fairy ring? Oh, this scary little lady that chased everyone. Yeah. Yeah, okay, maybe do a fairy ring pretty quick. Seven. The ring requires my constant attention. Okay, great.

So Billy's just like doing a cool summer boy, like strut around the glade. He's just like vibing. Like he's, it's so slow. And he, cause you're trying to find like beach wood to do it with. Oh, you're trying to get cool driftwood looking with sticks. I'm saying like, you can't like rush this. It's like chill stuff. So we're all sitting at the door of the tent, just eating our ghoul. Uh-huh.

But eventually the fairy ring does get completed and Morris goes, all right, attention has been off of me long enough. Everybody look at me again. As I reveal. And he's got a big sheet that's over something in the glade. Behold. And he pulls the sheet off. What is just a very simple wooden shed. There's a pause. And then he's like eyebrows. Oh, thank you. And this has solved a major problem. How we have a door. Now we have a door now.

So everybody can get back in the fanny pack and I, and he takes his room key out. And he steps very exaggeratedly over to the door. And then I, and he puts the key towards the door. And then I come through the back door with the fanny pack. And people don't notice this, but tuck has disappeared. And then he like pushes the door open and scares. He went back into the back door. And he's just like, I knew that was going. You should have seen your face. You should have seen your face.

It's a fucking prank, bro. Yeah. Chill out. Billy's summer form is rubbing off on all of us. Oh yeah. Everybody's been a little shit at a thing. He's a little bit angrier now. God damn it. When you do that. God damn it. You scared me. I told you not to do that. You scared me in front of people. I'm embarrassed. I told you I pee when I get scared and a little bit came out. All right.

I think that that absolutely disrespectful move on Tuck's part means that he is the one that gets to fold up the fanny pack and go back through the back door. Oh no. You want me to go through the back door? I am going inside now and you get to be in the spooky glade by yourself, mister. I have to stay out here for the ring. All right. Fine. I'm going inside. My shed is complete. I am a genius. You're welcome. Oh, also, and he turns back.

I realized I gave this to the two most reckless people out of the three of you, which is saying something. We cannot under any circumstances open the fanny pack inside hither and yon. Why? It is just an accepted rule in thaumaturgy, special thaumaturgy especially. You cannot open a limited space. Why? Because it is a liminal space inside a liminal space. What will happen? They collapse in on each other. They both meld together. They fold outwards. It's horrible. Do not do it.

Many a special thaumaturge has lost life and limb. Should we lock it when we're in the hither and yon? I will take it. How about? Oh, like he'll wear it? I'll wear it myself. So, Morris and Perel, you guys are going to be hanging out in hither and yon with the fanny pack once we pack it up and go through the back door. Makes sense. I'm going to go through the back door. I'm going to go through the back door. I'm going to go through the back door. I'm going to go through the back door.

And then hither and yon goes to Hyspere. We drop you off. You take the fanny pack. Do your bullshit there. And then we'll go fight a war, I guess. Yeah, that's great. That's great. That's the plan. Okay, that's a great plan. We're going to do it. All right, we're going to do it. Everybody put your hands in. Hands in. One, two, three. We will. What? We will. We will. We will. We will. We will. We will. We will. We will. We will. We will. We will. We will. We will. We will.

You should have seen your face, man. And we cut forward into the hither and yon. The fanny pack's packed up. And everybody's just chilling. Morris and Perell have gone up to their room. I think everyone's just kind of settling into this new status quo. Am I healed yet? Like all the way? Yeah, you had a night of rest. Or wait, no. Billy stayed up drinking oat milk. Oh, right. Oh, fuck, dude. So the poultice is like, you know, you've got nine hit points or whatever. Okay.

Am I healed cause I slept? Yes.

End of the day I will roll another what the bones know that's a one oh boy bing you get as you're like ending this as you're getting ready for bed on that second day you get another sinking feeling oh tomorrow is going to be worse somehow my bones don't know shit today was pretty fun it started with me getting rammed in the ass by tux nose at least I think that was his nose and is there anything in particular that we want to handle on that day or do we just jump ahead where where did chimes go is he still in hither and yon oh yeah I know he left okay yeah like when we went to fight the war yeah he comes and goes as he pleases he's got a room key oh right yeah so he'll just fuck off yeah okay cool is there anything we want to know about things because I could use night moves while we're hanging out in the glade oh yeah and then we have to ask sean a question something about the gibbous man like does he know that we met the or like about colm maybe what the black hammer twins are getting out of this deal yeah that's not bad because they're he's giving of himself to use the the wrath the war blade yeah okay I'm gonna use night moves roll plus wisdom and 10 plus a gm will answer one question so for night moves to work you need the night sky uh everyone's settling in going to sleep hither and yon it's the end of the day the tent's been packed up the fanny pack has been prepared for transport to high spear city but you head out the back door of hither and yon emerging from the shed that morris constructed in the clearing and you look up at the night sky um I got a 10 okay so you look up at the night sky and you're trying to read the movement of the stars yeah and gain a little bit of knowledge about the black hammers what they're getting out of this what the plan is how to kill it's just something and you hear a voice say you know you could just ask me I turn the gibbous man stands on the edge of the glade black traveling cloak wide brimmed hat leaning on his staff and he takes a step forward through the remnants of billy's old fairy ring are you afraid yes that's good so you want to know what what the twins are getting out of this deal yeah I mean what all humans want power status you all want the same thing to matter and he starts walking around the glade just taking it in some kid you got he like stops and looks at you he's uh powerful powerful powerful I'm going to roll fight with honor.

Whoa. Holy shit. That's sick. All right, 2d6 plus constitution. That's fucking sick. I got 10. Whoa. So that gives you three hold, four hold? Three chi. That's so cool. And he sees you square up like in the- He just like thinks back. His right foot cocks like five degrees. Uh-huh. And the gibbous man sees that. He goes, oh. All right. This is how you want to do this. And I want to use weaponize association to spend one chi to predict his next move. Oh. Whoa. So sick. Awesome.

Oh, and this is the thing that like gets you to get them to give something up basically. That's fucking rad. And that means that you get to tell me what he does next. Like you know what he's going to do. And you're telling me what he does. Yeah. This is like one of those like samurai fights where like they're both perfectly still and it seems totally chill. But they're like in a war right now. They're predicting each other's moves in their mind right now.

It's like they're playing chess in their head. Yeah. Totally. Battle chess. You move throughout the night. You are the night. You feel the shroud of darkness wherever you go. You feel like that shields you. But I see you. What does this cause him to do? I think he goes for the door. Oh. Oh shit. Why wouldn't he? Interesting. Yeah. Because if he destroyed the shed, then we would be stuck. Bing would be stuck. Bing would be stuck.

So like he knows that the door is your lifeline to your family and he is going to shatter the shed. But you know he's going to step towards you. And swing behind you. And as he's swinging his stick towards the shed, you step forward and you like shove him backwards. And he goes, oh, and he steps back a few steps. I see. I noticed that I can hit him. You just pushed him. Oh, like he's made. He's material. Is that what you're trying? Yeah.

He's he's presented himself as this like mysterious, all knowing, like invulnerable being. But you just pushed him. I look in his eyes. And he sees that you know what that means. I smirk and I start sprinting at him. He disappears. Oh, sick. And you're alone. Guys. Damn it. Yeah. I feel I feel like I feel I feel it on me like a chill. There's oh, the runes on my shoulder are all distorted. Oh, they're like bleeding out into where my veins are. Like blood. Blood.

Poisoning from ink that was once a shape. Oh, that's so sick. It's distorted the knowledge of when I touched him. Yeah. When I touched him. Ving turns around like excited, but calmly walks back inside and closes the door. And the door like closes and swings back open and reveals an empty shed. The next day morning or does Ving go and wake everybody up? I think we weren't asleep. I think we were just hanging out. I think we were just hanging out inside. Okay. Yeah.

So everyone's just chilling in the fanny pack and or hither and yon. I was asleep. Okay. Then I missed that. We need to heal. Billy was asleep in in in front of the fireplace. With Victor, maybe. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like sandwiched between Francis and Victor. Yeah. Mouth wide open. Head back. Yeah. And you come through the back door into hither and yon. I think Tuck is probably the one that's awake. Mears has gone to bed. Morrison Perrella is asleep. Billy is sleeping in front of the fire.

Can I show you something? Yes. I pull my tunic down. Tuck goes, oh, my God, it's happening. My perfectly sculpted shoulder. Slender, but strong. Tuck touches you on the shoulder and he's like, doesn't matter how much the fans are asking for this. We cannot do it. Bro, check out my tattoo, bro. Oh, that's what you're. Okay. Never mind. Tuck, look at this. What? Pulls his pants down. Look at the runes on the underside of my shirt. Sack.

Tuck laughs really hard because this is a game we play when Billy's not around. You just show each other your dick. Yeah. It's like we'll hide and then the other person will come around the corner. We'll be like, it looks like a bat wing. One of these things. Yeah. But we only do it when Billy's not around because it's incredibly inappropriate. Oh, yeah. So immature. Yeah. And I'm like, you got me. Okay. You got me. You're ahead. You're ahead by two now. Yes. We're back.

We've been playing this the whole entirety of the campaign. Oh, my God. And Ving's been down for a long time. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because Tuck, it's really easy. He's got really easy access to it. It's just under the flap. Yeah. It's so easy. That's why Ving was doing so much like yoga and like mobility training. That's why. I'm going to get him. I'm going to get this fucking. That'd be fast. I'm going to fucking do this. I'm going to get him one day. I've got too many flaps.

That's what he kept saying. He's going, I've got so many fucking flaps. It's so hard to get it out. Yeah. He did some tailoring to his pants so that it was easy access. Tear away. And then there is also a thing where it's like if you see the other person's doing it and you do it back before they can get their dick and balls out. They get two. You get two. Yeah. Still there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So there were a couple of times where Ving was like, got like his, he was trying to undo the knot on his pants. And then Tuck was just like, boom. Gotcha. Double. Damn it. So Ving shows you a distorted tattoo. What? How? What happened? He was there. Who? Him. Call him? The gibbous man. What? Outside? When Billy went inside, his fairy ring diminished and he appeared. I hit him, Tuck, and he reeled and I saw fear in his eyes. He can be hurt. I saw his weakness. And it's. A man's weakness.

His dick? His dick and balls? His balls. His balls. His inability to think about anything else. His weakness is his balls. It's so obvious. A man's weakness. It's so clear now. I shouldered him right in the balls. I can't believe. You shouldered him right in the balls? Ugh. Ugh. So. That means. He has a physical body. Mm-hmm. And the physical body can be interacted with. And we can hurt him. Very much so. Yeah. And he can be surprised. Because he didn't see you coming.

He didn't like that I knew that. That I found that. That I did that. Yeah. Which means he can't see the future. Hmm. Like if he couldn't see Ving coming at him. Can I Spout Lore on this? Sure. Yeah, nice. Intelligence. Intelligence. Uh, yeah. So that's a three. Mm-hmm. Fuck. Mm-hmm. So you get a point of experience. Uh-huh. I think the failure is. Is something that Tuck realizes. Uh-huh. In this you're like. Okay. The Gibbous man just had revealed to Ving. That he has a physical material body.

Mm-hmm. There's no way he. Makes himself that easy to get to. Ever again. Right. He would only work through proxies now. He wouldn't want to get physically close to any of you. Fuck. But that also means. If he now knows that you know. He can be hurt. He's going to be coming at you even harder. Right. Because he's trying to destroy. Any information about himself. Mm-hmm. So we're. We. Uh. No. Oh. Before you were just a nuisance. Now you might be his number one target. Oh no Ving.

No I didn't fuck up. No you didn't fuck up. The thing you did was so cool. It was pretty cool. It was too cool. And now he thinks we're too cool. Yeah. And he's going to come at us hard as fuck dude. He's hard as fuck for us now. Does Billy wake up at any point during this conversation? Yeah I wake up when Tuck goes. Oh no. Who is it? Who is it? Billy. What? I saw the gibbous man. No way. That's not cool. Oh no. And he knows we're in here. Yeah. Can he get here? Actually.

I think considering the information that you have. You would think he probably couldn't get inside Heather and Jan. Why? Places of significant power seem to be inaccessible to him. So we're actually safe in here. And also like Heather and Jan moves around so much. And that is a thing he also is kind of weak to. Because like Ving's mom put the knowledge seat in him. So that the gibbous man could never get a beat on him. Right. So because Heather and Jan moves. It's kind of safe. So I can sleep.

You can sleep. You can go back to sleep. Yeah. But. Billy. Billy. That was quick. You passed out really hard there. Okay. Well this is good to know. It is. But. I have a feeling that things are going to get a lot harder from here. The next morning. Unless. Unless. We have another dream. Maybe Billy has a dream from the gibbous man. Tell me about this. So this is Billy in his oak tree form. The one on the hill. So yeah. He's just in the forest. Taking in the scenery that surrounds him.

And has surrounded him for so much time. It's a dream of a memory. Is this like the version of the tree that Billy is that has like the offerings hanging from it? Like it's got the ribbons and bottles and bells hanging from the branches. Yeah. And you're in Lone Tree Hill, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a very big old oak tree. Yeah. Pretty big oak tree. I haven't had anyone visit me for a few days. It's very quiet tonight. And Billy's just doing what he always does. And he just thinks.

Because you're in your autumn form here, right? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, this is the reflective phase before the winter comes. Yeah. Yeah. He's thinking about the things people have asked of him. One of them is. Please let my radishes be absolutely huge this year. And also. I really want smart William to like me back. And then another person who goes. Farmer bills keeps making fun of me for how small my radishes are. You please make mine bigger. Please. This year.

I cannot handle him making fun of me for another year. And then another one comes and is like. No one's even talking about my radishes at all. Make my radishes talk about old bull. She's so obsessed. Like the fruit's going to be the way it's going to be. So one night on this night, this wonderful night, Billy is thinking about his life here on this hill, being a tree, thinking about. Thinking about the promise he made to protect this place. Yeah.

He's listening to the mycelium network underneath. The promise he made to protect this place. And from deep in the forest, coming towards Lone Tree Hill through the trees is a man in a black cape. The wide brimmed black hat and a walking stick. And he threads his way through the trunks and comes to you and begins to walk past you. And then it stopped dead in his tracks in the network that you are a part of that protects this place.

And he kind of like tests the barrier and he looks up at the tree at you. Let me pass. I will not. You can't protect them forever. Yes, I can. The river will run dry one day. I'll make sure of it. Get out. This isn't over. Get out. And he turns and walks back into the trees. And the forest shakes. Yeah. Like at the oak tree demanding him to leave. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. And you wake. Do I remember? Do you? No. You don't? For a moment? He remembers for a second. Like he remembers for a second.

The harder he tries to remember, he loses it. Yeah. He's like, uh, I'm so hungry. And you hear mirrors downstairs going, ghoul, ghoul, ghoul, ghoul, ghoul, making some ghoul for all my friends. Oh, so you guys all get you get your what the bones know you if you want to do it, you get your fairy child sick and you can try and change your form. Six. Girl. Beautiful. Hold on to a six. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah, dude. Amazing. I'm fully healed. Um, my fairy child. I got 11. Sweet. Okay. I get five folds.

And you can try and change your season if you so choose, or you could stay summer. I'm going to stay summer. Okay. Cool. Yeah. In the summer, you're like, everything's awesome. Fucking sick, bro. I had a great sleep last night. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You should always be sleeping on the floor. You're sleeping on the floor? Bruh. So good for your back. You know, you just like touch the earth and it holds you. Yeah. Pretty chill. We're going to live forever. It's going to be summer forever.

It's going to be forever young, you guys. Billy's got a puka shell necklace on. Where'd you get that? He's progressively getting more and more bro. He's got some zinc on his nose. I got a little tan from the fireplace. Just a one side of your body. Yeah. A really orange tan. You don't have rosacea anymore. You're just tan. And that morning, Morris and Perel come back downstairs and they've got backpacks. They've got all the effects that they brought with them.

And Morris has the fanny pack around his waist. And they go, all right. This is going to be it for a little bit, I think. I guess we'll see you guys when the war is over. That long? Yeah. We'll tell Aquarius to say hi when we finish the… Finish the wireframe. If you can, can you ask her what she meant when she said I was touched by the darkness? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll ask her what the darkness is. Morris is like, Perry, you're so sentimental.

We have magical keys that can bring us back here. Oh, right. Yeah. You can just visit. Anytime. He's like, oh, yeah. But you know, it just won't be the same. We've been living together for, it feels like years now. Bye, guys. And Morris is nodding and patting Perel on the shoulder. As he opens the door to like the bustling streets of Highspear City. Holy shit. People are just walking past. I really want to get a good look out here. Yeah, it's bright and sunny. There's people walking by.

There's like a demonstration going on in a square. Oh. Where they're like, the Firefields Principality is encroaching on the sovereignty of the Highspear people. And there's only one person that can protect you. Yeah. Protect the interests of you and your families. And your business. And that is why in the upcoming mayoral election, you must elect Etienne Boggins. Holy shit. You see a poster behind them that's Etienne Boggins giving a big thumbs up. Yeah.

And underneath it says, the savior of Mudlark. He's totally spun it into like. I saved the Riverways and I can save you. Amazing. Oh, no. Yeah. This is bad. I want to stay here. We have to kill Etienne Boggins. Yeah. Real danger. Oh, man. All right. I've been your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. So long. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Hoppers. Take care. Playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone.

Thanks to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music. You can find all of Aaron's truly incredible original music at aaronreed.bandcamp.com and all the music that he's helped make for the show. At Spotify. Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube Music. Yeah, wherever. It's literally everywhere. It's everywhere and it's great. Yeah. If you want to support the show, you can at patreon.com slash speltlore or speltlore.com slash money, please, where you'll get access to the up-to-date current feed of Mallrats.

You get access to merch drops. You can get access to curated gift boxes from the crew. And you can even play in games run by Abdul and myself. If that sounds cool to you, patreon.com slash money. Or speltlore. Speltlore.com slash money, please. Thankful I am for all of you for listening to the show. Thanks, everybody. Goodbye. We'll see you next time. It's till 1230 a.m. I was supposed to be asleep eight hours ago. Stop recording. Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye. See you next time.

And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be. For times abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute. Or do your chores. And finish. You are gladly speltlore. Thank you.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore!

I'm your Game Master Sean O'Hara, joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdul Aziz Hello everybody! Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Oppers Good day! And playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai Hello everyone! When last we left our heroes, they found themselves at the very front door of the place they've been wondering about for years And also our listeners have been asking about for years Hither and yon Right!

That's what we did you last time That is what we did Good memory After goading Morris to enter the bar first Out of fear that it was some sort of trap and also a fear that his friend didn't want to see him According to Tuck The party was soon accosted by a terrified Francis the Woolly Pig Afraid that there was some sort of ambush taking place The kerfuffle drawing down the staircase Long lost companion, Mears Falsmith, now seemingly Around 18 years old In his late teens Filled out quite a bit Quite tall Little bit of a beard Modified mechanical iron hand And the barkeeper of Hither and Yon So sick There was a nice little catch up As the party shared some drinks and food And filled in Mears on their adventures as he filled them in on his The party discussed with Mears what they were to do next The bar arriving as they themselves were at an impasse To the deck below The skiff of Chimes So sick The patron of sailors Chimes arrived completely nude Except for a breechcloth And sat at the bar as the party just hammered him with questions Like their dad just got home from work and they were wondering what's for dinner Like our dad just got home from war Like this I wonder what's for dinner Yeah And then we learned a number of things Chimes made a deal with Mother Never Was The deal was to learn the secrets of runic magic which he uses in his tattoos And ever since that deal was made He has been making himself increasingly immortal Because the deal comes due once Chimes dies And Mother Never Was receives the power that Chimes has bestowed upon himself Cool And that power he used to From what he says temporarily make him The god of the sea In his fight with the gibbous man Millennia ago to free Lillian So cool So sick That power we can assume was transferred to the sea Turning it into the sea of graves Which means that the sea is now the god of the sea It is a god sea That's kinda cool That is cool We also learned that Mother Never Was Is in some fashion the god of things that never were She is every choice that was never made The uncreated And that is the power of Mother Never Was And that is why the gibbous man fears her so Ving also looking inside at the trove of druidic knowledge Discovered that the gibbous man and Mother Never Was Made a plan themsel- or made a deal themselves Long long ago Which led to the creation of the night sky The stars their contract And the moon their offspring Which that actually implies that the entirety of the iconic realm Is the contract between the gibbous man and Mother Never Was Potentially Yeah!

Depending on the true connections between the night sky and the iconic realm Right because it was the giants who thought that the Yes The stars were the icons Yes and whether or not that is true or a cultural interpretation from the giants Has yet to be proven Uh after all of this Perel woke from a sleepy stew induced coma in front of the fireplace at Hither and Yon And asked where the fanny pack was Uh so everybody rushed to the door to see if they could get it back Closed the door and opened it again Seeing before them a war The forces of the firefields And the forces of the riverways and the high spear Including at the head of the high uh firefields forces Colm Blackhammer with his black bladed sword Oh my gosh That is where we find our heroes now Hither and Yon has apparently decided that this is where you have to go now Um can I discern realities?

Yes absolutely I wanted to do this quickly 2d6 plus yeah quick is the key here 10 10 so 3 questions What is about to happen? Uh what is about to happen is uh Billy you shockingly as the littlest boy in the room Are also the most experienced at war Oh yeah Yeah many of your lifetimes have been spent in battle And even just your ancient warrior instincts scanning this battle before you You know that the high spear and riverways forces are going to be overwhelmed Oh no Mmm!

Who's really in control here?

You see Colm Blackhammer in the distance I should say he is quite far away Like you'd have to get through some serious shit to even get close to him You can see there's a cluster of the red banners around this giant figure Oh yeah The red banners with the black hammer and he is swinging this sword back and forth And you see the glint of the blade and you know at this point in your adventuring life That blade is made of obsidian And he is fighting with a fury that seems unbecoming And you see the coming of such an experienced warrior which makes you think he must be under some sort of Oh my god Influence Uh what here is useful or valuable to me?

Uh what here is useful or valuable I think like you peek your head out the door a little bit And you see that you've come out of what appears to be a nearly ruined outhouse Like above the jam of the door carved into the wood You see hither and yon like carved into the wood of this outhouse But this is the door that the bar has chosen Wow Yeah and it's ruined for a couple of reasons One because it's in the middle of a war and the other because they had chili last night So you opening this door and realizing the inside of the outhouse is gone You wonder where all that poo poo and pee pee went Oh the poo poo and pee pee is all around us Okay I would like to roll discern realities to figure out where the poo poo and pee pee went The rest of that the rest of the answer that I was about to give Uh huh Unless you don't want any more information I literally do No we want to do poo poo and pee pee Can I roll call editor?

We're all rolling for poo poo and pee pee now Shut up Everyone we're going to do it now We're going to hear about the poo poo and pee pee now Uh what you realize Billy is that the battle is raging to the point where no one has noticed a little boy poking his head out of a destroyed outhouse But the poo and the pee Oh you don't want to know more of what I was going to say You want to know more about the poo and the pee I want to know that and Yeah so it seems like when hither and yon appeared here and you opened the door The poo poo and pee pee was actually forced out of the outhouse So in front of you for about five meters in every direction Is a thick layer of human blood And it went out It went out It usually you would assume that space would just be shunted somewhere else temporarily in the metaphysical realm Yeah While hither and yon took its place but not today Today it was the density the absolute mass of the human excrement that was present in this place Uh huh Altered the laws of thaumaturgy Okay and Such that it became a canon Okay Sean The ammo of which We did ask for this Was the detritus of the Detritus of a chilly dinner And there was a guy who was walking to the bathroom He's dead Oh my He was killed He was dead When a four foot long cylinder of solidified human shit Yeah Caved in his chest He was a bad guy though Okay Yeah He was a bad guy There's no dead man covered in shit here There's a dead guy covered in shit There's a dead guy He's a bad guy so it's okay He was a bad guy He was a really bad guy We cut He was a middle manager Yeah We cut to twenty minutes before when he was really giving it to like one of his underlings Yeah he's like you little piece of shit I'm the boss and I'm taking out my past traumas on you Yeah Now I gotta go take a shit I know past traumas now we have sympathy for this guy Oh no No cause I had every opportunity to work on them and I refused He had benefits I would have covered therapy I had so many I would have gotten paid to go to therapy Oh man I used my benefits for racist tattoos And he pulls up his chest and says I hate elves I hate these things They're so racist And then so they didn't notice Billy Yes so what the actual answer to this question was gonna be was that you have a moment to think about this No one has noticed that you guys are here yet Okay You don't have to rush headlong into the battle if you don't want to You don't have so much time that you can be like hello But if you like close the door the door would be closed And you could either leave or you could plan or whatever Tucker runs into the battle You serious Okay great cool So when he does that what is he thinking about Uh he's tugging on the sweater that he's wearing cause it's still clean Yeah yeah that doesn't answer my question very well though So what is he thinking about when he's like What is he thinking about when he leaves to enter this high stakes situation Oh that he's just like he sees the like that the Riverways is about to get totally fucked He's sprinting He's like heeeeee He sees people in the Riverways principality People wearing like the reed capes that Alec he wore And then he flashes back He has a flashback Her boobs that barely move under her grass shirt Oh my god was that a description Yeah I don't know That's kind of how I imagined it That was Jessica's description of her boobs Yeah I don't imagine them like huge they're like modest boobs But Tuck loves them Well I love them Uh huh And I go I flashback to me yelling at her through her window Yeah totally And I flashback to like when she was being attacked by that crocodile And then he grips his axe so tight and he goes Not again And then you hear a voice going That old guy That he He runs with Alright boys this is it I don't plan on Oh Staten Walden I know the other guy Oh yeah You shut the fuck up what are you doing It's a movie And then they end up being friends Alright guys He's like I feel like I've made a true friend tonight He's like giving them a war speech you know You hear a voice Yeah On the distant battlefield Alright boys Everybody line up Archers in the back Guys with sharp stuff in the front I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go Sharp stuff in the front Oh no Sharp guys forward They're so fucked Oh no They're so fucked They're so fucked Don't forget your reed skirts Underneath those capes Not much We can't let them know that And then Tuck Yeah Tuck He hears the voice And he comes back from his flashback And he goes Ella Key's roommate That guy That guy whose name I never got My new friend The stakes have never been higher Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun Running to her roommate Running Yeah to the tune of War Picks Yeah totally So Tuck yeah you start charging towards the Riverways Irregulars Yes And as he's running he goes Ella Key His roommate Yeah and then he says the last part really quiet Ella Key His roommate And as so yeah Tuck starts running across the field Billy and Ving what do you do?

I chase after him Oh Billy is so mad I don't wanna do this Is there any weapons in the Hither and Yon? Is there anything?

I grab some steak knives Oh yeah Yeah Yeah so Billy grabs a bunch of steak knives And as you're running out the door You hear mirrors go close the door And the door closes and then it like it slams And then like creak Oh and it's disgusting Yeah the door creaks back open and there is an outhouse there And there's a man in there And another dead guy Oh shit Crushed full of shit Oh god Maybe he's alive and he's like oh Yeah he's like Where was I? Where was I?

I was in hell I was in hell Where was I? Where was I? He chokes up one final mouthful of human shit And then he dies Oh my god You all did this to me Yeah And then as he dies he tries to give himself one more racist tattoo And he let everybody know how much I hated orcs To be clear I am a bad person It's every enemy that dies Every time this show has to be like I'm a bad guy So you don't feel bad about killing them I'm obviously a bad guy I'm in the wrong Did Morris and Perl come with us?

No Are you fucking kidding me? Absolutely not Shit They're God damn wizards We could have used them. Are you kidding me? There's no way they entered a battlefield. When Billy turned around to look, they were behind the bar, like, peeking over. They were the ones that were closing the door. Billy reached back to close the door, and it slammed in his face. Whoa. On a child. And Morris and Perel are, we cut into the hither and yon, and Morris and Perel are just like, they have their room keys.

They have their room keys. They'll be fine. They have their room keys. When are they ever not fine? Yeah, what are we going to do? A couple old thaumaturgists? Yeah. And Mears is like, he's like a warrior with a metal hand and all battle clad. Oh, yeah. And he's like, what? You didn't close the door. You closed the door. You closed the door? I said, don't close the door. I didn't get my stuff. Sorry, we just heard close the door. Oh, man. They're fucked. Mears was going to help us.

That would have been so cool, seeing him in his new, like, fight style. Maybe next time. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, this is catching swords. You guys aren't ending the war storyline this episode. I promise you. You don't think so? Because Tuck's going to really try. Oh, I know. Oh, my God. That's why both brothers aren't in the same place at the same time. Oh, smart. What time is it? Very child. I wanted to roll four seasons. Oh, do it. For sure. Four form, Billy. Yeah. Okay, so four seasons.

Remember, you just roll a D4. Oh, I just roll a D4. And then it chooses, the number determines the season. Oh, shit. Yeah. Number four is winter. Let's hope for it. I get four. Number four. Come on. Winter. Four. That's a four. Oh. Yes. Four for war. Four for war. Four for war. Four for war. Four for war. Four for war. Four for war. And I love that it is still tiny little fat Billy. Yeah, so. But now he is entering a winter form.

The winter form is just when I deal damage, I deal an additional D6. Holy shit. Does Billy look different? I don't think so. Well, what do you think? I think he frosts over a bit. Sweet. I like it. And the other thing is that. Counting's changes. Yeah. He is in the winter season, so the way he acts is different. Yeah, he's shiftier. Yeah. What is Billy thinking? He sees this battle unfolding before him. He starts thinking that Tuck and Ving acted rashly. Oh. And he's like, idiots. Oh, yeah.

This isn't just fun. Yeah. Yeah. Well, cool, because he's thinking with his war brain. Yeah. Because you get more tactical. Yeah, this is not tactically prudent. Yeah. Oh, I imagine he's got a steak knife in his little hand, and his hands flex on the handle and ice his hand. Yeah. Yeah. And he starts creeping down the blades. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Is this the end of the day? I'd like to use what the bones know to roll a D6 at the end of the day. The end of the day would have.

Oh, man, it's probably really weird in Hither and Yon. I think that stuff happens faster than you think. So, yeah, you could get the end of the day thing. And can I roll Fairy Child as well? Yep. You both could. What I'm saying is that you both get your thing. Oh, sorry. Sick. The way time works in Hither and Yon. Okay, great. Yep. So, it's 2D6 plus charisma for Fairy Child. And what the bones know, I think, is you just roll a D6. 1D6. I got a 1. Okay. Incredible.

Okay, so you get to hold a 1 for whenever you want to use a 1. I got a 8, so I have 3 hold for Fairy Child. Okay, cool. Can he give it to someone else and, like, fuck up their roll like an NPC? Potentially. Yeah. But I think right now he just gets a 1 that he can use whenever he wants. I'll just put that over there. But for now, basically, Ving gets the overwhelming sense that something is not going to go as well as he thinks it will later on. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, my old sense. Oh, self-doubt.

My old friend. Okay, so Billy's got 3 Fairy Hold. Fuck yeah. Wow. Ving is getting a bad feeling about this fight. Uh-huh. Oh, no. And you are charging towards the battle. Yeah. And you hear the guy yelling, All right, sharp boys! Get ready! Tuck's running straight for that group of people because he's like, they're going to die. He assumes that they're all the people he knew from Bull Rush, so he needs to protect them. Uh-huh. And he comes running.

He comes running up from behind them and jumps and clears the entire battalion and lands in front of them. Uh-huh. Yeah. All right. 26 plus strength, I guess. You're trying to leap over like 30 people. Yeah. And I'm going to lead them when I land. Okay. I only rolled a five, but I got eight. Eight. So seven to nine. Yeah. You clear this group of people. You just jump real hard. And as I'm jumping, I go to the beautiful. Beautiful. Ah, look at me.

And you splash down in the mud in front of them, a thunderous crash as your body hits the ground. Yeah. And then what do you do? And then I go, I'm your leader now, nerds. And then you. And then I lead them to war, I guess. Yeah. So you start running forward. Do you want to be nerds forever? Yeah. And a few of them get so caught, like they get so caught up in you making this huge gesture, that they start following you. They all cheer and they run forward.

And then you realize that none of the other Riverways forces have quite mobilized yet. And you've just led a charge early. Oh, no. No. No. That's very dangerous. Sean, no. You have an opportunity to stop this. I don't. Wait, can I roll a war cry into that as well? Because it was entering a battle with a show of force. It's like the most literal. Yeah, you're just. Yeah, you're entering a battle. Okay. Okay. Roll plus charisma.

So the thing that I will say is that if you are rolling this, this means that you are entering the battle. Yes. There is no time to waste. No time to think. You're running into the fight. I'm running into the fight. Okay. I got a seven. Okay. Yeah. Seven to nine on a war cry is what? I get to choose one. Your allies are rallying. Take plus one forward. Your enemies feel fear and act accordingly. So I guess I do the allies. I want to give these guys the best chance. Yeah. So what is your war cry?

When you hit the ground? Can I make it that I jumped like 40 guys? Yeah. Yeah. And then he goes, I'm your leader now, nerds. And if you know where Alec is, and then he makes the axe glow like the amethyst crystal goes. It's like so bright. Yeah. Yeah. And he goes, tell her I'm around. He starts running into the battle. Pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Your allies are rallied and take plus one forward means that you start rushing forward with these militia men and you see like down the line, a growing cheer and like yell as the rest of the Riverways and High Spear forces in this battle. Several hundred people take this as the signal to charge and they seem elated as they rush forward towards the Firefield's forces. Sick. Billy and Ving, you see Tuck has leapt to the forefront of this battle. And begun a charge with nary a thought in his head.

What do you do? I think I like, I joined Tuck by his side. Nice. Because Billy is just going to cut down as many people as he can. Okay, great. So Billy has joined the charge. Ving's got in on the other side, and I'm going to roll fight with honor. Oh, sick. Yeah, totally. Go ahead. That's so rad. 2d6 plus constitution. I got nine. Nine. That's great. That's what? Three chi, two chi or something like that? Two chi. Two. You can hold on to two, no problem.

What do we think the scale of this battle is? I think it's a few hundred people total. I don't think it's huge. Yeah. It seems like maybe a smaller battle in the greater war. Skirmish. The Black Hammer is here for some reason. He insists on being at every battle, no matter how small. Yeah, however many he can get to. But what were you going to ask? I was going to ask if there's a mech in this one. I think there's one. Okay. Yeah, there's one of the war machines. It's like 15 feet tall.

It's just like iron pistons. Steam, like a coal burning engine on the back. You see Firefield's mechanics with their big welder's goggles and wrenches and other, it looks like pneumatic rivet guns working on it as you guys are getting ready to charge. And then on the other side, maybe they're defending an important ridge that gives them the high ground. Oh, maybe there's something they're fighting over. It's not just a fight for no reason. Yeah. This is the only toilet for miles. Man!

We're here today to defend the very foundation of the war effort. The one working toilet. No longer will the men and women of the riverways shit in holes. We'll shit in a hole with a wall around it. Never more shall your turds pass your children down the river into the future. We'll shit in the beaches. We'll shit in the streets. Yeah. So they're fighting over some sort of, like, it's like a ridge or like a, like maybe a bridge. Yes. Like the bridge that crosses a river near here. Yeah.

And it crosses like the river into like the High Spirit Principality proper. Oh, we're on like the edge of the border of the High Spirit Principality. I like that. Yeah. And also the shitter. And there's a shitter here. The shitter's in the toll kiosk that's next to the bridge. It's like a… The bridge tolls. It's like one of those… It's one of those, like, national park toilets. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Come see our bridge and shit in our toilet. Yeah. Welcome to the Riverways Principality.

They're not doing well. Yeah. Financially, culturally, everything. Riverways having a bad time. Yeah. Mudlark might be one of the more financially successful villages. That's insane. It's because of the festival, man. Yeah. Okay. So you are now rushing towards the Firefield's forces. You see on the far side of the field, Colm Blackhammer. Red hair flying. It's wild. It's long. It's blowing in the wind. So sick. He's got a big black-bladed sword.

His cast iron armor seems to be mechanized in some way. Like, he's got a small steam engine burning on his back that moves like pistons in the arms and legs. Sick. Gives him probably a great amount of strength. Mm-hmm. So he's, like, got steam billowing around him as he moves, as he charges his forces forward. It's so fucking metal. I love it. That steam from his armor suit is… Yeah. Billowing around his neck. It's, like, making his hair all curly and frizzy. Yeah. Yeah.

It's fucking with his hair really bad. Yeah. That looks cool like fire. Yeah. It makes him look wild. Yeah. Yeah. That's so cool. And you are rushing towards the side because Tuck decided to point it out specifically with a war machine. A 15-foot tall combat steam bot of some kind. Oh, they're 15 feet? So they're the size of the mechs in The Matrix? Yeah. They're about that size. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's, like, two and a half people tall. So they're not gigantic. Mm-hmm. But they're big.

They're not Pacific Rim mechs. No. Absolutely not. They're more like The Matrix or Titanfall. Yeah. So this thing, like, you see the mechanics see you guys charging towards them, and they start really reefing on some bolts, and then they back up, and they start yelling at this thing. Oh. And it, like, stomps forward and starts stomping towards your line as you charge forward. What do you do? And where is Colm relative to this thing? At the other end, basically. Okay.

Commanding the forces on the other side of this fight. Okay. Yeah. Right now, it seems to be, like, a full-on infantry charge. People are just rushing from either side. Okay. Yeah. Cool. What do you do? I just want to kill this thing. Yeah, you can go for it. The mech or the Colm guy? Yes, both. Yes. Both of these things. And his mind is like, fuck, if Alec is here or if someone tells her how cool I look, I really have a shot this time. Okay. Tuck goes straight for the mech. Okay.

You're going to have to roll some sort of defy danger. To close the distance? Yeah, to close the distance safely, because this thing's got reach on you for sure. Can I do defy danger strength to, like, just run as hard as I can and barrel through whatever? Or is that constitution? It might be more like constitution to, like, take any hits that are coming. Okay. Here we go. Nine.

So you start getting, like, the war machine gets closer to you and, like, swings an arm, down, because it's got crazy reach on you. Right. And it is either going to hit you in a way that sends Larry, Terry, and Chad flying out of your hands, or you're going to take damage. Can I give you an aid to make that a 10? Yeah, you could aid. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You just got to let me know that you want to aid. You can aid him. Okay. Do it. Nice. Fuck yeah. 12. Okay. That makes it a 10. Hell yeah. So.

Bing does a slide out in front of him. He does, like, runs in front of Tuck and does, like, a slide. And sprays battle muck. Oh. And Tuck is able to, like, step on you as you slide in front of me and jump, which helps me clear. Yeah. We've done this move before, and it's so hot when it works. Oh, it's amazing. Alki saw for sure, or is going to know both. Draw this and show it to Alki. Yeah. Tuck's like, draw this. As Bing's like, yeah.

The drawing just has Bing's face looking all fucked up and weird from the beginning. From the effort. Like, his neck is big for shot putting her husband. I look so shitty in this drawing. What the fuck? Immediately after, it's a drawing of Bing going, oh, and holding his back. But yeah, you clear this, like, arm as it slams down, sending a shower of mud into the air. Fuck yeah. Tuck yells that. And then he buries TLC directly into the face of this mech. All right. Roll a hack and slash.

Judy, six plus strength. Is the man at the face, or is the face the mech? The mech is, seems like. I don't know what it looks like. It is unmanned. Okay, okay, sorry. But it is, there is no person you can see piloting this. It's like a mass of pistons and gears underneath, like, plates of metal. It's a walking train. Kind of, yeah. Yeah, think of it as, like, a train with arms and legs. Okay. Hack and slash. Oh, no. I'm rolling like fucking shit. You should choose some different dice, brother.

That's seven. I got seven. So that means you deal damage and it deals damage. Yes. Yeah. So go ahead and roll your damage. Fuck. This is going to be so bad because my rolls are goddamn dog shit. Fuck. You got six, though. Yeah, I rolled six. Six is, why are you so mad? Six is pretty good. Still mad from the last thing. And you do, like, chop into this thing's head zone, which is roughly head shaped. It's about the size of, like, a large pumpkin. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh, great. And the lens spins around and focuses on you and you hear like a and then a hand just grips your back. Oh no! Roll a d8. Six. So the same as I did. Great. So painful. I have three armor though. I don't like this. What? You have three armor. So you take eight damage. Holy shit. Why? Even with the armor? Because it hits damage as a d8 plus five. Holy shit.

I just pulled the closest looking monster out of the monster rules and it also has forceful. So it grabs you and you just feel these iron fingers crunch around you and then it pulls its arm back and it just whips you through the air. Oh my god. And you sail like 15, 20 feet and Tuck's like, nobody draw this! You get thrown over Ving over the closest rank of the Riverways Irregulars. Like you slam into the mud next to Billy basically. And just create this furrow. Oh my god.

He gets the wind knocked out of him. Oh my god. Tuck just slams into the ground next to you, Billy, like a meat meteor. What do you do? I go for the mech. Do it! Avenge me, my son! Can I borrow your axe? Yes! I take it and ice forms over my hand and onto the handle so that it's like stable. Sick! Oh and you lift Terry, Larry, and Chad? So cool! Yeah! So cool. It's so funny because he's so little and the axe is huge.

And when the ice forms over the axe the light that it's emitting turns blue, like ice blue. Awesome. Can I just hack and slash, I guess? Absolutely. Oh, you'll have to do a defy danger to get close enough to attack it because it does have reach. Plus sticks, dexterity? Dexterity works if you'd be like dodging and diving. Twelve. Holy shit. Holy shit. So Billy just like runs forward. The axe looks like it's weightless in his hands. I use the weight of it actually to propel me to dodge stuff.

Oh, I love that. You're throwing it and dodging yourself. That's cool. That's cool and also very funny because Billy's getting pulled around. He's like an oobie ball. He's getting pulled around like Buster Keaton. Yeah. That's so sick. But the arm's like slamming down and just missing you and then it'll do like a wide. It's like a swipe creating a furrow in the earth. That's so cool. And you're just thrown past it and now you're like close enough. It leans down.

It had to lean down to try and hit you. So it's chest and face is exposed to you. Yeah, so I use the leverage of the axe to like whip myself and it into its chest. Hell yeah. As hard as I can. Hack and slash. So 2d6 plus strength, which I know isn't Billy's strong suit. It's not. Two plus three. Gosh. Okay, so then with the plus one forward from war cry and the plus one forward from discern realities that actually makes it a seven.

Like maybe the axe just goes clang and then ice goes all over his chest. It shatters. That's sick. I give it one more nudge. Extra steam because he's steam powered. You throw some ice in there. That's really cool. So yeah, you slam the axe into like a gap in the chest plates in the armor and it just like looks at you like it didn't feel it at all. And then yeah, ice starts to climb over the metal work. Roll your damage. Plus an additional d6 six. Okay, not bad. Sick. Yeah, not bad.

So yeah, the ice begins to form over and shatters and you can hear like gears breaking inside your springs coming loose pieces fly out of the side of this thing and it reels back thing. You were on the ground after doing a cool baseball skid and throwing tuck and then seconds later saw tuck get thrown over your head. And then Billy threw him that way with Billy. Everybody's getting thrown around. So I throw my back up for nothing. So that was for nothing. Then my sciatic is back for nothing.

And then yeah, you see Billy fly over your head like a koosh ball and slam into this mech, which then ice is over and shatters and some springs go flying past your face. I got ice. What do you do? So I want to get in there with some ice moves. I think I can all the craziness. Of the fight, Vings runs up close to where the mech is and just like, you know, he used to have eye of the storm. We could calm everything around him, but he doesn't have that anymore. So he has to calm himself.

So he runs and sees that Billy uses ice in this thing and it's weak and then takes a moment for a big deep breath and blows some freezing cold air. Just like feels brings him back to the frozen north. Oh, cool. And blows like it has his hands in front of his face. Kind of like it was weird praying. Moment blows into his fists and coats them in frozen blue crackling ice and dives headfirst into where its face is and wants to destroy the other lens. What are you using here?

I want to use elemental form. Yep. When I create a form for myself from the elements, roll plus con. Okay. Yeah. So roll 2d6 plus con. Oh, come on. Six plus con is nine. Okay. So on a seven to nine, you have a plus one. Oh, I have a plus one. I have a plus one. So you have a plus one. So you create like ice begins to coat your body. Yeah. Creating sort of an elemental. And he starts running and it's like. Yeah. Cool. And then you dive towards the mech dealing your damage. Yeah.

I want to do a dive and then do a flip and then come in with my feet. Oh, which are now ice. Sick. As it like turns icy speeder human form into him with a d10. So sick. Yeah. And you're using one of your chi, which allows you to deal your damage. My damage. And also you would have to roll a defy danger to get into its reach. Okay. But you also have a chi fight with honor moves across any distance. So I use my both my chi. Yeah. Great. Okay. So you're using one sheet across distance to a foe.

Yes. Which allows you to dodge and weave. I get out of his reach and then I use my other chi to deal my damage. Beautiful to two. I'll switch it up for the one because fuck that one. So a two unfortunately two damage. It's two damage. Yeah. And that is you try and go for the same spot that Billy froze and shattered and the same like cleft in the head piece that tuck chopped. But you slam right into it feels like the thickest part of the chest armor as it moves in a very inhuman way.

Like it's got a really low squat and it like hustles back really quick. So you can't quite judge where the weak spots are going to be in the same way you would with a human and you slam right into the heaviest part of the armor and it feels like you just clang right off. But you still have your elemental form because you didn't spend any of those hold great. And you are continuing to sheath yourself in ice as this chest and leg armor forms out of the frozen moisture in the air.

Tuck you're picking yourself up out of the mud after getting baseballed across the field. Can I throw the axe back at him? You can definitely try. Oh my god be careful. 2d6. Be careful. 2d6 plus dexterity. 10 plus 2. Beautiful. Oh my god. Yes. Wow. So you use that fairy magic the winter form to spin in place a little bit like a hammer thrower. Yeah. Hammer throw. The ice cracks and the axe spins through the air towards Tuck. Yeah. And then like Tuck grabs it out of the air.

While still face first in the mud. Yeah. Thank you my boy. You avenged your daddy. And now I can die. And Tuck slams the axe into the ground and then uses it to like get back to his feet. Beautiful. Oh my god. And you see because you're now kind of behind the line. You're behind the fight. You see the Riverways Irregulars have spread out around the mech.

And it seems like they're kind of letting Billy and Ving handle it because they don't know what to do but they've got their pointy stuff out and the archers are like taking shots at it but the arrows are careening off the armor. There's other fighters here isn't there? Oh there are several other units and they are fighting other units. Yeah. And Tuck he yells to all of them. He's just like stop fighting the metal thing. Try and kill people. Get out of here. Kill a human person.

Actually okay so here's I've got a question for you guys. Yeah. Now that we are entering a part of the season where there will be battles that you do not have direct control over how do you want to handle this? Do you want me to just go by vibes in my head or when it comes time to decide how it's going do you want to do a flat roll? To like see how. Good these guys do. Yeah like flat 2d6 roll that may be able to be modified in the future depending on the war stuff. Uh huh.

But currently just like a flat 2d6 to see which side is doing better. Something to randomize the war? A little bit yeah. Would you prefer a flat roll? I think maybe and then I think it could be stuff like oh you took down the mech you get a plus one to that next flat roll. Uh huh. Because the battle's going a little bit better. Do we want them to be flat rolls or can it be like Tuck is using his charisma to try and like. This is for the battle. As a whole is my concern with that. Oh I see.

So it's not the effectiveness of Tuck instructing these guys. I'll have to think more about that side of things. Okay. Then it's yeah I would say just do a 2d6 if you want to create some randomness in it. Yeah. Who wants to roll a flat 2d6 to see how this battle is going? I think you gotta do this man. Oh that's so one place. Yeah. Okay give me I guess the blue ones are mine aren't they? Yes. They've been rolling like shit for me. So here you go. Watch this.

So am I rolling ostensibly for your side of things? Yes. Okay. So you roll for So a good roll means things are going well for you guys. Yes. That's what we. In our rush. Yeah. Okay. Rolling a flat check. Let's see. I don't roll dice for this game. It feels weird. It feels bad. What are you doing? Why are you doing this? So that's a 6. Can we take a plus 1 forward? Oh yeah! It's a 7! Okay so it's a 7 because they take a plus 1 forward because Warcry is for your allies. Fuck yes! That's so cool!

So I think not only did Tuck leading the charge early surprise the Firefield's forces and embolden the Riverways and Highspear forces, the Alliance. I'm just gonna start calling them the Alliance because it's easier. You three very unusual combatants taking on this mech by yourselves surprised and confused the Firefield's people because they were like who the fuck are those guys? So they were thrown off to the point where though they aren't they're not being overwhelmed anymore.

They're holding the line. They're still taking losses. They're still dealing out damage but they're not being pushed back like they were when you arrived. And we also killed one of their generals. Yeah. The guy with the shit? Yes. The guy who was a general. So there are some of the Firefield's guys that have no commander right now. Yeah. They're like where's Jeff? Where's racist Jeff? Where's racist tattooed Jeff? Where's Colonel Jeff? He just got promoted.

He was too weeks from retiring as a racist general. I guess that 401k is just gonna go to charity now. A charity of his choosing. His 401k. Evil charity. No, it's racist charity. Charity that gives racist tattoos to children. The Firefield's is a bad place. The only way we can feel good about this fight is making the Firefield's the worst. The worst place in the world. We made the pigs racist. We had to. We had to. Did you hear what they were saying? But the mech is still up.

But you know, Tuck, you get up and you look and you see that things are going okay right now. What do you do? Uh. Can I? I should finish the mech thing because it's my responsibility. I guess I started this. I shouldn't just. Sure did. His eyes are shifting down the line to like where Colm is. And you can see him being awesome. He's being so cool. You see he like full on like straight punches a guy in the chest and the guy goes flying backwards. That could have been me.

I could have been punched in the chest. And a bunch of like steam vents out of the arm of his armor. And then he grabs his sword and he cleaves through a foe. And then Tuck goes I gotta clean up my mess first. Does that mean? You came watching this guy fight? Yeah, he What? He just seemed twirling a sock and throwing it behind him. I'm so used to Abdul saying something like that. Sean. He rips off the snuggie that he's been wearing. He's like, that's why I probably fucked up.

He says that really loud. He's like, the snuggie was constricting me. It's too tight. I couldn't really, my skin couldn't breathe. He pulls off his pump cover and Tuck is looking absolutely swole. And all of the fighters on the fire field side go, whoa, that guy just hit a PR for sure. I don't understand this language. Don't worry about it. Just deep in the gym lifestyle right now. Alright, what do you do? What are you waiting for? Oh no!

When you cry out a challenge to your enemies roll plus con on a 10 plus they treat you as the most obvious threat to be dealt with and ignore your companion. Take plus two damage ongoing against them. And then on a seven to nine only a few are the weakest or most foolhardy among them fall prey to your taunting. So I'm trying to get the mech to ignore all the soft fleshy humans and attack just me. Alright, go ahead and roll it. God, I have to fucking roll better. God, be better at rolling.

Here we go. That was a good one. Fuck yeah! Plus two is eight plus three is eleven. Wow. Hell yeah. Hell yeah, brother. That's literally better. That is literally better. That's literally better. Literally better. How does Tuck get the attention of the mech? He, yeah, he's got to do some real piece of shit move. He walks to the outhouse, grabs the dead racist general and fucking throws it at the mech. Jesus Christ.

I just want to know, I just want you to know that this is canonizing the man that was killed by a solidified column of shit. Yeah, we already said it was. I'm so sorry, listeners. I thought that was going to get cut for sure. Yeah. Okay, then, yeah, so you just pick up a corpse and throw it quite a distance because you had to run a while to get here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you do a javelin or the hammer throw? No, neither.

He just like grabs it one-handed by the back of the shirt and just like whips it overhand. Like lacrosse. Yeah. Totally. And then it's like from the mech's perspective, it's like scanning the battlefield to try and find the biggest threat and then like a body just like careens through the air and hits it. Flops down into mud. And then as it slides off the lens, you see Tuck flipping two birds at him. Like the lens focuses on the middle. Focuses just on the middle fingers. And it goes.

Yeah, and it makes like a steam whistle noise. Like a whoo. And it like stomps through, like it kicks through the Riverway Irregulars and comes stomping through the mud towards you. Billy and Ving, this thing just bowls past you, but it is approaching Tuck at a rapid clip. Oh, man. Can I try and get its like little hind mechanical Achilles tendon? Yeah, you can certainly try as it's passing by. Okay. Its little cables?

Yeah, it's going to run through and try and get that weakest point of its heel. Yeah. Ving is using the ice in the water with the mud, creating like a solid mud. A concrete out of ice. And is this an elemental form thing? Because you still have those holds. I still have two holds. So I'm using one of the holds of my elemental form. I make a replica of the axe, a huge axe, and try and slice through his little pistons. Cool. So I think you would just spend the hold and deal your damage. Two. Fuck.

Fuck. You're like, now's my chance. And you form this ice axe. He runs and slams. He runs and slams. He runs and slams. He runs and slams. He runs and slams. He slides in his knees. He's going to slide, go by him, go down and do a cool Ving, like, schling. Yeah. But he just kind of falls on his knees and goes, stuck in the mud. And then you swing the ice axe, but you kind of fall forward a little bit and flail. And it just shatters against the leg armor.

I mean, does it at least dent the leg a bit? Not at all. No, it's too damaged. Yeah, it's got three armor. It's got three armor. Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me, Sean. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. You Mr. Three Armor. That's ridiculous. This is a hunk of metal. We're fighting a car. We're fighting a car, dude. Yeah, a steam car. Yeah, I would love to see you guys go outside and fight a car right now. Just watch me. I could punch a minivan. Yeah. If I had a full axe, I could fuck up a car. Yeah.

What if the car was trying to fuck you up? Dude, I've smashed into so many cars on my bike. I'm talking to the wrong guy. And they're always fucked up afterwards. That's not good. I'm definitely talking to the wrong guy for sure. Yeah. But yeah. That one guy, I had to write off his truck. That was a truck. Oh my God. So fucking funny. But yeah, your ice axe just shatters against the leg of this thing as it starts plodding towards Tuck. Yeah, great. Billy, what do you do?

I want to sprint and kind of hop onto its back. 2D6 plus dexterity. And I want to do that so I can dig my steak knives into its vulnerable cracks. Oh yeah, totally. That's sick. 10. 10. Okay. Billy is so small, so light, that it doesn't even notice you jump on its back. And then? Oh, and then yeah, you can hack and slash. Yeah. Seven. Okay. So you deal your damage and it deals its damage. Okay. Nine. Holy shit. Not bad. Not bad. Not bad. Yes.

Billy, you climb up this thing and as you get a closer look at like the gaps between the armor, there's just a mass of incomprehensible cogs and pistons and pulleys and fucking fan belts ripping away in here. It's kind of warm up in the back because you seem, it seems, it seems to be like where the steam chambers held. So like, even as your ice touches its back, it kind of melts along this back section.

But you climb up to the head and where you think most of the important stuff kind of connects, like the arms connect here, the head, the neck, the chest, and you just dig your knife in. Yeah. But I also want to start like wrenching it open as much as I can. Oh, yeah. You get into the guts of this thing just from this semi-safe spot, but like, you see this barb, beautiful, almost beating heart of gears and cogs and boiling water and like coursing steam. Morris would have such a boner at this.

And then in turn, Pharrell at that. There's a cascading boner happening in it. Boners everywhere. Oh my God, they've entered a boner cascade. Yucky. Run, Mears, run. Tubbs getting knocked off the table. I can't, I can't run. Because they're wizards. Shit's flying all over the place. They're like, you gotta get out of here. We're the most powerful winter rest. We're gonna shoot.

And yeah, you can, you stab right into this like chunk that you dig your way into and one spring shoots off and shatters a cog and that cog shatters more cogs and then this little canister, I say little, it's bigger than your body, but it is small compared to the body of the mech. Starts to shake and rumbles rattle and then it ruptures. Whoa. Roll a D8. Four. So you take nine damage. Oh no. Well Billy, remember plus five. Right. How much armor do you have? None. Oh no, Billy, no. It's okay.

How many hit points do you have? Twelve. Holy shit, Billy. And yeah, from where you're all standing, Tuck, this thing is like pounding towards you. Yeah. And then it like stops and its head spins around and you hear it start to whistle and steal. And then it fucking detonates. Whoa. Holy shit. And Billy, you see Billy like fly through the air. Billy. Trailing smoke and steam and then its torso like blooms like a flower. Whoa. Well like in the explosion, it's just rent outwards. Oh my God.

And it teeters and falls to the ground. Oh my God. Did we destroy it? It is destroyed. Oh good job, Billy. Good job everybody. As he's flying through the air, it's like, fuck yeah. And everyone in the Riverways is like, fuck yeah. Yeah. We did it. That's amazing. And thankfully, the Riverways guys were staying far enough away that the detonation doesn't. Oh, do I add a rule to these things where if you're close enough, you also have to roll? Yeah. I was at the feet or no?

Oh, you were, yeah, you were like a few. You were really close by. So Ving's got to roll defy danger in some fashion. Okay. I rolled a 10. Oh. You dodge out of the way. Like you protect yourself from this explosion. How? Just like, standing up a blast of frozen mud in front of me. Like a blast shield with a little slit so I can see it. I'm like, oh, watch where they go.

And then it cuts to the others, like the cross section of the mud and there's like a massive piece of metal sticking out right above the eye slit. But yeah, then the shrapnel coats the ground around you and the thing falls to the ground. And it seems like the fire field's forces are thrown into disarray. Yes. Slightly at this massive explosion. Mm-hmm. So, I'm going to roll these at a plus one because you destroyed the mech. Oh, sick. So sick. A 10.

So, they start pushing the fire field's forces back. Ooh. Oh, yeah. Watch out. They've got reeds. I think you hear like a roo, roo, roo. And like pounding down the hillside from the alliance side is like high spear cavalry. Oh, nice. And they crash into the infantry and it seems like they're getting pushed back. And, and Colm like punches a horse. Like he's like trying. What a bad guy. Yeah, he's a bad guy. It looks like he's trying to hold back the charge himself. That was also a bad horse.

I want to say that was a really bad horse. That horse was racist. Yeah. You got to wonder what side of the war are you really on? It was a conservative. It was a conservative. Oh. Yeah. Socially conservative, fiscally liberal. Yeah. Means he's racist and bad with money. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's the opposite of what it usually is. That's the worst thing you can be. So I think we are at a point where like you can see that Colm is trying to hold back this cavalry charge by himself.

But you can see that a couple of the firefields forces like break and start running. So the riverways are close to fighting off this. Like wars like this are not always a fight to the death. You know what I mean? Like when one side looks like they're going to lose, they usually run. So a good chunk of this force is bailing. So you've got the upper hand. Can I go for Colm now? You can certainly try. Okay.

Can I use my new move demonize where I can use the obsidian charge inside my chest to determine what demonic influence exists in the current field of battle? Hell yeah. Yeah. I get up to a high like I there's like a rock a rock and I climb it and I like look directly at Colm. Uh huh. And you see him like take the head off somebody. Yeah. And he turns with the swing and like stops and kind of poses.

You know, he like holds his sword like out to the side as the blood drips off and steam is venting out of him. And I can see I can read his lips and it goes somebody draw a vest. And his wild hair is like wreathing his head along with plumes of smoke from his armor. So you're going to roll demonize. Yes. So that's a 2d6 plus one. Wisdom. Here we go. Uh, yep. That's a five. So no. Oh no. Shit.

So you are one of the people that was just seen destroying with very small numbers quite a powerful war machine. Mm hmm. He makes eye contact with you and he looks around and he sees the way the battle's going and you can see him like grip his sword tighter and then stop and cock his head and listen and he's like and then grab a horse and hop on the horse and ride away. No, you fuck tuck chases. No way. Can I chase him? You're welcome to try and chase him. Yeah, I'm chasing him down. Yeah.

What am I rolling? If you're, if you're literally physically running after him. Yeah. Strength, I guess. Okay. Strength of a horse become me. God fucking damn it. So I rolled a five plus three is eight. Eight. So seven to nine, which means you like what you charge through the people. Yes. The remaining forces. You see him start racing away. Yeah. You're like, fuck no. And you jump over. Yes. From your high vantage point slamming into the ground. Yes. Running. He's getting distance on you. Fuck.

But you're in chase. Ving and Billy, you see tuck run off chasing what appears to be Colm Blackhammer on a horse. Oh, do we follow him? Yes. You want to ride? Yes. Ving says as he takes all the iron, which is an element from the deformed mech, Oh. To make Cool. Like your own suit? A suit, a falcon suit. Whoa. An iron falcon. Whoa. To rise Billy up and send War Billy down on the Colm. Cool. So this is elemental form. Elemental form. Yeah. So 2d6 plus Con. Con. 11. Great.

So like iron plates start flying off of the Ving jumps and it's just like peels off like when the pieces attach from like the little chunks of Iron Man just like Yeah. Ting ting ting ting ting ting. Nice. That's so sick. And he's like starts falling and then Whoa. Flap. Flap. Flap. With like a little cockpit for Billy. Billy's riding on Tuck. He's like he has like take some of the lens and make these little puts little goggles on him. So fun. Red leader. Red leader.

I'm closing in on Tuck right now. There's not enough of them. I took the shirt of the dead guy and made him a little scarf. A little red scarf flapping in the wind. It's like Snoopy. So you it's like Snoopy versus the Red Baron. Yeah. So you take off into the air leaving the battle behind and you see sort of the landscape spread out before you. You see a camp in the far distance rows and rows of tents. Oh shit. A city far on the coast. Like you see a battlefield. Like this is a war zone. Mm-hmm.

Battles happening far off kilometers away in different parts of the principality. And you see Colm Blackhammer racing away on a bloodied horse Tuck just running as fast as he can after him. Ripping through the battlefield like anytime so anyone comes close I just like smash them out of the way. Pretty sick. So do you help Tuck or are you trying to stop Colm? I want to stop the horse. Okay. Great. So spend one of the hold to like catch up to him. Totally. Yep.

And then spend one of the hold to like swing down and like reach for the horse. This is a bad horse, right? It's a bad horse. It's a bad horse. It's a horse. Oh man. You can hear the horse going I'm just doing my job. Oh no. I love law and order and I think that I am the one that is empowered to enforce it. He's using the power of bureaucracy to do the wrong thing. We gotta find a way to get past this. We will. Ving swoops down and slams down in the ground right in front of the horse. Oh yeah.

Bam. Like a falcon doing a superhero landing. And you're trying to stop him? Yeah. So defy danger strength I guess to do that. Just stop the charge. Great. That's a five plus a two. So five plus two is seven. Seven to nine. Oh yeah. Perfect. I want to use dexterity to throw Billy at the guy as I'm crashing him. 2d6 plus dexterity. Seven. Okay. So yeah. This is two seven to nines that we're doing here.

So you throw Billy at Colm as you land on the ground and you see like Colm sees you hit the ground. He pushes off of the horse. Whoa. The horse like shoots out from underneath him. Whoa. And he crashes into you. Whoa. Your falcon form like shatters around you as you get hit by a car. And the horse goes tumbling off to the side of the road and Billy is flying towards Colm and Billy you just see him extend a hand and palm you like a basketball. Fuck. Asshole. What do you do?

I'm going to freeze around him and try to cut his tendons. Whoa. Nice. Am I able to use I'm a bad guy now? If you remind me what the move is. So I mean it it says I would call upon my winter form to fight in a flurry. I'd roll plus wisdom. I'm already in my winter form though. Yeah. I think it still works. Can you keep reading it? Yeah. So zero to six I would have one hold but I'm forced into the winter form until the next sunrise. Seven to nine I get two hold.

Ten plus is a three hold and the options are to terrify an enemy deal damage to an enemy within reach freeze someone or something in place. Damn. I think you can use this. Yeah. Could I? You're just double winter right now. Yeah. That's sick. When you use this and your winter form you're like monstrously destructive. Yeah. 2d6 plus wisdom to try and really tap into the winter fairy. Yeah. It's been a while. Eight. Okay. So I'd have two hold. Yeah. Can I freeze him in place and deal damage?

Absolutely. Okay. Fuck yes. So you like he's just what coated in ice. Yeah. And you can see like the armor is becoming brittle under the ice that's freezing his arm and climbing down and it's slowing down because the steam is condensing shutting down the suit that seemed to be mechanized. Yeah. It's like you can see that thing where like the plates are like settling a little bit as the armor stops. It's like assisted movement. Basically, it's shutting down around him.

Oh, that's so that would be so scary to be in a suit of armor like that that just shuts down. And then, yeah, you roll your damage which is 2d6. Eight. And I do. I do want to cut his tendons or arm or whatever I can reach. Oh, like blades of ice are like working their way into the armor. That's cool. Yeah. Growing like icicles like yeah. He's coated in ice and this ice digs into his body and he grimaces in pain. Yeah.

And then he like, you know, coughs up a little bit of blood as he is wounded and then the ice shatters and he like throws Billy to the ground and backs off the road that he was riding the horse down and draws his sword. Is he running away or is he going to fight us? He's backing up like because Billy's the only one that's like Ving got hit by a horse. Tuck is still catching up. I deflected a horse on purpose. That was a big horse too. That was a big, it was a Clydesdale. It was a huge horse.

It was for sure a huge horse. It was a huge horse. It had to be Clydesdale. I fucked Clyde right up. Yeah. He fucking threw a horse at you. Yeah. That's crazy. Great. Okay. So then he's, he backs up. He's got a sword out to the side. This glittering obsidian blade in his hand. You can hear his armor is like chunk, chunk, like it's trying to roll over and like. Charge up again? Exactly. It's trying to, like he's hitting something on his side. To try and start it again?

To try and get his armor started. Okay. And he's like, how about the ferry? Whoa. Holy shit. How does he know? Well, it's a little boy coated in ice. I guess he would believe. And also, you would, you would assume Billy, you would be like, he knows something. And he's got his blade out and I'm holding my arm out because it feels cool. But he's like crouching low and he sees Ving collecting himself and he sees Tuck come thumping down the road. Yeah. Am I there yet? You'll be there soon.

You see Colm squaring up with Billy. Yeah. I would hit the gas if I saw a guy with a fucking knife about to swing at like unprotected Billy who Tuck knows has only 12 hit points. Yeah. Yeah. Can I, can I try to vanish from sight? Oh, I couldn't move unseen. That's terrifying. Oh, that's really cool. Yeah. That is so fucking rad. I want to do that. Oh, that's spooky. He's like, how about the fairy? And then just gone. Yeah. Yeah. And he brings his sword in front of him.

I'm running as lightly as I can behind him. Okay. Defy danger dexterity to not make any noise. Five. I'll use another fairy child to turn this. Into a seven to nine. Yeah, totally. Okay. I think it is because you're definitely keeping his attention.

He brings the sword in front of him and you start creeping around and it's basically the thing like you step on a twig you didn't see and he immediately swings at where that sound is and you just dodge out of the way, but he turns and he knows where you are. Right. But Tuck, his back is to you now. Yeah. You're picking yourself up like shedding the pieces of metal that formed your body. I mean, I hit the horse on purpose. Yeah, totally. So, no, we all know that, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He landed in a falcon form and then shouldered the horse and exploded in metal falcon. So that's, yeah, that's your last. But he didn't know that it would hurt that bad. And his sciatic went out on the other side. Oh, no, you've thrown your back on both sides now. But Tuck, you are making your arrival. What do you do? I run straight into him full speed. Yeah. Like I hit him like a fucking train. From the front or from the back? 2d6 plus strength. Yeah, Tuck always hits him from the back. Yeah.

That is 6 plus 3 is 9. 9. I aid. Okay. How do you aid? Yeah, I rise out of the out of the muck with his with his limp horse beside me and say, um, I say, boo, boo. That's so funny. You rise out of the mud Is I'll cover the mud? Yeah. Boo. Ah. Eyes on me. You have your eyes closed so you can't see you because you blend into the mud and then you're like, now I'm over here. Now I'm over here. Great. I got 11. You're so mad. You're so mad about all of your roles today. You're so fucking mad.

Vink makes popcorn and watches the fight from here on in. And you, so you, you appear like he is watching where Billy is stepping and preparing for another strike. Yeah. And you emerge from the mud and a pile of broken metal. And he just looks up at you long enough to get absolutely hammered. Yeah. By a charging tuck. Yeah. Total bully move. Bam. Into the ground. Yeah. And then when he looks up at me, tuck slams the ax into the ground and he does the Henry Cavill, like, like arm reload. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Arm reload. Yeah. Yeah. Or he cocks his fists like shotguns. Yeah. And tuck cocks his fists like shotguns and he uses deathless. Oh. Yeah. Go ahead and read deathless again. When you enter a fight knowing your death won't come, roll plus wisdom on a hit your foes are dismayed and take plus one ongoing against them until the fight is over on a 10 plus your surety and your destination makes something about the now more clear. Ask a question from the discern realities list.

Excellent. So, yeah, tuck cocks his arms and then he goes, if you know who I am, you know, I'm not going to die here today. Oh, I'm not the one who's going to die. Yeah. And then he's like, get up. 11. Jesus Christ. Nice. All right. So you get it first. You get a question from the discern realities list. What here is not what it appears to be. Hmm. Hmm. And look into his eyes. Hmm. He's Allison. I would be, I would quit. Fucking podcast.

If that his red hair flattens against his shoulder, I would fucking quit the podcast. The bulky armor. Steps out of the bulky armor. A slender silhouette. Buxom breasts. If you canonize this, I will actually fucking kill you. Green scarf. It was flowing out there. Green scarf. Green scarf. She has a new scarf. A red scarf. I'm flying a new flag. The green scarf. Ascent upon the air. Yeah. Yeah. He's like getting up from the ground. Mm-hmm. It leaves his sword on the, in the mud.

And you can see his like armor is starting back up. It's starting to like, like chugging. Yeah. You do the Henry Cavill arm thing. Yeah. He does the Bucky Barnes like arm recalibrate where he like spins his shoulder and like realigns like pistons in his armor. Yeah. Cool. And he says like, your time hasn't come. You still have your power. You still have your heart to play in this war.

And then you feel like the coins in your chest, not burning, but you know, the feeling that you've cut, that you became familiar with, uh, under the heart tree. It's like tugging, but it's not tugging towards calm. It's tugging towards the sword. Oh, so being, you see tuck and calm squaring off, having their, their warriors, uh, like a pissing repartee. Yeah. He's like with popcorn. Yeah. Oh man, this fight's been fucking crazy. It's a bunch of pine cones. He found on the ground.

You start feeling your body. You're like, no, no damage. Fine. You haven't taken any damage. I haven't done shit. Are you kidding me? But in a, in a less, in a more, what is probably happening way, you're doing the thing that all of you always do, like repositioning yourselves. Yeah. You're like, how can I need to get to where I am the most helpful? I see, uh, uh, Tuck's eyes dark towards a sword. Yeah. And you know that Billy, he is invisible somewhere. Oh yeah. I can smell him.

And I didn't bathe before this war. Yeah. I didn't bathe. What am I supposed to do? In your life up to this war. Ever. Ever. I've never voluntarily bathed before this war. In living memory, I've never bathed. In living memory. Cause you delete the memory every time you do the least. I have a software update every couple of weeks. It just clears all the temporary files of bath memories. Yeah. You, you, you, you, you, you, eventually you liked them.

So yeah you see them You see Tuck's eyes dart toward the sword You smell Billy nearby What do you do?

I just want to circle around and be in striking distance of the sword Okay defy danger dexterity Eleven Whoa So light So light on your feet It's like you're moving the mud Oh yeah you're like manipulating the mud It's just like rolling Rolling the sword slowly towards you Just slow enough that like Colm's not noticing right now Because he's pretty focused on Tuck Tuck you see the sword start to move In the mud and you see Ving Repositioning himself behind Colm And to the side And Tuck maintains eye contact with Colm And he goes I think you're going to have to make me play my part Cool He lowers down and his armor like shifts around him And he goes So be it And he boom like jets forward And Tuck wants to give you You guys time to act So he takes the hit Okay 2d6 plus con Unbowed and bent and broken When you prepare yourself to endure some hardship Growl plus con on a hit You can either take half damage Or you can completely ignore one other I'll effect On a 10 plus you can also Defeat expose or frustrate your oppressor With your stubbornness Okay sick So I like I basically as he jets forward I let him hit me and then I bear hug the armor Yeah cool Oh no So 6 plus 3 Oh I have a plus 1 ongoing So 10 Yes Nice Fuck yes So on a 10 plus you get the first effect And the second effect Yes So you're either going to take half damage Or you're going to ignore one other effect I'll take half damage Okay so roll a d10 Holy shit Ouch 10 Fuck So alive And I have but I have 3 armor Yes Except the thing that I do not have is I have 3 armor I chose to represent calm Ignores armor Okay What Like he jets forward And this piston arm Just crushes into your chest Uh huh So you take half damage from this Punishing blow Yes And you know what I think it's like I think there's something about this armor That is ignoring your armor Okay Yeah And the other effect that you chose not to Ignore Is he sends you flying backwards Fuck no I wanted to bear hug him I know But you like It's not like you're tumbling through the armor Through the mud I think you're probably doing the cool Like you're sliding on your feet Yeah But he sends you back like 10 feet So it's like With this punch It's a standing slide Yeah Through the mud Yeah that's sick And he rush He keeps rushing at you Yeah But Billy and Ving Calm has been drawn away from the sword I roll forward and grab the sword What do I feel when I touch the sword?

Rage Cold animal rage Holy And Ving using that blind rage Rolls forward Loses his mind Leaps in the air And brings it down to cleave it in the top of his head Whoa Whoa Okay Uh Okay we're Yeah okay I just watched him punch Tuck Yeah totally Billy's like in Just right behind him Uh yeah Well you know what First off 2d6 plus wisdom Just even holding this thing To like resist Yeah Eight So Colm is closing the distance to Tuck And I think as you're running behind him And leaping into the air They're really close together As you bring this blade down Okay So 2d6 Yeah Plus strength to hack and slash Eleven Ooh So that is a Nice You get to deal your damage Yes And you have the option of putting yourself in danger To deal additional damage I will do that Okay Blind rage Oh fuck yes Yeah So that's an additional d6 damage I think It's your damage plus a d6 Okay I have a d6 damage Six Okay And you bring the blade down Tuck you're seeing this happen Ving has got a crazy look in his eyes He's wielding the blade down He's wielding this two-handed black bladed sword I bring it down like thrusting it down Into like the back of his neck Yeah totally You bury it into his body And you deal six damage It cleaves through pieces of his armor This blade cuts right through it Plates fall away And the blade is like sticking A couple feet like out of his body The handle's just jutting up into the air And blood is like bubbling up from the wound And he just turns to you Ving With like blood in his mouth Whoa And I've let go of the blade And there's like shock Almost And he looks you in the eye and he goes Now you'll begin to understand And then he just backhands you Roll a d10 Holy shit Six Okay yeah so you take six damage Ignoring armor Oof As you are slammed through the air as well And he's just got this sword sticking out of his torso That's fucking horrendous But now I guess he's just like Yeah He reaches up and he begins To blow his sword Pulling the blade out of his own body Billy what do you do?

You are invisible Temporarily safe Can I try to switch for that sword? Oh get it out of him and grab it? Yes What would you switch it with? Switch the axe with it Give him my weapon I'll switch the steak knife I'm holding That's very funny Is that okay? That is hilarious Do I have to roll for it?

I think the thing that you'll have to roll for Is the fact that Yeah you're holding one of your swords And you're looking at this sword That he just pulled out of his own body And you focus really hard And the steak knife Disappears from your hand And appears in his hand And he looks down at it like incredulously As this massive sword appears in your hands And you are filled with rage Be careful Billy 2d6 plus wisdom to resist the influence of this thing 6 plus 1 7 So partial success you're kind of far away I think you are Overcome with the urge to just charge this guy Yeah I think I'm gonna charge him with it Okay Defy danger to get close to him Dexterity I guess 10 Jesus Christ Yeah you zip across the ground Closing the distance to calm As he's looking at that knife And just like screams into the night It's night now I guess Or was it day when the thing started?

It's like it's a red night Like it's the It's a lot of smoke and stuff Yeah Oh yeah All the fires Are illuminating like a redness There's like The sky is like There's like red light cast on his face Yeah And he screams Somewhere a sailor's like Not bad Tomorrow's gonna be a good day That's what the Riverways assholes are saying They're like Oh pretty good Dead light for the evening here But yeah he turns and Like he's casting his eyes about And he sees Billy with the blade Just as you get to him What do you do?

Hack and slash 2d6 plus strength Yeah 3 Oh shit So Billy Billy fails The hack and slash And takes the damage Uh roll a d10 Oh shit How many do you have left?

12 12 Okay I won't die 10 Holy shit 10 Fuck Rough Fuck You're down to 2 dude Yeah I Oh man I think Wow So is it just like Billy swings the blade And he just Grips the blade The armor like Falls away from the gauntlet And it like Cuts into his hand And he pulls Billy up By the sword And just stabs you In the chest With a steak knife Oh my god Holy shit Tuck sees that And he's like Billy no And then he just Shakes Billy to the ground Yeah And he holds his arms wide I use a scrap of ass Most mystical move Yeah On a 10 plus On hack and slash I can check out the I can choose to forego Damage And get away Oh right I can choose to not deal damage And get away So I'm gonna try and attack him And then like Fight dirty So we can escape Because Billy is too hurt Uh huh Yeah Sick So 2d6 plus strength Okay It's gotta be a 10 plus Or it doesn't work This had better Fucking work Come on I swear to fucking god If it doesn't I'm gonna kill somebody Fuck That's Yeah I got an 11 Fuck 12 I got a 12 We all live Okay so how does This escape happen So as soon as he stabs Billy Tuck just goes No And he punches Into the engine In the back of the armor And then grabs whatever is in there And rips it out Oh yeah Yeah And it starts like rattling Yeah And puffing and shaking And he is not in control of his body Vink jumps at this moment While he's distracting and rattling Grabs Billy Takes Billy into his arms Yeah Tumbles away How do you escape?

Where do you go?

Well I Because I rip this piece Out of the armor And it just starts losing control Yeah I just like kick him So that he starts running In the other direction So he stumbles away from you Yeah It's not quite like a run Uh huh But he stumbles away from you Quite a few steps And hits the Like his knee hits the ground And he steadies himself But his armor is not His armor is locking around him And he turns over his shoulder Like rimmed Rimmed He's rimming Wreathed He's being rimmed By the red sun Finally a move I can do The red sun like Glowing through the smoke hazed skies Of the burning fire fields And he calls over his shoulder Your time will come I look forward to doing this again And he says And then he starts like laughing and coughing Yeah he's laughing maniacally And just packing up smoke and blood Whoa And you run off into the night And that's where we're gonna end it for this week I'm your game master Sean O'Hara Joining me as always Playing Tacoma Dome The Barbarian Abdul Aziz So long Playing Ving The Half-Elf Druid Paul Hoppers Take care Playing Fat Billy The Halfling Thief Jessica Tai Bye everyone Thank you to Aaron Reed For our intro and outro music You can find all of Aaron's original music At aaronreed.bandcamp.com And all the music produced for the show At Spotify Thank you to all of our Patreon supporters Around the world For supporting the show If you want to support the show And get access to The up-to-date feed of Mall Brats Uh Blades in the Dark game set in the High Spear Mall If you want access to postcards And merch drops Things like Maybe Jessica and I Make an illegal Domino's RPG Called 30 Minutes or Less Or you can read Zane's and Zane Brain Zane Yeah If you want to support us Sign up at the Monarch level It's pretty fucking good And you can even Play games run by Abdul or myself At the Wizard and or Piss Monster tier Guess which one's which Once I made a salve You made a salve at a gift bar Yeah I guess Yes And all that stuff is available And more At patreon.com Slash speltlord Or speltlord.com Slash money please Thank you Finally And most of all To all of you For listening We'll see you next time And so ends the tale of Adventures 3 Who tried their best They could never get through They can Though dumb and scared And lost they be For time's abreast In revelry And though our journey May be like A conclusion We will not leave you Without a resolution Return next week To hear some more Wild and scary As you commute Or do your chores And for you I gladly Speltlord

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart.

Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round friends and listen close, for the tale's about to start. Hello everybody and welcome to LobsterCast. The Spout Lore show that's just about seafood restaurants within one block of our studio. Finally! My name's Cap'n Sean O'Hara and I'm your seafaring game master. Oh, I love it. We're doing a theme today. And joining me as always, playing first mate Tacoma Dome the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz.

Ahoy there, avast for there be crab on these seas. I just wanna say. I just wanna say. Is that a warning? I will give you crabs. Playing Ving the half first mate druid, Paul Oppers. Uh, p-p-poop. Deck. And playing first mate Fat Billy, the halfling mate, Jessica Tai. Aye there matey. I see a lobster roll before me. Mmm. You call it fucking Shakespearean Macbeth with it. Is this a lobster roll I see before me? Is it a lobster roll floating in the sea? When last we left.

Your love is but the horseradish upon my oyster's heart. Oh. That made sense. Keep going. I will not. Oh, carrot. For I have gone too long. When last we left our heroes, they were overcome with a plethora of choices, a plethora of responsibilities. Tacoma Dome the Barbarian absolutely ravaged from both the battles up until the battles of the pig wars, the hogpocalypse, and the encounter with the Oneirophage. Yeah, Fatim ravaged me so hard. And I loved it. You think he ravished.

We're so close though. Yeah. It is really close. It is the kind of thing where. I'm talking Fatima in the same room. There's a weird electric energy. Yeah. And they don't quite know what to make of it. They're like, I guess that means we hate each other. Do I take batteries now? He required to recover from some debilities that now he could be cured of and to recover some damage that he had taken. Three days of uninterrupted arrest, which. Begrudgingly. I could tell Abdul was not interested.

In taking. So the medical ministrations of Ving and Fat Billy, mostly in the form of oil of tag it and a cast iron skillet put tuck out for three days. And in that time, the party was introduced to the fact that Morris and Perel have been working on a wireframe body to house the moss, which connects them to Aquaria of the Green Tower. Far away in the Sea of Graves. And once complete, they hope will allow her to form a sort of moss body to have a more active role in their lives. Not like that.

Come on. Act present. A more present role in their lives. No, come on, guys. They're going to fuck hard with their dicks. All three of their dicks. I have to go. I'm taking these with me. Paul's trying to leave, but his boner's still there. I'm taking these with me. Paul's trying to leave, but his boner's stuck on the table. He's trapped.

Billy attempted to help Morris and Perel with their construction, but was instead given a child's task to distract him, which he did absolutely magnificently and received a bag of marbles in return before being overcome with guilt at receiving such an illicit amount of marbles that he confessed to his parents. The party also took part in a seance. Archival.

Arcane closed circle communication with cloud piercer learning that he has not seen chimes for quite some time but he helped guide ving through remembering what their current quest is thankfully was the information we received and we also got quite a lot of information on the war between the firefields principality and the high spear and riverways principality including the first appearance by the twin princeps of the firefields which we have named now off mic and now on mic colm and callum blackhammer yeah so cool colm the warrior callum the politician so cool and saw a pretty long series of battle sequences that jessica tuned out from nope because the boys were talking about fighting well I couldn't join in with sound effects well can you give us a couple now I only have one let's hear it that's an onomatopoeia I don't know if that counts when the mech was doing that oh no he's running out of batteries someone's got to plug him in then tuck took his recovery time which involved the last vestiges of his dream capabilities disappearing into the ether into the space between worlds leaving a void behind that void was almost immediately filled by black spire yeah everybody's favorite metalhead dragon using their mental connection the party received a an update while tuck received an update on black spire who has been consuming so much sunstone that he is becoming sort of a black and white dappled color and his magma breath has been replaced with flashes of sunstone light so cool so cool and we saw on the walls many diagrams and notes pertaining to black spire's physiology and probably the changes that are overtaking him got a little look at icon uh vessel for the icon of wrath and rad teen zane who has just apparently become sort of obsessed with black spire probably because he's so cool yeah oh yeah he's got a t-shirt says got wrath love yeah yeah yeah and he's got like yeah he's got black fingernails uh with obsidian fingernail paint oh so cool after coming out of this tuck now finally for the first time in many many seasons is without the debility to his wisdom oh yeah healed totally healed back to normal back to normal just in time to realize that while there are many options the party could go to high spear the party could go meet mother never never was the party could try and reconnect with chimes they had a lot of places they could go but not a lot of easy ways to get there overcome with the challenges and the choices related to all of those suddenly they heard a knocking in the corridor and approached a door with a little brass tag next to it that previously said guest room but now says hither and yawn so exciting yeah and that is where we find the heroes now what do you do do we just all immediately open the door or do we wait and make it a moment oh my gosh we're asking ourselves that right now you're all standing in front of the door like wait what if he's different what if he's not there what if he doesn't like us anymore or also it could be a trap trap expert oh yeah oh sure very interesting I'll do it 2d6 plus dexterity 10 10 so you get three holds to spend on the questions of trap expert okay is there a trap here and if so what activates it there is a trap here this isn't a physical trap this is a metaphysical trap that billy is feeling the intentions of and you feel that if you were to enter this space with I'll intent it would not go well for you oh what does the trap do when activated it sends you elsewhere what else is hidden here you smell a scent rolling out from under the crack in the door it smells like paella what do you do I kind of tuck doesn't want to go inside because he's like nervous to see his friends again because he's like in a bulk phase and he was way more cut before which is not true yeah he's never once been cut not once in his life I was cut to be clear like tuck is not like a chubby kid that got skinny he is a chubby kid that just put on muscle under the chub for his entire life yeah he was in a cut phase last time we saw them and boy god boy was I ever defined I looked like hugh jackman on the cover of wolverine I think he'll still like you I don't think that'll matter I know I know it doesn't matter but I'm a little self-conscious about being in the bulk phase that's why I'm here I'm not going to lie to you that I'm in right now.

I don't think you should go through the door then if our intentions are right and you're going in there with a nervous intention. That's true. It might send me somewhere else, like somewhere that I can't bulk. Like a fitness world. A 24-hour fitness. I want to go in there and have the paella, but I feel like it might send me to an anytime fitness. It might send me to hell. What if the 24-hour fitness is like you have to spend 24 hours in there once you walk in? Yeah.

They'd lock the door behind you. And you have to exercise. There's someone at the door with a gun. There's guards. Yeah. They cross their spears in front of the door. You may not leave until you are well-defined. And then open their spears in front of an elliptical machine. They cross the spears, walk over to the elliptical machine, uncross their spears. You get on this one now. One of us can only bulk and one can only cut. Which is it? And it's super easy to tell because once you…

Huge and once tiny. I guess what would your brother eat? Okay. How do we get the right intention to go through this door? Morris? Yes. I'm right behind you. Okay. Do you… Why don't you go through the door first? Why would I go through? And then he looks at the tag and goes, what's that? You know, it's kind of like a liminal space. It's kind of like a traveling area. It's right up your alley. Yeah. I feel like you would really like this place, Morris.

It's like a bar that just appears when you need it. He's like looking… He gets really close to the tag and really close to the door. And he's like, it still looks like the door that I designed. Yeah. This bar got into your house, Morris. How did that happen? Okay. So you're trying to goad Mortis into going into this place? Yeah. Because I'm nervous. I think we're all nervous kind of. Are you active actually trying to goad Morris into going first? Yeah. 2D6 plus… That's charisma.

I'm trying to goad him into it. You got to make him think it's his idea. Nine. Nine. I'll aid. Yeah. Okay. 2D6 plus… How are you aiding? Yeah, Morris. You big chicken. I got six plus seven. Seven. So that makes it a 10, which means Morris is like standing in front of the door and he's like, if what you say is true and this is a liminal space of sorts, we're in a liminal space as well. So how did a liminal space connect to a liminal space? It's like two liminal spaces docking each other.

There's great power at work here. And if there's one thing Morris Wadges never shirked away from, it's great power. All right, I'll do it. And then it cuts to 10 minutes later and he's wearing like one of those old style scuba suits. He's got a diving helmet on. A hard hat? He's like, I'll do it. And he walks away. What? Yeah. What? What? What? What? You hear a bunch of clanging and then about 10 minutes later, boom. Boom. He's got canvas. He's got brass on his head.

Perel is standing behind him with a big bellows. Yeah. Like pumping air into a tube. Yep. Back up, everyone. I'm going in. We can barely hear him through the mask. And he stands in front of it and you see, you can't hear him breathe, but you see his body go up and down and up and down.

And then he twiddles his fingers and he shakily extends his hand towards the doorknob and he puts his hands around the knob and he turns and he pushes the door open but it's a pull it's a pull it doesn't move and then he pulls the door opens and there's sort of like a dim like the lights not quite as bright as it could be in here candlelight candles flickering flickering candles and he steps into the darkness what do you do?

I follow him oh wow send a light cat in there sure Tuck is terrified of seeing his friend again yeah he's he looked back and he's wearing a big loose sweater a big loose hoodie and sweatpants no he's not wearing sweatpants so he's wearing a hoodie and a loincloth are you wearing one of those? What?

Like those big hoodies that go down to your knees yeah yeah like a walmart hoodie it's a poncho it's a snooty or whatever they're called Perel's reading poncho Perel's reading poncho so is it Billy follows Morris?

I will follow behind Billy cautiously I grab Tuck's hand I let Ving guide me in it's quite dim in the hither and yon but it is as you remember it for the most part you see the barrels the big rope spool tables barrels with wooden tops stool chairs a comfy chair and a little couch next to a fireplace off to the left the old bar everything is surprisingly based on the last time you were here devoid of dust what do you do?

I follow my nose you're walking towards the kitchen walking towards the kitchen where you remember the kitchen to be off to the right of the bar and Morris is ahead thunking in his diving bell costume and from one of the storerooms suddenly bursting out you hear haven't these scallywags?

And a massive form bursts from the storeroom and Morris is pounded to the ground by the powerful form of a woolly pig whoa Francis and then Victor runs in you stay away from my family you scoundrel there's a whole I know they're gonna be like I don't know I don't have an accent off two animals just roaring and squealing at each other and then Francis makes eye contact with the three of you my word big eyes glistening anime welling up the welling tip it got me I'm so happy to see you again Francis sorry go hug I go hug him both mine eyes deceive me my boy the small boy it is me fat Billy how is it I can understand you we've all got the power I'm sharing it and you hear from the top of the stairs a creak and the door a door swinging open here Francis what's going on and thumping down the stairs a figure who knows who it could be mysterious first you see can I roll the figure and who this is absolutely discern realities hmm two to six plus wisdom uh wisdom nine okay so you get one question I got six I failed can you you can aid him can I aid what yeah cause you got a six yes seven seven seven ten okay so you all look towards the stairs at the same time so what are the questions that you ask uh what here is not what it appears to be why would you ask that one first actually there is an answer to this question uh huh you see fine leather boots coming down like the stair oh like well made not ostentatious but well made my goodness but you see them on feet bigger than you would expect and the there's a longer distance between like the legs keep the torso out of sight longer than you would think they would so tall and as he's coming down the stairs you hear kiss me ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding and the candles are like flickering and the candles are like yeah what should I be on the lookout for uh you see touching as as kiss me by six pence none the richer continues to play you see a hand touch the banister a metal hand a hand you remember being thin wire frame but now it seems like filled out with metal plates forming like a strong full hand so cool articulated fingers an iron like an iron like an iron hand whoa that touches the banister as the figure continues down the stairs and finally I will ask you're looking for the dumbest question you could ask aren't you who's really in control here it's perfect so suspicious and you see a fairly broad and filled out torso in an apron a leather apron underneath a linen shirt kind of like a kind of wide shoulders bit of heft on him and the head comes into view oh my god cheeks filled in a little blonde beard kind of long like shaggy-ish curly blonde hair as you finally see the face of an 18 year old Mears Fowlsmith whoa whoa Mears how old was he when we saw him last?

14 whoa holy shit and he goes what the hell! Don't be mad where have you been?

And he comes charging down the stairs and he's like almost six feet tall he's pretty like hefty and he just wraps you all in a hug oh my I can't believe it oh oh how oh and he like holds Billy up and he like like pushes Tuck back and he's just getting a look at all of you wow look at you you're all grown up tell me everything I wish I could and I think we we cut forward a few minutes to like you're all sitting at the bar Mears is behind the bar looks like a duck on a lake like so comfortable where he is he's like pouring drinks for everybody I'm chugging a huge like his hugest mug of chowder I say one more please he ladles some chowder into a cup and slides it down the bar to Billy I catch it and I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like that was a drinking sound yeah can you give us that drinking sound one more time the chowder glopping out of the cup it was oh yeah and we lead it to Mears and we're like is that dairy free is that a dairy free chowder oh no oh fuck yeah listen we're all here to celebrate right we're all here for a good time Billy's on the counter his like shirt is open his tie is really loose you know I'm like a bunch of soap around his lower around his face yeah like padlock shape like a mustache and a goatee exactly what are Tuck and Ving drinking Ving grabbed a bottle of like like an old the oldest bottle he could find like we're celebrating oh yeah it's an old bottle of McCollin Oxblood ooh yeah pulls it cork it with his teeth and then glugs for everybody who wants one the thick red liquor pours into the cups and gets passed around to the adults including Mears now now a man oh now he's allowed to drink are you legal I mean depends on where you are I don't know that we've ever established a canonical drinking age that's true yeah I think we've just kind of thought it was weird sometimes if somebody gave booze to Billy but that's pretty much it starts drinking from his cup and Mears is just kind of like fiddling with his cup I gotta say it's kind of weird to see you guys why it's just it's been so long I know we've been looking everywhere for you have you well I have people in the discord have not shut the fuck up about it let's just say your name gets brought up a lot well I've well I mean look around I've you know this is it's been I've been pretty busy it's been there's been a lot well yeah what's you you heard our thing like the things that we've been up to what are some of the other travelers that you've met oh countless usually people in need this is a place to be for you this is a place to be for you A place that goes to people that need it.

Which leads me to believe that you three and your friends, all of you, clearly, need something. Who knocked on the door? Did you knock? Oh, sometimes, if Hither and Yon gets impatient, it tries to get the attention of people that it came for. It was sitting there for like two and a half days. Must have been. We haven't had any customers in a while, so that makes sense. Oh, wow. I'm sorry. I should walk by the doorway more often. Yeah. That's why it was a passive-aggressive knock. Yeah.

Oh, Fatim? Yeah? He was here for a while. Oh. What? Whoa. Yeah. Is he here now? No. And then Tuck tugs on the sweater he's wearing to loosen. He's like, is he here now? Hold it in the middle. Yeah. Like square up your shoulders. Yeah. No, he's been- And he grabs his axe, too. Because it's like such a weird relationship. He's like, I gotta make sure I look good. But also that I can kill him if I have to? Yeah. They're both things. Oh, God.

And then he readjusts because his boner's poking out of the little snuggie he's wearing. It's poking out of it? Yeah. It's trying to get out. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. It's trying to find a way. It's trying to find its way. How do we figure out who needed what? I think we all needed direction. Morris came through first, though. Yeah. And Morris is the only- Morris has taken off his diving helmet, but he's been walking around. Mm-hmm. Inspecting hither and yon. Mm-hmm. And he's frustrated.

He's looking at doors and knobs and fixtures. He's opening the windows. Because the windows look into the hallway- Yeah. Of the fanny pack. And he's like, there are no windows there. This doesn't make any- And he's opening. He's like, I can't figure out how they did this. I can't figure it out. Who did this? I don't know. It doesn't strike me as a place that was constructed by a wizard. You've never seen anything like this? What is this? Not in all my days.

And he- He pushes over a whole table and then starts ripping the carpet up. Mirrors is like, I just did that a couple weeks- Ah, jeez. Wait, so you're saying that Fadum was here? Yeah, he was here for- He stayed for probably six months. Oh my God. What was he doing here so long? He was just lost. He was kind of in crisis. And that seems to be most of the people that show up here are people that are in some kind of crisis and need to unwind, need to relax, recalibrate.

Did he end up finding his way? I hope so. Where did you let him off, so to speak? Somewhere… It was somewhere south of Blacklass, along the coast. That is where we are going. He tucks out his sweater again. He keeps getting wedged under his belly. Okay. He gets a wedgie in between his pecs. Pecs. Well, is anybody else here? Or is it just you and Francis? Just me and Francis. We've just been kind of traveling around, helping people out, serving people. I think this is where I'm supposed to be.

So you can't come with us? Well, I didn't say that. Can you control where the Hither and Yon goes? Yeah. I'm starting to figure it out, I think. Like you can leave sometimes? I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. Watch this. What? And he walks to the front door. And you can see him take a couple steadying breaths. And he steps through the door. And he's attacked by a lyre wolf. He's tackled by Victor. You know them! Stranger Danger! Get them! Get them now!

And then you hear… And Francis balls Victor up. Oh, cool. And they just start rolling in that way that dogs fight, where they're clearly not trying to hurt each other, but they're playing. But Mears is like… Standing in the hallway and he throws his arms wide. Huh? What if we close the door? Don't close the door. Okay. It does not have that much. Are you just demonstrating to us that you're not agoraphobic?

I guess I've been inside for a long time, but I think that with the right negotiation and intention in this place, I could maybe connect your fanny pack to the back door. The back door of what? Hither and yon. There's not just one door. We could have permanent access to the hither and yon, wherever we take the pack. Oh, shit. And he points to the roof and there's the hatch that Chimes went through. Oh. Remember? There's multiple entrances and exits. Okay. And some of them are permanent?

2d6 plus intelligence to Spout Lore. Uh-oh. Minus one? I have minus one. Oh, zero. Zero. Actually, Billy doing it makes sense because fairies are all about boundary crossing. Okay. Unless you want to do it. No, I don't. Okay. I'll fuck it up. I got 10. Okay. Holy shit. Pretty good roll. Yes. You want to add? Let's make it an 11? Yeah. Jessica, tell me how Billy thinks that this could work using the fairy knowledge of boundary crossing. Is it just an act of thinking about it?

Is there something that you would have to do for hither and yon? Is it a ritual of some kind? I think, yeah, some sort of anchor has to be placed in each, like within the doorway. There has to be something done to the doorway, the entrance. Well, maybe it has to do with the key that you need to open the door with. Could be a key. Yeah. Oh. Could be a room key. Room keys. If you have a room key, then you can always get into the back door. I really like that. Yeah, that's great. Yeah.

And then you could each have, oh, you could each have a little room. Oh, yeah. In hither and yon. Yeah. We would obviously share the same room because we're co-divided. He's going to, and he will obviously offer you three room keys and you'll be like, not necessary. Lead the way. Thank you. One for us, one for Morris and Perel. Thank you. They can have the room at the end of the hallway. Yeah. Mears. Yeah. How have you been, what is this intentionality that you've been putting into it?

I've just been like. What does that mean? I just that I've been like, as the new barkeeper, I've been trying to put my mark on the place as you can see. And he like walks over to a pot of plants, like a, like a flower vase. And he goes, see. Oh, it's beautiful. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I've had a lot of time on my hands these last years. Yeah, I guess the more we look around, I'm like, oh, like he's knitted things to put on stuff. And he's like stickers.

Portraits, painted rough portraits are like getting more and more like better and better. Oh, yeah. Of what's his name? Kem? Kem. Yeah. Some dried flowers, like dried bouquets. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Yeah. There's like there is a stage. And there's like a really rough made like plank stage that he created. And there's like there's a concertina on the stage that he's obviously been practicing. One of the straps is like for a normal human hand and then the other one's way bigger.

What are they called? Tickle trunks? Oh, yeah. With the costumes that Mears has collected and made. Some musical pages that he's writing a song. Don't you forget about me. Yeah. Yeah. So putting more of myself. Into this place as the barkeeper. I've got a I feel like I'm starting to get a bit of influence. And he's looking around like at the rafters like asking basically. Yeah. And you hear some like groaning timbers and he's like, all right. So here's I think I think this will work.

This is work before we've done this for other people. And he walks over to like next to the the shelves on the bar. There's like a little rack. And it's got wooden. Pegs in it. There's 12 wooden pegs. And there are keys hanging from the pegs. Some of the pegs are keyless. Okay. But there are several keys that he takes off. They've got little wooden like key chains on them that say H and Y. Uh-huh. And then like the room number on them. Cool. He walks over and he goes, these are room keys.

If you have these on you with good intent and you think about coming here, you'll be able to come through the back door. Sweet. And that should be able to get you. Yeah. Into hither and yon whenever you please. Wow. He starts handing out keys. One to Ving. One to Tuck. One to Billy. Thank you. Thank you. Yes. And Morris and Perel kind of go like. No, he also gives one to Perel. He knows Perel. I keep forgetting. Do you need one? And Morris is like pulling books off a bookshelf.

And looking behind. Do I have to give him a key? Yeah. And Morris is like, I will not accept that. Key. Holy shit. I'm bad at this. Morris is basically just like, fuck you and your room key. I'll get in here whenever the fuck I want to. I'm the master of space and time. Not this bar. And Perel's like, we'll just share. He can use my key. Yeah. So that, I mean, that makes it a little bit easier. You can come and go as you please. But what do you need right now? We just, I don't know. But.

Not to everybody, but I just want some time. Oh. And if Hither and Yon's good at giving you anything and he pats the bar, it's time. And then the cheers theme plays. Nobody knows your name. Except for that guy. It plays over a montage of Morris, like ripping the main room apart. Like mirrors, like pushing him away from stuff. Following him around with like a hammer and nails. Yeah. Morris like in the, in the diving. Like taking swings at mirrors. But they're like woodcut drawings. Yeah. Totally.

Victor and Francis rolling into furniture, fighting each other. Billy has started knitting a doily. How is he at it? Not good. What do you guys want out of this rest? Like you can absolutely, we can chat. We can get, I think we just rested. Yeah. Yeah, totally. I want to ask. I want to ask mirrors. I go up to them. I go up to him while he's hammering down some floorboards. Yeah. He's putting some floorboards back in place that Morris tried to pull up. Hey, mirrors. Yeah.

Have you stopped anywhere? Like really spooky and weird. Oh, lots of places. Like, like, have you heard of mother? Never was. Has anyone mentioned that name? He stops nailing. He hits his finger, but it goes clang because it's made out of metal. That's cool. What do you mean? Well, we, we told you the whole thing about the gibbous man. The God of the sky is like tracking us. Yeah.

So we found out that there's like a thing that he's scared of and it's this like wit, like bog, which called mother never was. Uh huh. Who's like crazy deal maker. Super scary. It seems to play with spaces. She supposedly like knows some stuff about him that might help us when we fight. Yeah. She hates chimes. We know that we learned that. Yeah. Pretty much the entire planet is terrified of her. Yeah. And he gets up and he like pats his, he wipes his hands on his apron.

I'd stay away from mother. Never was. If I was you, what do you know? I just, I, a couple of people have come through that have dealt with her. Some in better shape than others. How so? Well, one, one lady came in and she seemed fine. She came out of some sort of swamp, but she just needed a place to stay. So she stayed here for a couple of days. And then the next day it was like she was a totally different person and she just went ballistic.

And then another time someone came in this, this, this old man. And then I found out that he was like nine years old, but he's this old man. And all of them, they just babbled and babbled about mother never was. And you travel around as long as I have. And the places that I have, you know, that if someone's name comes up that often in situations like that, you know, you're going to be in trouble. You're going to be in trouble. You're going to be in trouble. You're going to be in trouble.

You're going to be in trouble. You want to stay away from them. I think we've already run into her. And you want to go back. It was an option, but I feel like, I feel like it's probably the worst of our options. Yeah. It's sort of a last resort. It's not necessary at this point. What about Chimes? Have you, have you seen Chimes? Yeah. Oh yeah. Once or twice. He's got one of the room keys. Oh, cool. That's so sick. I love that. Can we call him? Can we call him? Can we call him?

We need to speak with him. We need to speak with him. I can't, I can't call him, but he might show up at some point. And if he does, I can, I can. All right. Let me try this. And then Tuck goes to the front door, cuts the line that was connecting Morris's diving costume to like the rest of it. And he closes the door. Whoa. And then he opens it again. What's there? Whoa. What do you think is there? I don't know. Should we roll? Yeah, you can roll. I guess so. Because our intention is Chimes.

Yeah. We need help. And he's the stepdad of the waves. Who can help us? Stepdaddy of the waves. Give me a defy danger wisdom. 2d6 plus wisdom. 12. 12. Oh my gosh. So you close the door. Morris goes, no. No. And the shutters over the windows all slam shut. Whoa. Sick. They shut like. Yeah. And then you. Storm is raging. You open the door again. And you are looking straight up at a. Stormy sky. Whoa. Oh, sick. Are we up? Are we in the sea of graves? It. You are looking at a stormy sky.

Straight up. Yeah. Straight up. Oh, okay. Can we climb out of the front door? And you, you like reach out in the door and you can feel the change in gravity as your hand passes the threshold. Cool. And you grip onto the sides of the doorframe and you touch like old weathered planks. Whoa. Hello. And you. Hook your head out. Oh, we're in the boat. And sitting. The shipyards. Like three feet away from you. On a bench with the tiller in his hand is Chimes. Chimes. He's totally nude.

He's got a little breech cloth just hanging over his balls. I let go of the doorframe and I fall down. You fall. It's weird because you fall down, but you just like land back on your feet standing at the door. Tumble a little bit into the bar. And he goes. What the fuck? Hey, man, we were looking for you for a little bit. What are you doing? What? Back up, back up. And he pulls a little like he's got a stone at his feet wrapped around a rope and he just tosses it over the side of his skiff.

And as he like tosses the rope, his boat comes to like a dead stop. Oh, cool. And then he tells you to back up. Yeah, we back up. And the door is clear. And he just like steps over the door. Drops through and very fluidly lands on his feet. So sick. Oh, cool. Tuck readjusts the giant sweater he's wearing around the crotch. Has Tuck been soft at any point? In the show? No, never. He's never soft. Rock hard 100% of the time. He just is angling it in different directions.

So many waistbands under the flap. There's like a complex network of rubber bands. Just waistbands. Yeah. And he's like, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. He's wearing just waistbands. Just waistbands. He tears off pants that he sees out in the dumpsters. Uh, hi. Hey. Uh, he's, yeah, just wearing a breechcloth. But you see like, like whip lean weathered skin covered in tattoos. Cool.

Long gray hair, long gray beard. Ving says to Chimes, looking at Tuck, somebody's in a cut phase. He's so shredded. So shredded. And Tuck is like, I'm gonna go. Tuck, uh, like he tugs on every piece of the sweater that is clutching against his skin. Some sort of fat. Yeah. There must be a lot of static going on. Yeah, yeah. Just making it worse. Yeah. Tucks on. So much fucking static in here. It keeps clinging to my body. I'm so wildly aware of my love handles right now.

And, uh, he walks around all of you, kind of giving you like a weirdly wide berth and then like behind the bar. And grabs a clay jug, pops the cork, smoke starts pouring out of it. Cool. He pours himself a glass. Mears comes out of the kitchen with his regular order. Yeah, totally, which would be, it's like stew and biscuits. Nice. And he just sits at the bar, his bare ass touching the stool. When his ass gets into the stool, it's the exact shape of his butt. Yeah. What's going on?

We need to ask you about Mother Never Was. Ugh. I'm sorry. We just need to know. Yeah, we saw, well, Ving saw like a vision where you stole the ink that you tattooed yourself from her. He's just like looking at his stew. And then we saw that sick ass fight that you had with the Gibbous Man. Yes, when you raised the graves from the sea. That was so fucking sick. We basically are just telling him the story. Like fan club. Yeah, of his life back to him.

And he's not, he's eating, he's dipping a biscuit in his stew, eating some biscuit. And then you were like, and then you're like, you're like, something came out of your fucking mouth. And then the chains were like, yeah. And the waves were like, your hair was like, and when you, when you mentioned the chain, you notice he like kind of rubs one of his forearms a little bit. Oh, cool. And he just is staring at an empty bowl of stew. You looked so hot back then.

You look hot now, but like a different way. Do you want more stew chimes? I can get for you. He nods and he just grabs the bowl and gives it to Billy. Ving pours him another drink. And he takes a smoking mouthful of the, of the liquor. Billy comes back with an overflowing bowl of soup. He just takes it in his hand. He doesn't even think about the stew that's all over his hands now and starts eating again. And he takes a one more sip of his drink. All right.

What do you need to know about mother never was? How? How? Did you trick her? I didn't trick her per se. Our deal just hasn't come due yet. What do you owe her? Well, when I die, what I am goes to her. That's part of the reason I, any kind of gestures to all his tattoos. You know, if I don't die, then the deal's never up. That's so sick, dude. So sneaky. Your life is cheating a deal. My life has always been cheating a deal. Fuck it. So cool. I'm gonna stop talking because this shit's so sick.

Chimes, how did you beat the gibbous man? I had to give up a lot. My breath, you've heard the song, I don't have to go through the whole thing. What's the real version, though? You and I both know a song is, a song is a song. A song's a song. Truth's truth. Well, you saw, sounds like, from the whatever you did, you saw kind of how. I like the idea that he saw us see that. Oh, he probably felt it happening. Yeah.

I also love how fucking, like, dismissively he, like, gestured when he was like, whatever you did. Whatever bullshit you all pulled. Like, he's seen it all. He's like, whatever, some kind of bullshit. Some kind of spirit bullshit. That's your thing? Everybody's got a thing and it all works away. And then he looks at Tuck and he's like, except for you, you don't have anything. Nothing. So what, so what you're asking is how he actually defeated the gibbous man. Yeah. Yeah.

Weaknesses, vulnerabilities. He's also probably spent an eternity thinking about how he would beat him again. Yeah, that's true. The things I learned from Never Was, that was how I was able to give myself to the sea. And in giving myself to the sea, I retained some of its power. Just enough to get the upper hand. Just long enough that I could win. Chimes, are you a god? Not anymore. When were you one? When I had to be. And now, my, the deed was done. The fight was won.

Didn't mean to rhyme there, but you know, sail for long enough. It just kind of happens. And now, God, I'm just a fucking good ass guy. Now I get to spend the rest of eternity trying not to pay a debt I owe. What happens if you pay it? Mother Never Was gets the power that I have. I don't even want to think about it. Hmm. Is she that bad? Are you that powerful? Yes. Yes. And yes. Should we be more afraid of her or of him? Well, who do you fear more? Your enemy? Or what your enemy fears?

Whoa, that's a cool way to think about it. That's a really cool way not to answer the question, Chimes. Wait, Chimes. Chimes is so sick. Chimes. Sean, you're so sick. Billy's like playing with the soup that he spilled all over the counter. He's like, Chimes, Chimes, Chimes. Why is the Gibbous Man so scared of Mother Never Was? I honestly, I wish I could tell you more about Never Was, but she's one thing I even barely understand. I don't know where she exists, but she's not just here.

We're all playing the same game. She's not even on the same board. She's not a god. She's not a god. She's something else completely. She's a creator. Yeah. She's something. But that's the thing. It's like, Spider was the creator, right? Didn't… Was a creator. A creator. Yeah. Because there was also Hummingbird. Hummingbird and Spider made the… That's, I guess I'm saying this to like Chimes. Like, Hummingbird and Spider made the world.

Like, you'd think that they would be the most powerful things. Yeah, if this was the only world. Multiverse. Oh, fuck. I don't want it to be that. Okay, let's spin this back a little bit. So, I mean, I'm trying to think about the Gibbous Man's main thing right now, main issue, for the last couple thousand years, is that though he is a god, he has diminished an aspect because he's like chained to the material plane. Yeah. So he's less powerful than he normally is.

And unless he can free himself from that, he has, like Mother Never Was, is just more powerful than him. Right. What if that's what it kind of is? It's like he's like stuck in his own web. Oh. Oh, yeah. And that's what's keeping him on this plane. And Mother Never Was is untethered. Like, because she can, like, see all the paths untaken, all the strands of the web, she can travel them easily. So he's at her, like, mercy. Okay, that's cool.

So that is where her power is from, is that she's all of the things that were never made. Which is like, outweighs the creation that was, which is a lot. Yeah. Her possibilities are like infinite. Yes. Just because of the nature of it. But it comes from a non-space. Yeah. So there's something, it limits her. Because if she wasn't just, oh. Is it choice? I mean, maybe, yeah. Maybe it's that because she is the things that never were, she can't make choices like that. Oh, cool. Oh.

So she has to, so the only way that she can influence the world is through other people. Is by other people's desires and their choices. Their choices. Yeah. Oh, and when people make choices out of fear, it's often like not the right thing for them. You know, it's not always the smartest decision. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So that could be how she is trying to, control the outcome. Mm-hmm. That would benefit her most. So, oh man. Okay, wait, sorry. I just started.

Does that mean that Mother Never Was is a god? Oh yeah. But she's the god of the things that were never chosen. Exactly. Yes. A hundred percent. She is the god that never was. Cool. The god, like the nameless one. The one without followers, without, because they don't. Every time something's made, she's the thing that was on the outside of that. She is the, like the negative thing that was unchosen, that was rejected, that like didn't get a chance to exist in the world. Mm-hmm.

And it went somewhere and that place is her domain. Yeah. I love it. Wow. Which means that even time does not have dominion over Never Was. No. Yeah. She exists outside everything. Yeah. Wow. And it's, it makes. Except for what is. Yes. Like you said, there's a limitations in the material realm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In the same way that Gibbous Man is constrained here, and that's why he hates it, she is also. Constrained not here, like out of here. Yes.

Where she can, she wants to be a part of the world, but she can't be. And it's like, she uses the deals because a deal is a choice. And that's the only time she can interact with the world. Oh, cool. Is like when a deal can get made. When someone asks something of her. It's so sad. It is really sad. And I like that they're not asking it of her, they're asking. Yeah. It's almost like a nameless, nameless prayer that she can answer. Yeah. The God that never was. Yeah. So Chimes says all that.

Yeah. No. Okay. So what was the last actual question we asked before I decided I hated what I was doing? Oh, wasn't it like, why is, why is he afraid of her? Oh, okay. Yeah. Why are they all after the Tesseract? It's an infinity stone. The infinity stones. There's one more to get. There's just one more to get. There's just one more to get. There's just one more to get. He like holds up his hand. Oh my God. He's got five tattoos on the back of his hand. I need seven tattoos. Yeah.

I hope you, I hope you don't mind. I invited my friends and then Falcon. Oh fuck. Sam Wilson? Oh man, the worst one. You mean Captain America, Abdul? He's Captain America now. I thought it was going to be Ruffalo. Wait, from Hook? That's Rufio. From Fuck. Whoa. I hope you're mad. I invited some of my friends. Ruffalo. Ruffalo. Ruffalo. Fuck. Yeah. Whoa. Okay. So what makes the Gibbous Man afraid of Mother Never Was?

And Chimes is kind of spinning the wooden bowl on the plate, just like fiddling, trying to think about it. He goes, Gibbous Man is here. He's the sky. He's the night sky, the sky of day. And boy, if you get him talking about it, he won't let you forget. He made the world. Yeah. Before he became what he was and what he is now. Mother Never Was. Whenever something gets made, there are a hundred things that didn't, that never were. She's that. She's, she's the God that never was.

And he, as a creator, is terrified of that. He doesn't like all those possibilities. Exactly. Cause he's the one who made a choice. Yeah. Exactly. She's the only way that she can interact with the world is through people's choices. That's why she makes the deals. She wants to be a part of this. He doesn't. Whoa. Did she force a deal between herself and him? And the Gibbous Man? And the Gibbous Man? Oh, that's cool. Did they ever make a deal? They must have interactions.

You can't just be afraid of her for what she is. He's too arrogant. Like from what I know of him. If he did, I don't know what it is. I don't know what it would be. Can we Spout Lore about it? Using the past. Oh. Uh, maybe this is, this is entering the realm of like knowledge. No one would have. What about the Druids? What about in the way that the stars are laid out in the Gibbous Man, his body, the sky? I mean, they've read it all. Potentially. Yeah. Potentially. Hmm.

So if you use that font of Druidic knowledge, you just tell me what it is. Like I don't decide. Do you want that power ball? Shut up. Do not sow seeds of doubt within me. You can do this. I'm kind of just being so part of right now. What is it called again? Uh, can I see your sheet? No. All right. Well, good luck. Druidic lore. That's what it is. It's on the front page. It's the thing that says Druidic lore. The words that you said when you started looking, for the move. Doubt. It's thy name.

I'm, I'm supporting you 100% right now. When you consult the trove of ancient knowledge within you to examine the events of the world, role plus was on a hit. The GM will ask you a question about the subject. Whatever you say is true. So do you think that this is something that the Druids would know that would be recorded in the trees? They would know an aspect of it. They would know something instinctively. They might not know, the details of a deal, but what happened after the deal was made.

I could see that. All right. Are you rolling this? Seven. Plus wisdom. 10. Whoa. 10. So smart. I'll aid. So you get to tell me. You have my ass. You have my ass. Put those goddamn dice down. You better roll those goddamn dice. I got a three. So I'll mark. No, don't take it. You have my ass. You have my ass. You have my ass. You have my ass. You have my ass. You have my ass. You have my ass. You don't get experience for that. I got a nine. Well, it's too bad. All right. What? So what?

On a hit, the GM will ask you a question about the subject. Whatever you say is true. After this deal was made, whatever it was, what did the druids of the world notice change? The stars. What changed? There was stars. The creation of the stars was their deal because it was blackness. The sky, which was everything. The stars are the specs of light are not darkness. They are not what he is, including the moon. Were the first stars their agreement? Maybe. Hmm. There was the contract.

The first contract was the stars. And I feel like we missed the part where Paul said that was also the creation of the moon. Uh-huh. Yeah. That makes sense. That makes sense. So his mother never was Lillian's mother. Oh, that makes sense. That's cool. That's sick. The gibbous man and mother never was our exes. That makes so much sense. That makes a lot of sense. He's trying to run away from his crazy ex. It makes so much sense. It's just, it's just husbands and wives fighting each other. True.

Isn't that all gods? Oh my God. It is so much mythology. Yeah, it is. So the, so mother never was and the gibbous man are former lovers. I mean, and their child is Lillian. And their lovers could be that they work together in some way. Yeah. He created the world. She is everything that isn't. That could be their love language. Yeah. It's not, it's not like, yeah, cause they're gods. It's not like humanity. They were straight up stupid. Yeah. They're like on the phone every night.

Like how's it going? But also, and the gibbous man's dad was like, you gotta hang up. My buddy's calling. You've been tying up the line all night. I'm trying to get on, uh, msn.bc. I tried to call you six times. Dot bc. What? Dot bc. I'm msn.bc. Isn't that what? I'm trying to get on msn.bc. Is that the new channel that everyone likes? Yeah, that's the one. Msn.bc. I miss msn. So, okay, this, that's, that's big, but that really fits. That makes sense. Yeah.

So Ving says this, Ving tells everybody, like he looks inside himself. Like from that dream and the knowledge. Yeah. And it, you know, new runes like bloom on Ving's skin. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Point to lidded point to lism ruins. Uh huh. Yeah. Like he's like, becomes covered in a map of the entire sky. Whoa. Stars that we've never seen. Cause we haven't traveled far enough to see them.

And then when you're doing the communion with the seed in your chest to get this information and the tattoos start to show up, chimes grabs your wrist like really tight and slams it on the bar and then just starts reading. Whoa. Cool. I like that. So he starts reading. He starts reading the runes and the points of light that are like appearing on your skin. Yeah. And then he kind of like makes a gesture as if he was tossing a book down on a table, but it's your hand. It was already there.

And he sits down at his stool and he pours another drink of smoking liquor. It takes a big gulp, just skulls. It takes the whole thing back and goes, okay, so mother never was, is my mother-in-law. Oh, no wonder you're scared of her. That makes sense. I wish I knew that. Before I wish I knew that before, you know, I want to say that I missed you guys, but sort of shit. I don't miss. And mirrors is like wide eyed. He's been cleaning the same glass for 20 minutes.

His metal fingers are just like chipping away at the glass that he's cleaning. He's whittling the glass. I do wonder given all of this, what is it that makes a God a God? He kind of looks at his drink. Swirls it around consensus. What do you mean? I mean, power is power. Influence is influence. There's not like this is a God and this is not a God. This thing that's not a God could be as powerful as a God. This guy, he kind of gestures at Billy. Look at him. So drunk now.

So, so round, so small, so much cream, so much soup on his hands. Go on. This guy's a God. The power contained within this little guy compared to him. And he points at mirrors and points back at Billy. That's a God. And mirrors is like, what the fuck? What did I do? He pops up like, I'm a God. Well, it's just, you know, it's the stories about the influence. Yeah. It's not a switch. You flip. It's not a classification. We're not talking about horse breeds here.

So if I could convince everyone that I'm a powerful God, then I would be a God. A God is slightly, above a mirror, Billy. So therefore above the chef. That's true. That's true. I could be more powerful than a chef. Billy's like, I need to be alone. I have some things to think about. He takes his room key and waddles away up the stairs. Climbs back into the boat. Stands out there. I don't like this. I don't want to be a God. It's too scary out here. It's too cold.

He stands out there and then dumps all the marbles into the ocean. I don't need you anymore. I can have breakfast whenever I want. Oh, I love this. Getting rid of the marbles. Can you please get rid of the marbles? Yeah, I do. That's what I do. He drags his marbles outside. I'm free now. It's been a weird prison. It has been. It's the scene from Titanic when Rose drops the heart of the ocean into the ocean. Oh my gosh. Watch as it goes into the water. It disappears. Yeah. Makes that weird sound.

Yeah. I'm free. Fuck. We've done a lot of big revelations here. Oh, yeah. And now it comes time for Perel to ask a question. Oh. Yeah. Perel has been eating a big bowl of paella. He fell asleep for a while. He's been sitting in front of the fire. He's been sitting in front of the fire. He's been sitting in front of the fire. He's got his feet up. And he wakes up. And he looks over at Morris's diving suit and the cord that goes to the door that was very roughly cut with like a steak knife.

And then he sees the bright sky outside, the overcast gray of the clouds. And he goes, hey, where's the fanny pack? Oh, shit. We look to the door. And Morris, who's been like knocking on a nearby wall. The wall and listening goes. Wait. And looks at the open door and rushes towards it. And yeah, Tuck runs. And he's like, it's fine. It's fine. I can fix this. I got you. You close the door. I close the door and reopen it. It brought us here. And look what I can do now.

And Tuck takes the door, closes it. And he's like, no. Welcome back to the fanny pack. And he throws it open. And you open the door to a war. You see a field before you. You churned to thick, viscous mud under hundreds of feet. Hot mud. Hot mud. Shooting a giant popping out of the ground. In the distance, you see tents ablaze. You see people with spears on horseback rushing down a hillside. And you see great mechanical bodies thumping in the distance. Swarms of mechanics keeping them running.

Knights in heavy armor drowned in the mud puddles. Yeah. You see bodies all over, smashed into the mud. At the head of these forces, these mechanized armored forces, you see a large man, dark skin, burning red hair, holding aloft a black bladed sword. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdulaziz. So long. Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. Take care.

Playing Fapily, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Thank you to Aaron Reed for our intro. And outro music. You can find all of Aaron's original music at aaronreed.bandcamp.com. You can find all of the music produced for the show at Spotify. And thank you to all of our Patreon supporters around the world. If you'd like to support the show, join us at patreon.com. Or spelllord.com. And thank you, finally, and most of all, to all of you for listening. We'll see you next time.

And so ends the tale of Adventures 3. Who tried their best? They can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be. For time's abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more. Whilst you commute. Or do your chores. And for you, I'd gladly spell Lord. Oh Oh Oh

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart.

Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round friends, and listen close, for the tale's about to start. Hello everybody and welcome to Spoutlord. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. Hello everybody. Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Good day. And playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Hello.

When last we left our heroes, they were deep, deep in the mental subconscious of Fat Billy the Halfling Thief. In Billy's dream, the party was accosted by a, for a short time, invisible and hard to pin down creature that Tuck used his ability to kill. To dissociate from any situation, anywhere, anytime. To discover the presence of what is known as an aneurophage. A half physical, half mental creature that consumes the dreams of the people that it inhabits.

To escape the flooding and the aneurophage, Billy used escape route to turn the dreamscape into a muddy slide that he effortlessly coasted down. Tuck attempted to effortlessly coast down this slide as well. Landing on his face at a dead stop until Ving rode him like a skateboard down the hill. Sick. Surely a tried and tested escape tactic for the party. Kick flipped him through the backstage area and directly into Ving's dream. Did a manual on his face. Yeah.

Right into Ving's dream, which took place high, high in a tree canopy and featured his mother, Ileana, observing a wide and far reaching dream. The dream was a spider web, the nodes of which created the night sky and constellations. And as she touched the spider's web, she was being cautioned against it by a dream version of Hummingbird that she batted away. But every step she took, every touch she made on the web alerted the great spider that lurked in the canopy above.

From this we gleaned the fact that Ileana must have known about the Gibbous Man during her time on this earth. And may have conceived Ving as a method of protecting the knowledge of the druids for future generations. That was so cool. It was pretty sick. And during this, Billy and Tuck attempted to keep the Onerophage at bay. Ending with Billy entering the fairy world via shadow dance to negotiate with the Onerophage to leave them alone in exchange for fully consuming Tuck's cataclysm dream.

Which is a pretty powerful negotiation. Yeah. A negotiation tactic. It was pretty good. Yeah. Getting what the party wanted and having a temporary ally or at least a truce, a ceasefire with the Onerophage. They carried on to Tuck's cataclysm dream, which Tuck got to see the entirety of for the very first time. And the last time. And the last time. Yeah. Oh man, the dream is gone. Yeah. That's such a huge consequence.

I also established that the side effect of this is that Tuck just doesn't dream anymore. Oh shit. Right, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was what I think Perel suggested was that if this works this way, then you just will never dream again. Mm-hmm. Oof. Tuck carried on up the hill alone following his dream self while Ving and Billy stayed behind. Billy sending up the bill of the wisp, the light cat, to give Tuck some companionship on his way. And Ving throwing a heart-shaped rock at him.

And Ving, as Tuck crested the hill himself, and for the very first time was able to see the figure which lurks beneath the tree at the top of the hill in his dream, finding Fadum Adam. Yeah. Yeah. With his sunstone eye and his red tracksuit. Which is an interesting thing because that means that in the dream is a modern version of Fadum. Yeah. One that Tuck doesn't have knowledge of. Yeah. Yeah. And he's surprised and impressed by the tracksuit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Did you get that on T-Mu?

And what Tuck observed from there was his dream self approaching Fadum and the two of them just laying into each other. Yeah. A very brutal fight which ended with Tuck losing an eye before Fadum snaps Larry, Terry, and Chad, taking the broken ax and smashing an obsidian coin with it. Oh, and during the fight, Tuck was able to see the figure. Oh, and during the fight, Tuck in the real world was taking very serious real damage. Yeah. It took 10 points of damage. Oh, good God. It's armor defeating.

Yeah. A lot of damage. But the coin then consumed the dream, landing in the backstage area which was consumed by the oneirophage. The dream ended and the party returned to the waking world, finding themselves in a very stressful ER situation as Morris and Pharrell were just certain that they were going to die. Yeah. We're just certain that the three of you were going to die. But that is where we find our heroes now.

Are we coming to right in the middle of this situation or are we jumping forward a little bit? Maybe we've got like, you know, you all have the foil emergency blankets around your shoulders. Oh, yes. Yeah. Hot cocoa. We're all drinking cocoa. Yeah. We're roasting marshmallows in the fireplace. Yes. Nice. Yeah. Vince made a little mini foil hat. Yeah. Like a sailor's hat out of foil. You think it looks like a sailor's hat. You look like one of those crazy guys. Yeah.

Good luck getting into my mind, Gibbous man. Oneirophage. Stay away from me, GM. It's keeping the oneirophage out, you think? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's so funny. And Pharrell's flipping through a book and he's like, I actually think that since the egg was in your mind that if you keep the foil on it might actually keep the oneirophage in. He smacks the book out of his hand. Okay. All right. That's the problem, man. I'm so proud of them, man. What's in this cocoa, man?

By the way, I have six hit points. Okay. Yeah. We're going to take a rest today. Every time we've tried to make camp, we've ended up… Because we got into the dream thing because Jessica was like, I have an idea for a way that we can earn back our hit points while also getting information. And we were like, that's a great idea, Jessica. Let's do it. You're decimated. I'm like, that's not… Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm like, I'm not going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I threw dream rocks at you. I'm so sorry. That's what did it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So I guess, yeah, I guess what I'm wondering is what now? What is the point we find the heroes at? Yeah. Tuck has some questions. Yes. That he wants answered. So Tuck is, he's been furiously drawing on a giant pad and then he turns around and you see what light is coming out of it.

And then he's like, I can't see anything. I can't see anything. I can't see anything. I can't see anything. I can't see anything. I can't see anything. I can't see anything. I can't see anything. I can't see anything. I can't see anything.

And then he's like, he's been furiously drawing on a giant pad and then he turns around and you see what looks like a child's drawing of Fatim and he's like, this is what he looked like for some reason he was wearing this sick track suit and he had his awesome braid through his hair and a lot of detail in the crotch. It's very prominent ball looks like it's straining against the fabric. Why is there only curious Kuro here? Am I? Am I in love with Fatum?

But yeah, it's weird that this is not how I remember Fatum. Yeah, so Perel's like making notes on a little notepad that he has. What are you writing down? Oh, uh, I don't want to say. Let me see that. It's just a drawing. It's a better drawing of Fatum? Yeah, but the bulge is even more prominent in this one. It's so much hotter. It's detailed. You can see his abs straining against the fabric of his tracksuit. Yeah, the tracksuit is open and in like an early 2000s.

Like an early 2000s R&B music video. So cool. Morris is also drawing. They're drawing each other now. Alright, everyone just stop drawing for a second. Morris has got a plate of mashed potatoes in front of him and he's holding his hands up on either side and the potatoes are kind of morphing. You can see them folding themselves into a statue of Fatum. The encounters of the third kind. This Fatum guy is sounding pretty cool. Now Perel's getting jealous.

Perel sees that and he's like, alright, everybody stop. Stop, stop, stop. Okay, so what? That's troubling. Wolf, you know, I wouldn't burden yourself with trying to think about what that might mean. The other thing that was weird was that the dream got sucked into an obsidian coin. I mean, that could be weird or it could just be a dream construct. Could be something that you've been thinking about because you have experience with the coins. So that it could just be part of the subconscious.

You guys, uh, you guys can talk to Aquaria, right? Yes. Yeah. And Morris goes, why? Why? What have you heard? What? You haven't been in our workshop, have you? No. What? Uh, and Perel like puts a hand on Morris's shoulder. It's not important. We look at each other and run for the workshop. No, no, no. Push Morris to the ground. Can I roll? You do not have to roll to push Morris to the ground. No. Don't roll because if you… You're gonna get experience and you're gonna level up too fast.

There is no reason… Stay guys. Yeah, great. Well, it's too bad that you didn't say what move you were using. It was a six and a five. I succeeded. Awesome. I think Morris does at one point. Like as Tuck starts running away, he throws his hand out and the floor just like jerks back under Tuck's feet. Tuck tripped like one of those toddlers that runs too fast. But he gets up so quickly and he keeps running. Just a full body slam. Yeah, you don't…

Like this is definitely something that the consequences of you failing or succeeding are… Do not matter. It's such a good success. I get out out of the living room before everyone else and I… And I close the door and I wedge with the axe. Ving jumps into the umbrella holder, which is a chute into the other room. It comes up and… How does Billy get in? He starts… He gets a spoon and he starts digging at the door. I'm in! The fabric wall is tearing. He's shoving his face through. Please!

I also want to look! His little hands are coming like under the crack of the door. He's swiping under the door. Like a cat. And Morris and Perel start banging on the door from the other side. No, don't, don't, don't. It's not ready. It's not ready. I grab Billy and I try and pull him under the seat of the door. Ving unlocks the door and opens the door. So you burst into Perel and Morris' workshop. It's huge. I think it's the same workshop that we did the volcano stuff in.

It's like that huge room that has all their thaumaturgical equipment. A wall full of blue ribbons. Yeah, exactly. I imagine it as like a huge… A huge warehouse. Like an airplane hangar almost. I wouldn't say that big, but we're in the same realm. It's quite large. In the middle distance you see a 20 foot tall volcano. It's not ready! It looks like the arc reactor from Iron Man. There's a bunch of pages with little click boards around it doing readings.

Like if the arc reactor was made out of paper mache. Yeah, exactly. So actually when you get into the room and Morris and Perel stop each other and they're like, wait. They don't know what they're looking for. Ving's like, and yeah. Again, Billy, you totally can roll. I want to discern realities, I guess. Nine. Oh. Eight. Okay. Yeah, the sniffing is Ving-ating. I got seven. Okay, so that makes it a ten. Three questions. What here is not what it appears to be? Ah, okay.

So I mean, that answers the question right off the bat really, is you're looking around, you're like, okay, alright, here's a bunch of crap. And you're like looking at Morris and Perel as their eyes dart around. You're like, what are they freaking out at when I get close to it? Yeah, I'm like doing the hot-cold game. Yeah, exactly. And you get close to something and you see their eyes start widening. And you get closer to it and their eyes are bugging out of their heads.

They're fucking terrible poker players. They're so bad at this game. But it looks like a wireframe like dress form kind of. Oh. Like it's like a torso shape and then there are some like there are unfinished limbs. And then there's a place that looks like it's gonna be a head at some point. But it's made of like thin brass and copper. Well. Like not wire. It's thicker than that. It's more like thin bars that create this cage shape almost. And then there's like a housing in the chest.

Are you guys making a maquette to put Aquaria in so she can walk and talk around? Yes. Yes. That's what we're doing. Oh, so cool. Why didn't you tell us? Well, because we're not sure it's gonna work. It will work. My designs always work. We just don't know how the moss is gonna react to it. So we just, we didn't want to get anybody's hopes up. Oh, yeah. And then Tuck is looking at the female form they've constructed. Abdul picked up dice for this.

Can I roll to see how big the tits are on this thing? No. No. No. There's still questions left. There's two questions left. Go for it. How big are the tits? That was hard to say the T word, wasn't it? Alright. I will. I should say it is a pretty androgynous body. It's pretty neutral. I thought he was gonna say ample. They are fucking fat. No, it's like a pretty neutral human form, but it's unfit. Like one of the legs is like mid shin. The other's like mid thigh.

And then there's like one finished arm and one is like barely started and the head is not complete yet either. Cool. What should I be on the lookout for? The tits question didn't count. It did count. Sorry. You only have one question left. Fair. How are you gonna get Aquaria here? Well, Morris at this point, he walks over to a table nearby and he picks up the little glass housing that Ving had. The ball of moss. We're not gonna get her here, but she'll be able to act through this.

With Morris's mechanical know-how, Aquaria's connection to the moss and her understanding of how it works biologically and chemically and my observance, we've been able to work on what we think will be a way for Aquaria to move around in the outside world a little bit. Cool. Is the automaton or whatever like a clockwork person?

No, what we think is gonna happen is the moss, Aquaria thinks that she can exert the right influence through it, and I've sort of, through transmutation, chemically prepared the body that the moss should be able to form around it and create a sort of moss-like body. Okay. But then it uses the structural integrity of the frame. Cool. Yeah. Building a girlfriend. I've done that. Cuts back to Tuck being 13. I thought I was gonna cut back to the gourd. The butternut squash.

It is a butternut squash also. It's another butternut squash. Slash pocket pussy. Carving a hole out of it. Yeah, it's the same thing if you work hard enough. Putting it in the microwave. Yeah. You gotta watch out for the seeds. Those are big seeds. Yeah, I guess we're in a situation where you could keep looking around the workshop for other stuff, or you could learn more about the Aquaria situation or about the automaton frame.

The question that I was gonna ask before we came in here was the, like, if you guys can talk to Aquaria through that moss, can we ask her a question? Because when we talked to her, she said that I was touched by the darkness, and I don't know what that means. It seems relevant now. Well, our concern is that even communicating through the moss is quite draining for Aquaria. And with everything that's going on in the Sea of Graves right now, the connection is also difficult to maintain.

What's going on in the Sea of Graves? Well, the storm. Oh, right. It's out of control. And it's disrupting her ability to communicate. Is she safe? For now. The tower she's in is Wardstone, so she should be safer than most. Oh. Did we even talk about the vision when you did the communion of whispers in the mason jar? That was the episode that just came out. Yeah, so you guys haven't talked about it. No. Well, actually, you guys watched it happen, and then you went, whoa. Sick. Sick.

So I've been trying to figure out my dream. Right, yeah. We didn't talk about that at all. You didn't address it at all. But Chimes created the Sea of Graves a thousand or more years ago. Right, and he fought the Gibbous Man. And he fought the Gibbous Man, and he tricked Mother Never Was, stole her ink, got her to teach him the secrets of the runes, and then betrayed her. Yeah. I'm trying to think of a way that we could communicate with Chimes.

Because I feel like if we got Chimes there, we could all huddle. Yeah. You just need to get to the ocean. Do I still have the bookworm? Can I send it to him? I think you do have a bookworm. You do have a bookworm. Yeah. How far away are we from the ocean? Pretty far. Can we send a message through? Can I commune with the Thunderbirds to get a message to Chimes, perhaps, and do their best? Potentially, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's a good idea. And then he can come to us when he gets the message? Yeah.

It will be, probably, faster than the moth. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Thunderbirds are way faster than bookworms. Yeah. If Lord of the Rings, the Two Towers taught us anything, it's that the eagles are faster. Yeah, it goes Hobbit, moth, bird, in terms of speed. The moth is faster than Hobbit? Oh, yeah. Uh-huh. They're tiny little legs. The only ones a day. The moth is flying everywhere. Yeah. The eagles only show up at the end.

Yeah, I don't even think you need to really, like, you can just communicate with the cloudpiercer, right? Yeah. Well, I mean, I marked him. Yeah, long ago. And he's got the little amulet thing. Yeah, I gave him that, right? Mm-hmm. What if we set up a fun seance while we do all this? Yeah, totally. Yeah. Just for fun. Yeah. Funties. Yeah. Billy says that. Well, you know, like Morrison Pearl said, the storm makes communication of this kind more difficult for people. Oh, yeah.

So, maybe you do need to, yeah, you try. Maybe I try. You try, and it's like, It's always been so easy. Yeah. Ding! Etch! Gale! Annoying! Nope. So, yeah, you're like, it's not connecting. Maybe you need to do something to reinforce the spiritual connection. Hmm. Hmm. Would this count to roll my What the Bones Know for later on, at the end of the day? Yeah, sure. You haven't rolled it yet. Can you read that move? Because you've never used it. Oh, I'm going to use my new move, What the Bones Know.

Roll a d6 at the end of the day, and hold that roll for the next day to replace a roll. Hmm. Yeah. So, it's if you've ever played D&D, I realized afterwards I basically stole it from that. But things prescient nature now with his knowledge of the patterns of the world allows him to predict how he will act in a certain situation later in the day. Okay, great. I got a four. Okay. So, remember that four. Everyone's sitting in a circle, cross-legged. Morrison Perel are here, too.

Victor is padding around the outside. Very confused. This is kind of like what Cartwin did when she sent us into the spirit realm. Oh, yeah. Might be connected to that sort of thing. Like ghost root? Oh, yeah. We need a little ghost root. And, like, we need someone to undulate and let their, like, sexy sash drop down. Morrison Perel start fighting over who gets to be that person. Remember how horny we got at Sean's screen? Yeah, I hated it. You kept making it so sexy, though. Yeah.

I was just describing it. You were finding it sexy. No, you were like, her robe slips off. I was like, whoa, it's a porno now. I didn't say that. You did. Did I? Yeah. Because you needed to reveal the pin. Oh, the tat, yes. Oh, part, and it was clothing underneath. It wasn't her naked shoulder. Well, we don't know that. You didn't tell us about the clothing until afterwards. You weren't there. It was. You were on a commune in California. Growing weed. I was also horny at the time.

Because you were fucking your cousin. We were not fucking. That's why he was horny. He was just shooting ropes in the weed fields at the end of the day. Oh, the harvest was great. That's what they ever saw. Paul, this leaf kind of looks like you. It's so weird. Okay, so everybody's sitting in a circle. Victor's walking around the outside going, what are you doing? We're having a seance. Why am I not in the circle? Make room. I wish to be in the circle.

He does the thing that dogs do, where he just comes in and then puts his back legs on your lap as you're sitting on the ground. Forcing the circle to be much larger. Tuck has to, like, lean around. He's on Tuck's lap. Yes, make room. Okay. Your circle is now stronger. Your asshole is, like, on my leg. It is the strongest asshole. It's so hot. It's like the heat is radiating off of it. Do we need to have, do we need to express it again? Oh, God. No, not again.

Flashback to the one, one time we had to express his anal glands. Yes, I feel myself become stronger. Every expression makes me more powerful. Oh, my God. Next time you have to express yourself. And Perel's standing nearby like, make sure you get it all in the jar. He's keeping it. It's very valuable. I don't want you to ask me how I know this, but the anal secretions of a liar wolf are very potent. Oh, I hate it. What a great show we have. It's a great show. Greatest episode of all time.

But do we need ghost root before we do any of this? I mean, I have juridic lore. When you consult the trove of ancient knowledge within you to examine the world, rule plus wisdom. That kind of counts as a seance. I guess so. Yeah, totally. So, like, we just sit in a circle. Billy tries to form everyone into basically a fairy ring. He's like, this is how magic happens, you guys. Cool. That's cool.

So you're making, like, a physical ring with, like, Ving in the middle, but everyone else is forming, you know, around Ving. Yeah, Victor also wants to be in the middle, but I say no. Right. That makes sense, because ghost root was, like, kind of like the way that we pierced into the spirit realm, but Ving is a constant conduit into it. So we don't need the ghost root. So Billy's fairy ring, even if he's not necessarily meaning it to do this, because he's like, this is how you do magic.

But it's, like, focusing. Like, it's keeping out interference. It's like a satellite dish. Yeah, totally. That's cool. So I guess Billy's got a roll. Oh, sure. Fairy ring. Eight. Eight. Great. So that means that it is successful. Yeah, it just requires my constant attention, which is fine. So Billy's, like, pushing everybody, like, move, move, touch, here, hold your hands. Yeah. My constant attention is, I'm sitting in the circle, but I keep peeking my eye open.

I'm like, everyone else, keep your eyes closed. They're open. Morris. I want to see the magic happen. I have to feel it. Okay, I'll use druidic lore. Roll plus wisdom. Uh-oh. Seven. I'd like to use a roll and replace my one with a four. Wait, hold on. Is your wisdom not plus three? Yeah, so that's a ten anyway. But you did burn the four. You changed it from a ten to a thirteen. Which is a way better roll, numerically. How does it feel when Ving is reaching out to the clapper?

Well, with the fairy circle and everybody around, like, the satellite dish, like, it's, like, everybody's knowledge. Oh. So we get, like, weird ancient Perel and Morris stuff. Whoa. Liar, like, ancient liar, you know, the old stories of them chasing the sun. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Everything from everybody. It's like, nothing from Tuck. There's, like, a blank spot. It's like a dead space. Yeah, it's a dead space. He's like the double zero on a roulette board. That's so weird.

It's almost like I'm eating information. Or it's just, like, a tit. Yeah. Tits, tits, tits, tits. You just hear the word tits over and over again. You don't even see a picture of boobs. No. Just the word tits. Tits, tits. And then you see him readjust. He's like, God, his asshole's so hot. Titty, titty, titty, titty. And you make a connection. Okay. On a ten plus? The GM will ask you a question about the subject. Whatever you say is true. Mm. You make the connection. Yeah. Bing.

It is I, Cloud Piercer. Where are you? How are you? I am high above the principalities, waging war with the forces of Thronebreaker's flock. Your wings are so strong and your mind is so true. The war has forged me into a weapon of the natural world. I am the wind's blade. You are the point of lightning that strikes the earth. I am the piercer of Cloud. Clouds. What do you require of me? And he like dives and does a spin.

And Bing, like, you know, his stomach jumps like when you're on a roller coaster. He's like, in it. Whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see his hair flutter a little bit. Oh, his hair's like lifting up in the wind. I need you to get a message to the one they call Chimes. Ah, the sailor. Yes. The stepfather. Ah, what? Of our group. The stepfather of storms and seas. The uncle of the waves. Yeah. Big daddy sailor himself. Yes, I will. What message do you wish me to convey? We need a view. Very well.

This message I will convey. Bing. Yes. Are you safe? I'm safe for now. How goes your quest? The quest goes all over the place. It's really muddled at times. And there's a, it's very tangential. Do you need to reestablish what your quest is with me? Would it help you if you told me what you think the quest is right now? Not at all. I will not out myself in such a circle. For my knowledge. We can all hear what is going on. One eye peeks open and Billy yells at him. Yeah. Stop it. Focus.

No, the quest is clear for all of us. But why don't you just tell me anyway? You're asking Cloudpiercer? I shall tell you. Why don't you tell me what you think? The quest is. I don't know what your quest is, Bing. I have my own quest. Defeating Thronebreaker. That is my quest. Working towards the bigger quest, which affects us all. Yes. And that is. To take down the Gizmoz man. Chop him down where he stands. To stop him from distorting the knowledge of the world. And so warm. You're so close.

Yeah. Yeah. And how is it that you plan on doing that in the most end of the road way? Well, I think that our friend Chimes is a bit of a fighter for him. Against him. You have no idea. I forget right now. Is it the High Spear? Yeah. Oh, he's going. I thought that was just a middle quest. I mean, it's your most direct thing right now. Oh, that's very overarching. Is to get Morrison Perel to the High Spear. So you guys can go and try and fight the fight. Yeah. There's a ton of fire fields.

So right now he's fighting over the principalities. What do you see of the High Spear? What is there now? Allow me to cast my eagle eyes far and wide. And you feel his eyes widen as he looks around. What does Cloud Piercer see from where he is. That gives you information on. How closely give his man his spear. Yeah. Or what your next steps could be. Yeah. Like how close is he. He's moving in. Not close. Oh yeah. Like his. So.

Spear is already shrinking it is shrinking yes but it's coming from like beyond mccall and beyond panusia yes like the far-reaching corners of the world have started to lose the effects of the high spear like turvor where aquaria and that one uh husky chef yeah or from like it no longer interprets out there yeah and also past mccall in like the lands of the horse tribes like those have probably fallen as well yeah those are already the dominion of the gibbous man we assume because like the map morris's map couldn't couldn't see them and we also know that the princeps of the higher firefields principality are the gibbous man's agents he incited them to go to war with the high spear which interestingly suggests that there's some reason the gibbous man couldn't just do this himself he needed to incite this war so he could get closer to his goal but he for some reason he cannot do it oh shit the reason why he put dathaniel underneath the heart tree was he couldn't get you into the great forest while the knowledge trees were still healthy he can't get into the principal like into the high spear while the high spear is communicating is it like it might be that like these these these epicenters of great power and knowledge and understanding like that he wants to distort they refuse him entry the high spear might have a similar effect to the knowledge trees where because it is like it's all about an epicenter of understanding and knowledge and translation yeah that it rebuffs his influence naturally he also couldn't enter all waters caverns right uh yeah it seems like places of power whether spiritual or magical keep him at bay somehow and we were also going to use the high spirit to try and like bring the wizards back too yeah that was morrison perel's idea was if we get there then we might be able to find some way to break whatever's keeping them out but your guys's job is basically drop them off on the bus route which is uh you know you guys are sharing an uber basically morrison perel are getting out at high spear and then you guys are going to the war front because uh dathaniel I think was like if you stop the fire fields yeah you will really fuck up the gibbous man so that's why that was the plan yeah yeah so what does cloud piercer see in this and how many princeps are there that we'd establish there are two there's only two there's only two the fire fields principality has two rulers they're brothers and there's they still rule yeah they do still rule yeah do they like each other we haven't established that I think we established that they're lovers the brothers brother lovers we actually don't know anything and I mean anything about the political figures of the principalities we know zero because your guys's adventures have had nothing to do with the political we only look for mayors like we're only working on municipal level yeah because that's where you can affect the most change yeah we're on the ground heroes yeah grassroots yeah we show up at high spear we're like take us to your mayor oh just a gun take us to the mayor right now it's like this is kind of a big city we kind of don't have one mayor you can't be the mayor where's your hat we have kind of a bureaucratic council it's like take us to that then oh my god they have like a hundred mayors to the barbecue council so powerful and they're all in charge of not the whole thing but like one aspect you just do trash recycling what the fuck uh yeah there's like there are five principalities so I guess there's six princeps and they all have relationships and shit and it's just never come up cloud piercer shows that one of the princeps is on the front and he's leaving the front there is cool and you actually on the front you nailed it there is a brother one of the brothers is the warrior he is he leads his men from the front and there's one other brother that will never go near the front and that's a point of contention between them you fucking nailed how I was imagining these guys there's there's like the there's the politician and there's the warrior yeah yeah and he can kind of see like there's some hidden events happening from the brother on the back line oh interesting like he's he's doing some stuff yeah at home that the brother on the front doesn't know distressed sewing between the two princeps oh yeah cloud piercer sees with his incredible thunderbird vision like the brother fighting from the front the warrior and in his hands he wields a black bladed sword oh obsidian just a black blade black blade what does he look like I saw him with red hair okay oh fire fields yeah right yes they're kind of like celtic the celtic beautiful ginger red hair dark skin dark skin red hair very tanned yeah very dark yeah so red hair powerful build armor metal armor yeah black black black black metal armor black bladed sword he's got like a family suit of armor basically I like this cast iron just really thin yeah it's been fighting yeah iron armor he's so jacked yeah you gotta be strong to wear that yeah he's got like a war hammer that's like huge oh wait you said he has a black bladed sword yeah he's got like a war hammer that's like huge oh wait you said he has a black bladed sword yeah but I think he used to fight with a hammer uh-huh but recently he's been fighting with this black bladed sword maybe it's like a thing of because like the the firefields principality they're like the engineers like that's where black glass is they make like automatons and robots and stuff so it could be like that traditionally the leader of the firefields principality fights with a hammer yeah to honor like their blacksmithing traditions that's really cool yeah that he has a big uh hammer on his chest yeah oh that his emblem is a hammer yes that's really cool like his banners are like red with a black hammer on them yeah that's fucking sick I just like the idea that his because you know like leaders have especially warriors have like their nicknames and I think his is black hammer oh cool hammer so cool are there mechs in the ranks around him cool I actually I think there I don't think there are people in them I think they are full-on automatons okay and they're less common it's like one automaton for every like hundred foot foot soldiers so it's like you have it's like the tree feller yeah oh but I like the thought that they're like the front of the line yes oh totally yeah they're the shock troops like you send in a few of these big robots and it scares the shit out of people you have like cross the crossbows but you know like spring loaded and they shoot little bull like it's almost like in a bullet but totally a full gun and you have like a column of men behind each of them like they're for each battalion there is like one of these massive mechs and you've got like the war engineers who are like clearly there to maintain these giant robots yeah oh yeah they're warrior mechanics yeah I love that oh and they're like the warrior librarians big wrenches and like goggles and they just are like beating people with wrenches and then like fixing shit yeah yeah okay we can't keep talking about this I'll talk about it for the rest of the day the guy who has the oil he has oil tanks and then like he's like greasing up and lubing and you'll have to do on big machinery yeah right and then once in a while like somebody come over and he'll like crack a a match out his chin and then light his oil and oh he has a flamethrower oh so sick we're just describing a battle now let's keep going so what cloud pierce is just like hovering like whoa this is pretty sick thing can you see this this is pretty cool so what are the what are the forces like a dvr this so I think what I said is the high spear and the riverway principalities have like come together to try and hold back the fire fields okay what do their forces look like do we need to get into this yes yes I gotta see it I mean the high spears of course of course they have a lot of spearmen uh-huh yeah like spears yeah uh oh I bet they have a long range like uh what do you call them catapulting things arrow people in the mountains like oh yeah snipers maybe they're mechanized like yeah oh ballistas yeah they have a lot of like ballistas firing from the back ranks yeah trying to to fell like one of them like automatons yeah totally and the yeah I think they their disadvantage is that the fire fields are much more dangerous than the high spears yeah I think they're much more dangerous than the high spears yeah they're much more mechanically advanced than they are right they're like just throwing masses of foot soldiers at these things and maybe they're lighter and like they're more nimble like a river finds the way you know I mean totally kind of the what do you call it fencing to the broadsword yeah totally like skirmishers and some cavalry that makes sense because the high spear historically was like a bureaucratic center so they're using doing like intelligence missions probably mostly and then yeah the riverways are all like the high spear and the high spear like fishermen and stuff yeah so it's like guerrilla forces probably yeah the riverways they sent people but like infrastructure wise they're the least developed out of probably all of the principalities yeah so they're sending like yeah militias full of just regular people they're kind they're losing yeah they're slower than they thought I think that's the thing that cloud piercer sees is they are holding the fire fields back for now but they will lose they'll run out of people yeah I will pass on your message to the one they call chimes thank you so much it has been a while since I have last lain eyes upon chimes but from what I have heard his battle on the sea of graves is fraught he works to contain the storm but he is only one man though a powerful man he be thing feels the guilt of the storm starter hmm thank you please stay safe you stay safe as well thing if in any way when we arrive we can help I'll reach out your aid would be greatly appreciated but your quest is important and just so we're a hundred percent clear what's the quest gotta stop that gibbous man from disrupting all the knowledge and then you hear you hear perel go oh I got his name right this time that's good and the connection you feel the connection uh and then you are back in the circle I love you I love you as well I love you too damn it no you know I'm just glad that we're finally staying in front of other people and it's so loud that the rest of us are like break the circle break the circle and you're back in the fanny pack that was a lot what do we do we gotta continue on our quest of course jess you forgot the quest maybe I certainly did not and the quest is as we all know jessica take it away get to the mall the mall to do sales and stuff to be clear the city with the mall in it yeah not the mall itself a spear I thought we were going the mall all right yep we're going we're going near the mall the high spear is above the mall though right not directly oh!

High spear is a city that has a mall in it okay well we all pictured it on the I thought we were all going to the mall yeah is the high spear let's read let's do you guys still want to go if the high spear is not above why would I go there if there's if I can't also go the the water slide yeah there's a cinnabon in the mall is there a cinnabon kiosk near the high spear maybe there's a cinnabon in the mall I'm gonna take that as a no there is not a cinnabon in the mall okay yeah there's a cinnabon in the mall there's a cinnabon at the high spear so let's go to the mall just think it's three against one the quest can be whatever we say yeah absolutely I just want to be clear that as established the high spear is not directly above the mall it's on a mountainside over the city remember fair okay so we're going we're going to high spear yeah we're going to the mountain we were originally going to do that through the riverways right but like now it's now it's scary we we had originally had a plan to use the cover of mother never was to get there yeah right then the other potential that we learned in your dream was that there are tunnels underneath the entirety of the principalities that water is running through which is another way to disguise ourselves from the gibbous man she could be in there she could she will probably be in there yeah at least her watchers will be it feels like we kind of have to deal with her either way yeah and maybe okay this is a big swing but maybe do you guys think we could convince her to help us I know she's scary I mean she does have a vendetta against chimes she hates chimes so much yes we could convince her some way that helping this situation is bad for him she's got skin in the game that she probably doesn't want the world destroyed right what's her connection to the gibbous man he's scared of her unknown that's it we don't know yeah we don't know that the gibbous man is afraid of mother never was is there any way we could get the ink that chimes stole back to her like maybe that could be yep he'd have to give up all of the runes on his body I don't know if he could or would do that it's what is keeping him alive I think it would kill him for sure well I mean I say that not knowing for sure it would at least kill the god in him yeah yeah he'd just be a man and then the storm would take over maybe yeah!

Yeah these are all great ideas so what are we trying to do this episode we have to rest because your hit points are six we need three days of rest too we had a full rest yeah we did yeah we can definitely skip forward three days okay that will just mean that three days passes what about the hilarious minutiae that happens in the three days it's so funny what if we made tits or dicks jokes I mean we can do three days but we can do it like we did you know like the library episodes where it's like you each have three days well depending on who needs to rest seriously needs to rest tuck is fucked I'm fine okay then we'll just skip that won't heal or get rid of any debilities.

No, no, no, no, no. I was going to say, I don't have any debilities anymore because the dream being gone gets rid of my wisdom debility. Does it? Yep. Yeah, that was the whole point. Oh, I guess you ate it. Right. But you still need to get your hit points. I have six left. You do still need to recover. I should say. I should exert my authority a little bit. You don't just get to decide. Yeah, recover is great. Vote. Recover. Recover. Abdul aggressively put his arms down.

Abdul's arms are straining at how far they're going down. I'll go. I'll recover. Oh, we bullied you. I'm sorry. No, no, no. I'm way too high status to be bullied. Yeah, you're right. You are the self-proclaimed richest member of the podcast. In saying that he cannot be bullied, he actually bullied us in his explanation of why he can't be bullied. Oh, I get it. I get how you see us. The whores that do your podcast for you. Sorry. What you guys say to me does not impact me in any way.

I don't think you're talking to Jessica at her most politically active. She's furious. Yeah. So now the reason for your debility is gone. I believe you still need to recover from the debility. It doesn't just disappear. Okay. So that'd be three days. This means that if we take three days, Tuck will be doing nothing but resting and talking to people, but nothing high stress or high effort. Oh, my God. So annoying. All right. Let's do it. What if we just give him more of the liquid?

I do have oil of tag it. Just knock him out. Just drag him. Yeah. We're doing like breakfast for dinner buffet. And like Billy, like spikes all the pancakes. That's funny. And you're like, pancakes. Pancakes. Pancakes. I had a vision of putting oil of tag it on the bottom of a cast iron frying pan and hitting him on the top of it. That's so good. I've got the perfect idea. You guys do both of those things. But Tuck eats like four. He eats like 40 pancakes and is still fine.

And he's like, I'm getting kind of sleepy a little bit. Are you guys getting sleepy? Do you hear that? He's too strong. He's too strong to sleep. Yeah. I guess you guys tranquilize him. He sleeps. The only way is to keep him knocked out for three days. Yeah. I order Victor to like. Lay on Tuck to be cozy. Yeah. I will do this thing because I also want to sleep for three days. For some reason, my asshole must be on something.

Ever since I have not been sitting on him, my asshole has been too cold. I must warm it. And he just presses it right against Tuck's chest. While he's asleep. Against the obsidian coins. Yeah. I did not know what my asshole was missing. And now I do. Okay. So Tuck, after three days, we'll have all of his hit points back. And his debilities cleared. Well, his debility cleared. Okay. And I'll also gain my health points back. Yeah.

Billy and Ving will regain all their hit points after one day, which means you have two days to do something if you want to. Oh boy. You sure do. Do we ever. What is this thing that you want to do? Billy is, he's like being an annoying assistant in their workroom while they're building the moss thing. Oh yeah. Yeah. Aquarius. It is. Armature. Armature thing. Yeah. Yeah. What are you doing? Well, we're just trying to finish the, uh, the leg mechanisms for this, for the left leg. Wow. Can I help?

I don't know. I don't see how you could. Uh, Billy starts rummaging around in the moss piles. No, don't do, no, don't do that. This one? No, that's just, I don't need moss right now. We're trying to remember we're making a metal frame for it. Oh, I can help you. All right. Here, why don't you take this? And he gives you like two pieces of metal. Uh huh. Just make sure that those don't touch. Oh, but they want to. I want to touch them. Don't do it. Don't let them touch. Okay.

I'll be really, I, I'll make sure I'm the guardians of these metals. They will not touch. No, you will not touch. Starts doing voices for the metal. No, you can't touch me. I'm going over here. And you hear Morris go, all right, there we go. He just starts working again as Billy's walking around with two pieces of metal in his hand. And he's like waving them in front of Tuck's sleeping face. He's like, I'm going to touch you with them. You can't tell. Because you're asleep. Such a piece of shit.

Just poke, poke, poke, poke. Yeah. And then Tuck goes, Alison, your fingers are so cool. Victor starts licking his face. Alison, oh my God. You're so wet. Also, considering the fact that Tuck now cannot dream, that suggests that he's kind of awake right now. He's sort of semi-conscious. Yeah. He'll like wake up and do the John McClane thing where he rips all the IVs. They'll come in and have to dose him even harder. Good blue. Let me see my wife. Having to give him higher and higher doses.

But Billy, as you're walking around with your metal, making sure that nothing touches. Because Morris and Perel do. You see that they're like 80% of the way done to finishing this mechanical body. After two days, they're almost there. I knew it. It's because these weren't touching. Very good, Billy. Thank you. You made sure they didn't touch. Yeah. They never touched once? No. Even when they wanted to, I said, no way. Incredible. You know what, Billy? Here you go.

And he gives you a bag of marbles. Don't tell Tuck and Bing that I gave you these. And make sure you put them in slowly so they don't realize that they're all there at once. Yeah. So I go do that. Great. Yeah. And your jar is filled significantly. It's so full, I can't even put the lid on. Yeah. But now I'm scared Victor's going to find out. You hear, like, you see one of the marbles start to roll to the edge and start falling to the floor. No, I try to catch it. All right. 2D6 plus six.

It's the highest stakes. Nine. Yeah. As we see the marbles start to fall towards the ground and where Victor is sitting on Tuck, his ears go up. Oh, yeah. But, poof. Billy catches it. My little palm. I get it. And Victor lowers his head and starts licking Tuck's face again. Yeah. So Billy tiptoes down the hallway. Billy, why are you tiptoeing right now? What? I'm walking normally. It's just to not wake Tuck. You hear pizzicato strings as he's walking.

The pages there, like, with a harp, like, plucking little strings as you sneak. Tuck's on four gallons of oil of tegut. He's not waking up. That's not why you're tiptoeing. You got a little secret. No. I don't have a secret. You know what? Have your secret, Billy. Okay. Finn comes over and is like, Billy, I have something for you. What is it? It's a slightly bigger jar. Takes it off his belt. Hands it to Billy. Here. Thank you. The new jar. And so Billy starts. This is his new activity.

He's just moving the marbles slowly from one to the other. Mm-hmm. And that's what he spends the last minute on. Last day doing. Day and a half. Day and a half. Whoa, so slow. So slow. He has naps in between. Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not realizing now that because the jar is bigger, that means that it's longer until he achieves his goal. Yeah, exactly. He doesn't understand that. So he fills the big jar. He's like, I had more than this. So he empties it and it's full again. He's like, what?

What am I doing wrong? The first jar was like a pint. We just keep getting bigger and bigger jars. Just two different sized containers. He's like, what the fuck is happening? Yeah. Billy's like, am I switcherooing without knowing I'm doing it? That must be what's happening. All right. Now I just got to make sure I do it extra slow. This is such a thing that will drive Billy fucking crazy. Yeah, this is his laser. He's going to be so angry. He's furious. He wakes up mad. He sleeps like this.

He's like. I can't figure it out. Yeah, he's goodwill hunting on a chalkboard, but none of it makes sense. Trying to figure out the equation of these two fucking jars. He's gone into their workroom again. This time he doesn't bother Pearl and Morris, but he is using chalk. Can't write properly. They walk up. They're like, you there. What are you writing? Boy, get back here. He fronts off with a mop in a bunch of overalls. Where did he get that mop? Go fuck yourself. Whoa, Jesus. Billy language.

He's language. He's. But he's trying to use. The mop to figure it out. He's like slamming the marbles with the mop. He's cleaning the floor around the mop because he's like, are they getting lost in the dirt? It's too dirty. What's being doing for the two days? You do some spell lores. If there's some research you want to do, you could talk to people. I've got this mother of Pearl dragon scale that maybe has some magical abilities. Yeah, I guess we've never come.

I just realized that you could potentially commune. With the scale to talk to us really in depth. Yeah, because that's from. That's from Syria, right? Yeah. Oh, cool. I could find out more about the sea. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. I wonder. Definitely do that. Okay. I'm going to reach out using the scale to see if Cerulean has any interactions with chimes, which she definitely will. Yeah. Communion whispers with the scale. Siri. I got five plus. Oh, eight. Oh, the vision is unclear.

So I think even the communion. You feel the connection, though it is difficult to make. You feel like a shock as you connect with the spirit of Cerulean depths. And also, I think Ving has to shut it off a little bit because the pure raw power of connecting to a dragon this old and this powerful, you're like, whoa, I got to limit this, mitigate this connection. I think we see through Siri's eyes deep, deep.

In the depths of the Sea of Graves, her long serpentine sinewy body weaving through the depths of the ocean. I like that she's. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. It must be almost pitch black down there. Yeah. I was going to say that. But she sees in bioluminescent vision, almost like she can see as the water touches things, it lights up shapes and everything. So it's this shimmering, glittering bottom of the ocean and creatures jittering around and ghost fish shooting off like a meteor away from her. Yeah.

That could be like, cause she's got those really flowy webbed wings and stuff like that. That could be like how she sees down there. Oh, totally. As it grazes the bottom. Cool. That's so cool. She disturbs the surfaces. Yeah. The glow. Yeah. So she's just like swimming along the ocean floor. Cause that's where she feeds mostly. She's finding like massive abalone. A shell is like the size of like the side of a house.

You feel through like the electromagnetic sense that she has, the bioluminescence that she navigates with, that she feels some sort of disturbance and she swims closer to a grave, which you see buried into the bedrock at the bottom of the ocean. But as she gets closer, the runes start to resolve themselves on the surface of the wardstone and she sees cracks have begun to form in the pillars. Connecting the runes in almost constellation like images of cracks. Yeah.

Reflected as Ving has seen them night in and night out in the night sky. Does anything come out of the cracks? Alice. Scarf. Scarf comes out of that. Scarf. Scarf. There's a red scarf down there. Scarf. Alice's scarf. Cracks. Alice's scarf. And Tuck. You cut to Tuck and he's like. Alice, what are you doing? And I think what this is actually what I was thinking as we see this, this is the end of day three. Tuck is like having the last moment. Of possible dreams.

Like the dreaming part of Tuck's brain is disappearing at the end of this sleep. And as where somebody would go and wake from a dream, it just ends for Tuck. Okay. His eyes open. Can I do one thing? Well, it depends on what the thing is. So as like the kind of like the last of like the pieces of my mind that can dream like kind of dissipate, it's just black, basically like empty mind. And then like he sees eyes. And then his eyes open and it's Black Spire. Oh. Cause he's connected to him. Right.

Through the, through the pick. So it kind of just like that shunts in there. You talk to him. Is that okay? Yeah. That's a, I think it's very interesting. Isn't this a thing I can always do? Cause he, the guitar pick is always like underneath his leather bracer. It was a gift that Ving gave him was like constant. Yes. Yeah. I do remember that. Yeah. Yeah. So he like, I think it's like he accidentally calls out. Yeah. Maybe that's the, it's dream replacement therapy. Yeah.

And Tuck's like, no, I always said Black Spire's here. Not in front of the dog. Yeah. Shoo boy, shoo. Yeah. Okay. So yeah, you are connecting to Black Spire. Okay. You see like two circles of light, which you realize are being seen through the eyes of your dragon bro. Okay. So he's just looking around. But then he feels you connect. He's like, Tuck. Black Spire. Oh. My noble steed. What? Yeah. What time? I'm sorry. You're my noble steed. What's up? Sorry, dude. I'm really fucked up.

They gave me so much oil of tag. No, that sounds so much cooler than bro. What's up? Noble steed. Well, noble steed. I've, I've had a lot of adventures and I've missed you every second of every day. I miss you every day too, man. I will never forgive Oleander for not letting you on that ship. I don't even, you know what? I did the math myself and I think if I know how to math and I do, I could have fit on that boat for sure. Yeah. A hundred percent. You could have.

So what brings you to my mind palace? I, well, I was just asleep and I felt you. I felt you out in the darkness and I reached out and I found you. Yeah. I'm just here in the lab. Just chilling out. How are things at the library? Oh, it's fine. They're feeding me a lot of stuff. I got to say, and I never thought I would say this. I'm getting pretty cooped up. What? I'm just kind of like bored, man. I'm hanging out with all these. Nerds all the time. What do you look like now? Oh, just a sec.

And you see him start to move and a bunch of librarians get knocked out of the way. Took laughs really hard. Excuse me, nerds. I also like that when they hear him go like, oh, yeah, tuck. And then they're like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, They have an alarm. He's communing with talk. We have to get that. He's not going to pay attention to anything in the room. Everybody get out. They're like, send a runner for Farrah. He's in one of his moods. Oh, my gosh.

And he like shoulders his way through. And you do realize he's gotten a bit bigger for sure. And he looks into a shiny piece of metal that they have put in here because he kept clearly forcing his way towards reflective surfaces. So like he wants to look at himself, I guess, at some point. And he looks shape wise much the same that you remember him, but a bit bulkier. He's larger. And his black scales are now. Like streaked with white. Almost.

There are like lines of white scales that have formed on his body. Dude, you look fucking sick. No, it's highlights. You like it? I love. I frosted my teeth. It's a little spikes on his head. Look like frosted tips. Just the tips of the spikes. Yeah, I frosted him. I'm all frosted now. He like pushes his hair down and it's like a little emo. He like whips his hair. He does the emo whip. Yeah, I'm looking pretty cool. Oh, you want to see something sick? Yeah.

And he like hunches down on his massive because his front legs are huge. Yeah. Bulky biceps. And you see, as he starts to hunch down, all of the librarians in the room are like, fucking move. They're like a cartoon, like slipping over the papers. Exactly. Somebody felt like cartoon, like legs pinwheel through the air, throws a bunch of papers in the air. The guy with the German accent. Yeah. Yeah. The zoologist. Yeah. Everybody out. He is preparing to do this thing. And they all run out.

And you actually, he looks to his big head moves to the side and you see like shutters come down on entrances and he opens his mouth and he starts like tensing all of his muscles. Whoa. Like you remember how he, and it looks like he's trying to expel his like magma breath. Yeah. And there's like a clink, clink, clink, clink. Yeah. As his, his, his scales start to align. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And you see the sunstone scales start to illuminate. Whoa.

And he opens his mouth and he, ah, here it comes. Here we go. Check it out. I'm getting shit. I'm getting shit. I'm getting shit. And then you just see, and it's not that impressive, but a flash of light comes from inside his mouth. Whoa. Like a flashball breaking. Holy shit. Whoa. Do you fucking see that? Yeah, I did. That's fucking rad. That's new. I can't do the magma thing anymore, which I'm kind of bummed about. But now whenever I try and barf magma, that happens. That's so awesome.

I'll do it again. Do it again. Do, do, do, do, do. Here I go. I'm going to fucking do it. I'm going to fucking do it. Such a little. And the, like some of the scientists have, I don't know. They come back in the room and they have like black, like welders goggles, basically. And they've got like the little like flash burns on their face. Oh yeah. It is pretty potent. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, and they're in there with like different kinds of rock.

Like they're trying to hypercharge sunstone and see how it like. Maybe they have. There are sunstone like hanging from the ceilings. Oh yeah. In different things. Cause clearly he's been doing this for a little bit now and they're using it to charge sunstone. Cool. In the room. In the room. And we see like. As I, as I see him like looking around, I see there's a bunch of sketches of him in the draw me like one of your French girls.

Cause whatever he notices someone drawing him, he moves into that pose. And they're trying to get like clean zoological like diagrams of him, but he keeps doing poses from behind and him like peeking at him. The Instagram shot. He's looking over his shoulder with a claw over his lips. Like, yeah, I got an injection in my lips. And he's like, oh, this must be hat man. Having a dragon in the library must've blown the study of them wide open. They're like, they're fucking smart.

Cause every time we try to draw him, he starts doing stuff. Yeah. Every time Tuxy's the word smart, it's in quotation marks. He's clearly intelligent, but he's not smart. You know what I mean? They also play like there's tons of music bottles cause they're always playing music for him. Oh yeah. It's the only way to keep them. Like, oh, I'm going to do this. He's like pacified. Oh yeah. Like he said, he's getting fucking bored. And it's like druidic death metal. Yeah.

That's his favorite they found out. It's like Zane is in there all the time. Is Zane in the room? I think Zane's in there. Yeah. He's one of the ones wearing the goggles. He's like fucking so sick. Flash burn to hell. Hair spiked back. Yeah. Is this permanently now? Yeah. Yeah. Tuck, you see, you see Zane, the teenager that you spoke with, the former, uh, or I guess current vessel for the icon of wrath. Oh. Oh shit. Yeah. Is the sunstone flashes having an impact on him?

Oh, actually maybe he would not be in there during that. He comes back in later. He's been in behind a shield. Yeah. If black spire is doing any sort of sunstone related stuff, Zane is not in the room. Is there anything we want to tell Farrah? We ran into mother never was. Oh yeah. How do I get? How would you get this information to her? Through Zane? Through black crunch? I mean, through black spear? Zane can't. Black Spire? Zane can't understand black spire in that way.

Does anyone in the library can any of it? No, it's just you guys. Shit. Technically it's just Bing. Yeah. And then Ving makes it possible for you to understand. Hmm. Okay. Or it could even be a thing where you like, it would take a long time. Yeah. If you're like, okay, black spire, take your claw line down. Now do a circle. Now do a squiggly shape. Yeah. Get him to like write a message. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a misspelling where it says high Farah tits. Yeah. There's a misspelling where it says high Farah tits. Yeah. There's a misspelling where it says high Farah tits. Yeah. There's a misspelling where it says high Farah tits. Yeah. There's a misspelling where it says high Farah tits. Yeah. There's a misspelling where it says high Farah tits. Yeah. There's a misspelling where it says high Farah tits.

Librarians come back in and go what and then I just tell black spy I was like make sure pharah sees this okay this is important okay great I don't know what this says but I will make sure that she looks at this thing that I did make sure she looks at it she's smart she'll get it okay I'll do it okay cool tell everybody I also miss them and I just wish that I could be out there fucking on an adventure with you guys right now I wish you were here too it was one of the greatest betrayals of my life that you are not here with us you know man all right I didn't want to have I don't want to okay hey getting close make sure you're listening really hard right now I lean I lean in in the empty negative space that now exists in tux heads what if I broke out of here you should tux doesn't even take a breath oh you should break out and come find us okay all you have to do is get to wickport steal a ship and sail across the sea of graves okay okay you could do it I think I could do that look at me look at your reflection okay he looks in the reflection into his own eyes and he says and then tux says you can do this black spire don't let anybody stand in your way kill them if you have to I'm gonna break out of here I'm gonna break out of here and it's gonna be fucking sick kill every librarian burn the place to the ground these guys are pretty cool these are pretty cool do I want to be clear just make sure the stakes are clear do you want me to kill everybody in here yes if it tux says if it gets you back to me I would burn the world to the ground okay black spire I'm I'm not gonna kill everybody okay I don't do whatever you feel is right I'm just gonna I don't think they can actually stop me if I try to leave okay if I'm being totally honest I think that I I think that I've been kind of taking it for granted the fact that I'm way stronger than everybody in this place okay and then tux goes I need you to write another message under here I'm gonna kill everybody in this place okay and then tux goes I need you to the first one okay and he like shuffles back and knocks over a table and then I coach him again for another like 45 to 65 to 75 minutes through like scratching out another message that says bring back black spire to me or else okay is this gonna be like inflammatory or anything like that nah she'll love it all right great and then and then I I would go I actually need you to write one more thing and then I get him to scratch beneath it war is coming bad okay so I just want to be clear the whole message says hi farrah tits tuck bring black spire back to me or else war is coming bad and then he goes ah fuck threatening he's threatening he's he's like we're we're bringing her a war and then he puts a happy face at the bottom of it colon and then a bracket he does the the text version of a happy face yeah okay cool so this is going to clearly convey the message that you want conveyed uh and he goes okay one more thing and then he after another 25 minutes this is why it takes three days to heal after another 25 minutes it says never was ah okay is it still a clear mother never was ah okay sorry and then okay below it it says high spirit war and then a guy says what's what's the last thing I should put on here guys well we were gonna tell her about mother never was yeah yeah it's up to you and then it says g okay so underneath he puts gm is afraid of never was yeah okay so it's the lab is fucked right now black spire's knocked over everything in the room the letters are really big too because black spire writes like a child yeah he's got big hands yeah high pharah tits tuck bring black black spire to me or war is coming bad or else or else war is coming bad smiley face never was and then mother crammed in above never was never was gm gm is afraid of never was yeah high spear high spear war war love tuck yeah okay cool then yeah I do I do a hard at the end to just try and drive the tone home right okay three x's no hugs for some reason just the x's too hard I just I draw a dick for you for good measure yeah okay great anything else no I think that's it okay cool I think they'll help you get to me and now I sure hope so and if they don't you need to kill everyone and break out of there well I hope to talk to you again soon I hope you come back to my brain I love you I will come back and then your eyes open and when I open my eyes the fragments of coin in my chest are glowing so bright like the ones in his yeah when he was doing the sunset something cool you wake up and you see like the end of the glow you're like oh what and then your eyes are open and your debility is gone this is your ability to dream and back to 26 hit points good lord your hit points are back sick so I mean first things first tuck you come out of the room that you were drugged in for three days and where do we find the rest of the party are we making more oil of tag it yeah we have to do oh yeah we're boiling it up yeah there's a page there with a recipe book and we're like and we're all like you know it looks like we've been slaving around yeah we're really sweaty because it's really humid so you you uh look up from your tag it operation and you see tuck emerging from the room looking pretty good he's dragging himself down the hallway because his bottom half is still paralyzed basically an iv stick behind him whoa are you okay now I'm okay now I'm all better there's like six bags of ivs that he's just dragging behind him that he just didn't bother to pull out uh great so you all come back together and uh I mean are you guys talking to each other yeah yeah for sure we're always talking together I'd tell you guys that I talked to black spire yeah oh so is he on his way then I hope so I hope he kills every librarian in there oh my gosh I hope your note was legible I think it was really clear I told farah everything that was going on with us all of this stuff it's almost like you forgot what our quest was tuck yeah it was really clear anyway what are you guys not murky at all like your fucking thing uh I had a secret project they tell them about the marbles I don't know something the math isn't mathing up oh you're telling us to get help with it okay well billy I appreciate that you did tell us about this because you remember we're not allowed to keep secrets surprises are good secrets are bad I also like that you attempted to do it on your own thank you that's fun too that is good I will say that I appreciate your honesty so much I'm gonna let you keep all the marbles oh yes that perel gave you yes as a reward here's a bigger jar no I'm so hungry when do I get to use it this is becoming like uh not a good thing yeah you're kind of torturing billy a little bit I tell the most serenity of the depths and the cracking of the of the graves well that's not good do you think the storm is trying to destroy the graves so it can be stronger like you know when wind blows are unobstructed if it's a magical storm and it gets rid of the ward stone possibly oh shit right they're a ward stone too yeah fuck okay yeah that is a problem it might be containing the storm to the sea what if without the graves the storm is unleashed and increased across the entire planet I thought you already did that remember I'm the problem we weren't gonna bring it up anymore tuck I thought he already feels bad enough about it already I thought he seems to have forgotten it though billy I thought we were just driving images for fans to paint I thought that was draw this this is the motivation of most of our moves we cut back to when vink threw the storm out of the sea of graves and we didn't hear it because of the sound of the storm I saw his mouth go they went draw this yeah what else is in the sea what else is contained there lillian well lillian is the storm right so she brings down the ward stone that keeps her prism oh fuck did you guys forget that the the blood moon lily is buried yes in a tomb beneath the sea of graves shit yeah that's kind of a wild card too because if she gets out she could either attack us because humans killed rian or she could go for the gibbous man because he he locked her away or she could go for chimes because chimes also locked her away opening lillian's box is a real pandora's box it really is yeah it absolutely is we have no idea what will come out we're gonna have to wait until we get to the end of the show and we'll see you in the next video you want to keep that cat in the bag if that's what chimes is dealing with I feel like he might not have time to help us yeah he's dealing with his ex he's he's our uncle who's dealing with his toxic ex yeah um it's interesting you're all sort of like marooned right now you're in between all of these things that you need to address you don't know what to do next and you hear a knocking down the hallway we go down the hall yeah and as you walk down the hallway you hear another faint knock at the door that used to go that went to dathaniel's room and you walk up to the door and all of the rooms have these like little brass plates beside them and like dathaniel's used to say like guest bedroom and tuck's like perot probably got himself stuck in there again and as you approach I think ving you notice is tuck is going right beelining for the room that dathaniel used to be in for some reason uh maybe hopeful he's back oh my god he licks his lips and skittering after uh ving you notice that the brass plate next to the door now says hither and yawn and that's where we're gonna end today's episode oh fuck yeah I'm your game master Sean O'Hara joining me as always tacoma dome the barbarian abdulaziz so long everybody being the half elf druid Paul Oppers take care and fat billy the halfling thief jessica tie goodbye oh this is the first one we've recorded since smallbrats has come out and since the all that shit right number one yeah let's I just want to give a quick let's just give a quick thank you so much to all of you for all of your support during the launch of Mall Brats which is now available anywhere you get your podcasts uh we were for a brief beautiful period in time the number one comedy fiction podcast in canada the number one and guys canada's huge I think it's based on land mass it stores so many podcasts in it there's so many servers here yeah Mall Brats is going to be alternate schedule to Spout Lore so every week you're going to get some hot fresh content from your friends at Spout Lore studios and Mall Brats is available in its most intense form also on patreon you can get years worth of Mall Brats content two seasons of a show at patreon.com slash Spout Lore or Spout Lore.com slash money please and thank you to aaron reed for our intro and outro music which you can find all of the music produced for the show on spotify and all of aaron's original music at aaron reed.com thank you so much finally to all of you for listening we'll see you next time and so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for times of rest in revelry and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart.

Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round friends, and listen close, for the tale's about to start. Hello everybody and welcome to Spellbound. I'm your game master Sean O'Hara, joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdulaziz. Hello everybody. Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Oppers. Hello there. And playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai. Hello.

When last we left our heroes, they settled in for a relatively safe day of rest, research, and recuperation. Having revealed to them by Perel, through his research, that the figure he previously described as being the only person not to be punished, in a deal with Mother Never Was, was their old friend, the patron of sailors, Chimes. Chimes. Chimes.

In an attempt to get more information about this situation, Ving used his jar of grave water from the Sea of Graves itself to attempt to commune with Chimes, receiving a murky vision in the form of a flash of images held within the jar. Mm-hmm. Including a young Chimes making a deal of some sort with her mother. A deal of some sort with Mother Never Was. Learning from her the secret of the runes and his method of tattoo making that gave him the power that we know him for today.

Stealing from her a magic ink that she used to make her deals and going to face off against the Gibbous Man to release Lillian from her ancient detainment. Mm-hmm. We saw a battle between the Gibbous Man and Chimes in which we saw him make his famous deal with the Sea of Graves, as depicted in The Thief and the Maid. Mm-hmm. Where he gave his breath to the wind, his blood to the sea, and his bones to the graves, rising them from the very deep. Cool.

Meaning our old friend Chimes created the Sea of Graves. So sick. All those many millennia ago. So sick. Mm-hmm. From there, the glass shattered and we were left without the jar, without the grave water. Next, the party decided that they wanted to spend this time resting. Resting, regaining some hit points, maybe healing a debility or two. And Tuck asked Morris and Perel if they could help him not remember his horrible cataclysmic dream anymore. They said, oh, maybe.

Let me just check this cabinet. And the first vial that Perel touched, Tuck just drank, passing out moments later. Then Billy and Ving attempted to help Tuck in some way. Billy by tasting some of the potion and then passing out. And Ving by accidentally getting some in his eye and also passing out.

Finding ourselves in some sort of three-way dreamscape containing the dreams of each of our three heroes, including a sunny day by the Wittershins or the Sunwise, one of the two rivers that long ago Billy knit into one. The party investigated this strange frozen dream a little bit, descending into the river. In this frozen in time image of the river, they traveled down finding the three-way dream.

They traveled down finding the mouth of cave systems that they determined through the creatures coming out and the objects coming out must connect all across the continent or at least along the massive peninsula that is the principalities. And in their last moments of observing, Billy felt a presence in the dream take notice and approach. And that is where we find our heroes now. What do you do? I think we were swimming up to the surface. Oh, yeah. Oh, water. The water started moving.

The water began to fill your lungs. Yeah. You are drowning. What do you do? I will gather the mud from the bottom and create a free Willy and get us out of here. Oh, like you're just going to shoot you guys out of the bottom of the river? Yeah. I'm using elemental form. Okay. I'm going to create a big creature to get us out of here. I'm going to make a mud orca. So, elemental form is your shape shift move, basically. You're creating a body for yourself. That's what you want to do? Yeah. Okay.

Great. So, I got 12. Which means you get three hold. Great. And you form this orca mud body around yourself. Yeah. At first, you attempt to connect with the spirit of this mud and you remember, I'm in a dream. This isn't real mud, but- But if he wills it so, maybe. Exactly. You kind of impart your will on this dreamscape and create this mud body around yourself. And I grab them and head to the surface as fast as we can. Bust out the surface. Perfect. So, you can do that by spending two holds.

Great. Yes. One for each billion tuck. I'll use the last one to do a flip in the air. Okay. And land on the bags? Yeah. This looks so cool. Pretty sweet. Gracefully breaking the surface of the water. Water spray glittering in the air, doing a cool flip. Yeah. He does a sploosh? Sploosh. Mid-circle. Oh, that's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one.

Sploosh, mid-circle. Oh, and the sploosh like pinwheels through the air and the mud falls away. You land lightly on the bank of the river. Tuck slams into the bank next to you. I set Billy down. Billy, what do you do? This scary thing is still in the river, you think? And the water is flowing. The river is now moving. What is regular Billy doing? I think, so if we remember- Like dream Billy, I guess. Yeah, dream Billy.

So, I think we discussed how this is the most- It's the memory of Billy creating the Wittershins and the Sunwise and knitting the rivers. So I think he is beginning that process. The waters are beginning to rise and the river is twisting and turning. But it's also starting to lap over the banks and become a bit turbulent. I'm gonna do what dream Billy is doing. Oh, cool. Or at least what he was doing before where he plunges his hands into the silt of the river. Oh, cool. 2d6 plus wisdom. Eight.

So yeah, you plunge your hands into the clay and try and feel what you felt on that day to remember what did happen. And you know that in a few moments, the river is going to flood. In its attempt to connect with the other one, it is going to flood these banks completely. And that you know was not a danger for you at the time. But now that you are like visitors in this place at this time, it could be very dangerous for you and extremely dangerous for Tuck and Ving.

And then you also know that whatever is in the river that is coming was not a part of that day. This is a new thing. And you see the water start to like course. You look further up and you see like a swell coming down the course of the river. Guys, we got to move. Let's get out of here. I just have to do one last thing. Okay. I'm going to make a fairy ring around Dream Billy. Oh, interesting. To protect him. Okay. Just in case. Like I don't know how this works.

Strange that there's something new in this memory. Mm-hmm. Cool. Plus dexterity, 11. Awesome. Yeah. Yeah. So what kind of fairy ring do you make around Dream Billy? I sprint around him a few times and the weeds around the river kind of just like braid together around him. Nice. Cool. Is this a massive flood? Like, what? Is this a massive flood? It's a pretty sizable flood. Like the course of the river is being changed. Is it like the, if like a dam opens kind of flood? A little bit. Yeah. Okay.

Not quite as destructive, but destructive enough for the people standing right next to the river. Okay. Like Billy. Like Billy. But he's got this protective ring around him now. You can see he like settles into his task a little bit more comfortably almost. Like he is reacting to the ring around him. But the waters are coming and you feel Billy, whatever is in the river is also moving towards you. So you have to go. All right. Let's bolt. Okay. Defy danger however you're getting out.

Unless you have another move that'll help you escape. I might do escape route. Oh, smart. Ooh. Yeah. Yeah. When I'm in too deep and need a way out, I name my escape route and I roll plus dex. Sick. Like Billy's just like, this is weird. It's like lucid dreaming. So Billy starts going to like play land in his head or whatever. And he's like, I mean, I could turn this into a hill. Oh yeah. And just pour us out. Seven. So what's the seven to nine?

I can stay or go, but if I go, it costs me something. I have to leave something behind or take something with me and GM decides. Oh, or take something with you. So obviously I'll go. Okay. So you create this, that you, you just turn where you are into a hill. That's like rolling you basically towards where you came in. Yeah. Okay. I think that tuck and Vings, uh, defy danger situation is that now the environment around you is a hill. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you are like tumbling down this hill as Billy seems to just be gliding towards the edge of the dream. Okay. Yeah. I am going to try to maneuver so that I don't land on Billy, but to follow the lead that he's creating. So two D six plus, I guess, sounds like dexterity. Yeah. So that's six. I got six. I'll eight cause I got, I have a negative one next turn. I hate him by giving him a good push. Right.

Yeah 2d6 plus bond great I got eight okay cool okay so you just nudge tuck along and how are you getting out I'm also just gonna use dexterity and okay yeah he gets out he gets out by pushing me to the ground and riding me I wanted to do that earlier this is perfect tuck is like all right I'm gonna go into seal mode and then he tries to slide to the hill that really created it and he just went so I was like no no no no no it's a run and jump on his back and just blijow he has a looshing yeah yeah tucks a real looser I got 10 great the biggest looser so ving uh tuck runs and slides and just grinds to a halt on this hill like a penguin four feet ahead but ving leaps onto his back and the extra strength and weight helps tuck he's got one foot on his back and one foot on the mud the seven to nine tuck behind you you look you hear like a you think you you remember you could swear you remember hearing water pushed aside as something comes out of the river can I try and look back at what it is oh no you look back he rolls over yeah you roll over while Ving is riding you and now you're facing upwards I wish I had guns I mean it's a dream could like real bullets come out of your fingers yeah dream bullets yeah as like Ving is riding me it's like on my chest riding me down I want to look backwards and do and that's the sound Tuck makes because he's bad at sound effects it's like that assassin guy we met that one time so you swear you could remember the sound of the water then you swear you could see something coming out of it and you could swear you saw something come over the hill but it's like every time you see it you forget what you saw oh like a real dream like when you wake up from it yeah it's like you are only aware of where it is because you have realized you've forgotten seeing it can I use West Pennized Dissociation when you are subject to mind control you may choose to take 1d4 damage ignores armor and ignore the consequence you are also I want I want you to understand this you are currently fully under the control of a mind affecting potion okay if you are choosing to shake your mind free of an enchantment you could potentially shake your mind free of this entire situation and leave Ving and Billy behind I feel like I want to push and try and see what this thing is okay so you're taking 1d4 okay oh nope one one damage so I think what you see is very upsetting in that it is a long malleable looking being of some kind like a long central body of like an amorphous semi-solid looking fluid almost with a big mouth on the end of it no eyes and then a series of long arms on either side with like very human looking hands in spirited away that's exactly what I'm thinking about it's kind of like no eyes but like a long slug with like arms and legs weird that is weird crawling towards you very quickly with its mouth wide open Tuck freaks out and starts like scrabbling his legs to go faster yeah totally yeah and you have a distinct impression Tuck that as you try and break free of this obscuring effect that it has that it recognizes that you've done that Billy you're pushing everybody towards a new dream which dream are you picking things because I want a mom to protect us and Tuck's is really scary yeah totally mine is bad mine is really bad okay so you cross this like barrier there's the weird little like backstage area that you can see that's just like the black space there's people like craft service table yeah yeah yeah there's like a PA with a little headset and a clipboard that's like come on gesturing you towards the next dream these glasses or these glasses which one pick one we're already late we're already late we're behind there's a proper angler in there exactly no logos no get those you gotta get that polo shirt off we got a greek to the set and you get dumped from Billy's dream into this backstage space and then like tumble basically into Ving's dream for some reason as we go through the backstage area you hear Tuck's back squeak really loud against the floor yeah mud sounds into squeaking ah ooh oh you've got a little like uh like floor burn yeah I've got rug burn all down my back that's the one damage I do yeah rug burn yeah!

Um we discussed Ving that it is from the perspective of your mom but we didn't discuss what situation it was no so it's pre Ving Ving has not been born yet yeah and it is a dream that he's had many times that he thought maybe was from his perspective and so describe the scene she's in the canopy of a tree and she's studying this gigantic web and it looks like it goes on for acres oh massive web series of webs throughout the tree and she's taking parts of it and putting it into like a little satchel taking a sample and um she doesn't see it but there is a gigantic looming figure parting the branches behind her and approaching across the webs in the treetops like a giant spider maybe uh uh uh uh uh uh uh like a giant spider maybe you just see the rumblings and the web shaking and leaves parting and the sound of breaking branches and she's she's um just realizing that this thing is coming towards her out of the treetops oh right because this is a dream that your mom had oh right yes it is a dream not a not a historic event like like Billy's situation the ground is getting further and further away so this we come into in this frozen tableau and in the dream um she's trying to focus in on which direction the broken branches are coming from yeah and they're coming from they're like broken branches and wrestling over here over here from underneath from up above and there's a hummingbird flitting around her face oh in circles just buzzing around she can't get a bead on it's like distracting her or whatever it is busying her mind interesting so you come into this frozen tableau of Liliana and the web and these like broken branches leaves beginning to fall in the canopy and the hummingbird frozen in place like right in front of her face it's the only thing that's not frozen are its wings because they beat so fast oh so it's very slowly moving its wings cool but that means that all three of you are dumped into a canopy yeah tuck falls directly to the ground yeah I was gonna say what this tree is really high up you get dumped into this new dream and all of a sudden it is like you're surrounded by forest oh boy like Billy's dream where you were suddenly in a nice spring day you are suddenly in a forest in a tree top with no solid ground beneath you what do you do tuck immediately just tries to grasp for something yeah yeah 2d6 plus strength okay 12 12 perfect yeah you grab onto a branch yeah and you just hold yourself in place yeah it is ving is on top of me right yes where's Billy uh I think I'll I think oh I was ahead of you guys yeah um I'm gonna try to grab on to okay 2d6 plus strength I guess okay 10 oh wow holy shit I rolled 10 yeah wow sick so Billy shoots his little hand out yeah grabs onto tuck's love handles ah so fleshy we gotta clip your nails I'm sorry thank god you're in a bulk phase it's yeah it's so sharp yeah my back is red rash yeah my claws well not my claws your claws your little boy little boy claws my little uh baby face yes yes yes spear.

2d6 plus will wisdom, I guess. Nice. To summon your spear. What is that? 11. Okay, yeah. All of a sudden in your mind, your spear is in your hand. Land lightly on the haft of the spear. Cool. Wow. I think the fact that you all so incredibly succeeded is as you get dumped in whatever this fucking thing is, Tuck, you see it just like tumble through the treetops. It's like reaching out all its many hands to try and grab on, but it falls quite a distance.

You're not sure if it grabs on, but it is momentarily away. Yeah, and can I tell these guys what it was? Yeah, you can definitely try and describe it. There's like a big fat slug dick thing coming for us. The whole front of it is just a mouth and it looks like it wants to eat us or something. What? Yeah, and it looks long. Sorry. You have to have a better way to describe it. That's not that long. Can we just like step on it then or something? That seems really little. No, dude, it was huge.

It was huge. I don't know. I didn't see anything. Yeah, I've known you for years and I haven't seen anything. No, the thing was huge. Sorry, I just couldn't find a good metaphor, but it's really big. You're all safe for the moment. You can haul yourselves back up on the tree, branches. Can we bolt out of here using the canopy? Yeah, where are you trying to go? Can I go? I want to discern realities and see what my dream mom is doing. Cast around. Ten. Okay, three questions off the list.

What's valuable? So you're basically all three of you are kind of under this web. You've latched on. You're like underneath Ileana frozen in this dream that she's having. Oh, so we're like looking up through the canopy at the tableau? Up through the canopy at the web. The web like extends through the trees. Oh, okay. And you can see it hanging above you and Ving, you immediately recognize.

And Billy, you moments later recognize as you are done squeezing Tuck's love handle because it's safe and fun. Yeah. Ah, stop. Oh, sorry. I hold on to his loincloth instead. Oh, God. Oh, God. It's slippy, slippy, slippy. I just take you over and I put you on my shoulder. I'm sorry. That's definitely going to get infected. And you look up at the web and you can see the connections of the strands and they form constellations. Whoa. Holy shit. What's about to happen?

You've had this dream a million times. Like, you know, she is wondering where this thing is coming from. You look at all the broken branches and all the falling leaves that could be where it is approaching. And you realize the reason she's having such trouble determining the direction it's coming from is because it's coming from all of those directions. And through the canopy, massive midnight black spider legs are closing in through the canopy around her. Whoa. Holy shit. So cool.

Who's really in control here? Your mother had dreams about the Gibbous Man. What does that mean? Does that mean he's in control? Is that the answer to who's really in control? I think that is the answer to who's really in control. In terms of Ileana's dreams, she had dreams about the Gibbous Man. About spiders. Were they ported? Tentus dreams? Or was he in her head? You cannot determine that from this tableau. Someone gotta figure this out right now. I gotta do it. How? Let me roll something.

I mean, you can make intimations. Like, you can determine things. I intimate that I want to know. Tell me, dream. Dream, tell me what is real. What are you rolling here? Seven. But you didn't say what move you were rolling. I already told you that you wouldn't do anything. You rolled the dice anyway. I need to know so bad! Hey, you can, like, Tuck, you've seen this thing. You can make guesses. As to what, like, this dream is? Like, what this dream must be? Yeah. Hmm. Can I use druidic lore?

Yeah, you absolutely can. I want to be clear about something. There's the thing coming for us? There's a thing coming that you guys know is here and is after you. Okay. So you can spend time here and try and glean more information. But you are at risk. Tuck leans over to Ving and he's like, Ving, this thing, whatever is here is really important. You gotta figure it out. I'm gonna go down and fight that huge dick thing, okay? Okay, I mean, here, take this. He's sailing through the air.

He's already gone. Is Billy going with Tuck? Because Billy was on Tuck's shoulder. Oh, I'm coming with you. I'm fucking coming with you. Okay, cool. So we jump down to find this tree monster. And I would like to shoot first. As you're falling down on top of it? You stab Tuck. He's just not thinking. Actually, that bringing Billy with you actually makes a lot of sense because it means that this thing can't get the jump on you because Billy will know it's about to attack.

I say throw me like the good old days. Throw me. Okay, I'll throw you later, but I don't want to throw you at the forest floor from 200 feet up. You got it. We're having this fight as Tuck is shimmying down and his front now is getting a bunch of bark rash because he's trying to shimmy really fast and then he keeps falling a bit. Yeah. We're all getting slivers. I'm going, ah!

Every once in a while, like a knot from the tree catches on one of the obsidian chunks in your chest and just like tugs it. It's like getting a nipple ring pulled. Bing's looking down like, this mystery better be worth it. There's a lot of pressure on this moment in and out of the game. We're making so much noise as we crash. So not stealth. This sounds like a defy danger of some kind to get from up here to the forest floor without dying. Like constitution or something? I can do constitution.

Constitution if you're just taking the pain. Strength if you're trying to muscle your way down. No, I think it's grabbing and letting go, grabbing and letting go. I think I'm just taking it. That sounds like constitution. So, I got 14. Great. I got pretty bad. I rolled a two and a one. Four. Okay. Yeah, you're going to take some damage for sure. I think because you're like, you're holding on to tuck. So you're more getting battered around like a little backpack.

Like you're just slamming back and forth. Yeah. When he like hits a branch, you know how they kind of spread apart? Yeah. They flip back on Billy every time. Keep whacking. Yeah. Roll a d6. Three. Three. Three damage. Yeah. And you got some scrapes and some bloody cheeks as you… I think so many black eyes. Yeah. I guess I only have two eyes. So many though. Yeah, but this is a dream. Tuck lands on a low branch and you know, hangs onto the trunk and you just wait. Yeah, go into predator mode.

Yeah. I grab some of this dark sap spilling from the trees. I wipe it on my face to blend in. It's my blood. It's Tuck's blood. I found this dark, dark sap. Oh, okay, whatever. You should have some too. Oh, gross. Nope. Cool. Okay, so you are standing here predator mode on the branch. I'm a posed like a crouching cat with its back all arched and stuff. And this is an interesting combo because Tuck can see this thing. Billy can't see this thing, but he has like a danger sense. Oh, yeah.

As you're waiting, you're standing here for a few seconds and Billy, you could swear you remember and have just forgotten the sound of something up and behind you. So I'd like to shoot first. I would like to use my fairy dust so that it kind of covers it and then we can track it. Oh, I see. Okay, so you're just trying to make it visible. Yeah. You could use a fairy hold for this, like an illusion. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, I'll do an illusion.

You could just like create a bunch of glittery dust. Yeah. And have it like move through that. Sure. So you could just bend a hold on that. Oh, sure. Yeah. So you throw your hand out and there's like glittery dust kind of in this dream in front of you. Yeah, it's dark. And then just off to the right, you swear you remember there being fairy dust there. And now there's just a hole. Over there, Tuck. Do you see it? Yeah. Oh, wait. You can already see it. I guess this is just for me.

Yeah, it is helping Billy. That's pretty much it. That's so dumb. That was a good thing though that now we can both see it. Yeah. And Tuck, you see this thing creeping through the trees all its many two human hands with two long fingers pulling itself over a branch. I think I just want to like throw the axe at it. Try and like fucking slice it hard. Very cool. Slice hard. Yeah. Gotta slice it hard, man. Yeah. Tuck wants to say something cool. So like as he spins, he like goes, thanks, Billy.

And he spins around. He throws the axe and he's like, eat axe, bitch. Cut or uncut, bro. Oh, right. Yeah. You look like an uncircumcised dick. Got him. God, yeah. Billy looks way embarrassed. I can't believe you said dick around me. Hack and sledge? Uh, sounds like volley because you're throwing it. Okay, 2d6 plus dexterity? Yep. Five. Yeah. Oh no. So you hurl the axe forward. It glows with the light of a million crystals as it spins through the air towards this horrible beast.

And we're gonna cut up to Ving. Ving, you're below this spiderweb of constellations above you. You see your mother. Can I discern the realities to read the constellations? Consult my druidic lord to know what the constellations say? You can certainly try to your semi-trained druidic eye. It seems like this is a reflection of the sky. Like this is a reflection of the night sky. So you're saying I could use night moves when I spend time contemplating the movement of the stars in the night.

Roll plus wisdom. On the 10 plus, the GM will answer one question. And then what's on the 7 to 9? You'll ask me. A question in return. I think before we roll, this is a move where before we roll this, I want to know what you're trying to determine. Yeah, I don't know. No idea. What am I trying to determine here? She had this dream where she was like trying to do stuff tree related or like gather information. She's in over her head. She's already caught in the web. So maybe she's involved.

Well, there's like a lot of questions around what your parents had to do with like the gibbous. Yeah. Is this like because your mom was a wizard, right? Yes. But she became a wizard, right? Because she was definitely a druid. I thought she was pretending to be a druid. Yeah, she was a wizard who was pretending to be a druid. Yeah. To hide out. And then I think she like just became culturally a druid as she was hiding in Hibernia.

Because like I imagine there's at some point she's like studying all this. And maybe this is like when she uncovers like the gibbous band stuff. Oh, because she's a wizard. And if she was getting interested in druidic stuff, that's what the constellations represent. Yeah. And this could be like her figuring out how to read these stars before they were obscured, like properly obscured. And seeing in that the story of the gibbous band and the obscuring.

And learning something she shouldn't have known. Because her druid eyes only. Yes. And she loved trees. And she was like a studier of the trees. And her wizardry maybe was that of growth because she grew somebody and growth of trees like she grew a person. That she early detected the gibbous man's influence in the tree of knowledge. And did she go searching then in the stars for like more of that story? Well, I think she ended up finding it maybe. Yeah. Through her dream. Right.

Because the fact that this dream exists means that your mom knew about spider and hummingbird. Which are like deep foundational like cosmic entities. She could have purposely like bequeathed this dream to you. It's part of the gift she gave in my creation. And part of the reason why she made him in the first place to be this moving target for the gibbous man.

She found out the gibbous man is trying to destroy all druidic knowledge and obscure the minds of everyone by getting the knowledge tree which is a central thing where everybody knows where it is. But by making that separate and putting it in a person, a wandering idiot, then she might have created Ving as a way to like protect knowledge. Yeah. Because she knew it was being destroyed by the gibbous man. Yeah. Yeah. It's a very interesting idea. She needed something to wander. To keep it safe.

Yeah, keep it moving. Because it's like too vulnerable if it's planted in the ground. Yeah. Where like some people see Ving as a weapon. She saw you as like. A vault. A vault. Yeah. Yeah. And I like that she made him a shapeshifter or the ability to change because of whatever she put in him so that he would constantly be moving and changing and like the gibbous man wouldn't be able to get a bead idea. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. I really like it. Yeah. Yeah. That's very, very cool.

So now let's roll and see how much of this actually takes. Yeah. Is this the druidic lore? It's either druidic lore or you were talking about night moves like reading the constellation in the webs. Oh yeah. I like using the consult the trove of ancient knowledge within me because it's what she put in me. Yeah. This is her experiences and her dream that she put in me. Okay. So 2d6 plus wisdom. Yeah. And I got a 10. Okay. Holy shit. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah.

So what is a 10 on 10 plus on druidic lore on a hit? The GM will ask you a question about the subject. So is the question basically just making everything that we just talked about like true in some way? You betcha. Okay. So you're looking at your mother and as you perceive her in this dream, that's when she's sort of comes to life and you see the dream as she dreamt it and you can see her looking out over this web and you can see her reading the constellation.

One eyes or look at the horizon or other hand is reading the constellations almost like Braille. She's like, yeah, moving her hand along the web like she's being vigilant of like the danger that she knows is coming. But as she is reading the constellations, her hand brushing over the webs so desperate to glean the knowledge that they contain. She is alerting the spider. She can't help herself. She needs to know. Oh, cool. Cool metaphor. I like that. There's a great metaphor. Thanks, man.

Thank you. And that's when you can see the legs closing in around her as hummingbird seems to attempt to warn her away. She brushes hummingbird out of her face. Oh, shit. And the legs close around her and Ving falls. Yeah. Whoa. Because the legs take over and snap his spear, his dream spear. Oh, yeah. And you are falling through the trees far below. Tuck your axe as it sails towards this thing.

It opens its mouth wide and the axe lands like hits it right in the like soft its mouth is really weird in that there's no throat. It's just an opening and it hits the mouth and disappears. Okay. All right. Avoid mouth. Billy, do you still want me to throw you? Throw me. Are you fucking serious? Okay. Okay. Do this thing. Okay. Pretend to throw me, but don't actually throw me. I need you to throw, you know, to pretend to throw. Okay. Aim it at it. Okay. Yeah.

So I go and I pretend I go no, my and it's like it's like moving back and forth, like up the tree kind of positioning itself. Well, you're not going to be able. To swallow my son like what am I doing? And then he goes to pretend to throw Billy, but he does the thing where you when you wheel back, you let go and then I throw an empty hand. Billy's out of sight behind you.

I've dropped Billy behind me and then I've I've just like pretended to throw like when you trick a stupid dog like banjo stupid idiot banjo boy banjo. He's over here. He's asleep here or dead. There's no way to tell his eyes are open. He's crying. I think this is going to be for context audience banjos. My wife's dog and he's got the soul of a murderer in him. That's how much you love Aaron. I love my wife so much. Marry her despite her dog murderous dog reference listeners.

That's my wife's dog. Not my dog. My dog. My dog's over here. Her name is Kaylee and she never fart. Her shit doesn't stink. You've said it several times today. So I think this is charisma to fight in your charisma because you're trying to trick this thing. Oh, right. Okay. Sorry. You're talking to me. Yeah, I'm talking to you. The game we're playing. Yeah, six plus three is nine. Okay, nine. So it will not be tricked for long, but for a second like a stupid dog. Can I aid as Ving is falling?

He says he sees what he sees Billy go behind him. He goes. No, don't throw our son. Yeah, duty six plus bond. Oh, I failed. Okay, I got five. No, don't help our son. He just falls straight down to the canopy floor. He gets the wind knocked out of him as he hits the forest floor. Just lying on your back. Oh my God. I would like to do shadow dance. Oh, interesting. That's why I wanted him to throw me. Yeah, it's just when you drop me Billy is lifeless. I killed him. Oh, you threw spirit Billy.

Yeah. Oh, that's kind of cool. That is cool. Okay. So read out shadow dance. It's been a while. Oh, yeah. When you attempt to enter the ferry, spend a hold and roll plus wisdom on a seven to nine. You leave your body and enter the fairy world as your pure essence and take one hold on a 10 plus take three holds. You may spend a hold one for one to move and act in the way only fairies can. When you spend your final hold, you return to your body immediately. All right, cool.

So go ahead and roll it. Oh, fucking hell for I would like to use another fairy child to turn a failed roll to a seven to nine. Oh, yes. Okay. Great. So it's a seven to nine. So you get one hold. Yeah. And your lifeless body drops behind tuck onto the branch that he's standing on and he whips your fairy form through the air. What do I see? What does this monster look like in the fairy world? Oh, the dream fairy. World. Yeah, that's the thing, right? Because we're in the dream.

I think this is a very unusual feeling like you expect like, oh, I've been to the fairy a million times. I know what it feels like, but you're like static right now. It's almost like if you're in the material and you go to the fairy, which is like the world behind the world, you are leaving the dream and going to like the subtext. You know what I mean? Like it's like just raw meaning behind the dream. It's raw meaning. That's where I'm going. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, cool.

What do you see was a monster? So the monster, I think very upsettingly is the only thing in sharp focus here. That makes sense. It is the form that Tuck saw this long slug like creature with like an inconsistent amount of too long, too skinny human looking arms and then a wide open mouth. But everything around you, you see this forest is not a forest. This is the feeling of being lost, being unsure, like searching for something.

And then right in the center of it is this horrible HD fucking 4K slug monster. But it seems like it is less subtextual than everything here. Like it is real almost. And also you see the subtext around it fading as if it's being eaten away. Whoa. The worm thing is being eaten away? No, the subtext around the worm thing is being eaten away. It is eroding the dream. Okay, I will Spout Lore then. Okay, 2d6 plus intelligence. Five. Fuck. That's a failure. You know what?

I'm using my last fairy childhood. Okay, seven to nine. Okay, so interesting but not useful. What is this thing? Interestingly, you suddenly you remember, unfortunately, a lecture that Perel was forcing you to be a part of. Oh yeah, I'm back in the Margani library. Oh yeah, you're back in the Margani library. It is when Perel was trying to get his magic back and he was going through every possible option. And Billy was basically like a dictaphone that didn't take any notes. Yeah.

Where Perel just felt like he was doing more if he was telling you what he was thinking. And I've been sitting here for 45 full minutes. And I think you were helping him because you can read runes. Yeah. Like you can read old fairy runes.

And you remember him talking about oh well maybe I can't Oh well maybe I can't Oh well maybe I can't Oh well maybe I can't Oh well maybe I can't Oh well maybe I can't Oh well maybe I can't Oh well maybe I can just ingest an anerophage and that will clear out whatever mental block I'm having that's stopping me from accessing my magic. Oh. So it's a dream eater? Hmm. What if I offered it like Tuck's dream? Oh. How would you feel about that? Yeah. I think this is a great idea.

Can I approach this gross worm? Uh-huh.

So you kind of float towards it and you're very shadow form yeah yeah it snaps out at you it can't quite come off the branch but it's like biting up at you what are you following us for it does not speak but you swear you could remember it saying I'm hungry for something that we have or for us you are fresh okay so I'd like to barter with it Billy knows that we haven't visited Tuck's dream yet and he knows that that's the one that like plagues Tuck and wants to be rid of it so I'd like to offer if the gross worm leaves us alone I will lead it to that dream fuck yeah hell yeah that's great there's something more delicious than us yeah okay yeah roll 2d6 plus charisma for what to convince it oh because it does want to eat you okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay!

Yes yes um I agree and it some of its legs like pull back into it and it just has it just has four now and it sort of lowers itself out of this predatory pose creepy so you tuck and ving as you'll ving from the forest floor where you're like is everyone okay yeah I did the throw and then I saw it start to like do weird dance things as it was talking to billy and I was like I'm just sitting on the branch I was like something's happening now I don't know what it is to talk beside the branch like holding his chest like is he in there oh yeah because billy's like laying right there like yeah just mouth wide open totally passed out brain like wipes a bit of spit off of his chin yeah he's doing something I don't know man put some wool under his head he's doing something then billy does the dog thing where his his arms and legs start going a little bit yeah he goes oh he's running oh he's running oh god he's running this is a nightmare oh it's bad is billy going back to his body at all or is he staying in the ferry um maybe I will go back to my body because it'll be then you guys can talk to me okay billy returns to his body and the anero fade settles like on the on the trunk of the tree like like a gecko and it bends its weird head back and says uh we have reached an agreement whoa you talk whoa holy shit what agreement have you made billy okay well I talk I don't know how you feel about this but he promised it would leave us alone if I let it if I took it to your dream so that I could eat it oh yeah that's yeah that's a good that's great okay I wasn't sure you know I didn't want it to eat ving's dream it seemed pretty important so this thing just eats dreams I think so and he said something gross like we are fresh or whatever I think he meant like we like there's fresh stuff in our brain in our minds I don't know I will stop what becomes of the dreams you eat they are made nothing yeah that's perfect I don't see any downsides to this let's do it night echoes the day it's perfect yeah if you guy and he points at the monster if you guy want to get rid of the dream that I keep having every night that would be great because then I don't have to think about it anymore all right do you can I ride on your back I got really bad carpet rash on my back sliding through the liminal space between our dreams and I'm really cut up on my front uh billy you are reminded of the fact that anything that was in like contact with this thing in the subtextual realm was being eroded tuck I don't think you should touch it honestly it's pretty fucked up tuck takes some granola and throws it at the side of the thing so you throw some granola and it's gross like boneless body like nose by neck like spins around and snaps the granola okay and it disappears okay yeah I won't touch it fresh all right yeah fresh fresh is best come on always fresh that's us come on with us you start climbing out of the trees yeah yeah that's funny that like the level of how you got in perceptively is now way above you yeah you kind of fell down in the dream there's like a door like 10 feet above the canopy that is the liminal yeah totally we have to get on each other's shoulders to get up uh vings on tuck and billy's on ving and tucks on billy oh yeah and then and then gross dick worms on ving and then we're we're just like don't think about it if we don't think about it then it doesn't fail just don't think about it cartoon rules yeah you just have to just know that makes sense yeah you know just don't make sense until we get out and then we can think about how it doesn't make sense looney tune style that's all that matters yep yeah and you climb up the tree now that you aren't like at desperate risk of uh your mental lives you're able to reach the backstage space and you see before you the uh gray and black smoking expanse of tuck's recurring nightmare this fucking thing and you see the anirophage like lift its head like it's a little things yeah yeah smell the the yellow sulfuric sulfuric smoke that you talked about like goes into like where nostrils maybe yeah totally it swells yeah so what do you do I talked to the thing to the anirophage the thing the monster and yeah can you hold off on eating it like fully until I go figure something out it's probably gonna be a roll okay 26 plus charisma I'll give you this granola that you seem to like because it was so so then this is a parlay okay 2d6 plus charisma for parlay oh oh shit dude that sucks oh okay so I get so that's three and I have plus three so I get six I'll aid oh how are you aiding uh ving has a three egg omelet from the station that he's gonna offer up yeah one of the omelets yeah from the dreams uh the from the this morning you brought an omelet into the dream yeah I went to sleep I fell asleep with an omelet in my pocket because I always keep omelets around for billy because he gets hungry on the go get a pocket full of omelets 2d6 plus yeah plus bond they're just quail egg omelets they're really small really little it's a three egg omelet but it's so tiny tiny oh nice I got 10 nice all right seven to nine you say I'll give you some of that granola and it looks towards the dream and it looks back towards you and nods its giant sluggy head and says on a moose boosh then cool and it kind of settles down on its it's really okay you know like how dogs sit on their back legs where like their knees their back knees are bent and the legs are straight it looks like a person doing that oh is how it sits oh great the limbs are just like a hand out towards you oh tucks already poured it on the ground of the liminal space and it's like a way too big pile because he dumped his backpack out and it just went dumped for so long and it's a thing puts a tiny omelet on top and it's long slug and it goes quails a delicacy quails do not dream what and its head reaches up and it till it just like it doesn't move its body but its head keeps moving like a slinky yeah and as its mouth touches the pile it doesn't chew it just like the shit disappears as it touches the mouth you better do what you need to do quick okay yeah I go into the dream all right I go with you should I go or should I stay with this thing uh maybe don't stay with no billy get away from the game come with us billy's like trying to be brave but he's like shaking like do I stay he's shaking so hard he's like sliding across the ground so you step into tux dream yeah all three of you leaving the narrowfage behind backstage and um just like every other dream the second you step into it you are surrounded by it you are now on a vast and blasted plane of gray stone and black sand and the other ones like whether details were fuzzy or weird this one is not like it's sharp yeah painful hot smelly yeah you can feel the jagged rocks like cutting through your boots and it's not like still oh yeah everything is moving immediately the sky is boiling yeah smoke is pouring out of the earth and at the top of the hill the tree burns it's like a destroyed castle kind of thing like sort of in the middle distance cool like halfway up the hill oh yeah neat okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay keep having this dream over and over again and then tuck looks to the top of the hill at the burning tree and he sees like the figure that's like standing underneath it and he's like also who the fuck is that and this is the figure that uh has newly begun well relatively newly yeah begun appearing in the dream yeah so how do I figure this out it's a good question I mean you know you see yourself because this is a non-static dream you see of an image of yourself trudging up the hill yeah you know the only way to get to the top is to get to the top okay so tuck starts to run okay uh duty six plus constitution uh to just take the I'll just take the pain yeah 2d6 plus con and can I use it unbound I'm bent I'm broken when you prepare yourself to endure some hardship without fighting back roll plus con on a hit you can either take half damage or you can completely ignore one other I'll effect on a 10 plus you also defeat expose or frustrate your oppressor with your stubbornness yeah you could use it potentially to take less damage okay I'm not sure unless like how would you envision you uh defeating exposing or frustrating this situation I guess like if I get a 10 plus I was like I want to use like the level to which I'm just letting it batter me to like learn something about it.

Oh, I see. Yeah. Interesting. Because it's exposed. I want it to expose itself to me. Alright. Wow. Expose. Expose it. Expose yourself to me, dream. Give it to me. Expose yourself first. Do you guys wait at the bottom? I want to follow behind but not as close. I want to give you space. Yeah, give you some distance. But we need to like keep up just in case because things were popping off on ours. Yeah.

I think by going slow behind him, you are not exposing yourself to the same level of harm currently. Yeah. You're like picking your way through. So yeah, Tuck takes a breath and starts to run. And as it gets steeper and steeper it just becomes like scrambling. Okay, that's bad. Okay, so one and three plus constitution is seven. Okay. Not bad. So you can take half damage or ignore another I'll effect. Okay, I'll ignore one other I'll effect. Okay, then let's talk about it.

What is usually the effect of Tuck being like lacerated by this hill in his dream? Like what is it obscure? I think in this place I can't ignore the pain as well. And I also like it makes it hard for me to think. I guess that's one thing that happens like this perspective on the dream is more information than he's ever gotten about it because he's like it's like kind of like he has blinders on when he's in it. Totally.

So I think if you ignore the I'll effect of that like overwhelming nature of the dream that makes analyzing it difficult. I think like you're using this pain that you're feeling to sharpen your focus. Do I have to take damage? You have to take a D10. Okay. 10. Holy shit. Do you die? No, no, no. I have 16. Oh my God. Do I have armor? Not in your dream. Holy shit. Tuck is thrashing around on the floor. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Burning out of his mouth. Like like the matrix.

Yeah, I imagine he like yeah, he's clenches his teeth and just like blood comes out of his lips. Yeah, like the other two dreams are so fine. Like Morris and Pearl are like just having tea like we cut back and they put us in beds. They're drinking. How are they? Oh, they're still tripping. They're fine. Yeah. And then immediately tuck pukes a bunch of like to roll him over. So he doesn't ask for it. Oh my God. They put him in a recovery position. It's like so chill till that point.

Yeah, totally. So you're just a triage situation. Morris came in like a big cookie cookies in the air. They jump off the sheet. Holy shit. Nurse page nurse page and then you hear code blue code blue in the observation area. A bunch of pages running with a crash made out of paper clear so tuck you are like hand over hand scrambling up this hill. Yeah, that it feels like you've scrambled up countless times before, but now it feels really real.

Yeah, and you can feel the stone biting into your flesh and the sand grating against the cuts. And by the time you get to the top, you're feeling layer after layer of your fogged perception be lathed away by this pain and you reach the mount. I've never been up here before. You've never made it this far, right? Because you see your family and your friends all tumble into a crevasse on your way up and it's like that's where the dream ends is everything cracks and shatters and like sinks.

So he's actually never made it to the top. Whoa. Yeah. Okay. And at the top, the pain has made all things clear. Billy and Bing, what are you doing down? You see Tuck scrambling up this hill and you see that he is wounding himself in the climb. And he's got to, he's reached the top. He eventually pulls himself over the edge. He's following the image of himself over the top. Oh, crazy. Yeah. Like Billy wants to go after him, but he gets this feeling like, oh no, he does need to do this alone.

But I want to let him know that we're behind him, but without distracting him. Maybe it could send up a signal somehow. Get hit in the back with a rock? No. So funny. Looks at it, gets ready to throw. No. It could send some below the wisps. Oh, that's so cute. I mean, I did mine already. Yeah. Bing throws a rock in my back and then I hear a little like cat. Yeah. You see a little cat light follow you? Do I need to roll to see if I don't hit him? I'm trying to get close with it.

I think it's enough to know that you're there. You know, the rock sails up. Bing has good enough aim that he's not just going to kill Tuck. Picks up the softest rock. It's very sharp. Kisses it and throws it right at Tuck. Yeah. And it like hits the top like the ridge just as Tuck is climbing over and he sees it tumble back down. And then he hears the jingling bell sound. It's kind of heart shape. You know, you find a rock. Oh, yeah. Tuck puts it in his pocket.

And he hears the jingling bell sound. And you see the end of the bill of the wisp padding up beside him. And you reach the top. And you see the burning tree smoldering, towering, but somehow smaller than you expected. You see yourself approaching a figure at the base of the tree. The figure is just standing in front of the trunk like looking up at the burning branches. Does the figure have detail? What is it? Just a silhouette?

It was a silhouette in every other instance of Tuck observing it, but because of the focus he feels right now, he sees it clear. He sees a red tracksuit, a broad muscular back, long black hair, and at his side, a chain with a stone ball on the end. Holy shit! Whoa! What a stupid thing to find at the time. It's just a big muscular guy I love that. Your frenemy? Yeah. And you see, Tuck, this is the thing. Is this dream has, you've never reached this point in the dream.

I've never gotten to the top. So you watch yourself approach, and you haven't seen him in a while. You know it's him. His hair's different. He's dressed differently. He looks totally different. But it's Fatim. Yeah. As Dream U approaches this figure, he turns and you see dark skin and the glint of a sunstone eye in the side of his head. And then they begin to fight. Whoa. What? Why? Why? Dream Tuck and Fatim, make eye contact, and it's like they agreed to meet here.

You swing the axe a couple times in front of you, roll your shoulders, you know, crack your neck, and Fatim starts spinning his tetherball. Whoop. Whoop. Whoop. And you make the first move. You rush forward. Fatim swings his ball in a huge meteor arc at you. You, like, dodge out of the way at the last second. It still clips you in the shoulder. You drop to a knee almost for a second, and you turn that momentum into a bull rush. You slam into his chest.

His heels slide back in the sand, and then he stops your charge. He throws you back, brings the ball behind him, and up, down, over his head like a comet. The Dream Tuck tries to, like, deflect it with the axe, but he doesn't move fast enough, and you hear it crunch against his arm. Oh, yeah. Like, breaking it. And he's swinging. He's trying to keep his arm out of the way now. Your broken arm, you're trying to keep it out of the way. And you've got the axe in a close grip under the head.

You're using it like a punching weapon now. You're trying to get inside Fatim's range. He's got range on you with the ball chain. So you come in, and he doesn't expect you to get in this close this quickly. It's like you're faster than he remembers. And you punch towards his chest, and he tries to, like, pull the chain taut in front of him. He tries to wrap it around the haft of Larry Terry and Chad. Uh-huh.

And it's like he stops it for a second, and you lean into the axe, and the amethyst spike digs into his chest. You're pushing Fatim back, like, a step by a step towards the burning tree. Like, I pin him against the trunk. Like a smoldering tree? Yeah. And Tuck, you, separated from this fight, can see something that you can't in the dream. Uh-huh. Fatim drops the ball into his right hand. Oh. And brings it up. Uh-huh. Oh! Towards the side of your head. And you are laid out on the ground.

Your only working arm reaching out towards Larry Terry and Chad, where it's been knocked from your grip. How does this end? Uh, okay. Tuck is, like, dazed. He's, like, trying he's, like, scrambling to, like, grab TLC. What is Fatim doing? Yeah, he's still got the ball in his hand, but he's pressed his other hand against the massive wound in his lung. It's spurting a little bit, like coughing. Yeah.

Yeah, every every breath, every cough, every beat of his heart, there's more blood pouring out of him. And he's stumbling towards you with a rock in his hand. You see him drop the ball thunk! Into the sand. Uh-huh. The chain still in his grip. Tuck, like, he's dazed. He's reaching for the axe and he, like, finally makes contact with it, grabs the haft and goes to swing it at Fatim and then Fatim uses the ball, swings it at the axe, and it connects with the handle and cracks it in half. Whoa.

The head of the axe, like, falls in the rock and Fatim picks it up and slices across Tuck's face. Oh my god. And Tuck loses the other eye from Fatim. And then Fatim reaches into his pocket and he pulls out an obsidian coin and he flicks it and takes the axe and shatters the coin in front of Tuck. And the coin, as it shatters, freezes in place. And the dream with it. This seems to be, to Tuck's knowing, the end of the dream.

And as the coin pulls back into reform in the way that we've seen before, strands of the dream go with it. The tree, the blasted landscape, the rocks, the smoke, everything sucked into this coin until we're left with nothing but blackness and a single white coin hanging in the air. And then it drops to the ground with a heavy clink. It does not bounce. And you're all back. Suddenly, in this backstage space, a black expanse behind knowing, behind dreams, behind thought.

And the anerophage pads forward, gives the coin a and consumes it. And as the anerophage lifts its horrid mouth off the floor of this backstage space, it looks to the three of you and says, Our deal is done. And you wake. Covered in blood. Like, what do I see? Bing wakes up screaming. I have so many tubes in my mouth. Yeah, Bing wakes up. We wake up like we're inside the Matrix. And I think that's where we're going to end the episode for this week. I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara.

Perel is like crying. They're praying over us and weeping. They're gone. Morris is screaming at him to do some medical procedure and Perel's crying. Victor's like, they were that stupid. They were actually pretty cool. Eight pages gathered around your bodies holding little paper flowers. They're feeding us into an incinerator. Whoa, whoa, whoa. These guys were fine. They were fine. They were just like, they would want to go together. Oh, man. All right. I've been your Game Master, Sean O'Hara.

Joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. So long. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Hoppers. Take care. Playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Thank you to all of our supporters around the world. If you would like to support the show and get access to a bonus campaign set in the High Spear Mall, merch, gift boxes, maybe even a game, run by Abdul or myself. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

You can check us out at speltlor.com slash money, please, or patreon.com slash speltlor. Thank you to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music. You can find Aaron Reed's original music on bandcamp.com and all of the music produced for Speltlor on Spotify. Thank you, finally, and most of all, to all of you for listening. We'll see you next time.

And so ends the tale of Adventures Three who tried the best they can to find their way and the bottom of the mountain and the bottom of the mountain and the bottom of the mountain and the bottom of the mountain and the bottom of the mountain Though dumb and scared and lost they be For time's abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute to your home or do your chores And for you I'd gladly Speltlor

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart.

Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round friends and listen close, for the tale's about to start. Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore! I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdul Aziz. Hello everybody! Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. Hey, how's it going? And playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Hi everyone!

When last we left our heroes, they attended a funeral for the brave halfling souls which perished in the end of the Hogpocalypse. A feast was held after the funeral, as is tradition, during which Billy realized that he still did not feel like a member of the community. So he decided to leave. And the party packed up and we made our way to the Everwood Forest. Ooh, the Everwood itself.

To speak to the old halfling Nana, who supposedly is an expert in the Wittershins and the Sunwise and the things that get lost and the things that appear in its waters. We found Nana's cottage and after a bit of a get-off-my-land conversation, discovered that Billy was remembering a different kind old halfling woman. Hahaha! And that this Nana was actually quite mean. Hahaha! Quite mean! Turns out that Billy stole some herbs from her a very long time ago and she has not forgotten that.

She tossed out some sort of elixir of her own make to attempt to scare off the party, which Tuck countered with a bottle full of nightmares. Hahaha! It's okay though, she was very mean. She was quite mean. She was quite mean. Uh, Ving and Billy were also very mean. Ving and Billy were overcome with terror at their nightmares while Tuck just fully dissociated and chose not to be afraid. Hell yeah, I did. Nana herself was overcome with terror to see a robed figure with a shifting face.

A figure that the party determined or guessed to be Mother Never Was herself. Nana was incapacitated and the party joined her in her cottage for some tea. There was a conversation about Nana's experience with Mother Never Was. In which she described a time where her son became I'll and she made a deal with Mother Never Was to learn skills in herbalism and alchemy to aid him.

But Mother Never Was turned that deal back on Nana by teasing her these ways but then having so much time pass that it was too late to save her family. Asking how they could find Mother Never Was or perhaps avoid Mother Never Was, they were informed by Nana that you don't find her, she finds you. And she was coming. Soon. Coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming. God, I love, I love you guys so much. I love how much you guys say come. I always want that on mic.

We're all on the same page with everything and I love it. The party, in their sort of experienced adventure danger sense way, realized that things were not safe here. Tuck smashed through the wall grabbing Billy and they made their escape as Nana was hurled back to the house. And then Tuck was back to the house. Was hurled into the river by Tuck.

His move was to just bodily grab an old woman and throw her like a softball into the river, which she emerged from, cackling wildly, and gave chase through the Everwood as the sun began to set in the darkened ancient primordial forest. Ving attempted to use his mastery and command over the spirits to cage Nana, entreating the spirits to wrap her in a container of vines. Which she started squeezing through with her weird spooky body before being set on fire, I believe. Yeah. She don't like fire.

She doesn't like fire. That is actually probably true. She doesn't like being set on fire. Her weakness. Her one weakness, being set on fire. I never would have considered this. Set on fire. Ving's writing it down. Weaknesses to test. Set on fire. Shoot with gun. Check yes or no. Yes. Explosives? Question mark. It's a short list. No blood. No blood. No blood. No blood equals remove.

You came to a clearing, a beautiful, tranquil, moon-dappled clearing with a single deer in the very center and Tuck snapped its neck just to be safe. Billy then made what Jessica described as a McDouble of fairy rings. Uh-huh. A small and semi-secure one surrounding the fairies. A fanny pack and then a larger one surrounding the clearing creating a double layer of protection. Setting precedent for endless fairy rings, really. Yeah, I could just multiply. Yeah. Well, we'll see.

We're going to have to codify that at some point. Sean explicitly said, I might never let this happen again. You know what? But you might. Because I might do it. There's no way to know. Argue for either way. Yeah. Look, guys, I'm just going to say it. Jessica gets special treatment because she's my wife. Yeah, we've known. We've known that for a long time. I've tried really hard to fight against it. It's true. No, it's true. And I am. I come from an honorable line of honorable people. Yeah.

All of the white people you're descended from is what you're talking about. The other side. The party explained to Morris and Perel what the situation was and how they wanted, desperately wanted more information on Mother Never Was. They agreed to help with the research on this creature and her various dealings throughout history. In the morning, a, another breakfast buffet and another presentation by Morris and Perel. Yeah. We start every season like this now. Yeah.

We shoehorn a breakfast buffet. Uh-huh. There's always like a hotel banquet hall dissertation. One of those ones with the wall in the middle of the room that could be pulled to the side to make the room bigger. Yeah. And you can hear that there's something else going on over there, like a Tupperware selling thing. Yeah. It's a lead gen event. There's an MLM annual general meeting going on over there.

And Morris and Perel explained that creatures like Mother Never Was appear in various mythologies around the world and are described as bargainers. And a key part of bargainer mythology is that they always offer you something you want, but there is a catch. And it would appear that Mother Never Was has always gotten the upper hand on the people that she has bargained with, except for once. And that is where we find our heroes now. Perel has had his finger in the air for, pregnant paws. Who?

He just looks to see, to hear you guys gasp. Okay, thank you, thank you. Who was it? So a long time ago, a man in an attempt to save the woman he loved made a deal with Mother Never Was to learn the ways of the runes. And he used that power to entreat the spirit of the ocean itself. Your dad! Well now, hold on. My dad. No, I'm looking at Vance. Morris, was it your dad? It wasn't my dad. Whose dad was it?

But a long time ago, a man learned from Mother Never Was the ways of the ancient runes, which he used to then modify his own body to withstand a deal made with the spirit of the ocean, of the sea, of graves. I thought you would have figured it out. Yeah? No. Man of the sea. Yeah? Chimes. Chimes. Oh my God. And as far as I can tell, this is the only time that Mother Never Was did not take something punishing in return. Why? The book incredibly does not say.

The man imbued with runes was able to use those to his advantage. Ving holds out his arms. Yes, he points. That, those are, and he grabs your arms. Hey. And he's, looking at them, he's like, I don't. Your hands are so soft. Oh, thank you. You go to potions and lotions. All the time. I've got a lotions and potions subscription. They just show up in the fanny pack. I thought you tried to cancel that. I tried, but the app is so confusing.

And he looks and he goes, well, these are, and he's kind of turning your arms over. These are kind of, these are a little different because these are like druidic runes, right? Not like magical runes in the same way. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. But this is something to remember. This is something to think about. But if I guess. Why do. OK. Why do we think that mother never was.

Didn't punish who we assume is chimes. Yeah. Was it that. I mean, the song says that he was a thief to start. Right. Yeah. So he was already kind of shifty. Like, is it that he was. He just tricked her. I was going to say, I think he just tricked her. Is it like a Prometheus? You know, Maybe that's why she punishes now. Oh. Oh. Like, my punishments are so harsh, she's like, I'll never let that happen again. Yeah. Maybe he was the first. Maybe. Okay. Well. Maybe Chimes is. Like, she was.

Oh, sorry. We're all having revelations. Yeah, we are all having revelations now. This is the revelations part of the podcast. Welcome to Spout Lore Revelations. Part all of us. Yeah. So the thing that I was thinking was, what if Chimes is not the patron of one thing? What if he is the patron of sailors, but is also the patron of liars? I like that a lot. He's the first one who ever tricked Mother Never Was, but he's like, he is, he's the first of the liars.

I think that we know based on what is established in the thing is, if that is true, which would be really cool, it would be merely symbolic. It's a symbolic. Totally. Because it was like. Oh, yeah, they're always symbolic. Yes. But Chimes just happens to be the only living patron because of his long-livedness. Yeah. Yeah. But that is a cool idea. Where he was the first, like Jessica said, he was the first one to trick her. And then she was just like, never again. Yeah.

But because it is like a foundational event in history, like it made Mother Never Was what she is. It also solidified him as like, the totem of lying. Yeah. So whatever she is, she's able to grant wishes in a way. That is the main thing that we know about her. And over time, the way that she grants wishes is by changing people, not by giving them what they want. And I think that when Chimes tricked her, this was my revelation that he took something from her. Yes. Oh. I think so too.

Something that made like the runes actually have an impact when he took it. Like he tattooed himself. Yeah. Like maybe it was like. The ink. The ink. Oh yeah. Maybe it was like some special ink or something. What's the ink? Boda? So it was Wally Boda is the origin of like the druidic tattooing tradition. And he got ink from a spiritual octopus named Lakshmi. Oh right. Who lives in the deep, deep ocean. Okay. Yes.

But yeah, maybe there was some kind of like magic ink that Mother Never Was had that he stole. What if the way that she makes her bargains is, she writes them in a book. Oh. And that is the ink that she like, the ink that she had was. It's a binding ink. Mm-hmm. So she was able to like write in this book and make these things come to pass. Mm-hmm. And Chimes stole, yeah, that magic, or stole that ink from her.

So then she was forced to learn other ways, which then like over time twisted her and trapped her in the marshes. Uh-huh. And now she can't leave. And Perel, after you guys speculate all of this stuff, Perel's like looking at his books in his notes and he goes, the timeline might. Match up. I don't know for sure, but unfortunately, I think if we really want to know more, we got to talk to Chimes. Is there a way we can get in touch with Chimes? You're so far away from the ocean.

And as far as you can tell, Chimes can only be on the ocean. Right. I have a jar of Sea of Graves with me. Do you? Yeah. Oh, could you commune with it? Yeah. Oh. Is there a way to commune with it? We've never done it before, but there are Sea of Graves. It could work. That would be sick. Well, while we're having breakfast, I want to commune with the whispers of the Sea of Graves. All right. While we're having breakfast. Yeah. Tuck went back and he got a big bowl.

He just took the top off of one of those cereal columns and then just dumped it into a mixing bowl with a bunch of heavy cream. Oh, delicious. A breve cereal. Breve cereal. Just a straight shot to diarrhea. Yeah. Express. Okay. So we're going to do communion of whispers? Yep. All right. Here we go. Roll plus whiz. Nice. I got four plus my whiz is two as a five. You got four plus two. So that's six. You have a debil. Oh, yeah. Could I help? Sorry. Yeah. Potentially. How would you help?

Billy's just talking through a bunch of food in his mouth. He's just like, why are you? Why are you holding up against the moon or something? I might help. Thanks, Billy. Just an unqualified. Unqualified opinion from a child. Yeah. And the annoying part is it's going to work. Two to six plus bond. 13. Holy shit. Seven to nine. Vision's unclear. It's meaning murky. Meaning murky. The water gets cloudy. What the fuck? So yeah, I think. Yeah.

Billy goes, why don't you just hold it up against the moon? And you remember that it's morning, it's daylight, but you summon some moonlight in yourself. Oh yeah. I shine. I love this. My hand on the other side of the screen. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm going to shine on the other side. Oh yeah. Right? Cause you have like the veins of Moonstone in your body still thought you, yeah.

And the light glimmers in the jar of water from the sea of graves, which starts to Royal as if a storm at sea, the water grays and becomes murky and you begin to see images within the water. You feel the presence before you see it, but then you see a, a leathery skinned, long braided, long braided beard, long gray hair rings. You see the image of chimes his face, like the braids floating in the water. And then his image becomes smoother, younger.

His countenance changes, his hair shortens, his beard shortens. Some of his tattoos begin to disappear. You see a young chimes tech puts the mixing bowl over his life. Is there anyone that tuck is not sexually attracted to? It's like shapes, triangles and thin rectangles. And we see him in sort of a, uh, we get a flash of images. Basically see him in like a darkened city street, uh, stealing through windows and emerging with sacks of I'll gotten goods.

We see him, the moon lighting his way, like lighting the streets. There's like constant, like an ally in his like thieving. And then we see him standing on the shore of the sea with a beautiful, beautiful woman wreathed in moonlight. They embrace. We see the images of the thief in the maid, basically a tower waves crashing against it, lightning in the sky and chimes throwing his fists in the air in anger. The black headed man is there. Yeah. And like in the distance watching chimes, uh, cry out.

Yeah. And then we see him trudging through the wilderness, traveling far and wide to a horrible twisted marshy place where he speaks to a woman. What does the woman look like in this scenario? Oh, what does she look like? What does mother never was look like before she's mother never was. She looks kind of like she's not old. She looks like she's in her late thirties, early forties. Did she, what kind of, you just make us sound right. Women in there. Abdul's favorite age range. Yeah.

Women, women in their forties, his weakness. Oh no. You said thirties, not into it. Forty. She is really like, like floor length, black hair. Oh, cool. And, uh, um, robe that is like a lot of flaps, like maybe of like, uh, animal hides and, and woven reeds and things like that. She's like a earth warrior. Uh huh. Oh, so she was like very connected to the land. Hmm. Cool. And, uh, like a true hedge, which kind of thing we can see kind of girl. You'd meet at a music festival. Yes. All right.

Keep us together, buddy. Reel it in, reel it in. It's too late. He already saw the side boob. Oh yeah. She's other side boob for sure. Cause of summer. It's summertime. Yeah. She was, she was bathing. Yeah. Was it in a stream? It was. Oh yeah. He's in the, in a fountain. And Abdul's trying, he's trying to snap that giant pencil. Oh wow. I wonder if he can. He's trying to twist it. Yeah. I don't understand. Keep describing. And? She's barefoot. She has a little gold tattoos on her face. Oh, cool.

Yeah. Keep that. Oh, like geometrical, but like, geometrical. Rounded. I don't know. Lots of shapes. So many shapes tattooed on her face. Of gold. She's eating a grapefruit. What? Wow. I've never met anything you haven't. That's a tough pencil. You couldn't break. It'd be so funny if Jess just did it. No, but like, you can't even like, it's, there's no flexibility in this. That's awesome. It's just a piece of wood. Yeah. Did you twist all the bark off it though?

No, that Paul did that forever ago. And I got really mad at him that day. But, I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. That's a big part. This is my favorite pencil. Oh, cause there's stuff everywhere. It was a thing where we were trying to do a finale and there was like a tablecloth we had put down that was white from the Airbnb that we were in. Right. And then I looked over and there was just dirt all over it. But now this is our studio.

You can put bark. It's like you go to a nice restaurant with your kid and you're like, just be cool. And then you look over and- And they're peeling bark off a stick. Sauce is all over. It's the same thing. Where'd you get that stick? I brought it from home. Home. From home. Home. You have to stop doing that, Billy. I brought it from home. Okay, so is the things that you guys described while Abdul was trying to break that stick true? She has geometric tattoos as well? Yeah, like shape.

Not just square, but like, you know, swirls. Circles with triangles in them. Yeah. But like legit. But like cool. Yeah. They're like doing like a caricature version of it. Okay, we see young Chimes speaking to Mother Never Was. Hides, woven reeds, geometric tattoos, long, long, long black hair dragging in the mud around her. And she's writing in a book, nodding. And we see, like, it seems like the face that you see in this Mother Never Was seems happy with this arrangement. Okay. In some way.

Okay. And then we see this story that we know. This story from the thief and the maid. Chimes tattooing himself, covering himself in runes, building his skiff, the weather eye. Mm-hmm. Taking to the waves to rescue Lillian from the chains of the Gibbous Man from his tower. Can we see like a full-on fight between like, it's like storm, rain. And we see like young Chimes, but with tattoos. Mm-hmm. And like the Gibbous Man full like slugfest. Yeah, totally. Chains wrapped around his fist. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Like lashed around his arms. Yeah. Like hitting like a fucking storm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Every time Chimes lands a blow, there's lightning in the sky. Yeah. And every time the Gibbous Man lands a blow, there's a huge gale of wind. Uh-huh. And. And it's. No. The Sea of Graves existed before this, right? So this is what I was. Oh, shit. This is what I was wondering. But then I realized. Because the timeline doesn't quite make sense. Just do it. Just do it. Just give us the goods, Sean.

You gotta stop edging us like this. Let me think about it for a sec. What if like the graves were there, but they were like. Underwater? Underwater. Oh. Because they were graves. They were buried in the earth. Yeah. Yeah. I think we see. Yeah. Yeah. Chimes and the Gibbous Man laying into each other. A battle. A titanic clash. Between two. Not people. Uh-huh. Chimes as human as he could be. But something else at this point. Yeah. And just as he's like. It looks like he's losing.

Lillian's bindings are secure. She's like. I imagine her as kind of like. In chains of dark. Like the night sky. Uh-huh. Like just over the surface of the water. Obsidian black. Yeah. Obsidian black chains. She's hanging just above the surface of the waves. There's waves lapping about her, but she's not being pulled under. Exactly. And. The sky. Is Chimes's enemy itself. The very sky. Is the like arena of the fight. Like it's sort of the ocean, but like. You know, like the.

That scene from Pirates of the Caribbean where it's like the night sky and is reflected in the ocean and they're kind of. One entity. It's like one domain kind of thing. Uh-huh. The wind and the waves. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. It's like you're far enough away from land that you're somewhere else. Yeah. They're on the edge of like. Reality. Yeah. Yeah. And we see. We see. What might be the moment where Chimes made the deal with the sea. Oh. And he like plunges his hands into the water. Whoa.

His eyes close and his head is thrown back. The breath is pulled from him. Whoa. The chains wrapped around his arms dive down deep into the ocean. Yeah. Deep into the water. Uh-huh. And his breath is pulled from him and given to the wind. Mm-hmm. And we see the chains lash onto something beneath the surface. We see the gibbous man's like. Hold on the wind like. Fritter away. Fritter away. As it gets its own agency. Yeah. And we see the muscles in Chimes' shoulders and arms tense. Mm-hmm.

As he begins to pull on the chains. Uh-huh. And all around him erupting from the water. Massive stone pillars. Shit. Holy fuck. Oh. That's so cool. Oh. And. He pauses to like re-grip the chains and they stop growing and then he continues and they continue to grow. Yeah. Yeah. He. He. Yeah. He pulls up like straight up and then he turns and like grabs the chains. Mm-hmm. And lifts them over his head. Yeah. Whoa.

And the pillars erupt from the ocean around him and we see the gibbous man temporarily just long enough robbed of his power in this place. Uh-huh. And that's when Lillian breaks free. Like you see like moonlight like beams of intense moonlight start to form in cracks. Yeah. In like the cage around her. And then the image that you see in a mason jar. Yeah. The water turns bright blinding white. Whoa. And the jar shatters. Whoa. And the water pours across the surface of the table.

And the glass that shattered is black obsidian like across the ground. Mm-hmm. It turned into like the same. You want more obsidian? Is that what you're trying to do here? Oh no. I didn't want more obsidian. I just thought it was cool. It's cool. There's like veins of obsidian running through the broken glass. Like every broken edge is rimmed with black. Yeah. And yeah, Perel and Morris like both step back as the glass shatters and the water pours over the table and the vision ends.

Then you hear Tuck crunch a big spoonful of. Whoa. Of Cheerios. And he goes. Like milk coming out of your mouth like whoa. Whoa. Just watching Stoudy Martin. 40 cartoons. Whoa. With a Froot Loop in it. Yeah, it was Froot Loops, not Cheerios. Uh, and now we can either. With that vision ending, what I'm imagining is we can either discuss what, what that means, or we can jump forward to what we think the party does with this information.

The fairy ring will stay up for another 24 hours or another 12 hours. Yeah. Billy builds another one. Okay. So at this point we are going to say that to, to build another ring, you're going to have to like two rings is lots, but it's a new day. So I'm building a fresh one. So roll. Dexterity. Oh, so I roll fair. I'll roll fairy child. Yeah. Two to six plus charisma. Uh, eight. Okay. So you get two, I believe, or three, three, three, three hold. And now am I allowed to roll fairy ring? You are.

I think you, I think the way that you have saturated this clearing with fairy energy means that you will have to bring down your previous rings. This will be a new ring. No, I'm building around my ultra fortress. Sean, this is what I'm doing. I understand. I understand that this is what you're doing. Jessica slamming the dice down like they're a gavel. You're just, you're, you're just going to be overwriting your previous rings. 10. There you go. So that'll last for 24 hours. Oh yeah. Wow.

One full cycle of the sun. Fuck yeah. That was great. She's psyched because now this means that you guys can hang out in the fanny pack and be totally safe and hang out in these rings. We have like our yard just got way bigger. That's true. Oh yeah. We have so much. It sounds like Billy made the whole clearing within the fairy ring. So now you've got like green space. You can vibe out. You guys are dead deer in here. And Billy doesn't even, he doesn't even fully understand fairy rings himself.

So he's like three layers of protection. I should be able to go inside now. That's a double big bag. Yeah. Triple layer. Oh yeah. Triple layer. Did the Billy's talking about it? Like it's a, like it's a man's razor commercial. Yeah. Yeah. Three layers of moisturizing protection. We're just fine in here. Yeah. Billy comes back covered in dirt. Yeah. Yeah. Very sweaty. Are you okay, Billy? I'm great. Never been better. Amazing. Yeah. Marble. Thank you for the fairy ring. We do appreciate it.

No problem. What does this ring look like? I know that Billy kind of does them different every time. Um, this one is, uh, he dug a trench. It's just a hole. That's great. Bent over walking backwards. Like, yeah, he, uh, he took one of the really nice dinner plates and he started, he was dragging, like digging, dirt out. And it's, you cut to us watching it for a bit. And we're, and we're like, he's going to be so fucking dirty after this.

You know, also he's going to be so fucking tired after this. That is true. Okay. And then Tuck's like, good job, Billy. And Billy is thumbs up. Yay. Looking good. It's working. Super deep. Yeah, we can, and then Tuck leads back. He's like, yeah, we can give him a bath tomorrow. We don't have to worry about it now. It's fine. He can do a sponge bath when he's asleep. He's going to be out. The dirt, the dirt will dry and cross. It's fine. Yeah.

And honestly, he'll probably just fall asleep in Perel and Morris's bed. So it's not really our thing that we have to figure out. Billy walks back in with the filthy plate and you hear as the, the page is like gesturing wildly. That's what that is. It walks up. It grabs the plate away from Billy. Oh, it completes the set. Oh, the seats. And it just hustles like through the double doors into the kitchen. Okay.

And now you have a, if you choose, if you're choosing to rest here, you have a full day to just rest and recuperate and study and talk. And if we take two days, I can, I can clear this stability. So, okay. So recover when you do nothing but rest and comfort and safety. That is something to consider. After a day of rest, you recover all of your hit points. After three days of rest, you remove one debility of your choice.

If you are under the care of a healer, magical or otherwise, you heal a debility every two days. Instead. Great. So can I try to get Morris and Perel to fix my dream? So it doesn't give me a wisdom debility every time. You definitely can. These might be the wrong guys to ask about that. I trust them. Cause the, there are only hope right now. Perel is like a, a frog wizard. Well, he's, well, he's a transmuter.

So he's like, so technically what I could do is kind of transmute your brain a little bit. Uh huh. To maybe try and work out whatever physical mechanical brain problem you're having is. Could you transmute my brain so I don't remember my dreams anymore? And then I don't, I won't be freaked out about this every day. I could absolutely take away your ability to dream forever. If that's what you're asking me. Side question. Do frogs dream? Do frogs dream?

Boy, you better believe frogs dream and they are disgusting. What do they dream about? Uh, uh,! Oh, I can't even say it. It's just, he spits on the ground. Ew. That's why I had to turn them into people. So they knew that what they were dreaming about was wrong. That was the motivation? No, I was really bored out there. Actually. It was just cool to have guys to like, go get me drinks and stuff. So that's most. Servitude? No, no, no, no. Okay. Wait, sorry. This is sounding crazy.

This sounds crazy. It's getting so weird. I wanted. You didn't like their dreams and you wanted slaves? No, no, no, no. I didn't want to. I just, I created Ascension Species to see if I could. Why don't you just make normal friends? Just such a pregnant pause. So long story short, yes, I could. I could take away your ability to dream forever. Okay. I think. It would take some time. It would take some doing, but I could probably do it. What can Morris do? Morris, can you do something?

Well, I'm more of a, um, spatial thaumaturge, so I could take, technically, with much precision and skill, which is not a problem for me, physically remove a part of your brain. Okay. We're doing a lobotomy? I feel like there's a lot of extra stuff in there already. I just want to be clear. That I'm not using. Neither of us is particularly trained in the healing arts. You just remove his dexterity part of his brain. Yeah.

Perel is either going to transmute your brain chemistry, which he offered to do with Mears a long time ago in Crystal Bay, so he wouldn't betray. You or Morris can physically alter your brain. What's Aquarius thing? Moss. Is there a mass that does this? Is there a sleep? There might be. I mean, this could be a Spout Lore. Yeah. Is there some kind of drug I can take that stops me from dreaming? Three. Whoa. Um, what is the failure here? What? I don't know.

They like, they're like, let me look in my medicine cabinet and they just, they're just like rummaging around. There's like some old faded medicine bottles and they're like, maybe, maybe. Yeah. The failure is that I think that they found something like there's a thing where Morris and Perel are like, Oh maybe, maybe. And then like one of them walks to like a cabinet and like grabs a bottle of clear liquid. That's unlabeled. Tuck just drinks, grabs it out of his hand. I'll take that. Sick.

You guys are the best. Thanks. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I've already drank the whole thing. Yeah. What was it? I don't know. Tuck passes out. He just faints. Hopefully that was a natural faint. Yeah. Morris like just puts a mirror up against my mouth to see if I'm even breathing. Don't worry everyone. He's alive. Score another one for Morrison Perel. He's getting, this is a win. He didn't die. Can I use a druidic lore to consult the trove of ancient knowledge within me?

Examine the events of the world. Roll plus wisdom. I'm just wondering if there's a thing that we can find out what this liquid is. That's all. Oh, you want to know what the liquid is? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Tuck just passed out. Yep. He's a close personal friend of mine, Sean. It is close personal friend. It's probably, I feel like this is a personal friend of mine. I think this is more in the realm of like, uh, magic stuff.

So the druidic knowledge might not be within the realm, but I mean like you could Spout Lore, you could do other stuff. I'll Spout Lore about clear liquids that magicians will keep. Yeah. I got seven plus my intelligence. Six. Shit. Beautiful. Shit. Um, can I help? Yep. Okay. Try. How? I taste it. Okay. Just, there's a little bit of red Tuck's lip. He starts licking it off Tuck's beard. Like a dog. Uh, five. Okay. Failure. Failure. Dang it. Uh, okay. You know, wait, can I aid his aid?

You were passed out by just having, having a bunch on my beard. You aid somebody who's trying to aid you. Huh? Full circle. Huh? Yeah. Okay. So here's what we're going to do to get over this. You're going to get on my shoulders. Then I'm going to get on your shoulders. You're going to get on my shoulders and then we're going to be on the top. We'll be 50 feet tall at this point. Oh my God. Okay. And it's just, it cuts to your, you're in a 69. Yeah. Cause that's, that's, that's standing 69.

Well, try to flip. This isn't exactly how I thought this was going to go, but it's happening now. Um, okay. So I think this is actually, what are you doing? I'm aiding Billy. You're not aiding Billy. Put those down. What did you get? I got five. Oh, it doesn't, I can't help it. You're unconscious. Yeah. You can't do it anyways. But I have so much still around my, this is what I'm saying. This is actually kind of perfect. Okay. These two failures.

Cause I think that you drink all of this stuff and Billy's like, I'll help. I know what it is. And he starts licking it off. Tuck's beard. Or he's like touching his beard and putting it in his mouth. He's using his hands. He's going, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't put it in your mouth. And then Ving tries to Billy Ving grabs Billy and it like gets on his hands. And Billy passes out and Tuck's like, or Ving rubs his eyes like, well, wait a second. No, he's like, this, this move. Sorry.

I just pictured being like, if he had glasses, he'd be under, you know, like, Oh my God, we're also stuck. Why are they so, why is my family so stupid? Like he was cutting, he was cutting peppers and he accidentally rubbed his eye. He's like, Oh, I'm unconscious now. And then we descend into the dreamscape. Sick. So you awake.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I think the nature of whatever it is that you've consumed means that all three of you come to together. Oh, cool. Whoa. I think that tuck like you, you open your eyes, you see the cataclysm and the cataclysm. What, as I recall, is there is a, a hillside that tuck is walking up. Yeah.

And the landscape is made out of like kind of blasted gray rock. Like it almost looks like an alien landscape. Kind of like when you see pictures of Iceland and you're like, what the fuck planet is that? Yeah, totally. It's just Iceland. Yeah. It's like blacking. It's like black or gray rock, black sand. Yeah. The fissures in the earth. And then there's like smoke, like yellow, acrid smoke pouring out of the fissures. Yeah. Yeah.

And as of several months ago, there is also a tree at the top of the hill. Yeah. And it's like a steep, like you, like tuck is always barefoot in his dream and it hurts to walk up the hill. Yeah. Cause it's like just so sharp. And that's sort of what this landscape is, is like, if you walk, you're getting cut up bad. Yeah, totally. But it's like 200 feet up and then there's a tree right at the top. Yeah.

And then like the tree is on fire and the, and the sky is like this, like angry red, yellow kind of thing. Cool. Yeah. We're seeing tuck, like begin to struggle up this hill feet, like bloodied ground smoking. And by we, I also mean tuck because tuck is viewing this along with Billy and Ving from about 50 feet back. Whoa. And it cuts off in like, as you turn, uh, cause you hear like movement to either side of you and they're Billy and Ving.

But, and as you turn to view them, you see like the image is kind of shifting almost until it disappears and becomes, uh, a different image depending on the direction that each of you are facing. Oh, our individual dreams. Yes. You are sort of in a, it seems like you're in a nexus between all three of your dreams. So if we look towards Billy, what does Billy see? Billy is, uh, he's in the river before he knitted it. Cool.

So, so Billy is watching Billy, I guess like, uh, cause remember we're all like, like, like, like tuck. Like we see Billy frozen next to, the river before it was the sun wise in the winter shins. Yeah. And what is Billy doing in this frozen moment? He's got his like fingers kind of in the clay on the river bed. Um, and it's like a fine spring day. The sun is dappling down from like the shade of the trees above. It just looks like a kid playing just sort of an idyllic spring day. Nice.

And Billy, you're watching yourself from this removed view play in the, in the clay. Does Billy remember this? He's watching. He's like, Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he starts like picking his nose. He's like, Oh, I remember that. Your finger out of your nose, Billy. What? Oh my gosh. That moment you're like, Oh shit, Tuck's here. And you turn to the other side and Ving is here too. What, what do we see? Yeah. If we look towards Ving, what do we see?

Uh, Ving is seeing a vision of his mother, but before he was created. So it's from the vision of Ving. Of his mother. Oh, does that make sense? Yeah, that does make sense. It's your mom's dream. It's my mom's dream before she had me. Yeah. Cool. That's sick. Interestingly, I think because this is the first time you're seeing this, this dream from outside the actual perspective of the dream. I can understand a bit. You're like, Oh fuck, that's my mom. I thought that was me this whole time.

Oh, that's sick. And to you here, get your finger out of your nose, Billy, realize that Tuck is next to you. And so is Billy. And the three of you turn around and look at each other. And our dreams mash together as we see each other. Oh, I'm looking at Tuck and in behind Tuck is my dream. He's pushed into my dreamscape and likewise with each of us. Like it moves relative to us. Yeah. That's perspective. Yeah. What do you guys, what is, what do you guys do? Is the plan to go?

Into the dreams to figure them out? I step forward into one of them. Absolutely. Okay. I step into my dream. Yeah. And then I go far enough that I'm in the water now. Yeah. Oh, it's nice in here. Oh, follow Billy. Yep. And you walk into this, uh, where before you were in sort of a blank space in the corner of all three of your minds. It's kind of, it was kind of looked in my mind. Like you remember the interface as we entered the spirit realm? Oh, yeah.

Where it's just like pieces of reality floating in blackness. Yeah. Yeah, totally. And you step forward following Billy and suddenly birds. Well, you mostly feel the sun. It is warm here. You feel like there would be, you're like walking through a frozen breeze. So like as you pass the breeze, you feel it on your skin, but it does not blow. You see birds frozen in the sky, fish frozen in the stream. Oh, it's like they're frozen moments. This is like, everything is still. Okay.

At least at this time. And Billy is in the water. Is the other Billy here too? The dream. Yeah. There's a, there's a Billy crouched on the, on the shore, like playing with the clay thing. Wants to walk up to the clay, Billy. Just go observe him. Yeah. Do I see anything? Uh, roll a discern realities. 12. Oh, you get three questions. Hmm. What? Here's not what it appears to be.

As you get closer to the Billy and like really, really fix your attention and your perception on him, you see him start to move and he's like moving the clay and kind of piling it up and measuring. It looks like he's, he's doing like some sort of kid, like, okay, it's this big.

And then he like moves a bunch of clay and he's like, at one point he puts his figure up his nose and like coats his nose with mud and being like, goes to put his hand down, but like moves through his body, you know, like, yeah, totally. But you do see this.

Billy begins to move and around him, sort of, it seems like in an area almost like some of the water is flowing, but some of it's not like this is a, this is a dreamscape that you can, I won't give you more information, but that is what you get is you really focus on this aspect of the dream and it begins. Who's really in control here. It does feel like to you, it is a mixture of, well, this is Billy's mind, but also I am here so I can affect this. Okay. Weird. Yeah. It's a con.

It's like, it is a dream for sure, but you are acting upon the dream yourself. We are incepting. Yeah. And so in that way you think it's probably whatever the potion, whatever the potion was. Sorry. I just, in my mind we see Leonardo DiCaprio running through the halfling doing his own thing. Oh no, that's Jordan. Let's have go of it. Jordan, let's have go of it. Just, just falls out of his chair. I rub my eyes. Jordan, let's have it. I didn't, you know who I mean. Yes.

And then we see three syllable name, three names. Oh Jesus. God damn it. It's okay. We're almost at lunchtime. Paul's in a full cascade right now. He only had one boiled veggie dog. I think it's the veggie dog that brought me here. No, I think the veggie dog carried you until here. Yeah. If you leave this in, I'm quitting the podcast forever. If you look back in the sand, you'll see the moments that the veggie dog carried you. Yeah. I think the veggie dog carried you until here. Yeah. Yeah.

If you leave this in, I'm quitting the podcast forever. If you look back in the sand, I think the veggie dog carried you. There's only one set of footprints. There was footprints. And then just a round peg hole. One sliding trough as the hot dog slid across the ground. Yeah. So the answer you think is somewhat complicated, but overall it's probably whatever the potion was has created this very strange situation. What should I be on the lookout for?

You recall as you were kind of looking around at each of your family members and their respective dreams, that they were doing this sort of like, you know, like mashing thing where like aspects of the dream to either side would sort of flow in. And you're like, well, that can't be good for anybody. Okay. If someone else's psyche creeps into theirs, that's not going to feel good. So you want to, you think you want to be very watchful for instability in whatever this is. Okay.

So Tuck kind of like, when Ving tells us that he sort of like moves his dream in the like, landscape of their minds. Like, so it's not mashing with everyone else's basically wink blinks his way out of this. Yeah. Roll a two to six plus wisdom. Okay. And it's a 10. Yes. So Tuck is very skilled at compartmentalizing after all these years. That makes sense. So he, you just like you being is like, Oh yeah, our dreams might mash. And you were like, there's no fucking way.

I'm letting Billy see this dream. Oh yeah. And you just, so you put up what you feel is a pretty firm barrier between it. Doesn't lock you out. That's what the 10 is. You haven't locked yourself out of your dream. I feel like it just locks it in place on the other side of our dreams. Cause we're saying, yeah, frozen and out of like, yeah. So you could still probably enter it as you have entered Billy's dream, but it will not leak in. Okay. Which is great. Cause that's the scariest one for sure.

Yeah. Yeah. Cause you're standing in this, uh, partially frozen, partially not river. And took us Billy. What is your dream about? What? Uh, I don't know. I'm making the river. This is you making the Sunwise and the Wittershins. Why? Oh, well, I mean, there, the war was coming and I, I didn't really know what else to do. Can Billy go up to Billy? Absolutely. Yeah. What are you trying to do when you walk up to dream Billy? What are you doing?

Well, I kind of want to go up to Billy and see if I can talk to him. Oh yeah. But if not, I want to, I want to follow the river. I want to go under the water and follow it. Oh, interesting. Cause if it's not running, if like, if the water's not flowing, I'm not really in any danger. Oh yeah, no, definitely not. Yeah. That's cool. Which one should I do? Those are both pretty cool. I think going under the water is what I would choose. Okay. I'll go under the water.

So you, uh, briefly consider attempting to converse with your dream self, but decide against it. Yeah. I think there's something wrong with that. Oh, there's something about where I, it stops me. I say, no, that breaks the law. Whoa. And then I am like, I will look around myself. That's cool. Yeah. That there's fairy laws about how you interact with your own memories. Yeah. Because fairies are really powerful and they can break rules all the time. Cause I'm like, how would I respond?

And I'm like, Oh, I don't know about that. Yeah. Very cool. Okay. So I'm going to go under the water and have a look around. So Billy just starts, Billy just turns and walks into the water and disappears under the surface. Um, Ving goes in the water. Yeah. Tuck seal slides underneath. You slide right past Billy, like on this angled bank and Ving, you just walk in and both of you are struck by the realization that you're not drowning. You're just walking. You're just walking through this water.

Okay. Like you feel yourself interacting with it, but you're just here. Your vision is filled with blue, dark blue, but you see beneath your feet, soil rocks. You see fish, river grasses, and Billy just continues down to the bottom. Yeah. Yeah. And just follow him before you know it. There's like 40, 50 feet of water above your head. That's a deep river. Holy shit. Yeah. You're absolutely able to go ahead and roll certain realities. Okay. Beauty six plus wisdom. 10. Holy shit. Yes.

But here's not what it appears to be. I think that like, um, sort of the diorama museum display nature of when you entered the dream made you feel like you were kind of confined to the area you remember in the dream, but you're walking along and you feel the edge of this dream fragment. Stretching out in front of you as you walk. You think that this isn't just like a piece of a memory. Like you are able to fully explore this environment.

You don't know what the bounds of that are, but as you can, as far as you can tell right now, you are walking through a place as Billy remembers it to its full extent. That was not helpful. Okay. What here is useful or valuable to me? Whoa. Yeah. So much shade is thrown at you. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, Oh, a shade. It's a great answer. Where the mood with that question.

I think as you continue to walk down the river passing these fish and water bugs and plants, you're seeing like through the grasses on the banks openings of various sizes, especially the closer you get to the everwood itself. And you're seeing more openings as you carry on down the bank. Like caveman. Like.

You would assume cave mouths I think it's maybe a thing where it's like You know how in dream distance is like Fucked I think it's like we're just at The Everwood you know like we don't have to walk Yeah totally it's not an hour of Walking it's like oh I want to go to the Ever Oh here it is What should I be on the lookout For I guess As you're walking down the Riverbank in this dreamy way kind of like Flowing from one spot of interest to the Next You were following behind Oh yeah yeah just Yeah and you're being like taken along As Billy like flits from spot To spot in this dream and Billy at the mouth of one Of these caves that seems like Large enough for you To pass through you see a glint At the mouth as something frozen is like Emerging from the cave mouth What is it?

An eel And you see this eel As it like swims out of the cave mouth And you know these don't Live in this part of the world Like this part of the river does not have eels Like this and you see like A cup floating Out of one of the other cave mouths Can I take the cup? Can I touch the cup?

I'm going to try and touch the cup 2d6 plus wisdom 10 Oh shit You reach out to the cup And you begin to close your little hands around it And you feel yourself start to like Pass through it And you just like focus And you close your hand around it It looks like it is made of like Pewter like it's a silver Hammered like pewter cup And it's set with blue stones Kind of around The not the blip But like the bottom area The bottom has like blue stones set around it Cool Can I Spout Lore about this cup?

You absolutely can 2d6 plus intelligence Where's this kind of cup?

Come from 7 plus minus 1 I got a 6 I need assistance I can help I've seen cups before 8 So that makes it a 7 to 9 This is a style That both of you because you've all traveled lots before You're like oh I haven't seen this cup It's really fancy haven't seen one like this But I think that this style Of cup reminds you of A time that you were trying to Rob the Vert University With Dan a long time ago It was like the first job before Before we went to the hot dog festival Oh yeah And you're like oh this is definitely From like the southeastern principalities This cup which is Hundreds of kilometers away So the riverways connect all over The principalities It seems like there is something There's some sort of subterranean Network of rivers and tunnels That connects fast Tracks of the principalities So if we wanted to move To like other areas We could find a way to traverse it And navigate it we could potentially get Wherever Are they connected Is it physically or magically Or both I think that is beyond the scope of what you're able to determine From this but you just know that Like well this eel's not from here And this cup's not from here And the Experience that all of you have mostly Ving I guess is that you're not from here And you're not from here I guess with the eels with animals The cup and the eel are definitely from Different parts of the principalities So for some reason This river Area seems to be A convergence of different like Underwater paths So I wonder if we could Ving maybe talk to like An animal in the river Like an eel or something And then be like hey can you take this fanny pack To X place Oh Oh!!

The river grass starts moving of its own accord. The dream is waking up. Yeah, and the water. You feel the water start to flow. Our hair is moving. Tuck's beard is moving. Billy, you feel something become aware of you in this dream. Whoa. The river grass starts to move and the rocks on the bank start to roll and shift with the waves and the water starts to fill your lungs. In your perception of this dreamscape, Billy, you can feel that something is coming.

That's where we're going to end the episode. What? No, I wanted that one. That was sick. That's a great cliffhanger. I've been your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Take care. Playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Thank you to all of our susporters around the world for susporting the show.

If you would like to susport the show and get access to a bonus campaign set in the High Spear Mall, art, merch, and a whole whack of other stuff, check us out at patreon.com slash speltlore or speltlore.com slash moneyplease. Thank you to Aaron Reid for our intro and outro music. You can find all of Aaron's music at bandcamp.com and you can find all the music produced for the show on Spotify. Thank you, finally and most of all, to all of you for listening. We'll see you next time.

And so ends the tale of Adventures Three Who tried the best they can Though dumb and scared and lost they be For time's a breast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion It's a struggle to overcome It's a struggle to overcome It's a struggle to overcome We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you, I'd gladly spout more.

Hi, Spoutlorians, Abdul here with a quick pre-show announcement. If you haven't heard, this coming Monday, August 26th, is the day that we will be launching the first season of our bonus show, Mall Brats, on a brand new public feed with newly scored and remastered episodes. Launch week is going to be pretty huge, with a brand new episode dropping every day. And we're also doing a collab with our friend, the incredibly talented artist, Casey Golden.

Where she'll be drawing the cool treat kids in her own amazing style. Launch weeks are hugely important for new shows. So we're asking all our listeners to please go and subscribe to the new feed, which is live right now. And when that first episode drops, listen, rate, review, all that good stuff. We genuinely love this show so much, and we think you'll love it too.

We're also going to be doing a bunch of launch week giveaways for listeners of the new show, where we'll be giving away custom Spoutlorians. They're merch packages from our friends at Fantasy by Numbers, with amazing pins and ornaments and coasters, all with custom Speltlor art on them. And also, one lucky listener will win the one-of-a-kind cool treat kids character art that Casey is creating.

If you'd like to enter to win Casey's gorgeous artwork, or any of the amazing merch packages that we're giving away, all you have to do is click the link in the show notes and head over to the new feed and subscribe. Then, when the first episode drops on Monday, you'll be notified when we release a new episode. So, make sure you sign the review with your Discord or social handle, so we can find you to give you your amazing Speltlor memorabilia. From everyone here at Speltlor, thank you so much.

We hope you like the new show. See you next time. You know them by name, you know them by deed. Their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Finger's half-elf, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does max the largest heart. Best and brightest, they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts.

So gather round, friends. And listen close For the tale's about to start Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your Game Master Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. Hi, I'm Abdul Aziz playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian. Thanks for listening to my podcast. We're all feeling a lot of feelings since the last episode. But most of all, my feelings are really important. All right, playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Oppers. God, my feelings.

Hi everyone, thanks for listening to Abdul's podcast. I'm some other guy. Playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai. Hey, it's me. Definitely here for Abdul and his loss. Jesus Christ. This is not real. Listeners. This is not real. It's not real. It's not. I'm not like this. I mean, this moment is really happening. When last we left our heroes, they had joined battle against the massive and mighty Razortusk and his porcine hordes. The battle was a raging one. It lasted the entire episode.

I'm not even sure that I thought it was going to, but it was a tough one. Crows, halflings, pigs, crows, pigs, halflings, Ving, Billy Tuck. Razortusk, crows, pigs. They were everywhere. Ving took to the skies briefly in a sort of hang glider made of spirit birds. That was cool. Yeah. Billy did a switcheroo on the helmet of Razortusk, putting himself onto the pig's back and doing a sort of pig rodeo. Yeah. For a while. Tuck spent most of his time trying really hard to land a hit on Razortusk.

Yeah. And getting embarrassed over and over again. Wild Bill was doing some. John Wick style shit with some hand crossbows. And the battle finally turned when Tuck and Billy dealt enough blows to Razortusk himself to sort of slow him down to the point where Tuck used his new truthless move, the lie to eliminate or disrupt the enchantment on the armor. Billy, Ving and Tuck in the last moments of the battle surrounded Razortusk and got him into a position where Billy was able to ask him.

If he wanted to be free, Razortusk thankfully agreed and Tuck tore the armor from his body, freeing Razortusk from his apparent servitude and also the hordes of hogs from their servitude of Razortusk. The battle was victorious. Our crew survived the hogpocalypse, the final hogpocalypse. Yeah. But it was not without cost as Wild Bill, legendary halfling, succumbed to wounds. Sustained in the battle. Billy did his best to carry his old friend through this trying time.

But unfortunately, his wounds were too great and his time on this earth has ended. And we join our heroes now. Billy, what are halfling funerals like? They go back into the land somehow. It's an option. I also thought they could like carry them across the bridge. And. Lay them to rest in like this little. Patch. I don't know. Like. Oh, you know what? There's an apple orchard. Like a couple orchard as in like a few apple trees. Yeah. Yeah. Waffles. Yeah.

So there's a there's a grove with a few wapple trees that halflings are carried to. And buried. And buried. Yeah. So we see the crows, the people of Lone Tree Hill. The halfling lands have gathered. And we see Bill being laid to rest. Soft. Fertile. Ever with soil. Cast over his body. Laid in a woven reed basket. With a woven top. And he has returned to the place. From which he was born. Bing is slowly eating one of the apples from the tree. Dude, what the fuck are you doing?

This is the best waffle I've ever had. Yeah, dude. It's full of dead halflings. What the fuck are you doing? I can't. Bing, you're supposed to wait until like kind of after the service to do that. It's kind of fucked up that you're doing it right now. What? What? Okay. I'm sorry, Billy. I thought it was over. It's so loud. No. It's a time of silence. And you're supposed to like. The river sings a song. Well, it doesn't really sing a song, but you just like listen to the gurgles.

You make meaning out of it. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Sorry. So there's. There's. Christ. Just watch. Just one more bite to finish it. Holy shit. I didn't want it to go rotten. It was. It was going to turn brown. Oh my God. It's not. What? Do you want me to waste it? It's not as good after if it's brown. There's halflings turning around looking at us like, like as if we were in a movie theater like shut up. Shut the fuck up. What is wrong with you? Bows its head. He's like, yeah.

He's pointing at him. Up. Putting a hand on his chest. A halfling turns around so mad and you're like, yeah, it's tough. There, there. It's tough. He does. Keep it up, bud. And then things. Turn into a moment of silence. Yeah, Tug leads over to Viggo and goes, you're embarrassing me right now. Welcome to my world. Fuck you. I don't know why, but Viggo's just he's not dealing with his emotions very well right now. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay, I'm sorry. Can you guys not fight right now?

Can you fight after? You're right, Billy. It's so weird. You're right, Billy. That's my fault. Silence falls again on the service as the halflings and the three are surrounded by the sound of the river. What the fuck do you mean that's how I feel? We jump forward. I think we jump to the end of a feast. There's a wake, basically. For all the halflings who died. Oh, there's like a mass wake. There's a mass funeral. Oh, so we're right. So we're in.

We see the orchard and it's the soil is like cast over Bill's grave and filled in. And then the camera pulls out and there's like a dozen or more. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then. Yeah, it's so sad, but the graves are so cute. Jesus Christ. I don't. Tuck doesn't say that. He thinks that he's like, this is so sad, but these are so cute. It's so fucked up for me to think this, but I can't help it. They're so cute.

And yeah, I think we come in at the end of a feast and like the halflings are continuing their their celebrations of the lives that were lost, telling stories and and crying and laughing and sharing food and drink. There's some heavy cream going around. Oh, heavy cream. Yeah. Whoa. And Billy's licking his lips, looking at it. He's just like, Billy, that's heavy cream. I know. I dream of it all the time. Dream of cream. Yeah. What else? What do you dream of? Oh, the weird dream.

Well, Ving, what do you dream of? You dream of cream, right? I mean, in a way, Billy, all dreams are dreams of cream. I thought so. We cut to a memory of Ving's dream where Ving is laying in a loincloth, lounging on a chaise lounge as a tree with the head of a goat feeds him bananas top down. Takes him whole. Just takes a whole banana. I just dream about normal stuff, Billy. Yeah, just normal stuff.

This is really funny because in Tuxedos, he's like, so everyone else has nice dreams, I guess, and I'm just the one that only has the one nightmare. Right. This hasn't really come up in a specific way where someone was like, well, I have dreams about a variety of things. Oh, but we know about his dream, right? Yeah, you guys do. But I don't think anyone's ever said what they dream about. Right.

And the vibe that I am imagining as being this, where we are right now, is that you three are like, all right, time to go. We have some things to do. Yeah. I think Ving and I talked and we're like, we're going to let Billy have his time here for as long as he needs. Exactly. Yeah. This is where he needs to be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Billy's hacking at a tree with his sword. Take that. Whatever. What you got there, pal? Nothing. I'm just having a fight. Hey, bud. What? Hey, bud. What? What?

They just baked new cupcakes. Don't even care. There's muffins. There's new muffins. I don't care. I don't even like muffins. They're savory muffins. I don't care. I care a little bit, but I don't care that much. Hey. What? Tuck kind of leans down and he does the thing where you kind of just scoop and take them out of the situation there is. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, do you need to talk about this right now? No. No, it doesn't matter anyway. Nothing I want matters. What you want matters, Billy.

Just because what we want, isn't always what we get, doesn't mean that it doesn't matter. No, it doesn't matter because everyone goes anyway. Billy, you can't keep everyone safe forever. No, it's fine. It doesn't matter. Like, I mean, it didn't matter when old Bill died either. Doesn't matter when wild Bill dies. Like all the Bills die. Billy, it's not your fault that people move on. It's just the way it is. Even you will change, Billy. Everything changes. Doesn't matter. Nothing I do matters.

He was supposed to live, too. He did live, Bill. No, he's supposed to live forever like me. Billy squirms out. He's like, put me down. I don't want to talk about this anymore. I'll put him down. Okay, buddy. Okay. The muffins are in. The second table. Thanks. Yeah. And we spend some more time at the feast. I think there's a real vibe of like, this is a community that is, like you are welcomed, absolutely, as heroes of the hogpocalypse. But I'm not part of them. Yeah. Yeah.

And like, they're like playing games that I don't, I'm not good at and that I've never played. And so, I'm not good at that. I've only ever seen. I just get like too sad and I want to go. You want to go? I think so. We can go. Vink shows you his satchel is full of mashed potato muffins. Oh, that's awesome. I show you my satchel. It's full of Yorkshire puddings and gravy. Such a wet bag right there. That's Tuck's bag. And yeah, Tuck's like, I grabbed a handful of recipes. Just a handful?

Well, his handful is, I just grew a handful. I grabbed a handful. It's two roast beefs. Yeah, Tuck's hands are like a foot and a half wide. It makes me so sad. What? Just the fact that like, you guys went through all of this. You all risked your lives to like save these people. And at the end, they were still like, well, Billy's not one of us. It's just not how it works. He's too different. Well, because they also in a way think like, Billy brings, he brings a lot of bad luck.

So they're like, yeah, well, you know, it was probably his fault they came here in the first place. Yeah. So you pack up and your plan is to head to Nana to see if there's anything you can learn about an easier way to get to the Gray Marsh. She's south? Like, is it ever what is it? Well, it's on the way. It's on the way, I guess. Yeah. We'll stop by. Yeah. I go back. I grab an extra pie. Okay. I thank Armand. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Armand is like, hey, I just want to thank all three of you for what you did for the Everwood Valley. Yeah. Don't forget what he did. I won't. I'm not, I, you know, I've been told stories. I had plenty of reason to be afraid, but I ain't afraid no more. Sometimes stories are just that. They're just stories. I'll tell everybody what you did. Thanks. You really don't have to. I will. I'll look out for you if I ever come back. Okay. I'll see you around. Okay. Okay. You take care. You too. Thank you.

Uh, bye. And he gives you that like kind of sad, awkward, like the, the white person nod smile. Yeah. Where he does the like closed lip downturn smile in a sad kind of wave and like turns back and joins the wake again, but like looks back. Yeah. As the three of you walk away and you travel through the night and the sun rises. Probably end of this day is when you'd reach Nana's. Mm-hmm. Okay. Uh, Billy can roll his, uh, very child. Yeah. Nine. Nine. So I get a three hold. Excellent.

And you travel for a full day. There is devastation. That's the thing is you're traveling through a devastated Everwood. The fields have been smashed to mud. There are pigs that are like wandering, but they look chill. Yeah. They look like almost lost, but every once in a while, you'll sleep pigs like come together and like get their heads close together and like, snort at each other and then all start walking in a certain direction. So cute. Do you guys remember where we came from? Yeah.

Near the end of the day, the sun is, is starting to dip towards the West. You see trees, the Everwood itself sprawling along one bank of the river and then covering the waters and walking up into the hills. This like ancient forest of kind of short ish trees, but it's more like with those old, primordial forests where it's like kind of short, but like really dense. Yeah. And on the edge of the trees, you see a tiny little shack with smoke puffing out of a chimney of like old mud and brick.

Can I make a suggestion? Absolutely. So I think we're like, at first we were walking in the forest where it's easy and I was like, no, if you want to find our house, you got to get close to the river. Oh, okay. Oh yeah. You like pass into the trees and walk for a while in the Everwood itself. Yeah. Yeah. So we have to like traverse on like the river, but a lot of it is kind of like cliff side. Okay. And her house is actually built into the cliff. Oh, I like that. Oh, cool.

Like roots of trees and cliff. Yeah. Nice. Like mud and stuff like that. Cool. Like a super halflingy. Yeah. Almost like some sort of bird. Ooh. Yeah. Is it like on the outside of the cliff? I think it's that, like there's an overhanging tree and you can pass by her house, but it is a slim walkway. Okay. Yeah. Cool. Cool. I like that the walkway maybe has like copper plates, brass, like it has old things that shouldn't be found here. Yes. Yeah. Leaving the path.

And she's got, she's got lots of potted plants in old like containers that she would have found in the river. Cool. And old helmets and stuff. Yeah. Ooh, that's neat. Billy, what's the deal with this lady? Is she like a witch or something or? Yeah. What do you know? It's like a regular weirdo. I'm going to spell Laura to find out more about Nana. Okay. 2D6 plus intelligence. Apparently not. Three. Yeah. Okay. So a failure, you get a point of experience. Oh, you know what?

Billy mixes her up with someone else. Oh yeah, totally. That could be it. What is it? So what does Billy think? You know, she does, she sleeps a lot, really sleepy old lady. She doesn't love to be bothered, but when, you know, she's nice. She feeds you a lot, which is why I come over. Okay. Yeah. Her house looks different though. You have a good rapport with her. Yeah. Yeah. I think she'd remember me. So you approach this small little halfling hut built into a tree.

You got to make sure you talk really loud though. She can't hear very well. She's really, really deaf. Yeah. Okay. We can do that. And as you approach, like you step on a twig, a good distance down her little path and you hear like yelling from the hut. Oh, it's- Who the fuck is that? It's just me, Nana. Who the hell is me? Fat Billy and two of his giant friends. Fat Billy, huh? You think after last time you can show your face around here, you little scoundrel? Wait, what? What? What did I do?

So knowing Billy gets this lady mixed up with somebody, what did Billy do to Nana last time he was here? This, like what he actually do? Actually. Yeah. Yeah. What is the thing he doesn't remember doing? Oh, he had a bunch of golden root. He stole a bunch. He stole all of it. He stole all of her golden root? Yeah. Cause she's got like all the bunches of it. All the pots of like planted things outside. She's like an herbologist. Yeah.

I spent eight months seeking out seedlings, growing saplings, all for the golden root, just for you to rip it out and steal it. Oh no. I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't know. Do you have any of that left? No, I used it all. If it helps at all, he used it really well. He made friends with a cat. So you're hearing, you're just hearing shouting. I'm a dog lady. Never liked cats. Too shifty. Sleep more than eight hours a day. You're just hearing shouting from like, in like through a window.

She has not come out. She's like, you and your giant friends get away from here. And don't you come back. Well, is, can I, I don't know. Can I make it up to you somehow? I don't see how you would. I don't see how you would. I don't see how you would. Who could? Can we like Spout Lore of things she might like? What does Ving have? I've got a rotten smelling lemon liquid. Oh, delightful. Well, who knows what it does? That's true. Magic carbonia water. I could give her, I only have three left.

Oh, those are rare. Uh, Tucker goes, hey, I have a, I have a broken puzzle box. Been carrying this around for like seven seasons. Do you want it? The puzzle box? Yeah. Yeah. There's a ton of different types of puzzles. There's a ton of different types of puzzles. There's a ton of different types of puzzles. You're like, oh, shit. Actually, never mind. We have a bad dream potion. Here, can I roll for it? I guess discern realities. That's fine. Yeah. Yeah. 2d6 plus wisdom. Great. Okay. Nine. Okay.

I'll aid. Yes. All right. 2d6 plus bond. Great. I got nine. Okay, perfect. So that makes it a 10. So you get three questions. I'm getting you to help me ID the plants because I'm like, I don't know. She's definitely a plant lady. She's definitely an animal lady. She planted these on purpose, hey? Yeah. She might like the hibernia water. She seems kind of witchy. Yeah. What is useful or valuable?

What here is useful or valuable to you is as an experienced fairy and poisoner and substance maker, you see all of the various pots and containers that she has planted along the path to her hut are all herbs that are used in alchemy. Like these are all, she is, if she cannot make potions, she is certainly trying to make something. What should I be on the list? What should I look out for? So Billy, you're like, this is kind of a trap expert thing almost. Sure.

You are looking around, you like look at a spot and you notice something kind of in the grass and then you notice a thing next to that thing and a thing like hanging on a nearby bush and you realize that the area around like in the woods and then like along the cliff side and down the path, there are little baubles and trinkets all over the place in a configuration that makes you realize that she has set something up here and if you were to approach any closer, it would potentially be dangerous for you, which lets you know that she certainly has knowledge.

Like some kind of ability? Yeah. If not ability, then expertise. Right. What? Here's not what it appears to be. So, okay. So you think back to you're like, okay, well, if this isn't the Nana I was thinking about, then this must be this other lady that I dealt with 200 years ago. Oh, wow. Oh, shit. So you're like, okay. If this is her, she should be long dead because halflings don't. What? Am I remembering correctly? Halflings don't have super long lifespans.

No, they just like kind of normal-ish lives. Yeah. Old Bill lived longest. Oh, okay. Do you tell us everything you just figured out? Yeah. I say something's not right here. She's like, now that's the last I'll say about it. Now you turn yourselves around and you get away from here. And the talk goes, okay, I have a plan. Careful where you step. Okay. I won't go any further forward. He picks up a rock and he throws it through her front window. Awesome. Great. Yeah. 2d6 plus dexterity, I guess.

And then he goes, plan initiated. Execution style. Execution complete. Six. Oh. So instead of smashing through the front window of her house, he breaks two pots. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That face. Exactly. Smashes two pots in the. Okay. So two pots of golden. Oh, no. Was that. You rap scallyards. I told you to get away from here. And the door like flies open. And there's this decrepit looking halfling woman. Oh, so wrinkly. She's got this like, sagging skin, just like ancient.

And she is wearing like a, a pretty like loose robe. And she's got white hair in like a bun on top of her head. That's like almost as big as her head. Cool. She comes out and she reaches into her robe and she pulls out a little glass bottle and she throws it. Whoa. And it smashes on the path in front of you. And. Like a mist. And then the mist begins to billow out of this spot more vapor than should have been able to be contained in this bottle.

And as you're looking at it, it's like billowing up and up and like horrible shapes and faces are forming in this mist. Holy shit. Oh my God. And you are terrified to see the thing before you. What is it? It is a creature beyond comprehension. It is teeth and tentacles and eyes. What do you do? Tick goes, Billy, get behind me. She threw a little glass bottle.

Bottle at us and then he takes out the dream potion that he's been carrying around oh cool and I go I got one of those too you old bitch and he like smashes that on the ground where this thing came out yeah okay roll 2d6 plus wisdom yeah let's say that he's got 10 okay what do you think happens when you throw this dream potion in front of this other thing I guess they interact because this is a bad dream potion which like brings memories back okay so then what is a bad dream that each of you sees in front of you oh billy sees the miles of blood soaked ice whoa what is tuxy he sees his one yeah the burning tree yeah the burning tree and like the cataclysm the cataclysm yeah like swallowing the land what does bing see uh ving sings tuck and billy die and calling for his help and his arms are rooted in the ground oh whoa okay oh can I make also a suggestion yeah like in each of the dreams there is a cloaked black figure within the dreamscape oh it's like each of your dreams is surrounding a single image of a black clad oh yeah that's good he's like in all of them uh-huh how do you resist this I used weaponized dissociation oh when you are subject to mind control or magic that influences your feelings you may choose to take 1d4 damage and ignore the influence whoa okay so I just want to not be scared I want to not be scared and just feel nothing like I usually do lucky 1d4 damage to 2 damage so you just shut your mind off from the fear and you see behind you the like almost like a projector on a fog lamp and you're like oh my god I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die machine fog bank like you can see through the dream oh cool and you can see nana on the other side also like clutching her chest looking at the cloud in front of her oh because I threw the potion so it's affecting her too she's like patting her robes looking for something and like like pulling plants out of pots and eating them can I uh try and see what the thing that she's afraid of is like try and look past my dream into hers totally um what would that be I mean I was gonna use the druidic lore to oh figure out what it is okay yeah do you want to do that then so yeah I mean if we mechanically works yeah so first you're gonna need to overcome the terror that you're feeling yeah no problem how is ving doing that I mean being the witness of the world the seeing all the horrible things that have ever happened at least numbs him to this terrifying yeah presence right to something that's existed in the world totally giving him some experience does that make sense yeah that sounds like a defy danger wisdom okay great 10 okay there are much more horrible things that have been will be and are than this trickery sees through the fear yeah and you are able to act I want to use druidic lore to consult the trove of ancient knowledge within me to examine the events of the world yeah right now 14 14 holy shit jesus christ okay so that means you just tell me I ask you a question and you just answer it okay great okay so billy how are you overcoming the fear before you uh attempt to protect your your family would tricks of the trade work on this I don't or no I think right now you are straight up defying danger because there is a danger before you that you have to like deal with before you can act sure yeah I guess he goes into his trickster mode he's like no I know this isn't real like what could it be and his mind starts like going into it and he's like I don't know what's like the puzzle of it oh the yeah totally that feels like a charisma ish thing sure yeah billy's like how do people affect people how do I affect people right how is she trying to affect me I only got six eight yeah totally ving has broken the enchantment on himself basically maybe he shows gets him to look through it and see the old lady and how afraid she is and that make billy less afraid nice I got 11 okay nice thank you so ving just points ahead through the dream and you see nana on the other side in a panic which makes billy realize that if she sent this thing out thinking that it was going to affect you but it's affecting her it must be a trick of some kind yeah that she she has fooled herself and you with the seven to nine you're basically like trying to pull yourself together but you are not like running screaming anymore ving you were going to tap into the druidic lore yes yeah consult the ancient knowledge and I got a 14 so then you asked me a question about the subject and whatever I say is true okay what is this what is she doing uh it's I uh like a last ditch concoction that she's been making for years and years and years and it's all the poisons mixed together all the spirits of all the plants she's ever messed with together in one thing mixed with the magical waters of the winter shins and all the weird things that are living in the cave and the crystals and everything in there all kind of coming together it's a very unpredictable last ditch release of all the spiritual and nightmare energy totally yeah it's like it's it's like the magical equivalent equivalent of bear spray oh yeah where it's just like get away from me and with that you're like oh it's a trick fully you just wait that's all that's now that you have all protected yourselves from this mental effect all you need to do is wait for the effect to end can I look to see what her nightmare is yeah absolutely in the smoke yeah this I think would be discern realities okay six plus wisdom seven okay so you get one question uh yeah what should I be on the lookout for yeah so you um you look through the nightmares that you have all confronted and denied you see like the black clad image of who you can only assume to be the one you all assume it to be um and on neil alison some sort of priest or the grim reaper um but you see on her end that form shifts into one of like a twisted crone with a shifting face coming to collect what is hers whoa holy shit that's sick that's awesome ving steals himself and walks through the cloud the nightmare cloud and approaches her ving dies ving breathes in a cloud of poison and is killed immediately you literally just said it was all the poisons why the fuck would you do that I don't know it's really cool my constitation that's so fucking hilarious roll a 2d6 plus constitution for sure I got 11 would have been so fucking funny if you got snake eyes ving dies he's just like well he said it was poison he knew it was poison then he walked into he goes to talk he goes hold my purse you see his face steal as he steps forward and the minute his nose enters the cloud he goes it's spicy it's spicy it's spicy in my soul okay ving you step forward through this cloud you feel you feel all of the poisons of the trades of the druids of the alchemists of all of them it's true you breathe deep in something about the seed that grows within your chest the cloud almost swirls around it it feels like and then you vent all of this vapor out your gills I feel the seed crack a little tiny bit and you stand before nana as she cowers on the ground looking up at you I kneel down she has tears in her eyes I offer her a rag a clean rag my cleanest rag the cleanest of my flaps she reaches a trembling hand forward and takes the rag we're not here to hurt you we can help I saw her in there I know she's coming for you we can cut forward to like I guess billy inside the hut and you two crouched outside the door I'm looking through all our glass bottles at all the things that are going on here and I'm like I'm going to take a break from this so his eyes are being magnified as he moves around looking through the glasses.

Wow, cool. It's so cool. It's like his eyes are changing shape as he looks through. What is this one? That one? That's Worrywort. What about this one here? Oh, that's Forget-Me-Not. It actually makes you forget. I know, the name is confusing. What does Worrywort do? What do you think it does? It's like anti-anxiety. Stops you from worrying so much. Is this just a piece of bread? That is just a piece of bread, actually. I wanted to see what would happen if I left it in a jar for a long time.

The answer is not much. And she's like shaking. She's still like her eyes are bleary and she's pouring a kettle, a little halfling-sized kettle into a little halfling-sized teacup. Can we use Amma's tea kettle? Oh, yeah. Oh. Because we've never figured out what that thing does. Here, let me help you. Okay. Let me make the tea. Okay. Billy is like, I've never made tea in my life. The camera shifts to Tuck and Ving and we're like, uh-oh. Oh, no. Does he know what tea is?

He's going to put potatoes in it or something. Billy pulls out the teapot and he takes his dirty shirt and gives it a nice dusting. Like, rubs it clean. Yeah, clean his dirty shirt. It's actually dirtier when he's done wiping it. Yeah. It's less dusty, but it's much greasier. Yeah. He wouldn't let us clean Wild Bill's blood off him. It's the last thing I have of him. Oh, wow. It was a pretty tense attempted bath time. Yeah. You've got war all over you.

That's just standing in front of Billy like a feral cat. Yeah. Billy looks around at all the plants that she has in her kitchen. He's like, I don't know. So he just grabs whatever is closest, which is just original. Dragon. Oh, he plucks a bunch of that into the pot. He's like, and then I put water in it and now it is tea. Just cold. I pour her some. Yeah. And she takes a sip of the little. Yeah, she got out four cups. So there's four cups and four saucers for everybody. Here you go.

And she takes a sip and goes, oh, that's quite nice. Billy puffs up with pride. Oh, thank you. Good job, Billy. And Billy passes out the tea and tuck and Bing. It's tasty. It's wonderful. Oh, yeah. Oh, did Billy do his Billy thing on it? Don't know. That's what I can say. You can say. Yeah. And you all begin drinking. Well, the three of you begin drinking. Does Billy drink tea? Yeah, he'll drink tea. Yeah, it's delicious. Well, fucking shit. Jesus Christ. I made this. I'm like a chef.

I'm a chef now. I'm a chef. I'm a very fine chef. I'm one of the best to ever do it. Also, tuck and Bing. That tea is gone in like half a sip. It's all a halfling size cup. That shit's gone. It's a little thimble size cup. Yeah. So, yeah. What do you do? You have any questions for Nana? Well, I think tuck wants to ask. What do you know of mother? Never was. Don't say her name. I just. I just wanted to know. I just wanted to know.

I just wanted to know about the plants and the animals and the things that I could do to help people. And she said that she could teach me. She could teach me the art. But by the time she imparted me with the knowledge, too much time had passed and everyone I wanted to help was gone. Who are you trying to help? My family. My boy was sick. He's gone now, so. What was his name? Trenton. Trenton, New Jersey. The old turnpike. I knew him well. And now. I'm alone. I'm alone. There's a woman.

She's just trembling. The tea is like, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink. Have you ever thought of going back to the community? They wouldn't have me. Why not? They don't trust those they don't understand. You know that as well as I. I do. You're right. Doesn't matter how many times you try. It doesn't. But it's not so bad out here. I have my quiet. I have my plants. But you. How do you know of she? We've heard some stories. You don't seek her, do you? We might. We might have to.

You can't. There's someone worse out there. Yeah, there's someone hunting us. Something. And he is scared. He's scared of her. We need to know why. How did you find her? She found me. I want to know how. Okay. Can I roll for it? Yeah, totally. This could be a spell, Laura. Sure. With, uh. Intelligence. Seven. Okay. So interesting, but not useful. Sure. All right. She comes to those with needs. Yes. And desires that no one and nothing else can provide. She offers them a choice.

A terrible, terrible choice. If you need her help, she will find you. And she will offer it. But you must not accept. What was your bargain? I didn't know it until it had been made. A way to save my son, but no son to save. She stole your time? She stole my time and she gave me knowledge of the plants and the roots. Knowledge of alchemy. Medicine and healing. And now, no one to heal. There's still people that can use your gifts. She sets down her teacup.

Just because you've given up on them doesn't mean they've completely given up on you. She picks her teacup up again. She takes a nervous sip. She takes a nervous sip. Fuck, this tea is good. God damn, boy, this tea is fine. Thanks. And as she takes more sips of the tea, you can see her, like, settling into a reverie of sorts. Of course, you're right. She takes another sip. I could return. You could. I could put in, like, a good word for you. There's a really nice guy.

There's a really nice guy there. Armand. He's young and he doesn't really listen to all, like, the mean stories that the rest of the halflings tell everyone. It's kind of like a renegade. Yeah, he's kind of cool. I was something of a renegade in my youth as well. And then that Avicii song plays. It's an over series of flashbacks. So live a life you will remember. He's a skit. If you would send this Armand my way, I could help you. We can tell you where to find him. We're going south.

We could send word. I could send word with the birds. Oh. Oh, yeah. She nods. Wait, this isn't a trap, is it? Trap expert. Oh. I just want to make sure. It's a great question. So go ahead. Two to six plus what? Or trap expert. Can't remember. It's dexterity. Okay. Nine. Okay. So you get one. Okay. How? I give Billy the voice of all the trees and birds and plants around here. Oh. Yeah, both our spidey senses go up. So you get a point of experience. And Billy gets a question. Okay.

I guess, is there a trap here? And if so, what activates it? So. Let me answer this question using the thing that Ving said about giving voice to the trees and the birds. Sure. You are sitting here and you're like listening to this like, whoa, she's just going to help us. That's great. This poor old woman was done wrong by this creature. Mm-hmm. And the tweeting of the birds and you're like, you're just getting that vibe, that Billy vibe where you're like, what else is going on here?

And then Ving focuses. He's on the noises of the animals around him. Oh, it comes like into focus. Yeah. Like you stop hearing the forest. You stop hearing the birds singing and you start hearing the birds speaking the word run. Fuck. We jump up. You are outside the hut. We'll remember that in terms of framing. Oh, but Billy is inside. Billy is inside. Tuck and Ving are outside because this place is very small. Well, we're going to talk to Armando. Yeah, we'll go get him for you.

Oh, but you haven't finished your tea. Yeah. Are you quite sure? Yeah, it's a long walk back and I'd like to get there before the sun goes down. Oh, but you should stay. She'll be here soon. I sprint to the door, but I, oh wait, no, I want to charm. I want to charm her. Okay. Yeah. To give us time. Okay. If that's okay. Totally. Yeah. Like a thing happens for a second where like Tuck and Ving almost like rip the wall off of the cottage. Yeah.

And then we see you like tell us to like chill for a second. So we like stop. Like if Ving's got his leg up on the wall and his spear and like a crack in the wood. About to just wrench it down. Billy takes her hand. He's like, listen, I've been alone for a long time too. And I know that when someone leaves me, I worry that they won't come back, but we will come back. It doesn't matter what you say, dear. I couldn't run from her. Neither can you. And then she starts cackling.

Tuck grabs the window. Frame and rips the whole wall off so that Ving can get in there and get Billy as quickly as possible. All right. Defy danger. Strike. I mean, I know it's a little house, but six, seven, eight. Okay. So seven to nine. Yeah. It takes like a surprising amount. Like you yank once and the wall doesn't come off. What the fuck? But you get it off on the second. The second yank. Okay. You get it off on the second yank, bro. It only takes you two. Yeah. Done.

Uh, but the wall comes off. Ving, you reach in. You grab Billy. I grabbed him. Yeah. I put my hand up. He grabs my hand. There is a sense of urgency here and you all just start running down the path. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, yeah. Before I tuck runs away, he grabs the teapot and then he tosses this old lady off the cliff. Okay. So you're, so first you're going to have to roll to grab the teapot. Okay. 2d6 plus dexterity to snatch it out of there. Yeah. 11. Okay. Yeah. You, you, you get it. Teapot. Yeah.

You got to try and grab her. Okay. What is this? 11. 11. Does it matter? Wait, I forgot to get something. He goes back for the teapot and then we just see. She like flies so far out and into the winter. Jesus Christ. And she's cackling the whole time. It's creepy. Oh yeah. It's insane. She's laughing under the water. She does not fight back. She like lets me grab her and throw her. And you start running. Okay. Yeah. So you hear her laughing.

She's throwing through the air and she hits the water and the laughing ceases, but you start running down the path and you hear the laughing pick up again. Oh, I love this. This is great. I love horror. It's a horror episode. We're doing a horror episode because guess what? The sun is setting again. Oh no. Fuck. So like you can see the light is starting to die in the Everwood. Oh my God. What do you do? Scramble up. Scramble away from the river. Into the Everwood? I don't know.

Can I ask the trees and the birds to try and help us out and just try and keep her there? Cause she's an unnatural force. Yeah, totally. In a very natural place. I'm going to use spirit tongue to try and convince everybody to slow her down. So spirit tongue, remember, is just the fact that you can speak to them. Yeah. It's not a rollable move. This could be a call of nature. You could be giving like physical form to the spirits to help. Yeah.

I guess I want to use call of nature to just call upon the spirits of the forest and create a barrier between us and her. Great. Create a dam in the water where she is or up on land. 13. Jesus Christ. Yeah, that'll do. Okay. So that's three requests. Yeah. I want to see if the roots of the trees can ensnare her. Like the trees all kind of lean in from across the river and everything. Yeah. Create just a giant cage dome. Like trap her into the river? Yeah.

Like the Nana lady or the Mother Never Was? No, the Nana lady. Okay. I don't think Mother Never Was is here yet. Okay. Or she is, we don't know. You call on the spirits. You raise your hands cinematically. And close your eyes. He dives his root hands into the, his nightmares come true. Yeah. Into the earth. And you are held there for a second as you call upon these spirits.

And the trees on either end of the river start to bend inwards, their roots and branches growing and lashing together to create this like latticework cage. That'll cost you one request, I guess, to hold her. But you see like, you hear the laughing, the cackling is still coming from the water and like impossibly thin and long. And you see like, you see her like, long arms are like reaching through. Whoa. Oh my gosh. As if she's like unfolding herself into this sort of. To like sneak through?

It's like, yeah, she's trying to like weave herself through the branches. Oh my God. You hear her like cackle and say, it really will just be easier this way. But she's held for a moment. What do you do? I want to make a fairy ring around thing. Okay. So that's 2d6 plus. Dexterity. Dexterity. 12. Great. Which means you can just leave the ring there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm in here. I'm in. Yeah. Yeah. And what is the, what does this ring look like? It's stone. Okay. So you know, it's the roots.

Actually, the roots are spread out from the trees and they're, they've woven around us. Right. Like you're able to piggyback his call of nature. But I think what is happening now is like, you're trying to get them to. Sprout. Tighten their grip on her. Yeah. I'm trying to get them to sprout leaves to like fill in all the gaps. She's like wheedling her way through this cage. Gross. Like really long, thin spindly fingers. 2d6 plus three, which is your remaining. Request. Five plus three, eight.

Eight. Okay. So. I lose one. You lose one. So I'm down to two. Down to two now. Okay. So next time you ask them to do something, it will be with a plus two instead of a plus three. Thank you. And you see with your seven to nine, Nana has worked her way like halfway out. She is become like a stretched out version, but she's like reforming her limbs as she comes through the other side. So she's like halfway stuck. And her hair is really long. It's so long. And she's kind of like paper thin.

You almost see through it. Like the light from the trees as it dies is like shining through her. Almost mother never was. You don't know what she is. She seems so disconsolate. But you are also in the fairy ring. Yeah. But we're stuck here. You are currently stuck here unless you're able to do something else with the spirits. Like this tactic as the branches sprout and like tighten their grip. They have done as much as they can with her. She will get herself out. What do you do?

I want to use my bandolier and change gears and set the cage on fire. Oh, okay. What in the bandolier are you using to do this? The flint that I have in there. Oh, cool. Yeah. So this is an elemental mastery. Elemental mastery. Okay. 2d6 plus constitution. So sick. 10. Okay. So what does this fire look like? He throws it and she bats out of the air and it goes in the water. Oh. And she's cackling, cackling, cackling.

And then out of the water where the trees are touching the water burst into flames. And it very quickly like washes up in like a watery kind of flame. Oh, cool. Wave of flame just lick over the whole cage. Yeah. Engulf all the branches. She starts like making this like screaming, shrieking screech noise like steam escaping from a kettle. Oh, whoa. What did you got? You got a seven? Oh, no, you got a 10. You got a 10. Which means you get two choices.

I will choose the effect I desire comes to pass and I retain control. Okay. So you're paying nature's price here. My hands are dug into the earth. Yeah. Oh. So being like the fire, you see it like race up the cage. And I can feel it coming through the ground, through the earth, through the roots that he has used. Get away from me. And then Ving is engulfed in flame. Oh my God. So we stumble out. But Ving can't be burned. Oh, Ving can't be burned. That's true. That's true. That's true.

That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. In a situation in which you are prepared to take nature's price. Right. Because of the choices you've made. I will look into this later because this feels like a get out of jail free card. It totally does. But narratively, it makes sense. But Nana, as the branches around her burn and crumble, she is a flame. She's shrieking, squealing. She dives into the river and out of sight. Fire goes out. You are not safe here. Run. Run. Yeah.

The birds. Are quiet. And then they begin saying, run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Before she comes back. Oh my God. Okay. Yeah. We all run. I have escape route when you're in too deep. Anita, way out. Name your escape route and roll plus dexterity. But the only thing is, I don't know if I can take everyone with me. Right. Yes. Unless you get in the bag. No. No. I'm not getting in the fucking bag while you're in a primeval forest. While an ancient.

Ancient witch fucking tries to hunt you. We're sprinting right now. Yeah. We're just sprinting. Get in the bag. We can just do a thing. This is a thing. I've gone through this forest so many times before. Billy is making this sprinting moves. Yeah. But Tuck is holding him. Yeah. Like a cat. Like a dog being held over a pool when they start paddling. Still out of breath. The shots are going back and forth between us. And then it goes to a wide. And I'm just scary. That's so funny. Okay.

So I think. Yeah. I think. Yeah. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. The most likely course here is that you need to get away from this immediate situation. And then you can find shelter of some kind. Yeah. Perilous journey probably makes the most sense. Yeah. Okay. Scout ahead and navigate. Who's doing what? Billy, it makes sense if you navigate because you've been here before. It's true. Yeah. I'll scout ahead using the birds. Okay.

They're telling us to run so I can ask them where. Yeah. And I'll just keep an eye out kind of generally. So I'll just kind of be here. I like that you're using like your insane strength to run backwards and keep an eye on where she was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, what?

I was imagining a really spooky shot of you running backwards and like seeing the darkened path of the trees like lit by the moonlight and her super weird long limbs start like pulling her down the trees. Oh, cool. Yes. Yes. That's so sick. Do that. You just did. I'm going to throw up. I'm so scared. No, we haven't rolled any moves. I shouldn't have blown that one. That was so cool. Just like. Yes. Yeah. Okay. So we need to roll. So for Scout Ahead, it's 2d6 plus wisdom, which is Bing.

And for Navigate, it's 2d6 plus intelligence. Okay. Oh, please. 11. Nine. Can I aid you? Sure. Okay. Oh, yeah. Totally. Because you're looking around. Yeah. You're also looking around. 2d6 plus aid. I'm doing that backwards run thing. Yeah. What do your tuck eyes see? 11. It's bad. Keep running faster. Keep running. So that's two tens. Yeah. I see that thing where the woods are stretching back and I'm just like, you can't slow down. You have to keep going. Yeah.

Like you're running backwards and every once in a while, you just like grab the front of his shirt and pull him forward. Yeah. And I'm just like, keep looking at me. Do not look back. And because I had the weaponized dissociation, it's not freaking me out. Your blank face. Yeah. That's so cool. I like the idea that it's this weaponized dissociation. It's not that Tuck is not afraid. It's that he's convinced himself he's not. But somewhere inside, like child Tuck is screaming. Oh, yeah. Okay.

So for Scout Ahead, you get two from the front. Okay. So you get two from the front. You get the drop on whatever lies ahead. You discern a beneficial aspect of the terrain, such as a shortcut shelter or tactical advantage. You just want me to pick that one. All right. You do whatever you fucking want to do. You make a capital D discovery or you notice sign of a capital D danger. I'll do the second one because that's the one I wanted. You get two, you dickhead.

And I'll do one of my own choosing. You sweet, sweet boy. No, don't make me feel bad. No. You just said this to a freshly married. Man. Yeah. What does that mean? Look how fresh his dick and balls look. Look at that hat. They are freshly skinned. Wow. Leave that in. Wow, Sean. You hear that, baby? Freshly skinned. Freshly skinned. It's so gross. Okay. So you get a second one. Do you want to use the beneficial aspect one? You don't have to. Yeah. I want to discern a beneficial aspect.

So then you get the drop on whatever lies ahead. You make a capital D discovery or notice sign. I have a capital D danger. Discovery. Discovery. You're running for a long time. Yeah. There's a point where the trail accordions back to like a normal size. You're still running. The things flitting across the trail are like less frequent. And you start to be like, okay, I think we can slow down a little bit. And you come to like a clearing. The moon is shining high in the sky.

The coronet arcing across the heavens. Clouds dapple the starlit night. Delicate beams dance across the glade. And in the center of the clearing, a deer grazing. I kill the deer. You're more than welcome, dear. Okay. I think we're fine. Back on the menu, boys. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Because the thing is with navigate which billy also got a 10 on you avoid dangers and distractions making good time reaching a point of the gm's choosing before you need to make camp you are oh my god we can cut forward to like a tent and a little fire you're cooking venison on a spit and billy's like what and billy's built not one but two fairy circles because he's so scared on his own yeah you will have to roll again for this very circle oh like I have to use a fairy child for it yes no you have to do you use a fairy child for a fairy circle oh no I don't no you just roll 2d6 plus charisma yeah or dexterity dexterity eight okay so I'm going to go with a four four four four four four four a a a a on a seven to nine, that means that the, the ring will last the night and keep out any dangerous foes, but you re you are required to maintain it.

Oh, don't worry. I will be maintaining it. I would like to roll again for a second. Hey, do we think, I mean, it opens you up to another, to a failure. So this is, I suppose allowed. Yeah. I'm just like, not very confident about this one. I'm like, I want it to be a bigger circle. Okay. I don't want to get in the habit of this, but I like, this is a thematic thing right now. That was very scary. It's so scary. So scary. We're doubling down. Yeah. 10. Okay.

So is this a bigger circle that you make around the first one? Yeah, this was already the bigger circle. That's so fucking funny. What are these two rings look like? Uh, the first one was like twigs and, and Billy looked at it and he was like, pathetic. This sucks. This sucks. There's like sticks stuck in the ground. This is awful. Don't even look at it guys. Don't look, look away. And we're just eating like a leg of venison. We're like, what Billy? What do you mean? This is delicious.

Uh, the second one was made of like huge rocks. Like Billy just connects a bunch of rocks that are in the clearing. He's like dragging rocks. Oh yeah. Great. So you are safe in this clearing. Nothing can get in. You can leave the second circle up on its own. No, Billy's too afraid. He stays out here and maintains it. We have to maintain the middle one. Yeah, that's funny. I was going to say like we pitch our own tent. So Morris and Perel and Victor, can come out. Oh yeah, totally.

I think that would be good. Yeah. Like we put out the fanny pack. You mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you put out the fanny pack and Victor like bursts out. Where are the hogs? I've come to taste their flesh. Oh, Victor, quiet down. We're in a different place now. Get back in the circle. What? Oh, here. So we are not doing the hog thing anymore. A couple of days ago. Hmm. You defeated them? Yes. Actually. Pathetic foes? No, they're pretty intense. They're actually really hard to beat.

Billy stabbed him in the head. Look at that huge gash that Tuck has. Yeah. Look at my gash. You can see in the moonlight. That is quite a gash. It's so deep. I have seen the gash of two in my time. And I rank that among the gashiest. Yeah. Looks like a callous dock worker's heel. Fucking gross. Oh, that's the grossest thing I can imagine. Sorry. But Victor is here. He stalks the edge. He says, fear not. No foes will enter this circle as long as Victor stands watch.

And then we go, Victor, have you heard of an old witch that lives in a gray marsh? I have heard of no such witch, but there is not been a witch. That is bested Victor. I have a question though. Okay. What is a witch? It's like a, it's kind of like a wizard, but more earthy, I guess. Yeah. I will be inside the tent resting up for my watch. Thanks Victor. Call me when I am needed. He's so lazy now. Yeah. He's so lazy. He comes back out. He takes one of the deer legs.

He drags all because he's huge. He drags like the rest of the deer inside. Great. I didn't even get in. He does the thing where he comes out and he grabs it and then he knocks the entire fire over dragging it off the spit. And there's just embers flying. Yeah. It drags the greasy carcass into the carpet. Oh, Morris. Are you here? Perel yelling? Not on the couch. It's just incoherent yelling from inside the tent.

And you hear like a Russian wolf yelling back at him in Russian, in real earth, Russian. So we're popping inside the tent. I think so. Yeah. Billy just drags his seat over near the door and he's like, don't worry, I will guard and listen. Okay. Yeah. So I guess we're in the vestibule in the vestibule. The door is like, the flap is like cracked to accommodate Billy's insistence that he maintain a second ring. Billy's hand is inside the tent. He's like, please hold my hand.

We're both holding his hand. Uh, cool. So Morris and Perel join you in the vestibule. They look exhausted. Like how much pineapple juice have you been chugging? Oh, grow up. We've been working on a project. What have you been doing? Fucking. Morris is drinking pineapple juice. And Perel is like looking at Morris and he's like, it's nothing. What's going on with you? I'm hearing about some sort of horrible witch. I mean, one of you is probably heard of mother never was.

And Perel kind of nods and reaches up and takes the pineapple juice from Morris and takes a sip. Nods. I think I've heard stories. What are the stories you've heard? Uh, some like mythic bargainer in a swamp somewhere in the principalities. There were stories going around. When I was, I guess, you know, I grew up in the river. Yeah. So like there were always stories, but I just assumed they were stories.

Uh, we met like a weird old crone in the woods that said she like learned from mother never was. And then she got real weird and everything got really fucked up for a little while. It was super spooky. Okay. Is this something that you would like us to do some research on? Yeah. Or like help us. Yeah. Figure out. Okay. Like, are we marked by, and mother never was now it was kind of a, an option maybe to go through her marsh. Right? Yes.

Because being figured out that she, the gibbous man is like too scared to like look in her domain. And it might be like a way for us to cover our tracks getting into the principalities. Yeah. But what is, she's a apparently terrifying. She's the most, this is the scariest thing I've ever seen. Yeah. Right. All right. Well, then we can look, we can look into this and see if there's something we can use to our advantage. Well, you're looking into that.

Is it too much to get them to look into your puzzle box? Oh yeah. My what? I keep forgetting. I have this when we talk and he pulls out the puzzle box. Oh yeah. Oh, I haven't thought about this thing in years. You know, this, I gave it to him. He made it. What did you do to it? Uh, you know, I tried to, where are we playing? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Are you playing with it? We're trying to, yeah, we're trying to fix it or solve it. We're trying to do something to it.

I don't know. It's shitty dude. It's what now hold on. It's broken. You broke it. Can you fix it? Yeah, I can fix what was broken and then maybe we can open it. I'll put it on my list of things to do for the three of you. Oh, that's awesome. That's great. Thanks for having a list. Did you get your sense of sarcasm beat out of you by these pigs? No. Yeah, You're right. We didn't. You know what? Yeah, of course.

Why would I want to be running around outside here fighting killer pigs and scary witch women when I could just be in here with endless food just doing things from a list? Oh, so hard and scary. Must be so tiring to just fuck each other nonstop and work your way through a list. Well, I have to sleep out here tonight with the gibbous man looking at me, probably. Yeah. Or that scary Nana witch. You get to sleep with a dog every night and I have to sleep with Todd. Get to sleep with Todd.

Most nights. And Perel holds up his hands and goes, all right, all right, all right. We all have to do hard stuff. And everybody looks at Perel. Yeah, we all look at Morris's dick. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. So what's the plan from here? Well, it's how quickly… Start specific. Yeah. Yeah, how quickly can they look up info? Yeah, what do we need? A knight? I can consult my tombs and I grew up in the Riverways so I can look for the volumes that I think would be the most pertinent.

I think the thing that we need right now is to know which direction we're going. Okay. We need to know how we're going to get to Highspear. We're still on the south end of the Halfling Lands. We kind of are at a dividing point. Yeah. Do we go through the Gray Marsh or do we trek through… Kind of like mountainous, I guess. Yeah, the mountains. It's kind of like… Or do we try and find an underground route? That's the thing.

The underground route was, I think, the plan because it would be way faster because to get to the Gray Marshes, you have to travel through the majority of the Blacktree Principality. Right. Yeah. So on the ground route, our original options were the winter shims, wasn't it? When were you going to look for a water route? You're going to look for tunnels. Yeah. Yeah. Underneath. Yeah, but that was the river. Yeah. Yeah. And your plan was to talk to Nana. Yeah, to find if she knew a way.

This could be like a Morris and Perel are studying Spout Lore kind of thing. Let's make camp. Let's let these nerds figure their shit out. Yeah. And then we'll regroup in the morning. Morris, you can make a breakfast buffet and then we'll… We can make it. Morris holds his hands up. Fine, Perel, you make the breakfast buffet. It doesn't matter. Both of you make the breakfast buffet. I don't care who does it. I just want a breakfast buffet. I'm at station.

I mean, if you don't want to make breakfast, it's fine as long as it's a buffet. You guys have said breakfast so many times that Victor comes barreling into the room. He's holding marbles in his mouth. Yeah, exactly. And they're scattering all over the place as he runs. He's got the marble jar sideways in his mouth and he's whipping marbles everywhere. His tongue is hanging out underneath. So cute. Okay, great. So are we going to do a Spout Lore move? Is that the idea here? Who wants to do this?

It's kind of about the past. It's more about like myth and legend though. If I roll about something that nobody knows about, I get a plus one. Do you still? Yeah. Or would you be able to roll with wisdom? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. If it's because I have long lived when you Spout Lore about the past, I take a plus one. Okay. What do we think? Do we think that applies? I think that's fair. Yeah, Mother Never Was has been around for a long time. She's kind of been around forever. True.

All right. Two to six plus one for your being old. Do it. Eight. Oh. Oh, wow. Okay. All right. So the sun rises. Billy has been up all night maintaining his secondary ring. Eyes puffy. Yeah, eyes puffy, holding this jingly sword that you found. It's jingling because he's shaking. Yeah. And Billy, you did, you think, see things in the trees. I saw things. I think Tuck probably sat out here with Billy all night. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. They set up shop. Mm-hmm.

You start smelling the sense of bacon, sausage, wet eggs in a tray. My favorite. Cereal and weird little dispensers. Costco croissants. Oh, whoa. Little individual butters. Oh, boy. Not a shred of dairy in them. Nice. And quote, unquote, coffee. Okay. The breakfast buffet. Is served. And there's several volumes of pages puttering around, fixing up. There's one at the end with like ham, like at a carving station. And there's an omelet bar.

There's an omelet bar staffed by one of the pages who has a little like toque, like chef's toque on. Yeah. Cute. All of the ones that are cooking have French mustaches drawn on, like long, thin. And the paper chef hat. Yeah. One's got a little paper accordion that doesn't make any noise. It's just the sound of paper being crushed back and forth. Cluck, cluck, cluck. Cluck, cluck, cluck. Uh, and Morris and Perel are in their, uh, house coats with their slippers on. Mm-hmm.

And the pajama pants sticking out of the bottom. And they're shoveling some food onto plates. Good morning. Billy pokes his head in. Good morning. How was it out there? Sounds terrible. I heard nightmare laughter all night long. Why are you such an asshole? I'm not trying to be an, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be an asshole. Do you want some orange juice? Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham.

Now. Don't you want to play? Okay, no. Paige just, you can, Paige doesn't have a face, but you can see it kind of going like, what the fuck? Sorry. What a rude little kid. No, I'm sorry. I don't mean it at you. It's so funny. It's so rude. And he dutifully, the Paige dutifully shaves off a piece of ham and just kind of hands it to you between the knife and that weird long fork that they do. Take it with my hands. Thank you. I'm sorry. As it nods. You hear the paper shuffle.

And Tuck comes in from outside now and he goes, ham. Ham. And this Paige rolls his whole head. And it's like. I wonder where he gets it from. The two Paige's look at each other. And they're like. He certainly doesn't get it from me. Yeah. Yeah. Shave, shave, shave, shave, shave. And they take the. Smoked tofu. Smoked tofu. And the one at the smoked tofu carving station shaves off a piece of smoked tofu. When they shave a piece of ham off, I just take the large. Yeah.

So there's only just a thin piece of ham left. Classic Looney Tunes bit. I love it. Yeah. Bing gets a cup of coffee. They pour a cup of coffee. He grabs a craft. Starts drinking out of the craft. I think maybe none of us slept last night and I was going to use this as an opportunity to refill our hip points. Same here. Oh yeah. Damn it. Nope. Me too. Can't do it. No. Can't do it. Fuck. Uh, and Morris goes, well, I had quite a night myself. Thank you for not asking.

Does everybody have their crap from the hot trays? Yes. Yeah, we do. Thank you for making this. Yeah, it's great. Sit down. We sit. We're sitting. Use coasters. I can't. So angry. Um, all right. And he wheels out a chalkboard. I was up all night reading stories from Perel's home. I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the! Never was. Fuck. And he erased it. Was. Mother Never Was. Classic bargainer archetype. Okay. Present in mythologies around the globe. Mm-hmm.

Mother Never Was is featured in a number of stories in which she offers mortals power or boons in exchange seemingly for nothing. But the boons always have strings attached. For example. Wait. He says. He has strings attached. He theatrically flips the chalkboard and there's one of those yarn diagrams. Yeah. Yeah. There's a bunch of yarn on the other side. He pauses for applause and we do not. We're genuinely exhausted. Yeah. We're just like. I told you. There's too much yarn.

Too much yarn, Perry. Keep it simple. They're dumb. We say nothing. No, you all not. Like the only sound you hear is. Hark! Hark! And in the background, the sound of clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, because Victor is still like prancing around with his marble jar in his mouth. The pages are like slipping on the marbles. For example, in one story, a man requested to become a skilled sculptor. And in exchange, Mother Never Was placed him on an island at sea where there was no stone.

Or someone asked to be reunited with their lost love, but instead she reunited them with their animated corpse. That kind of thing. You know what I mean? There's always something that goes bad. Except for once. And I think that's where we're going to end it for this week. I've been your Game Master, Sean O'Hara, joining me as always playing Tacomdom the Barbarian Abdulaziz. So long, everybody. Playing Bing the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Take care.

And playing Fat Billy the Halfling, Thief Jessica Tai. Goodbye. Thank you to all of you, our susporters out there, for susporting the show around the world. Without you, this show literally would not be possible.

If you want to susport the show and get access to a whole bunch of bonus stuff, including a whole campaign set in the High Spirit Mall featuring the Cool Treat Kids, art and lore in the Spout Lore Almanac, postcards by the cast set in-universe handout, merch, and a whole bunch of other stuff, check us out at SpellLoreAlmanac.com. SpellLore.com. Money, please. Or Patreon.com. SpellLore.

And thank you to Aaron Charles-Reed for our intro and outro music and all of the music produced on the show, including presumably a song about pigs that just came out a couple weeks ago. And thank you, most of all, to all of you for listening. We'll see you next time.

And so ends the tale of Adventures Three Who tried the best they could Though dumb and scared and lost they'd be For time's a-breding Rest in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I'm glad Leads SpellTorch

Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your Game Master Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, Abdulaziz. Hey buddy. And Rev from The Crit Show. Hello. Welcome here to Episode 5, the penultimate episode, part 1 of the thrilling conclusion of the Spout Lore Crit Show crossover. How's it been so far, guys? I feel like I'm running a marathon, but in a good way. Not like if I were to actually run a marathon, I'd be like peeing on myself and vomiting a lot.

But like the after part, like the runner's high. Yeah. This is like the part where you get to tell people you ran a marathon instead of just running. That's what I do. I just tell people that I ran a marathon. Yeah. I also don't run marathons because it's performative and fucking lame. Performative. Exercise. You're asking your body to perform. Yeah. Ugh. So if you want to catch the second half of the finale, it's live right now.

So after this, go listen at thecritshowpodcast.com or wherever you get your podcasts for the thrilling conclusion. Enjoy. Enjoy. So we find everyone inside of the inn.

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karaoke song for sure is the maiden and the frog you guys are gonna love this one but david bowie is an interdimensional wizard oh yeah I could absolutely buy that he has been across like various worlds he is also a universal constant yeah he came to our world when he left when the wizards all left yeah he's yeah started here that's why one of his eyes is permanently dilated so you can see between realms this is a cooler story let's do this let's follow this storyline fuck what we're doing yeah let's do this one all right the scene opens up young david bowie can mother never was be a david bowie variant yeah baba bowie baba bowie baba bowie baba bowie if we if we combined our production budgets do you think we could get david bowie it would be hard it'd be real hard right now first we'd have to hire a necromancer actually it might be a little bit easier oh no technically his ip's available uh okay yeah sorry man in white uh perel can't help he's he's deep in a plate of ribs right now I mean we know that the man in black's plan is to have the man in white in a different world so they could do this spell simultaneously so we've got a man in black and a man in white and a man in white and a man in white and a man in a woman in a woman in a woman in a woman in a woman in a woman in a woman in a woman in a woman locked off but I guess it makes sense to take him with us because then that way if something happens and he does regain control he's not in another world he doesn't have the ability to try and set this off at the same time even though we know it'll be really bad if it doesn't happen at the same time that seems smart plus maybe we could use him as a bargaining chip in some capacity like maybe if we had him we could be like hey no sudden moves or else I don't know that we can kill this guy but he doesn't know that we don't know if we can kill this guy are we having this conversation out loud in front of the man in white no baby tech talks to trogdor wait what's the name of the guy his name is trog and he does specialize in doors yes yes yeah you do go through the trogdor in order to talk to yeah he talks to trog and he's like hey do you have like a papoose or something that I can uh maybe carry this man in white around in that so I we I always have them on me oh yeah I got uh I got an apron we can just cut some feet holes in it all right let's do do I have to roll for this no I'm pretty good and he just he takes off his apron and puts it on you and just rips two little holes in the bottom all right I put the man in white in a little papoose I'm on my chest he's very confused is he facing towards you or away from you towards and he's it's weird because the man in white has a very long torso so you're almost just like a man in white and he's like I'm not going to do this nose to nose so he's got a very long torso very short legs is that the guy is that the configuration we're doing no he's got a he's got really short really long legs too but just a very short in between like his pelvic area is like it was that it was hard to tell in the clothing that he was wearing before but now that you've got him straddling a papoose that looks nice can I have nexties all right trogdor get me a papoose for my back for my friend tass here you all right he bends down under the counter and gets another apron pulls out a sex swing don't ask me why I had this no no reason it's it's not what it looks like it's for sex uh perel comes up and he's wiping barbecue sauce off his face and uh he's got a still got a rib in his hand that he hands to billy he just says so are we so what's the deal with you guys I'm not going to do this I'm not going to do this we're just going to go to mccall and try and find mother never was or are we going to go right in this place like is it going to open up right where we were or can we go kind of anywhere we want no it's pretty much going to send us back where we came in they just kind of create a uh a point in space that you can depart from and return to fuck also a point of interest uh because I I wasn't keeping an eye on you perel but there's about a 50 50 chance that you're going to fall asleep for a couple of minutes and then you're going to go to the bathroom and you're going to oh right sorry was that yeah when you eat here and I'm just watching him he reaches down and he grabs the rib from billy oh it's too late that rib is clean I think I think yeah you haven't face planted yet I think we're good billy just looks like a cartoon with like the rib bone in his throat sticking out sideways yeah billy is sleeping it wasn't it wasn't because of the food he's just it's just nice and full and he's just like oh my god I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'll be time for a nap I'm just tired billy's covered in barbecue sauce to a degree that couldn't have been just from this one rib yeah like I went and found extra perel goes okay I think I'm good then we really need to figure out and he just falls to the ground all right truck door I'm gonna need a third papoose this guy's gonna be bjorn to be wild oh man uh yeah I imagine we just head back through to where we started and I did do we have any clues on where we're going to find mother never was okay so here's the issue is the mother never was is in the principalities which is uh an ocean away from mccall and not just an ocean but a magic ocean it's called the sea of graves it's full of a sentient storm that hates everyone because it is the embodiment of the grief of oh oh wait nope this is actually a spoiler never mind tuxes perel's eyes flutter and he's like trying to pick himself up off the ground he goes can we maybe use the transdimensional magic contained in the doorknob to kind of jump to where mother never was that's the most intelligent thing he's ever said I love your sleep musings perel yeah I think it's his consciousness that's keeping him stupid he would be so smart if he wasn't himself oh man same yeah I think that there is some combination here of using the knowledge that you all have of the principalities in combination with say megan's telepathy and ability to get images and locations from people and then jake's ability to change the world and to change the world and to change the world and to change the world and to change the world and to change the world and to change the world and to change the world magic that you might be able to kind of hot wire this doorknob to take you to a specific location in your world so megan why don't you roll a tune in okay eight all right so jake we'll use magic 13 all right so it is going to get you into the right continent it's not going to get you exactly where you want to go the images are a little hazy maybe it's all this interdimensional travel for the three of you but the images are a little hazy and they're going to get you into the right continent and then you're going to get into the right continent and then you're going to get into the the principalities aren't quite clear um so what's someplace nearby where mother never was is kind of rumored to live um that might spring into your mind maybe a little bit of a schlep to get to but is close by she lives in like an endless marsh in a place called uh the black tree principality the marshes were sort of like north of where the riverways was basically like uh mother never was was the cause of or found refuge in this like maelstrom historical event called the river wars so for context for you guys the river wars is like it's this anachronistic war that like some historical texts refer to it as like lasting like a thousand years and other historical texts are like yeah it was like a single battle between two small tribes so there's like these internal inconsistencies in history that are happening there's like people who turned from the river wars like aged men and like they're like there are other people who are like oh yeah like who are listed among the dead who like were like oh I never fought in that battle wow so it's like this this very like chaotic spatio-temporal event uh and then in the center of that it's like sort of where it's rumored that mother never was lives outstanding yeah so that it makes sense that you wouldn't be able to get a very long time to get to the bottom of that um and then um and then um and then um and then um and then um and then um and then um and then um and then um and then um and then um and then um and then um and then um and then um and then um magical doorknob and um you come out into a gray and dim marshland mist and fog obscures your vision uh something about the space that this door is connected to kind of shunts forces you all out uh three stooges style and you kind of tumble onto the ground and an old man with a fishing pole sitting next to a watery part of the bog goes he's got a weapon no no no no no I'm but a humble fisherman what do you how'd you all get in my outhouse we're coming out of the outhouse right yeah well I mean yeah thank god that was me the player there's a guy there's a guy taking a shit you all come into his I was like we just busted out the walls of the south and you all just pile onto his lap I'm trying to catch something and leave something uh yeah so you're basically all laying in this like soggy surprisingly vibrant uh green grass in this misty marshland uh and the old man just kind of starts standing up and backing away from you oh do you need do you need in here or no no enjoy oh sorry it's my my gift to you oh wait wait wait uh do you mind telling us where we are a little lost I think oh um you're you're uh near any points down and you see a cluster of ramshackle buildings and people kind of working in the peat moss uh this is uh mossberg we're working on the name it's a new place all right we we considered peaton mossberg uh uh moston uh peatsville after the founder pete moss right yeah that's peat moss is my daddy you can just call me peaty I'm peat mouse jr so are you telling me you're mayor of this town yes as you know mayors are hereditary titles passed from father to son wow I like to consider myself a kind of petty king or a peaty king as a little joke I make uh but uh y'all are in a pretty cavalier about appearing suddenly in an outhouse I wouldn't worry about it do you know where mother never was is his eyes widen he drops his fishing pole clutches his breast I'm afraid I I do not know what you're speaking of I don't believe you well I can't I can't think of a reason why you wouldn't I'm the picture of a candor well then why is your your pants getting so wet where your peat it's the humidity it's just the humidity I don't know about that no I'm pretty sweaty like that too it's fair um do you know anybody who might know where mother never was mother never was mother never was and she appears by the beetlejuice rule she's wearing a black and white striped suit she's played by michael keaton beetlejuice is also a baba yaga variant very much so no no michael keaton they have the same number of syllables you can't you just don't don't say don't say her name why it's not safe why he casts his eyes towards the the edge of the marsh she's out there somewhere they say and if you draw her your life is forfeit and how do they say that you draw her ire by going out into the marsh and wishing for a life that you never had but me I'm perfectly content being the petty king of a small village of moss people so I've never never had need of her services before but sometimes people say on the edges of the marsh you see the gray men wandering the grasses what the gray men what are the gray men oh they're they're folks that wish to make a deal with mother never was but she's not a woman a woman highness have you ever seen people go a certain way he nods very uh regally at billy oh here's the thing my loyal subject there is no certain way in these marshes one way is always and always are no ways and uh other cryptic things that people tend to say out here what are you on what what do you actually grow here hey marsh provides baby are you a cop what are you some kind of what are you some kind of fucking narc maybe we harvest peat moss for fires across the land baby we harvest some other things that you're not going to tell anybody about if you know what's good for you but uh you you never heard of the the endless marsh oh is there a way to find your way through is it just endless wandering or is there something we can look for to find a path yeah are we destined to just be endless wanderers like mumford and sons we actually look like we're in mumford and sons it could be can I spout mumford and sons about this yeah totally 26.5 plus intelligence okay hello sir my name is mumford and these are my sons all right I have no intelligence uh okay I got 11 though oh my god 11 okay so you get something interesting and useful interesting and useful yeah and um because this is a place guys this is very exciting welcome to the collaborative world building of Spout Lore this is a place that we haven't really talked much about so what do we think is a way to build a world of Spout Lore and what do we think is a way to build a world of spelt traditionally in the tales that people have been able to find their way through the endless marsh I think you have to go in very desperate like the more desperate you are the quicker and easier you find her yeah like I like that like this is not a place for people to just be bold and want to just check it out like the day hikers are the ones that just get taken because they're not serious about this at all it's it's like uh that swamp in lord of the rings with the dead bodies just under the water and they're like oh my god I'm gonna go to the water and I'm gonna go to the water but they're all wearing archeterics jackets so if the way to get to her is to go in super desperate and going in curious is the way to get snatched is there a way through and out that is just like being indifferent we need somebody so desperate that the swamp doesn't even want them perel perel's unfortunately asleep still but the man in white who is uh a person out of time who's been displaced from his very home and has nothing left in the entire multiverse he goes well I mean I I'm pretty desperate just like in general so I mean maybe I could help yeah you're perfect you're perfect for this don't compliment me too much I'll get attached and then I won't be as desperate tuck lifts him out of the papoose and he puts him down so he lifts him 12 feet in the air I guess his his arms stick out straight in front of him like a cat and he puts him down and he's like go the yearning way my friend because remember we said that there were 40 cardinal directions and one of them is the yearning way oh cool as I'm standing over to the side like what the fuck is my compass doing here it's just the needle just snaps out of it and starts spinning in the air what you only have four four would you get that the one coin store even pd starts laughing you fucking got him kid you fucking got him yeah so the yearning way I'm not from here uh how do I how do I do that I like the idea that there's like they look like game trails almost like some of them are bobbing weaving people aren't sure they kind of go out and they're like they go and they start they come back like no she's over there but the yearning way is like the yearning way is like the yearning way is like the yearning way is like the yearning way is like the yearning way is like the yearning way is like the straight through it's just you have so much purpose so maybe there's like a little break in the bog or a well-trodden bit that's just one track mind into it but I don't think that like the rest of us see that very clearly like for us it still looks really just confusing in the way that there are no indications so we have to rely on following the man in white exactly yeah so then that sounds like we're going to undertake a perilous journey we're gonna need somebody to be quartermaster some we're gonna need somebody to be the quartermaster and we're gonna need somebody to be the quartermaster buddy to be trailblazer and somebody to be scout um I feel like I would scout here get ahead with my yeah you gotta go rifle yeah I could be a trailblazer considering I have the ability to kind of like scry or help find people like totally if we if we lose sight of the man in white I could I could get us back on track I like food I can quartermaster okay perfect oh you want somebody who hates food that's our problem we always put billy in charge you there are so many failed quartermaster roles which are just billy got really hungry and ate all of it that is not an impossibility I could still do that then uh still get his hands on it megan's like picking berries and putting them in like a satchel that billy has cut a corner off of and is just eating out of them like a hamster all right so task kim and megan roll 2d6 plus wisdom 12 for me excellent whoa excellent 12 for me as well 12 for you as well holy shit good lord you guys got to be more like these people all right oh man pearl you said you liked us the way that we are I'm sorry billy I'm still mostly asleep he's being his I didn't mean it sleep is his alcohol all his inhibitions have been shut the hell up billy um whoa also we realized that the mist is not missed but it's them hot boxing this entire area this is a skunky skunky bug uh okay so on a 10 plus so for uh trailblazing and scouting uh the trailblazer reduces the amount of time it takes to reach your destination and the scout will spot any trouble quick enough to let you get the drop on it uh seven to nine with the quartermaster you guys are going to eat the normal amount of food so you you're going to eat the normal amount of food so you're going to eat the normal amount of food so you begin to follow the man in white so you're standing on the edge of like between you and the marsh is basically like a bend in or in a creek and uh he just stands there for a second trying to feel you imagine the yearning way and just begins to walk forward into the creek and he sinks to about like eye level in the water and he's like kind of swimming across and he's starting to be swallowed by the mist so if you want to follow him you have to do it too let's go yeah jump in so everybody just starts bobbing across this creek um yeah tuck you're walking basically okay good because I don't know how to swim so that's great what about the shorter members the shorter members you're starting to you know you kind of got to like hop to stay above the water billy I'm very buoyant so I'm fine um in fact I can offer myself to tuck as a little flotation device uh as soon as I get in the water I suddenly have a mermaid tail what oh what the fuck cool so I'm fine pd on the edge of the creek goes what the fuck don't worry about it you're high wait do we have the other ring yeah I think I think I walk into the creek and walk over the creek right I think I still have a water walking yeah water walking ring too as I'm like literally up to my neck in water and watching like six foot four jake just walk across I'm just looking down like well sucks to suck I'm still in the back of the orange so I'm pretty dry too I think wait you guys have rings that turn you into mermaids our rings just let us read each other's minds that's fucking lame oh I can do that too though this sucks our world fucking sucks we can't do anything magic doesn't exist we need rings to read minds and we don't even have fish tails okay but everything's named really cool thing is do it like uh synchronized swimming but with nobody synchronizing with it it's just his legs up out of the water kicking yeah and you kind of weighed out of the water or in uh jake's case just step onto the other side and the man in white is like descending into the grasses which get quite high on the side uh the mist presses in all around you but you're able to uh with the help of kim's oracle like abilities tipped off by her tarot cards in some confusing fashion uh basically basically whenever uh he disappears from sight she you pull one kim and it just has an arrow that's pointing in the direction that he went hell yeah I love it and they all just say the arrow it's not this uh you're you're worried that your cards might have disappeared entirely and been replaced with these uno style and uh there are times where you're noticing the light shift in ways that makes it feel like you're like as you're walking forward suddenly you're working walking backwards the light dims and brightens in ways that make it feel like the sun is rising and setting very irregularly but the man in white is leading you it would seem down some sort of yearning path you travel for what feels like hours could be minutes could be years who knows uh and he suddenly stops in the path and tass as the scout you kind of bump into him and he is just like standing stock still hey buddy what's he puts his finger to his lips and he points forward and goes look and through the mist you can see bodies moving how big vary from probably you know five four to maybe like six six do you think those are the gray people yeah can I discern realities yeah totally two to six plus wisdom right here we go all right so I got eight plus my wisdom which is zero so I got eight nice uh so that gets you one question off the the list okay what here is not what it appears to be okay so as you're watching um these bodies kind of flit in and out of the mist you see like five eight ish figure move into move into sight very kind of silhouetted but then you see somebody six three in their place so this isn't multiple people you don't think it's one person that is switching between bodies oh that's kind of like what he can do right like like he's switching between different versions of himself but this is like whole different bodies instead of versions maybe it has something to do with like that we're getting so close to mother never was maybe they're her guard they could be scouting for her oh shit yeah there's a point where some of us can't go much further because if she smells her sister on us that's a problem yeah she gets a whiff of billy's taint then we're screwed my taint I run away I'll hide in the reeds yeah as you guys are having this conversation about uh baba yaga smelling your taints um the person that you see ahead of you stops and like perks up someone say taint as if they heard something even the word taint draws their attention cover up your taints everybody you guys were gonna try and and mask the scent of baba yaga but you just didn't before no before before we left tuck went to a cvs and got a giant bottle of taint and I was like oh my god I'm gonna get a bottle of dracar noir how many uses are in there yeah a hundred three a million no you get three I I'm now allowing you to have a bottle of dracar noir that you picked up in indianapolis and there are three uses okay but I also I got an axe body spray does this have any uses in it uh it actually popped in your bag so it just sprayed all over your shit dude and it smells like a middle school locker room now fuck but that's kind of what tuck always smells like so it's not really uh I don't know for sure if this thing is smelling us or hearing us so I'm gonna branch out my telepathy to be able to establish a mental chat room with everybody here cool hey I'm in your head again I didn't know it was hearing us talk so let's just talk in our minds oh yeah and you hear with your real ears you hear perel snoring but then in your head you hear do you think that if you put a coat on a dog it would notice if it liked the color of the dog or if it liked the color of the dog or if it liked the color of the dog notice if it liked the color or not do you think the trees have friends what if a frog had a job he's just going through whatever unconscious thoughts in this chat room that he's able to conjure wasn't that all of season one him giving frogs a job what if one frog was big and one was small and would one of them be the pet no not a double frog um does this seem to be having any noticeable effect on that um does this seem to be having any noticeable effect on that figure in the mist now that we are non-verbal yeah it goes back to whatever it was doing perfect I would like to use my culling sight on this creature yeah in case we need to try to get past this somehow yeah remind me what uh calling site is when I see a creature for a moment I can roll plus wisdom and then I can get some hold to spend to either give us like plus ones against it or like more damage or like turn a fail into a mixed success if we're trying to do something yeah go for it uh that is a nine so I have a hold one yeah you're just kind of watching it as it shifts in between forms and seemingly wanders uh through the mist it might be like on a specific track maybe it's looking for something but it's just kind of walking around I will think in the chat room do we think we can time it out to sneak by this thing as a group or should I fireball it well if we're gonna attack it I should probably try and see if I can read something from its mind first I might be able to get an idea of what it's doing or looking for or what it is yeah yeah do it I say that even if we don't attack it yeah more information is always good all right yeah go for it eight okay so yeah it's kind of hard to pick out what it's thinking because you much like when you connected to the man in white uh when you first saw him in the call there is a cacophony of voices an absolute like chorus of confusion it's different than the way that it was with the man in white what you're able to kind of deduce with your experiences as a interplanar traveler and also with uh this specific situation this must be something unique to how mother never was operates but this feels like it's actually multiple versions of a person existing in one space so as opposed to just being like someone that is able to like mentally swap into different bodies this is many people's lives and it's like it's like a lot of people's lives and it's like a lot of people who have kind of been forced into one point in time and space wow she's grabbed somebody from a bunch of the different dimensions yeah pd said something about how the gray men are thought to be people that mother never was saw something in that she coveted so you get the idea that this might kind of be like a menagerie of people that exist in one place uh because of the state they're in would this be considered an inhuman creature yes I would say so oh in that case I get to ask the gm wait no I mean no I mean no I just get what's on your I just get to ask one question about it and I have to tell you what pop culture source I would know that from from my world all right what's your question so I think my question would be is there any sort of a kindness or a favor or something that we could offer it slash them to be able to get past the gm and ask the gm what's on your sheet I just get to ask without trouble I think that um especially thinking about like pop culture examples I think this is very much a um music soothes the savage beast kind of thing not music specifically but this is a person or many countless people that are in like agony so anything that would offer kindness or comfort or understanding or soothing of any kind might be able to placate uh this thing for a short time wow okay but it's also going to be risky for sure because it it seems like the kind of thing where they're just as likely to lash out got it what's the pop culture source is it the Spout Lore patreon it's the Spout Lore podcast I swear I've heard this episode they did a crossover with another podcast called it's just like this we explode and then everything implodes yep yeah I mean like even simply it seems almost like a like a frankenstein kind of thing right where it's like a monster that just wants to be loved yeah kinda like I even have this weird like thinking about like being john malkovich but the idea that the room keeps filling up and there's no way out of it um so like what could give this thing focus cool interesting I like that a lot oh man we might be able to sneak past this thing if we can distract it give it sort of a balm something to you know ease it's just it's tortured mind the man in white speaks up you could I mean there's lots of you you could just kill it right yeah what if it doesn't want what you offer what if it tries to kill us well then in that case we defend ourselves but I don't like the idea of just just going after this thing yeah white guy we're not just gonna kill indiscriminately I'm not saying indiscriminately it's just it's a it's a monster right it's quite discriminately as a matter of fact I can't go ahead right because mother never was will smell me I could I'm not going to kill you I'm not going to kill you I'm not going to kill you I'm not going to kill you act like a little bait and see if the monster would follow me or if I could distract it.

Wait, Billy, do you still have wealth and taste? I do. Oh my God. Wealth and taste is a move that if Billy waves around his most valuable object, someone will be like, I want that. That's it. What would it want? Well, it sounds like it wants a hug. Like what if you just go hug its leg and like stand on its foot and just you're along for the ride? Oh my God. My blue blanket. So soft. So comforting. So magical. Yeah. Blue blanket could do it. It's like a hug. You think so? Yeah.

This thing's in a state. It's like in, you know, when you're like in such a heightened state of duress that like literally anything nice is what you want. Like it's just, you're just lizard brain. Like I want to lay down. I want to eat something. Yeah. Like James Brown. Somebody comes, puts a blue blanket on your back and then you pop up. Exactly. That's all you need. If you're going to give it a blanket, let me press to digitate it. So I can also make it a warm blanket before we give it to him.

Okay. It's very little, but I mean, it's nice. Uh, yeah. And I, I, I think as Billy is going over, I want to spend my hold, uh, to sort of like focus in on like, I think that the blanket will work and I want to give Billy a plus one forward. Thank you. Excellent. And I spray it with some Dracar Noir. Ew. That's not going to work. Do you have to roll to press to digitate? I mean, I think so. I have to roll to cast a spell. Okay. Yeah.

So I rolled a nine, which means the spell is cast, but I have to choose one, draw unwelcome attention or put myself in a spot. The GM tells me how, uh, the spell disturbs the fabric of reality as it is cast. Take minus one ongoing to cast a spell until the next time you prepare spells or after it is cast, the spell is forgotten. You cannot cast the spell again until you prepare spells. All of this. So I could warm the blanket. Yeah.

Unfortunately you, you go to warm the blanket and it's a little flame, but it's exact same time that Tuck does the cologne and just makes a fireball. Well, it's a good thing. It's made of, I think it's that buttermilk, butter, butter, butter, moth silk, which is fire retardant. Yeah. Milk. Buttermilk. Buttermilk. I wish it was made of buttermilk. That sounds nice. That sounds like some fancy, like skincare, like exfoliating, like face towel. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I will, I will warm the blanket and I will choose to draw unwelcome attention or put myself in a spot and you tell me how. So Billy, the blanket warms in your hands as Jake casts, what is, what does this prestidigitation look like? Uh, you know, put my, put my hand on the blanket and do a magic. Tight. Welcome to the theater of the mind.

I, I lay a hand on the blanket and there is a, a purple shimmer around my face.

Hand that becomes an orange shimmer around my hand that becomes an orange shimmer around the blanket and then it heats up and once it is heated up the shimmer itself fades and for some background ambience as billy goes up with the blanket I uh pull a bottle out that I stole from pete by his fishing stuff and pop the cork and endless wanderer starts playing like way too fast mandolin begins to pour out over the marsh uh the the soothing tones of 2009 carry billy forward am I wrong in thinking that the song is hopeless wanderer you're right I fucked up earlier oh it is I was like and I leaned into it I was like I think that's what it is but I really don't want to add the term hopeless into our I'm so so glad we got there though we really we've actually screwed up that name multiple times on this show because we tried to name a boat after it but we named it aimless wanderer okay that's great we're so close every time so anyway so helpless wanderers playing perfect bill yeah you almost don't want to give up the blanket because it's so warm and toasty um but you start walking towards this figure in the mist that is shifting rapidly and as you get close it resolves through the mist to a point and then you realize that it's not obscured by the mist it's just an obscured image it's it's really hard to actually focus on this thing because it doesn't seem to have one singular form that this plane of existence recognizes it's kind of like looking at somebody through like an unfocused camera lens it's just like multiple images overlaid but as you get closer it does kind of turn its head to you and all of these heads turn at like different times in your vision so I uh I'm going to start with the first one which is the one that's going to be the most difficult to crawl up to the shore near the base of a willow tree and I curl up with the blanket and I make a big show of like flapping the blanket out and like laying it down on me and the warmth like I don't know I imagine this monster can sense how how cuddly it all is well I think you gotta roll a wealth and taste it doesn't say to roll it oh you just do it I think so let me just when you when you make a show of flashing around your most valuable possession choose someone present they will do anything they can to obtain your item or one like it damn yeah that's great you just do it so how do you extricate yourself from this situation before because it does start it starts walking towards you yeah so I'm under the willow tree so I've um wrapped some of like the willow um tendrils around my wrist kind of like waste myself up really fast yeah yeah and get out of its reach okay great then roll a 2d6 plus dexterity because it's starting to walk faster um oh my god six can I help megan what do you got I think since I established this mental connection with this creature in the first place and they were kind of aware of that I think I'm just talking to it telepathically and just a very calming voice and like it's okay just relax and like look how warm and comfy this blanket looks you can take a nap I like it uh then yeah give me a 2d6 plus bond just basically asmr game yeah uh that'll be an eight eight perfect so that makes it a seven for billy jake something that your magic has done like after you you felt the warmth on your hand as you heated up the blanket you've just been standing there watching billy do this but like you know flexing your hand you're trying to like shake out the residual heat uh and you feel the heat kind of like come out of your arm and you're getting really warm and then all of the people standing around you the rest of the crew it's getting pretty hot dude jake you're so hot right now uh this is this is jake's magic putting him in a spot yeah sorry I think I goofed this it's I don't know what to do about that I'm gonna just kind of sit down and scoot into the water here to try and cool down perfect uh yeah so you splash around a little bit and then you're like oh my god I'm so hot I'm so hot but billy you're trying to climb up these uh willow strands and uh you see the figure walking closer to the blanket kind of crouching down and cycling through images and the images as it gets closer and closer to the blanket start to get smaller and smaller then it's about the size of like a six to seven year old child and it grabs the blanket and starts to like crawl underneath it okay I'm I'm a little jealous oh it's holding on to your blanket yeah that's what it is billy you're hanging from this willow branch watch watching this thing rest and you're like that's that's my blanket it's my blanket and I'm looking at my friends and I'm like what are they even doing they're all just swimming around like giving up my favorite blanket for them to go for a little swim they're playing marco polo yeah guys it looks like the monster's been placated all right let's keep going let's let the the man in white lead us the rest of the way or should all of us that stink like baba yaga hang back here now it's not something we can cover up tuck holds up dracar noir though I can cover three people up with the smell of a high school dance all right so tuck and ving are clear to go regardless do what other three people want to smell just wonderful I do not have a good history of dealing with baba yaga so I will volunteer to like stay outside and guard I feel like we need someone to smell the smell of baba yaga I'm smarter than us though it can't just be ving and I right like ving is still doing synchronized swimming he has like he's underneath the water man I just sure want it to just be tuck and ving though what if we what if we go the opposite what if we go in only her sisters saying that we have a message from her I I think she's gonna kill us yeah we're here with a message from baba hmm if you go in first then she doesn't kill us and you why do you just want us to die in wave one well I mean a big argument here to be had though is if we let her know exactly what's really going on all of everything could stop existing and she may have some self-preservation you know like if if if our dude on this side starts doing what he's gonna do bad time for all that's a good point so that's the argument that we have to make to her is that she has to fix this that is exactly the point that I'm making here tuck and ving alone should make when they go or you could make it as bait before she probably kills you yeah okay fine ving and I will go ving and I will go and I guess I wasted this dracar noir for nothing I shoplifted this for fucking nothing and then tuck angrily whips it into the into the boy okay so the plan is to just send ving and tuck to talk to mother never was billy's gonna stay behind with the uh with the crit crew like I yeah I don't know what to do because like I want my blanket and I'm kind of also stuck in the tree I can't come crawling down or the monster will get me yeah everybody you just walk past the willow tree and you see billy hanging from it like a christmas ornament yeah I'm like spinning around okay just slowly spinning in a circle how how much uh can I safely assume that billy weighs the billy's weight billy weighs less than load three oh yeah I could cast unseen servant to get billy out of the tree nice that'll do it yes all right unseen servant it is so what does that do I conjure an a simple invisible construct that can do nothing but carry things uh so it can carry up to load three can't pick up things on its own oh can only carry things I give to it oh I don't know if that works then that's what reading the rules does to a person we don't ever do that I have telekinesis that seems like a better option oh yeah telekinesis that'll do it I have to fake there's all these like conditions on its size so plus two if you could carry or hold it in one hand nah plus one if it's no larger than a halfling oh he's actually smaller than a halfling yeah okay so that's a plus one uh that's an 11 excellent okay uh yeah what is the is it just straight up billy just lifts out of the tree and starts floating over yeah you can slowly move the object as long as you can see it okay perfect I just I just just air roller coaster yeah I think I'm holding my my salt crystal dagger and that's like pink energy starts like kind of coming off of it and then at the same time the same colored energy just kind of starts materializing around billy and he just starts kind of like floating up and away from the blanket and just in the middle of the air right towards us just like reaching for a blanket he stopped for a second by the tension of the willow branch that he's on and then that tendril snaps and he shoots forward a little bit I catch him and he's billy's just crying yeah we'll get it back we'll get it back we just got to do this first I wasn't thinking I wasn't thinking about consequences oh uh but yeah you've you've the gray man or gray child it would seem is uh peacefully snoozing under the blanket at the base of the willow tree and the man in white uh turns to you all and says it I guess I just keep going keep keep yearning right yeah man just keep yearning okay yeah tuck and ving follow him here we go well how do we do we know how close are we uh that's a great question can I try to use my farsightedness to find mother never was yeah yeah totally yeah go for it because yeah you don't know how close or far you are from from her currently so yeah what's uh could you remind me of farsight uh when you take a few minutes to enter a trance in order to see the whereabouts of a person or a specific spot in a location roll plus wisdom on a 10 plus as long as you remain in the trance you can see and hear as if you were there on a seven to nine as 10 plus but you can only see as if you were there sweet okay uh yeah that's a 13.

Fuck yeah fuck yeah I like the idea your trance is the macarena so sorry but this whole time she's she hasn't realized that it's the macarena but she because she just goes into the trance but everybody else sees the macarena does she know do not tell her we just silently do it along with her she can never know so you begin the macarena and you enter this trance and when your eyes open up you're in the trance and you're in the trance and you're in the trance and you open back up you're standing in a muddy clearing um it's ringed by like shoulder height reads the sky is gray uh but you can see a bright disc of sunlight shining whatever pitiful light it is able to through the through the cloud cover and sitting on a log weaving together reads into what looks like kind of like a a crown or a circlet is a woman in a cloak of river grass she has like there's a hood over her head she looks quite uh stooped but you can see her gnarled fingers uh working on this circlet and you are able to kind of uh like in the ubisoft video game franchise assassin's creed when you call your bird scout to see the environment around you you're able to enter stationary mode and look to the east and see uh your your group is deceptively close uh and if you were to kind of use this uh farsight to peek into where you've been it looks like it's the kind of thing like you're looking at the entirety of this of the marshland and you're like wow this place is way fucking smaller than I thought it was and though it feels like it's been hours days it looks like you've almost just been circling uh where mother never was is seated for who knows how long so if you're able to cut through this extra temporal interplanar space you might be able to get there fairly quickly okay um my eyes stopped glowing white and I I think while I was in this trance uh the bright white light from my eyes was like reflecting off of tuck's axe and creating a really sick disco ball effect as we were all just doing the and you come you come out of your trance and you go uh yeah and clap ving's like hey how do you guys know the macalarena macarena is also an interplanar constant yeah I I I saw her she's in a clearing uh surrounded by a bunch of of reeds she's really close actually um but also far on like an extra planar sense I I think if we had a way to kind of pierce that veil we would be very close to her ving then dips his fingers into the bogs at the base of a reed and he I want to try and talk to the reeds I want to try and um appease the reeds and talk to the the network the the plants and see if they'll fast track us through I don't know why I'm always surprised when you talk to a plant you've been able to do it for seasons god what does this reed sound like hey how's it going yes jersey fallback it's the you know see it's it's easier this way what's going on buddy welcome to the swamp hey good to be here thanks for having us is this the director's cut of shrek oh I should have just done a shrek voice it's not too late it's not too late get out it's not too late force myself into a shitty scottish accent just like mike myers all right fine I'm doing it what are you how's welcome to my swamp he said the thing he said he said the line uh hey uh just uh we're just passing through how are you doing how's it been it's not a lot of light around here I noticed that um were you getting all your sugars from the swamp I'm not sure I'm from pal oh you know there's lots of little like uh shrimp and fish and stuff in these waters that they they die and then we kind of just suck them up and you know there's also uh eon after eon of traveler that have met their ends in these in these waters and we're uh we are you hear in your head the spiritual sound of someone patting their belly we are full up oh aren't you tired of uh you know it's like uh uh eating all these dead things uh no it's delicious have you ever had pure unadulterated non-mistful sunlight I want to parlay with this grass and say if he gets his way through I'll give him a peak of sunshine see what it does for his taste buds very interesting I love that you went with this direction because I was really afraid you were trying to talk these reads into eating living things instead of dead things I'm like I'm in the water why do you want me so warm sample fluid a little dracar noirish you are going to give this read a hit of sunlight and then mess it up for the rest of its eternal life because it'll never get it again they're just constantly chasing that high this is get a little sunshine on his spotful mind yeah all right uh get 2d6 plus charisma with the part like come on oh nice 11 okay nice sunlight you say like like full on one just solid beam I even had a beam of pure sunlight and since I was a wee sprout all right what do you want for it what do you need we need to get to the center of the swamp I know that you know the way we need to get to mother never was oh I don't know if you want to be doing that it doesn't matter what you think you want to know about all right all right well if you're gonna give me pure sunlight I'll take you wherever you want to go okay give it to me now I gotta find I can make a hole in the cloud somehow oh elemental mastery so I guess I'll have to yeah give it a roll for this yeah yeah this could be uh what's the word again catastrophe yeah 2d6 plus constitution now for the elementalist okay so um start spinning I think I'm gonna go with the nature's price and I retain control I'm gonna choose the effect I desire comes to pass okay excellent um so you conjure this this pillar of cool air that's going to be the pillar of cool air that's going to be the pillar of cool air that's going to be the pillar of cool air that's going to be the pillar of cool air that's going to be the pillar of cool air that's going to be the pillar of cool air that's going to be the pillar of cool air and a woman's dream um a woman's dream um um a woman's dream um a woman's dream um a woman's dream um a woman's dream um a woman's dream um burn away the sun pours through all of you feel real sunlight for the first time and what feels like an age and you hear the reed go oh yeah ah no this isn't it's not sexual don't don't have that don't look at me like that oh it's just it's so nice your scottish pleasure is gross sounding that's all uh and as you watch the the hole that you pierced in the clouds spreads and spreads and the mist burns away all around you hit the deck like how close are we to mother never was quite close and the mist clears and the reeds uh it seemed like grow up out of the ground at a rapid speed and you're all just standing in the bright sunlight and tuck you're a lot taller than than the people here you see movement off in the distance I look at it it looks like a woman in a cloak tuck that's her that's her that's her the face turns to you and you're not really sure now that you're looking at this face what direction this person is facing it looks like she's one side of her face is looking to the left one side is looking right at you but you're also kind of looking at the back of her head oh you've now drawn the attention of mother never was uh no never mind I I nothing just one of those that's where we're gonna end it for this week uh I've been your game master Sean O'Hara joining me as always playing tacoma dome the barbarian Abdul Aziz so long everybody playing ving the half-elf druid Paul Oppers uh take care bye playing fat billy the halfling thief jessica tie bye everyone uh and playing tass tass hey playing jake jake hello playing megan megan hey and playing kim kim thank you for having us thank you for joining us along with rev hanging out as well I'm here too thanks for chilling everybody he's like remember me I talked at the beginning and thank you to the crit show and crit show listeners we hope we pray for coming by uh we'll catch you next time bye bye you!

You I'm guys. Okay. And there are things and they, they happened. If you want to hear the actual conclusion, part two of the finale, head over to the crit shows feed right now. You're going to love it. And you got to subscribe to that feed. You got to subscribe to the feed. You got to subscribe to their feed. You got to subscribe to our feed. This is the last episode that we're going to be releasing for this amazing crossover.

So if you've enjoyed it as much as we have, we urge you to go over and subscribe to crit show. Oh yeah. So good. It's an amazing catalog of content. Best in the biz. So many great game systems that they've played. You gotta do it. You gotta do it. And if you don't, it's fucking cringe. Yeah. And listen, if you're, if you're someone who's here from our feed and you're just listening to the crossover, go back to the beginning and listen to their story. Just trust me.

It is one of my favorite podcasts. They will vehemently deny it, but they are the ones that taught me through listening, how to play Dungeon World. Whoa. Or at least maybe how to partially play Dungeon World. Oh yeah. Cause we don't actually know how to play. That is very clear. That's so nice. But that is so true. Yes. Thank you. So go listen from the beginning. Um, it's, it's a hell of a journey. And if you don't, it's pretty cringe. Thanks for joining us, everybody.

See you over at the crit show for part two. Don't be cringe. Subscribe to both shows. You fucking cringe heads. Millennials, millennials saying cringe feels like a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, We'll see you next time.

Hello everybody and welcome. I'm your game master Sean O'Hara joined by Abdulaziz. Hey everybody. And Rev from The Crit Show. Hello. This is episode three of the Spout Lore Crit Show crossover. If you have not heard the rest of the crossover, head over to Spout Lore and The Crit Show to catch episodes one and two. And guess what? After this episode, episode four is already live on The Crit Show. So you don't have to miss the next part of the story. You don't have to wait. You don't have to wait.

You don't have to wait. And waiting, as we all know, is the biggest torture that you can experience in the modern day. So go over to The Crit Show's feed to get that sweet, juicy fourth episode. It's so juicy, guys. What? So we find you all coming into the inn that wanders. So what is Mother Never Was? Yeah. Is that familiar to anyone? Yeah. Perel froze his brow and thinks for a moment. Mother, do you say Mother Never Was? Yeah. She's like a story, like a fairy tale.

A woman that supposedly lives in the marshlands of the Blacktree Principality. You can go to her and ask to be the person that you wish to be. And she sort of makes a deal with you. But I didn't think she was real. Well, this guy certainly seems to think so. He kept saying over and over again that he would get back to where he was supposed to be and that Mother Never Was would pay. Huh. Wow. So is this like some sort of… Wish gone wrong situation? Maybe. Maybe this is Daddy Never Is.

Wait, you guys have somebody named Daddy Never Is? No. No. No, we don't. Wouldn't it be Daddy Always Is? The opposite of Mother Never Was. Yeah. Daddy Always Is. Yeah. Perel points at Kim. Yeah. You know what? That sounds more plausible to me, honestly. The daddy that always will be. I'd like to roll Spout Lore on that, please. Just totally waste a roll here. No, I want to roll. Ooh, you got a six and a nine. Jari, you guys can't antagonize me into rolls anymore.

You got to antagonize Rev into rolls. Oh, have we switched play systems yet? Not until you go through the door to their world. Oh. Okay. Okay, then go ahead and somebody roll me a 2d6 plus intelligence Spout Lore. God damn it. I would, but I actually have bardic lore. Can I use gods and their servants? Yeah, I think that that probably applies. Okay. So keep in mind that this is the, this is the one and only question you're ever going to get about Mother Never Was. Yeah.

When you first encounter an important creature, location, or item covered by your bardic lore, you can ask the GM any one question and the GM will answer truthfully. The GM may then ask you what legend song or tale you heard that information. And, um, okay. Uh, what is the deal with Mother Never Was? . .! That's a great question. He did say that she'll make a deal with you. So. Exactly. And that, you know what, Jake, that's a good idea. That's a good point.

I took says, and he's like, that is what I meant. What is the deal that Mother Never Was makes and how could it possibly go wrong? Uh, okay. So. That's part A of one question. . Question one A. Give me a second. Uh, so the deal with Mother Never Was is as Perel. Uh, referenced, she's supposedly some sort of folkloric figure that lives in the marshlands of the Blacktree principality and is kind of a crossroads deal maker sort of figure.

If you want to change something about yourself, you want to become better at a certain skill. You want to know what life would be like if this person loved you, uh, you can go and make a deal with her and she'll make you that person and how it can possibly go wrong is you've heard stories that might suggest that how she's going to make a deal with you. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

As the like during a fire during a fire it sounds like I'm lying it's the way I'm saying remembering this it sounds like I'm lying but I'm not anyway uh the it was it was a speed metal album which is made it's written it's that's when a guy who's on speed is making an album uh and it's it was recorded entirely as his house was burning down so he was very close to like the he was close to the veil you know he was close to like death and like all possibilities of like what he could possibly be so that's why he was able to kind of like look into like the infinite manifolds that exist outside of time and space uh see that like all of reality converging onto itself in a fractal form and it made a pretty good ep is what I'll say that's metal as hell it is yeah it's sold like shit though no he's right I I died once you get that you get that for a little bit and then it sort of goes away but nice all you need for infinite knowledge is just amphetamines and arson that was the name of the album and you can you can take that to the bank jake pearly of the crit show says yep so that's what you uh that's what you learned of uh what you remember of the stories of mother never was okay so this guy made a deal or maybe not this guy but like a version of him made a deal he got switched out or switched out with the wrong version something he lost where he was from and he's trying to get it back well I wonder did this guy get brought in or was he sent somewhere else because if she swaps you out with another version of yourself maybe he ended up somewhere he didn't like or maybe he just had no idea that's what he was going to happen and now he's brought to this new place yeah he said that he wanted to rebuild home so maybe he's not trying to get back to your guys's world exactly but maybe it's like a close bridge or maybe ours is or something I think the confused twin said he was gonna get me home and he was gonna go home so can't go on I have nothing this wasn't this wasn't leaving me this wasn't leaving me this wasn't leaving me you looked at me like that's not the solution I was hoping if I said it out loud it would make sense because you do know that other worlds seem to have been ended because of this phenomenon so it's not just two people trying to switch one or two worlds and that um the confused twin has been swapped so many times sometimes he swaps fully sometimes his mind just goes into a different body so he doesn't remember where he originally comes from anymore he just knows that he's not the one who's going to be the one who's going to be coming from anywhere because of his mental state and his mental state of struggle and his mental state of his home was.

But the man in black needs him because he needs two bodies in different realms to basically achieve what they're attempting to achieve. So he's just kind of a bystander, but you have Jake Spell locked the man in black out of the man in white's mind.

So he currently is unable to inhabit him, which I think, which was also suggested to be even worse, because if the man in black completes what he's attempting to in Indianapolis without completing the same thing in McCall, then it stands to destroy even more of reality. No, it's probably fine. So. Perel throws his hands up and goes and sits in a booth. So still speed is the better part of valor here. Yeah. I mean, we don't know what we don't know. We got to get answers out of this guy.

So we got to go get this guy. All right. You you all sure you're up for this whole different plane of existence? Yeah. Tuck turns around when you say, are you ready? Yeah. And his beard has so much barbecue sauce on it. And he's got a whole rack of ribs and a little hamburger on top of it as well. And he's like, oh, buddy, I was born ready. And then he picks up a little cup of hollandaise and he's like, but I'm bringing this stuff with me. OK, if that's fine.

Yeah, that'll actually make you fit in in the Midwest like way more. So that's pretty perfect. We just got to get him a bottle of ranch and it'll be flawless. I got the bottle of ranch. I'm ready. All right. I will crack open the door to our world and lead the way home. Is Perel coming as well? Yeah. Perel starts hyperventilating as everybody starts walking through the door and then gathers up his strength and forces himself through.

So as you have all come through the doorway into Indianapolis, this energy flows through you and everything about you kind of shifts and adjusts to incorporate, the world that you're headed into. So why don't you each tell me about your new playbooks that you have? OK, Tuck is now the hard case. Yes. Yes. I've fought anything normal that can be fought and I've won. Monsters need a beat down and there is not any nobody that can't give them the thrashing that I can't.

So many negatives in that statement. OK. So my name is Tacoma Dome. My look is that I am dressed like the guy whose clothes that I stole is what I've decided. So. I just got that your name is Tacoma Dome. That's good. What was that guy wearing? You said it was like a bunch of buckles and belts and stuff. Sounds like a gimp suit. He's just like. It's like Eddie Murphy's Raw. But yeah, I'm definitely thinking more like trip pants, but it's like like trip one hop. Yeah. Like tatter kilt. Yeah.

I've got a tattered kilt on. I've got a half shirt, a mesh half shirt that's made out of like kind of like a jingly sort of material. It resembles chainmail, but it is not chainmail and does not provide any kind of armor in any way. I've got. Doc Martens boots on and I have a little backpack that is looks like a workout backpack that did not change at all. And my ratings are charm plus one cool plus one sharp plus one tough plus three weird minus one.

And I think it's important to point out that as you come to this portal, because they are magical, Larry, Terry and Chad form into whatever your main weapon is like. They kind of shift like, oh, yeah, this is awesome. And they take a new form. Yeah. Yeah. But they. So it comes through and it's an axe on this side. Also, it's the guitar kind of axe. But it is also shaped like an axe. So I use it as a weapon. And then I also can play music out of it.

If I took a lesson or something, because my character doesn't really know how to play music. I thought for sure you were also going to go. With you're wearing a top hat. So you just look like Slash in this world. Yeah. I have big. My bald head has big curly hair on it. And I'm also wearing a top hat that has a little rat skull on it. And I have my giant axe shaped axe. And then my two basic weapons are a big knife, which is what the waning knife turns into. And then a shotgun.

Because I thought Taz's shotgun was so cool. Nice. And this shotgun on the side of it has the words, Daddy's little helper just etched into it. Why, you ask? We're going to find out together, my friend. I don't think I said this, but Tuck is the same size. He didn't change. So seven feet tall, five feet wide, three feet deep. But the thing that did change for him physically is he's now. Extremely nearsighted or farsighted or bug. He's bug. He's got bifocals on.

When he came through, bifocals formed on his face. So he needs to kind of like look through both of them to see what's going on. Great. Who's next? Okay. So Billy is going to be the monstrous. The description says, I feel the hunger, the lust to destroy. I never give in. I'm not. Human anymore. Not really. But I have to protect those who still are. That way I can tell myself I'm different to the other monsters. Sometimes I can even believe it. I chose the weird option to use magic.

I took a plus two to charm. Zero for cool. Minus one sharp. Minus one to tough. And three plus to weird. Curses. I took pure drive. And for that, it says one emotion rules you. Pick from hunger, which is what I chose. So I'm not even going to list the others. This is pretty obvious. Whenever you have a chance to indulge that emotion, you must do so immediately or act under pressure to resist. So, I mean, that's pretty realistic for me.

Is your monstrous, like listening to it described, have you become like more of the raccoon that you're wearing? Have you become kind of a fairy? Like what direction has this gone? So, like appearance. Wise, Billy looks like still like physically the same. Still a little redheaded, two feet tall, two feet wide, little baby boy. But he's in like one of those Halloween costumes that are like for toddlers. And a little bear costume. Oh, you got to stop. My heart can't take this. Oh my God.

I'm in love. And it's got like the hood with the little ears on it. He also has a fanny pack. That's definitely too big and probably from the 80s. And it keeps all of his snacks in there. Little rocks that he likes. Tiny daggers that he keeps just like jumbled in there, I guess. I'm going to start crying. He's wearing little Converse sneakers. We match! So cute. This is how you build a character with longevity. Because we will all die. We will die for you. Thank you. All right. What about Ving?

You're going to die for me, but for other reasons probably. Ving's the primal. Oh, nice. Nice. Yeah. And I do want to give a shout out to our community manager. This is a playbook that he designed. Oh, cool. Thanks, Mike. Mike. What's up, buddy? So sorry, Mike. I got too familiar there. He will love it. No worries. May I call you buddy? The primal. You don't scare me. Raw elemental power courses through my veins. Bolts of lightning, raging fires, roaring waves.

These are nothing compared to the fury that I bring. And Ving has crystal encrusted arms, but they have now turned into sleeve tattoos. Cool. Cool. Yeah. So he's covered in tattoos all up down here. Cool. So he's got tattoos all up down his arms. And in his chest, he's got a big chest tattoo, like a big circle chest tattoo of an amethyst cave. His wild gray hair has been tamed into two beautiful ponytails. I guess kind of like pigtails. Chemos, cutoffs, toe shoes, but the same color as his skin.

Oh. Okay. There's a ton of work. There's a ton of work. There's a ton of work. There's a ton of work. There's a ton of work. There's a ton of work. There's a ton of work. There's a ton of work. I chose many fanny packs. So I have fanny packs all around like utility belts layered on top of each other with more snacks for Billy and guitar picks and things that I need with all my herbs and things that keep me alive. I have primal force.

So I'm deeply connected to one of the primal forces in the world. Decide what it is and how you're connected to it and how it manifests. Sean said it's probably fine if it's just the elements, which that sounds cool. Yeah. For the gear, I took force weapons pulse. It's one harm close area primal obvious. I don't know what that means. Primal obvious. So I think earlier when it was saying like pick the primal element, it's like, are you more connected to fire, earth, water, wind?

Like what is the thing that you feel the best at? And that's what all of these kind of flow through. I'm totally fine with you switching between them. It may just be like an act under pressure role or something if it's a kind of a tent situation and you're trying to go from water to fire or something. Okay. Okay. I like doing. Uh, air instead of water. Okay. So that kind of fits with slippery and pulse. Cool. Like a fart in the wind. Mundane weapons.

I took brass knuckles cause I have all those rings. So that just makes sense. Which gives me a one harm. Uh, my ratings. I got a charm minus one cool plus two sharp minus one tough zero weird plus two. And, uh, Sean in a departure from the norm. Why don't you tell us about Perel's playbook? Yeah. Yeah. So the first one is the exile. The description is what is this place? Am I in hell? One moment fighting the devil spawn sword to claw the next time surrounded by all this light and noise.

Why are you pointing that at me? And what is it? What manner of clothes are these sounds? There's a creature after it. So the exile is someone from a fantasy world who has been thrust into the modern day. My ratings are charm plus one cool plus one sharp plus two. And weird plus one. I'm supposed to choose an origin. And the reason that I've been transported to the modern day is a magical accident or side effect. I was supposed to take gear, but Perel traditionally doesn't carry any weapons.

So he very unfortunately is unarmed in this world, but he may or may not have access to some form of magic on this side. So he should be all right. In terms of what he looks like, Perel came through the portal wearing a sort of light tan Capri pants, a white tank top and a Hawaiian shirt with glasses. And once he passes through the portal, he's wearing a light tan Capri pants, a white tank top, glasses, and a Hawaiian shirt. But the Hawaiian shirt now has a tag that says Tommy Bahama.

And that is the exile. That was the one kind of qualifier I gave to Sean when we first started talking about this idea. I was like, I have to give you fair warning. I love Perel. And I know that that may not go over well. You know what, man? You're one of the few. So you all step out into the subterranean lair, four of you much different than you were when you stepped through the other side of the door. Yeah. Tuck does a sick guitar riff as soon as he walks in on the TLC X.

And by sick, I mean, it's really bad because he doesn't know how to play music. Whoa. Okay. You all look great. Really? I look like I used to be in a band. Yeah. You look great. Billy. I look good, don't I? Whoa. Look at my forever fanny pack. And look at all the snacks that came with. Wow. The next hour and a half is just Billy pulling out snacks and cheese puffs and cheese strings and cheese slices. And a fruit leather, not good, but some nuts and a cheese box. A beef jerky. Oh, man.

I can't wait to show you all the snacks that we have here. That's going to probably have to wait, though. We really need to go hunt. And I think, Perel, this is kind of unusual for you, too, because it's the first time in a long time you feel the touch of magic coursing through you. Yeah. Perel is kind of jittering around a little bit. He's got pins and needles all over his body and is doing that. Like looking at his own hands kind of thing. And he had barbecue sauce on him.

No, I think I've got barbecue sauce in me. You know what I mean? I do. Yeah, man. Yeah. It's a good feeling. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what this means yet, but I feel so good. And he starts doing squats and is like, listen to that. You can't hear my knees click at all. Oh, my God. I haven't felt this good in 100 years. So you guys live in this sewer? So it's just the sewer then for your living situation? Is your whole world sewers or is this like a specific sewer?

This is kind of like our main base of operations, I guess. This is the main sewer. But if you go up the sewer, that's where the world is. And we spend most of our time there. It's also kind of like a sewer, but just in a different way. We also spend a lot of time in a castle, which is in a mine shaft. And also, sometimes I live in a mine shaft. And I live in a mine shaft. I live in a penthouse in Chicago with my mom, who's a mummy. But when we're not there, we're usually here in the sewer.

And Tuck's like, hold on. You live in a penthouse in Chicago in this real estate market? Blows past the castle in a mine shaft thing. She's had the lease for a really, really long time. It's rent controlled. Okay. So do we have an idea where this guy's heading right now? Well, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. The vision that I had was down in the sewers, ironically, near Monument Circle. You know, you guys keep saying that your whole world's not sewers, but so far, all you've really described is different sewers. There's sort of a magnetic attraction of the occult to the sewers. It's like a safe place away from prying eyes. Yeah.

If you're going to do secret things you don't want people to see, you're going to put it in the place that people don't want to go. Yeah. So like magic, you know, orgies. Oh. That's it. How many sewer orgies are you going to, Jake? That seems unsanitary. What? Me? No. You said that. You guys have to do orgies to do magic? Is that what you're saying, Jake? That is what I'm saying. Let's just go ahead and codify a lot of things that I say. But Pearl's a virgin. He can't.

Billy, you know that I have children. I didn't know that. I thought we were your children. I thought you adopted. Dude. Dude. You just have virgin energy, so it's easy to forget. I don't want to get into it, but technically when I became a wizard, technically I became a virgin again, but it's not really the point. Born again wizard? It's not really the point. I had to take a whole oath. I got a ring. They gave me a special ring. I made a promise. I made a promise to the big wizard in the sky.

I made a promise to the big wizard in the sky. Yeah. It's called a re-hymenization ceremony. Sorry. Sorry in advance if that was so fucked up. I'm just glad you said it instead of me. Well, actually, what's the magic situation in your world? Is it like all over the place? Technically, yes. It is present, but sort of hidden. Only those that really understand. That it's real can use it. So most of the population doesn't really know it exists.

But people like us that have to, you know, fight sort of insane monsters are well versed in its existence. You guys have Wi-Fi hotspots though, right? Yeah. I mean, I think we have one down here. Whoa. Perel puts his hands up. Go where? What? Where? Oh, we talked about this. Yours are different than ours. Yeah. Those two. We call ours ley lines. Ley lines. Oh, sorry. No. That's a cool name. Because the lines lay in different places. Yeah. In the ground. Huh? Yeah.

Rev, since we're like back in this world now, would it stand to reason that Destiny's play thing might activate? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Okay. Yeah. If anybody has a beginning of mystery move, now would be the time to roll it. Ooh. Except Kim, who already did hers. Hey, Rev, can you just tell me if I have that? Yes. There's so many words on that. There's so many words on this thing. Like, do any of the- Come on, guys. It's fucked.

Anything bolded, if it's followed by at the beginning of each mystery, then that matters. I don't think Abdul has one. I'm looking. I don't think Billy has one either. So, like, as we're talking about this magic and that it happens sometimes and some of us understand it, there's like a layer of gold that just covers my entire eyes and I sort of go blank and then blink out of it. I rolled an eight. So, on a seven to nine, I get a vague hint about the coming mystery.

So, what you see in this vision is a map that has Monument Circle on it and some X's around it and they look kind of familiar in the sense of, like, placement of areas of power or for a ritual. You see things being planted and then you see a hole where Monument Circle used to be and it's not like, oh, someone has dug this up. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, that one was awkward. Okay. I saw something.

I turned to Jake in particular. It was like one of the original circles, kind of, like a placement of power and items or something. And the monument was gone. It was like it was pulled into the void and things were spilling into it. I mean, could you get us to the spots that you saw? I think so. I can get us close to a few, maybe. All right. Well, if we've already seen him underground, then he's presumably hit at least one of these already. How many were there? Six.

Maybe we can sabotage some of the places he wants. And if we sabotage these other sources of power, that could stop whatever the man in black is attempting to do. I don't know if it'll stop it, but it might at least slow him down. Or piss him off. Either way, it's better than him succeeding. All right. Well, let's go to the next sewer. I guess. You're just going to head down this sewer, take a left at the next sewer. You're going to go two sewers past that.

The word sewer is losing all meaning to me down here. Nice down here. Can't we just take a car? I've got my moped. I can take maybe one person. Dibs on that. Whatever a moped is, it sounds fucking cool. And I think I'm an appropriate size for it. So I'm going to get on that thing. Y'all, I can get us to the general perspective. We're in proximity, but we're going to have to spread out and see what we can find. Last time that we dealt with sort of large-scale magic like this, they used rooftops.

I mean, if we can get to Monument Circle, I can try and see if I can pinpoint where this guy is right now. Okay. Yeah. Let's get going. We'll just hoof it. What is Monument Circle? Asks the player, Abdul, who's never been to Indianapolis. And the character, Tuck, who's never been to Indianapolis. It is like the very…

The very center of downtown, where all the roads, like the east, west, and north, south streets that hit the center, hit just kind of a big roundabout that's got a giant spire monument in the middle of it. Oh, cool. Oh, cool. And we battled a thunder lizard there on public television. Cool. Whoa. What's television? What's a… Our whole episode is just explaining. We know. We're not amazed by a thunder lizard. Yeah, we've all seen a thunder lizard. We've all seen a thunder lizard.

Yeah, Billy's last quote-unquote birthday, we bought him a thunder lizard. Nice! Yeah, and I've bought him two. All right, so you all head out of the sewer up to the streets of Indianapolis and towards Monument Circle. I think the four of you, the first thing you notice as you approach Monument Circle is that it kind of looks like, from your world, the water tower. Only a… Upside down. Like, the structure of it is kind of if you inverted it. But they look strikingly similar.

This is like a Marison McCall. Yeah. This is like an Amerisa water tower. Cool. And look at all these motor bears. Instead of legs, they have wheels. And no faces. And I don't mean… I don't want to be that guy, but have you noticed that, like, almost everyone is a human? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's our world. Huh. What happened to all the other… What happened to all the others? Yeah, where are the halflings? Like, am I not allowed here? Where's all the normal people?

I don't know how to answer any of this. Like, any of this. And when Tuck materialized in this world, an iPhone 13 materialized in his pocket. And he's like, what? What is Twitter, and why is it being so mean to me right now? That is one of the worst evil creatures in our world. Stay away from it. Who's Elon Musk, and why is everybody so upset about him? Why is all four of these chans so angry? I'm going to be honest. I think that your guys' Wi-Fi hotspots are way more dangerous than ours. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Ours just reactivate ancient magical artifacts that could kill… Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I might just go back with them, honestly. I don't blame you.

Okay, yeah, as we get to Monument Circle, I'm going to, you know, dodge across the street as soon as there's no cars coming and get up as close as I can to the center and try and reach out with my mind and see if I can figure out where this guy is. All right, roll tune in. 11. All right, you get a hold three. Where is the creature right now? Right now you get a sense that he is almost directly below you. What is it planning to do right now?

Right now it is moving on to the third place of power to set up the totems and the ritualistic pieces that they need to complete the spell. How can I attract its attention? Right now he doesn't think anyone really knows he's here because the one person who seemed to be aware of him, he thinks he's sent back to where he came from. So even just interrupting him will get his full attention. But you could also… You could also go back and disturb the two previous spots that he has set up.

It seems like he would have an awareness of that. Can I use come get some to bring him out at me? Tell me what that move is all about. Come get some. You can challenge your foes to fight you alone, maybe in words or maybe just by being the biggest, baddest bastard in the team. Roll plus tough and on a 10 plus, they all go for you. On a seven to nine, they go for you mainly, but maybe one or two, two of your comrades are getting marked too. On a miss, they come for you harder than you expected.

So let me ask you, how would you use this on him, not having eyes on him? Like what would you do to get his attention wherever he is? Oh, knock down the water tower. Yeah, can I use property damage to knock down the water tower? You absolutely can. Yeah, I'm going to do that. Oh, Jesus. I turn. I turn to Jake and Tess and Megan and Kim and I'm like, I don't know how important this monument is, but don't worry, I have a plan. And I run up with the axe with TLC and I just like smash through it.

Is this a roll? You can smash your way through almost anything. This is property damage. If it's at all possible to destroy an inanimate object with the tools at your disposal, you can roll plus sharp to work out how and a 10 plus you can pulverize it, no trouble. All right, roll plus sharp, because you do have a magical axe that cleaves through stone and other things. Okay. So that's a one. And another one. And I sharp as one, so that's a three. I got snake eyes plus one is a three.

Ooh, the three-eyed snake. Wow. Oh, it would have been fine as long as they have it back up by Christmas. They hang the lights on it. And then we're on TV again at Monument Circle. You would have made the news yet again. So the group of you see Tuck, pick up the axe and just sprint at the monument. What goes wrong here, Tuck? Like, why doesn't this work? Well, Tuck's not really familiar with roads or traffic signs or traffic laws.

So he's like starting to Hulk run and then he hits the road just as it turns, just as the lights turn red, gets hit by a few cars. Pew! Like the talented Mr. Ripley. It's like Meet Joe Black. It's like the scene in Meet Joe Black. That's what I meant. That's the one. Just clobbered by a bus. Yeah. Talented Mr. Ripley is I would get killed by someone hitting me with an oar on a rowboat. And then he becomes you. Somebody was pulling a rowboat through town and they also sideswipe you.

There was a Subaru Forester that had a canoe on top of it that really did some damage to my nards. Like you got hit, flipped up and landed in the rowboat. Yeah. And then the person in the rowboat was like, get out of my rowboat. He was riding in the rowboat on top of the car. The whole thing. Don't forget I look and I'm dressed like Slash from. Oh, we haven't. Yeah. I'm going to like, I guess, run out and try to like stop traffic, like put my hands up so he doesn't just get pulverized. Yeah.

I mean, just someone kind of techening into the air stops traffic. Okay, perfect. Then I'm going to run over and like check on him. I'm like, fuck, are you okay? Yeah. Yeah. Why? I pick up his top hat and dust it off and hand it back to him as I help him to his feet. I put it on and then I lean into Jake and I was like, hey, did anybody notice that that happened? No, you look back and we're all like. No, man, I don't think anybody noticed. I think you're, I think we're cool.

Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Let's. Let's get out of the street. Okay, cool. Yeah. Well, he has traffic stopped. I'm like waving everyone over to get to my side of the street. Yeah. Well, there's safety. I'm just scrolling Twitter and slash gets hit by a rowboat is trending. Perel crosses the road at the crosswalk in a deep crouch with both hands extended to either side, delicately maneuvering between cars. Billy's crawling on all fours like a bear.

Trying to blend in with the creatures around him. There's a little dog about your size that is on a leash walking next to you and it gives you a nod. I give it a nod. Good evening. Rev, how far down beneath Monument Circle did it seem like this guy was? Not super far, maybe like 60 feet. Yeah, I say to everyone as we get gathered around. He's like directly below us. Like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It's like 60 feet or so.

And he's already gotten to like three of these spots. He's setting items up for some sort of like spell or ritual. And he's on his way to the third one right now. He's already moving. So if we can distract him or get to one of the places he's already gotten to and like mess it up, it'll get his attention. But he thinks that the only person that knows about him got sent back. So he's working fast. Thing says, I mean, I can bend the elements in our world. I'm pretty sure I could do it here.

If this is just dirt, can I just can we plow down? I'm doing what we want to get to one of his other places. Having seen Tuck just get clobbered by three cars and a bunch of people stop and take pictures of him. Perel goes, well, there's a I don't think that the people here are used to that kind of thing. So it might draw a lot of unwanted attention. Is there somewhere more private that we could potentially bend the elements to our will? No attention is bad attention.

Well, I don't know if that's true here. Perel looks at somebody walking by with a gun. That's literally anyone. I. I mean, if he's below us, then that implies that he's probably in the sewers. Right. If we locate a manhole, we could probably sneak up on him that way rather than plowing directly through the earth. I mean, yeah, pretty much. If we just find one of the grading caps on the sidewalk, we can at least get down out of view and then move some elements and get lower down from there. OK.

To the nearest man's hole. Well, if we can. Hmm. If we can just wait. Like a minute. I think maybe I can do something and maybe have a little bit more advanced knowledge of what's going to happen that might help us out later. And I want to kneel on the ground and pull out my tarot cards and try to see through time. Yeah. And as you start to deal out your cards kneeling downtown, someone drops some change in front of you. That is a 10. All right. You get a whole three. Cool.

And I can use that later on to give any of us advantage. On a upcoming role. Cool. So is it like you see the future? It's a little bit Doctor Strangey in that I just sort of briefly see like possible iterations of the next like 24 hours of what we're about to undertake. And then I can use that information to help guide us to a more ideal outcome. Cool. In one of every of those iterations moving forward, Tuck is at a Fuddruckers. Is that a Fuddruckers doing some kind of eat as much as you can?

Yeah. Is that a Fuddruckers you can challenge? Because he's like, world's going to end anyway. So it doesn't matter if I'm in a cut phase or not. Might as well. Unfortunately, there is one where he's at Dick's. He's got the giant hat on. Yeah. Yeah. So I've run over to one of these just great. It's like big rectangular thin grates along the sidewalk. And I'm trying to heft one up because people downtown do weird shit like that all the time anyway. Yeah. No problem. No problem.

You're able to pull up one of these grates. And underneath it is a big opening in a ladder. Come on. Come on. Come on. Let's go. All right. I hurl myself down just straight down. I will scoop up my cards and the two dollars that I got and head over there. Tuck runs over and shimmies in. He gets stuck Winnie the Pooh style halfway and gets shoved through the rest of the way. I'm like jumping on him from up top, just trying to squash him through. Ving says, you got to lay off the wheat.

Like the gopher. Like the gopher. And then he jumps down in the hole. Like the gopher. He says that as well. Like the gopher. He's like, like my friend gopher. Who are you thinking of? Oh, yeah. Like spirit of gopher. You know gopher. Yeah. Capital G gopher. So you all find yourselves down in, once again, the sewer. You've really brought to my attention how much of a sewer theme to show we have. Oh, hey, don't talk about it like that. It's good. It's good. This is a work area.

There are a lot of electrical lines and things running down here. It is paved. You're not like standing ankle deep in water or anything. Okay. I would like to see if there's any clues around here. Yeah. So roll investigate a mystery as Billy starts to search around being one of the first ones down here. 2d6 plus sharp. Seven. All right. So you get a hold one. So you can ask one question from the list on investigate a mystery. What? What can hurt it?

So what kind of sign do you think that you see down here that lets you know how it was hurt? Did it encounter something? Did it catch on something that it wasn't expecting? Yeah. Billy's like touching the wall and tasting it. There's so many new flavors down here. And as Tuck is stuck in the grate, he could see Billy licking a sewer and he's just like, Billy, stop. He's trying to reach him. I'm finding clues. Bing is jumping on Tuck's. He's not licking the walls of the sewer. Is he? Come on.

Yeah. So Billy, as you are sniffing around and getting a taste for all of the walls and the floors down here to see what new is to be found, you do find an area where there is a little droplet of blood. You get that smell of copper. And actually what you notice is that sticking out from the wall, there is a barb of actual copper, like someone had cut a wire. Um, and then you get a little bit of blood. And left a good chunk of the metal on it. Still this, this copper wiring.

Uh, and it seems like as he was passing by, um, he leaned into it as he was doing something and it much to his surprise, penetrated his skin. Yeah. Take it with me. Okay. And show the others. How did you find this? It's just sticking out of the wall. There's blood on it. Look. Oh, I mean, I don't know how it works in your world, but like lots of things are weak to particular metals here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It is. Yeah. Like the menders use it. Do I still kind of have that ping of that direction where I was able to determine where he was? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. If I still have that kind of in my mind, then I'm just leading everyone towards that direction as we go through the sewers. Okay.

As we're walking, I want to dig into my bag of strange coins and start just like picking out the copper ones that are in here. Oh, yeah. That's what I was thinking. Maybe you got paid in pennies for your street tarot. Oh, shit. I probably. Yeah. Yeah. That's going to come in useful. I'll put them in this copper sock and we'll be all set. As we're going, do we see any more like loose wires and stuff that we might be able to strip? Why don't you roll luck? Okay.

Bro, you're talking about copper wire in downtown Indianapolis. It's been stripped and sold. You don't know. I haven't rolled luck yet. Are there any. Are there any air conditioners that nobody's gotten to yet? Six. Jake is correct. It has all been stripped out of here. Dang it. Perel is flexing his hands open and close and goes, I think I have an idea. And he finds something of some other kind of metal, like a piece of pipe or a wrench or something.

And he's really going to focus and try and transmute it into copper. This is sick. This is the first time Perel's done magic in a long time. This is the first time Perel's done magic in a long time. Tuck tells everybody. Yeah. You don't have to tell them that, man. Let's all look at him do it. It's the first time. Ving is recording this with Tuck's iPhone 13. All right. 2D6 plus weird, which his weird is actually quite low because this is not how he's used to doing magic. What's up, Periscope?

Tuck here. And my friend is doing magic for the first time in a long time. Tuck's the first person to use Periscope since 2018. The CEO of Periscope rolls off his cot in the headquarters. We got a ding. We got a ding. We're back. Unfortunately, I rolled a six. Can I help out? Yeah, absolutely. How so? I think Patrick Swayze ghosting him, helping him remember how it is to actually use magic and walking him through as he tries to do it. I don't know.

Exactly what he's going to cast, but I understand the tenets. Yeah. And you know how magic here works, too. So, yeah. Roll. Roll help out. Okay. Unchained melody plays. Perel kind of sinks into your chest. Hot. I got an eight. All right. So, yeah, that does bump Perel up to a seven. Hell yeah. Perfect. So, Perel, you're going to tell me what your effect is and then also pick a glitch and then I'll tell you how the glitch affects what you're doing.

So, the effect I'm going to choose is do one thing that is beyond. Human limitations. That being transmutation, which I understand is not a human ability. Yeah. So, this should work. I think I'm going to go with it has a problematic side effect. I think that for the moment, everything you touch turns to copper. Jake, your pants turn to copper as Perel is leaned back against you. I start to take a step as they solidify and just bang my knee against.

The inside of my own pants and fall over like somebody's tipped a statue. Oh, my God. He holds the wrench up and goes, whoa. Oh, my God. Oh, actually, that's amazing. And I want to lift up my shotgun to where all of the shells are in the little pockets on the side and say, will you touch just the red cylinders here real quick? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he touches it. And as it turns to copper, he goes. Okay. Maybe just the one or two. I don't. Really? I want to watch that again.

Ving walks up with his brass knuckles and puts them in like here. Please touch them. You can like turns his head and plugs his ears. Magic is so weird here, but oh, my God, I feel so powerful. You know, like if in my world, magic was like if we were like hoses, if wizards were like hoses connected to a cistern of magical energy, I'm like a rain catcher. Like I'm just filling up with whatever. I'm just filling up with whatever ambient energies in the air. I feel like I'm going to explode.

All right. Explode your hose at this, my friend. And then Proffers, one of the side view mirrors from the Subaru Foresters that hit him earlier. He ripped it off in retaliation. Yeah. Perel grips it, controls the shutter this time. I'm good. I wiggle my way out of my coppered pants. And stand back up in my underwear. I watch with rapt. Nobody doesn't watch with rapt. And Perel kind of flustered. Lexi goes, hey, thanks for the assist. Really. Thank you for the help there. No problem. All right.

So Megan leads you all through the sewers. What are you all doing as you're headed in that direction? Like, are you just sprinting ahead, running, trying to get there? Are you sneaking? Like, how are you traversing this sewer? I have encouraged everyone to proceed quietly and with caution and similarly pantsless. Everybody take your pants off. They make a lot of noise. He's going to hear us coming. It's not weird if we're all doing it. Done. Keep you wearing a dress. Yeah.

Thus, always pantsless. I've kind of got a tattered kilt situation going, but I'll lose that if you want. But straight up. I'm going to be real with. You, Jake. There's nothing underneath this. It's breezy under there. Yeah. Okay. I'm not mad at it. I don't know if you want this business, my friend. Billy's got some of his utility knives, like little daggers as he walks, ready to stab whatever comes. Yeah. I'm going to make sure everybody's like moving cautiously.

Like this dude stomped me and I don't want him to know we're coming. So get everybody sneaky as we go. Yeah. Yeah. Very sneaky and very just trying to like look out for danger or see if we can see this guy before he sees us. All right. So, Kim, why don't you roll? Read about situation. Eight. All right. You get a hold one. Are there any dangers we haven't noticed? Just up ahead as you are all starting to work your way through the sewers.

This whole area is lined top to bottom in cobblestones and you seem to hear him up ahead, but you don't see him right away. And then as your gaze starts to. Look around the various sides of the tunnel, you notice his shadow up ahead and above you. And very clearly, you can see that his form has changed a little bit. He is stuck to the ceiling with tentacles that are coming out from his pant legs.

His skin is purple and there are these wide gills on the side of his neck, fluttering open and close as half a dozen other tentacles come out of his sleeves, moving. Moving around, setting up the various pieces that he needs in place on the ceiling. Stop. Stop. Everyone. Stop. Everyone. Stop. Everyone. Stop. Well, you heard it. What an episode. If you want the next part of the story, you can go over to the Crit Show right now to listen to episode four. And next week.

Next week, episodes five and six. The thrilling conclusion to the Crit Show Spell or crossover will be released next Wednesday. Yeah. But right now, head over to the Crit Show feed. Links are in the show notes. Get that episode in your head. Yeah. God, I bet.! There's a ton of fun.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hello everybody and welcome Paul and I just finished a new episode of the show We just finished our vocal warm ups And we are here for Spout Lore My throat is feeling open and loose But taut enough to say the things I need to say Hot, hot Come horse, come horse Sean, show me how loose your throat is right now I said what I said and I said it in a non-sexual way Show me how open And that's exactly how we heard it Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore I'm your game master Sean O'Hara Joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome Barbarian Abdul Aziz Hello everybody, I got a tight ass throat For the tightest throat in the game Alright, playing Velf Druid Paul Oppers Hey everybody, let me tell you about my tight throat ass Okay, and playing Fabuli the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai My throat is totally normal I will not comment on it Jessica's just texting Jessica's playing solitaire I'm not texting, I'm playing solitaire You used to do drawings I know Woah What the fuck?

You used to do drawings What do you mean?

That came with so much shade it felt You have so much, you used to do drawings Yeah, you don't do anything now Not just solitaire, you're not even doing it right You're playing Free Cell The vibe of this is so like the three of us are absolutely disgusting boys And Jess is just like I'm just gonna wait until they're done Yeah I'm not responding to this Fair enough, fair enough When last we left our heroes They arrived at the fortress of Lone Tree Hill Dominion of Jack the Pumpkin King Jessica just won at Free Cell Congratulations Thanks I feel a lot better I feel great Alright, so now would you like to comment on the state of your throat?

So loose and conversational The party arrived at Lone Tree Hill The fortress of Jack the Pumpkin King They continued to fight They continued their plan which was to put on a play slash wrestling match In an attempt to distract the Pumpkin King and his guard forces Long enough for the Crows and Wild Bill to infiltrate the fortress The play continued Some wrestling happened The Crows enacted their plan Stealthily taking out all of the guards in Lone Tree Hill While this play What are some highlights from the play that we can recall?

Tuck did PvP for the first time ever That's true Tuck hit Ving with a folding chair After he was blinded and deafened by an exploding music bottle Ving worked pretty good throughout this play And the Pumpkin King at the very end was offered a blade To take part in the finale of the play And you were able to get him down with some rousing cheers of Pumpkin King, Pumpkin King And the fortress was fully secured by the Crows The pile of food in the middle of town The stockpile Was distributed and turned into a great feast Which would be used to attract the pigs Tuck took down the walls The party hoisted the Pumpkin King by his own petard And put him in a little papoose on top of a flagpole Hoisted by his own papoose In which he was accosted or threatened by the Crow that keeps flying around and killing doves for no reason For no reason Ving was!

And the party spoke to Armand, a young halfling Who gave them some information on an elderly halfling woman Said to live on the edges of the Everwood And the Wittershins and Sunwise Rivers Called Nana?

Called Nana That is just called Nana by everyone Who collects things from the river and is said to have emerged from the river herself Oh cool Yeah Ving then summoned a bunch of spirits of air Which took the form of bats, birds, and the like And carried scents of Cooking food from the stockpile all across the Everwood Valley To attract Razortusk and his hordes Oh we had a little insight into Billy and Bill's past Yeah In which since childhood Wild Bill has been like feeding Billy, leaving offerings for him Yeah And receiving blessings in kind Very cool and cute Which in turn has turned him into a lucky adventurer Yeah He has survived this long by his luck Yeah And then as the sun set The hordes of hogs arrived And at their head Razortusk The War Pig Bam bam bam And that is where we find our heroes now Charging a formation of furious pigs with Razortusk at the head of the charge What do you do?

Ving has coordinated a bunch of the pieces of the wall And has little pikes so they're running along They have like battering rams Oh yeah Like a whole bunch of Halflings on either side Cool To make them more formidable Awesome Like a barricade I was thinking more like a log jam Oh yeah Okay Or like maybe the logs were bigger than them So they're like holding onto pieces of wood on the other side Like they're carrying a battering ram Oh yeah That's what I was picturing With different like antlers and horns And some of them are on fire at the front Hell yeah Okay so Ving is running along a line of halflings with makeshift war engines basically Cool What's Tuck doing?

He's out ahead He's running so fast Oh yeah He's like started Hulk running as soon as he saw Razortusk Okay what's Billy doing? Billy's gone into one of the houses And a lot of the grannies and grandpas in the village store a lot of like medicinal stuff One of them is fermented onion juice So he grabbed canisters of that And he's like running into the front and hurling them And it's like releasing this kind of like oniony tear gas Oh you're gassing them?

That's sick Oh that's a very smart move So last episode Tuck rolled deathless Deathless yeah To dismay his foes So you do get a plus one forward Yeah Is it ongoing or is it It's ongoing It's ongoing Plus one ongoing That was dumb of me And I imagine the charge is what is doing this Yeah Okay who are we resolving first?

I guess the gas makes sense to resolve first Sure The onion vapor Yeah So go ahead and roll the onion vapor Yeah So I'm gonna roll the onion vapor Okay So I'm gonna roll the onion vapor Okay So I'm gonna roll the onion vapor Okay So I'm gonna roll the onion vapor Okay So go ahead and roll 2d6 plus dexterity I guess for volley Ten Oh damn Sick Okay So with a ten on your volley Billy just hurls some jars of fermented onion juice into the front of the charging pigs which shatters and as they charge through like the cloud even a few rows back people are like ugh They start closing their eyes and watering And the pigs that charge through get a snoutful Oh yeah And are like start squealing as they charge through Nice And they're like reeling back and tumbling over each other Yeah and the ones that do come through come through disoriented like their eyes are closed they don't even see what they're charging at anymore Cool I will say Razortusk seems unaffected he just like plows through this cloud When he breathes it in the runes on his armor like glow for a second and then he seems fine Cool Yeah and then he just like snorts it out Farts it out Yeah he farts it out yeah I was gonna try and make it a cool image but it's gotta be a fart unfortunately Ving your halflings with their makeshift barricade I'm going to um fight with honor roll plus con for some chi And just let the halflings deal with the barricade on their own Uh yeah he's he's kind of uh leading by example he's gonna be like uh Tom Hanks and uh Zeb and Prev Ryan leading people into war Right yeah fight from the front Yeah Yeah or lead from the front yeah Oh yeah I got five Oh fuck Okay big fat fail Oh no Okay big fat fail for Paul I got one chi still but the enemies have the jump on me Okay so I think it's like you are like a Oh fuck Okay big fat fail Oh no Okay big fat fail for Paul I got one chi still but the enemies have the jump on me Okay so I think it's like you are like a Okay so I think it's like you are trying to lead from the front so you're like move this up here like get back like you're still calling things out Uh huh As the horde reaches you and you just barely have enough time to get your footing underneath you as they hit you like a truck Whoa What do you do to defend yourself as they start bowling you over I'm going to try and get above them so I'd like to call upon some aerial help I would like to summon my um call of nature and summon some some birds Yeah I would say that you do need to address the immediate danger of pigs on you right now Okay what's my uh leap over across a physical obstacle Yeah like basically you've got that super reaction timing where they hit you but you just jump Yeah Like leap right over them so you expend your chi for this fight by leaping out of the way of this danger and then summon birds Yeah I'll summon some birds Yeah You're basically like anime style like leaping into the air Ne ne ne ne Twisting coming to a stop and summoning the birds as you come back down so go ahead and roll um call of nature Eleven Okay Uh ten plus I get two requests plus my eager beaver so I get three requests Hell yeah So you summon a flock of birds Uh huh the crows The crows from the spirit world Crows from the spirit world Yeah Which come in the form of many crows Oh Crows in the spirit world are just regular crows Crows Oh that's sick I actually do really like that It comes in it looks like a giant crow it almost looks like coming through the sky up behind him maybe somebody sees and thinks oh my word cloud piercer is here and then it oh my word It was oh my word that made me laugh too Oh my word Oh my word Oh my word Wait we don't say oh my word all the time There's a very fancy boy in the Oh sorry Oh I say Sorry guys I'll redo that so you guys see this giant bird and somebody turns and says OMG it's a big bird Haha And then the bird the giant bird breaks into a huge murder of crows Yeah So sick Swoop down and pick up Ving Hell yeah okay so oh they're picking you up Yeah So now you're up in the air Yeah I'm like I have a crow body around me made out of crows Yeah Okay Oh cool So we'll call that spending one request One request I have two left Yeah So now you are aerial Great So sick Yeah I'm gonna do the thing where I fly over top of them Uh huh And shoot crows at them Shoot crows Crows just firing out like So scary though Being pecked Yeah You know that thing Yeah You know that thing that happens Where you shoot out crows But we'll cut to Tuck for a sec while Ving begins soaring through the skies the pigs disoriented by the onion vapor rampaging around Yeah But Tuck you are coming face to face with Razortusk With Razortusk He is huge I would say at the shoulder he like comes up to your shoulder almost He's yeah I think he's like an elephant almost in size Yeah yeah like rhino size maybe at least Yeah Yeah Okay Tuck is gonna do a war cry Okay And his war cry is running up to Razortusk Uh huh And punching him in the head as hard as he can Alright 2d6 plus Yeah charisma Okay Here we go Yeah Fuck you Razortusk Nine So you get to choose one or the other your enemies feel fear Can I aid Oh yeah shoot a crow at him Yeah Shoot him with a crow He does come on with a big car to draw his eyes so he doesn't see your big fist coming in Totally Yeah So I'm gonna go with Razortusk Yeah I'm gonna go with Razortusk Yeah I'm gonna go with Razortusk Yeah You two come up with two lives come in Oh yeah Yeah two two six plus bond I got five Okay Did it work You shoot me with the crow Yeah Maybe oh I think your failure might be that you're trying to get the spirit crows to help tuck Mm-hmm And it's gonna cost you a request Oh what You keep like missing Razortusk the birds are clanging off his armor Yeah So you fire enough birds at this this pig that your grasp on the spirits service is Yeah well cause they're starting to be like hey he's just throwing us at him him yeah this doesn't seem like we're helping I want to carry him around anymore it sucks but regardless tuck charges through the cloud of spiraling ricocheting crows oh yeah that's cool like there's a cloud of crows that are around razor tusk that are distracting him and then like through the cloud of crows tuck like does the jump somebody draw this and it's like he punches so hard his head goes straight into the ground yeah yeah and he like skids along the ground and has to like scatter his legs to try and get back up yeah they roll the hack and slash as well for the punch no I think the point I think the punch is the war clock okay so are you which which option are you choosing uh my allies take plus one forward so the halflings are emboldened by this absolutely they see tuck make razor tusk falter he bleeds yeah yeah there's like blood dribbling out of his pig mouth yeah billy you've thrown your onion juice where is billy like staying back or is he running forward I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't running forward he's picked up the broken bottles and he's wielding them like little weapons yeah super sick okay so you're running into the pig crowd pig pen yeah pig pig apocalypse yeah I like it so billy are you letting talk like handle razor tusk and you're dealing with like a group of the hogs themselves yeah with a couple rowdy ones rowdy ones well like rowdy like they seem like really insistent he's attacking pigs beat up people I don't know what pigs do they did they do this they're rowdy ones they want to beat people up we are the rowdy ones that's what they say that's what they're saying to each other they're like you and me bro we're the rowdy ones okay billy runs forward into the rowdy pigs and begins to slash away with his bottles yeah get away you little piglets I don't know and the half or the onion juice um it's spraying everywhere it's stinging their cuts yeah oh yeah they hate it they're kicking and snorting spitting all over the place um I want to aim for the pig and I'm going to go with the pig and I'm their snouts though oh yeah nice okay so hack and slash okay 2d6 plus strike I got two holy shit two one is three that's three that's not so good billy is going to get trampled by some pigs I think yeah so go ahead and roll a d6 four so you take four points of damage yeah as the hooves just like rain down around you shit Billy!

Yeah, being from up high, you see Billy just go down. Okay, I'm very elastic so I'm like pretty bouncy. Yeah, but not eight points of damage bouncy. He pulls up on the crows and does a barrel roll back over, swoops back over to Billy. So sick. Yeah, you come arcing down like a comet made of crows. The splashes, crows splash up in the air. Yeah, totally. And all the crows, they're just flapping and pecking the pigs, which are freaking out.

And I've gone and I've tied the tusk, the razor tusk, through my harpoon spear rope, through my saffron spear. So I have it like a rope dart that he can like swing around and kick towards things. So he's rope darting with the magical armor. That's fucking rad. That's cool, man. So I'll come down, I guess that's what, hack and slash with my weapon? That would be hack and slash, yeah, for sure. Okay. 2d6 plus strength. Ten.

So you deal your damage and also you can open yourself up to damage from the pigs to deal an additional d… Six? I'll definitely do that. Nice. Eight. Eight damage. Okay. You basically like stick around in the horde long enough to keep lashing out. Pigs are falling around you. Okay, cool. But the horde is overwhelming, so roll a d6. Three. Three damage. You're whipping your razor tusk rope dart around, just like cutting pigs down. Clang, clang, clang. Oh yeah, that's sick. Yeah.

But they do, they get a good couple kicks in. Tuck. Yes. Razor tusk is like pull them. Back up out of the mud and he is shaking his like armor off. There's just a great gout of mud that shakes into the air and he's kind of like like stepping around you. Yeah. But then you see him like lift his head up and sniff a couple times. That shit. And turn towards Ving. Oh no, right, because he smells delicious. Well, and he's got the horn. Oh, and I've got the thing, but both of those. Yeah.

Tuck uses, uh, what are you waiting for? I put Billy in danger. Yeah, I see Billy sitting next to Vig with a couple of broken cocktail onion bottles. Yeah. Slashing at pigs. What, didn't he have a sword like 20 minutes ago? His sword is in his cabinet. It's right here. Billy, Billy, draw your sword. I've got my sword drawn. Oh, shit. Billy looks up and drops the bottles and he takes out his sword. So funny that he's like, perfect. Weapon. Weapons. Finally, real weapons. This is a toy.

This is a toy. There's a sword in the toy. So yeah, you see Razortusk start to turn towards Vig and Billy. What do you do? Yeah, I do what are you waiting for to get his attention back. Perfect use of this move. When you cry out a challenge to your enemies, roll plus con on a 10 plus, they treat you like the most obvious threat to be dealt with and you take plus two damage ongoing against them. Oh, my God. Wow. Yes. Amazing. Tuck is too good at fighting, man. It's the only thing he's good at.

I guess that's true. On a seven to nine, only a few, the weakest or most foolhardy fall prey you're taunting. Yeah. When he sees Razortusk like put a bead on Vig because he smells delicious, Tuck pulls some bacon out of his backpack and he crunches on it and he goes, I think this was your mom, dude. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's fine. Yeah. I would be mad too. All right. Two to six plus con. She was hot as fuck. Yeah. Two to six plus con. You said your piece.

I love one of the things that I love about Tuck is that when he shit talks, he usually hits like a pretty solid line off the top and then he does not let it lie. He keeps going to ruin it. Yeah. So it's two to six plus constitution for war cry. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Is it the highest roll we've ever had? I think we've never had it. That's high. I got box scores. I have a plus three and I have a plus one. Wow. Yeah. Dear God.

That actually was his mom. Yeah. That's so sad. It is so sad. That's horrible. That's not happening. No, it's not happening. That's what he says. This is not happening. So Razortusk like hears you bite down on the bacon and you see his pig ear under his helmet like turn and then he turns his head. Oh God. This I'm in. This thing's huge. Like so spooky. It's like a monster from the dawn of time. Yeah. And you think that, yeah, this is like what humanity had to fight on earth in the ice age. Yeah.

This is how our ancestors got here was killing things like this. And you see a bunch of pigs start to turn towards you and like start charging. And then you see the runes on his helm flare. And the pigs turn away and continue. Oh, sick. He told them to go away. Yeah. And he gets down low. Whoa. And he starts kicking his hoof. Tuck does the same thing. And he charges you. I charge him. Well, cut to Billy. Billy. Oh, sure.

You are surrounded by crows that are attacking pigs, which you are also surrounded by. And to your right, I imagine is Ving. And halflings are tussling with pigs and crows. Yeah. Which don't seem to know who the enemy is anymore. The crows are like, all right, we're in it now. Start pecking, boys. Crows versus the world. That's how it's always been. That's how it'll always be. That shitty crow is still at the top of the flagpole with the pumpkin king.

Just pointing at doves and doing this, finger across his throat. But he's like, the crow's like picking, idly picking like pumpkin seeds and like flesh off the pumpkin. He's like, you know, I think. If I really get down to it, it all started with my mother. I just, that's the killing. It's the only thing that makes me feel anymore. And you hear Jack. You can see his mouth now because the crow's eaten a lot of the mouth away. I know what you mean. We cut back down to the bottom.

Billy, what do you do? You are in the thick of it. I see Razortusk charging at Tuck and I have one fairy child left. Oh, I would like to switch objects within view. Whoa. Whoa. Okay. What do we say? What do we think in here? Is it possible to switch the armor? Not all of it. Okay. Because it is not one piece. Right. Could you take the other tusk? Oh my God. Or the helmet? Because it seems to be the one that's controlling the pigs. Yeah. Can I try to take the helmet? Sure. Yeah. Okay.

What are you switching it with? The bottle. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I do think you have to roll for this because you are trying to take off something somebody is wearing. Moving. And it's a magical item. And it's a magical item and it's moving. Sure. So yeah, it'll be two to six plus charisma. Okay. Come on. Come on. Good. Fuck. Seven. So here's what I think happens. You focus so hard on the helmet. You're like, this is the only way I'm going to be able to help Tuck from this distance.

You're like, you like close your eyes and you really focus your fairy powers. And then you are on Razortusk's head. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. The only thing where your child was is now a big metal helmet. And you see, you see Billy like on top of the pig that's charging around. It kind of works. It's fine. Gripping on like he's riding a fucking Bronco. All in the ears. Yeah. What the fuck? That's great. That's great. I don't like that. Tuck's like, ah, whoa. Yeah, totally.

I think the second Razortusk feels his helmet's gone and you are on him, he freaks out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

How would I aid I guess I could try and grab razor tusk yeah yeah that's true yeah you could try and like get a handle on him yeah I see billy appear on his head and his helm disappear and I was like what it goes it goes from us charging to me being like what's going on your fist is still up I like that because it's not even that you see the helmet disappear and billy appear it's just billy is there now and then tuck like immediately changes tactics as he sees like razor tusk start to go into like full rodeo mode yeah and he like jumps and grabs him to try and like keep him from it's like grabbing the bottom of a fucking bucking bull yeah it's like trying to save a rodeo rider by grabbing the bull all right 2d6 plus bond wow that's three plus one is four I guess okay so point yeah I mean I didn't fail yeah it's true no you didn't you didn't know I failed yeah you failed no no and I did take something away from ving for failing a bond so what am I taking away from you like he would fucking destroy me just kick the shit out of you just kick the shit out of it what's his damage is it like a d20 or something no it's high though it's a d10 here we go eight okay eight damage does it negate my armor it sure does why he's covered in magic armor like you know razor tusk starts kicking around and then his tusk like gashes you across the chest and you feel a pain you haven't felt in years where you're like whoa he fucking hurt me bad right because I don't usually feel pain when I get hurt yeah that's the oh this is agonizing yeah it's and it's funny because it probably hurts a lot because you just got gashed in the chest but because tuck doesn't feel pain yeah it's it feels even more painful because you're not used to it yeah yeah so there's just like a spray of blood as you get caught across the chest and take eight damage tuck hears you say that and he wants to say no it's not but then he's like cut it it's his fault I think this uh seven to nine for billy after this failure is tuck gets cut bad and razor tusk just starts rampaging around trying to get billy off his head and like gets away from tuck like you would oh fuck he still wants to fight you but now he's dealing with another thing yeah so you'll have to chase him down if you want to do that so I'm gonna do that so I'm gonna do it I want to get a hold on him fuck uh but billy you are being whipped around by this pig you got a pretty tight hold on his ears as he spins around your world is nothing but mud pigs and pain ving you're in it surrounded by foes and surrounded by the helmet I want to pick it up and put it on interesting so sick I'm gonna try and control these pigs okay you're part wizard I am what do you wow okay so first off it's a helmet for a big pig so it's not gonna fit you exactly I can shape shift your head my head to a hog's head you can't remember you can't physically shape shift anymore can I just borrow one of the other pigs heads no slice the pig's head off and then you push your head into it the guys I figured it out I mean okay five minutes just doing the most brutal butchery scooping scooping so much I've got to hollow it out man these things do have big brains so I think what's happening is you're trying like that's you feel that it's not quite it's not made for you yeah but you can feel something so you like reach out somehow okay should I roll plus wisdom yeah plus wisdom works two six plus wisdom does it mutate like the metal of the helmet I guess we'll see depending on how this goes ten ten yes okay so what we're gonna win because it has a bit of a we're gonna actually win this one you've never said that in a while this one you've never said that in a fight before that's so sick we win all the fights okay I think because you guys said it and it's cool and there's no reason for me not to do this I think you like yeah you reach out with your mind and the metal almost like senses a thinking mind I have the tusk and you have the tusk it's like already like it knows it's familiar there's a part of it that's here and that I've been I've been with it so it recognizes me as a holder of a piece of that magical armor and you did a communion of whispers with the tusk oh that's how that's how it is yeah so you feel this connection that you remember from when you commute and I like that the tusk in my on the end of my string goes like clang and it goes right in the middle like a unicorn cool as the metal like flows and shapes around your skull so cool I look like cool mcneato and unicorn yeah mcneato mcneato mcneato all right we're introducing the new mcdonald's characters today we've got mcneato he controls french fries he is the sworn enemy of mayor mccheese who now has psychic powers and is tired of how the burger people have been treated by the government um case genuinely that this is a comic book that should be made 100 yeah so the one thing you notice as this metal flows around you you feel this like magical connection between you and the armor and then you remember as it's flowing around you the problem that razor tusk faced was that he was sealed inside it as you feel the metal like form under your chin and like latch like a collar around your neck holy shit some of the the iron that's in my skin starts changing into runes too oh some of the like the runes of my skin are like being pushed out onto scales of armor so there's like integrated metal plates in your arm now fuck yikes that's pretty sick that's really cool and also spooky implications but he stands up really slow in the middle of this crows and pig chaos and then just like shh kind of like neo's stop just puts his hands up and the pigs just stop at least momentarily there is a pause in the story the war is over the fight is done we won john did you not hear his cool description he said it was like Neo.

But there is like… Name a cooler reference than Neo. But for a second, there's silence. Tuck. Razortusk is the only thing that is making noise right now. As he rampages around, Billy is getting whipped back and forth on the head of the pig. What do you do? I go, Billy, you're not tall enough for that ride. And I take TLC and I throw it at Razortusk trying to like slice the other Tusk off. In my head, I'm just going to cut the armor off one at a time. And Billy's on his head though? Yeah. Okay.

I'm around. Tuck's like, I have never missed anything in the history of the podcast. 2d6 plus dexterity. Holy shit. That's… Oh god. That's really bad. No, that's bad. Dexterity? Pretty cool. That's fine. That's straight up five. Razortusk is doing that kick spin like a horse does. Where he's just kicking back and forth and spinning in a circle. And as you line up the throw, you do that thing where you close one eye and you stick your tongue out. And you're like… Just full overhead swing.

You don't hit Billy. Because Razortusk, you see the armor flash. Like the runes on his body armor flash. And he spins around and like blocks it with his shoulder. And the axe goes skittering through the air. It's like he's got Iron Man armor on. Yeah. But the axe goes a long way. You see TLC just go Oh shit! And then splash in the mud somewhere. Shit! Billy. Yes. You are still in this for the ride. What do you do? I want to try to drive my sword through his head. Okay.

So actually, since he's still in rodeo mode, you're going to have to roll a defy danger first, I think, to even… Sure. Hold on by one hand. So strength, I guess. Seven. Okay. Seven and nine. If you want to make this attack, it will be the last thing that you'll be able to do on the back of Razortusk. I'm willing to risk it. Okay. 2d6 plus strength for hack and slash. Okay. Nine. Can I aid with the magical use of the armor? Because they're tied to his armor. Oh yeah! Maybe you can.

Maybe he's… Is there some sort of thing that Ving's body is like… They're like mech-ing the same motioning? I don't know. What's your idea of this magical armor? I feel like this armor has to work as one. Did we talk about this last time? I feel like I mentioned that what the idea of the armor was. Well, tell us again. It is designed for the war pigs to work in concert with their rider, but also to work in concert with the other pigs. Ving's kind of like the rider at this point.

Yeah, totally. So I think you could potentially influence Razortusk. I don't think the helmet controls. The armor, though. You know what I mean? No, that's fair. So Ving's gonna try and reach out and get him to calm to at least give Billy a better chance of… Get him to slow down. Totally. Calm him a little bit. Ooh! Six. Can Tuck try and aid an aid? How? By yelling to Ving that Billy's in trouble. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Because I think as soon as I lost the axe and got stabbed and then he took off, I would have been like, Ving! Billy's on Razortusk! That is a six, so I failed. Oh wait, but I have plus one ongoing. Does this work? Plus one ongoing is only with Razortusk. Okay. Yeah, so I failed. Okay. So Billy still gets to do his hack and slash, but he just also takes damage. Yeah. That's fine. Okay. So roll your damage. Three. Oh, pathetic. Pathetic!

And I think because you are trying to get him in an unarmored spot, his armor does not apply, thankfully. So you dig your sword into him, dealing him three damage and he basically like soccer kicks you. Like he throws you off of him and then kicks back while you're in the air. Ooh, ouch! And you're gonna take, oh God, so much damage. Five. Okay, so five. So he just wails on you in the air and you sail into the mud. Yeah. Hitting like a little meteor. Owie. Okay, so two failures.

What do we think your guys' failures are? Uh, we draw the attention of the other pigs. Yeah, I think the moment is past where Ving had like the surprise angle on them. Oh, maybe because he tried to like direct some of like the armor stuff. Oh, you broke your connection with these pigs. With the group of pigs to try and reach out to the head of the pigs. Yeah. So the fight kicks back off really quickly. And they smell how good you smell. Jack-o'-lantern.

Are you specifically smelling good to these pigs? Yeah. Yes. Remember the spirit thing that he tried to do made him smell really good. Ving, the pigs turn to you. Rage in their eyes. And hunger in their eyes too. And they all like surge towards you. And I suppose they deal you this damage. So roll a d6. Eight. Oh, minus three. So minus five. I will say that we have not dealt damage to any of these pig hordes yet, have we? The halflings are fighting the pigs too.

And I guess they would be technically dealing them damage. Yeah. And some of the halflings are dying too. Yeah, totally. Oh, dying? You brought it up, Jessica. I mean, it's a fight. Right, I guess we, Wild Bill. Yeah. Wild Bill has like, what does he fight with? A rifle. Grit. A gun. Oh, yeah. Like those western kind of guns. He stole us six shooters. Maybe he's got a crossbow. Oh, yeah. I like that he has, oh yeah, crossbow, great. Two little mini crossbows. Two little mini crossbows.

And then wrist-mounted crossbows too. And then also wrist-mounted crossbows. And then crossbows on his knees. Oh, knee crossbows. And a head-mounted crossbow. And one on his back. Yeah, one big one on his back. Yeah, for when he falls down. And he like bends forward and shoots like a cannon. Like Boba Fett. Like a mech suit. Yeah. Okay, you know what? We don't realize it because he wears such flowing clothes. Totally.

So he's got two hand crossbows and then he has like racks of bolts that he wears on his side. Oh, I like that. So he shoots and then he like, clack. Reloads. So sick. Click down his side and then reloads it. That's so cool. Yeah, so he's doing okay. You see him, he turns and he just ices a pig. It's John Wick style, like. Yeah. Headshot, headshot, headshot. Headshots only. I, dude, John Wick is so fun.

It's like he's the only man in the world that realized you can shoot someone in the head and kill them right away. And everyone else is like, is he allowed to just shoot us in the head? We keep shooting him in his bulletproof suit. Shoot him in the head. But he like, you know, gets battered by a pig that comes in behind the one he shoots. You see his like, one of his crossbows gets knocked out of his hand. He does a cool roll, comes up, shoots a pig. So sick.

And you do see how crows are going down, but pigs are going down too. Somebody roll a D6 for me. I got it. Okay. Two. So that two is enough that two of the groups of pigs have had their number reduced to the point where they only do two additional damage. Okay. So two of the groups have been weakened, but the halflings have lost a couple of their number. Okay. Okay. So Tuck. Yeah. What is your failure here? What was the thing that just happened to me? I tried to tackle him.

He gashed me across the chest. Yeah, you're like bleeding. You got a sheet of blood coming down your chest. And then I threw the axe. That's gone. And then Razor Tusk football kick Billy. And you failed in the aid. That's what it was. Right. So maybe the failure here is that Razor Tusks, you have become so little of a threat to him that he is no longer focused on you. Fuck. Oh, you lost your war cry thing. Yeah, like you've been like you have lost his interest almost. Okay.

It looks like he's shaking his head free of some heightened emotional state. And you see him look at Ving as well and start trundling trying to pick up speed. And he's going for Ving now? He's going for Ving. You see him snort pig sounds. Delicious. Okay. So I've lost the axe. Billy's in the wind. Yeah. And the guy is going for Ving who is now also being mobbed by pigs. Yeah. I think Tuck runs and tries to catch up with Razor Tusk and grab him by the armor on the back of his hide. Yep.

Like on his ass. Tries to grab his ass. Uh-huh. You're trying to grab this giant pig's ass. And yeah, he just wants to like basically pull him back and whip him. Whip him away. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So 2d6 plus strength. Okay. 11. Okay. So you just grab onto this pig. Yep. Haul him back. Like he's running. Yeah. And then he feels himself stop and start moving backwards. Yeah. And Tuck's like the shot goes back out into a wide and you don't know why it's happening.

And then it's like when Captain America grabbed the helicopter. I was just thinking about that. Exactly. It's slow. It's kind of slow-mo. He's like his muscles are flexing. So hot. Yeah, man. So cool. He's like, ooh. As you're being destroyed by another. Yeah, his head just pops up a bunch of things. Whoa. Yeah. And he wants to take Razor Tusk by the back armor and just like throw him back. Yeah. To like put himself between Razor Tusk and Vig. Totally. Yeah. And that works.

Just pick back and he stumbles falls and is like hurled a good couple meters and just rolls in the mud and starts getting back to his feet. Razor Tusk is kind of he's got a lot of false starts in this fight. Yeah. Yeah. He's probably getting pretty pissed off. Yeah. Tuck pisses him off even more. He goes clumsy bitch. Jesus Christ. Billy. Yeah. Your mouth and eyes and ears and nose are full of mud. They are. Your world is mud. What do you do? I hate it. Billy starts crying. I hate this.

I hate living in the mud. I hate being a little muddy boy. This is why you left. Yeah. This is why I left. Very familiar taste. Like that Billy left during the last hogpocalypse is like part of his backstory. He's like I can't do this anymore. He wipes all the mud like a kid wipes their like nose and face like on the back of his arm. Revealing his face. Before that it was just mud. He wipes off a streak of his face. He's just mad now. He's like a grumpy little boy. Mad.

So he takes a sword and he starts like stomping towards Razor Tusk. Oh, he wants to hack and slash. Okay. He's just storming across the mud. Billy, you it feels like you got thrown a million miles. Okay. Well, I can slash all the pigs as I walk towards Razor Tusk. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's cool. Hack and slash as you walk through this horde of pigs. Yeah. Eight. Eight. Okay. So you deal your damage. Billy's in murder mode. Murder mode. Murder. Four. Four. Okay.

You like cut down a pig if you so choose. You sorry. I'll do it. Okay. Yeah. You just whip your sword out. Yeah. Pig squeals goes down in the mud reducing one of the hordes significantly and you just keep stalking past. Yeah. Then you see Billy like just hack a pig. Oh my God. Blood sprays and Billy just walks past. You see him dragging his sword through the mud. Holy shit. Oh, he's so grumpy. He's so cute when he's grumpy. Fucking doing that Gears of War like sword drag thing. Totally. Yeah.

Yeah. Somebody comes in close and he's just like smash. Yeah. And you keep walking. You see Tuck like squaring up with Razor Tusk come up beside him. Yeah. Yeah. Sick. You look down Tuck and you see Billy standing in the mud with a sword covered in pig blood. You okay buddy? Yeah. I'm just mad. I'm a bad guy now. I'm gonna be a bad guy for the next little bit. Tuck, I don't want you to be scared, but I'm a bad guy for now. Yeah. Tuck, this is gonna be really scary. I'm about to be really bad.

Like when Billy goes full murder mode, like he gives us a heads up. Yeah. I haven't done this in a long time. Yeah. I mean before we were like you know Billy, it scares us a little bit when you go into really bad guys. So now you start warning us. That's really nice. I'm about to be a really bad guy. So Tuck, Billy, you're squaring up. Who leads this? Who steps first? I shoot first. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. That's classic. Yeah. Razor Tusk starts charging and your reaction time is like nope. Too fast.

So what are you doing? Uh, just swinging my sword around. So hack and slash 2d6 plus strength. Okay. Uh, nine. Okay. Would you like to aid me? Yes. Yeah. Sorry. How are you? How are you aiding Billy? Tuck like shoulder checks him in the head to like knock him to the ground to give you advantage on the nice attack. Uh, yeah, that's 11. Okay. So Billy, you get a 10, which means you can deal your damage and also open yourself up to danger if you want to deal an additional d6. I will do it. Cool.

Billy's in bad guy mode. Bad guy mode. You're being a bad guy. Eight. Okay. So this is kind of like a stand up fight for a second. Yeah. Like the three of you are within, you know, two feet of each other. Yeah. Just not to do the Marvel thing. Again, but Captain America and Bucky versus Iron Man. Totally. Like just bam, bam. And like Billy just slashes and tuck hits him and the pig pushes you both back and then you both come back in. Totally. Yeah.

So after I check him, Billy slashes and I see it connect tuck like punches him as hard as he can in his side and then tries to get his hand behind one of the plates of armor to pull it off. Oh, okay. Yeah. Are you doing this with a move? Because remember this armor is like magically resilient. I have the lie. Yeah. What's the lie?

When you leverage your fundamental lack of truth to overcome a magical or metaphysical danger role plus constitution on a 10 plus you ignore the effect completely on a seven to nine ignore the immediate danger, but choose one from below negative one ongoing until the threat is dealt with suffered D10 damage. Wow, that's a lot. The threat endangers an ally. So yeah, I could use the lie. To basically like treated like regular armor mitigate the magical effects of his armor. It's cool.

Yeah, could be a huge way to end the fight. Yeah, because if this armor means that he is able to coordinate these pigs because remember we've seen in the hog apocalypse so far when a pig is like sufficiently damaged. It just leaves like it's like something changes and it's like a pig again. Yeah, instead of a soldier in razor tusks horde. Totally interesting. Okay, so it's two six plus what plus con plus con two to six plus constitution God pray for me guys is 12. Yeah.

Okay, so that means metaphysically to tuck this armor is just regular armor nice, which means that if you were to roll another move you could potentially remove it. Oh, I can't just remove it now. No, it is overcoming the effect of the armor, which is invulnerability. Oh, okay. So we're going to cut back to Ving fuck being your family is up there slugging it out with razor tusk. You are absolutely like surrender halflings are going down around you.

Bill has just one of his he like pushes his way past a couple dead pigs and he's just covered in blood and mud and he's got one crossbow in his hand. He goes get up there son. Click click. I'll hold them off. That's so cool. Holy shit. Wow, he's like there's like a wound in his stomach. Yeah, holding. Oh, yeah, he's bleeding a lot. Yeah, Ving reaches out his hand to like touch his hand and it goes past him and he corrects his eyebrow. You look really cool. I owe you one.

He reaches up and he pulls his eyebrows off and he puts plasters them on to his he puts them back on his mustache. Yeah go and then he just turns and shoots a pig. He reloads and dives into the horde. Wow pulls the bolt out of that pig and reloads and shoots another pig. Yeah, Legolas style. He's reloading with bolts. He's already fired so fucking cool. I'm going to take the moment that wild bill afforded me to roll another fight with honor.

Okay, I'm exiting one fight and going into another totally get rule plus constitution to it 10. Okay, you get all your points three chi. Yeah. Okay. What do you do? So I'm going to cross the distance between myself. And a foe using up one chi get in there and deal my damage to a foe within reach. Oh sick. Okay, which is razor task. Yeah. So what does this look like? What is the crossing a distance between you and a foe look like?

I think it's like drops of mud coming up out of the thing and he's like to to guy like a stairway of mud is reaching him and he's hopping up over the of the hogs and they're like jumping up as they're going, you know, unless the ones like Boeing coming up sideways and they're trying to like get him as they're going. But they can't quite get to him sick. And then yeah, deal your damage. Are you doing the on back thing where you're running on them too? Oh, I love that.

Yeah, jumping from pig to pig. Yeah. Oh totally. It's one of them's like about to fight something. He's like stepped on. All right. My damage is d6 and I'd like to open myself up for an additional d6 that only works with hack and slash. Okay. Well, oh yeah, because you can roll your d6. Yeah, come on five five. Yeah. Okay, so he comes up like full on once I want to grab him by his ears and just headbutt him with his old helmet.

Oh, yeah, you jump off these pigs and come down and bong like a bell just slam this pig in the head and he's looking woozy tuck. You feel him like stagger basically and he's like struggling to stay up Billy razor tusk is like trying to summon some strength to fight back here. He's really like snorting and kicking but he it looks like he is. Losing steam. What do you do to ensure that tuck has the best shot that he can Oh, you know what?

I just get down to his level like grab his face and I say do you want to be free? Oh cool. That's sick. Can you use wealth and taste with this? Oh, I guess like freedom. Yeah, that's very interesting because you can make him want to do anything to get freedom. Yeah. I do. Yeah, I do that. Okay.

So wealth and taste is what charisma it's it doesn't say it just says when you make a show of flashing around your most valuable possession to someone present they will do anything they can to obtain your item or one like it Wow wealth and taste is not a role you can just do it. That's sick. So you you get down and say do you want to be free?

I have never known freedom and Billy just is like you could when you're free roll in the mud like this like flops into the mud and the razor tusk snorts in my home. There is no mud in which to wallow. I sought this for my kind. Oh, what must I do? Allow us to take off your armor. It shackles you. Will it hurt? I don't think so. And you feel this like huge breath come out of him as he settles into the ground closes his eyes. Do what you must nod at tuck. Did I hear that whole conversation?

Everybody hears this conversation. Oh, cool. Because of things voice voice of the forest right? Yeah, being quickly head button. I'm going to grab Zach's your lie work trick this pig into letting us kill him. It's traumatized. Oh, my God. All right, two d six plus strength. Yes. And yeah, I'm using the effect of the lie. I'm using the plus one forward. I have to like get my hands underneath his armor and like just try and rip the whole side off of him to six plus strength like a can opener.

And that is fourteen. So talk you get your hands in there. He's lying on his side in the mud and I get my hands off under like two plates and I just start to like lift and then I hear like ping and you see the runes on the armor like as you're pulling flash and then die. Yeah, it's like a flash and then die. Yeah, it's like a like they're trying to reactivate but like anywhere tuck is touching them. They're completely dim. Like it's like the armor is trying to fight back.

Yeah, you're feeling it pull back towards itself. Oh like a magnet. Yeah, just like yeah, it feels kind of like when tuck force that yeah, the little magic crystal into the danger room where it's just like like the world pushing back. Yeah, the world is trying to stop this from happening. Yeah, and he just keeps just reefing on it. Yeah, stubborn. Yeah, and then there's like a clang clang. Yeah, like the leather straps and buckles explode off of it. Does anything happen to Ving?

He's strapped into the armor. I feel like it should. Right? I feel like that armor will die. Oh, cool. I like that. I like that. So you feel like plates around the armor like begin to fall away like you're you and you can breathe a little freer. Yeah, and you feel the like urge to command. To tell pigs what to do. Leave your body. Tell me what to tell them to do and the helmet feels different. Yeah, it's loose like it's I'm getting really constricted.

Yeah, you kind of like you put your hands on the other side and you can just slide it up over your head. Removes the helmet. There's like on the inside when you look in there's like shit loads of like magic inscriptions and like what looks like circuitry. Oh, yeah, from the golden age. Yeah, pressed into his head. Yeah, I like that and his face is kind of reflecting that like almost like like like temporary scars. Oh, he's got circuitry burned into his face.

Oh, that means razor tusk has that too. Yeah. Yeah, whole body razor tusk. You can see like through the the bristly fur as he like lays there unburdened by his quest for a moment. He's breathing deep and burned into his fur. You can see scars that look like circuitry all over his body. Vink goes over and gently rolls him in the cooling mud to get him into the sty, which is like his goal that he's always wanted to do and just to soothe those those burns now that he's released from the armor.

He huffs out a big breath and sinks lower into the mud scratches belly. He kicks his little leg a little bit. I would rest a while. You've earned it. He just goes to sleep. What are the other pigs do the other pigs the crows like kind of stop fighting as they realize the pigs are like now reacting instead of acting. Okay. Oh, yeah, they're like backing away and like trying to escape and then the crows stop and the pigs scatter and then the crows start cheering like crazy.

And they're like hugging each other and screaming and just elated at their victory. You hear the pigs go. This sucks boys. Let's get the fuck out of here. What the fuck's going on? You guys remember how we got here? I just wanted to be clear to all the listeners at home. We did not want to do this. I fell asleep on the L and I woke up here. We're all from New Jersey. Trying to go to Coney Island to meet my buddy and now I'm here. I meant to propose to my girl on the Ferris wheel. Apollonia.

Apollonia. I'm coming back baby. I'm coming baby. And the pigs, some of them run, some of them walk, some of them lay where they are. Casualties of an unfair war. Halflings lay among them. A number were lost. We gotta check on Wild Bill. Yeah, Wild Bill is in the fray, right? Yeah, is he okay? He's not doing great. Oh shit. You find Wild Bill, he's leaned against one of the outhouses on the edge of Lone Tree Hill and he's bleeding quite a lot from his side. He's got a tusk.

Like it's like a gut wound? Like a snap dot. You see he's like got his pipe in his mouth and he's like struggling to light a match. Ving steadies his head. He's got his hands. He lights it. Boy. There was some war. Puff, puff. Cough, cough. There's a little blood comes out. Oh my god. We gotta get you somewhere. Ving, can you fix this? I mean I can apply a poultice if he can lie still. The thing is a poultice takes time to work and looking at Bill you don't think he has time.

Like how fast is he fading? How fast are you fading, Bill? Yeah. He is fucked up. Is there any way I could use Fairy Child to heal him? Do you have any Fairy Child left? Fuck. No I don't. How close to morning is it? Oh good question. Because it was night time when we started the fight. Yeah. I guess it's a few hours. Because the fight didn't last like you know multiple hours. I feel like Billy is desperate enough that he thinks he could do something. Mm-hmm.

Is it like a luck roll to see if he likes it? If he lasts till morning? I guess so. Does he have Fairy Child can actually heal him? Maybe it's a flat 2d6 like a last breath roll. Oh you roll last breath on his behalf? Is it? How do you feel about that? What does that do? So with last breath you roll. Just straight. Nothing. Death doesn't care how tough or cool you are. On a 10 plus you've cheated death. You're in a bad spot but you're still alive.

On a 7 to 9 death himself will offer you a bargain. Take it. Take it. Take it and stabilize or refuse and pass beyond the black gates into whatever fate awaits you. On a 6 or less your fate is sealed. Okay. Okay. Let's see what happens. 2d6 flat. 4. Okay. Billy is like panicking and he's like digging through Ving's pockets for more poultices and he's you know looking at the sky wondering like well when is the sun gonna come up like I could do something. Billy the poultice takes a while.

Yeah but what if the sun comes up? The sun yeah the sun will be up in four hours. But like what if it comes up faster? The sun comes up when the sun comes up. I'm sorry. But Bill what if you like hang on a little longer? You got me pretty deep Billy. But you survive everything. He like smiles. Not this time. I made sure you do. Bill sees you like looking at him and trying to like figure out something you can do and he like reaches out a hand. Okay. Change is natural.

And he looks to the lightning sky far away. River's turning for me now. I'm headed up the sunwise way. And he looks at you. Says I'll see you next time around. No Bill you know just keep breathing because the sun's almost up and I I think you'll be fine. You just have to hold on a little bit longer. You sit with Bill. The Everwood is silent and peaceful for the first time. The first time in a long time. And Bill's holding your hand. And Billy you can feel the fairy like rising in you.

And the power growing. And the first beams of day climb over the hill. And as the light touches his still form. Bill? Bill is gone. Bill?!

Sleep time my little baby Sleep time sweet little baby Yeah Step gently on the flowers and greens Let the water carry you to sleep Time to sleep my little baby Time to sleep sweet little baby The river runs deep But it's blue as can be Let the water carry you to sleep Rest your head my little baby Rest your head sweet little baby You might wake among the forest and the trees Let the turning river carry you to me Let the turning river carry you to me There's a rainbow coming up Dream, dream my little baby Dream, dream sweet little baby You won't get lost In the summer or the frost The river will always guide you home to me The river will always guide you home to me

Hey, this is Sean from Spout Lore. We were told the trailer we submitted was too confusing and didn't talk about the podcast and did talk about the 1999 Heath Ledger movie A Knight's Tale way too much. So we've been asked to submit another one with actual information. Spout Lore is a fantasy RPG podcast about three idiots bumbling their way through the magical post-apocalypse, dealing with the fallout from their attendance at a small town hot dog festival. What the fuck is that?

It's like an early 2000s road trip comedy with swords, monsters, and more improvised world building than you could shake a stick at. It's Spout Lore, a podcast for best friends by best friends. Okay, Ryan, is that better? You f***. Is this what you wanted, Ryan? This way you wanted headphones on me so you could hear this? We could yell at you in the trailer. Spout Lore is proudly a Spout Lore Studios production. A podcast. A podcast for best friends by best friends.

Okay, so guys, the people at Fable & Folly sent me an email, and we need to record a regular podcast trailer. I've written one. Could I read it to you? Yep, of course. Sure. Okay, here we go. Come on down to the Spell Lord Podcast Corral, and we'll get you into a brand new podcast today. We got fantasy podcasts. We got comedy podcasts. We got podcasts that give you that sitting around the table with your friends feeling. And the best part, it's all the same podcast.

A podcast about three bumbling idiots both causing and fighting all of the world's most dangerous and catastrophic problems while finding the opportunity to go to as many diners as possible. Hot damn. That sounds like the podcast for me. Come on down to Spell Lord just off the I-55 across from the IHOP or wherever you get your podcasts. Spell Lord is proudly a Spell Lord Studios production. A podcast for best friends by best friends. Spell Lord.