Tag: Tabletop Roleplaying Game

All right. Are we set to begin? Yes. Mm-hmm. Okay. Uh-huh. Okay. Gather round, friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed. Their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers half-elf, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might.

Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart. Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round, friends, and listen close, for the tale's about to start.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, Billy had explosive diarrhea.

Billy took a break to take a shit and got attacked by an assassin vine. So scary. Both of those things. Because I forgot Billy had a move that would have stopped him from being surprised. What? His eyes in his butt? Billy's got a move called shoot first, which means he can never be surprised. But he was surprised. I was shooting first, I guess. You took the opportunity to shack up for the night by convincing a simple farmer named Lerm. What was his name again? Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm.

To let you stay with him. Billy, he was initially not interested in letting anybody but Billy and Houdir stay, but Billy was able to persuade him with the use of golden root to be a cool guy. And that's where we left off. Lerm shows you to areas of the floor, basically, that you can all sleep on, and asks you to join him around the kitchen table, and is sort of just shooting the shit with you guys about, oh, life on the road, that's crazy.

I just farm waffles and chickens and okra and that sort of stuff. And he's asking you all about your lives. He asks Billy, like, you're pretty small. Yeah. You must be young, right? I guess so. Like, how old are you? Like, nine or ten. Nine? Or, I mean, like, I don't really know. That is pretty young to be on the road by yourself, don't you think? And Billy puffs up and he's like, I've been on the road a long time, man. I've seen things. How long have you been on the road?

Oh, you know, like, a few months. Okay. So you just travel with a child? He looks at Ving and Tuck. Yeah. You just travel with this kid? Yes. He doesn't have parents, and we accidentally kidnapped him, so. Kidnapped. But from a community that didn't want him. And also, I thought he was an adult when I picked him up. Well, yeah, that's fair. It's really hard to tell halflings' ages. I only, like, resisted minimally, so it's not really a problem. It's not really a problem.

It's not really a problem. It's not really a big deal. Maybe. What does that mean? Take a second read on that. Okay. Like, at first, I was like, hey, you're holding onto me too tight. No. And then. No. No, hold on. Let's do a third read. And I was like, no, and he wouldn't listen, but then he did eventually, and he put me on the ground. And then I was like, well, I guess this is good enough for me. No, I was sleeping next to my kill, which was a jackalope. A jackalope?

Yeah, I killed a jackalope. A jackalope. A jackalope. A jackalope. A jackalope. A jackalope. A jackalope. A jackalope. A jackalope. A jackalope. A jackalope. Aren't they endangered? Yes. I think I might have killed the last one, because when I was killing it, it said, I'm the last one. Well, okay. Now I got a question. What? Jackalopes don't talk. Yes, they do. They're enchanted. Fossil fots can be. Ah, fuck. Everybody's favorite. Dave Coulier, everyone.

And Billy was working as a conservation officer at the time. No. What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? You know what? You know what? We can't. Endangered kills notwithstanding. Did these men steal you? No. Okay. All right. We stole his heart away. Yeah. Okay. Great. Now I feel better.

Take a second read on that, baby. We stole his heart on away. One more time. Take a third read. He really charmed us. Okay. There we go. There we go. He stole our heart. What if Billy poisoned you guys? Golden root. Hey. Did you? No. Okay. I trust him. I trust him. Implicitly. For some reason. Okay. An unwavering trust. Okay. That's fine. I mean, the forest, the great forest is… You got some… You look like you got a little bit of… Don't look at me, Leram. Okay. All right. I'm just saying.

I'm just saying. We see, you know, all kind of types past my farm. It looks like you got a little bit of… Yeah. I know what kind of types you're thinking about. I don't fit into your types. I don't like types. Where do I lie down? I'm sleepy. Just over… Under the stairs. Sorry. I didn't mean anything by it. I just… It's not… You know, you don't see a lot of people with elf blood around these parts. But I won't… We won't get into it. I'm not… Is it that obvious? I… Well, I mean…

And Fing fluffs his, like, big puffy hair over his ears. It's just something around… Something around the eyes. Now we have to do this all the time. No, that's not… He opens his eyes really wide. No, that's not what I meant. That's not what I meant. And he goes like this and he squints really… No, don't. Don't do that. Oh, my God. I'm just trying to… I'm just trying to make conversation. You know what? I appreciate it. You seem like a nice guy.

But I think there's a little darkness under dwelling. And I don't need to sit here. And I've got a lot of contemplating to go through. I just… I just… I met a giant alligator for the first time. I need to go think about it. So I can maybe turn into it one day. And he gets up slowly, screech. And then goes in the living room in front of the fire. I was really curious about his… I wanted to ask… I should have opened with the shape-shifting stuff. I was really curious about that.

It could turn into whatever. But like… Wow. Like what? How? He just grunts a little bit. Yeah. And it just happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes he'll make a weird face. That… Yeah. His face turns into a moose's face. His gills kind of like flutter a little bit. Gills? And Houdir sort of leans in. She's like, yeah, I… He turned his arms into like spiky rocks. It was incredible. It's pretty amazing. These three, I have to say, are pretty incredible. Yeah. Which…

Which one is most incredible? Oh, well, I don't want to pick Faye. You should now. It's Billy. Fuck. It's a child. I'm not going to disappoint a child. Billy, close your ears. Why? Put your hands over your ears for a second. No. Please. Okay. And then I do it. Who's this? Who's… For serious, who's the best one? Talk is the only one in the room. It's… It's… That's right. I'm the only one here. For serious, who's the best one? It's Wicker. Fuck. What? This is a very loyal cat.

I've never seen a cat like that. This isn't a cat that's loyal. Son of a fucking bitch. I heard that. And Wicker's like sitting… She's… She's petting Wicker. Wicker's sitting in her lap like, it's Wicker. Wicker's the best. Wicker, you're such a bitch. This shit. Wait, was Billy listening? Billy put his hands over his ears but was listening? You can always hear what's going through your head. Yeah, that's true. I don't know why we ever do that.

Ving yells from the living room, language, Billy. Sorry. Wait, what word did you say? Bitch. Whoa. Whoa. You asked… I didn't… Yeah, that was on me. Billy, you can't fucking swear all the time. It makes your vocabulary just go to shit. You can't just rely on six cunt slapping words. What the fuck? I thought you were going to say six letter words. Lerm leans in and is like, that's enough. Hey, this is… I'm from a different place. It's called McCall. Okay. That's an opening for you. Well…

I… Were you not going to sleep? You guys are just talking trash. This is… See, this is why… This is the only… I usually like having such a small house. It's cozy. But it's really hard to separate the conversation when somebody that wanted to leave is like 12 feet away from us. If you want to come sit back down, you can. I… Are we going to talk shit about my history? No, I won't say anything about your history. Stands up. Comes back. Are you guys hungry? Are you hungry? Yes.

Yes, please. Just a… I'm sorry. My wife is out. She's coming back soon. But… Oh, yeah. What's your wife's name again? Oh, her name is Orla. Hmm. Yeah. She'll be back. Nice. Pretty name. She's the light of my life. How did you meet her? We actually met in the military. Whoa. You were in the military? I was. Yeah. Yeah. When? For a little bit. Oh, long time ago. Maybe… God, it must have been 16, 17 years ago. Wow. Did you ever fight in a war? I was support. I did logistics.

I worked in the medical tents. Wow. Okay. So not really in the military then. Oh, okay. That's fine. Everybody does their part. That's fine. Yeah. My wife, though, she was the fighter. Oh, yeah? Yeah, I know. She was amazing. What did she do? She was front line infantry. Whoa. Yeah. What was her weapon? Sword and shield. Sword and board. Holy. Just like everybody else. Whoa. That's the heart of the army. Yeah, I like it. Is she single? Talk to him, Goldberg. Is my wife single? Yes. I'll ask.

Okay. Yeah, I'll put in a good word. Next time I'm laying with her, I'll ask her. Hey, honey, somebody wanted to know if you were single. Yeah, and describe me to her, too. I'll check with our kids, too. I'll check with our kids, see if she's said anything about you. Describe me. I will. How will you describe me? I'll say young, dumb, and full of cum. Sorry, I couldn't resist. I know. I like to usually keep a civil tongue if I can. Anyways. Oh, you're right. You guys are hungry. You're hungry.

You're hungry. Yeah, but I actually do want to know what war you fought in. It was a long time ago. A long way away. Still in the principalities. Hey, maybe get a little more specific with the details. Lerm. Could you just give me a second? Somebody that talks so much, you think you know how to tell a story? Okay. Go ahead. What are you going to do about that? You're just going to kill a dad and a husband? Is that what you're going to do? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Basically, there was a pretty highly populated area, and a goblin horde was sweeping through the region, sort of sacking farms and towns and villages, and my wife was a part of a core unit led by a pretty incredible individual. They called her the Spear Maiden. I can't remember. Maggie Cole. I don't remember. That was it. Yeah. Maggie Cole. We met her. That was it. Oh, yeah. We did meet her. She's cool, lady. She was incredible. I mean- She's intense. She's no Orla, but she actually saw.

She saw a bit of hardship during that war. What happened to her? She lost some people. Oh, yeah. Important to her. Like they died? I believe that was what I was implying. Yes. War's a hard- Sorry. I still don't love talking about it, but- Yeah. It's hard. My Orla, she didn't get out of it unscathed. She came out a different person, but a strong one. Yeah. We've seen our share of conflict, too. I believe you. I killed a frog emperor two weeks ago. A frog emperor? Yes. Yes. Yes.

Probably shouldn't tell anybody about that. Yeah. Whoa. Don't tell anybody, Lerm. I couldn't if I wanted to. It's a secret. My lips are sealed. Here. Give me a secret kiss. No. I'm not going to do that. Okay. No, do it with your lips sealed. It's fine. No, no, no. It's not a real kiss. Just come on. Lerm, this is part of my culture. Here's another opening for you. I was going to ask a question. I was going to ask a question until you tried to- you asked me to kiss you.

I don't know why you got to make that. I don't know why you got to make this a thing. Answer a question with a question. Here's a question. Is everyone in McCall this weird? Not my question. I feel like you're intolerant of other cultures. No, I'm just kind of- This is what I'm saying. I'm just feeling- I was being on this now. I'm just feeling kind of intolerant towards you. A lot of people do. All right. No, I'm- that's cool. But so, a frog emperor. Yeah.

I've never really seen anything like a frog emperor before. I mean, during the war, you see some pretty gnarly stuff. But I can't imagine what monsters in McCall must be like. What's the scariest thing that you ever fought in McCall? There was a ridgeback one time. What's a ridgeback? They look like boulders. But then when they wake up, these ridges emanate from their backs, and the whole front is a mouth with reciprocating rows of teeth. It's like a big rock that eats people? Yeah. It's crazy.

So what- how did you- did you kill it? I don't know. I didn't so much kill it as I taunted it. It was a dare to win a woman's heart. You know how that is. Seriously, talk to Orla for me. Okay, here's what happened. I was talking to a girl, and then a guy, his name was Trent. The girl's name was Christine. And Trent came up, pushed me into a puddle. That sucked. And then he called- he said I was a coward. And I said, I'm not a coward, you fucking piece of shit. You're a coward.

And then he was like, prove you're not a coward. And I was like, I'll go fucking fight a Ridgeback tonight. Uh, and I should not have said that, because it was a bad idea. Because I went out to fight the Ridgeback, and the Ridgeback got mad, and I got scared. And the Ridgebacks, when they wake up, they open their mouths, and they release sulfur gas. So that happened, scared me, I ran away. The Ridgebacks are a lot slower. But it followed into town, and it killed Trent. So… Oh. So…

What was your original question? That pretty much covers it. Yeah. I'm pretty glad we don't have Ridgebacks here. Yeah. Does this paint me in a negative light as a character? Absolutely. Definitely, you're a traumatized youth. Hey! It's understandable. Well, it sounds like you all have had a pretty incredible life. Yes. I am pretty happy here, I gotta say.

Just farming my crops, hanging out with my wife and kids, and occasionally, you know, chewing the fat with some fine travelers like yourselves. Thank you. Thank you. Your okra is delicious. Thank you. We worked hard on it. Sometimes a vine gets into the okra, and those things got a mind of their own. Just rip it all up. And you know what? If we're being honest, I think old Gorb, one farm over, might have something to do with it. But that's neither here nor there.

That's just a little bit of farm gossip. What's Gorb growing? Same? Same stuff. Is this all Waffle Country? It's, yeah, the ground, it's just the ground loves Waffle Trees here. They just take like the dickens. That's why they get so big and purple. Well, it's getting kind of late. Orla's gonna be back tomorrow morning. She just headed up the road with the kids. Why? She just wanted to hit the market. Okay. We're gonna be taking our crops up the road in a couple days.

Yeah, so she just wanted to see how things were gonna go. Cool. She might be cheating on you. Ah, okay. All right. All right, pal. I'm just saying, you're a nice guy, but you're a really nice guy. I don't know what it says about me. I have zero fear that that's the fact. Hmm. Oh. Okay, we'll see. Confident. I like that. We've had a good life. When you go through a war together, not a lot breaks that bond. Yeah, it's true. True. And then we all touch. And we all touch.

Yeah, we all, we do a three-way handshake. Okay. I don't know if I was in a war. Every day is a war, Billy. Oh, yeah, okay. Cool. Every day is a winding road. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, it's getting a little late. You guys want to hit the hay? Yeah, we're getting a little. Yeah, we got some hay under the stairs. Sweet, thanks. Yeah. Well, I'll make you breakfast in the morning. Oh, thanks, man. Awesome. I'm just gonna head upstairs. So. Okay. Have a good sleep. Good night. Good night.

I don't know why there's so many vines in here. Yeah, his interior decoration sensibility is fucking wild. Does anyone else get the sense that Orla is a little bit more of a! Yeah, I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. Does anyone else get the sense that Orla doesn't exist and we're entering like a Paul Bates psycho situation? I definitely, my gills are a little up about this guy.

Whodear's holding Wicker in like a baby hold, like she's kind of sitting across the moon. She's like, I think he seems fine. Okay, Whodear seems to trust him. And the cat- Should I go spy on him? I don't see why you would need to do that. Could you check for traps, Billie? Oh, yeah, I could do that. Yeah, also. I'm kind of sleepy, but I could try. I'd like to take a look around and discern realities after Billy does that. Okay. Who deer just like puts Wicker down? I'm going to go sit down. Okay.

Sounds good. Be careful. That's fine. And Wicker sort of follows Billy, staying close while you check for traps. All right. So trap expert. Oh. What? Five. Five. Wow. Even plus your dexterity? Yep. All right. You're walking around and you're like rubbing your hands on the ground. Like, ooh, is there a trap in here? Ooh, is there a trap in here? Anything of these. One of these could be a trap. And you see a little seam in the floor and you think to yourself, oh, I bet this is trapped.

So you take a throwing knife and you start wedging it into the boards and you're like, all right. And you start reefing on it back and forth. And then you just snap the blade off. Oh, wow. So you only have one knife left. That's a really shitty knife. Yeah. That you guys get. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe that says something about the quality of the knives from that marketplace. That interdimensional department store? Yeah. That might have just been a Kmart that broke loose from reality. Fucking pong.

Yeah. So that's what happens there. You lose your knife and you don't find any traps. And you wanted to discern realities? Yeah. I want to figure out what's going on. I'm looking around. I'm going through stuff. You're just running through stuff. I'm fucking leaving through books. All right. I'm going through boxes. Roll discern. I'm opening every box and urn I can find. Tasting what's inside. Tasting it. How many urns are there? There's a lot. Too many urns.

Well, you know, there's urns with like lentils and stuff in it. What am I rolling? What am I rolling? You're rolling discern realities, which is 2d6 plus your wisdom. Nine. Damn. So yeah, you get one question from the list. Then the list is what happened here recently? What is about to happen? What should I be on the lookout for? What here is useful or valuable to me? Who's really in control here? What here is not what it appears to be? What should I be on the lookout for?

That's what I'm thinking when I'm going through all this stuff. I'm like opening jars, tasting lentils, switching them around in my mouth, spitting them back into the jar. Should you be on the lookout for? I all accounts. This is a normal farmhouse, but I guess. Is there bed bugs? Yeah. Yeah. You know what? It isn't the cleanest place. So maybe there's like vermin in here, or maybe some of this stuff is old. Yeah.

I'm picking up some rats or maybe like, yeah, pushing them around in my mouth, spitting about this jar is definitely full of rats. Yeah. Well, yeah. Any of any of the plants or food could be toxic. Yeah. Like I'm picking up. Yeah. Some of the plants, some of the house plants, swishing them around in my mouth. Maybe don't do that. Are you eating just putting stuff in your mouth? Yeah. Sometimes. Okay. Okay. So you're going through a bunch of. Jars on a shelf. Like, all right.

If he's going to be fucking us, it's going to be something in these jars. You open a jar. Like you pull a cork out of a clay jar and there's a bunch of little yellow beads in it. Like it looks like little yellow. Yeah. I'll put those beads in my mouth. All right. Swish them around. Spin them back in. Roll a defy danger constitution. Fuck me. Six, seven, eight. Eight. Are they peanuts? No, they're not peanuts. They are not. Small yellow balls. Are they? I've never seen one before. Yeah.

I don't know what a peanut looks like. Maybe this is a peanut. Is this a peanut? I just heard, you know, you're supposed to watch out for them. Watch out. This is tucked in around. Wait, are these peanuts? Are these peanuts? I can't eat peanuts. I can't eat peanuts. Look at this. Is this a peanut? So you put them in your mouth and they start to burn a little bit. All right. Spit them out for sure. All right. Roll one D four. One. You get a couple of like little, like your tongue hurts a lot.

Like a lot. But you didn't swallow them. So that's good. Hey, guys. My tongue hurts a lot. All right. How long? Billy's watching all this and he's like, I just can't believe he's this dumb. And he's going to go sleep somewhere. Yeah. Wicker. You figure it out. Wicker follows Billy to the pile of hay and. I shoo him away. I'm a little jealous at this moment. Of Wicker? Yeah. Oh. Because who dares? Like, I like him better. And Billy took it personally. Oh, yeah. He's going to go sleep alone.

Wicker goes. And then like looks at you. Does that thing where they sit on their butt and just stare at you and then goes and sleeps with closer to who dear. Oh, no. Wait, come back. I regret this. Yeah. No. The night continues. And I go. Wicker. Wicker, please. Do you want to roll a parlay? No. You can't. You can't. Roll for a parlay. You can't parlay with something you can't communicate with. Sean. We. Communicate. It would be defy danger charisma. It wouldn't be parlay. With 2d6? Sure. Seven.

Oh, seven. Great. So, okay. So, Wicker comes and gets closer to you. Are you sitting down and like letting Wicker? Yeah. I'm kind of loafing. Trying to show him how to sleep. Okay. Like how he likes to loaf. It is a. Wicker is a girl. Whoops. That's fine. But she climbs up on you. And she's like on your leg. And she starts needing. Yay. And stabbing into your legs a little bit with her. So, you can either sleep on. You can let her sleep on you. And not get a very good sleep.

Because she's going to be needing all night. Or you can push her off and get a better sleep. Can I just like maybe put her beside me? Sure. But she's not as close as you'd like. Okay. All right. I did it to myself, I guess. Jesus Christ. Is everybody else going to sleep? No. Do you want to roll for something inconsequential? I will go into a sleep-like state of inconsequential sleep. Cool. I will go into a sleep-like state of inconsequential sleep. Cool.

I'm going to do a contemplation in front of the fire. Oh, right. Yeah. I'm going to try and rest as much. I'm doing okay. This isn't a roll that he has to make. So, the druid has a move called studied essence. When you spend time in contemplation of an animal spirit, you may add its species to those you can assume using shape-shifting. Yeah. So, you're contemplating the spirit of the big-ass crocodiles. And also the vine, the assassin vines. You kind of get one at a time.

I'll choose the crocodiles. Okay. Yeah. You might be a little sleepy in the morning. Yeah, I will. Wait. Oh, because you're only… Do elves sleep? Yeah. Did we talk about that? Okay. Because I'm half human. So, I always sleep half the night. Okay. Yeah. So, right. Yeah. I forgot about that. So, yeah. You will have the evening. It takes a while. He's going like making crocodile things really slowly in front of the fire. And like shadow puppets of crocodiles on the wall flickering.

And just like… Great. So, that's how you spend your night? Yeah. Cool. The entire night. I'm sorry, everybody. It's okay. Billy wakes up a lot and he thinks it's a dream. And what is… Is Tuck going to sleep now? Yeah. I fell asleep a while ago. Son of a bitch. His tongue is hanging out of his mouth. And yeah, Billy, you hear… As you're sleeping, you hear some noises from nearby. And you open your eyes because you think it's just Ving meditating in front of the fire.

And you are back at the top of Lone Tree Hill. What? You're under… Whoa. Whoa. I'm sorry. You're under the tree. Okay. And you feel the person just outside your view again. Okay. I'm going to like turn around a bunch. Do I see him? Every time you look, it's just like just at the side of your eye. Although you do catch a glimpse of like blue fabric. Whoa. And you see more of somebody next to you until there's just a person sitting next to you at the tree. Right next to you.

What does he look like? Of indeterminate age. Like dad age? Indeterminate dad age. Yeah. Yeah. Sort of the like, oh, this person could be 30 or they could be 60. Their features are pretty generic. It's weird to look at this person because they don't have super definable features. Everything's sort of indiscernible except for the robe. The robe that this person is wearing is beautiful.

It's like so many different shades of blue woven into each other and stitched to the point where it looks like it moves. Can I touch it? Yeah, you can touch it. All right. Touch it. Wow. Yeah. And as you touch it, the person sitting next to you says it's very fine fabric, isn't it? Yeah, that's nice. Where did you get it? It was made for me many, many years ago. Can I have one? Well. Am I still naked? No, I've got my toga on. Yeah, you're wearing a toga. Well, actually, it's your dreams.

What is Billy wearing his dreams? I guess it's just his toga. He's not very creative. But he does have like a fun hat on. What kind of fun? What kind of fun hat? Like. It's like a little baseball hat, but it's got the little. A baseball hat? It's got a little flower at the top that spins around. So one. What? So it's a hat. It's a cap. He said he can wear what he wants. I didn't know he would invent baseball and caps. It's not a baseball cap. It's a functional. It's like a hat with a bill. Yeah.

For the sun. Okay, great. Great. With a little flower on top. Yeah. Spectacular. You are watching the fabric. And as you're watching, the patterns are weaving themselves into pictures. A river flowing through a valley. A very fine tower. And that shifts into a man at a table, a large table with a little frog. And then you get another image of the frog growing and growing. And then you get the image of the person surrounded by these creatures. The tower surrounded by people. And then conflict.

And anger and loss and stress and frustration. And then you get the image of this person fading, ceasing to be. Oh. And then you get the image of the creatures scattering. Whoa. What was that? That's what I'm going to ask him that. What was that? It's my story. Oh, okay. It's how my work ended. Okay. And I would like it eventually to tell the story of what work I can do. But I can't do that without your help. Okay. Which is why I keep bringing you here. Okay. So. I have a proposition. Okay.

I have been here for a long time. But if I am to do the work I would like to do, I need somebody to help me. Somebody to work through until I can release myself. Gross. Well, please. Try. You said it. This is so. Frustrating. Frustrating. First time that I've had the opportunity to talk to somebody in a long time. A long time. And it's a child. A child. That's your doing. I know. I know. I know. What I'm saying is. If I'm allowed to do the work that I need to do.

I could bring magic back to this world. Stabilize it. Allow it to flourish in a way that it was meant to. Okay. But what do I get? Power. Hmm. I don't know if Billy's into power very much. I need to be free. I need you to do this for me. Okay. But I don't want to be anything other than. Other than what I've been trying to be lately. Okay. Well, Billy is curious. He's a curious boy. Mm-hmm. So I guess maybe. Okay. Okay. Sure. Wonderful. But what do I get?

Because I don't really want the power thing so much. Like, can I have something else too? That seems like a lot of work. What would you like? I don't know. I like this cloak. I'd like one too. Well, I. Like, this cloak doesn't exist in a traditional sense currently. I'm sure you understand that. Not really. I understand that I see it right now. And I would like one too. That's all it's going to take. Yeah.

I think if you can pull me out of my sleepy time into this lone tree hill, you can probably get me a swanky jacket like this that you're wearing. All right. Nice. And he. And so the world was destroyed. So he reaches behind him and pulls out a small blue fabric embroidered robe. Oh, my God. Beautiful. Here you go. Does it have Billy embroidered on the back of it? Yeah. It's got little pictures of cats and food. Oh, my God. Here you go. Oh, my God. Thank you. So you'll help me. Yeah. Right? Yeah.

Yeah. You'll take the box. Sure. And you'll just dispose of it. Okay. All right. Here you go. Okay. Cool. Thanks. Okay. Can I put that on? I'm trusting you here. Okay. Are you good? Can I trust you? Well, what is. Yes, I am good. Jesus. If you think about it. I guess you gave me this robe. So that's pretty cool. I did give you that robe. Nice. Okay. Our contract is fulfilled. Oh, okay. So you are going to help me now. Sure. I don't really know what that means.

He's just like looking down at his body. No, I don't know. Yeah. So just take the box. Okay. And dispose of it. And forget any of this ever happened. Wait, no. You didn't say that part. That is exactly what I said. No, you didn't. You said. I said you were going. Put it somewhere. Yes, leave it. Yeah. And then that was all you said. That was it. Yeah. Just leave it. And then something happens. And then carry on. Okay. So I'll take the robe for now. Uh-huh.

And then I will talk to my friends about it. Don't know. Oh, see. See, that's the thing is don't talk to your friends about it. Why? You understand wanting to make things better, wanting to make a better life for yourself. I want to make a better life for everyone. If your friends agree, if they believe in that, then I would love the extra help. Just deal with the box. Can I just say we'll see? I'll talk to my friends about it and then maybe we'll see about the box. All right.

Well, maybe we'll see about the robe. Hmm? This is an agreement, kid. You get what you want. I get what I want. Okay. So I'll see you later then. Yeah. Okay, cool. You'll see me later. Cool. Thanks. What's your name? It's Perel. We've had this for… Yeah. Sorry. I wasn't feeling very good last time. I understand. Okay. This is a lot for both of us. Yeah, I guess so. All right. Well, I'll see you soon, Billy. Okay. All right. Bye. Bye. And he just disappears. Okay.

Does Billy wake up in real life? Yeah. Does Billy wake up? Does Billy wake up? Does Billy wake up? Does Billy wake up in real life? Sweet. Am I wearing the robe? You are not. What? Wow. Billy is heartbroken. Thanks for listening to Spout Lore, everybody. I've been your game master, Sean O'Hara. With me, as always, are players Paul, Abdul. I got drunk in an airport one time, and then they kicked me out of the Wild Wings when I shit my pants. And Jessica. It's not a baseball cap.

Thanks to Wes Lord, our technical producer. Thanks to Aaron Magoo at Heckler's Bar and Grill for letting us record in the Heckler's Upstairs Lounge. And thanks to Aaron Reed for the amazing intro and outro music that he has provided. Thanks for listening to Spout Lore, everybody. We'll see you next week. And so ends the tale of Adventures Three, who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be. For times abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion.

We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you. I'm gladly Spout Lore. Spout Lore.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hi, welcome to Spout Lore!

I'm your host, your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. With me as always are players Paul, Abdul, and Jessica. And joining us is guest NPC, Sophie Buttle. What is NPC? Maybe, uh, do you know much about Dungeons & Dragons? No, why? You don't have to. Is this a Dungeons & Dragons podcast? Paul, did you not explain? What? It's a Dungeons & Dragons podcast. I really wish somebody explained this to you ahead of time. It's fine, it's fine. Okay, so don't worry about any of that. Basically. I wasn't, until now.

No, okay. So what I'm saying is that usually, as you can see, there's a pile of dice here. There are dice rolls that happen. That was a bit of an alarm bell when I came in, if I can be honest. The Druid. I wish somebody explained this to Sophie. So I didn't have to be the, I had to explain Dungeons & Dragons to enough people in high school, and I wish I didn't have to do it now. Well, get ready. Sophie, can you make him feel bad about himself while he's explaining this to you?

Oh, I did that all through high school, so we're both ready to go. I'm not sure if I'm doing this right. I'm not sure if I'm doing this right. I'm not sure if I'm doing this right. Okay, so what, okay, so- I've seen Stranger Things, does that help? Yeah, sure, it gives you an idea. I really can't believe nobody explained this podcast to you. That's my bad. Do you feel like you're being tricked right now? Yeah. Oh, okay. That's better. That's better. That's better. That's better. That's better.

That's better. That's better. That's better. That's better. That's better.

It's a real Peyton switch when you said when you said our podcast I thought like oh you and Abdul talking about comedy like classic not anything it's different it's different good move Paul some would say the opposite of talking about comedy anyways we are continuing our game of Dungeon World today and what happened last session oh this is a two-parter oh we've got a lot of episodes you're jumping into it's like it's a lot like cereal Stranger Things yeah Mad Men totally okay so you guys pack up with Who Deer and Wicker is sitting on top of Tuck's shoulder Billy's walking and he's like oh my god how far Who Deer explained that it was about a half day away a half day of travel and she takes you down a road that runs alongside the bus the Bullrush River the rain that started earlier in the day kind of clears a little bit and the sun starts peeking up from the clouds is Dan with us?

No Dan stayed behind okay are we going back? Uh yeah she's taking you somewhere to to fix Billy basically to try and expunge him of this uh malevolent influence do then you're coming back I was wondering did I get my amulet back from Dan?

No yeah no I don't think we ever did that okay I really have to beat the shit out of that guy no he'll give it back he just hasn't yet okay you know he just keeps forgetting okay but you guys have been traveling for a couple hours uh through the early afternoon sun and the river is slowly winding its way alongside the road and up ahead you see what looks like a colorful tent oh by the side of the road ooh food maybe yeah yeah you see a little smoke coming up from a little fire or stove next to the tent nice yeah what's outside the tent?

What's outside the tent? Me so could you describe describe your tent a little bit what it sort of looks like what you look like it's kind of like are you guys familiar with Cirque du Soleil?

Uh huh well it looks like a Cirque du Soleil tent except bigger oh my god and more French Canadian acrobats that's my team they're very good sales people very effective so this is like a department store tent um I don't really know what that is welcome to the world wow this place is huge okay yeah so it's not a small striped tent it's an enormous striped tent it's an enormous tent it's like a pavilion it's also not striped it's it's velvet okay it's red velvet it's very sexy it's a sexy tent uh huh but what do you what do you look like?

I'm really tall nice like how tall? Like really tall and skinny and I have red hair but I'm like pulling it off wow and I have bangs holy shit wow I like that this is what fantasy is for Sophie is in this world now bear with me I have bangs and it works no no no hear me out though I have a white shirt on no stains not a one not one stain holy shit do you have any bows? Do you carry weapons here? Hi I'm Ving that's a bad name what's your name?

Vong I'm Ving who dear walks up to the tent turns to you guys and says this might be a good opportunity to stock up for the road ahead we also have knockoff bags we have knockoff designer bags could you point me in the direction of those bags? Over there okay great then she wanders off to a table full of knockoff bags okay do you have any bagel bites or anything? Any old snacks?

Like era specific we don't have bagel bites we have bagel bites we have bagel bites we have pizza pockets it's kind of similar Billy? Oh he's busy I heard he's the fat is that what? Yes he's very small he's like two and a half three feet tall I'm two feet tall oh I can barely see him because I'm so tall as well remember I'm 5'11 is that too crazy for this world?

If that's too crazy I'll be 5'8 I'm so happy with that I'm 5'8 I'm so happy with that my name is Tacoma Dome I'm a barbarian and I'm currently not romantically attached to anybody oh I'm a redhead so I'm unavailable obviously okay well I need to buy an axe oh an axe yeah the guitars are on floor four sweet Bing what do you need? I need a bow do you sell poultices? Just a bow then do you have a bow and some arrows?

Yeah the hair supplies are at the back can you take us to the fourth floor and show us some of your axes oh yeah and bows great is Billy looking for anything in particular?

Billy has found the pizza pockets whatever they may be he was interested in that so he is stealing them whoa yeah alright that's how you get banned young lady I'm a boy exactly I'm a boy I'm gonna need a don't assume double band I'm gonna need a roll 2d6 plus dexterity because there's an opportunity to get caught here six six that's a failure so mark a point of experience wait can I help him? So how do you distract Vong?

Okay so I like I'm easily distracted by sexy dancing if that's not okay yeah I can do that really well alright so 2d6 plus bond 10 plus 2 yeah that's a lot alright that's great 12 very good so I do a real sexy dance it's crazy do you have side abs? Yes wow I'm only flexing the side abs wow and I'm like oh oh oh oh oh and I'm like distracted and sexy and so Billy's filling his bag with pizza rolls at this point?

Yeah just a few just well no more than a few to be honest and he's gonna scurry outside the tent oh so you go outside and uh and who dears out there and she's got um a new bag and she's like Billy look at the bag that I bought mmm Chanel it was only it was only one coin it's nice right?

I guess I'm trying to get attention of one of the store clerks who are bouncing all over the gosh darn place yeah there's somebody hanging from the from a beam on the roof excuse a oh excuse a somebody help me please if you're having troubles finding a sales associate you can just grab one of the butterfly nets we have available you just gotta catch it catch em and then they'll help you out okay hip huh aha and they're like sacre bleu yeah alright listen do you have any bows? Bonjour no huh?

The big tall lady fella downstairs said uh you might have a bow for me no uh bows uh easy oh thank you thank you one arrows do you have any arrows?

No arrows aha ah wah wah wah wah wah ah la bah thank you so you outfit yourself with a bow and arrow and you're upstairs looking at axes I'm looking at uh axe I'm looking at bass guitars and I'm looking at the weapon axes that are standing next to them which combination of these two things makes me look the most rad I would go with the bass guitar if I can be honest with you it just it suits your brand cool I'm gonna grab I'm gonna grab a bass and it's got it's double necked double headed triple headed double necked and fretless fretless whoa uh yeah I'm gonna get a musical instrument but I also do want to get one of these weapons oh did I mention that the acoustic bass guitars also have knives hidden in them whoa cool what?

Uh can I also buy a weapon though? Oh no it's only one purchase per customer are you serious?

Yeah oh fuck we're pretty strict about that I really needed a weapon well Billy actually hasn't bought anything yet Billy's outside he doesn't seem to be interested have one more purchase we can make though doesn't seem to well you can go talk to him Billy we are uh we're limited to one purchase per customer and you're the only one that hasn't made a purchase yet so does Billy help Tuck out with his uh are you gonna buy anything? Mmm is there anything are there any throwing knives that I see?

Oh certainly well are there throwing knives? Yeah they came with the bass I already said oh well then we're fine okay but if I give you these throwing knives can you buy me an axe? Boot me an axe I guess just boot him an axe okay fine okay fine and uh yeah you all meet outside cool here Billy thanks for can I come with you guys?

Yes I'm okay with it oh I can't I have to finish my shift at work oh okay yeah oh okay I would have loved to so you start walking down the road and as you sort of Houdir is very obviously looking introspective she's got a lot of questions a lot of concerns and she turns around she goes what and you look back and the tent is gone oh wow are my pizza pockets gone? No oh are your pizza pockets gone?

Yes but maybe you ate them maybe because I ate them so in the future when we ask people to do the podcast can we just maybe explain that there's gonna be dice at least no deal anyways and then so you guys carry on for a while the river is babbling to one side the sun is higher in the sky and the clouds have more or less cleared which is nice and Houdir is walking next to Billy do you remember anything that happened earlier today?

I don't know Billy's been in a weird mood since he had that dream or whatever it was do you mention the dream at all? I don't think I did tell her that I don't know I guess I kind of just have like a bit of a stomach ache from walking pizza pockets I don't know what was in it and I did eat a lot like at least seven okay so you're just not feeling well?

I don't feel good and I just feel like I just feel annoyed all the time I don't like it okay well we're gonna try and help you that's what this is all about is we're gonna try and make you we're gonna try and help you feel better okay and your friends will take care of you yeah they always have you got something bad inside of you Billy and it's not just pizza pockets okay well it feels like it's been a while pizza pockets and if it is then there's really only one one way I can take care of that is not being not here maybe like over in that bush but you guys don't want to be around for that yeah do you want to go take a shit Billy?

Do you have to barf bud? That's kind of what I'm trying to say oh okay yeah okay so I'm gonna scurry into the bush okay okay well really non-emergency way of saying you have to go diarrhea yeah how are you liking your purchase? I love it look at this yeah it looks good it's brown yeah it's got the string on it yeah it's got those runes on it oh runes I don't know what they say it looks like can you read them? No no they look like they're dwarvish though I think very cool can I read these runes?

I'd like to Spout Lore all right Spout Lore about these runes 2d6 plus intelligence 8 well since you only got a 7 to 9 that means that I tell you something interesting but not useful and the thing that you know is that they are not dwarvish they're a dialect of dwarvish but more for hill tribes that are commonly referred to as gnomes oh I'd like to Spout Lore on you can't just on gnomes? No no no no no just on gnomes?

Yeah on the gnomes yeah for sure 2d6 plus intelligence to recall what you can about the gnomes how much intelligence? Zero okay cool great four that's two twos mark a point of experience sorry can I aid? No I can't no no that wouldn't help at all what happens?

Well there's just no like you guys are standing on the side of the road yeah like what kind of failure just let me man this is like a weird time for a failure okay you are standing on the side of the road talking about this bullshit and you're telling telling some stuff about gnomes that is not true can I just say whatever?

Say whatever you want I heard that gnomes don't usually make weapons and so this is actually really rare I think I think like it's probably one of the only weapons I heard there's like a subsect of gnomes that like are mostly they're peaceful but these were like warrior gnomes that broke off and then once they were finished their warring they became like capitalist gnomes and they used their ability to manufacture weapons they started selling weapons to the elves and so they started manufacturing these like beautifully made weapons beautifully crafted bows and there's not a lot of them left and I think that's one of those do you think maybe this one came from an elf?

Yeah maybe so all of that is wrong yeah that's not true at all okay and while you guys are talking about this Billy you're you've wandered over to a part near the river where it starts getting a little more forested like there's more trees as the plains shift into sort of a rougher piece of land and you're doing some business little poop poop poop poop little poop poop poop poop and as you are done clean yourself up you are walking out and you feel something tug at your leg what is it?

You look down it's a little green tendril a little leafy green shoot from the bush? From just in the trees yeah from the underbrush oh my god I'm just gonna try to like wiggle out of it it's pulling out of the tree it's pulling pretty hard really?

It's pulling harder and harder oh okay um hey guys yeah it's pulling pretty hard now uh okay and um it actually by the time you you figure out what's going on you are being yanked into this underbrush okay I'm just gonna like holler a lot oh I don't know what it is it's a worm I think just bite down and bear it bud I can't I'm on my poop okay so Billy is clearly in trouble right? Uh well he's yelling pretty loud okay you need a wipe?

No but I didn't have time to bury it and guys can you just come here? Okay I guess I run over yeah you run over to where you hear Billy's voice from and uh you see him being pulled up into the air Jesus like in between like he's at the edge of this copse of trees copse? Copse? Copse? Copse? I always kind of hmm?

Stand stand a stand of trees and uh you see him being stand stoned stoned stoned starned yeah you see Billy being lifted up like into the air between threaded between all these trees with green vines Billy what'd you eat bud? What was in those pizza pockets?

Well nothing like this definitely not okay so I guess I just yell Billy I'm coming for you and then I pull out my new axe and I'm gonna take a swipe at those things okay uh give me a 2d6 yeah hack and slash so 2d6 plus your strength or oof you're like rushing into the brush and uh you get pretty close to Billy like maybe 5 meters away and uh something catches your leg and you trip right over land flat on your face oh fuck and you feel the vines start creeping over you oh it feels so gross and they start they start digging into your flesh oh god yeah so uh roll uh d10 2 okay so 2 damage um yeah so you see Vang on the ground being covered by these bushes or these vines and Billy's hanging up in the air between a couple trees I'm gonna go for the heart of the bush as a boar oh okay you're gonna turn into a boar a wild boar cool uh 2d6 plus your wisdom to shape shift good roll 13 so you get 3 hold and you turn into a describe your boar uh he's a huge ridgeback boar of uh gray hair going down his back uh and uh fluffy gray tail um slightly larger than uh the average uh male boar uh big uh big shiny boar big shiny boar and gills of course yeah and gills and only one tusk uh great so so I'm gonna charge into the bush and try and attack whatever okay at the heart of these vines uh yeah so spend a hold because charging is a thing that boars do okay uh and then roll your damage one one um so you like near where tuck is you charge in and you start tearing at the vines with your uh with your tusks and uh you break a couple here and there but the vines are very strong a lot tougher than you expected them to be and uh you're gonna have to do a little bit more and you don't make any discernible progress in damaging this thing shit and billy so you're hanging like upside down basically by these bushes and you start them feel you start to feel them cutting into you oh my little soft skin yeah your your supple flesh is being torn at by these vines wow what do you do what did I ever do to them you were just shit right on top of them you were just nearby how are you angling yourself to like attack this thing while you're upside down I do my best to do a sit-up I've never done that before I've never done that before I've never done one before well that's that's gonna be 2d6 plus strength for your defy danger because you're trying to like okay I'm gonna give it a shot do a sit-up scrunch time yeah I do a pretty good sit-up all right and now roll your hack and slash so 2d6 plus your strength again wow less good um that is three okay so you um oh man you yeah you do a sit-up and you sit-up and you do a sit-up and you start sawing at like the little vines and as like the second you cut into it more vines shoot around your wrist and they tug your arm back wow and you're the knife drops out of your hand and now one of your arms is like stuck out in the air and who dear runs up to the side of the bush and it's just like what is happening everything went wrong right away what can I do this is your land what are these what can we do I've never I I don't know I've never been attacked by a vineyard before do you have any weed killer no okay fair she's like digging around in her bag though she does start digging around okay in uh the satchel that she has to try and find something but you're on the ground what do you do tuck uh I see billy getting like his uh little arms and legs cut and it uh it really like flames up my uh uh internal maternal instinct and I like just rip I'm gonna try and rip out of everything yeah okay so that'll be defied in your strength and since you are uh enacting your hunger for friendship and acceptance to protect your beautiful baby boy billy you roll a d6 and and a d8 okay when I do it I yell five plus strength seven okay great yeah no okay so that's a seven to nine yeah if the d6 is ever higher than the d8 uh something bad happens oh like you go too far okay yeah yeah um you did say fuck me I'm sorry I was just saying anything don't read into that billy did you hear that I heard nothing okay don't read into it who dear I'm she's digging in her bag stop talking don't read into anything I just said it's like I'm just saying whatever just get rid of just deal with this okay I just wanted to make sure everything was cool you tear you just like flex all your your muscles your fuse your mighty fuse yeah and you hear like uh and yeah you you rip off some of the vines and you are now um up on your knees basically you're not fully standing cool so you can't really you wouldn't be able to effectively use your axe to it I'm in a real john wick pose right now I'm going to get the vines that are still attached to him I think I can at least take care of those and maybe get the vines to to get on me okay yeah well it seems like wherever they attacked yeah you can spend a hold to start ripping at these things.

Okay, I run over and start stomping on Tuck's arm vines and leg vines. Yeah, great. So, yeah, you spend a hold and roll your damage again, that d8? Three. Three, okay. You do tear at a couple of them. You see you start ripping out a significant portion and you do free Tuck's two arms. Go for Billy! Go for Billy. So I get up and I'm like, that dog was a gift from my dead wife. Oh my god. I'm sorry. I'm really leaning into the John Wick thing. Billy, you see John Wick rise to his feet.

No, he's not on his feet yet, but he's got his arms free. But your arm is being held out and the vines are starting to dig in a little bit more. What do you do? Are both my arms busy? No, just one. I mean, I don't have a lot of options, so I guess I'm just gonna, maybe I'll avoid the sit-up this time. I might just reach over for my arm, try to cut that off. Not the arm, the vine. Define. High danger dexterity, I guess. 2d6 plus your dexterity. There you go. Pretty good. I got none.

You can cut a large portion of these. Maybe it's enough to at least release one side of you, but you're gonna have to throw your knife. Alright, I'm throwing it. So 2d6 plus dexterity. Nine again. Alright, yeah, so roll your damage. One. Wow. Can't roll again. Oh, you can't roll again? So you do throw it and you snap a couple. You don't do any, like, huge amount of damage. Like, you don't cut the chunk of vines that you were hoping to cut.

But you do cut one that's, like, holding you up in a certain angle. So you cut it and you start swinging down, basically. You get caught, like, you slam into a tree, basically. And it starts growing around you against this tree. Why? Yeah. Okay. That's the danger. So now you're held, but you're, like, lower down, but you're still being held against a tree. Tuck, what do you do? How far away is the tree from me? Like, 12 feet? Okay. And can I get up and go over there?

Or do I still have vines on me? You still have vines on, like, your legs. Okay. I still have the impenetrable billhook, right? Technically, yes, you have your impenetrable billhook. Okay. Can I throw the billhook at the vines that are starting to ensnare Billy? You're throwing a big knife at a child. Okay, maybe I won't do that. It's okay, I have padding. Yes. Yeah, it's your flesh, though. It's a lot of it, though.

Can I try and snap, use the billhook to snap the vines and jump for Billy at the same time? At the same time, we could do that as a defy danger strength, or dexterity, to make sure that you cut it and you get out before it starts to snare you again. I'm gonna do, like, a simultaneous cut jump. Cut jump. Alright. Jump cut. A slice. Slice and jump. 2d6 plus your dexterity. Dexterity? But it's gonna be, as dangerous as, like, throwing a knife at a child. Yeah, for sure. Oh! Ten. Alright.

Yeah, you do it. Sweet. So, yeah, describe, and what do you do next? Like, what's your plan? So I fucking really John Wick it up right now. Where I, uh, so I'm like, I'm in that John Wick pose where I'm, like, crouched and then I fucking just do a John Wick slice of these John Wick vines and I do, I fucking do a John Wick jump where I do, like, a hop and then, like, everything in the air. Like, uh, the bill hook on this side, axe on this side.

I know it's two-handed, but I'm really fucking John Wick-ing it up right now. And then both of my boots out in front of me. So, like, fucking, like, a John Wick jump. Like, everybody knows what a John Wick jump is, right? John Wick jump when he's got a knife in both hands and his arms are out and both his feet are out as well. And then I, uh, I stab the, uh, axe. I, like, I hammer it into the tree. Mm-hmm. And, like, I've got Billy in front of my chest.

Uh, and then both feet under, like, wedged against the tree. And then, like, the uh, knife into, like, some of the vines that are holding. Well, that's gonna be a hack and slash. D6 and D8 because you're trying to save B-Lo. So, uh, seven on the D8 and four on the D. Yeah. So it's a lot of, it's a lot. John Wick and roll, bud. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, that's a hack and slash. Yeah, so roll your damage. Uh, D10. Zero. That is a… No, no, no, no, no. That is a 10. Whoa! Yeah.

Fucking flipping it around. John Wick. Fucking John Wick. So that's a significant amount of damage. Sweet. Describe how you hack away at this plant. I'm fucking losing my mind because Billy is my boy and, uh, I've got the, uh, the axe in the tree on, on his left and the bill hook in the vines on his right.

So then I take a swipe with the bill hook and then I take out the axe and I, I hammer it into the other side of him and then I keep taking swipes on either side until I break down the tree that he is attached to. Whoa. Yeah. Yes. And then I… It hasn't fallen yet. No. But it has, like, started to, you've cut into it a significant amount. Yeah. And then I'm… It's less structurally sound than it was. Yeah. And I'm like, Billy, get in my beard, I guess. I'll do that. Okay.

So, Billy, you're free. Free of the vines. Yay. Thank you. And I give him a little hug around his neck under his beard. Yeah. It makes me stronger. Mm-hmm. And I do more damage. I'm gonna roll again. No, wait. John Wick! Five. You don't do more damage. Fuck. I'm gonna roll a 2d6. Stop. Stop, stop, stop. To ignore your instructions. Oh, Sev, eight plus two strength. You're being a real John Wick right now. I know. You've been a real John Dick. Ah. Fuck. Oh, fuck you guys. That's the line for you?

Yeah. Okay. So, you do that. You free Billy. You hack at this tree till it starts to kind of crack and move. Mm-hmm. But you see the vine starts climbing up the back of Tuck's legs. Mm-hmm. You are pretty busy. What do you… But, Ving, you see this happening. What do you do? I believe that he'll be okay. I want to charge and do the rest of the dirty work with the tree. Oh, yeah. Break it off and send it flying. Make sure that it doesn't… Yeah, cool. Defy danger strength. Six, seven. Great.

So, you… Yeah. And then you slam into the trunk of the tree. Yeah. And set your little hooves and you push and push and it goes like… And tilts back over the other way and slams into a couple of trees but gets caught in like the cross of a few branches and doesn't totally fall but it's not like it settles. Okay. It's not in danger of hurting anybody anymore. Ving yells, John Wick! He doesn't know what everyone's talking about. Yeah.

So, Tuck, you feel the vines start to creep up your legs and start cutting in again. Okay. Well, primary objective is to get Billy to safety. So, I whip my beard towards Houdare. So, the beard whips over and Billy flies out of it. Whoa. Right. Can I roll for that? Yeah. 2d6 plus strength and Billy, do you want to aid by jumping or something? Oh, sure. I'll aid. So, yeah. If you want. I got nine. Two of these? Yeah, two of those plus your bond with Tuck. Holy shit. 13. So, that's a 10. Goddamn.

Yeah. So, Houdare rushes into the, like, closer to you guys and you toss Billy and Billy jumps out of, like, off your chest like a springboard and Houdare catches you in her arms, Billy, and she runs back out of the forest. She's like, like, away from the vines. Whoa, whoa, whoa. She's trying to save you. Yeah, but we can't leave, like, our friends. They'll be fine. Like, look at this thing. This thing almost killed you. Yeah, but I could, I could do something, maybe.

So, are you, like, like, pushing against her? Yeah, so I'm, like, wriggling a punch. Oh, cool. And she, she just lets you go. Like, she's, she just stops. And hit the ground. Hit the ground. On my butt. And so, what's your plan? Um, hmm. Where's, like, the heart of this vine creature? How about you roll me discern realities? Oh, good. A move that we have not used very often, but is a fun one. Yeah. So, that's, plus wisdom. Okay. Seven. Oh, yeah.

Okay, so you get one question off the, uh, discern realities list. If I use, like, who's really in control here, are you gonna tell me something bullshit? No, no, no, no. Are you gonna tell me where the thing is? That's not, like, that's not what I'm here to do. I'm not here to fuck with you guys. So, yeah. I'm gonna, like, use my senses and be, like, what is who or what is really in control here. Yeah, and you're kind of casting your eyes around. Yeah, and they're, like, really suspicious.

Yeah. Totally. And sort of in the middle of where all this happened, you see in the underbrush there's a particularly strong concentration of plant life and you notice that the thickest vines are coming out of the center, like, the root structure of this one clump of bushes. I'm gonna run to that. All right. The remaining vines are mostly focused on tuck, so you can at least get an angle on it depending on what you want to do. What do you want to do? I'm gonna stab it. You're gonna stab it?

Yeah, because it's literally all I can do. That's fine. Stabbing works. Okay. So, you can fight it. Can I use that move where I, like, shoot first? That's more for being surprised. Fine. Whatever. Oh. Oh, my God. If you'd brought that up, you wouldn't have been able to be surprised by the vine. Dang, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. But no, it's cool. No, just to keep it in mind. Okay. Damn. All right, let's just retcon the last 30 minutes. Are you guys cool with that? Cool, yeah.

Can we just cut this, Wes? No, I'm joking. We're not gonna do that. We're not gonna do that. It's fine. I will merely stab it. Okay, so 2d6, but you get to an additional plus one forward because you're acting on the answer that you got from discern realities. I only got six. You got six altogether with the additional plus one? Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, can I aid? If you can describe how you aid. I'll dig as deep as I can under the bush and try and lift the bush out.

And I'm gonna try and uproot the monster. Okay. Yeah, uprooting sounds like a… So, you gotta do… You do need to roll to aid. Seven. Okay. Yeah, no, that works. Yeah, so you spend your final hold to uproot it and that makes your attack a seven to nine. Thank you. So, yeah, roll a d8. Six. Yeah, no, that… Okay, that does it. So, describe how you guys like kill this thing. I do… I like stab from… With like my arms from above and just like boom, like stab really hard.

That was like the worst description ever. Describe how you stab it. I lift my arms up and I stab. And I stab it. No, that's fine. Yeah, there's like a clump of like roots. Roots. You know, like a weed. Yeah. It's got like… It all comes down to the center but there's the really thick roots underneath. That's where I get it. And then I also like twist my knife kind of into it. I'm just like, yeah, fuck you.

Like, I don't swear a lot and I really hope they don't hear me because I'm gonna get in trouble. Yeah, so Ving like pulls it up out of the ground and you see the roots like the ball basically and just right in there. But as you're doing that, it's little life roots whip out and start grabbing and slicing at you because it knows this is its like last chance to get you out of there.

It knows to maybe keep you back but it gets both of you and it starts like cutting and whipping and slicing as you're killing it. So you guys gonna roll a d10 for me. Five. Two. So five damage and two damage. I'm pretty low by the way. Are you? I only have five points left. Oh, you would have recovered. Oh, five points after this attack? Yeah. Okay. Because that would have killed you otherwise. And there's milk coming out of the root ball. Yeah, it's like milky paste pouring out of it.

Is it making any sounds? I don't think so. I can hear sounds. Oh, yeah, that's true. You can hear. What does it sound like when it dies? Like a horrible screeching like crocodile teeth on slate. Yeah. So you hear this thing die. Yeah, there's like a pungent milky paste coming out of it. It's pretty gross. Can we eat it? No, I don't want to. You can always. I want to grab some of that because it's good for poultices. Yeah, you can always Spout Lore about it if you choose to.

Is this something that you want to know more about or do you just want to grab some just in case? Yeah, I want to grab some just in case. Can I Spout Lore about it? Yeah. Either of you can like recall. Hey, I'm over here still stuck to the tree. Can I Spout Lore about it? No, it starts now that now that they've like stabbed it to death the vines that were encasing your legs have withered and fallen away. Seven. With what? Oh, with your intelligence. Okay, seven. Seven.

We have no intelligence between the three of us. I know, it's great. So what you know is that this plant is called an assassin vine and that this is what they do. They surprise people that are unwary and they grab them and they hurt them and when they start digging into you often sometimes they can inject a mild, mild paralytic. It basically makes it so it numbs you so it doesn't hurt as much when you die. It's a real Linkin Park type of plant. Yeah, but they're basically predatory plants. Yeah.

And it's interesting but it's not useful. You could grab it if you want and maybe figure something out about it but you don't know anything about it right now. Like if you want to take some of the milk. I do, I want to take some of its milk. Yeah, assassin milk. Most plants I come across especially if they're alive and trying to kill us I take whatever is coming out. I take whatever is coming out of them. It's a good rule. It's a good rule to have.

Well, otherwise why am I carrying so many mason jars? How do they not all break? Do you still have some shambler brambles from the swamp game? Oh yeah. I sure do. Yeah, and Billy's got a little vial of goblin poison too. You guys are really fantasying it up. Building up a collection of shit. Okay, so Houdir comes in further into the bush and she's like is it dead? Is it gone? Did you deal with it? Yes. Yeah. Yeah, Jinx. You'll be dead. You owe me a You owe me a Butterbeer. Yes. Damn it.

Whatever You owe me whatever John Wick drinks. Yeah. You owe me a scotch with three ninja stars in it. With a bullet. She goes Whoa, that was I've heard stories of plants like that but I've never seen one up close. That was harrowing. Yeah, you did. You didn't do very You weren't that close. I'm an older I didn't bring any I didn't think to bring any weapons with me. It's fair. That's okay. You caught Billy. That means a lot to us. Are you okay? Thank you. Yeah, I'm fine.

I just have a lot of cuts. Okay. Well, she like looks up at the sky and sees like the position of the sun and says do you think that you're good to travel a little bit further? We might need to find somewhere to rest before we get any further into the woods. I need to lay down. Yeah, that's my fear. Okay. You need to heal a little bit. Rest. I can be carried though. We can carry you. Okay. Well, how's everybody doing hit point wise? I'm strong. You guys want I could turn into elk again.

I am I still I have half of my hit points. 21. I still have 24. I still have 12. Wow. I have a master's degree in math. That's incredible. Yeah, it's a real testament to the failure that is our education system. I am near death to be honest. Can Billy rest in my beard? Yeah, for sure. Okay. Is that Ving was saying that he could turn into a you guys want me to elk up? I'll make a stretcher between your horns and Billy can lay down. Perfect. Okay. Oh, 11. So you have three hold.

You have three hold. Okay. Get on Billy. Yeah. And maybe maybe who dear but maybe not all three of you. So yeah, I'll just walk. Okay, cool. I'm fine. Great. So a gigantic man is walking an elk which is being ridden by a smaller lady and a little boy and who deer is riding on Ving's back in his elk form and looking around and she says it shouldn't be far. My only concern is that we will have to leave the road.

We might want to find somewhere to stay for the night and rest up before we you know delve any deeper into the forest. It could be dangerous as you can see the forest isn't always the safest place. Do you know of anywhere we can stay around here? There's like farms and stuff on the plains. Let's maybe stop at a farm to see if we can get a hayloft for the night. So there's a farm about two miles away that you see with a smallish house and a barn and some crops.

What kind of crops are grown out here? Okra. Just okra? What about some waffles? Yeah, there's a couple apple trees. No, waffles. What's a waffle? It's like an apple but it's bigger and it's bigger and it's kind of purple. Ok. Nice. There's a couple waffle trees. Oh, cool. Waffle trees. Oh, man. Can we make some waffles? Oh, man. You know what my favorite was when I had a dad? Yeah. It was waffle pie. He would make waffle pie sometimes. My dad used to make waffle crisp. Yeah, waffle crisp.

Waffle turnover. Waffle juice. Waffle jacks. Yeah, I was going to say I liked waffle jacks. Waffle nut cheerios. Oh, fuck. Waffle nuts. Waffle nuts. Waffle nuts. Waffle nuts. Waffle nuts. Waffle nuts. Waffle nuts. Waffle nut cheerios. Who dear? You read my mind. There's nothing in the fall time like some hot waffle cider. Yeah. A waffle a day keeps a doctor away they always say. Yeah. What's a doctor? Who dear? There's doctors. What's a doctor?

So, yeah, there's some waffle trees lining the dirt road that turns off and you see a… Oh, so a orchard. Oh, man. Orchard. Such a good producer. Such a good producer. Such a good producer. Such a good producer. Such a good producer. We really need you, Mike. Have I ever… He's loving this. Have we ever actually… I don't even think we've actually mentioned apples in the game. So, it's just waffles now. Yeah, it's waffles. Oh, she said they're different from apples.

Yeah, so apples are like… They're rarer. Yeah. Sometimes you find small waffles. Great. Anyways, so you pass the waffle trees and there is a man maybe in his 30s or 40s dumping water into a trough that a bunch of pigs are drinking out of and he hasn't heard you coming yet. I don't want to spook him, so I just from far away, I go… He does… You see him like frown and look up and then see you and his eyes widen. It's like, hey, stop being scared. No, he runs. No, stop running. He runs.

He runs into his house. Come back. And he comes back. And then I… And he's got a spear. No, I run up to the door and I start jiggling the handle while he's in there like, come back out here. Don't be scared of me. The house is far enough away that, I mean, you can roll a defy danger if you want to… That's so dumb. Terrorize this man. But he does come back out and he has a spear, like an old, battered, kind of rusty spear and he's holding it out and he's like, what do you want?

I slowly stand up on my hind legs and then try to talk to him like man to man but as an elk and just like, whoa, I just calm down. We're just normal people just like you, my big friend here, my little fat Billy, this old hoo-deer. We need a place to stay. Can we have some of your waffles? Yeah, his eyes are bugging out. Like, we don't want any trouble. We don't want any… Look, we're just simple farmers.

I'm just growing pigs and waffles and you take what you want but you leave me and my family alone. All's we want is a safe place to sleep for the night. We'll be gone in the morning. He's like, I don't talk to devil animals. I don't talk to… Like, look at this. Animals don't talk. Also, what kind of animal is this anyways? You guys gotta go. You gotta go now. I go, hey, hold on. Wait. Wait one second. I… Look, you don't have… Don't just chill out. Then he's really like getting closer.

He's like, you… You chill out. No, no, no, no, no. Here's the deal. There's a secret organization that they… They're called the Menders and they manage the kind of barrier between worlds that is currently apparently breaking down and we're trying to get to a place so that we can deal with this and then I point at the box in Hedir's bag which contains some like evil spirit or some shit. I don't know. But it's totally safe. Yeah.

But Billy's like, Billy's also kind of infected with the evil spirit so we're taking him. We're gonna teabag him later on to get the evil spirit out of him and he's half elf. The elk is half elf? Yeah. And you have an evil box. Yeah. You gotta go. Oh, can I wake up? Oh, so now you're a racist? And he turns back. Ving turns back just his top half so he's got legs. Okay, so Billy's like just on your head. Yeah. Wait, his top half is an elk? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I set Billy down and then I turn back so I'm like a… Okay, yeah. So Wicker and Hedir… Oh, no. I just turned my bottom half into a man. Oh, my God. So, but Hedir gets off. Wicker kind of slides off the back of you two so she's padding around on the ground and Billy's still in your antlers. Yeah, but I wake up and I'm like, whoa, whoa, what's going on? And, because I've been asleep this whole time. Yeah, he's like, is this a kid? Yes. You guys have a kid with you? Yes.

Yeah, he got injured by an assassin vine. Yeah, I'm really tired and, oh, is that, are those waffles? Can we stay? That, like, once he sees Billy, he's very confused. He sees Billy and Billy's all torn up, like, from the vines and he hears that you were hurt by an assassin vine and he softens a little bit. He lowers his spear a little bit. He's like, I just don't want any trouble. We're not trying to cause trouble. We're just trying to help our friend.

Somebody's gonna have to make a roll if you, like, truly want to convince him. Can I make a nice face at him? Yeah, he's Billy's soft ass. A nice face. A nice face. A nice face. A nice face. A nice face. Yeah, like, where I can tell he's, like, feeling sorry for me so I'm gonna, like, look real cute. And, like, so that'll be, like, please so, we hope. I guess that'll be a defy danger charisma. Sure. Nine. Nine. Okay.

He, like, looks at Billy who's all torn up and he looks at the weird half man, half elk and all you and he's like, okay, you can stay. The kid and the old lady can stay. You can stay. You can stay inside. You two, you gotta go somewhere else. Can we sleep in the barn? I got animals in the barn. Can we sleep? I'm an animal. I'm a farmer. You are no animal. You're a racist. Is it weird to not like shapeshifting monsters? Yeah, you got all weird when you found out I was an elf.

I don't believe that an elk is an elf. Shh. I use my hold to turn back. He's still like, okay, so you're a shapeshifter. Like, you could be anything. This could just be another form. You could be a gelatinous pile of blood. You could be a, you could be a bat with a man face. Those are really specific examples. What happened to you? You could be a fire, but the fire speaks with your father's voice. You could be anything. You could be a worm that leads many worms to look like a dog.

You could be, you could be a flower, but when you cut the flower, it screams and bleeds. You could be a rock, but inside the rock isn't rocks. It's childhood memories. You could be an old man who meets you at the crossroads at midnight and tells you how you're gonna die. You could be a pack of playing cards, but all of the face cards are people that you loved and lost. This guy's insane. What I'm saying is that I'm a simple man with simple, horrifying beliefs. Yeah.

And I, look, living out here in the wild, we're far enough from any town. High Spear is still a couple days away. You know, I see some stuff out here and I just want some assurance. We can make it worth your while. What? Okay. What do you mean? Oh, yeah. I thought so. You agree. Well, look, life's hard. I'll deal with the devil. I've done it before. I'll do it again. What? Anyways, you were saying… No, hold on. You were saying you could make it worth my while.

Yeah, well, I mean, I got two coins if you let us sleep in a barn. Two coins, huh? Gold coins. No, gold coins are the common currency. You guys decided that a long time ago. And I'm just rubbing them together in a space. Ooh. Do you have change for a diamond? Excuse me? Never mind. So, let me give you… As a frame of reference, a week's unskilled mundane labor is 10 coins. Hmm. So, like, it's like a day… Like, not even a day's wages for somebody like this. You're a bus driver. There's a guy.

Okay, so, I'm gonna, like, go up to this man and I'm gonna introduce myself with some golden root on my hand. Uh-huh. And I'm gonna try to shake his hand. Okay. How do you introduce yourself? I say, hi, I'm Fat Billy and our friends and me would like to stay here. What's your name? Lerm. Oh. That's me. And you say, is your first name Fat? It's just, like, a long story because there's just two Billys and you know when you have, like, two names. Oh, yeah. Anyway. Yeah, okay.

No, I knew a short Lerm. So, roll me a Defy Danger Charisma, basically, to let him get close to you because he's still wigged out. Eight. Eight. You know that in this sort of situation where someone's this worked up, you might have to, like, double dose it, basically. Okay. So, you can use two uses of your golden root to make this work and you're not even sure it'll take effect right away. Okay, I'll do it. You're still gonna do it? Yeah. Okay, so you mash it up in your hand. Mm-hmm.

I like that you use both hands like a president. Yeah. Yeah, it's on both hands. It's like, hello, nice to meet you. Thank you for coming out. Maybe you put your hand on his elbow. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just, hands everywhere. Yeah, totally. You're just, like, rubbing his arm. Yeah. So, he, like, yeah, he reaches down and he's got a confused look on his face and he shakes your hand and he goes, well, it's nice to meet you.

I can show you two, and he points to Billy and Houdir and your cat, I guess, where you're gonna be staying for tonight. Sweet, and we'll just show ourselves to the barn. No, you will stay right there. Let's show you where you're gonna be sleeping, little one. Okay. And then I whisper really loud, we'll be right back. Okay. I can hear, we all heard that. Oh, sorry. Do you want to say it louder to make sure that they heard you clearly? No. Okay, anyways, and he takes you all inside.

Houdir walks in with Lurm and they talk a little bit about, oh, how's farming out in this area? Oh, you know, it's real tough. The okra, it takes a little bit to take root in ground like this, but oh, they just love their okra and high spear. They love it so much. And she says, have you really dealt with the devil? And he changes the subject. And, um, he shows you to like a little sitting area. It's not a big place. It is two floors, which is like pretty nice. Wow. VIP.

Yeah, it is a VIP little shacky cottage kind of thing with two floors. And there's a main area that is sort of a kitchen and sitting area and dining area all in one. And then there's a set of stairs that go up the back wall from one corner to the other that you assume is where people sleep. And he takes you guys to a little section underneath, basically. He's like, we don't got a lot of room here. So I can set out some hay and stuff under this. It'll be warm. It'll be dry.

That's all I can promise. Are there windows where he's taking us? Uh, there are windows in. There's two windows basically on the left and right sides of the room. It's basically one big room on the bottom. Um, and then the stairs go upstairs. Okay, this is fine. And he, he's like, all right, well, if you need anything else and you see his face start to soften a little bit and he's like, when you like, oh, like there's so much stuff and so much room. Like I'm so small. I know.

And my friends are big. I know. And they could stay here too. They're going to be, it gets cold at night. And, and Tuck has back pain. And so he can't sleep. There's back pain? Yeah. So he needs to sleep on something soft. I can't make a man with back pain sleep on the ground. No, you couldn't. What my, what would my father think? He would probably think very I'll of you. Yeah. You're probably right. Okay. And also, you know, we could probably use some foods, like maybe some bacon. Of course.

Maybe some waffle pies. I can't, I can't, I can't promise any waffle pie. I can promise you some fresh waffle cider. Okay. And maybe some, some like waffle tarts. I got a lot of anything that you want made out of waffles. We don't have to name them all. Okay. I'll take anything like that. Sounds good. And some bacon. We'll talk about it. I'm just, just a sec. You guys get comfortable. I'll, or you two get comfortable. I'll go grab your friends. Okay, thank you.

And Lerm comes back outside and he's like, we're already, we're still having a, in the middle of a conversation. And so he's like, hey, oh, and I don't know. It felt like he knew that I had bought him armor and then he intentionally was like, I'm just going to get a fucking toga. Well, I know. Is that crazy? Am I crazy? No, you're not the crazy one. He's been acting weird, but I, I mean, I don't want your feelings to be hurt by him having something, you know, it's outside of Billy.

I feel like if he was wearing this, that whole thing with the assassin, Vine would have gone a lot smoother. Hey, fell. Hey, fellas, I could have, I'm, I'm sorry. I was a little worked up earlier. You got to understand. It's tough out here. You see a lot of weird stuff. A lot of people try and take advantage of farmers like me. Yeah, man, it's a tough world, but you know, I feel bad. It's going to be cold tonight. How about you guys come stay in the house? You're the best.

You might have to sleep on the floor. I can get you some, some, some blankets, but it'll be a lot, it'll be a lot warmer than the barn too. Slow chant. Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm starts bobbing his head. Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Oh, you guys, you guys. No, it's not. And I lift him up onto my shoulder. Oh, no, you don't have to do it. No, it's fine. Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Thank you so much. Okay, no, we bring him in the house and then everybody joins in.

Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm. Yay. So that's the game for this week. This has been Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. With me as always have been players, Paul, this old who dear, Abdul, my big friend here, and Jessica, my little fat Billy. And joining us today was Sophie Buttle. I'm 5'11". As the interventional merchant, Vong, which is gonna lead to me having to figure out a lot of stuff.

And thank you so much to Hecklers for letting us record in the Hecklers Island. Upstairs Lounge. Thank you so much to Aaron Reed for our amazing theme music, which you will hear in just a couple minutes. And thank you to our producer, Wes. Are you just saying John Wick a lot? Because you said it once and you're worried I was going to cut out the original. And thanks to you, Spelt Loreans. Yeah. Oh, and you know what?

It's a million episodes in probably, but we literally just started releasing it at this point. Thank you so much to the 20 people that we now know are listening to the show. And my name is Sean O'Hara. See you next week. Bye. And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be for time suppressed in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution.

Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you, I gladly Spout Lore. Yep. So you get one hold, which means just don't do anything. Oh, 11. Oh, 11. Yeah. I do imagine when he gets only one hold, he's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you step on an ant, you could turn back into a man. Damn it. Oh, boy. I'm really on the edge with this.

It looks like he's about to come. I'm a man again. John Wick.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Well welcome to Spout Lore everybody!

I'm your game master Sean O'Hara, and with me as always are players Paul, Abdul, and Jessica We're continuing our game of Dungeon World When last we left our heroes, things were looking pretty bad Ala Key, the head woman of Bullrush Village, has been pretty thoroughly maimed by a big ass crocodile Our young friend Fat Billy, the thief, has been overcome by some sort of dark influence Oh it's awful It's awful!

He went beast mode on a crocodile Stabbed it to death with his little knife And something's up everybody That's where we're at Also I have an impenetrable bill hook It just says penetrable from where I'm sitting There's an M Yeah it looks like it says penetrable I got it, it cannot be broken Well we'll see Or penetrate It's really only a matter of time before you throw it so far That you lose interest in getting it out of your head Lose interest in getting it back The villagers see Billy like freaking out Mmhmm Hoodeer pushes through the crowd with a bag You can see sprigs and leaves poking out of the top And she runs up and kneels down in front of the cage that you've created around Billy And she looks very concerned Ving asks what's wrong with our friend She looks at him for a few more seconds and she looks up at you and says This is not your friend Mmhmm And she takes a little ball of herbs and leaves And she kinda pushes it at you Billy Like am I coherent at this time?

You're still kind of snappy Okay Like you're kind of like still sort of out of control No I feel like I'm just gonna thrash around as I have been Okay yeah so Like I don't really respond She waits for you to get closer to her in your thrashing And she shoots her hand in, grabs the back of your head And shoves this ball of leaves down your throat And you feel it sink down And after a few seconds your vision starts to swim a little bit And then you are asleep So Houdir draws in a breath And kind of blows it out in a like She dusts her legs off And she stands up and looks at you Ving and says you can What did you give him?

It's just some herbs to calm him What's wrong with him? I don't know But I hope to find out Please can you remove the restraints? I make a stretcher You want to shapeshift more for all this? Yeah Alright I mean you can just pick him up He's a little baby No I'm gonna shapeshift Okay fine I mean you're introducing the potential for failure I think I still have holds Do you? Oh yeah I guess you would Three?

Okay great So yeah you can spend another one to shapeshift more Into a little sort of basket-y stretcher thing Yeah I'll make something out of rattan Okay great Rattan You were expecting wicker perhaps? Oh yeah where is wicker?

Mmm That's a good question You haven't seen her At least not today Well that really does seem like a huge problem We need to find that cat Yes Yeah Like we're I know we just dealt with a lot I guess I'm talking to you Ving And I guess I'm inadvertently talking to Billy If you're awake No Billy's You have your hand on Billy I'm asleep, done Billy?

Nothing Okay he could probably hear So I know we've taken some time here in this town But we shouldn't forget that there is kind of a world ending Adventure that we have been ignoring for sure What? Wait You mean the crocodiles?

The mender thing Oh the wifi people Yes Ohhhh And we did lose the cat Who dear says that's all well and good Oh you've been here this whole time I'm waiting Alaki is losing a lot of blood Something's wrong with your friend I'd like to take care of that Okay If you don't mind Sure And then we can talk about what you have planned next after Okay Wicker! So please just come I think just come with me Billy's hurt!

Just come with me please And she leads the way to Or she starts walking back towards her hut Okay And you follow?

Oh yeah I follow Great okay great I follow her right in the hut So who dear leads you through Sort of through this curtain of fabric into the interior of her hut It's very dim Light filters in through the reeds that have been gathered at the top to make this sort of dome It's smoky Cause there's a little bowl of herbs and grasses burning And I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to get through this And Aleki is laid out on the ground She's propped up on some cushions But her leg is bad And um Okay I guess I rush to her side Yeah it doesn't take long cause you're You walk in and you're two feet from her Okay So she's there Well I choose to rush to her side Okay You take up a lot of room in this hut Cause being the big man that you are Uh huh But who dear says to you Vang please just put Billy over here And there's like a little table I put him on the table Yeah and he Is laid out on this table asleep Fitfully You see Billy's eyes moving behind his eyelids Like he's dreaming about something I grab his chubby little hand Aw There's a little bit of tension Okay But not any real response It's fine And who dear kneels down to Aleki And starts looking at the leg And she doesn't She's got a pretty grim look on her face What's the prognosis doctor?

It's not looking good Okay And Aleki's sort of grimacing in pain And she grabs your hand Tuck I look into her eyes and I say God who knew that we would end up here You know I certainly didn't see this coming Yeah what a you know It's just when we tell this story later They're gonna be like wow so romantic Yeah Like it was just I was just a lady Bleeding on the ground Yeah Yeah Yeah Wow Do you think you're gonna be okay for that date?

That we had set Ooh Let me find out whether or not I'm gonna lose my leg Should we post a post Okay Yeah we'll talk about that in a little bit Okay But you guys You look good Considering Yeah great Thank you so much I look even better not covered in blood Yeah I know I think it was part of the poem That was so long ago It feels like Who knows Yeah You can even remember that poem Anyway Anyways You thank you You all saved a life out there You saved Kira Yes Without your help she would have died What happened to Billy?

Um We don't know Yeah we don't know Okay well I'm gonna try not to die now Okay Good luck And uh uh Houdir is looking and um she has taken a pot of a paste of some kind And she's splashed some water in there from a jug And she's putting her whole arm in it Kinda like mixing it up Haha I know It looks weird right It looks weird how I'm doing it But that's what she's doing She's trying to She's mixing it with her hand and her forearm And she's pulling it out and she's spreading it over the tooth marks and the tears Ooh On Alaki's leg And yeah she makes like a Oh it smells like schloss meat And then she starts taking strips of fabric and tearing them and spreading them over the wounds Vang do you have any kind of healing magic that can help Alaki?

I've got I've got uh some weed Yeah I hear that helps with everything And a little bit of stuff called crocane Um Oh yeah halfling white powder I have halfling white powder You guys have pipe weed I believe Yeah I don't think you have fantasy cocaine I've got some poultice Yeah like you can you can definitely help I have some um neroli oil And I I was gently Vang comes over and uh Turns his I'd like to turn my use my last hold to Make my fingers um Who has the softest fingers in the land?

Snow white Koala bears I was thinking koala bears You can't turn your things into other people things Okay Yeah you can turn into Plants and rocks and animals Koala bears?

No they're not from the great forest Or the frozen north Yeah I think it's a good thing that we're talking about I have bunny fresh bunny paws Okay Just my one index finger is now an entire bunny's paw And I am uh massaging uh calming oils into her forehead We're playing pretty fast and loose with your shape shifting abilities now I think no no no no what I'm saying is that like That was your last hold I don't know what you're trying to accomplish with it Halfway through they turned back into my fingies But you do Yeah You do have poultices and herbs Yeah I believe you have at least one use left Yeah And uh you heal them of seven damage Okay I'd like to give her that this neroli oil on her temples Yeah Yeah Yeah so it helps her sleep Hudeer like kinda sits to the side and um And I say worry not it is neroli oil Why are you talking like that?

What I it's my poultice voice Okay And so you apply these oils to Hudeer for uh temples Ever deep she sleeps And she um she leans back Alakhi leans back As you're applying the oils and starts to close her eyes and says That smells pretty good And then she falls asleep I kiss her forehead and say for luck And uh and Hudeer lifts some of the strips of fabric And takes a look at the wounds and closes it back over And looks at you and says well looks like we've got the bleeding to stop for now I think she I think with some time she she'll survive We'll see what the situation with her leg is Uh in a few hours maybe the next day But thank you for your your your aid in this matter Now she claps her hands of dust and walks over to the table where Billy lays She says now let's find out what this is about Billy Hmm You open your eyes And what do you think the inside of Billy's mind looks like?

Like is he seeing stuff? He he wakes up in a place that is Representative of a comfortable place for him Maybe he's like back in a place that kind of looks like His little hometown Oh yeah? What's his hometown called?

I forget No I don't think we've knit I don't think we've we like we've talked about the Everwood Valley and stuff like that But not the town that he's from Well it's not that town it's just like that what what No I just remembered that Everwood is the name of a CW Yeah we talked about that but I still like the name Yeah he's from Lone Tree Hill Okay he's from Lone Tree Hill Similar but not exactly One Tree Hill But fantasy and Oh fuck No no no no no You realize that that's what you did right?

No I thought it was actually called Lone Tree She was trying to do she was trying to do One Tree Hill I like Lone Tree Hill that's fine by me Also we've already established that One Tree Hill is the name of a group of minstrels that go around and do a series of Realized team drama Yeah exactly right About two half brothers that play on a basketball team together I remember that Yeah So so is he inside outside?

He's outside Yeah Everyone kind of lives sort of outside Okay There's not really real houses in that town Interesting They live in like makeshift very planty sort of shelters Mm-hmm so he's just on the grass under the lone tree Mm-hmm And you feel tired You feel exhausted Mm-hmm Like you just ran a mile You're just enjoying the sun and the clouds and the blue skies And you feel somebody sitting at the tree just out of your vision Okay Like just out of the side of your vision and if you look you still can't see them like they're just sitting at the edge of your sight Hmm And you hear a voice from that direction And it says I'm sorry about all that But what?

I get angry And you were the easiest vessel for my anger in that moment And I apologize for putting you through that Who are you? That's a hard question You can call me Pilar Okay What's your name? Fat Billy Is your first name Fat? No Oh So Fat is a nickname Yes Hmm Anyways sorry we had to meet like this but I've been with you for a while now and today was the first opportunity I had Why are we here?

I gained control as a side effect and then I lost control but now we're here Okay you're talking like really vaguely and I don't I'm not feeling very well right now my stomach hurts and my head hurts and I like I don't know I only had a little bite of food and some gross leaves and I don't feel good and I just don't know what's going on We're not so different I think maybe I mean I'm here and you're nowhere that I can see and I'm just a kid A kid? What do you know about yourself?

Nothing I don't know anything If you were just a kid I wouldn't be here at all I don't understand This place looks beautiful but this is not where you're from I don't know this is like I think I've been here before but I don't really remember clearly I guess There's just there's so much more to you than you even realize Oh well that's nice I guess I'm sort of already losing the opportunity to stay here but I'll be back Okay It's just it's been a long time since I've met one of the Farrah Fokin person so to speak this is as close as I could get Okay well if I'm that what are you?

You don't know? You don't know? You don't understand? No I'm a wizard Oh I've been here this whole time With me or where? Not with you nearby Okay I knew when when the ward started breaking down and I was able to reach my fingers out through this prison You were my next opportunity to scent a little bit of this frustration at being contained for so long Okay well can like are you good or? Oh that's subjective Okay do you need help?

I would like to be free Okay um well that's like a lot for me to think about right now On an empty stomach and I just have a lot of information thrown at me I don't really know what to do with it Maybe we'll talk again Okay But just think on what I said with the world the way that it is after my colleagues left somebody like you has a lot of potential A lot of potential we could make the world right you and I Oh You remember I don't though When they left I don't And the world started coming undone I don't really know what you're talking about I'm sorry I'm rambling I don't have a lot of opportunities to talk anymore but I appreciate you uh tolerating this for as long as you have and uh we'll speak soon Okay um bye I guess Goodbye And they're gone So back to the hut uh Houdir is standing over Billy She's looking around like she's looking for something And she points at Tuck She says come here come here Yes And uh she turns you around she puts her hand on your shoulder and slowly kind of pushes you to turn around And she um looks at the box which you've had strapped to your back this whole time Oh cool And she says what is this It's like oh it's a uh box that I shit inside of She she looks you in the eye like disapprovingly I think we both know that's not true Okay Ving shit Okay Ving shit's in it I've never pooped in any boxes Oh god Ving Please We're so trying to keep this a secret I think unless did I reveal all of this like three sessions ago You revealed this the second you got to the village Okay You're doing it right now Okay sorry it's it was a full night uh this is a magic box full of a thing that we don't know that we're trying to take uh to a place for some reason I can't remember all of the details all the time Yeah Okay she like puts her hands on it she says may I Yeah do like you do you who dear So she reaches for it and undoes the like the rope that you've tied around your chest basically Yeah And takes it down and she's holding it and she says yes this this is magic What is it It's power you can feel the I can feel the power leaking out of it Wow can we use it is it renewable is it a renewable source of power It's it seems pretty constant Can we run a water wheel with it Is it clean She says I think I understand a little bit about what's going on now she says this the the the energy I feel coming out of this however weak I also feel coming out of your friend here Whoa If this is a flame Billy's like a lantern Oh okay It gathers and it ebbs but there's something else in there Whatever's inside Billy is also inside this box That seems to be the case Is it uh is it is he in danger He might be How do we get it out of Billy And back into the box There's it's it's not so much getting it out of Billy Because I think there's just there's something about him where he's going to hold on to this energy In whatever way he is but the negative influence attached to it Can be Sived out Okay how do we do that And she kind of sighs and goes over to some books that she has She has some little books and she's flipping through And uh she's scanning passages and putting a book to sleep And uh she's looking for books to take to the library And uh she's looking for books to take to the library down and picking another one up and flipping through again.

And she gets to a section and she kind of taps her fingers on it. It says, this might, this might work, but it might be kind of tough to explain to him. There is a waterway nearby that has some of the properties that are described in this book that might help flush him of these negative influences and allow him to use the power in him as he sees fit. He's like being possessed? In a sense, more being nudged. Okay, by who or what? Whatever is contained in this thing.

Oh, there's like a person in this box. That would appear to be the case. Fuck. Because if this is, I assume that this has not happened before? No, we, I've never, we've known Billy for like a year, but we've never seen him do this, I think. In an entire year. Yeah. Yeah. So, what changed? What circumstance changed? We killed a bunch of frog people. Billy gained public office. Was that it? Okay. The power of public office? Probably not so much.

Just saying, if this is, if this is the feeling that I'm getting from Billy, there's something here. I know that for sure. And if you're saying that this box is relatively new, whatever is influencing him is likely the result of his contact or proximity to this box. Okay. So, we have a question. What is the power of public office? What is the power of public office? We have to get it out of him, put it back in the box. Is he strong enough to go to the waterway?

I think if you give me some time, I can. How much time do you need, doctor? I'll let you know. Okay. How far away is the waterway we have to go to? Half a day. And why is it, why did you say it was going to be tough to explain to him? Well, there's a lot of, I'll come along. Oh, maybe break it down beforehand. There's a sort of being vague as all hell. There's a sort of meditative technique. Okay. Waters act as a, as a, as a king. Okay.

And then there's a sort of, there's a sort of, there's a sort of, there's a sort of, as a, as a conduit for energies. Yes. Uh-huh. We all know this. And by submerging him in these waters, we might be able to keep the good and release the bad. Might. Sweet. Cool. Might. I don't know. This is, guess what? Hey, look at me. Magic hasn't existed in this part for like 90 years at least. How old are you? I'm old enough to party. Wow. And then he flicks his little cocaine bag about it.

And but what this is new this is new ground for me this is all theoretical okay let me just break down what I understand billy is like a tea bag full of bad tea we want to get the bad tea out so we want to dunk him in this magic water steep him steep the shit out of him and then the bad stuff is gone and it's contaminated the water but we don't care about that I just wish that that wasn't as accurate as it is he's a reverse tea bag thank you yes billy is a reverse tea bag we're gonna is that what we're doing we got there can just give me some time to get your friend back okay I don't know why you were so reluctant to explain this process you don't know why I'm I'm reluctant to explain complex magical theory to you yes I did I got it didn't I what am I not there now get out of my hut okay fine I overstepped my bounds and then I uh I do that thing where you try and find the edge of a curtain yeah like this wall where's the fucking where's the fabric the fabric part come on it's all fabric the fabric where do the reeds separate just right here and then I just tear the side of the I put my hand between two reeds and I tear it open and I was like go just go your hut's a piece of shit and I walk out rude yes I understand but we're all stressed you guys leave I try and ving tries to put the reeds in the wall and I'm like oh my god I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that reeds back as he's just don't I'll fix it I'll fix it just leave just go okay billy back on the hill back on the lone tree hill okay you're alone for now yeah and you don't know how much time has passed could have been a couple minutes could have been a couple days but the sun never set but it had that feeling yeah where it's like gonna maybe yeah exactly but it's had that feeling for an indeterminate amount of time all right and you're watching the clouds pass over the sun and you start feeling a little dizzy and you're like oh my god I'm not dozy this is a nice little nap spot maybe yeah the the anger has passed okay you you feel like a little almost like the feeling of resentment but with no target you know what I mean but you're still like this is a nice hill this is a nice spot your eyes close you feel the warmth of the sun and your eyes open and you're looking into the face of hudir oh oh well all right that uh that did the trick what what what!

And it's got little salt fishes do you think you could eat a fish for me you think you could eat one of these little fish I guess they're so tasty here here try one okay thanks we we thought that we'd lost you there for a little bit oh sorry do you know what happened what do you what do you remember billy like doesn't really want to tell her okay yeah that's fine she looks in your eyes she says do you feel any different no you think you can walk I don't know okay why well we've just got a little we got a little trip we're gonna make in a little bit but I'll let you rest I'll let you rest okay she gives you a pillow like a little bundle of grass so do you want to stay on the table or do you want to yeah okay I'll be back where's the fish she moves scoots the ball closer to you there you go uh and you guys leave the village or not leave the village leave the hut and you're sort of in the village square I wanna I'm gonna walk down to where they have the uh um I'm gonna walk down to where they have the crocodile and I'm gonna be I'm going to rip some of the hide off.

Okay. So I'm going to do that. Yeah, that's going to take… Do I have to roll for it? Well, no. Defy danger? No. There's no… It will take time. But you have time. Yeah. Like, how much are you looking to get? I kind of just want to make a suit of armor for Billy. That does take, like, three different skills, you realize? Yeah, no, you're not just going to be able to make a suit of armor. You're basically going to be draping bloody skin over Billy. Okay, well, is there anyone in this town…

Okay, I… Oh, yeah, Billy's nude. Yeah. Totally nude. I go to one of the villagers that is standing around the crocodile, and I take the impenetrable billhook that I have, and I push whoever's, like, standing in my way out of the way, and I hack… I just hack half of the crocodile off, and I start dragging it away. Okay, yeah, it takes a while for you to cut through this big old crocodile with a hand tool. Yep. Yep. I'm really pissed off. Yeah, totally.

Because Houdir is fucking talking to me from her goddamn high horse, treating me like I'm a… Some dumb piece of shit that deserves to be educated. So, yeah, so you drag away a piece of a crocodile? Yes. Yeah, why? And where to? And then I want to take it to someone who will turn it into armor for Billy in the village. I'm standing in the middle of the town screaming, who can make this into armor for Billy? Are you with me at this point? No, I'm looking for the cat. Wicker! Okay. So, okay.

So, you drag it into the middle of the village. Yes. And a young woman comes up. She's got sort of short, dark hair. Uh-huh. She's kind of cleaning herself up. She's wiping some dirt and stuff off her arms. Yes. It looks like she just got done burying something. What did you just bury? Just some… I'm just fermenting something. It's fine. Okay. You're making kombucha? It's not… Oh, Ving hears this and comes right over. Did I hear someone say fermenting? You guys like the booch? Yes.

We are booch heads. You guys like getting booched? Check it out. And then I lift my shirt up and there's a tattoo that says booch heads. You don't wear a shirt. Yep. It's just said booch heads this whole time. Okay. I lift my armpits up. Yeah. Underneath each arm it says booch and head. It says booch heads. Yeah. Oh, great. Well, you know what? In a couple of days… That's not real. That's a joke. I know. Of course. And this cold kombucha thing is bullshit. She says, what are you doing with…

That's not sanitary. That can't be good. Yeah. There's a lot of flies accumulating on it right now. Yeah. Fermenting it, though. Yeah. Well, at least the fermenting is underground where the flies can't get it. Yeah, that's true. You're doing it right. Yeah. Thank you. You're doing it right. You're doing it tight. What's your plan with this crocodile? If you want to ferment, keep it out of the light. That's a great rhyme. Can I use that? Sure. I just made it up.

I will not remember it next session. That's okay. Neither will I. Okay. So what's your plan with this big crocodile? I need to find a taxidermist or a leather. Or a leather worker or someone that makes armor out of animal hides. Yes. Also, maybe someone that can enchant it. I will literally pay you anything. I don't think that that's what taxidermists do. Okay. Well, then I'm like, just give me something, and then I pull out the two diamonds that I have. This is a fishing village. Okay. One.

No, that's two. One is, that's not what taxidermists do. Two is, this is a fishing village. We don't really have any leather workers. Okay. Okay. Fucking work with me. What do you want? Look at these diamonds. I have diamonds. Look around. Look at the diamonds. Yeah, they look very nice. I have this. I have raw materials. I lift up the, like, very quickly decomposing crocodile. Where did you get the clothes that you're wearing? This is, like, fabric. This is homespun.

They look amazing, by the way. Thank you. I feel pretty. I like them. Who did your hair? Uh, me. It looks so cute. It really shapes your face. Thank you. I woke up like this, and I do every day, because I don't do anything. I don't do anything with my hair. What's your name? Uh, Linda. Nope. No, that was good. Fine. Linda's good. Uh, Linda. Linda's my dad's girlfriend's name. Interesting fact. Interesting fact to open with.

Ving's just kind of looking at the ground, thinking about how he probably wouldn't be able to date somebody with the same name as his dad's girlfriend. Anyways, that's a big, that's a big crocodile. Yes. So. I need you to turn around. Turn it into armor for a child. I cannot do that. Who can? Facilitate it. Okay. I can facilitate it by maybe sending it to Highspear or one of the, like, I don't know what you want me to say. I am desperate for this to happen as quickly as possible.

Walk me through the steps that will get me there. Okay. Well, what I can tell you is that I can't. Okay. Jesus Christ. Okay. So what she says is, I, okay. I want to say this as gently as possible to you. That is not going to happen. Okay. You're talking about weeks worth of work. Oh, God. I, this is all I want right now. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Give me an alternative. Okay. My alternative is that just put the day before you all got here, a merchant.

There's a merchant that is stopped by the village on their way to Highspear. Okay. Is he still here? So they might. Yes. Yes. They might have something for you. This is exactly what I wanted from the beginning of this interaction. And that's why you dragged half a crocodile corpse into the middle of the village. Also, I wanted to do it. Play it. Like a hand puppet. And then I put my hand inside of it. No, no, no, no, no. This is good. This is good. Watch. No, this is funny. This is funny.

I'm going to do. I look. I'm going to. I'm going to drink a cup of water. And then. Hello there, everybody. Just come with me. Wait, I'm not done. All right. Back in the hut with Billy. Bullrush Village is the most tolerant. It's a small town, man. It's a small town on the side of a river. I would assume that a lot of people let Tuck. Get up. Get away with a lot because I'm pretty physically. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Physically squishing their faces with your fist. Yeah. Whatever.

So, Billy, you are in the hut and you are resting on the table, eating some saltfish, your little pouches down on the ground. But from that direction, you start to feel, you know, the sound when a TV is on, but it's not on any channel. Yeah. It's it kind of feels like that. OK. Down in the direction of your little pouch. My pouch. Yeah. OK. Is there anyone around? Hudeer is left momentarily. Alec, he is asleep on the ground. OK. I'm going to go down to my pouch then, I guess. Yeah.

So you clamber down off the table and you root around a little bit. You start digging around in your bag and at the bottom of the bag, you feel something hard and you pull it out. It is the crystal that you remember Tuck pulling from the lantern. It's a little bit like a lantern in Mayor Boggins's house. OK. It's it's almost warm to the touch, but you don't feel any warmth. You know, it's hard to explain. Like you kind of feel it. OK. Yeah. It feels nice. Like an energy coming from it?

A little bit. Yeah. It's almost calming. Yeah. OK. Well, I take it back with me to the bed. I just tuck myself in with it. With this little crystal. Yeah. Yeah. And and at the same time, as you're kind of doing this, you press the crystal to your skin a little bit as you're cuddled up. And you hear a rustling from the director. And in the direction of the flap, you see Wicker. Wicker. Walking into the hut. Come here.

And she goes meow and hops up on a stack of books and then hops up on the table. And she lays down lengthwise, doesn't even curl up, like lays down on the table all stretched out right next to you. Hi. Yeah. Can I cuddle you? Yeah. She's nuzzling you pretty hard. Cool. I'm going to cuddle her as well. I like that a lot. Yeah. That was very pleasant. Great. And you kind of you kind of drift off to sleep a little bit more. Just just just to rest off. Just a restive nap.

So, Tuck, do you go with Tuck thing? Yeah. Yeah. Let's go check this merchant. Linda. I'm trying to get some teeth out of the as we're walking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Badass necklace. I'm singing the song. Badass necklace coming my way. Badass necklace. I'm accompanying him with the crocodile as the accompaniment. Badass necklace. Badass necklace. Get out my teeth. I'm not a dentist, but I am a jeweler. I'm not a dentist, but I am a crocodile. So, Linda leads you into the hall, the main hall.

Oh. And outside tied up at the hitching post that Dan tied Daisy up at, you see another horse. Almost like it looks like more like a mule piled with bags. You head into the lodge and you see Dan kind of kicking it in the corner. He seems like he's like, hey, big crocodile to do, huh? Yeah, man. Check it out. Watch this. Cut it in half. Oh, wow. Hello there. Wow. I'm a crocodile. That is upsetting. Yeah. Can you see my lips move when I do this? I can. Watch his lips. Watch his lips.

Look at my lips. Hello. Yeah, they're moving. I lost. And so are the severed tendons at the bottom of that crocodile. Yeah. He's terrible at it. I think it's tendons that are in its mouth run all the way to the bottom of its body. Oh, that makes sense, I guess. I'm going to go back to my book. Okay, cool. I'm just going to hang out. I'm feeling a little. I'm feeling a little beat. Goodbye, Dan. Great. Bye, guys. I love you. Say it back. I love you too, crocodile. My name is Gerald.

I love you too, Gerald. Say Gerald the crocodile. Gerald the crocodile. Say I love you, Gerald the crocodile. I love you, Gerald the crocodile. Can I go back to my book, please? Yeah. What are you reading? It's just a book of poetry. Read us a poem, Dan. Just a line. Yeah, read us a poem. Later, later, later. No, no, no. Do it now. Now is now. Do it now. Poetry forever. All right. Okay. Okay. Okay. Fine. He flips to like a random page. He says, okay, you guys aren't going to like this.

It's well, I mean, then you might like it. It's Elvin poetry. It doesn't translate great though. That's the thing. Okay. Okay. Fine. Fine. Fine. You're going to hate this. I like it, but you're going to hate it. I hate you. Leaves of green, grass of green, sky of green, blood of green. Now, hold on. You wanted me to read this to you and I'm reading it to you. Yes, we're listening. Okay. Eyes of green, air of green, hair of green, bear of green. It does say bear of green. You've heard this one.

Yes. I told you it doesn't translate great. This is from when I was a tiny kid when I read this. Anyways, I'm going to finish. I'm going to finish my book. If you can just, I'll talk to you guys later. And he goes back to reading and Linda points you in the direction of the merchant whose name is Lumply. What's he look like? He is a halfling. He's a shorter halfling. Guy. He's kind of stocky, tan skin, wrinkly around the face, light blonde hair, which is unusual.

You haven't really seen blonde hair on a halfling before, but it looks pretty good on him. Yes. For us, the tips of the whole thing. What? Oh, the whole thing. Yeah. You think it might even be natural. Whoa. Whoa. I know. Wow. He looks good. He does look wrinkly skin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's pretty handsome for a halfling. Yeah. He's got that. Like, he's just a small, handsome man. Okay. And he's sitting at the table and he's eating. He's eating a bowl of food. Are his teeth whitened?

It's hard to tell from here. Okay. How orange is he? Yeah. You said darker skin? Tan? I said, like, tan skin. Like, he's outside a lot. Oh, he's outside a lot. Yeah. It's a natural tan. It's a natural tan. Okay. I guess we thank Linda. So I take the crocodile and I go, thank you, Linda. She rolls her eyes and turns around. And then I go, give me a kiss. She's gone. Okay. Linda's left. Wow. Some people do not appreciate art. Good riddance. Oh, no. And so the little halfling's sitting.

And he's eating. And he looks up as you come to talk to him. And he says, oh, hello. Can I interest you in some of my wares? And then I go, can I interest you in a deal? And he goes, holy potatoes. What is? Okay. Could you? Could you get rid of that? Well, I need you to do a thing with it. I will stop talking with it, though, if it is. It's pretty upsetting. Seems to be upsetting a lot of people. It's pretty upsetting. It's pretty upsetting. Yes. I think it's hilarious. Yeah. And then I put it.

I put the crocodile head on Ving's shoulder. It's like, and then we go. I'm super upset by all of this. I'm sorry. It's awful. You don't think that elves and crocodiles can be friends? I'm from a different land. And sometimes I issue conventions of the civilized world. Wink. Good thing to remember. Good point. And I'll put up with anything because I want to. Impress tuck. Yes. Wink. We're a perfect team. There is no bank for that one. But he says, so what can I, what can I do for you? Gents?

We just fought this crocodile. Our friend is dying. Maybe we have. He's a small boy that we are going to teabag later. And for that event, I want you to make him a suit of armor out of the hide of this paleolithic crocodile. He's too naked. Okay. He is nude. Now we, we want him to be clothed. For the teabagging. Okay. I got a lot of questions. Yes. And I'm not going to ask any of them. You with the blonde hair. I'm looking to make a sale. Yeah. Uh, first things first. Can't do that. Fuck me.

I am not an armor. I'm not a leather Smith. I'm a merchant. I'm a merchant. Wait. Okay. Roll a, uh, I need you to roll something for me. Uh, okay. So this is a move that we're going to use called supply. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Something special beyond what's usually available here or non mundane. It is mundane. Most things in this world are mundane. Unfortunately roll plus your charisma.

Uh, four plus two plus two, six plus two is eight, eight. So at eight, you'll have to pay more or settle for something that not, that's not exactly what you wanted, but close. Okay. So how big is this person? He's a halfling child. Halfling child. Yes. I got great news for you. Okay. So he, he goes over to some sacks that he's moved out from outside into, into the hall so he can keep an eye on them. Oh, and Vinc thinks that the sacks are Billy's new clothes because they're shaped like that.

Perfect. Those will fit. We'll take them. Nice. Oh, burlap. Box them up. And he starts digging around and he pulls out a little, like he's got leather armor that is small, but he's like, okay, so this is, full disclosure, this is for a full-grown halfling, but check it out. And he grabs like the breastplate, which is like roughly the size of his torso. And he pops something on the back and he yanks and like the bottom half comes off. It says halfling child-sized. Wow, that's great.

That looks awesome. Okay, hold on one second. 25 gold for the lot. Okay, what's the conversion rate from diamonds to gold? Diamonds. Hypothetically. Hypothetically. Two diamonds, knock 50 gold off. So one diamond is 25 gold. That would be what I have appeared to establish. Okay, cool. Apparently I'm rich. Here's one diamond. Give me the leather armor. Tuck. What? Those are diamonds. Did you see how wide his eyes got? Okay, hold on. Here's the crocodile. You see it? Yeah, I see it.

It's getting close to your head now. He pulls his head back like, yeah, still got most of its teeth. Yeah, it's a lot of teeth. Still pretty dangerous. Yeah. I'm dangerous. Okay. Now I'm holding it on top of you. Hold on. Hold on. Just stay right there. I'm not done explaining what I'm doing. I am very strong. I can smash this down on top of you. How much is a diamond worth in terms of gold? Are you threatening me? 100%. That is what I'm doing. Yes. You leave. Okay.

You get out of here right now. I'm not comfortable with this anymore. I'll talk to him. Okay. You go. Okay. Do you want the armor or not? I do. One diamond. Okay, here's a diamond. Thank you very much. Go away. Okay, tell me how much it's worth now. Go away. What? Talk to his way outside. I want you to leave. Okay. I will talk to your friend. Take two steps back. Is this far enough? Out. Okay, outside. I'm standing outside but I'm looking in the window. So he gets, he kind of pulls you closer.

He's like, hey, come here. Get a little closer. Yeah, don't touch me. What? Come here. This is a great deal for me. Yeah, I know. This is great. I want you to know person to person. Oh, I just fleeced you guys good. You son of a bitch. But it's just my, it's my job. It's my job. I'm going to be out of here end of the day. Things, gills are flaring. Yeah. So thank you very much. Here's your armor. How much is it worth? You promised. Well, it depends on where you sell it.

I could probably get, I don't know, two, three hundred gold for one of these and high spear. Now I'm outside and I go, hey, I feel remorseful of how I handled that situation. Yeah, he's really sorry. That's the crocodile? Yes. Great. Great. Well, thanks. Business adjourned. Yes. Here's your armor. Thank you. Here are your clothes. I'm outside. Now, please let me finish my food. Okay. Okay. What do you have to eat? It's just some, I don't know, stew. Okay. Can you steal that from him?

I turn into a rabbit. Okay. And back to the hut. And I am sorry about it. So, Billy, you're resting on the table with wicker. Yeah. Tummy full of saltfish. Yeah. And Houdier comes back in. She comes up and she kind of lays a hand on your shoulder. Mm-hmm. Says, how are you feeling? What? Oh, hey. Yeah, no, you're sleeping. It's okay. She's like petting, she's petting wicker a little bit, kind of scratching her under the chin. She says, I see you found your little friend here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So, are you feeling, you feeling any better? I guess so. Great. So, we got a little, we got a little, little trip we're going to make. Okay. Okay. You up for it? Yeah, but like with who? Oh, with me and with your friends. Okay. And the cat can come along too. Okay. Great. So, she like packs all this stuff in your little satchel, hands it to you, picks you up under the armpits and like puts you on the ground. Can I have this blanket? Which, oh, oh, oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah, of course. Okay.

Yeah. And I just wrap it around myself like a toga. It's a little cold out. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Great. So, yeah, we'll go find your friends. We come sprinting up. Billy, Billy, where are your clothes? Billy. Oh, I have clothes. Look. And then I twirl around it in my toga. Yeah, but what do you think of this armor? Nah. Okay. What? Oh, yeah. He just throws it away. Oh, man. Oh, man. That's great. That's great stuff. How are you doing, Billy? Pretty good. Yeah?

Do you want this to be this granola? Sure. Okay, here you go. Thank you. What's a tubular toga, bud? Thank you. Yeah, you look like a king of a place. Yeah, I feel pretty good now. Do a king walk. Okay, so I like crab walk a little because I don't know what you're talking about. King crab. Yeah. King crab walk. That's our Billy. Yeah, you're looking good. Thanks. Yes. Wow, everyone's so nice to me right now. Yeah. So, I think what's a little like a sage behind his ears like Julius Caesar?

Ooh, nice. Nice. Nice. You look pretty. So, you guys, after supplying up with Lumpley, you meet Houdir at the end of, at the shore of the river and she kind of looks up and down its length and seems set on a direction and she turns to all of you and says, all right, we're off. Billy, we're going to teabag you. What? And that's the game for this week. Thanks for listening. This has been Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. With me as always, player's Paul. You son of a… You bitch.

Abdul. And Jessica. I'm sorry, I'm eating. And as always, our technical producer, Westlord and Abdul. Bleep bloop. Thanks to Hecklers for letting us record in the upstairs Ratfish Lounge on Gorge Road in Victoria, British Columbia. Thanks to Aaron Reed for our amazing intro and outro music. And we have been playing Dungeon World, a game by Adam Coble and Sage LaTorah, which is a hack of a game called Apocalypse World by D. Vincent Baker.

You can find all of that stuff on the internet if you want it.

And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can Though dumb and scared and lost they be For time's abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I gladly spell Dawn I'm not a dentist but I am a jeweler I'm not a dentist but I am a cruxie crocodile You guys are forgetting the classic board game Crocodile Dentist.

Is that a real board game? Yeah. It's like a little plastic crocodile. You open the mouth and you're poking the teeth. If you're lucky. If you poke the wrong one it goes Whoa. Chomps on your hand. A lot of kids lost their fingers that way. Do you remember the theme song? Crocodile Dentist biting your hand. Crocodile Dentist be careful kids. Crocodile Dentist of Milton Bradley.

Theme music. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. See, Spoutlorians. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays.

Hopefully she's nearby but who knows well I was just gonna ask what else is happening in the hall right now uh those two guys those two old men are eating and hanging out uh there is a small family unit just a man a woman and a child and they're kind of playing together having a good time uh somebody's working on a net they're like kind of sewing a net together it's just like village life right now yeah yeah it seems pretty fucking lame in here yeah let's go check who dear let's bail okay I'm gonna keep an eye out for wicker though okay but I'll follow you guys okay I'm gonna go get some lily pads from the still part of the the the river to give to her as a little bouquet okay some some lotus flowers yeah so you um go down to the river's edge and there is a little kind of pool that it looks like they've dug out almost like they've kind of redirected a portion of the river uh you're not a hundred percent sure why is there any copper tubing in it what spools of copper tubing in the pool well because that I was in a village once and they had done that they dug out a and then they build a fire with a big drum and then they they it's a diy hot tub yeah nothing like that unfortunately it does have a couple lily pads and some flowers perfect and like the bull rushes that you imagine helped give the village its name and next to the side of the pond you see a tall almost like a wooden box it's got a roof with a little peaked thing and then shelves inside and there are things like fish hooks and little dried fish laid inside on this like layered shelf right next to the water and um where the points of the roof meet there's just like a stylized fish hook it's like a communal lure library kind of yeah some of the hooks that are there are quite old and it looks like the fish has been there for a little bit um is there anyone around that we could ask about this thing yeah there's just like a middle-aged man fixing a barrel hey old guy can tuck scream at him no I'm gonna I'm trying not to scare people scare people in this village yeah yeah he looks up from his work and he's like yeah hey yeah yeah what the fuck is this and then I point at that thing oh that well that's a shrine to the fisher oh cool who's the fish explain more now the old the fisher one of the patrons the first fisher the fisher that all fishers have learned from jesus not no one knows their name it was I've heard it was jesus oh no one knows who the first was it's a g with a z and a y for me nobody nobody knows their name it was the first person to take can I roll for it being jesus uh what do you mean you're just like really confusing this man are you gonna rob me you can roll Spout Lore if you want to like yeah yeah yeah that's what the whole point of the move is is to learn more about a subject so uh you've come across a ton of these shrines in your travels it's not a religion you see a lot of in mccall because mccall is mostly concerned with the worship of the god of the flame but in the principalities a lot of people sort of subscribe to a kind of a semi-religion called the innumerable patrons and it's basically like anybody that does something that's not a religion and it's basically like anybody that does something that's not a religion and it's basically like anybody that does something that's not a religion like anybody that pursues some sort of profession or hobby or whatever likes to pay homage to the first of that kind of thing so this is a shrine to the fisher which would be the first person to take their life and their living from the water uh groups groups that sort of subscribe to the same patron call themselves patronages and people that follow say the fisher you know the way they see it is everybody that fishes or has ever fished learned from the first fisher cool is there somebody that embodies that first fisher or is it just the idea of who the spirit yeah it drove one to fish exactly it's the idea it's interesting in terms of um like you can't pray to the patron and have them respond it's sort of you're just like hey this person taught all of us how to live so we're just gonna kind of acknowledge that call upon them yeah exactly but as far as as far as anybody knows it's not a like divine religion are there any people who are tapped into some kind of magic behind these patrons or at least claim to yeah I'm sure people use it as a scam people have claimed to for sure but um most people don't subscribe to that like they don't think that that's possible but a thing that is something that people pursue is as things are innovated there's always the potential of becoming the first of a thing oh so people a lot of people that are very ambitious or innovative try and become that do the do the first of the thing live forever or is that a thing it's mostly just like can we just say you're the first sure but I mean like like you haven't explored enough of it right like it's like you've been around you've seen the shrines like on the road you'll find shrines to the traveler where people leave like coins from different parts of the world just on the road yeah boots walking sticks like that sort of thing yeah a lot of the things actually end up kind of being like you know public free libraries it ends up kind of being like that sometimes where people will leave behind a thing and then and if you need a thing take your thing geocaching exactly like a take a penny leave a penny jar but for like useful things yeah so they have they have a shrine to the fisher here oh cool yeah um and it can also get pretty weird because like somebody that is just a brutal person like they might pay homage to the killer it's very granular and that shrine would be like jacket knives exactly yeah oh and if you ever found a shrine to the killer like oh you're like we gotta we gotta go there's people who have like the the shrine of the fighter tattooed yeah knuckles oh it would be cool if each of the different patronages had like uh kind of a not a motto but a saying yes it's like I pay homage to uh I pay homage to the first of the fighters his shrine lives at the end of my fists yeah exactly totally it's all sort of like it's interesting because it's individual worship yeah yeah but with those with those chants be like kind of shared yeah yeah they can be shared but the thing is is that two different patronages for the fighter might never meet you know what I mean but it's like people will gather together but it's the kind of thing where you know how like a song kind of yeah state like exactly so it's like that yeah so if somebody that some if somebody that worships the or that pays homage to the fighter travels like they would share things with other people they met that worship the fighter as well can we come up with the fighter one and also the fisherman one right now absolutely okay uh I like the thing that I said yeah about sounds good the shrine uh what was it your arms?

Long and your fists are hard yeah my arms are long and my fists are hard and my dick is also my my arms are long my fists are hard and my massive cock is not far behind not far behind we are we pay homage to the fighter yeah that's what fighting's all about damn it okay well that's it I was gonna try and make it more poetic but no that's no that's not my nets are wide my lures are deep and my massive cock is not far behind it's always weird because it kind of comes around to dicks at some point um yeah basically anybody that starts it that like begins a new thing becomes that thing so that is just a thing that you are now aware of it's just the innumerable patrons are a belief system that exist here yeah uh but yeah you can you're able to snip away like or just break off like a few lily pads yeah in the pond and you're just gonna bring some lily pads to here some lotus cool oh yeah and the flowers yeah and it's given the time of year I'll bring her some some cat tails yeah totally because he's always talking about like you know you can eat these right great so you're uh before I leave I want to pay homage to the first of the fishers okay in respect to like the village yeah okay uh so I like I get in the water and I face the like little shrine and I pull uh like a reed from the bottom of the lake and I fashion it into a lure and I put it on the shelf and I say I pay homage to the first of the fishers who brought us uh sustenance from the water beautiful it's deep is that what billy says yeah this is like whoa I like that you asked a dude what it was like 30 seconds ago but yeah what's this yeah tell me more I'm gonna try and uh yeah be respectful of it yeah yeah one but I mean the and the way that the Spout Lore works like maybe he just reminded you oh right oh yeah right yeah I knew that already yeah fuck what no I'm gonna go pay homage to your to your patron shut up shut up shut up I know this already let me I'm in your religion now asshole I'll tell them I'll tell them I'll tell them that guy I know what this box is but what's fishing oh that does make sense that he would be like he would ask that and then he would be like okay then I would like to pay homage to the patron of the fish uh so you're kind of you walk back up the little oh wait can I try the kind of thing again sure can I just need two seconds to finish writing uh can you guys help me with the second to last verse of this like yeah definitely I have I pay homage to the first of the fishers he weaves he weaves our nets and something something no one knows sustenance from the I will say that no one knows if the fisher is a man or a woman uh that's kind of the no one really first of anything was unless it happens now okay maybe it's happening now no yeah there's a box already you know so I have uh I pay homage to the first of the fishers they weave our nets and something something they wait our hooks oh yeah that's good okay I'll just read this I pay homage to the first of the fishers they weave our nets and wait our hooks and bring us sustenance from the water that old man with the barrels like do you need a third go is that you need a third take hey do you want to maybe give some constructive input on this poem that I just wrote I liked it I've actually never heard anybody say anything to the shrine before so that was pretty powerful do you want to maybe spread it around oh we'll see uh he goes back to fixing his barrel okay and you say yeah you guys head back up uh into the like quote unquote village proper which is really like as we walk up I'm complaining about the guy well I like yeah see why he couldn't just spread it around you don't know if you will or not so I didn't commit one way or the other you don't get to be angry once I make a choice maybe hey don't tell me how to feel hey man don't tell me how to spread a religion okay fair yeah that's what I thought okay I'm I was complaining to these guys I can hear you okay yeah it's a pretty small village I have amazing ear sight jessica you haven't talked in a long time oh I'm just sorry I just fell asleep there's so much monologue this is what I was gonna say so you guys are walking kind of through the village because hudears hut is on the other side and uh there's like um there's a woman and she's feeding chickens there's a group of chickens pecking away at this like pile of seeds and uh billy you see these chickens yeah and through the like crowd of chickens you see a rooster that's like a rooster and you're like oh my god I'm gonna go to the rooster and I'm gonna go to the chicken and it's like almost as tall as you are and it's pecking and it looks up and it's kind of it looks like it's almost like looking for something and it sees you and it locks eyes with you well it locks eye with you because they turn their head to the side because their eyes don't face forward and it goes like and it plows through the crowd of chickens and it starts running at you and it's got it's like wings flapping and it's like and it's coming right for you oh what do you do uh I'm going to what what is around me just grass just like it's like dirt basically this is sort of like the center of the village where people walk a lot so it's just kind of clumps of grass and is there a chicken coop or something no there's nothing like nothing nothing nearby can we help I'm just gonna run away I guess okay yeah can you roll a defy danger uh plus your dexterity okay I got um 10 10 yeah so you could just run are you just running yeah I'm just running in circles yeah pretty much because I was actually kind of gonna head for the seeds to eat some of them I'm gonna I find my snacks where I can yeah so you you take off and it is on your ass it is really trying to get you jesus yeah so you guys see this huge rooster is now chasing billy in a circle through the middle of the village what do you do well I'm gonna put a a wall if I can between them around to put a cage of twigs.

Oh, yeah. You could just talk to the rooster, I guess. Oh, yeah. Dude, chill. It's like, I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it out of here. It's too close to my ladies, and I'm going to get this little thing out of here. Come here. Put your dick away. It's not anywhere. Oh, Billy, it's flapping around a lot. It's not my fault that the grass spreads apart a lot. It spreads apart right where your dick is. Oh, my God. Tell him that you're not interested in his women.

You think I can't see you? You think I can't see you? I'm going to get you. Rooster, that is a boy, not a cock. That's no boy. That's no boy. I am going to put a cage of twigs around it. I'm not going to hurt the chicken, but I wanted to capture it. Okay. Yeah, 2d6 plus your wisdom to shapeshift. 11. Yeah. So you get three hold to shapeshift. Okay. Shapeshift a bunch of roots. Tight. Put it around the boom. Yeah, totally. Just trap. All right. Yeah. So it's stuck in here and it's flapping.

I'm talking to him. It's just quiet down. He's okay. What are you so scared of? It's a boy. It's a boy. I know him. He's safe. Trust me. I'm talking to you. Yeah. So, Billy, do you just like get away from the rooster? Yeah, I'm super tired because I'm not very physical. And so I just fall down. Yeah. And it's like flapping and squawking and just saying, that's no boy. That's no boy. Unsafe. It's not safe. I don't like this at all. This is fulfilling a bond for me.

The rooster is like almost inconsolable, but it's starting to calm down. Billy, get in the hut. Can you explain to me what's happening? Because I can't understand this rooster. Or, yeah, and I guess Bing is just making rooster noises. Yeah. Bing, pick up Billy. Go get Billy. Put yourself in between them. This rooster thinks Billy's not a boy. I don't know what's happening with this rooster, but he doesn't trust Billy for some reason. Billy, I'm going to put you on my shoulders. Okay.

Okay, here you go. Do you want? I have a little bit of time. I have a peapod if you want to eat it. Can you put it in my mouth for me? Okay. I'm so tired. Here you go. Let's do the thing where I flick it in the air and you jump up and catch it. Oh, do I have to jump? Just aim it. Okay, here we go. Flick. Bop. Yeah, so you guys just leave? Bing's dealing with the rooster? Let's try and figure out what's happening here. It's a rooster, man. That's all it's got. That's all it's got for you. Okay.

It says, that's no boy. Get it away. Get it away. Can I roll discern realities about this rooster? Discern realities is not really- Okay, I'll Spout Lore about this rooster. It's a rooster. Hey, this is my fucking choice. I'm going to do this. Okay, go for it. Roll Spout Lore about roosters. Six plus what is it? Plus your intelligence. I failed. Mark some experience. What does Tuck think is going on? What does Tuck think about roosters? Are there chickens and roosters in McCall?

This is a big fuck off rooster too, right? It's pretty big. It's huge. It's like almost two feet tall, basically. For a rooster, it's big as hell. So what do I think? Yeah. And it has to be wrong. It's super wrong. Okay. I think it's a demon rooster. I think it's a demon rooster. And I think it's a rooster that's been following me for my entire life. And I think it's trying to take everything I love from me. The rooster has calmed the fuck down at this point.

And I go up to the cage and I'm like, I fucking know who you are. I know. I know you. Look at me. No. Look at me. It's looking at you through a side eye. Look at me with both of your eyes. It's still. Look at me. Piece of shit. It's going back and forth. It's turning its head back and forth. It says it can. It's like. I know what you did to Bruce. I know you started the fire in McCall. I know you tipped over that stack of used carts on my dad. On my adopted dad, Bruce Spruce.

I'm not going to let you go. This time. What do you do? Ving is is begocking back to the rooster telling him that he thinks you killed his dad. It has zero frame of reference for that. You demon. You demon. And then I. Because Ving could talk to animals. He just talks to them like they're people always. Yeah, totally. Well, you're staring at this rooster and it's just looking at you. But then you start hearing shouting from down by the river.

There's like a young girl who is fishing on the river and she's like holding on to either side of her boat. Like she's got a little boat and it's being bucked around. Yeah. And you see like a like a scaly Finney back kind of like like big like coming up out of the water and going underneath and kind of hitting the boat. And I look back and I look at the rooster. I'm like, damn it, rooster. You did this. And I start running down to the river. Yeah. So she's like, oh, oh, no. Oh.

Oh, well, she's a young girl. You said. Yeah. Yeah. That's how young girls sound. OK. Do it again. Oh, boy. Yeah. I still have two holds left. Right. Can I use them to help the little girl? Yeah. You'd have to let the rooster go, though. Yeah. Let the rooster go. We're gone. The rooster flips out. No, the rooster's fine. Can you turn into something that I can ride out there? Yeah. I turn into a mermaid. You turn into a mermaid. OK. I'll turn into a sea lion. I mean, a walrus. Awesome.

And we swim out there. Yeah. OK. Yeah. So that's one hold. You turn. Tuck and tusks in tow. Oh, yeah. So you're a walrus and you spend a hold to make all that happen. OK. While I'm riding him, I'm like, do I hold on to your tusks or what? There's really not a lot to hold on to. Don't hold no tusks. OK. There's not a lot to hold on to. Get off my gills. You're pretty slick. And Billy's just like. I'm in Tuck's beard because he told me to get on and I didn't have time to get off. Yeah.

So this girl is like. She's like kind of kicking around in her boat. People in the village have started to gather at the water's edge watching fearfully. OK. And yeah, there's something in the water. We're on our way. Yeah, for sure. We get to the boat. You see like kind of flippy hands almost trying to like pull the boat down. Well, I would like to go around and try and confront or butt or headbutt the thing on the other side of the boat. OK, great. Yeah. Well, he does that.

I'll jump onto the boat. Is it big enough for me to get on it? You're what? Over seven feet tall. I'm over seven feet tall. Something like 300. 350, 400 pounds. You could not get in there. Depends how much water weight I'm carrying. 350 or 400 pounds. It depends how much I ate that day, how much water weight I have. It depends if I'm in a bulk phase, which I still am in a bulk phase. Have you ever been in a cut phase? No. Not getting there. Not in the recent past. Cultivating mass. Yes.

Can Tuck swim? How good of a swimmer is he? Oh, yeah. Can Tuck swim? I kind of want to figure out if by chance. All right. I think I've never really tried to swim in fucked up water. So what? One to three can't swim. Four to six can swim. Okay. Yeah. Defy danger. That does sound like a defy danger. Thanks, Wes. Thanks for reminding us how this game works. Yeah. So we'll say defy danger. What? Strength? That's like athletic sort of stuff. Yeah. Okay.

I like the idea that he gets up and stands on the walrus and he puts his hands up like he's going to either do the most majestic dolphin dive or just fall. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah……. Nice. Billy's in your beard, remember? Billy's in my beard. I'm like, Billy, how long can you hold your breath for? We will find out. Billy's cheeks are out to here. Yeah. I've already started holding.

Do you want to get on the boat while I… You have that option. Six plus two plus two is ten. Alright. So yeah, you're swimming. I'm swimming. You dive into the water majestically. Yeah. I want to go underneath the boat. So, Paul, you dive under the water? Well, you're all under the water now. I would go deep and then look up to see what I'm dealing with. A crocodile. But like, big. Big old crocodile. Wow. Trying to knock the boat over. Why? What a jerk.

I try to call it to him in my best crocodile. What are you saying? Underwater crocodile. What are you saying? Stop that. No. If you do not stop, we will be forced to stop you. No one can stop me. And it swims down to you. And it's coming to attack you. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. And it's like snap, snap, snap, snap, snap. But now it's chasing you. Okay, I'm going to head towards that little eddy in the river. Really? Yeah. Okay.

While he does that, I'm just going to get behind the boat and start paddling it back. Fighting it back to the… Yeah. Okay. I put my back against the boat and I fight the river in the opposite direction that I want the boat to go. I do not understand how swimming works. Yeah. And the girl in the boat is like, oh, oh, no. Oh, no. Billy's like, do you have any licorice? Yeah, I just get on the boat and I pat her leg. Oh, that's nice.

And Billy, as you're patting her leg, trying to calm her down, she's like, ah! Like you come out of the beard. What the hell? It's fine. It's fine. It's me. And… Wait, can we see more of this interaction? Yeah. She's like, who are you? I'm Fat Billy. Your name is Fat? Yes. Well, it's a long story. Is that your first name and your last name? No, it's just to distinguish me from other Billys, so you don't get confused. Oh, okay. Well, I only know one Billy. Is it okay if I just call you Billy?

I guess. And Billy, as you're like patting her leg, trying to calm her down, you see the monster chasing thing. And you see from the opposite direction something else coming down the waterway. What does it look like? It looks exactly the same as the thing that just left. Oh, no. Tuck, we gotta get this boat to the shore really fast. Why? I didn't see anything. Explain the danger. Just swim really fast. Okay. And I start fighting harder. Okay. And you hear me go, you piece of shit. Boat?

Fucking rooster. You fucking ruin everything. You fucking ruin everything. I'm crying. You're imagining the river's the rooster. Yeah, and I'm crying. Yeah. I'm crying. Of course. Yeah. Are you crying, though? I'm crying, but nobody knows. And so you… And then someone says, are you crying? And I say, it's the water in my face. It was Billy who asked that, and he was like, and he whispers to the girl, and he's like, it's not the water. It's the water in my face. It's not. You're emotional.

Just admit it. I'm not crying. We're in a fucking river. And you start kicking and punching, because that's how you swim, apparently. Kick punch. Kick punch. And you're kicking and punching the boat. I call this the punch stroke. And you get the boat to the shore, but that thing is still coming. Is it coming after us? Yeah, you're on the shore. And you see it, like, it comes out of the water, and it just, like, chomps onto the boat. And starts, like, dragging the boat away.

Is there anyone in the boat? The girl who was in the boat is kind of wrapped up in a line. So she's getting pulled back into the water, basically. And, yeah, so there's, like, villagers holding her and trying to, like, tug with this crocodile, but it's pretty big. What do you do? What is around me? Because I have no weapons. Maybe you smash a piece of the boat. What is around? I don't know. You tell me. What makes sense? There is an impenetrable force lance next to me that I would like to use.

What makes sense? A sword of impenetrable bone washed up on shore. Magic. What makes sense? Hey, look, this is magic. Look, I found a magic sword. Hey, Abdul. It makes me a hundred feet tall. Hey, Abdul. What a quinky ding. Hey, Abdul. What makes sense? It's the magic sword or nothing. Hey, Abdul. There's a bill hook. What's that? It's a stick with a blade on it. What? Explain to me what… I actually don't know. I'm gonna look up a bill hook. It's like a hockey stick.

Some people calls it a bill hook. It's a hooky blade. Hey. It's just, like, next to… There was a stump on the shore where somebody was getting fish. Exactly. Sticking in the stump. It is an impenetrable magic bill hook. Hey, you know what? You know who set the world rule that magic no longer exists? You did. It's not magic. I don't remember that. I did not take responsibility for it. Ving, you are underwater as a walrus and… I'm gonna head for the shore.

I'm gonna, like, swim up as fast as I can and launch out of the water. Okay. And turn back into Ving. Yeah, totally. Because that'll be your last hold. That's my hold, yeah. So I'm in the air. I'm a walrus into man. I leave the tusks for last. So you, like… So you, like, so… So you land and you've got two huge tusks. And then I go, ah, just kidding. And they go away. And I catch him. Yeah. Oh, you guys are in different parts of the shore. Oh. Yeah, yeah. He's close to the pool. Okay.

Yeah, the pool that you were at. Okay. So you land and just as you land at that pool, it comes charging out of the water. So it looks like a crocodile. Yeah. But big and, like, slate gray. And it's snapping. And it's a charging. And it's a gonna bite you. And I'm screaming for Tuck and… You guys are probably, like, I don't know. 60, 70 feet apart. Okay. So we're both each on our own. Kind of, yeah. This might be a bit of a Hail Mary.

What if I dive at it and try and turn myself into a stone spike in the air? If I fail, I'll get eaten for sure. It's pretty dope. It's gonna be… Well, do shapeshifting first. I'll shapeshift into a giant rock hook. Nine. That is a good roll. Plus my constant… Wisdom, I think. Wisdom. Eleven. Yeah. So you have three hold. Okay. To a rock. I'll turn my fists. I meld them into one giant spike a la T-1000. Oh, okay. Barbed. Okay. Gotcha. Yeah.

Like Tuck did when he dove in the water beautifully, I take, like, a swan dive into his mouth as he's chomping down. Yeah. With a spiky… And, like, into his belly. Okay. Roll your damage. One. One. Um… How is that possible? It, like, chomps down and it does no discernible damage. Like, it's just like… Ah, it felt weird. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So that's what happened there. I want to go further inside and bust out. What? That… There's… I can't see a situation in which that hold would…

Allow me to do that? Like, there's a thing that, like, a rock… So a rock, uh, in its nature doesn't burst through people. You know what I mean? Let me tell you about when I had kidney stones. But you can… You can… You can roll a hack and slash at this point. Yeah, okay. I just started hacking, uh, at the sides of his mouth and screaming, why so serious? Jesus Christ. So that's 2d6 plus your strength. Yeah. Whoa. Monster roll of 12. Okay. Nice. Yeah. Okay, give me… Okay, we'll do…

We'll do one… Roll your damage one more time. Plus 14. Plus… Yeah, roll your damage one more time. So roll 1d6. 6. Okay, great. Yeah, so it chomps down again, basically. Like, you're just kind of shoving these things into its throat. Yeah. And you… It, like… You see blood start pooling at the back of its mouth. Cool. Yeah. And it starts pushing up towards its eyes. It starts, like, it starts pulling… Like, it's trying to pull away, away from you, basically.

Like, it's trying to walk backwards. But I have those barbs. Yeah, you got those barbs. Uh, actually, Tuck, your… Okay, yeah. What are you doing? What's the configuration of crocodiles in front of me? About 15 feet to one side. The big crocodile is trying to pull the boat back into the water. Okay. And about, you know, what did I say? 60, 70 feet to your right, uh, thing is seemingly elbow deep in a crocodile. The big crocodile is trying to pull the boat.

And you see, like, the line is getting really taut, and it's… The crocodile starts winning, basically, in this tug of war. And, um, Alaki, who was previously… You couldn't see her for a few minutes. She comes hauling ass out of the village, and she's wearing, like, um, a long grass, like, coat. Uh-huh. And she's got a long, uh, worn-looking sword in her hand. Uh-huh. And she runs up and she just skids to a halt and slices right through the rope. Oh, cool.

That was holding the girl, and the crocodile kind of stumbles backwards with the boat back into the water. Okay. So the… It's pulling the boat down under. Uh-huh. Kind of chomping on it and crunching it, but they pull the girl into the crowd and start rushing away from the shore. Okay. And, yeah, so she's, like, kind of squaring up with this crocodile as it starts to realize that it doesn't have its prey, and it's coming back out of the water really slowly. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

And she's, like, ready to mix it up. So what does Billy do? Um, so Billy's gonna do that thing where he, like, gets up and runs his dagger up the tummy of the crocodile. Okay, you're gonna have to give me a hack and slash. Because it is now aware of you. Okay. Because you put a knife in it. Yep. So 2d6 plus your strength. What was that? Ooh, that is another three. That is a six. Oh, I failed. Uh, so you get up, and you're, like, trying to, like…

Well, you're trying to get up, because it's not, like… There's a ton of room under this crocodile, and it just flops down on you. Ah! So it's just trying to crush you. Jeez. Like, it's… And it's squirming and squiggling, so it does, uh… Oh! What? Boy, oh boy. It's fine. It does, uh, eight damage. Billy! As it just, like, lands on you. I'm so small. I'm so small. But I'm not dead. How much damage can you take? I can take 23 damage. Okay, you're fine.

You see Alakie kind of swipe at it a couple times, like she's trying to keep it back, but she's, like, she's not running. Okay. She's just trying to keep it at bay. And she swings, and she overextends a little bit. No. And it rushes forward, and it gets her by the leg. What? And it starts pulling her into the water. And she's, like, hacking at it. Like, not… She's not screaming. She's not… She's yelling in, like, exertion, but she's just hacking at this thing in the face.

And she's being pulled into the water. Oh, no. What do you do? So, I am really in a rage now. Uh-huh. Because I'm confused about what I am supposed to do, and nothing makes me angrier than… Being confused? Feeling stupid. Yeah. Uh, so, I… Uh, I take the fish… Billhook. The impenetrable billhook. That says penetrable. Nope. Uh, and I… I jam it straight into this crocodile. Uh, or this is what I want to do. Yeah. Uh… What was your intention here?

Uh, to distract the crocodile from Alakie. It slows down a little bit. Like, you kind of knock it. It's not… Like, it's a big animal. Yeah. But it stops for a second, and Alakie's able to just, like, jam her sword, like, right into its mouth, basically. Like, just near her leg. Uh-huh. Uh, she might actually be cutting into her own leg. Hmm. But she… She's kind of starting to pry its mouth open. Yeah. With her sword. Uh-huh. Uh, Ving, you're shoulder deep. Yeah. What was your plan here?

You wanted to sink it? I… I was thinking about that, but now I think that I… He's trying to get away. Yeah. He's bleeding bad. Uh-huh. I'm gonna spend my hold to launch myself backwards, and then get over to help the… The gang. How do you do that as a rock man? Rock arms. Um… Well, as… Or is the… Or are the rocks to basically just get your… Is the hold to basically to get your arms out of? Yeah, I pull back as hard as I can. I… I shrink in my barbs. Yeah. And I…

I cut on my way out. Yeah. Uh, and… And… And, uh… And tell him, like, good night, sweet prince. Great. You are the kings of Maine. So you're… You're cutting on the way out, so we'll give you one more D6 damage roll. Three. Three? Not bad. Uh, you do it a little bit more damage, and it is, like… It slinks back into the water. I do it to its tongue. Yeah, it's just like, ow. Yeah. It's… Nothing will ever taste right. And it scurries back into the water. Great. And it…

It starts to swim away. And you see, like, blood clouding up out of the river. Yeah. I'm making my way back to them. Yeah, I'm making my way downtown. Walking fast. Um… Walking as fast as I could. Yeah. Face is passing your home. Not a run, though. No, it's just a walk. Yeah. Um, yeah, so you're running back. So, yeah, what… Billy, you kind of pull yourself back up out of the mud. Billy's gonna barf a bit. He's not feeling good. And after… After he barfs… After he barfs…

Where's my dagger? Where'd it go? You held on to it. Did I? Yeah. Oh, but yeah, you're like… I like that you're so out of it. You're like… You're holding your dagger. You're like, where's my dagger? Where's my dagger? And then one of us is like, it's in your hand, man. Oh, there it is. It's covered in barf, bro. I'm gonna sneak attack it. Okay, yeah. Wait, is that a thing I can do? Defy danger dexterity. Nine. Nine. Great. What's your partial success? You're totally nude. I am.

There's gotta be something better than being totally nude. You are totally nude, though. I mean, you could have taken, like, some soft tissue damage, maybe. Yeah, I've got some flaps going on. Or it could be that he is concussed. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, you're not… Something… You do feel a little… I feel very out of it. Oh. And he did have a barf. Yeah, he did have a barf, didn't he? Oh, yeah. Okay, no. What it… So what it is, is… You're feeling like, weirdly angry. Oh.

I don't get angry very often. No, you don't. But you're feeling really, like, angry. Like, you really wanna fight this thing now. But you're worried that if you do, you might not be able to get yourself back under control very easily. So what do I do? Do you wanna go in there and try and help him fight this thing and potentially lose a little bit of control over yourself, or do you wanna try and get this under control? No. If I'm mad and concussed, I guess I will just go in there.

Okay, so 2d6 plus your dexterity? Ten. Ten? Yeah. So, Billy, you kinda, like, glaze over a little bit as you're doing this, and you, like, crawl up the back of this crocodile as Ving is fighting it, and you just start stabbing it. Yeah. In the back of the head, just, like, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab. And everybody stops. The fight's over, but Billy is still stabbing and stabbing and stabbing and stabbing and stabbing. Well…

I'll look over at Ving and be like, should we just, like, let this play out? And it's dead. It's full-on dead. And he gets up and he starts, like, kind of coming at you, Tuck. Okay. Oh. And I go, Billy, what the fuck are you doing? Billy, bud. Billy? Billy, what do you do? Is there anything going on in Billy's head that is clear? You just feel different. Like, you feel like a, like a… Is he, like, murderous? Not murderous.

It's just, like, he's losing control of something that's affecting him, influencing him. Oh. Billy, uh, like, is just, like, glazed over, and he starts rushing towards Tuck, but runs past him through his legs and is heading towards that rooster. Yeah, Billy's running away. Okay. And, like, has a look in his eyes. And I've got that dagger in my hand. So what do you guys do? Billy, bud. Hey! It's okay! Yeah, we're following him, trying to talk to him. Billy, what's going on? Trying to get him.

Everybody get out of the way! Except for that fucking chicken. Billy's running into the middle of town, where that chicken pile is, with the rooster. Um… I'll go up and grab him by the shoulder. Okay. I'll grab him. Yeah, and he's struggling. You could grab Billy, but he might, in his struggles, end up cutting you a bit. Okay. I'll take it. I love Billy. I want to know what's happening. Okay. Yeah, so you grab Billy, and you're, like, struggling and kicking around. I'll take a swipe.

Yeah, take a swipe. Billy, look at me. And then I pop some granola into his mouth. What does Billy do with the granola? He starts choking, and then he starts foaming. Oh, whoa. Whoa, holy shit. Yeah, okay, so something's… Billy's freaking out. I want to put a cage around Billy. Okay. Once he foams. Yeah. I plant roots all around him. I put extra leaves in their moss, so it's soft. The villagers see Billy, like, freaking out. Mm-hmm. Houdir pushes through the crowd with a bag.

You can see sprigs and leaves poking out of the top, and she runs up and kneels down in front of the cage that you've created around Billy, and she looks very concerned. Ving asks, what's wrong with our friend? She looks at him for a few more seconds, and she looks up at you and says, I don't think this is your friend. Thanks for listening to Spout Lore. My name is Sean O'Hara, and with me, as always, have been players Paul, innumerous patronus, Abdul, not a motto, but a saying, and Jessica.

There was so much monologuing, and I just, like, checked out. Thanks to Wes, our technical producer, for all the technical things. Thanks to Aaron Magoo at Heckler's Bar and Grill for letting us record in the upstairs Heckler's Lounge, and thank you to Aaron Reed for the intro and outro music that you have heard today. Thanks for listening to Spout Lore, and we'll see you next week. And so ends the tale of adventures three, who tried the best they could.

Though dumb and scared and lost they'd be, for time's abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion, it may be we will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more, whilst you commute or do your chores, and for you I'd gladly Spout Lore.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Vinga's half-elf, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the Larch's heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends and listen close For the tale's about to start Last time on Spout Lore So Ving has been poisoned.

Now that you're out of the swamp, you're still dealing with a poisoned druid. Well, let's make it a priority to find like a healer. And you see a cluster of buildings. They call it Bullrush Village. My name is Aliki and we'll get you all set up. I point at Ving. I'm like, he's been poisoned. Is there a doctor or a healer around? This is Houdir and she is sort of the herbalist of the town. She takes some cloth that she had and she ties it around your waist, holding the poultice against your butt.

She says, no, no, no, no vigorous activity for the rest of the day. And rest, get some good sleep, get some good sleep. Wicker, stay close to her. I want to know where she lives. Wicker seems really offended that you would even ask. And she runs out of the hall. She just, she's left. Billy runs after her. Okay. By the time you get out there, she's not in sight. And then he like falls down to his knees and he's like, Wicker!

And a teenage boy with like a stick over his shoulder with fish hanging off of it stops and looks at you like, are you okay? I don't say anything because I'm just crying so much. He stares at you for a couple seconds, sees that you're weeping and then looks around and walks away. So Aliki sits down and she's eating a bowl of stew. And she says, so what was this you were doing in the swamps? Why have you come to Bull Rush? Well, we came here pretty unintentionally.

We were escaping the swamps because we murdered by accident Emperor of the Bullywugs. Bullywugs, yes. Thank you. Oh, yeah. No, we've heard of Bullywugs. We've seen them on the edge of the swamp before. Yeah, they are dicks. And pissed right now. Yes. Are they still out there? Well, I think they lost. We stole a magic artifact that they were worshipping, I think. Stole a magic artifact? Yeah, there's a lot that I still don't understand. What? Maybe Ixtay on the article magic, eh?

I don't speak your dirty elf tongue. Speak the common tongue. No, I understand. You don't have to say any more about this magical artifact if you don't want to. I understand. It might be. It might be. It might be. It might be. It might be. It might be. It might be worth a lot of money. We don't know. Oh, my God. Talk. Shut up. Hey, I'm not. I'm not saying anything else about this thing.

We were charged with a responsibility to take it to a very special place to keep it safe because it is a very probably expensive thing. I don't know. Oh, my God. It could be worthless. Or worth full of money. Anyway. It's mostly full of his poops, though. Also, yes. I do. I did lie about shitting inside of it, but there's definitely no shit in it. But we don't know that because we didn't have our eyes on it the whole time. So there might be poo in it.

Just a warning in case you're interested, which hopefully you're not because there's poo in it. Anyway, do you have a husband or companion? Says no, not as such. Cool. I'm a strong boy. I can see that. I can see that. Yes. One time I. I. What? One time I. Tell him, Tuck. Yeah. Yeah. Well, one time I saved a puppy. Great. Well done. That's very kind of you. That's very kind. And I'm also sensitive. Daisy kind of shuffles and. Yeah.

She's sticking her head in through the window like one of those one of the animals in the big friendly giant. Like she's just been listening to all of this. Do you guys all just kind of tell your tales? Because she lives in a small village. She's just thrilled. Sure. We can tell stories. Yeah. What's your story, little boy? Well, I'm nine. I think I grew up in the Everwood Valley with some other people like me, but not my parents.

I don't know where they went and no one really liked me that much. And so I had to leave. And then Tuck found me and he made me go with him. Made you made you go with him? Yes. Yes. You mean you didn't want to come with this man? Billy, what are you doing? Shut up. I didn't. Well, he never asked. He never asked if I wanted to go. He just kind of picked me up. And I and like, look at me. We didn't kidnap this naked boy. I did not. Yeah, I didn't take him.

We had like a moment in front of a fire over a jackalope. A non-sexual moment. Yes. He tried to steal jackalope from me and I didn't let him. And then we bonded. And then I didn't. I didn't ask him to come with me, but I definitely didn't kidnap him. I just put that morning. I put my pack on and I got my stuff together. I started walking away and then I looked back over my shoulder at Billy. And then I did one of these like what I I'm like, come on, kid. Well, I thought you had something for me.

And then I just followed you for a long time. You didn't have anything. So. Oh, we just kept walking, I guess. And then we got into adventures. And here we are. Yes. Wait, are you telling me we're together? Because you. Didn't realize I was inviting you to adventure with me. Look, I don't have like a lot of social skills. I'm just kind of learning on the fly here. He thought I was calling you over to give you something. And then we just walked for months. When's he going to give me that thing?

I'm still not sure if I'm getting anything or not. What about you, Elf? I'm just sort of trying to figure things out and I need money to do it. So I've lumped in with these lumps. Oh, that's wonderful. In West North Northfalia, I was born and raised. West Northfalia? Is that where you're from? On the frozen plains. I spent most of my days. What kind of stuff did you do? Mostly chilled out to the max because of how cold it was. And played ice ball most of the day. Yes.

Where would you usually play it? On the ice ball court. Oh, I don't know. So… Yeah, and you… Is there more to this? No, I forgot the rest of the song. Oh, you were a couple of guys who were up to no good. A couple of walruses that were up to no good started fucking my dad in my neighborhood. Wow. So my mom got mad and left my dad. And I left for the woods. I left for the woods. I'd like to point out that this contradicts almost everything you've said about Ving's backstory.

I'm assuming that it's because of the poison. I need to sleep. She says, well, you're welcome. You're all welcome to stay here in the hall for the night. And Hootier will be by in the morning to check you out. Make sure everything's good. And if there's anything that you need, just don't hesitate to ask. We're real kind here in Bolt Rush Village. Thank you. Yeah, of course. Of course. No problem. Thank you for regaling me with your tales of the outside world. Yes. Come back anytime. I will.

I will. I will. Yes. I will. I am single. Also. I remember. Cool. I'll see you around. Later. As a way. Pretty. Goodbye. And I bow. She walks out of the hall and you see like there's two old men on the other side of the hall that see you do that and hear you and they just laugh to each other. Yeah. So, you know what? Pick up nine wasn't half bad. Yeah, it was all bad. Fucking Stadler and Waldorf. That's like my favorite Stadler and Waldorf joke. It's good for everything. It's so good. Yeah.

So, and the sun begins to set. And yeah, you guys just sleeping here in the hall. I was maybe toying with the idea of finding where this, what's her name? Who dear? No, no. The other one. Allaki? Yeah. Finding where Allaki lives and writing her a poem. And then like telling it to her outside of her window. What is the? And then maybe, you know, trying to make a connection. Okay. Cause I think the poetry thing is kind of funny. Yeah.

If you want to do like a Romeo and Juliet Cyrano de Bergerac sort of bullshit. Billo, do you want to be my Cyrano? No, I'm busy. I have to do something. Okay. We'll cut back to that in a second. I want to see what this is. Okay. So the sun is, the sun is down. There are a couple of torches that have been lit around town. The fire in the hall is kind of stoked pretty consistently by just people that pass by. It seems like everybody's keeping an eye on the fire, making sure that it stays lit.

And what's Billy's plan for the evening? So Billy's been strolling around looking for something similar to a raccoon skin. Oh, okay. But all he sees are fish and he's like, maybe not. And so he feels like a pleasant breeze blown around his hair and his little, little grass skirt. And he goes and wanders and finds a little log to sit and dip his toes in the water. Oh, nice. And then he sings happy birthday to himself. Oh. Because he's 10 now. Oh no. Oh my God. Billy's 10 years old now?

Billy's 10. Oh, 10 year old boy. Oh, no matter. Oh man. But he thinks. Yeah. It just feels like the time is right. It feels like maybe it's around the time of his birthday. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. It's kind of sad. Yeah. Well, he doesn't have parents, so. Yeah. So yeah, you're, you're singing whatever happy birthday. So does that sound like anything in particular? It's my birthday today. I think it's today. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. It's my birthday. Maybe. Maybe.

You hear like a little rustle in the grass near the river. And Wicker pokes her head out and hops up on the log and slowly walks up to you. And then I put my arms around her and we snuggle. Oh. He is. Man. What a good birthday. Oh. That's nice. Best birthday. Okay. So we'll cut to Ving now. Yeah. And Ving's just lying in the long grass like he was calling for Wicker. Wicker. But sleeping. Kind of like in a half crawled that fell asleep. Wicker. Wicker. Wicker. There you go. Wicker.

Something's just asleep in the grass. Yeah. Okay. Calling for Wicker's name. Beautiful. Did you guys leave all your stuff in the hall, I guess? Are you all like, I imagine you're not all hauling all your shit around. I have the bag of loot with me. Oh, the coins and the cup and the book? Yes. Okay. Cool. Cool. Cool. And the box. We never go anywhere without the box. Yeah. It's strapped to my back. The box is strapped to your back at all times? Always. Okay. It's the most important thing. Yeah.

Totally. Yes. Interesting. Okay. I won't put the cup down that was on my butt for so long. Oh, yeah. No. Thankfully, the cup is just a little bit full of poison. Just a tiny bit. It looks like you're just passed out. Like you got too drunk. You know what? Something to keep in mind. Billy the Poisoner. You have a little bit of that Gobbo poison available. I'll say one use. You don't know what it is. You don't know what it does. But you know, it's pretty messed up. Is it in a vial or something?

It's in the cup. Do I come? Oh, I know. You have it. You get it. This is just something to keep in mind. We don't have to mess with it right now if we don't want to. Because I was thinking if I was stumbling back from my log with Wicker in my arms. Oh, and you find Ving. Yeah, I find Ving and I could take the cup with me. Perfect. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, great.

So you just find Ving sprawled out in the grass with Wicker in your arms or walking with you because you're kind of almost the same size. I'm like dragging her. Yeah. Oh, like when a baby holds a cat under the front arms and just traps. Yeah. Yeah. So you grab the poison. And yeah, so now you have this little vial of or this little one, like one dose of goblin poison. But once you take some time to look at it with your new move brewer, you'll be able to remake it.

Can they overhear Ving like sleep, apologize? Like just to start the ball rolling and the ending of this. I'm so sorry. You want Wicker to hear that? I mean, are you saying it like a cat? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So you hear Ving meowing. You don't know what it is, but you hear her here. Or you feel Wicker kind of tense up a little bit and like relax and tense up like she's trying to work through something. Yeah. And now we'll cut to Tacoma. To rest, to rest my head upon some bread. Punts of bread.

All right. Maybe at this point, Billy also walks by with a cat and a cup full of poison. Billy. What? Yeah. Good haul. Thanks. What are you doing? What did you do? Nothing. Okay. You know, I believe you because we're friends. Yep. Do you need help? Yes. I'm writing a poem. Oh, okay. Do you want to hear what I have so far? Yeah. Okay. To the beautiful Aleki. It's for Aleki. I kind of got that. Yes. And it's so that I can have adult. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Time with her.

I have seen this. Yeah. I'm sorry about that. It's fine. Yes. It is in this case though, it will be both of us, not just me alone in the reeds. Oh, okay. Oh, I haven't seen that then. Okay. Cool. Mostly just a lot of what you do. Yeah. Which you also call adult alone time. Yes. This is couples adult alone time that I'm trying to persuade her to help with. Okay. I'm just like really confused. Billy, you'll understand when you grow old and you need the touch of another. I'm sorry.

I don't know how much to tell you. Like my father died when I was very young, my adopted father, and he was maybe too open about this kind of stuff. He would walk around with a house robe open, no underwear. It's weird. So, I'm trying to protect you from that. Billy's already sat down. Okay. I'm going to be a while. All right. But that's the context of this poem that I'm writing. Okay. So, I'm going to find her home and then tell it to her. Okay.

And then hopefully, then the rest will unfold like I want it to. Here's the poem so far. To the beautiful Alaki, you have put a spell on me. Nice. Pretty good. Yes. Your supple breasts- Okay. Are on your chest. Yep. Your eyes so green, the hue of a ball runs. Oh, I love that. I love that. I love that. The hue of a ball rug spleen. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's all I have. I mean, I think she'll be into it. It kind of covers everything.

I want to go in with like this and then this is what I want to do to you. Okay. I was thinking to rest my head upon your bed. Okay. Uh. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman.

Tacoma like Tacoma writing like a rhyming poem That's just A-B-A-B Or A-A-B-B-C-C-D-D And Billy just suggesting any word He can think of On fire Okay great You're just humoring your child basically That's good On fire My head upon your bed To make you feel on fire That's nice I thought so Your hands are like A bunch of Grapes Yeah Your hands are like a bunch of grapes Your hands are like a bunch of grapes Sorry go ahead No please I was just gonna riff Like They make me feel Like Shit Nothing rhymes with grapes Well cut to Thing Asleep in the grass Overcoming the effects of the poison and the medicine You have a dream Tell me about the last time That you saw your father It was The day of my mother's funeral And it was in the frozen north No he didn't come back To her funeral So I left her funeral And went straight I It was the first time That I turned Into An owl Which was Her favorite animal She died And My sadness Was the first time that I was able to fully turn That was the first time you turned into anything?

Yeah fully And it was a White owl Snow owl That's pretty cool And I took off to the forest to confront him What was that like?

Awful It was very hard emotionally In Ving's mind In his dreamscape We see Flapping The trees Blizzard in my face Yeah forever Tears frozen on my owl's cheek And then the trees Kind of come out of the snow And the daunting Wall Of forest That is the beginning of the great forest That stretches for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles And you come back to the forest and you're like come upon your father he's sitting on a stump like deep in the trees what do elves look like like we do are they are we just talking like tolkien like pale pointy ears long hair pretty much uh but like way more flaps like they don't wear as much clothing as elves do in in okay so it's like more burning man yeah clothing brighter colors okay yeah and he's he's sitting on a stump and he's he's carving uh a shaft for an arrow and he looks up because he sees the the owl swoop through the trees uh and I circle and fall on the ground and uh and confront him about my mother's death and asked him why he wasn't there he says you know I couldn't and why paul why wasn't he allowed to go I always thought in my adolescent sort of naivete that because because he didn't respect her because she was a human I thought he was too much of a snob an elven snob but what was the real reason she was he was scared of her she was very powerful oh she was how is she powerful I don't entirely know oh I always thought that the father was the one where I got my powers oh but the truth is is that and ving doesn't even really understand this but it was from your mother but me oh okay so uh in your dream he says that to you he explains like I couldn't go she was too powerful she'd never forgive me for what I did and there's a quivering the air is quivering behind him like he's sitting at a wi-fi hotspot oh in the dream okay and maybe my mom's watching from beyond it she could be a wizard I don't know what okay I'm having a sense yeah yeah yeah yeah pretty dope um and he looks up at you and he says you shouldn't have come here uh I I said you should have been there oh and uh he the last thing he says is you shouldn't have come here and he stands up and he knocks the arrow he's been carving and he shoots it at you you wake up yeah exactly just the moon right above you right in your face yeah I could see my breath you see the silhouette of an owl against the moon yeah and just barely a parrot in the distance I noticed that I have a large like a boner like a night erection really big one all right and then we cut back to tuck and billy uh wicker has kind of wriggled out of your arms at this point and she's getting a little peckish so she wanders off to go hunt okay so you're yeah you're you find uh aliki's um uh house and you're like yes and uh like all of the living spaces in this it's the living spaces in in bulrush village are either small one family shacks or they're large buildings where multiple families live together and uh unfortunately for you aliki lives in the one one of the ones with multiple families uh okay so how do you get her attention well we're walking up and I'm like thanks for helping with this billy oh did I go to the hospital I'm like I'm gonna go to the hospital I'm gonna go to the hospital I'm gonna go to the hospital I'm gonna go to the hospital I'm gonna go to the hospital come along for this yes you wanted me to witness what you want to do with you want me a witness adult bedroom memories yeah I don't want you to watch what we do after but as your surrogate father you should see how or your mom uh we you should see how this is done just so you know how to do it when the time comes you're training billy how to pick up yes so you the first thing you do is you neg them you you're like hey you give them a compliment that is also an insult and then you touch them it's called establishing kino and then you escalate and then you move to a different location it's all in this book called the game I was gonna say is this copyrighted pickup material yes all right so how do you get how do you get aliki's attention uh I I'm like okay I'm gonna okay aliki aliki this is slowly torches being lit here and you see um the the house is dark because it's nighttime and people are sleeping yes and you see um you see a figure stand in the window is that you aliki who's that what no I don't want are you are you aliki who is this who are you it's the middle of the goddamn night I understand that so stop making so much fucking noise you're you're shouting yes and so are you so maybe this is a situation where you shouldn't throw stones from a house that I can probably fucking push over aliki some guys here trying to knock our house down aliki aliki please come quickly aliki and then she like she's like what what is going what is going on tacoma is that is that you yes aliki it's the small boy yes uh he's not gonna be involved much longer in this thing that we're doing what I wanted to um I uh I want I I start to get really nervous now uh I I when I saw you in the hall I was taken by your beauty um and I uh I want I wrote you a poem um and it's um um!!

Um! Um! I think I'm in love with you for crab's sakes. Hey, Lucky. I know this world is right for you. Hey, Lucky. My lust is true. Okay. And Vink comes walking out of his cabin. You guys thought he was in bed. Okay. Okay. 1D6 plus 1D8. And if the D6 is higher than the D8 in outcome, then something bad happens. Okay. So maybe do it separately. Or something complicates the situation based on your mortal pleasure. You have to do it separately. I hope it is because I would love to complicate this.

So the D6 is 4 and the D8 is 5. Oh. And I got a 9. Plus your charisma. Plus 1 is 10. Plus my charisma is… This really worked out for me. Tuck is doing well in the ladies. Plus 2. So 12. Nope. 11. Where did that plus 1 come from? It was because it's a mortal pleasure. Do you get plus 1 when you're doing that? Yes. No, it's that you roll a D6 and a D8. Oh, okay. So you have the possibility of rolling higher because you have an extra 2. Okay. Then 11. Fuck me. Nope.

Throughout the song, you can initially see, especially when you got to your supple breasts are on your chest. She kind of scrunches up her face a little bit. But then throughout the rest of the song, she kind of softens a little bit and she's smiling like she more or less thinks it's funny. She's like, okay. All right. That was… That was something else. Thank you. How about you go back to the hall? You get some sleep and I'll see you in the morning.

Oh, I really thought that the winning roll would have got me a different result. Okay. Okay. The winning roll doesn't mean that you automatically get to… Fuck somebody. That's what I was trying to do with the poll. No, but you have made a positive impression on her. It's just not like… You're not going to be like, hey, do you want to go fuck in that room full of your family members? No, that's not a poll. Well, I assume you have a corner that is your home.

But she says, I'll see you in the morning. I liked your song. Thank you. I liked your song. I have another song called Bring Me to Life. If you want to hear it, me and Billy can do it as a duet. I don't really want to. Well, I'll just do it on my own then. I'll do both parts. That's fine. Yes. She says, I just… How about you? That was great. That was great. Thank you. Thank you for… No one's ever written me a song before. It's kind of my thing, gallery owner. I'll see you in the morning.

La tropes. That's how we say goodbye in certain communities, I think. Good night, Tacoma. Bye, Alecky. Get the hell out of here. Hey, fuck you, old man. I'll come out there and I'll fuck you up. Man, do it. I don't… I am flying so high right now. I'll see you in the morning. I will see you in the morning. Okay, then. Good. I'll see you at breakfast. Neither of you know what each other looks like. Good night, then. Good night. I hope you sleep well, old man. I will. Good. I hope you do, too.

I hope you have dreams of pumpkin spice. That's… Specific, but I'm into it. Yeah, it's delicious. I hope you reflect on some personal troubles and you wake up in the morning feeling a bit better about it. I hope I will, and I appreciate your sentiment. I feel like I've made a good friend tonight. Good. Me, too. I feel like we are birds of a feather. Now get the hell out of here, you piece of shit. Fuck you. Okay, so yeah, you guys do a quick… You guys do a little interstitial.

Bing's there now, too. Yeah. Oh, yes. He's going to walk by. That was… Amazing. Thank you. Billy helped a lot with the song. And moral support. Yes. Because he made me. Yes. I forced him, too. You gotta force a Billy. Yes. But thanks for helping with that, guys. You're welcome. Do you think she liked it? Oh, yeah. She liked it. Yeah? She loved it. I can't tell, but it seemed okay. Man, awesome. I think everybody loved it. Yeah. That's the sense I got. The whole town didn't seem to mind.

Everyone does seem to be awake now. Everyone? Yeah. Yeah, you see like a man, just like a middle-aged man, standing outside of one of the huts, like rubbing his eyes and looking at you like really angrily. Hey, did you like that song? And he just like picks up a spear. I'm going to say that's a resounding yes. He doesn't. He's fine. You carry on. And you guys make it back to the hall. There are people here and there.

You get the impression that if people don't have like a family or a large family, they just kind of sleep in the hall. So there's people like curled up in the corners and slumped near the fire, just kind of hanging out. There's a couple. Those old men from earlier are both like face down on the table next to each other with like empty mugs in front of them, just kind of snoozing into each other's faces. Dan is curled up in a corner, sleeping on his little satchel. Do horses sleep standing up?

No. Yes. Who knows for sure? Daisy's asleep in whatever configuration a horse usually sleeps in. Cool. You see her at like outside the window. Nice. And yeah, your little corner is all warm and toasty. Nice. Go to bed. All right. I'm wide awake. I literally just woke up. After a good like poison fever dream where your dad killed you. Yeah. I got some shit to work at. So I just go and say good. Night to guys and go pick the biggest log and throw in the fire. Yeah.

Sit down next to it and tend the fire for people. I imagine for some reason what I imagined was that you said goodbye to everyone and then you went out into a glade in the moonlight and you did Tai Chi. It was Qigong. And yeah, that's where we'll call it for tonight. As the as the moon carries on on its journey across the skies. End of session questions. Anybody have a bond they feel like has been resolved? Yeah, I don't have any bonds. Yeah, I figured it's more.

It was more of a story session when you guys kind of hung out with people. Anybody fulfill their alignment? Is that song in? Yeah, I'd say waking everybody up in the middle of the night to sing a loud song about wanting to fuck somebody in the town. Most of it was about.

Love yeah I would just like to point that out some of it was about boobies yeah it's definitely saying the song is about just fucking her is a bit reductive and I don't appreciate it you're totally right how wrong of me but you're dead but it was definitely a skewing a convention of the civilized world so I get xp for the first time ever I think that's that that technically I have done it before have you done it before okay uh all right well great so now you get a point uh help someone or something grow I'd say that wicker is a little more able to understand like she has she's a little more obstinate now she's a little more proud and okay no I would say I wonder if it does it apply that like your dream sequence kind of helped a little bit but it's more someone or it's not yourself it's other people it's something the story of ving and oh I don't know if that applies um it's also more um um um um um um um um um um uh tomorrow tolerance the greatest treasure of all of woman being okay with being around you sometimes yes uh then no I guess I guess not that that ends today's episode thanks for listening my name is Sean O'Hara and the players today as always have been jessica crepe sake abdul it's a type of sandwich and paul I'm asleep thanks to west for his technical expertise thanks to erin and heckler's bar and grill for letting us record upstairs in the ratfish lounge and thank you to erin reed for our awesome theme song thank you to adam coble and sage latora for creating the system of Dungeon World which is uh based on a game called apocalypse world by d vincent baker which is also very cool and you should check it out uh you can find more about that by googling Dungeon World thanks for listening everybody and we'll see you next week and so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for times of rest in revelry and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly sorry I'm just looking up evanescence lyrics billy's that was the most quickly I've seen west become disappointed you could just ask me because I'll know them all

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends and listen close For the tale's about to start That is a really good theme song.

It's very good. It is spectacular. Welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara, and with me today are Jessica, Abdul, and Paul. Hello everybody. And we're going to be continuing our game of Dungeon World. When last we left our heroes, you had basically come upon a ruined village and stolen a bunch of food from some goblins, and then you ran away. So you go through the bag of valuables and you find 20 coin. Nice. And you find a little…

Crystal cup that kept together somehow that also seems pretty valuable. Okay. Yeah. And a small leather bound book, but it doesn't appear to have any writing in it. Hmm. Yeah. Invisible ink or blank book. Who knows? And now you are back on the trail to the vault. Thanks to your guide, the tiny cat named Wicker. It's always you're noticing in the direction of a particular orange flower. After a couple days. The trees start to thin out. The ground starts to firm up a little bit.

The water looks a little clearer than it used to. And you see the edge of the swamps. The muddy track of the swamp transitions into a plank road. And ahead of you, you see what looks like a river. Like an actual clear flowing river. Something that you have been dealing with for a couple days now after the I'll-fated encounter with the goblins is Ving took a spear in the butt and he was able to get the!

And he's able to get the spear in the butt and he's able to get the The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The It's not your butt. It's before your butt. No, but it's definitely my butt. Yeah. For me. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like that, but also I'm sleepy and feel really dumb. Okay. I think you might have used up your herbs and poultices. Used up? I'm asking. Two uses. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So no herbs and poultices.

Billy's out of golden root, which really isn't applicable for- I could use that right now. I'll take anything. Yeah. Right. But it's not really applicable for poison, unfortunately. And Dan, as you've come to realize, is more or less useless. So Ving has been poisoned. And now that you're out of the swamp, you're still dealing with a poisoned druid. So what do you guys do? I go up to the nearest willow tree and start biting at it. Is that going to do anything?

Just anything I can think of, all of my foraging knowledge is going to be slowing us down. He's going to delirious. Are you Ving shaped or are you still yak shaped? I'm slowly. I'm slowly going through all the ones. Oh, is it affecting your shape shifting? So you're kind of moving back and forth between a bunch of shapes? Yeah. Gross. Mostly my butt's still a yak. Like you're afraid to turn that back into Ving in case it does something weird with the poison?

One time I saw a guy get stung by a snake and then- Stung by a snake? Yeah, it was- With his mouth stingers? No, it had a butt stinger. It was a- It was one- It was- It was a bumble snake. I know, I'm happy with these existing. It's a bumble snake. Yeah, they- So is it- Does it have wings or is it like a fuzzy snake with stripes? No, it's a striped snake. They have wings but they can't fly. They're like a chicken. Yeah.

They have like leathery wings and they have like a stinger on the end of their tail. And they live in a slither hive, which is underground. This hive is made out of the- The skins that they shed? Yeah. Yeah, seasonally. I mean, I kind of like these things actually. They're kind of cool. That's what everyone says. If they sing you, they die. And then that's sad. Also, you die too. And that's sad. So what was the- What was the- Where was the story going?

I saw a guy get stung by a slither, a bumble slith. Bumble snake. Bumble. There's a lot of names. Bumble slith is the scientific name. Scientific name for them. Of course. Yes. Anyway. From the Latin bumble, which means to bumble. Bumble is the phylum and slither is the class. Sounds great. All right. So what's Tuck trying to say? Let me suck your butt. Yeah. That's what I- Actually, where I was going. Let me suck your butt.

I saw a guy get stung by a bumble snake and- And I want to suck your butt. Yeah. Someone sucked the venom out of- Out of his stinger. I should say that you don't know what kind of poison this is. So- So you might not want to suck it? Yeah. You might not want poison in your mouth. Do we have anything I can put- That's more of like a venom thing. Wait. Isn't it? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah. Wait. Do we have like a leather, kind of a leather thing I can put over my mouth? Oh.

Like a mouth dental dam? Oh, we have that crystal cup. You do have a crystal cup? You could cup it. We could cup it. Cup. Yeah. Heat it. That's what we should do. Okay. Tuck. Let's make a little fire and then we'll heat up this cup and hopefully it doesn't break. Oh. I see. Cup mouth. How do you know how to do this? Because of science. Wait. I don't understand what we're doing. What are we doing? Cupping. You heat up- It's like you heat up a cup and you put it on a part of the body.

Creates a vacuum. Oh. Yeah. Well, let's do that then. Yeah. Good plan, Billy. But you got- Okay. This is- I was just going to suck his butt. So this is way better. Well, try it your way first. I don't know if this is something that Billy would necessarily know. He doesn't know how to do. He knows generally how to do it, but he doesn't really understand how it works. Yeah. So he kind of does like a little incantation or a dance or something to try to help it along. Okay.

So it'll be 2d6 plus intelligence. Plus your intelligence. Eight. Eight. So partial success. On a partial success with a defy danger, the GM will offer you a worse outcome, hard bargain, or ugly choice. So you lay Ving down on the ground. You stoke up a little fire. Get his butt out. Are we going to burn his butt? It's a risk that I'm willing to take. Okay. Should I rhinoceros up my butt? No, I'll just hold you down so that you don't squirm around. Don't make- Please don't stop making noise.

Oh, you're so heavy. Ving, please stop. Okay. So what would be- What if he doesn't know that you have to take the cup off? Yeah. So I'm like, okay, there you go. Hold this cup on your butt? I'm just like, is part of you now? So if Gil's in a cup. Like he's just going to have a crystal growth on his butt? Well, it just like, I'll just keep it there. And then like some of the poison just sits in the cup. Like you have to leave it on. Okay. Yeah. That'll suck back in.

But like, you're fine right now, but if you don't get help in the next like day, it's going to be really bad. Okay. Yeah. So you're okay. Well, let's make it a priority to find like a healer. Also yeah. You won't be able to change shape. That's what the thing is. You've got to hold this thing. So you won't be able to change shape until you get something done. Okay. That's the problem. Also, what's the weather like today? It's kind of overcast. It's like kind of windy. It's kind of beautiful.

Especially since you left the swamp. It's a very welcome change of the scene here. Yeah. It's actual fresh air. So you get to- Wait, Billy, look. I made a necklace out of these flowers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I found. Wow. It's nice. Can you describe it to me? Because I'm not looking. It's like I alternated daisies and dandelions. Wow. I think it makes me look pretty. Bing, what do you think? It's beautiful. I mean, it's not, it's way too big for Billy. Yeah. I made it for me.

Well, I don't like it anymore then. Oh, okay. I'll wear it. Well, I made it for me though. Why is everyone upset about this? I just did this for myself. Dan just chimes in. So you made a necklace that you think is really cool, but you didn't make it for anybody and you didn't make any more necklaces? That's fine. Whatever. That's fine. I feel like this is, I feel like I'm being indicted for literally doing something that has no effect on anybody else.

Yeah, but bringing it up like it was- I'm going to make something for myself. Yeah. I'm just saying that it's kind of braggy. It's kind of braggy. Maybe it's a practice necklace for your friends. Making everyone else's. I can make more for you guys if you want. That's what we're saying. That's what I like to hear. That's what we like to hear. Do you guys want lanyards or bracelets? Oh my God. Or necklaces? It's too late. I already made myself a hula skirt. Oh, nice.

Okay, so Billy's wearing a grass skirt now? Yeah. Nice. Just like really shittily made. You look good though. Whatever. Why is everybody mad at me? Wow, Billy. All right. All right, you carry on and you get to like the river's edge and it's flowing and it's clear and it's beautiful. It's probably 10 meters across in both directions. It's sort of grass. It's grassland, small forests here and there in the distance and a mountain range that's far away. Are there any animals around?

What are you looking for? I'm just wondering. There's like birds. Oh, nice. You know, and then you maybe spy a deer in the distance. That bird over there is just complimenting your necklace, Billy. My skirt, you mean? Your skirt. Oh, thank you. I'm all delusional. I know. It's okay. I got this cup on my butt. I'm sorry, Bing. I feel sick. Thanks. So you get to the river's edge and you notice that there is no birds. What? There was a bridge and it's been washed out. Oh, man.

So you see like the piles where the bridge was like built on either side and you see some boards on either end, but then just water, Russian water. How deep is the river? You can't tell from here, but it looks like it's probably too deep to walk across. Is there any like rocks that are jutting out? That's a great question. How about you discern realities? So that's a 2D6 plus wisdom. Bing's just kind of just like, oh, I'm going to go to the river. I'm going to go to the river.

I'm going to go to the river. I'm going to go to the river. I'm going to go to the river. I'm going to go to the river. I'm going to go to the river. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge.

There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge.

Not what it appears to be uh what here is useful or valuable to me okay a little bit further down uh the river you see some plants jutting up out of a section of the river with like a rock it's kind of like this eddy around this one stone and you think that if you were to cross you would have a chance to walk across like you wouldn't have to swim so it wouldn't be as dangerous but you'd still have to walk through the current of the river but you think that that's like a fording point hey guys let's go over there to the fording point good eye billy no problem I'm really liking this audio play cadence I don't know no you're doing great can you keep walking or do you need someone to carry you I'll be fine crab half of my body hummingbird other half circle circle circle maybe we should lift him up not me I'm not big enough dan says should we get him on daisy you I can walk I'm I'd rather not but I'm also not poisoned dan get off the horse okay no I'll be fine and then he uh maybe you should maybe you should get on the horse oh a horse all right I'm gonna pick you up and put you on the horse now oh you're strong dan help me okay and dan kind of helps you struggles to help you put ving on on daisy you make it to the fording point and to get across uh anybody that is walking across is gonna have to make a defy danger okay defy danger strength so 2d6 plus your strength d6 plus d6 roll it got a 10 yep so that is a success um is any who is anybody else walking I'm riding daisy dan will be walking uh billy is really small can I have a ride tuck yeah get on my shoulders thank you okay yeah so you have wicker and you can walk and you can walk and you can walk and you can walk and you can walk and you can walk and you can walk and you can walk and you can walk and you can walk and you can walk On your shoulders.

And I feel like a pirate. Or like a ship. No, just a pirate. I think it feels like the world is my ship. Hey, look at this. Look at me put my leg up on this rock. And then, Billy, can you make like a parrot sound? Hoo-hoo. Nice. Parrot. Billy's never seen a parrot. I don't know. No, that's exactly what they sound like in this world. Yeah. Hoo-hoo. Actually, I guess, yeah, I guess Billy's never seen one, but I guess Tuck's probably seen a parrot before. It was close.

And so Dan sticks close to you, and he drags Daisy along with a vang on his back, and you guys cross the river successfully. But Daisy, she doesn't like the water at all. No? So I'm trying to dangle a carrot in front of her, but she doesn't like carrots either, so then I have to dangle it behind her. Motivates her through the water. Yeah, you see Daisy cross the river successfully trying to get away, from a carrot, I think is the implication. She's an idiot. She's not a very smart horse. No, no.

Most of them aren't. But you guys crossed the river successfully. Yeah. Congratulations. You did it. Now you're on the other side of the river. And on this side, the grass is soft. The few trees that you see around you are kind of singular trees, but they're blowing in the wind. There's a willow tree kind of waving its little tendrils. Are they called tendrils? The little tendrils on the willow tree.

Wicker says that you're still, like she hops down and you see her underneath one of the willow trees, she finds a clump of one of those orange flowers. Wait, can you ask Wicker how close we are to the place that we're going? Sure. Yes, the beautiful language of cats. I don't think he can right now. Yeah, that's a rooster noise for sure. Oh. I flop off Daisy and go eat the orange flower. Oh. On all fours. Oh. Should I stop him? I gotta stop him. Oh, we should stop him. I probably.

I'm going towards it like this. So you have a chance. I gotta pick him up. And just, yeah. Hold him. But she, yeah, she keeps walking and she stops and she looks back and she meows again. And you can hear that she's saying this way. Should I scout ahead or anything like that? Yeah, so you don't really need to make a roll for that. You see that over the next rise, another branch of the river, it looks like it kind of flows back around a little bit and you see a cluster of buildings. Oh, cool.

Ooh. Wait, before we go, can I use my wide wanderer move to figure out something about this area? Potentially. Wide wanderer is for important traditions, rituals, and so on and so on. So what do you want to know? Like who the native peoples are, what their religions and beliefs are. That's a lot of questions. Let me try and narrow it down. Yeah, narrow it down a little bit. Just tell me everything about this community. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. There's a ton of fun.

Um, this is, uh, they call it Bullrush Village and it's just a small fishing village on, um, what's this river called? Bullrush River. Bullrush River. Bullrush Village on Bullrush River. Cool. So yeah, it's just a small fishing village and they get by, by subsistence fishing. They trade a little bit with nearby villages. People used to come through here to get to the swamps and the places beyond.

And that doesn't really happen so much anymore since the swamps sort of started getting more and more dangerous. There's a city that's like two or three days travel from here. Uh, what is this city called? Okay. No, here's what we'll do. Okay. So we say it at the same time. Look at my mouth. The city is called Largeburg. Largeburg. The city is called Largeburg. Okay. Largeburg. Largeburg. L-A-R-G. L-A-R-G. B-U-R-G. Throw some Y's in there. Umlauts. Leersburg. Yes. Leersburg. Leierburg.

Leierburg. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Largeburg. Largeburg. Uh, okay. So. Yes. Largeburg. Let me write down Largeburg. Largeburg. High vote no. Largeburg is annoying to say. Okay. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. I will generate a name with a random name generator and that. Unionston. Ranta. Ranta. Ranta. Yes. They still rant. At Ranta. Well, Jessica's downvoting all the names. You come up with a name. No, I'm sorry. No, it's fine. No, that's fine. You come up with a name. It's fine. Jessica.

That's fine. No, no, no. No, I don't want to. I want to know. No, Billy's having a bad day. If our names are not good, I would like to know what is a good name. Please. No, I want to see this happen. I don't want to. Three. Yes. Two. One. One. She's not into it. Not into it. Okay. The next thing you say. What about? It will be the name of the town. Atrum. Mantra. Atrum. Maybe. Okay. Does it need to be something fantasy? Florida. Yes. Florida. Florida. What's like a fantasy-ish? Oh, yeah.

Something EM. Or like a. Fringe. Fringe. Like an adjective noun city. Adjective. Oh, yeah. Like it ends in L-Y? High Spears. That's good. High Spears. Largeburg. That's a good adjective noun. Pretty good, actually. I wish we had come up with that a few minutes ago. I do like High Spear. High Spear City. Yes. Let's go with High Spear. Jessica. High Spear. High Spear is a good name for a city. High Spear. High Spear. And it's up on a hill. High Spearites? High Spearians. High Spearions.

High Spearions. High Spearions. Oh, yeah. They sound kind of like. You're the High Spearions. Yeah. They sound like the. We train on Sunday. They sound like Gerard Butler. Yes. We are the 300 High Spearions. There's only 25 of us. It's me, Gerard Butler from 300, and this is definitely Italy. Can I come up with a theme song for High Spear? Yeah, but not right now. Oh. Because I have questions I want to ask you guys, and your theme songs are always three minutes long.

I promise it won't be more than 20 seconds. I promise, guys. Fine. Fine. Fine. 20 seconds. I promise. Can someone put a timer on? Hello, everybody. Welcome to High Spear. Welcome to High Spear, where we go to tell an area, walk into a river, too. Welcome to High Spear. This is a way that we give a welcome to our people from outside the city of High Spear. Bum, bum, bum, bum. High Spear. Check out our water park. They got you. They got you. They got you. They got you. They got you. They got you.

They got you. They got you. They got you. They got you. So is this like Tacoma remembered the song for High Spear? It's like, this is how it goes. Everyone loves High Spear. Come on down to High Spear. Spend some money on some churros. So what I was going to ask you. Get some motherfucking churros. High Spear. You said 20 seconds ago. Now that's over 20 seconds. I'm so sorry. So this is what I was going to ask.

I want you guys to help me build, because this is just a place that you might end up going later. High Spear City is most well known for Abdul in the water park. Okay. There's water parks. It's got a giant mall with a water park inside it. Whoa. Cool. Yes. It's called High Spear Mall. Yeah. It's called West High Spear Mall. It's got great ration court for mall West High Spear Mall. Like a food court in this world. The ration court. Not all food is rations. I should say. I should point out.

You guys have eaten lots of non ration food. Yes, but it is a giant bazaar. It's only dried out crackers and potted beef. And okay. Last question is there is something left over that used to be an amazing piece of technology when the Wizards were there and now it doesn't work anymore. And that thing is Jessica. Is there like a correct answer? No, you're making it up. What amazing piece of magical technology used to exist in High Spear City and doesn't work anymore, but it's still there.

Oh, I know that. There's a chocolate factory in the mall and they have these special elevators. No, no, no. Hear me out. Yeah. Yeah. You go. Okay. And then when they shut them all down, like the elevator just kind of stopped working wherever they were. So there's all these elevators are just like flowed like kind of floating midair in these certain places and no one can get on them. So this mall is shut down to know is the mall still open or is there a chocolate factory when the Wizards left?

Oh, the chocolate factory. Stopped working and the elevator stopped working to yes. Of rancid chocolate that they can't get rid of because it's only access by accessible by elevator. Yeah, or the HVAC system like you could go through the ducts Magic Chocolate Factory put the HVAC thing in there to rancid chocolate Lake. It's an infinite loop of rotten chocolate and what was that was the other thing the HVAC. Yeah, you can go through the ventilation system to get.

Get into the rancid Lake of chocolate the brown ring. They call it please explain that joke to me the brown ring like a butthole chocolate ring. We said it's an infinity loop of rancid chocolate. How are you not thinking about buttholes right now? I'm sorry. Paul thinks about butts a lot. All right. Well, that's true. So yeah, that's what you know about nearby. I spear City and Bull Rush Village. We should maybe go try and see if there's a healer in that community.

Yeah, so you you walk a little bit further and eventually you come to this village. It's a village village like whereas mudlark was more of like a medium to small size town. This is like a tiny village. There are all clapboard buildings. They're clustered mostly around the river. This is obviously some kind of small fishing village and it looks like it's mostly people drying fish and cleaning clothes and is there anyone nearby we can talk to there's a middle-aged woman.

And she's weaving things out of grass. What's her hair color? Yeah, what does she look like? She's sort of lean and she's got kind of dark skin and short hair and she's wearing a very simple homespun dress with like a cord tied around the middle and she's wearing very simple slippers. Okay, and she's weaving almost like fabric out of grass. I could go up to her because I'm replete in my grass skirt. Hi there. Where are you? Where are you coming from? Hello. We're coming from the swamp, I guess.

Oh, you came from that horrible place. She like gets down on her knees and she's like, oh you look at you. You little you cute little thing. You thank you. Look at your little grass skirt. What were you doing in that dangerous swamp? And she looks up at tuck and goes, why would you let this boy wander around in that dangerous place? Well, we is a long story, but we we took a commission to go take this guy Dan. He owns a food cart.

Dan says hi and we took him into the town of mudlark for the hot dog Festival. She goes, you know what? You know what? You look like you've been on the road for a long time. Okay, let me try and make it concise. No, no, no, no, no. My name is Tacoma and I'm originally from Macau, but I am not originally originally from Macau. I don't know where my parents are from. I was raised by a man named Bruce. She she as you're talking.

She walks up to like Dan and Billy and she says do you guys want something to eat? Yeah. Yes, let's do it. Let's do that. Wait, but then I look at Ving but that but before I follow her for food, I'm like I point Ving. I'm like he's been poisoned. Is there a doctor or a healer around and she yeah, she looks at Ving and sees that you look like you're dying. Well, we'll get we'll get you to the hall. We should be able to find somebody. Come on. God bless you, sir. Okay. My name is Tacoma.

By the way. I don't know. I don't think I introduced myself. She says no, that's fine. That was the literally the first thing that you told me. Well, it's Tacoma Dome. Don't forget it. And then I wink at her. That's wonderful. My name is Alec E and we'll we'll get you all set up. Okay, Tacoma. Thank you. No problem. So she like takes Billy's hand and starts walking that makes Billy a little nervous. But only because he doesn't know how to react. So he just is very stiff. Okay.

She takes you to the central building in the village, which is. A fairly large long Hall like a Viking Hall kind of where it's a long building that's all the way open and there's a fire pit in the middle and there are people eating and talking kids playing and she sits you down at a table and she brings you bowls of stew with fish in it and vegetables and some green onions or something something that tastes like what we would understand to be green onions. You don't know what they are though.

It's pretty tasty fantasy West. After. Keep. Reminding people. It's a world unlike our own. And she says, all right, I'll go and see if I can find someone to take a look at your friend here. Alec. He hustles off and you guys are left with the people of this village. Is there anything you want to do while you're waiting? I guess we talked to them. You guys want to talk? What do you want to know? I'm just like what what the vibe is what the vibe is. Okay, cool.

So you want to know about like traditions and stuff. Mm-hmm. So they bury their dead. In a like communal tomb, which is sort of outside the village and it's underground. It's like I'm like a crypt not just a hole in the ground with pile of bodies. And are there any tales associated with this crypt? Well, I mean the usual with crypts like hauntings. Yes, and that's pretty much it like unquiet spirits. Okay, cool. And I don't want to go there. Okay. Well, you're in really sick.

I just you're in no, I'm just a little worried because we're talking about tombs. Yeah. I hear you guys talking about. What this tomb a lot of like and I think that maybe I might be dying. Yeah, we're getting excited about their tomb, but you know what? We haven't stopped thinking about buddy is your ass this cup on my butt in the poison inside of it, but Billy we should definitely go to that to him though.

Yeah, we should maybe like when things better so we don't like because he's starting to like starting to get scared. I think he might have beat himself a little bit. Hot in here. You guys hot. I know his he is like he's got the mouth of a dog. And the eyes of a man and it is fucking terrified. I didn't want to say anything but yeah, and he also smells pretty bad right now. It's been so hard to look at him.

All right, and so Alec he comes back and she's got an older woman and she's got like gray hair that's hanging down in like several braids and some of the braids are braided into each other. Alec. He says this is who dear and she is. Sort of the the herbalist of the town. Oh, thank God. Yeah, I can smell an herbalist in the room finger. You blind now. I can smell it my mouth. Oh God. Yak sound throat is the only thing that was transformed into a yak. Can you please help our friend?

We think he's dying. Oh and who do is like, oh, yes. Yes, of course. I'll come here. Come here. Come here young man. Come here. I'm hey, hey Daisy. Hey, come here. Yeah, she's just saying that she's approaching you but she keeps going. Hey, come here. I'm here. I'm I'm please. Here. I am. Hey looking around the room guys. Where'd you get hurt? Where is it? I am back here under this cup in my butt. And she looks down. She like crutches down by your butt and she like is looking at the cup.

What what is why did? Who did this? Billy just like how looks around like way to not just waiting and I tuck does a thing where he like kind of stretches and points at Billy and she goes because this is pretty ingenious. I got to say thanks and then does a thing where you turn this the thumb back to himself and then he points with both fingers at his face. She says it's localized the poison into this part of a part of the butt. It's going to make it a lot easier.

But I'm glad that you made it here when you did because another day and this would have been a quite a sticky situation. What a million shot doc one million shot and she says, all right, I'm going to I'm going to take a look at your friend, but he's going to need the rest of the day to rest up maybe more but we'll check. We'll take a look in the morning. Thank you. And she starts like pulling stuff out of her bag.

She's got leaves and and roots and berries and she's kind of mushing them up and throws one in her mouth that she chews them up. And then she she pulls the cup off and she like takes out of the mash out of her mouth and presses it onto your butt. Oh, and she takes some cloth that she had and she ties it around your waist holding the poultice against your butt and she ties it off. She says no, no, no, no vigorous activity for the rest of the day down and rest. Get some get some good sleep.

Get some good sleep. I do. I feel extremely tired. Get some good sleep and we'll check on you in the morning. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. Make sure he gets some good sleep. Okay, we will thank you who dare you're welcome and she sort of backs out but looks at you the whole time. She's backing out of the room but keeping eye contact. Wow.

So Alec he asked whisker wicker to follow her wicker to stay close to her. I want to know where she lives wicker looks at you like why I guess I just want to be able to repay her the debt. What's in it for me wicker asks. Hmm. Hmm. Whatever present I give to her. I'll give one to you parlay you parlay with this cat duty six plus your charisma for four. That is a failure.

Mark one experience wicker seems really offended that you would even ask she what she gets up and she is starting to walk away off the table that she was sitting on and she looks and she says I belong to no one and she hops and she runs out of the out of the room. She's like, I don't know. I don't know. I'm out of the hall. She just she's left Billy runs after okay by the time you get out there.

She she's not insight and then he like falls down to his knees and he's like and like his little fists and he's like wicker. So ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost maybe for times of rest in revelry. Revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly spell dawn

Welcome back to Spout Lore. I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. With me, as always, playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. Hello! Playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Hello! That's the deepest Jessica's voice can go. I broke it. And Bing Bang Zumba the Half-Elf Druid. Paganistic? Elemistic. Elemistic. Elemistic. Elemistic. Elemistic. Elemistic. Elemistic. Elemistic. Elemistic. Elemistic. Elemistic. Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart.

Best and raddest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round, friends, and listen close, for the tale's about to start. You get to a point where the trees break a little bit. And the trail almost disappears like it washes away from the air. You see ruined houses and what looks like the remnants of a tower. If you see what looks like an old tile roof and tumbled stone scattered on the ground. But some of the tower is still standing.

There's a little square squat like room attached to the side of it. In that ruined clump of buildings, you see figures scrambling about. Oh, there's people in there. Yeah. Yeah, well, I'm going to go down and talk to them. Yeah. And tell them that they were coming up on a settlement that looks to be in like active turmoil. Oh, it does. And it looks like those moving figures were the only figures you saw. Like the scrambling piece. Yeah. Yeah. So there were only like five of them that you saw.

I think we should sneak up. They might have food. We need food. Yeah. I think we should try it. First of all, I asked Wicker what's going on. She just says, no, no, wrong, wrong way. Wrong way. Well, Wicker is telling us this is the wrong way, but I think we need food. Did I? Did I? Did I do something to her? No, she was asleep for a little bit. You realize she kind of dozed off on Daisy and she's looking at Tuck. She's like, wrong way. Why are you so mad at me? Wrong way. He was to lead.

This is the wrong way. He did it. And she's like, not pointing with a finger. Obviously, she's pointing by like, look at her paw. She's like, you wrong. Can you talk like a lolcat? What are you talking? Absolutely not. It's not. It's not 2008. He has other directions. I can't ask other directions. Yeah, she just is. Well, I'm going to put it to the committee. She's saying we need to turn around and go the other direction.

But I saw up there that there's some structures and some people, they look a little frantic, but they might have food. What do you guys want to do? Should we just turn around and go away and try and find food? I need food. We need food. Should I like go ahead and sneak? Yeah, that would be a great thing for Billy to do. Are you still nude? Yes. Great. But I have the raccoon cape. That's true. It's not totally nude. It hides my hair. Okay. So what kind of sneaky things does Billy have?

Puts his hands on his hips and walks towards it. Idiots. And wiggles it about. It's me, the nude boy. So that'll probably be a defy danger dexterity. I think that's mostly how we've handled it. Okay, that's fine. So 2d6 plus dexterity. Oops. Seven. Seven. Close. So you creep into an old cottage. Not much of a floor. The wood is still broken away. There's old furniture and rotten books and stuff like that. Is there any food? Can I see any food? You don't see anything in here.

If there was food, it's long gone. I'm gonna try to get to another building then. Yeah. As you look for a way out of this building to the next one, a figure steps in front of the building and you hear more snuffing and moving around. Through a gap in the wall, you get a good look at the face of one of them. And it is. It's mottled and leathery and sort of a brown green sickly color. Jagged teeth, scavenged armor that looks like it wasn't made for it. It's pretty horrific. Oh. But it's small.

It hunched like a person, but not any kind of person that you've come across. Oh hell, I'm hiding. Because you've only been on the road for what? Less than a year with these guys. So you've never seen anything. You haven't seen anything like this before. Oh yeah, no, I'm hiding. Okay, I'm gonna go hide under one of these old chairs. Okay. Billy crept off and you see him go into a building and you don't see him come back out, but you do see some of the figures move in that direction. So…

What are we gonna do? Do you want to just go try and talk to them? I mean, we're a lot bigger, right? They're just little guys? Yeah, they're quite small. Can we see any weapons or anything? Just armor. You see what looks like might be… They're wearing stuff on their hips or on their backs. People do that a lot in this world. They often carry weapons. Okay, so… Do you want to… I want to hide and do backup and then I'll go and talk to them. Okay. Yep. Okay, I go…

You're gonna go talk to them? Yeah, but I want to appear less intimidating. How? I'm gonna take off my pants. Yeah, I'm gonna take my clothes off. I'm gonna take off my leather underwear and also give all of my weapons to Ving. Okay. And approach them as a naked man holding a branch. Holding a branch. I'll say, this is an olive branch. So, okay, so you step into… And also Ving, if this goes really wrong, you need to go fucking crazy. Because I am fucked if this doesn't work.

If this doesn't go right, you need to turn into the biggest thing you can turn into and go crazy. You need to give me enough time to run away and get my stuff and then come back and fight them. Just let me know when that's gonna happen so I can cue hearts crazy on you. Yeah. Just the chorus though. It does. Okay. So you walk into the town with a branch in your hands. Do you think that Tuck's ever seen a goblin before? I dated a goblin one time. Goblins aren't the kind of things that you date.

Okay, I didn't date her, but I knew her through friends and I was really into her. And I thought I was making progress because I wrote her a lot of slam poetry. I wrote her a lot of slam poetry and I would like, I would head out to her parents place. To her parents place in the country every weekend to see her and like she seemed okay with it. So I figured I was making progress and then she like told me that she was betrothed to a goblin king and I killed him.

And then that caused like a civil war and that was like too heavy for me so I bounced. So you've seen a goblin before? Yeah, they're very beautiful in some ways. Well, okay. Well, these ones aren't necessarily so much. They kind of look like a pile of jagged bones that you left outside too long. Like they're just very upset looking. And when you come in and go, hey, peace exists between our people. You can tell by the way that they look at you that they do not agree. Okay. So they are angry.

They draw weapons. I'm like, whoa. And they're like cackling at you. I'm like, wait, I don't, can't you see how nude I am? They're like getting ready to go. They're like getting ready to attack. Okay, I'm going to roll a parlay. Parlay. You can't, you can't, you don't speak to them. Why? You can't speak to them. They don't speak common. Oh, um, I. They're just like chattering. Like, okay, can I, can I read them one of the poems that I wrote for this goblin girl?

I wrote one of the poems in goblin. Okay, fine. No, wait, you don't have them on you. I remember them. Okay, quick, make it quick. It's a haiku. Okay. I had a friend translate for me. Okay. So this is what the poem. Sure. I'm saying it in goblin. Yeah. I'm saying it in goblin. Okay. So I'm going to roll a two D six plus charisma. Roll a two D six plus charisma. Six. Eight. Fuck me. So what is a, what is a, this was a parlay? Yeah. Oh wait, no, it's not a parlay.

Cause you're not asking them for anything. You're reading a poem to them. Spout Lore. I guess. It's a, it's a. Wait, does it. Roll for a poem. It's just a defy danger charisma. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's defy danger charisma. It's defy danger charisma. It's defy danger charisma. Yeah. So on a seven to nine. They dropped their weapons and start slow clapping. Yeah. But I mean they. So they. So they don't attack you immediately.

One kind of like tiers up a little bit. And it's just like. And the other one that comes and puts his hand on his shoulder. It's a guy. And he kind of walks away. And then the one that put his hand on his shoulder is like. And like follows after him. Like he's chasing after him to make sure he's not hit. Oh. To make sure he's okay, but there's still one standing in front of you with a spear like, do I fight this one? The other ones have left, but Billy's still trapped in the building.

Have they left kind of the vicinity? They're kind of moving around. You might be able to sneak out. I'm going to try. You're going to try? Alright. 2d6 plus dexterity. Four. That is a failure. Yeah, mark a point of experience. And you are like, got it. You ran over with the chair still on top of you? Yeah, you are. You're like moving the chair. Yeah, you're just sitting under the chair like, squeak, squeak, squeak. Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak.

You try and go out the door and you're like, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak. You're dragging it through the mud and you're stopping every once in a while. And you get out the door and you get pretty far, actually. You're not really noticing. One of the goblins looks at you and you're kind of squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, moving under the chair and one comes and kicks the chair over and you're just creeping like, I did it.

And the chair flies off of your body and one of them grabs you by the scruff of the raccoon skin and starts picking you up and it has a jagged, rusty knife in its hand. Okay, I jump through. I turn into a Tyrannosaurus Rex. You cannot turn into a Tyrannosaurus Rex. So it has to be something either from the Great Forest or the Frozen North. Oh yeah, what about a Snorunoceros? Snorunoceros? I think we talked about how those are magical animals.

I think you can turn into weird amalgamation animals later on. Wasn't that the ice rhino? Was that what it was called? Oh yeah, the rhinoceros. I think it's the rhinoceros made out of rice. Rice rhinoceros? It's a mundane animal, basically. What about an ostrich horse? A mundane animal. Oh, just something mundane. You're too excited. You're going to fight. If that's what you're doing, are you charging in because you see Billy?

Well, yeah, I go in to step in and I have your weapon, so I need to drop down and give you weapons. Yeah, because if you are holding his stuff and you change shape, it becomes part of your shape. Oh! Because all of your stuff, all of the things that you carry and wear are shapeshifted with you. Oh yeah, okay, so I run in and hand him his… Well, I could just turn into a… No, no, yeah, just turn into a thing with axe hands. Yeah. It's not coming back down. What did he say?

He said it becomes part of his shape. A mundane animal. No, sorry, no. It's just like his clothes. He doesn't burst out of his clothes when he changes shape. Okay. But when he turns back into Ving, he's still wearing clothes. Okay, I'm going to turn into a mountain lion, a puma. Dope. Okay. 2d6 plus wisdom. Cool noise. 10. 10, that's three hold. Formcrafter, what's the stat you want higher? Strength. Strength, yeah, strength is used for hack and slash, so that's smart.

We will say negative one to… I mean, intelligence. It's a wild animal. So are you just straight up attacking something right away? I'm going to go in and pin the guy who's got Billy and get Billy out of the way. I'm going to get rid of his hands. Oh, cool. Hands off Billy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So sprinting that far, we can do that as the hold. Like it's been holding the weapons and… Yeah, dropping the stuff and then you change shape. Yep. And you run right past Tacoma and the spear goblin.

Yeah. So that'll be one hold. No, I bare my teeth and just hold them down. I'm not willing to start a fight, but I'm letting them know that we'll f*** them up. So defy danger, strength, I guess. Yeah. 6 and 3 is 9. Okay. You know that if you pounce on him like that, you're going to hurt him. Yeah. Like he's going to know. They're not that big. No, but this is going to be a fight to him. Yeah.

Like you can either not pounce on him and start a fight or you can hit him and get Billy out of his hands, but know that you're probably going to kill him. Can I speak goblin? Not in a puma form. Definitely not. And also maybe not as a half-out. Maybe you don't speak. Do you speak goblin? Well, I don't mind killing a bunch of goblins, but we might not want to fight. What do you guys think? Well, Tux is so tired. Okay. All right. I'll put them down. Then roll your damage dice. 6. 6.

So you are kind of loping along really low to the ground and you jump straight forward like a battering ram. Billy doesn't move, but the goblin does. It's one of those things where it's fast enough that Billy's like for a second hanging in there. I'm naked, by the way. He's still holding the raccoon. Yeah. He's going to pop out of the skin. You're totally nude. You hit the goblin and you roll a little bit. And when you are on top, like, you know, that weird do that cougar noise. Yeah, it's dead.

You killed it. Oh, you like hammered this thing. The two, the poetry goblin, the cry, the sensitive one. They turn. They see that one of theirs has been killed by this mountain lion thing. And the spear goblin turns and they all draw weapons and they start running. Okay. So how far away am I from the weapon? My weapons that were dropped. There are a few feet behind you. Okay. Can I. Dan is like, you guys good? Yeah. Sitting on the horse like, you okay? Jesus. Okay. I jump.

Can I jump back and grab my shirt? Yeah. Yeah. I do a backwards somersault. You roll on the ground backwards. I do a slow, I do a backwards somersault. And I grab. This is what I want to do. I want to do a backwards somersault. And as I somersault, grab my axe and loop my legs into my. Underwear. Leather underwear. Yeah. That I wear all the time. You know, my pants. Yeah. Totally short pants. I'm not going to make you roll for this. I just want you to know. Oh, why?

Because nobody's attacking you and you're not in danger of failing. So does Tacoma succeed? I guess. But it'd be sick. No. And I'll. Okay, fine. So I'm able to grab the axe, but I miss my pants and I just stand up with the axe. No pants. Totally. Yeah. There are two nude combatants. It's fine. Well, you know what? You try. New stuff. Sometimes it doesn't work. Totally. Yeah. All right. Solidarity. Yeah. So what are you and what are you doing from there?

Like the spear goblins running away from you. Do I have any distance things? No, you don't. Okay. Can I throw my axe? You totally can throw your. All right. We'll say that that's a volley. Yeah. Throw my axe at this guy. 2d6 plus dexterity. Eight. So you can either put yourself in danger to hit this guy. Yeah. And then I'll tell you what the danger is. You can do less damage. And those are the choices. I will. I murdered this guy just by running into him. So they seem pretty weak. Okay.

I'm going to do less damage. Okay. So roll the d10. Okay. One. Now roll a d6. No. One. Yeah. You do zero damage. Cool. Yeah. So does he just whiff? Does he just totally miss? I missed entirely. Just totally right over its head. Yeah. So I go really far over. I over. I love it. It's an air ball. It hits a structure past the guy. Yeah. And that structure collapses. Yeah. Great. So, yeah, you throw it into an old building and crush an old house. Yeah. And the goblin keeps running.

Didn't even notice. Damn it. I use a hold to get at him and take him down. The other. Well, there are three other two others that are running at you right now. So you're just going to jump on one of them. Yeah. If I can get both of them, I can't. We'll say you could probably get one. No. If you spend both your hold, I'll let you kind of pounce from one to the other. Yeah. Yeah. And then you'll be Ving. So roll your damage dice. Four. And roll it one more time. One. Yeah.

You jump on one, sink your claws into his throat, just kill it. Just crush it. Little tiny neck. And you jump to the other one, and it kind of wrestles with you a little bit as you're going down, and you just scrape it along the side and you're Ving again. And it's still struggling underneath you. You know, it seems like you just kind of cut into the old armor that it's wearing. You don't know if you actually made purchase. Billy, help. Yeah.

Billy, you've got the one that one of the poetry ones that ran to Ving. But there's another one coming at you because it sees a little easy to kill boy. You are totally nude. Except that pin in my hair. Oh, you have a tiny little needle in your hair. That pin that Maggie did. So I'm going to pull it out. OK. And then I'm going to. Uh. Catapult myself. Yeah. Try to hit him in the eye. OK, so it's coming at you. So unfortunately, you don't have like the drop on it or anything like that.

So just roll a hack and slash. So Td6 plus your strength, unfortunately. One. That is. How did you get one? Because I have minus one. So she rolled two ones and then minus one. Oh, no, I'm sorry. That is a that is a failure and on a failure. Not. A good thing happens. OK. OK. Such a small boy. It's fine. I can roll a d6. Three.

So you are you know, you're getting ready, you're like, ah, and you jump at it with the needle and as you jump at it, it plants a like gross barefoot right in your chest and just like kicks you out of the air and you kind of hit the ground and roll back and you take three damage. OK. And you're like, oh, I'm going to run. I don't have any weapons. So I'm just going to go fucking crazy. So what are you going for? I'm going for like just can I toss him my spear? Oh, can you toss me a spear?

You sure can. We'll say defy danger. Dexterity. Four. OK. Four. Big throw me your spear. Who? And I. He. What's your fault? You throw it. Really, really hard. Right at you. Yes. So I. So, yeah, you mark a point of experience and you roll your damage die. Or no, Abdul roll a D6 to two. So and you have one natural armor, right? Yeah. So, yeah, you get a spear in your leg, but it doesn't hurt that much. But there's still a spear in your leg, thankfully. So there's a spear, but it's in your leg.

OK, so I'm running. I've got a spear in my leg. Sorry. Yeah. And I'm real mad now. I am not hungry. Or tired. Just pissed. I pull the spear out of my leg and then I do all of the rude gestures I know how to do in Goblin and I'm like, oh, this is the move. What are you waiting for? Yeah. And what is what is what are you waiting for? Do when you cry out to challenge to your challenge, your enemies roll and con plus constitution.

Roll plus constitution on a ten plus they treat you as the most obvious threat to be dealt with and ignore your companions. Take two plus damage on going against them. So on a seven to nine, only a few the weakest or most foolhardy of them fall. Pray to your taunting. Cool. So I'm running for one of them. Yeah. Which ones? Who's in play right now? The poetry of the poetry one is still trying to get to Ving poetry. And one of the other poetry ones just kicked Billy like a soccer ball.

OK, so I'm I think you can handle the poet. So I'm running for the one to kick Billy. Yeah. And I'm trying to attract attention to me. Yeah. So two to six plus constitution. Constitution is one, six, seven, seven. So on a seven to nine, only a few the weakest or most foolhardy. OK, the one that was trying to kill Billy. Yeah. Yeah. It turns around and sees you making the goblin equivalent of the jerk off gesture. Yeah. And it's like, wow. And then it starts running you with a rusty knife.

OK, yeah. So I'm going to take the. Beer, which is in my face. Yeah. And then I'm just going to punch him with my face as hard as I can. OK, to do six plus strike. That's a hack and slash. It would be a hack and slash regardless. Right. It would be. Yeah. But yeah. So that's how I choose to do. Yeah. Great. I love 11. Great. Roll your your damage. Eight you describe how you kill this thing. OK, so we're running at each other. Yeah. He. Wheels back with his knife to stab me. And then I don't.

Yeah. I just run with my fist forward and then I punch as hard as I can in the head. Yeah. No, I feel like connect. I direct the punch down. You just smush it into the earth. And then I smash his head into the ground. Yeah. Turns into jam straight up. Gross. Really gross. Yeah. Yeah. It's down. It's dead. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Obviously. It has no head now. Yeah. And then I toss the spear back to me. OK, it is. Yeah. So there. And I say, thanks. The one the one goblin when let me.

OK, so that one's dead. That one's dead. That one's dead. Two more alive ones under Ving. Not dead yet. Speaking of which, that one like kind of shifts and pulls out like a little jagged piece of metal and it tries to stab you in the side. I have the thing. I mean, I got my. I got the head of you. Yeah. I grab my my spear. Spears aren't really I'm sitting on top of a person weapons. Well, I thought I could hold them down. Yeah, cool. That's cool. I pin I pin his arm down.

Trying to spit in his face. So you're trying to kill this guy or you're trying to pin him down? I'm trying to pin him down. OK. Then that will be a defy danger strength. Me. Eleven. Oh, eleven. OK, yeah. So you pin its arm down with your leg and you kind of press the stick down over its throat and it can't. Yeah, you got it. It can't move. It's quite a bit smaller than you as well. Well, it's basically like we're beating up children. Yeah. You're kind of beating up.

Kids, but like kids sized things. I tell him to call off the other guy. I know that he's dead. No, there's still one more. So you speak goblin. We've just decided that. No, no, nobody speaks goblin. I know that one poem. I can say that poem again. It heard the poem. It's over it. It it I just scream as loud as I can at the other guy. Yeah. Like while I'm holding his friend down, just like madman.

It backs up and it starts fumbling at its side and it pulls out a little dirty horn and it starts to put it to its mouth. What do you guys do? Am I near it? Yeah, you're near. You're pretty close to it, Billy. What do you do? I'm going to try to jump and grab the horn before he puts it to his mouth. Defy danger dexterity. Yes. Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy. Yes. What is that? An 11? Yes. Okay.

So Billy, like blocks like Jordan starts to put up its horn and you just go, you jump up and snatch it out of its hand and it starts running away. Towards me. No, away from you. Cool. Like towards the ruin tower. It's like it's running off. Can I do you want to do a thing where I pick you up and I throw you at it? Okay. I just legs. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So wait, can I throw the horn at you so it doesn't get the horn before? We'll switch. Yeah. Oh, switch. Yeah. I give you the horn. You throw me.

Okay. So defy danger strength. And Billy, you're going to aid. Okay. Seven, eight, nine, 11. Whoa. Okay. So you fastball special Billy. Just tell me how this happens. So I guess I'm like, Billy, let's do that move. We practice. Okay. So I don't really remember it. So I just make it up. So I like ricochet off the mud and then into his hand. I do a little flip. Yeah. And then I throw the horn at his other hand. Yeah. And then I take Billy and I kiss him on the cheek. Yeah. And I.

And I spin like a football. Yeah. And then what happens when you just smack into the goblin? Do you have daggers? Do you want to take a daggers? I have no daggers. I'm naked. Yeah. And that pin is gone. Oh, you have the pin. Oh, the pin's gone. Well, he like. He kicked you. It doesn't mean you dropped it necessarily. Yeah. Go into the back of his knee with your pin. I'm going to do that. You're just going to kill him? No, in the back of the knee. So I injure him. Okay, great. Hamstring.

So you yeah, you just hit him in the back, pin in the leg and it goes down with you on top of it. Hold him down. I'll hold him down. I'll hold him down as best I can. But it's not really. I don't really. Hold it down. Just mean it is really bad. And yeah, you've got three dead goblins and two live goblins. Okay, cool. How do we and how do we interrogate? So as the as the the fight seems to have ceased, Dan leads Daisy into the little town, so it's done there, subdued you guys. You did it.

It's a great job, everybody. I saw the fight from back there. It was awesome. I was really rooting for you guys. What's the plan? Why are you called Colonel anyways? It was a nickname. Yeah, that's the plan. Well, we had to figure out how to talk to these things because I only know. Oh, one poem. No, I it's cool. I yeah. Okay. No, I can. I can talk to them. What? What? I just like they're not nice, right? Yeah, you can see. I'm aware of that, Dan. Yeah. So now that they're.

Indisposed like this is fine, I can do this. You have been able to speak out in this whole time. The whole time. Well, this is the first time we've seen a goblin together, isn't it? Yeah, but you saw me do the thing where I got naked and then I walked up to it to like. I hate you. I don't. Yeah, that's. I also saw them put a little bit of goblin blood on Dan's face and say, this is on you. Okay. I deserve that. I deserved it. So what do we piece of shit if he has any food? Okay. Okay.

It's been a while. I'm a little rusty. Fucking Dan. You serious? He he he he walks up to it. The one that that you're sitting on top of because you're just like holding it down. Like, could you talk to this thing and and crutches down? He looks very confused for a second. He's a bad. It. And the goblin barks back in his face like, he's like, oh, wait, no, no, no, no. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I either said. I can't remember if I'm saying food or if I'm saying boxes.

This is and the goblin goes off and he talks to it for a little bit. They chatter back and forth and they start laughing. I'm like, it's like this guy's pretty cool, actually. He's all right. It's basically like they're like pointing at you like the goblin kind of nods at Vang. And he's like, bop bop bop. And Dan's like, bop bop bop. They're like, bop bop bop. Totally. Totally. So, hey, um, oh, wait, you guys making fun of us? No, no, no, no, no.

Not making fun of, you know, we don't have to understand what you're saying to kind of get the tone of it. A lot of a lot of goblin reparte is insults. Cool. That's part of it. You kind of make fun of everything. Well, maybe the goblins have thick skins, but we don't. Anyways, so they say that they have lots of food and that they need it or what? That we can't we they they need to eat. There's a lot we should probably. Go. OK, we're taking some of this food. There's a there's a lot of them.

Goblins. There's a lot. How many and where? He says they're in the tower. They're just over there. What? OK, where's the food? Then that square thing, he says. I think he means I think he means it's a storehouse. I think is what he's trying to say. OK, well, let's get the food and get out of here. Not deal with that army of goblins. If you have a horn now taking call goblins that could come in useful. Yeah, I'm going to keep this horn. Mm hmm. Tell him that that he understands. OK, tell him.

Tell him that I'm sorry that his friend is dead. They weren't friends. Oh, well, that's good. Tell him that I'm taking this horn because he should have known better than to try and fight strangers. It was rude and I did not enjoy it. So I'm taking this and taking his knife and I'm stealing food. And then we're going to go. And next time he should maybe think twice. Before he approaches a stranger like that. That. OK, he understands. Cool. Should we just is everyone cool with that? Sure.

Oh, I was just going to, like, rush to the box and try to unlock it. OK, cool. Before. I don't know how close that tower is. It's fairly close. It's like 40, 50 feet away. How did they not hear us then? You don't know if they're in the tower or above or below. Like, even if they're there, there is a door like the door is closed and there's a door to the tower. There's a door and a door to the square room next to it. I'm going to go to the square room and try to unlock it. OK, sure.

You roll me a tricks of the trade to D6 plus dexterity. Well, plus your dexterity is five. I still failed. So you reach into the lock with the copper needle. Yeah. And you don't know if these things are just if this is a crappy locker, if this needle is just really strong, but you kind of shatter some stuff inside, you feel the lock's not going to move. Damn. And that's the end of our ability to try and get in there. That's the end of your ability to pick that lock. Can we smash the door open?

You probably could. Smash the door open. Can I try and quietly smash this lock? You can try and smash the lock. Can I quietly do it? No, that is not within your. Can I crush it with my hand quietly? Roll a defy danger strength. I get off the guy and holding the spear to one guy's throat and the knife to the other one. And they understand that if they go anywhere, I'll kill them. Yeah, totally. You've killed you killed two goblins in like, you know, a minute. Eight.

So you just crushed the lock in your hand. Yeah. So you just crushed this metal lock in your hand and it falls away and you open the door and there are sacks of. Goblin crackers. Yeah, there's like sacks of weird food and stuff. It doesn't smell great in here, but you do see that some of it is packaged like they stole it from somewhere like it's crates. You also see some weapons and what looks like a little sack of valuables. And you see two goblins going through it.

And they turn as you open the door and they go, I'm going to try for the poem again. Two to six plus charisma. Nine. One. One is like transfixed, but they're like confused. One is confused as it sees you reading like this. This is still poetry. So can I? I want to do the poem. I want to do the poem. But you have. Yeah. It goes to eleven on a nine. They attack their nearest ally. But you also draw their attention in higher. Yeah. Here's your poem.

And it's so yeah, it's so deeply affected that it picks up like a pot and just smashes the goblin in the head. Cool. Like knocking it out totally. And then it it turns to you and picks up a pot and starts swinging it. OK, can I just grab him? Yep. Two to six plus strength. OK. Seven plus two. It smacks you in the head, but it is it is dead because you just like crush its throat. I'm sorry. Yeah. But you hear a lot of movement from nearby. But you now have this like open room full of food.

Ransack, ransack, ransack as fast as we can. We just grab everything we can. I turn into kangaroo and put everything in my pouch. You can't turn into a kangaroo because they don't exist in the forest. But you can turn into some big animal. Yeah. Also, can we just load Daisy up? Dan, do something useful. Yeah. Dan like runs up with Daisy. And he's like, this is it's this or nothing. Yeah. I start putting pearl necklaces around Wicker's neck. Yeah.

There's like a bag of valuables that you can grab. OK. There's a small bag that seems like it's valuable. So you can grab that. Let's steal that. I'll carry one apple at a time. OK. Yeah. Tiny bag. There's like movement. So you want to move fast. Yeah, we're doing that. So each just grab one thing. Right. So bag of food, bag of food, small bag of valuables. One apple. Dan grabs a bag of food. I grab a bunch of weapons. We throw a couple of crates on top of Daisy. She can't carry that much.

Well, one crate. One crate. You grab a bunch of stuff. OK. We just get stuff. Yeah. You try and grab the nice food. OK. I'm going to. I is there anything else? What else? This is this is pretty much all I have. OK, well, I'm and you get like flappy feet kind of hitting stone really close. But I turn into a yak. You turn into a yak. Yeah. Oh, an arctic yak. OK, yeah. Great. Two to six plus plus wisdom just so we can get ready to get out of here. So eight, eight. So that's so that's one hold.

Yeah. So, yeah, you you load up. And as you are like running out, you hop up. There is like sort of a boiling, rolling mass of goblins coming up out of the ground. Oh, I know. And kind of pouring into the storeroom. But they're coming out behind you. So bust out the back door roll or you can. Again, you could spend your hold to. But then I would turn back to Vang. That's true. You would. So roll a two to six plus dexterity. Three plus zero. Three plus zero. So you.

So, OK, so what's going to happen is you. You are running away, like hauling out of the town and one throws a spear, sails through the air, hits you right in the ass. Roll a six. Shit. But three, three. So you take one or two because you have armor. Oh, yeah. And you feel hot. Like the wound feels hotter than normal. But you are off into the woods. Dan is whipping Daisy into a frenzy. Wickers barely hanging on. And so you.

Rip off into the woods with your brand new bags of food and your new valuables, some coin in that weird book and a fancy cup. And it's peaceful for a little bit as you careen through the woods. You think you've left the goblins far enough behind that you should be safe. And you come back onto what appears to be the main trail that you'd left. And things kind of look the same. But you get to a point and Wicker kind of stands up on top of Daisy's head. You see her.

She's got a little nose twitching and she hops down, which she does not do very often. And she approaches a clump of flowers growing under a log on the side of the road out of the mud. It kind of orangey and they're delicate looking. And she walks up to the clump of flowers, sniffs them a little bit and looks back and meows. And you understand that she's saying right way. And she hops back up on the horse and you carry on. We still have time. I think about it. I want to cry.

Thanks for listening. This has been Spout Lore. I have been the game master, Sean. Thank you to Jessica, Paul and Abdul for playing. Thank you to our producer, Wes. And thank you to hecklers for letting us use the upstairs Ratfish Lounge to record. And thank you to Aaron Reid for our super awesome theme song. Thank you for listening and we'll see you next week. And so ends the tale of adventures three. Who tried the best they can.

The dumb and scared and lost they be for times of rest in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute. Or do your chores. And for you I gladly Spout Lore.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends and listen close For the tale's about to start That was like a season Okay, no, we'll do seasons if I'm outvoted, that's fine Seasons it is Season Alright My name's Sean and welcome to Spout Lore Season 2 We're continuing our Dungeon World game Dungeon World is a game by Adam Coble and Sage LaTorah Based on the hack of Apocalypse World by D.

Vincent Baker And joining me as always are our players Jessica Hi As Fat Billy the thief Paul Hello As Ving Vang Zumba the druid And Abdul Wassup And as the!!

And as the town's leader, the town You were left with the care of the stone box Which you have been asked to take the box to a place called the vault for safekeeping Because whatever magic is keeping whatever is inside the box inside the box is starting to fail And the vault is apparently a place that will keep that from happening And you have also been given a brown and black cat named Wicker who will apparently lead the way And as you left the town, Wicker told Ving Because Ving can speak to animals That they were going the wrong way So apparently she knows the way You don't know how, you don't know why Maybe Ving's full of shit Maybe Ving's lying Dude, his cat says go that way I wanna go this way Uh, so We come upon you The stinking mire is very very big Very big Uh, you traveled for several days Walking sometimes Riding Ving in the form of an elk Dan, Colonel Dan Fosse Uh, would give up his horse Horse every once in a while for Billy Because Billy's like a foot and a half tall and can't really walk for that long or that far Or uh, or Wicker Because Wicker has made it pretty clear that she doesn't like the mud At all She almost refuses to walk So she has only been kind of riding on the shoulders of one or more people throughout the day Or on the back of Daisy And it's been uneventful The first and second day you were still kind of nervous You still heard croaks in the distance The third day the croaks Kind of went away Fourth day Food ran out Fifth day, here we are You have no food Dan is starting to look a little worse for wear I'm an expert forager Yeah, you, because you have a trait called by nature sustained Which means you just always find food for yourself Yeah, there's smarty root everywhere around here Smarty root?

What's a smarty root?

Uh, it's this root that tastes really gross But also a little bit like chocolate Uh, so I'm just trying to get my mind off of it I've been sustaining Billy and Tuck mostly on smarty roots But it's not very nutritious for long Yeah, if you want to sustain them you're going to have to probably make a roll for that Because you can find food and water for yourself Oh But you could roll maybe a defy danger wisdom Okay So that's 2d6 plus your wisdom modifier Hey guys, we got nine, so Nine That means one of you can get food Well, Billy, you're a growing boy That's very generous of you Okay, so I'm going to roll a nine I'm going to give all the smarty root to Billy Also, I don't like smarty root Why not?

Nobody likes smarty root It gives me the toots Oh, the smarty root toots I think it might be giving me something too Billy's not feeling so hot Billy is really sweaty right now Like he's just like tucked into a little bag Into a bag?

Yeah, cause I've been carrying a backpack with Billy inside it Like a little armadillo And I'm just like, ugh So Billy's been eating enough that you're not hurt Tuck, however, is hungry Yeah Like painfully so Yeah, I hide it well You also just need more food than the average person Cause you're seven feet tall And like, what would you say? 300? 325 pounds?

I'm like a tight 375 This is the best shape you've ever been in Well, starving really does lean you down Okay, so Yeah, you're gonna We're gonna have to remember that you are starving Yeah, I'm really hungry Yeah, I mean, five days without food is doable Are my hit points returned to zero? Yeah, you guys have rested Okay So you're all clear And it is on this fifth day as the sun starts to set over the trees That you realize you are being followed Who do you think catches a glimpse of it?

Who has the sharpest eyes? Well, why don't I go up into the air and check it out? Can I do that? Shape-Shift Eagle 2d6 plus wisdom Nine Nine, so you get one hold and you take the form of An eagle Eyesight Sweet, so you flap up into the sky You catch a glimpse of something or someone in the trees What is it?

A group, looks like, under cover They're keeping very close, I can't tell the numbers They're using camouflage of the forest and swamp Oh It could be magic I can't tell My eyesight looks exactly like the swamp It looks like a section of the swamp is following us Oh, it's a section, it's a group of things Or people Under cover or are made of the swamp Look like a, okay Alright Weird That's fucked up Also while you're up in the sky Now you see for sure What you believe to be the edge Of the swamp forest It's like a two days walk?

It's like two days away, yeah So you still got a couple days but you see An end So yeah, you know that the edge of the swamp is nearby You're also being followed by Something That does not look good So yeah Ving comes back down and yeah You tell him about that I don't Good news or bad news?

Bad news first I guess There might be a piece of the Swamp itself Oh It looks like a mystical monster made of the land That we hate is on our tail Cool Good news is there's only two more days In the muck That's kinda also bad news Oh I'm not good at this Um Well I found some more smarty root I can't eat that I'm smarty root intolerant I get the smarty root toots Like every I can eat some mushrooms if you guys want that instead Billy those are poisonous What?

Don't eat those, did you eat any of those? Oh yeah, ate a lot of them How long ago? Like the last three days You've been eating them constantly? Yeah every time we make camp I just Have a couple pounds of it How's your tummy feeling? Not very good Oh not so Yeah you sweat through this backpack you're in I have, it's very wet There's like a foot of sweat in here It's a water tight backpack It's really water tight I've got a bunch of poultices and herbs Can I use something to ease his stomach?

Oh yeah probably Okay I'll grind you up It's gonna take some time Okay Basically you can't use poultices and herbs during like a fight Or when you're running like you need to take time and tend them So Dan is on top of Daisy And Wicker is sitting on Daisy's head Just kinda like loafed up like cats do And then I'm like oh I'm gonna have to go to the bathroom She's out of the cage She's out of the cage yeah After a couple days you realize that she's pretty Obedient?

Not obedient I don't know if this matters sorry but she told me Her actual name is Courtney But we can call her Wicker if you want Oh man I mean Courtney We can call the cat Courtney No I don't want to Wicker's a great name Okay either way the cat Is sitting on top of Daisy's head Wicker is its slave name guys I did not want to say that specifically That's exactly what I thought and I did not want to say it And you said it Well low hanging fruit that's what they call me They call me Abdul Easy punchlines Aziz Azizi punchlines I was gonna say that but I didn't They call me Sean Low hanging fruit There's no way to work my name into that Alright moving on So Dan pulls Daisy around And goes hey what's going on what's the problem Um there's like A swamp monster What That's following us How long has it been following us for Also Billy's sick cause he's He's been eating Poison intentionally Those were poison Oh have you been eating them too I mean I thought That they were rations I'm making medicine Well what are we gonna do about the swamp monster What is it what is it what does it look like Is it over there it looks like a chunk of the swamp I can't see it from the ground but when in the air It's like a moving Piece of swamp glummed together What do we do It's moving sporadically stopping and starting and Moving quickly and zig zagging So what do but what do we do though We could try and kill it and eat it I am crazy hungry Right now he's crazy I am crazy for some nay nays What's a nay nay I call it's what I call bananas You think this thing has bananas in it maybe What do you okay what do you Do you guys um should we like Lay you down cause I'm getting really motion sick That's maybe what it is That's maybe what it is You've just been sitting in a backpack Looking at stuff and trying not to barf the whole time Is that poultice ready for his tummy Do we eat it is that what we do with it Uh how do you treat this Uh it's uh it comes in a dropper form You have to put it in your nose Oh okay You're just shoving oils into their noses Yeah I get you to lie down on the ground and tilt your head back And I just put a few drops in your nose Yeah so mark a mark a U softener And uh Your tummy starts to right itself Uh so Yeah if you guys want to know more about Whatever this thing is Uh that's uh Spout Lore Oral Spout Lore Okay so that's 2d6 plus intelligence Spout Lore little tm Little tm We can't we can't trade the game's already trademarked Spout Lore little tm Nope can't do it It's ours it belongs to us Don't sue us Adam coble and sage latour please Sage latour More like sage lick my balls This is a bad Feud to start Sage latour come to my house I live at Fort street victoria bc Apartment He he lives in like Washington Yeah He could get here Adam coble lives in vancouver Adam coble come to my vancouver home It is Main street apartment Buzzer number I assume we're cutting this because we don't want abdul to be Uh harassed by some weirdo that listens to this show Buzz in Buzz in fans and talk to me And I'll fucking Uh so 2d6 plus intelligence Oh I rolled a nine I rolled a nine Intelligence is Zero So you rolled a nine It was a negative one right Yeah I've worked up to no High fives guys Ow ow Okay so on a Seven to nine on spelt lores The gm will tell you something interesting It's on you to make it useful Okay You have somehow heard of these things before They are called swamp shamblers They're sort of like an Elemental And I imagine tuck has probably encountered elementals in his travels Yeah tons of times So elementals are I beeped a fire uh I beeped a fire Fire hog Uh hold on A fire hog A fire hog Are you just saying fire hog Cause it sounds like mire frog and that's the last monster You guys came up with Oh yeah that's what I banged a mire frog So it's a big pig made out of fire So it's a big pig made out of fire Yeah Well you guys don't have to be fucking dicks about it It's just freaking so You can barely hear him over his own stomach Yeah I'm just screaming and freaking out about this pig Alright man we fucked a fire hog Everybody had to fuck one weird elemental one time It's part of being an adventurer Understood Understood Moving on So this is what tuck tells us about The swamp monster Is nothing except this fire pig Yeah he tells you zero about the swamp shambler And almost 15 straight minutes of bellowing That he had sex with a pig And then he's like I'm so hungry While he's slowly getting hard and starving I'm so hungry Okay so basically Elementals they're mostly Conjured in some way Swamp shamblers kinda happen by accident And they are made of Living pieces of the swamp Like vines and water and wet leaves And twigs kinda pull themselves Into a humanoid shape And they just kinda wander looking for things to Like consume basically I heard that I heard that you can get high by eating a little bit of them So he Dan is like okay so you're gonna fight this thing That's your plan I guess so Do you guys need any help You could lure it away for us or distract it Yeah do you wanna be bait Yeah please bait Colonel bait I'm just down for letting myself be Consumed I've given up entirely I don't really I don't really wanna be bait Grab a sword or be bait Those are your two options What about the cat We gotta keep the cat safe too I can't just run in there with this cat This cat's important Well leave cat with Daisy You just want me to run past it No we wanna walk Well we should come up with a plan I think we're doing that Yeah wait on the path and then we'll ambush from the sides Run up on its back Alright so you just want me to stand over here Well yeah I mean yeah Okay now That was as good as time as ever Yeah um so what are we doing Maybe I should shape shift into Oh an element You can turn into Plants and rocks and stuff Yeah a bunch of vines to try and bangle them up It is In here somewhere What's it called Thing talker You may apply your spirit tongue shape shifting And studied essence to inanimate natural objects Plants and rocks or creatures made there Of as well as animals Vaguely humanoid shaped entities You'd look a lot like this thing actually Maybe smaller but a lot like the swan shambler What if I try and confront it straight up So have we talked about I think we've mentioned in the past but I'm curious Like when Ving changes shape Is it like a werewolf like Animorph like morphing Or is it just like Ving is there and then a pile of plants is there No it comes over like Like a water dripping over his head And it's slow Slow sort of like eugh yeah When Dan sees that and is like Oh Oh god what is happening to him Look away Is this normal Yes this is Actually I've never turned into anything like this before Yeah that's rough He doesn't like that Do you need me to be bait still Yeah We need attention on you So yeah Dan starts walking forward and you're gonna like I'm gonna slink behind him a ways But slowly and in the path of this thing And Dan starts going like Hey Hey I'm over here Hello I'm bait Come and get me God this guy is Purely talentless Just don't Hey hi and he starts kind of throwing Sticks near it Jesus Waving his arms in the air He throws like an eagle would throw if it tried to throw with its wing And yeah that's the situation The swamp shambler sort of shifts And starts slinking towards Dan I guess I slink into the bull rushes Okay Next to where Dan is Yeah So you're trying to sneak up I'm gonna wait for them to get a little bit closer And then join them in their approach to Dan You're gonna okay roll 2d6 plus dexterity Defy danger yeah Tuck yeah tuck and Billy if you want to aid It would be like 2d6 plus bond I have five plus dexterity Is Zero Yeah I know you're just gonna fail I failed You're creeping through the trees and sort of the wet muddy Ponds trying to Get around the shambler As you see it moving towards Dan And Ving creeping up as a Plant slug behind it I guess I'm just too weak Yeah you're like trying to be really sneaky And you step on a branch And it snaps really loudly and you put your foot Right into like a deep Thing of mud that starts sucking at your leg And the swamp shambler It was going away from you And now it's just you don't even see it turn It's just coming towards you now Okay Ving I'm bait now the plan changed Dan goes great I'm gonna go back to the horse No Dan you sand fight you piece of shit He's running you fucking asshole Coward Yeah he's running away I'm gonna throw Billy clear of danger Oh okay Really this will be a defy danger Strength I guess Ugh Does Tuck just throw me into the mud Like two feet in front of him Yeah exactly you're like Straight down basically right in front of you I poo for sure Billy craps himself And hits the mud And is just like up to his neck I get in between Billy, Tuck and the swamp I'm so sorry I uh I try my best to To ask what it wants Uh I can't It rumbles It makes the same You hear it making the same noise that you hear Ving making basically You do that voice I can't do it But what it's saying is Intruders We mean you no harm We merely want to pass through your land It just repeats it It's intruders We mean you no harm Escort us out Uh It says intruders a third time If you're gonna want to try and convince it to do something You're gonna have to roll I'm gonna convince it to do something by Uh Standing up and pulling my swamp thing Into a form of a big gigantic man Uh huh It's flat so I can go up and out more Oh I see It's a big man with hands on his hips Uh huh Like a big tuck looking thing You look like the Marlboro guy Yeah I turned into Marlboro man In front of this hunk of moss Yeah so this is What do you think a parlay And the leverages leave or all Or wolf fight Or do you want the leverage to be seduction I think we were going in a good direction Hahaha I'm gonna tap on my viney shoulder Like trying to seduce it So basically this is gonna be a parlay But you're basically trying to outfit Yeah Like get out of here or we'll fight Uh so roll a parlay 2d6 plus your charisma Oh no 10 Yeah 10 When you like rise up It kinda shrinks it's big But you make yourself pretty Yeah a lot bigger than If it were to look to the side This dude's made out of paper mache But uh it still says Intruders But it's receding Where it once was it just sinks Into the swamp into a pond Parts of it break off And it disappears Whew Thank god I shrink back down Thanks thing Can I use my last hold to just Pluck tuck out of the mud I grab Billy A big viney A big viney like hand comes down And engulfs you And wraps around you and pulls you out of the pond So that's the last hold you turn back into Ving I am Ving Billy gets hauled out of the mud Yeah I'm naked now though Yeah he pulled me by my hair and I just fell on my pooey suit Where is it you're still wearing your raccoon skin No No it's stuck in the mud So what does Billy look like Without his raccoon He has copper hair and he's very Pink and white and tubby and naked So Billy is Well I mean the raccoon skin is in the mud Yeah It's just in that pond if you wanted to pull it out I'm just gonna grab it But I might just stay like this for a while It's kinda nice to have air on my butt Okay I'm just gonna put it in my pack okay Thank you You hear Dan from the tree line just calling Do you are you is it good It's good a pesto Okay Okay Thanks This is probably a good point for you guys to make camp How do you how do you Cause I mean you still are in a dangerous swamp Does anyone set a watch or anything like that I feel better so I can stay up with Wicker Yeah You and Wicker Are sitting watching Yeah So Wicker stays up with you And you're sitting on a log Fire is crackling a little bit She's like kinda keeping her distance for a while Does Billy like cats at all Oh yeah I don't think Billy's never seen a cat though Before Wicker so He's very interested Okay Wicker is not interested in Billy What do you do I make her interested How I just like waddle up to her and I like pat her cause I don't know what else to do Oh when you like walk up she like moves away Okay so I'm gonna do a dance cause I A dance Well I've seen other animals do dances So I like do a little dance And I wave my arms around and like shake my butt a bit Everyone's asleep by the way Yeah Silently shaking your butt She doesn't leave But she still doesn't let you pet her What if I like Do you have anything on your My tricks I just have poisons But what does the poison do Oh it makes you friends The poison that you have is golden root Whoever ingests it is your friend For a period of time Yeah I'll use it Sure I have no one else to use this on What does golden root look like Like the poison It's just like a bunch of ginger that I ground up So it's just like a mash Yeah but you just have to mash it for a long long time And like I have to do it until I get really sweaty Otherwise it just doesn't seem to work so So she uh she kinda sniffs Yeah and so I wipe it on her nose really quick She lips it Okay so I'm gonna do it now She just licks it up a little bit Oh and I'm like I don't know if you should eat it but Her eyes widen Okay And she kinda walks up and Nice Nuzzles up with you So we cuddle Yeah and your watch passes mostly uneventfully Who takes next watch I'll take next one I'm exhausted Yeah Vink should probably sleep Tuck is just kinda staring into the fire And you're reflecting on You know your time in the swamp Your time in Mudlark and you're thinking about your past So the swamp is gross you hate the swamp Tuck hates the swamp?

That's the worst thing that's happened here Yeah totally so what is in your past What is a gross place that Tuck has been to What is the grossest place in McCall What's the grossest place in McCall Well that's an interesting question Has a lot of answers Depending on What you mean by gross Cause there's like dirty Like from like a filth perspective But also There's things that make you feel dirty inside of you So I'm staring into the fire thinking this place is gross I'm like covered in shit and mud but it's not nearly as bad as that music festival that happens in mccall every year like it's punks it's mostly punks which we've talked about punk is barbaric barbarism it's barbarism yeah so tuck is basically just a punk musician I'm a I like I used to be heavy into the punk scene I would go to the shit slingers festival with like a huge bag of shit with a bunch of other barbarians like this is a barbarian festival it was a barbarian festival it would show up we'd have a big bag of shit and well we like we would just like fucking whip it and like strangers and like people not at the festival people at the festival and then we would like when we whip it we would go amazing and we're gonna you got shit sling um and then there'd be like a huge concert in the end you're like dump into a mosh pit and just fucking rage great so you take a point of experience for that because of your outsider thing remember I just kind of roll over and say to yourself tuck you all right and your your watch also passes thankfully uneventfully uh and next watch ding yeah I'm up yeah and you're just chilling yeah I'm just chilling and uh there's a russell by one of the bedrolls and dan is also up hey dan what's up he just sits down and he's poking at the fire like a real camp sort of scenario oh he's one of those is he yeah he's one of those he's like I wanted to you know we came all the way to mudlark together you never know when you're gonna be in a camp and you're gonna be like oh my god I'm gonna he's like I wanted to you know we came all the way to mudlark together and you never know when you're gonna be in a camp and you're gonna be like oh my god I'm gonna be like oh my god I'm gonna be like oh my god I'm gonna ever mentioned to me that you're half elf yeah so why did you feel the need to hide that from me I didn't necessarily hide it from you specifically I just not something I talk about I just feel like maybe I don't see a ton of elves out this way you know in this part of the principalities there's not there's not a lot of us and this might be why I'm here what happened man it's not gonna be that easy to get me open up dan we've been through some shit but I've got my reasons I've got my reasons I've got my reasons but I think a lot of it could be signed up by just talk about my parents yeah you mentioned your your your father's an elf did you spend much time in the in the in the forest or was it mostly with your mom I spent uh most of the years with my mother and then when I finally struck out on my own I went to go find my father to confront him because she talked some shit about him and then he found another uh woman and left with her leaving my mom with myself and then my mom died oh yeah I'm really you really got me humans I'm opening right up yeah yeah it's crazy right it's like you spend a lot of time around elves you get used to you you spend a lot of time around elves you get used to uh just things being the way they are and then you start spending time with the humans and they move so fast they just they're there and then they're gone it's like flowers man yeah it's the worst wither you ever miss it the forest yeah yeah believe it or not this stinking mire reminds me of home the forest part I imagine not the tundra part yeah the forest part yeah tundra is maybe a little starker I imagine I've never been there hope to make it one day it's dangerous my family's mostly from the lower parts oh my god I don't care okay good point you know what I thought we had a good talk I thought we had a good talk we did thank you and it's hard I'm sorry I'm lashing it's hard for me to know I hear you man I I haven't been back yeah I don't know if I'll ever go back but you know it's nice to run into somebody that has a bit of a shared experience you know what actually this feels nice dan yeah you got the watch bud you got the watch bud yeah I got it I got it the rest of the watch passes uneventfully you wake up the next day yeah you guys are just packing up your tents and your bedrolls and stuff you probably don't have much actually you're kind of left with nothing yeah but you have adventurer's gear you know it comprises the basics like a water skin uh a bedroll and then a pillow basically attached to a mat and you're just rolling that up yeah well I just slept in the mud so it's still nude yep yep this is like god intended just like the halfling god intended yeah what's that halfling god's name did halfling oh man we can't get I love this stuff too no I want to know do halflings have a religion kind of but it's like they mostly worship like the earth not really like a god specifically it's very like animistic is that the right word paganistic yeah like more like they worship the elements less so than animals animistic cool and they worship the river as well okay so yeah just like the the river intended now that we got that out of the way so yeah you're packing up you guys billy billy what'd you feel great that's awesome yeah I had weird turning into that swamp monster give me weird dreams what I turned into that swamp monster yesterday and I had really strange dreams what was your dream I was a boat uh uh on a sea of salt hardened salt and I couldn't on a sea of salt, hardened salt, and I couldn't go anywhere, and I was just stuck.

It was very, very frustrating. You guys… Do you guys not dream the same dream every night? What's your dream, Tuck? I dream of a giant cataclysm that destroys an entire nation. Every single night? Oh, my God. Is that not normal? Dan steps forward and is like, I had the same dream. Oh, yeah? No, I'm fucking with you. Fuck you, Dan. Do you guys seriously not have the same dream every night? I dreamt about a cake. I dreamt about cakes. Really? I don't want to tell you guys. Whoa.

Billy, that's not safe. Mysteries. Billy gets embarrassed, and he goes rooting through the bag for his raccoon skin and puts it back on, but doesn't put on pants. Wait. So you guys are seriously telling me that every person in the world just doesn't dream this dream every night? No, Tuck, that's weird. You thought that the word dream meant a cataclysm that swallows the earth. I thought everyone went to sleep.

They had nightmarish visions of an island being swallowed into the ocean and everybody dying, and then you wake up, and then your day starts. You never tried talking to anyone about this before. I thought everyone had this. That's a hell of an assumption. Yeah, that's weird, man. Damn. No, I have different dreams. Sometimes I have a recurring dream, but it's mostly just that I am drowning in pudding. Dessert-based dreams. Yeah, like a pudding. Yeah, it's mostly dessert-based.

That's a good point. Huh. Anyways, and he starts packing his stuff up again. Well, I mean, I'm not going to shoo it off. I guess, I mean, we can revisit it later. It could be a vision. Yeah, maybe we should hit the road. Okay. Okay. And Wicker kind of meows from Daisy's rump. She's sitting on the rump. I join her. Yeah. And I put my arm around her. You know that the golden root's worn off by now, but she's definitely warmed up to you. Billy, she said she likes you. Thanks. Yeah.

And I have a little tear on my face. Yeah, she… Just a little clean part of your face. Yeah. She meows in you here. Like, she makes a couple of cat sounds in you here that she's saying, like, I like the small one. And she sits with you on the back of the horse. Uh, so what we are going to do now, and I imagine that technically this is what has been happening for the last several days, you guys are going to make a Undertake a Perilous Journey role.

Uh, so how Undertake a Perilous Journey works is when you travel through hostile territory, choose one member of the party to act as a trailblazer, one to act as scout, and one to act as quartermaster. So who's going to act as scout? Who's going to act as quartermaster? Who's going to act as trailblazer? I should maybe be a scout and bird up. I could do quartermaster. I'll be a trailblazer. I think that's what we did last time. Yep. A role is, you know, a general role is forming.

Oh, and also dice rolls. Yeah, go ahead. Roll your dice. Uh, nine. Great. Eleven. Great. Four. Trailblazer, total failure. Complete failure. You're lagging behind. I, at this point, have not eaten in three days. I'm going to go for a little walk just off the trail. Yeah. And you find some more smarty root. Find some smarty root. I see the mushrooms and I kick them. Yeah, you say, no. No! You can't. But I look at them a little too long. But I still walk away. I have to be strong.

So you find enough food for you to eat a bit. Still not enough for Tacoma. Uh, Tuck failed miserably. What's up? Which, okay, so you're on the trail. What is a trailblazer supposed to do? It's not listening. The trailblazer is supposed to find a trail to go. They're supposed to lead the way. Okay. So you're on the trail. What is a trailblazer supposed to do? It's not listening. The trailblazer is supposed to find a trail to go. There's supposed to lead the way.

You guys come up on me and I'm just hacking at a tree with an ax. I'm just hacking at a tree with an axe. And I'm like, this tree's in the way. Get the trails on the other side of this tree. He's cutting down a tree. Tuck, you don't have the energy. Just wasting valuable calories. You can also go around the tree. Yeah, but I'm so hungry and tired. You guys see a trail on the other side of the tree. Can the cat… She's sniffing the air. And she is looking around. And she's meowing a lot.

Are you listening to… I'm scouting. Yeah, she's meowing a bunch. But she looks confused. Tuck. What? I think we can go this way. And so I urge the horse forward the other way. Around the tree. Around the tree? So you go around the tree. And the cat's still meowing every once in a while. Looking around. And you're kind of keeping an eye on them from the air. Yeah. Like you're following. And it's at this point that you get to a point where the… You see that the trees break a little bit ahead.

And the trail almost disappears. Like it washes away from the air. You see ruined houses. Like rotting wood and tumbled stone. And a crumbled… What looks like the remnants of a tower. In that ruined clump of buildings you see figures scrambling about. Oh, there's people in there. Yeah. Yeah, well I'm going to go back and tell them that they were coming up on a settlement that looks to be in active turmoil. Mm-hmm. They might have food. We need food. Yeah. I think we should try…

First of all, I ask Wicker what's going on. This is not the right way. And so ends the tale of Adventures 3. We'll be right back. We'll be right back.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Welcome back to Spout Lore!

I'm your Game Master Sean O'Hara Oh, this guy again Welcome back to Spout Lore, I'm your Game Master Sean O'Hara With me as always are players Paul, Abdul, and Jessica Hi Okay, so, Billy is in the, is hiding still in the room, listening And we'll cut back a little bit to Ving and Tacoma, who are with Nori Who you've recently turned to help you out Yeah There's a ton of work going on with Lelouch You know, 10 meters. Okay, give me your clothes now. What? No. Do it. Why?

Because I want to wear them. But you're so much bigger than me. Yeah. He'll wear them in different places. He doesn't have to wear them like you wear them. Dude, do you know anything about infiltration? Yes. I'm a thief. Okay, then you know you have to give me your clothes. You're going to have to make a roll. He doesn't want to give you his clothes. He's going to just be naked at night in the mud. Two. Take a point of experience for failing. Nice. You're not getting my clothes.

It's just not happening. Well, you know what? You're not a team player, and I don't appreciate that. Look, I'm happy to help you, but I can't give you my clothes. It's not even going to matter. Look, you're seven feet tall. There ain't nobody on Mudlark's crew that's that big. Big old beard. They're all pale, too. They're like clammy little mud folk. And you're like a wild man. You guys are terrible at this. You're going to have to find another way in. Well, if we all got naked. Yeah.

We all got naked. Look. We just got to get in this boat. Yes. Get in the boat. Okay. Help us get in this boat. Yeah. What's the best way in? All right. All right. You're not going to want to go in through the front, obviously. Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to draw their attention. I'm going to give you all an opportunity to slip in through the side. What side? Where is the side? Is it a port? It's a port. It's a port. Through the side.

You remember that there are stories of secret methods of ingress and egress. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I remember. Well, it's where they used to pump out the bilge. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we have to climb up through the bilge, which is gross. Yeah. So we should probably get naked. Okay. I'm mostly naked already. That's true. You just wear like a loincloth. Yeah. Okay. Vings takes down most of his flaps to merino cuffs. Okay. And a little like flappish loincloth. And he's all scrawny and being like, yeah.

You look good. Thanks. Thanks. You didn't have to say that. Even you guys are weird. Here, check this out. Can you do this? And I like flex my pecs and make them dance. Vings flexes pecs and toots a little bit. Oh, cool. All right. All right. You know what? Okay. Here we go. We're doing this now. I'm going to go. What's the signal? What's the signal for us to get in? The signal is, hey. And he like starts running towards the entrance, like the main area. All right. Let's go.

I wish he would have yelled like further away from us. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So we go. We head over to the bilge. Okay. You can see Nori like making a fuss up at the front and they're starting to lose interest. So you don't have a lot of time. So only one of you is going to get in this way. Okay. Why don't I be something like a hummingbird? I'll get in through the hatch and you fly in. They're like just a door. Yeah. So Tacoma scampers in through the hatch. Wow. It's gross in here. Yeah.

It's not good. It's like old. It's old and dirty and gross and smells bad. I want to be a hummingbird, but just staying with him. I just hovered in the middle so I don't have to touch the sides. All right. Well, you're going to roll a 2d6 plus your wisdom for shapeshifter. Seven. Plus your wisdom. Oh, it's a seven altogether. Yeah. All right. So you get one hold. Okay. And I mean, if you want to spend the hold to sneak in, like that'll be the hold you get to spend.

And then you'll be a, you'll be Ving again. What do you mean? I have to, I have to try and get in sneak in. Well, cause you, cause when you, when you can either make a move, like roll again to make a move as a hummingbird, or you can spend your hold to just succeed at something. And then, but once you spend your hold, you would just be Ving again. But I can just hold. Yeah. I want to sneak in. I want to sneak. So you get a plus one to one stat ongoing while you're in this form. Okay.

And I get to give you a minus one. Okay. What's going to get me in with sneaking? Sneaking would primarily be like dexterity. Dexterity. Okay. Yeah. Which makes sense for a hummingbird. Yeah. And also you're going to take a minus one to strength. Yeah. So yeah, you can roll your defied danger dexterity. Eight. Plus one with the dexterity. Cause you're a hummingbird. Remember? Oh, so it is a nine. But you do get a, you do get a plus one. So remember that. Okay.

So you slip in just as somebody is like rounding the corner to where they'd be able to catch a good look at you. The hatch closes behind you and clicks, but like cracks in a weird way. It's not going to. Open back up. Fuck. Oh, so you're not going to be able to get back out this way. God damn it. It's okay. We'll find another way. I'm sorry. I don't know how strong I am. You're so strong. Thanks. It says this as a tiny hummingbird. Cute. I stick my tongue out through my gills. Oh, gross. Ew.

God. You got nine hummingbird gills. That's so gross. It's a good trick though. Do it again. I give you a more wet willy as a. This is getting. All right. You guys are inside of the clear water now. Okay, cool. I'm just going to pad along. Can I hear voices or anything? You hear like creaking. It's weird because like, though it's on solid ground, it creaks every once in a while, like a ship at sea. Cool. You know what I mean? Like that. It's the haunted, the haunted waters. Yeah.

Well, I heard because it's sailed through the sea of graves. Whenever a ship sails through the sea of graves, it takes in the water. Yeah. And it has like a. Transient magical element to it. They used to where I come from, we used to call them ghost storms. Yeah. And even ships in calm waters will experience a ghost storm where they won't know when their sails will fill and they'll tip over. Yeah. And it's, it happens. It corresponds with the sea of graves when a storm happens there. Oh, cool.

So when the sea of graves is storming, it sends storms other places. It sends storms to any ship that's gone through it. That's cool. And like the more a ship passes through the sea of graves, the more water the wood takes on. And you guys are having this conversation, a big man in the hummingbird in a hole in a ship. How did you, where did you hear about that? My babysitter told me. Oh, cool. And you guys. You had like an au pair. Yeah. No. No. This is great improv. This is great improv. Okay.

So you guys are in the clear water. Are we still in the bilge? Yeah. Basically, you're in like a tilted room with like broken chairs and old. Yeah. Dusty barrels and stuff. Okay. Well, yeah. There's like a film of mud and dirt on everything. How are we going to get old Billy? Yeah. We got to find Billy. And speaking of, we cut back to Billy, who is in the room behind Muckraker's office. Is the door locked to her office? Like, am I peering through?

You're peering through like a hole in the wall behind her office. Yeah. So it seems like you've just, you've just come in at basically the end of a little, little discussion. And you can see Maggie's kind of stressed out. Okay. Bring him, bring him in. The orc leaves and she comes back in holding a mayor Etienne Boggins. Maggie looks at Boggins, hard eyed Etienne. I really hoped we wouldn't have to have this discussion.

There was a break in earlier and we found this and she holds up the metal case. Oh shit. And, uh. With his doobies in it. Yeah. Yeah. The metal, the metal case that Billy stole from the mayor. Caroline, did he have it? Did he have anything else on him? And she comes forward with the stone box. He said, we found this in his house. It's, it's amazing to me how quickly someone forgets who got them where they are. You wanted to be mayor of this town. I wanted to help you.

And this is how it's going to go. She says, no, please. And he says, take him away, Caroline. And, uh. What's Caroline sound like? Caroline's the orc. I know. Yeah. It's just. Sure thing, boss. She's got like a deep, like it's, I, I, I don't have a man's, I have a male voice. I can't do a woman's voice for a while. It's deep, but it's, it's feminine. Sure thing, boss. Great. Great. The jackalope from fucking full house. That's what we needed. Boy, oh boy.

Uh, so yeah, Billy, that's what, that's what, that's what you see. Uh, Caroline drags Eddie and out and he's like, no, no, no, no. He's like clacking his heels. I feel like I should do something about my ground. No, no, no, no. And, uh. Does he die? I gotta know. You can't know that. Um, and, uh, Maggie's left there with the box. She picks it up and, uh, goes down to like one of the lower levels in the corner of the room. She yanks up this like kind of trap Dory spot.

She goes down and, uh, she comes back up, closes the door, replaces the board. She like puts her face in her hands and she looks distraught. And then, uh, Caroline comes back in, says, we need to get this box out of town and to the vault as quickly as possible. We can't afford any more delays. And, uh, Caroline leaves and, uh, yeah, Maggie's there. She's like rubbing her face and she's really stressed out. And, uh, she just kind of gets up and paces a little bit.

And then, uh, she also leaves the office and when she leaves, you hear a click and she locks the door and the office, her office is closed. And then, uh, she goes back to the office and she goes back to the office and she goes office is empty. I'm going to go pick that lock. You're in a separate room, but you could crawl through the hole probably. Yeah, I'm going to try to crawl through the hole. Actually, yeah, give me a Defy Danger dexterity. Eleven. Damn, yeah. Dexterity is Billy's thing.

So, yeah, you creep through the hole that you were listening through. You squeeze your chubby little body through it. You don't fall. You don't knock anything over. And you pad down to the ground and you are… So gentle. Yeah, so gentle. And there's like, you know, there's like lamps. It's illuminated by like oil lamps and stuff like that. So I'm in her office? You're in her office. Wow. It's like the tiered steps. And there's a fine desk and there's all the fancy stuff.

And on the desk are the remnants of a meal of sorts. There's like a goblet with a little bottle of some sort of liquid next to it and a plate with some bread and cheese and some mushrooms and stuff like that. Yeah, Billy's gonna go have a quick snack. Very quick. Very quick. Just gonna eat it all. Just gonna eat it all. You're gonna eat the whole thing? Yeah. Except the goblet. Yeah, except for the alcohol? No, he's underage. Alright, yeah, you spend… And he nodes it.

You spend some time savoring a plate. You just eat it really fast? Yeah, he's just really hungry. Shove it down. Shove down this plate of food. Wow. Done. Down the hatch. Okay, so now that he's fueled up, can I look around? I probably should have done that first, but… So what are you looking for? Where'd that box go? She put it in that vault? In a hatch. In a hatch. In the corner of the room there's a hatch. Like there's a board you pull up that reveals a handle.

Yeah, I'm gonna try to get in there. Okay. Yeah. Is there a lock that I have to pick? It is not locked, but the board is in there. So you're gonna have to try and tug it up or something. Okay, I'm gonna… Yeah, I'm gonna try to pull it up. I guess I'm not very strong. That's gonna be a divide into strength, yeah. Oh, thank god. Eleven. Eleven? Yeah, exactly. Did you want two sixes? Yeah. Dang. Okay, so you kind of like… It's really heavy for a small beach ball kid.

Okay, I'm just gonna shove it to the side a little bit. Yeah, and there's a little step ladder going down to a below-decks area. It's a good thing I ate. I'm so strong. Now. I'm gonna waddle down and try to get to that stone box. Down here there are… Sorry. Oh, that's okay. There's a lot of dust. That's so dusty. I wish they cleaned. Dusty shit. I wish that box was the box of Kleenex. It could be. Who knows? So, down here, it's like utilitarian. And it is clean.

It's like surprisingly clean down here. Oh, this sets off alarms. Billy's head. Yeah, why's that? He's like, maybe there's a trap. This is… Oh, alright. Yeah, so you want to do your trap master? I want to do the trap expert. Alright, so what is that? 2d6 plus… Dexterity. 2d6 plus dexterity. Oh, fuck. Five. No. Five plus your dexterity. No, that's five. Okay, so that is a failure. You're like creeping down the steps, like keeping an eye out for traps?

And when you reach the bottom step, you hear a little twang and a bunch of like click, click, click, click, click, and the upstairs hatch starts like straining, and then it snaps and it slams down. Oh my god. Cutting back to Ving and Tacoma creeping through the hallways of the clear water. Oh man, I wish that guy gave me his clothes. You reek. We both. No, you don't, because you're a fucking… God, I'm so conspicuous right now. I'm really self-conscious. I'm also a hummingbird.

It's gonna be really loud in this boat. Oh yeah, so you… Okay, so you guys are creeping through the hallways and you hear a slam. I go to that slam. I go to that slam as fast as I can. Okay, so you're zipping away. Yeah, there's like little vents and stuff. Yeah, you're like cutting through walls and stuff like that, and um… You get to where you think, if you were to just go straight, that's where the slam came from, but there's a person there. And they're like picking their teeth.

So if you were to go past them, or if this dude sees a hummingbird, he's gonna be like, what the hell is this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you can either go through and let him know that you're there and find out where you're supposed to go, or you can go back. I think I should go get Tuck and let him know hey, well, you were gonna kill the guy. Why? What? He came up to me and he was like, hey, what are you doing here? And I panicked. And I killed him. What are you wearing? I took his clothes.

You look ridiculous. I, okay. I'm gonna honor your choices. But I am gonna ask that you roll a Defy Danger strength. Nine. Eleven. Fuck. In your face, game master! I just killed someone! Master of this game, bitch! Still me. Technically, according to the rules of the game. It was that guy I killed. Okay, so, I mean, yeah. I did kill the guy. So yeah, you come back and Tacoma's standing there. There's like a guy with a broken neck. Like, heaped up on the ground, totally nude.

And Tacoma is wearing what looks like would be the clothing of a baby that was turned into a man. A sailor baby. Yeah. Exactly. So you've got like tight leather pants that only go up. Like they've ripped up your leg. And a tiny little shirt that's a vest now. Cool. But it also goes up to like the bottom of your pecs. Hey, check it out. Okay. Yeah. So that's the situation. You've reunited. What's the next step? I'm gonna just put this guy in this barrel. Great. You shove a guy in a barrel. Okay.

He's in the barrel. Let's lead the way. I'm gonna lead the way. Follow me to Billy. Here we go. Yeah. So I rest on your shoulders so we can be a little quieter. You have already apparently killed the guy. That was patrolling in this area. So he's dead. But Vang leads you to the corridor that connects to where he believes the slam came from. And there is a guy sitting there still picking his teeth. He's really got something in there.

Now that I'm in disguise, I can pretend that I'm part of the crew. I could go in there. Yeah. You could be like, dude, I found this hummingbird over here. Come check it out. Yeah. What? That might not work. What's up, Sean? You are not in disguise. I want you to understand that. You are seven feet tall, over 300 pounds. I just started yesterday. And everyone here is from malnourished mud villages. Hey, crazy mud weather we've been having here recently. Yeah. I'm like, no, let me…

I'll try and… Okay. So do you want to spend your hold to distract this guy and lead him away? Yeah. Okay. We can do that. We'll say that you just spend the hold and you… How do you distract? You just zip up and spin around his head like a little cartoon? Oh, I go in his ear. I give him a wet willy. Ah. And I just… I can just get away from him. He's like, what's that? And then you just fly away. Yeah.

I get in front of his face and I boink on his nose with my beak and then he comes after me. Okay. And then he's like, what? Come here, you little bird. He tries to chase you down. Okay. So that hallway is clear. But you do hear a couple sets of footsteps coming. Okay. Yeah. I try the knob. What happens? Oh, the knob? It is locked. I go, fuck, it's locked. And then I just rip it out of the door. Defy danger strength. Fuck. I'm going to go in the door. I'm going to go in the door. Five, seven.

Seven, really? It's going to be pretty obvious that there's no doorknob anymore. Well, that's the choice that I made. You're damn right it is. So just try it, doesn't work, and pull it right out of the door. And then the door goes and swings open. It's a burden to be this strong. Billy, underneath you hear like clomp, clomp, clomp. Oh, God. Through the floorboards. I've already pissed myself. And now I'm vomiting. Oh, my God. Yeah. I'm really scared. You're not even doing anything else.

I'm really scared. You're just scared? Okay. It's dark in here and I don't know what to do. And it's been a long time since I've been alone. And I don't know what kind of cheese that was, but it really upset my tummy. I'm really stinky right now. Shit. So you… Can I smell him? Can you smell him? Oh, I'm stuck under that thing. Oh, okay. Yeah, he's underneath the deck that you're on right now. But you're in a very opulent workspace. Yeah. There's a big, beautiful desk.

There's an empty plate with a goblet and a bottle of wine next to it. There's weird suits of armor. There's a big tapestry. It's beautiful. Oh, can I fit in one of the suits of armor? No. Fuck. They're made for people much smaller than you. I get back to the room. Oh, have you left him? Okay. So you spent your thing. Does he turn back into a human? Yeah. Oh, right. When I spend my hold. You already turned back into a person. Why? When I left him. Because you spend your hold, you lead him away.

That was what the hold was for. And after you spend that hold, you have no more hold left. Okay. So I'm a person. You're a person. Sorry. You're not a bird. You… Oh, and I don't have any clothes on. Okay. So… A merino fuzz cuffs. Wait, did you… Oh, right. You took all your clothes off. Yeah, before we climbed into the peltry. And you didn't bring anything with you. So you don't have your weapons. You don't have anything. I have a spear. I always have my spear. I never leave spear.

How'd you get your spear in here? Oh, right. Okay. When you're a bird, actually, when you shapeshift, all your stuff shapeshifts. Yeah. You knew that all your stuff was going to turn into a hummingbird with you and you still got naked? I was trying to impress Tuck. Okay. Yeah, I got to check something. And I don't need this big cloak. Okay. So you lead him away and he's like, I'm going to get you, little bird. And then you turn into a naked man with crazy hair and a spear.

Sure, but I led him away. Yeah, you led him away. And you still succeeded. But he is going to sound the alarm because you turn into a person. I have to silence him. That's what that's… Oh, you want to kill this guy? Well, that's going to be a hack and slash, my friend. Okay. So that's plus strength. So I'm at plus one for strength. You're plus two. Oh, fail. So yeah, I got three. Yeah, that's not a lot. That's not a big number.

When you turn into a person, he's surprised for a second, but he draws a sword. Okay. And you stab at him with your spear. Okay. Okay. And he just smashes it to the side, cuts the head right off. Of my spear? Of your spear. I told you it was unbreakable. Motherfucker. Yeah. So he cuts it right off. God damn it. My unbreakable spear. That's what he said. You broke it. You broke my unbreakable spear. Is that sword magic or something?

I immediately put down the pieces and get down on my knees like, whoa, he's so tough. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you get down on your knees and he's… Because he broke my unbreakable. He's got you. He's got a sword at your throat. I might have a sword. I might just start following him around. The spear breaker. Yes, spear breaker. Sure thing, master spear breaker. Do you really like writing this guy letters? Yes, spear breaker. I want to be just like him.

I will never forget when you broke my spear. And he starts calling like, hey, come here. I got somebody. You're trussed up, arms tied, back to the office. Billy, you're still here thumping around. Okay. So it's pitch black in there? It's pretty dark. There's some light filtering down from the boards above. Okay. I'm going to feel my way and see if there's somewhere I can hide. Oh yeah. You can… There's a little space under the stairs, basically. Okay.

I'm going to feel my way and hide under that. Okay, cool. Because I feel like, is someone coming? Tacoma, you're in the office. Are there papers or anything I can read? Do you read common? I just want to… Yeah, I can read, man. I thought you were illiterate earlier though. How am I writing songs? If I… I'm illiterate. I don't know. Maybe you speak a different language or maybe you write in a different language. I can read common, but I guess at like an eighth grade level. Okay.

Yeah, that works. There is nothing in view. There might be some stuff in the desk, but there isn't like much in the way of files or anything like that. I'm trying to figure out what's going on. Whose office is this? Oh, this would be a discern realities. Yeah. So roll 2d6 plus your wisdom. Seven. Seven. Seven. Seven. Seven. Seven. So you get one question from the list. What happened here recently? What is about to happen? What should I be on the lookout for?

What here is useful or valuable to me? Who here is really in control? What here is not what it appears to be? So maybe what happened here recently is the most logical one. I think so. Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. In the far corner, you see a snapped board and what looks like a little ring in the door. Yeah. Or in the floor rather. So it looks like that hatch was probably what made the slamming noise. Oh, okay. Yeah. I'm going to go over there and open it. It is stuck fast. Okay.

Just rip it open. Okay. Defy danger strength. Is this Billy? You hear a thump. Oh my God. Thump. Thump. And then you hear like, creak right above you. Fuck. And like the light is blocked out. Okay. Billy just like pull out his fucking knife or something. Yeah. Yeah. He. Yeah. He. He's going to pull. Yeah. He has. Yeah. He has weapons. Yeah. You have weapons. Yeah. You have a knife and a short sword. He's going to pull out his dagger and he's like trembling. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

And while I'm going to open it, I'm just humming. Oh, humming. I'm going, the moon is big and she loves me. When the moon is out, I'm safe. And you hear, Billy, you hear like a. Billy would pee himself again if there was anything left. And he's just like. He's just like, oh my God, I regret everything. Yeah. I regret everything. Every decision that led me here. Oh, 11. Yeah. You fucking. 13. Are you just trying to rip it up? Yeah. Crack, crack, crack, smash.

And then like the hatch is ripped up above you and like floods into the room that you're in. And above you see the face of Tacoma. Oh, thank God. Billy. Oh my. Oh my God. Wait. Could you hear what I'm saying? You heard what I was singing? No. Okay. I thought it was a monster. I wasn't singing. Or one of those orc ladies. It's fine. I got the box. Whoa. What? Yeah. Nice. Hey, Billy, what do you think of my clothes? You're not. I try not to think about them. I just accept what it is.

What do you think of this leather vest? I don't like it. Okay. Billy's just stressed out, like top to bottom. He's covered in piss and vomit. Yeah. Billy's always covered in something. And mud. And mud. Because he had to swim through the mud. Man, oh man. Hey, we're going to give you a bath after we're done here. Oh, I don't like that either. What? What do you want? I just don't like it. All right. So Ving, you have a sword at your throat and the guy called a couple other guards to him. Cool.

Your arms are tied. You're on the ground. Into the room walks the orc. The orc woman and Maggie Cole. Oh, I was going to say demand audience with Maggie Cole. Oh, well, got good news for you. Sweet. Maggie looks at the garden. She's like, what happened here? Who is this? He snuck into the room. He was a bird. He was a bird. Now he's a man. I'm still kind of trying to work it out. And she like puts her hand on his shoulder and she's like, don't worry. Don't worry, Rick. You did what you could.

His name is what? Rick. He'll always be a spirit breaker to me. She like crutches down in front of you, Ving. And she said, I remember you. You came to my bar. You played that song about some sort of sex demon. And now you're here. Common thief among thieves. But when you when you steal from a thief, you're a different sort. We don't like double thieves here. And she says, what are you? What are you doing here? Yeah. I came for the box. I don't know what you're talking about.

The Ving keeps eye contact with her and slowly like thick water pouring down his body turns into the exact replica of the stone of the box. What? And flares his gills. Hold on. So you're turning into a stone box? The stone version of Ving. Oh, you're turning into a stone man. Into the stone, the material. Oh, but with like the shit on it, like the carvings and stuff. That's fucking sick. Do it. Roll those dice. I want you to turn into a rock man and fuck these people up. Four. Let's say.

Holy shit. Yeah. I froze my wisdom. Yeah. Well, three holes. That's a lot of power. Woo. What was that? Those are other shitty old dice that always give me three. I failed every single roll. Oh wait, did you roll with the bronze ones? Yeah. Yeah, you actually just threw the dice. These are Sean's dice from his teen years. Amazing. I'm viewed with nerd magic. Wow. I don't know if teen, early twenties at least. No, I remember you pulling those out. Well, I don't know if you're a nerd or a nerd.

I was at Will's house back when. You acted like a teen. Like Ethan. I don't know if Ethan was there, but back in the day. They're cool guys. I can feel the virginity in them. Oh, that's me. That's fine. Let's get back to the dramatic coolness of Ving turning into a stone man. The stone man. The stone man. So what do you do? Well, I wait to see what she does. But okay, before we do that form crafter, you get a plus one and a negative one.

You're going to get a negative one of dexterity while you're a rock man. Okay. And you're going to, what do you want a plus one to? I guess strength probably makes the most sense or constitution. Strength. Okay. Well, what if I did to wisdom? I don't get another hold, do I? No, that's not how that works. You get three max. Once your hold spent, you go back to normal. Just remember. But I would like to stay a rock band for a while to convince them and not get hurt again. Yeah.

So you can spend two of your three. Break the bonds. Okay. Grab Caroline. I grab Caroline. Cool. Okay. Yeah. So you, you stand up as a rock and it's not even like snap. You just move and the ropes. Break. Well, I'm moving very slowly and with lots of purpose and keeping eye contact. Slowly. Yeah. Slowly. And I mean, purposefully Maggie goes like, wait, she like puts her hand up. What do you want? I want free passage with my friends and to know about the box. It's just your friends.

Are there others here? You let Caroline go. You promised safe passage. I promise to speak with you. Then I will decide. You turn back into a man. You give up your. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? You let Caroline go. You promised safe passage. I promise to speak with you. Then I will decide. You turn back into a man. You give up your weapons. If we're going to have a conversation, I want it under the auspices of cooperation. How am I supposed to trust the leader of a mob?

Mofioso of a mob? Mudfioso of the mudfia. How can I trust you? You're the mob boss of the mudfio. Jesus. Yeah. She's. She's. She's. Are you finished? We'll be alone. I'll be unarmed. You'll be unarmed. I'm not turning into a man until my friends are here and I'm guaranteed safety. Okay. All right. We can. I think we can manage that. Let Caroline go. No. Or do I have to? I trust you. You seeing of sound character. That's a 180 from five seconds ago, but all right. I'll crush you like a. Fuck.

Okay. Let Caroline go. Okay. Maggie leads you. To her offices and you guys can hear us. And she, yeah, she's lying. She walks in. We hear stuff coming. Your butt is so my butt is hanging out of these leather shorts that I'm wearing. I'm wearing a leather vest and then I'm like, fuck Billy hide. Where? I don't know, man. Anywhere. And then I push over the suit of armor and I grabbed the helmet and the spear and I'm like, okay, just pretend. Just pretend like you're supposed to be. Here.

What's around me. Like the hatches underneath you. There's a desk. There's like a potted plant. I'm going to hide in the pot plant. The pot is big enough. And the shrubbery. Yeah. The shrubbery is like big enough to hide me in the box. And so I kind of wiggle in the box here. So while you're doing this, Maggie, you see Maggie Cole walk in and behind her is a stone person. And you. You see the obvious body Tacoma with a helmet, like perched halfway down his head. Like a yarmulke.

And you see one of the potted plants like moving a little bit. What do you do? Well, first of all, my heart melts a little bit. Does it still look like him? Does it look like you? Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. No, I made my. Yes. Yeah. It's it's. Also have stone gills. And you guys. Yeah. He's got. You know, to look for my gills. Moving back and forth. Yeah. So you see Ving what you assume is what I don't want to. I don't. I don't want to give them away right yet because I wouldn't do that.

Well, well, the thing is, is that Tacoma is just wearing a helmet. Oh, yeah. He's already standing next to a shattered pile of armor. Maggie goes, what in the diamond hells is this? This is one of my friends. What the fuck, Ving? I was disguised. You were. I'm sorry to give you away. I'm sorry to give you away. My fault. She says, take that helmet off. We have a temporary truce while we figure out what's going on here. Oh, you form truce. She's going to tell us what's in the box and let us go.

I did not say that. I said we would talk. Okay. During this, I'm going to hide the box in the pack under my my outfit. Okay. Can I? Are you still hiding in there? Or I'm still in the bush. Okay. So if you want to hide, like, even more. Yeah. Give me a defy danger dexterity. Cookie. Seven. Plus. Nine. Nine. So you can shove the box in there. Like, you can cram it underneath you and, like, kind of bury it a little bit.

But you're going to move around enough that they'll know you're in there, but they won't necessarily know that that's where the box is. That's fine. Okay. I'll act like I'm coming out. Okay. So, yeah, you, like, stumble out of a bush. Well, you look like you're stumbling, but you're actually trying to, like, hide the box in a nice way. No, it's with me. Oh, it's with you. Yeah. I'm hiding in my pack. Okay. Okay. And I already rolled a nine. So I get to. So that's already happening. You have to.

Okay. So it's, like, in your backpack? Yeah. Okay. And then you, like, stumble out of the bush and she says, and the child as well. Great. Great. We're gonna have to up security around here. Yeah. Your security is atrocious. Yeah. I am realizing that. Thank you very much. We climbed through a literal hole inside of the ship. I don't know how you knew that was there. Frankly. There's this pretty good album called The Hulking Rex.

In the Shadows of Shattered Vests, where there's, like, a 45 minute song that's specifically about this ship and, like, how it used to be a smuggling ship and all the little compartments in it. And then there's a reprise called Clearwater Reprise at the end of the album. Pretty good. There's, like, a pretty good sitar solo in it. Like, I'd say arguably one of the best sitar solos in all of speed metal. And there's, like. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I think he says it rocks.

And then he looks around like, eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Yeah. Rocks. Yeah. Caroline's, like, at the door and she's like, I like Justin's lament. And she, like. Maggie looks at Caroline like, Could you please close the door? That guy knows what I'm talking about. She's still inside, but she closed the door. Maggie walks around and sits at her desk. First things first. I would like to know why you are trying to steal from me. You know.

Honestly we don't really know either I'm sorry what we're kind of just doing stuff you're just kind of doing stuff I think that we were meant to get that box for you in the first place because we were getting that box from the frog people for the mayor why are we here that is something I would love to know hold on let's just try and think back you are you so are you saying just give me a second no no no no no no no now hold on it's hard to it's hard to think yes I am realizing it may be difficult for you his pants are so tight how would that what's not important it's not important if you are in league with mayor boggins who has recently come into my bad graces I think this is probably the end of our conversation no wait no we're not in league with him because he took it from us and we were like you we got it for him yeah and now you have it so no for me it was for gary yes do you know gary yes I am aware of that guy is so dope he rocks I believe that we agreed that you would uh cease this horrifying stone form I keep eye contact with her and then turn back to a man except my dick and then and then turn back that into a man's dick the worst day I I've had in a long time oh also sorry for trashing your office oh also sorry I ate your lunch yeah it was not very good I believe that the agreement was that we would speak about the situation what are you doing here we want to know about the box I want to know about the box I'm interested it's important but wait that's not why we came here was it yeah we came in to get the box I thought oh what's up What?

Did we come in as a favor for someone? Are you telling me? No. Sorry, it's hard to keep track. Are you telling me that you broke in to my base of operations and you have forgotten why? There's a good reason. I was a bird for a while. I haven't slept in a long time. Off the record, I would like to say I've been thinking about this and there is no reason for you guys to be here.

You guys just want you jump to the conclusion that Maggie Cole was muckraker and that has defined the last four sessions. Can I just like make up a lie and see and like wink at them and maybe they can go. Yeah, you can try and lie to divide Andrew. Do we want to lie or do we want to be on the level? Because honestly, I don't even know. What do you guys remember about the box? That is cool. It controlled those frogs. There's something inside of it. It's holding some kind of spirit.

Which you believe is a wish granting spirit. I believe it grants wishes. Like a genie? Yeah. And then so Gary got us to get the box because the mayor, we were already going to go talk to the Bullywugs. Yep. And then that went sideways when I killed their king. Yep. And then the mayor took our box. Sure. But we're just like she would see our eyes. And then we were at the hot dog festival. Uh-huh. And then. Good meters. And then mirrors took us. We asked. Fuck. Wait, why did we have that thing?

And you guys went to you guys went to the wallowing sow. Because I thought that Maggie's that was muckraker. Yeah. Yeah. Which was right. Yeah. And then we were we were like asking, I think, mirrors or someone like we wanted to find to bring us to muckraker. Yeah. And so I wanted to talk. So we want to. We want to talk to. We want to meet muckraker because everyone talks about muckraker. And I just got to know. OK, so. So that's what happened. Yeah.

And then now we turn around and say, OK, so that, you know, we've been just talking to each other. Yeah. So then you say what's overheard all of it. You overheard all of that. And we're like, OK, so we're OK. We're pretty sure that that's how it happened. I think I shit in a box. Wonderful. OK. So. This box has been a source of constant frustration for me over the last few days. And if you want it. And you won't tell me why you want it. Then we're going to come to blows.

We don't know why we want it. I feel it's. I feel it's important. Very valuable or dangerous. Wait. Dangerous. Yes. Do we want it? No, I don't think so. Billy wants it. Billy wants it. But he's kleptomaniac. But we want to know what's what's the deal with it. It's a lot of weird shit's been going on with this box. Well, what do you want to do with the box? I don't know. Maggie. She says, I need to get. The box in a situation where it won't bother anyone anymore. Do you want us to take it?

How do I know I can trust you? You break into my base of operations. I think you've killed a couple people since you've been here. I don't think that there's any evidence of that. That's a pretty low number. Where'd you get that vest? I found it in a. Thrift store. Yeah, it's pretty nice. Well, here's the thing. Here's the thing is we haven't really done anything technically malicious. She sticks one finger in the air and she points right at the hatch that you ripped out of the ground.

That was an accident. That was an accident. An accident. That was because I just wanted to know what was on the other side of it. She says, all right. All right. Somebody's got to roll something like somebody like if like if you're trying to convince her that maybe like to trust you, then you're going to have to roll something because she does not trust you. She does not trust you. She does not trust you. What are you trying to do? Could I? Could I give her something? Potentially. Hmm.

You could. You could give up the box and like just in a show of good faith, just be like here. But in a very childlike way where she's like, how do I know I can trust you? And then you just like very cutely push. Yeah, I'm going to try that. I'm going to be like, look, I'm really sorry. I just really like it. And I figured you didn't want it anymore. And so I just like take it out of my backpack. Okay. And I push it towards her. All right.

We'll say that's a parlay because the leverage is that you had the box and she didn't know. Yeah. And also Billy's hella cute. Also, Billy's a cute little boy. And we have the box. So she has to take it from us now. Or no, Billy's giving it. No, Billy's giving it. That's the leverage is, hey, I stole this, but actually, here you go. Okay. Plus charisma. Oh, no. Six plus. Seven. Seven. Okay. Her eyes are like wide for a second. She's like, you had you.

She looks around and she thinks for a second. She closes her eyes and she like hops out of breath. What do you know about the Exodus? Well, like, I know a lot about it. I don't know what that is. I've heard of it. I know. Isn't it when all the wizards left? Most people understand it as the time when magic left the world. When magicians across the globe. Devised a way to leave this reality for realities of their own creation.

And in the places where they did this, a thinning of sorts, which we know as Wi-Fi. As Wi-Fi hotspots. I really should have thought about that before I took this traumatic tone. That we know as Wi-Fi hotspots. What does that stand for again? I believe it stands for wizards first. Oh, right. Yeah. Where those thinnings exist, magic leaks back into the world. There are several well-known locations where this takes place. Many that I'm sure you have encountered in your sleep.

Your mouth looks off to the side. Wait, why do you do that? I don't want to get into it. Magic exists in many natural environments. There's the Everwood to the north. The Sea of Graves to the west. Oh, yeah. And sometimes those thinnings tear. That can cause all sorts of problems. And that's the sort of thing that I and my compatriots attempt to mitigate in any way possible. As magic has left the world, magical things have slowly lost their ability to function.

And I believe that this box is one such device. No, it's not. The lid is moving. We are losing time. I need to get this box somewhere safe. Or else what? Or else whatever is in this box will be released. Do you know what that is? How much do you know about this region? I don't know. No. Very little. Muddy. Nearly nothing. Nearly nothing. It's mostly hot dog related. What is the region? Like the swamps. The swamps? Yeah. Well, he's like, region? What's a region? What's a region?

Well, as far as I know, this swamp wasn't always here. We know that the river moved. But a river moving does not a swamp create, as the saying goes. What? I believe whatever is in this. Corrupted this region leading to the massive swamp that we find ourselves in now. If the wards on this chest were to fail, what would come out would be much more difficult to deal with. Did you say your organization is concerned with all of these kinds of artifacts? Not all.

But if people get a hold of them, they tend to want to abuse them. How do we know that you don't want to abuse this power? You don't. It's true. That's good enough for me. I need to get this box to a place referred to as the vault. It is built around a subterranean hotspot, and we use it to maintain magical protections. So if we get this box to the vault, the magic will leak back into the wards, and the wards will be strengthened. Oh, cool.

If we don't do this soon, what's in here could be out here. Things surrounding the Exodus are muddy in a lot of ways. Good one. It's hard to… Well, okay. You know what I mean. I love people slaming. The details surrounding the Exodus are blurred in a lot of ways. That's because the Exodus didn't happen at one point in time. Yes, it was a slow process. No, that's not it. The Exodus happened throughout all of time. How do you know this? I heard it on a metal album. Of course.

I need to start listening to more music. That's how information travels in our world. Yes, I'm aware. People write it into songs. I'm a busy woman. Okay, fair. I can't just stand with my ear pressed to a bottle all day. I got a couple of good bootlegs that you should listen to. We'll talk later. Okay. What you need to know is that this box, if anything happens to it, a lot of good people could die, and we don't want that to happen. Why? Why did the frogs? The frogs want it.

Did the frogs want it? Yeah, the frogs had it. That's where we got it from. We just assumed that they were greedy. They were acting really strange. Yeah. It was like they were being controlled by some kind of weird force. A force in a box. If the force in this box corrupted this area and created this swamp, it could stand to reason that it has a connection to the frogs. Mm-hmm. When was the first time someone saw a bullywug? I don't know. I don't know. 30 years? 40 years ago?

So a whole race just appeared 40 years ago. You make a good point. Well, that just gives us all the more reason to get this thing out of town. And I suppose you being the collection of souls that you are. Will puff up. Well, I do. I look at Ving and I also. I puff up and I rip my pants off my wrist. Sorry. No, please. You are. You are. You're a strong. He sure is. He points at Billy and you're skilled. Thanks. Subtle to a degree. I don't know what that is, but thank you.

And you're wise and a power that I hazard to understand. I am not wise. Thank you. Well, be that as it may, I need people in town to maintain the illusion of muckrakers control. And. I can't really afford to send too many people away. So if you're willing to go to this vault with the understanding that if you betray me, we will come for you. Okay. Yeah, fine. I trust you. I don't really want to be here anyway. I say moodily. As he's gathering his stuff.

She looks at each of you and reaches down to a drawer on her desk and opens it. And she pulls out. It's a fairly long. Copper needle. Like a sewing needle. Give me your hand. No. Why? If you want me to trust you, you'll give me your hand. I don't. Okay. She takes your index finger and she pricks it with a needle and a little drop of blood creeps up. Weird. That was weird. Wild man. Shapeshifter. Um, I mean, I'm a little weary because I don't want. Just. Give me your hand. Give me your hand.

Okay. Give her my hand. It's all thumbs. And I look around and kind of wink at tech. This is extremely disturbing. Please. I just need an index finger. I just, I go and turn the middle one into, suppose this is good enough. And she pricks you. Little drop of blood comes up. She says, boy, I extend the raccoon paw towards my own hand. I need your hand. Child, please. I trust you. You gave up that box. But what does that do? This will, it's an insurance policy of sorts.

I don't know what that is, but okay. And so I, my hand. You just go. Yeah, sure. Okay. Insurance policy. I know what that means. I'm an adult. You take, she takes your finger and pricks. It hurts a little bit. Yeah. So that sucks. Blood wells up. And, um, I give you a bit of, yeah. And I try to hold them in. Put some, um, put a little poultice. No, I'm just licking it. And she, uh, Billy, you should let being put a pool. No. And he continues. Okay. Okay. All right.

That, uh, that should cover that Caroline. If you can come here for a second. Ving says, Caroline, sweet Caroline. Oh, okay. It's a nickname. Nice. That's a cool nickname. I like ironic nicknames. Ironic. What do you mean by that? Hey, Caroline, did you used to be a roadie for friends in the water? Ferns in the water? Yeah. Uh, no, but I, but I was on a tour with them. Oh yeah. I'm a songwriter for breach. Oh, cool. Yeah. I like their, I like their one single, which was like breach baby breach.

That was their big one. Yeah. I like Papa. Don't breach. Papa. Don't breach. I like Papa. Don't breach. Papa. Yeah. Yeah. Not a lot of bands just include their names in every song they write. Except sting. Have you heard the solo work from the lead singer? Is it good? Yeah. My favorite song was breach party summer. Is that the name of the song? Beach party summer. Did I get that right? Michael Jackson song beach party. So I don't know. I have to look it up. Just a beach party.

I've never heard beach party summer and Michael Jackson beach party summer. And Michael Jackson put together. So my dad's, that's not a song at all. Yeah. I don't think, damn it. Uh, we're fucking, we're even, where are we? Okay. So Caroline reaches into her, into the like jacket that she's wearing. She's wearing like a short jacket. She reaches in and she pulls out a copper needle. Oh, cool. And she, she really deliberates for a second, who to hand it to. Billy jumps up and takes it. Yeah.

Oh, just really take it. Yeah. All right. I'm going to tuck it into my furs. Yeah. Great. Uh, she says, show that when you get to the vault, why do you guys have so many copper needles? It's the symbol of our organization. I thought the symbol was that rake tattoo. You guys have lame symbols. Maggie goes, no, that's part of the, the artifice of the muck raker illusion. Wow. You guys seem to have like, like a pretty intense branding team. Well, it's, it's funny.

You see this area, people, people just love digging in the mud. And if you dig long enough, maybe you uncover things that you don't want to uncover. We just couldn't risk it. So I thought, what do people fear? The persona of muck raker just sort of evolved from there. So you did it to protect the people from the things in the mud. You can say that. Yes. But you're part of a different organization. I am. Yes. You search out wifi hotspots and crazy artifacts and you protect the world.

That's a pretty high concept way of describing it. But basically, I mean, my view of the world comes entirely from my concept speed metal album. So, so yes, I suppose you could, what's your organization called? Tell us the true name of your organization. Well, I suppose if you're in our employ, uh, we're called the menders. Oh, cool. What kind of benefits do we get? Yeah. You have a benefit of not living in a world overrun by other worldly terrors. Pretty good benefits.

Well, I guess I'm a little broad. Like, can I get dental? We're still trying to figure out if it's best to leave under the cover of darkness or if it's best to leave after the festival when everyone's leaving. Right. We still have to take Dan back. Who's Dan? We said Colonel Dan. Oh, I forgot. The current. The meat man. Yeah. He's the reason we're here. The meat man. We just kind of take jobs as they fall in front of our faces. Yeah. We're really not planners. We might not finish this job. Wow.

But we will try our darndest to do so. Yeah. We get distracted very easily. Wow. Spectacular. Uh, and as you guys were talking, there was like a thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, I grab the box. It's time to go. Time to go.

The box is heavy, so I'm going to scramble on to tuck and hold on to his fringe. Okay, cool. Okay, great. Maggie stops you on the way out, and she's like, get to the vault. Do you have a map? Where's the vault? We did not discuss location at all. You're going to have to trust me on this. There's a way to get there, and it makes more sense than it seems to. And she runs to another side of the room and opens the door and runs in and comes back out with a little cage.

And there is a little black and brown cat in it. Cute. And she shoves the cage into your hands and says, she'll lead the way. Just trust her. Wait, do I let her out? Not yet. I wouldn't. You'll have to trust me. It's time to go. Wait, I need a leash for your cat. The cat tells me that she's comfortable in the cage and that we need to leave. Okay, you can talk to animals. Yeah. Cat's like, can we go? Word. We need to get this pussy out of here. Yeah, you're like hustled out of the clear water.

When you get outside, it's like bad. Everybody's running around. People are panicking. And there's a lot more guards, people on the streets than you've seen up till now. Wait, who spiked Dan's food? We never asked about that. You didn't. Caroline, did anyone? Do you know anything about this? Not that I can remember. Guys, I think it might be time. It's time to forget Dan. I already have. Obviously. Still has your amulet. He still has my amulet. We gotta go get him. We can't leave him behind.

I want to throw a tantrum, but I have to be an adult, I guess. And you're also on Tacoma's shoulder. So there's nothing you can do anyways. Can we get horses or anything? We need to get to Dan now. Yeah, somebody like runs. I'll roll. I'll turn into a horse. Okay. Can't turn into a horse. What? Why? Because it doesn't apply to your environments. Your environments are the Great Forest and the present north. Sure. Elk works. You've been an elk. Yes. No elk. Eleven plus wisdom. 13. Great. Wow.

Three hold and you're a magical elk. Get on. We're going to Dan. Okay. It's pretty sick, actually. Yeah. So you got a little cat in a cage. Caroline, are you coming? No, I have work here. Okay. But we trust you. Just don't screw this up, please. Please don't screw this up. Yeah, whatever. See you later, Caroline. Bye, buddy. Click up. Click up. You're a cool guy. I'm a woman. Yeah. So it is pandemonium on the streets. The guard is trying to mobilize, trying to organize in some way. I forgot.

This reminds me. Wait, hold on. What? Why? We should have told Maggie that the mayor wasn't in on any of this. It's too late. She'll figure it out. She's smart. Fuck. We might have fucked that guy. Yeah. We'll fuck that guy. Whatever. Yeah. He was an asshole. He was an asshole. And you get to the center of town where the wallowing sow is and the hot dog festival proper. And yeah, people are freaking out. There are people throwing stuff in carts, trying to pack up as quickly as possible.

And there are people building barricades. And in the middle of it, are you looking for Dan? Yeah. Tuck's just screaming, Dan. Dan. Dan, we have to go. It's not. It's bad. And Dan's like where his booth was. And he is trying to salvage basically anything of value from it. Just leave it. It tastes like shit anyway. Dan, we have to go now. We have to go. Why? Why? What's happening? No one said anything. No. What? Look, can you not see?

And then I gesture to the hills where an army of Bollywugs is coming. He goes like, oh, okay. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? Where's the amulet. Where's the amulet. Where's the amulet. Where's the amulet. Where's the amulet. Where's the amulet. Where's the amulet. Where's the amulet. Where's the amulet. Where's the amulet. Where's the amulet. Where's the amulet. Where's the amulet. Where's the amulet. Where's the amulet. Where's the amulet.

Where's the amulet. Where's the amulet. Where's the amulet. Where's the amulet. Where's the amulet. Where's the amulet. Where's the amulet. Like, okay, let's go. Yeah. We're not taking your cart. There's no time. We can't carry that. I can't. No. Why would we not take it? Because we have to get away faster than the cart. And he needs to leave his garbage. I mean, food. Okay. Dan, get on thing. There's three. There's two people and a cat. Dan, get on your horse and leave your cart.

He's like, one second. I'll be right back. No. Did we forget anything? That kid mirrors. We don't care about him. Yeah. I don't know. I kind of liked him. You guys. Yeah. You end up helping us out. He helped us out. He'll be fine. He's resourceful. He's not in the town square. Mirrors. No, no response. Just yells. Just screams. And more like horns. Where's Dan? It's taking a while. Yeah. And then he comes back and you see Dan riding around the corner on Daisy on his horse. Okay, cool. Let's go.

I say, hey, what's up, Daisy? She's like, what up? Let's clop out of here. Pretty exciting, huh? Not bad. And she hustles off. So you. You ride out of the collection. Basically back the way you came. Because you know that's the way to the city, at least. Like some relative safety. The thing is, as you start going that way, the cat in the cage starts like meowing and like pushing in the other direction. We have to go back. Why? She says we have to turn around. No, this way. This way. Okay. Yeah.

And she. That's like back into where it's the shittiest right now. She's like, it's this way. It's faster. It's faster. I trust her. Okay. Okay. Fine. Yeah. And she tells me her name. Okay. Oh, she tells her. Her name's Wicker. Wicker. Yeah. Beautiful. Follow me, Daisy. Yeah. You're just back through. And Dan like whips his horse around. And you're riding through the center of town. I take another look around to see if I can see mirrors. You can't see mirrors. Yeah. Yeah. You can't.

Unfortunately. What's happening is a full on fight. Now the frogs are getting much, much closer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That they are sort of turning towards you. The mass. Like not a huge. Not that. Not all of them, but a large portion of them have broken off and are coming towards you. Fuck. As you're riding away. What do you do? Can you go faster? Yes. I go faster. Okay. So you can spend a hold to like haul. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

You really start moving. And. Cat, where are we supposed to go? So this way. This is the right way. Cat, tell us. She's saying to. I can't understand you. She's saying to Vang like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like facing forward. And there are frogs that are gaining on you. What do you guys. How do you guys deal with this? Oh, God. Okay. I still have throwing daggers. That's true. You do have like two throwing daggers. Are they that close? Yeah. They're close enough that you can throw them.

I'm going to hurl a throwing daggers. I'm going to hurl both of them. Okay. So that's a volley. Okay. So that's plus dexterity. Okay. Nine. Nine? Nine. Nine. So with volley. You deal your damage, but you have to choose. You have to move to get the shot, placing you in danger. You have to take what you can get. So that's one D6 minus damage. Take what I can get. Your damage is a D8. So you roll a D8 and then you subtract a D6. So five minus two. Five minus two. Oh, the damage is two. Yeah.

So you know, you do like cut one like along the side as it's running at you. And it like slows down. It slows down quite a bit because you cut it like it's not a stand up fight. You're basically just trying to slow them down. Yeah. Oh, we just need to slow them down. Yeah. Just so you can get away. I'm out of daggers now. No, you still have one left. Oh, I thought I was throwing both. I thought I was doing a cool throw. Okay. Well, you still have one to throw. Yeah.

I'm going to throw the other one. Okay. So I'm going to do math. I'm sorry. Oh, 13. 13. Okay. Yeah. So you just deal your damage. Just roll a D8. Sweet. That first one was practice. Six. Six. Okay. Yeah. So there's one like one slows down and another one takes its place and that catches a dagger right in the front of its head and it just slides on the ground. I'm going to use that move where I convince them to fight each other. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. I use it.

So roll 2D6 plus charisma, which is a bard move. I'll look it up real quick. Seven. Eight. Nine. Describe that. What do you do? Like I have to sing to them, right? Yeah. Okay. Okay. I hold one of the elk antlers and I go, hey frogs, why don't you kill your friends? Your friends are gross and pieces of shit. Your frogs make me want to be sick. And the problem is your friends are losers. Your friends are pieces of shit. Kill your friends, not us. Your friends are the ones who make you feel bad.

Kill your friends, not us. Your friends look like they masturbate in public. Okay. So one of the frogs overcome with the music just chomps right on the other frog and it is dead. And there's one more and it makes a leaping jump, like a huge jump. All right. Hack and slash, motherfuckers. 10, 12. All right. Roll your damage. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two is enough that it is definitely injured. If you guys were to like keep moving, it would have trouble keeping up. Okay. Yeah.

So I just like it jumps and then I just take a wild swipe. Yeah. With my axe. Cut his frog leg off. That is like the last of the immediate danger that you're in. I go, see you later, pussies. Around you, the immediate area is quiet and there is just a chorus of frogs in the background. And you guys are relatively safe. And that's where we'll end it for right now. Awesome. Yeah. Thanks for listening to Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. And with me have been players Paul.

Oh, you know, in, um, uh, uh, oh, nevermind. Abdul. I really, really, really, really, really, really, really like you. And Jessica. I want to throw a tantrum, but I have to be an adult, I guess. Thanks to our technical producer, West Lord, for doing all the technical stuff. All the beeps and boops. Uh, thanks to Aaron Magoo at Heckler's Bar and Grill for letting us record in their upstairs studio. And thank you to Aaron Reed for the amazing intro and outro music that he has provided.

Thanks for listening. And we'll see you next week. And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be. For time's abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you I'd gladly spout more. There's a ton of fun. There's a ton of fun. What is that song? Oh, summer's gonna get you.

Is it Beach Party? It's not Beach Party Summer. How is it not Breach Party Summer? That's like… No, it's like Beach Party Summer. Beach Party Summer. The Venga bus is so fun. It makes me want to run. No, not We Like to Party. Is it Got to Be Starting Summer? That one. That's not Beach Party Summer. That's You Got to Be Starting Summer. I have never heard that song enough times to learn. I thought it was Beach Party Summer. I was like, this is a great song. That title doesn't make any sense.

Yeah, it does. It's a summer for beach parties. Beach Party Summer? It's the Beach Party Summer. Okay.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers half-elf, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends and listen close For the tale's about to start Yeah, cool.

So Tacoma Um, is leveled up. Yeah, so I have nine. How many do I need to level up? Seven plus your current level, which is two, so nine. Okay, so I have nine, and do I get more hit points? It's like last time, you get to increase an attribute by one. Well, I have plus two strength, zero dexterity, one constitution, plus two charisma, and negative one intelligence. But we don't use, really, our intelligence, so… No, you certainly do not.

I feel like I should just go for charisma again, since I'm really building up this board thing. If I, I mean, like, that's not the most, uh, horrible thing in the world to do. You, you, there is always the potential. What is the most horrible? Yeah, let's start with that. Just tell me, and I'll do that. Well, dumping all of your points into one attribute's probably not great, because then you're really good at one thing and suck shit at everything else. God, so boring to distribute them evenly.

If you want to be charisma guy… Uh, no, I'll, should I, okay, what, what do you recommend? I, well, what do you want Tacoma to be good at? Do you want him to be good at fighting? Do you want him to be really tough? Um… Like, do you want him to not fail every intelligence-based role he's ever made? I don't think I've ever made an intelligence-based role. You did, and you failed all of them. What, have I? Yeah, you've done a couple of spelt lores, and you failed them. Oh.

Remember when you tried to investigate the stone box, and now you think there's a genie in it? Fine, I'll put it in intelligence. You don't have to! No, that's not what I'm saying. Do what you want to do. That's fun. Yeah, this is, it, it, yeah, exactly. If your character is, uh, confident, but misinformed, like, that's great. If he wakes up with, like, a leveling up feeling in that day, like, I think I'm, I've reached a new thing. I'm gonna be more charming than ever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then stubs his toe. Or more buff or whatever. I, I already have plus two strength and plus two charisma. Oh, that's a lot. I mean… I, I'll do intelligence. I'll put it in intelligence. I'll bring my intelligence up to nine and plus two. Hmm? Nine and zero, sorry. Yeah, I was like, hold the fuck on. Um… And, uh, I get to pick a move, right? Yeah. And just for the record, um, last time you leveled up, you picked the move Metal Hurlant. Yeah, I'm gonna change that.

Yeah, you, cause you didn't use it. I haven't used it yet. Yeah, you found another move that you would like, which is called… It goes to 11. Yeah. I'm gonna just take that one. Yeah, which is a move that lets you do, um, some sort of performance and convince, potentially, an enemy to, or somebody to attack their closest ally. Mm-hmm. So you just make somebody fight their friends with music. Yeah. So I'm gonna do that and, um, my love for you is like a truck. Yeah.

Which is the one where you like, you know, break a chair over your back and go, look at how tough I am, and someone goes, ooh. Mm-hmm. Your goal is to get fucked. You're gonna do that better by smashing a chair over your back and making them wet. Jessica, what do you think? I agree. Okay. I, maybe, I'm, uh, I will take Wide Wanderer, actually. Okay. Cool. Yeah. That's a cool move. Actually, no, I'm gonna take My Love for You is like a truck. Yeah, so I'm sorry, guys. No, I'm done. No, it's good.

All right. Do you have a! There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman.

There's a woman. There's a woman. Rex is a neighborhood on the edge of town where all the boats used to be until the river dried up and the lake went away. And now it's just a bunch of boats. Muckraker's in a boat. The biggest one in the Rex. Can you take us there? I can. But I want in. In what? I want in on whatever you're doing. You can't be in this, man. But I want to come with you. But do you really want to come with us? Yes, I do. This is the last.

This is my best chance to write what was wrong. What? He like turns away very dramatically and says, I already said too much. Anyways, if you want to find out where Muckraker is, I got to come with you. That's the deal. Well, this is the strength because this was like a seven to nine, right? Like it was the seven. It's nine roll on the connections. So there's strings attached. And the string is, is that he's coming with. Oh, right. Okay. Okay. You can come with us for, for like a little bit.

Not the whole time. There might wait. How far should I let him go with us? How about we talk about it? Huh? How about we all talk? Okay. One sec. Mears. And so I'll stay. I'll be here. I'm going to like waddle over them. We're going to, we're going to talk. We're going to powwow. Billy, did you see the back? Flip it work. It was pretty sick, but I have something more important to talk about. Oh my God. What? Um, Mears wants to come with us. Who the fuck is Mears? That thing over there. That one.

And Mears is like, he's got a knife in his hand and he's like trying to flip it blade to blade. Try and catch it like a cool guy, but he like keeps like almost cutting his hand and dropping it and picking it back up. Wow. That guy looks tragic. How, how I do. I know, but he, he seems disturbed. I think he just needs a pal for a little bit. So we could, we could take him with us and then lose him. Yeah. I can see. I am pretty good at scaring this specific kid away. Yeah.

So we can just scare him away when we're done. Well, I'm fine. If that's what you want, Billy, I'm on board. Okay. Might just be easier this way. Yeah. Let's take him. Okay. All right. So yeah, I'll waddle back to Mears. Hey there. He's like leaning really cool. Trying to lean cool against the wall. Uh, you can come with us. Yes. For now. Okay. You can't do anything weird and you have to keep to yourself and you have to do what we say. Uh, okay. Yeah. That works for me. Cool. Okay. That's fine.

All right. Well, let's go. Whoa. Wait. What now? Yeah. It's like, it's like one o'clock in the afternoon. Nobody sneaks in the day. You can't sneak when the sun's out. Fine. Fine. I mean, you're already, I'll meet you guys back here. Well, you know, sun should go down in like four hours. Are you? Fucking serious. Four hours. I thought, I thought you, I thought I made it clear. You do what we say. And I said to leave now. But the sun's out.

Kid, I swear to God, I know you're scared and I know you feel like you're weak and alone and you look stupid and your arms are weirdly long for your body. Now hold on. Hold on a second. Your feet are just the, like they're. Oddly small for your arms. Look, I was with you at first. And your ears are huge. And your nose. He's trying to help us. Tuck, tuck. He's a tuck. This is a pep talk. No, this is being a little mean. We're taking you too far. Okay. Move on to the next part of the pep talk.

Okay. I know you feel like all that stuff is wrong with you. Okay. And it is. But if you look deep inside, you're going to realize that the daytime is the time that we have to leave or I'm going to punch you in your fucking face. At least can we go scope out where we're going to be sneaking? Can we do something? Can we do something? Can we do something? Can we do something? Can we do something? Can we do something? Can we do something? Can we do something? Can we do something?

Can we do something? Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, we could like case the joint. Let's case the joint. He leads you off through Mudlark proper. And in the distance, you see like the mayor's quarters, which are, you know, slightly nicer, two floors, et cetera. And he leads you outside town. This big flat is a very muddy place, but you can see the little dip where once the river bank was. And you can see that this was where the river actually was.

And in this river is a collection of ships of various sizes that have been buried in the mud over time. Row boats and larger vessels and pleasure craft of certain kinds and trading barges and stuff like that. Oh, Billy, grow up. It means like a yacht. Perverts. Whenever I have sex in a boat, I call my dick the pleasure craft. That's gross. You're gross. And he's like still leading you up. And you see maybe three dozen ships of various sizes sort of leading up. This is the Rex. Cool.

On other side of the ships and sort of in between, you see people digging in the mud. Everywhere from like one ragged individual to like a group of two dozen people digging in various plots of different sizes. And everyone that you see has this sort of mudlark. And you see people with a very dirty look where they're like malnourished, worn down, very dirty, very pale. Yeah. Sort of crappy looking people.

So when you guys walk through a man covered in furs, a tiny little ball child and a hulking brown skinned man, you're definitely drawing some attention on the way through town. The ship's around here, but we got to be careful. Mark Raker has eyes everywhere. We never know who could be working for them. Are you working for him? No, I believe you. I believe myself. That's two of us. That's two people that believe that I'm not working for Mark Raker. Oh, oh.

He like crosses up a street and he's like looking real cash, but like still kind of spy-like. Like he's casting his eyes about a lot, but he's trying to look neutral. He's like a 12 year old trying to act cash. Yeah, exactly. He's like, yeah, I'm all cool. Don't worry. I'm all good. I'm all good. I'm all good. I'm all good. I'm all good. And he points like kind of nods his head in a direction. He says, that's it. And there's like a galleon, like a military warship that is buried in the mud.

It's sticking out of the mud at a weird angle, like kind of pointing up. So the bow of the ship is pointing up in the air. The hull's pretty muddy and worn, but you see written in very beautiful flowing script, clear water. And he says, that's it. Oh, that's the clear water. Can I Spout Lore? See if I know anything about this. Yeah, totally. Absolutely. 2d6? 2d6 plus your intelligence. Oh, this is where I reap the rewards of my zero intellect. 12. Holy shit. Two sixes? Yeah. Damn, dude.

This one might be a nine. So on a 10 plus on a Spout Lore, the GM will tell you something interesting and useful about the subject relevant to your situation. I've said the name, the principalities a couple of times, and you guys are currently in one of the lower principalities. What the principalities are is there are five small territories that were once one large kingdom run by a Monarch. And when that Monarch died, they left in the will that their territory was to be split up into five.

So each principalities run by one of the children of this Monarch. And this warship was an operation during the time of that Monarch and was sort of keeping an eye on the river that was here to keep out smugglers and to allow trade vessels through and that sort of stuff. So it was the river of such strategic importance. Yeah. Because we've talked about it runs right down from the former capital trade route. Yeah. So it like the river basically ran from the capital all the way down to the ocean.

Is it is this connected to one of those infinity rivers that the halflings use? Yeah. So it is. And it is part of the infinity river. The Wittershins and the sunrise. Sunwise. Sunwise. Yeah. So when the river dried up, all the ships were left here. So the clear water was stuck here and it was abandoned, obviously. But you could say it had somewhat of a revival. Yep. As a house. Yeah. There are rumors that you have heard through stories that the captain of the clear water was in fact a smuggler.

You've heard that there are trap doors and secret means of ingress and egress in the hall of the clear water. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. So you will take a plus one forward when you act on that information. Oh, cool. Nice. Yeah. I heard all of it on this speed metal album. It was a good album and it was not a lot of people knew about it. But. There's this band called Rancid Fat that they're pretty big in the underground scene McCall. And one of them, their dad was like, he had a lot of war books.

So they just like lifted text out of that war book and they made it into lyrics. It's a pretty good band. You should check it out if you ever have a chance. What's their most popular song? I feel like I know them. It's like. I think probably the most popular one was. Well, well, well, well, yeah. Yeah. I remember that song from when I was a kid. Yeah, that's cool. Can we. Go. Okay. Because this is like, that's, that's it. See and look, see, look over there.

Any like points in there is a group of roughnecks keeping an eye on the, on the clear water and you see people kind of walking around on the decks. He's like, this is. You can't go in right now. It'd be a death. It'd be a death wish. All right. All right. Suicide mission. Yeah. I'm kind of siding with mirrors. I agree. I think we should probably wait for the cover darkness. All right. So you guys, if you can't stick around here, this is to this, this neighborhood, it's basically for locals only.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Well, is there like a cafe we can go to? Yeah. You can go back. If you go back to the town proper. No, I don't. I don't want to do that. That's a long walk. Yeah. And I'm a tired. I'm hungry. Are any of these boats selling sushi? Well, I mean. Yeah. Not sushi in particular. It's kind of hard to get fresh fish here. Well, you can get a. Is there any sort of restaurant boat? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Calm down. Okay. I'll take you to. Okay. There is a sushi thing. Technically.

Let's just come with me. I'm getting hungry. Angry. So what's the name of the, what's the name of the food boat? That food boat works. Yeah. Food boat. Okay. So you go. There's like an upside down food boat. A fat hauled, like kind of Viking vessel. They have. It's one of those totally upside down with a door like smashed into the side. Wow. They just smashed out one side of it. Wow. It's in the shape of a guy. It's in the shape of a running guy. Yeah.

There's like a, there's like a, like a little statue on top made out of like driftwood and stuff like that. It says food boat underneath. So yeah, there's like a, there's a counter inside and there's a little steam and pot and they're rolling stuff up behind the counter. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And there's these little tubey balls and the tubes are being cut up into little, uh, fat little sushis. Oh my God. One please. Wait, you're ordering one sushi? Yes. Five please.

And some other ones. The rolls? Yeah. Okay. Tubes. Uh, after I order them, I want to go and sit down at the table while you guys are ordering yours and then pull out all my own food and mason jars and a bag of nettles and start eating those.

So the uh the uh the the man behind the counter who's like a quite a portly uh bald looking well bald he's portly and he's bald looking his hair is uh thin and a light color enough that when he turns his head you can't tell if he's bald or not oh oh wow that's crazy that guy's like a magic trick no yeah look at that guy's head yeah a lot of people think I'm bald but it ain't true yeah I just gotta tell people I ain't bald yeah but when he turns his head he's completely bald that's crazy I know it runs in my family we got thin hair and it's still technically there though see you want to feel yeah see wow yeah it feels really thick it does I know it feels so thick I'm really jealous I didn't get to feel it you want to feel it little boy well wait let me rephrase that here here you go that is nice yeah thank you why are you guys touching his hair nettles nettles eating like grass you is that what ving eats yeah ving just eats like plants no matter what foraging yeah cool yeah oh yeah because you don't have to eat right no right I always have my own food oh yeah I was gonna say because I don't know if we talked about that but because you have sustained by the earth or by mother nature sustained or something I just walk around eating miners right so it doesn't mean that like you don't have to eat it just means that you eat whatever's around I know where food is always I like that a lot um thanks for touching my hair uh but get out please what wait I ordered five tubes plus some yeah but y'all aren't from here and uh what I'm sorry I just this is this neighborhood is I could get in a lot of trouble with her feeding y'all well I could just get in a lot of trouble you could get in a lot of trouble for denying us food right now how's that sound look I just I don't want any trouble neither do we we just want sushi brad I'm a child would you really deny a child some food in this situation yes I would he's a rescue I am a rescue you we're all rescued I'm gonna start to cry you guys no no no you dick you made billy cry look come on come on you gotta understand just a hard work in business but you have to understand is that when billy starts crying he doesn't start for 45 minutes stop there's gonna be a u-shaped hole in the side of the boat in a second if this guy doesn't get some sushi yeah dude I'm gonna throw you out that fucking door by your hair people are looking now and he's just like look just calm down kid calm down I'm just saying I just can't okay get out wow well he's gonna have to make a roll like he's he's just he does not want to serve you billy you can aid whoever is doing this in that you are like weeping okay what how we could ask him to let us eat in the back with like the staff can we get something to go but if this is a parlay if you're trying to get him to do something he doesn't want to do you have to offer him something oh something that he wants he wants billy to stop crying he does want billy to stop crying is billy honestly crying or is he fake crying billy's like fake crying but he's getting to the point where he's like real crying okay so he's just yeah yeah okay cool saying that you will get billy to stop crying would be leverage okay yeah seven eight this is okay okay okay fine fine fine you y'all can y'all can eat in the back room you just got to get this little boy stop crying stop crying little boy okay and he like waves you behind the counter and takes you into the back and uh he brings five sushi rolls for billy one sushi roll for thing and I haven't ordered yet can I just get a bowl of I don't know whatever meat this is yeah absolutely you better believe it boy thanks and mirrors is like I'm not we're not I'm not I'm not gonna get anything and he like walks into the back with you okay and he's like looks really nervous you pay I assume yeah five coins for everything five coins what this is a lot of fruit I'm a hard-working boy and y'all are putting me on the on the radar a dagger is like less than one coin I'll cover it you guys are you sure yeah I did this I did this to myself okay yeah would he accept uh like the coins for the festival oh the like trash money that we got he you like hold the coins out and he does that thing where he closes your own fingers and pushes them back no all right these things are garbage yeah good luck even redeeming these at the festival wait are you serious well I don't know I'm just saying a lot of people come from out of town they're probably looking for money coins oh god jesus fuck anyways enjoy your food and he leaves you in this like dingy dingy room and yeah so the the sushi is like like swamp leaves like like skunk cabbage I'm done skunk cabbage with some sort of like chunky like paste and then the meat is like very pale and translucent almost hey guys have you tried the chunky paste I just got a bowl of the meat but it like have you ever had udon it just tastes like udon just the noodle you're just eating and you hear um uh a russell not russell but like a commotion from the front of the restaurant who's russell uh yeah russell's here look out uh and uh you hear the owner whose name is morfo well hello lieutenants is there anything that I can help you with and you hear a voice kind of mutter like quietly speak quietly says oh well I I don't think I would know anything about that and then you hear him like let's just why don't you come over here I'll show you my finest wares outside and you hear him like lead somebody but you hear like the clank of um sword on leather armor we should probably head out you guys yes and mirrors mirrors like mirrors like looks out like peeks out and he turns when he says it's the militia it's the guards we got we gotta go mirrors why aren't we supposed to be here muckraker controls everything does he control the mayor he controls everything wow there's a huge revelation I can't believe we didn't even have a chance to talk to him I can't believe we didn't even have a chance to talk to him I can't roll for it you didn't know any of this coming in you just thought that you would go you just thought you would break into mudlars hq without knowing any of this kind of we play most things pretty fast and loose mostly I need we need a way out to hide or leave okay um there is a like higher up because it's sort of like everything's kind of arced up here um there's like um a hole of the stove that's been punched out for um for smoke and stuff but it's probably like 11 feet in the air should I just wait how wait do you want to turn into something yeah okay oh yeah right yeah you can turn into animals and stuff yeah yeah so what are you doing I'm gonna turn into a dragonfly and go uh up out of that hole in the roof wait you can't lift yeah that's like a straight up there's something really cool how big was the hole big enough for everyone to fit through I was probably like tucking fit through you can fit through if you turn into something mirrors can fit through billy can fit through tuck cannot fit through fucking anything seven feet tall five feet wide I was thinking an anaconda oh yeah the big snake and I'll push you through the hole yeah does that um how do I get up there does a big snake fly work with uh the environments that you're in the hole why don't I turn into smoke that can carry people well a couple reasons are there hippogriffs uh you that idea is copyright remember you can yeah you can turn into plants you can turn into turn into it I'll turn my hands into tree people and I'll grow them uh I'll I'll turn my hair into my hand into a chair and then I'll and then my arm into a tree and push them up and out of the thing and then grab it and then I'll turn my hands into it and then pull myself up so you can turn into a tree yeah shaped like a chair okay sure sure yeah I could have just said tree that makes sense you can you can turn into like a plant thing and carry people out yeah that makes sense yeah okay I'm fine roll it yeah roll it I'm very nervous go go gadget arm six plus my wisdom I think yeah seven eight eight so you get one hold okay so you can carry one person out that's damn shit obviously it's billy all right wait you're leaving me alone with mirrors oh wait no but okay so here's how we can do it so you can either spend a hold to carry billy out or you billy can make a roll because now you have this like method of escape you can climb up or something like that I can take mirrors and you can use me yeah we could just chuck mirrors somewhere yeah mirrors is he didn't helpless you're an adventurer yeah true true all right so uh that'd be a defy danger dexterity I think I got 13 damn nice yeah so up and out how does billy just scurry up billy um uh somehow light-footedly runs up the tree oh so graceful parkour oh just oh I parkour is out and away tickles so much yeah up through the hole and you so when you um you're like up on the roof billy and mirrors are on the roof and you're and I'm holding on to it and you're hanging on the edge of the roof oh yeah I'm hanging on to the edge of the roof yeah so I just suck myself up cool cool uh myself up yeah yeah that's why that sounds and out and you and you look down and you see the owner of food boat morpho talking to two members of the guard and like pointing inside oh shit yeah okay you wanna you wanna warn us yeah I'm gonna yeah so I peek back through the hole I'm like guys uh we have to get out of here really fast I think they need to get out of here really fast I think they need to get out of here really fast I think they need to get out of here really fast I think they need to get out of here really fast I think they need to get out of here really fast I think they need to get out of here really get away with stuff when we tell them to go down and distract and get to lead them over there while we oh I see gotcha gotcha gotcha they're not gonna murder mirrors can mirrors just like walk out as if he's a local he kind of looks like them it's true mirrors can you do mirrors can you do that oh ah and uh so mirrors like slides down uh the side of the boat and runs around to the other side and you hear him yelling at the guards like oh thank you they kidnapped me what they kidnapped me and they're over there they went that way and he starts like running in a different direction great and he's like come on come on come on and the guards are like oh and they they run after mirrors okay cool I slide down the side of the boat and turn into a boar's face I want to turn into a boar to try and dig it's mud right can we dig him out of the boat wait so you're all the gore wait wait wait do we need to do this or the guards gone the guards are gone let's get the fuck out of here I'm just gonna walk out the front any and uh morpho comes back and he says you and then I just hold his face with my hand and push him straight into the ground dumb fucking bitch and and you just walk out okay um yeah I'm gonna I try to slide down but I end up tumbling and rolling off the roof and into the mud oh no billy oh it's fine it's fine yeah so you guys are you guys are free of that situation okay are you okay yeah I just I have to I'm like deep in the mud so I have to crawl up yeah yeah so um I'm licking a tissue and trying to wipe off your furs thanks uh you see some people uh sort of keeping an eye on you guys we're a group in a in a shadowed corner of a nearby wreck what do they look like they look like a couple real rough motherfuckers oh man it's like um a short guy and a tall guy you see them like moving their hands in a weird way down by their sides and it looks like they're sick um they look a lot like a woman um a woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman Yeah, so we'll run straight.

And also, I'll make a shitload of noise or whatever. Is that a bad idea? No, that's a fine idea. Is it? Yeah, you can stay behind and you sort of… Because you guys will be back in a few hours. At least that's the plan. Billy, you're so brave. Tinks! Roll a defy danger dexterity, I guess, to hide. What is that? Is that a one? One sec. Pathetic. Seven, okay. Okay, so how is Billy trying to hide? There's no plant life. It's just mud and then the wall. So I'm just going to sink into the mud.

But I guess maybe not all of it covers me. So my ears poke out. There's not enough room to hide comfortably with all your stuff. So you're going to have to get rid of something. I guess I could get rid of that beautiful cloth I stole. Yeah, so you're going to have to ditch it, throw it in the garbage or something. Maybe I'll give it to one of the guys. I'm going to get rid of one of these guys. Okay, yeah, no, that works. Sure. Okay, yeah. I'll just tie it. I'm going to tie it around my neck.

Okay. All right. Beautiful. How do I look? Beautiful. Great. Now let's scream and go that way. Okay. Oh, my God. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run. Mark, lock, lock. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! You hear, Billy, you hear, like, you see the tall guy and the short guy walk past and they go, was that them? I think so. And he said, okay, I guess we should go.

And they run after them and you're left alone buried in the mud. I want to push over a barrel of watermelons on the way out of town. All right, yeah, it's a classic, like, Hong Kong cinema foot chase. Like, they're crashing through carts of food and stuff like that. Sweet. Nice. Yes. And you guys, you've led them away from Billy. What's your plan? Oh, do we meet Mears? Mears is in the wind. Oh, he's gone. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. You know what else is in the wind? This dope scarf. Check it out.

So they're chasing you. You're being chased by a tall guy and a short guy. Both short cropped hair. Both pretty scarred up. But just them, right? Just them. Can we lose them and then chase them? Should we take them down an alleyway and ambush? Can you turn into a thing that I can hide in or behind? Smoke. A bush or something? Can you actually turn into smoke? So it's inanimate natural objects in brackets, plants, and rocks. Okay. So it's mostly plants, mostly rocks. Okay.

Probably like, yeah, like sand. It says sand, the sea, and the stone. Okay. Is that smoke? No, not yet. Okay. Not yet. I guess not. We can hide in an alleyway. Yeah. Oh, you turn into a rock. Dead in an alleyway. I'll hide behind you. Okay. And when they run past, I'll pick you up and murder them with you. Whoa, wait. What if we just take their clothes? You're an elf. You're a seven foot tall, obvious foreigner. We can take their clothes and then murder them.

Not a lot of people in Mudlock look like Takama. Yeah, we should murder them and take their clothes. I'll murder them with you. Okay. And take their clothes. And what's your plan with the clothes? Just out of curiosity. I'm just going to put them on. You're going to stormtrooper them? Yeah. Just squish a helmet? Yeah. Just be flat. What's wrong with that idea? You're basically taking a shirt and pants and saying, hi, I'm the guy that works for you.

Do we want to question them about why they're following us? Should we murder them and then question them? Yeah, we should get some answers from them. Okay. I'm just saying nobody's going to believe that either of you are from Mudlock. Really? Are you telling me that if I don't take a short man's clothes and wear them as half pants and a half shirt and then walk out into the streets, people are not going to be like, oh, oh, I recognize you from the market. Is that what you're explaining to me?

That's what I'm trying to explain. Fair. All right. What do you turn? Okay, what's going on? They're coming around the corner. I'm going to turn into a big piece of granite. Okay. Okay, sure. Roll your 2d6 plus wisdom. Six. Eight. Eight. So you get one hold and you turn into a big rock. Are you turning into a rock? Are you turning into a rock person? No, I want to turn into a statue that looks very similar to him. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, So it's a very rough. You're basically a rock in the shape of the rough shape of a person. I just say, hold still for a second. Poof. Yeah. But there's no holes for the arms. So it's just like you're just a monolith. Okay, cool. Yeah. Okay. So I will hide behind him. Do I have to roll for that? Sure. You get plus one dexterity. Five. Dexterity is zero. Can I help by being a rock? Slightly fatter rock. That's what the plus one was.

He got to get the plus one from hiding behind you. So that's a failure. So how does Tacoma fail this? I guess I'm like just giggling a lot. So they run around the corner and they see a big rock like leaning against the building. And yeah, they hear like. And the rocks going. Shh. Is he just back there? So they like you hear like as they like draw their weapons and they just step around the court. They step around the rock and go high and you like are standing there like one of them just swing.

He swings his sword and he catches your axe in the right way and sends it sailing down the alley. God fucking damn. So you're axless. Wait, can I pretend that I'm not me? I'm shitting back here. I'm doing this shit. I have to shit in public. I'm fucked up. I'm so fucked up. All right. The short guy goes, that's enough. And he swings his sword at you. What do you do? Can I rock punch him? He's got to deal with this situation first. Okay. Okay. So here's what I'm going to do.

I'm just going to take it and I just put my forearm up so that he steps. He's going to stab you. He stabs you? All right. Roll a defy danger constitution. Eight, nine. All right. Since you rolled a constitution, he is going to stab you. Yeah. You are going to get cut. So roll a D6. Three. So you take two damage as he cuts you in the arm, but you are free to act. So I pull his sword out of his hand. In your arm. With your arm? Yeah. Oh God. I morph the rock up and squish him up against the wall.

Oh damn. Yeah. Not murdering squish, but like a rat. Oh, you're just holding. Oh, cool. So you're just like restraining him. So that's your hold. Yeah. Turn back into Ving. With my spear up against his throat. That's dope. Okay. But there's the other guy and he swings a sword at Ving's back. I block. I try and block it with the sword that's embedded in my arm. So his sword gets ripped out of his hand and it's in your big arm. Yeah. I love this. That's cool. Yeah. All right. That's weird.

I block it with the sword that's in my arm. All right. Also, ow, because it kind of jangles around your arm a little. Yeah, really hurts. Yeah. Totally. Okay. I'm going to pull it out of my arm now. Roll a D6 again. Six. You just voluntarily took five points of damage. Why? You yanked a sword out of your arm. Okay. Well, I'm going to leave it in there. Okay. Jesus. All right. So there's a sword in your arm. All right. Fine. I'm just going to hack and slash. Okay. Sounds great.

With the dagger and the sword that's in my arm still. Okay. Great. Roll hack and slash. Six plus what? Strength. Eight. Eight. So you'll deal your damage to him and he'll deal his damage to you. What's his damage to me? D6. Two. Cool. So one with your armor. Okay. Yeah. So you deal seven damage to him, which, yeah, describe how you take this guy out. Oh, do I kill him? Well, yeah, you've taken him out. You can kill him. You can do whatever you want with him. Okay. Take his clothes first. Yeah.

He can't take his clothes first. You can't strip him naked and then kill him. Make fun of his penis. Yeah. He lifts his sword to take another swipe at me and I lift my arm sword up and then just smash him in the balls with my foot real hard. Okay. Like way too hard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel a lot of stuff break and pop. Uh-huh. And he starts crying. Shit. Okay. Okay. And he's, he's on the ground and you've got the guy up against the wall.

So, and that's, he's like struggling, but he can't, he doesn't want to get stabbed in the throat with a spear. Are you following us? Muck Raker's got her eye on you. Her. Uh, his. You idiot. No, hit there. Muck Raker's got their eye on you. You fucking idiot. You told us. His face gets all red. He's like, shut up. You shut up. You're going to die. You're going to die. You're going to die. You're going to die. You're going to die. You're going to die. You're going to die. You're going to die.

You're going to, you're going to leave Mudlark in a pine box. Yeah. Wow. That's really some, that's, that would be a really impressive feat considering there are no pine trees in this godforsaken shithole of a place. Muck Raker's got lines on lots of stuff, including pine for boxes. Oh, thanks. That's more information that we didn't know. Get, son of a. Just let me go. Just let me go. Or kill me. I'm dead anyways. Can you tell us how to get to Muck Raker? No. How about that? How about no?

How about yes, or I'll do this to you, and then I lift the other guy up. Hmm. And you want him to take you to the place I get you in? Yeah, tell us how to get in. You have to understand, if I do this for you, that's it for me. I can't come back to Mudlark. Yeah, that's awesome. Dude, this place sucks. Yeah, but I can't, it's hard to get out of here. Why? We can help you. The roads are real dangerous. You can help me? Yeah, do help us. We'll help you. Yeah. Okay. All right.

Okay, okay, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. You help me get out of here, and I'll help you get in. Okay, cool. Deal. All right. I lower my spear. Great. I kiss him on the cheek. And cut to Fat Billy buried in the mud. What's Billy been up to? Still fading. Well, Billy lifts his head up and gasps for air, because he's been stuck in the mud for like a minute or two. Yeah, totally. And he's going to make his way very silently, very stealthily to Clearwater. Okay.

So the sun's gone down, or it's starting to go down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Lanterns are coming on and torches are being lit and the usual nighttime village stuff. Billy, you're creeping through under the hulks of ships in the shadows of broken vessels and stuff like that. The hulks of ships in the shadows of broken vessels. What's the name of the metal album that I learned all that stuff from? I'm gonna creep behind the garbage cans.

There's some even more wrecked piles of lumber where it looks like ships have been moved to be further away from the clear water. The patrols around the ship are pretty consistent. Men with torches on the decks up top and a couple walking around. You can either try and go for it. I'm gonna try to find another way. Can I skirt around the perimeter of clear water and see if there's a different little window or hole or something like that?

You get around to the back end of the ship where it sinks into the mud and you see down, just at the edge where the ship starts to sink in, what used to be like a porthole that's half buried, but it looks like it's just big enough that you could probably squeak through. Ooh, I'm gonna suck it in and try to get through there. All right. A thick dude with a torch walks past. He's like right in front of you, like passes within a meter.

And then he walks past and you scurry across the intervening space and squish your little self into the hole. Nice. And you are inside the clear water alone. Yeah. Yeah. That's okay. By yourself. It's dark in here. It's fine. And everything's tilted at a weird angle. That's fine. This looks like it's some sort of storage room. So there's like barrels kind of stacked up, but they're all pressed up against the bottom. And as you like step, you can hear that the decks below you go down further.

So there's sort of a buried section of the ship, you assume. Is the floor like on an angle? Yeah. Yeah, everything's tilted pretty drastically. Okay. But you hear muffling, muffled voices in the next room. Okay. I'm going to get on all fours and crawl up. All right. And I'm going to listen. Yeah. So you hear a softer woman's voice, a deep, rich voice. Those are two separate voices, a soft woman's voice and a deep, rich voice having a conversation. What are they saying? It's a wooden door.

Isn't there like a gap in the door at all? Can I just press my ears up against like the bottom part of the door? There's like a gap a little bit higher. You can see the door up on the wall. Is there a way I can climb up? Yeah, you could like move. Everything's on an angle, but there's like rigging, like cargo net. Cargo net sort of along one wall. All right, I'll try that netting. You creep up hand over hand on the little nets. You kind of peek through. What do I see? You see Maggie Cole.

Knew it. Bitch. Speaking with the orc. The lady orc? Yeah, the lady orc. This is a fairly richly appointed kind of office, like a sitting area. The deck's been built up a little bit, so it's more like it's been terraced. So there's like, you know, little steps and then a platform, little steps and then a platform. And she's got a desk and a very nice plush chair.

And I mean, like you're a kid, so you don't necessarily know too much about all of the things that are decorating the wall, but they're very eclectic. A suit of armor that's very fancy looking. Tapestry on the wall showing things that you would never see on the wall, showing things that you don't understand, things you've never seen. What? Just a lot of sex. It's just sex. Yeah. Stop saying that. And I'm like, wow. Wow. It's art. Oh, I don't understand it, but it makes me feel weird. Yeah.

So there's like. It's battle sense. Look at these people wrestling. So there's like, it's just a lot of stuff. And you can see Maggie's kind of stressed out. Okay, bring him, bring him in. The orc leaves. And Maggie's like, I'm not going to do this. I'm going to go to the orc. I'm going to go to the orc. I'm going to go to the orc. And then you hear like a scuffle and she comes back in holding by the scruff of his neck, Mayor Etienne Boggins. There was a break in earlier and we found this.

And she holds up the metal case. Oh shit. And. There's doobies in it. Yeah. Yeah. The metal, the metal case that Billy stole from the mayor. Caroline, did he have anything else on him?

And she comes forward with a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, that we found this in his house. Thanks for listening to Spout Lore, everybody. I've been your Game Master, Sean O'Hara.

With me, as always, are players Abdul. How do we want to handle these kinds of situations where we Spout Lore? Paul. Put it like a huge reaper. Spout Lore! And Jessica. Does he die? I gotta know. Thanks to Wes Lord, our technical producer. Thanks to Aaron Magoo at Heckler's Bar and Grill for letting us record in the Heckler's Upstairs Lounge. And thanks to Aaron Reed for the amazing intro and outro music that he has provided. Thanks for listening to Spout Lore, everybody.

We'll see you next week. And so ends the tale of Adventures Three Who tried the best they could Though dumb and scared and lost they'd be For time's abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will never know We'll not leave you without a resolution Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I'd gladly Spout Lore I don't understand. This belongs to some large man. I don't know. He says that… He defecates in it.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start You see a shadow, like, cast over you from the sky And you feel a heavy, rough, gloved hand on your shoulder And you get turned around and you look into the face of somebody that you met a couple nights ago The long, mustachioed face of Armando, captain of the guard Ugh, okay And he says, young man, you're gonna have to come with me Why?

Because we have reports that you stole from our mayor I don't know, I feel like Billy's kind of a pussy, so he's gonna lie He's gonna lie? Okay, so what's the lie? Deny this We've got eyewitness testimony saying you stole from the mayor Well, I think it was that one over there And I just, like, point at, like, a different halfling It wasn't me Okay, well Just throw him under the bus Wait, did you point at the halfling that is running the potato toss?

Yeah, so I'm pointing at, like, yeah And so I wave back at him, and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna throw him under the bus I'm gonna look back at the woman The woman halfling with, like, the ringlet hair and the, like, potato-y looking clothes Yeah, she's wearing a potato costume as part of the potato game Just, like, a potato sack Okay, yeah, so that's a defy danger charisma Six?

Seven Oh, yes Okay, yeah, so with, um, what happens is he, like, you wave at the halfling And Armando, like, looks over, and she waves back, like, yeah, totally Yeah, way to go, thumbs up As this investigation moves forward, I will take this, and I will consider it But, and he, like, squints his eyes, and he leans real close into your face, and he says Don't leave town And he walks over, and you see him, like, talking to the halfling on the barrel And he's, like, kind of poking her, shoving her, and, like, really wagging his finger in your face And she, like, looks over, and she looks at you And she kind of, like, grimaces, like, why?

Why? How could you do this to me, bud? Sorry!

So I, I, I, I mow that, I'm sorry And she's, uh, and she, like, is, like, pulled down off the barrel And they start, like, shoving her away, cause she's, like, really making a stink And she's, like, pointing at you, and, uh, and Armando takes her away Oh my god, I feel really bad, you guys I mean Whatever, our actions have consequences, but you gotta look out for number one I'm sorry Also, cool hat Thank you Yes King of the hot dogs Yes Yeah, hot dog king, hot dog king, hot dog king, hot dog king, hot dog king, hot dog king That kid from earlier that Tacoma kept scaring comes by and he goes, hot dog king, hot dog king Get the fuck outta here!

You're not part of this, kid! We're friends with each other! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

He runs away, he runs away Okay, so God, some people Maybe we should get out of here for now, you guys Yeah, I guess Yeah, that's probably a good idea That kid's mom's gonna really fucking be pissed at me at some point So what's the Hopefully he's an orphan Just, like, apparently most of the people in this world Yeah Including two of the three of you All of you guys Yeah, um, yeah, there's, like, this weird statistic that everyone knows where it's, like, as soon as you have a kid, your chance of suicide or being the victim of murder goes up to, like, 98% That's a lot Alright, so what is, what, what, what, what clue are you guys following in the, the case of It seems to all tie back to the Wallowing sow Yeah, it's good Make you call the wallowing sow and dick foul swell So, let's head over that way Alright I don't have any more tokens anyway, so that sucks You want some of mine?

No Yeah, we're not, I'm not gonna spend mine at all No, let's just go there Okay I'll keep my tokens Alright, so you guys go to the wallowing sow and, uh, The rooms are all full up, so there's a lot of people in the, in the common room, a lot of people dressed in, uh, festivally gear And you see Maggie Cole, as you saw her before, kind of weaving between the tables, having a good old time, uh, serving people and chatting, and she, like, looks at the door and she's like, You know, if you could just find a place to sit, you, you sit wherever you want We'll be around in a sec Oh, okay, yeah, let's take a seat Yeah So, there's like a pretty sizable room, tables all over the place, stairs going upstairs to the rentable rooms Um, there's a bar at one end, as you are familiar with, because Billy snuck into the kitchen earlier On the wall behind the bar, hooks in the wall holding up a really ornate, solid, but like, worn-looking spear With a scarred shield underneath it And next to that you see a painting, an oil portrait of somebody that looks a lot like a younger Maggie Cole holding a spear and a shield Oh, cool And wearing nice-looking armor, standing on top of a hill, spear in the air Cool And, uh, those orcs that you mentioned Oh, yeah Are still kind of in the corner playing some sort of game with blocks Oh, yeah Where they're like moving them and stacking them up I'm gonna go to the bar and get everyone a drink Cool Okay, wonderful Um, can you get me What do you want?

Like, uh, river water lisp Yeah, do you want sparkling or still? River water, still river water lisp Okay I want still water lisp Still water lisp Raspberry Raspberry still water lisp Okay, does it matter what brand? No, I don't think so They all taste the same It'll probably be Nesty then Okay Okay Billy, what do you want to drink? I have some oat milk, but can I have it warm? Oat milk or goat milk? Oat milk Okay, cool Gross Why?

You've never even tried it Yeah, okay I'll get you oat milk What does a fang care to drink? Oh, uh, ox's blood? Oh my god You say that and the bartender's like, okay I haven't opened this for a while See, that's just three coins Cool, yeah Metal, like money coins Give me six of the shitty ones Yeah, can I give him, will he take my hot dog festival coins? He doesn't want them Do you have family? Do you have a children? Yeah, I have a children Do you have more than one? You know what?

I'm not gonna tell you anything else about my children Do they like, like, have a family? Yeah, they do They're like, like, they're like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, Do they like the hot dog festival?

I just happen to have four extra tokens to the hot dog festival You have six extra tokens Good for you I want two for myself Well, okay, roll, roll two-d-six-plus charisma for the parlay, cause he's like, well, I mean, everybody loves the hot dog festival Boys are going to love the hot dog festival. We're rolling so badly today. It says you have four? Yeah. You know what? It's not enough, man. You try to buy any food out there yet? It's like eight tokens per item. Get out of here.

Real money or no drinks. Okay, I'll just have the goat's milk and the river water. All right, all right. Sheen and raspberry. He takes the coins. He mixes up the two drinks. Here you go, guys. Thanks, man. Thank you. You're welcome. I'm sorry. You can have some of my oat milk. It's pretty good. It tastes weird. And then so Maggie Cole comes around and she says, can I get you guys anything to eat? We're actually just admiring your painting and your sword and shield. Oh, it was a spear.

But she looks up and she's like, oh, better days. You know what I mean? I'm in the twilight of my life now, but I had some wild times when I was a young girl. Tell us about it, please. She was at one time the champion of like a duke. She pushed back a goblin horde from like a town. Fuck. For that, she was given a knighthood. She traveled the world as the spear arm of a liege lord. She took a really bad injury one time and that sort of put in perspective that, you know, her time had passed.

What was her injury? She was in a duel with the champion of a necromancer. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She took it. She took one right in the bicep and it almost severed her whole arm. Fuck. But she was able to recover. Was the champion dead? It was a dead. It was a reanimated. Whoa. Yeah. It was like a reanimated warrior.

And she was like, it was, you know, when I, when it was happening, it was pretty scary. But in retrospect, it was pretty cool. Yeah. I'll bet. It was pretty cool. It was pretty cool. And she like rolls up her sleeve and you see that it's just like it's healed, but the scar basically goes all the way through like to her bone. Describe the scar. It's just like it's like if you were to… Is it a line with six lines off? It is not. Shit.

It's basically like if you were to saw into a loaf of bread and stop halfway. Oh, jeez. Fucking Christ. And then she's like, it's a little sore when it rains, but I told the Duke that, you know, this is enough for me. I think I gotta move on. Moved to Mudlark. Built this place and I've been living the good life ever since. Cool. You ever get involved with Mudlarking? It's a little hard on the bones. I leave that to the younger folk. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Anyways, can I get y'all something to eat?

I think I'm good with my oat milk as I only have two. Yeah, I think we need to look at the menu a little longer. Okay. Could you come back a couple minutes? Yeah, of course. You just signal me when you need something. Thanks, Maggie. Yeah, no problem, hon. Okay. And she hustles off. Wow. She pinches Billy's chest. She's chic on the way by. You're just a little cutie. Yeah. I like your raccoon skin and your hot dog hat. She's off into the barn. Should we ask her about this herb? I guess, yeah.

And also, I think she's a muckraker. Can I ask what you're basing your theory that Maggie Cole is a muckraker based on? She's like, she's come up enough and like all like the different… She's an inn owner. She misses the good old days, though. She longs for adventure. Also, Dick Falsmith was like, I forgot. You tell Maggie I forgot. Well, maybe it's not her, but maybe it has someone maybe like there's someone in the inn. She seems connected. Is there anywhere I can go sniffing around?

Oh, yeah. You can sniff around anywhere. Really? Yeah. Could you find her quarters? This would be a discern realities because it's like a situation that you're trying to… Okay, I'm going to look around and see if maybe there's a staff room or her apartment that's attached. Okay. Billy is like thinking maybe we're not going to get a lot of info from her because she's like smarter than we are. Yeah. I mean, you could roll discern reality. You could like observe her. Yeah. Okay.

I'm just going to watch her for a sec. Nine. Okay. So it's discern realities. You get one question from the list. What happened here recently? What is about to happen? What should I be on the lookout for? What here is useful or valuable to me? Who's really in control here? What here is not what it appears to be? Maybe that last one? Maybe that last one. Let's go with the last one. Okay. So you see the two orcs in the corner playing their game. One of them has her like back to the wall.

She's keeping an eye on Maggie every once in a while when Maggie like casts her eye in the direction of the orc. The orc like nods a little bit on her bicep. She does have the rake tattoo. The orc in the corner does. Oh man. I'd really love to get a look inside of Maggie's robes. Billy, you might be the best. Can you distract? I could sing a song. You could. Okay. I'm going to get up on stage. I'm going to start singing and you go to the room. Okay.

So there is a musician up there right now playing like a harp just singing a really shitty song that's like In old Mudlark Laugh goes slow You wake up in the morning Jesus fuck Glad you're not six feet below Just like singing. Sorry, what were you going to say? Could I like fly and turn into a snake and crawl up his pants? You could or to go I could go talk to him. Sure, I'll just wait here. Do you want to come with me? Yeah, let's go. Do you know how to play anything?

Yeah, I can play that guy's harp pretty good. Okay, cool. Okay. I walk up on the stage and I'm like, hey man. It's like, hey, what do you know? I got a song. I'm singing here. It's like, I know, but nobody likes it. I'm singing about old Mudlark. I grab his harp. All right, everybody. Look at me. Everybody look at me. Look over here, everybody. Everyone's like Everybody like puts down their drink and like turns is like, what is happening? Hey, my name is Tacoma and this is my best friend, Ving.

Hi, everybody. And we're going to sing a little song. This song is I wrote it when I was 16. Sing, sing four lines to two, four, two, two, four, four. Her name was Allison. She made me scream real loud. Hey, Allison, come back. Don't leave me alone in this barge. Hey, Allison, I miss you already. Hey, Allison, you took my second virginity. Oh, Lord. Okay. All right. Oh, Lord. My virginity went away. Oh, Lord. My virginity is not with me. It's with Allison. Low, low, low, low.

Low is where she went on my body. All right. Now you got to make a roll. So you're going to roll 2d6 plus charisma. Ving, you're going to aid. Yeah. So it's an 11. So everyone in the bar is like enraptured. They're listening for a little bit. And it's that thing where like they start like snapping their fingers and tapping their feet. And then they like get up and they're like boogie. And everyone is like they're pushing tables out of the way. People are dancing and going nuts.

And Maggie's in the back like clapping away. And everyone is totally caught up in this situation. Billy, you could not care less. I am already like look, I'm, I'm sneaking away. I've gone up the stairs to what I believe is her apartment. And I'm going to try to open the door. Okay. So you creep up the stairs and you're like at the door and it's got painted on it like a little shield with a spear behind it.

You're like looking over the balcony and you're looking down into the main room where everybody's dancing and having a great time as Tacoma and Ving go through the fourth refrain of Allison. You see the orc woman that you saw earlier at the table get up and she starts walking towards the stairs. I'm going to try to open the door really quickly. It is locked. Okay. But you can roll tricks of the trade. Yeah. So 2d6 plus dexterity. Seven. So you, how does, oh, Billy opens with like little twigs.

Little twigs. Little twigs. So you like pick the lock. You're like, you see like the orc like out of the corner of your eye and you just like, oh my God, oh my God, click. And then the lock pops and you're able to get in through the door. There's like a bed and there's like a door. There's like a bed and there's like a door. There's like a bed and there's like a door. There's like a bed and there's like a door. There's like a bed and there's a chest of drawers.

And there's there is a very cool series of shelves that have like a collection of some really weird things on them. Like a black metal gauntlet and like a skull and like a beautiful crystal orb that like is floating above this little metal disc. That's just like a cool little shelf of dope stuff. And you hear the footsteps coming. And as they're about to pass the door, you hear, and you hear click, turn as the doorknob starts to turn on the door. What do you do?

I'm going to jump on the bed and pretend to be a fur pillow. Okay. All right. Give me a defy danger charisma. Cause there's nowhere to hide. Yeah. Eight. Okay. Um, you hop up on the bed, curl up in a little raccoon ball and like scuttle yourself into a corner between some pillows. And, uh, the orc like walks into the room and she goes, what do we have here? Uh, uh, dropped the mayor's metal case full of like the pipe weed cigarettes.

And she like crouches down, picks up the mayor's like metal case, turns it over in her, in her hands and sees the little EB on it or whatever boggins. She turns around, walks out, closes the door. Right. Well, yeah, oh man, that was intense. So Billy's like a really tense little ball right now. And he's just like, Oh, and then like all of his like fat kind of like sex. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Oh, you broke my heart and my dick and my balls and my legs and my knees and my hymen and my hymen and my other hymen ellison you took it all ellison you made my heart go into a toilet okay okay we cut so then we're back to billy like cutting back like cutting to the common you guys are like losing everybody is just loving it so we're so sweaty billy you are on the bed of maggie's room and you have free reign okay um I'm gonna look around there's like a there's like a chest of drawers and there's a there's like a straight up chest chest with like a hinge like where she might keep some more valuable stuff oh I'm gonna go that chest actually okay yeah so do you want to roll trap expert yeah I'm gonna do that so it's a 2d6 plus dexterity nine is there a trap here and if so what activates it yeah you peer into the like hole of the lock and you see the usual tumblers and the usual like turning mechanism but then you do see a tiny little switch and you don't know what the trap would do but you do know that it is trapped okay maybe I won't do that right now um so I'm gonna what I mean you could always try and you could still try and open the the uh the lock but you do know that if you were to fail like it would activate a trap of some kind I know but I don't want to get trapped yeah fair point fair point sometimes you gotta spend money to make money that's true I'm gonna I'm gonna try open it all right what am I so yeah that'll be the trade tricks of the trade yes nice yes 13 whoa nice nice fuck yeah 13 that's pretty high uh you open the lock in the right sequence with your little twigs but you don't set off the trap and um you just hear like a click and the top is able to swing right open so I like get on my tippy toes and I look inside yeah underneath like at the very bottom like buried under some clothes is a little uh leather journal oh yes that I take okay and oh yeah I can't read though you can't oh my god so I'm gonna take it with me though and I'm gonna see if thing can translate it okay so I put I put that in my little like pouch yep and I look elsewhere in the other trunk or whatever it is oh there's like a chest of drawers okay I'll look in that yeah I'm gonna detect a trap first okay yeah go for it oh no three plus five five five so that is a failure so mark down a thing um yeah you don't think there are any traps here oh no should be fine you already got something what did you get again sorry I was writing a leather journal yeah she got a journal oh oh that's a good cat it is a good cat you don't want to lose it to the best knowledge of fat billy there are no traps here uh well billy are you are you just opening the chest because he like he would because he'd be like oh no no there's no locks either this is just like this is just like a dresser oh no jesus jones there's probably not a trap no no traps oh not as far as billy can tell but I know there's gonna be a trap can I do tricks of the trade to open this or does it is it no there's no you should just be able to okay so I just like gingerly open it open so it's like drawers like it's a series of drawers one of the drawers like so you open the bottom drawer and you're pulling it out and you hear like a snap and uh you just get sprayed in the face oh just like oh right in your face no it doesn't well it's in your eyes no so that sucks but uh it doesn't it doesn't hurt per se besides ow there's something in my eyes oh like what so what does billy do when that happens well he like rubs it like off his eyes yeah so you rub and you pull your hands down and they're just covered in red ink oh uh oh oh no she's um so I'm gonna go in that trunk and I'm gonna rub my face on the clothes you're just gonna rub yeah because I know what this is for yeah you're like wiping it off and it's like not totally coming off like you're getting us it is coming off on the clothes but it's not all coming off it's just like just fucking ruin everything in the room okay so so what's your goal here just to make it look like it got wrecked well I'm definitely gonna open a couple more drawers uh-huh look for a key oh I can't say anything I'm gonna say yeah listen yeah real quick to the comment room and when you're ready hey down my way down my balls it makes me feel like a man a man a man a man a man a man when your bat wings wrap around my body makes me feel like a bird of prey she's being preyed upon upon the wings of a fucking bear oh fuck yeah is this is this a song about how tacoma lost his second virginity to a sex demon a succubus a succubus a succubus this whole time it's been a song about a succubus he almost died it almost killed him but he can't forget her she let she left because I was too needy she was a sex demon so you can imagine okay back to back to the room billy's just opening drawers what's in them uh clothes man oh fuck this okay so I I like scurry over the shelves and I look around and like is there I'm gonna discern the realities what are you discerning discerning me you guys okay so so it would make like instead of discerning like you can discern this whole situation like this room as it is I'm I'm already okay I'm gonna be caught yeah okay so I take two big breaths to calm down yeah and then I look around and I'm like is there anything that I should actually pay attention to okay yeah yeah okay oh nice with what uh wisdom nine okay so you get one question yes uh what here is useful or valuable to me um all the stuff on the shelves you figure would be valuable in some way um you don't know like you're not a history buff or anything like that but you know that if you were to steal this and sell it to the right person money's not really like the biggest thing oh so money's not even valuable to him well it's like got something to do with it um valuable it's not as like top thing okay um so what is a value what is a valued ability more than money like practical stuff things that are things that are comforting okay things that are things that are comforting things that are personal personal things that are comforting and things that are personal so um you're looking at all the stuff on the shelf like black metal glove like weird old knife like floating crystal ball and you're just like I don't know.

Nah, forget that stuff. But you pull out the softest and the most smooth-feeling piece of fabric. It's like a little blanket, and it's so nice. Oh, my God. It's just the finest weave. The thread count's got to be in the thousands. It's so nice. Yeah, it's so good. You get it at a HomeSense or a Bed, Bath & Beyond. And not even on sale. You've got to pay full price for this thing every time. None of that one-in-drugs bullshit. It's so nice. It's like a nice… Is it silk? You don't even know.

It feels like silk, but it's not shiny like silk. I bet it's Merino. What's the color that Billy associates the most with comfort? Like green. It's like the nicest, richest forest green. And it's so soft and warm. Oh, Billy's taking that. Oh, yeah. Billy doesn't even put it in his bag. He tucks it under his shirt so it can rub against… Against his little tummy. Billy's so weird sometimes. Billy's having private time right now. You don't get to see this. Yeah, so that's…

You got your nice, beautiful fabric. And the journal and my red face. And the journal and your red face and hands. Is there anything to cover my face and hands? You could pull your raccoon thing down. Yeah, I'm going to pull my raccoon thing down. I'm going to… Does she have any gloves? Small gloves? Not small gloves. She doesn't have gloves. Does she have any doll's gloves? Does she have any sweet doll's gloves? Halflings are already half as big as a normal person. Are there any…

They're half as big as a halfling. Socks? Yeah, sure. She's got socks. Okay, I'm going to grab two socks and I'm going to stuff them on my hands. Okay, great. And I'm going to run down and I'm just going to, like, wave at the other guys on stage. Defy danger dexterity. 11. Shit. Okay, yeah. So that's… You're sneaking downstairs? Yeah, so I trot downstairs and I, like, wave my little hands at them. So you, like, slink down. Yeah. No one sees you.

You're creeping through legs and tables and chairs and stuff like that. And then, yeah, you, Ving and Tacoma, you see Billy, like, waving. He's looking at you. Red face. Ragged. Terrified looking. With two socks on his hands. Yeah. Two socks on his hands, like, waving. Like, guys, I got it. Jesus. And we're singing this song and we're like, what the fuck? I don't see Billy because I have my eyes closed doing the sweetest harp solo. Yeah, totally. Oh, yeah, this whole song's been sung to a harp.

Yeah. So can you do the harp solo with your mouth? Yeah. And then can I finish up the song? Yes, you can. You wanted to steal my soul because you are a succubus. But you stole my heart and you left me alone because you said I wanted too much. Listen. People are crying. I know this priest is killing you. Listen. My love was true. My love was true. So there was, like, silence. You could hear a pin drop on this dirt floor. And slowly just. Yeah. Yeah, man. It was like, what?

It almost starts clapping. Yeah. All right. We're going to be selling records in the back right by where those orcs are. The album's called Pussy Rage. It's like it's five gold coins each congregate there. Everyone. Everybody congregate. Rushes. Yeah. Rushes towards the orcs. The orcs like stand up and they're like, what the fuck? And those orcs are selling our albums. Okay. Defy Danger Charisma. You can aid Ving because you're part of the entourage. Nine plus two. Nine plus two. Eleven. Sweet.

You don't even have to. I'm Aiden. Yeah. All right. We're also selling fly swatters. Six plus one. Seven. Fly swatters. With our band's name on it. Say Pussy Rage on them. All right. Great. Yeah. And they all crush against the orcs. They're like, oh, man, that was amazing. That was the best thing I heard in my life in 30 years. Everyone's humming their version of it. It's like, you know what? This is the Fugmans came. It's out. Wayne had no good music. They hate music. I love that.

They've booked these fellas. Now I'm grabbed. You get the idea that the Fugmans control entertainment in Mudlark, which is unrelated. So you guys are able to get them to go over to the side of the room and you're able to slip out without anybody noticing that you're leaving and you are outside and Fat Billy. What's Fat Billy doing? Fat Billy was hiding in a bush. Do you like signal? He like he peeks his little head out at them. Yeah. It looks like he's covered in blood. Jesus Christ, man.

Are you okay? Billy? Billy, no. What happened? And then I dropped my eyes. I'm like, Billy, please don't die. No. He shakes me. I turn into a kangaroo and put you in my pouch. Perfect. This is great. Kangaroo? You can't turn into a kangaroo? There's kangaroos up north. What? They're ice gurus, man. That sounds magic. Sorry, man. You're going to turn into a kangaroo? No. You can't turn into a kangaroo. Billy, please don't die. I'm fine. I'm fine. No, please. We need oxygen blood here.

Oxygen blood. Oxygen blood. No. Don't draw attention. Don't draw attention, you guys. We got to go. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. We got to go. Why are you bleeding so much? I'm not bleeding. Where did you go? Did you see our song? It was Ebbing. Yeah, man. We have to go. We have like five minutes, I think. Okay. Before she notices anything. Okay. We just have to tell you four minutes of things. Okay. So does Billy show them the journal thing? Yeah. Okay. I don't show them my silk blanket.

Yeah, totally. That's for me. You look like you put on weight. I might have. Okay. Should we get out of here? Can we go somewhere private before I show you guys this? Yeah. You can just go behind a building. Yeah. Okay. So pull up the journal. I'm like, Bing, I need you to help me read this. Ooh. A journal written in English. It is in the common alphabet. It does appear to be in some sort of cipher. So it is in code. But three pages in is the rake symbol. Oh, fuck. I knew it, guys.

I fucking knew it. And I told you. And you doubted. Nobody doubted. And now you can prove. Okay, cool. We believe you. You have the journal of Megan Cole. Muckraker. It is unfortunately in a code of some kind. We have to find out how to decrypt this journal. Maybe we should try and find Gary. All right. Force him to tell us how to decrypt it. Because I can't think of a single other person we've met that would maybe have that information. How do we find Gary? I'm going to put out a request.

I'm going to ask for some help. Yes. Well, I think there's like a direction post that way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm going to go there and I'm going to go carve a little symbol on there. Great. Yeah. Okay. Can you describe the symbol? There's like a triangle for man. And I'm going to write the G in the common language. Because I know like some letters. You know some letters. Yeah, totally. It looks like the Masonic letter. Okay, cool. Oh, I don't know what that is. Yeah. So 2D6 plus charisma.

Okay. Okay. Eight. Eight? Yeah. Okay. So on a seven to nine, you'll have to settle for something close or it comes with strings attached. Your call. I'll get something close. Something close. Okay. So you carve the little symbol into the signpost. You leave for a while. You come back. And that kid that Tacoma has been scaring this whole time, every time that you've done anything in this town, is like standing by the signpost. Very trying to seem real cool. Guys, maybe I should just go alone.

Tuck. Yeah. Thanks. Yeah. It's probably not a good idea if I go with you. So I'm going to wander up like really cash. Really like. And I'm just going to take like a little. You know, a little like look around. Looky Lou. I'm like, so. Are you waiting for anyone? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Are you waiting for anyone? I don't know. I could. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe I am, too. Okay. Well, what do you have for me? What do you have for me? What? Sorry. I didn't. That's not how this works, man.

You're right. You're right. I'm sorry. I forgot. I was getting really into the whole subterfuge angle. So you're looking for Gary, huh? Yeah. I might know where he is. Where he is. Okay. Um. I can't do it alone, though. Well, who do you need? Me? I need someone with a particular set of skills. Like me? Or someone. Well, you have to be more specific. You. I need. You got to do it. What do I have to do, man? Okay. I can see this is not. I'm getting really confused. I'm sorry.

I'm just really excited. It's been a while since somebody's used this post. Okay. Okay. Okay. So before we do this, I want to know your name. My name is Billy. Billy. All right. You can call me Fat Billy. That's what everyone else calls me. Fat Billy. What's. It's. It's. It's. It's fitting. No offense. It's okay. I understand. And he like puts his hand out to like shake your hand. What's your name? He says. Well. Okay. Don't tell anybody I told you this, but. Okay. Well, it's my name.

So I guess a lot of people know. But I'm. My name's Mears. Mears. Mears Foulsmith. Foulsmith. You. You hang out with those two guys, right? Yeah. And I'm really sorry. Chuck's just. I'm really. I'm not like. He's got something going on. I can. Cut to me. Cut to me. Yeah. Cut to Chuck. I'm trying to do backflips. All right. Check it out. I know the last two didn't work, but I think. I think once I clear the blood out of my nose, I can get this one. I'm stuffing poultices. Stop the bleeding.

He might seem a certain way, but really deep down. He's like less weird. Still weird, but not as mean. He's just really. She's got a lot going on. He's so scary. Yeah. He's huge and scary. Okay. Anyways, I can't. I can't bring you Gary, but I can tell you where Muckrakers hideout is. Where? Tell me. It's in the Rex. What is that? The Rex is a neighborhood on the edge of town where all the boats used to be. Until the river dried up and the lake went away. And now it's just a bunch of boats.

Muckrakers in a boat. The biggest one in the biggest one in the Rex. Can you take us there? I can. But I want in. That's the end of this session. Thanks for joining us. I've been your host, Sean O'Hara. And playing with me as always is Paul. Well, I mean, you're going to drink. Do you have a family? Abdul. Abdul. Everybody look at me. And Jessica. Oh, fuck this. Okay. So I like scurry over the shelves and I look around and like, is there, I'm going to discern the realities.

And thanks to our producer, Wes, for doing all this and making it work and making it happen. Yeah. He's doing a. Like a thumbs up, but like a moving. No, he's doing like detonations. Oh yeah. Like blowing up stuff. Oh, like fireworks. Yeah. Oh, he's shooting. Mime. Silly string. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. Thanks to hecklers for letting us use the Raffish Lounge. Yeah. I've been your host, Sean O'Hara. See you next time.

And so ends the tale of adventures three, who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be, for time's abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you I'd gladly spout more.

Last session. At the end of the last session, you guys all basically had enough experience to level up. Should we do the quick end of session move? Sure. Yeah. So we'll go through. Does anybody feel like they resolved a bond? Yes. All right. So what bond did you resolve? I feel like my bond of motherly affection for Tuck has been resolved because he chose performance over my safety. Mm-hmm. That's fair. And I was like, a mother would not do this. Do you agree with that resolving? Sure. Yeah.

So, Billy, you mark a point of experience. Either of you two feel like you resolved a bond? I don't think so. No? No. All right. Cool. Nope. Alignment. Billy, what's your alignment? It's chaotic. And the move is? Like appetite before all things. Okay. I didn't do that. Okay. Cool. I'm chaotic. Yep. I issue a convention of the civilized world. Well. I did kill an emperor by ripping his brains out of his chin. Yeah. Instead of diplomacy, you just.

But I mean, they're not really civilized is the only thing. Yeah. Yeah. They're pretty chaotic. Yeah. So maybe, maybe not this time. What about that time that I got a boner? Okay. So maybe not for your alignment. Ving? Mine's good. Help. Something or someone grow, which the boner. That works. Does it? It sure looked like it worked. I guess not this time, but you guys will. There are three questions that you guys get to answer.

And if you do say, if you say yes, you all get to mark an experience for each of them. So did we learn something new and important about the world? Yes. Yes. Yeah. What did you learn? We learned that things are not what they appear to be. The frogs are being controlled. I learned not to trust. All right. Well, I'd say also, I'd say the frogs are being controlled is probably, or is there something going on with the frogs in the box? I thought you meant like general moral life lesson.

Well, either way, let's say, yeah, you guys mark an experience for that because it seems like you learned a few things. There's something going on. Yeah. Did we overcome a notable monster or enemy? I killed an emperor. Yeah. Everybody mark an experience for resolving that. And did we loot a memorable treasure? Yes. Yeah. Mark an experience. So basically to level up, you need an amount of experience equal to seven plus your current level.

So you guys needed eight experience points, which I believe all of you have at least eight. So am I level one or level two? You're now level two. So what happens when you level up, you choose one of your stats to increase by one. So yeah, if you're like at 15 and you raise it to 16, it's now at a plus two instead of a plus one. So you can either increase the stats that you're already good at to get better, or you can increase the stat that you're bad at to even it out.

So if I'm 13, I'm plus one, it says. So I'm going to do that, right? Yeah. Did you rate? So you raised something from 12 to 13? Yeah. What'd you raise? Charisma. So I can be very persuasive and sensual. Sensual? Sure. Yeah. So yeah, going from a 12 to a 13 makes it a plus one instead of a zero. I'm going to up my strength from 15 to 16 to a plus two. All right. Been getting buff? I keep almost dying. Yeah. Abdul, what are you thinking? I was thinking charisma. Okay.

I'm moving towards becoming a musician. Yes. A part-time musician barbarian. I got a lot of songs in my heart. Yeah, that's great. A lot of them are about the things in my apartment. Do you have possessions? I have these leather rugs.

Straps you have leather wrist straps a loincloth an axe yeah an amulet and I think that's it well you don't have the amulet right now yeah I gotta kill that guy yeah dan colonel dan's got it wonderful um I think it's pretty funny that you guys all know that your intelligence is really low as a party and no one chose to increase intelligence just like no tape axes yeah I like that you are just you know like the the traditional uh party composition of a role-playing game you've got the beefy person the sneaky person the intelligent like magic you've none just just beef no just sneak that's it and just dumb dumb assholes stop turning into a frog I love being an owl without any of the positive qualities of what owls are believed to be I was being part of a parliament we're all owls can I turn into a parliament oh owls oh can you turn into like a horde yeah you can't later I don't maybe yeah maybe later not currently you would say swarm and then turn into them all right and another thing that you guys get to do when you level up is you pick an advanced move so you all get a new move so uh let's just guys read over your moves uh I have a couple I like if you have any questions I can answer like but I think a good idea a good thing to think about is what direction you want your character to go in like for example uh abdul wants takoma to become sort of like a traveling troubadour barbarian but a bad one but a bad one but one of the moves that you have allows you to take a move from either the fighter or the bard oh yeah okay let me see I think it's like the top left one when right anything jumping out for anybody jessica what are you thinking for fat below um there's one called connections when I put out word uh to the criminal underbelly about something I want or need it's like on a 10 plus someone has it just for me or on like a seven to nine I have to settle for something close to it or it comes with strings attached okay yeah that's a cool one yeah um so what would what would the connections be in that case is it thieves or is it halflings or is it like oh I don't orphans that's hard because family's a loner so he has no friends but is there like is there any like um inherent connection between like halflings like if a halfling saw another halfling would they be like oh hey I'll help you out oh no because we were talking about how that's not the case yeah halflings are very insular they're like my family is most important but like also the community but like family's not their community anymore so he's like an outsider okay so yeah that wouldn't maybe there's other orphans who also roam the woods and the trails yeah like a big like yeah like a hobo network yeah oh like um the symbols that like old hobo culture like they would carve in a fence post like a little circle with a whatever and it would be like this person gives good meals or something like that it could be like a thing like that where like oh I need something so you carve a little thing in a post and come back later okay can I do that that's pretty cool I like that yeah yeah yeah sure so you're gonna take connections yeah I'm gonna take connections awesome and they're yeah little ragamuffins yeah the ragamuffin network yeah that's cool I like that a lot abdul anything jumping out um yeah I was thinking it would be cool if he could like distract people with a shitty song distract people with a shitty song it's like hey you look over here I'm waving my dick around that guy's waving his dick around I believe the um I think the bard has a move called bamboozle yeah bamboozle basically if you parlay with somebody and you succeed the next move that you do that involves them you'll have a plus one do I have to decide which one is the most şu şu şu there is a move called metal hurlant that they get which is a similar thing but it's when you shout with great force or play a shattering note uh you choose a target roll constitution and on a 10 plus they take 1d10 damage and are deafened for a few minutes whoa and on a seven to nine you still damage them but it's out of control uh so you're just like that you wanting to be a bard but your powers and you just yeah but all but all you're saying can my song still be I know you're trying to make it a good song but it ends up just doing that you still you like the the the background of tacoma is that he was a musician and he's you still sing whenever you want you're still a singer you're still a bard kind of but you also if you shout really really loud you can kill people I sing to the trees and the wind yeah his song is so full of passion yeah if it's so passionate like people are deaf and you sing a song when I do this yeah okay you can do whatever you want what's it called metal hurl metal hurl they get a a boner so stiff that they faint all the blood flows to their penis they just pass it can it yeah can the effect of it be like whatever theme the song is so it's like a sexy song that that happens follow the theme yeah but if it's yeah if it's a song about like the wind and the trees they fall asleep sure so hard that they die so long that they're dead the point the the the main the main thrust is that they're taking 1d 10 damage cool is there a move called main thrust so yeah that is also a bard move it's whenever you just give somebody the main thrust this is great because I can uh I can end I can end every song with a scream uh what are you thinking paul I'm thinking I'm gonna go for this thing talker thing talker what is thing talker you see the spirits in the sand the sea the stone you may now apply your spirit tongue to the earth and you may now apply your spirit tongue to the earth and you may now apply your spirit tongue to the earth and you may now apply your spirit tongue to the earth and you may to inanimate natural objects, plants and rocks, or creatures made thereof, as well as animals.

Thing talker forms can be exact copies or can be mobile, vaguely humanoid-shaped entities. It's pretty dope. It means that Ving would be able to turn into plants and sand. And tree people. Or like a person that is also a tree or just a tree. And you can also talk to trees and you can talk to rocks. And you can talk to animals. You know that, right? Yeah. That's why I got along with the frog people. As much as anybody could.

And that's on the way to world talker, which is when you can turn into farts and fire and stuff. Did you say farts? And water. Yeah, with world talker, after you're like level six or whatever, you can just turn into a fire. Yeah. Which is pretty cool. Yeah, I guess it's fine. It doesn't really do much. No, you are fire. Yeah. That's pretty cool. That's a big deal. Yeah. Yeah. You were a person and now you're a fire. Like a campfire? Or like a humanoid torch? Like a person made of flame?

Or like a rock man? Or like now you're a tornado? Like, you know. A tornado with tiny tornado arms? Yeah, little tiny tornado arms. Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Like that one Titan from Hercules. The one that sucks up all the stuff with his tornado arms? Oh, yeah. You guys remember Disney's Hercules? Yeah, I remember that. It's a great movie. Great movie. Thing talker. Cool. Everybody's good. We got it? We good? Yes. I brought a glue gun, but no glue sticks. Oh, man. See, that's where they get you.

You always forget the sticks. I just ran out on the way down from the ferry. I used a lot. Used all my glue sticks. I was making a little figurine on my dashboard. You're like, I think this is one of those 3D pens that you use to make a little figurine. I was like, I'm going to make a little figurine. I'm going to make a little figurine. I'm going to make a little figurine. I kept trying to hot glue my zipper closed. Oh, God! Fuck! Don't look at my dick, because that's fucking gross.

My dick looks like Harvey Dent. It's that one right there. Oh, no! It's like, . That's a lot better than mine. That's better than mine. That's better than mine. That's better than mine. That's better than mine. That's better than mine. That's better than mine. That's better than mine.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart.

Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round friends, and listen close, for the tale's about to start. Last time on Spout Lore. Uh, have you guys heard of the Spout Lore? Have you guys been having troubles with Meyer frogs recently? Oh man, when haven't we been having troubles with Meyer frogs? We come on behalf of the lord of these swamps and the king of all frogs, Emperor Borgulch.

If Emperor Borgulch does not have audience, and his demands are not met, it will be war. I hear y'all are heading out into the swamp to talk to the frogmen. How? Word gets around. Let's be serious here. Meyer ain't necessarily the highest power in Mudlark. If you guys get that, uh, get that box, Muckraker be mighty, mighty pleased. And, uh, so you're standing in front of a particularly large pile of mud that's sort of like held up with sticks in a dome shape.

They stop you just before you get to the entrance, and they sort of grandiosely wave at the pile of mud. Welcome to the Palace of Reeds. They take you in. It's not the hugest place. It's like maybe 40 feet to the end. Mm-hmm. A ramshackle table running down the center of the room. There's like three or four bollywugs similar in size to the ones that you've seen so far. There's one that's wearing a really moth-eaten droopy robe and has like one nice ring on, drinking from a really beaten bowl.

But it's drinking like it's a fine wine, and it's just like, mmm. And then there's another one that's wearing like the top of a mop on its head, eating a bunch of worms. And it's like, ooh. It sort of like gestures to you. There's one that's just got a bunch of face paint on, painted eyebrows on the top of its head, a little like goatee, like fancy twirly mustache, and then like the bottom. And it's like leafing through a book that you see is totally blank. It's like, ooh.

And then at the end of the table is a bollywug that is easily three to four times bigger than anyone here. Oh, yeah. And it's like slumped in this wooden throne, and it has a crown on, but the crown just looks like a copper pot that's had like the bottom punched out of it. So it's like jagged and shiny, like kind of dirty a little bit, but still more lustrous than anything you've seen so far. And it's got a scepter in one hand.

And Billy, having stolen from people's houses many times, you see that this is just like a curtain rod that has like one of the bottom bits off, but it's still got this like kind of shiny ball on top. Mm-hmm. And it's like, you know that fancy like when you see a casual person in a throne when they have like one leg up over, and they're sort of like leaning back? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's this big, fat like frog. And they're like, oh, hello. Welcome to the Palace of Reeds.

I am Emperor Borgulch, lord of these swamps, the king of all frogs. What brings you here to my court? You're a fool. You asked us to come. Ah, I see. So it is diplomacy then. Large one, scraggly one, the supple boy. What can I do for you? And like Jabba the Hutt style, it like reaches into a bowl of like bugs and like dumps them in its big gaping mouth. Wow. I really don't have any shame. Shame is for peasants and serfs, not Emperor Borgulch. Right. We got a real emperor here. Yeah.

And you were wanting to keep an eye out. Yeah. Keeping the environment outside in mind. Yeah. You realize that the mound sort of goes up against a hill. Okay. So it's not just like a freestanding mound. It's like a little mound. Yeah. And you can see like behind Borgulch's throne, you can see a smaller hole that's like an entryway and you see just piled up stuff in this like little room behind his throne. Bet you that's where the box is. Can I ask for a house tour? A tour? Approach, young boy.

Approach, child. What do you ask of Emperor Borgulch? I'm very impressed by your palace wink. And I am curious to see more. Ah, yes. Many are gobsmacked by the opulence of the Palace of Reeds, ancestral seat of power of the House of Morgulch. It's hard to know what he's done talking. I understand how you could be in awe of my regality. So I would be more than happy to talk to you. I will take you on a tour of the palace. However, I am indisposed at the moment.

So my retinue will conduct the tour. And he sort of like claps like two of his big flipper hands. And he's like, Lord Grubwater, approach the throne. And the one with the painted on mustache and goatee like gets up. He's not, he's approached the throne. It's like two feet from where he is. So he kind of like steps forward. Yeah. And he bows. Says, I am Lord Grubwater. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello, Lord. I would be pleased to take you on a tour of the palace.

Well, while Billy's getting a tour, I'd really like to talk to all of your security personnel. I'd like to know about what their details are here. I've heard great things of your ability to protect yourself. When you say that, like his little like throat pouch starts to like swell up a little bit. He's like, he gets like a smug face and he is well known throughout the land. How, how well the frog people at frog people, he like kind of bristles a little bit. Sorry. Ball, Bollywogs.

He puffs up a little bit more. But I've heard tell of your security details and how you keep such a tight ship. Yes. My honor guard is spoken of throughout the land. Yes. I could. I could gather them for you. That'd be great. Picks up a little horn and he just goes, ah, like into the horn. He goes, come here. My honor guard. Is it okay if we meet outside? I want to see outside of the palace. Very well. Thank you. And you guys split off. You want to go talk to the.

Yeah, I'm going to go basically distract all the people who could catch them. Oh, gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. So we're going to have to be a role. Then we'll say defy danger charisma. Yep. But you'll get a plus one because you flattered more Gulch. So cool. Effectively by basically saying anything nice about him. You flattered him. Whoa. 11, 12. Damn, dude. Yeah. Good roll. Nice. So he, he like yells into his horn. He's like, honor guard assemble in the square.

And the one that is like, there's, there was one of them in the room. Yeah. And he like hops up and it's like, like walks out with you. And he's like, I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. And then he's like, Oh, a woman. Oh, a woman. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Be settled with these you see a morgul it's like watching you do like finger guns and stuff like that and he goes like to somebody at the table he does a finger guns to like the one with the mop on its head he does it to himself he's like he's very into it um and you say yeah you you leave and there are four uh bollywugs the two that led you in the one that was in the room and one that you didn't see until now and they're just standing in front of you at attention cool with their shitty broken spears I'm just gonna go ask them a bunch of questions while these guys are on a tour great yeah um so you walk away yeah with the honor guard yeah yeah now the tour I believe you're going on a tour small boy and large boy yes yes please take us show us your opulent treasures yes and your most favorite rooms yeah and show us all your stone boxes just sedimentary rock magma meg and we're we're uh we're like raising our eyebrows at each other while we're saying this so tacoma and billy you are being led around by lord grub water and by led around I mean he kind of waves his hand in the direction of the one room that you're in and he's like behold the court of morgulch the most powerful seat in the entire swamp and he kind of like turns to the side and points to morgulch's throne he says behold the throne of emperor morgulch most powerful seat well chair in all of the swamp and he like is casting his eyes around like trying to find something else to show you guys are there any rooms within the palace oh yes yes yes he like lights up and he's like right and he turns around and he's like facing the hole and he like walks a little bit and he's like the treasury of emperor morgulch gaze ye upon his treasures and bulk yes bulk again oh and you see like it's um it's a pile of garbage basically like it's just stuff that seems like it's been hauled up out of the mud maybe stolen from from carts you remember when you came to mudlark in the first place so there was like that big tree across the path that seemed to have been tipped over so you see like a wagon wheel and like piles of old uh crappy weapons that have not been taken care of uh do you guys want to roll discern realities yes which are uh billy are you on the lookout being the acquisition specialist so 2d6 is going to be the first one to take care of you guys so plus wisdom?

Eight. Eight, cool. So you get one question from the list. Yeah, it's just on the basic. Just on the basic. Well, you're also strong. I'm just talking to the guards. Oh, you're also strong. Cut to. So, no pants on anyone. No, they restrict movement in combat. Oh, and do you have a style of combat? Is there a martial art? Yes, it is known as the swamp spear. I've heard tell. We will demonstrate. Yeah, thank you.

And they make a couple frog noises, and they kind of spread out a little bit, and one of them makes a frog noise, and they just stab forward, and then they pull it back, and they stab forward, and they pull it back, and they stab forward, and they pull it back, and then they all stand back up, and they bow. Man, I would not want to be on the stabbing end of that. And they all go like, they swell up a little bit in their throat areas. Like, how? Wow. All right, we'll cut back.

Cut back to Billy's hook. So, we want to know what here is useful or valuable to me amongst… Perfect. That is the perfect question. Yes. Do get one, because you got a seven to nine, so you get one question. So, through like a pile of chairs, just like broken chairs, you see sitting in the crook of one of the broken chairs is a stone box. Huzzah. It's about a foot wide by like half a foot deep with just like a stone lid, and it's covered in carved symbols that are carved into the wood.

Or the stone, rather. And it's right there. It's like I don't know, like six feet away from you, but Grubwater is right there. Looking right at you. What do you do? I don't think there's… I'm talking to only Billy now. I don't think there's any point in just stealing it right now. No, I think we have to come back to this. I could distract him, and you could take a look inside. Could you ask to maybe investigate another area? Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Okay, okay. Lord Gulpwater.

Grubwater. My apologies. It's nothing. Is there a washroom I could use? He like looks around just everywhere, and he's just kind of like gestures generally to the room. Oh. He's like very confused by the question. Okay. Well, Grubwater, the mayor is pee shy. This is the mayor? Yes. He says, Emperor Borghulch, the mayor. This is the mayor. He like hustles. Nobody said that. Nobody said that was the mayor. You just said we're here to see Emperor Borghulch. I said we, you asked You asked us here.

You asked us to come. He asks a lot of people to come. Nobody does. Oh, wow. Wait, so you didn't know why we're here the whole time? He said, I would, diplomacy. Diplomacy. Diplomatic. Please, mayor. Why did you want the mayor to come? Well, if you would take a seat, we may begin. Wait, the mayor still needs to pee. I really need to pee. Perhaps we could delay the meeting? Yes, of course. We will delay while you relieve yourself.

But until then, we will assign a guard to each of you for your safety. And he like yells into his horn. He says, come back. Fuck. Oh, yeah. Some of the Bollywood guards walk back in. You hear them like you hear the horn from outside. You hear him yell into the horn. Yeah. And they like kind of get all jittery and they run back in to the thing. Yeah. So you come with and one is assigned to you. One Tacoma. One is assigned to Billy. One is assigned to Ving. Okay, cool. What's your name?

Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big. Wow. Okay. So I'm going to be like, okay, my name's Fat Billy. What's your name? It's Flop. I don't know. Flop. What's my guy's name? Dirt. Dirt. Dirt. Flop and big, big, big. Well, it's nice to meet you, Flop. I have to go to the bathroom. Very well. And he like walks with you. He's like right behind you. Just be near the box. I walk by the box. I'm like, do you mind if I have a little bit of privacy? You can just. You're in the treasury? Yeah.

He's just everywhere. Yeah. That's true. So he like he like just is looking at you. Could you just turn around? You don't have to leave. I just don't want you to see. He like looks around to see if anybody's watching. I have a lot of body issues. Well, just one, but it's huge. Huge. Huge. I feel like this is good. He like I don't think he's going to turn around. OK, so this isn't our chance. Like unless you want to make a roll again, but you've already like he's not going to.

OK, I'll turn around. And so I face the box. And. Well, I mean, they haven't said don't touch it. What if you're just like, oh, well, you're being like, just look in it. What's in this box? You're going to pee. You're going to look in the box. Look, I'm going to be like, I'm just going to go in here to pee. OK, that's going to be like defy danger dexterity. Probably I'll make sure they don't see you fucking around with stuff. All right. Nine, nine, 11. OK, so that's a lot.

You start peeing near or on the box and you like reach out. The lid does not move. OK, so Tacoma, what are you what are you doing? And I was just like, having. Small talk with my guy. Oh, yeah. With big, big, big. Yeah. It's like, oh, you only 800 kids. That's crazy. Yeah. You know, I. I just love children. Well, but it's hard because they they're so small and they have tails. Yeah. And then eventually they grow up and they don't have tails anymore.

But then they just don't want to spend any time with you. Yeah. It's like a problem. All fathers have. It's hard. You know, our 900th just just left for. I don't know. I think they might have been eaten. Oh, geez. How many of your kids get killed? Oh, like 90 percent. Wow. I mean, it makes sense. You have like 800 then. Yeah. It actually still it's not so bad. Yes. You know, if 90 percent of 800 still have some kids to work the mud fields. Yeah. So like 100 kids, then it's pretty good.

It's a lot of mouths. It is a lot of mouths. Yeah. Yeah. What's your favorite? Which one's your favorite? Oh, probably. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It's probably probably Gorb. Yeah. What does he do? Oh, Gorb is my daughter. Oh, shit. It's a morgan. It's a morgan. It's a morgan. It's a morgan. It's a morgan. It's a morgan. It's a morgan. It's a morgan. It's a morgan. It's a morgan. It's a morgan. It's a morgan. It's a morgan.

It's a morgan.

Gulch can clap his he claps his little flipper hands and he says let us begin our deliberations approach mayor I waddle up but like very nervous yeah and Ving and I walk up on either side of uh Billy pretending to be his guard yeah Billy is like one quarter the size of both of you oh you've got your hand up to your ear I'm whispering into my wrist yeah and I'm whispering into my axe because I don't know what he's doing you should call me Al so uh Morgulch like looks down at you and the guard and he like rubs his like bulk he like runs a hand along like his big belly says you are quite small for a head of state yes I am very small hardly hardly I just think he's gonna eat me talking and he like yeah he like runs a tongue like along his mouth and he's like anyways uh small or not I am large and I have called you here for one particular reason it is time for the people to leave and for the bollywogs to take their rightful place as lords of the mud fields so I will take this and your as agreement and expect you to be gone by the end of tomorrow that's pretty quick isn't there usually like a month of notice isn't it standard to take a month to leave a mud swamp yeah most mud swamp tenancy agreements I've seen there are no agreements in the swamp there is simply the rule of Morgulch there's a lot of people and there's some infrastructure there it takes us about a day to get here there's a lot going on a lot of work to be done a lot going on a lot of work to be done going on?

And I'm pretty small. And I move really slowly. So, really, it could take several days. It's not a no. No. I think… Can we ask what prompted this decision? He just looks off into the middle distance. As lord of these swamps, it is my place to rule unimpeded. Has there been a conflict with the people of Mudlark? He, like, looks into the middle distance again. As lord of these swamps, it is my place to rule unimpeded. Something's going on here. I say that just to them.

He's saying it out loud, but quietly, like, something's going on. A corn in my mouth. Emperor Morgulch, would you mind giving us five minutes of private conversation? Four minutes. I'll take it. Morgulch decrees four minutes. That is very generous. Cool. You are very generous. You're as generous as you are large. He puffs up a little bit in his throat sack. We just got a little more generous. He leans back. Okay. I mean, who cares? These Bollywogs are not going to be able to take over the town.

We don't care about this town. I mean, I don't want to see anybody get hurt, but… But they might be hurt. Tuck and I were thinking that something else is at play here. Oh. Because this is just a weird situation. Yeah, it's like that one frog was reading a book that was totally empty. The banners don't have anything on them. These guys, they seem like background actors. Yeah. They all just seem like background actors, you know what I mean?

They seem like the kid in high school that would just play a bush in your local production. Kids playing a bush? They're all bushes, and it's like, but what else is missing? They're trying to hide something. Spell it lower if you want. To remember anything about Bullywugs. So that's an intelligence roll. 2d6 plus intelligence. Who is the highest? I have no intelligence. I have a negative one. Are we a dumb group? Yeah. Okay. I'm sorry. You can roll that again. Well, it is a four. On the ground?

Yeah. So that's a nine plus your intelligence? Which is nine. Nine? Okay. How does… Oh, so something that you know, that you remember, hearing about Bullywugs? They… Wait, I thought it was discern realities. Oh, I said spell it lower if you wanted to roll a spell lower about Bullywugs. Oh, no, I want to discern realities and ask a question. So that's plus your wisdom, actually, not your intelligence. Oh, is it? Oh, perf. Then ten. Ten? Okay, great. So you get three questions. Okay. Oh, sick.

Okay. Well, we're definitely… Who's really in control here? Who's really in control here? Hmm. Hmm. I love that this game just lets you ask that question. Like, okay, so… But so you know what's going on. I do. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So how would Billy know this? Oh, you have to come up with a mechanism for it. Yeah, basically, I have to figure out what you're looking at that makes it so you figure out kind of what's up. Like, what's in that distance?

It's definitely not more Gulch. Maybe a ghost tells us. So what… What? Uh, basically, so, yeah, you notice that… Every once in a while, more Gulch will, like, kind of shift in a way that makes it seem like he's uncomfortable and he'll move forward like he's hearing something, like he's looking for something and he's anxious about it. So he… And he looks in the direction of the treasury a bunch. Like he's uncomfortable like hell. Like he's nervous? Anxious. Like, it's like…

Like he knows that somebody… You know, like when you are trying to do something and you know that someone's going to be mad at you later and you're waiting for them to show up. Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah. Uh… It's like that sort of vibe. Uh-huh. So, okay. So the other thing is… So what here is not what it appears to be. Okay. So the… The shitty ring that…

The one with the shitty robes, the Bullywug at the table with the robes, that, you, like, look, being an accomplished thief at nine or ten years old, having stolen stuff before, that's a really nice ring. And it's, like, really valuable. You know that. Well, actually, so, yeah, they have… But it's, like, on just, like, the first, like, knuckle of his hand because they're webbed. So it can only go down so far. So it's, like, not super on really, like, firmly. But he is…

That Bullywug is wearing a very valuable ring. Okay. So what happened here recently? All this stuff looks like it hasn't had time to settle with the exception of, like, the… The piles of crap that are in the treasury, which look like they've maybe had for a… They've had those things for a long time. There's a lot of marks on, like, the table and on the… On the walls of the mud hut and stuff like that that make it look like this has been constructed within the last couple days.

The crown that Morgulch is wearing, it's, like, a pot that's had the bottom banged out. It looks like it's only shiny because it hasn't had time to get dirty yet. Damn. It's a trap. Or they wanted to get us out of town. It's a pantomime. Yeah, definitely. Like, so they created these fake villains to create a conflict. The townspeople? Yeah, and I think the… Maybe, like, the box is mind-controlling them, or, like, it's something. Yeah, and then… What is your answer? Your time is up.

Will you vacate the land of Morgulch? Should we just try and steal that ring off that guy's hand? You mean, if we get that ring? We could try to barter with Morgulch. For time? Well, because he wants our whole town, so I'm like, we might need something in return. Okay, that's it. That is a parlay, my friend. Oh, okay. So, yeah, so you want… You're gonna have to offer something to Morgulch for something that he wants. So what are you trying to convince him of? Well… Give us that box?

Give us that box. And they'll get the town? Well, and we'll start the process back at the town. It's not just us. Well, yeah, if we… Because we get a day, right? So if we ask for the box, get back to the town, then we can kind of try and figure it out before their army shows up. So one of you guys should ask this and also maybe mention that the mayor is not the highest up. We have to… I am more of, like, working on behalf of… Of a higher order. Like the order of cooks? What was it?

Very skilled chefs. I stand by that, by the way. Chefs are very popular. Okay, everybody gotta eat. Alright, you're making the plea. Oh, so what are you saying? Great Emperor Morgulch. He swallows up a little bit. Uh, your large size and impressive tone has convinced us that the best course of action is to acquiesce I have a word of the day calendar. To your requests and to give you the town. Very well. But we have one request. Proceed. The stone chest covered in pee in your treasury.

And symbols. And symbols. Pee and symbols. The piss and symbols chest. You must give it to us. He puffs up, but in a threatening way. Some skin around there starts to redden a little bit. And he, like, he, like, puts one little flippery foot on the ground and the other and he, like, stands up. And he's big. Yeah. He is, like, over seven feet tall. Yeah, this dude looks like a fucking tetherball player. He reminds me. You will vacate the town. The chest remains with us. Okay.

And he's, like, getting he's, like, getting really angry. What do you do? I was just gonna flex everything to make myself puff up and then make my face really red by forcing all the blood into it. Uh-huh. And then see how he responds to that. Uh, what is that gonna… How… What do you… Is that a matching threat move? I'm just wondering, because I know that, like, that could be a defy danger charisma to try and intimidate him. I think… I don't know if…

I think it's maybe a defy danger charisma. Or it could be if you want to make this, like, a thing. Like, you want to, like… You want stuff to start popping off. You do have a move called What Are You Waiting For? Oh, no, I don't. I don't want him to attack me. You don't want to fight him? I want to… I want to be, like… In a kind of a humble way? Yeah. Yeah. No, I just… It's just, like, is this… Is this frog psychology? I mean, yeah. Like, do I have to puff up, too?

All right, defy danger charisma. Okay. Oh, God. Shit! Oh, boy. Why do I keep rolling threes? Okay, um… So you flex all your muscles, and you, like, make all the blood rush to your head to, like, redden up. And I just go… Um… Um… And while you're doing that, he steps forward, and he, like, swings his fist. And he just… He just lays into you. What the fuck? Like, pow! Right in the face. I told you! Roll a d10. Damn. Seven. Minus your one, because you have armor. And you take six damage.

Ooh. Dude. That's cool. I'm fine. And he says, Lee! We will return at the end of day to claim our land. When… This is terrible diplomacy. Could I have snuck away? You definitely could. In the kerfuffle? So that's, uh, a tricks of the trade. I'm doing it. Billy has a… As of the thief, Billy has a move called tricks of the trade, which is whenever he does thiefy stuff, like sneaking around and stealing stuff. So, yeah, 2d6 plus dexterity.

There's a lot of material for the mayor's speech at noon. Billy's like, I, as interim mayor, I regret to inform you the town is no longer ours. The town belongs to big frogs now. Not only am I canceling the hot dog festival. So, sorry, what? I got only five. You got five? So, uh, mark a point of experience. Thank you. Also, Abdul, did you mark a point of experience for failing? I think so. I'll do one more, just because I failed so hard.

Billy, you start to, like, as Morgulch, like, steps forward and just lays into Tacoma, you're like, perfect opportunity. Perfect opportunity. And you start creeping away and, um, Flop sees you. And he points and he says, thief! Whoa, I just had to go to the bathroom. Oh, man. And he's, like, trying to, like, haul you towards, uh, the throne and stuff like that. Ving, stuff's starting to pop off. It's getting really bad. Yeah, I'm gonna go get the hands off of Billy. Okay. Instinctually.

Okay, so you just rush right to him? Yeah, and just say, put him down. Tell him to put him down. Okay, uh, charisma? Defy danger charisma? Six, seven. He throws Billy out. He throws Billy out. He throws Billy out. He throws Billy to the ground. Okay. And he, uh, starts kind of shaking his spear in your face. Take that spear out of my face right goddamn now. I guess that's another defy danger charisma? Whoa. Eleven. Twelve.

Okay, so you just, like, yeah, you, like, slap it out of his, slap it out of your face. Your little Arctic chargills, like, flare in a really gross way. Yep. And he just, like, backs off. Yeah. If I had eyebrows, he would know how. Yeah, but once those grow back, you'll come back and you'll be like, this is what I was trying to do. This is what I was trying to do. Um, yeah, so, Billy, you've been thrown into the mud, but Flop is backing off. Can't believe they treated the mayor in this way.

You have greatly offended me. Uh, um, great. So, Tacoma, you're in the mud. Oh, okay. I'm, I'm, my eyes are watering, but I'm not crying. I want you guys to know I'm not crying. I just got mud in my eyes. And Morgulch is like, leave now. Leave my palace. Leave. Fuck you, man. What? Oh. He's gonna try and hit you again. I'll fucking fight this dude. You're gonna fight him? Yeah, I don't give a shit. Okay, roll a hack and slash, I guess. Okay. Three plus five plus two is ten.

Yeah, that is a ten, so you do your damage. So I, uh, am still crying. And I feel very embarrassed, but it's really motivating me to fuck this guy up. Yeah. Uh, so I pull my axe off of my back. And I'm like, hey, bitch, you made a big mistake. Because I'm gonna shove this right up your ass. And then I flip it once. Uh-huh. And then catch it. And then I make like I'm gonna flip it again. But then I just swing up and catch him on the bottom of the chin with the axe. Dope.

And split his head in half. Well, no. No, I'm doing this. Because I have the forceful and, forceful and forceful. And messy thing. Muscle bound or whatever. Forceful and messy. So you're not just gonna kill him, but you, um, you kind of like swing it up and hit him right in the face. And it splits his little bag part. His little like throaty bag thing. Oh, Jesus. And he makes like a like a big like echoing sort of like Billy get the box. Everybody starts freaking out. I'm running for the box.

All right. Billy, go for the box. Big. I'm going. Formation. Billy, defy danger dexterity just so we can see if he gets to the box easily. Oh, fuck. Five. Five. Oh, fuck. Um, so you, um, start running for the box and flop like takes his spear and just like jabs the butt at you. Roll a D4. I can't believe this. Is that fair? Mm-hmm. Oh. One. One, yeah. So he just like bops you on the side of the head, but he's able to like get in front of you so you can't get to the box. I go for the box.

We can't leave without getting the box. Uh, so you're gonna go for the box? All right. I think we should try and get that box. If things are popping off, we need to get that box. Yeah, totally. We need to get that box. Get the fuck out of here. Okay. Five plus oh, zero, five. Also five. So both of you are supposed to mark down a point of experience. Uh, a lot of failure this, which is good because it's experience points. Mm-hmm. So that's nice.

Um, so as you move for the box, flop, he's like on it. He's like standing in front of the door. You're not getting through that door as long as flop's alive. Dang. Son. So roll a D4. Two. Two, yeah. So I think you have an armor. So one damage and he jabs and like kind of cuts you on the arm. Motherfucker. Yeah, he's not moving. Uh, and Emperor Morgul starts picking himself up and he's moving towards Tacoma. Mm-hmm. Yeah. All right. What do you do if I kill the king? Fuck it. I'm gonna go for it.

Is it cool with you guys if I do this? All right. Okay. All right. I'm gonna like while he's in his weakened state, I'm gonna do some fucking damage to this bitch. Ooh. Eleven plus 13. Dang. Dang. Okay. So roll your damage. D10. Uh, seven. Seven. Okay. Um, oh, yeah. Okay. So how many hit points does this guy have? Because I feel like that's not something that I'll tell you probably ever, but what I will say is that describe how you kill Emperor Morgulch. Yeah. Fuck this guy. Oh, no.

Uh, he's like lumbering towards you. So I, uh, I put my axe down as if, as if I'm gonna like give up because I'm scared of him. And then just full rage out on this dude. I just push my hand up into his cut, uh, into the cut in his sack. And then I just grab whatever I feel up there. And then I just like rip it out. And then it turns out it's his brain and eyeballs. And then I go, Hey, sorry, but we're having frogs a la carte.

And then I go, Hey, and then everyone pauses for a second to try and figure out what that means. Yeah. It's like he did a one liner and it was incomprehensible. But you just, yeah, you just yank out all the meaty bits inside and his big old frog body, uh, like kind of makes one more grown as it deflates. And, uh, he just thumps over on the ground dead. And now I turn around and I look at the assembling frogs. I'm like, I have killed your king. Now, Neil, uh, boy, oh boy.

So flop sees that happen. Uh, what was the other guy's name? Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, dirt, dirt. And the other two, uh, the two Lord frogs that were there, they all just throw down their stuff and they run. Guys, we should stop those guys. We should get the box. Yeah, get the box. I'm getting the box. You get the box. I'll try again. You don't have anything. No, you don't have to make a roll because there's nobody trying to stop you. I'm going to get the box.

Okay, Billy, you grab the box. It's like a big loaf of bread in your arms. Yeah, got it. They're running away. They're running away. Yeah, I don't know if we can just try and get the hell out of the back of this Reed Palace. No, I think we're, because we own it now. Oh, yeah. You're just kind of the emperor. We should probably get out of here. Do you, I, guys, I just became emperor. I don't know if I can get in this position. Well, you said Neil and they all ran. It's, it's really cool.

You could be emperor of, of mud, lark, or of mud town. Whatever. There's a lot of problems with this organization. Let's get out of here. Okay, so you run through the, through the exit of the palace. No. While you're staying? No, I run through the side of the palace. I pick up a table and I throw it through the wall. All right. I mean, we didn't need to, but fuck this place. I hate it so much. That's not really something.

It's a mud wall and you're a big dude and you have forceful on everything that you do. So there's a hole in the wall and you're out through it. Yeah. And then as, and you're sort of like, you guys can say some stuff. What? You're sort of on the outside edge now of the little encampment and it is pandemonium. People are freaking out while Bullywugs are freaking out. They're fighting each other. They're knocking stuff over.

There's like, there are a lot of Bullywugs in the, in the swamp and they're all freaking out. Can someone pick me up? Yeah, I'll pick you up. I'm scared. Thank you. Let's get out of here. Can I turn into something? Can you turn into some giant eagle? Yeah, exactly. You can turn into an eagle. You can turn into something that they could ride. Yeah, like a big, like a buffalo. Like an elk or something like that? Oh, an elk is even better. Wow. Go ahead and roll your 2d6 plus wisdom. 12. 12.

Okay, yeah, that is, you get three hold and you turn into a big, majestic, huge rat. Like a, cool, yeah, so you're a big old elk. Tacoma, Billy, do you get on? Yeah, I have to adjust something. I'm just going to grasp onto Ving's neck and just not look at Tuck. Great, so, and you're just, off into the swamp. Yeah, yeah, we're getting out of here. So you're, yeah, thumping through, so you have three hold.

I'm going to say that you can spend a hold to like get moving through the swamp without having to make a bunch of defied angel rolls. Okay. But as you're like, riding through the swamp, you hear loud, frenzied croaking and you see Bullywugs, like, four of them with spears and they're like, hopping like mad and they're coming after you. Oh, damn. And they've got them like, cocked to throw. One of them just like, hurls a spear at you. What do you do? Um, just, duck.

Yeah, I'm just going to stop and take a duck to the, to the fight. Uh, do you want to spend a hold or do you want to defy danger dexterity? No, I'll spend a hold. Okay, cool. So you spend a hold. I have three holds. Yeah, and you, and you kind of like, zigzag into the trees and the spear, the spear sails past you and they also kind of like, turn and they're still coming at you through the trees. We can defend from the back of this thing. Yeah. You have daggers. I have daggers.

I'm throwing daggers. All right, yeah, make a volley. Since you spent a hold, we'll say that you're stable enough that Billy, right now, you don't have to make a defy danger to make sure that you can throw from the back. Okay. So you can roll your 2d6 plus dexterity for volley, which is your distance move. It's on the basic move sheet. Okay, um, then. So what's seven to nine for volley? I can choose one of these. So I have to move to get the shot placing me in danger um, of your choice. Mm-hmm.

Um, or I have to take what I can get and I have to take several shots reducing my ammo by one. Yeah, so if you have to take several shots, that means like you only have a few knives so you'd be throwing two instead of one. Okay. And uh, it's actually, so with a take what you can get means you roll your damage but then you roll another d6 and you subtract that. Oh. Yeah, so you choose one of those. I'll take what I can get. Okay, yeah, so roll your damage which is d8, I guess. So two.

Two, and then roll a d6. Five. So yeah, you don't, like you throw one, you throw one at the closest bollywog and it's sort of like the handle hits it on like the back area and it just spins off into the swamp and they keep coming. I slow down so that they get a little close. Yeah. And then I stop with one of my hoof out. Oh, with the hoof out? And hoof him right in the mouth and hopefully cave his frog face in.

Okay, we'll say that's a hack and slash so d6 plus shank unless you want to spend a hold. You only have one left. And then once you spend that hold you will be a person again. No, no, I need to eight. Eight? Cool. So you, yeah, roll your damage. This one? Yep. Three. Three. So yeah, so you kick one right in the face and you don't kill it. Yeah. But it's like, and it's like kind of stumbling to get up. But when you stop to kick, you kick the one without the spear.

But then one with a spear comes and kind of stabs up. Roll a d4. Four. So minus your one armor, that's three damage as it kind of like rakes along your thigh area. Damn. You should use your horns next time. And they're coming up. The other two are like on your tail. I have one throwing dagger left. I could try. All right. Yeah. Okay. You can make a volley. Yes. Okay. Nine. Ten. There you go. So yeah, just roll your d8. Eight. Okay, three. Three. Yeah.

So you throw one and it kind of gets it in the side. And again, it's like, you are daggerless, but you stop it from, um, charging. You can just hustle. You can just haul ass. Oh yeah. Should we just haul ass? Uh, it might be a defied injured dexterity to get out of there before they can do anything. Should we spend the hold or should we do? Cause we can get out. He'll be at a hold and he'll turn back into a person. And they can hop. Yeah. But then we would be away from the frogs.

No, we wouldn't. Cause they would catch up on us. Cause we're so. They're fast. When they hop, they're super fast. Okay. So you can just make a defied injured dexterity to get out of there. Yeah. Okay. There's still that guy who's like got a spear in my leg though. He just cut you. It's not in your leg. You'd have to get out. I can do something from the back of the thing. Yeah. Before you leave, you could probably reach down. I take a swipe with my axe.

Uh, not hard enough to knock myself off balance. Yeah, totally. We'll see. Uh, six, seven, eight, nine, 10. Yeah, there you go. So deal your damage. D10. Two. Yeah, you just like, what do you, you just swing down and cut them? Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You do have messy, I cut off his spear arm. Okay. Yeah. You cut off, you swing down, cut one of his arms off and he kind of makes that weird croak, alarm croak. His spear is like clutched in the hand, but his hand is on the ground. Yeah.

And then I go, uh, arms to meet you. And then you're, you're, you leave. As everyone's thinking about that, that Tuck just said. Yeah. Why don't you just say, what a weak handshake. Oh, that would have been good. I want to be better at this, but in the moment, I'm not good at thinking of things. So, so Ving just failed the defy danger to like get out of here with the one other that's coming up. And it like, it like run, it, it hops up really fast behind you to catch up. Wait, what did he get?

Six. Can I help? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Roll your, uh, yeah, you can help after the fact. So, so it like runs up and it tenses up its legs and it, and it just like hops right over you guys. And it's trying to like land in front and be able to stop you. So you want to roll your four plus your bonds with, uh, oh, that'd be a two, six. Shit. So markup point of experience. And, uh, it comes down with its spear like right in your chest. Wait, it kills me? No, no, no, no. It doesn't kill you.

It's not, you're not just going to die. Roll a D4. It does damage. The spear in the chest sounds like dead. He's a tough guy. Three. Minus your one. So it's only two damage. So it kind of like gets you on your, like on your muscly pick. Okay. Just like slices you, but it doesn't go through your sternum or anything like that. Okay. And now it's like on you and it's like in your face. Um, could I shove a dagger? Cause I think I'm facing the back of it. Can I dagger it in the back?

Um, you also have a sneak attack move because it is occupied being on top of Tacoma. Backstab. Backstab. Yes. So it's a 2d6 plus dexterity. Wow. 10. I'm going to run at it somehow. You're small. I'm just going to like lob my body. Yeah. And then like from under, I'm going to stab him in the back, but he's going to lurch forward like, and then be hooked onto his, uh, huge rack, huge rack, Ving's enormous rack.

And then what happens after it's on your, and then I, uh, uh, yeah, ram him into a tree, bend them around a tree. Yeah. He's it's dead. It's for sure. Dead squish. And the other ones are injured. Okay. So they're not going to be able to catch up quite as well. That's a good way.

And you're, uh, after a while, since you're hauling ass, you're yeah, you're, you see the edge of the swamp and you kind of burst through into the beautiful, true revel, relatively treeless, muddy fields surrounding mudlark. And you see the town in the distance. That's the end of the session for today. Thanks for joining us. This has been pen and paper. I am your host, Sean O'Hara. And thank you for joining me, Paul P and symbols of dual. There's always a kid. That's like a tank array.

It's like, take her. He doesn't have any lines, Jessica. It's a lot going on and I'm pretty small and producer Wes. Thanks, Wes. Yeah. So we played to recap. We've been playing a Dungeon World, a game by Adam, cobalt and sage Latoura hack of a game called apocalypse. And I'm pretty small. I'm pretty small. I'm pretty small. I'm pretty small. I'm pretty small. I'm pretty small. It's a hack of a game called apocalypse world by D. Vincent Baker.

Who's also made a bunch of cool games like dogs in the vineyard, which is a game about wild West fantasy Mormons. Than that makes it sound. So yeah, check those games out. And yeah, thanks for joining us. See you next time. Hmm? Oh, dang it. I always forget. And thanks to Hecklers for letting us use the upstairs lounge to record in. Without this room, we'd be recording in a dumpster.

And so ends the tale of Adventures 3 Who tried the best they could Though dumb and scared and lost they'd be For times abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I'd gladly spell no All right, we're going to go hang out in the dumpster. Thanks for joining us, everybody. Thanks for joining us. Thanks for joining us.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and find Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Welcome to Spout Lore We're continuing our Dungeon World game I am Sean O'Hara, your host I am joined by Paul Hello, good morning Abdul Hey there And Jessica Hello Yeah, and to begin Abdul, as the barbarian The outsider racial move I ask you a question About the place that you lived, what happened when you left, why you left, that sort of thing Okay And last time we talked about the origin of the religion of the god of the flame You mentioned something about McCall being past the Sea of Graves, which is also cool And I thought about what that meant No, guess what, the Sea of Graves is real and I know what it looks like and it's cool I think it's very cool Is it just mostly quicksand?

No man, do you want me to tell you what it is?

Yes So the Sea of Graves, it is an ocean that separates the continent that you're on now, which doesn't have a name from the continent that McCall is on And all throughout, in almost a perfect grid pattern, several miles apart, are massive stone pillars Whoa, cool That come up out of the ocean Yeah, and ships run into them Oh, it's dangerous, yeah, sailing in the Sea of Graves sucks It's a foggy, misty sea, and so it's like you can't see and then you're like, oh, iceberg, right ahead Exactly It's the captain from, or it's the ship deck hand from Titanic on every ship and he yells iceberg no matter what Even if it's a big stone pillar Yeah, he's like, in the Sea of Graves, do the gravestones have a here like Yeah, puns on them, about dead people No, I wasn't gonna say puns That's a good question, and I don't think any of your characters would know that Is it like some crazy, weird language that is like ancient, like whatever race used to live here?

The stories, the stories speak of many things There's a race of bird that only live on the so-called gravestones as well Cool Like a diving bird A diving bird?

Yeah, they're a diving bird that they push their young off of and they tumble down the side And then they die And sometimes they die, but the strong ones don't Yeah, cool, I can do it The strong ones hit the water hard and are able to recover Cause their parents push them out of the nest way before they're ready to fly You know if you're in a bus accident and you're supposed to go limp, they're already going limp from tumbling down the gravestones You're supposed to go limp in a bus Yeah, in a bus, always be limp in a bus What if the race of birds that lived on those rocks caused the storms around them?

Like what if they were thunderbirds? I feel like if there were giant birds that caused storms, they'd be pretty rough But that's why they live in the Sea of Graves No, I just thought thunderbirds lived in the North Hey, who knows? Is there a North? Paul's from the North Irving is from the North How many compass rose directions are there?

There's 40 Wow No, there's the regular ones No, 40, we're sticking to 40 We're keeping it North, South, East, West We're gonna name a few of them every time North, North, North, North, North, North, East No, no, no, no They have special names North, North, North, North, North, East They have special names Because it's like not the same depending on where you are Yeah That's like, because like the magnetic fields shift as you like go through the world I like the idea of problems with navigation in the Sea of Graves Whatever, we're gonna go to the Sea of Graves at some point Because I like saying it Spoilers Okay, oh my god And there's the Sapphire Sea So there's two seas that I know of The Sea of Graves Which is by McCall And then the Sapphire Sea, which Mudlark Mayor Eddie Inboggins is from a town on the Sapphire Sea Right Called Vertgrass Vertgrass Greengrass Yeah, greengrass Vertgrass is gross Yeah, it's a nice place Okay, so for my first move this game Let's go to the Sea of Graves My first move To just like push Greg out of the way like Fuck that, shut up Boring box I really hesitate to do this now But I still have to ask you a question Oh god Wait, I did not take up most of the time that just I think you're mistaken I don't know all of that No, that's not 40 directions 40 We didn't list any of them All right, all right, all right Here's my question, here's my question Okay, so I was actually curious about this too What's like a pastime that's really popular in McCall that Tacoma liked to watch as a kid?

Oh, Tetherball Tetherball?

Yeah, there's this thing, it's called Tetherball So what you do is you take a You take two, like two heavy like rock balls They're made of rocks And they're attached to chains, they're tethered to chains And you stand in an arena against another person with two giant balls also And then you fucking just whip Just whip them around and huck them at each other Oh god And it's called Tetherball All right It's a lot like Highline Wait, Highline, the game where you're trying to hit each other with super fast balls?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, except it's safer because we're not using that like curved arm thing Yeah, I think there's like a point system in Highline Yeah, yeah, yeah But it's like Squash, right? Where you're like not trying to hit each other? Yeah But Tetherball, you are trying to hit each other? You're, there's a very, like there's a lot of different ways to play it The official way to play Tetherball is if you kill the other person, you get, you win automatically Oh!

And then you're on your side of the field, you're protecting like a glass statue of your childhood pet And if the other person breaks it, then it's, they get 100 points And then also there's other glass statues around the field And one of them contains a curse And if you break that one, then you have to do something else Then you have to deal with the curse Like some of them, some of them are wasting curse So you get like slowly, you just get like, like really weak over the course of the game Like some of it is like the opposite where you get fat over the course of the game The opposite of weak is fat?

Yeah So, so it's like, it's like those, those boxes in Mario Kart that if you break them, something happens?

I don't know what Mario Kart is That's fine It is basically that Yeah, so like the figurine, you have, you have figurines stacked up behind you The most important one is the figurine of your childhood pet Mine was, it's a figurine of a pet rock When I play And then on the other side, so you're trying to break the other guy's personal figurines And you're trying to avoid the one with the curse in it Yeah Also while trying to kill him Okay, cool With the Tetherballs Alright, yeah, yeah, mark a point of experience for that So when we last left our heroes, they've been approached by Greg Adams, I think is what he said his name was A criminal in the employ of a heretofore unseen figure called Muckraker Hopefully you've listened up until this point if you have chosen to listen to this podcast and you already kind of know what's going on But They, Greg told you that a stone box had been stolen by the Bullywugs and had asked you to recover it You are in the alley with Greg That is where we will begin, is in the alley with Greg Adams, envoy of Muckraker Okay, what has he told us so far again?

He said that the mudlarks were digging up a patch of mud in the fields Uh huh And they pulled out a stone box And then once they dug it up, just a few, you know, like half an hour, an hour later, the Bullywugs attacked their camp Uh, killed a couple people, took the box, ran back into the swamp You guys should be, you guys will have to like, you know, make a plan if you are gonna head into the swamps Are we still with Gary?

Greg, yeah, and he's like, yeah, so If you guys get that, uh, get that box, Muckraker be mighty, mighty pleased And you know if you decide that maybe this isn't in your best interest, I could always turn the box And you know if you decide that maybe this isn't in your best interest, I could always turn the box And you know if you decide that maybe this isn't in your best interest, I could always turn the box And you know if you decide that maybe this isn't in your best interest, I could always turn the box And you know if you decide that maybe this isn't in your best interest, I could always turn the box And you know if you decide that maybe this isn't in your best interest, I could always turn the box And you know if you decide that maybe this isn't in your best interest, I could always turn the box And you know if you decide that maybe this isn't in your best interest, I could always turn the box And you know if you decide that maybe this isn't in your best interest, I could always turn the box And you know if you decide that maybe this isn't in your best interest, I could always turn the box And you know if you decide that maybe this isn't in your best interest, I could always turn the box Okay, let's be serious here.

Mayor ain't necessarily the highest power in Mudlark. Ooh, God. Well, there's levels. There's levels of power. Of course, the gods are, like, up there, like, probably the top. And then under that is, like, demigods. Under that is religious leaders of various kinds. Under that is, like, you know, royalty. But, like, above that is, like, divinely imbued royalty. Under regular royalty is, like, your chancellors. Under chancellors is, like, really skilled chefs. And then there are a few levels.

And then there's the mayor. But above the mayor is Mudlark. Wait. Wait, what? That's the town. Muckraker. Okay. Where's the town? We got a lot of mud and mud-sounding words in our town. And sometimes it's hard to keep them straight. What I'm saying is you're going to do this or you're going to regret it. Fine. Whatever. See, that was pretty easy, wasn't it? I will take my leave of you now. When you return, I will find you. And then he tries to, like, spin away and disappear.

But he's just wearing, like, a vest. So he just kind of… Swipes his arm in front of his face and is like, Hush-ya! Bye, Gary. And then he's gone. And you're alone in the alley. So you guys have… It's, like, you know, 5 o'clock, roughly. 5 or 6 o'clock p.m. And you know that when the sun comes up around 6 or 7 a.m., if you have not met with Emperor Morgulch, the King of the Bullywugs, in the swamp, supposedly they're not going to be too happy about it. They've demanded audience.

Can we just take, like, a moment to watch the sunset together? It's 5 o'clock, so you're going to be waiting a little bit. Oh, okay. I don't know what time of year it is, I guess. In which direction does the sun set in? What direction? The direction that it does on Earth. Oh. Yeah. No. No? Okay. It sets in the east. In the boring direction of east. Oh, my God. Fine. Fine. Fine. It's east. All right. Everyone knows the sun sets in Zellers. The cardinal direction of Zellers.

Do we need to get to the hotel? Yeah. Practical. Wait, should we go to the mayor's house? Does he use that? Oh, yeah. We have his quarters. Yeah. He's in the closet. Right. So what's your plan? What are you guys doing? Well, I guess we're going to go set up shop in the mayor's quarters. All right. And then we're going to make a plan there. All right. So you head to the more quote unquote fancy area of Mudlark. You find yourself in front of the estate of Mayor Etienne Boggins.

And it is basically just a two story house. But there's like a nice little garden in the front, like a small little patch of pretty wildflowers. They don't look like flowers that you guys see a lot. And they're probably like specifically swamp flowers. So they're not. They're not super beautiful, but they're better looking than most of the stuff you've seen so far. And they stink. Everything stinks. Yeah. So you head on in.

There's some nice little lights kind of lighting things up because the shades are drawn. Instead of open flames, there's these nice little crystals that just kind of emit clear light. Oh, cool. I'm going to steal a few of those. Okay. They're like in a housing, like a glass housing, like it's like a nice lamp. But instead of a flame, there's just this little crystal. It lights up. Can I break the housing open? I mean, yeah, it's just like a lamp. Like you can just lift the top off. Okay.

I'm going to smash it and then take the crystal from the inside. You're going to smash it? Yeah. Why not? All right. This isn't my house. So do you just pick it up and smash it and take the crystal out? Yeah. I do it with like three of them. You hear what? What? What? What was that? Who's here? And you hear like tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap as like a set of footsteps. Some wearing heels. Yeah. Somebody wearing like little clothes. Yeah. Like slinky boots kind of like taps into the room.

And it's like a tall squirrel person. Squirrel person? It's a man. Okay. A regular human man with a sort of a high hairline with slicked back hair and a little waistcoat. And he's like, what is this? What is the meaning of this disturbance? Who could this be? We're the mayor's emissaries. Oh, yes. Of course. What happened here? And he like points at the shattered mirror or the shattered lamp and the glass on the ground. My gigantic friend's not used to it.

He's used to being in such enclosed quarters. He bumped the lamps. Yes. I sorry. He sort of goes like, ah, well, all right. Well, I'll just any like snaps and somebody comes hustling in. Is that a squirrel person? Just like a, you know, a sort of middle-aged woman comes and sweeps stuff up. Who is that lady? Who's that lady? Oh, that was, that was Marjorie. Oh. Yeah. Has she worked here for a while? A few years. Yes. How old is she? She's, I believe, 40s, early 40s. Nice. Nice.

She have a husband or. She is happily married. Yes. Okay, cool. Whatever. And he's just like, all right, can we please, what can I do for you? We were invited by the mayor to come stay at his house. Ah, yes. Mayor Boggins did mention something about this. Is there anything I can show you up to the quarters if you'd like? I would like some food, please. Can you bring it to us in the quarters? Yes. Sure. Absolutely. Thank you. And they show you to the mayor's room.

It's like a fairly spacious room with a big four poster bed and sturdy, fancy, nice looking furniture and a little bookshelf full of books. The major domo brings some food for you. Cheese and bread and root vegetables and stuff like that. Hmm. If you need anything else, please just pull this cord here and the bell will ring and I will be here post haste. Okay. The bell rings. He's standing in front of you. Billy tugs on the string and he says, I'm right here. What can I do?

May I have my own platter of this? Just like another one of these, please. Ah, yes. I will. I will bring this as soon as I can. I need like hustles out and you're left alone in the room. Well, I mean, we should probably get some rest or do we need to come up with a plan for tomorrow? We need a plan for tomorrow. Okay. So we have to. We have to meet the mud buglings. They're going to come find us, right? We don't know. We don't know where to go. We're going to meet at one of the edges of town.

Didn't we just go waddle into the mud and then, and then they come out of it? Yeah. Yeah. Hopefully they'll have like boots for us or something. I don't know about that. A cart, a sledge. Billy, you're, you're going to be the one that has to take that box. So we have to work a distraction. Well, yeah, they asked to see the mayor at sunrise. That's why you're mayor now. Cause they're going to take us to meet their emperor. What was his name? More Gulch. Emperor More Gulch. Yeah.

Did he give us a hint? I forget. More Gulch. Mud Larks and Muckraker have asked that while you were there. Oh, then we steal a box. You try and recover a box that was stolen from them. Oh, okay. All right. That they dug out of the mud. Well, I mean, we should probably just get to that place, right? Is there anything we should do first? Yeah, I don't think so. Can we snooze for four hours? We should get some sleep. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I guess so. We have to make sure we get up before the mayor.

Well, the mayor's going to be in there until. Shut up in there. I, it's so small. Somebody give him a piece of cheese under the door. Somebody slide a book under the door. I forgot. A magazine, maybe. That's all we can fit. It's a golf digest magazine. Yeah. I haven't played golf in years. There's also Mud Affairs. Do you want this one? Yes. Okay. That's the best one. All right. It's a, it's a porno. Mud Affairs. Gross. A porno? I feel a little bad for him, so I slice, I pass him some cheeses.

Oh, cheeses. Fine cheeses. And a cracker. And one cracker. Well. And another cracker. Ah, two crackers. Wonderful. That's it. Here's, here I'm like leafing through and munching on crackers and cheese and just having the time of his life. Wait. We gave him a porno, Meg. That's not leafing. Um, should we figure out what was in that silver box that we stole? Oh yeah. Let's look in that box. Yeah. Billy. Okay. Whip it out. Okay. Yeah. There's like a little button on the side. So I poke it.

And it flips open. The metal case flips open. Cool. And there's a series of six rolled paper tubes. Can I pick one up and look through it? Yeah. It's, it's, uh, it's full of, um, like a stinky, like a, like a pungent leaf. It looks like. Oh, so it just smokes. Sweet. Should we smoke one? Yeah. Let's all. You guys can smoke. I am underage. Billy. Billy, you should smoke this. No. No. No. It'll make you cool. No. Billy's good at not giving into pure bravado. Pressure. Okay.

Fang, do you want to smoke this thing? Let's have one of these stinky smokes. In the inventory area of the book, there is a thing called halfling pipe leaf. And what it does is when you share it with somebody, you get a plus one to a parlay roll with them. Oh, cool. So that's basically what that is, is if you share one of those things with somebody. Okay. Then it make, you can get a plus one bonus to the parlay roll that you make with them. Should we smoke all six? Let's get rid of them. Okay.

So are you guys like resting for a little bit before you head out? Yeah. I guess. It's like we smoke this weed and then we like veg out pretty hard. Read all the magazines. The major domo comes back with a platter of food for Billy. We eat that. No, I eat that. All right. You guys had your own. Okay. You shared it, man. No, I didn't. I waited for mine. Okay. I'm going to cook a couple. Okay. And yeah, so you guys are all rested up and fed and ready to go. Yeah. What time is it now?

It's like, uh, like eight in the morning. P.m. Okay. Yeah. The sun has started to go down. It's getting dark. Okay. So undertake a perilous journey. Um, you pick who is going to be the trailblazer, the scout and the quartermaster. What's a quartermaster? Quartermaster decides when the rations get eaten. Hmm. Well, not Billy. Okay. Uh, yeah. So scout trailblazer, the scout scouts for a danger. I could be, do that. Yeah. That's probably the quartermaster. I'll be trailblazer. Yeah.

Which decides the way to go. Oh, okay. None of this makes sense. Okay. All right. So then you each roll two D six plus your wisdom. Okay. Five, five. Yeah. 11. Oh, perfect. Not nine. Nine. Nine. Um, the quartermaster on a 10 plus. Uh, so you, you don't, you guys don't need to eat. You eat a little bit and you're like, you know what? This is probably not going to be too long of a journey. So let's not eat any of our extra food. So no rations consumed. Uh, trailblazer.

You guys are going to get there. Like you're going to find your way through the swamp in the amount of time you expect the scout, uh, failed. Right. So you mark an experience. No, that's fine. You mark an experience. Um, so you're swimming ahead and climbing up on clumps of grass and Tacoma's leading the way with the, um, the light crystal that you stole from the mayor's place. Cool.

And, uh, in the, in the distance through the trees, Billy, you see what looks like a lantern light, uh, bobbing through the trees and you hear like a, hello, is anybody there? I'm lost. And you see it like bobbing around through the trees, like seemingly at random, almost as if somebody is trying to find their way out of the trees. Oh my God. I feel so sorry for them in my heart. What do I do? What do I do? What do you do? What do I do? Um, Oh, it's just like a very plaintive cry.

Like I've been here. I've been here for days. Please, please help. So I have to play with my character, obviously not what I think is smart. Mm. Billy's pretty stupid, I guess. Oh, I guess he like feels really bad inside.

Because he knows what it's like to be a lost, person uh-huh so he so billy like swims to get a closer look and I guess do you like alert the yeah I'm just like guys come with me great so uh you walk towards the lantern light and you just hear like help help and it's like a nice little like warm but flickering light as if they're as if they're oil starting to run out it'd be one of those anchor fish you know what I mean and uh as you like kind of get tucked to and you're like swimming ahead and everybody's following um you step in a particularly deep patch of mud and you feel yourself start sinking as the mud like sucks at your legs and you two also like ving and tuck are also kind of being sucked into this like particularly bad patch of mud as the lantern light like approaches closer and closer through the trees and uh when it gets within say four meters or so you see that it is just a ball of light no and three more balls of light come out from behind the trees and you're just being surrounded by these incandescent orbs as they move closer and closer what do you do can I do trap expert I will say that you are currently in an active trap you have you have been trapped oh man okay I don't know I feel like there's not a lot of billy and if he gets sucked under that's kind of it all right well if you want to try and pull yourself out of the mud you could always make a defy danger or can we try and pick billy up or does this have to be billy I think are we totally stuck in the mud no you're you guys are starting to get sucked in you're not like totally but it's hard for you to move billy if you were trying to haul yourself out of the mud you could roll a defy danger dexterity probably to like wriggle out I could wait is there any trees above yeah I want to throw a rope over a big branch okay cool yeah that that makes sense like do you want ving to do that or do you want to do that you could pull something out of your I could yeah I could try okay do that yeah mark a mark a thing off of your adventuring gear okay and you'll have a rope okay I wish it wasn't so high right now yeah make it defy danger dexterity to sort of throw a rope over a hanging bow um nine great so um you're gonna have to throw it a little bit higher than you can reach so you can either keep the rope and try and find a different way to get out or you can throw the rope but only tuck or ving will be able to grab it we'll grab you I'll I'll I'll throw it so they can grab it okay yeah so you've marked the thing off you kind of throw it up over the bow and it wraps around in a in a nice way a little clove hitch sort of thing and there is a rope that is high enough for ving or tuck to grab okay I'll grab that rope all right so you're just gonna like pull yourself out of the mud yeah and reach out for tuck to grab billy so we can kind of get a chain with a hand on the rope awesome yeah so you could make a um defy danger strength to probably like haul out and we'll say you get a place to grab it and then you can grab it and then you can plus one because billy set up with the with the uh with the rope 2d6 yeah eight plus strength nine uh oh billy's rope is a 10 great so that works you guys kind of link hands and uh through the power of friendship and teamwork and this rope uh you all pulled yourself so you can sort of like move around on top of the mud I'm sorry no you saved you got everybody out I know but I let us into that that's okay it felt like a team building exercise and as you're as you're uh all standing there celebrating the fact that you're not going to be consumed by the mud just yet uh one of the balls of light starts to move towards you it's little blue flame flickering in the darkness I want to know about that ball is there anything we can find out uh yeah you can roll a Spout Lore Spout Lore six plus intelligence this is six uh so that was a failure mark an experience shit I don't know what those fucking balls are and as you're like what are these things it kind of like swoops into your face and roll a d4 I don't know that's a one the one that's facing up yeah yeah uh so you get one and it kind of it moves moves up to your face and sort of like flickers right in your eyes oh my eyes singes the front of your face a little bit and you take one point of damage what yeah oh bro oh gross it smells gross dude that's your fucking hair burn my goatee you lost more than your goatee you look surprised two two more of the balls uh are swooping in towards billy and uh and tacoma oh can I dodge it yeah totally okay you can roll a defy danger dexterity don't let those balls touch you I want the balls at my face uh good roll well 12 how does billy get out of the way I um I I jump off the branch and I swing oh you swing on the rope yeah oh nice nice swing back on I'm like oh so you just swing out of the way and then back on that's awesome so yeah you kind of indiana jones in a circle as this thing swoops towards uh tacoma and you get yourself out of danger and tacoma you still have uh some balls coming into your face oh geez I got two balls coming at my face guys what do you do real hot balls oh god uh some blue balls fuck these blue flame balls but they're super warm oh these warm balls um what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna try and like break the tree off and then tear it down on top of these balls nice okay yeah uh hopefully they're corporeal yeah go with the uh guys whenever I get into a magic fight I always think in my head fuck I hope these things can interact with matter all right defy that sounds like a defying your strength unless you have a move that is good for wrecking stuff god fucking oh god lord oh my god flame please help me oh is that a two is it two all right what's that plus your strength uh four okay yeah never mind yeah shit guys they're not corporeal shit the tree went right through those balls so what the balls got bigger guys what you do is you is you pull the you pull the tree like you crack this broken tree down on top of you and it is on top of you and you're being pushed into the mud by this giant tree and it's slowly dragging us down because we're all in it yeah you're all kind of in a chain so what do you do guys let go of me drop the tree tuck no yes and then I throw the tree pretty far you throw the tree yeah all right so if you're gonna do that you're gonna be like up to your waist in the mud what if we lay the tree down and you can use it as a bear oh yeah the mud good idea don't throw the tree okay I'm not gonna throw this tree okay probably a smart idea lay the tree down okay and you're free again and the balls are kind of twinkling around and so we're log rolling on on the mud yeah you're standing on this log in the mud yeah spinning the log yeah that animation yeah yeah exactly and and uh yeah so they're kind of flickering in your face they're obviously very you're they're moving in an agitated manner that would seem to suggest they're angry that you're not still in the mud can we propel ourselves into the direction of the mud that doesn't suck us in oh on the are we close enough to the safe mud yeah like and you're just gonna roll on the log yeah yeah I guess or I could just like jump really hard yeah it's cool it's jumping distance uh yeah it probably is you could run to the end of one of the branches and jump off yes yeah defy danger dexterity okay well uh seven seven um yeah you could you could make it but you think if you were to jump like it's still there's like a lot of stuff to do but you're not gonna be able to jump like some like sticky branches pointy branches and stuff and rocks so you'd probably get a little bit take a little bit of damage if you did make the jump I will risk it you're gonna go for it all right so roll a d4 what two two yeah so you uh take two damage as some sticks poke you and you start bleeding no billy how bad do you feel right now I feel mostly sad oh you took a lot of emotion can we talk about this later okay oh yeah you're right tacoma ving from your from your perch on the log you see now that billy is separated you see the ball sort of swoop towards him I want to I want to protect billy I'm very protective of billy all right I should I shape shift is that oh hell yeah this is the first time you'll have shape shifted what are you going to turn into oh it's some sort of bird I don't want to be in that mud an owl a snow owl dope all right yeah roll your shape shift six uh eight okay perfect yeah so you turn into a snow owl with gills a beautiful snow owl with the gills of an arctic char god damn you look so weird yeah they're just like wet gills on either side so you don't have eyebrows as most of your face for a second some singed some singed uh feathers yeah so you're an owl now swooping we can't interact with these orbs I want I've won no you have you just haven't yet you haven't been able to yet I want to like try and attack one yeah I want to try and get at one of these orbs go for it with my claws that are yeah so that'll be hack and slash hack and slash two to six plus strength uh set uh nine nine so yeah that means uh that you deal your damage but they also deal damage to you sure so you um I'll try and get the one that's closest to billy I'm trying to get that one away so I can go up and I try and like cool punch it with my talent yeah yeah roll your damage which is a d6 three three so you uh you swoop and you like extend your talons and kind of try and grab one of the little flames yep and it totally just like puffs out as you close your talons over it but as it does that you also burn your feet your talons uh as you grab an open flame so roll a 2d4 or sorry just a regular d4 1d4 I thought that might happen three yes three damage ten do you have any you might have some armor though too right I think you have one armor I have one armor yeah so you would actually just take two damage there okay so one of the two you have to do is you have to do one of the two you have to do one of the two the flames has been dealt with and it seems like they're not that tough hey guys they're not that tough billy you see as you see a beautiful snow owl with gross gills swoop above you and take out one of the flames uh one of them breaks off and tries to come right at you what do you do I have a dagger I'm gonna try to no like swing my dagger and like cut it yeah totally roll your hack and slash 2d6 plus strength whoa holy shit oh I did it wait you said with strength yeah well uh math hold on eight eight yeah that's still a wait that's nine yeah but she has minus one strength oh shit yeah billy has minus one strength for being a little baby okay um how much damage did you do oh two two so you um slice at it and it kind of puffs it doesn't totally break apart it's like it puffs and shoots a little ball of flame at you and so you take a roll of the d4 three three so you take three damage as it kind of singes your little face and it it breaks apart and it like reforms what uh like a like a few feet away but it's like flickering pretty bad it's not doing so great and uh tacoma you are watching this happen from the safety of a log what do you do super muddy how how far away is billy in this thing like three meters uh okay uh I'm gonna just jump on it on me no on the ball all right uh just but like feet first so that my like I basically just stomp it out okay if this works I mean that's that sounds like a hack and slash more or less yeah yeah so I'm gonna do a front flip on the way well this is a defy danger now yeah okay okay so it's a defy danger dexterity oh wait can I do a front flip and not fall into the mud can I just do the front flip it's too risky man you gotta make a roll uh so I can either jump normal and stomp it out or I can just do the front flip and then I do a plus strength well you're still gonna have to roll the hack and slash you're rolling a defy danger to make sure you don't totally fuck it up oh shit face plant into the sinking mud yeah okay uh I'm gonna roll the hack and slash first nope I have to decide yes you can't just decide whether or not you're gonna do a stunt you know what tacoma was a pretty good traveling musician for a few years and he has now become a musician and he's now a musician lost his dedication to the sense of art and performance so billy check this out billy is not paying attention billy look no I see you cool I'm gonna do a front flip also an owl said that to you I'm facing the other way but I'm watching but your head turns around all right who said that roll your dice check it out we're gonna do a front flip boy oh boy face first in the mug mark a point of experience fail check this out as you try to jump the log sinks deep in the mud and you fall forward log just breaks it you basically like you're like check it and you're holding your axe and you're like you get ready to do a jump but the force of you pushing down to jump snaps the log you sink up to your waist and your axe flies up and you're like oh my god I'm gonna do a front flip and it lands kind of it lands near billy but definitely out of your hands yeah in like a clump of like swamp grass and now you're sinking in the mud and uh one the one of the two of the remaining balls start flickering I use my other hold to get rid of those balls as he's sinking I come down and swoop with them powerful talon move and uh wing beat at the other one I'll say that you can get one with a hold yeah use a hole to strike from above or whatever you want your move to be and I'll scream at the other one yes screech yeah so you just do a cool out do an owl screech pretty good do it again yeah scary and uh poof and you and you puff one out and you swoop by the other one yeah and it's like oh what the hell if a ball of flame could talk but they can't talk no I can't yeah they went oh yeah but it's like it's like it's like a mimicry thing they're not like they don't speak they're not like oh greg no can you can you make them speak to you can you make them speak to you no that's cooler if it's mimicking yeah I mean someone died there yeah that was their last word yeah but uh oh yeah that's creepy yeah but wait wouldn't be fun in this ball but wouldn't be fun in this ball of flame just went oh jeez no we'll see how funny it is when this ball of flame burns your face because it's swooping right at you what do you do me yeah um oh shit what else do I have left I lost my axe you can bite it I could you spit at it yeah yeah there's a lot of mud you could throw mud I could start singing one of my songs like what do these things respond to I don't really it's really close now it's trying to burn you oh my gosh okay here's what I'm gonna do I'm just gonna punch it okay roll a hack and slash fuck you dice six plus strength is two it's now eight eight great so roll a d4 and then also your damage with a which I think is a d three nine nine cool so um it kind of you know does the little burst goes like poof and it and it burns you for three damage but I think you have one armor so just two okay but uh it does that and you go like and then you just swing your big fist through it and totally put it out and that's it's it just puffs out of existence and it doesn't reform these are a lot easier to deal with than I thought yeah I think we all billy the little flickery one's starting to gather strength and it's gonna try and burn you again what do you do um billy do a front flip no I'm gonna lob some mud at it because I'm just tired all right yeah uh you could roll a yeah hack and slash or no a volley because you're you're oh sure so 2d6 plus plus dexterity uh nine nine um um um um Oh, you take what you can get, which means you'll do less damage.

Or you can put yourself in a place of threat or danger to get the shot. I'll do less damage to it. Okay, yeah. So roll your damage. This? Yep. Four. Oh, shit. Oh, no. So your damage is eight. So roll an eight. But the four will be what you subtract, unfortunately. That's not. That one? The top one? Oh, this one. Yeah. Yeah, that one there. Six. Okay, so you do two damage. So yeah, you throw a ball of mud at this little flickery ball, and it totally just spurts out of existence. Cool. Yeah.

And I think that is. Oh, there's one more. And it kind of looks at what's going on and just floats up into the trees. It watches. Wait a minute. Yeah, you better run. We could have defeated these things with mud. I ripped a tree in half. I turned into a GD owl. Fuck. We overreacted, you guys. Well, they were scary. I've never seen anything like that. Yeah, so it floats up into the trees, and you guys are left alone. You're still an owl. I'm singed. Oh, no, I'm back. Oh, you're back in a person?

I used my holes, and I turned back into a. Oh, right. Yeah, okay. So you're. But I'm way too high in the tree. Oh, so you kind of fall down a little. Oh, you're in a tree. Yeah. All right. Yeah. And Tacoma, you have time to pull yourself out of the mud now that you're not at risk of being burned. Very cool. Yeah. And you guys are good to go. Yeah. Okay. What did we learn from that, guys? Never help anyone. Yes. Don't help. And also, mud, good. Mud's good. Yeah. Don't be afraid.

You know, just get in there. Don't be afraid to get your boots dirty. Don't be afraid to get your boots dirty. Billy, what did you learn? I learned not to help anyone. Yeah. Well. Except for each other. Except. Well, I don't know. I don't know. I learned not to trust Tacoma Dome to help me because he has to put backflips over. I did a frontflip. Performance comes first with him. Performance first.

That, we'll talk about that at the end of the session because that sounds like it could be the resolving of a bond. That's true. Yeah. Interesting. Cool. So you guys are just setting back out, trying to make your way through? Cool. So you are, who was the trailblazer? Tacoma. Tacoma. Yes. You're able to kind of remember which direction you were going in and follow the signs that you believe mean there is habitation nearby. And within like four or five hours, not too bad. It's still pretty dark.

The sun hasn't started to come up yet. You estimate it to be around, you know, four in the morning. You come to this like clearing in the swamp and there are a bunch like tied together bull rushes. There's a ton of şuqas.

Of this like break in the trees and um as you walk forward two bollywugs kind of jump out from either side with their spears and they're like who who's who comes who's this they're trying to be really intimidating but that's what they sound like wow they're like good good hey get out of here wait you want to do you guys want to get back in the bushes and take another crack at that and they like look at each other and they're like they kind of like like they're kind of doing like a little frog talk and they're like yeah just a sec okay cool and they hop back thank you very much they hop back behind the things and they jump back out again and they're like who goes there nice yeah that's a plot and they kind of like smile and they're like anyways who are you we have come to seek uh audience with the emperor more gulch uh and they like look to each other and they're like yes you are expected brr and they put the bottoms of their spears on the ground yeah and they're like come with us behold the city of frogs this place is hideous and they they they take you through the trees a little bit and it breaks into like a more open area of swamp and it's fucking dismal it's like really lame wow like you like after hearing emperor more gulch so many times and the lord of all frogs and king of these swamps you expected something a little bit nicer but it's mostly like piles of mud with like holes in them and they're like oh my god they're like oh my god they're like oh my god they're like oh my god they're like oh my god they're like oh my god holes in them and they're like there's like a little campfire but there's like maybe four or five different quote-unquote buildings here and you can you could throw a rock and hit every single one of them there's kids playing jacks but with dead bugs yeah and they're like you know one foot tall because they're just little weird tadpole kids and they're just like it's not nice and they're they're taking you through and uh so you're standing in front of a particularly large pile of mud that's sort of like held up with sticks and a dome and they're like oh my god and there's like four four it's the nicest building here but it's mostly just because it's ornamented with like reeds and like bones of different animals and stuff like that and there's like two of those brown shitty banners on either side of the entrance and they sort of wave you inside all right let's go they uh they stop you just before you get to the entrance and they sort of grandiosely wave at the pile of mud welcome to the palace of reeds I mean for frog people they're doing really good thanks for listening to Spout Lore everybody I've been your game master Sean O'Hara and with me as always have been players paul everyone knows the sunsets and zellers abdul I don't want to dilute my brand and jessica yeah there's so many numbers on that thanks to our uh technical producer west lord for doing all that stuff thanks to aaron mcgoo at heckler's bar and grill for letting us record in their upstairs studio intro and outro music by aaron reed of vancouver's sunday service and so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for times of rest in revelry and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and thanks to you for listening and remembering this for posterity because when we're all dead this is all we're gonna have

What's going on, Spoutlorians? That's the name that we came up for you. You don't have to explain it. I'm doing it, because the show's name is Spoutlore, and you as a citizen are an Ian of it. I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. With me, as always, players Paul, Abdul, and Jessica. Hi. Left to right, as they are seated in front of me. Always, every single time. More of a squat. More of a, it's like, yeah, we're just kind of all squatted in a circle. Yeah. And this is Spoutlores. Around a podcast.

Rick. It's like if we're warming our hands. We record this outdoors. Oh, I like that. Welcome to Spoutlore. We record this outdoors. More outdoor stuff. I hope you can hear me over the wind in the trees. Yeah, and, you know, we've got a big pile of kindling. We've got a fresh kill roasting on the fire, and we're here to make-believe just for you. Gather round, friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old.

You know them by name, you know them by deed. Their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute. He knows not his home. He loves to sing and fight. Fingers half-elf, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief. His tiny size does mask the largest heart. Best and brightest. They may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts.

So gather round, friends, and listen close, for the tale's about to start. Previously on Spout Lore. Oh, if you're looking for a place to stay, there ain't no finer accommodations in all of Mudlark than the wallow in Sal. Have you guys been having troubles with mire frogs recently? Oh. Oh, man. When haven't we been having troubles with mire frogs? We're mercenaries for hire. Mercenaries? In Mudlark? Oh, you're the mayor? Yeah. Fat Billy wants to hug the mayor.

I took a little metallic wallet, that sort of thing. Oh, like a little metal case. Yeah. We come on behalf of the lord of these swamps and the king of all frogs, Emperor Borgulch. I walk up and show them my gills. Let's ask the mayor if he wants to talk to these guys. Did he leave? As you turn around to look in the alleyway that he was, you just see a mayor-shaped cloud of dust. You almost never see that in real life. Nobody wants a war here, especially against frog people. Borgulch wants war.

Okay, we'll get you a meeting with the mayor. What happened? He wants you to wait in a closet for five to 10 days. Is five to 10 days excessive? Yeah. What should I … Okay. Maybe. Maybe until sunset tomorrow. That sounds more fantasy. Or it's war, they said. War? Well then, I am a patriot if nothing else. The fate of the hot dog festival … I forgot that's what the stakes are. The hot dog festival goes well. It's not like … It's like 95% of their economy, isn't it? All right, cool.

We've done a pretty good job of taking over this town. Yeah. We have this town at least still sun up. Yeah. So, should we do something about the frog? Yeah. The frog war? Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Well, I'm going to go swim over to the swallowing sow. Billy, we should get you like a wheelchair or something to pull you out of the mud. It's fine. The tide came in. Do you want us to carry you? No. I'm already the way I am. I'm just going to steal a wheelbarrow and put Billy in it.

All right, there's just a wheelbarrow. Let's go. Okay. There's just a wheelbarrow on its side. Yeah. It's the same kid as put … I would rather swim. Wait, that same … I would rather swim. Wait, that same 13-year-old kid is pushing the wheelbarrow? Yeah, he walks by and he's got a bunch of pumpkins and a wheelbarrow. Yeah. They're just like, hey, give me that fucking wheelbarrow. And he dumps a bunch of pumpkins and he runs away. Go get it, Billy. Fine. You're like a pumpkin now.

Yeah, you get to eat the rest of the pumpkins that are in this wheelbarrow. I don't like pumpkins. I don't like pumpkins. I don't like pumpkins. I don't like pumpkins. I don't like pumpkins. I don't like pumpkins. I don't like pumpkins. I don't like pumpkins. They're not even cooked. Let's go to the inn and make a plan. Yeah, we need to know what we're going to do with this town. We have the entire town for the night. We should try to get some information about the …

Let's go see if we can find out about Emperor Morgulch. Yeah, and also just general information. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So you guys head towards the Wallowing Sow, which is probably the biggest building in the center of town. It's a two-story, sagging, clapboard-looking building, but it's got nice glass windows. Yeah. It's a two-story, sagging, clapboard-looking building, but it's got nice glass windows. Yeah. It's a two-story, sagging, clapboard-looking building, but it's got nice glass windows.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So you guys head towards the Wallowing Sow, which is probably the biggest building in the center of town. It's a two-story, sagging, clapboard-looking building, but it's got nice glass windows and stuff like that, and one of those cool doors that swings in and out, like the, weep, weep, like a saloon door. Oh, cool. Glass windows. Pretty fancy. I mean, he's not wrong. Glass windows. Primo. Yeah. Can I go in there? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Can I go through the saloon doors first? Yep. Thank you. That was pretty cool. I've always wanted to walk through those. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, wait, I'm coming out. I'm coming out. I'm coming out. I'm coming out. I'm coming out. He's, wait, he goes back out? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. Hey, wait. I did it again. You're a piano player. Yeah. Can you stop playing piano? Just listen, listen. Yeah, stop. Hold on. When my friend walks in, can you stop playing piano? Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Okay, cool.

Guys, over there. Just for a second. For a second. Okay, wait, wait, wait. I gotta go back in. Yeah, the music stops. Everybody turns. Was that okay? You tell me. Cool door, guys. The orcs go back to playing cards. The piano player starts playing a jaunty tune. Billy, you look hungry, bud. I'm miserable. What? Billy hasn't eaten in at least 12 hours. Yeah, we gotta get this boy some food. Yeah. I'm inches from death. Yeah, you can smell the sense of hot meats and stews and breads on the air.

There's an older woman behind the bar. She's got shoulder length, kind of like coppery hair. She's just pouring drinks and talking to people and having a grand old time. Excuse me, miss? Yeah, hon. How's it going? You wouldn't be Maggie, would you? Oh, you bet I am. Maggie Kolzak, welcome to the Wallow and Sow, boys. Hey, Maggie. Nice to meet you. Oh, thank you. Take a seat anywhere. I'll be around in a tick. Oh, okay. Cool, thanks. How long is the tick, though, you guys?

Yeah, that could be a long time here. How long do you usually take? It usually takes like two or three minutes. How long does the tick take? So, three hours later, she comes to you. No. Billy. No. No. Billy's just denying that. Billy needs to eat now. I'm gonna go through some garbage, I think, or … Billy. She's coming. She's coming. She's coming. She's coming. Billy. She's coming over. I need it. You saw a pile of garbage on the side of the building. There's nuts on the bar.

Do you want some of these nuts? I want anything. Okay. I see a waiter take someone's half-eaten food away, and I'm like, I'm gonna get that. You're gonna go for that? I'm getting it. Okay, so you see the waiter take some … Perfectly good. Bust some plates … Perfectly good. Walking into the back. Yeah. But behind the bar and through into the … Where you assume they cook the food. Yes. Are you following? Oh, yes. Billy's following. All right. So, yeah. I think it's a 2D6.

It's a 2D6 plus dexterity. Well, I … So it's a five. A five? All right, yeah. Mark an experience point. You kind of creep behind the bar in your little raccoon skin. You feel like a big, heavy hand on your shoulder. You get turned around and looking into this gross, wrinkly, scarred face, like missing teeth. I'd have a word with you, boar. Okay, I jump into the situation. Oh, you see this happening? Yeah. Billy's like, I'm gonna get this. I'm gonna get this. I'm gonna get this.

I'm gonna get this. I'm gonna get this. I'm gonna get this. I'm gonna get this. I'm gonna get this. I'm gonna get this. I'm gonna get this. Billy's like, I'm gonna get this. Oh, you see this happening? Yeah. Billy creeped away. Have you been just watching him … Yeah. Billy got up and he was like, I'm gonna go sneak into the kitchen. We were like, okay, we're gonna watch that happen. We were gunning for him. There's a pretty big dude just grabbed Billy.

Okay, I run up behind that guy and I grab him by the waist. By the waist. We were like, hey. Just because I'm not thinking. Really. We were just like, get away from my friend. I come in, hey, hey, hey, what's going on here? Try and calm everything down. Hey, I whisper it into his ear. I get really close to him, and I touch my chest to his back. I'm like, hey. All right, you do that, and he jerks up, and he swings an elbow back towards your face. What do you do? I block it. I block the elbow.

You block the elbow? All right, that's going to be. Okay, so he blocks the elbow from behind. He's got to roll for this. You guys are. Okay, roll. Okay, so that's going to be a defy danger. How are you blocking? Are you just full on trying to stop? Yeah, because he's got his hands on his waist. He's reaching around out of a reaction, so I'm just trying to calm the situation down. All right, so that'll be a defy danger strength, because it sounds like you're trying to block by just stopping him.

Yeah. Yeah, all right, so that's a strength. I got an 11. An 11? Holy moly. Yeah. So, yeah, he swings the elbow back. I turn my arm into a rhinoceros's arm. Okay, maybe not. I mean, that's pretty dope. Oh, wait, no. That's a different roll. That's a different roll, yeah. And you're also from the frozen north. Yeah, there's frozen rhinoceros, right? Yeah. Tusks of ice. Ice horns, yeah. Ice what? You've never seen an ice? They're covered in hair, and they have ice horns. Dude, yeah. Whoa, cool.

I'm trying to be the one that, like, you know, I got to be the GM. I got to, like, run things, but sometimes, like, when you guys mention, like, a cool fantasy thing, like, I'm a 13-year-old kid again, where I'm just like, that's so cool. I just got an ice horn. Ice horn rhinoceros, yay. Okay, but, yeah. So you just, like, pow, like Bruce Lee. Yeah, I think of my arm as arm. That's what I do when I don't actually change into things. Rhydon Dosser arm. Boom. Yeah, and you stop him. Yeah.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. And I'm like, hey, everybody, calm down. And so the orientation is as follows. I've grabbed his hip. He put his arm back, and then Ving came up behind me, and so he's pressed against me from behind. Holding his arm. Holding the guy's arm, and he put his other hand on my hip. So it's like a sandwich now. And, like, we're all struggling and rubbing. Yeah, he's struggling. He's like, what's this? What's going on? What are you? Hey, I just want to. Just let go of Billy.

We'll let go of you. Everyone calm down and have a conversation for once. And I'm going like. Okay, that's going to be. Just to, like, freak him out. That'll be charisma, because he's like, he's Raryn. You got to calm this guy down. All right, everybody just chill out. Three. Plus one. Four. Just chill out. Four? All right. Well, I just feel because any time you tell somebody to relax, like, hey, relax. It's never going to work. That's all that happens. Makes it matter.

So what happens is, like, get your hands off me. And he, like, swings his head back right into Tacoma's, like, face. Oh, fuck. And could you roll a D6? Three. Three. So you take three damage, except I think you have one armor. Mm-hmm. So it's two damage. So he just kind of, like, swings his head back in his skull, hits you right in the nose. Does his skull then go back in my. Because I'm behind him. I mean, sure. If you want to also take three damage. I don't.

Then he's like, get your hands off me. Can I just start kicking everywhere? Just like, I'm so mad. The power of my hunger is, like, giving me as much strength as I can possibly ever have. All right, yeah. So you're just wriggling out with your strength? Yeah, yeah. All right. Maybe strength wasn't the best idea. No, it's still. Nine. Nine, great. Wait, that's ten. I know, but my strength is minus one. It's my weakest. You're a wee child. Great. So, yeah, you wriggle around and you, like, kick.

Mm-hmm. And you uncenter his grab on your arm, I guess. Or, like, you just kick him the right way that he drops you and you hit the ground. And what's some of your inventory? Oh, I have dungeon rations. So. So, three uses left. I have a dagger, three throwing dagger. No, two throwing daggers and adventuring gear. Okay. So you kick out of his hand and you kind of land on your back on your, like, little satchel bag. And you feel something crack and, like, shatter.

So mark a use off of your adventuring gear. Okay. Because something in there just, like, broke. Yeah, so they're still struggling, I guess. And this dude's trying to get away now. He's, like. He's just out of here. Well, I'm going for the plates, the foods. Really? Yeah. You're just ditching? All right. No, this is. This is. All right, cool. They didn't have to. So you're just running into the kitchen? I'm going to, like. I'm going to. Like, because he let go of Billy, so he's out of center.

So I'm going to push forward. Uh-huh. So he goes straight into the ground. And I'm on top of him. And then Ving is on my back. All right. I guess that's a defied injury strength. Just to make him, like, tap out. Yeah. Just going to make him tap out. Yeah. I'm going to whisper in his ear. I'm going to say, tap out, motherfucker. Tap the fuck out. Defied injury strength, I guess. Because are you. Unless you're trying to, like. Unless you're trying to do damage to him.

Like, are you trying to fuck him up? No, no, no. Just, like, hold him down. Okay. So that we. Like, we can make him tap out. And then. Okay. Talk. And then talk. So that's a defied injury strength. Yeah. So would you roll? Tap out and talk. This is six, seven, eight. Nine, ten. Nine, ten. Nine, ten. All right. Yeah. That's an unmitigated success. So you. And let me do it? Let me do it. All right. Describe it. Okay. Like, so Billy runs away. Yeah. Guy's off balance.

So, and he's hit me in the face. And my eyes. Oh, I'll do it like this. My eyes are all crying and shit. And I'm like, fuck. Well, you're crying? Yeah. Oh, because he hit you in the face. In the nose, yeah. Not because my feelings were hurt when he punched me. No, because I'm scared and alone. So I. Ving is behind me. And I've got my. Hands around his waist. So I push forward. And get this guy on the ground. And he's struggling. Because he wants to get out from under these two dudes.

And I'm like, no, motherfucker. Stop. Let go. Stop struggling. Let. Just tap out, buddy. Just tap out, bro. He's. He's trying to tap out. But you've got both of his arms restrained. Tap out, man. Tap out. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying. Tap out. Get off me. Get off me. I'm sorry. So he like, wriggles out. We all get up. And I help him up. Yeah, you help him up. And me on your back. Yeah, Ving is just holding on. You carry a lot of stuff on your back.

Meanwhile, Billy, you're in the kitchen area. Mm hmm. Alone, unsupervised. Awesome. You see the dude like kind of putting the the dude putting. Yeah, there's like a pile of plates with like half eaten meals on. Oh, and you're just going for that. Oh, yeah. I'm going to… Are there like little counters that I can kind of… I'm going to scuttle alongside. It's like waist height for a normal person, so it's twice as tall as you. I'm pretty fast crawling, so I'm going to do that.

I'm going to hunch down and I'm going to crawl. Yeah, we're going to get another roll for the 2d6 decks. Okay. Because there's a couple kitchen staff in here. It's like Jurassic Park. It's like, yeah, it's like they're trying to get the pots and pans. So, eight. Eight, great. So, read the tricks of the trade. What does it say? I still do this, but the GM will offer two options between suspicion, danger, or cost. Suspicion, danger, or cost.

Okay, so you scurry up onto the counter and there's just… Potato wedges. There's a plate of potato wedges with some sauce just right there in front of you, ready to be eaten. All right. But you're pretty sure by looking at the two kitchen staff that are in here… That they're going to turn around and see you at any second. If you eat these, they will see you. But if you just leave them, you can hide and they won't see you. I'm going to grab them. For sure.

So, you're just like shoving them in your mouth? I grab, like I use all my fingers and I grab like 10 of them, like through my fingers. And I'm just like, perfect. And then I'm going to run away because I know they're going to see me. Yeah, so as… I'm just like, yummy, yummy, yummy. As you're like running with two fistfuls of potato wedges, they see you and they go, hey, stop! And they start running towards you. What do you do? I'm going to run back towards Ving and tuck.

Okay, so what's the situation with you two and the guy? And tap out, we're having a talk now. Look, I just wanted to talk to the kid. I didn't want this to be a whole thing. What do you have to say to that kid? If you want to talk to him, you talk to us first. What I got to say to that kid… It's the mayor. What? I don't… No, no. I just… What I got to say to this kid is between he and I. Well, you do not have audience with that kid then, if you won't tell us.

Do you understand how fucking weird that sounds? You? You and a strange old man want to be alone with this child. I wouldn't trust you if you didn't have scars on your face. Yeah, and that little boy is one of the most kind, trustworthy people I have ever met. And the doors burst open and Billy's running out with two fistfuls of potato wedges. He's being chased by a dude in a chef's hat with a big wooden spoon. He's like, get out of here, you little scamp!

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Can Billy run up one of our bodies? Is that physically possible? Like a little wreck here? That's true, yeah. You curl around his shoulders with your tail. Yeah. I'm going to do that. I run on to Tuck and I latch onto his neck, but also eating still. I make sure I can reach. There's a lot of potato grease and blood on my face. All right, yeah, and the spoon guy is just like, get out of here. Go on, get out. Get out of here. We'll pay for those.

Don't worry about it. Okay. Just make a roll. You've got to convince him. Okay. Just chill out. I got five. Five, no, nothing? With your charisma? Oh, yeah, six. Okay, so that's a six. Oh, five. Anybody want to aid to make it not a failure? Six. All right. Six. Plus what? His bond, yeah. Eight. Eight. All right. You guys, just relax. It's a potato wedges. All right, yeah, I'll relax if you get out of here right now. We have words with this creepy old guy. I don't care if you got words.

You get the words outside. You go. You get out of here. You go. Go get. Okay. Billy, you get us kicked out of every restaurant we go into. I was so hungry, you guys. I was so hungry. I was so hungry. I was so hungry. I was so hungry. I was so hungry. I was so hungry. I was so hungry. I was so hungry. I was so hungry. I'm going to go back to Red Robin now. They said the fries were endless. They lied to us. So you guys are kind of hustled outside. With this guy. With the guy. With Wrinkles. Gross.

I don't want to be seen with this guy in public. Hey, kid. Can we talk? Yeah, we can all talk. Supervised, maybe. This is a savvy kid. Stranger danger. I'm not going anywhere with you. All right. All right. Come on. Come on. Where is he pointing to? He's nodding to just away from crowds. Okay. Okay. And he walks you through to a side street. Should we roll a discern realities? Okay. Can I size them up while we're walking over to that secret place? Okay. Sure.

That he wanted to take this child to. Six plus. What is it plus? Wisdom. So six. If anybody wants to. If anyone wants to aid. The aid. I'll eat them. I'll eat them. Sizing them up. Okay. Nine plus two. Eleven. Eleven. Yeah. So you get your plus one. So that's a seven. So how are you helping him size this guy up? I'm asking him. We're like whispering to each other while we're following him. What are you whispering? So what do you think of this fucking guy? I recognize his dress as being of that.

That of the people who come from the far west. Oh, okay. Well, what? Okay. So with a seven to nine, you get one question from the list on discern realities. What happened here recently? What is about to happen? What should I be on the lookout for? What here is useful or vulnerable to me? Who's really in control here? And what here is not what it appears to be? Okay. So. I want to know who's really in control. Okay. Wait. Who's really in control? Batman. Everybody in the town.

So he's like walking and you see on his like forearm. He has a. Dark tattoo. It's like a bar, like a thick bar with six smaller lines coming off of it. You remember seeing a few other people in town with that tattoo. Hmm. You get the idea that they're all. Part of this cult. Part of something. Okay. Okay. Well, I think that you see that tattoo on that guy's arm. Yeah. I saw that other guy with that other tattoo. Yeah. It's pretty cool. It's pretty cool tattoo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like a band. You think they're in a band? You think they'd be into jamming together or something? No, nobody wants to jam with you. Okay, cool. All right, so he turns and he's like, Bless you, Billy, bless you. Oh, big Billy three. I think I'm allergic to potatoes. Sorry. Billy, are you allergic to potatoes? Maybe. Maybe. Does anyone have an epiphan? Does anyone not have potatoes?

That's all we have. So he turns and he's like, Y'all are heading into the swamp, right? Talk to the frogman. Yeah, that's tomorrow, yeah. I represent someone with business interests in the town. And the frogman took something that belonged to my employer. What? You'll know it when you see it. Are you fucking kidding me? All right, fine. We're going to get an emperor frog. We're done. Everything's going to seem like something we've never seen before.

When you head into that swamp, just keep your eyes out. A couple days ago, we were digging in the mud, and we found something, a little stone box. And just as we were getting ready to pack up our operation for the day, the frogman hit our encampment, took the box into the swamp, and we ain't seen it since. Now, we ain't seen it since. We haven't had much time to go back into the swamp and get this box. If you could retrieve it for us. He wants to steal this box? Not in so many words.

They stole it from us. You'd merely be reclaiming it. Why would we do that? We'd make it worth your while. Now we're talking. Our rate seems to be five gold coins a day. Done. Nice. Payment on delivery of the box. Dope. All right. All right. Muckraker greatly appreciates your help. Your name is Muckraker? You speaking third person? My name is not Muckraker. I represent… You guys ain't never worked for a cartel before? Oh, yeah, totally. You have? For sure.

I worked one time for a guerrilla cartel. Billy, it seems like you've worked for a cartel. I've worked for a cartel. You're blinking a lot. This kid's blinking a lot. I feel like… You're lying to me. No, he just has dry eyes, man. I just have allergies. I have hay fever. He's allergic to potatoes. Wait, what's your name? My name's… Greg. Oh, cool, Greg. Yeah, just Greg Adams. Oh, dope. Yeah, my family's not from around here. Yeah. You guys notice everybody here has weird names?

Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah. My name's Ving Vang Zumba. I met someone named Dick. Vang Zumba. Foulsmith. Foulsmith. I've been telling people my name's Mud Muggins just to fit in. Sounds like the name of a dog. It does. I had a dog named Mud. I thought it was a good way to… Why are we talking about this? We named the dog Indiana. You guys find this box and my employer will rework you. I don't think we can say no to this. Why did you want to talk to just me? I saw you lift that thing off the mayor.

Oh. And? I figured you had a particular set of skills when it comes to reclamation. Also, you're expendable. So, yeah, end of the session, we'll deal with a little bit of the end of session stuff. Can I have the special moves sheet? Yeah. Oh, here. Yeah, this is just one that says special moves. Great. So, at the end of the session, choose one of your bonds that you feel is resolved. I'm maternally protective of Fat Billy. Do you continue to be maternally protective?

Yeah, we jumped on that guy when he grabbed Billy. We were very protective. Yeah, so that hasn't changed. Oh, I see. Yeah, so once that is, like, not the case anymore. Well, it does say maternally. I don't know. Have you been nursing Billy? But you could turn into, I don't know, maybe you could turn into some sort of female animal and nurse him. No, don't do that. That's weird. None of my bonds were resolved. Okay, no resolved bonds. No. Okay, so… Answer these three questions as a group.

Did we learn something new and important about the world? Yes. What? That the head of the cartel is named Mudraker. Muckraker. Muckraker, and everyone that works for the cartel has that weird tattoo. Yeah, okay, cool. And also, we kind of took over a town for a couple of days. That's not something you learned. That's something you did, which was cool. Yeah, so, but yeah, that's true. You guys learned, you learned about Muckrakers. And the cartel. And the cartel. So, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That was a fun experience. Did we overcome a notable monster or enemy? No. We kind of overcame municipal bureaucracy. So, we'll work on that. Democracy. Did you loot a memorable treasure? Not really. No. Okay, cool. Well, Billy got those potato wedges that sent him into an apocalyptic shock. To be honest, they weren't really memorable. I'll write that on Yelp. All right. Well… We… We… We… I'll carve that into the Yelp stone outside of the inn. Ting, ting, ting, ting, ting. Great.

So, that leads to the next question. Did anybody complete their alignment? Billy, your alignment, I believe, is putting appetite before all. Yeah, I did. So, mark an experience for completing your alignment. Anybody else? Am I chaotic good or chaotic neutral? I don't think I chose… I don't think there is one. You're not either. It's just chaotic good. Okay. Or chaotic or neutral, I think, are the two choices. Oh, I see. So, you're chaotic. Is she a good one? Convention of the Civilized World.

Did I… When I grabbed that guy around the waist and whispered in his ear, did that count? No. It was a fight? If you did that as, like, a method of greeting, maybe. All right. But I did… That's not a normal fight move, right? I don't know. Have you watched, like, some WWE or whatever? What about all the times that I terrorized that 13-year-old boy by yelling at him? That seemed normal. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I think when it happens, we'll know. Okay. You know what I mean?

If we want to have to grasp one. If we miss a convention, we'll be like, yup, you did it. It'll stand. So, not this time. Paul? I didn't help anything or anyone grow. All right. One day. Yeah. Okay. Maybe together. Great. So, yeah. We're planning those deeds together. We'll pick this up next session. All right. This has been Spout Lore. We have been playing Dungeon World by Adam Coble and Sage LaTorah, which you can find at dungeon-world.com.

I have been your Game Master, Sean O'Hara, and we've been playing with Jessica. I'm covered in piss. Paul. We won't record this one. And Abdul. I think we've been recording this whole time. Thanks to Hecklers for letting us use the upstairs Hecklers lounge for recording. Thank you to Aaron Reed for our amazing theme music. And, yeah. Thanks for listening. And so ends the tale of Adventures 3, who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be. For time's abreast in revelry.

And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more. Whilst you commute or do your chores. And free yourself. You ungladly spell no. You ungladly spell no. You ungladly spell no.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers half-elf, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Previously on Spoutmore Uh, have you guys been having troubles with Meyer frogs recently?

Oh man When haven't we been having troubles with Meyer frogs? We're just heading into town for the festival Oh, the hot dog festival! Yes Oh, if you're looking for a place to stay, there ain't no finer accommodations in all of Mudlock than the wallow in the south We're mercenaries for hire Mercenaries? In Mudlock? I am the mayor of this village Oh, you're the mayor? Yeah Fat Billy wants to hug the mayor I took a little metallic wallet, that sort of thing Oh, like a little…

A little metal case Yeah Can we help? Can we… I need this festival to go off without a hitch I'm willing, in this situation, to deputize the three of you as official enforcers Welcome to Spoutmore We're continuing our Dungeon World game I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara, and joining me are players Jessica Hey Paul Hi And Abdul Hey guys Oh, something that we didn't do?

Ask some questions, because the thing that I'm supposed to do with the Barbarian is ask you about the place that you came from I ask you a detail of the thing in the Newmark experience if you give me an answer Okay So last time we talked about your favorite festival that you missed from McCall Oh, yeah And you talked about Fireworks Festival in reverence of the Prophet of Fire Yes Yeah And you mentioned the God of the Flame Yeah Tell me… Okay, so what is the…

What is the most common way of worshiping the God of Flame? Like, a lot of people shave their pubes Oh, Jesus What? The world… Other cultures are just different sometimes You're totally right You're totally right If it has… If there's, like, grooming… Are there other methods of grooming that… Maybe in your culture, pubes are something else What if… What if, like, they're all naturally hairless on their head and so their pubes are, like… Their hairdos? Their pubedues? Yeah Every…

Wear, like, really, like, v-neck pants Yep Go right down to the crest Like, really low… Low riders Mm-hmm So you still can't see the dick or balls Okay, let me just… Ask me again Let's start again from the beginning Because this topic, like, went in a weird direction It's off, it's off Ask me another question Okay How did… What is the origin of the worship of the God of the Flame? A million years ago… Uh… There was… There was a man… And a woman… And they… Fucked… Hard…

Um… And while they were fucking, they were struck by lightning… And the lightning was the dick of the God of the Sky… And… So it was like a three-way… And this chick got pregnant… And… There was a woman with a baby…

Baby came out of and he looked normal at first but then when he hit puberty there so like kid was normal until puberty and then his voice changed and he started having like all these weird feelings and then his dad died of a coughing fit and and the kid was filled with such sorrow that his lightning his his dormant lightning genes activated and he set himself on fire and he was a combination of lightning and man and then he became a fireman and he elevated to the position of a god over the course of his life because he dried out one of the largest seas in the world with his fire one time see that's okay yeah but that's the that's the boring part of the story the cool god stuff he does that was boring I what I really liked it but okay mark an experience for that just one I read that's the thing is you got a limit of one my friend what I really like is is there's a lot of stuff in there that if you if you think about it could be like a biblical like a like a religious text and that's the thing that I really like is that there's a lot of stuff in there that's just tuck trying to explain it yeah he's just like there's a man in a woman and they fucked lightning I guess but it's like you know a man and a woman conceived the child of the sky like the book is actually really moral and beautiful but tux is just trying to explain it and he doesn't know enough all right cool and there's so there's a sea that dried up somewhere yeah cool I wanted to ask this too is mccall like really far away it's um it's on the it's on the other side of the uh sea of graves the sea of graves yeah it's boring I don't want to talk about the sea of graves the ocean that the god of the flame dried up no no is that past the sea of graves is still a sea um the the ocean that the god of the flame dried up it was um is this is the is the dried up ocean now a place do people live there it um they do uh it's like salt flats now cool so they do like land speed record tests there it's mostly racing and yeah it's it's pretty barren now nothing grows there because it was it was glanced by holy fire because he dried it up with himself man that explains all the salt yeah yeah all right sweet um who was explaining this to the whole time me sean oh yeah I just asked you a question you could have did it in your regular voice I should have really done it where the fuck were we uh all right yeah so the mayor is like if you do this for me you will be in the good graces of the people of mudlock including myself why did your voice change so quick I'm sorry why did your voice change what's the deal is this the voice you're doing now uh and as he's like please just do this for me and I will I will be in your debt well I'm paying you so I suppose we will it will be square it's an exchange it's an exchange of money for goods and services yes you've hired us yes you are hired five coins a day starting tomorrow and wait wait as he says that wait you're not getting a free day bitch as he says that there's like a a commotion you hear like Kind of a bunch of people.

I keep saying commotion because it's the easiest way to describe it. I hope it's a train. A train rips through the center of town. No tracks. Oh, no. I think we're in my dreams. We've been incepted. It's a locomotion. You hear like a kind of really overly loud series of like wet croaks. Just like you're walking through a swamp at night. And there are people kind of like shouting. And you see the town guards running around and pointing at things and yelling and trying to organize.

And the crowd on the edge of the square moves aside. And four large frogs on their hind legs walk into the square. Two are carrying banners. And two are carrying spears. And one has like a busted up brass horn. And it's kind of being like boop, boop. Like it's like tooting into the horn. Wow. That horn is making a dumb sound. Toot, toot. But then the frogs' voices are slightly more intimidating. Because they're just, you know, loud and gross. And they're speaking frogs. Yeah, they're just like.

And they're like walking and kind of snapping at people and pushing people out of the way. How rare are frog people in this world? That's a great question that you can answer by rolling a Spout Lore. So that is, you would roll 2d6 plus intelligence. Which I think you've tried to do a bunch of times and are exceptionally bad at. Yeah. I'm going to give you the sheet. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Seven. Plus your intelligence? Zero. Oh, you're zero. Okay, so it is a seven. Seven. Seven to nine. So with a seven to nine for Spout Lore, I tell you something interesting about the. But not useful. Yeah, but not useful. So what you know is that frog people are fairly, not fairly common, but they're known. Okay. These creatures are commonly called Bullywugs. And, yeah, they're just kind of bipedal frog people that live in swampy areas. And that's all you know. That's.

I also heard like a stereotype about them where they like they're really cheap. That's like could very well. Yeah. Frugal is good, though. Yeah. It's about quality. Do it. Do it. I'm not going to say frog. Spout Lore. So the. The Bullywugs, as you now was. Ving. Remembers they are called. Walked in the center of the square. And one of them hops up on the dais in the center of town and pulls like a little rolled piece of fabric out of its pocket and like opens it in front of it.

And is like, here you hear you. We come on behalf of the Lord of these swamps and the king of all frogs. Emperor Borgulch. And the mayor is like, what the what? No. What is. What is. My deputies, please. You are now on the clock. I will pay you today. Ah, cool. Deal with this. And he like kind of starts pushing you towards. The frog. The frog people. Go, go, please, please, please. All right. Who wants to talk to the frog people? I don't want anything to do with this. You're intimidating. Yeah.

But I feel like diplomacy is probably best to start with. I do have gills. Yeah. I walk up and show them my gills and say, well, we. We represent the mayor in this city. So. All right. Should we start talking to him? Yeah. What did you say? What did he say? He says. He said, we represent the Lord of these swamps and the king of all frogs. Emperor Borgulch. He says that again. He says. Yeah, he says it twice. And he says it. He does his best to say it in the exact same tone. Oh, OK.

What do you want? We demand envoy. With the leadership of this town. Wow. OK. Well, we were kind of like standing in. We're deputized. We've been deputized by the mayor. He's too busy. Wait. No, let's. Let's ask the mayor if he wants to talk to these guys. Did he leave? He's gone. Yeah. As you turn around to look in the in the the alleyway that he was, you just see like a mayor shaped cloud of dust dissipates. You almost never see that in real life. If we do not.

If Emperor Borgulch does not have audience and his demands are not meant. Met. But. It will be war. But. OK. All right. Nobody wants a war here, especially against frog people. Borgulch wants war. OK, we'll get you a meeting with the mayor, but he's not here right now. So we need time. Where's can we. Can we like. Make a scheme. Is that what you call plan? Plan a trick. Yeah. I can. One of us pretend. I like this. Is Billy saying this? Yes. Can we make a scheme? Yes.

Billy wants to know, can we make a scheme? OK. What's the scheme, Billy? Well, the mayor is not going to meet with this guy. Can one of us be the mayor? Yeah, Billy's the mayor. OK. Oh, yeah. I didn't. I did not volunteer for this. Well, yeah. Did I? That's what the. I mean, it happens with the mayor. OK. You're nominated by your people. OK. Yeah. The mayor's right here. It's this fat, supple boy.

Somebody's going to have to roll a defy danger like charisma or something to convince them that you're not. Who's got who's going to who's going to go for it? I think because I lied. OK. And if anybody wants to aid, you can you can. I'll aid with bond. Well, how are you aiding? It might make sense if Billy aids because trying to look mayoral in any way. So he wears a raccoon skin. Plus your charisma. Is that. Yeah. Two of those. Yeah. So eight. Yeah. Great. So no.

As long as as long as long as Tacoma succeeds. I rolled a ten. Oh, yeah. So that's great. OK. Um, yeah. So you kind of point you're like, this is this fat job is our mayor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This tiny. Fat halfling is our mayor. And he will meet with your emperor. So he goes very well. His name is Rascal. Flats. Mayor Rascal Flats. Very well, Mayor Flats. You will meet with more gulch.

Emperor of the swamps. King of frogs. Lord of these still waters. Prince of flies. Other. He's like looking frantically frantically his cloth and like trying to remember. He's like, yeah, you will meet by tomorrow at sunrise or it will be war. Wait, can you can you say his name again? I spaced. I'm sorry. Emperor Borg. Oh, does he have any nomenclature? Uh huh. Does he have any nomenclature? Do you have any letters? No. I do not understand. Well, worship. Where do you want to meet?

Where will the emperor be? In his palace? The Palace of Reeds above the swamps? We will find you at the edge of town. Which edge? This. Sunrise tomorrow. Right? Just these two. Okay. Now we all have to stand on one of the edges of town. Great. They hop down, and he toots his little horn again, and he rolls up his ratty piece of cloth and shoves it. What does the horn sound like? Toot, toot. Oh. It's a very cute horn. It's got a little smiley face.

Well, it's a good thing I'm standing hip deep in mud because I peed myself. They start walking away, and the two frogs with the banners, which are just shitty brown pieces of cloth. There's nothing on them. They're just raggedy. They start walking away, and they push their way out of town, and they're gone. They just recede through the buildings, and they are off into the distance. Man, that emperor has a pretty fucking tragic name. Or Gulch. It's almost as bad as his banners.

Sounds like the sound that pudding in a boot makes. If you fill a boot with pudding, and you put your foot in it. I'm familiar. Yeah. I know what that's like. I'm familiar. So, you know, almost as if from thin air, the mayor is at your shoulder. Says, what was that? What happened? What did they want? Dude, where did you go? I had mayoral business to attend to. Fuck. What happened? Well, you weren't here, so we told them that Billy's the… Actually, we're just… Do we need to…

Should we tell him? How big of a… How deep do we want the scheme? How deep do we want the scheme to go? Are we just scheming against the frogs? Are we scheming against the whole town? Girl, let's keep it secret. Yeah, I think it's secret. Let's keep it secret. What did he say? He wants you to wait in a closet for five to ten days. Maybe. You can roll into by danger charisma. Is five to ten days excessive? Yeah. What should I… Okay, maybe until sunset tomorrow. That sounds more fantasy. Okay.

He wants you to wait in a closet until sunset tomorrow. For what reason? He didn't give one. He was a man of few words. Okay, go ahead and roll it. Roll to ten. Yeah. Billy is very good at lying, apparently. Somehow. The mayor goes, Very well, I will remain in my quarters until whatever it is you need to attend to is… Dude, are you fucking deaf? What? Is that a clock? Closet. You can't just be in your room. Your entire quarters is… Like my closet? Like where my clothes are? Yes. Or shoes.

Or linens. He also said that your quarters were to be lent to us for the night. And I just stay in the closet? Yes. That's what he said. Get in the closet, man. Don't come out of the closet. Okay. I am mayor of this town and I will do what is required for my people. Yes. I will be in the closet. And you are free to… I will be in the closet. I will be in the closet. I will be in the closet. I will be in the closet. I will be in the closet. I will be in the closet. I will be in the closet.

And you are free to stay in my quarters, I suppose. Or it's war, they said. War? Well then, I am a patriot if nothing else. And I will be in the closet until sunset tomorrow. Goodbye. Cool. Billy. What? Good lie. Thanks. It's really out of our hair. Do we want him in our hair? It feels like we can run this town now. I think we're… You're the mayor now. Yeah, I feel like we're kind of the mayor until tomorrow at sunset. Heck yeah. Heck yes. Mayor. Yeah, so you have until sunrise tomorrow.

And you're supposed to meet more Gulch. Yeah, should we change some municipal laws before we do stuff? Yeah, what? Let's talk to the sanitation department. This place is disgusting. All right. Wait, can the mayor… Can the mayor make an announcement to everyone before he goes? That's like, these guys are going to be taking care of shit for right now? Yeah, that's a good idea. Do you ask him that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe I'll… He's like, that seems a little excessive.

I'll just be away for the day. But you don't want this town to fall apart while you're gone and this festival? Somebody's got to be in charge while you're gone. And these frog people are threatening war, but they want you in this closet. I just think that you should make somebody in charge and I will be us. I trust my God. I trust the militia. I am a little hesitant to leave the reins of my town in the hands of three strangers. You can make a roll.

You can make a roll to try and convince them again. No, it's fair. We don't need control of your town. We can just scheme them. Very well. If you have any questions, I need to come up with a name. Let's say it at the same time. One, two, three. Billy Corrigan. Wait, what did you say? If you have any questions, please feel free to contact the captain of the guard, Armando. Oh, hot. And he will set you up with anything you require. Till then, I will be in my closet, I guess. Yeah, bring a bucket.

I will find a bucket. And a book. I have many books. And? A turkey. A turkey? A whole. Wait. Is this? For you to bring? Billy's thinking this is good again. This will be for me, but if you require food, there will be food at the… Mansion? At my estate. Quarters. My quarters. My mouth touched the microphone because my lips went out when I said quarters. Quarters. Four quarters and a dollar. Until then, I will see you on the morrow. What's your name again, Mayor? Ah.

Allow me to acquaint you with me. Self. My name is Etienne Boggins. I can't say it. Etienne. Etienne. Is it Etienne? Like Eddie and then the letter N? No, like Etienne. Etienne. Sounds like a French Canadian name. Boggins. Where are you from? Ah, thank you for asking. You can tell by my patois that I'm not from this town. I am from… That's okay. Let's see. I think… Sometimes I can't remember where I'm from. I like… I come from a town to the west called Vertigras.

On the beautiful shores of the Sapphire Sea. Well, that sounds nice. It's wonderful. You really should go. But make sure you come in the summer. The water is particularly vibrant. My voice is getting more and more eloquent. It's because you're heading deep in that closet. I will be in the closet and I will speak to you on the morrow. Good luck. You… The fate of the hot dog festival… I forgot that's what the stakes are. The hot dog festival goes well. It's like 95% of the economy, isn't it?

Yeah, it's true. Like, this doubles the city's revenue, at least. Or the town's revenue. The fate of this hot dog festival and the people within lies firmly on your three sets of shoulders. Okay, thank you for bestowing us with this responsibility. Goodbye. And he… And he… Storms away. Alright, I think we should call light of the card about us being in charge now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's Armando? You guys want to go find Armando? Yeah. Alright. Um…

I want to grab the nearest scared-looking person and yell in their face, Where's Armando? Where is he? Talk, talk, talk, talk. Answer me! It's just like a kid. It's like a 13-year-old boy. You better answer him, kid. Uh… You don't even have to, like… Like, what is… This is a roll? Why wouldn't you just ask somebody? Alright, fine. He just goes, He's over there! And he just points, and there's like a portly gent with a big flowing mustache. Be more specific about what he looks like.

He's the portly gent with the flowing mustache. Okay! Thanks for the information. You're welcome! Cool, here's a coin for you. Thank you, that's very generous. Put him down, Tuck. Mark, take a coin away. You gave this kid a coin. No, you don't have any coins! I gave him just a bag of dirt. He gave him a bunch of dirt. He's like, thank you! And he runs. Yeah. He runs away. He's gone. Oh, man. So there's a man named Armando. I left… Ah, damn it. You gave him your dirt? Yeah, I…

That was the wrong bag of dirt. What bag of dirt did you give him? That was the bag of dirt that had all of my guitar picks in it. Why do you have so many guitar picks? Just in case I needed to jam, man. They're cheap as chips. Yeah. Wait, do you have a guitar? Or do you just have the picks hoping you'll find a guitar? I like carrying them around and then, like, taking them out. And just having people see that you have guitar picks. Yeah, I feel like it creates a cool aesthetic.

Sometimes I'll, like, slip one into one of my leather wrist straps. Cool. And I'll pull one out. It's… It gets gross. But let's go talk to Mark. Let's talk to Armando. So there's just, you know, the… We talked about how the center of town is fairly busy. It's a lot of people, like, getting stalls ready for the Hot Dog Festival. And there's, like, a stage going up. And the man that you believe to be named Armando is there. And he's, like, kind of directing people around.

You know, there are guards walking around, like, carrying crates for people and helping stuff get set up. Excuse me, sir. Yes. Is your name Armando? Well, you could… Yes. I am Armando. All right. Well, we're supposed to help with this, the Hot Dog Festival. The mayor has deputized us. Oh, great. You can just take those crates over there. No, no, no. We don't lift crates. What are you… The mayor has deputized this young man as the mayor. He, like, scrunches his face up and he goes, what?

This young boy is the mayor now. This little tiny kid? Yeah, this little kid is the mayor now. The mayor caught VD and he has to spend two days in a closet. He has to be in the dark for his VD not to take hold. He, like, crosses his arms. He caught vampire disease, man. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's important. Serious. I ain't been a vampire in these parts for a couple years now. I don't know about this. Who are you? He's from the Sapphire Sea. He caught it on the shores of the Sapphire Sea.

I am aware of where I find Mayor Etienne Bonner. Boggins is from. Yeah. Boggins, that's it. Yeah, Boggins. Right, that guy. Somebody's got to roll something. You can't just be like, he's got a vampire disease and his child is the mayor now. Billy, convince him you're the mayor. Here. Hey, little boy. This seems… You can't be… He, like, crouches down because you're, like, two feet tall. So he's, like, squatting and he's like… Billy tries really hard to not blink at all.

And he's like, yes, everything they say is true. In fact, the mayor… Bestowed upon me his personal belongings to take care of while he's recovering from the VD. All right, you're going to have to roll a Defy Danger Charisma. And I help. Six. Six? I help. Oh, okay. Yep, six. All right, so Tuck's going to help. Roll plus your bond. I rolled a nine. Plus your… I rolled a nine. Plus two is 11. Okay, so that puts it at a seven for you.

So you pull out the little thing and it's just, like, a nice little, like, kind of silver metal case. And you show it to him and say, yep, it's all true. And he looks at you and goes… Well, all right then, young man. That sounds great to me. If you're going to be taking over for the mayor, then you will have no problem giving the keynote speech. At the beginning of the festival tomorrow. I think that's great.

We've got anything you need, we can help you with to get you ready for this big speaking engagement. Everybody in the festival is going to be here in the square and you're just going to go up on the stage. Does that sound good to you? Yeah, that sounds great. That sounds perfect. Thank you. What time is the speech supposed to be? The speech is… The speech will be roughly noon. Just after noon. Okay. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Oh, tomorrow. So after sunrise. After sun. Yeah, after.

That is generally when noon is, is after sunrise. I wasn't sure how that happened here. The sun happens. Yeah. Just… The way… Well, it's different. How do they tell time in your town? The sun. Okay, cool. So just when it's generally in the middle of the sky. So it's like our other towns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. It's basically the same. He says, that's great. We'll just, you know, I'll let the boars know not to give you any hard time, Mr. Mayor. And he kind of like ruffles your hair.

Please don't touch the mayor. Yeah. He's, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah. Deputy mayor. It's fine. He suffered more than I did, so I'm covered in piss. The mayor said that you were going to give us some walking around money. He was also going to give us some lunches, portable lunches. Lunchables, I think they're called. Lunch. Lunch. Okay. How much was the? Five bucks. Five gold. Five coins. Five coin each. Five coins.

That's something that the mayor's attache would deal with, not the captain of the guard. Okay. We'll just take the key to the city then. Key to the city. He says, you know what? Good point. He pulls out a giant novelty key that says, 2017 key to the city, and he hands it to you. Thank you. That doesn't happen. It doesn't fit in any locks. It fits in one giant lock, the secret lock that only comes out when the moon is high in the sky. Okay. This is exciting. Yeah, right?

I heard that lock is alive, and it's kind of like a vagina. When you said that lock is alive, I was like, cool. And then you were like, it's like a vagina. I was like, dual. Fantasy stuff is weird sometimes. Sometimes you got to fuck a living lock. With a key that is also kind of like a dick. Every lock's like a vagina. Is this two people having sex? Everything's two people having sex. All right. Cool.

He says, if you're looking for food, you can head to the Wallow and Sal and the old Maggie Cole. She'll set you up. Cool. Yeah. Free probably because we're the mayor and his entourage. Yes. You also, I think I overheard you have access to the mayor's estate. Yeah. Yeah. Up in the. Yeah. Up a ways. Up a ways on Cardinal Street. Cardinal Street. Cardinal Street. Yeah. Thanks for the information. No problem. Have a good time. And he turns around and starts pointing at stuff. Okay. That's all.

He just silently is like, point, point, point, point. All right. Cool. We've done it. Pretty good. Good job of taking over this town. Yeah. Yeah. We have this town at least still sun up. Yeah. So, shall we do something about the frog war? Yeah. That's probably a good idea. And that's the game for this week. Thanks for listening. This has been Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. With me as always, players Paul. The mayor said that you were going to give us some walking around money.

Abdul. What? Other cultures are just different. Different sometimes. And Jessica. Hello. I'm sorry. I'm eating. And as always, our technical producer, West Lord. Thanks to Hecklers for letting us record in the upstairs Ratfish Lounge. Hecklers upstairs. Thanks to Aaron Reed for our amazing intro and outro music. And we have been playing Dungeon World, a game by Adam Coble and Sage LaTorah, which is a hack of a game called Apocalypse World by D. Vincent Baker.

You can find all of that stuff on the internet. If you want it. Thanks for listening. And we'll see you next week. And so ends the tale of Adventures 3. Who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be. For time's abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more. Whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you I'd gladly spout no. No.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart.

Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round friends, and listen close, for the tale's about to start. Last time on Spoutlore. You are traveling to the village of Mudlark. Sorry, Blugblark? Oh, it's real. Piece of shit. It's a hot dog festival. It's kind of like Burning Man. So you guys are traveling in a big cart full of food supplies? Anybody got a name for this food guy? Colonel Dan.

Oh man, we're not getting any further with this tree in the road. A spear blade, like, hammered out. It's a sheared spear. This didn't fall naturally. This was pushed into the road. If I fought the horse, would I win? The horse can get past without getting stuck in the mud. Dan would probably have to leave some of his supplies. He's behind if he wants to get the cart through at all. Okay, well, I'm fine with that.

I guarantee you that if you leave that barrel of shitty sweet meat in the middle of this bog for a hundred years, no one would take it. If you have a single person ask you… Yeah, for sweet meat. For sweet schloss meat, I will give you this amulet with a picture of a horse in it. You know what? No, I'm going to hold on to this, actually. The festival is in, like, a day and a half. I got a bunch of meat. Got a lot of things riding on this. All right, hop in, everybody. Next stop, Mudlark.

Welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. And with me today are players Jessica. My character is Fat Billy. Paul. My character is Ving. And Abdul. At Tacoma Dome. Today we're continuing our Dungeon World game. When do we… Get to our… The hot dog festival? Hot dogs. You travel down along the road. It's not as bad. It's like the fog is starting to let up a little bit. There's, like, bug sounds. It's pretty swampy sounds. But then, as you can see, more signs for, like, Mudlark.

One mile. From the swamp, you just hear, like, a… So it's a croak? It's, like, a big croaky, wet-sounding, just, like, gross noise. Do you know anything about gross? Wet-sounding noises? Yes. Are you trying to remember something about gross croaks? Well, I've experienced a lot of gross wet noises. Croaks. Brokes. Burps. Do I recognize it? It's maybe of an animal? It could be an animal, yeah. That sounds like a Spout Lore. I would like to try and Spout Lore to see if it's an animal.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. 2D6 plus intelligence. 6. It's just, like, Vayne's number one skill is remembering stuff. I want to help him. All right. Sounds great. Plus your bond. 7. 7. All right, great. So you open yourself up to danger, retribution, or cost. Didn't he get 7? Yes. But by aiding, you're also including yourself in this. But isn't this a partial success? Yeah, partial success for him. But you also got 7 to 9. An 8 or interfere.

On a 7 to 9, you also expose yourself to danger, retribution, or cost. But we got partial. So partial success for Spout Lore is that I will tell you something interesting about But not useful. The subject. Okay. Yeah. So something interesting that you remember hearing about the mud fields and the bogs that surround Mudlark in this sort of region is that there are amphibians in the area that get a lot larger. Hmm. Like, a lot larger than your average. Frog or toad. Okay.

Like, there have been stories of frogs that are, like, cow-sized. Man-eaters. Yeah, just, like, gigantic man-eating frogs. Cow-sized frogs? Can you milk them? Meyer frog. Yeah. So you've heard of Meyer frogs, which are, like, just beefy, big-ass frogs. Guys, it could be a Meyer frog. I've heard of those. Fat Billy does not like this. I've also heard of that. I want to leave. Yeah. Billy's, like, 2 feet tall. Like, that's more than small enough to get swallowed whole by a regular-sized frog.

I'm, like, a delicious appetizer. I need to scurry. You're like a house fly to this guy. So is Billy just, like, what does Billy do? Billy, get in this Bjorn. Billy does not want to get into a Bjorn. Billy wants to run. Get on my shoulders. Is Billy going to run? Billy. No, we need you here. We can't see too far. Billy's eyes are wide. I don't know what to do. That says, all right, you know what? It's fine. The town's pretty close. We'll just keep going. We'll keep going.

We'll just stay on the road, and we'll hustle up. Billy climbs into one of the satchels that's hung on the horse. Yeah. No way. In a saddlebag? Yeah. That's a good idea. Should we light some torches? Maybe scare away this frog? Yeah. This giant, possibly giant frog. It sounded like it could be pretty far away. I mean, it could be really close. The trees kind of throw sound in a weird way, so you're not sure if it's, like, closer. God damn these fucking trees. They're ruining this trip.

You break through that swampy, disgusting. Forest. And you just come out onto a nice, big, clear, still disgusting, swampy field. But there's less trees. Did we go the wrong way? Nope. This is the right way. You see, as the sun's starting to, like, fall a little bit through the fog, so it's just a nice gray, bright gray. You see a collection of buildings further down closer. Are we passing peasants as we're driving? Yeah. You're, like, passing through farmland. Can I talk to one of the peasants?

Sure. Yeah. There's just a guy with, like… Kind of a gap-toothed look, like, digging in the mud. Hey, peasant. What? Do you know… Have you guys been having troubles with mire frogs recently? Oh, man. When haven't we been having troubles with mire frogs? When? Yes. Oh, yes. This is valuable information. Hold on. Let me think for a second. Your turn of phrase is confusing to me. Nothing… Nothing lately. A couple of months ago, I heard the… The thugman's kid was pulled off into the woods.

Oh, it's terrible that his name is Thugman. He was eaten by a frog? No, he just… They got him back, but he was just missing a bit. Thugman's, I will have you know, are a proud mudlark family. They've been tending these slop fields for generations, the thugmans. What is your last name? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. Well, I can't say to lay claim to a name as auspicious as the thugman's. My name is… My name is… Well, I can't… My name's Dick Foulsmouth. Do you want me to do a take on Dick Foulsmouth? Yes, please. All right, fine. I can't say that I could lay claim to a name as fine as the thugman's. I'm old Dick Foulsmouth. Fowl's mouth? Fowl's mouth. Fowl's mouth. Fowl's mouth. It's like Fowl's. You gotta loosen up your cheeks. Fowl's mouth. Fowl's mouth. So your first name is Dick.

Dick. And your middle name is Fowl. No, my last name is Fowl's mouth. My middle name is Veronica. Wow. That's beautiful. It's my mother's name. Oh, wow. As is the custom of your land. God rest her soul. I'm dragged off into the woods by my frog. Anyways, I got work to do. Is there anything I can help you find folks with? We're just heading into town for the festival. Oh, the hot dog festival. Yes. The finest event in all of Mudlark, second only to Mud Christmas. When is Mud Christmas?

I don't want you to tell me about that. Oh. Do you want to hear about Mud Christmas? I think we should probably get to the hot dog festival. Wait, but should we find lodgings for the night? Fat Billy, I don't really want to go anywhere in the dark with these frogs. Are we just going to camp out? We're going to party all night. Do we actually need to sleep? Oh, if you're looking for a place to stay, there ain't no finer accommodations in all of Mudlark than the wallow inside. The wallow inside?

The wallow inside. Like a lady pig. Wait, the swallowing cell? The wallow inside. Wow. Okay. Okay. I like the sound of that. You just head on into town. Yes. Get a room from Maggie Cole. Tell her old Dick Fousman sent you. Okay. Thank you, sir. Will she give us a discount or she'll just know that we talked to you? Well, she'll know. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I thought. You tell her. I ain't forgotten. We'll tell her. Okay. See you later, folks, at the hot dog festival. Okay, bye. Bye, Veronica.

All right. Bye. Digging in the mud again. And Dan whips the horse. Not whips the horse. You know, jangles the reins and the horse carries on. Okay. Into the town of Mudlark. Wow. That guy made me so sad to listen to him. You wanted to stop and talk to him. I appreciate that. At least we know where we're going to stay. We don't have to stay, but I'm feeling a little shiver me timbers right now about this whole Meyer frog situation. But we're heading into town.

They shouldn't bother us in the festival or the town. There's a lot of people around. All right. Yes. And there's. Yeah, exactly. There's a lot of people. So more likely someone else will get taken. If I die, I will curse you. So let's continue. Okay. That's a bond. That's a bond. Yeah. I mean, I will curse you. That's a common thing that halflings say. It's really intense every time. Yeah. I don't know what it means, but I picked it up from a family that I wanted to join once.

A family of halfling warlocks. Yeah. I've been cursing people. For years. So you guys carry on into the town of Mudlark. How big of a town is it? It's probably like, you know, two or three hundred people. It's not huge, but it's not like a village. Human people? What's the race like? I mean, probably mostly human. Yeah. That dick vagina guy seemed pretty much human. I see a few halflings. You see a few halflings? I do. Yeah. From my little coach. What are they doing? They're also digging.

Some of them are carrying things between shops. Oh. And I'm… Is this the lot of halflings? Are they like laborers? They don't like own a lot? Halflings don't own a lot. They like to live with and from the land. And they don't learn much. They just do simple things. Interesting. Because they are small, too. They are literally closer to the land. They are. It's in the spirit of the halfling. It is what defines you. They have many sayings. What's one of them? What's one more?

One saying is the closer to the ground, the more… I can't remember because no one really said them to me. I just had to hear them from passing. So what about being closer to the ground and then something more happened? And then in my mind, I was like, that's a good thing. To be closer to the ground? Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. Interesting. Interesting. The closer to the ground, the more you will be… Loved. In my mind. The more love you will find in the dirt. In the dirt. Love in the dirt. Hmm.

Is Billy just… His mind is just full of half-remembered halfling turns of phrases? Yeah, Billy is very sad right now. Oh, man. There's many tears that he wishes to let out, but he has to be strong. Jeez. Jeez. It's okay. Man. Okay. Hey, Billy, do you want this granola bar? I was saving it. No, I don't. Are you sure? Yes. It's dipped in chocolate. Okay. Okay. Here you go. Oh. Oh, man. So, you guys, yeah, you roll into the main square, like the center of Mudlark.

And it's like, you know, when you think of like a town square, it's that sort of thing. There's like a little kind of plinthy dais thing in the center with some cobbly stones. It's mostly muddy dirt roads around. There are a lot of people. There's a lot of activity. People are setting up for the hot dog festival. There's a lot of carts going up, and there's a stage. They're putting up a stage near… Hmm. The center for like, you know, whatever stages are used for in this town.

There's a lot of effluent youths. A lot of effluent, like… Affluent. Affluent. Effluent means feces? Bunch of shitty kids. So, there's effluent and affluent youths. Yes. So, yeah, there's like some finer dressed people, but… In town for the festival. It's a pretty dirty town. It's a hot dog festival. But it's a big hot dog festival. It's popular. Okay. It's actually something that we could talk about. Why do people come from all around? Is it just the food is so good?

I think also it has to do with that it's a really shitty place to get to. It's dangerous. Yeah. And it sucks, and it's far away. So, it's about the act of the people who actually go there. It's like a pilgrimage. It's almost like a pilgrimage. And like, it got really cool amongst the affluent teens because they wanted to really like dirty up. They wanted to really like, you know, live like the other half-lives. Yeah. Okay. So, it's a lot of rich people that just want to have… Yeah.

It's a lot of rich people that just want to have… Hang out around poor people to make them feel like they've done something with their lives. Mm-hmm. Okay. So, it is like Burning Man. It's just like… It's just Burning Man. Awesome. Okay. Cool. Yeah. So, you see like… There's a giant hot dog sculpture in the middle that gets burned at the end of the weekend. The Oscar Mayer guy. You see a lot of…

So, you see a lot of like who you assume are like the villagers of Mudlark, like the townspeople. And they look like how you would expect people that have had hard lives. And then you see people that look like they're wearing the costume of like a hard life. Like things that are ripped but like very deliberately. And like they have like mud on their faces but like in interesting patterns instead of just like where mud would fall on your face if you were digging in the river. Okay.

So, one thing that you have heard about Mudlark is the river that was Mudlark runs up to one of the bigger cities. And treasure and equipment and all this sort of like cool… You know, some of these small valuable stuff would wash down the river and get stuck in the soil and the mud. So, this town was founded by Mudlarks which are people that dig through the muddy basis of rivers to find valuable things to sell. So, Mudlarking is a thing that people still do in Mudlark.

It's mostly farmers but people still will dig in the river. Is that what Dick Veronica was doing? Veronica was just a farmer. You were farming. Yeah. Just trying to tend crops. The town. So, there's a cluster of like big buildings. That is like… Like the center of the town of Mudlark. And then there's farms on either side and further up and down the actual bed of the river. There are people where people will Mudlark dig through the mud for valuable things.

And that I think is probably where, what we talked about earlier, the town of like boats that just kind of were left from the river. So there's clusters of old boats, big boats, like galleons and river boats and that sort of stuff that are just stuck in the mud forever. And people have just turned those into their homes. So there's like the boat towns on either side. And then the central village of Mudlark. I had a thought. I think Fat Billy's parents might've tried to do this earlier on.

And that's where, not where, but probably when he was orphaned. Tried to do. Mudlarking. Because it was like a method of like gaining wealth. Oh, so they died mudlarking? Or like maybe on the route. He doesn't know. He doesn't know what happened to his parents. They went to Mudlark to dig in the river. If it's something that people travel, for it must, there must be rumors of like actual, some big deal stuff in the, in the river. Like that there's still something there. Not that it's all been.

Yeah. That's like, you know, that makes sense why they like people still dig all the time. Yeah. Yes. Also why this festival is here. Yeah. Do you think people come to Mudlark as well as the hot dog festival? Well, traditionally that's what the hot dogs is. The traditional food. Oh, the mudlark. So is it a mud? So it's a hot dog festival, but it's also a mudlarking festival. So it's like, people will come in, like eat the food. No, I thought it was like the people who live there. Mudlark.

And then I think the people that come to the festival, they play at mudlarking. Or maybe they come with the guys of festival, but they really want to. Oh, so it's people that come for the festival and they're like, oh yeah, I'm just here for these sweet hot dogs, but they're actually here to like, try and find their treasure of their lifetimes. And the locals don't like it. Don't. Cause you're not. So what, if you're not, is that, is everybody allowed to dig?

I think the locals probably don't allow non-locals to dig. There's a, there's a unwritten rule that it's very rude to go to mudlark and. And dig in the mud. Yes. It's like working in Australia. Awesome. Okay. So non-locals aren't allowed. Yeah. It's probably some kind of like mafioso. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a crime boss that like controls all the mudlarking. Yeah. Yeah. I guess. Permits. I mean, it makes you probably live on like a big, like a big, like ship sometime somewhere out in the ship.

Maybe there's no Meyer frog. Maybe they. Wait, maybe there's no, what? Maybe the Meyer frogs are like a way of scaring people. Anyway, these are all rumors. This is all hearsay. Yes. Cool. Yeah. So yeah, the village is being set up and you can see a sign on a, on a, one of the bigger buildings in town. And you can see that there's like smoke coming out of the chimneys. It all looks very cozy. And there's like a stable to the side and you see a sign. And the sign is just a cutout of a pig.

With its legs out. And it's like covered in mud up to its eyes. And you, you take that to be the wallowing Sal. Oh yeah. Yeah. Should we go get a room? Oh, so Dan's like, all right, I guess this is a, I guess this is me. I'm going to set up you guys. Are you guys, you guys are sticking around for the festival, right? And then you're going to take me back. That's the plan. Yeah. That was the deal we had. So yeah. All right. Yeah.

What are you guys going to, what are you guys getting paid by the way? What do you think is a fair payment? Seems weird to negotiate it now. We all just sleep on it. What do you guys think? Well, I just figured we didn't set out the terms. Really. I just said that I'd pay you and I'm a man of my word. So what do you guys think is fair? Five, five coins a piece, five coins a piece. Done. There and done. Five coins a piece. What? Done. See you later guys. I'm going to go set up. No. Okay.

This is a parlay. Wow. No, this is a parlay situation. Billy, you fucked us so hard. Oh, okay. We need money, Billy. This is, we came three days in. Forget what you heard. 20 coins a piece. That seems pretty steep. You did say five and we agreed on five and now you're saying 20 a piece? I didn't say five. All right. I don't remember that. So this is a parlay. What's your leverage? Well, it's a parlay if you have leverage. Can I? I found a nice rock.

It's like, look, kid, that's a beautiful rock doing great. We'll, we'll advertise for you. We'll do one. We'll do walk around and do some flaring for you. Yeah. We'll tell people that your schloss meat's better than the crab cakes. We can tell rumors about how, about the other schloss meats. Yeah. It's like aphrodisiac schloss meat. This gorilla jerky gets you hard as fuck. All right. If you guys want to do a little bit of advertising, for me. Okay. Roll the, roll the parlay.

This is a Billy rolling it. Yeah. Billy's the it's, it's charisma, right? Yeah. Damn. Yes. 12. Jessica's rolling like a pro. Yeah, man. All right. So he says, all right, you know what? If you guys are going to advertise for me, uh, we'll agree on 20 coins a piece, I suppose. Uh, it seems fair, but that's 20 coins a piece for the whole deal. Taking me to my Larkin, taking me back. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. 20 coins a piece at the end of the festival. When we get back to town, you get 20.

How much does a sword cost here? Oh, that's a great question. Actually. I was thinking about that because Jessica started with 10, which is like not nothing. Yeah. It seems 20 seems like a good amount of money for a job. Yeah. Uh, yeah. So coin is sort of like valuables. Like that's like the loose definition. Cause you can find like, say you find a gem, the gem could be worth 10 coin. Yeah. Uh, so that is basically 10 coin worth of money. 10 coin worth of gems.

So weapons are actually pretty cheap. Uh, like a dagger is two coins. Oh, okay. Five coins. Okay. But then when you get to like pricier stuff, like a dueling rapier, which is like a nice, fancy, expensive rapier, that's 50 coins. Like stuff can be really expensive. Armor is especially expensive. If you want like a suit of plate mail, that's 350 coins. Wow. Stuff can be really expensive or really cheap. The usual stuff that you'll find, like you can find a sword on any, any schlub. Yeah.

That's going to be like three or four coins, you know? So yeah. So it's 20 coins is not an unreasonable sum of money for dragging somebody's ass through a huge swamp and then dragging it back. So that's fair. 20 coins. Here's some pamphlets. Dan slosh meat, schloss meat. Okay. And uh, yeah, just hand them out and I'll see you guys at the end of the festival and we'll head back home. And uh, and he, and he hustles it off to his like area of the town square to start setting up.

And you see like, there's this like kind of ragged, looking like middle aged man. He's got like, he's like kind of young, but he's still got like graying facial hair and graying hair. It's kind of long. He's wearing like a fine coat for somebody in mud Lark. And he's got like a big shiny badge. Is it a black coat? It's like a, like a purple, like a purpley sort of super fine. Yeah. But it's like kind of ragged. He's got this big shiny badge on his chest and he's running around.

He's like, don't put that there. You're supposed to put that over there. We got to get these banners up on the stage. If we don't get them up soon, this whole festival could be garbage. It could be garbage. And he's running around and he's freaking out. Wow. Real Niles crane over here. He kind of like hustles up to you guys. He's like, this horse can't, the horse can't be where it is. The horse has to move. The cart has to move. The horse, you have to move these things now. Okay.

Dan's moving them. He's yeah. Move them quickly. I am. You don't just stand around. I am the mayor of this village. Oh, you're the mayor. Yeah. I offer that information freely. This is my town. Hello, mayor. My name is Bing. I'd like to know your name. I don't care. I don't care what your name is. My name wants to hug the mayor. He's just going to hug the mayor. It's like, what is this thing? What, what, what is this small thing? Is this a child? Yes. That kind of pushes you away.

Nice to meet you. Okay. His eyes kind of soften a little bit. He's like, hello, welcome to the village of mud log, but I need to get ready for this festival. And my, my accent is going in and out of various things. I'm having trouble sticking on one voice. Should we try and make some more money and see if we can offer help? I think that's a good idea. Do you, um, Hey, we're, we're mercenaries for hire. Mercenaries in mud log. Yeah. So we can like move boxes or whatever you need.

Is that what mercenaries do? Yeah, man. Like we, anything for money, mostly labor. I can turn into bees. You could turn into what? Bees. Like the bug, like the bunch of bugs. What is this nonsense? Turning into bees. I've been meaning to ask you about that. When you turn into a hive of bees, yeah, hive mind. Yeah. It was, it is like, like, does your dick, is your dick some of the bees? My dick turns into a multiple bees. It turns into a dick's weight of bees. Wow. This is ridiculous.

I have things to do. People talking about turning into bees, small children hugging me. You're very sweet, but you need anything. Can we help? Can we, do you need this festival to go off without a hitch? Can you, can you, can you make that happen? No, I didn't think so. Bee man. Well, what if we, what do you, do you need, like, security? Yeah. I mean, I suppose so. We heard a mire frog on the way into town. People are going to be freaking out. You heard a what? I don't know, but we've been told.

I've heard of mire frogs, and we heard this awful sound. What is a, what is a what? What? A what? Is there a danger? No, it's probably fine. It was in the bog. It's probably, it's the bog, the bog that I can see from where I stand in the center of town. Well, you might want somebody. You're telling me there's a large frog outside? It could be. That's what. And it's going to be fine? It could be fine. And we don't know. That's what we're saying. Maybe you want us to help. I just, I don't know.

Okay. He like, come, come, come, come, come, come, come. And he like walks into an alley. Do you guys follow him? Yeah. Yes. Jessica's making it like. I took something from him though. You took something from him? Oh, you hugged him. Okay, roll. I want it. I want this to happen, but you need to roll a defy danger dexterity. Seven. Seven. So, so the mayor is not looking. He will not see you take this thing, but someone in the village will. Byrie took it when I hugged him.

Oh, is that why you hugged him? Yeah. Oh, you sneaky little. All right. So what did you take? I took a little metallic wallet, sort of very small, sort of like the size of like a business card. Like that. That sort of thing. Oh, like a little metal case. Yeah. Okay. And you just slipped it in? All right. From his pocket. Yeah. Okay. So someone in town did see that. And, okay. So the mayor leads you, um, into the alley.

And, uh, he is just kind of like looking around, making sure that nobody's paying attention. There's like, he like waves over a guard and like a raggedy sort of thing with the club. And he's standing at the alley, making sure nobody comes past into the alley. He's like, it is of the utmost importance to me and my office in the very sanctity of the hot dog festival, that things go off without a hitch.

I'm, I'm willing in this situation, to deputize the three of you as official enforcers of the mayor's office of mudlark to ensure that everything goes the way it should. Does this interest you? The way it should, or the way you want it to? Is there a difference? Well, I'm the mayor of this town. I have only the interests of this town and its townspeople at heart. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. Well, what is it? What does deputy pay?

Well, I am willing to set you up with the finest lodgings in mudlark for free, for free room and board and a front row festival or a front row seat for each of you to the hot dog parade. VIP. If there were a VIP section, I assure you, you would be included. What say you? You didn't say how much we'd get paid. Hmm. I believe I said the lodgings would be free. I believe that we are going to need to see some gold as well or coin.

Well, I don't understand how you are in a position to do bargain right now. Well, I just think we need like a per diem. Okay, fine. Five coins per day per diem for expenses. Yeah. Per person. Per person. Yeah. Okay, cool. Yeah, we'll do it. Yeah. All right. Wonderful. Thank you very much. Just, uh, let's shake on it. Shake all of our hands. Touch our Billy. Touch Billy. Oh, he does all of those things. I suppose I'm a desperate man.

And then you hear like a, like a horn, sort of like raggedy horn sound. And he stops and he goes, what, what, what is that? And everybody's starting to hustle around. You hear some like weird screams. And, um, you see some figures push their way into the center of town. And you hear a bunch of croaks. And as they like get closer and people start like, like backing away, it's four frogs standing on their hind legs with spears and like ragged, muddy armor.

And they're carrying like banners that are just like crappy brown pieces. Of fabric. Like the front two are each carrying a banner. The two behind them are carrying spears. And like one of them is holding like a bent beat up metal horn. Their chests are all puffed up and they're like walking really importantly. And they're like kind of snapping at people and making like croaking, like, like as people walk by, they walk right up to the middle, like stone central dice.

And one hops up and he goes like, everyone. I represent. The king of all these swamps, all the mud. You see. Emperor. More gulch. Lord of frogs. Wow. People here have terrible names. All right. This has been Spout Lore. We have been playing Dungeon World by Adam Coble and stage Latour, which you can find at dungeon hyphen world.com and apocalypse world by D Vincent Baker, which you can find at apocalypse hyphen world.com. We've been playing with Jessica. So patronizing. Paul.

20 side of die to see if I can catch the bus on time. And Abdul. Billy wanted to like drop a drop, a smooth beat. And our producer was Lord. Thanks Wes. And thank you to Aaron Reed for our amazing theme music. Uh, I've been your game master, Sean O'Hara and. Oh, and thanks to hecklers for letting us use the upstairs hecklers lounge for recording. And yeah, thanks for listening. And so ends the day. Tale of adventures. Three who tried the best. They can. Dumb and scared and lost.

Maybe for times of breast in. And though our journey may be. We will not leave you. Without resolution. Return next week to hear some more. Whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you, I gladly. Spout. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

Gather round, friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart.

Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round, friends, and listen close, for the tale's about to start. Welcome to Spout Lore, a Dungeon World podcast where we are playing the Dungeon World RPG by Adam Kovach. It's available in Sage Latoura. It is a hack of a game called Apocalypse World by D. Vincent Baker. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. We're here with the players. Hi, how's it going? Good, how are you? I'm very good, I'm very excited.

Paul, tell me about your character. My character is Ving Zumba. I'm a druid, human, neutral good, change shifter, shapeshift. Yeah, druid shapeshift. Yeah, I'm hailing from those frozen plains, let me hear you. Do we have anybody from the frozen plains here? This guy knows what I'm talking about. I got a staff, a bunch of flaps, poultices. Ving's got wild, crazy kind of grayish hair, lots of pelts, different hides, almost like a skirt of hides, and then hides around his forearms.

And also he has gills. He has gills? Yeah. Why does he have gills? Well, that's what defines him. Oh. Oh, right. When he changes his… Druids. Yeah, they have to have it. Druids always have a tail that sticks with them as they change shapes, so… Like an arctic char. Yeah, like an arctic char. Like an arctic char. So Ving has gills like an arctic char, and if you were to turn into a polar bear, that polar bear would also have gills like an arctic char.

He puts his crazy wild hair over his gills, so nobody sees him, like Kevin Costner would if he ever made a movie about that. All right, yeah, I like it. I assume that we'll know more about them as we go. Yep, that is one of the tenets of Dungeon World, is play to find out what happens. Just like real life. Just like real life. And next, Abdul Aziz. Hey. Hey, Abdul. Tell me about your character. I play Tacoma Dome. He's a barbarian who has a lot of emotional problems.

He was abandoned as a baby, and he blames himself for that. But he was raised by… A used cart dealer in the city of McCall. His name was Bruce Spruce. And he instilled good values in me until he died when I was four. And then I left, me as Tacoma. Tacoma left town because he was chased out of town. And then he lived as a man of the world, a child of the world, for years. Like as a sword for hire for a while. And then he was part of a… A band for a little while. Like a band?

Like a music band? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What does… Does he play an instrument? He played the bass. Oh, okay. That makes sense. Yeah. And he got really into opium for a couple of years. And then he found barbarism again. He rediscovered it. And he's kind of been… Like kind of rediscovering himself through the violence that he inflicts on people that he thinks deserve it. Describe Tacoma. What does Tacoma look like? I, uh… I'm tan of skin and large of thigh. Uh, I'm bald of head by choice.

I'm wearing a leather loin guard. Uh, I have an axe strapped across my back. I'm very… Very large. Yeah, like large for a person. Like too large. Yes, I'm maybe… I'm like seven feet tall. Whoa. Wowzers. That's a big boy. Yes. I'm a muscular seven foot. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. I'm in a bulk phase right now. Uh, I do a lot of, uh… Plyometric exercises. Is that a thing? Is that a fantasy thing? Um, yes and no. Hmm. Is that why you stopped… Wearing pants? Because they always wore out in the crotch?

They wore out in the middle where it would… It would rub. Hmm. Um, so… And it was constricting for barbarism. I didn't… I didn't get a good range of motion. You could probably light a match off your inner thigh. You could. If you put a match there, I could probably light it. What is a festival that Tuck remembers from McCall that he misses? Oh, there was the fireworks festival. Mm-hmm. Uh, everyone would buy fireworks and go into balconies and then fire them into other balconies. Ha ha ha!

Uh… What was the purpose of this festival? Was it to, like, settle scores with other families? It… Officially, it was to celebrate the birth of the prophet of fire. So that officially is it, and then unofficially, yes, it is to settle scores with your neighbors. Ha ha ha! Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Most of the, uh, structures in Macau are made of straw or wood. Oh, shit. Mm.

So once every four months, the whole city burns to the ground. Mm. Uh, and, uh, that was always a very, uh, heartwarming time. Quite literally. Yes. Uh, many die. Ha ha ha! It's a beautiful festival. Mm-hmm. That's nice. The prophet of fire. I want to, we're going to explore more of that later. That's, does, is, is Tuck religious at all? I acknowledge the possibility of the existence of the prophet of fire and the, the god of the flame, but I also… God of the flame, you're really laying it on.

God of the flame. I also have seen no conclusive evidence for it. If he is truly a vengeful and hateful god, I don't believe the god of the flame would care if you believed in him or not. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That the most logical position is to just be an agnostic. Mm-hmm. Ving, you travel with an ag, with a guy that's, spirits might exist, but Ving knows they exist. Yeah. Right?

Is that, is that the, that's the source of… Well, I think most elves know of the spirit world, right? Well, I believe in ghosts. I've fought ghosts. Fought ghosts. Yes. It's the same thing, right? The spirit world's what lets me travel between bodies. So that's what, you travel into the spirit world. Yeah. And then you come back in a different body. I'm traveling within the spirit world, but yeah. Okay. And that's what allows Ving to like change shape? Yeah. That's pretty dope.

How, how old is Tacoma? Cause this is a lot of… Like mid twenties now. He's had a long life. He's, well, like he did, he lost the only father he had ever known in that freak cart accident. Yeah. There's, there's a stack of carts that fell over. Hello. Hi, Jessica. Tell me about your character. My character is Fat Billy and he is very, he's very fat. Fat Billy is a halfling kid. He's very small, very round. I think he's about seven to nine. Seven to nine. Maybe nine to 10. Is that?

Can we go seven to 10? It's true. I guess nobody would really tell him how old he is. No one knows. Billy doesn't know. So how big is that for a halfling? It's small. Like two feet, you know? Cause he's a big boy. Well, he's the same size lying down. Yeah, exactly. He's very dirty. He has small feet and hands. A very rosy face. Does he have a bulbous nose? No, it's very small. Oh. So he's just small and like chubby and has like tiny hands. He's just little.

The thing about halflings is it's hard to tell their age. Tuck is right. Is this something Tuck's had experience with? Yeah. Well, it's hard to tell, you know? You meet a halfling and you're like… Hey, do you want to come on a quest? And then the halfling goes, yes. And then turns out you have a child with you. We thought he was in his forties. Is that how Tuck and Fat Billy met up? Is you assumed that he was older? Well, that's more how our fellowship formed. All three of you?

We have a child with us. And we thought we are happy with him now. When we recruited him originally. We thought that he'd be helping. I did nothing to dissuade… No, no, yeah. To convince you of my age. It was assumptions. Yes. And now look at us. Yeah, it's just hard to tell halflings. What class is Fat Billy? He's a thief. What sort of stuff does the thief do? Like what does Fat Billy do? Yeah, what's his life like? His life is lonely. It's lonely. He's on the road a lot.

On the road with his friends? No. No? Not until now. Until now. Oh, but before this he was alone. Before this, yeah. So we are friends. I hope so. Where halflings come from, water is scarce? It was a lot of farming, but I think it was mostly scarce because no one would let Fat Billy have water. Oh, like Billy, it was scarce to Billy. Yes. Oh, okay. What's the halfling country like? Is it pretty farmy? A little bit, some parts, but they're like little farms. Okay. Everyone has their own.

They have their own farm. Oh. But they share, families will share, but I didn't have a family, so no one shared with Fat Billy. So he left? No, he was kicked out. Oh, right, because he burned down grain silos. He might have built, maybe. Allegedly. Allegedly. He might have burned down something. Accidentally, deliberately, who knows? Was it an accident? Always. Yes. For real, though. This is me. You're talking to Tacoma. Yes, it was. Yes. Huh. Still some denial, I see. No. Fat Billy's ashamed.

Billy, if I light this match on my thighs and I hand it to you, what will you do with it? I might drop it. I don't really know how to handle flames. Okay. But I'll do my best. Don't do it, Tac. I won't. I'm not going to give it to him. I'm a small child. Why would you give me an open flame? Yes. I'm just, I wanted to see how he would react. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

The three of you have been on the road for a couple days, and you are traveling to the village of Mudlark. Sorry, Blugblark? Bloodblark. Yeah, it's a lot of Ys. No, it's just Mudlark. Mudlark. It's a small town, and I want you guys to tell me what the environment around Mudlark is like. Oh, it's a real piece of shit. Boggish. Yeah, it's… Pretty boggy. It is muddy. It's mud. I can't tell if it's steam or if it's fog. I can't see through it. It's a mud fog. It's a red mud fog. The mud is red?

Yeah, but there's birds. Yes, mud birds. It is definitely a bit of a stinking mire. Stinking mire. Yes. The old stinking mire. Great. It reminds me of a woman I knew. Her name was Janine. And she shoplifted a lot because there was an emptiness inside of her. And she needed the thrill of theft to fill that emptiness. I know. Yeah. I know what that's like. That's what this place feels like. It's like you're hanging out with Janine. Like you're looking in Janine's empty eyes. Her blue…

Muddy eyes. Great. So as you were saying that for 45 unbroken minutes, you hear next to you just a painful just… Because you guys are escorting somebody to the village of Mudlark for a festival. Who are you escorting? I'm… Paul. Ving, who are you escorting? Paul. The food cart guy. It's a food cart guy. Yeah, he's in charge of all the meals. Oh, heck yes. Okay. So is it a cart with food in it? Or is it a cart that is just going… No, with ingredients in it. It's not food. Ingredients.

Okay, what kind of food is this guy going to be making? All sorts of fantasy food. Schloss steaks. Schloss steaks. Smoked schlarken and ribs. Mustards. Mustard. Many mustards. All right, so it's just like… I don't know why he's in such a panic, but he is. This guy's really worked up. Yeah, okay. Over his food. This guy. So do we have a name for this guy? Dan. Dan. Colonel Dan. Colonel Dan. Is his first name Colonel or was he a Colonel? I think that they just call him the Colonel.

Oh, they call him the Colonel. Colonel is his title. Yeah. Colonel Dan. No last name. Fosse. Fosse. Dan Fosse. Is Dan Fosse a guy that we know? I don't know. It sounds like it, doesn't it? Sounds good. Is that the guy that made all those musicals? No, he hung out with gorillas in the mist. That's the one. Oh, Diane Fosse. There you go. That's who we're thinking about. Great. So you're taking Colonel Dan Fosse to the village of Mudlark with his cart full of food. It's meat that has been…

Kebabbed. Yes. Kebabbed, then pulled, then kebabbed again. It's just a lot… Is that what a schloss is? It is. It is. This is what you guys… You guys have been learning all about this over the last couple of days as Colonel Dan's been like… It's a real Bubba Gump kind of thing. Where he's just like schloss parfait, schloss salad, schloss sandwiches. Yes. Schloss salad. Real schloss. Boiled schloss. It's just for two full days.

And the one of the other things that I want you guys to tell me is what is the festival in Mudlark? Why is everybody going to Mudlark? Jessica. Fat Billy. It's a hot dog. It's a hot dog festival. It's a hot dog festival? Yes. That's what all the mustards are for. Okay. Yeah. Oh, so is he taking the schloss stuff as like… Is there a type of hot dog that's made out of this meat? That's what a hot dog is called in this town. The pulled meat gets reformed into a hot dog formation.

It's served on a bun with many condiments. And people love it. People just love hot schloss. There is… It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. That's why they come to this nasty hellhole. I'm excited. I'm excited. Okay, yeah. It's kind of like Burning Man. So describe to me how it is. It's kind of like Burning Man? Yeah. Yes. But with like hot dogs? Yeah. And Stinking Mire. Yeah. People come a long ways away and they don't know why they're there and everyone's got flaps on.

Yeah. Well, because all the steam and or fog and or mist, you have to like aerate the air. There's a ton of air. Oh, it gets, like, swampy? Yeah. It's like a test to see who would go the distance. That acts as a filter, so you only get like-minded people at this hot dog festival. Oh, I see. So people will stop before they get to Mudlark because it's so gross. Yeah, so there's going to be a lot more annoying people at this festival. If Colonel Dan's anything.

Festival has its own economy that is based on free love. And hot dog meat. Yeah. Tubular dudes. Yes. There's a, I hear sometimes that there's a pirate ship. I've heard of the pirate ship. Yes. So there's, wait, is there a pirate ship just in the mud, or does a river go through Mudlark? A river runs through it, yes. I thought Mudlark was the river, and the river dried up, and now Mudlark lies within the dried up river. Oh, yeah. Gotcha.

So it's like it was once a river, and now it's just a big mud field. Follow the mud. Delta land. Yeah, like in The Wizard of Oz, except the Golden Road is mud. And poo. I heard that people live in boats that are stuck in the mud. Yeah. That's pretty dope. Yes. Boats stuck in the mud. All right. So you guys are escorting Colonel Dan to Mudlark for the hot dog festival. He's probably like in his like- 110. He's 110 years old. Whoa. Because he is- He's an elf. He's an elf? Yes.

So 110 is like a smooth 30, 30, 40? Yeah, he was younger. Not a lot of elderly elves will own a food cart. That's true. It's more of like an early in life sort of thing. Before enlightenment. Now, is Ving not part elf? Ving is part elf. Okay. So how are Ving and Dan getting along? Well, I'm embarrassed by that connection. Also, Ving really likes to cook. Oh. Right? He's a good poultice. He can make things from the land. So this guy going on about hot dogs. It's just a little too close to home.

And he's an elf. So he doesn't want to be identified with this guy. Okay. But he feels a kinship nonetheless. Like a family thing. You know, like a cousin who comes up to you at a bar and rubs your back before you know who's there. Fat Billy doesn't know what this is like to have family. Yes, neither does Tacoma. Well, it's annoying. Oh, would that I knew the frustration of the touch of family. Of the familiar blood. Yes. Of the- Comforting caress. Yes. Well, I think you're lucky.

The touch of skin that covers blood that is like mine. I have never known. That's fair. I've never seen anyone like you, Tac. I have- A brown person? Yeah. I'm from the frozen north elf man. That's true. So what are Tac and Fat Billy doing in the cart while they're- I've eaten a lot. I have also eaten a lot and I don't want them to know. So you've just been like- You've stolen a lot. Maybe. You've just in the back like gorging like a raccoon. Yes. Yes. But how's Fat Billy feeling about this?

Well, pretty good. Because he- He doesn't know. He's just like, why not? So Tacoma is in the back with Fat Billy, I guess, eating. What is- Describe Tacoma. What does Tacoma look like? I'm lying on the ground in the back of the cart with a pile of jerky on my tummy. And I- What I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm flicking it up into the air and catching it in my mouth. And I'm going, woohoo. And Billy's- Billy's back there with Tacoma eating the jerky? Yeah. Great.

It's like I'm eating the ones that he's missing. So I just run around him and I collect the rest. Well, Fat Billy doesn't believe in waste, so. Yes. That's reasonable. Yes. The halflings are very- They believe in balance. Yes. And vulturism. Yes. Scavengers, traditionally. So Ving, you're up front with Dan while these two are in the back and you're kind of having conversations through the hole in the cart in this covered wagon. And it's very foggy to either side.

You're on a muddy road going into the boggy region surrounding Mudlark. And there's thick, white, smelly, kind of like gaseous fog. You can't really see that far in front of you. And so the horse is kind of struggling along in the mud. Yanking the cart along and out of the fog on the road. There's just a big fallen tree right across the road. And Dan kind of pulls over. He's like, whoa. Oh, man. We're not getting any further with this tree in the road.

You guys want to take care of this or something? My knees are tired. I don't want to get up. There's no way around. It's just swamp on either side. Like just right into swamp. I'll just hop right out. I'll take it. Take a crack at what's happening. Yeah. All right. Billy, do you want to come? I'll let you ride on my shoulders. Okay, I'll do that then. So Tuck and Billy jump out of the cart. Billy riding on Tuck's shoulders like the kid from the Iron Giant.

And right into the slimy mud and the fog. And you walk around to the front of the cart. And there's just like a big, huge, like probably four feet across. Just a big tree trunk right across the road. Can his axe take care of it? Can you give her a chop? I mean, that would probably take a long time to cut through. What if we leave the cart? Dan says, no way. This got all my schloss meat in it. I'm not leaving this cart behind.

Also, there's no way we'd make it through the rest of this fog without shelter. We can't move. It's too heavy to move. You haven't tried moving it yet. Oh, let's try and move it. I was going to just throw the horse over the tree. Oh, yeah. Instead of moving the tree, you were going to pick a horse up? Yes. I bet the tree weighs more than a horse. I guess so. Yeah. I mean, it seems like the easier thing to do. Can I assess the situation? How would Billy be assessing the situation?

Like, maybe he can… Let's gravel up that tree, see what's going on. Yeah. What's on the other side? Yeah, what's on the other side? Sounds great. Is there a way through here that I can't see? Yeah. All right. That sounds like a discern realities. All right. So you're going to roll 2d6 plus wisdom. Okay. 12. 12. Damn. Yes. Unmitigated success. That's incredible.

So on a 12, you get three questions from this list, and you take plus one forward when you're acting on the answers that you get from these questions. So the questions you can choose from are what happened here recently, what is about to happen, what should I be on the lookout for, what here is useful or valuable to me, or who's really in control here, and what here is not what it appears to be. Can I do what happened here recently? What happened here recently?

What happened here recently is this tree. You can see sort of like by the way the roots like came out of the mud, like on the far end. This didn't fall naturally. This was pushed into the road. Okay. So Fat Billy scratches his little chin, and he's like, what should I be on the lookout for then? All right. You think that you should probably be on the lookout for whatever pushed this over, whatever or whoever. No, seriously. I know. It's not going to give you all the answers.

You want, but a lot of the times this isn't going to give you the answers that you need. So something pushed this over. So you think that if they're not here now, that they might be here soon. Okay. What else? What else is Fat Billy wondering? So there's, yeah, the other ones you haven't asked are what is about to happen, what here is useful or valuable to me, who's really in control here, what here is not what it appears to be. Okay. Fat Billy wants to know what here is valuable or useful.

Um, okay. So Fat Billy's kind of scrabbling around on top of the log, looking around, going like, oh, somebody, something pushed this over. And in the mud, um, near the base of the tree off the side of the road, you can see something shiny sticking out of, oh, of the mud just a little bit. Get it, Billy. Okay. I'm going to try to get it out. Okay. Wait, but what is it? At first, Billy's like, oh, yeah. Shiny stuff. I'm into this.

Billy digs it out of the mud and it's a spear blade, like hammered out. So it's not like professionally forged or if it was, it's been used a lot. Cause it's been like repaired really haphazardly kind of just like smashed with something hard, like a hammer or a rock. And it snapped off just below the blade. So there's a sheared spear, sheared spear, spear was sheared. So it's pretty small then if it's a spearhead. Yeah. It's about like eight or nine inches long. Yeah.

And it's just like a, like a kind of roughly adhered to a broken piece of shaft. Can I see that? Can I look at it? Yes. All right. I want to, I want to look at it. I want to see if I can recognize the make or the material or anything. If I know anything about it. Yeah. So that'll be a Spout Lore, which you will roll 2d6 plus intelligence. Okay. Six. Oh, a six? Six. Six. Six. Six. Six. Six. Six. Six. Six. Six. Six. Oh, that's a, that's a failure. So you mark an experience point.

Cause you're in Dungeon World. You always get an experience point when you fail. That's like one of the main ways to get experiences to fail something. Okay. Uh, let me see the spear. Well, no, no, no. Actually. Yeah.

Maybe that, no, like maybe that's the failure is that instead of you getting a good look at it, I'll look at it, but I feel like the failure should probably be on faith instead of, Oh, we can't just, we can't just, we can't just, we can't just, we can't just, we can't just pass it around. Well, anyway, so you're like trying to like, you're looking at the spear and you're like, where, what do I know about this? And you realize, I don't know a lot about this spears.

Uh, but it looks like it was made, uh, like this is probably just something that somebody lost on the way. There's no chunks of wood on it. I guess I failed. You did fail. So what you, what, what Ving believes is that, Oh, this is not important. Probably somebody just found this. Like it was just somebody's spear that broke and they lost it in the mud and it's just made. This is going to help us with this tree situation. This is nothing at all. All right. Yeah. Nothing to worry about here.

You can have this back, Billy. Wait, I do want to examine that. It's not really how the game, like if somebody fails a role, it's not just like, I can't look at it. Okay. No one else looks at it. What you can do is you can aid or interfere. Ving owns the fucking spear now. It's not important. Okay. It doesn't matter. Fine. If you want to help somebody, you can roll plus your bond with them to aid or interfere. And if you succeed, they get a plus one.

And if you get a seven to nine, uh, you expose yourself to danger, retribution or cost. And if you fail, then a hard move happens. So he already failed. Yes. But you can help somebody after a failure. Oh, but it only adds a plus one, which would make it a seven, which is a partial success and not a failure. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yes. I'll do that. All right. Let me help you examine that spear. Get that spear out, big boy. Let me take a look. I get up. I come up behind him.

My head is above his head because I'm so tall and I put my arms on his arms while he's examining the spear. And I say, let's look at it together. Do you remember what your bond with, how many bonds you have with Ving? Two. Two. I think I had the max. I think he, yeah, he had two with me and he had two with Ving. Okay, great. So yeah. So you'll be rolling. I'm rolling 2d6 plus two. Okay. To help Ving. All right. Let's look at this. I don't think it's anything. I don't see anything.

Let's take a second. Look, I rolled a seven. Plus two is nine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. Great. That's a, so you succeed. Well, it's a partial success. So it's a plus one, which makes your roll a seven instead of a six. So it's not a failure. So erase that experience point, my dude. Huh. Thanks. Uh, I will on a seven to nine. I will tell you something interesting. It's only, it's on you to make it useful. Okay.

So what you do see is that this was in fact of like human make, like it is, it was made by humanoid hands, dwarf elf, human, whatever. Somebody made this in a town, in a village, probably not far from here, but this blade was not originally attached to this and it's been hammered by rough unskilled hands. To like keep it in shape and to sharpen it and stuff like that. So it's, it's not, it wasn't being used in the way that it was made to be used.

Still a spear, but not maintained by a skilled or intelligent person. Somebody chopped down the tree with the spear maybe? No, I don't think so. Hmm. What does Billy think? Billy thinks we should get out of here. Yeah. I can just throw the horse over the tree. Leave the cart. It was always my, I'll throw the cart over the tree too. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Try and move the tree. Like it's. Does anyone have a large, a long lever arm?

I have a staff. I have a staff. Okay. Is it unbreakable? Sure it is. Okay. Can I just claim that? Because I just did my unbreakable staff. Yeah. Your unbreakable staff. It's made of wood. It's never, it hasn't broken yet. Yeah. As far as you know, it is unbreakable. Oh no. There, so there, yeah. Like how would you guys go about, do you want to try and move the tree? Well, yeah. I'm thinking about how I would do. Well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean things are shape shifting Can we hook the horse up to it maybe And lug it out of there Is there another tree nearby Are there other trees A simple pulley system Yeah if we like throw We throw up a pulley And then we attach the horse to it Why don't we wrap the rope we have In our packs And then we toss that rope Over a tree and then we use that to like Pull up the tree up With the horse Or with the tuck Oh yes I can also do that If I fought the horse Would I win It's hard to say it's a tough horse Can I work together with the horse Sure yeah that sounds good You can also help each other So somebody mark off a point Of their adventuring pack I will use mine So just mark one of those off to get a rope And yeah I guess this will be Like a defy danger To make a pulley system Yeah and I mean defy danger Is in a way it's a pretty catch all Sort of move So you're going to be rolling a defy danger strength Most likely And Does anybody want to aid I'd like to aid but I have Pretty I can You guys will all I can tie the knots because I am very dexterous Great there you go I'm light footed so I can go out into the bog And attach it to the trees and stuff 2d6 plus however many bonds you have 13 Dang So you're going to get a plus one to this You'll get a plus one to your defy danger strength Okay Nice so Billy's just like tying sick ass knots and stuff Oh yeah Did you roll your defy I haven't rolled Okay yeah so roll your defy danger strength 2d6 plus your strength 4 plus 2 is 6 Plus an extra 2 is 8 Yeah great alright so That's a 7 to 9 So you'll be able to Mostly move the log You'll be able to move it enough That the horse can get through But you won't be able to get the whole Cart through What proportion of the cart do we get through It's like half It's like The horse can get past Without getting stuck in the mud But Dan would probably have to leave Some of his supplies behind if he wants to get the cart through At all Oh Okay well I'm fine with that We have to do this Dan are you okay with it Oh jeez guys I don't know Let me I got a lot of good meat in here and I just I don't know what to leave Leave them Why don't we go to the festival and see if we can get Some people to come back and move the log Well just tell us what's in the What's in the cart that is the heaviest And the thing that people hate The most It's true Pickled egg Probably like the sweet schloss meat It's like sweet But it's still like savory But like not in a complimentary way Like a mince meat Like a mince meat A mince schloss meat How much of that did you bring Like 200 pounds Yeah leave that I don't know guys I don't think I wanna I don't think I'm comfortable to leave Anything behind You're gonna have to find another way I guarantee you that if you leave That barrel of shitty sweet meat In the middle of this bog For a hundred years no one would take it So it sounds like you're trying to parlay To convince Dan to leave his shit behind Oh yes So what is the leverage that you have on Dan The horse If you're trying to convince him We're gonna help him Or we can walk and he can carry all of his shit Stuff Why don't we just take him to the bar And he can take his horse with us If he doesn't wanna leave his gross meat Alright yeah We already have his horse Somebody roll 2d6 plus charisma The leverage is like We'll just leave you here in the swamp I have plus one charisma That's you You're the most And you got good rolls We'll see about that It's still good Nine So on a seven to nine They'll do what you want But they need concrete assurance Of your They'll need concrete assurance Of your promise Right now And your promise is that you'll continue to protect him I guess Oh yeah for sure We'll get him to the thing Okay great So um Dan that's the Fuck That's the whole fucking point Of this So Dan says Okay fine whatever But uh If I'm gonna leave this stuff behind I need you guys to cover the cost How much is this shit worth I was gonna I was probably gonna make You know 30, 40, 50 coins No one was gonna buy this You don't know You don't know that You haven't been to this festival before How long have you been lugging this around for I've been lugging this around For six months Now I understand That that's a long time But I just haven't found the right market And the hot dog festival in Mudlark Is the right market for this And I'm gonna be taking a huge loss Okay I'll I'll tell you this If If you have a single person Ask you Yeah For sweet meat For sweet schloss meat I will give you I will give you This amulet With a picture of a horse in it Let me take a look at that amulet Here you go That's a pretty good Is this a horse That No that one is my mother The other is the horse Oh the mane The mane threw me off She has like a long Sort of mohawk-y Kind of deal Yes Why the long face I'm sorry It says alright You know what Is it a valuable amulet by the way Like is it made of valuable materials I It was left In my basket When I was a child I am asking you Sean O'Hara Is asking Abdulaziz Is the amulet made out of like Valuable stuff It is not made out of wood Or metal So he's like Alright sounds You know what It is made out of Nobody knows It's a It's Wait I'm It's forming It's made out I can picture it in my mind It's like It's almost like volcanic rock Or like It's almost like a load Instead of Like burnished Metallic material That is like Like copper Yeah No No no no Like grayish Gray Gray kind of Old fireworks Yeah Kind of like Like volcanic rock Sort of Or like A meteor rock It's Or It's He says You know what Fine Whatever Let me just finish Describing this To everyone I can see it I'm holding it It's gray It's shiny I like it Here is it back And if If somebody You know what No I'm gonna hold on to this Actually No you should give it No I'm gonna hold on to this And if somebody asks me about Schlossmeat This is mine I don't like that And he tucks it He tucks it into his shirt Let's go I don't like that disrespect What are you gonna do about it Kid I'm brewing An idea Jesus Dan You're turning into A real dickhead right now Yeah I don't understand How this is our problem Well because I You guys are gonna get paid For getting me to this room For this festival And you're acting like Real wieners We had an agreement I walked in the bog for you I got red mud on my shoes And I lifted a whole God damn tree Well great But let's just look Let's just get I'm sorry I'm sorry guys I'm sorry You take two steps back Dan Yeah okay Alright fine These are wolfs wade Look I'm sorry I'm stressed out The festival Is in like a day and a half I got a bunch of meat Got a lot of Things riding on this Okay I'm sorry Dan we all understand That you wanna Succeed At this festival Yeah it's important So that you can tell All of the other Food cart owners How awesome a time You had At this festival Well you know what Tim is acting like A real hot shot Back in town He thinks Griddle cakes Way of the future I'm trying to tell him No schloss meat Will be And will remain Always the most popular And I think that this festival Is a great way to tell Tim To take his hot cakes And shove them up The old behind Yes Okay Okay Well let's take everything That we can That's not too Bogged down Alright Load up his horse Dan you're carrying most of it I don't Okay fine Fine fine fine fine So he actually is able to Like dump out The sweet schloss meat Which makes like The cart like light enough On one side That it doesn't totally Get stuck in the mud So you can kinda Wiggle it around The cart Around the log And the horse gets through And you guys are on the road And Back ready to go Nice Alright hop in everybody Next stop Mudlark Yeah that's the end of The session for today We've been playing Dungeon World Role playing game By Adam Kobol And Sage LaTorah Based on Apocalypse World By D.

Vincent Baker My name is Sean O'Hara I've been the Game master Paul Oppers My dick turns into Multiple B's Jessica O'Hara I found a nice rock And Abdul Aziz It's almost like a Loden stone And our producer Wes Lord Thanks Wes And Goodbye And so ends the tale Of adventures three Who tried the best they can Though dumb and scared And lost they be For time's abreast In revelry And though our journey May be like a conclusion We will not leave you With a single word Without a resolution Return next week To hear some more Whilst you commute Or do your chores And for you I'd gladly Spout more