Tag: Comedy Podcast

Hey, Tuck here telling you to donate to speltlore.com slash money please or patreon.com slash speltmore for more of this I'm doing an act out but you can't see it below the table show me your hands right now no, I'm still doing it show me your hands right now no, why?

Because I'm masturbating gather round friends let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold a brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old you know them by name you know them by deed their quests are famously daring so here I sit singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute he knows not his home he loves to sing and fight fingers half-elf he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief his tiny size does mask the largest heart best and brightest they may not be happy I didn't know he said that wait a second he's been calling us stupid this whole time you know what fuck him that was a really hard K that was a hard K that was the hardest K on fuck I've ever heard hello everybody and welcome that was a hard K as well to Spout Lore I'm your game master Sean O'Hara joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome the barbarian Abdul Aziz hello playing Ving the half-elf druid Paul Oppers hello and playing Fat Billy the halfling thief Jessica Tai hello when last we left our heroes what?

What? Are you trying a new thing? No what?

Hold on a second Jessica has a cold when last we left our heroes fresh off the revelation that the gibbous man must die the god of the sky the party was able to convince Morris Wadge that perhaps there was a better focus for his ire after which Morris immediately and gregariously agreed you're right let's do it everybody come with me let's get started he feels a little bit unhinged I mean he's definitely just like what's the next thing I'm looking at not like let's make a big plan this guy needs a halfway house he just came out of a very serious situation and he's been unleashed into the world dragged from place to place I bet he didn't think that the thing that he did would ever work to get him out like he'd probably been doing it for a long time oh the tunneling thing?

Yeah did we ask him about that process?

No you just told him he said that he applied the thalmic tunneling principle you're right I got bored of you saying it fuck you this is how wizards feel when they try and tell people about their work god I feel like I'm LARPing now Morris took you through a corridor full of portraits of himself to a workshop a vast work I should say this workshop big yeah like this seems to be a place where they expected multiple people to be working like it's a lab then the party realized that they had a more pressing issue the reason they came to the tower in the first place either to find Adternack Allwater or to help Perel get his magic back right Morris said oh yeah totally slipped my mind sorry there's a massive chamber below that I've been unable to get into let's go check that out the party attempted to use Ving's speak friend and enter technique from their entry into the glacier to get through this door unsuccessfully before Billy went full Aragorn mode and started crawling around on the ground like a little dog they tried breathing on the door all of them every single person here tried breathing on the door except for Morris who I would assume had already tried breathing on the door and it didn't work oh yeah he was so dismayed he was so dismissive of us you idiots that's never gonna work cut hide cut to yeah I already tried cut him doing it for like 12 hours yeah all over all around the door yeah just kind of until Billy pressed Ving's hand to the door and it swung right open revealing a corridor made of old ancient melted ice with a pillar an alcove of ice at its center Ving checked the chamber discovering that it seems like there was someone there someone inside the alcove who broke through the ice about three or four weeks ago and left Ving entered the alcove became covered in horror frost becoming a big puffy snowman it took the shape of a bear yeah it took the shape of a snowy bear a mantle forming around his shoulders and then extending down his body made of purest snow Billy was overcome with his curiosity to see what lay beneath and entered the fairy realm with Perel at his side using a midnight waltz disgusting discovering beneath a yawning chasm far far below a lattice work of living and constructed ice a massive pool an ocean a lake in the fairy he traveled into the water finding at the sea floor a chunk of the moon itself and Perel said in his fairy form I know what I have to do drawing himself closer to the stone Billy felt himself being pulled back into his body and attempted to bring Perel with him but Perel slipped through his bonds and as Billy returned to his body Perel did not and was feared lost Tuck using the powers of Terry, Larry and Chad all at once smashed the pillar to release Terry, Larry and Chad in their fairy forms to go retrieve Perel in his fairy form Ving dove into the water to aid him entering the water he drew towards him the moon stone and he saw Perel beneath and the magical waters around him creating two beautiful eels of moon stone drawing Perel's fairy form back and using that to guide him closer to his body then the waters of the chasm themselves created a vortex and reached up as if to say give him here drawing Perel's body deep the party stood around the hole for a while looking down trying to remember that this was an important moment but probably getting a little bored uh we have such a short attention span for like earnest moments yeah Tuck went to the bathroom just started texting for a while Maggie like crouched down to stretch her legs you know all that shit before Perel emerged from the hole in a pillar of water that he then froze around him creating in his hand from a piece of ice a small crystalline frog his magic returned hooray Perel the wizard back and then he tried to end the episode there because it felt like a great moment to end the episode it was we tore it from your hands we needed way too much time so we we weren't even halfway through yeah so we had a great time we went back to the vault looted it stole a bunch of shit Morris and Perel had some alone time down below after Perel got his magic back right we didn't like just go to the vault we escaped to the chamber that they were fucking because it was it was a it was a it was a it was a a a the ghost horns origin as being a vessel for trapping uh unquiet human spirits by a group known as the mausoleum traveling wandering ghost hunters the mirror shard we discovered is three of six pieces of a mirror created by a wizard called master mirror who created a series of uh mirror phone booths basically that we have apparently been spying little glimpses into oh yeah where the other ones are yeah I picture him wearing a disco ball for a helmet oh god like the illusionist that is really that's what he does when he djs yeah he probably wears a lot of mirrors on his body oh yeah after some discussion on what to do next uh vick arrived in the bag and said someone is here come with me revealing that your father dathaniel the ranger king has arrived and that is where we find ourselves now you are just straight up face to face with your father he's kind of just inside the mouth of the cave the snow is still whipping at his cloak you're all kind of further in vick is growling oh god yeah tuck is like as soon as he realizes that this is dathaniel he like takes a couple of steps forward to like back thing up if something bad happens and billy is a coward so he is hiding behind things leg thanks guys I shouldn't be surprised I found you here on the doorstep of a wizard he spits on the ground still holding on to a lot of that hate huh I hear you're trying to kill me what ving's looking up at the ice cave you're not the only one that can hear the voices of the land ving land has a big fucking mouth what have you heard I've heard that you went back to hibernia and broke the covenant and that you've been bound by gash to kill the man known as the ranger king that's me so you understand what I have to do I do do you not really I thought I knew for years and years but not anymore he he nods he kind of reaches up and rubs I should describe what he looks like oh yeah he's got like he's kind of tall he's shorter than all of you for sure because you guys are monstrously tall he's probably about six one six two he's got like an olympic sprinter's body he's really lean has like broad shoulders very lo like he's very lean.

He's got like an iron gray beard hair that's longer than you probably remember it being but still pretty short. I think he actually I mean look I'm not one to say ponytail just at the drop of a hat but he probably tries to keep his hair out of his face even if it's a little longer so it's kind of like It's definitely a ponytail. It's a ponytail It's probably braided. He's probably got like a braid at the back of his head that goes down to like just the top of his shoulders. It's not super long.

Even for an old elf he looks like his hair is dark gray but his skin is still pretty smooth like he looks like a youthful older man. He's got the green jerkin green gherkin of the ranger corps. He's got a butter moth silk cloak simple leather breeches and his bow over his shoulder. His bow is called gloaming. Oh cool. Cool. Is it ebony? Yes. Yeah. It's ebon wood. And it is a legendary weapon. Like his bow specifically? Yeah his bow this bow is called gloaming. He's had it for centuries.

Did he make it or was it oh so cool? And you notice on the right side of his face a jagged three lined scar running down from just above his eyebrow into his beard that you've never seen before. Cool. Whoa. I want you to meet my family. Tuck. Billy. This is my dad. Hi dad. Uh Ving's dad. Tuck doesn't say anything cause he knows all the fucked up stuff that Nathaniel's done to Ving. Oh I shouldn't have said anything either. Tuck flares his nostrils. Sean look at me. Whoa shit that's intimidating.

You can see everything inside his nose. He doesn't look at either of you. He continues looking at Ving and he says we need to talk. I know. Not here. There's a cave about two miles east of here. Meet me there. We'll discuss terms. And he turns and almost immediately disappears from view. That's cool. And then Tuck goes Oh shit. How'd I do? You're really brave. Was I brave? Does it seem? God you know when you're like walking in the woods and then you uh see a mountain lion?

Or you see one in your mind and then so then there is one behind you? And then you turn around and like thankfully nothing's there but you're like was it to just leave or or maybe or was it just in my head? You know that feeling when you're walking through the woods and you see your dad who murdered your mom and you haven't seen him for a long time and you're here to kill him? It's like that. Wow. That's rough. Guys I uh I think I have to go alone. Okay well um I want you to take TLC.

If I can't come with you I want you to they'll keep you safe. What if something pops off here? I don't want to jump into the scene with uh metagame GM. Remember the place that you're living is completely portable and you can wear it around your waist. Oh that's So you guys wouldn't necessarily be with him but you're not gonna be far away. Yeah we could get into the fanny pack fold it up and then if shit goes really bad he can dump us out. That's a good idea. Yeah.

I shouldn't have that's not I mean I didn't mean it like I didn't mean it like a trick like a trap. No no I know but we are totally trapped. You guys are using it as a trap. Yeah the fanny pack is your house is unfolded in a closet right now. You can take your house with you. Yeah so let's I like that idea. Thank you. A lot. Yeah. Plus also it goes with my outfit. That's true. I guess the question remains I suppose it is time for me to go. For me to return to my home in the tundra.

Victor are you sure? Victor. I am solitary being it is my curse. But what if you come on vacation with us for a little longer? Okay. Okay. I suppose I can. Yay. I guess I'm asking. Gently quest. I guess I'm asking do you guys want another pet? Yes. You've been alone long enough. It's time that you're alone with us. Well I suppose it is my curse. I do. Okay hold on.

If you think about it for a second my course is to never be with another of both kind but you are pathetic man things and he like when he says pathetic man things he pokes tuck in the gut like yeah this is like pudgy belly whereas it's like you're fat. You are very mad thing and I took us. I'm in a bulk phase. I can't only land also the reality is that tuck could lift Victor over his head and throw him a hundred feet. So I will leave in your giant bag. I will go to bag now.

I might I might need you Victor to remain unseen. I could be useful against other man thing. I can smell the death in his bones. He is killer like me. Is he an alpha then? He is alpha as fuck. He is sigma male. He is AA. He is AA. He would do keynote speech at dude con. Wow. He wrote the book on the game. But I will I will lurk nearby unseen as is my course. Don't stray too far. I will go and I will find this cave before you because I am superior hunter. Thank you.

Victor as your reward I'll make sure there's a chicken leg available. Holy shit. Okay, I'm going now. And he takes off into the snow. He's gone. You only see paw prints left. And even those are blown away by the wind. Disappears into the snow. And Victor we can assume can be trusted to find the cave. And you hear him say that in the distance. I can be trusted to find the cave alone. I'm a very capable hunter. And we go back I want the chicken legs. I'll take a breath. And a thigh as well.

He's crispy but mild. My tummy no good to spicy foods. In the bitch you'll take original recipe. You're pathetic. You're pathetic. When Ving When Ving touched Victor at the mouth of the cave he put the mark of the beast on him. Oh, eye of the tiger. Eye of the wolf. Cool. So then now you just see if you glance into your spiritual connection to Victor it's just like whipping snow and ice. And he's hauling ass. And he stops and he sniffs a clump of grass that he finds. He eats a frozen turd.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Jump back out. You hear that like really wet dog like the super sniffy sound they make. And he just like eats some grass and barfs it up and then runs back into the snow. I wish I didn't see that. I really like the little actual dog bits. It's hard to say how much of him is wolf and how much of him is instantly become domesticated dog. I feel like wolves got domesticated fast. Yeah.

Like someone held out a cooked piece of meat and they're like, yeah, I'll hang out for a while. Whatever you need. Yokiro. Yeah. They're a big gray wolf and then their pup is a golden retriever. Depends how much Domino's pizza crusts you feed them. Yeah. I too become golden retriever at pizza crust. So do we just cut to Ving trekking across the snow? Yeah. Yeah. I wanted to do maybe build something real quick. Oh, cool. Ving before going and leaving the fanny pack.

He has his element bandolier that he pulls out. He hasn't worn in a long time. Oh, yeah. Oh, sick. And he fills every other one with chunks of the moon that he got from the bottom of the cavern. And then other ones are the magic water barf. Oh, yeah. Sick. Sweet. Yeah. Water that was inside. A wizard. What a what a boon. Yeah. It's like unicorns blood. Yeah. Probably.

I think when you're when you're like loading, even if you are doing it sort of magically like if you know you're bringing up a piece of the moon and putting it in the thing. You've been feeling I think part of the reason that you're like, all right, I have to go by myself. I have to go talk to my dad. I have to set this right on my own. You've been getting this feeling like this is the ultimate show of love is going out. There and putting myself in harm's way for the people I care about.

There's this feeling that's been rising up in you ever since you've come in contact with the moonstone. Oh, so it's causing him to be more sacrificial. Yeah, cool. Like Lillian. Like, oh, yeah. Lillian and like Perel and Jesus. Yeah. You're becoming more and more like Jesus literally did the Iron Cross. Going to a cave. Yeah. To be sealed in for three days. With my dad burning Bush King. Wait, that's Moses. Sorry. Yeah. So fired his Bush do.

Yeah, Bush bro have chlamydia like Jesus did my bushes on fire. Oh, thank you. Yes, you load up your bandolier with moonstone and the wizard water the bird necklace around my neck. Yeah, clutching thinking. Uh, talking to a cloud piercer. You call for me. Ring a ding ding. Hi, very what's that food that you guys were talking about? It's like a strip of pig and you fry it in the morning. It's really crispy bacon. I don't think that's what it is. It's like a part of big. It's really flat. P meal.

I don't think that's what it is. It's like a pig. You know, the ham of the dirt dogs, the like hairless dirt dogs. Yes, that me pigs. I don't know. Ving, what do you need? She's been doing this all. Morning. I need you to stick close very well. Is there danger afoot? They could be. I'm going to confront my father and you feel like alarm in cloud piercers mental connection. We will be at hand. Should you need us? Thank you. They have tusks sometimes and they're kind of hairy. I guess on occasion.

Those are pigs. You just hang up on her. And we cut to being walking through the tundra as the snow and ice whips at your hair and your and your furs and your flaps. The cold of the ice does not touch your skin. Walking across the vast tundra. You feel the weight of Larry Terry and Chad in your hands. This weapon that has been used to defend your life to defend the life of Billy.

You're for all intents and purposes son and the people that you care about and the world itself and you're struck by like the weight of it. Like how the fuck does it tuck wield this? It also feels like it's an extension of my body because it kind of is. Yeah. Yeah, right because you made it and also spiritually. It's a connection of your family. Yeah, like you are all bound by sort of this weapons purpose and those that have wielded it. I feel the weight but is well balanced. Yeah. Cool.

That's sick. Throw it up in the air. Catch it. Oh yeah. Mjolnir style. Wow. I'm like Captain America. You travel kilometers eastward and you find a cave in what looks like a cleft of an old frozen riverbed and you descend. I rake my hand across the entrance of the cave and I want to ask the rock if I call upon it again this day to seal me and whoever's down there with me in it shall be done.

And as you're brushing the mouth of the cave dust and dirt and snow and ice fall away revealing old script around the mouth. What does it say? Sorry. I know I'm not there. No, no, no, no. It's okay. I don't know exactly what Billy's looking at the observatory. I'm not going to say that. Which is just seeing outside of the fanny pack. Yeah, there's like a little the buttonhole that he can see through. Yeah, me and Tucker fighting over the telescope. He's like, oh, cool.

Yeah, the script around the opening of the mouth in this old says this old old script says we meet here with empty hands and open minds. What does that mean? Spout Lore about the cave. Yeah, 2d6 plus intelligence. I got nine nine this remind you remember hearing about old neutral grounds. Hmm. So this is you would assume some sort of old old meeting place that is like we're feuding whatever no harm will come to you in this place. Hmm. And you enter and it's dark.

The mouth is winding and cramped. It's like a narrow you know, like how fantasy caves are fucking huge and you can just kind of stroll around in them and then real caves are like, why would anybody ever go in here? Oh, yeah, I have to crawl in on my belly. You creep through this cave on your belly like a little worm like a little wriggly worm.

It's standing at this thing wave the hand very majestic hair blowing purple axe all the cool bandolier glowing moon and then smash cut to like like squishing in like I dropped a jar. I dropped a jar. I'm stuck. I'm stuck. God, these goddamn flaps. Why do I have so many goddamn flaps and hair is caught? My hair is caught. This is where I die. I'm going to die in this case. Different cuts of them having a horrible time inside a cave 90 seconds later. You're standing up like that was great.

I love that and you are in this old cave. I think there's light coming through old packed ice in the top of the cave illuminating this small chamber and there are stones in the middle set as like seats. And what looks like an old like fire set up and there's a small fire burning in between the packed stones and your father sits on one of the stones. He gestures at the seat across from him. I sit down. I know why you've come. Why? To kill me. It's not that simple. Tell me. For a long time.

I was bent on your end and a lot of the choices I made up to a certain point were towards that and then I thought I'd let it go but I see now that this was bound to happen. We are bound to this moment and to this cave and this place and I hate you. I hate you. As you should. This is the way of our people. We have long memories. You can't run from your ghosts forever. But I think that there might be a better way to achieve both of our ends. I need something from you, Ving. I need your help. Help?

You've taken everything from me. You took my youth. You took my mother. You took the first half of my life. Hating you. I tried to put it away. It's not gone. I lost things too, Ving. Do you think you're the only one in pain? You've hurt so many people. You deserve that pain. I never wanted to hurt you or your family. Or your mother. How can you say that? You killed her. It's not that simple, boy. If you're going to try to kill me, I'm going to make you earn it.

But it doesn't have to be like that. What do you want? I want an end to all kings. Ving sits down. Did I already sit down? I stand up. I stand up and I'm like, I should have known that you were you were trying to face your past. You're trying to use me again. You don't know how to love people. Everything that I've done, everything that you think that I've done to you, I've done at the behest of the court, Ving. You want to direct your wrath somewhere? Direct it at them. You're not an automaton.

You're not a… You're not a… You're not a… You're not some fucking… You're fucking… You're… You're… You're such a piece of shit. You're… You're a person. You're an elf. I'm a king. You don't know our ways. What are the terms of your gesh? To kill the man known as the Ranger King? That's right. In a month. A month and a half. Give or take. That's more than enough time. Without the court, there is no Ranger King. Ah… Was it some sort of coup? No. It's a destruction.

I don't want the court. I don't want there to be a court. I've been a king 851 years. What good has it done anyone? No more kings. No more queens. You want to bring down the court of the woods? And I want you to help me. Why would I ever do that? Because then you live. Or I could kill you and I'd live. I wouldn't recommend it. Ving rolls his eyes. If I wanted you dead, Ving, we wouldn't be speaking right now. Please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And he leans forward. Please, son.

Tell me how she died. We fought at Hibernia. I thought that I could find a way out for us. She was overcome with grief and rage at the slaughter brought to the lands. I couldn't convince her. She threw herself on my spear. I don't believe it. So be it. But it's the truth. I have no reason to lie to you. I want to use night moves and commune with the pieces of the moon that I have been! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I want to use the pieces of the moon that I have on me to get a vision to see if whether or not he's telling the truth. Whoa! Holy shit! That's sick! Okay, here we go. Night moves is a advance move that Ving took recently that allows him to commune with spirits of the sky and the moon and the stars to gain visions of import. Him using that move to ask for aid from the pieces of the moon that he is currently wearing around him. Mm-hmm.

The thing that he is currently wearing around his neck is pretty hardcore. So, night moves. 2d6 plus wisdom. Ving pulls out a chunk of the moon from his bandolier and throws it as hard as he can at the side of the cave. 11. Holy shit. Okay. Yes. So you throw the chunk of moon Oh, into the fire! Into the fire in front of you. Okay, okay. And it hits the fire and the room is illuminated with this blinding white moon light. Okay. And you are taken back to another time.

Much like you have had visions from your mother's point of view before, this time you have a vision from your father's point of view. Oh. And you are, uh… Hm? No, you're not banging your mom. Nice move. That's that move. How'd you do that? Same brain. How'd you know, man? That sounds like a great idea to me. I don't know. That's true. No, you are… You're in the middle of a pitched battle.

Elves, rangers, druids, there is combat all around you and you, like, uh, come into the vision, like, with an arrow in your hand, plunging it into the chest of a druid and pulling it out as they die in front of you and then running away into the trees pursuing somebody, knowing that they're through the woods. So sick! This is fucking sick! It's intense. Like you pull the arrow out, you run a few steps. Someone starts to charge you. It's Stoneye. And you slash at his face.

And the eye in his head gets sliced out. Oh, yeah. I take a shot from the air. Yeah. Yeah. I told you, you like jump in the air and just hit Stoneye in the face. Yeah. And then take off into the trees. And you feel yourself screaming like, you know, like the lungs in your chest are burning. They're raw with exertion. And you're screaming Ileana. Whoa. And you're darting through the woods. You hear her thundering through the trees. It sounds like she's crashing through the woods.

But it's her running with trees running behind her. Oh, yeah. She's leading like tree ants, basically. Yeah. Like druid forest nymphs. You break through into a clearing just behind Ileana as she begins to take her polar bear form. And the trees around her crash into a formation of elven warriors. And there's just a huge infantry press. As they're crying out and hacking at limbs. And people are getting picked up and crushed by towering trees that hurl them into the distance.

And Ileana, as this enormous polar bear, like lifts her head to the air and turns and faces you. And she charges. And you run forward like hands up. Like Ileana, it doesn't have to end this way. And it's please don't you love me. Oh. And it's hard to tell in the moment if it's please don't you love me or please don't you love me. Oh, my God. Whoa. Holy shit. And then it's hard to tell anything because you're dodging massive swipes of an enormous paw. Getting hit.

Oh, slammed into the ground by a thundering blow. And it becomes clear to you like you aren't sure that you're going to survive this. And you're not sure that you want to. I look at my hands covered in blood quivering. Yeah. And you're dodging rolling as she's slamming into the ground behind you. Roaring. A giant claw rakes down the right side of my face. Yeah. Tearing a bloody swath.

And you reach out almost instinctively as this massive bear, huge jaws, towering muscle, crashing towards you through the air. You reach out and throw your hand forward. And you've grabbed a spear off the ground. And her body slams into the point. And then the back end of the spear slams into the beach. And she is stuck. Bloodied. A fatal blow. It's a blur for quite some time. You see yourself mourning this beast that was the woman you loved. The mother of your child.

The smell of smoke is in my nose from the huts in the town. And there's a floral scent in the air. Full moon. Behind her dead body. Yeah. Full moon in the sky. And you see yourself wandering towards a formation of druids on the beach. Take an arrow off your back. Shot. Kill. Take an arrow off your back. Shot. Kill. I'm still fighting. And you're walking towards them thinking that this would be the easy way to end this pain. Is to just let them win.

And then a comrade of yours from your talon grabs you and pulls you into a ditch. And you're like, oh, I'm dead. I'm a bitch. As a giant rock lands from a selkie. They launched a walrus. Yeah. Launched a rock. You see stone eye behind the formation with a massive boulder. Hurl it. And your comrade pulls you out of the way at the last moment. And then the vision ends. And you just see your father on the other side of the fire. Wow. Holy shit. So awesome. So. You see now. I see a broken. Shed.

I see a broken. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Shed. Stands. Meet me at the edge of the Boreal Reach in two days. We'll begin. Leave me here. He leaves. And you leave the cave? Or are you sitting for a while? I'm gonna sit for a bit. What are you guys doing in the fanny pack? Oh, I'm preparing a picnic for Victor when he gets back.

I feel like, yeah, I was helping Billy with the picnic. And he keeps being like, let me pour the… And I'm like, you dump it every fucking time. You cut… Well, you just have to tell me when to stop. I do tell you when to stop. Well, you have to tell me before then. Okay, go. Pour the granola. Alright, I'm pouring. Okay, stop now. Stop. Sorry. Okay, I need a bit more time. And I'm stopping. Tug is like a little bit frustrated.

It's like when one of the parents goes away for a weekend and you're just like, okay. You're just so exhausted. It is so much work to keep on top of him. And there's a lot of stuff in this palace that will kill him. And your partner went away for the weekend with their problematic dad. So you know there's the stress you're worried about. Yeah, I can't reach out about it. Tug. What? Are you mad at me? Yes! Oh, no. Is it because I'm stupid? No, Billy. Okay.

Maggie like whacks Tug on the arm when he says that. Tug, I'm mad. I'm not mad at you. Stuff is just frustrating sometimes. He said Tug. Tug. I know. Billy, I'm talking to Tug right now. Billy, I am mad. I am mad, but I'm not mad at you. That's the thing that's happening. It's frustrating to learn things and it's frustrating to teach things sometimes. And it makes people frustrated but I'm not mad at you. You're doing a good job of trying to figure this out.

It's just really hard to learn when the boy doesn't grow up. I know. I know. You're really little still. I'm always going to be little unless they change. I know, but that's why it's so cute. That's part of what I love about you is you're so small. I'm sorry! And Tug picks him up and hugs him and he's like, oh yeah, Billy's learned that this is a good way of getting hugs. Tug's like, no, it's fine. I like how little you are. But I'll pour the granola. It's okay.

I just wanted to make a really good picnic for Vig and for Victor. I know that Vig really likes granola. I know. You're doing a really good job. And that was a really kind thing that you wanted to do. Morris is smoking a paper pipe next to the fireplace. Just got like a big long classic wizard pipe. And when Billy starts saying the boy won't grow up, he's like, he just looks over. Can he look down at the pipe? Give it a smell? Just tap it out. Perry, what's in here?

That's all explained to you later. Don't worry. It's completely fucked up. And we cut back to the cave. And for a moment in the cave, you hear at the front of the cave, at the tiny little mouth, is everything okay in there? Victor. Mouth of caves. It's too small for Victor's mighty body. You look and his nose is like jammed under the crack because he's quite a big boy. Certainly man walked away.

I watched him go in case he came back for ambush, but I did not approach because I did not feel necessary. Everything's okay. Thanks for watching out for me, pal. Okay, I will be out here when ready to go back in bag. How are you feeling? How's Ving feeling about this? Good. Weird. Sad. Aww. I think realizing that his dad actually did love his mom, he found a soft spot and like he said, he's not doing it for him. He's doing it in her memory. Whatever piece of her that lives in him.

Might go inside the fanny pack. Okay, so we cut back in the fanny pack. What's going on? We're playing an MLB baseball game. What? What is that? A Major League Baseball game. So there's like a huge field. Oh, you're in the courtyard. Yeah. Oh my God. There's a massive like Morris was like, there's this game we used to play. It's like paper players. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it's more leather out here because I guess the paper was more the library, right? Yeah. Yeah.

So this is fake grass and the sky is like painted leather. Like it's like a skybox basically that's painted on. Yeah. Although there is actual light from the painted sun. And you know what? Actually, I take that back. They are paper players because Morris was like, oh, we're going to, that is, this isn't enough people for a full team. So just a sec. And he got like an arm full of books. And when you got outside, just like through them and they all biographies of famous baseball players. Totally.

I think about the designated hitter rule. Yeah. And Tuck's just like in, like in the field, trying to teach Billy to hit a ball like with a bat. I miss a lot of them, but when I do hit it, they go far. Totally. Yeah. Oh, I like that you hit one like really, really far. Yeah. And Vink catches it. Oh, sick. He's back in the, back in the fanny pack. Holy shit. And Vink pads out, this massive wolf pads out into the field and it's like, is this picnic for Victor? It is. Did you like it?

And it's just, his face is covered in food. He's delicious. Billy's so proud of himself. I need fuel for my perfect body. I know you do. I know you do. I know you do. I know you do. I know you do. I know you do. I know you do. I know you do. I know you do. I know you do. I know you do. I know you do. He takes the pet very, oh, wonderful. And then he starts to lope across the field and goes, look how fast I run. I'm not even trying. I'm so fast.

And then you see him jump 20 feet in the air, pounce on one of the paper pages. Rip it apart. And yeah, Vink walks back into the field and everyone is like, oh, like Maggie's like, how'd it go? Everything, are you okay? I'm okay. I think, I think it'll be okay. I mean, it seems like, it seems like things, I, now we maybe have to bring down the court of the woods. Maybe got a little bigger out of hand, but I, I feel good. Wait, what? Yeah.

Yeah, so you remember when you dropped that in such a very casual way. No, we just have to destroy a millennial long oligarchy that exists in an impenetrable forest of, of eternal warriors. I am so sorry. I might need your help. You have my sword. You have my axe. Give it. Thank you. Thank you. That was amazing. All right. So I think, and Maggie claps, I think I, I might be out of my depth here. Also, I feel like we've maybe forgotten we got to go get the boat, the boat. From the goblins.

Oh, fuck. Fuck. What? How many days has it been? Holy shit. We've just been hanging out. So yeah, Maggie does some math on her fingers and tries to remember when the fake sun rose and set in the fanny pack. Oh, we've got, um, shit. I think it's tomorrow. Oh no. Yes. What if, what if we just send Maggie on Gale? I love that idea. Yeah. It makes sense. I, yeah, Maggie, you should take Gale and go back and get your boat and take Gale and go back. Okay. All hail Gale. He clutches a necklace. Yeah.

What's up? Come get Maggie if you can. It was pigs. What pigs? It was a pig. You're totally right. It was a pig. Bacon. Bacon. Sugar. Just put some pigs. I don't think it's called bacon. Okay. It's called bacon. Okay. What are you, what do you need? Come to us, please. Aye, aye, Capitan. Uh, and you know that she's going to arrive in, you know, half an hour. Yeah. Great. I can see her. I can track her. Yeah. You can see her on the GPS like an Uber. Yeah.

Uh, and Maggie's like, all right, yeah, that makes sense. Uh, I get the clear water and then I go, actually, can you get the clear water and head to sheer city? Oh, to talk to Dreyfus. Yeah. Yeah. Oleander's waiting for us there. I, what do we think? Uh, look, I feel like we've maybe jumped up a little bit. I'll go get, uh, Dreyfus, maybe put some feelers out. See if we can't gather some folks. If we need them, we're going to need them. All right.

I'll put out the call because even if we don't need them to collapse a government, which is a thing that you really brush past thing, I'll, I'll continue to brush past it until we get there. You see the entire scope of this very big thing. And then tuck lean, tuck, like kind of like he does the thing where like, uh, a couple is fighting secretly at a party and he's like, look, dude, you can't, you can't keep doing shit like this. You just bring stuff up. That's like huge changes to our lives.

And then you're like, Oh, like this is the time to do this. We talked about this. I just need you when stuff is really big. Yes. To at least consult me before agreeing to things. I really appreciate you stating your needs. Can we please bring down this Elvin government? And then tuck goes, I feel he's trying so hard to say, to not say you never. Yeah. Always. Yeah. Try not to say you're a piece of shit, but say, I feel like you're a piece of shit. It's trying to use.

I feel state does not understand them. I feel like you think that I'm fucking stupid. Sometimes everybody, Maggie Perel, and Morris have started kind of wandering away. Just letting you guys have the room. Maggie goes, Billy, come on, let's go. Why? We're going to go back to the study. We're going to eating. Yeah. There's more food inside. Okay. Do we want to hash this out? It's I, I apologize. I'm, but that doesn't do anything. No, it's, it's, I appreciate that you apologize.

I should have consulted you, but I mean, we were here to do the thing and I know I don't, I, I went in there alone and I made decisions on behalf of all of us. It probably put us all in danger. I, is this going to get rid of your gash? Yes. Okay. I'm on board. I hope so. That's all I needed to know. Maybe. Cause you came in. It's probably not going to do that. What the fuck? The more you qualify this, the worse I feel about it.

The, like I am on board for anything that is going to keep you around. Okay. I appreciate that. If we were just doing a favor for your shitty dad, I'm not into it. No, no, no, no, no, no. This is, this is going to destroy the title, the King of the Ranger. It's a technicality, but it'll work. I think, I hope like, Oh, like we'll bring the court down and then the King of Rangers won't exist. Cause there won't be a government. Okay. All right. I'm at, I can do that. I can, what the fuck?

I don't know if this is going to work. I can't say that. And I can't, I can't say that it, that it, that it's going to do what he wants. I guess all I'm asking is I don't want to end up like he is. And can I don't, I don't, uh, fuck. Oh no. In the weeds again. And tuck tuck is like, it's fine. It's fine. Uh, I, we both know that you need to stay alive. So we need to fulfill the gash. Because we know that I end. So I'm on board with this. Cause you have to survive it. So I'm in. Thank you.

All right. And you join the rest back in the study. Yeah. Yeah. And Maggie has like her rucksack and she's got like a, I don't know why I imagine her in like a leather coat, like a kind of short, like brown leather jacket. That looks beaten to shit. She's had it for a million years. She's got her spear in her shield and her armor is all like strapped up and slung over her shoulder, like a backpack as well. Yeah. Billy. I talked to Ving about it. We hashed it out. You're not mad at Ving anymore.

I'm not mad at Ving anymore. Yeah. I tell Billy, I was like, I was mad at Ving cause he didn't talk to us about what we, he was going to do, but there was a good reason for it. Nice. And I, I always want to, I always consider you both, but when I get stuck in my head, it's just me in there. So I, I, uh, you know, I want to let you know that, um, I'm always thinking of you. And Billy, we're going to go see the great forest. With trees. With the huge trees. And shade. And the big shade. Yes.

So no more ice. No, no more hot desert. Just trees. Yes. The only ice they have up there is ice cream. Ice cream. Ice cream. Known for it. Well, actually, technically the border you'll reach is still a frozen part of the forest. So there will be ice for a little bit longer. It's actually quite an interesting, uh, geographical area in terms of. Tuck throws a book at him. Ed Perel is laughing. It's like, I love having another nerd in the room.

Um, but yeah, Tuck says, Tuck tells Maggie, he's like, even if we don't need it to bring down the court of the boreal reach, if you could build that army that you were talking about. Oh, don't. Yeah. Don't worry about that. I've, I've got it under control. I feel like shit's popping off with the princeps of the firefields principality. War is coming. Yeah. And we have to kill a God still. Apparently. I'll, yeah, I'll put out the feelers. Hey, maybe this can help.

And Ving hands her a small Jade statue that has ivory in it. Yeah, I can sell that for a pretty sum. Pretty sum. Oh, Hey, remember, how I met you all during a hot dog festival? Oh yeah. Billy wants to give her two gifts. Oh, uh, he, uh, scoops up the blanket with the picnic on it and just drags it over. He's like, here you go. Here's your lunch. Oh, all right. Thank you. And then he holds up the gold necklace worth 500 coins. He's like, holy shit. I'm never going to wear this.

It'll probably look really nice on you. Okay. Yeah, absolutely. Billy, thank you so much. This is beautiful. This is going to go a long way, towards, uh, um, she looks at Billy as he looks at her expectantly, uh, fashion. Oh, it's going to look really good on me. And she puts on the torque. It looks nice. Thank you. You're welcome. Uh, and Maggie says, so what's your plan? Are you heading to the Boreal reach now? Or, uh, is, uh, is cloud person around?

Can we just like, yeah, yeah, he's always around. I think, I think that's a good idea. We should probably head up there. All right. Well, I am hitting the road. I'm going to go back to, uh, the, the, uh, clear water. My Thunderbird is here. Yeah. I just got a text that said, it is your Thunderbird. I am outside. I gotta get going. But, um, and she looks like she's not saying something. Do you want a hug? Yeah. And she comes, she hugs Billy and she kind of gathers all of you in.

I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to miss, I'm going to miss you guys. We'll see you soon. Hey, be safe. Okay. Be careful. Hey, you be safe too. Court of the woods. I don't know much about them, but I know they're serious business. So just get out of this alive. Okay. I don't know if anybody knows that you've been with us, but they're, they're gunning for us. So you be careful and be secret. Be safe. I will.

And she, uh, she goes over to Perel and Morris and, uh, shakes Morris's hand and shakes Perel's hand. And Pearl's like, thank you for everything that you've done for me. I can't begin to thank you enough. And she pulls him into a hug, gives him a nice kind of pat on the back. Whoa, that sand metaphor worked. Oh yeah, it did. And she backs away towards the door.

And it's a very like, uh, end of a sitcom thing where like the characters in the empty set at the last shot, but she's looking at all of you and is like, okay. And she turns and she leaves. Wait, Maggie, she turns back here. I have something for you too. Okay. And I hand her the love and lust. Choose your own adventure. Those nights can be pretty cold. Why is this, uh, why is this book crunching so much? Why is the back half so well read? And Tug like, like looks, he's like, what, what, Billy?

Is that, I gotta go. Billy's calling. All right. All right. Billy. I'm right here. Tug runs into the other room. What are you looking for? Is there another one? Billy follows Tug. Are you confused? She, yeah. Heads out through the door into the servant's quarters and out of the fanny pack. And she's gone. And you get a message from cloud piercer mentally that asks if you're ready to go. We have things, hair blows in a wind. That's not there. Are you ready? Thing? Are you ready guys? Yes.

I'm ready. I have my cloak on. Yeah, I'm ready to Texas. He, he puts his little backpack. The only thing I own. And Morris says, I am also ready to go take a nap. Let me know if you need me. I'll be in here. And he heads into the fanny pack deeper. Probably you staying with Morris. I mean, I think so. You don't need me for like a bird ride. I am also going to take a nap. Yes. I also, I'm tired. I'm leaving. I know it happens. And Perel turns and follows Morris back into the fanny pack.

Those guys are so cute. And you, uh, leave the fanny pack as well. And you exit the tower, this tower that you spent so long seeking and you found, and you see Gail and cloud piercer kind of like, yeah, doing the bird stomp. Yeah. The bird, they're like shaking their feathers and stomping their feet. And Maggie is, uh, like strapping her shit to Gail and Gail's like, hi, hi everybody. Yeah. I have something for you. He throws a piece of bacon in the air. She snaps it out of the air.

Chomp, chomp, chomp. That's not it. I don't know what it was. I can't. And, uh, cloud piercer and Gail turned to each other and kind of do that bird, like head Bob. And you hear cloud piercer go like, be safe. Be safe. Cloud piercer. We will meet again in the skies. Cause the, I mean, I don't, it feels like they maybe forgot, but the cloud, the war against throne breaker still rages. Remember, those are also stakes. Well, farewell friends. And you guys pack on the cloud piercer. Yeah.

Um, Victor says that he's going to run alongside. Oh yes. He's going to run. Yeah. I do not need to come with the on giant bird or sitting bag. I will simply fucking go for it. Holy shit. Wow. That's awesome. Victor is, uh, he's on the bag. Giant bird. But I just want to be clear. Father said two days, right? I have two days to get there. Two days. Just to be clear. To get, yeah. To get to the border of the boreal reach. Perfect.

That gives me half a day to get there and then half day and I have to hang out and do whatever I like to do. To take in the sights, maybe go see a movie and then you will arrive after Victor. Horse. And he goes, and runs off into the snow. And the birds look at each other and you look across at Maggie who gives you a salute and their wings spread mightily and into the air. You take off Maggie heading west towards the ocean and you heading south towards the boreal reach.

And that is where we're going to end it for this week. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdul Aziz. So long. Playing Ving, the half elf druid, Paul Oppers. Take care. Playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Thank you to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music.

You can find Aaron's original music at Aaron Reed dot band camp dot com and all of the music composed by Aaron and written by Abdul and myself at SoundCloud dot com. This show would not be possible without the supporters that we are supported by around the world.

If you would like to support the show and get access to a whole whack of bonus content, like a bonus campaign set in the High Spear Mall, postcards, postcards, art, merchandise, monthly, uh, lore, dumps on the Patreon official, uh, and a whole other mess of crap that you're going to fucking love. Yeah, you're going to love our dumps and you're going to love our crap and you're going to love the way it makes you feel.

Uh, you can join us at patreon.com slash Spout Lore or Spout Lore dot com slash money, please. Or only fans dot com slash dumps and crap. Don't look that up because it probably exists. Only fans dot com slash dumps and craps. Talks dumps and craps. Craps. Only fans dot com. Talks dumps and craps. That might not exist yet. Yeah, we might have that for sale. And thank you finally, most of all, to you for listening. We'll see you next time.

And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be. For time's abreast in revelry. And though our journey. May be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you, I'd gladly Spout Lore.

Spout Lore is brought to you by listeners like yourself. If you want to check out more stuff or give us a support, go to www.pat… I'll start over. It sounds like a fucking AltaVista ad. Gather round, friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing.

Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart. Best in bread. They may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smart. So gather round, friends, and listen close. For the tale is about to start. Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara.

And joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. My corpse. Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Hoppers. Poet. The ball. The bang. The bang. Diggy, diggy, diggy. Said the boogie. Said I've dropped. Playing Fabulously the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. I'm trying to think of something cool to do. Wait, you think we're cool? Yeah, you guys just went like, my curse. And then something else. Wow, Kid Rock, finally cool. Yeah, but wait a bit. But wait a bit.

All I had was, don't waste your time on me. I'm ready. I'm ready. The voice inside my head. My head. Is that from 90210? Blink-182. Blink-182. Their self-titled emo album. When last we left our heroes, they came face to face with the wizard. What? What? Pepper Lunch is permanently closed. Oh, Jessica, I'm so sorry. What the fuck? That was like my favorite lunch spot in Vancouver. It was like, yeah. That would go there all day. All the time. It was like a rice bowl place. You fucking kidding?

Oh, no. Dave Baxter tagged me. Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh, what a nightmare. Dave, you fucking asshole. You derailed our entire recording. Just derailed the finale episode. Can everyone just stop sending Jess restaurant closures? Please. I am not doing well. I just had to break the news. Two. Abdul, that full epi was closed forever. Yeah. Abdul said good. Yeah. I'm really sorry. Should I check my phone? No, that's okay. That's devastating. Okay.

When last we left our heroes, they had come face to face with the wizard Morris Wedge, who had made himself two-dimensional to hide inside a portrait. He revealed himself to the party, unfolding himself like human origami from a two-dimensional plane, only to be punched in the face by Perel. There was a bit of a tussle and then a hug and a kiss. And then Morris started to answer some questions and then said, you know what? Let's go somewhere else.

And you guys suggested the fanny pack, which he was overjoyed to see. Entering the fanny pack, he opened up the flap of the danger room, revealing a massive study slash sitting room slash observatory and explaining to the rest of you that the fanny pack, which you had been sleeping. You had been sleeping. You had been sleeping. You had been sleeping. You had been sleeping in the servants quarters of not even the servants quarters, like the servants lunch room. It's a rec room. Yeah.

It's their break room. Yeah. Yeah. Is in fact connected to a greater sprawling, massive extra dimensional mansion that Morris designed many, many years ago. A castle. Yeah. A fanny palace. Yep. Which we know for our non North American listeners is a questionable phrase. But yeah. You know, it is what it is. Morris then very arrogantly decided to turn things into an impromptu lecture. And you guys began to ask him questions. What we learned from those questions.

The big one was that the Exodus, the extra planar evacuation project. Was a fucking con. Was a deceit. Yeah. Anyone that passed through into the worlds of their own creation after a certain point did not not return because they chose not to. They were unable to. So, Morris was trapped inside of his self-made paradise slash prison for over 90 years. Unable to reach anybody else in their own prison as well. Yes. All of the wizards apparently were completely separated and isolated.

Morris revealed that he had planned on finishing his universe, his paradise, and then returning for Perel and Aquaria, who he wanted to bring with. But he was trapped for almost a century, losing his personhood and his mind. And several times over a period of nearly 100 years before he was able to finally work his way out using something he called the Thaumic Tunneling Principle. Pretty fucking cool.

Emerging into his own tower and then in an attempt to make contact with other wizards would jump through back doors he'd created in towers that he'd worked on in the past, but found that- Everyone was gone. Everyone was gone. And presumably due to the lack of wizards, his own magic feels unmoved. Unmoored and unreliable. So Morris has been jumping from tower to tower, now more cautiously, and he's been doing so for about two months, he said. Uh-huh.

Perel and Morris had a little conversation about the fact that unbeknownst to Morris, the remaining wizards were wiped out or imprisoned, including Perel, and Aquaria was almost killed. He's a little unstable right now, and learning that one of his loves was almost killed by humans and that the rest of the wizards had been wiped out. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Giving Morris another target. Yeah.

That's very cool. The Gibbous Man. I used Fountain of Knowledge, and then I did a parlay, and then I used Particle. Yes. So sneaky. So Tuck connected some dots in his head, revealing that he believes the Gibbous Man was responsible, and if Morris wanted revenge, then he should take it out on the person actually responsible for ruining the entire world. Mm-hmm. And through some further dot connecting, believing that the identity of the Gibbous Man must be that he is the God of the Sky. Yeah. Wow.

And that is where we find ourselves now. A question I did not ask last time, but will ask now. Tuck, where did you hear about all this? What was the song that finally fit the final puzzle piece into the picture for you? I think the band Archers Over Kings. Mm-hmm. They did a metal version of an old folk song. Mm-hmm. That was called Stallward Sons. Ooh. And it is about the God of the Flame. Oh. And it talks about his relationship to his father in it. Cool. Yeah. Right.

Because that was a thing that we talked about. So right. So the connection was if the Gibbous Man is the God of the Sky, that means according to the stories that he is the father of the God of the Flame. Yeah. And likely the father of Lillian as well. Yeah. But that is where we find ourselves now. Tuck having revealed this, to Morris. Yeah. And provided him as a potential target for Morris's wrath. Yeah. And Tuck's like, we wanted to get Perel, his magic back, to stop the Gibbous Man.

And we are on your side. If you chill out right now, and go for the person who actually did this to you. If you don't actually address the problem, you're going to be fighting for the solution your entire existence. Perel steps forward, and, and puts a hand on Morris's arm, where it's like gripping the lectern, and puts another hand on his shoulder, and says, it's, Morris, it's, they're telling you the truth. You can trust them. Morris takes a breath.

And as he breathes out, the room expands a little bit around you. This restricting feeling receding, that shelves around you becoming less towering and sinister. I don't think he's just, just a mere conjurer of cheap tricks. That was very intimidating. Very good. Very well. And he claps his hands. All right, then we have, we have a project. Something to work on together. This is excellent. Great. Wow, he's real moving forward, are we kind of guy.

Yeah, he, and he brushes himself off, and he kind of moves around Perel, and he starts walking across the room. All right, let's get to work then. Uh. Billy looks around, he follows him. Yeah, off to work, I guess. I don't know what, what help I can provide. Can't really even read, so. And he walks to the other flap, like a flap on the far side of the room where you came in, and he slams it, and it's a double flap. And it opens both ways, like a big double door, and you emerge into a hallway.

Ooh. A corridor made of the same leather that the whole fanny pack is made of. Oh. But here is just portrait after portrait on the wall. There's beautiful paintings on either side, all different aspects of Morris. There's one of Morris walking across the moors with a hound in his side and a walking stick. There's one of Morris, uh, playing. Leaning naked and touching the finger of another Morris on a bed of clouds. There's another Morris.

Uh, him standing on a clamshell with his long wispy beard blowing across his chest. There's another Morris. Oh, just fucking balls. Balls. Deep. What the fuck? Oh, I don't know. In the Mona Lisa. Yeah! Finish it. Uh, yeah. There's another Morris in, uh, but… You don't know anything about art. Just… God. Is this Tuck, like, in the hallway? Yeah. And he's just like, What is all of this? And he's looking at a painting of, like, Morris, playing poker with a bunch of dogs. Oh, nice.

And Morris turns around and looks, like, looks over his shoulder as he's walking and goes, Beautiful, aren't they? The dogs? Oh, the dogs, the paintings, just this whole place. I really put a lot of elbow grease into this thing. Did you paint these? These are actually very well painted. Well, I mean, in a fashion I did, yes. In that I paid people to paint them. But through my patronage, they became. So if you think about it like that, I am responsible. Yes.

And Morris takes a sharp left turn about halfway down this corridor. Further down the corridor, you see beautiful stone sculptures of Morris. Tiny penis. Yeah. Big hands, big feet. Like, he looks like a homunculus. Like, really big feet. Looks like some kind of ape man. There's a progression of Morris. Like, the progression of man. Oh, my God. Yeah, totally. They're all the same, just getting taller. And he goes through a couple flaps. And you're in a vast workshop. Mm-hmm.

Machines of various makes and models. Their origins and purposes completely alien to you. Whoa. Tables, desks, piles of papers and shit. Here we are. He turns around and spreads his arms wide, looking at you. Billy starts beep beep booping. No. The thing. What? Child, don't touch those. What are they? They are delicate instruments requiring a specialist touch. That's an espresso machine. But the rest of these machines are very important. Don't touch anything without my express permission.

Beep boop boop boop. Stop it. When you say it, I just want to push the buttons more. If you, okay, well, if you're about three quarters of the way through making a flat white. So just press that button, turn this. Beep. Twist that one. Put that cup there. Now press the button again. Beep. Pshhh. Nice. He takes it, sips it, nods thoughtfully. Mmm. Delicious. Now, this gubbis man. Where can I find him? No problem. We know exactly where he might be. Mm-hmm. And that is… Upon walking the earth.

Ah. In the wilds of the world, gray yonder. Things leaning on a portrait of outside. And as a… And as a portrait of, um, Morris Wadge sitting on a picnic table looking right at the viewer. Out of the painting. Making eye contact with him. So you have no idea where he is? No. The only thing that we know that is tied to him is these coins. And I give him the bag of the six coins that I have.

And he tips them out onto his hand, picks one up, throws the bag on the ground, and holds it up to the light. I pick up the bag. Fucking rude, dude. Ha ha ha ha. I gave this to you. And he's not even listening to you. He's just looking at the coin in the light. Fuck you. Fascinating. I'm sorry, Tuck. And this is some sort of, uh, medium between the material plane and the outer dark. Yeah. Some people say that there's pieces of the outer dark in there.

Oh, and I smashed one and a demon went into it one time. Look. Oh, also there's this one in my chest. Oh, that's what that is. Yeah. I thought it was maybe your bones coming through. I didn't want to question it. No, this is one of those coins, but I think it has a demon in it. Interesting. And he, like, walks up to you. He's almost two feet shorter than you. He picks up a rod, like a small little rod, like a chopstick, kind of. Yeah. And just starts prodding the coins in your chest.

He puts, like, he wheels over one of those Home Depot stepladders. Ha ha ha ha. He stares. Click, click, click, click, click. Does this hurt at all? Nah. Feels fine. Hmm. And he really digs one in. Ugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude. All right. I just wanted to see if it was connected to your physiology in any interesting ways. I think it's just in there. Mm. All right. So, after this short period of time, it has come to my attention that the four of you will be of no use to me.

Ha ha ha ha. So, and he claps his hands, you can leave. Oh. And I, with Perel here, will continue our research. And to the gibbous man, perhaps. Like, you want us to leave the room, or do you want us to leave the tent? I don't care. Aww. Huh. I assume that you had other things that you came to this tower for? Well, we came here to get Perel's fucking magic back. So maybe, can you help with that? Oh. Is there any way you can lend him some of yours? No. No. No, my good man. No. Huh.

That's unfortunately not how it works, but… I think… I think… I've been in this tower for a few weeks now, and I've done some poking around. Perhaps there's something here that might be able to help with this little issue. And, smash cut to, a door in the tower. He took you down two or three more levels from the vault that you were in, and you're standing before a tall, maybe ten foot tall, eight foot wide, double door made of, like, opaque ice. Hmm. I have not been able to open this door.

Oh. Thing, you know the passwords? Lothalorianacea. He waves his hand in front of the door. You wave your hand in front of it, nothing happens. He goes up and breathes on it. It feels like something almost happens. Whoa. Did you guys hear that? Do we all breathe? Oh my god. Billy, we gotta start brushing our teeth more. Jack breathes on it. Morris is standing there with his arms crossed. Ah. Nope. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. The ox's blood is fucked. Yeah, the page's duplications are not quite one-to-one, but it's close enough. Is this something that you've done before that has worked? Yeah. I spoke a word. Yeah. With a gate, that gate to get into the waiting area. Yep. All the ice just melted away and let us in. Not this one. Not this one, unfortunately. But it feels like something is almost happening. Shit. How do we discern realities? That's how you do it. Wow, 12.

12, shit, three questions. Ooh, boy. What happened here recently? Ooh, recently. So, Billie, you're full-on Aragorn, on the ground looking at stuff, sniffing shit. Sticking your fingers in the crack underneath the door. Trying to wiggle your fingers. Very gently. Yeah. Just like Aragorn. Just like, and that's what I'm thinking in my head, just like Aragorn.

And you find, in the space of a second, you have a little bit of a sluggishness, a sluggishness, sluggishness, sluggishness, sluggishness, sluggishness, sluggishness, sluggishness, sluggishness, sluggishness, sluggishness, sluggishness, sluggishness, the door trying to wiggle your fingers very gently yeah just like aragorn just like and that's what I'm thinking my head just like aragorn and you find in the like soft snowy like carpet of powder that's been all over the floor of this place you find what you think are tracks like human tracks like footprints yeah old footprints maybe about a month old how big are the feet probably like an average sized human maybe like five what nine five ten maybe and they are leaving this room okay so they wouldn't be in the room no well okay when you say this room is it the room that we're in or the thing on the other side of the door it's the room on the other side of the door that they left okay yeah and then went presumably up the stairs okay uh what here is not what it appears to be mm-hmm so for this part you kind of have your hands like out in front of you like a tv antenna you're trying to like feel the vibes and you think that whatever ving did to get into the tower through the gate it's not not working on this door it's just that he hasn't done the right thing yet oh yeah what here is useful or valuable to me again feeling the vibes you feel like everybody's getting really close to the door and breathing on it yeah and then you're like wait and you like kind of like climb up the stairs and then you're like wait and then you're like a little bit and grab his hand and touch it to the door okay and then just like the palm of his hand yeah whoa what the fuck what that was so useful and then tuck grabs ving's hand he touches it to the door again the open door yeah it closes and then tuck touches the door it doesn't open it's just for ving so I grabbed ving's hand again I smashed it against the door and the door opens whoa I grabbed his hand again touch it to the door closes.

The door closes. Can we go in? Well, it's closed now. Okay. I will open it. Wow. Tuck, step aside. And Morris, you hear Morris go, Fascinating. What? It's just, nothing that I did could open this door. And a simple touch of your hand opens it? I mean, he is the prince of the Boreal Reach. Is he now? Yes, my father is the king of the rangers. Oh, your majesty. My majesty, a pleasure to meet you. Why did you just become shitty all of a sudden? What do you mean, just?

He could be being sincere right now, Ving says. Perel's like, he's always like this. He's almost always like this. Why do you like him? He's not always like this. I take, like, Billy and Ving aside, it's like, okay, yeah, like, you know the situation where sometimes your friend likes a really shitty person and you don't know what to say to them? Okay. Yeah, what do you do in that situation? I don't know, I mean, I feel like you kind of give them space to let them know that you're there for them.

You definitely don't tell them to break up with them! Like, in any sort of way, like, don't ever lay it, like, very obviously. I mean, I guess it depends how nice the bobbies are that they have. What's the bobbies, Khalil? Khalil! Khalil! That's so cute! Sorry. Wow, it really leaked in there. Yeah. What's the bobbies, Billy? Billy just puts his, cups his hands around his chest like, these bobbies. Oh. So if the bobbies are good, then I guess it's okay. If they're not nice all the time.

But if the bobbies are bad, then they gotta be nicer. Maggie snorts. His hands are, like, on his head and he's just like, how? Where did you learn this? Well, whenever you're talking about, like, Alec, he's… Where do you think… I don't talk about this in front of him. You don't talk about it, but your eyes do the talking. Yeah, and also you think I'm asleep, but I'm not asleep yet, and then you just talk so loudly to Ving, and I can't help but hear.

Maggie's very notably looking up at the ceiling. Am I not supposed to talk about them? It's… It's like adult stuff, Billy. Sorry. Maggie steps in. Let's go inside. You know what? I would rather go face whatever horrible, magical danger this might be than have to listen to any more of this conversation. This is too much for me. This is why I never had kids. She just strides into the room. Singing a song. And what we find inside is the door opens to a…

Okay, so what you're struck by is how much older this part of the tower feels than the rest. You're in a corridor, basically, of slanted ice, crystals. It feels like they've dripped down from the ceiling and formed this sort of natural corridor that carries forward light refracting in the walls, lighting up this whole chamber, so it's got this very glittery crystal look. I like that there's a blue light coming from the bottom, unexplainably. Yeah. Light is emanating from below.

And at the end of this corridor, which is about 30 feet long, it opens into a circular chamber that sort of slants toward the center, and in the center is what looks like a column of ice that connects the floor and the ceiling. The ceiling's about 15 feet high, and this pillar of ice, which is lit from below by this emanating blue light, has an alcove carved in it. Whoa. Like something was in it? Yes. Is it in there now? No. I want to discern the realities of this chamber and this alcove.

Yeah, yeah. 2d6 plus wisdom. Nine. I'll help you. Great. Plus bond. Seven. Beautiful. Ten. Three questions. What here is useful or valuable to me? So what here is useful or valuable to you is that in front of this alcove, in the pillar, on the ground before it, kind of like gathered, since the floor is slanting, some of it stayed put, but some of it kind of gathered around the base of the pillar, is what looks like two or three inch thick ice that is shattered. Like a chunk of broken ice.

Like something was covering the mouth of the alcove, it was broken away. Oh, like somebody broke glass in case of emergency? Sure. What's about to happen? What's about to happen is while just like looking around the chamber, you look back and see Morris and Perel and they're both like stock still. Wait, what? Not stock still, like frozen. Yeah. But frozen in the sense that they are not moving. What's going on? You guys look freaked. Is this magic? Yes.

And Morris holds out his hands and kind of gestures down. He's like, below us, there is a power. Oh, there's like a power source beneath the room? Like this room that we're in? Beneath us. This room. This has to be why Allwater built her tower here. Wait, I have a question still. Yeah, you have one more question. Is there like a what just happened question? What happened here recently? Yeah. Who did this? Who happened here recently? You sort of Columbo.

I said Aragorn for Billy, but I'm saying, Columbo for you for some reason. You like look around the room. You're trying to put things together. Billy's helping. He's like, here are the footsteps that I saw. And based on the patterns of the shattered ice and the alcove and the footprints, it looks like something somebody very likely was sealed in this pillar and broke the ice and left the tower broke out of the pillar. Yeah. Oh, I thought this was like a little alcove. No, this is like human.

Oh, I also thought like, tiny. Oh, sorry. No. So I should have described it better. Alcove would be a big thing. But yeah, I also thought it was really little, but I think it was because of a forced perspective thing. You were closer to it in your mind. Yeah, exactly. I was closer up and it's the size of the alcove, even though the alcove was really big, the pillars really big. So it makes the alcove look small. Yeah, it's more of a prison.

Yeah, it looks like there was someone sealed inside this pillar of ice in this room who then broke the ice and left. The tower. Is it possible that this is where Adternack was trapped? It wasn't like a box like Perel was in. Oh, just trapped in her tower. Yeah. Maybe she trapped herself in the tower. Oh, to protect herself. Oh, maybe. I took, grabbed some of those shattered ice and he puts it in his mouth. What happens? Have you ever… Jessica wept. Sorry. Have you ever…

Finally, Jessica laughed in the mic. Just a pause and Abdul looking at you like expectantly like, come on, say something. Have you ever eaten ice outside ice? Yeah. It tastes like that. What does it mean? What does it mean? I'm trying to figure that out. I'd like to use World Talker and see if I can commune with the talk to the ice in this room. I help by spitting the ice out and putting it in his mouth. I smush it into my ears. Ooh. You baby bird the ice back into Ving's ears.

So here's an interesting… I go into the alcove and I put my hands on either side of the walls that are remaining. So you go into the alcove. Oh shit, fuck no. Not now. Your eyes got so big. You made the move already though. You gotta stick to it. I go inside it. You go into the alcove and it does feel like that honestly. Like it feels… It feels like you step into the concentration point of a magnifying glass in the sun. Whoa. Not heat wise, but just energy wise. You are just…

Your body is buzzing. I'm glowing. Yeah. Like as soon as you get in there, it's just like we can't look at you. My skin is turning into like hair fur. Like frosted… A whore frost. Oh, I see. Growing out of my… It looks like this long fur. Whoa. Bulking out my entire body. Tell me more about this. This comes from my head to my neck and it's like starts as a cowl and it's building down my body into a big bulky furry filling the alcove. So you're just being consumed from within almost.

Like this ice is just building and building and building. You don't know why. I don't know why. Maybe it's protecting me? Could be. What you do feel is like you feel you know those rare days everybody when you wake up and for like a couple minutes you're not tired. You know and you don't have a headache and like you just had a shower and your body just feels so fresh and clean and you feel like completely without feeling. And like the absence of feeling is exuberant in itself.

You're like unmoored from the pain and discomfort of a human body. Oh shit. You just feel a hundred percent fucking amazing. Whatever damage you had, gone. Whatever debilities you had, gone. The light is coming out in prisms from this weird hoarfrost and casting like disco ball little rainbows all over the room. Do you look like a snowman right now? Bonhomme. Carnival. You look like Bonhomme. It kind of looks like a bear. Like a big polar bear standing on a hind leg. Yeah totally. Cool.

So everybody's standing outside the alcove watching Ving become a snow bear and glow with the light of a bajillion moons. Yeah. And it's like Perel is covering his eyes. It's like what is he doing? Get him out of there. Okay. I start digging at the hoarfrost. Yeah. Trying to unbury thing. Yeah. 2d6 plus strength. Oh no. Uh. Two. I was gonna say for a failure Ving arm like my Ving arms pop out through the hoarfrost grab Billy and bring him in. Oh. Wow. Fun. And you're enveloped in this snow.

This hoarfrost. Like what the fuck. And he walks up and puts his hand inside of the hoarfrost and tries to pull both Billy and Ving out of it. Yeah. Totally. And now when this is oh wait 10. 10. Yeah. So you like grab Ving like around the shoulder. If you want you can yank him out. Yeah. Yank both of them out. Cause I just saw my kid disappear into like a mysterious magic column. Yeah. Totally. Ving falls out laughing. Billy.

It's almost like you pull a cat out of a comfy box that he wants to go back into. I'm doing the hand over hand. Keep grabbing it. What are you doing? We don't know what this thing is. It felt nice. And you see in Billy's hair like snow drops have like blossomed up. He's got like a little clutch of flowers coming out of his hair. And I'm like Billy how do you feel? I feel so cozy. Okay. You've got your growing flowers. Yeah. Just let me lay down for a while.

So you just lay Billy on the floor of the chamber? No I put him in the crook of my arm. Yeah. I carry him over to Perel and Morris and Maggie. Do you guys want to try that? Um absolutely not. That was very bold. I respect that. I could have used subjects like yourselves back in the day with such a blatant disregard for your own safety. But Perel what if it turns you magic again?

Perel and Morris have walked up and they're like examining the alcove very cautiously with their hands out like it's definitely like they're talking to each other. Maybe this is like focusing. Maybe it's got to be something down there. Perel is like I want to see what's underneath us. What do we do? I could do shadow dance or midnight waltz. Yeah. True. Perel is like I would be willing to try that again. Okay. Billy does a little stretchy move with his hands. I feel good.

I shed a bunch of leaves. Perel starts doing stretches. He's got his arms outstretched either side and he's like touching his toes. What are you stretching for? For the transition to the fairy world. You don't have to do anything. You just hold on to me. Okay. When you're 151 you can tell me what I need to do. I'm sorry. No let's do it. Don't forget to stretch your hamstrings. Okay. Yeah. Alright let's do it. Okay. So I got nine. So I have… I have one hold out of my body. Okay. Yeah.

So yeah you emerge from your corporeal form free of the shackles of the flesh. Frolicking through the fairy energies. What's this column look like in the fairy realm? Hmm. Looks kind of like um what are they called? Like a nebula. Cool. It's very powerful light but it's not like a ray of light. It's like um when you look in a nebula it's like all those tiny stars that are just like so bright because there's a lot of light. There's like a trillion of them. Yeah totally.

And inter like interconnecting these little motes of light it looks like it's almost like uh strings of yarn. Yeah. Coming from below and then coalescing into this like specific pinprick right in the center of the alcove. Yeah it's like dew drops full of a star. A star packed in a dew drop and all suspended from these like tiny spider threads that just reach up forever into the sky. Yeah. And then below. Perfect. So cool. And uh the hold would be to see what is beneath this floor basically.

Okay jump Perel. Hold on. Oh he's kind of like floating like uncontrolled like he's waving his arms like he's trying to swim. Yeah. My hammies. That's why we had to stretch them. I slowly stretched one of them. I didn't stretch the other one. Jump on that one foot. Here we go. And you bloop dip through the floor and a cavern yawns beneath you. Whoa. Crystals of ice like lattice work.

Work themselves up from like the base of the column in a very intricate network of tubes and struts and like it looks like this was constructed almost with thought. Okay. And far far below through the ferry you see a blinding white light. It's water. Water? Oh. Old old. Is it like a pool? Old glacial like a lake like an ocean beneath the ice. Is it like cut off from everything? Is it like its own? No. It's connected. To what? To this alcove.

Oh sorry that's what I meant but it's not like there's no rivers coming into it. It's just like an old basin. If there are rivers you can't see them. They're too far away. This is a vast pool. Like a huge cenote? Yeah exactly. Like where you are there is a level where the water stops but you get the feeling that it continues on for many miles around. Like it's an ocean sized like pocket of water underneath. Totally. Just like brilliant in its power. It's not the moon. It's water.

I mean maybe there's a piece of the moon down there. Can I dive? Can I take? Can we keep going? Can we keep falling into the water? It will be dangerous because this is your last you've used your hold. I want to. I feel like it would be sad if we just turned around now. It's a big risk. Perel what do you think? I think we're close. Too close to to not go right? Yes. Billy reaches out like thin vines to pull us down. Oh cool. Towards the water. Sweet.

You like latch onto the lattice work of ice crystals as you pull yourself further and further. Ivy growing down. Is your aspect, your physical aspect changing? Yeah it's I look like petals and snow kind of boiling together in like an orb sort of situation. Cool. There's like a seed inside. Whoa. Whoa. And from that comes like these tiny little like strawberry vines almost. Every once in a while a croissant comes to the surface of the orb and goes back inside. Royals back in.

The croissant at the core of all. And you pull yourself deeper into this water. You get closer and closer and it just becomes all you can see is this blinding white light. And then you breach the surface. And you are in a sea of moonlight. Ooh. You're traveling at speeds and in distances that would be impossible for a more subtle. Like in your fairy form you are crossing leagues.

And at the very bottom of the ocean nestled in a bed of silver kelp glimmering in the light is maybe a three foot across chunk of white stone. So that's the moon hey? It's gotta be. And as you get closer you feel that you're getting closer and closer to danger. Like a point where you can't come back. Okay. But you're filled with this feeling that there are people up there that care about you. That you care about.

And what more noble action is there than sacrificing yourself for the ones that you love? Hmm. Why not just stay down here? This could mean something. It doesn't really matter. I mean I'm just here for fun. But what is fun when compared to love? I don't know what love is. I just care about fun. I feel like I'm just only in, Billy's only in spring mode right now. Oh yeah. So you're just looking to play? Yeah.

Perel is reaching, like he's now climbing down your vines basically to get closer to the rock. And you can feel this like point of no return approaching. And Perel is moving faster towards it. And you hear him say through the energies of the fairy, I know what I have to do. Perel, what do you know? It's the only way. What's the only way? I have to sacrifice myself. No, that's not how it works. And I start coiling him up in my that's not really fun. He's like fighting against it.

Yeah, but I'm more powerful than you. All right, roll it. What is, what are you, what stat are you using? What's, what was defy danger is this? It doesn't really matter. Oh, shit. You're not physical right now, so it wouldn't be strength. I guess it would be charisma. Your fairy stuff is always charisma. Oh, okay. It's like you're the influence of your personhood. I mean it would be five, so it's still a failure. Still a failure. You don't have any fairy child left. Fuck. Yeah.

Oh, have I just ended the podcast? God. No, I don't. I don't think so. So I think that you can't let him fucking die. Oh my God. Is there literally nothing you can do? I mean, we've got some pretty hardcore narrative stakes here. Why would you put me in this position? Why did I said you wanted to go for fun? I wanted to find stuff. Um, I think you feel yourself like the connection to this shadow dance. Uh-huh. Start reeling you back in. Oh, no, no, no.

And the pull of the stone is separating you and Perel and your vines are gripping so hard trying to keep his spirit where it is. Yeah. But you lose hold. Are you serious? The pull of the stone is too strong and you find yourself back in your body. Uh-huh. And Perel remains motionless beside you. And Morris is next to you. What happened? Don't get mad at me. What happened? What happened? Um, we found a piece of the moon in this big lake under and uh, Perel really wanted to go to the stone.

I tried to stop him, but I don't know. You didn't do anything wrong, Billy. What do we do? Is he, is he dead? I don't know. What did you do to him? I didn't do anything to him. He didn't do anything. Tuck goes over and checks on Perel. What's going on with him? He is breathing, but it is faint. Okay. So I think we're running against a clock now. We gotta find a way to bring him back as quickly as possible. I uh, hold on. I have Terry Larry and Chad. Uh-huh.

When you are initiated in the old ways, the ways of sacrifice, choose something your gods or the ancestor spirits value, gold, blood, bones, or the like. When you sacrifice on a 10+, the GM will grant you one insight into your current trouble or a boon to help you. So I wanna do a sacrifice. To get TLC to go down there and bring Perel back. Okay. Roll it. Okay. What are you smashing? Yeah, I have to destroy something and it's gotta be pretty important. Destroy me! I did this!

I mean, there's really only one thing in the room. What? The alcove. The pillar. I have to just… Ugh. Fuck! Okay. Tuck, he starts… He kind of, when he does this, he lets TLC sort of decide the thing that they want. So he like starts spinning the axe, like over and over again. It like kind of wakes them up a little bit. Yeah, and you can hear him go like, whoop, whoop, whoop. Okay. Alright. Yeah, here we go, bro! Here we go, buddy. You guys got this, right? Darn. Darn.

I tell them, I was like, Perel stuck at the bottom of an ocean. I need you guys to get him back. Fucking smash it, bro! What do you want me to smash, buddy? Smash this pillar! Nine. Aid! Aid, how are you aiding? I'm telling the ice that it needs to smash. Now is its time, and the purpose has come to let us through. 2d6 plus bond? Nine. Nine. So that makes it a ten. Sick. So what is the ten plus on Lariatarian Chad?

On a ten plus, the GM will grant you insight into your current trouble or boon to help you. If it was a seven or nine, they would have taken from my flesh, basically. Okay. So you do a bunch of cool axe spins. I do so many cool axe moves. To the point where, like, the crystal is leaving, like, a trail of purple light behind it. Oh, cool. As you power up for your limit break. Oh, yes! The afterimage of the light is remaining too long. Like, burned into your retinas sort of situation?

Burned into the retinas of everyone here. Yeah. And I jump. Wow. And come down with a thunderous smash. Smash. Smash. That is actually what happens. It's like… Smash. I go, here we go. I'm gonna… Smash. But your muscles align at the last second, like a fucking freight train. And you bring it down and you smash the pillar. What did you think I was gonna say? What was the word that you thought I was gonna say? We were doing a back and forth thing, man. I was trusting you. A thunderous…

Crash? Smash? Some sort of sound effect, maybe? Uh, smash. I suck! No, the smash is good! And you smash the pillar. Thunder smashes. Everybody, it's just like, everyone is showered with, like, razor-sharp crystals of ice that glint off of you, thankfully. Tug is so embarrassed, because he knows it kind of got away from him at the end there. He overextended himself. He was trying too many cool axe moves. This fucking Cartwin's apartment all over again.

And you smash the alcove, and it just explodes into crystals of ice, and leaving a hole yawning above this chasm with the seawater below you. And the spirits, you see three little lights go down. Yeah. Whoa! I jump in after them. Yeah, totally. Dive. Dive. You see, yawning below you, this incredible chasm filled with a criss-crossing latticework of ancient ice structures. The water to you, this room is bright, and the water looks deep, dark blue. Cool.

But there's maybe a glinting at the very, very bottom, just out of what you would consider your line of sight. And you hit the water, splash! And you are submerged. And Tug and Billy, where you're standing, Perel starts to, like, convulse a little bit. Like he's kind of, like, he's choking. Oh my god. So we're kind of, we're running up on a clock here, for sure. Yeah. I want to, um, elemental form. Yeah. What is your elemental form? Transmute my body into a form made from the raw elements.

I want to draw the natural elements of that stone up and make, um… Oh, to make it easier for TLC to go grab him. Yeah, get him closer. So I'm getting him, I'm drawing that, because it's a natural element, because it's moon rock, around my body. And, um, just draw up these two beams of light, like giant, giant wolf eels. From the depths of moonlight coming up and wrap around my body and spin me slowly, take me up to the surface. Roll it. 2d6 plus constitution? Nine. So you get one hold. Great.

So the rock below you, you see, like, a stream of light as this, like, glittering almost miniature coronet of moonstone swirls up from the bottom of this massive, like, basin. It's like it's got the same kind of shape as the shattered moon. Yeah. And then it curls up around you, creating, like, a spinning river of moonstone as it coalesces into this snake.

And you feel like, as you coalesce this moon rock around you and start to rise, you see three motes of light zip up from the seafloor and join you in this glittering cascade. And one slightly dimmer light behind it. And, uh, everybody standing around the hole at the top, except for Morris, who's, like, kneeling over Perel and, like, kind of slapping his face and shaking him. And emerging from the chasm, a beautiful moonlit form surrounded by water and moonstone.

You know, like, the gymnastics thing where they're twirling, ribbon gymnastics? Totally. With these giant snaky eels of moonlight. And Tuck's like, whoa, what a beautiful man. Unsmash. And you reach, you reach the top with this mass of this, like, brilliant blue water and the shining white moonstone. Billy, you are struck by a memory. Years ago, outside the village of Bullrush, you were overcome by a dark malevolent force.

And the only thing that could bring you back was submerging you, sacrificing you, some might say, in this… Tea bagging. Tea bagging. Tea bagging you in this source of water. What do I do with that? I think you realize, or maybe hope, that maybe Perel was on the right track, and the only way for him to regain this connection is to sacrifice himself and be remade by the waters of this place. So maybe I didn't ruin everything after all. Maybe not.

But Vang has a significant source of that water with him right now. It's draped like, um, like a onesie, like a leotard, like an 80s gymnastic suit of water. Can I start pulling Perel's body over to where Vang is? Yeah, absolutely. Morris, help me. And Morris, for a second, is very defensive when you grab. I know. He, like, tries to push you away. No, I know. I know, but this is what Perel wanted. Save him. Okay. And I scoop up Perel with my arm. And what do you do?

The eels travel around both of us, change from eels into snakes, and then from snakes into rocks. And the water flows around you. A river above an ocean. You can see through my skin, through my body. You see an outline of me, a more of Perel floating in this, like, almost like a cylinder of, like, a drain, you know, where you get a vortex. Oh, yeah. And you feel the waters, this, like, ocean below you. A vortex forms below as well.

And a water spout, basically, of this brilliant blue water rises up to meet you, as if beckoning. I drop him down the hole. I lower him. Down the hole. He's cradled by the waters that take him below. We have a moment where, like, our fingers are doing that, like, last little let go of his hand. Gently down into the water. And he leaves your sight for a moment. Mm-hmm. And a long time passes. Yeah, we're all hanging over the hole.

Long enough that Morris is, like, you can see his face clouding, like, this is over. Mm-hmm. Tuck grips the axe, because he knows if this goes sideways, this is gonna be a bad fight. Mm-hmm. But then the light grows beneath you in brilliance. Ooh! And beneath you see the vortex form again and carry something from deep, deep under the ice and under the water. And then tuck uncorks a music bottle and you hear let it be an evening light a flashlight a mark.

And this is what you're hearing, because the person who recorded this, does not remember this song. The person who recorded this is Tuck. Yeah. And you hear his self-cunch. He recorded this on, like, the ship when he was kind of alone in the closet. The same way he didn't know he couldn't dance, he just learned that he can't sing either. In his mind, he's like, this is my moment to reveal my talent to the world of my friends. To reveal the demo that I made. Ha ha ha! Incredible.

Let it be an evening light that shines up above me. He also sings it up and up and his off-tune. He can't sing with shit. It's coming out of the bottle. Let it be… Did we both record this? No, I was just coming in beside you. Yeah, like, um, uh, we are the worlding it for the moment because I don't want you to be self-conscious about not being the only one who can sing in this cave. Ha ha ha! Is Billy joining the chorus as well? Ha ha ha! Should he? I don't know.

Maybe Billy doesn't even know this song. I don't know this song, Billy. Help me out. Let it be an evening light that shines bright for you. For you. Let it be for you. Maggie reaches over and puts her hand over the mouth of the bottle. Oh, thank grapes. And as she does so, a moment of silence reveals to you the crystals below ringing with just the purest note that reverberates through the chasm. What? What are you doing? Like, Yes, that's what I saw. I saw that. I'm covering one ear.

I'm going, Oh, man. I really tried to make this. Dramatic moment. I really did. Are you going to say the same thing? I'm the home of the ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And as that final word rings through the cavern, emerging Laugh into the mic! No! It's so loud! Emerging from the cleft in the ice that Tuck created, Perel rises, cradled by the water. His mouth and eyes are closed, but you can see water pouring from his eyes and nose and mouth. He's crying. Awesome.

And he opens his eyes. That's what it looked like when he was possessed. The water runs from his face. And he extends behind Tuck and he's around his shoulder. He extends his hand. He extends to either side. And the water that's like coursing off of his body starts to freeze. And the hole beneath him is covered in a sheet of ice. And he lands as the water rushes away from him lightly on his feet. Stumbles a little bit. Perel? Is that you, buddy? And he opens his eyes.

And he reaches down and grabs a piece of the ice that shattered. When whoever left the alcove emerged and holds it in front of him. And he lays it on his palm. And as he's staring at it, it melts and reforms and shifts into a small, crystalline frog. And he smiles. Perel. Buddy, is that you? Are you Perel? You fools. What? I'm joking. It's totally me. It's totally me. And I'm a fucking wizard again. Ah. Yes! And then he leans forward and wretches up like three gallons of water.

Oh, it was all in me. Bing takes a jar of it. Sorry. I know that's gross. It was all in there. Oh my god. And he reaches forward and he grabs Billy and he drags Billy towards him. What? You did it. Did I? And he reaches up and he grabs Maggie and drags her forward and drags Bing forward and drags Tuck forward. You guys did it. Did I do a good job? You did an amazing job, Billy. Oh my god. Okay. He's a big fella. And he runs forward and he kisses Morris right on the face so hard. Ew.

And he kisses him again. And he starts kissing her too hard. Yeah, I covered my eyes. Whoa, whoa, whoa. And then for a second we're like, oh, that's nice. And then it's the thing where we're like, we got Billy. We gotta get out of here. We're looking around, patting this round room ice room for a door. Billy runs into a wall with his eyes covered. He's like, I'm sorry. It is so reflective in here. I can't get away from it wherever I look. There's mirrors everywhere. It's a hall of mirrors.

Someone find the door. Everybody roll to find the door. You guys know you came down a hallway. You know where the door is. Find the door. I got a ten. I got a five. I got a six. I got a six. I got a six. I got a six. I got a six. I got a six. I got a six. I got a six. I can't find the door. Okay. Billy remembers you came through a door. Yeah, it's really big. It's like ten feet wide. We all have our eyes closed. And we're like, Billy, get us, please get us out of here.

And then he's like shooing you along the hallway. Just go. Just go. I'm running around your legs like a cat does. We hear so much moaning. And where do you guys go and wait? Back to the tent. Just back to the fanny pack? Yeah, which is in the vault. Yeah. So you guys go back to the vault. You pop in the fanny pack about 45 to 120 minutes later. Oh, I actually want to be in the vault. The vault. I want to be in the vault. I don't want to go in the fanny pack. Okay. Yeah.

So you guys go back to the vault. There's a possibility that there's wizards in some of these items. Yeah, because we came here to find Addernack. Yeah. And we don't know for sure that that was her in there. No, that's true. You don't. Yeah. But yeah, you are in the vault. Yeah. As we described it, it's kind of a roundish chamber with shelves all along the walls. Mm-hmm. And you would guess now being powered by the immense source. Of magical energy beneath the glacier.

No specific hotspot exists here. You would assume at this point. And there's just shelves full of shit. Can I discern the shelves? Yeah, absolutely. Sweet. Eight. Okay. So you get one question from the book. What here is useful or valuable to me? That definitely depends on like what specific, what would Billy be looking for? Well, Ving and Tuck. I think I told him to look for a wizard stuff. Uh-huh. So something wizard-y. Okay. So the thing is, is all of this stuff is magic. Mm-hmm.

All of this stuff has spells on it that are dangerous. I pulled up that weird loot table with like a billion things if we want to describe items or if you have an item in mind. Like what comes to your mind when Billy is like wizard stuff? Would Addernack All Water have? So this isn't anything that Addernack would have. This is stuff that the menders have placed here. Oh, the menders. Yeah. So there's, it looks kind of like a drinking horn. Oh.

This is carved from a horn from some animal up here with a cap that's carved, but it's like it fits in. Like it's carved to fit in. It's like a plug. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, like a copper one because that's what the menders use it, working copper, don't they? Oh, interesting. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. You find what looks to be a carved horn, maybe a foot long horn with a copper cap in the top. Like carry that like a log. Yep. Yep. And Maggie's like, here, let me just, she reaches down and generally picks it up.

So we're not just, we're not just grabbing stuff. Is that what, what are we, what are we, what are we doing here? Yeah. I thought we were just grabbing stuff to look at. No. Okay. Put that in your purse. Yeah. Just put it in your purse. Like an Uncle Frank here. Yeah. That's real crystal. Put that in your purse. And Maggie's holding the horn. Could be a wizard in there. Gonna go look for another one. It doesn't look like any vessel that you find. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Specifically a ward stone box probably doesn't contain a wizard. Well, we don't know that yet. And that is actually something, I will tell you something that is not here. What? A ward stone box. Okay. Well, that was easy. Well, yeah, that's all I wanted to know. Okay. Yeah. That is something that you could like, there is not, I wouldn't say there's like tons and tons of stuff here. There's probably like a dozen items. Okay. And none of them appear to be a ward stone box.

Okay. Is there a sentry here? Like a Chamberlain? Doesn't look like it. Hmm. Yeah. Does it look like it was emptied out or something? No, it just looks like it looks very curated. So it's hard to say like, what makes all these items, items that needed to be kept here together? If anything, or is this a Mender's Vault situation where they just are keeping stuff that's dangerous? And if that is the case, what's so dangerous about this horn? You know? Does someone want to Spout Lore on the horn?

Yeah, if you want to. Go for it. Two to six plus intelligence. Seems like the kind of thing that would have been on an album cover, Tuck says. Yeah. Let me look at this thing. Tuck licks it. That's a one. That's not a good start. That's a bad start. This is what you get from licking first. It means if I don't get a six, this is a full failure. Here we go. And that's a five. So that's a six. Dead. All right. I recognize the horn because I know the animals of the earth and it's a arctic longhorn.

Highland cow. Seven. Eight. Eight. So that makes it a seven. Thank God. Okay. Something interesting, but not useful. Yeah. It's made from the horn of an arctic long hair. It's black. Cow. It's like an auroch, like a large ancient breed of cattle. And like Ving, you're like, oh yeah, I feel like I remember hearing stuff about this. It's basically a, it's like a ghost horn. There are beliefs in the north where when a dangerous person dies that you can't let their spirit just roam. Oh.

So you got to trap it in here. Yeah. It's kind of like an urn, but it's not for like wizard prisoners. It's for like ghosts. Like a person who is so evil. They became a ghost. Exactly. Wow. And then Tuck turns to Ving and he's like, put it in your purse. Put it in your purse. So metal. This will come in handy. I guarantee it. I am all over it. I don't think I should let you do that. Let you do what? Like take the horn? Act casually? Ving says and. And Maggie's like really scratching her chin.

She's like, I mean, if what you say is true about the Gibbous Man and we're going up against a God, maybe we just. I mean. Grab what we can. These are mender property, right? Well. And you're a mender. And technically so are we. Technically. Sechnically. Sexually, we're menders too. Sexually, we're also menders. So it's actually okay. Okay. Sexually. Sexually. I'm going to go now. Sexually. Okay. I really got away from you there. Yeah. When you guys are standing next to Maggie going sexually.

Okay. You hear the door open behind you and Perel and Morris come in. He goes sexually. I'll say. What are we talking about? There. It's like the step. Dad plus stepdad thing where they come in wearing towels and they're covered. They're covered in sweat. It smells like Billy just opened the cheese vault again. So what are we doing in here? Looting. One of them has a coconut water. The other one has pineapple juice. Gotta replenish those electrolytes.

Can I roll to see if you have a fun little table there? The table is just a button that I click. Oh. So you find a small metal box. It's a little bar. Mm-hmm. Like maybe eight inches long. Yeah. Oh, that's about an inch. Sean held his hand so close together. He's like, that's like eight inches, right? And it sits flat. It's like flat on each side. Okay. Like a ruler? How thick? About an inch thick. It's like maybe. Inch and a half. Yeah. Inch and a half. And it's got dwarven letters etched in.

On one side. Mm-hmm. And you remember from your time in the deep ward, you read dwarven. Yeah. I mean, I can. Yeah. Only bureaucratic dwarven, but yeah. Yeah. It says help. Oh. Whoa. What? Cool. It says help. I want to discern realities about this. I mean, Spout Lore about this. Okay. 2d6 plus intelligence. I got four. Because my intelligence is a minus one and I rolled a five. Okay. Cool. Absolutely. Absolutely. No clue.

But it looks like if you blow into one end, it might just be like a whistle. It looks like a whistle. Yeah. Dude, blow it. Okay. I'm going to blow this. This better not be a genie. There's no discernible hole in the top and it just kind of slides out of your mouth. All right. I'll put in my backpack. And when you put it in your backpack, make, he goes, she feels really bad. I feel like this is a terrible idea. Dude, we have to be ready to fight a God. I know. I know.

But like, so we're all just going to be walking. Walking around with like bombs in our bags. Bombs in our bags. Hey man, it's a dangerous world out there. And if you don't stop to smell the roses every once in a while, you just might miss it. That doesn't mean anything to me. That's literally meaningless. Well, I'm not, I'm not going to take anything. I'm not taking anything. I'm going to take even more stuff. No. Can I roll a thingy? Yeah, totally. Ooh. All right. That's interesting.

So you find a book with like a nice kind of modeled gray leather and a picture embossed on the cover under words that you don't read that looks like a tortoise. Oh, is there a bee on here? I hold it up to one of the adults. And Maggie leans down and goes, no, no bees. What does it say? Oh, it says a treaty on tortoises. Why is that in here? I have no idea. And she grabs the book and she's looking at it.

She's flipping through and it's literally a, you see like illustrations, like biological illustrations on tortoises and a bunch of writing. And then she keeps flipping through the book. And I mean, unless you do some real investigating, she's like, yeah, it's a book about tortoises. Spout Lore. Eight. Eight. Okay. So, uh, not useful right now, but you see, like you grab the book back. She just hands it back to you and you can't read.

But as you're flipping through the book, you notice that the words on the page, don't match about halfway through. Like it's a different language. It's like different writing. Like it's like the, the book that it started as changes and becomes something else. And there's like notes and stuff in the margins. And like it becomes pages just crammed with writing. What? A turtle codex? Yeah. Yeah. We hold onto that for people who can read. Yeah. That's fine, Billy. That's just a book about turtles.

You'll, you'll like it. Maybe Perel knows about it. It's reptile. Oh yeah. Perel. Here you go. Oh, tortoises. Tortoises. Tortoises. Sorry. Tortoises. Sorry. My mouth's full of cum. Morse has come to me. I want to be specific here. I did not eat my own cum in there. Tortoises. Cool. Thanks, Billy. Look closely at the words. Okay. A tortoise is a reptile. Don't make fun of me. Oh, okay. All right. Fine. And he flips. And then he goes, what the fuck? I told you.

And he like gets really close cause he doesn't have his glasses, but he puts the book really close to his face. I'm going to, I'll do some research. Tuck. Do you want to roll something? I actually, I know what I find. Oh, I'd find another mirror shard. Oh my God. Interesting. Yeah. So how many do you guys have? I have three now. I'm just collecting things. So you find a mirror shard. I believe I found a fucking turtle book. This sucks. This sucks. This sucks. This sucks. Yeah.

I forgot that we could just tell him what we find. Just throw it. Throw it into my backpack. Also, Billy, can I keep this ghost horn? It's fucking cool. Yeah. Thanks. Put that in my backpack. What? All right. Perel says, now that we've looted this potentially extremely dangerous magical horde, uh, and I have my magic back, which is incredible. Hell yeah. I go to high five him. And he high fives you. And as your hands are touching the air in between the cushion of air transmutes to like, mustard.

Oh, you see that? That's funny. Look at that. Yeah. That's the kind of shit that you can expect from Perel the wizard. And then Tuck turns around. He's like, totally. And he turns to Vane. He's like, I think I hate Perel now. Now? But you do notice that like, after he does that, Perel chugs coconut water. He's just like, it's going to take a while to get used to. Uh, so what do we, are we done here? Yeah. So I guess we know that Addernak is probably the thing that was in that alcove.

And then she's gone. She got out. Can we go back to your library and have snacks and look at the things we found? Uh, yeah, absolutely. I suppose. Yeah. Let's go back to the palace. If that sounds okay with you guys. Is there anything else we need here? We're just trying to find her. We're trying to get Perel's magic back. You got it. Great. Is there anything else that's more valuable than this little tiny stone ruler? I mean, if I'm being honest.

This place could be a source of research for years to come. But I also, without my abilities being as sharp as they once were, I hesitate to stick around here. And I think I would rather just be in the fanny pack and do my work in there. So I'm going to probably just be there for the time being. And you go do your thing. And I will research this gibbous. Gibbous man. Oh, right. Yeah. We have a vendetta now. I have a vendetta. And Perel's like, I also have a vendetta.

Maggie's like, I also have a vendetta. Against who? Gibbous man. He's kind of responsible for all this. Okay, Perel, what about you? Yeah, gibbous man. And he punches his palm. I'm going to get him. Tuck leans in. He's like, also gibbous man right over here. I have a vendetta. But mine's against the gibbous man. Gibbous man. I mean, I guess I still hold a grudge about that waiter who took away my food before I was done with it. And the gibbous man. There's like a long silence.

And Billy's like, I said the wrong thing. All right. Then I suppose we all want this gibbous man dead. Yeah. Or in jail. So full jail. I'm just. I don't know. Got to put him in God jail. Yeah. All right. Full steam ahead. That's the only thing we have to worry about. Yes. Okay. So you guys, what are you guys just fill in a sack with all the other magical stuff in here? Are you leaving some of it behind? I kind of, I don't have to track this many items. It is a lot of items already. Okay.

Tuck is like two is my limit. And he pats his belly. And what were the two things? I took the horn and the mirror shard. Oh yeah. Yeah. And Morris does say. Uh, at some point, once I have sharpened my abilities to their previous strength, we may be able to return to some of these places, find further vaults. So we don't have to clean them out now. Yeah. We can steal this shit later. We can steal all this shit later. Really? Billy pops out under a shelf and he's like covered in a lot of dust.

Like a dust bunny. Jesus God. Like a little ball. Where were you? Where did all the dust go? Oh my God. Oh my God. Hey, there's a storage room. There's a storage room behind here that we squeezed myself into. Um, yeah. Morris is confident that he, I mean, of course he's confident, but he's confident that he can eventually find a way to travel as he once did to fix his shit, to fix his shit, to get better.

And he actually, him and Perel, you've heard them talking about a bunch of magical shit in the time we go back to the fanny pack mansion, Morris's mansion. Yeah. Yeah. And I, I imagine this is. This is probably a good time for everybody to rest a little bit. Yeah. I kind of, I want to take my time in the fanny pack now that we have like access to all of it. Maybe sleep. Sleep. Well, I want to look at that horn that I gave to Tuck. The ghost horn. Yep.

I'm going to look in the book library and see if there's anything about small flat dwarven stones. Uh huh. Yeah. So that was something I was thinking is, um, we have talked about how there's like during the golden age, even there were around a hundred. A hundred and twenty maybe wizards total. Mm hmm. Uh, that's it. Yeah. Not very many. So Morris and Perel probably know the people that made these items, if not exactly what their purposes are.

So they might be able to help you figure out, like fill in any gaps on things that we aren't sure about. Oh yeah. Cool. Yeah. So you come in, you come and find Morris and he's in his workshop. He's wearing his like previously fine tattered robe that it looks like Perel has, uh, transmuted to kind of. Yeah. You know, kind of juice it up a little bit, get it, get it gussied back to a, to a previous shine. It's way tighter. It's, it's way tighter.

And then you see, he's got, you realize that Morris has like a kind of like barrel chested sort of like, he's got like a workman's body almost. He's fidgeting. Like it's not quite comfortable. Yeah. It's like he, I mean, he was out of his mind for almost a hundred years. So he's like a little tighter on the shoulders. I haven't been this restricted in a long time, but you find him in his workshop and he's got these big crazy goggles on and he's like messing with the machine.

There's like different lenses that kind of flip in and out of the goggles and he's working on this big device. Morris. Yeah. And he turns, what can I do for you? His eyes look huge and it looks like he's got, it looks like he's got 13 eyes. Wow. You look like a very fancy fly. Thank you. Uh, uh, Morris, I was wondering if you know, if you know, if you know, if you know, if you knew of any dwarven wizards in your day? Of course. Yeah. Can you read this? What's it say?

Do you know any dwarven text? Oh yeah. And he, he takes it. This says, uh, help. Oh yeah. Glad to be of service. And he turns and he goes back to his machine. Is this ward stone? No, this is iron. Yeah. Yeah. Metal. Yeah. You passed my test. Who's the nerd now? Very well. It's you. It's you. Can I? Do you know? Can you tell me anything about the dwarven wizards of days of your? Yeah. Let's talk about one. Cause I, I don't have a name off the top of my head. Um, Opal Winfrey.

Sasha, Sasha, Opal Winfrey. I do like that. Uh, oh yes. There, uh, I mean there was Sasha Opal Winfrey who was a, um, extremely skilled and respected transmutation. Wizard. Yeah. I've seen their magazines at the library. Yeah. Oh, magazine. I don't understand why they have to be on every cover. I mean, it's their magazine. If you had a magazine. Indulgent. You'd want to be on the cover of all of them as well. That's true. But, um, yeah, Sasha was a powerful transmuter. Hmm.

Wizards existed in all cultures and races around the world. Why do you think they made this that says help this placard? Hmm. He flips a bunch of the letters. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Hmm. He flips a bunch of the lenses on his goggles in and out. Wait, no, hold on. Roll for this. Nice try you fucker. I was wondering what you were going to figure out there.

There should be some- We're just getting so many freebies. Let's call it a spell. Shawn, I just want to have a little conversation with you. Nice try. Let's call it a Spout Lore to determine whether or not he can figure out exactly what it is.

I'd like to use World Talker to see the patterns of makeup, the fabric of the world, and now apply my spirit tongue to pure elements of- earth this is a worked object and I'd like to do the thing that you're saying and roll a spout Lord 26 plus it's why don't you apply your spirit tongue to this do a point into his vagina it's a pretty fat badge that plus with some 11 plus intelligence for spout Lord yeah so that's minus one I got an eight that delta is insane that was a huge spread that was a huge pendulum swing holy shit yeah he says it appears to be tied to some sort of transmutation spell the exact use of it I can't be sure but I'm sure with some experimentation you might be able to figure things out you seem like a canny lad do you mind if I use some of your equipment here in the lab I'd be careful there are many objects here that might be outside your can yeah probably but not for long and then he lowers some safety goggles that he had on top of his head and steps backwards into a lab coat that you didn't know was behind him and then he gets stuck on the hook that the lab coat and walks and has to walk away from the lab coat and Morris watches you walk backwards for a long time with the lab coat it's attached to a coat rack he starts walking does the coat rack fall over he's dragging out Morris Swag's old clothes and then all the lenses click back into place and he turns away okay so can I do some discern realities on this bar in this lab and see if I can run a current through it and maybe polish some of the metal and see if I can get down a couple layers yeah totally I got eight so you get one question off the discern realities list this is great I put some acids on it I squeeze out some lemon onto it you do an egg drop with it do an egg drop near it you just wanted to do an egg drop because it's kind of fun and I'm looking at Morris the whole time with my little sage glasses on upside down did you make a little volcano diagram I slowly lower it I have a stopwatch start it lower it into Morris runs over and he goes Ving look out it's a volcano oh wait seems to be some sort of miniature volcano diorama yes which I made with my own two newspapers incredible Ving just does this it's a montage of Ving doing grade 6 science Morris goes but that egg didn't break at all there's a scene with me with the rubber gloves inside of a cabinet and like he's got the thing on and he's wearing and the soundtrack is like Highway to the Danger Zone and there's like little mini explosions and red lights flashing and then he pulls out and like opens the box really carefully and it's a little blue ribbon that says first prize on it and then I put it on I love the idea of somebody in one of those big dangerous like radioactive boxes putting vinegar into their volcano and it bubbles and they're like oh self-contained every experiment this is a vinegar volcano vinegar and baking soda volcano I think that's so funny where every experiment is the volcano that's just what it ends up being yeah exactly he puts on welding goggles and then he does it and then the volcano and then he looks over at the bar and he's just like fuck and then I write things down and Wadge is standing across the room nodding with his hand on his chin on a chalkboard writing this very elaborate you know equation and you step back and it's just a drawing of a volcano it says baking soda plus vinegar equals and then a picture of Ving and Morris Lodge running away and then you look over at the bar and you're like damn it I like to imagine like Tuck with a mop coming by later in the evening and he solves solves the volcano quick and then a woman and runs up to a woman plus vinegar equals question mark.

He draws a volcano. And then Morrison and Ving chase him down. Hey, wait a second. So yeah, Tuck's in this now. Ving takes off his first prize ribbon, puts it on Tuck. Here's not what it appears to be. It's not a volcano. I'm just imagining Billy as like the Ben Affleck character that's like, you know, man, best part of my day is every day coming by your house and hoping you're not here. How do you like those waffles? My boy's wicked smart. My boy's wicked smart.

Billy used to wake me up with his farts. Billy used to wake himself up by farting. Every night he wakes himself up with a fart. Billy's the Robin Williams character. He's not Ben Affleck at all. Listen here, chief. Don't make fun of my wife. It's not your fault, man. No, not you too. It's not your fault. Don't fuck with me, man. It's not your fault. Don't fuck with me. It's not your fault. Perel's mini driver. In the background, the thing that he's talking about is one of the volcanoes did it.

It's not your fault. God, so fucking funny. What a fucking good bit. So what here is not what it appears to be. Uh, you, you've done at this point, probably 70 to 80 volcanoes and none of them have made any difference. There's a pile of wet paper mache. Everything smells like, uh, like a flower glue recently cleaned bathroom. Yeah. I was like, I'm not making any more vinegar. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't even know what making soda is anymore.

And you're just staring at this little bar and you're like, what the fuck does it do? Did it do anything when I put acid on it? Uh, no, it didn't. It didn't. Reactions, nothing. And then you get a, uh, I think it is kind of a speak friend and enter thing. You're looking at this word and you're like help, but not in English. Oh, I worked in a deep word as an outreach worker with dwarves. So I definitely know the word help. Exactly. Yeah. Are you trying to think of the word? Yeah. Okay.

It can be anything. It can be anything. But if you want to think of a word, I can tell you what the word for help is in Arabic. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Cause they live in there. Yeah. That's just McCall, right? Hmm. What's the Arabic word? It's Musada. Musada. Yeah.

And you're, you hold the bar like you pick it up off its little, uh, pedestal that you made for it while you've been doing your experiments and you say Musada and, uh, it starts to like and it starts to like unfold and fold in on itself. Like it's kind of flowing Morris and it becomes it. Morris runs over and he's like, Oh, he comes over with a beaker full of baking soda and a beaker full of vinegar. No, no, no, no, no, no.

He's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's I think we're at a red food coloring. He keeps running over. And it kind of flows transmutation style into a little metal dwarf that salutes you. What? I salute him back. And it just stands there expectantly. I don't know what to do with this right now. Tuck? You should ask it for something. Go get that pen. And it salutes you and goes and grabs the pen. Oh my God. He's making Mario sounds. And holds it up.

And how this thing is like six inches tall. Yeah. It's like it's a little bit like because I said the bar was about eight inches. So I guess it's four inches because it kind of like molds into a smaller shape. So cute. Oh my God. Four inches tall. And he's holding up the pen. I take the pen. Yeah. And it salutes you and whoop becomes the bar again. Oh my God. Billy's going to take this from you for sure. Billy walks in with a snack. He's like, what's going on? Okay. Sorry.

I thought it was another volcano. Oh yeah. Cool. What do you got there, pal? Nothing. Billy, what are you asking? Hold on. What are you doing? It's just a bag of marshmallows. Where did you get those? The butler. The butler gave you marshmallows? I thought you told the butler to. You can't just eat a bag of marshmallows, Billy. Why? Because it's just marshmallows. Peoples are huge.

Also, I should say, if you told the page, not to get him marshmallows, but then he asked for marshmallows, the page is going to get him marshmallows. You need to put parental controls on the page, dude. I need to? Yes. And he rolls his eyes and he takes his baking soda and vinegar over to a little volcano that he has prepared. Ooh. Billy, we'll deal with this later. And he goes over to the volcano. Can I finish this bag? No. I really wish you wouldn't. Fine. And he hands them over.

I give Billy a bag of granola instead. I don't want this. He kicks it everywhere. What the fuck, Billy? He kicks it. Wow. Drops it to the ground. Kicks it. Koosh. His little, like, five-inch long, like, Billy, you have to clean this up now. No, I don't. As Billy runs out of the room, the camera follows him into the study that you guys have been hanging out in, where you see Maggie is sitting on, like, a love seat around the fire. Like, all the seats that are around the fireplace in here.

And on the table is the horn with the copper cap that you stole from the vault. I grab that because I'm like, Tuck doesn't deserve this. Maggie's reading a book and she's like, Billy, where are you going with that horn? Going to my hidey hole. You have a hidey hole already in here? Of course I do. All right, just be careful. And she continues to read her book. And we go to Billy's hidey hole. There's, like, a big globe, like a world globe. Mm-hmm. That opens up that he crawls into and closes it.

Excellent. Cool. That's very cool. Is it bigger inside than it is outside, or is it just a globe? No, it's just a pretty big globe. Yeah. Next to it is, like, a pile of, like, smashed bottles and stuff. Yes, throwing out his bourbon. Because it used to be, like, a… Oh, a bar globe. A bar globe. There used to be, like, a bunch of, like, crystal bottles of bourbon and stuff. Yeah. The page is outside the globe right now, sweeping it up.

It is, of course, pitch black in there, so he brings it out. And then he brings out his will-o'-the-wisp. Yep, the little bell jingle that heralds its arrival sounds. Yeah, she just curls up by my feet. There's not that much room in here. It's just big enough for us. Yeah. And Billo starts looking at this horn. Okay, sick. So what are we doing? Is this a… Are you trying to remember things about horns like this, or are you trying to examine the horn itself?

I'm just examining it, so I guess discern reality. Yep, 2d6 plus wisdom. 12. 12. Shit, okay, three questions off the list. Can you remind us what the horn looks like? So the horn is like a black, long cattle horn. Rune's carved into maybe the edge around the hole in the horn, and then there's a copper cap inside. Okay, cool. So first question, what here is not what it appears to be? Hmm, what here is not what it appears to be.

The cap, you all, I mean, assumed, based on your experience with the menders, that this was probably placed here by menders, considering they work with copper so much. Mm-hmm. But looking at sort of the scuff and the age on it, you think that this was a part of the original, quote unquote, design of the horn. Okay, cool. I guess, who's really in control here? Ooh, interesting. With the horn. Yeah. Very interesting question. I think this is a memory that comes to you unbidden. Wow.

Can it play out on the inside of the globe? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes, it does. I like that. Maybe one of those planetarium projectors, like the Bill of the Wisps starts projecting these lights on the inside of the globe. Cool. It's got a rotoscope vibe to it. Yeah. It's choppy at first, and then it smooths out. Mm-hmm.

You remember a long time ago, after the Winter War, for sure, when you spent a period of time wandering in your winter form after the battle trying to figure out what was going on. Yeah. Most fairies in their winter, that's a time of settling down and preparing for the end, but the war sort of disrupted that part of your cycle, so there was a while where you just wandered. Okay, yeah.

And you came into contact with a group that existed in the North, and their goal was to quiet the spirits of the dead that had been slain in the war. Oh, okay. Because the North was just overrun with enemies. Yeah. And they were like overrun with angry ghosts for a long time, so there was this group of people that sort of traveled around quieting, putting to rest, or trapping dangerous ghosts. Okay. And you remember them carrying vessels a lot like this horn. Cool.

What should I be on the lookout for? Hmm. You are very… You do find yourself very curious as to who might be trapped in this world. Yeah. As to who might be trapped in this horn specifically. Yeah. Can I read the runes? I don't know. Can you? Yeah. Didn't you… Billy's able to read runes, right? I can read some runes. Yeah. You can read runes. Instinctively. Yeah. So the older the rune, the easier it is for me to read it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay.

So the runic languages, the modern version you find a little hard to read, but you do find that this one is easier to read. And even though the writing is only a couple hundred years old, do you think it's based on an older version? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's probably a little older form of the runes. Okay. That is probably used specifically by these ghost hunters. So sick. Yeah.

The figure that you're talking to in the dream has long dark hair that drapes over a fur cape and then a carved wooden mask. Totally. Oh my gosh. And it has a horn at their hip. I bet they have so many horns and other vessels draped over them. Draped? Yeah. Oh, yeah. They're the keepers of… It's their duty and vocation to stay. To trap and then keep these things. Yeah. The ghost keepers? Or is that… No, that's the name of a person. What about ghost facers? Ghost facers. They face the ghost.

The soul carriers. Ghost fuckers. Because if you're a ghost and you see them, you're fucked. The ghosty lads. Ghosty lads. Wraith walkers. Oh, I like that. Wraith walkers? Yeah. The grave… Ooh. The walking graves. The… The… The… The… The… The… The… The… The graveyard. Oh, I kind… What is it called when you have a graveyard? The walking graves are like the wandering graves. I like the idea that they make themselves their graves. A tomb. Like a graveyard. Yeah.

The wandering tomb. Oh. What's it called when you're buried above ground in a tomb? Oh, it's mausoleum. Mausoleum. Mausoleum. Yeah. The mausoleum. I think mausoleum is a cool name. I think Billy is running through all these names. He's been like, I swear to God I've heard all these names before. I do like that this was just Billy trying to translate, because the literal translation is ghost fucker. And he's like, I don't quite understand. He's like, no one would let me say that.

Yeah, he's like, oh, I'm not allowed that word. Trying to think of other ones. I don't know. It's so hard to remember stuff. The mausoleum is the easiest one to remember. It's just one word. Yeah, exactly. There we go, mausoleum. So you're looking at the runes, because based on who they trapped, the words that they used were different. It would either be like, here is entombed, or we bind thee, or back to hell, that kind of shit. Or if they wanted to go, it's like, we lay to rest. Yeah, exactly.

So what does it start with? In fire and flame, we bound. Yeah. Whoa. Billy's like, so sick. Like, in fire and flame, we bound. You can't quite read the name itself, but you do see of the dark forest. Of the dark forest. Ooh. Oh. Oh my gosh. Wow. It's a dark elf in there? It's a dark elf general, maybe. Cool. Because they're the ones who have the most unfinished business, who died in war. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

So it would seem that bound within this horn by the mausoleum is the unrested spirit of a dark elf general of some kind. All right. And boy, that cap looks like it'd be so easy to just. Pop out of there. Oh, I know they would be so mad. Just like when I kicked all the granola, which I should probably go clean up. Oh, he's learning. If they were mad when I kicked that granola, they're really going to be mad when I release this ghost into the room. Yeah.

And I've never had to fight an evil ghost as a Billy. So I'm too tired to fight a ghost today, I think. Today? Yeah. So I'm going to bring this back out. Billy opens up the globe and he hops out. Yeah. Yeah. You know, when you go to do a matinee. Yeah. You come out, you're like, oh, Jesus. Oh, my God. Cripes. And the wicker, the wisp follows you back to the table where Maggie's sitting and it hops up on the chair and curls up in her lap. I just put the horn back and say nothing to Maggie.

She just looks over and sees that everything is fine. Mrs. Cole. Madam. And goes back to her book. That boy just got up to some shit. He goes, gets the little broom. It's just a hand broom. And he goes and cleans up the granola. And the camera follows Billy back into the workshop where he starts sweeping up granola. Everyone's wearing the big goggles. Standing around a giant paper mache volcano. It is huge. We put that like elephant foam in it. What's that? Oh, the elephant's toothpaste. Yeah.

We put elephant toothpaste in it this time. Uh-huh. And it just shoots like 15 feet into the air. It becomes a solid tower. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah….. We found one in a shipwreck. Okay. Near Hibernia. Aye. And we found one… Oh. In the water? Oh, in a… In a… That moon room. Yeah, in a shrine. At Port Four Frost. At Port Four Frost.

And you have at least the one shard that you looked at. You found but didn't even look at the other shards. But the one that you looked at seemed to reflect a different place. Yeah, it was like… And when we'd move it, it would change perspective. Yeah. Yeah. And more… Are you going to roll anything on this? I'm… Honestly, guys, I'm not invested in the mirror at all. All right. That's weird because it was the only thing that you were like, I found a mirror shard.

I know, but that was because everybody else got something cool. I felt like I had to pretend that I was interested. I mean, I think it's cool, but if you're not keen on it, you can look at the other thing. Yeah, that's fine. I haven't seen one of these intact in a long time. Wait, you've seen this before? And he seems more interested in just like moving the pieces around and trying to fit them in because you don't… You're not invested.

…in what the mirror is, so he's just doing his own thing. Well, yeah, I'll let him do it, but I'll watch out of the corner of my eye. Well, then I guess you're going to roll a 26 points. No, I'm not going to roll anything. I'm just going to stand here silently and very still and watch out of the corner of my eye. And then while he's doing it… Well, I actively think about it more interestingly.

And while you're not being interested, Morris is just mumbling to himself and going, oh, yeah, that's interesting. So you talk about what he's doing. He's playing it cool and pretending not to be interested to get you interested. But it's a little too quiet for you to hear. Okay. So he's just like, oh, that's fascinating. But Billy's on the desk really invested because there's so much secret mumblings happening. And he's eating granola out of the dustpan.

There's so much dust and vinegar in there. There's so much baking soda. It basically just tastes like salt and vinegar chips, but worse. Yeah. And as Morris is moving the pieces around, trying to connect the edges that are broken, you see each piece seems to be reflecting a different location. And as he's moving them, so they're all showing different images. Okay. And as he moves them around, the images change. Oh, whoa. I want to know more.

I guess someone's going to have to roll a 2D6 plus intelligence to Spout Lore. I will do this. Because I'm the one that has this stupid fucking thing. Thank you for your sacrifice. That one was a five. Does this count? Pick that. Did it land flat? Yeah, it's flat. It's super flat. It's a four on his hip. It landed. I'll just roll it again. No, it's fine. You can roll it again. No, I'll take the four. No, that's a seven. So six. No, I have negative intelligence. Yeah, so a six.

So somebody can aid. Yeah. 2D6 plus bond. Trying to just like. I'm playing it cool too. I'm like, yeah, stupid fucking mirrors. I don't give a shit about this, but really cool. Everybody's just edging closer to Morris as he's working. I failed. I got a six. Oh, shit. Can you aid and aid? Can I aid and aid? You can aid and aid, yeah. No way. Yeah, you guys are allowed to aid aids. You just can't double aid. Oh. Yeah. You can help each other get a plus one, but you can't. Cool. Sweet. Eight.

Eight. So seven. Seven. Seven. It only works in really calm settings, actually. What we're doing is we're trying to convince Tuck that it's okay to be interested. Yeah, totally. Yeah. And everybody's moving a little closer being like, what's Morris saying? Oh, Tuck, it's really cool. Are we doing that by also playing it cool? So then it's a reverse psychology. Like, no, no. I'll actually. I am interested. Yeah. I say, don't worry, Tuck. You don't want to know about this.

Like, it'll just be me and Ving learning. Those are really interesting, but you don't have to be interested in them. I'm like, fuck you guys. I'll come over there and do whatever. Don't be excluded from stupid fucking thing. Is Tuck acting like this because the volcano is so cool. And then this has been like a big decline. Yeah. Ving's experiments are super cool. I have the feeling that Billy's thing was awesome. And I feel like this thing's going to be a piece of shit.

Well, I've got good news and bad news for you. It is a piece of shit, but only because we don't have all of the pieces or any connecting pieces. And he shows you and it's like just the very like tip of the shards kind of touch. Oh. And there's like three pieces that would fill in the rest of it to create what looks like a mirror, maybe about three feet tall, two feet wide. Can we lay them out like where they would be in the two feet by three? Yeah, totally. So it's showing different places.

Like each shard shows a different place. But because they're not connecting, they're not showing one full picture. You're just getting like flashes of different places. This. I mean, I haven't seen one of these in a long time, but this is a looking glass. What do they do? They were created by a wizard who went by the name. Master Mirror. I know. M&M. I know. Master Mirror. So lame.

He got very irate if you called him anything but Master Mirror to the point where I don't know if he had another name. Oh my god. What's wrong with you people? Sorry. I just realized. Chuck and Billy take a step away from Vick. I'm so sorry. A couple desks around you slide away like six inches. And then wow, the elven heritage really came out there. I'm sorry. That was my father speaking. And the desks slide back into place. And all three of you do too.

You realize that you moved across the floor as Morris got a little mad. They were basically just a way to create long distance communication for people. You'd stand in front of the mirror. You'd think of somebody who had a mirror as well and you would be able to speak as if they were right in front of you. Oh, okay. So what we're seeing is probably where the other mirrors are. I would assume so. That is very astute, young Billy. Thanks. I've been learning today. Wow.

I didn't actually put that in. That's pretty cool. Do you think that, like your mastery over the spaces you've built, do you think the master mirror, Bing rolls his eyes, would also have sight into each mirror that he made? Oh, I would assume so. If perhaps only through his own devices. Though I this is an unfortunate circumstance, but master mirror, could not be swayed to the wizard's first ideology, so it is very likely that he is no longer with us. Or trapped in a box. Or trapped in a box!

Or any, what may be perhaps encased in some sort of magical ice coffin that he escaped from. Could be anything. But, um, without him here, there's no way to know. I believe that is what we have most of the pieces to. Okay. Cool. It is cool. But if you are not interested, feel free to go, um, away. The thing that I kind of actually wanted to look into is what's going on with this thing in my chest. Oh! The coin in my chest? Oh, yeah. This, uh, is not my area of expertise. Okay.

So to speak, but what… Why is this not made out of paper? Hilarious. You're really rude sometimes. Texas! I like that there's just something about Morris that rubs Bing the wrong way. He's an asshole. I don't trust him. Fair enough, honestly. But there's no need for, to be rude. What was it you were hoping to learn? I just want to know, so there, I think there is a demon in here, but is this doing anything to me? Also, why did it shoot into my chest? I am not an iconographer.

I have never heard of white obsidian. As you have previously stated, you're the only person that's ever made it? Yeah. As far as you're aware, I've been away for a century. I don't think I can help you. Okay. That's fine. But there are many books in this place. Perhaps one of them may hold the information you seek. Fuck. And Perel walks up to you as you walk away and goes, they're not going to. They're all, most of them are fake books.

But, you know, who might know, a little bookwormer, a bookworm situation, perhaps. Maybe we contact our old friends at the library. Oh. Maybe. Did we? What was on the last bookworm we sent? Where is that guy? I was wondering about that last episode, if we should send a bookworm telling them that we're at the Allwaters Tower. Oh, right, yeah, because that's why they gave us the bookworm, was so that we would let them know that we're here.

And as you're all debating this, sort of in the study area, you are suddenly taken with a massive shape next to you that emerges. What the fuck? Holy shit. Of course you did not see me. I am stealthy as the night. I think you should come with me. I was scouting ahead in this horrible place. I found the surface. You need to come. Okay. Okay. This bag is weird, but come with me back to normal world. Join me outside of bag. There is something outside in the tundra that you must see. Uh, okay, yeah.

What, what is it? Things are, it is too, they would take too long to tell you. Longer than leaving here with you? There is no time to say. Okay. So steal yourselves to leave this bag and think on what might be discovered. I don't think we were in a zone to accept, like, an energy of urgency, because we're kind of just, like, slumped in a bunch of love seats around a fire. So he's standing there waiting for you all to get up. Billy's struggling to get out of the beanbag chair he's laying in.

Time is of the essence. Please move. Okay. Big chair. I mean, if you could tell us and maybe we'd hurry. There is no time. Please grab your stuff. Have a snack if you need to. Take a rest. You want to sleep? Go to washroom. Then hurry, because time is of the essence. Tech Lake goes, huh? He peels himself up and you hear that sound of, like, leather peeling away from a bare bag. Shlick. Take your time. Get up slow. Be careful. Don't pull hamstring. But time is of the essence.

Alright, so five minutes later, Billy has gone to the bathroom and he's wrapped a little cloak around himself and it has a bindle. Tech made a bunch of little sandwiches. Sandwiches? Like the kind that you take to the beach? Yeah, totally. Okay, let's go. There is no time. And he starts running out of the fanny pack and into the tower. Oh my god, running? I know. I run to follow. I told you there is no time. And he leads you to the mouth of, like, an ice cave.

You feel, like, the cold blowing winds of the tundra and the ice is, like, ice extends before you. Oh, so this is, like, the front door of the, like, the actual entrance to the tower? Yeah, this looks like this is, like, the above ground entrance to this place. Is it day or night? It's day. And you emerge into the blinding white light of an arctic day. Whoa. Yeah, the light's glittering off all the crystals in the air, so it's just this, like, sheet of white light.

It is so blinding to the point where, like, you can't see anything and you can't expect that there would be anything out here. I have a light sight. Oh, yeah. So, at first, you see nothing. But Vic, like, sniffs the air. His, like, big wolf head lifts to the sky. Ving's head tilts back, too. He sniffs. You smell a familiar smell. Oh, sorry. Jesus Christ. He starts wafting behind his back. Those bergam fruit sandwiches? I found them in the palace. Oh, God. So, once those sulfurous fumes pass…

Oh, God. I can taste it in my nose. You, uh, you catch You catch a familiar scent. One that's comforting, but also upsetting. A deep memory. Something that you've hoped that you could've forgotten forever, but it is brought up in you unbidden. Yeah. It's a smell like moss and ice. Old leather. Resin. The smells of the north end of the great forest. And you see a figure approach through the snow. Victor starts to emit a low, rumbling growl.

A hood is pulled down as a cloak, wreathed in white, ends the refraction, the camouflage inherent in buttermoth silk. And you see the dark countenance of Nathaniel, your father, the ranger king. And he walks forward and he says, I hear you've been looking for me. What took you so long? … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … Father, oh father, our time has come not. … … The blade is now sharp, and the moon is now high. … …

A daughter once treasured, now she must flee. … … But the stalwart son returns to thee. … Maiden, oh maiden, your heart is now bare. … … … … Caught deep inside, the devil's dark snuff. … … … With salt and sand and broken key. … … … The stalwart son returns to thee. … … Brother, oh brother, your winter has come. …

An army now marches to the beating of drums With the waking of the wandering free The stalwart's son returns to thee Sailor, oh sailor, your port has been burned The love that you seek will not be returned At the ringing of bells and the boiling of seas The stalwart's son returns to thee Devil, oh devil, the flock has been lost The sheepherder's kindness does come at a cost The waxing flame, it bends the knee To the stalwart's son who returns to thee Liar, oh liar, your road has been run The die has been cast and the game has been won Men must abide, but gods they live free The stalwart's son returns to thee The stalwart's son returns to thee The stalwart's son returns to thee Hunter, oh hunter, your quarry has fled The holly and heather will soon be your bed As you lay to rest near the burning tree The star is now in the air As you lay to rest near the burning tree The stalwart's son returns to thee The stalwart's son returns to thee The stalwart's son returns to thee The stalwart's son returns to thee The stalwart's son returns to thee Children, oh children, do not speak my name I've done all I've done and would still do the same To the one who calls the apogee To the one who calls the apogee To the one who calls the apogee My stalwart's son has returned to me

Spellore is publicly funded by listeners like you Go to spellore.com For more quality family programming Like Arthur and Mr. Rogers Neighborhood You get special limited edition PBS tote bags You hear that Fred Rogers We ripped off your shit and we put it on our Patreon Look we shit talk a lot of people I will not stand for any Mr. Rogers Slander on this podcast I'll fucking drop kick Mr. Rogers' grave in the face Mr. Rogers is cool but Fuck you Mrs.

Rogers She was a real son of a gun You know what Mr.

Rogers would let you drop kick him And he'd be like are you okay Did that make you feel better You're being really violent why Gather round friends let me tell you A tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute a druid and a thief Who is but nine years old You know them by name You know them by deed Their quests are famously daring So Here I sit Singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute He knows not his home He loves to sing and fight Fingers half-elf He shifts his shape And wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief His tiny size Does Max the largest part Best and brightest They may not be But their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends And listen close For the tale of three heroes noble and bold A tale's about to start A tale's about to start Where a woman runs a you do I mean that is 100 our move yeah you guys have consistently lived in the sitting rooms totally you go into a fancy place this is the nicest most deluxe room I've ever been in I'm never leaving it's a little cramped but it's beautiful there's a bowl with keys and shoe mats this fully betrays our dumb kid like personas actually in real life where we are where the kind of kids that would walk in and be like what a beautiful home you have it's like this is our mudroom and a beautiful mudroom it is mudroom my I slept in the mudroom of my house for years for real yeah 100 as a kid it was great I loved it I had a bunk bed with no lower bunk but like a desk underneath I felt so cool that's pretty cool um until I was six foot two like 180 pounds climbing up a rickety bed like king kong yeah you know at a certain point when you're a really large teenager you don't need a ladder on your bed anymore you just kind of lean forward yeah you're just so horny your giant bone zone pops you up there every night your parents every day your parents are like squeaking squeaking we gotta get rid of sean's bunk bed it's creaking too much there's so much creaking I have to tighten those screws every day every time he wakes up his bed is like four feet further away from the wall because the legs are so tall any of any movement because apparently no one had ever been kind to victor yeah he's a rescue well we like to think that he rescued us from the time tunnel that broke our minds uh they just hung out for a little bit got some rest took a little nap and during the night's watch tuck checked out the book case in the foyer with a brand new copy of a dirk adventurman novel that he hadn't read before and was swiftly attacked by all of the books on the shelf uh the party did battle with that's the last time tuck's gonna trust a book you already were weary there's some kind of metaphor for sure is what tuck says uh they survived the book battle uh moving further into the building and discovering a dining room with a beautiful centerpiece of flowers that they swiftly discovered were not planted in anything but perfectly alive uh billy of course at this point ate one and found that he was vivified revived in a way his his his biology singing with the the energies of the flower giving him one additional bonus health point against my better judgment so of course the rest of the party began eating flowers so they're all fully healed and then some yeah uh then next the party continued their explorations of the tower discovering a ballroom upon entering music began to play and as if from the very seat self exact copies of the party knit themselves together from what appeared to be true flesh and bone asking if they would like to dance and upon refusal they were attacked very quickly by their dance partners until ving convinced everybody to dance with them maggie did some uh square dancing with her partner perel with his perel did a beautiful emotional napoleon dynamite style dance interpretive dance and a woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman's woman right I'm gonna do mouth stuff first you solved the dance puzzle you just had to dance until through the ice movement was seen on the floor below the shadows light ving and billy booked for the door with perel tuck smashed through the floor as it attempted to heal itself crashing into the workshop below the room as a door slammed on the other side the party did a chase down the stairs kind of chasing each other but also chasing the person that they were chasing arriving in a room surrounded by shelves covered in mysterious items tuck arriving first found the room empty of people and then immediately said I'm gonna smash everything in this room if you don't come out right now maggie talking down the party arrived billy in an attempt to find the hidden pursue we took perel with him into the fairy realm using his new move midnight waltz upon which perel was almost immediately overwhelmed by the energy he could feel billy continued to dreaming his magical gene oh he fucking creamed him hard dude thalmic thalmic lee dreaming his thalmic genes yeah because this is a hot spot too so this is like drinking from a fire hose so actually that's another thing that we just suck and cream out of a hot spot a hose oh yum oh my god billy no get away from that hose billy jessica's never been more on board cream hose um billy sent him back to his body but remained in the fairy so they could keep looking around and perel found himself wandering over to a rolled up piece of canvas that he unrolled exclaiming morris and the party saw a portrait of a wizard presumed to be morris wadge which then turned into a picture of a wizard blinked and that is where we find ourselves now billy is still in the fairy realm yes yeah and perel is holding a portrait that has blinked and the portrait starts to shake in his hands whoa and kind of like flap a little bit and he drops it he backs away and drops it on the ground what was that piece of cloth too heavy ving says and goes and picks it up and perel doesn't know like as you're going to pick it up the portrait starts to you know in like like in the fairies world you know like looney tunes when someone gets like crushed by a safe and they're all 2d and they start to lift themselves up but the end of who frame Roger of it yeah that's what I was thinking yeah completely flat the man in the portrait begins to lift up from the canvas and starts to like origami unfold yeah like his limbs start to extend creepy and then there's like slices of him that are filling in behind wow coming facts 3d yeah he starts to becoming like three-dimensional and within I don't know 20 seconds 30 seconds there is now a man standing before you he's on the shorter side probably about five six five eight but broad you said he was really burly stocky yeah and he's wearing previously very fine robes that are now tattered maybe like a kind of burgundy and gold sort of like paisley ish yeah you know like kind of floral and guilt mm-hmm but really tattered and then he's got big mutton chops he's kind of balding on his head maybe like it's receding he's got a high like widow's peak oh cool and then no mustache or beard what's the hairstyle I think like bullish you know like a old king oh yeah yeah I was down and totally I expect I'm imagining it like swept back for the most yeah kind of long almost like down to his shoulders like he's been living rough for a little while yeah okay like maybe this was a really nice hair haircut two years ago he still has the time to shave the mutton chops and Perel is just standing there slack-jawed tuck is being very quiet cuz you know it's it's a big moment am I still in the fairy world or can I pop back oh you can pop back in yeah yeah I'll pop back in yeah totally so you make sense if something is yeah there's holding in the room there's a big like disturbance in the shadow world you said tuck throw up yes and I'm like I'm gonna throw up I'm gonna throw up I was like oh I should get back there yeah so you all have the mints you like you need some help so yeah I'd like the the energy that Billy saw in the fairy world on the portrait has like blossomed into this like bright shards of light I like yeah yeah the spectrums holding and now it's weird it's this like it's like this glowing torch now almost what Perel looked like when he was here but now he's quite dimmed in his material form and then he's like oh I should get back in there and he says hello Betty and Perel steps forward kind of like shell shocked Perry Dexter's crying Harry this name is so sweet I've never thought of I didn't know we could give him a nickname oh yeah Billy has big anime tears and Perel we all hugged him together we all see him behind you guys are just hugging the end of a George Lucas movie looking at these people meet again crying silently quivering lips and Perel is like gasping almost he's like and then he just balls up his fist and he punches Morris right in the nose he's just like you son of a bitch you left me you left us and there he's like trying to grab Morris oh I tuck goes forward and he holds Morris down get him wraps around Perel to hold Morris down it's like he goes it looks like he's going for Perel to stop him but then he holds Morris's shoulders and pins him to the ground between you and Morris get him I imagine tuck is like pretty like gentle and businesslike about it too like just there you go Perel here you go do whatever you need to do let uncle tuck help you and yeah Perel feeds him a couple more hours and it goes slow-motion pink haze and I need you know and Morris very notably is not really fighting back he gets slugged a couple times and then Perel stops and grabs him by the front of his robes and pulls him up and hugs him and just holds and is you can he's like shaking tuck is also holding Morris so now they're hugging inside of tucks arm arms and then tuck like hugs them both can we go I want to go hug I'm going inside hug so Morris emerged from a portrait from a two-dimensional plane to get punched in the face three times and now he's being hugged by people he doesn't know okay I go hug well I go hug I hug Ving's leg yeah who's on the back of Morris yeah and Perel's got his face like buried in Morris's like neck and he's just hugging him so hard just breathing it in yeah and then he pulls back and he kisses Morris and he just looks at him like he's just looking in his face and then Perel's like I get you guys can get off did you get it do you want me to know just stop just chaos and pride it's like also leaning with his eyes closed with his lips I like I guess we're kissing now is this is this not is this normal now is this like a this a normal part of your life yes it's hard to say I'm not sure if I'm a woman a woman a woman a woman a woman a woman a woman a woman a woman a woman a woman a woman a woman a woman a woman wadge big fan uh of course you would be wouldn't you love this guy love his attitude and uh uh billy is like kind of shy and he's like um do you guys want adult time should I go wait out in the hallway oh uh no billy no no no I think everybody has some questions I know I've got some fucking questions I think you've mostly got questions and yeah if you've got fucking questions we don't have to be in the room when you ask them hey it's understandable I I I can look I can answer any questions you want are you alone here yes are you telling the truth yes why would I lie I don't know you're a wizard oh because I'm a wizard I lie that's that's what you're suggesting well we're also here looking for someone else we didn't really expect to find you who are you looking for all water good luck you what's that supposed to mean I've been here for weeks not a soul until the three of you why are you even here oh uh yeah that's a great question tuck that's a great question uh how did you what are you how are you here it's uh it's difficult could we go somewhere maybe more comfortable I well you know we could go back to the fanny pack we have that right yeah billy takes it off of his waist and he starts setting it up morris you sees the fanny pack and laughs I can't where did you get this what did we get this we found it in a treasure worm and then a bird gave it to us treasure worm wow I mean what do you think it's beautiful it's pretty cool yeah it's home to us yeah it's nicest tent I ever stayed in yeah I was gonna I was gonna mass produce these things but this ended up only being a proof of concept it's really cool it's we've uh and then tuck realizes that it's fucked up and something like that yeah it's really cool it's really cool it's really cool it's really cool it's really cool it's really cool it's really cool it's really cool it's really cool kind of took liberties yes we lost track of it for a while and some kind of stuck in there You know, I'll get, no.

You guys stay here. Yeah, you guys should hang out here and we'll go inside. Yeah, you don't want to be in here. It's got a lot of things written on the walls. No, that's, I mean, I've seen it. Oh, right. You were in it. I was. I wasn't sure who had it, so I didn't stick around for long, but I did take a quick visit. Let's just, let's go in. Let's go in. Okay. I've had enough of this ice. It's not, I don't love it thematically.

You know, it's not my proudest work, but let's just, let's head inside. Okay. My face is getting cold. Not so much on the sides here, but right in the bottom. Right in the chin and the nose area. Right underneath the nose. And, you know, a few minutes later, you guys are kind of arrayed. Morris is kind of walking around with his hands on his hips, just like, ah, yay. This is great. Just beautiful. And he pats like the lintel on the fireplace and adjust.

The portrait and touches the safe and shit like that. I like that. It looks a little bit different here. Things are like, is it more roomy because he created like, and he has mastered space. So space is different. The spaces that he's created are slightly different when he's in them. Space acts different around him. Yeah. It would like know what he wants. Totally. And he would know how to tell it. He can walk towards the danger wall and it just like fades a little bit. Yeah.

Room gets more comfortable. And when he pats the safe, it like automatically. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It automatically repairs itself because we totally fucked it up. Did you put that, that terrible watch robot centipede century. Oh, the century beat. Oh, you tried to get in. Oh, I see. Didn't you use the key? What key? What key? I left a key in the safe. There's no key in there. Perel. Did you not get, you found the letter. It wasn't there when I went in. Yeah.

I found your letter and he reaches over and he takes the letter from Perel.

And it's like a sheet of paper and he kind of grabs the edges and sort of uh rubs them together rubs his fingers together and the paper begins to like fold out from itself and then fold back in and creates this very stylized but simplistic like key shape oh and he says you have lost your touch it's been a long time bro I'm not familiar with this anymore and uh he goes over to the danger room wall and begins unclasping it no no no no no no no no no not do that why not we shoved the broken sentry bead back in there but we don't know what it's gonna do you shoved it back in yeah oh to like the dark place that it came from oh also we have I don't know what effect this will have on the rest of the space but we have been treating it kind of like a toilet yeah you!

We didn't know where to put that stuff so your house didn't have a bathroom in it so we were shitting outside for a while but then we killed the sentry bead and it was this darkness just became toilet zone so you've never been outside the servants quarters sorry this is another foyer situation he looks around look there's a kitchenette yes little sitting area this is the nicest house I've ever lived in yeah this is literally the nicest house I've ever lived in yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yeah it's definitely got like and I like thick wooden beams abdul's it's a blanket fort it's got a blanket fort vibe on the outsides of it but then like inside it's like a very fine living space yeah I love the idea that it is this like vaulted room made out of like the material of the tent yeah but it's like you look up and it's like the spiral staircase goes up to a telescope and it's the night sky oh I love that that's very cool it's kind of like you know how like jasmine's room in the aladdin where it's like kind of indoor outdoor vibe totally yeah yeah so this is the this is the study slash observatory this is but one of many rooms that I designed for the fanny pack there's more this is this was designed to be a portable palace ving's legs give out he needs to sit down to catch his face waving his face billy wave some smelling salts under things nose oh my god sorry fingers fucking reek billy I'm sorry thank you no they wake me up it's the cheese oh my god and perel is walking around looking at this taking it all in there's like yeah there's the spiral staircase that goes up to the observatory there's a balcony up there there's like huge library shelves with books on them and there's like tables and chairs and what looks like a little bar area well I like that he picks up a book and throws it up in the air and lands on the ground and poof pops out into a giant tent like a some of these books are also like you can just take these out to like the other rooms yeah one of them you can pop them into a handsome cat he goes they're pop-up books I like that a lot I love pop-up books yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I mean this was gonna change everything until you know people decided that uh maybe it wasn't worth having us around anymore didn't you make this so that you guys could just like fuck off and leave make what wasn't like the fanny pack part of like the waywalking project you needed this to be able to live outside of the universe no this was a separate project of mine that the extra planar evacuation project was different.

It was a success, but a failure. Let's maybe take it from the beginning. How did I get here? Is that question one? Yes. And he stands and he grabs a couple books off the shelves and he throws them in front of them and they all just like become like chairs that he stands around like in a semicircle around him and then he takes another and he throws it in front of him and it becomes a lectern. Cool. Alright, please if you don't mind, take a seat. Tuck goes and sits down.

And he reaches over and he grabs a couple other books and he throws one like further away from you that unfolds into like made of paper and leather like a butler. Whoa. Oh, cool. With a tray of like little like cups and plates. Oh, Billy standing up on the chair like, oh boy. That as you're watching, they like they fill themselves with various liquids and foods. Oh, cool. And the paper butler you hear like like shuffles over to you.

Billy grabs the throat blanket and tucks it into his collar like a bib. A full blanket that covers his entire body. Just his arms coming out. Like a snuggie. Yeah. And the paper butler hands out yeah, food and drink. And whatever you take off the tray you find is whatever you wanted in that moment. Oh, cool. Tuck takes a thing and it's ox's blood. Yeah. Because he hasn't had in a long time. Yeah.

And then he is he's wedged because these are you know those university type seats where it's like the desk. The desk folds up and over. So he like he's like too big for it. So he's like trying to wedge himself in and then pull the desk up but he wrenches it off. He's like, all right. He's really small. Just settle in. Settle in. And then as you kind of stop fighting the tape, the chair, you feel it. Yeah, you feel it unfold a little bit more underneath you. Okay. To become more comfortable.

Thank you. And Billy's actually folds in a little bit. Yeah, it's made a little like a baby chair. Like a high chair. It rises up a little bit. So your eye level with the adults. Yeah. And has a little tray. Wings pops out like a lazy boy. Oh my God. Feed up. Feed up. Impressive, right? Amazing. Is this a lemon snow cone? I haven't had one of these since I was a kid. It's whatever you asked it to be. Wow. There's a lot of dirty cubes of beets and turnips and then. Raw? Dirty cubes?

Yeah, they're raw. And then a pot of honey. Yep. Oh, honey pot. Yeah. Beautiful. There is more. The butler keeps dropping off like little samples of things. Yeah. He goes to walk and you're like, oh. Yeah. There's a quarter of an egg sandwich and a quarter of an egg sandwich. Yeah, he pulls a little small amount of sandwich. A quarter of a really big egg sandwich. But like, yeah, magically a full egg sandwich was generated and the quarter was removed. Yeah. And then he has a gravy to go with it.

And then he has a chicken soup with gravy to go with it. And so there's two separate kinds of gravy. Yeah. He has pudding. Savory pudding. And sweet pudding. Yeah, savory and sweet. Rice pudding as well. Sweet. And Morris is just watching this. And an apple that's cut up. This is beautiful. This is like a stress test. This is amazing. I've never had someone so hungry try and use the golem before. It's incredible. There's those like pouches that babies drink from like the smoothie, the goo bag.

There's a couple goo bags. He really likes those. The table keeps getting big flipping. Yeah. And loose Cheerios. This is, I mean, please as much as you want. I want to see if there's an upper limit to this. You sure you want to see more? The page can bring you whatever you want. It's called a page. That's great. I came up with that while you guys were talking. That's so cool. Pizza toppings. Just the toppings. Why am I going to waste my time with the crust? Oh my God.

You brought it up so sheepishly in the end of this. So vehemently. This is just, it's literally like a programmer making a program that is like, I've thought of everything I could and then a user interacting with it and doing the weirdest shit possible. So it's just a bowl with marinara sauce, cheese and vegetables. He brought a pizza and he slid the toppings off onto a plate for Billy and then he brought a full pizza?

And then now there's a little plate with spaghetti and meatballs that Billy's eating with just his hands. Wow. And a side of cheese, grated cheese that Billy's also eating with his hands. Those puffs of cheese. It's been just 10 minutes. We all sat down and we're done. Our drinks. He came by and was like, no, I'm good. Maggie and Perel, who very notably did not sit down or accept any food or drink, have been watching this so long that they got thirsty. They both grab a drink.

Ving's doing that thing where he's eating the bottom of it. Pizza. He's eating three quarters. You just got the mom meal. Yeah, the leftovers. He's eating some marinated beans. I haven't even seen some of these foods before. Borscht. Borscht, I am familiar with. Then just a handful of garden weeds. Like for a palate cleanser. I wish I could speak to the order that designed this spell for me. Billy is like his eyes are glazed over. He's done. I think he's done.

I mean, I think he could go further. If I'm being honest. He's done. Right. The weeds are an indication that you're at. You're like fairy. The fairy hunger is like dandelions are starting to come out of his head. Morris, what were you saying? That was I can't remember. That was astounding. I basically Oh, what? All right. He's like kind of looking at Perel, but kind of trying not to look at Perel because he can just feel the like rage boiling off of him.

I'd like to take this opportunity to answer any of your questions so we can sort of get this out of the way. Carry on with our lives. So, yes. Where did you come from? Where did you go? Yeah. Fuck. Were you going for that? Oh, no. I ruined the joke. I was going to say, where did you? I thought of it, but you know what? Because I respect women and their ability to tell jokes. I did not jump on that. I'm famously a misogynist and I think that it's time we talk about it. Because I am an ally.

I'm so glad how you got there. I know it took some time, but thank you. Welcome. Thanks. Short answer is I escaped. The extra planar evacuation project using a complicated and difficult application of the Thaumic Tunneling Principle which allowed me to arrive at a point not of my choosing connected to work that I have done in the past. What do you mean escaped? Were you a prisoner? Right, I suppose. I haven't actually talked to anyone outside of it.

The Exodus was not what you may have thought it to be. We were deceived. By who? I wish I could answer that, but what we do know, what I do know, is that we thought that we were leaving a world that no longer wanted us for one of our own design. But it was not a paradise. It was a prison. Whoa. What was the prison? It was what we were told. It was a world that we were creating for ourselves. Worlds unto our own, but once we entered, I found I could not leave. But you weren't allowed to leave.

I was unable to leave. It was a one-way hole. How'd you get back? When'd you get back? I was there for, uh… I don't know what year it is. We also don't know what year it is. Actually, we do kind of know what year it is. Right. We don't know what the calendar is, but we did suggest that the beginning of the show took place in the year 420. Because we thought it was funny. No. Yeah. So is it like 422 now? Yeah, it's like 422 on a calendar. We haven't established. Yeah.

Because I was thinking about this. 420 is funny. And then if you go 40 years into the past, when Mall Brats takes place, it's 480. It's the 80s. Oh, cool. Wait, 380s. 380s. It's the 380s during Mall Brats. So it's the 420s right now. Oh, cool. We are in the uh, oh, what would it be called? Like ages. I like coming up with the ages. Yeah. I feel like it's maybe two. Second grieving or something. You know what I mean?

So I know the grief, in my mind the grieving took place at least a thousand years ago. So I think we're maybe like two ages past the death of Rian. So maybe that's what it is. It's the third age. Well, what's the steps of grieving? Not that we have to abide by it. Yeah, like anger bargaining acceptance. Oh, yeah. We are, I guess it's depression now. That makes sense. It's a great depression. Yeah. It was a great depression. Great depression. It makes sense. Year 22. Yeah. Totally.

The most depressing year. And it's like all technology is gone. Everybody lives in like an apocalypse. Yeah. Potatoes are worth a lot. There are wars starting to pop up. Yeah. Third age of grieving. I like the third age of grieving. I like it too. Yeah, that's pretty good. Which is also called like the depression. But like the wizard stuff in the golden age was all the last like couple hundred years. But the grieving happened a long time ago, right?

So it was like that was the war itself was the grieving. And then whatever came after it was the second age of grieving, which ended in like the golden age of technology. And then the third age of grieving is the apocalypse. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. So when you tell him that it's 422, he is kind of like wide eyed. I was in there for over 90 years. I've only been out for a month, two months. Oh, wow. Oh, it's been hard to keep track of time.

The first few days after I first few weeks, probably after I escaped, I was not myself. How so? It felt like I'd been dumped into a freezing lake like something had been torn away from me. Oh, whatever has happened in the last 90 years, something is missing and my lack of connection to it. Disoriented me greatly. And Perel steps forward and says, what happened is they fucking killed us, Morris. All of you left and the ones that were left behind were wiped out. It's like a silence. Yeah.

I'm like twiddling my thumbs like this is awkward. My grandparents are fighting. You're a cup. Yeah. My sippy cup. So loud. It hits the ground and then like bounces a bunch. It's clanging for so long. And then when it's done. Sorry. And after the sorry, the silence continues to stretch. And then Billy goes. Yeah. And there's just the occasional like as the page starts to move and Morris holds his hand up and then Billy starts drinking from a sippy cup again. The page is shuffling uncomfortably.

It's like adjusting. It's like origami. It's really crisp shirt. It's basically doing Rodney Dangerfield. Yeah. This thing is basically made of really crisp shirts like it's all folds and flat planes. So it's just like it's a thawing construct and even it is uncomfortable. It shouldn't have emotion palatable in here. And then I I waved the page. Can I see a menu? Do you have a menu? And it reaches into it. It reaches into its coat and produces a menu made of the same paper that it's made of.

And I take a glance. It's furtively over at the standoff between Perel and and I guess they've just been staring at each other. I wonder if they can read minds. They're communicating telepathic. I say that to being really loud. Well, it's only loud because it's so quiet. No, we can't read minds, Billy. He's just not fucking saying anything. I don't know what to say. I don't. I can't believe it. How did this happen? What do you mean? How did this happen? Says Perel.

Now I'm fucking audiobook mode. Hell yeah, thing has got a big bowl of popcorn. This is awesome. The strength of Wizards was never in our magic, and you know that it was in our unity. It was in the gathering the community, and when Wizards first broke that we were left defenseless. We were on our own. Aquaria almost died. I was in prison for a hundred years. And where were you? I was trapped. Perel, I was trapped. I made that world for us.

I said in the letter, I was making it for the three of us. We could have lived there forever and been happy forever. But I couldn't come back. And Perel thinks for a second. I didn't realize I didn't get that from the letter. I said in the letter, I was going to show you that I was sorry I had to leave, but I would show you that it was all worth it. What do you think I meant by that? I don't know. I found a letter from you for the first time.

I read your words for the first time in what felt like a millennia, and I didn't know what they meant. And I was angry and I was sad. Did you really try to come back? And he doesn't even look at he like slams his hands on the lectern a little bit. He's like, of course I did. Why? How could I abandon you? Why? Why? Why would I do that? Why did you think that of me? I didn't know what to think of you at that point.

Honestly, this wizard's first stuff, it feels like it got in your head and it turned you into someone that I didn't know and that I didn't like. And I thought that this was just sort of the final twist. The final twist of the knife was you leaving. And Morris like grunts and kind of like sniffs a little bit and kind of like, I don't know, I don't know. He kind of like sniffs a little bit and kind of coughs and he's like, all right, well, I didn't. I didn't leave.

Now, do you have any more questions? Did you get your menu? He says it so derisively. Yes. Oh man, he's just. Oh, I'm so mad. He says it like Gordon Ramsay. Did you get your fucking menu? Your donut. Yeah, I got, I got the menu. All right. Let's just, let's, let's crack on. You got any questions? Let's get them out now. Okay. Oh. Do we like discern. Oh. Oh. Yeah. I mean, you could discern realities. Or a spell Lora, I suppose. I mean, maybe each of you gets one question. Does woman do. Yeah.

And do we have to roll for it to. Do we get yes. About Lora. Do we get a quest. Lora about it. And that will determine. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. How much Morris actually knows. Oh, smart. Love it. Okay. Okay, so who's going first? Who's got a question? I want to know what Morris knows about the man behind the plan of Wizards First. You know what I mean? Right, yeah. Wizards First sold this idea of the Extraplane or Exodus Project as a paradise, turned out to be a prison.

I want to know if Morris knows who was the person who was actually pulling the strings on Wizards First. Oh, I see. All right, I'll spell it. Yeah. Here we go. First roll of the game. First roll of the game. Fuck. Get 12. Get 12. 12. 12. Shit. Four. Four. And you know what? This is perfect because, so he knows plenty about the people that were involved in Wizards First. As a movement, it formed in the early days of what would become the Wizard War.

As we sort of came to realize that humanity, the mortal people, didn't appreciate what we added to society, everything that we could do and everything they needed from us. A natural and understandable resentment grew amongst us. Wizards, as we realized that people that should have considered us their betters, saw themselves as having power over us, the most powerful beings on the planet. But I was but a piece of a project. The membership of Wizards First was in the dozens.

Easily three dozen wizards working in concert on a task and project that had never been conceived or considered before. Wow. Clearly, there were ulterior motives amongst some of the membership or perhaps an outside force, but I was too focused on my work to have the safeguards necessary to see the trickery that existed at the heart of the movement. Were you alone in the prison? Yes. What? You didn't, you weren't in contact with the other wizards that were?

No, part of the project was that we would create worlds for ourselves. Self-contained universes. I realize now that the key to this plan may have been to separate and isolate us. Oh. If we were able to work together, we may have been able to break out sooner. But unfortunately, I was alone and frankly mad for a number of decades. Whoa. Coming in and out of consciousness and in and out of reality. And it wasn't… It wasn't until I was able to regain my senses that I was able to work on escaping.

Who's next for question? I want to know what he came to Adarnax Tower for. What is he looking for? Yeah, totally. So 2d6 plus intelligence. 11. 11. Oh, smart! Interesting and useful. Yeah. The delta between our average roles is fucking crazy. I think it's because Billy ate so much, so his brain is like on all… It's on. He's finally got all the nourishment he needs. Uh-huh. It's on a different plane of existence. Exactly. His eyes are facing different directions. He's connected to the overmind.

The food baby has arrived. You're the food baby. I am food baby. Like floating with your fingers like this, but there's like corn dogs in your… Oh, yeah. Connecting your thumbs and your middle fingers. He's got little raspberries on the ends of his fingertips. Some bugles, maybe. Yeah. When I was able to escape, I came out in my own tower and immediately was disoriented, as I said, from the lack of, I'm realizing now, connection to the Thaumic field that wizards cast over the world.

I, rather than use my natural ability and my gifts to get where I needed to go to find others, I used back doors that I had built into various towers that I'd worked on. I realized as I left my tower to the next that I was unable. I attempted to return the same way and ended up somewhere else. So something's broken down with the way that my work connects to one another. It seems like it is an unreliable, method of transport.

So I found myself jumping from place to place, hoping that I would find someone. Hoping that you would find your way home. Wait, is that a song lyric? Tex says, you know, you're, you know, jumping from place to place, helping out people whenever you can, hoping that the next jump will be the one that takes you home. Quantum leap. Doing these quantum leaps. Because you said you'd do that kind of quantum leap. Tunneling victory. It's like a thalmic tunneling, yeah. Yep. Thalmic leap.

Doing these thalmic leaps references to a show that the person doing my voice is not super familiar with. But I became wary and cautious, focusing most on my survival. So I stopped making quite as many jumps and I've only been leaving places when I've been forced to. What forced you out? Just kind of overstaying my welcome, so to speak. Some places have stores or places to conjure food. Some places I would accidentally break the spell necessary for clean water, for example. Oh.

And I was, um, I hesitate to say afraid, but definitely cautious of leaving. That's okay if you're afraid. I was not afraid. But you know, sometimes we're all afraid and that's where real bravery comes in. You gotta be afraid first to be brave. Some, perhaps, but not me. You're wrong. And as this back and forth is happening, Tuck is snuck up behind Morris and then he goes, and he actually, he… He folds out of existence for a second. He does.

He tenses, he folds up like a piece of cardboard and then unfolds somewhere else in the room. Oh, that's pretty fun. I was not afraid. That was a natural defensive instinct developed over many years by a professional, unskilled wizard. So you came here because you were like, I'm hungry. I'm gonna see what Adder and X got. I wish that I could tell you that I had deliberately came to this tower.

But anytime I moved, I was rolling the dice, taking a crap shoot, ending up somewhere I'd worked before. I see. Otherwise, I would have been at Aquarius Tower this whole time. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Oh, he's been going from, like, like, tower to tower. Some of those towers are probably vaults. Oh, yeah. And he, he wouldn't know what hotspots are. Yeah, no. Because he, yeah, hadn't seen them. That's probably what it is.

Like, coming back to this world where magic is so sparse, but also, like, aggressive in some spots was probably really disorienting. Right. I feel like his, where he's folding in and out because he's the, one of the engineers of the place, hotspots are where he's folding in and out. Oh, that's a really good point. So if he's going from place to place and where he's ending up is where hotspots are, even if he doesn't realize that, Yeah.

He's being, for lack of a better term, recharged really erratically. Yeah. So his magic is probably all over the place, which explains why he isn't able to direct it. And it also explains why he's, like, kind of looks sort of fucked up because he's, like, being exposed to radiation all the time, basically. And he seems a little off. Like, it seems like he's, like, kind of jumpy and he's distracted a lot. Uh-huh. Because he went crazy, he said. For a while, yeah.

Because he was in solitary confinement for a hundred years. Yeah. Like, Perel. Well, well, Perel at least had this, like, he's only energy state. You know what I mean? Like, he could probably tune out. Oh, yeah. He probably wasn't fully conscious at all. Yeah, until the words started to break. That's probably when he started becoming conscious again. But, Yeah, but, Morris had to be conscious for 90 years. He was in personhood for that whole time.

And Perel didn't really gain consciousness until he kind of was infiltrating Billy's mind. Totally. Right. He was sort of reconnecting at that point. Mm-hmm. And even then, he was, he was mad because he was like, Pilar was still Yeah. A part of him at that point. I like that he was using Billy's phase, the fae part of Billy through the fae part of Billy's connection to his wanting to be rooted in this boy. Yeah. Oh. Like, Billy's, like, really deep connection to the human boy. Wow.

Yeah, because the same way that Billy has used the boy to come into the world, Perel used the boy to come into the world as well. But also, holy shit, I never even thought about this. But because Billy was a fairy, even when Billy didn't remember being a fairy, he was able to use Billy's, like, mercurial, like, way walking Yeah. To sort of leave that Thalmic prison and enter a sort of midway state. Yeah. That's really cool. Wow. Because we've talked about how the three overlap a bit. Yeah. Yeah.

I think we've suggested that the place that Billy met Perel for the first time was in the fairy. Yeah. Yeah. It is. Yeah. That's so funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's fucking cool. Our show is so cool. It's fucking sick. God, we're good at this. Because the fairy realm is also a constructed realm that the fairy's made, so it has its own rules. Yeah.

I was just, yeah, because I was thinking that, like, the Exodus project was probably, like, a construction site with a bunch of, like, contractors that are like, ah, yeah, these are the plans, this is what we're gonna do. And then the fairy is just, like, a treehouse that a bunch of kids, like, slapped together. It's always like that. Yeah. So cool. Where the nails are alive. Yeah. Yeah. All these nails have names, unfortunately. Uh, all right. You have a question.

Ving wants to know what, knowing what you know now, and in this place, and who you are, and reconnecting with Perel, and here we all are together, what do you want to do? Four. No. Four. Then I think the answer is not good. Oh! So what do I want to do? That's an interesting question. It's one that I have had many answers for over the nearly century that I was trapped. First, I think the answer was I wanted to be free. And then I wanted to be with the ones that I loved.

And then for a long time I wanted to be a horse. And then I wanted to be free of the horse dream. Tuck's like street kid instinct kicks in here. Cause it's like, when you're on the street you get like really used to like being like, Who's dangerous? Yeah, like, oh that guy is not okay. I gotta get out of here. Yeah. And so like, really imperceptibly, Tuck like leans back in his chair and puts his hand on TLC. Cause he's like, Ving sees this. This, this, just became wrong. Uh huh. Yeah.

Um, and then for a long time I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know who I was. And once I remembered who I was, I remembered that I was Morris Wadge, Master of Arcane Architecture. Lord over time and space. And now that I'm back, and I know what's been done, I want to write what's been wrong. This world would fall apart without us and it sounds like it has. Tuck looks over and he notices that uh, Morris, he was like, where he's gripping the lectern his hand is bleeding. Oh.

Cause he's holding it so tight. Mm-hmm. And now, I have a question for you all. Will you help me? Help you what? Put things right. I mean, we're kind of trying to do that already. Right now. Excellent. He like lifts his hands up and you see like blood dripping from his right hand. Oh, like Leonardo DiCaprio? Yeah, he's like got his fist clenched and it's like leaking between his fingers. And Tuck goes, oh god, he's DiCaprio-ing. Excellent. Then the next step is to find others.

Free the remaining wizards. If Perel is not there, he's not there. If Perel was imprisoned, that suggests that there are others. Well, Perel's not really a wizard anymore. Yeah. He's kind of a was wizard. What are you? He's a wizard right now. What are you? Burn. What do you mean? Perry? What do they mean? And Perel steps forward and like, you know, gets up off the like post that he was leaning on. That's all stacked books in a spiral. It's true. I don't know. I don't have my magic anymore.

And Morris, his face clouds. It's like, what do you mean? What happened? Tuck knows what happened and he, you like every muscle tenses in his body. Who did this to you? Nobody. Nobody did it to me. It was a necessity. Look, I didn't take my imprisonment well either. When I was released, I was released by these three. They saved me. A part of me was released as well that represented all the times that I'd gone too far. And I'm a better man now.

But that part of me wanted its power back and tried to take me and these three saved me. And as a consequence, I am currently without my magic, but we're working on a solution. So, yeah, I mean, Morris, I sense the tension. And I'm like, that's why we came to the tower because we were hoping that this tower would lead us to the clues to help our friend, your friend, get his power back. Perel, you said as a consequence. As a consequence of what?

As a consequence of him killing me, we simply made him a safer person to be around. What do you mean you made? And you feel the room start to scrunch in around you. Billy slides out of the high chair and like takes the blanket off. He's like, well, that was a really nice lunch. Thank you so much. We can answer your questions outside of the tent. And out of the corner of your eye tuck, you see Maggie kind of start sidestepping around like the other side that you guys are on.

And you can see your hand like going to her belt, which is kind of a dagger. And Perel starts walking forward with his hands up. She's like, Morris, stay calm. It's okay. Everything's all right. What do you guys do? I don't want to fight Morris. No, you don't. No, we can't. I don't think we can. And here at least. I have an idea. So I rolled the Spout Lore, right? Yeah. And he said that he didn't know who was behind the Exodus project. And I have fount of knowledge. Oh.

Which means if nobody knows about a thing, I take a plus one and I Spout Lore against it. So I want to Spout Lore on who the fuck was actually behind Wizards First and was behind imprisoning and taking all of these wizards off the board. And taking the blanket of magic from the world. Yeah. Because I think I know. I think you know too. Yeah. Yeah. And I want to take a plus one forward which means it's a flat 2d6 roll. I want to hear it. Yeah. Play. Yeah.

Because if I can figure it out that I can give him a different target. I can give him a different thing to be mad at. Yeah. Where it's like instead of fighting us and like humans fight the actual person who took you away from your family. Yeah. Just redirect his anger. All right. 2d6 plus zero. Jesus fucking Christ. That's fine. It's good. Yeah. This is not a pivotal role at all. Nah. It's moments like this that I wish we fudged roles on this show. We're not going to. No we cannot.

Gonna get a 12. Feeling it's a 12. Six. Great. Eight. Eight. 100% I'll eight. Okay. 2d6 plus bond. Coming in. Plus one. Nine. Yes. Okay. So that makes it a seven. Okay. All right. Well I think that Tuck's probably put some pieces together. Yeah. He's back in the pizza hut. The pizza hut palace? Yeah. He's back in the pizza hut palace. The pizza palace. Yeah. And he's he's sitting there eating a pizzone.

And there's a version of Tuck with a backwards hat and like a tank top and board shorts at a Mortal Kombat machine. Yeah. Just so our listeners who maybe haven't heard the other episodes are aware this is like being John Malkovich for Tuck to go into his mind and figure out how to do it. And figure out what he's actually thinking about. He always goes to a sit down pizza hut. And he talks to a version of himself and everyone in the pizza hut is different versions of him. Yeah.

This one's playing Mortal Kombat. And he's got his mouth full of dessert pizza. And he's just like he's like it's obviously a fucking gibbous man dude. And then it's like he's out of the pizza. That was it. That was it. That was it. And then it's just like fucking gibbous man man. Oh my God. Obviously. We spent all that time at that bus fair getting to the pizza palace just to get slam to get a three word answer and then leave just drinks a seven up get the fuck out of here. We're closed.

I'm trying to kill Melina and then slam back to the Fanny Palace and no that's not going to work. I thought that's what we called it. And then Tuck goes Fanny Palace. And Tuck he picks up TLC and in his mind lets them know that they need to like pump out as much spirit energy as possible.

And he walks up to Morris and he takes the bag of obsidian coins that he has and he's like I know you're mad and I know you want to take it out on somebody but I think I know the person who orchestrated this whole thing. You should take it out on the person who made it out on you. Who made it out on you. Who made it out on you. Who made it out on you. Who made it out on you. Who made it out on you. Who made it out on you. Who made all of this happen.

Not on the people that were manipulated into fighting each other. And then he like tosses the bag of coins at Morris. And they'll spill out of the bag. There is a guy walking around the world giving these things out. He runs an organization called the Dark Guard. They've been making big moves to change the world into a realm that's not that will house icons more easily. And the first step of that was getting the wizards off the map. So I don't think you want revenge against us.

I think you want revenge against Gibbous because he's the one that kicked all of this off. 2d6 plus charisma. And it's I guess the parlay is I'll give you I'll give you this information. And okay. We're actually sorry. Remember with parlay if you get a lot of you get a seven to nine they need concrete assurance. Okay. How about the parlay is we'll help you kill the Gibbous man. Oh smart. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Because we've been looking for the Dark Guard to kind of I mean we've got like our list of priorities. Mostly this season was a boat trip but we did to kill the Dark Guard when we left the library we said we were going to find the Dark Guard. I keep stacking very important tasks. I try. I think I have a price on my head. Oh you do. Oh and you're supposed to kill your dad or you die. No that's like priority number two right now. A big seal wants to kill you. That's the low that's Who cares?

Can we cut to like what a stone eye is doing right now? Oh and he has built a shrine. There's like he's painting things on the inside of a sea cave. Oh yeah. He's looking at a picture of Ving like crouched on a beach. In the candlelight. Yeah. He's like ceremonially draped in kelp. He's like painting his face. Yeah. Like he's got war paint underneath his eyes. There's like two Selkies like standing ten feet away that are like he's really going off the deep end. He's lost a lot of weight.

I swear by the salt of the sea by the old gods and the new. That's pretty cool. The stones at the base of the world I will get my vengeance. And then you guys are just back here like you guys remember that foyer you guys remember Jesus. That was nice. Wow. All right. 2d6 plus charisma. And I'm rolling the bone dice. Don't fuck it up. No. It's high risk. Nobody fucks bone dice. Yeah. Cause if this fails I'm gonna have to kill more. If this fails we have a new villain. Yeah. Potentially.

So bone dice. Bone dice. Five. Five plus three is eight. Okay. Okay. Consult a sage sounding board on an aid. Oh does that let you give a plus two forward on a spell or discern realities. Okay. Oh this would have been for the previous thing. Oh. Cause this is a parlay. Everyone's studying their sheets. I didn't even know I had sheets into this moment. This is so rare that you guys that we actually read. It's only it's always only in the final episode of this season. I know.

Technically you have weed. You can share the weed with him. Which gives you a bonus on parlay. And then someone can aid you. As the standoff is in the weed. As the standoff is happening Ving throws weed. Yeah totally. Heads up. I mean what's the what's the worst what's the scenario here is that you're you're honestly you're just offering to help him. I'm offering to help him and I think I know what the concrete assurance I can give him is. Okay.

I could use bardic lore and to like the concrete assurance is to give him is to figure out who the gibbous man is. Like get him from it and then give him that. And that's the concrete assurance. Have you asked a question about the gibbous man before? I don't think so.

Is it is it something that you can't use if you've asked what it's the first so the way it reads is when you first encounter an important creature location or item your call covered by your bardic lore you can ask the GM any one question about it. The GM will answer truthfully. The GM may ask you what legend song or tale you heard that information in. I honestly don't think we've ever like in game at least talked about the gibbous man. No, not really. I don't think we have. Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe we should explain what the gibbous man is for the listeners that maybe don't have access to the bonus stuff. So in the song the thief and the maid which played at the end of season six the gibbous man is referenced as a similarly similarly ancient figure to Lillian who was responsible for capturing Lillian and trying to bind her in some way until she was freed by chimes. Yeah. So that is what we know about the gibbous man.

Then we also know that the gibbous man or a figure we assume to be the gibbous man was responsible for recruiting Roth of the Medjay. Right. Because we saw that vision when he was dying. Yeah. And that's that's really all we know. Didn't we also know the thing that we got from Farhan who was the torch was that there was an outside force directing the the demon of zealotry. Yes. And that the dark guard might not be the demons.

And also don't we know or it's like suggested in like text that he's like a warlock. Is that what they're talking about when they talk about like Lillian and Lillian's tomb. Yeah. I think there is a connection to warlocks that is unclear. His nature is unclear but he we do know that he looks like a man wearing a big hat. Yeah. He's like a kindly old man. Yeah. With like a kindly aspect. Yeah. All black. Yeah. Traveling clothes and like a staff. Yeah. He's just like walks the world.

He kind of looks like the like classic depiction of Odin but old. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Odin like the one. The wanderer. The one. The guy with the big hat and the staff. You have one eye then? No. I think. I think he looks like Odin but he's got both of his eyes and no beard. Right. Yeah. He's clean shaven. His eyes are black. Oh I want him to have beard. Okay. Beard and black eyes. That's cool. I think.

I think it's like he can disguise himself to look normal because he he comes as a kindly man to help. That might not be his true. Yeah. Nature. I think his. Yeah. I think in art he's been depicted in old art he's been depicted as wearing all black with black eyes. Yeah. Very manipulative person. Yeah. The photos were like black eyes or like one black one blue. Oh I like two different like he has one black one blue makes perfect sense. He has heterochromia. Yeah.

I mean is it heterochromia or is it full eye like his in his in his kindly forms he's depicted as having heterochromia. But like in his true form it's a full blue and a full black eye. Yeah. Oh I like that for the day and night. Right. Sky blue. Because he's the gibbous. He is both the dark and the light. Like he is he's the sliver of light. Yeah. Right. Because it's the gibbous is very right before the full and the new. Yeah. Oh. Because there are two gibbous too.

There's the waxing gibbous and the waning gibbous. Depending what he's doing. There's twins. Yeah. Oh. Oh yeah. I feel like we're right on the edge of something that I want to say. I want to see it. So I feel like I wanted to hold on to this for a long time. We're almost done. It's the dice man the dice decide. Okay. So there are some some depictions and some Wait. What are you asking? I I want you to tell me the thing that you're going to say. No. I want you to I want you to ask me a question.

I think the question we're circling around is like what is the gibbous man? Because that's the unknown. Like he's likely in charge of the dark guard. We know the dark guard's vague plans and like the consequences that that will have. On the different realms. But I think like the question is like what is the gibbous man? And what is his end game here? Pretty good question. What is the gibbous man? What is his end game? But all one question. No, no punctuation. Yeah. One or the other.

No, if you don't add any commas or anything like that. So just one question. What is the gibbous man? So the gibbous man and what is his end game? Where does he come from? Where does he go? Where does he come from? Can I tell? Nice try, fucker. The gibbous man. Like based in your like year of research at the Margani library. Well, maybe it's like I did a year of research and then from the mists of my mind, a song returns. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly.

So the references to the gibbous man are few and far between. But references to beings of similar aspect you found more common early on. In the early ages of the world. And based on songs and art and writings that you've found throughout your time. You think that the gibbous man must be a name that was given to this person at some point by some culture. But not the only name. You would think based on his connections to the dark guard and his connections to warlocks and demons. Yeah.

And the references to Lillian. That he is of multiple aspects realms. He seems to be based on depictions of the blue of day and the dark of night. And the connections to giants and the obsidian coins and the iconic realm and the outer dark. Leads you to one conclusion. The gibbous man is the god of the sky. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. I'm your game master Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdulaziz. So long.

Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Oppers. Bye. Playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai. So cool. Bye. Thank you to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music. You can find us on you can find all of Aaron's music at aaronreed.bandcamp.com You can find all of the music that he composed for Spout Lore written by Abdullah and myself at SoundCloud. Just Google Spout Lore SoundCloud. That'll do it. This show is only possible thanks to supporters on Patreon.

If you would like to support us you can find us at patreon.com slash Spout Lore or Spout Lore.com slash money please to get access to a whole whack of bonus content. A whole campaign set in the High Spear Mall starring the Cool Treat Kids postcards monthly videos streams and a bunch of other writing and content that you're gonna fucking love. I can tell already. I can feel it coming through the headphones. You're gonna love it. And thank you finally and most of all to you for listening.

And so ends the tale of Adventures 3 who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for time's abreast in revelry. And so ends the tale of Adventures 3 who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for time's sake and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly Spout Lore. Is that a satisfying answer? Yeah.

I think that was a great answer. Who else do we know of gods? Well we know that the sky god was the father of the god of the of the god of the flame. Oh. Yeah. That's why sky god was the first god we ever talked about. That you talked about. Yeah. And the god of the flame. So two people were the story goes two people were copulating in a field. Yeah. And under the blue sky of day and a bolt of lightning. Put your headphones on just so I can use this just in case.

Copulating in a field under the blue sky of day in McCall many many many many years ago and a bolt of lightning struck down and blessed their union and the child that was conceived there became the god of the flame. Oh my god. Yeah. So was the father the guy in the field or was the father the lightning bolt? Welcome to Christianity. Wow. It's a lightning bolt. It's a great question. Oh it's definitely the lightning bolt.

So yeah that's the thing with the god of the flame is his like it's always been is he man? Is he god? What is he truly? Yeah exactly. He is kind of a demigod in a way but yeah his like his vibe is Hercules. Wow. Yeah. Hercules and like King Solomon. Yeah. The god of the flame is Hercules. You mean Gibbous man is Hercules. No the god of the flame. Yeah. Gibbous man would be more like Zeus.

This makes so much sense because if the moon is falling in love with a mortal of course the sky is going to be like excuse me how dare you like try to leave our realm. So he locks her up because he's like you're mine. You don't get to leave. If he is the god of the sky that means Lillian is his daughter. Yes. Oh that makes a lot of sense.

Yeah like I guess that would I guess the origin myth of the god of the flame if that's true suggests that Lillian and the god of the flame would kind of be different children classifications. Right. Yes. But like similar parentage quote unquote parentage. Yeah. Shit. And I guess yeah parentage could in some ways work a little differently. Oh yeah. We're talking like myths here. Like this is not necessarily like I I'm the Gibbous man. No I know. This is Lillian's mom Sheila.

We're not together anymore but you know we're trying to co-parent. She's with Glorgug. Glorgug. She's with Glorgug. Lord of destruction from a separate sphere. You know whatever. Um that's really cool. Lord of the sky.

If you like our show and want more of it, you can check out patreon.com slash Spout Lore for an extra bonus game, bonus content, videos, and more. Thank you for watching. Spout Lore. Spout Lore. Spout Lore. Spout Lore. Spout Lore. Spout Lore. Spout Lore. Spout Lore. Spout Lore. Oh, that we haven't opened yet. Right. Oh. Finn got that for Tuck. Yeah. Right. I was kind of a piece of shit. Yes, you definitely were. For like no reason that I'm able to discern.

It's Tuck gets really triggered when he sees a pile of garbage. It's the garbage kid inside of him. Yeah, that makes sense. My garbage. Whenever Tuck sees a pile of anything, he has one solitary thought. And instinctually, it's like there's probably a pizza crust in there. No matter what it is. Or maybe a whole pizza that someone threw at him. Oh my God. Because that happened one time. That one thought is followed by the other one thought is, that's mine. Yeah.

I still think of that pizza that someone abandoned. A whole butter chicken pizza. Oh, yeah. Unbelievable. You got to pick up a pizza that someone leaves on the ground. It was so good. It was an expensive one from the joint. Oh, yeah. It was a large from the joint. It was probably like $45. What if it was abandoned? Like just left on a planter. Like out in the courtyard. Just a pizza. Do you think it's still there? It was there for three days. It's gone now. This is recent? Three days.

Like a raccoon didn't even touch it. It was a few weeks ago. Yeah. Oh, it's very well guarded in there. Yeah. That's how safe your building is. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Not even a raccoon. To get a butter chicken pizza. Oh, God. It looks so good. Do you guys remember when I lost a pizza to a skunk once? Yeah. Right. Yeah. That skunk had such a good day. You fucking believe this? This is sad. That's so sad. It was insane because I was editing the podcast and I was almost done.

And then I got the notification that the pizza arrived and it was like 1 a.m. And I was like, I got to get this out. So I spent another 45 minutes finishing it and then publishing it. And then I went downstairs and pizza wasn't there. And then I looked over the fence and there was just a skunk in the box. So he had pulled, he dragged it over the fence. Whoa. Powerful. Yeah. Oh, that's so fucking funny. Oh. Okay.

So then after that, you entered this chamber, the infinity of the night sky stars, as far as the eye can see, glittering through the ice tunnels, winding away into infinity and an old stone watch base guard post of some kind smashed and frozen into the ice. Tuck and Ving had a little comp. Well, Tuck had a competition with Ving. Yeah. It was a one sided competition. For sure. Perel tried to take part in it and push himself to the ground. He slid across the chamber. Yeah.

Ving hopped down into the ice through a hole that Tuck revealed, finding a chest frozen into the ice, using a little elemental mastery to melt things so he could swim down and grab it, losing control and melting the ice in the entirety of the guard chamber, revealing twisted humanoid corpses. We grabbed the chest. We booked as the tunnel began to melt around the guard post and escaped into the last tunnel, which, uh, ended up being the entrance or an entrance to Addernack All Waters Tower.

We arrived at a gate made of frozen stalactites and stalagmites. Victor, the wolf said, I, it's time for me to go, but I will stay because I want to. Uh, he was easily swayed with a comfy bed and a kind word to stick around while you guys go inside. We spoke to Maggie briefly about how to get into the tower. She revealed that she's never actually been inside it, just that she is aware of it. And then Ving got through it. Yeah.

By waving his hands around and brushing the gate and saying some elven words. Mm hmm. And that is where we find our heroes now inside the tower of Addernack All Water. The room that you're in seems to be like a sitting room. Almost. Is it made out of ice? Yes, it is made out of ice. This whole place appears to be carved out of ice and that it's ornamented in a way that seems very natural and organic. Yeah.

There's like icicles that grow up and around things creating like sculptures and chandeliers and things that like funnel and amplify light. Cool. So it has the vibe of like a very fine home. Oh. Like 19th century, like a very fine place to live, but completely made out of ice. Like when you go to your rich friend's house and you're like, wow. A whole different dining room. Yeah, exactly. If you were to go to your rich friend's grandma's house. Yeah. Where it's like.

It's like a little bit of a like through the walls of the place. Like if you look really hard. You can see the corridors and chambers beyond. Oh, cool. And you can see it goes above you a ways where it gets a little bit brighter as you go up. And then the light is like, you can almost, you can see it through the walls as well that the light is filtering down and reflecting off like crystalline structures within the walls so that this whole place is quite brightly lit. Whoa.

And you can see it descending far, far below you. Holy shit. Oh. Should I just like discern realities? I want to know if there's like books or something. I want to know if there's like books or something. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Oh, boy. Oh, God. Damn. Garbage roll. Garbage. Those dice are shit. They are, but sometimes they're good. I don't know. I think it's that one specifically because I can see that it's like missing a chunk. Yeah, you little piece of shit. Sorry, that one.

You stay in the bucket. Yeah. So you get a point of experience for that. But you do see there's a little bookshelf, but it looks like a welcome guests bookshelf where there's like novels. Yeah. And nonfiction history. Oh, holy shit. Wait, like an Airbnb? Kind of. Yeah. It's kind of got an Airbnb bookshelf vibe out here. Brochures of local oddities and things to do. All the nice restaurants. Yeah. Yeah. So there's some books and you can grab them if you want.

There's a fucking Dirk Adventureman book here. Yeah. There's a book right there. It's Dirk Adventureman and the Adventure of the Ice Princess. Whoa. Have you read that one? No. I've never even heard of it. Now, when you make this gesture, does that mean you've picked up a book? Yeah. Grab the book. Okay. Show it to everybody. It immediately flips open from the cover and starts snapping at your hand. I punched the book in the face. Okay. Roll a hack and slash. Okay. Fucking sneak up on me, book.

13. Okay. Roll your damage. I fucking hate books. I've been waiting for this forever. And when I get a 10 plus, I can inflict damage twice if I put myself at risk, right? Yes, you can. Yeah. Okay, cool. And I think it's an additional D6. Yeah. It's not twice. So that's seven plus two is nine. Nine. Okay. Well, it's a book. So you just punch it and it just explodes. Like pages everywhere. Like you're holding one side of the cover and you just hammer this thing.

But as you do that, you hear like, and all the other books start like clamoring off the shelf. Holy shit. And like hopping across the floor like clams. And there's just like a dozen and they're like, like flapping across it. I'm kind of like not. I'm scared of them. So I start like stomping on it. I can't read. I can't read. What are they? They're teeth. But roll a roll a D8. Okay. Five. So you take nine damage. Holy God. Why? Because you get swarmed by books. Oh, okay.

Is it just like a bunch of paper cuts? Oh, yeah. Because their pages are folding in the way that make them like teeth. And they're just like. Shit. Whoa. As Tuck is being swarmed by books. Oh, God. I'll do something. I will. Oh, one sec. Sorry. Guys, he's fucking books. Billy's never been more scared than Tuck being attacked by actual books. Yeah. Like, I'm just like, the nerds are winning. So he does. I don't know. He like rolls around a ball trying to squish as many as possible. Yeah, totally.

Nice. Roll your hack and slash. Six. Would you like to aid? I would love to aid. Yeah. Beautiful. I'm lawn bowling you. Yes. Okay. Two D six plus bond. Well, we're so bad at four. Holy fuck. Dude, you only have four HP right now. Oh, God. That's true. Right. That was just an aid. I'm going to. But you failed. Huh? We're all taking damage right now. So Ving rolled Billy at Tuck in an attempt to help with the books, but he was not. I used my arm that time. Stab through. Oh, yeah. That's a failure.

Yeah. Maybe the aim is wrong and I hit a bookshelf. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Yeah. You're hitting down more books. You hit a different bookshelf. And yeah, so you get rolled past to like the bookshelf on the other side of the love seat. I think that he's rolling around. All these books are flying. Oh, these are just books. I'm going to use fairy child to turn my failed roll into a seven to nine. Perfect. So roll your damage. Five. Okay. And roll a D six. Two. Two. Okay.

So you're just going to take two damage because they're not going to swarm you. Okay. Because they're not going to swarm you. Okay. Okay. So they're still swarming tuck. Yeah. They seem to really be piling on me. And you hear me go, guys, I don't have my glasses. I don't know what these books are doing. But Billy, you like rip a couple books off of tuck and stomp on them and they go like and then flatten out on the ground. Okay.

Ving, you pitched Billy the wrong way, but he was able to get back up and grab some of the books. Maggie has rushed forward. Perel is kind of running around the outside of the fight. Like a crab. Back and forth. Like, okay, what am I doing? I'm going to get involved any moment now. Bro, they're just books. Yeah. But they're not just books. Are they? Knowledge is power. He's like gently kicking out at one of the books. Ving, what do you do? I'm going to use a fight with honor and get some chi.

Yep. Ten. So I get three hold. Okay. So I'm going to cross the distance between myself and a foe. And I'm going to use a three hold. Okay. So I'm going to use a three hold. Okay. So I'm going to use a three hold. Okay. So I'm going to use a three hold. Okay. So I'm going to use a three hold. Okay. So I'm going to use a three hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold.

There's a four hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold. There's a four hold.

That is that's the one that is chomping on your nuts it couldn't resist yeah and then another book called uh dude where's my horse yeah it is uh on your elbow yeah that's a western yeah it's got two confused cowboys on the front what do you do I elbow the one book into the other book but I end up elbowing myself okay in the deck yeah roll it to roll it hack and slash eight okay perfect so roll your damage okay my damage four and then roll your damage again nine so you uh crush the two books that are left for sure yeah and then deliver nine points of damage to your own dick and balls you really overestimate the the force required to kill two books I mean the elbow is like the hardest bone in the body it is yeah hitting the second hardest bone in the body you got there first I was like how can I make a boner reference it's just like a shock wave of energy as tuck connects with his own balls okay cool guys I got those books off of me I'm gonna lay down here for a little bit okay yeah maybe we should uh I mean hopefully this is the only threat here but maybe we should rest up a little bit I'm gonna use a poultice okay just to get me is there anything anyone can do to maybe close off this room um billy starts shoving some of the like chairs into like the doorways yeah totally he's scared to touch anything he's like no books do not touch any paper no more books uh yeah go make uh defy danger intelligence seven okay great you start pushing the furniture in the room into the doorway and you're pretty sure that that will hold and I do like the like wiping off my hands like I did a pretty great job I'm protecting the family from the doorways and I'm like I'm gonna do a pretty great job I'm gonna do a pretty great job I'm gonna do a pretty great job yeah exactly that's a job well done for billy uh a job well done for billy how many poultices do you have uh three more well now you guys would have the opportunity to make camp okay if you so choose yeah because I have eight hit points yeah that's not a lot rest up let's see make camp when you settle into rest consume a ration if you're somewhere dangerous decide the watch order so you'll have to do a watch order if you want to like rest rest okay if you have enough you may level up when you wake from at least a few uninterrupted hours of sleep heal damage equal to half your max hp billy what's your hp at right now I'm at 13 so I'm doing okay okay I'm at eight so you should sleep I'll sleep ving sleeps and then I will guard you guard and then I'll take second watch and then ving you take third watch yeah I mean I don't really sleep but yeah I know I got you I'll chill out okay I'm gonna commune with the whispers of this place which means probably the ice specifically yeah I'm gonna commune with the ice yeah the resident spirits of the ice all right so I'm gonna roll it come on whiz 10 okay you sit down cross your legs do your whole meditative stance body scan body scan put your palms flat on the ice here and you move a beautifully woven rug to the side so you can touch the ice underneath and uh you extend your perception into the ice itself um I move the ice to the side so you can touch the ice underneath and you move your face to the side so you can starts to glow glowing that frozen sound and a little bit of ice steam is like like dry ice is coming out of it and falling onto my lap oh cool yeah you look like one of those cool incense holders that's like a dragon or something yeah you look like that fuck yeah and uh you feel the immensity of like this glacier but you feel your senses extend past the bounds of this building and you feel the into the ice itself.

And you realize wherever water has come to rest in this place and has frozen, it has joined the immensity of the North. And that this whole place is connected, woven together from the tapestry of life itself. And you feel below you an expanse, concentrated life energy, like a boiling, roiling pool of pure being. Whoa. But you feel for sure that it is beneath you. Great. That is helpful. Yeah. We go down. Well, you rest first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We go down.

That was a question Ving asked everybody. We go down after nap. Yeah. Tuck is like, Oh, he's down. Yeah. So there is a watch. So Tuck is going to sleep. I guess that means if you're bedding down in a dangerous land, decide on a watch order. Then the GM chooses one person on watch during the night to roll plus nothing. Ooh. Billy. Okay. 2D6 plus nothing. We can do it. 2D6 plus nothing. No big deal. That's going to be a 12. Close enough. 10. Okay. Holy shit. Yes. Awesome roll, Billy.

The night passes without incident. Billy's doing a lot of walking around. Like patrolling. Nobody's getting in this room. So seriously. Perfect. And yeah. At a certain point in the night, you see a dark figure, but it's just Vic who came in here because he was lonely outside. And he's dragged his furs in. Oh, look at this. That's so cute. This room is far too nice to be purely inhabited by the likes of you. You're a pathetic creature. This is where I shall rest.

I mean, this is definitely where the finest of people lay down. And the finest of wolf. Yes. Yes. The very finest of wolf. The very goodest of boys. And he leans his head down a little bit as you're petting him. Yes. The finest of wolf. The most howling of dog. I will sleep now. Okay. And if so happens, half moon shape. Okay. Half moon shape in my belly section is revealed. Perhaps creature wish to rest there as well. Wow. Oh boy. And he says, I'm willing to sleep now.

Not because I am surrendering to sleep, but because I have dominion over the domain of sleep and dreams. I feel like that's how you fall asleep. I must go crush this slow death of slumber now. Make victorious the slumber. Make victorious the slumber. Make victorious the slumber. It's a time of night. Yeah. The night passes without incident. So everybody gets a decent sleep. When you wake from at least a few hours of uninterrupted sleep, heel damage equal to half your max HP.

Can you do some Holtas on me too. While you're sleeping because you would not. He wouldn't. Oh, I'm fine. It's not. L şu. So while he's passed out. What do I do is. I roll them over and put his balls directly on the ice. To cool them off. They're so purple. It does not look good. So gross. Billy, what is your HP and what's your max HP? I'm at 13. My max is 21. Oh. I'm okay. That's not too bad. I'll be fine. I don't get hurt a lot. But do you want a poultice? How many poultices do you have left?

I have four. Okay, I'll take one. Yeah. So many. I bought, remember I bought, I spent mucho money. Right. I get a lot of band-aids for all my paper cuts. Right, it's mostly paper cuts. God. He has really sensitive skin. It's all on his joints too, so whenever he moves, they like hurt again. And also it stings when Ving does it, so that's why he's like, no, I don't want, no. I don't want, no. Ving's a little too clinical with it. Yeah. I'm back to 20. Yeah. We're doing good. Thank you.

I'm back up to 26. Hell yeah. Holy shit. You guys are basically full strength. What are you concerned about? It's the next day. Do you get fair? Child? Yeah. Nine. So I get three hold for today then, seven to nine. And you feel it's a little hard to get like the full effect of the sunrise down here because it's filtering through. Yeah. That said, it's still beautiful and glittery. It's like a palace, but made of like living ice almost.

And now you are faced with a doorway basically directly across from the entrance that you came through with about a knee high barricade of furniture. That Billy created the night before. Oh, wow. Good job, Billy. And Billy puffs those chest like, thanks. I mean, no one got in here, right? So yeah, obviously it was amazing. I bet there's so much trying to get in and then tuck goes up to it and he like very like God. Okay. Oh my God. Be careful. Don't hurt yourself. Talk.

I know you guys are faking it. I know what you're pretending. And Perel goes up to one. Of the furniture pieces and goes, no, Billy, really. It's so heavy. Oh my God. Billy puffs up his chest a bit again. He's like, okay, what the fuck did he do to this? And he flexes. It doesn't look any different. Tuck didn't realize it because he's so strong. It's like Billy like stuck it to the ground or something. Tuck just ripped it off. Billy looks back and he's like, I don't think we can fit the trunk.

Oh yeah. Tuck's been dragging the trunk this whole time. Maggie's like, finally, somebody said it. I think it's time to open the trunk. And Tuck's like, oh yeah, okay. And he smashes the lock open with his axe. Yep. Smash brittle ancient steel just shatters and the chest is openable. Oh my God. Oh boy. Dice time. Chest time. Yeah. Roll. Go ahead and roll a D 20, I guess. D 20? Finally. Holy shit. Oh wait, sorry, sorry, sorry. 3D6. 3D6. 3D6? 3D. Wow. Sum them up or what? Uh, yeah, sum them up.

Oh my God. Sum 41. 7. 8. 13. Okay. So this is interesting. So the first thing that you see is there is a sculpture made of jade. Oh. A carved sculpture of a woman on horseback. Dibs. Holding a spear and a shield. Ooh. Like charging into battle. Cool. Like a carved jade statue. Can the shield and spear be made out of ivory? Yeah, sure. So yeah, it's a small jade statue with a small ivory spear and shield, but carved with almost like lifelike intricacy. Whoa, cool. Yeah. That's very cool.

And you would estimate it to be worth roll 4D4. Uh, 7. So you would estimate, based on the fact that you guys have stolen lots of stuff and sold it, that you could probably sell this for 700 coins. Whoa! Holy shit! Wow. Based on its age and the fact that it's so beautifully carved. Uh, the other thing you find is like a really beautiful gold like necklace. It's like, it doesn't bend at all. It's like a hard piece of metal in like a half moon shape. Oh, I like those ones. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's very, again, beautifully made. Though more, maybe, rustic in its craftsmanship. But it's made of pure gold. Oh, cool. Uh, and the last thing you find is a little bag made of cloth that when you pick it up, it kind of jangles. Jangles a little bit. There's something in it? Yeah. Open it up. We'll see what's in there. You pour into your hand six obsidian coins. Oh, I get this one. Whoa! Holy mackerel. Are they all black? Yep. All black obsidian. Sick! I got six more of these things.

Oh, wow. We're definitely going to have demons soon. Does that mean I get the necklace? Yeah, you get the necklace, Billy. Oh, boy. I figured you'd get this because you were most excited about it. Oh, Billy, roll 2d6. Five. Okay. Yeah. Probably 500 coins. Okay. Wow. But, you know, mostly just a very beautifully made necklace and some coins. Can I roll for these obsidian coins to see how much they're worth? Uh, functionally valueless. Oh. And then you can see Tuck become Surly. Oh, no! I don't.

But to Tuck, they're priceless. Yeah. In that they have no price. Tuck, you can have the necklace back. No. And Billy's, like, trying to get off his fat head. No, Billy, that's yours. I am awarded with things that are as valueless as me. Whoa. No, I'm not gonna say it. That's really striking deep. I like, I like this. Yeah. Surely there's nothing to, like, glean from this chest of random valuables, is there? What do you mean?

Nah, it's just, like, we've got some valuables that were recovered in a fort and then six obsidian coins that we know to be used by a terrible secret society. Oh, shit. Do you think these belong to the Dark Guard? Well, I think that it's a little convenient if they didn't, that they're in a little pouch altogether. Holy shit. So all of this shit might have belonged to someone in the Dark Guard. Uh-oh, do you think this has Dark Guard energy? Ah, poof. Billy's, like, tugging the necklace off.

Get it off, Billy, get it off! It's getting tighter! It comes off. Yeah, it pops eventually. Ugh. So the Dark Guard was in the north? Do you think they were trying to track down Addernack, too? Mm-hmm. I mean, if I had to guess, I and I was a mercenary for a good number of years. The boys that we met in that tower, rest their souls, might have just been looters. Uh. But maybe at the behest of the Dark Guard. Okay. You know, maybe so in Discord? I don't know.

Because that's what the coins are for, right? They, like, use them to mark people that are potential subjects for possession. Right, yeah. And who better than a bunch of greedy backstabbing mercenaries? Right. Just a thought. Huh. You guys do this as a job, right? This is like your profession is adventuring? No, our profession is stupid. Alright. Well, let's go up or down in this terrible wizard's tower. Down! Uh, yeah, and you cross through a very ornately iced…

Iced doorway into what seems to be a dining room. Oh. A long banquet. Like a really, sorry, nice brass doorknob. Yeah. In, set in an ice door. Totally. In a door made of ice. It swings off on, like, hinges of ice. Like, cranking of ice, hard ice on ice. Yeah, so when you, actually, when you open it, it, like, cracks. Oh. Oh, great. And then you open it and it swings open a little smoother. And inside is, like, a big beautiful banquet table. With, like, gilt chairs. So nice in here.

And, oddly enough, plants. Like, living centerpieces. Whoa. Billy goes and tastes one to see if it's real. Well, it tastes like a flower. But, yeah, it's real. It's real. Yeah, you just eat, like, a chrysanthemum. Like, yep, that's a chrysanthemum. Tuck wants to go, like, touch the soil and see if they've been watered recently. Ooh. Actually, okay, so you reach in to touch the soil. Doink. No soil. What? Yeah. Not, not a scrap. Hydroponic. Hydroponic.

No, like, this is a beautiful holder that it's being kept in. It is made of ice. Okay. So maybe that's something to do with it. But, like, the plants have no soil. Weird. Magic this way comes. What are they rooted in? Are they just sitting in ice? They're just, they're not rooted in anything. They actually don't have roots. Hmm. Is there any dust on any of this? Um, no, because there's nothing to make dust. Oh. But you can roll to certain realities. I should have not said that.

And I shouldn't have said the flower thing. But, Tuck touched. But, so that makes sense. Yeah, 2d6 plus wisdom. Uh, 11. Okay. Three questions. Uh, everybody pick one. Okay. What here is not what it appears to be. Great. Mine's what's valuable. Who's really in control here? Great. Cool. Um, yeah, there's a banquet table. There looks to be, like, a fireplace carved out of ice. Oh, that's weird. It is weird, isn't it? Um, I mean, maybe that's what not, what is not what it appears to be.

Billy's, like, thief sense. Is like, that's weird. And then also, I bet there's a secret passage in that fireplace. Yeah, so he starts, like, rummaging. Yeah, and you feel like the smallest, most imperceptible of seams inside the fireplace. His fingers are trying to open it up a bit. Click. As it starts to slide aside. Uh, yours was… What's valuable here? What is useful or valuable to me? So, yeah, you hear the click, and you hear Billy do his, uh, his secret door gasp. And you think…

Secret door. We look at each other. Secret door. Secret door. No, it's my door. I found it first. Yes, you did. Amazing. And, uh, Tuck, you're still looking at the flowers, like, what the fuck is going on here? Yeah. And, uh, you realize with your increasing, not expertise, but canniness about the nature of magic Yeah. That it must just be, like, pure vitality keeping these things alive. Hmm. Like, it's not soil, it's not water. It's life. It's just life. There's just, life energy in these?

Just fucking coursing. Oh, cool. Absolutely pumping through this place. Okay. Oh, Perel, just easy, buddy. It's just, can you guys not feel it? I can feel it. I'm just not freaking out like you are. I'm amped up. Do your shirt back up. I gotta sit down. Tuck realizes that, and he just takes one of the plants and just starts eating it. I take an entire centerpiece out of the middle. I start eating it like a, big flowery apple. Yeah.

You, so you eat it and the wounds on your body from the books that bit you, you feel like your body, you kind of go like, ooh, it's your body like, like you just vibrate for a second. Uh-huh. And then you looked at, you feel something on your skin and you look down and the blood in your cuts is like bubbling up like it's been touched by hydrogen peroxide. Whoa. Oh, God. And, uh, you feel it like start bubbling down your arms. What the fuck? And as it bubbles away, the wound, the wounds are gone.

Oh, shit. Yeah. I want to eat one. Yeah. Oh, God. And you heal a little bit too. Huh. Pumping yourself up. So do we have a plus one? Yeah, you get plus one health. I'm maxed. You can't have more than max health. You just let me. Oh my God. He's right. I did. Okay. You get plus one. Okay. I was also at max. I'm going to take a 20. Oh, fun. Billy, what are you at? Um, I'm at 20 so I have one left. You want a bite? Oh, wait. I already ate one. Oh, yeah, you ate one. But it's not enough.

Yeah, you need to eat a whole one. Billy, you need to eat a whole one of these. Fine. And he's so upset about it because he's like, I don't want to eat a vegetable. And Perel was like looking around and was so like Billy. He hears Billy say that he doesn't want to eat a vegetable and he turns around and sees you all eating flowers out of this pot. He's like, what are you fucking doing? We're like, look, it's healing us. We're juicing.

Did we not literally just have a conversation about not ingesting magic shit? Yeah, but look what happens. And I take off the band-aid and it's all healed. I'm like, oh. Oh, in that case, if you ate it and your wounds miraculously disappeared, never mind. Billy goes, magic. And then when he does that, Tuck goes, magic. And he does jazz hands. And Bing slides in on his feet. Magic. Wow. I mean, even Maggie's eating them. I just wanted to see what it tasted like. It's kind of good.

It tastes like a lemon chicken soup. Isn't that weird? Mine tastes like garbage pizza. What? Oh, do they all have? And Perel walks up and grabs a leaf and he slowly puts it in his mouth and chews thoughtfully. That's beef stroganoff. Is it like all of our favorite foods? We got a bit of a Willy Wonka situation going on here. Bing's like, my favorite food is black licorice? That's a hard way to find that out. That's kind of embarrassing. I do love it. What was yours?

Oh, I didn't really taste anything. That tracks 100%. I tasted everything. Everything, everywhere, all at once. And then everybody suddenly remembers that Billy found a secret passage. Yeah, he's like pretty upset that no one paid attention. So he's like, I think I'm just going to go in here alone. And he starts closing the door. Wait, where's Billy? Not that anyone cares. You guys see a secret door in the fireplace start to swing shut. I jumped to put my axe in it. Defy danger dexterity. Eight.

Okay, yeah. You catch your fingers in it. You take two damage. Oh no. I have three over. You have three. Never mind. It just hurts a lot. Ow. Billy, god damn. And I think it's just like wine and cheese. Back here? Yeah. Holy shit. It's the fridge. Oh wow. Oh no, Billy found the walk-in. So Billy, you enter this darkness and you take the barest sniff and you know you're in a pantry. I'm very quiet at this point. So, he found food.

And you just see a wheel of cheese be kind of pushed towards the opening and then another wheel. And then I'm like as I push the biggest wheel. The biggest wheel. Yeah, so Billy's just, it's only wine and cheese. That's the only thing. You know, a log rolling these wheel of cheeses. And Billy's completely ignored the wine. Like, he's just pushing cheese out this door. But yeah, there's now a bunch of wheels of cheese. Tuck's eating one of the wheels of cheese.

Yeah, Billy's got a chunk and he's walking around touching more stuff. Yeah, Maggie's eating a big ol' hunk as well. Should we, is there like which, where are we going right now? Yeah, that's the thing is you don't know the layout of the tower. So you're kind of forced to explore. Bing, what direction do you think we should go? The strongest feeling was from below us. That's where it feels like I think it's where the plants are being kept alive. It's probably where this cheese was made. Okay.

Everything is coming from below us. Alright. Yeah. Can we go down? Is there a way to go down from here? Yeah, there's a bit of wandering. You find like a kitchen that just looks like a straight up like old school. Like 18th century kitchen with like big stoves and Cool. All that shit. Some of it's made of ice, some of it's not. And I call back, Guys, there's a kitchen in here. Oh, do they have like some food? I look, I start opening cupboards to see if there's food. There is a bit of food.

There's a little bit of food. Oh my gosh. Do they have turnips and apples? I actually do have turnips, yeah. There's a big, holy shit. Oh boy. Oh boy, oh boy. Oh boy. Yeah, and I walk back into like the dining room chamber and I'm like, yeah, there's like a whole bushel of really alive turnips here. Well, Billy scrambles up like a squirrel. And he like bites Tuck's hand and Tuck's like, whoa. Sorry, I know I'm excited. I haven't had a turnip in years. Do you like them raw? Yeah. Crunch.

And they're so fresh. Yeah. Oh my God. They taste so dirty. There's still dirt on them and Billy's like, yeah. This is how you know they're good. They're disgusting. Like you pulled them out of Farmer Bill's field just a couple of seconds ago and you're still running away from Farmer Bill. Yeah. That hot mud on your mouth, you know. You know the feeling. And you kind of explore a little bit more and there's like, this seems very much like it's, this is the entertaining people spot.

But you come to a door, again, made of ice with the brass doorknobs and this one is locked. Okay, I'm going to try to unlock it. Using tricks of the trade, if that's cool. Yeah, of course. Yeah. 2d6 plus dexterity? A 10. 10. Yeah, how do you unlock it? Okay. I found a key. Yeah, totally. That absolutely makes sense. I'll just take this, rolls out his. Yeah, like while I've been snacking, I've been opening everything. Every drawer, every cupboard. So I've got a lot of stuff.

You found a lot of keys. There's a lot of keys. He's just going through all of the keys he found. One of these has got to be it. One's a sour key. Yeah. Just mushes in there. Take it out, eat it. Click. Click. Door swings open and reveals a staircase carved out of the ice that it's a curving staircase and you see that like where you are on this landing, it goes up into your right and down into your left. That looks dangerous. The curving staircase? Why? Because it's made out of ice.

Most people die falling down the stairs. Oh, is that true? In this world and in ours. Yeah. People die falling down the stairs? Yes. It's the number one. It's a killer, stairs. That's the number one cause of death? In our universe and theirs. All right. Let's go down. Let's follow the energy. Yeah, very well. So you begin to walk down the stairs and you find that they are not slippery at all. Just very nicely carved ice stairs that are easy to walk down, thank God.

Probably by design or by magic. So this is nothing. Like home alone. Thankfully not. Although the wizard Kevin McAllister has come. And you get down to another door to the next landing. And the door keeps going down, but you're like, you're passing a door basically. You can go in if you want. What's in there? Creek. This looks to be more like a, like a ballroom almost. Like a ball pit? Oh, like a dancing. Like a ballroom. Oh. Like a Chuck E. Cheese ballroom? What the fuck?

I genuinely thought, it was a ball pit. Oh man. That's so fucking funny. One of us is a dad. So funny. So cute. And Tuck says, someone says, oh, it's a ballroom. And you hear Tuck like shuffle down. What? You run a ball and Lance gets it. And it does like a cannonball. Yeah, and he looks in and he's like, fuck. Fuck. This sucks. You got my hopes up for nothing, Perel. I got what? You just sounded so excited. I'm so excited. As he picks himself up from the floor. What are you talking about?

Who assumes a ball pit when they hear ballroom? We raise our hands. Everybody raises their hands. So what do you guys do? You see this big old ballroom in front of you. There's, there looks to be a piano made of ice. Wow. A few like music stands. Some tables around the sides. Can you discern realities? You absolutely can. Two V six plus wisdom. Nine. Nine. So you go. Oh, uh, uh, assist. Hey, what? Uh, yeah, go ahead and roll to the six.

I was going to say for the listeners, what they don't know is every time somebody rolls a nine, I dart my eyes between the two remaining players. 12, 12. Beautiful. Holy shit. Making it a 10. Nice. He's down low and he, uh, like, I don't know. It was like spinning around the ballroom. Looking around. I was thinking that we both, we were like, let's run a slide. Yeah. Uh, uh, spinning, spinning, sliding, taking it all in like a Google scan. Nice. So what are your questions?

Um, what here's not what it appears to be. Excellent. So, okay. So you and Billy start spinning around as you run into the middle of the room and start spinning, you grab onto each other. You're kind of twirling across the ice. We're sound of music in here. Yeah. And as you spin across the floor, music begins to swell. Whoa. A beautiful waltz just starts to play on instruments that can't be seen. And then as you, that sound. Sound of a record player. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, totally.

And then we slowed down and every time you move, it's, well, it seems like you've activated something because as you're watching this music play, as you're listening to this music, as you're watching this music play with your ears, you see, uh, it looks like for a second, you're like, are there other people dancing here? And you see two exact copies of Ving and Billy. Yeah. Yeah. And then you realize on the floor. Whoa.

They kind of come from the ground up like boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop being built. And as this is happening in front of you, this sort of like printing thing, like strands from the bottom up, you see like strands of bone and flesh, like knitting themselves. Oh my God. Like in the fifth element. Kind of. Yeah. Yeah. There's like two people being built in front of you. Holy shit.

And then as tuck Maggie and Perel are standing there across the room from them, their mirror three people that look like tuck Maggie and Perel, they're dancing partners come to being across the room and they start at least the two that, uh, you guys are mirrored are dancing with each other. And you see the tuck Maggie and Perel mirrors start to walk over to you three. Okay. Tuck waves. He's like, hi, tuck. Hi tuck. Whoa. Cool. Oh yeah, buddy. That's awesome. It is awesome. Cool. Yeah.

Hi, I'm thing. Hi, I'm thing. I don't like this place. I like it a lot. Oh, I don't, I don't like what's going on here. I love it. Says little Billy. No you don't. Yeah, I do. I want to dance. I don't want to dance, but I want to dance. And Billy starts backing out of the room. I want to dance. I don't want to dance with you. And he pulls a little knife out. I pull my little knife out. Yeah. And the big tuck pulls. His ax off his back. I pull up my spear.

And Maggie draws her sword and Perel holds his hands up and goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What does the other Perel do? He backs away. He's like, whoa, no, no, no, no. And they attack. Oh shit. Yeah. What do you do? Um, can I, uh, use an ear for magic to figure out what's going on? Yeah. So tuck brain. We go back to the mind palace. Yeah. And we're like, we're going to the pizza hut on fourth or whatever. Yeah.

There's a tuck wearing a pizza hut uniform, holding a hot, fresh tray of Hawaiian baby. And tuck takes a slice of it and he's like, what the fuck is going on here? Well, it's like a dance, right? Yeah. So maybe this place is made to like make a dance partner for guests, but if you're not a guest, then your dance partner is actually the bouncer. Oh shit. So if you're supposed to be at a party in this room, it seems like this place creates a dance partner for you as like a fun little gag.

Oh, okay. But if you're not invited. Then the thing it creates is to get you out of here. Oh yeah. Okay. Okay. And then tuck talks to the other tech and he's like, do you think it is related to the music that started when they started the thing? That sounds like you're trying to get two answers for one question, bro. And then tucks like, fuck, why don't I have more mental capacity for this? Yeah. He's like, yeah, you're right. My brain is tired of thinking now. Yeah.

I had to guess as you're leaving the sit down pizza hut. If I had to guess, I think it's probably not on theme and the door swings shut. Okay. And you're back in the ballroom, your dance partners attack. What do you do? I dance. I like, I grab him. I move his energy. I started doing like Tai Chi. Yeah, totally. Like a fight with honor and like kind of doing a fight dance. Oh yeah, absolutely. This is a real, um, like capoeira sort of situation. Yeah.

I was thinking more like in that old music video when they are like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like have knives and their hands are tied together, like beat it or whatever it is. Yeah. Pretty cool. Yeah. So V comes at me and I, uh, I beat it. Wow. And he stops. I'm just going to put the A plus B stops dead in his tracks and he's like, no way bro. That's awesome.

Uh, yeah. So go ahead and roll. This is a fight with honor. Yes. Wow. Great. I got 12. Okay.

That's a whole shit ton of holds spend one yes I would love to I guess I just want to distract him by dancing like twirling him around and then I'll leap over across a physical obstacle and like we're in a real sense there's a real sense of danger in this room I'm trying to get that feeling too or is it no I honestly can't tell like the vibe of stuff because it was very friendly yeah it was very friendly at first and then it turned sinister yeah but it was because we turned sinister that's why I'm wondering if we go back to dancing that's why I wanted to dance it's a great question that is a that is a good theory to oh wait you get one more question oh yeah what's about to happen so what's about to happen is you notice as you like lunge at your dance partner he is pulling away from you it seems like ving is the only one that's not being attacked but he's the only one that's trying to dance right now guys start dancing really yeah dance okay and tuck uh did you guys realize you've never seen tuck try to actually dance oh my god I can't dance uh he goes uh you see him like do the weird like white guy dance or it's like okay are you biting your lip uh okay roll 2d6 plus charisma I guess that's really all dancing is yeah arms up doesn't matter if you're good at dancing just it matters if you believe you're good at dancing 13 wow yeah so you start doing like your your mirror like pulls his mirror larry terry and chad down from his back and is like dance bro and tuck's like I am dancing and he does like one of those ladder moves he's like can you do one of these then he starts bobbing his head a little bit and then tuck goes dance competition bro oh my god and he puts the axe back on his back and he's like you're fucking on bro you!

And just starts like breaking it down in front of you but with the exact level of skill that tuck has so it looks like shit you get to see how bad of a dancer you are yeah it looks terrible tuck is like he he could feel an explosion of embarrassment in his chest when he's like oh my god no that's what I've always looked like it's like when elaine videotapes herself yeah but the you is having a grand old time and keeps dancing away and then tucks like he's does it starts doing body rolls and he has not practiced them billy what do you do uh billy does billy ever dance like not really I've never seen billy dance billy like stops and he like tucks his knife away and then he's like is there a snack table there is a snack table you're gonna love it quick while everybody's dancing let's go wait sorry you I gotta make you roll that's okay so 2d6 plus charisma eight eight okay perfect uh so you run over with uh the mirror you who's like tripping over himself trying to get to the ice tables at the back and he uh it's like listening to two bowling balls smash their ladder across the floor that sound effect of the bull on strike yeah there's one of those insane strike videos on the tv above uh and he climbs up on the table's like come on up here I'm never that agile slowly up he's like oh come on he doesn't know what kind of snacks are on the table maybe yeah and he's like I'm so tired and then he opens his eyes and what does he see it's like meats and cheeses and there's gravy for gravy everything fresh fruit and hot chocolate yeah hot chocolate and you can tell this billy even immediately avoids the meat uh-huh and you're like oh fuck he is a copy of me because he's like going straight for like vegetables and fruits and cheeses and shit like that and then he goes right for the gravy that's my boy but there's something that you notice just before hurricane billy 2 right hits the snack table what is it it looks like someone ate some of this food ving what do you do um I start going to uh perel and maggie and like grabbing them and twirling them around you when you force somebody to dance yeah so I'm grabbing them as a music partner and maggie tries really hard she's stumbling around and she's like I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this a little bit and her copy looks really mad when she stumbles and then maggie's like stop stop stop stop I know what to do and she listens for the beat for a little bit and she hooks her thumbs into the belt of her pants oh my god she starts square dancing oh no and the other one lines up it's a line dance they're doing a line dance oh wow and it took like ashamed for maggie averts his eyes because for him it's like seeing his aunt like totally at like like dirty old johns or whatever what's that bar called big bad johns big bad johns yeah you see somebody in your family and big bad johns you're having a bad night oh god uh and perel you see perel has walked up to the copy of himself he's got a whole routine extreme swing dancing like oh yeah between each other's legs I thought you were gonna say like napoleon dynamite oh I mean oh yeah but like like tag teaming it yeah it's it's definitely a uh routine that he has memorized that his copy was just given and he's like yes finally uh but ving remains the matter of what do you do oh yeah um uh he starts going through all different movements of animals he's going through like oh yeah dancing like a caterpillar he's swinging around and like moving his little butt um then yeah you copy you goes through the exact same thing and then you're like oh my god I'm gonna do this animal movements mirrors them perfectly or complements them perfectly it predicts kind of what you would have wanted to go with a specific move and executes it flawlessly and abdul's been dancing this whole time it should be said abdul's been dancing for like 10 minutes so much energy and uh as tuck thinks I can't possibly continue this much cardio for this long what he actually thinks is I don't think I can handle watching myself embarrass myself for this long and in his head tuck is like maybe I have to kiss him to make him go away wow okay roll 2d6 plus wisdom oh the thing I have negative one on yeah three three uh so you think oh my god I think I definitely have to kiss this version of myself so you see tuck's dance become a lot less elaine from seinfeld and a lot more magic mike he starts like what like rubbing his chest and the copy mimics you exactly but has like a oh kind of look on his face and is gyrating around and you get closer and closer he reaches out to you I reach out to him you pull each other close you've never felt this close to another man I yeah I kiss him and just as your lips are like a millimeter away from touching the song ends and he backs away and he's like oh my god I can't do this and he's like oh my god I can't do this and he's like oh my god I can't do this and he's like oh my god and he bows and a tuck also bows but his you can tell that his hands are in front of his crotch and all of the copies back away billy your little snack buddy backs away with like handfuls of snacks and bows dropping a bunch billy bows his head and ving backs away and gives you a very delicate bow I nod and uh maggie and parell's both that parell one has tears in his eyes and the maggie one's gotta look in her face and he's like oh my god I can't do this I can't do this that says you goddamn son of a bitch you did it again parell's one puts a finger on parell's lips he's walking away no I just want don't speak and then they they melt into the floor and they disappear and then tuck looks around to see if anyone's I'm trying to make out with himself billy's just looking around and inspecting the food really closely billy looks very detective like he's got his magnifying glass out he's just got his little deerstalker cap on like what foods did they eat the meats and cheeses okay um oh wait no discern realities what am I fucking thinking oh six well somebody can aid billy for sure I can yeah I can go over and because I noticed that billy was looking pretty detective-y over there great and I'm like ving I think billy found something nine perfect yeah so that makes yours a seven to nine which means you get one question from discern realities what happened here recently what happened here recently uh you noticed when the books came alive that you felt like buzzing in the air almost like just a little kind of ozony like electrification kind of vibe I feel like it was from like the bottom up like from her feet up like yeah like that vitality is coming from oh yeah the ice and you felt a similar feeling when you ate the flowers and you felt a similar feeling in this room when the the copies uh when the dance partners appeared yeah when tuck was about to kiss himself no yeah we should talk about his hands it's okay I thought that that was the only way to get rid of them is it that's a bold jump I thought you had to kiss them and if that wasn't gonna work I was gonna try and fuck them I would go so far for this family you don't want to know how far I'll take this but you realize that you actually felt it during the time that you were in the room and you felt like you were in the room and you felt like you were in the room and you felt like you were in the room and you felt like your watch like the night before you felt that like which leads you to believe that these canapes are also a spell basically that someone activated last night oh so someone else might be in here with us someone watching us who's really in control here oh yes finally because you still had one more left over right I did fuck yeah you're god damn it I shouldn't have asked you that second question that third question uh so you look around and everyone is now now that billy's like something's up because you guys know billy's senses are near supernatural um and he's near food which doubles doubles the range and efficacy of his senses so whenever billy's like something's up everybody goes on high alert and you're looking around this room and you get to a part of the floor because like the dance floor is kind of ice and tile like it's a very nice place to be and you're like oh nice like mosaic kind of pattern cool but uh ving you're looking down at the mosaic and through the ice you see a shadow move one floor down two floors down you're not sure but something below you moves there's somebody down there and tuck takes his axe and tries to smash through the floor okay 2d6 plus strength okay nine and okay sorry and but I I also used an ear for magic and I get a plus one forward okay so you raise the mighty larry terry and chad into the sky above you and you bring it down with a huge crash a roar and as you're doing that you like make this connection you're like it's going to try and heal itself and sure enough you smash through the floor and immediately it starts knitting back together so you just hammer and hammer and hammer cool and you you cut through it you'll be able to get through to the next floor for sure but you guys are gonna have to rush because this ice is like filling in behind tuck billy bolts for the stairs and you're like oh my god I'm gonna oh you're gonna head them off at the door to the room below smart smart smart billy thing follow me yep six shitty this is my aid okay yeah go for it too six bond yeah slide down the stairs oh lord I get six as well oh lord tuck you like crash through the floor yeah superhero landing yeah slam into the ground and you see on the other side of the room the door slam shut fuck you are in a chamber of this looks more like a workspace than anywhere else you've been what's what's around me roll discern realities uh okay eight eight so you get one question what just happened here what happened here recently yeah someone you see like a little like glass it looks like a candle made of ice that like has been placed on a table also made of ice that is like refracted and amplified some light at a workbench and there's like books open and like a quill in a pot of ink but the book has been knocked over oh so they left here really quick so I grabbed that candle because it tuck can't tell if it's important or not and he grabs the book and then he runs after the person yeah totally uh billy and ving you both failed yeah um so you're just stuck at the door for a while as billy tries all the keys because the door locked behind you when the when the trap activated it locked behind you hurry hurry hurry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry we're fighting each other for the keyhole the keys keep falling and uh perel's like go go go go go go go but uh maggie tuck you hear like a pat like on the ground behind you and maggie's landed in this like cat stance basically oh and she comes sprinting after you nice uh and you guys hit a locked door tuck kicks it okay 2d6 plus strength fuck you wizard nine nine um so you kick it off the ice hinges for sure I still have the book that I took and the candle which one do you drop oh the candle wrong choice fucker no way uh and the candle you actually kick the door so hard and like slam into the rubble behind it that the the candle shatters in your hand it cuts me up a lot I mean it's it's ice so it does poke you pretty fucking hard okay but uh you hear like another door slam below you just as billy and ving burst through the door one level up oh yeah ving backs up the other side of the room and he's like I'm just gonna ram in then I just start like train running out of that with my shoulder as billy like I got it why right into the door uh and you guys are gonna tuck and maggie are going to be alone for the immediate whatever happens next but you will catch up um and yeah you keep going down the stairs yeah I pursue hard because it's we've been in danger too many times and someone else is in here pulling these strings and tuck he got really mad scared mad he got scared mad that his family was in danger and he also got like idiot mad that a smart person was like was bullying him with their knowledge and embarrassed mad that somebody else saw him smooch himself yeah and also ashamed mad that he had to watch himself and his terrible dancing and apparently all these years he thought he was a good dancer it was a bad dancer all of these years all of these years all these many many years everything is going through tuck's head he's like how dare you make me watch myself dance and uh you get down to these doors the doors are locked billy has the keys tuck just barrels through the runs yeah two to six plus strength again 10 okay yeah bang this one doesn't shatter you just like slam it open through you break whatever lock but the door itself is still intact and you enter into a wide circular chamber ringed by shelves and on the shelves are a variety of objects that have no discernible connection there's some crates in one corner and then like a glass orb a vial with a single rose in it a glove a mask and tuck walks up and he grabs the glass orb and then he yells if you don't come out right now I'm starting to smash this shit and man he's like I'm gonna kill you I'm gonna kill you I'm gonna kill you I'm gonna kill you I'm gonna kill you I'm gonna kill you I'm gonna kill you I'm gonna kill you I'm gonna kill you I'm gonna kill you and she goes tuck no I put it down no I'm done tuck it's gonna kill us I don't fucking care wait no yes I do wait it's gonna kill us you're like holding it like what don't you see what this is you lunatic what this is the vault put it down and then tuck uh realizes that he might be holding the magical equivalent of a nuclear bomb and he's like okay puts it down okay all right let's just wait for the others I feel like whoever we were chasing they outplayed us we shouldn't have come in here this is dangerous and billy and ving you arrive at the door that has been broken and tuck is gingerly putting a glass orb back on a shelf and actually perel walks through the door because he's like I'm gonna get there first oh my god I'm an adventurer too and he gets through the door and he kind of stops and goes whoa what like he gets light-headed like he almost falls over he's like oh I grab him what's going on magic is everywhere and he's like immediately drawn to the shelves and starts picking his way through whoa ving feels very spread thin here oh right because you're all spirit guy yeah so the magic is like fucking with you yeah does billy feel anything yeah this is like an old like font of power and uh billy tries to push perel away from the shelves yeah and he like kind of absent-mindedly like nudges you out of the way no no not yet he close he snaps himself out of it we're not ready for that yet okay okay can I go into shadow world yeah will that do anything I don't know I want to find this person yeah totally midnight waltz bring somebody else oh oh should I bring should I bring perel you could bring perel yeah how many fairy holds you have left because remember you have to use two three okay yep so you'd be really running yourself ragged if there are any super dangerous things I'm scared you can just use your eyes too you know you can peep around yeah but we haven't discerned realities in here yet it's true but also it's a cool fucking it is very cool and I don't trust because I'm like we've we've been discerning realities all over this place yeah yeah I feel like I need to see through everything totally absolutely makes sense uh so for the listener if you haven't heard the level up uh billy has a new move called midnight waltz um when he uses shadow dance for every additional fairy hold he spends he can bring someone or something with him perel do you want to come with me yeah it's gonna feel weird and you have to hold on to me you can't let go okay all right billy I trust you nine so I'll spend two of my fairy child to bring perel with me yeah but because of the because I got a nine I only get one hold yeah totally so you enter the fairy from this place what does it look like it is light and shadow like a lot of light and it's very geometric ish looking just because of like how like all the sharp angles of the ice there's a lot of magic in here there's a lot of magic so it's probably not a lot of fairies yeah there's no fairies I'm the only one and it's very like echoey because it's so empty to me yeah yeah oh cool yeah like really I'm just seeing the ice and like you guys yeah maybe ving's faint ving is very faint you're the faintest of all what do I look like um you just look like like I like billy's just like that that's a shadow but it's warm like warm in like in terms of like his emotions oh nice can you see the the shards in my chest um yes those are dark oh cool like dark like like it's like sucks in light you know yeah little black holes and with my hold I just want to like try to talk to whoever it is or find them yeah so identify them somehow it's a very confusing feeling because you know someone is in here you can feel it yeah like you can count the presences in this room and you know there's at least one more but you can't see them perl can you see them and you look over at perl's like spirit fairy form he's glowing like a star holy shit like he is just brilliant right perl can you see who's here perl is unresponsive can you hear me I see everything and he's like extending his arms like he's basking in this energy that he's feeling and you see that his fairy form is growing brighter and brighter but dangerously bright uh-oh you can tell that this is too much okay um I'm sorry perl I have to let you go I am the universe and I let him go and he slams back into his body and he's just like what happened you were convulsing yeah what he maybe he comes to and like like we're doing cpr yeah ving's got his fingers in his mouth to keep him from biting his tongue I put my wallet in his mouth yeah barack is president but he like he spits out your hand and the wallet and he gets up and he starts like wandering kind of side to side looking at the shelves what happened in there perl are you okay I just and he holds up his hands and he billy you see this like you see his form get up like the body kind of through the mist and I follow him and he's like I'm not gonna let you go I'm not gonna let him yeah and he's leading you to one section of the shelf and you're feeling this pulse like okay there's someone else here there's someone else here but your body's also like or your mind logically is like this doesn't make sense and it looks like he's walking towards a rolled up piece of fabric what so I touched the fabric and perl like I can't really feel anything you can't feel anything but as you reach out you see perl reach out like in sync with you okay and he grabs this rolled up piece of fabric it's probably about a piece of fabric and he's like I can't feel anything I can't feel anything I can't feel anything I can't feel anything I can't feel anything I can't feel anything I can't feel anything a meter wide and he unrolls it and he's like god is back to all of you but you just hear him say morris and he like turns and he's looking at a portrait of like a rugged older like maybe 60s kind of squat burly man with mutton chop sideburns but no mustache or beard holy shit long gray hair and you're looking at this portrait of him looking very regal and the portrait blinks and that's where we're gonna end it for this week holy shit I'm your game master Sean O'Hara thank you for joining me joining me as always playing tacoma dome the barbarian abdulaziz wow holy shit playing ving the half-elf druid paul hoppers haunted painting playing fat billy the halfling thief jessica wow exciting thank you to aaron reed for our intro and outro music you can find aaron's original music at aaronreed.bandcamp.com and all of the songs produced for the show written by abdul and myself very occasionally myself and performed by aaron reed at uh soundcloud just search Spout Lore I would say the best song was written by you oh please terry not so good you're too kind you wrote the the druid and the drowned man it was yeah terry not's like a real song that you would hear in the witcher and that is my benchmark for what good music I would say that is all aaron he made that song so fucking cool we should we should listen to all those songs while we eat chicken yeah chicken and that's right to victoria's chicken world and thank you to me for ordering chicken world thank you to abdul and congratulations you guys did a good enough job at this episode that I will let you eat this chicken thank you and I won't throw it directly into the garbage in front of you like I do every episode that you don't do a good enough job thank you sir thank you thank you to the the the chickens for giving up the lives those times that we sorry for wasting it that we weren't funny contractually I haven't been able to eat because I've been doing so bad on the podcast lately and I would like to thank you to the raccoons who are not getting chicken tonight I know they usually wait by the dumpsters every time we record a crowd gathers they know they know they and they pray we will not be funny uh sponsor us chicken world we talk about your podcast all the time uh your store all the time on our podcast imagine there was a chicken world podcast I'm making chicken just like every other night and then they're like holy shit there's a crazy order coming in from herald street they want so much chicken let's cook it live a chicken world world podcast uh thank you to all of our supporters on patreon uh if you want us to support the show you can find us at patreon.com slash Spout Lore or speltler.com slash money please uh and thank you to all of you for listening we'll see you next time and so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for times abreast in revelry and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly you!

Spout Lore is only made possible through the contributions of listeners like you If you would like to donate, please go to Spout Lore dot com slash money, please or patreon.com slash Spout Lore Uh, and if you go there, you'll get a bunch of bonus content too, which is nice.

It's good bonus content I work really fucking hard on it Now the round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather up Still doing duolingo Oh, you're still doing duolingo?

No, I'm not, okay The hill's about to start Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara Joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdul Aziz Hello Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers Hola Playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai Hi everyone Paul is still doing his duolingo Stop doing it I will Once he finishes this lesson When last we left our heroes, they took to shore Meeting the goblins of Goblin's Bath During their mating season, aka spring break To the…

2006 Uh, we met the… He's actively doing duolingo You gotta stop doing it I am stopped doing it I'm next to you I haven't heard the… Which means he's doing poorly No This means this lesson's gonna take fucking forever Yay Well done, Paul Uh, we met Bob and Midge Arctic goblin elders Crowned as they were With the salts of…

The goblin bath Mm-hmm Due to the, uh, unusual physiology of the, uh, arctic goblins Which involves them expelling excess salt through their noses Which, uh, crowns their skulls over time So cool And that leads us to the next revelation After being asked if they can help hide the boat Goblin elder Bob got up from his deck chair next to the pool Yeah And with a wave of his hands and much grunting Caused the clear water to vanish Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah!

Uh, it turns out that the goblins here have some sort of limited mastery over magic Due to their lifestyle living deep, deep in those magical arctic waters Pretty cool Consuming them, consuming the salt and, uh, wreathing themselves in it So cool The party was then informed via Billy having a conversation with a skimboarder That, uh, their intense, intense kindness and hospitality Is primarily or exclusively Due to the fact that mating season is considered a kind of neutral time Where everybody gets together and is cool and helpful and nice But once mating season is over All bets are off They turn into monsters again They, they do their, they go back to their old feuds They start fighting and scrapping They attack, uh, people for their goods Like they live the regular old lifestyle that we have seen in goblins Uh, in the principalities at the very least So we have eight days Yeah To get, get to the townhouse To the water tower and back Look, it's hard up in the north You can't be passive You gotta take what you need up here The party hopped onto the thunderbirds And, uh, took to the skies Heading towards Adernack All Waters Tower Billy lost all the food Opened a bag and it all flew out the back Oh, right Yeah Yep It's like the marshmallow experiment But with a bag of fucking fish It's all gone The second we ascended, I asked, I asked Tuck Uh, are we there yet?

And he said no And then I was like, we may never get there I'm opening this bag right now Oh yeah, Billy, Billy collected a bunch of beach glass And found in the glass, uh, an obsidian knife So cool A small paring knife I love it Sized blade With a bronze handle I'm gonna write it down so I don't forget Uh, the party took to the skies Traveling on the backs of Cloudpiercer and Gale Uh, towards Adernack All Waters Tower Seeing on their way a jagged peak Of a man who was a man of his word Emerging from the snow And at the top of the peak A creature known as a lyre wolf A massive canine Capable of mimicking its surroundings Mm-hmm And known for their intense pride Uh, said to be a curse From an old god Forcing them to live a life of solitude Uh, Ving decided Hey, let's go see if this wolf knows what the dealio is So he, uh, fell backwards Off a bird And landed in front of the wolf Knowing that the wolf was a man of his word Knowing that their pride was their defining character trait Turned into a wolf of similar size But made of the moon Howled and rolled around on his back Showing how cool the other wolf was Yeah, really made himself a beta Yeah, and it worked Yeah, thus becoming the alpha The true alpha is the beta Yeah Of the alpha And asked if he knew of Adernack All Waters Tower To which the wolf replied I do And that is where we end up Ving Would you be willing to take me And my friends The wolf returns to his regal position Now you having proven how much of a beta you are How willing you are to cuck yourself In front of this mighty wolf Ving's eyes are darting side to side Oh god, I hope Tux ain't listening to this Yeah We all have the We all have the rings on Yeah He's looking at him just twirling the ring And he's thinking Fuck, fuck, fuck They heard all of that He says I will show you the way In return You must offer me a shame What?

Whoa Tell me Of your most shameful moment So that I may know That I am better than you So there's so few things to choose from He says twirling the ring on his finger He He holds up a paw One shame will do Ving tells the wolf the tale of Years and years ago When he was looking for his father Came upon an encampment of this They're called the Frenzy And they were like a subgroup Of his father that used them They're almost like kind of berserker types Oh And was Wanted information from them And in this time was very This is right after he found out About his death About his dad killing his mom And he turned into a polar bear And murdered Whoa I thought he was just there For intimidation They fought And he Went at them with white hot rage And killed a lot of these Frenzy warriors And it was very awful Terrifying That sucks Yeah Bloody Thing And he's always felt a lot of shame About that Because he was just trying to get information And he realized that Oh no I'm the bad guy here And the wolf listens to this And He's like I'm the bad guy here Raises himself up You see his like fur bristling a little bit And he licks his paw He says yes Pathetic Okay These wolves suck Very well I will show you The way He's done the same thing But he just didn't ever feel bad about it That's the part that he's like That's the shameful part Is that you were like regretted murdering men Exactly Totally Yeah You took the life of those lesser than you And that is why you're a bad guy That is why you shame That is your shame Shame on your shame The strong destroy the weak It is the way of life Okay Yeah But because you have cucked yourself so before me I will show you the way to the glacier Come back to us for a second Yeah Billy and I are just doing cat's cradle On the back of Gale Billy reaching out to me His little hands into the middle of the thing To go whoop Oh you did it I did it Only like after 14 tries What are you doing?

I can't see I can't see it She's turning in circles Whoa Whoa Whoa Gale is so intrusive It's hilarious I love that she's so intrusive She's able to break into mental connections She's so forceful Gale force Gale force Yeah The only thing she does is She does it for his To get attention Yeah Oh man Gale's so funny Yeah So that is what the wolf says He is willing to show you the way to the glacier Thank you Do not thank me It does not become you I am great Yes One day you may believe that I'm super top of the world Too much Reel it back a little bit I'm better than you Well Now hold on son I am the tundra come alive I am the cave made flesh I am the howling winds and the biting cold Amazing That is amazing Thank you I've been practicing I can tell You have a lot of practice time Look at my fur as it changes colors That's great And he moves back and forth and he changes colors That is one thing If you're like up against like environments It's shockingly hard to see these things Like you can see their eyes glint sometimes But that's pretty much it Wow So cool The one thing that the lyre wolf cannot mimic Is the blue sky of day Oh That is our curse Why is that?

Who cursed you? What is your shame? Our shame is that when moon came to earth And waged war on men The wolves refused to do so And cursed her call That's sick So cool Oh my god It was cool So did she like banish them to the night? Oh my god Should we warn them? Can we land so we can have this conversation with her? Tell your friends to come down here Guys it's cool I'll just say you're done with the ring That's what we're saying from above Did she banish you?

Just like Yeah So then you relay back to Cloudpiercer That the thunderbirds can bring everybody else down And they make a big Big deal of it And then you see a wide arcing turn Through the air Before alighting on the cliffside And Maggie hops down With Tuck and Billy And Perel falls onto the snow Face first And gets up rubbing both his calves really fast His calves?

Yeah he's rubbing his calves They're asleep My calves are asleep I'm gonna work on my thighs after my calves And Billy and Tuck You see Ving standing In front of the This like Huge cave mouth And It takes you a second to realize What you're looking at But he's also standing in front of A gigantic wolf Holy fuck It was a Time of blood And a time of strife So your howling is a wailing It is a call A Killing An apology Us begging the moon To allow us back into her embrace Whoa Cool But it is not to be And he turns his head away And he looks into the corner of his cave We must bear our shame Until the moon itself is destroyed The other moon There's a destroyed moon already But the other one someday Ving does his best To not look anything like the moon No I like it I have not spied the moon's light For many many months Are you guys not allowed to look at the moon?

We cannot perceive her glory What you can't see it? No It is our curse Whoa That's cool It is cool So goth Thank you We are tragic creatures I started off being like This guy's gonna be really serious But the voice is too funny It's so funny Well the guy started having like Jordan Peterson vibes Right at the beginning of the show At the gate But this is a lot more accessible And I just say cock Because it's such a funny word to say So you wish to go to the tower? Mm-hmm What seek you here?

The wizard The wizard If I could spit I would I understand that is what humans do When they are disgusted Why don't you like wizards? The fuck? Foul magics of the wizards Revolt me and my kind Magic is to flow through the earth Through the sky Through the clouds In the dark Not to be worked by mortal men Ooh Cool So can you use magic too? What thinks you make this possible? And he disappears In front of a rock wall Where'd he go? Where'd he go?

And he opens his eyes I am here Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Look at it hiding Wow I am much better than all of you at it Except you mighty birds I respect your Your Um What's the fuck? Eyes Hold on Language fella I respect your inferiority to me Because the cloud is your domain And you look like the cloud And that's pretty cool But still Pathetic What is your name?

I need not be called I need not be called I am not a name I am one and all I am thought I am action I am victory Victor Sick Yeah Paul named him instantly Victor Your name is Victor Your name is Victor now No It is not Victor Okay So There are ways To displace Many We go over land Across the desert Great white Dangerous For all but me I am the best Okay Or we go below Into the tunnels The old ice Dig through the heart of the earth Whoa Whoa That sounds cool dude Is safer For body But not for mind Well we don't have those so Yeah We're all pretty stupid Minus one mind Yeah How close are we?

How many days travel?

For me Nothing Okay For you 1.5 Maybe two Okay Okay That is a long time Kind of Two days there Two days back That's four days That only gives us Yeah I would give you Give you four days To fuck around in the tower Okay Hopefully you're not Held longer than that Okay so So either Over land Is fast But dangerous Okay Many threats In the tundra There's many threats But not many Back at the beach Yes Those goblins There's so many threats Oh the goblins Oh Yeah Oh Have you seen them?

Yes Their flesh is disgusting Yeah And they are Going at it Like crazy right now They stink of magic Ugh Don't you have magic though?

He's different He's different I'm just It's kind of hard To pin down your ideology It's kind of All over the place All over the place Oh really You meet me for first time And have five minute conversation Expect to understand Everything about Okay This is why you're pathetic Okay That's fine Your accent's All over the place too Look I'm trying okay What was It's more like this More Like right?

Am I doing kind of Oh no it's pretty It's good It's good It's static Just wanted to make sure I wasn't getting too far away From my cars Okay I'm just Okay So Across the tundra Across the great white Oh man What do you guys Let's talk Okay Underground would be kind of cool For sure Yeah Time It takes more time Yeah And then we don't get the birds We'd have to leave the birds anyway I think if we went into the tower Yeah Even if we got from air I also I think the excuse of That we could be seen Coming in By land or air Yeah Makes sense We could find other Cool magic stuff On the way If we go underground Yeah And honestly like Gail's getting Pretty handsy She is In a very confusing way I don't want to get into How she's getting handsy Okay Or why it's confusing to me And he's like He's saying this to you guys In secret He's like I just kind of want A break from Gail And it's just I know the tunnels Are more dangerous For our minds And it will take A little bit longer But like I kind of want to break From Gail Yeah let's take the tunnels Don't tell her That I said that Because she'll get weird About it She can hear you In my mind Okay To the tunnels Let's do it The tunnels Okay Say your goodbyes Your pathetic goodbyes And then meet me At Mouth of Cotano Cave Okay dude I will go Steal myself Alone Sorry That was too much I will go steal myself Alone Okay It is my curse And then he goes and walks Into the cave So I hug the birds goodbye Goodbye Small Billy Goodbye Bye Bye And I throw my bird seed On the ground And they both go Look And start pecking at it Oh my god You've had this the whole time Billy you had this the whole time Yeah It was for when you landed Oh my god There's a caraway in here Thank you so much Of course Should we meet you at the tower Or wait for you to come For your return here Oh maybe meet us there We might need a quick extraction Very well Yeah I'll call you And he nods We will fly high High above the clouds Far from any sight And we will come When you need us We will arrive When you need us And they take a couple Awkward bird steps back On the cliffs Yeah And extend their wings And woof Into the skies Yeah Billy falls over From the force of the wind Billy's rolled backwards Billy comes up Like a little bird Like a little snowball Cause he got rolled across Majestic Yeah Yeah just a hand hand foot foot Yeah I love it when they do that And you go and you meet Victor In the cave Pretty classic wolf cave Skeletons and shit Mostly animal Mostly animal Okay Scary There's like a A huge skeleton That thing you would recognize As like a rhinoceros Whoa Whoa Did you hunt that yourself I did Wow Wow The beasts of the tundra Are very dangerous But they are no match for me They're so strong And swift And invisible It is my curse This is a caribou That I also killed Cool Wow He's giving you a tour Of all his bones Yes This is about 50 to 60 Small foxes Wow There's so many furs There are I like the way It feels And this is a whale How did you kill a whale How do you think I killed a whale You drowned it I found it Yes And I brought it Back to my cave Wow You're so strong I am Did you say It was here When I got here This might have been The whale's cave first And he leads you To the back of the cave And It starts going Down Into the rock Cool Oh cool These tunnels were dug Long ago By I know not what But they connect Many places In the north Can I use Spout Lore To try and figure out Who built these tunnels Yeah totally I have a negative One intelligence But I also have Fount of knowledge So can I take a plus one Right that's the one If nobody else knows Yeah Okay then yeah Totally He literally just said I know not Who built this Cave Yeah you got me You buttonholed me on that Yeah I'll buttonhole you Tonight dude Oh man I can't wait bro Wow No wonder We're not doing A fourth episode Gotta get some Buttonholing done I gotta save some Of my energy For buttonholing Tonight Okay 26 plus Intelligence plus one Guys try and bless These dice Bless Bless Bless Here we go For smart things Five Wow Holy shit Okay So So The one thing That you do know Is that it doesn't seem Like these were carved Okay As you start to Enter the tunnels Like Like they're naturally Formed They seem to be Naturally formed They're old waterways That makes sense Oh So the tunnels As you're descending Like you basically Go through stone And then You enter into What seems to be Like ice Like solid ice Blue clear Dark Uh yeah Blue clear and dark Kind of ripply Maybe Like so it Seems like there aren't Like tool marks Or anything like that Like these were Naturally formed likely Or Some process You don't understand Yeah Maybe grown Could be Could be Uh and you begin Walking down the tunnels Vic leading the way I assume that you all Have your various light sources I was gonna say It's so dark down here But I always forget You have 50 sources of light The light goes into the ice Yeah That's what I'm thinking It like glows And bounces off Illuminating like Designs and like Lines and things Somebody goes around a corner And it's really cool To see through Yeah And you can see You can see your own reflections Like refracted Through the ice Oh cool Yeah If he stops for a second Just give him A little pep talk After all that shaming He did From the wolf Just like You know You're pretty cool dude Giving himself a pep talk You got this You got this bro Don't let that wolf get to you So yeah What do you guys do?

You're just walking along That's it Said it's gonna be 1.5 to 2 days I'd like to discern realities And see if there's any Faster way we can do this I was thinking of doing Some sort of sledge Or some slide Is there any Inclination to this? Can we sled Or can we turn this Into a giant tube ride?

That's what would be Ideal If we could take An inner tube Down this tunnel Like a sled dog Sort of situation Like dog We could make something Yeah you don't have to Roll for that necessarily If you could convince Victor to Drag you He could probably Go faster If he would It's hard to say If he would Hey Victor I bet you couldn't Pull us through here Yeah Yeah 2d6 plus charisma 9 Yeah I'll help And Tuck is like Yeah man Dude We're way too Fucking buff and big I don't I'm in a bulk phase I'm kind of huge No one could pull me And I'm a simple cuck Yeah And he's got the Fattest cuck Ever Cause Tuck doesn't know What that word means Yeah Plus bond 9 Okay Nice That makes it a 10 Woohoo So you say I bet you couldn't pull us And Vic stops And turns around And says What did you say?

I'm just saying Of course I could Uh huh Don't even finish Your sentence You're foolish To think I couldn't Pull you Could you even Pull us all the way?

I mean Oh I could pull you To the fucking stars And back No fucking way So far I don't have to Prove myself to you But just in case I had to prove myself Maybe I'd do this Maybe I say Get a rope out Rope And maybe I say Get like a bag Or something I'll lay down some furs Okay Then hold on To the rope Yeah okay And if I had to do it I would do it like this This is never gonna work guys And he takes it in his mouth There's no way Only the strongest wolf Ever would be able to do this Hold on to your ass Idiot And he starts to run And he's dragging you guys along And you're zipping down this tunnel Great Whoa Can we discern realities As like We're zipping through?

Absolutely Yeah 2d6 plus wisdom I got a six Nice Okay so Uh Oh wait Can we help?

Oh yeah Oh yeah Yeah yeah You can help Uh I like I wanna help Billy Look around While we're being ripped through it By just holding him steady Yeah Cause I was about to fly off Yeah It's really hard To look around Like a steadicam Yeah Just holding his head in place Yeah Like a GoPro Yeah Just attach him to my head Yeah Eight Eight Okay so that makes it a seven and nine Which means you get one question From the list Awesome I wanna know What here is not what it appears to be Are Maggie and Perrault with us?

Uh yeah I guess they would be Yeah Okay Perrault do you feel anything down here?

Um It feels like Like Electric Yeah that's an interesting question I guess he probably would But only a little bit Cause it like The time that he was like Oh man I'm really connected to this stuff Was when he was like Drunk on the The magic booze But he's just like Yeah I'm I feel something Just like Ugh You know Like ugh And he's just like Gripped onto Tuck's waist Like he's a terrified teenager Riding a moped with his friend So what's the orientation on this sledge?

It's me with Perrault behind me And then Maggie behind Perrault Uh huh And Ving in the front Yeah He's got one foot up on the rope That's attached to the wolf He's so extended like that So Billy on the back? Billy is wrapped around Tuck's forearm Yeah Yeah Okay Yeah!

And then Tuck is holding onto Ving's leg Yeah Perfect Perfect Yeah I can't take anything wrong with this It's like the cover of Star Wars basically Yeah Yeah exactly So yeah you are Fucking ripping ass through this tunnel And you look around into the ice And you start seeing like images And the images resolve into landscape Like you see The snowy white tundra You see this barren land And uh As you Continue through the tunnels You take quite a deep dip Like down through the ice And you see the colors and the ice change And the light refract in different ways Oh yeah He's like He's running through Yeah Yeah He's like doing like the skids up the sides Yeah I was picturing that too I mean like Whoa Yeah Yeah And you see the images around you like Shift and change You see Days, months, years pass The sun rise and set The coronet reforms into a moon And shatters again Whoa And armies march across the tundra Blood as far as the eye can see from it And it's just There's so much happening around you Look This is the history of this place Written in the ice Wow Billy's having like war flashbacks right now Yeah Whoa Steal your mind This is time itself You are but the stone in the river of ages Whoa My god This wolf comes out with some cool shit For such a weirdo Uh so everybody's gonna As you're like all looking into these Images You feel Your mind Trying to like Reckon With all of the things that you're seeing You're like fighting madness kind of Yeah exactly Yeah I was imagining almost It almost like as we were running We would get flashes It would be like tunnel And then flash to like A different time And then Flash flash flash Until it's like Just continuous like We're not really in the tunnel anymore And like we feel ourselves being stretched across The entirety of Yeah All of history This is a real Willy Wonka in the tunnel Right Yes On the boat There's no earthly way of knowing Which direction we are going Yeah Yeah That's what the wolf is saying There's no earthly The schnozberries taste like schnozberries Uh so everybody's gonna have to roll something Yeah Constitution Tell me how you're Tell me how you're trying to Yeah Deal with this Onslaught Of mental stress You have to stay like present basically So It's a lot of like Alright I can feel this I can smell this So I know I'm here I'm not actually Back then Yeah I would say that's Because it's the sensory kind of Stat I'd say that's 2d6 plus 1d6 Plus wisdom Sure Yeah cause you're dealing with Your PTSD From the war Yeah Yeah Cause yeah you see like Battles that you fought Like you immediately recognize Battlefields as like I was there You might be in The imagery here Yeah Oh maybe yeah That'd be cool 10 Oh hell yeah And yeah you do a Body scan basically I basically do a body scan What's your like Three things you can see Two things you can smell Yeah and like I can smell Corn chips And Tuck's beard And He's got a lot of perfume In his beard I think from Victoria It's beard oil It's also to cover up The corn chips Yeah I can I can I can smell Tuck's forehead And I can feel Tuck's forehead I'm on Tuck's forehead I'm on Tuck's forehead So sweaty I think it's my sweat And you Our sweats are one Yeah And you do away With these images You accept the events That you took part in And then you file them away In the infinite Memory palace Of Billy's mind Yeah Ving Yes Time Is a fleeting thing And your friends around you They'll come and go What are you gonna have When you're all alone I was thinking that Ving's Maybe just gonna give into it A little bit Ooh Ride it out Yeah This is a real This too shall pass Moment for him Yeah Absolutely wisdom Yeah 2d6 was wisdom Oh no Yeah I failed Jesus fuck I got six total So that makes sense Cause I tried to just Not fight it Yeah totally So maybe Ving gets a little Loopy in this tunnel Oh yeah Just getting overwhelmed By the isolation Of like knowing that You will be alone again One day Uh yeah Eons unfold before you Blossoming like a flower The infinite Reach of time Pupils Dilating into moons Yeah My Pupils go White As the moon Oh As the moon As the moon Has endured for millennia And will endure for millennia more So shall you Oh there's The phases Of the moon Are crossing over my eyes As the lights are changing In their Time passing And you see You see the time Going forward Forward and forward And forward Hundreds of millions Of years Till eventually The earth itself Falls away All that remains Is the moon I look down And I'm standing But not with feet With roots I'm rooted As a tree On the moon Tuck and Billy You see this As Ving is like Stock still in front of you Uh huh You see Roots Descend From his long Grey hair Whoa And start to crawl Down his body And you see them start Reaching towards the ice Whoa Uh Take my little Obsidian dagger Ooh Yeah Sick What do you do with it?

Um I hand it to Tuck It's It's miniature in your hands It looks a lot bigger In my hands Uh Can I use An ear for magic To figure out How to stop this? Yeah Yeah I think so When you hear an enemy Cast a spell The GM will Tell you the name Of the spell And it's effects Take plus one forward When acting on the answers Right so we basically just Talk about what it is Cause we don't have Named spells So what is happening To Ving right now?

What's happening is that Ving is losing it It's the effect That the tunnels Are having on him And that is causing him To react in a way That is attempting To like root himself In the right now Okay But literally My corporeal form My earth Yeah Sense is trying to The vessel of Ving Is trying to be like We are unmoored Yeah I'm trying to take root Exactly Yeah But what that would mean Is stopping this Sled dead Yeah Losing the wolf Maybe Victor's going really fast Yeah Yeah Okay That's what you do I take the obsidian knife That Billy gave me And I stab Ving So he can feel his body Okay Nice Yeah That works great Uh My boner goes away Immediately Yeah I also was thinking Of that crystal baby Yes I've got wood Uh 2d6 plus dexterity I take Billy's knife And I try and give you Like a little nick On the arm To like Wake you back up Cause I was like I was saying your name And you couldn't hear me Shaking me Doesn't do anything Yeah Ving Ving Four Shit Okay Nice Okay Uh yeah So you can roll a d10 Ten Ving Fuck I have two armor So eight Eight yeah And you take eight damage As Tuck reaches forward To give you this little cut On the arm And is jolted forward A little bit By the sled And just stabs you In the Like the tricep Shit And thankfully It's only a little Pairing knife So it's in and out But you are like Brought back To the real world So quickly Oh my god By the searing pain In your bicep And Tuck's like Sorry Sorry Sorry You stabbed me You were going crazy Dude Oh I'm going crazy You just fucking Stabbed me On the rollercoaster Yeah Ving You look down And you see these roots On your body Start to dry And wither And fall away Did I have dreads For a second What was going on Yeah I was giving it to you To cut the dreads off And Tuck's like I couldn't hear you I'm sorry I'm sorry too Why'd he stab Ving Ving It's a whole situation Up here Uh Tuck you Take this Now that you've You're dealing with Bleeding Ving You kind of Give the knife back to Billy And you start looking around And you see All this time start to pass How does Tuck Manage this I think It starts flashing Faster and faster And he feels Like the tunnel Stretch out to infinity The end of the tunnel Is just a burning tree Oh It's He can see Like The burning tree The path that he is on In time Everything Terminates at the burning tree No matter where he goes So how's he dealing with that I think he's just doing What he always does Which is Like the unencumbered Unharmed thing Oh the unbowed Unbent unbroken Right Unbowed unbent unbroken Uh When you Prepare Yourself To endure some hardship Without fighting back Roll plus con On a hit You either take half the damage Or you can completely ignore One of the Other I'll effect On a ten plus You defeat Expose Or frustrate Your oppressor With your stubbornness So I guess I I'm looking I guess I'm looking Directly at the burning tree And I'm just going like It's fine It's fine You always knew It was gonna end Somehow It's fine Yeah That's so cool Okay Roll it 2d6 plus constitution Nine Nine Okay I want to aid Okay Okay Okay Okay Just aiding by being beside him Yeah Nice And being present 2d6 plus bond Six Okay Not so good Not so good Okay Unless we want to try a bond An aid on an aid So I can aid his aid?

We've done this before Yeah we did it at the end of season six It happens so rarely I think it's This is a weird internal thing It's not a big mechanic Like it Yeah Ten Okay So ten makes Ving's failure a seven Yes Tuck your Ten There's a ton There's a ton and you look directly into the burning tree, into your foretold doom, and you see standing beneath the burning branches, another. And that is the last thing you see. What? Gone from your sight.

I want to Spout Lore on the burning tree before it goes away. A shadow of a person? A silhouette? Not how visions work, buddy. Not how visions work. Fuck. But what if that is how they work? Interesting. Interesting. Interesting theory. Sean, hear me out. We're all making all of this up. So Spout Lore wouldn't make sense. Okay. Because this is a portent of some kind. Mm-hmm. Discern realities also wouldn't make sense because it's like a flash of a fragment of time.

You know, it's not really a thing you could examine. Just tell me what the other figure looked like. It looks like a person. Does it look like me? Two arms, two legs. You very much get the idea that it's not you. Okay. Yeah. And then it's gone. What happened? What happened with Maggie and Perel? Maggie has like a haunted look in her eyes and Perel is crying. Oh. We're good. We're good. We're good. Perel is like sad crying. Very sad crying. And he's trying to hide it now.

He's trying to like wipe it away as fast as possible. But his eyes are beet red. And Maggie's like ashen faced basically. But she's like, it's fine. We're good. We did it. Let's go. Okay. And Victor is like, you have survived the trials and tribulations of the tunnel. And Vic continues running through the tunnel. Do we want to do a perilous journey for like the stretch? Yeah, I'd do it. Okay. We'll do navigate and scout ahead.

We might not need to do manage provisions just yet unless we decide to make camp down here. So who's going to scout ahead and who's going to navigate? I'll scout because I'm staying at the front of the sled. Sounds good. Billy, maybe you should navigate. I don't feel great. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So navigate is 2d6 plus intelligence and scout ahead is 2d6 plus wisdom. Okay. I have head beam moon eyes right now. Ooh. Uh, nine. I also got nine. Okay. So yeah, Victor continues on through the tunnels.

Rip an ass fucking mock for his wolf is hauling. And it's a confusing site from behind because like you can't see him necessarily. He will blend into the tunnel around him. Oh yeah. And you can't see past him. Right. So it just, you have no idea what's coming up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Feeling of like the passage of time is like lifted like as soon as the cavern becomes bigger and you see in like one uh far away corner of this massive cavern as if it was tossed aside a keep like a stone building whoa smashed into a corner of the cavern grown into and over the walls but like almost cast aside by the ravages of time so it's an old building that was frozen into this cavern yeah looks like vink pulls the um the bell to stop the bus and vick screeches to a halt we fly past him yeah it takes a while for him to stop because he's going so fast slide yeah why have you stopped me I'm running so fast have you been here before this place yes pass through what do you know of that building that's me mimicking spitting like humans do when they hate things you hate it I hate it it stinks of magic and tuck starts running towards perl shoves you yeah right perl shoves against tuck but gets pushed away so steady no talk I want to see it first can I roll to get there first yeah sure 36 plus uh strength I guess uh 14 yeah you congratulations and perl did that to himself yeah you got the 14 was perl's own actions yeah but you get there first congratulations everybody gets there shortly after you I start digging through it trying to find something good before anyone else does uh so you're digging through and as I hear people coming behind me I go get back I'm gonna roll discern realities yeah great great uh nine nine okay tuck you wanna you didn't know we can no I'm gonna just roll certain realities by myself okay then you're gonna roll discern realities by yourself okay then you're gonna wait no you're gonna wait eight great you did more poorly if you'd helped ving that would have been a ten can he say after the fact that he's helping nope sorry you made it very clear that you were not helping when I asked tuck to help me look through here he said no and he closes his eyes I pushed I pushed ving wow yeah all my street kid instincts kicked in because I saw a pile of garbage oh my god so billy found that really cool knife yeah that's true oh I bet he's all triggered again because billy found like the the knife the knife of rian as well it was right knife and then now we I don't have the knife anymore because we gave it a fucking cloud piercer right and then billy's the only one that found anything fucking cool and the you stabbed me with it yeah and now you're like I want to find a cool knife I want to find a cool knife and then maybe give it to ving as an apology for stabbing him uh-huh what's valuable or useful here magic something magic-y it's gotta be I mean it does seem like perel even is like approaching this place very warily there's there's this is something something terrible happened here I want to go in this building uh so the thing is that you can't really okay you see a building but there's chunks of snow and ice that are blocking the doorway and tuck now that you're there and you're fucking well actually what's your question oh I know what here is useful or valuable to me before ving so you are you're really uh digging your fucking way through and the partial success is because every time ving walks up I push I go get out of here in a way he pushes on my arm where he stabbed me oh and then we get into a little fight and I'll give him a little you know a little pinch that you do on your like siblings that hurts so much just with your nails I knew you in the balls so hard It's so hard you hear them clack.

It sounds like two pool balls smacking together. Makes the Chinese ball sound. You start pulling away at stone and ice in this collapsed gatehouse. And some of it falls away deeper into the ice. So you think that there are openings behind this that you could access, but it would be very dangerous. Can I trap expert or should I let go? No, trap expert is great. Should I let them finish discern realities? No, they finished. They only got one question each because they decided to fight each other.

Okay, so Billy's the only mature one in the group right now. I'm holding you responsible for this as well. Okay, 2d6 plus I think dexterity for trap expert. Yeah. Seven plus two, nine. Nice. Is there a trap here? And if so, what activates it? So there is a trap in that it's very unstable. Right? Yeah. And what activates it is not any current action. It's fucking around too much in here. So you could potentially get in. You could find some stuff. You could learn some things.

It's like ancient stone. I could crumble. Okay. It's kind of being held together by the ice that it's embedded in. Yeah, it's being held together by the fact that no one is fucked with it in God knows how long. So the way in lies before you tuck is basically uncovered a hole. Okay. Into the ice. And I go, guys, look. Okay. It's like a hole. A hole. You found it. I found it. I slip in. 2d6 plus dexterity to do it gracefully. I don't even touch the sides. I go 14. Whoa. Holy shit. Right through.

Boom. And you see the whole floor like whoa. Oh yeah. It glows with moonlight as you illuminate a really aggressively angled and collapsed stone fortification of some kind. Like this looks like it was made for practicality. Instead of art. It's all like old heavy beams, just stonework that was like chopped bricks out of like dark granite and then mortared together.

But at this jaunty angle in which everything that might have been in this room at one time has been like smashed down to a side and then half filled with ice and snow. Do I recognize anything? Can I discern realities or should I? Yeah, go ahead and discern realities. Okay. I'd like to discern realities. Plus wisdom. I got seven. Seven. I got one question. What here is valuable and useful to us?

So in a very D&D dungeon way, you see through the ice that is sort of like frozen part of this place in time, a heavy iron banded wooden chest frozen in the ice. Cool. But then you also see shapes around it. Are they moving? No, absolutely not moving. How deep under the ice is the chest? Pretty deep. It's like you can see it only because this ice is so clear. Yeah. Okay. It's probably 15, 20 feet of ice. That deep? Yes. Wow. Yeah. He looks at his spear. He looks at the ice, looks at his spear.

I don't know. He remembers he can summon fire. Yeah. I guess I could manipulate it into water. Yeah. Even just a tunnel towards. I like it. I'm going to try it. Okay. Elemental mastery. Okay. Okay. I got eight. Okay. So you get one. Okay. Well, I'm going to try it. Okay. Well, the effect I desire comes to pass. Which is turning the ice to water so you can get the chest. Yeah. Yeah, totally.

And you turn the ice around the chest to water, reaching out before you, creating this like tube of liquid between you and the chest, which starts to like . It's kind of like stepping into Stargate. Yeah, exactly. And you step through the water and the chest also kind of floating up towards you a little bit. And you're able to grab it. But then you're like, as you're going back up the tunnel, you're like, man, I made this thing so roomy. Wait, did I make it this roomy?

And then you realize all of the ice around you is turning to water. And this entire place is starting to just like fill with ice cold Arctic seawater. Shit. And Billy and Tuck, you and Maggie and Perel are standing around the entrance of this place. Tuck, confident, comfortable in the fact that you got your chest. Yeah. And Tuck is saying that he's like, I think we can all agree, regardless of what Ving is doing in there, I'm the one that got here first. So I have dibs on whatever's in there.

Cause I said dibs when I got here. I wonder what Ving's doing in the hole that I found. Just want to let you know, I found the hole. Yeah. Maggie, did you know that you found the hole? Yeah, I did. I did. You kept, you keep talking about it. Yeah. Yeah. But like, whose hole is it really? That's a good question. I can't remember who found this hole. It was me. Perel says, I found the hole everybody. Guys, are you freaking kidding me? I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.

Are you fucking kidding me? Perel, you did find the hole. Thank you. Thank you so much. You start shaking everybody's hands. Fuck this. You guys are being assholes right now. I found the hole first. Tuck, thank you for your support. I couldn't do it. Bubbling water. Let my hand go. It was so awesome that you helped Perel dig the hole. I gonna, I am going, I'm, I'm going to fucking lose my mind at you guys. Perel, your hole's going to kill us all, Ving says as he's coming in.

Ving pops his head up out of the hole as the ice around it starts to like melt and turn to water. It's like coming out of a hole in the ice. Oh my God. Holy shit. And as, as like the greater piece of ice, like that the hole was adjacent to, melts away, a humanoid form is revealed. Whoa. Grotesque, kind of a blue gray, crystalline growths all over its hands and its arms. Whoa. Revealing a twisted human form and I'll fitting armor, massive hulking shape, completely dead. Whoa.

And the water melt or the ice melts and reveals another and another. Until there's like half a dozen of these creatures under the ice. I grab Ving and I pull him away from the melting ice. Yeah. Here, I got you this. Slam down the huge chest. And Tuck feels about two inches tall right now. But then Ving says, I bet you feel two inches tall right now. And then Vick is like, truly the greatest way to be superior to other is kindness. One tear.

He's like, I thought this large brute was being superior by staking his claim and being violent. But this skinny effeminate man is still the Swinton of a person. And the ice continues to melt. And it's clear that the ice inside this gatehouse was holding it up in a way where as eventually the, the stones themselves begin to melt. Yeah. And it's starting to collapse in on this structure. Guys, as per usual, elemental mastery, uh, is just a name. I do not have mastery over the elements.

We need to get the hell out of here. Elemental amateur. So do we all like throw ourselves onto the, the, the fur again? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Vick goes, you have failed pathetic thing. I knew you would, but it's time to go now because I am at risk. Yeah. So Tuck grabs the chest and he drags it back to the. What is that? And Tuck is like, it is another challenge to your strength. The Vic. That is nothing to me. Get on the far.

Also, you can keep calling me Victor if you want, I suppose, pathetic creature. And he grabs the rope and starts running you back out of the tunnel. And you see, as you turn around, like one of these like humanoid hands, like Bob up out of the water. Oh, geez. And you see Victor being dragged further down by the stone. And Victor continues on through the tunnel, drags you along for the remainder of the day, basically. But he eventually comes trotting to a halt.

Says, I've made it to my destination in a day. I'm sure you are impressed. Wow. Whoa. I'm, I'm actually impressed. Thank you. I'm glad to hear that you've seen the things for what they are. My superiority. I wish you didn't have to say actually, but they'll take it. Actually was a little pointed, but okay. And here we are at the tower of the wizard. Cool.

He throws his head in the direction of, uh, like, it looks like a, a mouth of teeth, basically, like stalactites and stalagmites of ice flowing into each other, creating these bars. There's a gap in between some of them, but so narrow that like even Billy couldn't just fit through. Billy, the widest of all of us. Not possible for Billy. And he goes, our agreement has been fulfilled. I've brought you here. Now I will take my leave of you pathetic things. Please don't go. I must though.

I am cursed to be alone. Well, I'll be sad to see you go, I guess. What? No. Yeah. You're so soft. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're so soft. So cute. I like gingerly pet him. He like tenses up when you reach out to touch him. Such fluffy ears. Maybe I will stay for a little bit. But only because I am choosing to. I will wait outside the gate. Oh, of course.

And I choose leisure. I choose to lay down here on this ice and relax. And Tuck arranges the furs that we rode in on so that it's like kind of a comfortable comfy zone. And I was like, if you want to. I will. But I'm because I'm taking it from you. Okay. Because of my superior powers. Sure. Yeah. Oh, I wish I had this now. Oh, I bet you do. Pathetic cock. All right. Jesus. It's a word I heard a long time ago from some trackers and I've used it because it feels powerful.

And Tuck's like, okay, here's some jerky. I'm like, okay. I'm like, okay. Jerky. Jerky, eh? Okay. All right. I shall be here until I choose not to be. You're your own wolf. I am. And now I slumber. Then he lays his head down and you hear him start snoring right away. And you're standing before this gate of ice. Perel is like walked up to it and put his hands on the ice. It's cold. So cold. And then Tuck's like, Maggie, you're the one that knows. Like this is the only place I can go.

I'm like, I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. Maggie, you're the one that knows. Like this is a Mender Vault, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a Mender Vault. Is this, do you know how to get in through this gate? Oh, um, if I'm being honest, I just know about this vault. I've never actually been inside it. Okay, what do you know about this vault?

I know that this thing- Yes? Is here. Ving says, I have an idea. He walks up and he goes, Lothalino-la. What was that? Yeah. Yeah. What are you doing? I don't know. I was just making up some elf sounding words. So what do you do? What do you do? You're like waving your hand? Yeah. Wave my hand in front of it. Yeah. And he drakes his hand across the ice. He was like. The ice flows up into the ceiling. No way. Down into the floor. What? Did those words work? Ving's like, his eyes are really wide.

And he's like, and then he turns around like, like, like real cocky pace. Like, shall we go in? Oh, looking for this? The entrance? We start walking in, but Tuck goes over to Ving as we're walking in. I'm like, what the fuck did that? I don't mean. I have no idea. What do you mean? I don't know. I just made up sounds. Wow. And so Billy's like really impressed by Ving right now. I didn't know you knew all this magic and stuff. Yeah. Well, pretty, pretty, pretty knowledgeable of some stuff. Yeah.

Yeah. Tell me about it. See, you don't always know. What you know, you know, until it comes to use. Whoa. That's so deep. And with this cocky explanation of a random happenstance, you enter into what is immediately clear to be hand carved structures. Oh, you pass right through the gate into like a more squared off hallway with tapestries on the wall, a rug on the floor, and you see a room just beyond this hallway.

And you know, as you pass into this room that you have well and truly entered the tower of the wizard at her neck, all water. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. I've been your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdul Aziz. So long, everybody. Playing Ving, the half elf druid, Paul Oppers. Take care. And playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone.

Thank you to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music, which you hear at the beginning and end of the show every single time without fail. You can find all of Aaron's. Original music at Aaron Reed dot band camp dot com. Thank you to all of our supporters around the world supporting us on Patreon. If you would like to support the show and get access to a bonus game, bonus audio content, art, gift boxes, and a whole whack of shit.

Check us out at Patreon dot com slash Spout Lore or Spout Lore dot com slash money, please. And finally, thank you to all of you for listening. See you next time. And so ends the tale of Adventures 3. Who tried the best they can Though dumb and scared and lost they be For time's abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week To hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I'd gladly Spout Lore

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It's good bonus content I work really fucking hard on it Now the round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore I'm here to tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara Joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian Abdul Aziz Hello everybody Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers Hello everybody And playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai Hello everyone When last we left our heroes, the battle was joined The crew of the White Knight, led by notorious privateer Victoria Leblanche Attacked the crew after they were informed that in fact they would not be allowed to leave the ship The fight went about as well as you could expect Because Tuck is a monster And Ving and Billy are supportive monsters You're all very frightening combatants Tuck removed his loincloth Said it was tacky As a button to being divorced It was like your divorce move It was my war cry actually This is fucking tacky Also known as declaration of war Declaration of divorce Yeah Billy definitely destroyed some people with his powerful throwing arm Yeah As is his way Ving made the playing field a little more hazardous for the crew And things ended with Victoria Leblanche kind of hung by her wrists Yeah By Ving And then Billy removed a memory from Victoria Leblanche Further illustrating the fact that when I created the lightning in a bottle move I did not realize that it was in fact the know what everybody's thinking So the memory was removed from Victoria Leblanche Revealing that she had been hired by the princeps of the firefields principality To recover a weapon of some kind from the vault To tip the war in the principalities in his favor The crew then made their escape Hopping onto the clear water With the help of Thunderbirds, Cloudpiercer, and Gale Destroying the White Knight to the point where the ship is definitely sinking Mm-hmm And escaping into the icy waters of the frozen north After some sailing Ving revealed that he knew the location of a place called the Goblin's Bath Mm-hmm Which is some sort of thermally fed bay That might be an adequate place to hide the clear water As the crew takes Or as the party Not the crew Mm-hmm Takes the Thunderbirds to Adderneck All Waters Glacier Mm-hmm They traveled through some icy fjords Seeing treasure glittering at the bottom Revealing a series of Mm-hmm Sub-aquatic tunnels that have been the death of many sailors throughout time Mm-hmm And then sometime later With the Thunderbirds pulling the clear water through the fjords We arrived at the Goblin's Bath to find Hundreds of Arctic Goblins All engaged in that beautiful time Known as mating season That is where we find our heroes now You're standing on the deck of the clear water On the shore Imagine Okay So imagine you're looking for a hero Mm-hmm You're on the clear water Beautiful glittering water around you Yeah To your right Snow fields That descend into a black rocky shore With like black volcanic sand And then up the other side of the bay Is like jagged hills So there's rocks on one side And then a black sand beach on the other And it's all covered in goblins Just horny goblins Imagine If you will 2007 Daytona Beach Mm-hmm Spring break Exactly It's got a very club med sort of vibe A little bit They don't even see us They don't even notice that we're there Yeah Like we came upon them doing their thing Yeah Yeah And it is There is definitely At least you can assume some mating happening Mm-hmm By the sounds, yes Yeah But there does Beneath the water there is a frenzy of activity Beneath the water That's a naturalist I don't know I don't know There's a problem There's a problem Anyways, what do you do?

There are hundreds and hundreds of goblins covering the shore, swimming in the water, climbing up the cliffs, jumping off. You hear like, whoa, there's a cliff diving going on. Yeah. I guess we got to Spout Lore about goblins. Yeah. Specific one. About arctic goblins. Yeah. I'll do it. I would love for you to do that because I've been thinking about them a lot. So goblins, all we know is that they're like a reptilian species. And they've spoken in the past, like not human.

At least, yeah, the ones that you met just outside Mudlark in the swamps were like pretty like gnarly, venomous, gross goblins. Two legs. Two legs. They're all bipedal. Yeah. They kind of look like gremlins. Yeah. Pin like teeth. Yeah. They have like sharp needle teeth. Great. And then the ones in McCall we know are a little more cosmopolitan. Oh, right. Because like the one that like at least we met in the Brent episode in Brent's Revenge. Yeah.

He had like a little mustache and he wore a wig and clothes and he spoke common. Oh, yeah. And he ran a junk shop or something like that. Well, he ran a junk shop that was a landfill. Yeah. The goblin market is like scavenged stuff. So they have a lot of capacity. Yeah. Yeah. They're varied. They're a varied species. Arctic goblins are totally different. Cool. Yeah. 2D6 plus intelligence to Spout Lore. Right. I got six. Six. Six. What? Because I have a minus one to my intelligence.

Oh, beautiful. It rolled a seven. Beautiful. Okay. I can aid. Okay. So I'm going to aid by using my bardic knowledge because I know a lot of different albums about goblins and written by goblins. Oh, yeah. I was a roadie for a goblin band for a while. Yeah. Okay. Seven. Okay. Beautiful. Seven. So that makes yours a seven. Great. Which means you get something interesting but not useful. Thank you. So here's the thing.

I'm talking about Arctic goblins that I stole from another reptile, the aquatic iguana. Yes. So they live in and around the water. They spend a lot of time in their thermal springs. So mostly what they eat is like sea grasses and like shellfish and stuff like that. Cool. Crabs. Crabs. Yeah. Whatever is around fish, whatever they got. But because of that, and part of the reason their noses are so flared is they have a lot of salt in their bodies. Oh. Yeah. So to counteract that, they expel.

They expel the salt from their nose, which gathers on top of their heads and creates like crowns of salt. So they look like Guy Fieri. Oh my God. The middle-aged ones do for sure. The younger ones kind of have a faux hawk and then the middle-aged ones look like Guy Fieri. Salt and pepper. Yeah. But it leads that like old goblins have these like elaborate salt crowns on their heads. Cool. And you can mark out the elders by these like massive crowns. Yeah.

And they look like those hot spring monkeys mixed with a bat mixed with a. Iguana. Iguana. Mixed with Guy Fieri. Mixed with Guy Fieri. I feel like there's maybe a lot of like really brightly colored Hawaiian shirts happening. Yes. I can't get my brain out of Daytona. Daytona spring break. Yeah. Well, it's not. It's like we've talked about how the ones in the principalities, at least some of them are brightly colored because they're like venomous. Mm-hmm. Which is also probably a separate thing.

Yeah. But they're also like secondary like sexual characteristic. Characteristic. Yeah. To like attract mates. But these guys don't have that. So they probably do adorn themselves in colorful fabrics. Yeah. To try and attract mates. I wonder if they're, I don't know, like coral reeds. Oh, yeah. And stuff like that. Or like seaweed. Or they gather shell necklaces. Yeah. They gather coral and weeds. Yeah. And different things from the sea floor. And then they adorn themselves in that.

And they'll also grab stuff from like that treasure trove river. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because they can survive in the water probably. They're wearing a lot of rings. Yeah. They're wearing a lot of rings. Yeah. They have a lot of gold bracelets and chains. And helmets. Yeah. It is perfect. Yeah. So they are very, especially during mating season, they're all, the males especially are like completely decked out.

So you see glittering on the shoreline as well in a bunch of like colorful sea life and grasses and just hear a lot of yelling and giggling and screaming. Hey, baby, come up here. We got something for you. We got a hot tub on the roof here. This whole thing's a hot tub, you fucking loser. Don't be like that. It's just the Jersey Shore. Exactly. What do you do? Do we like try to talk to them? I know. I was thinking like, could we, like, they know this area very well. Yeah.

Because since they know the area so well, and since they're going to be here anyway, we can be like, hey, can you hide this ship? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Ever been to cape canaveral we were thinking of going to see the space shuttle we can film goblins gone wild here yeah so what do you guys do like perel and maggie are on the boat and they're just like perel especially is like I'm staying out of this yeah not interested I just want to I want to know if they're safe to talk to you and if they're and like what how I should talk to them to befriend them oh yeah yeah so go for it 2d6 plus wisdom to discern realities holy crap okay 13 okay yeah so now I get three questions from discern realities which is how to be cool um okay what is useful or valuable to me what is useful or valuable here uh so you're I assume scanning like the shore with your binoculars and you just see a absolute shit ton of goblins having the time of their lives they're playing volleyball they're they're skimboarding uh these are things that are like those are in our world uh what is volleyball to a goblin so volleyball is um there are two teams 15 aside everybody gets a rock and they all send volley after volley at each other and you can't move yeah and the last one standing that team wins that's that is a goblin game for sure and skim boarding is skimboarding yeah it's a little board you skim it off the board on the shore uh so you're scanning and you're seeing all these young goblins having a blast and you see two goblins looks like it looks like a man and a woman both of them have really elaborate crowns really tall crowns of salt and then the guy is like kind of chunky and absolutely covered in like seaweed and kelp necklaces covered in coral okay and the woman is all got like a ton of rings and what looks to be like an actual amulet and these these look like an older like male and female goblin cool cool the guy has a bunch of tattoos yeah his his fur on his arms has been painted that's cool yeah oh god I like that it says mom I mean I guess you kind of answered it but like who's really in control here oh uh yeah it seems to be these two yeah this is like everybody's grandma and grandpa right and we're all doing our thing so so they're fucking I got it I got I want to be clear for myself because I think it's weird there's not like a ton of open fucking going on it's mostly partying is it like the thing where it's like you go to like the change room at the beach exactly it's sneaky actually here's a great answer to that billy sees behind on the like the planes the snow planes that go up you see a bunch of like burrows dug into the snow and tuck is says that he like looks with binoculars and he's like yeah there's not a ton of open fucking happening here I looked really hard you're looking longer than I was I wasn't looking for that he smashes the binoculars these are fucking useless and pharrell gets mad because those were his bird watching binoculars and then he pulls out opera binoculars it's like I have to use these now my backup ones don't smash these because I'm not going to be able to do it I'm going to be able to do it I'm going to be able to do it I'm going to be able to do it I'm going to be able to do it three other pairs okay what should I be on the lookout for I think the thing that ving mentioned about how nobody comes here yeah is the thing to be on the lookout for this feels like isolated in that in the area for sure nobody comes here during mating season I feel like a lot of people come here during mating season a lot of goblins come here during the mating season did you pick that up did you guys do we pick that high five yeah it was really loud so if you wanted to hide the boat here this seems like a good idea I think we should go to the boat here this seems like a good idea I think we should go to the boat here this seems like a good idea I think we should go like a good place cool yeah gonna wave at the uh the old couple and you see the guy like raises his hand and he's like hi there did you bring the cocaine my my name is fat billy you're pretty far away there fat billy okay I'll come closer yeah come on we're all having a good time up here it's probably fine if I walk alone no we're gonna come with you yeah we're all I think we're gonna come with you yeah we're all having a good time up here run the ship uh into the sand I'm gonna try and ground it and maggie pushes you away from the wheel because well we could we'll take care of this you guys go ashore and you go deal with that but you don't need to ground my ship how else are we gonna get ashore maybe one of the rowboats oh okay I thought this was just for sleeping it's pretty rock star to show up and drive a boat into the sand and jump off at spring break oh fuck no he's right man maggie that would be the kings of spring break if we did that whoa but do we want to like become rivals with the kings of spring break current kings of spring break no no yeah oh what do we do this is a great dilemma yeah this is the most pressing dilemma you've ever faced maggie's luring the rowboat yeah I was gonna say smash cut to you in the rowboat with maggie we're still arguing with her like they put us in there maggie we need the boat we need the boat to be kings of spring break sploosh you're in the water maggie's at the top of the boat having lowered you in a rowboat all right have fun uh can can can she lower us some grog before we go ashore I want to bring a gift yeah yeah yeah she yeah she lowers down a little crate of bottles great no ed tuck made a trade with bruno before we left where he bought a little bit of cocaine from a guy halfway white powder oh my god nice uh yeah so you're in the boat and you're in the boat and you're in the boat and you're in the boat and you're You're in the boat and you got some liquor.

Are you guys still going to try and beach the boat in the coolest way possible? I'm going to row as fast as I can. Maybe Tuck can help. I can help too. I can take the other side. So that we can land and I'll jump off the front. Bailey, are you into this plan? I'm so into it. Okay. 2d6 plus strength, I guess. Yeah. Nine. Eleven. Nine. All right. Pretty good. Can I aid him? Yep. All right. I'm going to do that. Yeah. I'm going to aid him with also my charisma. Oof. Ooh. Oh. 12. All right. Nice.

So 12, 10, and 11. So tell me what you guys are all doing. Tuck is like fucking reefing on it, rowing like crazy. It looks like we're basically in a speedboat. Uh-huh. Yeah. Billy is singing a rowing song. Yeah. What does that sound like? Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream. Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream. And then you slam into the sand. Launch.

Slow. Yeah. All three of you launched out of the boat. You've got a crate of bottles in your hands. Coming out. Pull them out. Ving's got two in his hands. In midair, in front of the sun. Pops the bottles. Two corks out at once. Amazing. Yeah. And goblins all around scatter as this boat slams. Into the shore. Yes. People. Giants. Launch. Flying at them with their wares. And you hit the sand. Bottles in hand. You do a cool pose, I assume. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You do an anime slide into the. Yeah.

Yeah. There's silence. And then a huge cheer. Whoa. Whoa. Oh my God. Goblins run up and start like patting you. Like on the legs because you're too tall. Because they're looking for cocaine. Adding us down for drugs. They might be trying to stop you. They might try to steal from you. It's hard to say. I'm handing out bottles. Yeah. It doesn't take long because you only had like nine. I had three. Do they pick us up and like crowd surface? Yeah. But you're two feet off the ground.

We're lower than if we were walking. Yeah. Exactly. But Billy is higher than he's ever been. Yeah. It's crazy. I can't believe this is what it looks like to you guys. The world is so big and so wide. And they carry you over to these two older goblins. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Pile to make them look like they're hanging out in these deck chairs and uh they're like oh hey there thanks for coming by good to meet some new friends oh it's so nice to meet some new friends come on take a seat by the water hello my name is ving oh hello ving hey buddy good to see you who are you big guy I'm tuck and this is halfling white powder okay I don't know what that is but thanks for bringing it by it's a stimulant well it might be a stimulant to you big guy but you don't know goblin physiology and he takes it he puts it in his mouth he's like oh that bouquet is so nice oh midge you know that feeling that I'm getting in my bones I don't know what this is midge is his wife's name yeah midge is the wife the guy's name is uh bob those are the parents from you know the guy's name is uh bob those are the parents from that 70s show bob and midge it's happening so I'm bob this is midge and we love coming to goblins bath and we're really glad to have you folks here what can we do for you oh no I mean not not a whole lot just you know we don't want to interrupt and we just wanted to come say hi and bring some gifts because we're passing through oh it's nothing to interrupt with look at this place it's just a party here we'll get you some food and they bring up just the rawest muscles you've ever seen they're in a pile not cooked at all I start sucking them back and tucks like I better not these are an aphrodisiac and I just came from a pretty intense situation oh don't I know it buddy don't I know it you better steer clear of these shellfish they'll get you half mass by noon you hear all the shells crunching in billy's mouth as he's eating one and some of the goblins are just eating shells like they're just crunching on them and tucks like bill are you okay I don't think you're supposed to eat the shells I'm just gonna eat the shells I'm just gonna eat the shells I'm not okay they hurt so much yeah buddy you gotta you gotta crunch up the shell you crunch it up and you get the calcium in your bones and your bones get strong yeah crunch it up there you go billy you don't have to crunch it up you can spit into my hand if you want whoa whoa whoa whoa bro get over here I'm sorry that I eat I scoop it back up he grabs ving's hand this goblin grabs me hand and starts licking the shells off your hand hi I'm ving hi I'm robbie hi robbie hey their tongues are like cat's tongues is very rough yeah totally uh okay so what's your poison what do you want to do we got some cliff jumping going on we got some volleyball we got some skim boarding and tucks like yeah it's it looks really fun here it is I don't know why humans never come here and then you hear from the distance goblin just owed maybe every once in a while or a ceremonial keening of conception but whenever that happens did you hear like and then the whole crowd goes yeah proliferation of the goblin peoples is very important to us so we make a big deal of it and I'm not saying that everybody's got to proliferate here you know not everybody's into the whole thing people do what they want here at goblins bath widz widz widz us to be involved yeah we're sort of on the run from like kind of piratey sort of vibe okay yeah and we're trying to like keep this shit pretty hidden so if there's like a place you know that's extra hidden if you guys could keep an eye on it oh I see what you mean and midge is like oh no they do they want us to they want they want a little bit of glamour on it and he goes okay yeah no problem I can take care of that for you and bob uh gets up from his deck chair he kind of like I'm not the goblin I used to be yeah 60 like 60 year old dad like waddles to his feet he's got one of those like you know those like red guy like how they have like the big gut yeah exactly yeah they walk like little bulldogs exactly and he gets to the shore and he smooths down his fur and he uh he reaches up and he kind of jostles his big salt crown and he um extends his scent and he's like oh my god I'm gonna be a dick and he's like oh my god his hands in front of him and he closes his eyes and he grimaces and you can hear him going like and before your very eyes the clear water vanishes what the fuck um maggie don't get out of me I need to take a seat real quick and he wanders back over to his chair hey where's the boat eh oh boat's there just got a little bit of glamour on it and he winks so are the people on the boat are they fine oh they should be yeah well they probably can't see each other that's the only thing so they should probably stay still for a while they can't see each other no they're invisible I'm gonna throw a snowball at the boat yeah go for it folly uh yeah oh you could just do a 2d6 plus strength 12 yeah snowball whips out over the water and then pass against the side of what you assume to be the clear water okay it's there yeah and you hear from the water from far out into the bay what the fuck is going on you're invisible and billy's got his thumbs up like it's okay come back now no thank you it talks like where are you and your voices are invisible too yeah sorry my ears can't see you oh my god and you hear you hear you were just supposed to find out what's going on um should we go back and talk to them uh yeah we can but should we try and figure out what's happening first oh it's uh hmm this is this is your first time at goblin's bath huh yes yeah yeah yeah that makes sense you seem kind of spooked uh that's uh that's just something that uh just a little something that the crown can do the crown does that your crown the crowned wait what's crowned what are you the crown we oh me and midge and I we have uh you know we got a little thing going on spent a long time working on this stuff is it is it like crystal is it like magic crystal crowns I guess that's a way you could think about it they drink the water yes and then it filter out the they filter out the salt and then it it crystallizes on their heads they're like kind of latently magical because they're imbibing this water yeah oh wow so cool yeah and probably something to do with the structure of the crowns itself and their unique physiology and as uh as far as any of you know I'm not sure if you're well ving especially being like master of the natural world they might be one of the only species that drinks salt water and consumes salt in this way so this might be something that only is only possible due to their like unique living situations I've heard tell of magical goblins this is so cool and when I mean I don't want to overstate things because you're you know you're new friends so I'm I'll be up front with you I can do that again maybe in a couple hours make it less see through it and then I'll be like oh my god I'm so excited to be here with you but that's pretty much it okay that's why he wanted us to wait a few hours oh yeah that's pretty cool is it yeah man I've never seen anything like this before okay well you know welcome to goblins bath I didn't know goblins were such a beautiful and talented species and he goes oh now slow down there big guy I am spoken for this is my missus here but you know in my younger days oh boy and tucks like no I'm I'm recently divorced I can't oh yeah it's too soon for him that's why we have to get him out of here because there's too much temptation no I I hear you my uh my my my sister danielle she recently uh cut things off and she's she's been made she's been real moping about you know what I mean you he you look at where he's gesturing and there's a goblin named danielle that's got a big beehive a big beehive crown and she's just kicking a rock and watching young goblins play in the water uh yeah so I guess we could keep an eye on things for you thank you I mean in return we could supply you some more fun fizzy drinks oh that'd be great yeah so you're going back to the boat to get some drinks yeah get drinks and I guess maggie and perel so we can like let them know what the fuck's going on right yeah and they're like shouting at us angrily while we're rowing and we're rowing way less fast this time you just hear pro going what the fuck what the fuck is happening what is this what is happening calm down wizard weird things happen all the time yeah but but I think you're just jealous I think you're just jealous you can't do that right now I mean a little bit of course why wouldn't I be this is my whole thing I'm trying to learn how to do this again and his voice is getting more resolved as you get closer to the boat wow we've got the boat filled with beer now and it's all invisible that's been the most annoying part about getting the beer into the boat and getting people into the boat is that it's all completely invisible I like that we accidentally grabbed a beer and we're like oh my god we're gonna get a beer and we're gonna get a barrel full of baby powder instead of beer you can't tell one of these barrels is definitely not alcohol actually roll for that yeah do we have to roll to figure out what everything is 2d6 plus wisdom yeah I guess to feel around and try and smell remember okay so we're trying to take three things here yeah so yeah everybody tell me something that you want to bring from the boat to the goblins and then we'll roll for it uh ving's been propagating mushrooms he's done like an inoculated log so he's gonna bring them their log so they can't get in the boat and grow their own mushroom oh sick okay yeah all right what about tuck tuck is has a like he's got a bunch of music bottles in his backpack so he's like man you know what this party could use is good tunes and then he pops one of them and then that one is there's gotta be a morning after and he puts it he's like not that one I gotta find it it's really hard when these are all yeah I can't see any of the labels and what about billy billy brings what he thought was a sparkling apple juice for himself but he accidentally grabbed pearl's finest bottle of wine oh oh my gosh that's wine yeah yeah now let's roll 2d6 plus wisdom to see how close we are to actually getting those things yeah I got 12 I also I got 11 lord of flame please help me find edm seven okay so seven uh you definitely get a music bottle what are the bpms tell me the bpms tuck says what's a good amount of bpms 224 is what you want for a daytona beach party yeah so it's since it's a partial success it's only 111 oh no beats to study too oh no yeah it sounds like a girl doing homework by an open window with her cat sitting on her desk god I'm not trying to seduce my grandma's beautiful so you mostly succeed maggie and perel are sitting on the boat invisible on the other side of the pile of stuff that you're bringing that is also invisible and uh perel is just like what how is this possible apparently something to do with the salt crowns they swim in the salt they drink the magic waters it filters through their body if whatever happens there oh now we get these crowns and make some magic that reminds me of something what is it I think it had something to do with the vision I had when you were drunk when I was drunk I don't remember it clearly but I think it had something to do with that salt water something okay and we're talking to empty air yeah yeah different directions I'm over here you idiot billy's looking over the side of the boat into the water yeah being is talking directly at the side of tuck's head this is a weird bro tuck took took took a marker and he put a face on his hand and like big beautiful lips on it and he and he every time perel talks he makes the he moves his thumb to make it look like perel is talking and then sometimes it'd be like if you're just if you're just puppeting me talking why are you doing the voice I love frog oh my god how long is this supposed to last oh talk get over here give me a big kiss and then he kisses I would I would I would never I would never that's doing it for me billy's looking out at the water like bob said about a few hours so I mean you're just gonna have to like sit tight on the beach get a suntan I hate tanning I love tanning but but they said that they would keep the boat could that one's not me that one's perel tuck made that maggie when he put a little red wig on it where did you get a small red hand-sized wig billy's got a chunk of hair missing square out of the back you didn't did what I didn't what yeah what didn't what wide eyes I was I lean it out of the boat and I'm like oh my god I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I lean it into bigger I'm like he had gum in his hair anyway so it's mostly gum that's how it's sticking to my hand yeah and you're so you're back to the shore and you go back to bob and midge and I yeah tuck goes uh yeah so we brought everything but it's still invisible for a couple of hours and midge goes oh there's no problem there you just kind of leave it on the shore and the boys will take care of it when it comes to be visible is it possible next time you turn the boat invisible that you turn the boat invisible in a way that you can't see it when you turn the boat invisible in a way that the people on the boat can still see each other and the boat well afraid not buddy oh fuck it's a hard enough job as it is making something that big invisible without specifying what is and is not but uh the people on the boat they're more than welcome to come and hang out on the shore with us we got lots of food places to sleep you are very kind and uh a wonderful host thank you oh you're too sweet you're too sweet but uh yeah a couple hours a couple hours pass you guys just kind of hang out with the goblins yeah yeah billy you're going to he's going to try skimboarding very nice yeah there's a bunch of just surfing for him yeah totally there's a bunch of uh really broey surfer goblins they're little like fledgling crowns look like slick back hair I'm like what's up bro what are you looking to do just looking to ride some sick waves fuck yeah get that surf kid falls into the water immediately and they're all like yeah I did it yeah you did a little buddy hell yeah uh what a tuck in bing do to pass the time and then I did bing was working at the harm reduction tent just giving people gatorades and stuff yeah and just like having like letting people come in and chill out there's like a sanctuary where people who are too high because we brought this this halfling white powder and people were sneezing it like they knew what was up and they do not yeah yeah so there's just a goblin sitting in a chair just like I have so many great ideas and nobody said my ideas I I really I have a great idea for a restaurant it's like um you ever had a taco bing's like helping somebody and like going through a first aid kit uh-huh it's like a taco but you go in and there's like a row of condiments and somebody says like what do you want on the taco do you want cheese meat vegetables what kind of sauces do you want yeah and then at the end uh I cut it in half I'm toasted or not so it's totally up to you there's cookies there's chips there's drinks there's everything yeah I love you too sorry what I oh I tuned out sorry no no no yeah at this point usually somebody's going on about how much they love me yeah yeah so let me okay let me start I don't know what an app is an appetizer I have a cool idea for an app it's a scallop on a cracker and what's stuck what's stuck up to oh you look over at tuck and he is like full body painted holding two glow sticks he's got a baby pacifier in his mouth and he's dancing like crazy yeah totally yeah yeah there's a goblin banging on a log yeah it's just like and then you hear from like where he is far away he's like these guys play logs tuck just cutting to the center of the cultural differences they just play logs it's fucking awesome uh and a couple hours pass and the boat slowly like a watercolor painting resolves in the water and so do maggie and perel um yeah that's sick I have a shirt full of like sea glass that I picked up yeah cool he found one of those like the tube seaweeds and like snapped it off so it's like a little scuba um breather thing awesome and he's been he's been swimming around in like the the shoreline picking up all this glass okay yeah um I'm gonna roll something for you sure that's great so you grabbed what like all the glass looking things that you saw you just piled them in your shirt with your little bull kelp uh to going up to the surface and you're picking through the glass and you grab one of the pieces of glass and it looks really sharp and then you pull on it and there's a handle attached to it and you realize that it is a aged obsidian knife with a bronze handle whoa it's not big enough for fighting or anything like that it looks like maybe it was used to like cut food or tendons which you love doing it does fit perfectly in billy's hand because he's so small it's a small it's like a paring knife yeah exactly that's cool all right I add that to my pile and you waddle ashore with a pile of sea glass and a knife inside it and tuxes billy's like billy what cool knife and then he walks back into the this guy's playing 224 btms on the walk I'm billy so annoyed because he uh dropped all of his rocks and a bunch of goblins like like run towards you as you drop all this primo sea glass no I found it and they're helping you put it back in your shirt yeah something is up with these goblins in terms of your experience with goblins these guys are so nice yeah I'm telling them that I'm like you know the last time we ran into goblins they're really mean oh well you know it's just kind of like it's like a mating season thing man like everybody puts their stuff aside and we all come together and we try and be as nice as possible because when this is done oh bitty boy things are gonna get bad that guy killed my parents yeah it's like it's kind of a reverse purge and like um I don't know like how how long until your mating season's over oh and uh one of them like looks up at the sun and kind of sniffs and looks around and grabs a pile of snow and puts it in his mouth and thoughtfully mushes it around in the distance you hear and then the guy uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh um Within eight sons of now.

So Billy drops his rocks. He grabs the knife, though, because he doesn't trust anyone anymore. Yeah. And he runs after Tuck. And Tuck, he's like dancing, and he's wearing a giant mouse head now. And he's at the DJ booth. And he's screaming, party mouse! Party mouse! Party king! Into the microphone. He's finding a whole new way to be a bard. And you see Billy's hands, like, coming up from, like, out of the tabletop. Yeah, you can see it in the mouse. Tuck puts his hands up like, yeah!

And he's like, no! Billy, we're dancing! No, we're not dancing! Oh, and Vincy's out there just dancing up a story. He comes shuffling out, yay! Oh! Yay! And Tuck… Yeah! And Tuck goes, all right, everybody, dance like this little kid. Because Billy's still, like, waving his hands in the air. It's like, and all the goblins start waving their hands. And Billy starts doing, like, the, like, no, cut it out, like… He's like, cut! And everybody's doing that, no, cut it out. Yeah!

And Tuck's like, put your hands in the air like you got no cares. Right, Billy? No! I have so many cares right now. Everybody goes, I have so many cares right now. No, please listen to my cares! And Tuck takes the, he does take the helmet off, because it seems like Billy's getting distressed. What's up, Billy? We have to go talk in secret. The others. Gotta find Maggie and Perel. He says it all into the microphone. The microphone? Yeah. They have a working microphone.

It's just like a bullhorn kind of thing. Yeah. And Tuck's like, all right, everybody, I'm going to give it back to log guy over here. I'm going to have a secret conversation with my son. And then, yeah, the DJ G day comes up and starts banging on the log again. DJ G day. I guess. And yeah, you guys just go and find Snowdrift to stand behind for a secret convo. And we've got Maggie and Perel here. Yeah. Are they visible? I'm visible. And I'm. Ving says that. Can you guys see them?

I don't see them. He's trying to fuck with them. Am I not? He starts patting himself. Yeah, I'm visible. Super visible. And kind of pissed, if I'm being honest. All I got to do is eat a bunch of salt. That'll kill me. I can't do that. Oh, to become magic again. Oh. It probably wouldn't even work, right? It's probably a goblin thing. It's definitely a goblin thing, man. Man. You have to have their noses. It's OK. We'll find you a way. All right. Billy, what'd you find out?

Oh, not good stuff, you guys. So Bob and Midge, they're a bunch of fucking liars. Sorry, I swore. Whoa, Billy. Everybody's like, whoa, Billy, calm down. Look, they said they'd look after the boat, right? And they're being really nice, right? Yeah. Well, apparently that's only going to last for another week or so. What happens in a week? Not good. Roger said all bets are off. Wait, are they just being nice for mating season?

Yeah, because I told them about the goblins we ran into in the forest, and he was like, yeah, but we put that all aside for the mating season. Oh, my God. And then afterward, we're just right back at it. It's a reverse purge. It is. And I asked about our friends on the boat, and they said, well. Okay. So how long do we think it's going to take us to get to the glacier? We could do this in eight days. I mean, it should be. It's close. The travel is nothing. We have birds. Yeah.

The giant birds will get us there in a day, is my guess. Yeah, that sounds. Tuck says, not knowing anything. You feel a presence above you, high in the sky, at the center of creation, that goes, yeah, that sounds about right. I forgot about the birds. I'm sorry. I didn't see. I thought they left. I was so stressed about the walk. Jessica, did you actually forget about the birds? Okay.

So, I mean, as long as we don't get knocked off course, like if there's a storm or something, or something terrible happens at the vault that keeps us there. Yeah. We should be fine. Yeah, but maybe you want to give, who's your first mate now that your crew is so small? It's Bruno. Oh, Jesus. I know, I know. He's a baby. I know. And we look, and Bruno is doing halfling. What? He's playing white powder off the DJ booth. Oh my God.

He snuck aboard and became un-invisible, and he's been having a blast. And he just grabs a goblin and kisses it right off the mouth. I love Mernick Cesar! As long as all bets are on, I'm loving you! Yeah, okay, so I'll just tell him to, when eight days are up, just bail. Or maybe seven. Yeah. Maybe seven. Yeah. But like, who's a bigger threat do we think? All these little gobblos, or Victoria LeBlanch? No. I've seen goblins.

One time in McCall, the goblin market ran out of left shoes and the goblins went nuts. Okay. What happened then? I don't want to talk about it. Okay. All right. So seven days it is. Seven days. Okay. One week. Okay. Yeah. That's, you know, that's a clear enough stakes. So I imagine what cut to you guys packing up. Bob and Midge are there. They're seeing you off. Well, you know, it's been real nice to get to know you. Uh, thanks for all the gifts and, uh, hope you're back in eight days. Yeah.

Yeah. We will be. Well, don't forget us. Don't forget this. Oh, don't worry. I, you know, I almost, I mean, maybe if I'm just thinking about my younger days, I almost hope you don't make it back. You know, it'd be pretty fun. Anyways, you kids have fun on your little adventure. Quiet and looked at each other. There's a really ominous silence. Anyways, you kids have fun on your birds and your magic quest, eh? Yeah. And then Chuck is like, thanks. Thanks, Bob. Uh, you have fun fucking your wife.

Oh, I will. I will. Oh, he will. Okay. Enjoy your remaining years. Billy learned from the goblins that enjoy your remaining years is through the traditional parting saying of the Arctic goblins. And, uh, yeah, everybody piles onto the birds, I guess. Cloud piercer says, come now, friends. Climb upon my mighty back so that I might carry you across these perilous wilds to our destination grand in our quest insane. And our heroics will ring through the halls of eternity for all time.

I fucking love this guy. And Gail goes, get on. And then Chuck gets on Gail. Yeah, that's yeah. Get grab on tight, buddy. Okay. Chuck, you got your haunches in there. You got to stop doing this, Gail. We're doing what? I'm a naturally sexual person. Okay. It feels like ever since the Victoria LeBlanc stuff, she's like really revving this up. She's like, oh, that's what tuck likes. Uh, you know, it's crazy all that time at sea. I feel like I've picked up a bit of an excess. Don't do this.

I don't want to. I don't want to do this with you. I don't know. What do you mean? I'm going to be quiet for a little bit. Okay. Okay. Okay. Grab on tight. She holds a feather up to his lips. You're beautiful when you're quiet. I don't know if you've ever touched a feather. It's not comfortable. I haven't pressed against your face. Yeah. He sneezes. Yeah. All right. So with undertake a perilous journey, we need a scout ahead. We need a navigate and we need a manage provisions. I'll navigate.

Perfect. I'll scan ahead. Cause I'm on Gail and she usually goes, she's fast. Yeah. She's faster. Yeah. I shall manage provisions. Okay. So that is a two D six plus wisdom for tuck two D six plus intelligence for Ving and two D six plus wisdom for Billy. What do we think managed provisions means in this flight? Like you're serving like shitty, like fish or chicken. There's a ton of dried fish that Bob gave us. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And Billy's got a little cart and a little cart.

Like he's got a little rolling cart in one of those halves. Like a flight attendant. Yes. Stewardess. Like a flight attendant. On the bird. Boom. Uh, okay. So yeah, everybody roll it. I got eight. I rolled nine, but I have eight cause I have a negative one wisdom because of my fucked up dreams. It's okay. I failed. I got a six. Okay. Not so good guys. Not so good. Uh, so scout ahead with a seven to nine. You choose one from the list below. You get the drop on whatever lies ahead.

You discern a beneficial aspect of the terrain, such as a shortcut shelter or tactical advantage. Hmm. You make. You make a capital D discovery or notice sign of a capital D danger. Uh, discovery. Okay. Ving a seven to nine. Uh, you happen upon a discovery missed by the scout. The going is slow or you wander off course. The GM says, which, uh, or you encounter a danger. It was the only one that wasn't negative out of those three options. So I'll go with the discovery. Okay.

And keep in mind, a discovery is not necessarily a thing you have to investigate. It's just a thing that you will see. Okay. Okay. And then a failure. Uh, I think it's very simply Billy opens the bags with the food in them and the food flies out. Yeah. And then he just closes the bag and pretends he didn't do anything. Pulls it up. Throws it over your shoulder.

Because, uh, after Bob gave me the bag, um, Ving and Tuck like knelt down there like, Billy, um, you don't want to open that during the ride. We will open it when we land. Uh-huh. And he's like, I promise. And then he did not. Woof. Yeah. Gone. Right into the skies. So he's just like. And you, and he hears Tuck go. Billy, are you on Gale? Yeah. So all this dried fish smacks Ving in the face. And then he opened the bag. He definitely opened it. He definitely opened the bag.

Cloud Piercer got a bunch of it though. Yeah. He was just like, wonderful. Delicious. Okay. Then we're going to roll some dice for the discovery. So everybody just start rolling D12s. Roll a D12 and tell me a number. Three. Eleven. Seven. Cool. So you're flying along. The sun is illuminating this vast, vast tundra around you. Every once in a while broken by a snowy hill or a rocky peak of some kind. But, uh, we're getting close to the crown of the world. Wow. Wow. So cool. All things are.

Pure in their beauty and their danger. Uh huh. And you see maybe Billy spots this just cause he's got kind of the best eyesight of the, the people on the birds. But you see like a, a peak jutting up out of the snow. And at the top you see what looks like the mouth of a cave. And as you're watching, it looks like part of the snow detaches and gets up and starts like padding out of the cave mouth. Holy shit. And there's this fucking massive wolf. It emerges from this cave and it looks up at you.

Whoa. So there's like a car sized wolf just kind of walking around on this peak. Gray wolf or black wolf. It looks like it's actually, it's, it's fur. Yeah. Billy, as you're watching it, like it was on the snow and it was white and then it gets up and it moves past the stone and what the parts of it that are near the stone become gray. Whoa. Like it's, it's mimicking, it's mimicking the colors of the environment around. Whoa. It's a liar wolf. Oh, good name. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Are they rare?

They're very rare and very, very dangerous. I can't pet it. We can't, we probably can't pet that one. That's no slippers. Okay. So let's, let's Spout Lore about liar wolves just so we can learn a little bit. Uh, plus intelligence. I got a six. Oh, I'll help just cause I'm describing it. Oof. Wow. No. Five. Holy fuck. No. Wow. I'm so sorry. Failure. Actually, can I use a fairy child? Oh yeah. You should roll your fairy child first, but. Yeah, I'll do that. 11. Beautiful.

So you get five or whatever. Yeah, I get five and I'll use one to turn my failed roll to a seven to nine. Beautiful. Yeah. Okay. So interesting, but not useful about liar wolves. So they are of course famous for their ability to mimic their surroundings. And their pride. Yes. I was actually, I was going to say they're unusual. In terms of, uh, candidates in that they are not pack creatures. Oh, they are purely solo. Yeah.

And some say stories say that it's because they can't stand to be around each other. Like they are full of pride to the point where they push away other members of their packs. Cool. And some say that, uh, their ability to mimic is like, because the natural sort of translucent property of their fur means that they're like reflecting the light of what's around them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a curse. That means because of their pride, they'll never be able to find other members of their pack. I wonder if as we get closer and closer to like the north of the world, like where the winter war happened, where no one ever is, if like there are more and more magically imbued creatures up here. I like it that there's like a magnetic north of spiritual or magical. Yeah. The 40 cardinal directions. One of them was like just about magic. Yeah. Yeah. Sellers. Sellers. Yeah.

Yeah, we're going the Zellers way. Yeah, traveling Zellers. So that is what you see. You are welcome to investigate if you so choose. I think it might be worth looking at. I mean, it's a cave entrance. Maggie, is this the entrance to the vault? I don't think so, but can't be sure, I guess. Is the wolf really dangerous? Tacoma, look at the size of it. And Tacoma's like, dude, we're so far away, it looks tiny to me. Do you have any depth perception left? And Tacoma's like, oh, you wear glasses.

Oh, right. Where are your glasses? Where are your glasses? He's like, I don't want to wear them right now, okay? I'm fine. If you don't wear them, you won't be able to see how big the wolf is. And Tacoma's like, if I do wear them, then you won't be able to see how big my fucking dick is. Shut up. All right, fine. Don't want to wear the glasses. Don't wear the glasses. I'm not going to. Okay. Yeah. All right. You lost your glasses, didn't you? I lost my glasses. I lost my glasses at Goblin Fest.

Yeah, those are gone now. I dropped them on the dance floor, so I'm going to smash them. Yeah. Those have been eaten, for sure. Somebody ate those. That guy was eating all the shells. Oh, that's crunchy. Crunch, crunch, crunch. One of the pieces of beach glass that Billy found was a lens from my glass. Yeah, so totally up to you. You can definitely investigate. There might be something precious or interesting in the cave. I mean, we might be able to appeal to its ego.

We could ask the wolf where the vault is. The vault? Yeah, the tower. The tower, yeah. The tower and the vault. Yeah. Well, they're the same. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely could. Okay. Yeah. Vin, can you talk to him from up here so we don't have to put this? Yeah. I mean, you know what? We'll park far away. I'll go in. You guys stay close, but I'll go in alone.

What if we circle high up and you have a connection with Cloudpiercer so he'll know if something goes wrong and you could talk to the wolf one-on-one? Yeah, that's cool. Then he'll be less likely to react to a big group because we know he hates groups. Right. Vin's like, all right, I'll be right back and just tips off the back of the bird. Oh. Did he just jump? He just jumped? Yeah. Yeah. And you land? Somehow? Yeah, I sure do. How? Light as a feather, my friend. Okay. Roll it.

It is a move you got to roll. Deet. Deet. Yeah. I definitely failed that. No. Oh, God. What'd you get? Oh, a seven. Okay. Great. What's a seven to nine on light as a feather? Something goes wrong. The GM tells you what? Yeah. Yeah. So you are trying to keep the view of the cave in your space. Sight as you're falling, angling yourself with your arms and little gusts of wind, trying to keep an eye on where the wolf is. And you're like, where's the wolf? Where's the wolf? Where's the wolf?

And you hit the ground, you know, three point landing superhero style. Yeah. And you look up and you just see the outline of it through its mimic camouflage. The wolf is directly in front of you. It is standing over you. Whoa. Holy shit. I bow my head and speak low and in my best wolf. What brings you here? Hello. I, I, I've come to your land. You dare? I am a friend of the land. I am of the north. Great wolf. I am here to appeal to you. I. Great mayor of the north. Let me shake a paw.

Who's a good boy? Roll a 2d6 plus charisma. Six. Can I aid from a distance? You can aid from a distance. Nice. Luck of the fair folk. Hell yeah. Okay, please. Eight. Okay. Makes it a seven to nine. Great. You come here. You pay tribute, but I do not see a gift. What does the king want? I must know this. I know about lyre. I know about lyre walls. I know about lyre walls. There's a lot of work. Value above all else is TikTok little man. Kinship. They love the touch of a loved one.

Something they never have. You're going to have to roll something here to figure it out. That's a good idea. Because the whole thing is they're so prideful that they can't be around other people but they miss their pack. They can never find them. I would like to slowly turn into a snow lyre wolf. If this works. I'd like to roll elemental. Is that what I'm using? Elemental form. So you're not going to take the form of a lyre wolf specifically.

You're going to take the form of a lyre wolf made out of moonlight and snow. And it's a wolf looking at the moon. Yes. We all love. Nine. I get two holds from elemental form. And I assume you're spending one of those to make yourself appealing. To the wolf? Yeah. Slowly like gathering as much snow. The snow around Ving is like going into a depression. And building up into this big beautiful white moon filled glowing from within wolf. And then what? And then what? Yeah. What now?

Well wolves show affection by nuzzling. And they also show like when they go on their backs they show their tummy because they want to show that they're like submissive. Right. Like an alpha dog would love. Yeah I'm going to sub the shit out of this wolf. So I slowly extend a paw. It bears its teeth and growls at you. And I caress it with my nose. I go in like trusting slow ears down. Caressing its side and then roll over on my back and then howl. Doing all of it. It's the full. I do everything.

I do everything. I do everything. I'm on my back writhing going aww. As a wolf initially as you reach out with your snout does that like twitchy like pullback growl where they're like I'm scared but I don't want to move. And then as you begin to roll around on your back and howl almost uncontrollably it looks towards the moon and howls. And you guys hear this like keening through the skies. These twinned howls. And then Turk goes sounds like it's going good. I think he's making a new friend.

What do you ask of me? Do you know of the tower of Adernac Allwater? The glacier wizard of the north? I do. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. I'm your game master Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdul Aziz. So long everybody. Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Oppers. Take care. And playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai. Bye everyone. Thank you to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music.

You can find all of Aaron's all the music from the show at SoundCloud.com Just search Spout Lore. Yeah maybe I gotta put it on Bandcamp because SoundCloud sucks shit. Yeah their links are weird. And we also should probably put it on Spotify too. That'd be cool. And YouTube. Yeah and YouTube. YouTube too. We'll put it all everywhere. Put it everywhere.

And you can find Aaron Reed's original music at aaronreed.bandcamp.com And uh thank you to all of our supporters around the world without whom this show would not happen. And thank you to you for listening. See you next time. And so ends the tale of adventures.

Three who tried the best they can Though dumb and scared and lost they be For time's abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next time This week to hear some more Whilst you commute Or do your chores And for you I'd gladly Spout Lore

Spout Lore is made possible by contributions from our listeners. Listeners like you. If you'd like to support us, go to patreon.com slash Spout Lore. Singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers half-elf, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart. Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts.

So gather round friends and listen close. For the tales about… Spout to Star. Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore. That was the most YouTuber I've ever sounded. What's up guys? What's up guys? It's me. Sean O'Hara and I'm here with another Minecraft Let's Play. I am your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian, Abdulaziz. What's up guys? Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Opper. Hey guys. What's up? It's me.

Don't forget to lick that subscribe button. Wow. Playing Fat Billy, the Half-Linked Thief, Jessica Tai. Hello and welcome to another episode of Pasta Grannies. Introducing somebody else's YouTube channel. I'm Pasta Grannies. Sorry. I'm not doing this right. You're doing it. Go. That's all I want. I mean, check out Pasta Grannies. It's a great YouTube channel. When last we left our heroes, they were introduced to Captain Victoria LeBlanc, privateer, feared sword of the high seas.

And Tuck's new wife. Yes. So there was a series of events that led up to this. There was a series of events. There was a series of weddings that led up to them being married. Yeah. Yeah. There was a. There was some attempts to ingratiate themselves to LeBlanc and her and her crews after Maggie Sochter won. And that was never really cleared up. Yeah. What their relationship is. What their history is. You don't know yet. Exactly.

But what we do know is that we put on a really sick show with Gail and Cloud Piercer, the Thunderbirds. Exactly. To try to impress her or scare her. And it worked. That's why you guys were on the deck in the first place and why Maggie Sochter won. And after some. Oh, you know. We're just here to help and take us to the north and this and that and the other thing.

Tuck made an offer, which was turn in our friend Ving here, whose bounty is 5000 coins, which is more than enough to get you a new ship in return. Give Maggie Cole back the clear water. And also, please marry me. And if you want, it's stupid or whatever, but I don't care. And Victoria LeBlanc accepted all of those things. Yeah. Tuck thinking it was just.

Another one of his silly, out of control, flirtatious events in which he just trips over himself talking to a woman he's attracted to Maggie, knowing and explaining to Billy and Ving that Tuck was now legally bound to marriage to Victoria LeBlanc. There was a night on the ship. Victoria and Tuck had some wine and cheese. Ving and Billy were also present. Yeah. Not at first. Yeah. That was rude. Because Tuck was. Yeah, that's true. No invite was extended.

Tuck was really spilling the beans to Victoria about your entire adventure. Tip to tails. The whole thing. Yeah. And that's when Billy and Ving popped in and tried to slow things down. Billy grabbed the fanny pack and was like, fucking stop talking about this thing. Maggie interjected, made it clear that she does not like Victoria, but that she was just going to watch all of this crash and burn in front of her before heading over to the clear water with Billy.

And to find Wicker the cat and finding also Eric, a Medjay, who's just kind of been laying low, waiting for orders, basically, like I was told to go on this boat and no one has come to get me. Yeah. I'm just going to wait. I feel bad for the guy. What happened after that? We were talking about what the best way to get to the vault was. And we were like, we should just take the Thunderbirds. This is stupid that we would sail the whole way there. Right.

So you went to Victoria and said, hey, this is what we're going to do. And Victoria was like, no, no, no, no. I'll come with you. We'll sail the boats. It's all fine. And you were like, no, no, no, no. Like, we're just going to go. And she was like, no, no, no. You don't understand. Yeah. I'm not letting you go. Yeah. Billy attempted to charm her. She resisted. And somehow it didn't work. Yeah.

She was able to resist somehow and revealed that, in fact, she would rather kill you all than let you get to the glacial tower before her. There was a fight. She stabbed Tuck. Yeah. Bing tried to stop it with the elemental mastery floorboards. Stabbed Tuck right in the side. Tuck took it and stabbed himself, technically. Yeah. Before pushing her back. And Victoria LeBlanc drew her knife, said that you couldn't get to the glacial tower before her, and her crew drew weapons and charged.

That is where we find ourselves now. What do you do? Okay. I would like to shoot first. If that's okay. Yeah. Absolutely. Sweet. I pick up a bunch of rocks that I have been collecting. Uh-huh. Just out of your pouches. Yeah. So that's plus dexterity? Yeah. For volley, I suppose. So that's seven plus two is nine. On a seven to nine, you choose one. You have to move to get the shot, placing you in danger, as described by the GM.

You take what you can get, which means you deal your damage, but then you reduce it by 1d6 damage. You have to take several. You have to take several shots, reducing your ammo by one. I think in this case, that would mean you use all your rocks to try and hit whoever you're trying to hit. Okay. I'll take several shots. Okay. So you're just going to whip all your rocks at once. Yeah. Who are you throwing them at? Just the guys with all their swords. Oh, just the crew in general? Okay. Great.

So yeah, go ahead and deal your damage. Okay. Which is a d8. One. One. Okay. Oh, wow. So the guy that's really been shit talking you, the guy that sounds like this, just catches one right in the forehead and he's laid out on the ground, but he was the only one you hit. Well, that sucks. Not for him. That's terrible for him. But then the crew, yeah, they're moving forward. Victoria is darting towards. Should I use war cry or what are you waiting for? What are you waiting for?

We'll draw everyone potentially to you. War cry will potentially terrify everybody. I like that. I would say probably with the exception of Victoria, if I'm being honest. War cry. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you know, we have a lot of fun here on Spout Lore. But again, we have a lot of fun here. But again, Tuck is a terrifying combatant. He's absolutely enormous.

It would be like an actual grizzly bear chasing you down. Like a T-1000 grizzly bear. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, you can go ahead and what is Warcry going to look like? I have a rape here in my stomach. I have my axe. I am wearing a maroon satin loincloth. Beautiful. Yeah, I forgot. Tuck has a new loincloth that Victoria laid out for him. Oh, you know what Tuck does? Here's what he does. He's really pissed off at Victoria LeBlanc.

Like she fucking stabbed him and like cut his friend and threatened his kid. So he's just like he rips off the fucking satin loincloth that she gave him. Okay. Because he's like… Victoria… This thing is fucking tacky and he throws it to the death. Wow. Uh-huh. And he's like, also… And then he turns to the crew. He's like, her drapes don't match her curtain. Drapes don't match the curtains. The drapes and the curtains are the same thing. All right. Yeah, roll it, I guess. Is this…

Does this count as a Warcry? I honestly don't think so. Why not? Because it's… Because it's not intimidating at all. Are you kidding? A man with like a sword in his stomach who gets absolutely naked. Yeah. Uh-huh. And is like screaming. Yeah. So again… This is stupid. Okay. Just fucking roll it. Yeah. 2d6 plus charisma. 11. 11. Okay. So your enemies act with fear… Or your enemies are afraid of you and act accordingly. Yes. And you get plus one forward against them. Yeah.

Probably mostly because I'm nude and I have a sword in my belly in all honesty. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. So the crew starts running towards you and you rip your loincloth off and start ranting about how you think the loincloth is tacky and you're just bleeding from your gut. You have a huge axe in your hands and they all just kind of stop. But Victoria laughs and she kind of flips the stiletto like the long sharp skinny blade that she has in her hand.

She's flipping it back and forth and she's like, Oh, I don't know my love. I think red is your color. And she swipes out at your chest with her knife. Whoa! That's a cool line. I'm so sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I want to roll a fight with honor real quick. Yeah. She's swinging on tuck. I can maybe block it. Yeah, totally. Great. I got plus con. I got nine. Nine. So what are you trying to do with your… I'm going to block a foe meant for someone else. So you're going to take this hit? Yeah.

Okay. So remember she rolls a D12 and takes the better for damage. So you're going to do that and then take half that. Okay. Yeah. Six. Six. So three damage. Okay. So yeah, she lashes out with the knife and you just step forward. I grab it. I grab the tip of her stiletto. Oh, so it just slices into your hand as you grab the blade. Yeah. And I run my hand down to the tilt and then pop it out. So now I have it like a stabbing thing.

I want to come down with her rapier and try and pin her to the mass that she's standing behind. Ooh, okay. Hack and slash. Oh, I have a fight with honor. Can I use that as my damn might deal my damage to the foe? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. So yeah, you just roll your damage. Which is a D6. Yes. Six. Six. Whoa, boy. Damn. Yeah. So you just grab the blade. Blood is leaking out between your fingers. Yeah. And I say, something old, something new, something red, and something blue. I love it.

You rip it out of your hand. Flip it around. And stab her right in the shoulder. Yeah. And she do like hold onto the blade, like push her down. Into the mast. Into the mast. You're not going to be able to pin her with this. Okay. But like you have pushed her against the mast. Right. And it's at this point that the crew is avoiding Tuck, but charges the rest of you. They're all trying to swarm around Ving. Like they're trying to free their captain. I'm going to defend. Ooh, who are you defending?

Ving. Oh, nice. Yeah. All right. So I take out both my daggers. And I'm going to do the thing, you know, cut at their ankles. Zip, zip, zip. Yeah, totally. Okay. So roll 2d6 plus constitution. Okay. 12. Oh my God. Holy shit. Damn. So you hold three. Yeah. As long as you stand in defense when you or the thing you defend is attacked, you may spend hold one for one to choose an option. Mm-hmm. Redirect an attack from the thing you defend to yourself. Have the attacks damage.

Open up the attacker to an ally, giving them plus one defense. Okay. All right. All right. So you're going to hand them plus one forward or deal damage to the attacker equal to your level. I think I want to deal damage equal to my level. And your level is eight? Yeah. Okay. So with this group of rapscallions, eight damage is fucking huge. Whoa. So you're just like, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah. Yeah. I hit every Achilles heel basically. Oh my God. Yeah. I'm not stabbing. It's just swipes.

So Tuck, you see this crowd like swarm around Ving, and then you see them start falling like wheat. Like it's just like bam, bam, bam. It's like a Thresher is going through. Yeah. He's not getting all of them, but like a good third of them are. Like a Beyblade on the deck of his ship. Yeah. Red or red. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Spinning like a top. Yeah. You see Billy start spinning across the deck, slicing down people. And Victoria is being held against the mast by Ving.

Like Ving's using his body weight and the knife in her shoulder. Mm-hmm. And Ving, Victoria looks you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And she slams you in the eye, and you see them like glitter viciously. And she's like, I always choose the wrong brother. And- What? Whoa! Tuck hears that. And he's like, what the fuck is that supposed to mean? And she is going- she is trying to- she like grabs the wrist that is holding the knife, and she's trying to wrench it out of her and basically get you in a hold.

Okay. Yeah. You feel her leg like wrap around your leg, and like her other arm start coming up around the side.

Trying to yeah get you in some sort of choke hold okay what do you do um I want to uh uh uh I wanted to uh just fists of fury her do it fister thing it takes two seconds and just high fives and then uh yeah you're not getting away from me that easy uh you um yeah the only way you're getting out of this is with this barrister and a dotted line with your signature on it and his too and then I'm gonna fist of fear billy's like pausing from his stuff like what is he saying one of the pirates that's laying on the ground with his achilles tendon slash is like do you guys talk this much during fights normally not really honestly and I'm so sorry about it it's just but it's just you know it's all in a day's work and then while she's uh wrapping around me I want to I'm gonna use elemental form and I'm gonna bring all the water up and behind me and go underneath underneath my skin in between myself and her and create a barrier and I want to build up a um uh weird poseidon like creature and grow myself to um a third bigger than I am okay uh 2d6 plus constitution that's right eight I get to hold and uh yeah a bunch of people on the deck are like swept off their feet as seawater rushes up over the side of the boat and climbs up your body forcing victoria's arm and leg off of you I'm gonna hold like a stockade style thing up yeah totally you can spend one year hold for that that's not something you're just gonna get to do I gotcha I gotcha yeah yeah okay yeah when I when when the water comes up I I use it to lock her into place yeah and she definitely finds a way somehow to make her like this uh something that she is trying to use as a seductive technique where like her wrists are bound above her head and like her hair is wetly hanging in front of her face she's like it seems I am at your disposal and then tuck slugs are in the face okay you don't have to hack and slash she's bound okay you can just deal your damage okay seven so it's just this like thunder crack that's tuck's face pops in and she spits a bunch of blood out and she looks back up and she's smiling like blood in her teeth dude this is turning me on in a weird way oh my god you have no clothes on having steps in front of and as the crew like backs up a little bit you can see billy's still holding two bloody knives on the ground but maggie walks up and like chest kicks a dude to the ground and like pushes people away so now there's a bit of space between you ving is standing there in his moonlit water form of course always moonlit uh holding victoria aloft in this like stockade stockade style wrist manacles of ocean water and moonlight and maggie taking charge for a moment is just like everybody back the fuck up like she's grabbed a sword off the ground and is just like created a gap in the bodies between you guys and the rest of the crew giving you a moment to act what do you do I'd like to use fairy dust uh all the pirates asleep okay fairy dust oh 10 okay that means you get to affect a lot of people and you can make it work for a long time I'm going to do that okay so you just walk up and what um I put like the fairy dust in the water like as the ship bucks up from a wave and tilt all the water starts rushing towards the pirates and billy puts his hands in the water and all the dust like all the magic comes like flowing out and they all fall asleep into their noses and eyes and shit yeah and they all hit the deck and they started going shoe did you put victoria to sleep too no okay so she's just hanging there watching this happen blood in her teeth grinning manically god what is up with you oh can I do another move sorry yeah yeah oh boy can I use lightning a bottle yes what are you trying to do with lightning in a bottle I'm trying to get out from victoria why she wants to get to the tower before us and who the fuck is hired yeah yeah who hired her cool interesting I mean you have to find a way to make it material it could be in her blood that's yeah I was gonna say like I think it's coming out of the blood from her mouth yeah totally okay 12 oh my gosh yes okay so what's it 12 on lightning in a bottle I can hold it indefinitely so the blood pouring out of her it's hitting like the deck of the ship and in that like images are forming so we can all see like who hired her sorry I just pictured it like there's some of the water that's holding up the bottom of the stockade and there's drops of bloods hitting it you know like the blood goes in and makes that swirling swirls into like images and movement oh yeah so it's not even like a picture quality video it's like blood outlines of like images and people and shadow pop it in blood so you see what do you see I ask her what are you going after at the towers it is as it always is people in power wish for more power and use dangerous people to secure it and what's showing up in the blood uh it is uh images of her ship arriving to a bustling port city somewhere in the world it's hard because like you've never been to this place and it's all blood but then like speaking to a person coming down from a throne whoa and handing her a big bag of money basically uh it's like one of those you know like in disney when they're doing like exposition but there's no dialogue and it's all cartoons like it's like really stylized who is that that is the princeps of the far fields principality oh shit I only work for the best and most powerful and you see like very quick images not of victoria's memory but probably things that she has learned of like a bustling seaside city huge palaces incredible machines and steam technology and like fucking automatons walking the streets armies massing and then like an enormous fog bank rolling in with the faces and jaws of slavering beasts emerging from them and rolling across the land what the fuck or like a fire raging across a lake like just like that kind of oh my god so spirit world shit too it's coming in would seem and then you know like there's the classic expositionary images of a mother clutching a child to her chest and screaming as like a fire sweeps by she's losing a lot of blood right yeah she is and then there's like an image of her like fucking one of the princeps it really closes his eyes for that one gross and he's like ugh vingintuck's head's turned to the side the same billy doesn't want to see that stuff so he's like how do you know maggie and then it shows maggie and victoria fucking to town gross being like that is a story for another time I don't want to talk to you anymore all you need to know is that I'm a professional and I always always get the job done uh billy like he's a bit seasick but the images made him yeah totally and the blood in the water diffuses and spreads across the deck all right so let to cap that off we tuck is holding his dick and balls everyone get some clothes just shut something on okay just but let me just cap this off laughing laughing okay so it seems like the the princeps of the fire fields principality are the ones that are fueling war and they're the ones that hired her to go to the vault probably to get something to help with war right so victoria my husband always so smart okay I'm gonna go get my loincloth now oh what a shame uh what a shame laughing tucks walking away holding his dick and balls in his mouth laughing laughing laughing tiny little butt but the least developed part of his body just like genetically doesn't have a huge like fucking king of the hill just like a negative but great so tuck comes back out you're I mean you're in Victoria's Cabin there's a lot of stuff in here you can fucking ransack her if you wanted to yeah I totally piss on her bed alright you come back out later you've pissed on the bed your loincloth is on still have this sword through my stomach just to be clear the pirates only had about five minutes of sleep yeah and that is a thing that Billy just says we gotta you know tick-tock everybody to the clear water yeah okay so the pirates trying to like rustle around yeah what do we want to do with her Ving says and he like stretches her arms further away from her oh yeah so she's like hanging by her two outstretched arms yeah I mean we could just tie her up really quick yeah but she's gonna come after us for sure there's no way we can win like a naval battle against Victoria LaBlanche I can pluck her limbs from her body don't want I don't want to do I don't want to kill her no she's a total psycho but I wouldn't feel okay about that huh she's looking right at you you don't have the bows I don't good neither do you true oh you should use TLC to break the ship in half right or just like cut down the mast like if you were to just walk up and smash the mast yeah so I'm like alright guys I fucking got this I know how to immobilize the ship and then I walk up to the capstone and I like just smash it off the ship so the anchor's gone yeah totally and then I also just walk up to the main mast and I start hacking it alright 2d6 plus strength okay the capstone was easy enough it's a bunch of delicate gears and stuff seven seven okay so you do you hack into it wood splinters there's a great creaking and crashing as the main mast comes down it misses most of the crew shit couple get knocked out smashed the main truck carried off one of the guys legs yeah and I just made Halifax yesterday and it crashes into the water and the seven to nine here is that stretched out by two limbs Victoria looks at you crazy gleam in her eyes blood on her lips and says for that my love I will kill you okay well that sounds super scary things pretty angry right now uh-huh lifts her up really far in there and drops her on the boat and as we're like running uh I mean yeah absolutely thank you I'd like to use that hold okay eleven holy shit boy d10 wait Oh yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes Yeah, do a ton of damage.

Yeah. I lift her up in the air and I just say, you're dumped. You're dumped. You're dumped. You're dumped. And she falls to the deck and slams into the ground. And the crew starts to wake and immediately they all gather around her. Like they're trying to be like, oh my God, Captain. Captain, are you okay? But you have all hopped onto the clear water and started cutting lines. As you're pulling away, you hear, wait for me. I want to go with you. Is it Bruno? It's Bruno.

Bruno's like, put his arm out. You can't sell the boat by yourselves. Tuck leans out. He puts an arm out. He's like, Bruno, jump. He runs and he jumps and he stretches out his arm. And I clasp it. Oh, thank God. I was really scared there for a second. And then Tuck slips. No, no, no, Tuck, don't let me go. And then he's dangling from a rope from the side of the ship. And then they're slamming against the side. He's like. Can somebody pull this up, please? Can someone pull you up? Yes.

And Billy's looking over like, no. Not really. That's a lot of weight. Pass me the boy. I throw Bruno up. Okay. 2d6 plus strength. This is kind of precarious. Nine. Yeah. Catch him. Yeah. Oh, thank you. And he's like, you catch him in your arms. He's got his legs up in his arms wrapped around your neck. My hero. I'm rocking him. Shhh. I'm rocking him back and forth and like, I was so scared around. I was so scared. Vick.

I was afraid I was going to be left on that boat with all this fucking psychos. No, you're on a boat. You're on this boat without these fucking psychos. Oh my God. Thank you so much. And he buries his face in your chest. Yeah. There, there. Big fella. Who's a big bear. You're my big bear. It was so scary, man, but she was so hot, which made it scarier, which made it hotter. To be afraid of her anymore. She can't hurt you here. Tuck walks over. He puts. He puts his hand on Bruna's shoulder.

He's like, dude, I know exactly what you, what you mean. Right? It was crazy. Right? Like she pulls you into her like aura of insanity. Isn't it weird? Why do I want to kiss somebody that wants to kill me? Because of our issue. And Billy's just like, what is going on? All these daddy dudes. Yeah. Issue dudes. Issue dudes. Issue dudes. And you are off. Cloud piercer and Gale descend from the clouds. Bing's like doing two lassoos like this. Yeah. Out on the bow.

And then just like sends them out either side of the, throws them out to the side. And they grab them with their talons and they fly forward and the whole bow goes like. Cool. Cool. And you start getting dragged forward. And before you know it. Cool. The white knight and Victoria LeBlanc are a distant memory. Mm-hmm. Oh, my God. Oh, thank God. That was so stressful. She was so scary. You're covered in blood, Billy. Am I? You are. From what? I think it's from all those guys whose legs you sliced.

Yeah. I feel really bad about that. Maggie reaches down and wipes some of it away. Yeah. It's not his blood. It's not his blood. Don't worry. No. So Billy's like scrumbling around with the fanny pack. He's like, oh, I can never undo this very well. It's so tight on my waist. He pulls off and he's like, oh, I can't do this. I'm like, oh, I can't do this. I'm like, oh, I can't do this. I'm like, oh, I can't do this. And he unflapped the flaps of the flap. The flaps of the flap tent. Wow.

Lost it for a second there, huh? It's okay. It's a really flappy tent. Especially in the wind. Exactly. But there are moments where Billy unflaps the tent in a really fucked up way. You know when you watch a kid put his shirt on and you're like, what the fuck are you doing? How are you missing those holes? So he's doing it in a really weird way where it looks lopsided and fucked up. It's like he's added material to it.

And we're just like, it's going to be so much work to fucking figure out how to fold this back up. Bruno is just standing there watching. What the fuck is this? Oh my God, you're going to love it. And Billy pokes his head out. We're making oatmeal. He sticks his head out of a fanny pack. And Bruno just doesn't, he sees Billy stick his head out of a fanny pack and doesn't respond. And then Bruno looks back at the white knight and he's thinking about it. He's like, fuck. The enemy you know.

And he just turns and he walks to the hatch and he goes below deck. And you can just hear him say, I'm not fucking dealing with this. I'm not dealing with this right now, Bruno. You got to prioritize yourself, bro. It's time to go down below. Jack off. Go to bed. I guess that's exactly what a sailor would do. It's also what Bruno at any age, any era would do. Bruno in his 90s. Yeah. Bruno. It's time to go down below. Jack off. Go to bed, man. Take your pills. Jack off. Take your pills. Jack off.

Wash your mat lock. Eat some apple sauce. Jack off again. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. All right. And you guys head into the fanny pack. Billy's squatting on the counter, stirring a big pot of oatmeal. And Perel is on the couch snoozing with a bottle of wine in one hand and a book open on his chest on the other. Hey, how are you? Whoa. What? What the fuck happened? Get up. Get up. Off the couch. What? And he gets up off the couch. What happened?

Where are, where are, he goes out and he pokes his head out of the door and he's like, what the fuck? The flaps are like, and he zips it closed and points like thumbs at the door. What the fuck is happening out there? We found the clear water. Okay, cool. And also I got married. What? Yeah. How long was I asleep? It was literally 12 and a half hours. Oh. Whoa. Yeah, I can see that. I can see that actually. It was a .5 of a Fortnite. I feel excellent. So I can understand that. Yeah.

But yeah, we met. Have you ever heard of Victoria LaBlanche? No. Okay. She's nuts. Okay. And I, yeah, I low-key proposed to her and then got married to her. Yep. Unaware of that. Mm-hmm. Oh, wait, hold on. I'm not sure. Wow. Sorry. I was looking at the sword sticking out of your torso. Yeah. This is kind of our divorce papers. Okay. All right. And hold still. Breathe in. One, two, swing. And then what? Just hold us right after that? Yeah. Yeah. Compress, compress, compress.

There's just a spray of blood all up. Everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. He's just, his mouth is closed and the blood is just, just sprayed up his mouth, up his eye. Billy's like, oh, your porridge is ready. Get your hands on my bloody bowl of bloody porridge. I'm gonna go outside. Okay. But the porridge. He's holding the porridge in his hand and he just walks outside. Well, I'm gonna tuck in to my food. He's like, yeah. And Tuck is like, I, yeah, I'm gonna too. I'm gonna take a big one.

I'll love some porridge. And about 20 minutes later, Perel comes back in. Still kind of, still kind of bloody, but the blood's not on his face anymore. He doesn't have the oatmeal with him, but he has an empty bowl. Oh, nice. Yeah. He definitely scooped it overboard. He definitely did. He wouldn't eat it. So, what else happened out there? We got, wake her back. Oh, yeah, the cat. Yeah, I saw, that's exciting. I saw we're on a boat. That's insane. We're on a boat now. We got the clear water back.

Very cool. I saw Maggie running around. We're headed up north. Yeah. With the help of the Thunderbirds. Yeah, that was the, that was the initial plan. And then we're on a boat and Tuck got married and stabbed. Yeah. Okay. So, we're just heading north. Still the plan. Go to the glacier. Mm-hmm. What did you figure out? Weren't you going to figure something out? Yeah, we talked about it. What was it? It was that I thought Morris was in here. Oh, yeah.

And then the danger room opened because we found the safe. Uh-huh. There was a letter. Right. Did you read the letter? Yeah. And? None of your business. Okay. Fair, but, it's, it's, an, it's kind of an apology. Oh. And, I mean, uh, I, I think we talked about it. He, he kind of got wrapped up in the wizard's first stuff. Became like a pretty key player in the, um, the, uh, extra planar evacuation project. Waywalking. Yeah. That's what Tuck does. He goes, he goes, waywalking.

Yeah, I mean, he looks like, where's that come from? I mean, I mean, look, I, it is, it's, it is, it is an academic, he goes to a window or hole. Yeah, it is, it is an academic thing, so I really don't want to be an asshole, but it's not strictly waywalking. Remember, waywalking is a portion of it. Morris was kind of involved in the waywalking part of it, but kind of more involved in the, uh, extra planar construction part of it. Wow.

So, yeah, it was the, the, uh, the extraplanar evacuation project was the name that got thrown around a lot okay um but yeah so that sucked uh when he started getting involved in that we tried to convince him not to leave and then he was just gone one day and we thought that he didn't say goodbye but he did he just kept it in the fanny pack which is insane oh I get it now so this is oh my god it makes so much more sense this is not the safe for the fanny pack this was this is mortis's all safe what what's that this is a safe it's a safe that he made that existed in many places oh so this just ended up okay so does that mean that you can get to other places through the safe as a lifeless corpse yes oh does it kill you if you go in it does it kill you if you enter an airtight space for an extended period of time he says yes there's only one way to find that no he takes his shirt off for some reason I I'm sorry that it took me so long to connect the dots but yeah this is the all so so so so so I so I'm sorry so okay that makes sense so he put this somewhere that he expected us to find it we didn't and then everything went to hell oh yeah so you know it was nice I guess to read this I am still angry because I mean saying sorry that I left doesn't mean that I didn't leave you know what I mean yeah it's a confusing bit of closure yeah so or here counter proposal maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe!

Maybe! It in a personal safe. Yeah. And expecting, but then why didn't he destroy it? Maybe he lived unexpectedly. Yeah, no, that actually does make a lot of sense. Maybe he wrote it thinking he was going to leave, but then changed his mind because he never sent it or couldn't. Something happened to him before he sent it. Yeah. Oh my god, maybe something happened to him. Yeah. Oh my god. Maybe he just fucking died. No! Whoa, seriously. That could have happened. People die all the time.

Or, because I didn't notice how sad Peral's looking, he could have lived. He might just be on vacation for a really long time, or maybe he had to leave unexpectedly from his original plans. He sits down on the chaise lounge, which was destroyed, but he's trying to fix it. And he just kind of puts his head in his hands. There's so many books underneath it. Yeah, it is stacked up with a lot of books. Wow.

I was feeling kind of confused emotionally about this letter before you guys came in, and now I'm feeling confused about everything, because Morris could be alive, or he might be dead, or he could be anywhere, or he could be nowhere, or something might have happened to him. I have to talk to Aquaria about this. Well, I mean, here, I do have a question, just in general, about all of this. Because this, if Morris had to leave unexpectedly, if he was like the head of like the Exodus project.

He's not. Okay. Again, it was like a, it was a large undertaking by many wizards. Whatever. If he was like involved in it. Yeah. And Billy, what the fuck? Dude. I'm sorry, she just came at me. I ate really fast. I'm so sorry. You put too much cinnamon in the porridge. That's what it was. Oh, well, thanks. Maybe you can cook it next time if you don't like my cooking. You know we're trying to let him do things on his own. I know, and it was good porridge. It was better than last time.

Last time there was all raisins? Yeah. Yes. He called it porridge, but it was a bowl of raisins. So much raisins. Hot raisins. Billy goes to sit in the cupboard. Oh, no. Not the cupboard. He closes it, leaves it open a little bit, just so he can hear. Uh-huh. Little eye in the darkness. Okay, so here's my question. So Morris was involved in this project. Yep. There's a good chance that he wasn't, he hadn't totally decided to leave. Uh-huh.

There's a good chance he had to leave maybe really quick or something. There's a good chance that he was conflicted about what to do with his life. Sure. But what the fuck happened right before the exodus? Do you know? What do you mean? Like… So you're sitting there. Yeah. It's not the exodus. Okay. All of a sudden it is the exodus. Right. What happened then? We've talked about this. It wasn't an event. The exodus was a series of events that took place over a number of years. For you. For me?

I… Was gone by that point. I'd gone back to the riverways. I'd gone back to my tower. And my plan was you know, some people had already started leaving. And I noticed, me and some colleagues, Aquaria, I and some other wizards had noticed that the leaving, the hot spots that were left behind was causing havoc on the material plane. So I'd gone back to my tower to do some research.

And then like I said, wizards live a long time and we count our time a little differently than maybe other people do. So this was probably a couple years that I was away. And by the time things got really bad, all of a sudden, bing bang boom, people outside my tower, whoopsie doopsie, I'm in a box. But do you know like what could have happened that would have made… Because Mars isn't going to just leave unexpectedly unless it's a fucking disaster. Yeah. So what could it have been?

I wish I could answer that question. Billy pops his lips out so it's like this. He's like, maybe at our neck all water will know. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, she might. And then he sticks his head out more. I'm so mad. Yeah, I thought you were in your cupboard. I am. And this is assuming that Adternack is there because we're actually just looking for a box that may or may not contain the spirit. I bet she's there. I mean, maybe. And he goes into the cupboard. She's there. She's there. There.

Yeah, speaking of which, should we like, we're sailing now, but should we take the Thunderbirds? I think so. It'd be way faster. We don't have to go through the Jaws. Let's do it. Yeah, I guess what we just… Oh, well, we've passed the Jaws because they were back where Victoria was when we started. No, no, no. We missed the Jaws? No. How big are they? Well, the Jaws is like an ice field, remember? Oh. Yeah, so it's like a field of… I thought it was like…

No, no, it's like an ice field that you have to pass through and it's very treacherous. Oh, okay. But if we can take the birds we can fly over it. What if we drop the clear water off at Old Shear? Well, just like, bye-bye. Yeah. I think Old Shear is the place that you're past. Damn it. Yeah, but I mean, there's probably like, you know, a cove somewhere that you can hide it. We can probably, yeah. Oh, yeah. Ving knows a cove. Where is it? Billy comes out. He's not mad anymore. He's too curious.

Yeah. 2d6 plus intelligence for a Spout Lore. This is a cove from the past. Oh, come on, man. This cove was created millions of years ago geologically. I got eight. Eight. So interesting but not useful. Lay it on me. Oh, yeah, the cove. There's a geothermal vent. There's a bay that has volcanic vents that come up. It's called the Goblin's Bath. And people back in the day, kids would go there for northern spring break. There's nothing set up, but it's a real slog to get there by land.

But in the winter, you could go do, we would take our ice racers up there. And yeah, you could get there. You take the ice racers up there, you get fucking wasted. You get led. It's a blast. So is it like a really tiny resort sort of? No, there's no buildings. No, no, no. You go up there and you build ice huts and everything. You'd have to bring everything up yourself. That's cool. There's nothing up there.

But what is up there and the reason it's called the Goblin's Bath is goblins, as we all know, being cold-blooded and needing heat to survive, there is a kind of arctic goblin that lives in and around the baths because they need the thermal waters. Cool. So they're attracted to it. They're like those monkeys that sit in the pools. And I think these ones, they're like kind of repto mammals in a way.

So they have like, fur because it's so cold up here that they're furry, but also reptilian and they just like sit in the baths with their like furry little reptile ears. Like bats? Frosty little mustache. Yeah, like bats. And maybe they actually do have like bat-like noses and stuff like that to sniff fur things on the cold arctic winds. Yeah. So there's little enclaves of like arctic goblins up here. Because of the heat, like it has this unique oceanic climate. Yeah, exactly. A microclimate.

Okay. You go and you share this with Maggie. And it is like, it's gonna be a little bit, it's gonna be like maybe a day. Maggie goes, alright, that sounds perfect. We can set her in there. Hide her away. We can leave the crew. I think the people on this boat, we got some trustworthy folk. That Eric kid was a real cad when we grabbed him, but he seems like he knows what's up. Bruno wildcard. Yeah. Not in terms of the danger to us, but in terms of the danger to himself.

And then we got some others, but we should be fine. Are we doing like a perilous journey or whatever? Yeah, I guess so. To kind of see if we see anything or find anything on the way. Because there are unfortunately still few enough people that you guys are required to do actual jobs on the boat. Fuck. Yeah. Billy's been given the job of coiling ropes that are like as thick around as his neck, basically. He's like, can I just do the floor washing? It's so much easier.

Billy, I'm trying to challenge you. But my arms are so tired. Okay. All right. Fine. You can clean. And she gives you a sponge that's basically as big as your body. Yes. And so Billy like is pushing it around the deck, like running. Walking back and forth pushing a sponge. Perfect. So we're going to need some, I mean, Billy's busy cleaning the deck with a sponge. It's going to take him all day because he needs to walk the length of this ship.

So someone's going to have to scout and someone's going to have to navigate. I don't think we, I mean, I thought the birds are pulling us still. Yeah. The birds are still pulling you. So don't they navigate? Yeah. Because Ving's just like, you know, head for the steam on the horizon. Yeah. Go for the devil's lab, yeah, or whatever. Cloud Piercer's like, fear not, Ving. Rest well on this boat. I will guide us ahead.

And Gale, who pushes her way into your mental connection, goes, yeah, don't worry, Ving. We've got it under control. Whoa, what the fuck? I just thought I wanted to be involved in your conversation. That's fine. You're allowed in here just a little bit of like… Consent before you enter somebody's mind is usually typically the way the spirit animal connections go. And her mental connection is so much louder than Cloud Piercer's. Yes, it's like, can I, you just turn that down.

Ving, can you hear me? Yes, I can hear you very well. Ving, can you hear my mind? You don't need, your mind is louder than your person. I'm connecting to your mind now, Ving. I, you hear, do you hear me? Give me an affirmative if you can hear me. Affirmative. In your mind. She basically hasn't pulled her thumb off of the button on the walkie-talkie. Oh my god. Gail, you need to, um, Cloud Piercer, I'm, okay, I'm gonna walk you, I'm gonna try and walk you through this.

I need you to take Gail's thumb uh, beezor, tap it twice, and then rub it three times, counterclockwise to try and get her to get to the settings menu. Yes, exactly. You're gonna go to audio and video. And then you hear Gail go, Ving, have you ever heard a song that goes ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba I cannot be connected to Gail's mind It's stuck in my head. He's like, wait, no, actually, this is, okay, no, no, I, this is actually, I'm really close. Do it again.

Uh, and they figure out a way, like, alright, yeah, we're gonna we'll head to, uh, Goblin's Balls and, yeah. Maybe that's the navigate for Ving. Is trying to get Gail and Cloud Piercer to deal with this conversation. Alright, then I guess Ving is gonna have to navigate. Okay, that's fine. Uh, and Tuck is given the option of scouting ahead. Yeah, man, I'll scout. Okay, alright. Uh, eight. Uh, eight.

On a seven to nine, I choose one from the list below, which is you happen upon a discovery, the going is slow, or you encounter a danger. And Tuck. Uh, yes. Two to six plus wisdom to scout ahead. Okay. Okay, minus one is eight. Alright, so you get to choose one. You get to drop on whatever lies ahead, discern a beneficial aspect of the terrain, make a discovery, or notice a danger. Um, I kinda wanna discern a beneficial aspect of the terrain. Okay, yeah. Define this, this fjord. Yeah, totally.

So you are looking at the coastline one day as you've been given the job of moving a barrel from one part of the ship to the other. Okay. And then back again. Cause Maggie was like, this is the only thing that will keep them occupied. Tuck, I just really need to make sure that you know that this barrel needs to go all over the ship. It's like, it's an old sailor superstition. Okay, Maggie. This barrel's full of salt cod. Ooh. And we have to make offerings to the gods and spirits of the sea.

Okay. So take it to each corner of the boat to make sure the entire boat has been blessed. And then Tuck goes, I appreciate you trusting me with such an important task. And you begin moving a barrel from one corner of the ship to the other corner of the ship to the next. I said, I shall smudge this cod across this boat. But as you're like looking at the coastline, you're seeing like, pillars of, of smoke and steam, like from various settlements. Oh, cool. Or natural formations.

And uh, as a street kid, you've seen a lot of chimneys in your time. Oh, yeah. And you see one billowing cloud in the distance and you're like, that's gotta be steam. Uh-huh. And you realize that there is like a series of thermal vents along the coastline. And if you follow these fjords, you can basically get inland faster and then trace your way through different, like, fjord networks to the goblin's bath. They follow a fault line that's along the ocean floor. Oh! Yeah, exactly.

Uh, and Ving, you communicate that to, uh, Gale and Cloud Piercer, and Cloud Piercer is like, ah, perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. He's, him and Ving have been sharing a mind too long. Uh, yeah. Dumb. It's not even full sentences anymore. It's just perfect. Perfect. Fly now. Good. Goodbye. On track. Ving, did you get that message? I sent you earlier. There's this other song that I was thinking about. It goes like, It's, um, Me and Julio Down by the Ice Race. I don't think that's it, Ving.

It is. Listen again. It goes, It's Me and Julio Down by the Ice Race. I really don't think that's it. One more time. It has that little, yeah. Uh, and so the, the navigate. I get to choose one, but let's all choose it together. So you happen upon a discovery missed by the scout. The going is slow. So you wander off course. The GM says which and where you end up on the map or you encounter a danger. Those are the three. Discovery, danger, takes a long time. I say discovery. Yeah. Discovery?

Yeah, discovery. You know what that means? Get out your D12s, fuckers. We're rolling on the tables. Okay, so roll it. Two. Nine. Four. Interesting. Okay. So it actually worked out perfectly. You rolled for natural feature. Jessica rolled for water feature within natural feature. And Paul rolled for creek slash stream slash brook. Yeah, so this fault line, maybe it's really deep and there are underwater caves. Oh, yeah.

So you're like the water's so clear up here too that if you look below, you can see the bubbles from the fault lines and the thermal vents like bubbling up, but you can see them being swept away into underwater passages. And it's mostly just like a very interesting visual effect. It's really pretty. Oh, and there's like algae in there that's bioluminescent. Oh, so there's like whorls of glowing blue algae. Blues, greens, pinks. Very pretty. Wow, Billy's like staring. Oh, it's the boiling aurora.

Oh, the boiling aurora. What do they say about the boiling aurora? They're saying they're people call them they call them the sirens of the north because the beauty will draw people are hypnotized by it and they will draw you into the deep. So looking at the colors and the patterns for too long. That's true. I guess like you're safe on a ship, but if you try to swim in these waters because of all the different currents, they'll suck you under into one of the caves. Yeah.

And you see there are people like, looking over the side. Whoa, Bruno. Whoa, it's fucking trippy as fuck down there. It would be kind of cool if like the water's so clear you can see into the caves and then because of the way the currents work, you can see like all of the stuff that's been sucked in there. So there's like gold and gems. Also bones. Yeah, so many bones. So treasure is a siren. Pieces of ships. Old, yeah, vessels and all that stuff.

So yeah, all this like a bunch of sailors are going to the edge of the boat. I mean the small small crew that you have because you're being pulled by two huge birds, but they're like there's treasure like there. It's like the kind of thing that you're like we're so close to right there. A fortune so big and it's like because that effect that the water has where it's like it makes everything look closer. People are just like we could we could if we just found a way to get down there.

It's not even that deep like that's the really allure. It's like I could hold my breath for that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but the water is boiling so much. Don't do it. Do it. Oh, but I want to do it so bad Billy. Yeah, but look at all the bones. Yeah people before who couldn't get out and they want to do the same thing you want to do right now. Yeah, weak people. No, I don't think so. I'm strong Bruno. I was able to defeat you twice with a stool. Yeah, look at you. You're huge though. You're huge.

That's not fair. I'm going to do it. It's walking up to the edge of the boat. My God. No, he starts walking to the edge. I spear tackle Bruna. All right, 2d6 plus straight. Nine. Oh, I'll aid. Yes, I can't. I'm dragging a rope. The thick rope. Uh-huh. Two to six was bond nine. Okay, so it's a 1010. So Billy and tuck restrain Bruno. No, let me go. I want to get the treasure Bruno. I saw a sick-ass fucking helmet down there. I look so cool in it. It's probably like a billion years old.

We'll get you a different helmet later. I wanted that home Bruno. Sometimes you don't get what you want. I thought being could turn into fucking elemental Freaks and flip around and swim and shit. Hey now and I slap him. Okay, have some humility. Have some fucking respect. Absolutely right Billy. I don't know what I was thinking. Do you want to be in there like a bag of bones? Should we have left you on the boat with Victoria? LeBlanc?

No, we didn't save you just so you could fucking die in a fucking weird treasure crevasse. Okay, fine. Go downstairs. Take care of your business. Okay, but just before I go and check off and go to sleep. I just want to say one more thing what thing can turn into elemental forms that allow him to swim. All right, fine. And then we turn and we talk to Ving. We're like, can you go down there and get some shit? You got to get some shit. You got to get some shit.

You guys the treasures getting to you. These are magical waters. I'm not going in there. We are being a little bit of it. Yeah guys come with me and just slowly like puts his arm around them walks him away from the edge of the boat and Billy's looking over again. Like I guess that is a pretty cool helmet. Yeah, he's gonna try to switch your room. Oh, yeah. Cloak. What are you trying to switcheroo it with? I don't know. I guess this scrub brush for the deck. What the fuck? All right. Try it.

It's just trying to sponge read. Squish. Switcheroo again. It's been a long time. So switcheroo basically like I can it's what it sounds like like I take one object and I can switch places with another object using that object. Right? Yes. All right, and you can switch the materials of objects. Yeah. Yeah, it's 2d6 plus charisma on a seven to nine. I pick one of three where the effect works for all last for a long time and I keep control on 10 plus works a hundred percent. Mm-hmm.

And I'm standing next to Billy. Yeah. And I'm like, which one are you going to go for? Definitely the helmet. The helmet. Cool. Cool. Cool. No, if he behaves and tuck is like cool. Cool. Cool. What do you want? Nothing? No, I don't care. You get the helmet. It's your thing. Is it nothing? What is it? Tuck is like he's eyeing his shapely Gord. Yeah, Tuck's eyeing a shapely Gord. That's the golden gourd. Aren't you shapely decorative? Golden Gord? Yeah.

I think your love of Gord's is getting us in trouble. That is a an eight. Okay. So on the seven to nine, I can choose one of the three of effect works for all last for a long time or I keep control. I think I'd like to keep control. It wait. So on a hit that means that you still do it. I still do it but it doesn't last for a long time and it won't work for all. Okay. So you are looking. You're holding the scrub brush in your hands. You're looking at this glittering helmet and blink of an eye.

Nobody even sees it happen. All of a sudden Billy's holding exactly this. What does this helmet look like? I imagine it's like pointed like it's like, you know, those like it's like pointed and has like wings like yeah, sure. It's got wings on the side and then like scales or like chain kind of hanging from the back like to protect the dragon like yeah. Yeah, it's like pointy. And the wings are pointy like a dragon wings and then it's got a maybe like it's like a head or a tail on top. Cool.

Yeah. Oh, maybe it's like a features of like claws on either side of the head. Like it's an open mouth. Yeah, maybe this is something that we the authors of this world would recognize as a piece of armor from the white cloud mountains. That's what I was thinking too. Whoa. So yeah, he's holding it like I don't even want to give it to Bruno now. Don't there's there's a there's a motif on the helmet.

That you can tell it's only half of the helmet is carved, but you could tell that the carvings describe every battle that this helmet has been through. That's why it's only half carved because it was lost before the end of the person's life. That's cool. And the skills are all made out of coins with squares in the middle. Coins from the white cloud mountain. Cool. Hold up to Vang. Can you read this? Yeah. No, you can't check it. I ever wait. But I have bardic lore for history.

Yeah, you could maybe learn something about it, but I'm not sure that you'd be able to read this language for context for people who don't have the access to the outlander stuff. The white cloud mountains are the white cloud mountains are basically like a mountainous territory. Very north of McCall and it's separated by a huge desert as a pretty bare landscape, but they grow tea. It's the home of a lot. Dragons and people who came from Hibernia. Yeah, and it's a very isolated. Place.

You know what? We can get a red pony. I had a nerd on this boat. Yeah, and Burrell comes huffing. I heard something about reading. Reading. I heard somebody say you needed a nerd and who can read. I'm both of those things. He's running and he does the thing that kids do where they run too fast. They trip over his own clothes slams into the ground. Wait. We might as well spell lower about this helmet. Yeah, to the intelligence. No wisdom because it's all right. Yes. Nice eight. Perfect.

Seven nine interesting but useful interesting but not useful. Nice. So you are looking at this with a combination of Perel trying to translate a language. I look I knew a wizard from the white cloud mountains, but I didn't ever learn the language. So I know some but not enough to be able to read it. So it's I think we can figure it out and you all kind of sit around. With this helmet kind of you're all sitting cross-legged on the deck.

Perel's got it in his lap and he's bouncing stuff off being who's heard stories and cetera and one of the battles describes like a group of dragon riders basically riding out to defend the mountains from a great dragon who had become corrupted by what? I mean gold. Or I mean, these are just things that are usually treasure erupted dragons. Maybe the dragons because the white cloud mountains are on the same continent as McCall, right? Maybe that dragon got corrupted by an icon. Mmm. Could be.

Yeah. Wow. Absolutely. A demon dragon. Yeah. Yeah. My God. It's the only time it's ever happened. Yeah. So you guys are like he was an obsidian dragon. Cool. And pearls like whoa wait. So does that mean that the dragon? Was. Possessed? This sounds like an icon possessed by a force. That's so weird though because icons are like a human thing. But dragons have legs like sapient intelligence. Yeah. I mean if dragons are sapient, which I don't think I've ever really considered. They totally are.

What? What do you mean? Well, we told you about Black Spire. Oh, right. Yeah. So now that I mean like yeah, it's dragons are sapient. The icons are reflections or. The origin of sapient thought and concept. Yeah. I mean. There are so many other beings out there. That are possessed and we're not thinking about it. Yeah, that's a great point Billy.

I mean iconography was never really my thing but it stands to reason that any sapient being could be possessed by an icon and that is an absolutely terrifying thought. It's going over my head now. And then. At this point. We all look over at wicker. She's sharpening a knife. Her eyes glow red. Yeah. Now she in reality wicker is curled up on a coil of rope with a little fabric mouse in her teeth. And all of a sudden Perel is hands are soaked and he's holding a scrub brush in his hands. No.

What the fuck happened? And then we all realize that Perel is holding a chore basically. And we get up and run away. What? No, wait. Oh. Dan's not it. Fuck. Scrubs. Scrubs. Scrubs. He starts scrubbing the deck. That was one of the things right Billy's thing wasn't going to last for a long time. Yeah. Okay. And the ship carries on a little bit of fun lore to pass the time and later the next day you leave.

A final stretch of Fjord and enter the hot summer vacation locale that thing remembers from his youth. The Goblins bath. It is a wide thermal Lake with that sort of like blue green milky milky looking water like rich in minerals and you can feel the temperature change. As you enter this kind of Bay Perel's got his summer clothes on. Yeah. He is just like we. It is a hot one today. Blue zinc on his nose. Yeah.

And you look out onto the Goblins bath and see mast in the water and along the shore hundreds and hundreds of Arctic goblins and Ving suddenly recalls why people never came to the Goblins bath at this time of year. It's mating season. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. I'm your game master. Sean O'Hara joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian Abdul Aziz. So long. Playing Ving, the half elf druid, Paul Hoppers. What? Bye.

Playing Matt Billy, the half link thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Thank you to Aaron Reed of Vancouver Sunday Service for our intro and outro music, which you can find at soundcloud.com. And you can find Aaron's original music at aaronreed.bandcamp.com. Thank you to all of our Patreons, the supporters for supporting the show. If you want to support us, please go to our Patreon page, which is at soundcloud.com.

And if you want to support us, please go to our Patreon page, which is at soundcloud.com. Play a few hits of L.A. At soundcloud.com and you can find Aaron's original music at aaronreid.bandcamp.com Thank you to all of our Patreon supporters for supporting the show. If you want to support Spout Lore and get access to bonus content, Blades in the Dark game, merch, gifts, streams, a whole whack of shit, check us out at patreon.com slash Spout Lore or speltlore.com slash money please.

And thank you to Kelly and Kelly Creative in Vancouver for letting us use their incredible recording space this weekend. It has been such a treat. And thank you finally to you for listening. See you next time. And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be. For time's abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution.

Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you I'd gladly Spout Lore.

Hi everyone, it's Fat Billy here. Thanks for coming, listen to our podcast. If you want more podcasts, you can go to patreon.com slash Spout Lore, where you can give us some money. And I like money, so I can buy snacks. Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing.

Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers half-elf, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart. Best in bread. They may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round friends, and listen close, for the tale's about to start. Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara.

Joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdul Aziz. So long every- what? Nope. So long. Hello everybody. Hello. Hello. Playing Ving, the half-elf, Druid Paul Oppers. Take care guys. And playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. And to all a good night. When last we left our heroes, they encountered the danger, or at least one of the dangers, lying within the Fanny Pack's eponymous danger room. Revealing itself to be a creature called, apparently a sentry-peed.

Yeah, it was so gross. That is a little compact mechanical thing that expands into a huge, centipede-like automaton that splits off into multiple parts when damaged. The fight went on for a good while, and the gang was really getting the goods. Yeah. They overcame the sentry-peed, Perel receiving a sealed note from Morris Wadge, which was found within the safe.

Also containing some dried flowers from apparently places that the three had visited in their younger days, and an oil painting, a portrait of happier times. Yeah, it was really cute. That this was the thing that he felt like he needed to protect the most. Yeah. Morris, soft at heart. Yeah. Can't wait to hear what's in that letter. Yeah. Can't wait to bully Perel into telling us what's in that letter. Perel for sure read it as soon as he was alone. Yeah, totally.

Oh yeah, Perel's just in the Fanny Pack. Yeah. Yeah. He's just safe, nestled in Tuck's backpack. Yeah. You boarded the Thunderbirds, Cloudpiercer, and Gale. Gale assuring Tuck that it was not going to be weird that they slept together, by which she meant, I'm not going to be weird. I'm going to be safe. I'm going to be safe. I'm going to be safe. I'm going to be safe.

Gale assuring Tuck that it was not going to be weird that they slept together, by which she meant slept in the same nest for one night. Yeah. It became a whole thing after that. Traveling with them upon their backs to the frozen north, the far, far reaches of the frozen north in Adderneck All Waters Glacier. During their journey passing below the cloud cover, Billy first spotted ships in the distance, which Maggie quickly recognized one at least.

It was the Clearwater itself, stolen from her by the Magi in Fort Forefrost, and it would seem given to, sold to, captured by another pirate by the name of Victoria LeBlanc. Ooh. Infamous. Infamous privateer. So crazy hot, it's insane. I want you to remember that I, Sean O'Hara, your friend, am Victoria LeBlanc. So keep it together. Just got hotter. I could have made her less hot, but I didn't. How could you not take that opportunity? Everybody wants a sexy sword fighting pirate on a show.

That's you know, I mean, Jessica did set the stage with all the way up the leg lace up a heeled leather boots. Yeah. Very low cut white lace top. Yeah, totally. Like to the belly button low cut. Like it's cut down to where the boots end. Like here. Oh wow. Like under the breast. There's very little, the whole middle section, no clothes at all.

The party decided that the best way to approach LeBlanc and her fleet was to stage an amateur theater production in which Cloud Piercer and Gale locked themselves in faux battle. Billy on special effects. Yeah. Tuck playing a bit part as guy with ax. Hero. Hero with ax. Hero approaching. And just didn't say hero in the script. Yeah. And Ving descending from the heavens in a ball of moonlight in the shape of a bird landed upon the deck and narrated the proceedings.

The fight and production went off without a hitch. Everybody was terrified. Yeah. Sabotage was played more than once. Yeah. As is our want. And as is our right. As Americans. As Canadians. As Canadians. As Canadians. To plagiarize the Beastie Boys. And not get charged for it. Try it Beastie Boys. Yeah. Try it Beastie Boys. The web crawlers that look for copyright infringement cannot find us because we are on a podcast host that Wes wrote in 2016 in PHP before he really understood how to code.

We are invincible. The crew arrived on the deck and introduced themselves to Victoria LeBlanc. Before Maggie, who was a big fan of the show, was eliminated. Before Maggie, who had been stonily quiet the entire production, wheeled back and slugged her one right in the chin. To which Victoria LeBlanc said, Maggie could. It has been quite some time. She didn't recognize her face, but she recognized her fist. Exactly. And Maggie, through gritted teeth, just says, where's my fucking cat?

I'm not sure that I know what you mean. Wake her. That's my boat. My cat's on that boat. You tell me where my cat is. And she looks around like, if I had a cat upon my bed, do you think that this cat would be hidden away? I love cats so much. And the guy with the spyglass that we saw earlier kind of hobbles forward. He's limping pretty bad. He's kind of like a heavyset guy with short, graying, dark hair and a close beard. Captain, do you think that it's possible she might mean the ghost? What?

What? Now, do not be silly, Derek. There are no such things as ghosts. I don't know, Captain. There's been some strange goings on on the Clearwater. Food disappearing. Men waking up with bloody scratches all over their bodies. Shadows flitting out of the corner of your eyes. You shut your mouth, you superstitious fear. And then another guy's like, I've seen it. I've seen it. I was working in the kitchen and then a bottle just fell off of the camera for no reason. Ah, I've seen it too.

One time I go to put on me boot and there'll be a hot shit right inside it. And I woke up when I couldn't breathe. A mouthful of fur. You're all superstitious fears. The butt is not haunted and there is no ghost. Then explain this. Somebody drops a bucket of dead mice on the table. Ving's like, looks like these mice died. They died of a heart attack. They died of being too afraid. They're all half like twisted the ring faces. They're all just locked in rigor mortis. In terrified fear.

And Maggie crosses her arms and smiles. That's my cat. What do you guys do? What's your plan here? You're just watching these two women have a conversation. I keep watching. Billy starts like sidestepping away. Like try like get of. I don't know. I don't need you to go look for wicker. Yeah. Uh, 2d6 plus dexterity to sneak away. Five. Okay. So you, uh, you start. Experience. Yeah. It takes some experience and you start creeping away through the crowd.

You're walking through a sea of legs as Billy so often does. I'm singing quietly. I can't stand it. I can't stand it. There's something to it when it can't stand. I can't stand it. And as you think you're like, haha, I've done it. I've gotten away here. Hey, no, come here. A thistle grab. Got you. You little bastard. Let me go. Holds you up and you're looking into the face of Bruno. Bruno. Yeah. What's up? You little sneaky snake. I gotcha. Bruno. Put him down. Or what? Tech picks up a crate.

And throws it at Brut. 26 plus dexterity. I guess dexterity. Yeah. Uh, seven. Uh, it does it. I mean, Billy gets thrown to the ground for sure. But you smash Bruno full on with this crate. It explodes. He hits the ground immediately. He goes, oh. And I grab another stool and I put it on top of him and I sit. And he spits out a bunch of teeth. Just, those aren't my teeth. I just had those in my mouth. Why did you have teeth in your mouth? It's none of your business.

And he reaches his arms out and tries to grab you. I'm gonna get, I'm gonna, this is it. This is finally happening. You're not getting up, dude. It's finally happening. You fuck. Get over here. Bruno, I thought we were friends. We were never friends. I was forced to serve you to save my own skin. The seas are a dangerous place. But that's why friendship matters so much. Everyone on the deck is just like, oh my God. He's right, Bruno. He's right, Bruno. You can't just fucking betray your friends.

There's salos like us, there's salos. Remember when I gave you that extra serving of spaghetti because I didn't want it? I was lying. I did want it. But I loved you, Bruno. And remember when we covered for you? When you were about to commit a mutiny and we… No, I would never commit a mutiny. That's a lie, Bruno. You were definitely… We're friends. We're friends. We're best friends. You were planning a mutiny, dude. I was just playing around, guys. We're friends. You were a younger man then.

I was. And I definitely did not take part in a mutiny. And we all remember that for sure. Yeah, because we covered for you, dude. No, no. You guys better shut the fuck up about that mutiny or I'm going to get killed. You first, you little hip squeak. Can we let you up now? Yeah, good to see you again, my friends. That's what I thought. Captain. It's all good in the hood, baby. Oh, dude. You talked to me. Doug goes, oh. Oh, dude, no. You can't just make up phrases like that, bro.

She can't call her baby, dude. She rolls her eyes really hard. Now that that has been settled, whatever, she kind of wiggles her hand in your direction. This might be. What are you doing up in my vessel in these cold, frigid northern waters? My queen. Which she smirks at. I do not have a crown, but I find many a throne to sit upon. Whoa. This is just Jessica. Sick. And then Tug in his mind is like, can I make a pun that makes my dick a threat?

If only throne rhymed something that could be alluded to. Whatever. I guess nothing. Yeah. Anyway, I go, my queen, we are on a quest. We are heroes sent from across the seas on a sacred mission to save. Not just one land, not just one people, but all peoples in all lands. Oh, interesting. I am on my own quest. They're not as important. I do find myself being a peoples and living in a lands. So I perhaps might support this quest.

And Tug clenches everything to try and make himself look more impressive. Yeah. And he's like, we are heading past the jaws to the tower of a wizard. Hmm. To find. Our destiny. And the salvation of all mankind. Ah, destiny has many a child in these parts. Did you just wink at me? Did you just make a destiny's child joke? So what is it that you wish from me? A chance to reunite our party. One of the most powerful members that we believe resides on Maggie's boat. And Tug tries.

Not to reference his dick when Vink says powerful members. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And by the way, none of us are. We're all trying really hard not to point at what he just said. Well, I'm sure you can understand that the reuniting of old friends aside. And she looks at Maggie who goes, I cannot simply give you this fan vessel that I have, sir. Legitimately came by. Do we want the vessel? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Boat I paid a lot of money that boat was in the fucking mud a year ago jesus yeah this is I lived on that boat for months yeah victoria where did you pay for this boat where did you get it who gave it to you this is not that not that liberty to share such that does with you did you buy it from the medja that stole it from us perhaps okay so yeah maggie wants her boat back okay what can we do what are we gonna do can I wealth and taste perhaps or like can we parlay with uh with victoria I have been boozle which means when I parlay with someone I hate you take plus one forward against them and I also have plus one forward against her right now and I have like a plus three charisma so I could try and parlay with her yeah what so what are you planning to offer some other boat a replacement marriage a lifetime of bliss and happiness yeah that's actually tuck offers that he's like what is a life on the sea without someone to share it with he says as he stares out at the ocean uh-huh uh tucks got his hand on one of the looking out into the distance I have shared my life on the sea with uh many people and I will share it with many more okay I mean there is one thing that I do know I is very valuable up here on the season everywhere else and that is a cold a hard a cage cash pay me buy the boat of me how much let me look at the book to see how much a boat is worth bring me the bird book bring me the bird pick we did establish last time that a merchant ship is worth 5 000 gold coin which is actually what ving's ransom is well that's interesting isn't it isn't that a fascinating proposal neat isn't it oh because we do want to give ving back to his dad at some point yeah isn't that interesting we do want to do it let's claim the reward let's make this happen yeah so tell her that and it's like what what an interesting thing that has just come into my brain and formulated into a series of words that I'm now telling to you okay so here's the deal my friend ving you might also know him as prince of the boreal reach son of dathaniel the ranger king lobo there's currently a bounty out for him for 5 000 gold coin approximately the price of one and I point at the clear water merchant vessel merchant vessel doing the vanna white standing on the side on the railing of the ship and pulls back the mass aside the mass to reveal pulls a sail back yes here's what I'm proposing we'll let you turn us in to dathaniel to claim that reward you give maggie her ship back and we'll call it even you get yourself a new bow with 5 000 shiny new gold coins yeah and as an added bonus if you want what I and honestly I don't even care stop crying no buddy are you crying no I'm not I'm just sweating so it's so hot are you getting on one knee it's no I'm not I'm just sweating so it's so hot are you getting on one knee it's no I'm not One of his legs is just bending It's just so hot up here I had to get closer down to the ground Where it's colder My right thigh is tired Involuntarily fishing around in his backpack For a ring He's trying not to propose But if you If you did want to And this is so fucking stupid I don't even want to do it But it would be so fucking funny Right?

If we just like got married Monogamously larried Would it be so fucking hilarious If we got I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry To each other So yeah whatever But that's the Proposal Okay roll the 2d6 plus charisma Okay A lord of flame please Okay Okay Okay Let Victoria Blanche marry me, please, God. Five plus three plus one. Yeah. Eight. So that's nine. Uh-huh. So someone aids me and I become a ten. Yes, I will aid. I show her the poster with $5,000. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Perfect.

Well, you aid all of them. I… Hold on, hold on. Cloud Pierce has shown me this thing. I can do this. 286 plus bond. Nice. Ten. Okay. Sick. Ten. I cough up a perfectly rolled up poster. It's the laminated one. Oh, yeah. She puts her gloved hand to her chin, satin gloves. She smirks. She looks around at the boat. She looks at Ving. She looks at Tuck and Billy, who she smiles at. She gives Billy a little wink. And Billy looks around like, me? I accept. And then Tuck gets up. He's on one knee.

He gets up and goes, she said yes! Yes! Yes! She said yes! She puts a hand to her chest and laughs gaily. It's gonna be a wedding! I can see what's happening. But we don't have a clue. They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line. Our trio's down to two. The sweet caress of twilight. She joins in. There's a Jamaican guy up in the crow's nest that's like, kiss, there you go. So, yeah, she says she accepts. She accepts. And I also get a plus one forward against her? Yep. Okay. Yeah. Cool.

You always get so excited about bamboozle, but I think every time you see the word bamboozle, you forget what the move is. It sucks. It gives you a plus one forward when you parlay with somebody. It's a useful move. It's just not as like, narrative changing. Yeah. Taking on a lot of parlays. Exactly. This is great. That was amazing. Yeah. I can't believe we're getting married. Oh my God, guys. Can I be your best man? Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. We were trying to get out of the glacier, out of Adernach All Waters Tower. Oh, you want to go to the glacier first? Yeah, we gotta. No, no, no. That was not the deal. No, you didn't. We didn't talk about this. No, the deal was we go. You said the order of events was we go and we turn your friend in for the bounty. And then I get the new ship. And Tuck laughs and he's like, oh, this is so us. Oh, is it not?

We would not want to start our new relationship on and wink. There's the tip of a blade. On such poor standing would we, my love. Tuck presses the blade into his neck. He like leans forward and he's like, no, we wouldn't. And he pulls his axe out and like lays it against her throat. It's quite important that we go to the glacier first. I guess another. Danger charisma. Okay. Or I guess the parlay is I'll kill you. I guess we'll kill each other on the deck of the ship. And we're insane.

This is already the most toxic relationship that's ever existed. What a surprise. The first person. The first person that says yes to Tuck is out of her mind. No, Ruby said yes. That's true. I guess. All right. 2d6 plus charisma. 10 plus one is 11. So that. So your axe blade. Is to her neck. Her sword tip is pressed under your chin. And we're like pushing into each other's weapon. Yeah. And she leans forward and plants a fucking kiss right on your lips. And pulls back. Laughs.

Sheathes her sword. Says. All right. We go north. Tuck passes out. It's the deck. It's the deck. We'll cut forward a little bit. Are the. Are the Thunderbirds like circling above us? I think. Cloud piercer was like, I'll be back when you need me. Okay. Cause this was part of the game was that I was a bad boy. So I gotta go. Yeah. And Gail just poof. Yeah. In fact, it's the kind of thing she took off and the front of the boat almost dipped underwater with the power of her takeoff.

She took off when Victoria and I got married. Yeah. No, you. It's you guys kissed and then boom. There was a sonic boom as Gail took off in the disguise. And yeah, we'll cut forward a bit. Yeah. All the boats are underway. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Where like Maggie is, I don't know, doing boat stuff, like coiling a rope or whatever and looking into through like a window into the cabin and sees Tuck and Victoria in the captain's cabin having like wine and like cheese and shit.

Billy's with Maggie right now. Like they didn't even invite us. I mean, I guess we were there for the wedding. This is their honeymoon, I guess. What? Maggie, when did they get married? When she accepted his proposal. She points at Ving. Captains are legally empowered. To marry people on their vessel. Tuck and Victoria are legally married now. What? Yeah. I didn't even get to do any best man stuff. Tuck's so far away.

I mean, Billy, there'll be one day a real actual land wedding that will be important to all of you. This is going to end poorly. This is not the wedding. So don't worry. There'll be… We got to… God, Tuck is fucking screwed. I don't know. Ving says looking in the porthole. And we rack focus to the two figures through the window and into the cabin. Yeah. And she's swirling a goblet of wine in her hands. And he's swirling a goblet of cheese in his. Cheese cubes. No, not even cheese cubes.

It's cheese whiz. It's like liquid cheese. Like fondue. Like, wow. It's thick. It is. You could have some wine if you want. You don't have to drink the cheese. That's for fondue. I'm kind of in a bulk phase. I'm doing a keto thing right now. So I can't really have wine. Ah, wee wee. Yeah. But I can wee wee too. I'll go wee wee. He's like, good idea. And he goes… You read my mind, darling. This is so sweet. Yeah. So tell me, how is it that you know Maggie Kern? Oh, man. Man, Maggie.

Long time listener. First time caller. Yeah, we met. Maggie and I met in Mudlark. She was pretending to be Muckraker, who was kind of like a… Is it an alter ego kind of thing? And then we found a box with a wizard in it. Tuck's not holding anything back. And he's like, but we didn't know there was a wizard in it then. She asked us to take it to a vault. We didn't. Cracked the box. Wizard came out. Came out. Killed Ving. Billy and I went to the spirit world to bring him back. Found him.

Brought him back. And then when we came back, Maggie was there. So pissed off. So pissed off. Oh, Maggie is a very intense personality. Yeah, yeah. Bunch of other stuff happened. And then we took it to the vault. But we had made friends with the wizard that was inside of it. And then he begged to not be left there. So I let him out. Smashed the box with this axe. Oh. And she reaches, and she kind of like puts a hand on the handle of the axe. It's a very impressive weapon.

And when she touches it, TLC go, whoo. Oh my God, bro. She's fucking touching us, bro. And then we went to McCall after that for a while. And then Maggie showed up pissed because we let the wizard out. And then we realized at that point that the entire world was ending because there was no magic. So now we're going to the glacier, which belonged to a wizard called Adonai Gallwater to see if there's another box there with another wizard who might be able to help us get magic back.

Because Perel doesn't have his magic anymore because of a thing I did by accident. So when you say Perel does not have his magic anymore, that means he's what? Still with you? Yeah, he is. He's in the fanny pack. Fanny pack. And Tuck is like, yeah, I have like a little… Yeah, Ving and Billy's eyes are winding. We're looking at each other like, dude, you know what? Maybe shut… Maybe no more fondue for you. And we bust in the door. Yeah, both big kick. My kick doesn't do anything. Well, yeah.

You kick a second after I do. Just a tiny little like going… There's the newlyweds. Whoa, look at you in the cheese. Loose lips sink ships. Let's take this away. Did you guys break into the cabin? Yeah, I'm going to steal the fanny pack without Tuck noticing. Oh, please. Take a seat. There is more than enough fondue in one for everyone. Thank you. And she grabs some stools and chairs. Come, come. Why, thank you. And Billy does a deep bow where he's stealing the fanny pack off Tuck's waist.

Okay, 2D6 plus dexterity. Oh, it's in my backpack. Oh, from his backpack. Yeah, totally. I'm doing a big flourish, like hello to Victoria. Okay. And so you're doing a big hello? Flourishy like dance, like oh, mind if I dance with the bride? So I'm grabbing her like… Oh, yeah. Oh, spin around. Perfect. And yeah, Billy, so on a seven to nine, you get up on the backpack and start opening up to get the bag. But Tuck does know that you're on his back. You're saying a lot of stuff.

And I don't trust her near the fanny pack. Oh, yeah, okay. I know she's my stepmom and everything, but it's going to take time to get to know her. You know what? I don't think there's ever been a situation in fiction where stepmothers have not been. Does Tuck realize that he is actually married? He does not know that he's married. He's just like, that was a great kiss. She's really leaning into this bit and it's hilarious. Billy is so cute that Billy keeps saying stepmom like that.

And Vick's trying to drop hints too. He's like, I can't believe that it's been four hours since your actual marriage. And Tuck like laughs and he's like, guys. That's a good way to put it. That is so funny. Since your actual legally binding maritime life. Law marriage. And Tuck's like, oh man. And boy, are my arms tired. I just flew in from my honeymoon. Boy, I just got married. My arms tired. From jerking off so much. Am I right, guys? I wouldn't know. I'm not actually married to this woman.

And she laughs and laughs and she's flinging her hair around as Vick says, and she's like, I'm not actually married to this woman. And she's flinging her hair around as Vick says, and her dancing around the cabin, which is very ostentatiously furnished. Like maybe the highest concentration of expensive shit you've ever seen in one place. Oh, cool. Like fine silk cushions and goblets, plates, platters of all precious metals, weapons, ancient and new, just all over the fucking place.

This is like Ruby's lair, but times a hundred. Yeah, this is like Ruby's lair. If Ruby was an actual pirate and not someone pretending. Not a drama student? Actor. Exactly. And she actually, something that I keep forgetting and messing up is that Victoria has said several times that she is a privateer. Oh. Yes. Not a pirate. Yeah. So she has said specifically she's a privateer. What does that mean? What? A privateer? Yeah.

That means I'm legally employed by a government or a nation to wage war on the seas on their behalf. Oh, cool. Yes, we. What nation? The Firefields Principality. Oh, cool. Under the princeps of Blacklass. Oh, cool. So that is what I do. I sail up and down the coast. I am, you know, I take a ship here and there. And perhaps I take a bit of private contract work on the side. Cool. Yes. But you will know all about that soon, my sweet honey bun.

And she reaches out and like grazes Tuck's cheek as she swirls by dancing with Ving. And Tuck's like, I can't wait to learn, my cinnamon bun. And Maggie is like, arms crossed. My cinna bun. I can't wait to cover you in white goo. Oh, Jesus Christ. My cinna bun. Cinna bun. Fucking hell. Maggie is leaning in the doorway, arms crossed, watching all this happen. Uh, Vicky, I don't mean to interrupt, but I'd like to go over to the clear water now, if that's all right. Of course. It is at Matt.

Me vessel as su vessel is not the fake language I speak, but it is something that all of the listeners will understand the shorthand for. Go for it. And Maggie nods, looks at Tuck pointedly, and then looks at Ving and Billy, and then leaves. Twirls her way. I'll go on with Maggie. Very well. I would love some tamerlan with my sweet beloved. I'm staying here with you guys. Well, me and this cheese are going to also go to the clear water. I'll also go with Maggie. Okay.

And then Tuck, as Billy shuffles out, he's like, all right, just go easy on the cheese. It's very heavy. No problem. And he says this sitting on a toilet, on a commode. Make sure you wear enough layers, my sweet. I would not want you to catch a cold. And Billy looks at Victoria like, don't tell me what to do. Hey, do not talk to your mother that way. Don't talk to him like that. Things my mother. You're just my stepmother. And I slammed the door.

This family dynamic just got interesting and complicated. The children's super cautious. He would have come to find me charming as everyone does. I'm sure. I'm sure. Now, and she spins. This dynamic is interesting. She spins away from Ving and lands in the chair at the table and crosses one leg over the other leg, like right at the knee. So it's just like boot, boot. And her like sarong is kind of, you know, draped very, she's not doing this. I mean, maybe this is just how she looks. Yeah.

Maybe this is something that she's trying to do. So we have much time before we get to the North. Is there anything that you would like to go over anymore? Tell me more of your adventures. Tell me more of this parade. What do you know of the Ranger King? Oh, just stories and tales. Yeah. As much as anyone else does his victory over the beast of the bloody hills, the battle, uh, falling leaves. Um, what is the best of the bloody Hughes? Oh, it was some sort of great monster.

Describe this monster. These are, she holds up her hands. These are stories and tales. I, these are nuts. Ah, yeah. Dear step wife. I love a good story. It is, it is said that there are many centuries ago, there was a monster of some kind living on the hillside in the forest. And this monster would come down and it would raid the hillside and destroy many villages in the forest. It's great teeth gnashing and growing and ending Elven lives.

It's great paws swiping through tearing trees up by the route until the Thania, the Ranger King went out with burr and arrow stalked the beast, did better and took it down with a single arrow to the heart. An arrow like this. And Ving pulls out the Raven fledged arrow. Ah, this is a beautiful thing. She reaches out, plucks it from your hand and kind of twirls the, I was going to say, cause it is the word she twirls the shaft. This is a beautifully made missile weapon.

And I would not be surprised if one such as the Thania would use it. She flicks her hand out and the arrow shoots out of her grip and sticks into a wooden post. Tuck sitting next to Ving and he grips his arm. So, so tight. And then he leans in and he's like, literally everything she does makes me so fucking horny. It's crazy. Easy, big fella. And this is one tale of many that have been told of the Ranger King. Your father. This is so. So called. Fascinating.

The man who raised me under the lie of father. Ah, yes. I know family complications. Well, I'm family is not there who we are born to, but who we choose to keep close. And then tuck is like, you're right. Family is who we die for. This true. And many, many of my spouses have died for me in the past. I have dispatched many a family. Maybe all is like, God, for some reason, my brain keeps thinking of like a Venus fly trap. And I don't, I don't know why. Get out of my head.

I keep thinking of Venus fly trap or like praying mantis. I don't, I, and I can't get out of their brain. I'm trying to be horny about this woman. Well, I suppose you and your father will be reunited soon. And I will come away. If I've doesn't come reach you. And one husband shorter. Another family member fed, to the wolves. We shall see. Narrowing eyes. We shall see. Well, that's it for me. I'm tired. All right.

At this time for a husband and wife to be alone, I took pastor because he drank too much cheese. Oh, thank God. Well, perhaps another time. There is no rush to consummate the marriage. You know, that depends when it depends. It's true. She winks a little bit laughs and then goes and lays down next to tuck and, uh, she's really doing everything she can. She walks over to the bed and is like, and now I think that I will take my rest as well.

And she turns to Ving as he's in the doorway, tucks dead asleep. She cocks one leg and starts undoing the ties on her boot. Whoa. And he says, yes. Retrieves the arrow from the doorframe. We shall see you tomorrow. Good night. Good night. Sleep. Why? And he turns. And as he's leaving, he says, Oh, I will. I will. I was, I was, I was got too long. Oh, can I, I will. You can hear the gears grinding in his head to come up with something. I'm gonna sleep. All right.

And don't you let the bed bugs bite. And we cut to the clear water abilities on his hands and knees scrambling around. The bed bugs. And that is a new adjective. I don't know. Yeah. But yeah, he's, he's looking around for, for, um, for wicker. Yeah. Maggie, the second she hit the deck on the clear water was grabbing people and was like, get the fuck out, go back over there. And people are like, you can't, you can't say this shit to me. I, I, I work on this boat.

All my stuff's here too, but she is like, exactly. Yeah. You see some of the people from the clear water, like, so relieved. Yeah. So there's like, Oh my God, Maggie. Oh my God. You're back. Oh, it was terrible. I'm so scared. You gotta help me. They made me wear these tight leather pants. I don't look good in them. I'm allergic to baguettes, but you're just crawling around going wicker, uh, discern realities. 2d six plus wisdom. Oh, I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go.

I'm going to go. Six, six. Okay. You crawl around on the ground like an animal. Yes. A candlelight flickering over you as the lanterns in this room are the only thing lighting it as you like crawl between two bunks, like the light casts over you. But just as you're about to cross the passage, two legs thunk down as someone gets up from the cot, you see they're wearing shorts because it's sailors, uh, it's cold, but he's wearing shorts, right?

Cause he's Canadian and you see crawling up his legs tattoo designs that look very familiar. Is it a, a magic? It is a magic. It's a magic. Billy clamps his own most sharp. What are you doing here? What do you mean? What am I doing here? This is my boat since when? Since forever. Fuck you. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. Fuck you. Billy on.

She's one of his knives. Can you see who it is? No step. I'm going to back stab. Oh, you're just going to go for it. Yeah. All right. Attack a surprise or a defenseless enemy. Two to six plus dexterity. 11. Fuck. Yes. So on an 11 with back stab, what does it say? I choose two of the following. I don't get into melee with them and then I deal damage. Okay. Yeah. Go for it. I'm going to deal damage, which is a D eight plus a D six. Okay. Jesus. Six. Six. Okay. So are you trying to kill this guy?

No, I just want to make sure he doesn't hurt Maggie. Yeah. So as with anything, damage can be a lot of stuff. It doesn't have to be. I am taking blood from this person's body. So what do you do? How do you get him in a position where he can no longer fight back? I hate to do it, but the back of the knee. Oh yeah. I stab it into the back of his knee. They're not like the deepest. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. He's not going to be able to do much. Uh huh.

So he cries out and hits the ground and it is a guy that you are not familiar with. What's your name? Oh God. Slap his face. Eric. But E R E K fantasy style. That sounds about right. Kind of McCall. And this is Eric. Who do you work for? What do you mean? I work on the boat. With who? With what's her face? Blah Blanche. Blah Blanche. Blah Blanche. Blah Blanche. Blah Blanche. Blah Blanche. Blah Blanche. Blah Blanche. Why'd you stab me? Because. I thought you were going to hurt Maggie.

Why would I do that? I don't know. Because you look scary. Oh. And you said. Who are you. Yeah. Because somebody's on the boat that I don't recognize. I'm really sorry. You had really scary tattoos and you put your feet down really slow. Like a murderer would. And. And. And. Um. I didn't know what to do. You. You know what. You made the right move. And he throws his hand down.

Down and a burst of air throws Him to his feet and he starts sprinting Away from you two he can't move Well he starts sprinting and His steps on his stabbed leg And the leg starts to bend underneath Him and then you hear And a cat comes Shooting out of a cupboard And just hits him in the side Of the head and takes him down Onto a cot where he smacks his head And just skids to a halt I knew it Let's tie him up Moments later he's tied up in rope And I'm leading up against him with a Wicker I missed you so much I missed you how are you Why do you Keep doing this why do you guys Keep fucking me up Cause you keep running away and acting like a Bad guy I am a bad guy Well I'm gonna I have to wait until my parents come and talk to you What are you talking about Just Go to sleep or something Does Maggie know who this person is Maggie doesn't know this person specifically But she like spits on the ground Next to him I want to Spout Lore who he is Eleven Yeah so this is mostly information Interesting and useful That you would kind of put together Roth though not the leader of the magi Was leading a faction of the magi Some of which Were responsible for Taking the clear water and Getting away This Eric guy Seems to be You would think a magi who Was just kind of like alright Roth something happened I'm gonna lay low Victoria LaBlanche has the ship now I'm just gonna try And keep my head down and wait And you guys sort of Just surprised him He is a victim of circumstance In a lot of ways but honestly A good instinct on Billy's part because If he was left to his own devices he probably Would have tried something and now he's Just like we should have Killed you when we had the chance Yeah well You didn't and now look at you A little kid and a cat beat the shit out of you And you're tied up on a boat And we're gonna throw you overboard I hope you do I hope a shark swallows me whole Yeah you heard me I don't even care if I die Wow this guy has a real Gerard Way Vibe When I was a young boy my father he took me into the city To see a marching band He said son when you grow up Will you be the savior of the broken The beaten and the damned And I said fuck yeah I will And that's when I joined the Magi Wow Got some really cool tattoos Thanks man You guys are here too No this is just me Well I guess Ving might be here Just wanders into the cabin from the other boat I heard screaming and a puff of air I heard a puff of air Look what I found Oh I pulled the Magi knife and put it to his throat Who are you?

I'm Eric I'm a Magi I am a Magi Look I just kind of ended up here I'm sort of representing the fact That we all know that the Magi took the ship early on And I'm just sort of like a piece of evidence About past events History Sad dressing all you gotta do is let me go And I'll be gone you'll never see me again I don't think so we're holding you here for a while Why but why if what What do you get out of this?

Shut up Just shut up He's slapping me in his little hands I've heard enough about your marching bands Just stay quiet until our dad gets here So what cut to the morning When Tuck finally wakes up From all the cheese and wine that he Just cheese that he had Yeah he had cheese sleeps And Victoria is in bed next to you She's got her cheek on her fist And her propped up on her knee Tuck has so much saliva in his beard In his saliva Good morning my sweetheart And Tuck like is like Oh dear And he puts a hand next to his mouth To just cover up the giant pool of spit And he's like Whoa Good to see you this morning And then he realizes that she's Totally fucking nude She's like artfully draped In the silk sheets that she has But she's definitely nude under that Okay Whoa So early So So early So much This morning Yes the sun has risen On a bright new day We shall be approaching the jaws Probably by nightfall But we will want to pass in the day of course Yes We do want to do that Yes In the daytime In the daytime Bright The bright light of day Which means We have some time to kill Okay She's sort of swirling a finger Along like She's like connecting the coin pieces In time to time To Tuck's chest With her finger And then Tuck Also realizes That somehow He's nude too You look so uncomfortable Who sleeps in a sweaty old loincloth Usually me Yeah that's usually how I do it I laid out something new for you What did you lay What It is a Burgundy Silk Loincloth Okay This is nice Isn't it?

It is nice Much more breathable And it seems you are not bothered by the cold Oh yeah No I don't really get that cold Other than the silk Would be perfect for you Okay Enjoy my sweet Okay So we're not doing anything right now or Yeah I mean Strike while the iron is hot No I don't feel like I still have a lot of cheese in me so Probably not a good thing for anybody right now Very well And Tuck like Gets up and like He does that thing where he hops to like To put his loincloth on Yeah but it's like he puts the new one on And he's like cool this is great Thank you so much And I Am Like Tuck's loincloth His original one Is quite stiff So you can't really tell What's going on underneath Yeah But you can really tell He's Really hard Oh my god And yeah So what you just leave the room Yes Grab your stuff Grab your axe and your backpack Yeah My boner smacks against the door A couple of times A couple of times Cause he goes Sorry He runs out He's like sorry I forgot my axe Sorry And my backpack Toodaloo Bye And you see that she's getting up up She's getting up out of bed as you're leaving The sheet's just falling off of her I go back one more time It's like I forgot My Boob And you walk out of the room Walk out onto the deck The cold air of the north Mercifully Taking care of any weird situations Anyone else might be a part of Holy shit Wow Holy shit I know right Who's this?

Oh my name be Gerard Oh Gerard dude Oh my god I just saw Victoria Blanchnagel And it is Quite a sight Oh god yeah Yup Do you know where my Uh What's it called? What are they called? The Family Family is Family is Maybe on the clear water Okay cool I'm gonna go over there okay?

I Cool Don't care what you do Okay Don't point that thing at me And we cut to the clear water Yeah Tuck Doesn't even use like a gangplank or anything He just hurriedly takes a leaping jump across The two decks And uh You get to the other side you find Maggie Billy and Ving And Maggie sees you in the Burgundy silk loincloth And starts laughing immediately Oh no Is it that bad?

It's just It's Hanging there It's like a little Fancy handkerchief Okay guys You just wear Whatever Already You've been You've been married for She looks at a wristwatch She's apparently wearing Twelve hours And you're already wearing The clothes she sits out for you Wait what? We I just proposed We're not married We're engaged Oh Oh Tacoma What?

Maritime law my boy Tac you're married You're married No No Tac There was no priest There was no Doesn't have to be Captain is priest and parishioner both Neither of us Cut off our pubes And threw them into the holy flame This isn't McCall Your rituals have no play on the seas And she reaches out Very sarcastically And grips your hand in both hands And goes Many happy returns to the groom She said that she Kills a lot She A lot of her exes Are dead Yup Okay She's got a long list of Deceased lovers Fuck Fucking fuck Yeah but they didn't have A family behind them Maybe They did Some of them Yup Some of them just Just excited loners Some of them Wealthy noblemen Wealthy noble women Whoever kinda Hoves into view really She I Yeah Okay Well She Okay Um Okay Yeah God You guys didn't Did you No no no Consummate No I drank too much cheese last night Uh But Jing and Billy both nodding Oh yeah Cheese dick Yeah You got cheese dick But uh Uh I I'm trying to think Of what to do But I saw her boobs So Yeah All I can think is the word boobs I know you get that way When you see boobies You know what We can think about this later Boobs Boobs Boobs Boobs Boobs Boobs Boobs Boobs Boobs Boobs Boobs Just throw me overboard I want a shark to eat me Well I'm not going to do anything that you want Eric which is his name Don't say it like that Is this a magi?

What are you doing here? What am I doing here? I'm undercover As a sailor? But Roth is dead dude What? Roth is dead Oh sorry I forgot to Mention the really important part to you Fuck He's been dead for like a while Yeah a month You didn't feel it? I did I didn't know what it was He's gone I think you're kind of alone in this I cannot be the last magi There's no way I think a lot of them might have Passed away Or scattered How do you think we got this?

Magi knife Alright now I really want you to throw me overboard What? Roth is dead for real Oh yeah I hold up the vial I have some of his tattoo Yeah he extended himself too far In the fight And uh We tried to save him but he He decided he would rather die Uh We gave him like a A Macallan burial What was he trying to do? He thought he was bringing balance Yeah that's what he told us He was doing But he was trying to get the power of the moon His eyes widen a little bit?

Yeah No Yeah No He was trying to take that power into himself Using Ving's blood Oh my god Lord of the flame Alright Well And he His hands are tied by his sides But he kind of goes Well Like shrugs Yeah But his hands are just down by his knees Well that's it for me I'm done I'm done I don't wanna I'm not I'm done What do you mean you're done?

I don't wanna do I'm I can't go back to Macall There was already sort of a fractious situation within the Medjay And if I go back they'll kill me So What do you wanna do with me? Where's your home? Here I guess On the boat now I can't I was born Raised in Macall Joined the Medjay I can't go back Can't go back Burned two of my hands Too many bridges Literally? Uh well And he goes Flicks his hands out And there's a little poof of air Not literally but Why don't you just cut me loose?

And then I promise Not to kill you Cause I have no reason to Do you Really promise? Yeah I promise Do you pinky promise That you won't ever hurt us? Well you gotta Ever again? You gotta free my arm if I'm gonna pinky promise You can pinky promise from here Can I? Is this binding? We will show you trust He sticks out a pinky From by his knees It is binding Okay Yeah I promise not to hurt you Do I have to roll for it? What does it say?

I don't know if you do This says when Oath when someone promises something You may spend a point Oh I'm a fairy child Oh yeah Okay so that's So if you have any fairy child left I do Okay Alright yeah I promise not to hurt you Only pinky promise Uh huh I unlash him Alright Fix up his leg Sorry about that Oh It'll heal in a couple weeks Yeah Okay well I'm gonna go Get some grub And see What the captain needs Or something Take it slow I uh Pull a bunch of cheese cubes Out of my pocket You can have these If you want No No Okay Keep them Those are for you You're a growing boy Bye Bye Thump Drag Thump Drag Thump Drag Maybe we should put a referral Into our ship counselor For that guy Yeah He just lost a lot Wicker is purring happily On Billy's lap Good to see you Wick Oh right You can talk to me We can all talk now Oh shit Because you all have the rings Wow Thing it's so nice to see you again So nice to For I didn't know it was possible Got even More Beautiful Can you believe that I'm doing all of this With just Rat meat I can You're always a wizard in the kitchen Oh my god I'm just resplendent Just a second I put the ring My ring on Maggie for a moment Hello Marguite It is So amazing to see you I Defended this vessel With my life She reaches down And she just Grabs You know when you grab a cat by the head Cause you're like I fucking love you so much You don't No Tuck Abdul has no idea what I mean And also Tuck doesn't know you Yeah He doesn't really like cats that much And she's like She reaches She kneels down And kisses Wicker on the forehead She's like You did an amazing job Wicker rubs her face against Maggie's And she hands the ring back I will I will be I will be borrowing that for sure I'd love to talk to my cat Anytime you want it So Now we're reunited What are we doing?

Are we taking the ship back? Are we gonna kill them all?

So here's a question For you guys Uh huh We're going to the vault right now Uh huh Uh On the ship Yeah But we don't need to We could take the Thunderbirds And just go do that Uh huh And quickly And then come back and meet them And then we'd be Picking up with our Pay Paying her Uh Off with the reward for me Yeah But what if we cut the ropes That are attached to the other boat We just Float away We just have your boat back Here's the question is Do we think we could win a naval battle Against Victoria LaBlanche?

The answer is no Yeah So should we just Play the part? Until we get there? I guess so But we could also see If we want to just Take the Thunderbirds right? We can tell her that We need to go do this first And we'll get her Her money faster Yeah I suppose so She's canny though I'm not entirely sure That she bought the Thunderbird display Entirely to begin with What?

Well she didn't need to It was so real though It was very impressive Absolutely But she is She can see through Anybody It is a little showy Thing says Uh huh Uh huh Uh huh Uh huh Uh huh Uh huh A little gauche maybe So we got two options Uh huh Either we see If we can convince her To let us take the Thunderbirds Up to the vault Or we do this whole thing At Bicey Let's try to convince her Yeah I think we should At least see her Alright So you're gonna go Talk to Victoria?

Yeah Yeah And she is Striding about the deck Being very captainly Mmhmm She's actually She's standing On the front of the boat With one foot up On the thing With like a spyglass Looking to the north And Tuck goes up to her And is like Hey babe Uh Quick question Yes my love My Altamorels Oh I You're What? My sweet summer breeze Oh yeah My Uh My Dirty Winter storm Fuck No actually It's pretty good What do you desire of me?

You'll have me mind By the answer Oh that's great Because I Oh That's great Oh that's perfect For I have Also I have a question For you What is it?

How would you feel Hypothetically If Me and the boys We had We have a thunderbird You saw it We take that thunderbird Her name is Gale Nothing weird happened Between us It's ancient history Uh And we We fly up to the vault And we do the thing That we want to do It's pretty quick And then We can fly back here And then It's Faster You'll get Your 5000 coins faster We can just head Straight back She holds up a hand To Cheer City Old Cheer Wherever She's shaking her hand Back and forth No no my dear I would Love nothing more Than to take this quest With you I could not bear To part from my sweet Ocean lily I will defend you With my life And I Cannot bear The thought of you Going to this Dangerous Arcane place alone Risking your life Without me By your side Stepmom Uh We would protect Him with All of our lives And oh no But uh What to protect Who would If you protect him With your life Who protects your life I must protect your life Your sweet Dear stepmother Step Wife In-law One of your Entrustee crew And They need you here Also Kind of Low-key You're not Invited Oh no no You do not understand My dear brother-in-law It is not that I am not invited It is that You are not Not permitted Oh um Oh But But But We could parlay Stepmom Yeah let's parlay We could parlay with something What does she want?

More money What if we offer To bring her with us To the vault Well yeah But she Is way too interested in Magic I'm gonna use One of my fairy childs To charm Victoria Mmm Oh Stepmother Do we Really need Your permission And if we do We would We would be Ever so grateful And I would be The best step Son That you ever saw And Tuck Like leans in He's like Babe I'm so sorry But I kind of Promised them Before I even knew We were getting married That we were gonna do this Yeah he promised me This trip Yeah look at him He's so sad That we might not Be able to do it And he's got Big eyes That are like Sparkly You can see Her eyes glitter When she looks at Billy's glittering eyes Billy uh Clasps his hands Together in a little prayer And then like Kicks his small leg up Yeah And a squirrel Like runs across He doves A little finch Lands on Billy's shoulder Please Uh and Billy You see Her face Undergoing A process That You've seen A couple times before She is really Fighting your charm Whoa And she grits Her teeth And she You see a tear Forming In the corner Of her eye Ah You do not Understand I cannot Allow you To reach The vault Before me And her hand Is like Shaking As it's moving Towards Her sword No Stepmother And I put my hands On her Hand I also was going For her hand And Billy's like Pushing it And he feels resistance He's like This always works Yeah you can feel Just sheer Force of will And she's Gritting her teeth You can hear like Her jaw Like pop A little bit And her hand Darts to her sword And draws her blade Whoa And she lunges At Maggie A perfect Fencer's lunge Whoa What do you do I kick The hand that's Holding the rapier To get it out of her hand 2d6 plus dexterity Oh fuck The worst stat Seven Shit You kick her hand As she like Lunges at Maggie And it just like Arcs up and cuts Up her cheek Whoa And she takes the spin And she kicks it up And uses the momentum To spin kind of Around the outside And you can see That she's coming To lunge at you now I get in between The two of them I pull up some wood From the deck Okay yeah So Elemental mastery 2d6 plus con I failed I got six Oh I'll I aid I cling on to Victoria's arm And I say Please Stepmother Yeah totally So you just roll 2d6 plus bond It gives me an extra Second to pull Up some wood Nine Nine So that's a seven Instead of a six Yeah so you have to Choose one from the list Of elemental mastery The effect I desire Comes to pass I want to take her Rapier into some wood Like a shield So you don't Maintain control And you pay nature's price Uh yeah The sword pierces Right through a board Yeah Like she hits it Right on the seam That just sends it Through the wood And splits the wood Oh yeah And Tuck like Steps into it And like Takes the rapier In his like gut And like grabs Her wrist And he's like Uh Till death do we part Ving just says that Before I have a chance To get anything else Till death do You To part Uh yeah So you gotta roll Unencumbered unharmed Oh yeah In sickness And in death Twelve Twelve Wow So on a twelve plus You I take half the damage That I would've gotten Otherwise And then on a ten plus You also defeat Expose or frustrate Your oppressor With your stubbornness Okay First you're gonna roll A d12 Twice and take the better Okay That's ten And that's three So you're gonna take Five damage Okay So yeah The sword sinks Into your torso But it doesn't Really hurt all that much Strangely But you do feel The blade sink Into your side Okay And now you're separated By a length of steel And boards from the ship And then he knees her In the stomach Oh Jesus Christ Oh And she is kind of She puts a hand on a knee She coughs up A bunch of phlegm Yeah After getting hammered In the chest I am sorry my love But I cannot allow you To reach The glacial tower Before me And her crew Draws weapons She reaches into her boot And pulls out a long Stiletto And they charge And that's where we're Gonna end it for this week Fuck yeah Oh cool Sick I'm your game master Sean O'Hara Joining me as always Playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdulaziz So long everybody Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Oppers Take care And playing Fat Billy The Halfling Thief Jessica Tai Why didn't it work?

I mean it It kind of My move It kind of did I love it Yeah But I guess we'll learn It works to expose What the fuck she's doing Yeah Yeah It was good Okay goodbye for now Thank you to Aaron Reed For our incredible intro And outro music You can find Aaron's Original music And his newly released album At aaronreed.bandcamp And you can find All of the music Produced for the show At the Speltlore SoundCloud And thank you to all Of our supporters Around the world Without whom This show would be possible If you want us to support The show You can join us At patreon.com Slash speltlore Or speltlore.com Slash money please To get access to Bonus content A whole bonus campaign Using World of Blades By Dwan Figueroa Featuring the Cool Treat Kids In the High Spear Mall Merch Gift boxes Streams And a whole whack of shit So yeah Check us out Patreon.com Speltlore Slash speltlore And thank you Finally to you For listening We'll see you next time And so ends the tale Of adventures three Who tried the best they could Though dumb and scared And lost they'd be For time's abreast In revelry And though our journey May be like a conclusion We'll find out We will not leave you Without a resolution Return next week To hear some more Whilst you commute Or do your chores And for you I'd gladly Speltlore

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P-a-t I'll start over sorry it sounds like a fucking Alta Vista ad gather round friends let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold a brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old you know them by name you know them by deed their quests are famously daring so here I sit singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute he knows not his home he loves to sing and fight fingers half-elf he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief his tiny size does mask the largest heart best of all and braves they may not be but their friendship outweighs their smarts so gather round friends and listen close for the tale's about to start hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore I'm your game master Sean O'Hara and joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdul Aziz hey everybody why are you blasting a flashlight in your open eyeballs because I want to wake myself up and light is good at that oh my god I can my eyes hurt watching you do that that's bad playing Ving the half-elf druid Paul Oppers give me that thing no I love it playing Fat Billy the halfling thief Jessica Tai hello should we just turn on a normal light no Abdul wants to destroy his retinas what if we put what if we came to a compromise and we just put the flashlight in the middle of the table well I don't know if that's a good idea I have kids who don't smoke weed dude so awake guys I feel so awake right now you do actually look quite awake how is it what do you got you can't see anything you just turned the glass you can't see anything oh my god wow how are you gonna know when you roll snake eyes again I'll feel it that's what he rolls his snake eyes he will understand that when he picks up dice it is going to be two ones when he rolls them this season is the snake eye season for me for sure it really is it's 100% it is when last we left our heroes they received a gift from the thunderbird cloud piercer in the form of their long lost fanny pack yeah thank you the fanny pack it's back they flipped it open hopped inside and found their living arrangement almost exactly as they left it with a few small changes the plaque underneath the portrait of Morris Wadge which originally read master of arcane architecture now reads a man ahead of his time one of Ving's jars was moved a couple centimeters to the right touch my fucking jars and Billy's scrap heap of a bed drawer untouched no way to tell if it was changed at all because it looks like a raccoon lives there already the gourd is rotten too yes the gourd rotted yeah the fuck gourd the porn gourd which definitely because a lot of other stuff like the ice and the ice chest didn't melt a lot of the foods are exactly the way they were yeah so it's not like something that Tuck did to the butternut squash it must be what caused it to rot in the first place I mean all I did was make a wish on it I didn't do anything else I just made a wish on it make a wish on it?

Yeah do you guys not do that?

That's not what I call it but they hung out in the fanny pack and Ving began making a paella in honor of their somewhere in the world friend Mears I attempted attempted to make a paella it took about 10 hours and it turned out okay he forced us to stay awake until 2am I am so sorry Perel and Maggie arrived Perel extremely hung over from his magical libation meditation session and slept on the couch passed out that's what my dad used to call it magical meditation libation session yeah Billy and the gang investigated the danger room flap after Maggie questioned what it might be really doing everything they could to just poke and prod this hole in the tent without exposing themselves to it without exposing themselves to danger somehow Tuck moved the visible wall of nothingness yeah Billy tried to tie a crystal to a string to throw it under the flap and see if it did anything but it just came up against a space that did not exist until Tuck took his axe shoved with all his might and made the crystal disappear possibly outside this plane of existence I'm so strong I popped something out of our universe I gave the universe a little hemorrhoid a little bit of prolapsed reality yeah that's how much of a fucking piece of shit I am when you did that forcing the crystal through Perel got so mad that he had to study yeah he grabbed some books and he did a bunch of studying as the paella was made Billy and Ving went out on the cliff while Ving communed with the spirits attempting to get some sort of information from the waning man knife finding that the knife seems to have the potential to act as a sort of compass directing him theoretically towards pieces of the moon which according to cloud piercer and tuck's bardic knowledge might be key to the thunderbirds ending the reign of terror that the storm is waging on the planet yeah everybody went to sleep tuck had a dream about allison but woke up in the uh nest and arms of a thunderbird named gail who just had a nice conversation with talk about how much she enjoyed sleeping in the same nest as him before taking off yeah uh and you went and talked to perel who explained that he believes morris might be somewhere in the tent yeah that's interesting like perel is probably excited even if he doesn't want to admit it by the idea that morris might be in the tent yeah what is more likely is that the hot spot that he used to leave the material plane is contained within the tent somewhere or within one of its uh realms many folded up rooms exactly there was the thought that the portrait of morris was either morris himself or contained morris in some way thought is a very strong term to use strongly assumed and the party decided to actively fight each other to try and get to the portrait after we fought each other to get to the flap yeah uh and it ended with ving pitching billy at the portrait like a cantaloupe yeah uh knocking the portrait from the wall of the tent revealing a safe oh yeah very elaborate make that billy then used his uh thiefy skills to very elaborately undo realizing that he had two choices to make one of which would trap you in the tent but one of you one of which would release a danger of some kind of danger and the other would trap you in the tent he went with his instinct and the entrance remains open and the flap to the danger room rose revealing a darkened entryway and a growl and that is where we find ourselves now what do you do can I speak to the growl sure oh gross sorry about that wet part can we do that again no ving says that to the ving sorry sorry sorry you hear um like and then what looks to be a rectangle made out of various materials with like a ton of little metal legs on either side gross big spider starts yeah not not so much but it's like that footstool dog from beauty and the beast kind of yeah it looks like an ottoman made out of like metal and wood and then with like a bunch of like metal and wood and then with like a bunch of metal and wood and then with like a bunch of like brass pointy legs like a like so many legs and it's like crawling out of the door oh my gosh it's a void creature is there a way to tell if it's dangerous 2d6 plus wisdom 6 minus 1 is 5 wow so tuck I guess tuck is probably the one that's looking right at it standing in front of it and it stops and you hear like a bunch of grinding and whirring like inside it and tuck goes uh and as you do that a bunch of compartments on it open up and then it expands and gets really long like it just it it's like the back half doesn't move but the front shoots out like a millipede and it and it like a duck's penis sure and all of its legs expand like along its length and it charges right at tuck and kind of grips onto you and starts wrapping around you oh god I take that the axe and I try and slice through it as it wraps around me roll a defy danger dexterity to move your arm before it traps it all right bone dice do not fail me so that's uh four okay roll a d12 this isn't fucking safe so yeah it's a six so six damage as this thing's metal legs like god grip into your flesh and it just it wraps around you but now your arms are like locked by your side you're constricted by the thing I want to stick the spear on the ground like just by its head as it's trying to go up him you know and then reef back and grab its head you can try and work it in there it is already wrapped around him yeah okay you can try and definitely pry it off I'm gonna try and peel the this thing off tuck like an orange yeah so uh 2d6 plus strength oh wow are you kidding me this is fucking bullshit I got 13 it sucks so don't worry tuck I'll help you you're welcome tuck is yelling about how angry he is yeah so you jam it in there and he's charging up the flashlight again he's stabbing it into his own eyeballs terrible so it wraps around tuck ving moves forward the spear you like jam it in between tuck and its body as maggie is like leaping across the room to try and help you yeah perel is trying to get away from it because he has no weapons he is not you know he's also probably seen this thing before he's probably seen sketches of it yeah it was like no way uh so yeah ving you like peel away it's yeah it's like head section leaning back with it it's still got tuck around the legs but it's like your axe arm has been freed so tuck's arm is free billy and this thing which you see like as a thief your natural inclination is like look at all the mechanical well that's what I was actually just sitting thinking I kind of want to use tricks of the trade with my hair pin to try to like take apart some of the gears oh like if I can find a gear to use it's kind of a struggle because some of the gears.

Oh, that's really cool. Like if I can find a good spot. It is definitely occupied with Maggie, Tuck, and Ving right now, so this is a perfect opportunity. Yeah. I'm going to do it. Give me a Defy Danger Dexterity first, just to make sure you can get up on it. Ten. Perfect, yeah. Okay, then give me Tricks of the Trade. Ten again. Beautiful. Are you fucking serious? This is so bullshit. Okay, so what are you trying to do? You're trying to like remove a segment of it, basically?

Exactly, so where it sort of sprang apart, I'm trying to take that part off near the front. Okay, great, yeah. It's a long thing, but it's like the back sixth, basically. You get in there and you start messing with the gears, just like jamming stuff into little sprockets that look like locks, kind of, and a section probably about three feet long, you like jam one more stick in there and it clicks and then falls away. Oh, and a gear falls off and I kick it across the room.

Yeah, you kick the gear across the room and a couple seconds after it hits the ground, the legs start, it's like laying on its back, but the legs start kicking. Disgusting. Uh, Tuck, so you're trying to hack at this thing? Yeah, I'm just gonna slice it in half. Uh-huh. This fucking sucks! Okay, so this five plus three is eight. Okay, so you still get to attack it, but it is gonna do another d12 of damage to you. Eight. Woof. So you do eight damage. Oh, great. Okay.

Uh, and actually, now that Billy has removed this back section, it's only gonna do a d ten. Okay. Six. Six. So the legs dig in deeper as you hack at it. Good god. And you split it right in the middle section like a bunch of machinery shatters and the piece that Ving and Maggie are holding back breaks off and drops to the ground. Gross. Yeah. Can I try to take apart some of the legs around Tuck? Yeah, totally. So it's defy danger dexterity to get up on that part. I got a five. Not great.

Okay, so you… Um, like, you start moving towards Tuck and Ving and Maggie where they're fighting half of this thing and the part that you just knocked off flips over onto its legs again. Ugh! And it's now more, like, dog-sized but it rushes at you. Oh, jeez. Yeah, and you see that, like, parts that you've broken, uh, start, like, ejecting. Oh my god. Like, it's removing broken parts of itself to make itself more mobile. Yeah, so do I have to take damage? Yeah, you do. So it's gonna…

So this is just a tiny section, so it's just gonna do a d6. Six. Fuck! They're really sharp. It tackles Billy to the ground and is, like, holding him down and a bunch of spinning gears on the front, like, cut into you. Ooh, my little fat cheeks! Oh no! I know! Cheeks! Can I fight with honor and roll to get some holds? So my superior technique? Uh, yeah, absolutely. Plus con. Thirteen. Yeah, so you get whatever billion points of Ving Chi. Okay, I'm gonna use my superior technique.

And I can deal damage to a foe within sight, so while I'm holding this thing off, I wanna be able to deal damage to the guy that jumped on Billy. Yeah. I can do that by the clog that you kicked over. I, like, flipped it up on my toes and, like, run it up. You know how, like, Aladdin runs that apple and then catches it? Oh, yeah. He does this, like, gets his clog to run up his body, and then ninja stars it into the thing that's on Billy. Do you mean clog? Clog is what I have been saying.

Clog is a type of… It's a shoe of my people. Yeah, okay. So Ving has… He's got his clogs on that he left in the tent. Okay. And he uses his wooden clog to get this, uh, metal beast stuff. You're talking about the gear, though, right? No, I'm talking about these shoes that I made. Okay, alright. Very well. So, yeah, you just have to roll your damage. You spend the hold and then deal your damage. Great. And my damage is a D10 because I'm using the elements because I'm using my wooden clogs.

No, no, no. Clogs of his people. Regular old damage. Nice try. It's a D6. It's a D6. It's a 2. 2. So, I mean, it's a small piece. So it's enough to, like, the clog… You kick your shoe up into your hand and then throw it at the… I hit it off my head. Doink! Yeah, you headbutted at the little, uh, Ottoman automaton that's on top of Billy and it is, like, knock-free.

Actually, in fact, this is a very small piece and you hit it and it flips over onto its side and it goes like, pang, pang, and ejects and it becomes two even smaller pieces. Oh, God! But so now, it's about… Each piece is about the size of, like, a microwave oven. Huh. But, uh, they're still mobile. Okay. Am I at all free? Uh, I think your arms are free now. Okay. But my legs are still wrapped. Your legs are still wrapped with, like, a lower section of it. Oh, right.

Because I was trying to get to it and I couldn't. Okay, Tuck yells to Billy. He's like, throw me one of those crystals! Um, the balls? Yeah. Call them by their name! I say, goodbye. I give it a kiss. Oh. I throw… It at Tuck. So Tuck just takes the axe and then tries to slice through it to see if, like, the shockwave of magical energy will, like, kill this thing. Ooh. EMP it. Interesting. It's like, yeah, it's like an EMP but made out of magic. Interesting.

Because it's like me cutting a lithium battery in half, basically. If you do that, those shits will blow up. Yeah, it's just, it's, it's, yeah, it's just interesting because there's zero precedent for this. You know what? Defy danger wisdom. Okay. Yes! You can do it! Because that is, because I, we're using, we're using this as a, like, is this gonna work kind of thing. Okay, here we go. I like this a lot. Son of a fucking bitch. What the fuck? Eight. Okay. Hey!

So, so that means it is gonna kinda work but there's gonna be a complication. It blows me to hell. No, it's not like that. Like, I'm not gonna let you guys basically create magic grenades. You know what I bet it is? Is, so you see the crystal arcing through the air and you swing at it. Yeah. And you do connect and it shatters cause it is kind of a stone. Yeah. And whatever it was about, like, your axe blade striking the stone, there is, like, a bit of an explosive effect. Sick. Wow.

You don't even see the force it creates. You just see the effect that it has on the creature. Which is? You see light of a similar kind of bluish color that we're used to with, like, magic light. Uh-huh. Burst through, like, a couple different spots on the body. And that segment, the parts that aren't damaged do fall to the ground and they are motionless. They, like, wind to a halt. I picture it like, it's almost, like, instantly rusting it. Yeah, totally.

So the segment around your legs falls away and there are parts of it that are trying to move but for the most part it looks like it's if not destroyed, it's slowing down. Cool. Yeah. I pull it off of my body. Yeah. And I go, fuck you. Yeah. And Maggie is trying to pull what's left of the top half off of Ving after he throws the clog. I'll use one of my holds and break free from the bonds. Just like, ah, get off of me. Yep. You're free. Billy? Has the safe open? Actually, yeah.

You see the door is just a little bit open. I'm gonna go to that and see if, like, there's something in there. Defy danger dexterity because the two really small segments are right next to you. Okay. Six. Eight. I, okay. I get away from the one I'm at and then I go and stomp out these guys. Mm-hmm. Yeah, ten. Yeah, so you're able to sweep one of them away on the seven to nine. Billy, you can still go, but one of them is, like, skittering after you. That's fine. I will try to avoid it.

Uh, how do you avoid it? I, um, I'm going to parkour off of the couch halves. Okay. Defy danger dexterity. Just back and forth. Yeah. Nice. Ten. Okay, yeah. You give it the runaround. Uh-huh. You're doing some flips and tricks off the shattered garbage and it's trying to follow you, but every piece of the couch it grabs onto, like, crumbles underneath it and its legs get stuck in the wood. Oh, yeah. So sick. Yeah.

It's also having trouble tracking you because it doesn't make sense how you could move this fast given how chubbs you are. Yeah, totally, yeah. It's like… Wait, what? Wait, why? Yeah, and the smaller segments are much less effective and advanced than the bigger segments, so it's just like, well, I can't… Where is he? Yeah. And you climb up on the mantle and the door to the safe is just cracked open a tiny bit. Yeah, I'm hoping there's something in there that I can use to fight this thing.

So you open the door. Well, you grab the edge. That's open and you try to, like, tug it open and it opens in a very complicated and overly stupid way. Okay. The door does open, but it's like, instead of just swinging, it, like, folds in on itself and then unfolds again and… I see what Perel means. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. And inside is… What's inside? What do we think? We have to decide? Yeah, what do we think? Oh, my God. The pressure is huge.

I mean, if it were up to me, it would be more swadged, but I know… That's too intense. If it were up to me, it would be a Pizzone, but that's too intense. We can't introduce Pizzones into this setting, guys. What is a Pizzone? It's half pizza, half calzone, or aka just a calzone. I don't know what you're thinking. Isn't a calzone already a pizza? Well, a calzone's already half a… It would just be half a pizza. Jessica, your mind is actively blown. I'm just upset. Yeah, what's inside?

What's inside this safe? Oh. What? I mean, this is, like, not useful for us at all, but you open it, and it's, like, a portrait of him and Aquaria and Perel. It's just, like, his most special thing. Oh, just sentimental shit. Just garbage. I mean, I do like that. Yeah, that's actually good. Like, what would he keep in this place? Yeah. So there's, like, an oil portrait. It's all cracked. It's all cracked, yeah.

There's a bunch of, like, sealed envelopes with letters in them that he's definitely read a lot. Cute. It's… The portrait has, like, you know, university vibes, like, first year, kind of, like, they're very young. I was gonna say, there's a sealed letter that he never sent. Yeah. Oh, nice. And then there's just, like, oh, you know, there's a ring and, like, a dried flower plant thing of some kind. I'll take that, too, for a thing. Yeah. And, uh, underneath you, you hear as this thing… No!

Okay, I'm gonna trap myself. I'm gonna trap myself in the safe. It's just instinct. Yeah. A hidey hole is literally the size of me, and I squeeze myself in. Okay, 2d6 plus wisdom. Billy's body takes on a rectangle shape to feed into there. No, I got three. Oh, no! That was bad. I'm gonna use a fairy child to turn… Oh, thank God. To turn a failed roll into a seven to nine.

Okay, so you close the door, and it's very complicated, even closing it from the inside, and as it's just about fully closed, you're like, wait, I'm gonna fucking lock myself in here. Oh, right. So you just, like, stick something in the gap. Like, you jam one of the letters in the gap just so the clasp doesn't close, but then the little segment starts pushing against the safe. Like, it's trying to get in, but it doesn't understand how to open the door. So you're safe in here.

It's on the other side, but you're not locked in. But you just hear, like, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, and you see its little creepy, like, blade legs trying sticking through the crack. I'm using one of my knives. I'm holding it shut, and I'm using one of my knives trying to stab the legs out. Stabbing me? I'll stab at you. Yeah. That's what I'm saying to it. We almost stabbed you.

So, Tuck, yeah, you've got this segment kind of shattered and not destroyed on the ground, but it looked, actually, as you're watching it, now that it's been slowed down, you do see that it's still trying to eject damaged portions, but it is, like, really slowly moving its legs. I want to use an ear for magic. Okay. When you hear an enemy cast a spell, the GM will tell you the name of the spell and its effects. Take plus one forward when acting on the answers.

Can I use that to figure out how this thing works? Based on what you saw when you hit it with the crystal blow, you can make some assumptions, yeah, that each part has some sort of magical fuel in it, but that when they are all connected, they sort of network and become more effective, but when they are separated, they are much, much less effective and stupider and slower. Okay.

So you would guess that if they are separated, they are easier to destroy, and you want to get whatever is inside their machinery. Okay. So the answer is probably brute force. Alright, well, you came to the right restaurant, is what he says to the thing, because I'm serving up brute force, steamed with a side of asparagus. Lift his fingers and put them on his eyebrows. Smooth down his eyebrows. I really thought that that tagline was going somewhere better, honestly. Alright, roll it.

2d6 plus strength. It's just laying on the ground in front of you. There's another one that's attacking Ving, right? Yeah, Ving and Maggie are struggling with a large section and Pirell has started to come back into the fight. He's got a broom and he's like bopping at one of the smaller ones. He's trying to, you can see he's actually trying to turn it over onto its back. Oh, smart. Yeah. Smart guy. But I'm going to cut this one in half, see if I can get the power source. Just roll your damage.

It's not even moving. Okay, here we go. You're rolling 2d6. I said just roll your damage. Okay, well, 2d6 plus strength is 12. Are you not, can I not be heard? Is that what's going on right now? Is my mic off? He needs successes with the dice. Now I'm going to roll my damage. Eight. Great, yeah. Yes. Yep, and you just overhand swing, but now that it is here, you can choose to potentially expose yourself to damage of some kind for extra damage. Hell yeah, I'll do that. Okay.

Just like peeling it back with your fingers. Oh, right. Yeah, I get in there. I get really close. I don't try and protect myself at all because again, there's no burning tree in here. Yeah, so you can roll another d6. Okay. Six. Okay. So you smash the one in front of you to flinders and you like get in there with you like you see a piece glowing and you reach down with your hand and rip it out and something drips onto you and you realize your hand is like burning.

So you're going to mean so you're going to roll. I think there's just a d8. Okay. Five. Yeah, as your hand is just like seared by whatever weird magical fluid is in here, but that kind of damage that you did with the d8 or the d10 and the d6 like you've got much left over that you could just walk over and lay on the segment that Maggie and Ving are holding. Oh, yeah. Actually Maggie yells out Billy's in the safe tuck like just walks up and like he's grabbing a tarantula.

He just like swipes the pieces that are on the safe and crushes them and then rips the door of the safe. I brought like four knives in my hands and that's part of the damage I take is Billy swipes out. I'm sorry. It's okay. It's okay. You're the thing. It's okay. It's okay. I figured out how to kill them. You take out this goo. Your hand. Let me take that. I put it in a mason jar. Well, Ving is still no Maggie, I guess is just grappling with that remainder piece.

Well, I wouldn't squish that other one. Remember I broke free. So you're free. So Maggie is there. She's got one on the ground. Okay. And she's like just kind of stomping on any piece of it that she can get at. Nice. I come over there. Just kill it. Just do whatever you got to do. You look like you're doing fine. She like is straining every muscle in her body. Her shirt's been like ripped on the arm and she's bleeding from her cheek. Wow.

It's just amazing seeing you in action just after all these years. Damn it. Myself and all the fans have been waiting for this moment. She snatches your spear out of your hand and jams it up into the body. I got snake eyes. She jams it into the body and a bunch of liquid spurts out of where she stabbed it and splashes onto your chest. Oh, God. Roll. What was it? A D8? D8. Yeah. Four. Okay. So you take four damages. This liquid splashes onto you and burns away your shirt and abs.

Burns away his abs? Yeah. You get a little ab burn. Oh my God. And the thing is mostly destroyed as everybody just goes around and smashes the remaining parts. It kind of turns into a fun party at that point. Yeah. And Perel is just like kicking at the one that he flipped over. Oh, bad. I was going to say how Vin Nagila starts playing. Just awful. Can't believe you actually made this thing. Fucking terrible. Smash, smash, smash. And then quiet. Wait, is the danger room still open?

It's just dark. I'm going to put the toggles back on. Ving unrolls it. Okay. Clasp, clasp, clasp. Maybe that was the only thing that was in there, though. Yeah, but this is Perel. But maybe it's still not open because that was the thing that was supposed to keep people out. So I guess you can't just be silly to just have it and then be able to walk through into the rest of the place, right? I put my hand into the darkness. It just like follows where you're putting your hand.

Like the hand disappears into the blackness, but it's like not shadow. It's just black. And then you pull it out and your hand's still there. Yeah. Guys, check this out. I have no hand. Look at. Do it again. No, no, no, no, no, no. Stop. I grab the rotten gourd. I throw the rotten gourd at it. Oh, okay. And then Tuck's like, here, check this out. And then he shimmies the back of his body. So then it only has head is sticking out. It's like you're disappeared.

Maggie is laughing and Perel just has his hands on his head. Bing goes over and he's like, okay, watch this. And he goes, oh, whoa. He looks like he's tossing Tuck's head back and forth. And then Tuck's moving his head to get get out of there, please. Why? Get out of where? Oh, get out of there. Get out of there, please. We don't know what else is in there. Bing goes in and hides his head and then makes it look like his body is on Tuck's head. Does Bing pass all the way through? No. Okay.

What do you see in there? Absolutely not. Do you hear anything? When you put your head in. His head's in it. Yeah, it's total blackness. But I can hear him and I can speak. Yeah. Okay. You can. I see absolutely. It's really cool. I see cold. Does that make sense? Billy sticks his head into it. Yep. Absolute pitch darkness. Oh, wait. No, Billy, here, stick your head in and we'll pretend my head is on your body. Okay. Yeah. Oh, God, this looks good. God, I wish you just… Bryn, take a picture.

Right. Yeah, we stick our heads out like Alvin and the Chipmunks style. No. Get get out of there. Okay. Sorry. Close it, please. Okay. Toggles, toggles, toggles. Oh. And then Tuck's like, oh, no. I dropped my library card in there. It's gone. It's gone, Tuck. Your library card is gone. That thing was awful. Oh, and Billy's patting around. Oh. Also, I found this letter in the safe. Oh. And he takes it and it's sealed. And he goes, this is Morse's seal. Why would he…

I don't think I want to crack it open right now. Why? I don't know what it's going to say. And? I don't think I want to know. Do you want me to read it? No. Well, I can't read it. I can just open it for you. Bryn holds it up as Billy tries to get to it. No, get away. I found it. Yeah, but it's… I found it. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. I was a beneficiary of Morse's willing testament. It's mine. It might be addressed to you. Oh, it is. It says it's addressed to me. Does it? It says P and A.

P and A. Who do you think P is? Pissed. Pissed. Fuck you. Pissed. Pissed. We have other stuff. Don't we have to go… We just fought this horrible fucking thing. Yeah. Oh, God. But we're like invested in your relationship with Morse. Oh, in that case, let me fucking flay myself in front of you. There's other stuff in here. It's you and Morse in Aquaria. He's pointing into the safe. Which ring is this? It's just a ring that Morse used to wear all the time. It was like a…

Like a trades ring, kind of. Ew. Things slowly, things slowly. What's it on? I didn't mean to put it on that finger. I put it on my middle finger. Just… Yeah, whatever. Are we being mean to you, Perel? No, you're not being mean. I know that this is just how you guys are. I'm sorry. And then Billy empties his pockets of the, like, dried flowers. And he's like, I was gonna give these to Bing, but you can have them. Oh. Whoa. What are they? I don't know. Just a bunch of stuff I found in there.

Perel? Perel? Yeah, no. This is, uh… Like, he picks up one of the flowers. This is a, um… My God, what are they called? Marsh Dodger. This is a flower from the Riverways. Oh. This is where we… We had a really nice day there a long time ago. Morse was acting like an asshole. Acting like, oh, there's bugs everywhere. There's… My boots are getting fucking muddy. He was being a real prick about it, but… Was Morse from Pinewood? He was from the Firefields, yeah. Oh.

And I guess he picked a flower. Didn't tell anybody. Just dried it. Lame. Yeah. What a loser, right? Anyway, I'm sorry about the danger room. I just got really excited. No, that's… It's okay. I don't think anybody… I honestly didn't… I'd seen sketches of this thing before, but I didn't think that Morse ever actually made one. I'm kinda… It was kinda cool to see, I guess, but horrific at the same time. He called them century-pedes. He thought that it was…

He thought that it was like the future of armed security. Uh-oh. Yeah. A bug? That's stupid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was. What can a bug possibly do? Tuck says, and he's shredding. Bleeding. There's like a little puddle of blood underneath him. And a big puddle of blood coming out of him. Anyway, let's just… You know what? And he walks over to one of the pieces, and he starts kicking it, and he kicks it over to the entry to the danger room. Oh, yeah.

And kicks it into the dark, and just starts kicking all the pieces through the doorway. I've gathered up some of the goo. Just throw it in there. No, I'm keeping this goo. Oh, okay. That's what I do. Sure. Do you know what this goo is? Yeah, it's like a thalamic transference fluid. Oh. Yeah. I don't know how much good it'll be now that it's out of the thing, but… You'd be surprised how often this stuff doesn't come up again. Yeah, exactly.

Like all of Ving's many, many Schrodinger's mason jars. What did he keep? What did he not? Nobody knows. Oh, man. I need a forever jar. I mean, now you've got your… Because remember, the tent functioned as a bag of holding. Right. So now you can shove all your shit in here. Yeah. Slash Airbnb. Yeah, exactly. An Airbnb bag of holding. Airbnb and B&H. Yeah, so I mean, the room is there. You could continue to investigate this pitch black magical darkness. But also, what else are we doing?

Well, I think we should kind of clean this shit up a bit and just push all this broken shit into the danger room. Also, that's a great garbage. Oh, no. Now you guys just have a garbage room. I was going to say, that's probably what it is. Yeah. I think so. This is just a forever compactor. Yeah, we also haven't really had an opportunity… Like, because there's no bathroom in here. Oh, God. Remember, we were having to shit in that bucket. And now we can just put the shit in the danger room.

Yeah, or you can… If we just stick our ding-a-lings and bum-bums out… Yeah. We can just shit into the void. Don't shit and or piss directly into an extra-thalmic space. I go get the commode and put it right in the void. I go get the commode and put it right in the void. I go get the commode and put it right next to the space. Billy is already taking a little wee-wee. Oh, God. It's like an art. Can we all take a family piss in the woods, but into the… This is great.

Well, I mean, isn't our next step go to the north? Yeah. Yeah. Now that we've finished shitting and pissing into a magical darkness. What do you mean finished? Finished. Thank you. Uh, so yeah, uh, you guys are all suddenly surprised by the appearance of a massive bird's head sticking into the tent. I heard a commotion. So you waited for about half an hour after the commotion? Well, to be honest, someone told me about the commotion after I'd arrived.

I'd gone out for my morning scout and I'd arrived late. But everything's alright. Everyone is… Ooh, you look… Oh, Tacoma. Yes. You look damaged. I am. Interesting. Come here to me. Let me see if I can aid you. Okay. And he bends down and his big, long, pointy bird tongue pokes out and he starts licking all your wounds. What's happening? Yeah, it's very ticklish. I mean, this is what I do when I'm injured. So I think that this should help. For Ving, this feels insane. Like an inspired animal?

Watching the tongue gently lash Tuck's rippling muscles. This is doing things. Is it healing? I mean, in over a period of days or weeks, it should aid in the healing process. Magical. It's kind of just drinking my blood at this point. Your blood is delectable. Thank you. But, be that as it may, what now? Do you wish to travel northward? Yes. We all just got really well rested. We're all ready to go. Back up to full HP. Excellent. Then, when you are prepared, please join me in the outside world.

And Perel actually goes, wait, wait, wait. I remember how this works. I'm going to stay in here. Ah, okay. And Maggie's like, ah, should I stay in here? I mean, up to you. Yeah, I'm going to ride a bird. And she comes out. She just starts walking outside. And Perel settles it. He grabs a book off the shelf and cozies out. I love that. All right. Tell me when we're there, I guess. You know what? Don't bother. I'm going to make a tea. Oh, man. I miss this thing so much.

The only change is Billy's not allowed to carry the fanny pack because he's the one who lost it last time. And that is a thing that Billy has imposed on himself. Yeah, I was going to say, we are like, no, we trust you. I can't do it again. I can't let you down. Again. Yeah, we're standing on the cliffside and the fanny pack's been folded up and Billy's just holding it out. Someone much more responsible and capable than me must carry it. And Tuck pushes Vink to the ground and grabs it.

And he stuffs it in his little backpack. We're really teaching him awful habits. You're putting a fanny pack in your backpack? Yeah, I'm not going to wear this thing. I'm not a fucking nerd. Puts it in tiny leather backpack. Okay, so you're standing on the cliff and Gale and Cloudpiercer stand before you, preparing to carry you towards the north and the glacial tower of Adderneck Allwater. Hey, Gale. Hi. Good to see you again. Sorry, I had a whole fish in my throat just there. How are you?

Did you have a good day? Yeah, it's a pretty good day. Nice, nice, nice, nice. Thanks for giving us a ride. We really appreciate it. Yeah, no worries. You don't have to make it weird. Look, we slept together. You what? Yeah, we slept in the same he shared a nest with me. I look at Cloudpiercer. Yeah, they slept in the same nest. It is a very vulnerable thing for a Thunderbird to do. Oh, I see. The human languages, the double entendre might be at risk here. There was no sexual contact.

You don't have to scream that. There was no sexual contact. And that echoes off the cliff. Contact, contact. Sexual, sexual. That wasn't even the last word he used. First word and then a bunch of words he did not say. It was like, Tuck did not have sexual congress with a bird. In Sheer City, everybody looks towards the mountains as the word sexual, sexual. And then like half an hour later, it reaches Old Sheer. Sexual, sexual. It cuts to Oleander at the mill as his ship is being.

Stands up and looks to the skies. I was going to say Storm and Norman Fox's head. Sexual. But also, you have to understand Thunderbird. Like, you have to be able to speak to animals. So it sounds like a bird cry, but any druid was like, the fuck was that? Savarna hears that on Hibernia. She's like, that's, I know who that is. That's about to. There's no way it's not. All right, everyone. We can agree. Now that it was not sexual. Sexual, sexual. Sexual. You gotta stop saying that word, dude.

Now, mount up and we will begin. Mount. Mount. Mount. Mount. Sexual. Mount. And we will begin our journey northward. I got on Gale's back. Settle in there, big boy. God, what are you doing? What do you mean? Just get on. I'm on. Get in there. What? Stop. You gotta stop doing that. Stop doing what? I'm a bird. I have no frame of reference for what's making you uncomfortable. I look back and I'm like, does anyone want to ride with me? Sure. I grab onto Gale's foot. Hop aboard, little boy.

Thank you. All right. Now, and she looks to Cloudpiercer who nods. Yes, we begin. And he spreads his wings and takes to the skies. Sick. Is Maggie on Cloudpiercer? Yeah, Maggie's on Cloudpiercer with Ving and then Billy and Tucker on Gale. And they take to the skies. Oof. High up. Gale is a little bit faster than Cloudpiercer, so she is pulling ahead, but you get at a comfortable clip. Billy's eyes are watering so much. Tuck's wearing glasses so that he his eyes don't water. Nice.

Billy sees Tuck wearing glasses. He's like, oh, yeah. So he puts his little binoculars on. And it works. Yeah, of course it does. His bill of flight Googles. And yeah, you're carrying on through the skies. You're above the cloud cover, so there is just like brilliant blue above you. The sun shines in the sky. You know, the clouds continue on for miles around.

Cloudpiercer says, we can fly above the cloud cover for a short period of time, but throne breakers flock may be anywhere in these skies, so we'll have to descend below the line to stay out of their sight. Okay, sounds good. But we must avoid the eyes of the human folk. Not that we are a secret, but also, you know, we kind of, freak them out. Perilous wild.

All right, so we're gonna, you know, you fly for a couple hours, the wind whipping at you, but the brilliant sun in the sky warming your skin against the ice cold air of the upper atmosphere. It gets to the point where Cloudpiercer and Gale are kind of like soaring back and forth. Like, they get very comfortable and they're just like, like dipping their wings into the clouds and pulling up streamers of condensation behind them. Cool.

They just seem to be enjoying themselves and enjoying the presence. And Ving, you feel a feeling of contentment wash over you from Cloudpiercer. It seems like he's remembering better days when you guys were together. Also, Ving is brought to a wonderful memory of him and Shia. Oh, yeah. And Tuck is thinking about how many people here might think he bucked this bird. Hey, I just want to make it super clear that we definitely did not have any sort of mating. Contact.

You gotta stop talking about this, Gale. Why? Do you not want me to clarify the situation? You're clarifying it so much that everyone's thinking about it. Oh, God, you humans. Yeah, don't worry about it, alright? It's just, it's all cool. Okay. Alright. Watch me check him out. I'm gonna put the afterburners on and she flaps really hard and jets forward for a moment. And then Tuck goes, wow! Yeah. And Cloudpiercer's just like, fucking show off. And then he flaps really hard.

Billy's sitting up there thinking about taxes. He's like, I wonder how many taxes Pearl got from me. Probably a lot of taxes. How long was Billy paying taxes for? Quite a while. You know, definitely since McCall, at least. We lived in McCall for a long time. I wonder what I could have done with all those taxes instead. And then he's like starting to get mad. He's like, you know, there I was at all. Day breakfast. And all these taxes I paid could have paid for all my all day breakfast. Pearl.

The only breakfast. That was a real slow burn on you getting mad about this. That's great. Pearl. And at this point, Cloudpiercer and Gale nod to each other and they begin their descent through the clouds. And your vision is blurred for a moment as you enter the gray cover and you are freezing. Jeez. It's so cold in these clouds. Oh gosh. And you come down and you see glittering off to your left the shore of the Sea of Graves in the distance and the mountains on the right and tundra all around.

Boreal forests, though small copses because you get this far north and even trees have trouble growing. There's a lot of dead plant life and you see like a herd of massive shaggy animals. Whoa. Pondering across the plains below you. Oh, are they rhinoceros? They are rhinoceros. Glittering horns of transparent ice on their heads just traveling in a herd across the tundra. Yeah, cool. They say their horns have magical powers. Who said it?

The people that heard about it, you know, the druids and stuff. They talk about it. Oh, okay. Should we go get them? No, no, no. Leave them be. And then you guys look over to Tuck and he's like magical powers. And he does like a hard dick gesture with his arm. Maggie puts her hand up to her ear. What? And then screams. It gets you hard. And all across the north echoing sexual, sexual, sexual ricocheting back off the mountains. How does the echoes work? This doesn't make sense.

And at this point we are going to undertake a perilous journey. So we need someone to navigate. And someone to scout ahead. Can I scout ahead? Yeah. Okay, cool. Absolutely. So it's 2d6 plus wisdom. Okay. Sweet 11. Fuck yeah. And then we need somebody to navigate. I'll navigate. Alright, 2d6 plus intelligence. 8. Perfect. So on a scout ahead on a 10 plus you choose 2 from the list below. 1. You get the drop on whatever lies ahead.

You discern a beneficial aspect of the terrain such as a shortcut shelter or tactical advantage. You make a capital D discover. Or note a sign of a capital D danger. Yeah, the first two. So I want the drop on what lies ahead and the short tactical advantage of some kind. Then Ving on a 7 to 9. The GM chooses one from the list below. You happen upon a capital D discovery missed by the scout. The going is slow or you wander off course or you encounter a danger.

Whether or not you're surprised depends on whether the scout has the drop on it. Which he does. Billy spots it long before. Anybody else does with the help of his bill noculars and as you're coming up, Billy, you see the shape resolving of two ships traveling towards the jaws. Humans humans. He's always laughing at kills. What is it? Gail? There's human boats up here and they tuck back up into the clouds a little bit to kind of stay out of sight. Just into the tip of the gray. Yeah, exactly.

And as you get closer, Maggie kind of you Ving, you feel her grip onto your shoulder and she leans forward and you hear her say in her ear. No fucking way. Who is it? Who's the boat? It's a clear water. One of them is the clear water. Oh shit. Fuck. Who stole that again? The pirates. I don't know, but I know that that one's the fucking clear water. I discern realities. Yeah, you can discern realities to the six plus wisdom six single aid. Yes. I'll aid. Yay.

I'll aid by helping you by like grabbing you and popping you out beneath the cloud beautiful to be six plus bond 11. Oh yeah. So you get a seven. So you get one question. Who's really in control here? So Billy, you see a ship kind of sailing off in the side and a little bit in front of the clear water and the boat itself is very pretty. There is a lot of like ornamentation like gold inlay and like fancy. Very pretty. Pretty fancy figurehead on the front. Fancy figure.

And everybody on the ship is wearing like very bright colors. They're wearing costumes. And there is a lot of ornate like there's a lot of fabrics and different kinds of decoration on the deck of the ship itself. It's like a party boat. Is the other one Victoria LaBlanche's boat? Is this a grad boat? Is there any like logos? Because we remember we said Victoria LaBlanche's like logo is like the Louis Vuitton. Victoria LaBlanche's merchandise has a V and an L.

It would be awesome though if her flag was like that. There's a flag flying from the top of the mast. There's the pirate flag. That looks exactly like a shirt that you saw a guy wearing in the fort. And then the other flag has the pointy letter and then another pointy letter but the one that is like this. And then Billy shoots his hand up. Billy's little finger and thumb come up through the clouds. A backwards L. Yeah. Or a seven. Yeah. It's seven but upside down. Victoria LaBlanche.

It's Victoria LaBlanche. The sexiest of all the pirates I've never betted. Oh my god. What does this mean? Who is this Victoria LaBlanche? Gail is jealous. No this is Cloud Pearson. I know. I don't care who Victoria LaBlanche is personally. I don't give a fucking shit. I don't care about her stupid boat. I can fly. Gail it sounds like you care a lot. I don't. I don't care. Oh! So what? Should we fucking destroy their ships? No. Victoria LaBlanche what's her deal?

She's like She's like one of the top pirates. Is she like a pirate that sold out? No she didn't. No it's the opposite. The captain's council in Fort Four Frost wanted her to join and she refused. She loves like doing her own thing. Yeah. She's very flashy. But she is mostly known for being a very feared pirate. Cool. A very flashy ostentatious person. Sick. Are we gonna like try to get the clear water back? Like. I fucking hope so. That's my goddamn boat.

Wait isn't this kind of a waste of time though? Cause like we're on our way to the thing that we're doing. We're gonna be in there in like an hour. Yeah. Maggie think about it. Okay. Think about this. Wicker is on that boat. Oh my god. We got. Billy jumps. Yeah we got him. Yeah Billy jumps and uh Billy jumps. Billy jumps? Yeah. Okay Billy begins plummeting through the skies. God. Tuck jumps. Oh no. Bing jumps backwards. Gale looks at Cloud Piercer and Cloud Piercer nods. Yeah.

And Gale dives right through the clouds and she is rocketing past you like a peregrine falcon. Wicker! And she spreads her wings. And catches both of you. No! What the fuck are you doing? Let me. Let me at her. We're gonna go get. We're gonna go do it but you don't have to kill yourself first. Oh. Let's make a plan. Billy you can't just jump off of a Thunderbird. I'm sorry. As he passes. Yeah Billy. Cloud Piercer rockets past you to go and catch Bing. Are we. Are we. Are we just going?

Is that what we're doing? Are we attacking these boats? Uh. We can be smarter than this a little bit. I mean. Now that you've both dived below Cloud Cover on two massive birds they've probably seen you. Cut to the deck of the ship. Yeah. Ah. Captain. There's a gigantic fucking bird. And we see the back of a head. Long blonde ringlets turn and look up. A big floppy hat with a huge feather on it. And then we cut back to the birds. Whoa. Teaser. Yeah. Stop the press. Who was that? Yeah.

What are you guys doing? What's the plan? What if we just try to like look super cool and then just ask for the boat back? Yeah. Cause like Victoria LeBlanc is like into like showmanship. True. And Cloud Piercer can perform. Yeah. So yeah. What if we like do a cool fucking thing. Put on a little show stop. And then just tell her hey give us back our fucking boat. Take it away from whoever fucking loser has it. Cause he's probably a little fucking what? Dingling. Dingling.

Took us all the way to get to dingling huh? Yeah this is a plan. So let's just. Is this a dumb plan? Cause this is literally just the first thing I thought of. I think it's the greatest plan. No dumb plans are our best plans. I mean I think trying to get her attention first is a good. That's a good move. Don't have to think too much beyond that right now. Yeah. We just want to fucking look cool as shit. I could light myself on fire. Oh yeah that's cool. That's pretty sick. Cool.

You know what I'll come back as like a phoenix cause I'll elementally build myself up in the fire and fly through the sky a little bit. I love that yeah. Okay. And I have this and he pulls out a music bottle and he uncorks it and it's sabotage. Oh. Terrible. We can't escape this song. Why would you want to? It's a great point. Okay then someone's gonna have to roll something and describe to me what you're doing. Yeah. Well they're all down there on the ship.

Why don't I try and I have stormed a quiet and set the stage. Oh. So they're like ship and there's creaking and there's waves and they're like and they're like but if we like. Build basically like a sound studio around them and quiet like surround them in grey mist. Yeah. Make it quiet and set the parameters of our stage. I like that and we can actually use the thunderbirds to pull a storm-ish kind of thing in to like make them feel like isolated like it's like an immersive experience.

We could do like a real three amigos style thing where we're like fighting off the thunderbirds cause they've already seen the thunderbirds. What if we come in as the heroes and like get out of here damn thunderbirds. That's a good idea. That's a pretty good idea. Yeah. So how are you doing it? I'm just to start I'll set the stage. So I think that's 2d6 plus what? Con. Con. 8. So on a 7 to 9 with Eye of the Storm. It affects only what I touch as long as you are touching it. Yeah.

So what would that, how would that limit you? I'd have to land on a boat. Oh yeah. Okay. I don't want to land on a on fire and sink their boat. No but you could like fly in as a phoenix and then land and rise from the ashes. And then rise from the ashes and then do the Paul Bettany from A Knight's Tale thing. Right. Where you are on the boat and then all of a sudden like the wind dies down and you go. My lords. Yeah. My ladies. Are you not entertained? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Great.

What else are we going to do? I think Billy, Tuck and Maggie are going to pretend to fight the thunderbirds. Yeah. Yeah. Great. Or we'll ride one of the thunderbirds and pretend to fight the other one. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So you're explaining this to Gail and Cloudpiercer. Yeah. We'll ride on Gail. That's easier. And then Cloudpiercer's like super stoked to act. Yeah. Like a bad one. You act like one of the bad thunderbirds. Me? Yeah. The villain. Alright. I love it.

And then get like lightning. Pull the storm around their ships. So they feel scared and get lightning to strike nearby. And Gail you're going to buff your wings like this and make a big wind gust. And then you guys like fight with lightning. You'll be on your backs doing stuff. Can you guys do that thing where you lock your talons and you spin in the air? We can try. We can try. As long as no one will get hurt. Well I can't promise that thing. I am a powerful creature. Gail laughs.

And Gail's like and I'm horny as fuck. I'm a bird. I can't be horny. It's not possible. Thirsty yes, horny no. All I want is crackers. And you know what? I'm going to be totally honest. This is the most thought we've ever put into anything in the entire podcast. It's kind of baffling. Like I don't know what to do because you're all thinking about it so much. We'll take it from here. Should I? Oh. Yep. Should I use like willow the wisps to add lights and effects? Yes. 100%.

Because you can create convincing illusions. We're mysterio-ing. Oh so you don't even have to create the storm. Billy can just make an illusory storm around you. No but to make it feel real. To add real danger so the bike bolts might sink. No but like okay because I can use willow the wisps. To create magical like minor magical light effects and then I can also create a convincing illusion with fairy child to make it like I don't know more dramatic more intense. Yeah.

So maybe we'll make the lightning with the convincing illusions and then we'll use the willow the wisps to make like. I'll pretend like light weapons. Right. And we can also use it to create mood lighting on the ships. Yeah. Yeah. Alright. I like it. Okay. So Vanguid first roll elemental form. Tuck's like and I can use this bottle of music I have. Right. Yeah. I thought Tuck was pretending to fight. Yeah I am. Yeah. But also I have war cry.

So when I enter a battle with a show of force a shout a rallying cry or a battle dance roll plus charisma on a 10 plus take plus one forward against. That's great. And our enemies feel fear and act accordingly which is what we want. Which is Victoria the Blanche. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. These are a lot of great ideas and you guys are refusing to roll dice when I tell you. Like we said we're planning this for the first time. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So Vanguid. Wait now hold on. Okay.

So Vanguid has to shape shift because he needs to land on the deck to start the whole charade. We just made it too complicated I'm realizing because there's no shit. There's a series of dependencies now that all the roles are working. You guys specifically were like these are the moves that we have to use. Yes. And all of the failures that are about to happen. So Vanguid is going to take an elemental form of a phoenix. Yeah. Great. Perfect. I've got 12. Great start. So that's three hold.

You sheath yourself mostly in moonlight as was established. It's so fierce. It's like white hot welding light. It's like tig welding white. Yeah. Exactly. So you're a brilliant white bird. A falling star. As if a star falls towards us. See the pirate's voice. Yeah. A star falls towards us. And with the dampening. The dampening and the quiet. Yeah. And the clouds moving in. The white light. Boom. On the thing. The superhero landing. Skids along the deck. Comes to a stop.

Moonlight flaking off of him. Burst into wild flames. First. Like blue hot. And a bunch of swords are out and pointed at you. Boom. Down to the ground. An ashen lump of a man falling. Flames darted. Flames out. Uh-huh. Rise slowly. Clustered with like little clumps of ash naked from this pile. Nice. Now stand fast whoever you are. You have came upon the deck of Victoria La Blanche. Hello? Oh, dude. Where am I? You are upon the white net.

The vessel of the most feared pirate in all of the Sea of Graves. Victoria La Blanche. And she steps forward. She's got, uh, what is she wearing? She's got long curly blonde hair. A big… Lace up heels. Or heel boots. Oh, yeah. Lace up heels. To her thighs. Yeah, all the way up. And underneath that is just like leather breeches. So it's leather from toe to waist. And she's wearing a silk sarong over that so it flows in the wind. Yep, totally. Then what's her shirt situation?

I'm imagining a billowy white shirt like a pirate. Oh, but it's like silk and it's like really low cut. Yeah. Super hot. Yeah. With the crisscrosses, laces. Yeah. Off her shoulders, yep. A cape of some kind perhaps or no cape? Maybe a shoulder cape? Yeah, the straps are attached to a shoulder cape. Cool. They're also silk and they fly in the wind. Oh, I like it a lot. And then, uh, long blonde hair in curls. A maroon hat that like flops down on one side and up on the other side.

Giant ostrich feather. What's like face situation? What's like makeup? Does she have an eye patch? Beauty mark. Oh, she's got like stars painted all down her face. Oh, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then at her hip she has like a jeweled rapier. I knew Abdul was waiting for something. You beat me. You're on the wet net. The vessel of the most feared privateer in all of the Sea of Graves. Victoria La Blanche. What realm have I landed in? This realm?

I do not know its name, but I know that it is my home and it will be sword out. Your grave, if you do not speak fast, visitor. I come with a great warning and a kind of like a watch this vibe. I'm not gonna lie, the things that Ving are saying leads me, Sean O'Hara, to believe he may have already forgot the plan. Do you remember the plan? Yeah, that they're gonna, where I'm here to to be like, you are in great danger. You know not how close to death you are. Hold fast in these waters.

Let the seas calm around you. I have still the winds upon your sails for heroes approach. For heroes approach. He looks up, he hears Tuck. For heroes approach. Heroes approach. Thunder. And then a crack of lightning. And Billy's up there like doing his thing. I just imagine him like He's like pew pew and then he winds up his hand and he throws out one of his will-o'-the-wisp balls. Nice. Yeah. It hits a cloud piercer. It makes a shadow in the clouds. Of a giant beak. This huge like Oh!

From the ships. Everybody on the deck ducks and goes Except for LeBlanc. She doesn't move an inch. Ving snuffs out all their flights, all their braziers and candles. Swords clatter to the wood. And then we feel like an eerie glow from like some of the mood lighting that Billy's getting. Tuck on the top, in the clouds, on the bird is getting scared. Billy sends down a fake lightning down to the- just near the boat to spook him. Oh yeah. Yeah. So loud. And cloud piercer dives out of the clouds.

And everybody that can understand cloud piercer hears him go, HARK! For now comes your doom! And Ving's like, HARK! For now comes your doom! HARK HARK! And he gets really low to the water and the water's like shooting up around him from the force of his air. Yes! From his wind. Yeah. And he passes right by the boats and they all tip on their sides almost. The force of his passing.

And he swoops around and everybody dives out of the way and comes wheeling around just on the inside edge of the storm bubble that you've created. Going, I am death on the wind. I am destruction incarnate. And then Gale comes out of the other side and goes, Nuh-uh. Wait, no, I got to do a voice. Nuh-uh. And Tuck and Billy are on the back of Gale. Yeah. And Billy, Tuck is doing a crazy war cry with this song in the background. With a huge ball of light surrounding his axe. Yep.

And throwing lightning all over the place. It looks like it's charging a crazy amount of electrical energy. And I'm about to do my fucking war cry. That's 13. Okay, yeah. And I go, as the song goes, I go, And I shoot this fake lightning at Cloudpiercer. Which. Hits him straight on and he flips in the air and starts falling through the sky. He plucks feathers out of his chest. Yeah, with his own talons. Yeah. Pulling his feathers out as they flow through.

And he goes, I have been struck by death blow. I must retreat from the force of these mighty heroes. And he flips onto his side and recedes, dives back into the clouds. And I touch my hand on my chest, have my eyes closed, and I'm like, he is slain. And then Bing starts clapping. I'm very encouraged to clapping. I don't realize I'm still making. And Gale comes down and flaps above all the ships and lands on the front of Victoria's ship and it like tips in the water. Sick. Yeah.

Stay back, everyone. Look out, everybody. I'm dangerous. Don't get too close. She just tips forward and we tumble off. Yeah. Flips you up. And Maggie lands on the deck with you. Yeah. Maggie is… Stonily quiet. Oh, right. Because it's her ship. And Victoria LeBlanc stands before you. Your grace, it is I, one of your saviors. Billy's really nervous, so he's doing his extra mayor voice. Yeah, totally. Ah, an incredible display that was of heroics and martial prowess. Bows. Then… So hot.

I wish she didn't bow down like that. Excuse me, madam, for our hero here. He needs respite. What is your name, little bear? My name is Fat… Fat William. I am Victoria LeBlanc. She holds out her hand with, like… It's glittering with rings. Billy, uh… Takes one? Yeah, takes one. Are these for everybody? Thank you. She smiles. And you? She holds her hand out to Ving. I am the Spirit Walker, the fallen star on ships afar. Ah, Spirit Walker. I've heard your name.

On the lips of many around the world. And you? Large water… Warrior? Hi. She holds out her hand. Will you marry me? She smiles. She's the ringer from W.A.S.T. Yeah, the ring that Billy stole. Yeah, he takes it from me. And he slips it back on. She smiles and takes her hand out of your hand and kind of runs her hand down your cheek and says, Y'all, this is not the first pre-peso. I have received. And not the last. I will refuse. Okay. Victoria LeBlanc, a pleasure to meet you. Brutal. Okay.

And she moves to Maggie and says, Who is next for me to meet? And Maggie is standing there stonily silent. And you all kind of know what's about to happen before it happens. Her hand clenches. Her arm is like shaking. She wheels back and punches Victoria right in the chin. Oh, shit. She takes it. And there's silence.

And Victoria, one hand resting on the pommel of her sword, dabs away a little bit of blood at the corner of her mouth with her thumb and says, Maggie, girl, it has been quite some time. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. Whoa. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome to a barbarian, Abdul Aziz. So long, everybody. Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. Take care. I'm playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone.

Thank you to Aaron Reid for our intro and outro music. You can find all of Aaron Reid's personal music at aaronreid.bandcamp.com and all of the Spout Lore music produced on the show by Aaron at soundcloud.com. Thank you to all of our amazing Patreon supporters around the world. You can support the show at patreon.com slash Spout Lore or Spout Lore.com slash money please to get access to a whole bonus campaign, bonus content, audio stuff, world building, writing, merch.

We actually just started a new merch partnership for our $25 and up patrons with Fantasy by Numbers. So every quarter you get incredible custom-made merchandise from the fine, fine folks at Fantasy by Numbers. And we also just opened a section in their shop that is just Spout Lore designs. Yes. Designed by Jessica. Yep. And we're working on a, uh, wooden pins, uh, bookmarks, bookmarks, advent calendars, advent calendars right now for Christmas. It's amazing. Yeah.

Uh, so yeah, check that out at fantasy by numbers.com or Spout Lore.com slash merch. And, uh, thank you to all of you for listening. We'll see you next time. And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for times of pain and pain. For times of pain and pain. For times of pain and pain. There's a quest At least, about a Thank you.

If you like our show and you'd want, and you want to hear some more of our show or similar shows or content that didn't get into the show, go to the Patriot and there'll be some of that over there. Oh, that was good. You bailed on yourself. Gather round friends. Let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold, a brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name. You know them by deed. Their quests are famously daring.

So here I sit singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute. He knows not his home. He loves to sing and fight. Fingers have health. He shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief. His tiny size does mask the largest heart. Best and brightest. They may not be, but their friendship, their ways, their smarts. So gather round friends and listen close. For the tale's about to start. Hello, everybody, and welcome to Spout Lore.

I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdul Aziz. Hello, everybody. Sorry I yelled at you, Jessica. Thank you. Playing Bing, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. I'm also sorry I yelled at you, Jessica. Thank you. Playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Thank you. When last we left our heroes, they arrived at the outskirts of Sheer City, part of the free territories of the North.

They arrive at the city and stop at Yorick's, a motor inn on the outskirts of the city, run by an old ass orc named Yorick. Run. Possibly run into the ground by. Yeah. Possibly squatted in by. Yes. Also, orc is in quotation, marks too, because he was really asserting that he's for sure an orc. Definitely specified a lot. His orcishness. They spent some time in Yorick's, a dusty old motor in with no other customers or visitors of any kind.

He upcharged them on everything or tricked them into paying for multiple things, including a bottle of alcohol that he just referred to as old blue, which we then all decided was distilled with the magical waters. Uh, found in the frozen North soaking up magic from long, long ago and locking it in the ice deep beneath the surface. Perel slammed it, which sent him into a drunken stupor slash, uh, drunken master, drunken master vision.

He was absolutely plastered and used his ion candle to meditate on a subject using something called the boundless thought principle in which he folds his mind into many minds. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. There are many possibilities at once. He came to suddenly said, I know how to get my magic back and then immediately passed out. Uh, and Ving was a penis on his forehead. I mean, everybody took their time to draw a penis on Perel's forehead.

And then we rolled him into the recovery position because we're friends. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Leaving him to, uh, to heal in a previously boarded up room that York cranked open for you with mirrors on the roof.

Roof and shag carpet on the floors Ving attempted to help by calling on the elements and spirits and instead received a troubling vision of Cloudpiercer the Thunderbird in danger fleeing towards the city of Shire running outside to see his friend Ving saw Cloudpiercer descend through the clouds followed closely by Thronebreaker king of all Thunderbirds oh yeah that rack focus when you zoom that you move the camera towards a character and zoom at the same time on his face as Thronebreaker came in from the clouds behind him oh yeah like this yeah and Ving took on a magical bird form made of moonlight ice and concrete gravel parking lot debris yeah garbage Tuck and Billy hopped on and rose into the skies passing through the cloud cover and finding a pitched battle a Thunderbird civil war of sorts the storm itself lashing out in fury a battle was undertaken Tuck did a Thor Ragnarok style jump off the back of Ving's bird form it was the coolest thing I've done probably all season yeah it was amazing yeah I said it's gonna be painted on the side of a van someday yeah oh absolutely before I jumped I said someone draw this I told the fan I said someone do fan art of this and then Tuck yelled remember me and jumped I hope Trevor driver's doing that on the side of the side absolutely that's what he's doing yeah next time you see his truck it's gonna have an airbrushed painting of Tuck fighting Thronebreaker Tuck shattered Thronebreaker's bezoar causing the immense massive Thunderbird to flee and Cloudpiercer took you back to the roost of his forces in the mountains where you can find a safe place to rest and heal for a moment as you discussed your current quest of heading further north to the jaws and the glacial tower of Adderneck all water cool and he wrapped up this beautiful reunion explaining to you that he had recovered something that you had once lost and brought to you a simple leather fanny pack and that is where we find our heroes now he stands there for a while with the fanny pack in his beak I take it from him I hug him his neck a big wing comes up around you enveloping you in a feathery hug so this is so it is it's this is yours then right this is yours there's only one way to find out and then Tuck flips it open and whoop whoop whoop whoop it unfolds into a tent it's our house it's there's only one way to find out Tuck says again and he walks inside and on the shelf is a butternut squash absolutely rotten I like the idea that it's gone through the rotten phase into a dehydrated perfectly preserved it still holds some of that shape yeah hot what was I doing with this Tuck says was I jerking off to this or what was the thing Billy looks away I don't want to talk puts a hand on your shoulder yes yes you were was I yeah you were like you bought that gourd because it was the shape of a woman and you were like it's for me laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing okay so by way of an actual reintroduction into the space instead of immediately rack focusing on a shelf with a rotten butternut squash kidding me no we're keeping that alright so yeah you head back in and you see almost exactly as you left it a sitting room with couches and chairs a fireplace a painting of a very arrogant looking wizard with mutton chops and a mustache mustacheless beard above the mantle beneath is like a brass plate that morris put there it says morris wadge a man ahead of his time you know what it because I remember it did say morris wadge master of arcane architecture but it does now say morris wadge a man ahead of his time wait what yeah the plaque says something different what yeah and uh you see a kitchen a small kitchen with a little potbelly stove cupboards a drawer that is absolutely full of stolen rags and uh various detritus like forks and spoons and stones yeah smells like a barn in here it does and it still has like the charcoal uh circle I drew around it being like billy's room right all your handprints yeah yeah it's got a flap on the other side leading to another section presumably but with a note pinned to it that says danger room do not open and it's toggles that are keeping it closed right yeah it's just wooden like tent toggles can I discern realities yeah absolutely great seven eight so you get one question off the discern realities list okay I remember it being bigger thing says and then tuck puts his hand on his shoulder he's like it's because you've grown buddy what happened here recently what happened here recently uh you look around and the thing that you are like really surprised by is how much everything looks exactly as you left it the butternut squash is seemingly worse for wear for some reason but like all the stuff you go to your drawer and everything is where you put it where things were dusty where you didn't clean they're still dusty in those places and you're like oh my god I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry but there are some spots that you did dust that are undusted like it's it seems like a lot of this place is precisely as it was when you left it ving's apothecary that he had set up with mason jars yeah they're like some of those should have been gone bad they're still good yep yeah and maybe one is like a couple centimeters to the right you know but besides that wait what why the right why senate what's a centimeter thing says I don't know yeah the standard unit of measurement here is a gall's 10 there's a half empty jar of uh mirrors's red pepper jelly yeah is it still good tuck dips his finger and taste it yeah it's still good billy dips his fingers in it you realize that it was done in the mudlark style which means that it was never good to begin with it was already fermented past any reasonable consumption what else could have gone bad in here tuck starts tasting things diving into the fridge what what are you getting dice for I don't know to figure out what's gone bad you can just check you know I mean if you want to discern realities to get actual information for sure but you don't have to roll the taste of thing okay uh yeah tuck just starts tasting things yeah most stuff tastes exactly like you'd expect it to taste and then tuck goes most of it tastes exactly how I would have expected it to taste but there is a little bit of there's a little pang of like uh a heartburn no there's a little pang of nostalgia because you're tasting a lot of the flavors that mirrors used in his cooking oh billy's taking the the red pepper jelly to his drawer and he's having alone time ving's gonna try and make a what was his thing yeah I'm gonna try and make a with based on my memory in the tastings I'm gonna whip up some pie we need some food yeah we're all pretty beaten up so ving starts the half day process of making paella I'm just gonna wake up with quick paella and as you're all standing there an enormous bird's head pokes into the room is is everything all right I didn't he looks around and goes I don't know what I expected this to be but it wasn't this I remember you having a fanny pack and I forgot that it did this do you want to come in I don't think that I can I am I'm grown now I'm a I'm a man bird I'm a full grown bird man do you have a wife or a kid or something I have yet to find a mate oh so you're still a virgin I I am a warrior above all things whether or not my cloaca has kissed that of another bird is beyond here or there the battles that has been my primary concern oh yeah the storm halting throne breaker and his heralds what happens if throne breaker wins the storm scours the planet all right kills everybody yes it is all throne breaker and his wish for is the destruction of the storm well how do you win what's your plan I've been fighting so long I scarcely wonder if I remember something has to be able to stop the storm I I fear it is throne breaker's death should I spell laura yeah yeah go ahead does someone not fucking stupid you're all unfortunately stupid so I think that anybody has an equal chance wait wait a minute because I have a special move because I'm a bard bardic expert when you first encounter an important creature location or item which I guess is the storm yeah you can ask the gm one question about it and the gm will answer truthfully the gm may then ask you what legend song or tale you heard that in what are my things again gods and their servants legends of guitar heroes past and histories of the grand world would lily encounter as a god yes yeah yeah okay and wouldn't like throne breaker he's probably going to be the one who's going to be the one who's going to be the one who's going to be the one who's going to be the one who's going to be the one who's going to kind of considered a servant of those gods yeah he is a servant of the storm the store I would say that counts yeah which is a god in its own right yeah how do you stop the storm sean that's a very interesting question because there aren't any stories like this really this is all these are connections that tuck is trying to make himself based on his experiences and his knowledge god connections I have to it's just I have to go to my mind palace which is just a this is a question I'm going to ask you I'm going to ask you I'm going to ask you I'm going to ask you down pizza hut where he does brain crosswords he's just sitting like word searches in his own mind in the booth of a sit down pizza hut he's got one of those kids drawing yes tables I connect the dot he's making his own connected dots remember so many crayons scattered and broken crayons and then a menu that you can color on and everybody else in the sit down pizza hut looks like tuck but wearing different clothes so there's somebody in a pizza hut uniform that's like wait so okay so here's what I'm thinking so you guys went to this moon rock right yeah and that was like part of uh lillian's like uh mind and spirit like where savarna was no not savarna the other one under the under the tower but he goes but savarna though uh so no not that one the one under the fort oh right where storm and norman was yeah where we fought the the magi right where where yeah where we killed roth yeah so there was a moon piece down there right!

And that was like a big thing of like grief yes that infected billy and everybody while we were fighting right it made us all really sad when I smashed it with the axe yeah yeah yeah so what if the storm is connect because you're you're the knife glows in the storm yeah so what if the storm is connected to another piece of the moon oh yeah and if you destroy that would that end the storm another talk just came and put pancakes down it's like so so I gotta find whatever piece of the moon is connected to the sadness and then kill it I I don't know I guess okay it's got to be moon stuff right it's got to be moon stuff yeah and then it cuts to like what tuck is actually doing and it's he's standing there with a with looking at the knife the waiting knife and going like moon stuff moon stuff I just imagined it coming back to tuck and he's just standing there stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck It's gotta be moon stuff.

Yeah. And then it cuts to like what Tuck is actually doing. And it's, he's standing there with the, with looking at the knife, the waning knife and going like moon stuff, moon stuff, moon stuff. I just imagined it cutting back to Tuck and he's just standing there mouth agape, eyes wide, not saying anything. Bing is making a paella. Tuck, oh, he looks back. Oh, he's in his mind, Dinah. Oh, give him some time. Okay.

So, so knowing what you now know about the shattered moon and the remnants that fell to the earth, the storm might be able to grow in strength due to a proximity to some sort of fragment of the moon. Oh yeah. Cause it was initially being powered by like the eye of the storm, which was a confluence of magical energy from the sea and spirit energy from the spiritual plane, but is now out and free and just either thrashing wildly, or looking for something maybe. Uh huh. Yeah.

So we can track down the piece of the moon that it's connected to. It could potentially. Yeah. Stop it or slow it or destroy it. Or we could anchor it back in the sea of graves. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Yeah. Maybe you could find a piece of the moon and use that to lure it back to the sea or something. So I guess I tell cloud piercer that. Hmm. Interesting. Yeah. I'll share this with my flock. Cool. And we will see what we might find. But I understand you have somewhere else that you wish, to be.

Yeah. Uh, Billy's, uh, been crying into the jelly. He's like, yeah, we have to go up to the glaciers to look for a wizard. Right? Yes. Past the jaws. I can, I can facilitate this flight either personally or, or I can send you with someone else. I prefer it was you. If you have the strength, he nods. Maybe this pie will help in 10 hours. Ah, yes. The pie will strengthen me for the flight. For the meantime, rest. The battle has ended, but many are wounded. We, we need time.

So please, I will give you your time alone. Your friends will be here shortly. Okay. Thanks. Cloud piercer. He nods his big bird head and then looks like you can't see his body, but it looks like he awkwardly backs out of the, the tent. His beat kind of scratches along the ground. His big wings are flapping to try to do the backwards thing. I want to give him a, I have the bird necklace. It's made out of wood. Oh, I'm like, wait, I like run outside. Like, can you watch this stuff? Tucker?

Like, how the fuck do we cook? We've never instantly that scene in Mrs. Delphi. Your boobs are on fire. But yeah, you're standing on the edge of a, of an airy with cloud piercer towering above you. I just, I just, wherever we go, I just wanted you to be able to find us here. I've kept this close and show him the thing. And then I, I, I want to manipulate the wood and turn it into a shape of a man or an elf. Oh yeah. To change it and then give it to him to wear. Cool.

Can you remind us what this like medallion necklace is? It's a little wooden necklace that I got from Aquarius. Yeah. Right. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And then was connected to cloud piercer cloud piercer and allowed you. Yeah. To stay connected to him. Yeah. I don't know what I'm doing here, but I want to make it, um, the shape of the three of us and give it to him. And so he can find us wherever we go. Yeah, totally. We can just call that like an eye of the tiger type use. Okay, cool.

You put it around his neck. So he's got this tiny little necklace around his big, huge bird neck. Yeah. But you get it around his neck and you can tell there there's a lot, the feathers make him look a lot bigger than he is. So he's got a skinny little neck under there. Yeah. Very well. I will. I will. Treasure this always being. It is very good to see you again. Always. A lot of things have changed. A lot of things are going to change.

Remember why you're fighting with the side that you are fighting. I will. The connection's always there. And if there's anything that we can do, please let us do it. Thank you. Come back in 10 hours. I, I, I, okay. Billy, he comes running out with like pot lids, all smoking. And he's like, then you have to come back in right now. What are you doing? He's on fire. Tell me you're stirring the risotto. Tell me.

Cloud piercer watches you run back into the tent and turns and walks into his little cave. Presumably to go to sleep. Yeah. And you walk in and tuck is smashing the pot with his ex. Cause it's on fire. Putting out a fire with his ex. It's like, I've tried sneak up on me. You fucking fire. I don't see a tree in here. Stove is trying to kill me. Probably 15, 20 minutes later, uh, Perel and Maggie walk in to the tent. Maggie striding in, looking around like, oh, there you are.

Oh, I'm so glad you're safe. That was, these birds are huge. And Perel walks in behind her with his arms straight out and his legs like locking as he walks. Are you okay, buddy? They fly so fast and so high. He's so hung over and it's cold. And my head is going to explode. I'm going to go. And he just walks right over to the couch that he used to sleep on and gets on it and curls up into a ball and grabs the back of his robe and pulls it up over his head and immediately goes to sleep.

I put a bucket next to him. Thank you. And then I grab a blanket from the back of my head. I'm like, Oh, I'm so tired. There's a wicker basket full of like different fuzzy blankets that are clearly from an Indigo and I cover him with it. Yeah. And he pushes it off because too scratchy. My skin is on fire. And he starts snoozing away. And so you guys are just going to have a dinner or is there anything you want to share? Like a dinner, a chill time. Yeah. Yeah. It's 10 hours later.

Ving is covered in sweat, too exhausted to eat. She's like, there. It's like, didn't turn out that great. It gets fine. Yeah. Right. It's one of those meals where it took so much of the day that by the time you eat it, it was never going to be good enough to justify. Yeah. Billy has his pie spread out on his high chair table. He's like fistfuls into his mouth. He thinks like an actual toddler. And Maggie looks over at the danger room. We don't go in there, Maggie. What is it though?

It's a danger room. Clearly. What do you, it's the only thing that's clearly labeled in this entire, but danger room means there's something dangerous in there. Yeah. And it's a room and you just sleep next. You guys were just sleeping next to it. Yeah. Hey, I have a question. What? It, if the thing with the box that led to this whole thing that was, uh, imprisoning and she kind of thumbs over at Perel quietly was that there wasn't enough magic in the world to maintain the wards on the box.

So you had to take it to the hot, hot spot at the vault to keep those wards going. Yeah. Why does this still work? Do we Spout Lore? Uh, yeah, you could Spout Lore to be six plus intelligence. Oh, wow. Holy shit. Fucking hell. Yeah. I'm so smart. 11. Just for context, Jessica, what was your role? Uh, 11. What's your modifier? Zero. Okay. So smart, barely smart enough. Uh, okay. So, so using that information, what traditionally has continued to empower magical objects?

Uh, ice crystals, crystals, crystals. Yeah. Uh, magical water field. Oh yeah. Water arcane stuff. Wow. Honestly, when I asked this question, I thought the answer was so clear. No, we could fit tuck shots, Sean up. And he's like, he looks at billion things. Like we can figure this out. We have brains. We have brains and we have so much brains. Yeah. They're filled with knowledge. Yeah. Okay. So stuff that holds magic crystals, the crystals. And then we look at Maggie. She says, no objects.

People. Is it the PP monster water? I think I literally just said it. We were hardly listening. Oh, the vaults, the stone boxes within the vault being, uh, Ward stone where it's no way. Guys, come on. God, dude. Why are you asking such hard questions? Well, we also told you dot to tell us within the vault. Yes. Is why is the vault where the vault is? Cause it's at a tower. It's a hotspot. This tent is a hotspot. This tent is a hotspot. Is that what it is? Is danger room, wifi hotspot.

And then tuck pushes Ving to the ground and he goes, I thought of it first. Are you racing Ving? I'm not racing. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. Are you racing Ving to the wall? Danger. Maggie holds, stands up and holds her hands out somehow. I have one of those things with a rope with two balls on the end of it. Roll two to six plus dexterity. Nice eight. It means that Tuck starts running past Ving.

Ving throws a bola at Tuck. It's a bolo tie. Yeah, it's a bolo tie that he throws and starts running past Tuck. It wraps around Tucks legs. And Tuck falls but grabs Ving and pulls Ving to the ground. I grab Ving's pants and I pants all his pants down. I was going to say. His whole ass is just out now. Billy's launched himself out of the high chair. Paya flies everywhere. There's shrimp and dewy sausage, peppers all over the place. I'm going to get there first. Tuck throws a book at Billy.

Just like a plush baby book? No, no, no. He throws like a big book. He reaches over to one of the shelves. Because there's bookshelves in here. And he throws just the first book he grabs. Yeah, 2D6 plus dexterity. At his son. It's four. How does Billy not get hit by a book? The book is… Tuck grabbed the A encyclopedia, which is the biggest one. And it was too heavy to get to Billy. So it just doesn't get near him. It just arcs and hits the ground. So Billy gets to the flap first.

And Maggie is there. And she reaches down to grab Billy. Whoa, I fight back. Oh, no. Okay, yeah. 2D6 plus dexterity. Jesus. Sick. I got a 12. Yeah. I do the thing that cats do. Where he flips onto his back. So that he's scratching at her arms. Whoa, what the fuck? Let me go. Let me go. All right, all right, all right. Everybody stop. Everybody stop. And I land on all fours. And there's peace for a moment. Yeah. And Tuck's… His face is wedged into Ving's ass. Bare.

Tuck is nostril deep in Ving's holes. All right, stop. What? We already know that this is dangerous. Mm-hmm. And now we suspect there may be a hot spot somewhere in this thing. So we gotta be careful. Leave it alone. Okay? There is… Okay. A tiny fart. Okay. Ugh. Fuck. Okay, fine. We already have a thing that we're doing. We already have a dangerous wizardy thing that we're going to do. We don't have to do this right now. What would the hot spot do? Just for me. What is…

If there's a hot spot in there somewhere… So a hot spot is a place where a wizard left the world, basically. It's where they, like, fucked off and did their own thing. Maybe more popped out through there. Yeah. Through here. And it… It becomes sources of concentrated magical energy. They can be tapped. Yeah. It sort of leaks out. So, like, a wizard will be able to sense it and sort of, like, power up almost. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. And then any arcane objects will also power up.

So, like, those blue crystals you have, are they doing anything? Oh. Did I hold on to those? Perel took them. Perel took them? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the… When you went to the hound, Perel was like, I'm going to hold on to these. Okay. Because Billy kept putting them in his mouth. Oh. Yeah. Right. Because they taste kind of sour and acidy. Yeah. Like a battery. Yeah. They taste like putting a battery on your tongue. Okay. I take Perel's little pouch and I… Okay. Just relax.

I got to check something. Just your pocket, Perel. I just don't. And he just takes his pants off completely. Whoa. No, no, no, no, no. And hands you his pants. And then curls back up. He's under a blanket. Yeah. He's wearing underwear. And I pull the pouch. I'm wearing a pouch of these crystals that we got from that sniper that tried to kill us at the fort. Uh-huh. And I dump it out. Yeah. What do they look like? They look like crystals. Are they glowing more? No, they just look like crystals.

But something that you would remember, basically, is that they kind of always look like crystals unless they're being utilized in some way. Tuck puts one in his mouth. Yeah. It kind of tingles. Same. Yeah. I put the other one in my mouth. Is it more electricity? No. The ones that you have would taste the same. I light the ion candle. Wait, that one's already flamed out. Yeah. He burned that one out during his meditation. I realized that I just, it's another candle that's shaped like an owl.

It was already half melted. I shall light the ion candle. It smells like apple cinnamon. This is from Home Sense. I got it from a winner's Home Sense. There's a winner's side. I got two. I got some shorts. I thought everything was magical. But I mean, you guys being even somewhat slightly capable of abstract thought would think that these crystals, if they are batteries, as you have… They're already charged. They're either already charged or they're fully charged now being in this place.

What if I wrap, like tie a string around one of them and throw it into the room? Through the toggles? Yeah. I like that. Interesting. Interesting. Can I try it? You can try it. Let's go defy danger wisdom. Seven. Seven. Shit. Good. So I grab a loose thread from one of my rags and I start ripping at it and tying it around one of the balls, one of the crystal balls. And Ving and I are just watching you like parents that are watching their kid do a science experiment. Totally.

And then once I have like probably 20 feet of string, I toss it under the flap. Yeah. So you have to like kind of pick the flap up and like shove it under, but you push it through and you immediately feel resistance. Oh. Oh. So I kick it as hard as I can. Yeah. And you're just kicking a rock against what feels like a stone wall. Oh, this is stupid. Tucker goes, use shadow dance to push it through. Do I have it? One second. You'd have to do fairy child, but you probably. Is it a new day?

I think I'm out. I am out. I know that from last time. Oh, right. Yeah. Is it the same day? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because it took 10 hours to make the pie. Yeah. You guys have been resting for a long time. Yeah. So you're probably up pretty late. It's two o'clock in the morning. This is, I actually made, took too long to make Thanksgiving dinner when this is exactly what happened. I had to wake everyone up in the house and the dinner was awful.

It was a thing where we kept falling asleep and Vin kept getting hurt that we were dozing off. Uh-huh. Which unfortunately means that it has not been another sunrise yet. I have to wait, Tuck. Fuck. I know. We can wait. You know what? We need some rest. No. Fuck this. Wait. No. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. And Perel wakes up. I was about to shove it in with the axe. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's not going to work. I run up to Perel's face and I hold in my hands. It's not going to work.

Perel, why isn't it going to work? It's classic Thalmic architecture. What does that mean? All those words. It means that, so the danger room exists when you're opening the door under incorrect circumstances and the other spaces exist when you open the door under correct circumstances in every other circumstance, the space does not exist. So we have to open it the right way? Yeah. And if you open it the wrong way, then the danger room, but you're not opening it all.

You're trying to shove something through it while it's closed. So it's not there. Would Morris have even thought of this eventuality? Yes. Someone trying to shove something in there. Look, Morris, I love Morris and also I hate Morris more than anybody else in existence. The painting jerks a little. You shut the fuck up. Don't you say anything. I love Morris and I hate him more than anybody that's ever existed, but he was a very, is, was, he's very good at what he does.

So he prepared for the eventuality that someone would try and shove something through while the door was closed. Tuck tries to shove it in. You're not going to fucking tell me how to use an ax, bitch. Nice. What are you trying to just 2d6 plus strength? Yeah. I'm using the handle of the ax to like push it in. Yeah. Cause it's a spirit ax. Uh huh. So maybe it can slip through. But like magic and spirit is like oil and water.

So yeah, if magic is, if this is the oil, maybe it can push through the water. Does that make sense? Yeah. Go ahead and roll it. 2d6 plus strength. It makes sense that Tuck would try this for sure. Yeah. It really does. Eight plus three is 11. Yeah. So you push with all your might. Like it's like, you can see all the muscles in Tuck's body. His body's straining. He's starting to sweat. It's just the most. For a second. He's cut. For a split second. Oh my God.

He sweats out all of the water weight in his body. Yeah. Uh, for this moment, there's a field of mist around him. That's all his water weight. It's like the produce section at the grocery store where the mist machine turns up. It's this massive, like grunting, this crescendo of force and pressure and effort. And at the very height of this. This physical exertion, the ax moves an inch and a half. Suck on that. Perel. Perel kind of like starts to unhang himself.

He's, he's hang over undering himself. Yeah. And he goes, what the fuck did you do? And he goes over to where the string is and he lifts the flap. And if you were looking, you would see the string. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't do that again because I don't know what's going to happen. He's got the most serious face I've ever seen.

As an academic, as a professional, as a master of the Thaumic arts, I'm begging you to not do that again. Don't. Tuck's eyes and Abdul's eyes are flittering around the room. Should I do it? Tuck keeps pushing. Okay, fine. Keep pushing, I guess. I don't know if you're trying to lose your axe or what the deal is here. Will I lose it if I keep pushing? I don't know. Oh, can I tug on the string a bit to see if the ball comes out or not? The string does not move. Whoa, don't do it, Tuck.

Pull on this. Pull. Why did I say it like that? Pull on this and Billy holds out his finger. He holds out his finger, which has the string on it. I pull Billy's finger. No, not that. Ow. You just pick Billy up off the ground. The string. Okay, and I grab the string. I put the axe down. I start tugging on it. Yeah, 2D6 plus strength. This is like we found a fucking nuclear reactor and we're shoving gum into it. Yes, yes. You guys are throwing rocks at the elephant foot in Chernobyl. Snake eye.

Amazing. Jesus fuck. Yes. String snaps. We all three of us fly across the room. No. And I slam against that wall. My ball. And yeah, the crystal's gone. All evidence that the string was ever passing through anything is gone. It seems like the string severed at the exact point of transgression and is gone. Okay. Billy's doing that thing where kids are laying on the ground in a tantrum and he's kicking his legs and going in a circle. Like flopping around. Yeah. Just like a three. Three.

He's having a floppy tantrum. Uh huh. Yeah. I think Pearl's probably pretty pissed too. Those crystals are pretty cool. He's standing there in an open robe in his wizard robe. Open underwear tank top underneath. What? Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Now I have to. And he walks over to the bookshelf and grabs a couple of arcane texts that are there and he goes and he sits in a corner and he starts opening them and writing stuff down. Great. Awesome. Thank you. Thank you. Billy goes to Pearl.

Can you get my. Can you get my bulb? I don't know. I don't know anything that's happening in here anymore. Fucking hate that stupid fucking Morrison. Goddamn stupid ass fanny pack. Just build a house in a normal place where the laws of reality apply. You stupid bitch. And then Tuck goes over and he taps the nameplate. And he's like, why did this change? Yeah. What do you mean? This changed. This used to say something else. And now it says something else. Yeah. It says a man before his time. Now.

Before it said master of arc. Can architecture. Is he still around? Is he listening to us? Is this painting real? I, I, I mean this so seriously. I need you all to leave me alone. Sean or Pearl. That's where we're going to end it for this week. I'm your game master. Sean O'Hara. I'm going to go put my fist through a plate glass window. No, no, it's just Perel. Perel's just like, I just need you all to go away. Like 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes. I don't know. I'll get back to you.

And he kind of like crosses his legs and puts a book on his lap and seems to fall into a stance similar to the one that he took in your X and that you've seen him take like in meditation. Oh, this is, this is serious business. I just, there's a, I have a lot of questions now and I have to see if I can answer them. And I don't know what's going on in this fucking fanny pack anymore. I hate this thing. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to go. I'm going to go.

And I just need to do a little bit of work. So that hate is not going to help you work. You need to put that aside. Hate always helps me work. Do you know how much wizard progress has been made out of spite? Yeah. And what happened to the wizards? I'm just saying if you accept Morris and what's happening in the situation, the place you're in, it's going to go better than hate. Yeah. Cause you know what the opposite of hate is Perel? That. And he points at the gourd. I don't hate that gourd.

I, I, I hate that gourd a lot. I maybe put too much of the gourd in the paella. You put it in the paella. Okay. I'm just going to, I'm just going to try and do some calculations here. Okay. Okay. Do some breathing too. I'm going to breathe. I'm going to take a breath. I'm going to have a little bit more of the paella. It's it is delicious. You did a great job. We're going to leave you alone in soon. Thank you. Really soon. We're going to leave you alone. Yeah.

We're going to leave you alone soon. Perel. Pretty soon. We all back up. Yeah. And we stare at him. Is this far enough? Uh, yeah. And he just starts flipping through a bunch of books and trying to, uh, work on some stuff. What are you guys doing? I guess we could just like hang on the cliff and give him the tent. Yeah. I, I'm down with that. I also do have to sleep. I was electrocuted quite badly. Yeah. I think we need to actually rest. We can take a rest. Yeah. You guys can sleep for sure.

Maybe you can go sleep with, uh, cloud piecer. Yes. Thank you. Yeah. We can cut to the morning easily unless Ving wanted to go out and do something with a knife. I was just going to commune with the knife outside and commune with the whispers of the land. Yeah, absolutely. Great. You go out on the cliff and you see it is quite gray. The cloud cover does reach below the mountains, but you see the night sky above you, the moon, the coronet. The stars. They have the knife. Is it glowing? Faintly.

Faintly. In, in the way that it is like it, it seems to be reflecting moonlight, but not giving off a light of its own. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I want to spend time in a place making know of its resident spirits. Yep. The moon. Roll plus wisdom. You'll be granted a vision of significance to you and the spirits around you. 10 plus. It's clear and helpful. Seven to nine. It's unclear. I guess six. Six. Uh, so on a six, that's just a six. Yeah. So on a six, that's just a straight up failure. Yeah.

Can we aid him in this? Yeah. If someone's out here with him, you can, you can tell me how you're trying to aid him. Yeah. I'm out there with him and I'm babbling about the stars. Uh huh. Oh, cute. Yeah. Very cute. What's some star stuff that Billy's saying? So that one is, uh, the small bear and that, that star right there is the nose. And if you connect all the other little stars around it, it makes it like fat little body. Oh my God. I see it. Yeah. It is.

And then underneath it are the pine cone, uh, constellations. Uh, see, it's making a nest and then the mama bear, which is over there, I think might be on the other side. There's clouds everywhere else. Yeah. I don't know. Is it like a thing where Billy is like, as he's talking, it's like the thing where Billy's play becomes real and you start seeing the stars like moving. Yeah. Yeah. Like Hercules. Yeah. That's exactly what I was imagining. I love it. Uh, 11. Excellent. Yeah. Huge.

Whenever you try and connect to the spirit world, it's always, it's a very risky thing. Like you're reaching out across these places that, and it's so often been a traumatizing experience that you feel that like pressure building, like a balloon that's been blown up too much. I'm hesitating going in. Yeah. And then the presence of Billy helps calm you and pull you back from like the edge of connecting to the harsher parts of the spirit world. That's makes sense. The playfulness.

Thank you, Billy. You're welcome. I'm glad you're here. And you notice you have the knife in your hands. The blade is resting on one hand and the handle resting on the other. And you notice as you're like moving the blade around, the light is growing and dimming depending on what direction it's pointing. Hmm. Like a compass. And it's ever so imperceptible and maybe it has something to do with the fact that it's under the full moon right now. It's also my light sight. Maybe I can see. Yes.

You can see the differences in the light in that are imperceptible to anybody else. But you do notice that the light does seem to be sensing something. In the direction possibly of the moon chunk. And Billy continues to talk about the stars. And that one is based on a tiara of Rosneald. I don't, I think. I don't really. Honestly, I don't know that much about these. I'm just kind of guessing. The only one I knew for sure was the pine cones. And even then. Yeah.

As Billy continues to speak about the stars, he's getting sleepier and sleepier. Yeah. And then I fall over with my jelly jar and I fall asleep. Grab them, let them down to the ground. Yeah. Put a fur on them. And Billy is all curled up to sleep on the edge of this cliff towering kilometers above sea level. I'm stuck out here for the night. Tuck climbed into a nest and is sleeping under the wing of a Thunderbird. Oh yeah.

And you see nests dotting the cliff side and birds are coming and going like there are massive birds swooping above you and alighting on high up nests. And their wing beats fill the air as the night carries on. Morning comes. Tuck wakes up with his arms around a Thunderbird. Yeah. The Thunderbird gently kisses Tuck's neck. He goes, Alison, no. Good morning. You mammals are so warm blooded. Alison, no. Being a billiard in the other room. Billiard. Who's Alison? I got my eyes shoot open.

Good morning. What? What do you mean? Who are you? You just crawled into my nest and fell asleep. You're so toasty warm. My name's Gale. Are you a Thunderbird? Yeah. I'm a Thunderbird. I'm a Thunderbird. I'm a Thunderbird. I'm a Thunderbird. I'm a Thunderbird. I'm a Thunderbird. I'm a Thunderbird. I'm a Thunderbird. Are you a Thunderbird? I am a Thunderbird. Okay. Gale is like sky blue and she has an emerald bezoar. Nice. Wow. Shot through with like almost lightning bolt shapes. Oh, cool.

Like kind of through her back. Yeah. I got some of those too and I point at like the electricity burns across my chest. Ooh. Tough guy. Thanks. I think I might have killed Throne Breaker. Oh. Kill Throne Breaker? Unlikely sweetheart. Okay. Okay. That's fine. Very familiar. I smashed his bezoar. Oh yeah. No, you did a great blow to Throne Breaker for sure. Okay. But he'll be back. Okay. I think you knew that. I did know that, but I guess I wanted to live in the fantasy that I did more than I did.

No, I understand that for sure. For sure. Whatever. Why you ask her about her? I'm being serious. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Chest and he's like at the coin shards and he's like this is kind of like a bezoar yeah except there's a demon in it oh that sucks does it hurt and she like gets way down close and her big eye is like right next to it I don't know I never asked does this hurt you tell me bro I don't think so I think it's just in there oh cool I can't tell if he feels pain or not I wish I could tell you if it hurts but I don't know sweet well I'm gonna go get something to eat okay bye she unfolds her wings it's like an actual gale force wind like blows so much shit off this cliff and cloud piercer pops out of the cave I see you met gail she's like she is one of my most trusted lieutenants and an absolute danger to everyone around her she has to build a new nest every morning we honestly we told her to stop building nests because every time she takes off all of the debris hits the nests below her so what conclusions did you come to did you rest well are you healed yeah I'm healed back up to 21 hit points do I also heal up yeah yeah tuck still has a minus one to wisdom because of his terrible dreams oh you had a terrible dream yeah yeah where now you watched everybody in pinewood be consumed by a fissure in the ground including my family including your family yeah and people that definitely weren't at pinewood yeah just everybody you know being killed in front of you right okay ah typical morning yeah but then you also apparently dreamt about allison or as you were waking up you imagined you were with allison one of those like midpoint wake up no allison was in the dream actually being killed in the fissure no interesting okay moving on I suppose glad you think so so cloud piercer says what's what's what next ving tells them about the knife and how it seems like it possibly is pointing towards something that might help us find a chunk of the moon but it's not clear it's meaning murky interesting if I am sending my flock out to attempt to track down a piece of this moon is this knife something that might aid us I was gonna say is it okay if we uh temporarily maybe not it's a waning knife yeah I don't know I think chimes might kill us if we give it away but what do you guys think like this might help them like defeat throne breaker like if we give it to them yeah for a bit okay but oh maybe it's like but you must give us something of yours to make sure it comes back like anytime you give somebody a knife they give us a coin coin that's the superstition to pay for the friendship so you don't cut your friendship interesting well I'm not sure that I have a coin but as I said the sea brings many things to the thunderbirds so perhaps in exchange you may rummage around in my stuff oh and roll for a treasure uh so are you agreeing to this you're gonna lend cloud piercer the waning knife in exchange for rummaging around in the sea this stuff I think so that's the offer that he's giving us this is that magic knife that uh um god gave you right yeah this is a magic knife that the patron of sailors gave us uh I think it belonged to his son and it is made out of his wife's body so you know it's pretty important to somebody and us yeah damn and he said he would kill us if anything ever happened to it and you're gonna give it away okay we trust you with our lives and claude piercer nods very stately thank you for trusting me with this do that thing when you bow really low and hold the blade up I do not have hands I'll just put that on your necklace thank you so much snap and so you may rummage around in my stuff please enter my roost I go in and it's like a teenager's room like it's a!

Absolutely cram full of shit there's like food waste everywhere there's like animal bones so cool something that looks like a fucking like there's like cow skulls all over the place whoa holy shit this is awesome I technically feast on the storm itself but due to the nature of such storm I have been forced to take sustenance in other ways cows cows are amazing and the only thing you have to do is be quick because the humans do not like when you take their cows but the trick is is if you fly fast enough they cannot stop you this is his new trickster form he's got really good at stealing cows and so he sweeps a wing over all the like branches that are bound up there's just like fucking shit in their stuff so uh who's we're gonna do it one time we're gonna roll on this should I just roll this a sealed glass vial filled with red liquid oh I pull that out a jar a mason jar of stuff I smell it you smell it and your your vision is immediately flooded with an image of a blossoming field of frost flowers in the boreal reach that you visited as a boy billy what do you smell can I smell billy smells uh god what would billy smell are these like nostalgic smells yeah kind of uh billy smells a wild strawberry field that he used to visit in secret in the woods uh yeah tux smells it what does tux smell the vent outside a pizza place yeah yeah the only way that you would be able to know what this actually does is if you drank it because there's no way for me to tell you without you knowing I take a little bit being drinks like a little dropper amount yeah you get a little sleepy but besides that doesn't seem like there's any discernible change right now oh any discernible effect really okay we'll see how that settles before you know we always got to try it slowly yeah okay cool thanks so you're just gonna take that little bottle of goo huh yeah okay I liked to play with that bottle of goo I hope that you treat it well and the knife this belongs to a god I'll find other goo and now our trade is complete whoa abdul gave me the waning knife now I can stab okay our trade is complete our bond has been forged the agreement has been set and you have given me a thing and I have given you a thing and so we understand that our union has been linked starting to understand less where to well we should probably check on perel oh right yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's morning time very well then go check on your friend okay so I bust into the tent he's asleep perel wakey wakey eggs and bakey I'm making my big hangover breakfast what'd you learn okay well what did I learn what did I learn he's got a book he's eating a big hangover breakfast he's drinking some oj so here's what I think I have learned one the crystal is to all space and time no I I think theoretically no billy you have like eight of them had now it's an uneven number that is true there are only seven now okay billy here you go these seven are yours you can keep them billy turns around to ignore tuck billy no you thought it was cool when I was shoving it in and then tuck rummages around his backpack and he makes like a little he rips a page out of the book of sea shanties and then he makes a little like paper boat and he's like also I'll give you this and it's billy's tiny baby hand grabs it and he he plays with it that says nothing and now we'll never know what that sea shanty was yeah what significance it might have held it was called rich bitch mcgee it was about the richest pirate in all the seven seas and how everybody hated him so the weird thing about magical architecture is that the space that morris creates using thalmic energy he's channeling thalmic energy into the plane when he creates it but he is not creating new space he is just fitting more stuff into the same space okay you know what I mean okay so we're inside of a fanny pack that's like this big right now exactly but it seems like there's more space in here and not because it is just expanding endlessly into like a pocket dimension or something like that it just exists in the same molecular space that makes no sense it's magic billy oh of course it doesn't make sense but the danger room is a connection to another place that does exist oh but I don't know where that is where did I shove the thing that's the thing out of this realm entirely oh like outside of the universe whatever whatever paper thin infinitesimally small little razor of reality that morris is able to fit all of this stuff into you popped it through that some fucking how into another existence entirely it's gone it's elsewhere that's pretty cool that's pretty cool and then I high-five bing and I go for a high-five with billy and billy taps his hand while looking at the boat yeah and my other theory is that I don't even want to say it because it sounds dumb it makes me mad pours him another cup of coffee come on just say it's okay morris might be in here somewhere okay billy turns around for that can we look for him I don't know how he's in the painting no he's not in the painting he is the painting he's not he's not the we run up to the painting big over I go I had the idea first no I'm gonna get first okay here we go 2d6 plus dexterity okay then that's a 10 got him okay so I get to the ground like a rhino I slam through the chaise lounge and I skid into the fireplace beneath the no not the chaise lounge you fucking idiots and then billy tries to catapult off of tuck and I throw a book at billy all right 2d6 plus dexterity 12.

He grabs zed and it's like a razor yeah does billy try and dodge out of the way or does he just get absolutely just get smoked knocked out of the air yeah I backhand tuck I'm so sorry and now everybody's hurt and on the ground yeah I have the wind knocked out of me oh god he's got me in the painting tuck billy is a child no I'm not I'm very old and I deserve a lot of respect okay so we're just supposed to start whipping books at you now yes I imagine billy saying yes as he gets up and pulls exactly what happens so billy pulls a knife he pulls a knife he's like morris was you not to feed us and then I go to stab the painting I love it do it billy you don't have to roll to stab it the painting's not fighting back roll to stab it all right 2d6 plus dexterity I guess I got a six billy got a six is anybody gonna help him oh yeah I launch him okay throw him as you stab throw him at the painting 2d6 plus bond nice oh boy you slam him into the pit I was very excited do you throw billy into the pit like billy's got his knife pulling back to stab but he hits it as his knife is pulling back I've gotten stronger I'm winded again and you've done backhands you're right you're right and uh the knife goes spiraling out of billy's hand he hits the shattered remains of the chaise lounge lands on an encyclopedia it's only a and z he doesn't even have the whole set uh it's a and there's a book called two and then c and z and uh yeah you hit the ground and the painting is just like hanging by the edge of the wire that it was on like teetering on the on the wall which of course as we know all the walls are made out of the same leather that the fanny pack is made out of yeah and it's just hanging there he's mocking us look I'm laughing and then it falls and behind it is some sort of door whoa I knew it I knew it the door's about I'd say one and a half feet by one foot bro that son of a bitch and he goes up to it and he like tap it's got a very weird interface like the door is very strange there's a lot of stuff going on and he's like oh my god I'm gonna come up with some kind of a puzzle box I think I'm gonna come up with some kind of a puzzle box be cool if it was like those like old trunks where rich people would hide lockbox yeah so you have to like pull a lot of things out that's exactly what intricate weird yeah explain more what this is it's like it's locked using like sliding panels oh puzzle box this drawer doesn't open oh now I've moved this and this drawer opens so the whole thing is like a complex puzzle box yeah and perel's looking at it and he kind of taps it and puts his ear to it and slaps it a couple times and rubs it and then smells his fingers.

Gross. It's a safe. Oh, shit. It's a safe. He put a safe behind a painting like a gauche, tacky asshole. And we never checked, but of course he put a safe behind his painting. I'm gonna check. Oh, yeah, do it. Yeah. Get in there. I'm gonna use tricks of the trade where I pick locks. Here we go. Five. What? Plus two is seven. Seven. Oh, nice. So I still am able to unlock it, but the GM will offer me two options between suspicion, danger, or cost. Well, it's gonna be danger and cost. Okay. Hmm.

So I think Billy starts manipulating the safe door. And you know, it is something like, oh, you pull a drawer out and inside the drawer is a key. Is a key. And the key unlocks this panel. And inside this panel is a little like cushion. And if I open this panel, there's a little metal dog. And I put the dog on the cushion. And then the dog moves along a little track to another door that he scratches open with his little mechanical paws. Wow.

It's like a very complicated and every time something happens like the dog scratches open the panel and inside there's a little tea party. Yeah. And someone pours the tea every time one of those happens. Pearl goes, oh, but it's a key. And then the key opens. And it's like watching Billy just open an advent calendar. Yeah. Like a Blatchkey kid who came home and found a Canadian tire bag full of advent calendars. All 24 in one sitting. Yeah.

And as you're getting further along in the advent calendar safe, there's like an inlay of a tree and you turn this in the inlay leaves begin to fall down the panel and they pile up and then a fucking bird comes out of the leaves. You're like, oh, something is about to happen. It's almost like there are clues in the safe door itself. What's going to happen? Okay. So you come to two final mechanisms and the mechanisms are it's like a little split like a ping pong thing. Pinball. Yes. Oh, pinball.

Yeah. If you let the ball move to the left, the ball becomes the sun and a field of crops will grow. And if you let it go the other way, it becomes the moon and the tide comes in. Oh, great. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Which one do I want? I do love crops. Yeah. But the sun is hot, so I like the moon. You know what? It's been a while since I've seen a field of green. So we're going to go to the crops. Oh, we're with you.

So you the ball rolls down a couple shoots and lands in this outline that kind of gives it like the rays of the sun and little like tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, like wheat kind of pops up from this part of the panel. And you hear some movement from behind the flap. Wait, which flap? Which one? The danger room flap. Oh, shit. And the toggles one by one start to turn and fall away. Oh, no. Shit. Okay. And fall away and fall away.

And then from the bottom, the flap starts to roll itself up until it reveals darkness. And then inside, a growling. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara, joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. So long, everybody. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Take care, guys. Playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Thank you to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music.

You can find Aaron Reed's music at aaronreed.bandcamp.com and you can find all of the music produced for the show at our SoundCloud. Just speltloresoundcloud on Google will take you to that place. Yeah. If you want to get a bonus campaign, access to monthly streams, bonus content, art, gift boxes, and a whole whack of shit, go to patreon.com slash speltlore or speltlore.com slash money, please. And thank you to all of our supporters for supporting us and thank you to you for listening.

We'll see you next time. And so ends the tale of Adventures Three, who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be, for times abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute. Or do your chores and for you I'd gladly Spout Lore.

Hey, Tuck here. We're running low on funds because Billy dropped our fanny pack into the ocean and that had all our money in it. Please go to patreon.com slash speltlore to donate more money to us so that we can replace the fanny pack. Also, mirrors. We need to buy new mirrors. Where did we get that guy?

You know them by name, you know them by deed Their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you An adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home He loves to sing and fight Fingers half-elf, he shifts his shape And wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size Does max the largest heart Best and brightest, they may not be But they're free to be Friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round, friends And listen close For the tale's about to start Hello everybody and welcome to Speltlore.

I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, Abdul Aziz. Hello. Paul Oppers. Hello. And Jessica Tai. Hello. Merry Christmas, everybody. Yeah. Here I am. Happy Christmas. And Charlie. Get ready for the war on Christmas. Welcome to our Charles Eve Spectacular. Spe-spe-spe-spe-spe-spectacular. Oh, cut that out. Spectacular. Welcome to what we're calling Charles Eve at Hither and Yon. Today we're going to be playing Stew Pot by Takuma Okada.

Stew Pot is a storytelling game in the Firebrands family of role-playing games about adventure games. It's about adventurers that have hung up their weapons, laid down their shields, put their spell books on the shelf. More of those. Taken their small vial of poison and put it with their larger vials of poison. Had a dagger and put it under their pillow.

Forsaken their god and taken their nine millimeter Beretta handgun and put it in a carved out Bible that they hide in their house for when vampires come. To run a fantasy tavern together. Uh, Stew Pot, previously available on Ish.io very excitingly, is going to be published in the future by Evil Hat. That's very exciting. Cool. Crowdfunding campaign will come in the future at some point, I believe sometime in the new year.

But thanks to Takuma Okada for sending me the, uh, most recent playtest documents. Really appreciate that. Oh, really nice. Yeah, very, very kind. Nice. So today, that is what we'll be doing. We're going to be playing a little Stew Pot. It's a pretty chill storytelling game. Game comprised of a number of mini games with different kinds of scenes and scene work. First things first, we're going to build the tavern. Ooh. But we already know what the tavern is. Oh, yeah. So let's just remember it.

Yes. There are a couple things I need to write down. So we will. Thanks, Jessica. I am doing my best. Hither and Yon is a bar slash inn that exists in many places. Yeah. It chooses where it goes based on criteria that no one should know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That no one is privy to. Who built the inn? Nobody knows. Was it a wizard? Nobody knows. There's nothing in it in its make or like structural signature that maybe we'll find out, but not now. Did Mears find out?

Does he control where it goes? We're genuinely about to play a game that may or may not answer these questions, so I refuse to answer them for you. Wow. Okay. I mean, whatever. We're all taking notes of that. Okay, Sean. Okay. It's sus. Huge dick energy. Kind of sus. Gonna just do this. I'm trying a long dick. Why is the head so big and the ball so small? Wait, what happened? That looks backwards. It does. Does that giant dick have a tiny pussy on it?

This is gonna be our holiday special with the most bleeps by far. Why'd you put Sean? Because of your big dick energy. So yeah, like the location is the first thing you're supposed to write down and the location of Hither and Yon is many and none. So the next thing is the look. What do you guys remember Hither and Yon looking like? Wood. Yeah, it's like an old style cozy tavern. There was a big leather couch in front of a fireplace. Yeah. Everything's pretty shabby. Yeah.

Because it is a place that has not been visited very much. Dusty furs. Yes. Yeah, dusty furs, barrel tables. Plaid. Plaid what? Just, just, just, just, just, just, just stuff like fabric. I don't know, like a blanket. Like a lot of tartan? Yeah. Maybe some of the chair covers? Seat covers? Oh yeah, totally. I imagined velvet. Was there any like red velvet anywhere? There are some red velvet, like it's a hodgepodge. Yeah, I think it's a hodgepodge of stuff. Oh, I love that.

And then it's got, it's like right when you come in, the bar's right across from the door. That's how I was imagining it. There's like a heavy wood bar, classic mirror behind it. Then it's got the kitchen and then a storage room and then, stairs that go up. I have very low ceilings in my head. It's not a lofty place. It looks like it was built to be compact. I like that. It has more rooms up top. Stone floor. Are we right there? I'm imagining cobbly.

Candles and little sconces or whatever they are. Sconces everywhere. Carpets? I think a hodgepodge of rugs. Yeah, I like that. I was imagining also some of the tables. I know you said barrel tables but also some of them were like those giant wheels that they spool. Oh, like cable spool tables. Yeah. With big ropes or cables and then it's like flat and then a tube and then flat on top. Yeah, giant spool tables everywhere.

Okay, so there are three ratings that the tavern has that we will work to upgrade if we so choose. The first one is cuisine. Your cuisine rating determines your tavern's ability to make food. It's not just cooking ability but includes aspects of preparation, like food storage and how easy it is to do business with suppliers. So all of these ratings start at one. Okay. So the first rating one cuisine, a cramped kitchen, a small pantry, cheap local wines, a small brick oven.

So it's like, you know, when we arrive at Hither and Yon, no one has run this place regularly for God knows how long. Oh God, so cool. Yeah. So everything's dusty, busted, whatever food and spices is here is like there's maybe super old liquor, but there's no good food. Yeah. And like five different bags, little various amounts of cumin. Yeah, exactly. And which one's the oldest one? It's impossible to tell because cumin stays good forever. Yeah.

I feel like a real Sam Malone type ran this before and then he hung his hat up and left it forever. Exactly. Yeah. Atmosphere. Your atmosphere rating determines a broad range of visual and other aspects of your tavern. It's the vibe, the feeling, the experience that your patrons get. So again, our atmosphere rating is one, which in the book is straw mattresses, narrow chimneys, bare walls. It's a dusty place. Yeah. Everything's old. Nothing's been maintained. Everything's moth eaten. Yeah.

Hanging out here kind of sucks right now. Yeah. Yeah. And then the next rating is service. Your service rating is a measure of how well your tavern operates. So the only staff right now are mirrors and Francis. Okay. And then your guys as PCs will filter in, but that's as much as we've got for service to start with. So there's a bunch of little games that we can choose and we each get to choose one and play it. Yeah. It's kind of like fiasco where we establish each of us gets to establish.

It is. Yeah. That is a good way to think about it. It's very much like fiasco in that way. Cool. Okay. So to start, we're going to go around and describe everybody, everybody's characters. For example, I am playing mirrors Bernadette Falsmith. My weapon is a simple wood, wood handled long sword. My armor is a heavy cloak and my quirk is I'm a nervous little guy. Adventure job, swashbuckler adventure experiences are duelist.

I'm a master of the blade in the rigging for climbing and acrobatic feats and sea legs to balance on any surface. And my town job is a chef Abdul. Okay. I'm going to be playing a nimble name, nimble thimble. I've decided his last name is thimble. We're doing the rhyming. My quirk is nimble is going to live forever. My armor is kindness slash a clipboard and my weapon is my wicked smarts in this knife. My adventure job was rogue and my town job is merchant.

I can try and sell a lot of stuff and then my experiences are grace nimble fingers and sixth sense. Perfect Paul. My character is Rathgar the night blade Gathgar. Everybody's getting a rhyming last name. I'm just going to add Gathgar. Excellent. My adventure job is wizard. My town job is a scholar. My weapon is a magic Leatherman and armor is a blue velvet Coke hook. Oops. It's a blue velvet coat full of pockets of Coke Coke.

My armor is a blue velvet cloak with star sewn on it and lying eyebrows and my quirk is that I'm a braggart. I'm faking it till I'm making it. My experiences are a Valinda star veil. I'm putting her down experiences. My childhood crush and high school sweetheart and then first a ex-wife. You got married in high school. We got married at our graduation. Yeah, it was a really confusing grad ceremony.

We did a we did a flash mob wedding at our grad ceremony and my experiences are organic and prestidigitation and magic missile. Yeah, and I think did you say that you were an organic and not an actual wizard? No. Okay, that's how you're playing it though, right? I'm playing it that he's like actually a trickster with all these little gadgets. That's his Leatherman is basically his magic wand. Yeah, yeah, perfect. Yeah, Jessica. Okay.

I am playing Fathom the hammer a dom and my weapon is a tetherball on chain. Nice. The armor is basically like a fantasy track suit. What makes it fantasy? It's like kind of just drapey and like made of like, I don't know linen. Yeah. Yeah. It's got the elastic band around the waist. So everything's tight. Yeah. Quirk.

He's a mean himbo slash like some construction worker energy adventure job fighter and adventure experiences are intimidation, brute strength and legendary weapon, which refers to his tetherball and chain because he won. He I think won that in a tetherball competition slash he like stole it. Yeah. Um, okay. I like that. He stole it. I like that too. You won the World Cup of tether. He did, but he stole the tetherball and they're like, you're not supposed to take that.

Um, his town job is a crafter, specifically ceramics. I love it. Yeah. Perfect. And that is the character. So now we will play the game. The way the game works is it's a series of scene based like mini games. The first of which is always called the first step before you decided to put down roots here before you found this group of friends. What were you doing? So I'll, I will go first. By way of introduction to the scene, the door closes. Mirrors stands in hither and yon.

The party has just left on their adventure to recover Perel from the eye of the storm. Whoa, that's soon. Yeah. Wow. Small boy in the middle of a large room. Uh, Francis, the pig still going to town on something in the fireplace on a pot of leftover chowder that Billy helped him make the night before. And he's just kind of standing there. He's got his his metallic hand gripped in his other hand. Just like, uh, huh? Okay, there's like creaking in a yeah, another floor.

You hear like a like howling and like like laughter and screaming from high, high up a thunder crack in a boom as chimes. We know calls the attention of the storm away from the party as they escape the tower. Oh, and mirrors. Dust falls from the rafters onto his head. He's like, uh, uh, uh, okay. And he just goes to the kitchen and he starts messing around with stuff, you know, safe place. Yeah, he's like digging around. He's looking at all these old herbs. He's picks ones up, smells it.

No, that's old. This is all this is any digs. Uh, it looks like an herb has fallen out of a jar onto some sort of like wet patch of dirt and has like rooted and grown into like some little leaves of something. Oh, it's like, oh, okay. He sniffs those and starts just whipping up something in the kitchen for him and Francis. It's like it starts as a soup and it becomes something kind of hard and pasty because he doesn't have enough liquid to keep it soft in here.

And he sets down at the bar and puts a little bowl of the soup on the ground for Francis to start lapping up and just kind of enjoys the food by himself and tries to ignore the silence that he now hears only in the bar. And I'm going to take the town experience refined palate. Oh, a sense of taste second to none. Wow. I imagine we see like days pass as he like, you know, dust some stuff and like a rearranges some furniture to make it more comfortable.

And then one day suddenly the door opens and someone walks in. It's nimble. Oh, yeah. Nimble runs in nimble runs in and slams the door. Uh-huh. Back up against the door. Yeah. And you see like six guards run past. He was going to live forever. He whispers to himself. What do you what do you how did you who are those? What are you? Did you sail here? And he goes, ah, I thought this was an abandoned building. No. What?

And he mirrors comes out from behind the bar and kind of pushes nimble to the side and opens the door and sees the streets of crystal bag. He slams the door. He opens it again. A rebel in full slams the door. Did you what? This is usually like an empty building with a bunch of like disused bakery stuff in it. Hey, we're still fighting the boys. Yeah, you're getting there. And it was gonna live forever. That's how I find it again.

And yet he mirrors opens the door one more time and looks like to either side and it is a row of like empty warehouses. But hanging on the wall is one of those like chain and board signs that says hither and yon. Yeah, cute. And then he slams the door again. I know you know you don't you've never heard me before in my life or your life, which I'm going to take and then nipple pulls out of that. Hey, chill out. What are you? I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. Who are you? I'm nimble. Hey, come on.

Put the knife down. No, come on. Put the one of us is going to live forever. Mears reaches out with his metal hand and snatches the knife and nimble holds on to it and gets her picked up by the night. Hey, hey, hey, calm down. Just relax. I'm Mears. I'm going to put you down now. You're not going to stab me, right? Yes. You just looked really sideways at Jessica. I'm going to trust what you're saying is what I mean. And gently put you down. And then the book holds the knife for a second.

He squints his eyes and he goes, My name is nimble and I'm going to live forever. And if anyone says any different, they're fucking liars. Do you want something to eat? No. Yes. And we cut forward to the mere standing behind the bar like a real bartender vibe. And nimble is like relaying to me. I'm going to put you down. I'm going to put you down. I'm going to put you down. I'm going to put you down. I'm going to put you down.

And nimble is like relaying the events that happened to that day to get him to this point. Yeah. And he's going, So that's what an egg grift is. All right. You take a rotten eggs, you switch them out for good eggs, and then slowly you got a good dozen. And then you sell that good dozen for premium prices to the highest bidder. And that is a great way to spend a day making $12. And they're great. They're great eggs. You really did a good. The four of the eggs from the dozen are missing.

And it mirrors in a nimble or eating eggs. Yeah. There's like an egg carton on the counter. Yeah. You know, you got to re I'm, I mean, if you know how to get some more stuff, you know, this place is missing a lot of things. What kind of stuff are you talking about? And what kind of payment terms are we talking about here? Oh, you know, like produce and meats and vegetables. That's a kind of produce. If you didn't know spices, drinks, you know, the whole thing.

I figured if I'm going to be here for a while and apparently this place goes to where people need it, then it should probably have some stuff for people that come here. Okay. I can do that. What do you say? Partners. What do you say to being nimbles? Number two. Okay. All right. I'm thinking a title kind of like chief visioning officer. All right. I don't, I understand none of those words, but I, I respect that you probably do. Okay. Deal. Deal.

And he holds out the knife again for him to shake and he shakes it with his metal hand and nimble is going to get one of the experiences from merchant, I guess, network able to obtain anything. Perfect. Yeah. So at some point if we reach a narrative problem, you would be able to cross that off and find a line on something we really need. Okay. And then I think it's the same thing. I think a couple more days pass, maybe a week or two of Mears and nimble living in the bar. Think a few weeks. Yeah.

People filter in and out. Maybe it stays in crystal bay for a while. Then one day someone else wanders through the door. A polite knock at the door. Come in. Mears is behind the bar. The door is locked. Why is the door locked? He runs around. And then the door flies over the puff of smoke, sparks flying everywhere. Blue smoke. Oh my gosh. Oh, the door was locked. And then a knife flies through the air. And it beds into the doorframe next to you. And then you hear nimble from the back go, shit.

Nimble. Nimble. Welcome, traveler, to Hither and Yon. Is this the hiring agency? I was looking for the next big, beautiful opportunity for an agency to have Rathgar, the night blade Gathgar. And Mears takes the pamphlet that you're holding out that says, now hiring Hither and Yon. Big new opportunity. And he turns to Nimble and goes, Nimble, did you put these out? I maybe did. Okay. Mears is very notably to Rathgar, a 14 year old boy. I'd like to talk to the manager.

And then Nimble steps forward. No, no, no. Oh my God. I'm the manager, I guess. Innkeeper. Innkeeper. Ha ha ha. Tuffs his hair. Don't. Adorable. So he goes over to a table and sits down and like kicks a stool over to Rathgar. What are your qualifications? Um, hello. Boom. Ball of flame. Oh. Need I show you more? Uh, yeah. Yeah, okay. Okay. Have you ever heard of the flying bears of the Midwest north? No. Uh huh. I have. Uh huh. For it was I that gave them the gift of flight.

Wait, didn't they just get shot out of a catapult and die? Have you ever heard of the living forests of the underwater sea gardens? That I actually think I have heard of. I haven't heard of that. You are looking at the architect of the ocean itself. Okay. Uh, we got a door over there that is kind of squeaky. Uh huh. Have you ever heard of a leather man? Oh. Alright, now we're talking. It's on my belt. He goes over and pulls out a Phillips screwdriver. My talents are endless. Oh.

And your shit hole is forever broken. Alright, okay. Shit hole's maybe a little strong. But he moves the door a few times and it doesn't squeak anymore. Uh huh. Oh. Magic. Um. Do you want to work here? Work here? Yep. Alright. Work here. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Work here. You're hired. Work here? I think that you'll be working for me. Why does everybody keep saying that to me?

And then Nimble goes, I can offer you the position of Chief Operations Officer. I don't know those words and you're speaking to me young man, but I like your spunk. Your penaz. Your collie munkus. I will accept. Okay. Alright. Cool. He reaches out for the clipboard, assuming it's a contract. What's on the clipboard? Uh, Nimble is illiterate, so. It's a picture of a big dick with tiny balls. Yeah. What? There's an arrow pointing at it that says Nimble. Is this like a Rorschach?

Why does this drawing of a dick look like my parents fighting? And Paul is going to choose one from one of the experiences from Scholar. Invent your way out of a sticky situation. Jury your rigging. Okay. So, the game passes as, uh, Rathgar, Nimble, and Mears all settle into life. And then one day it gets kind of warm in the bar. I think one day we're like, why is it so, so hot? Yeah. Nimble's like, take, he's, he's removing layers. Yeah. And then someone comes through the door.

Why don't you get people keep knocking? Come in, babe. Babe, are you home? What the f- Mears goes over and opens the door. Babe! Whoa! Oh, my God. You're not babe. Who are you? I'm, I'm Mears. Who are you? Name's Fadum. What is this place? Oh, this is, uh, welcome to Hither and Yarn. Explosion of blue smoke. Crackle, uh, uh, uh, uh, like a, like a lights, a blinking light. Marquee. Oh yeah. The Hither and Yarn. Welcome. Thank you. Well, thank you for your patronage. Come in, kind sir.

Can we get you anything? You're welcome.

Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, kind sir can we get you anything yeah I'll have like a drink of whatever you got I'm just trying to work on my voice here and while you do that I'm just gonna go to the bathroom okay uh and uh mirrors starts pouring something from a keg and is like are we are we it's really hot out there and nimble goes outside and he comes inside with like a little cup of sand and he sips it and he's like we're not in crystal bay anymore oh uh you hear fathom come out without washing his hands are you okay you seem kind of stressed out you were looking for somebody looking for my girlfriend to be honest oh I don't know she and I had a fight pretty big fight I was just trying to fight for your honor and she was like you embarrassed me in front of everyone at tetherball oh yeah and I was like but babe you don't understand I was just trying to look out for you and then nimble's like what was the fight about I was I was fighting the other tetherball team they're making like some eyes at her and like some suggestive language and they're like yo your girlfriend is hot and I was like back off dude um and so I swung this bad boy and he picks up his his tetherball on the chain and he's I smacked it so hard I broke it I I I I I smacked a a bro on the chain and he's like I smacked it so hard I broke his jaw and this thing fucking flew off and I took it with me oh that's actually pretty sick thank you I understand I can relate I know a little thing or two about embarrassing yourself in front of people that you like go on oh there's this boy back in another town named cam he was really cool and my friends tried to help me uh impress him with like a big production ah production yeah and it ended with me raising my sword in the sky and declaring how cool I was yes and then the sword got stuck in a tree branch I fell off the cart oh that's fucking weak sauce man I hit my head pretty hard I got this thing and he like opens and closes his metal hand adam reaches over and he grabs it he's like that's fucking tight oh really oh yeah that's bad ass oh next time you see kim just show it off to him oh you think you think it's cool yeah all the chicks and dudes dig metal arms they fucking love that shit I guess last time I saw me it was a hook now it's like a hand yeah you could do way more with that thing you could do all kinds of hand stuff I can well you've been doing this job here for a while well too that is true you've really got the hand job down nibbles like yeah dude whatever kind of hand jobs you want to do with this chem guy I fully support you and if this magical traveling bar ends up anywhere near this guy we will facilitate the hand job that you want to give him I want I just want to be clear I'm 14 I'm a 14 year old I'm so scared of every word that you've said and I don't want to hear any more of them for now but um what did you say your name was rath car the night blade goes!

Nice to meet you yeah I'm fathom some people call me the hammer wow cool that's a cool name it's pretty cool my name's mirrors um most people just call me mirrors mirrors this is nimble nimble I might do a finger guns and this is rathgar cto nice to meet you you're looking for a job young man you know I never considered that but I mean after what I assume is like the most embarrassing thing I've ever done in my life I've never considered that but I mean I'm a little bit of like an avoidant attachment I'd love a job yeah yeah you know what you know maybe maybe if I just like split you know if I just leave town like a fucking ghost maybe my babe will be like oh my god where'd he go and she'll care about me again when I get back yeah maybe can't hurt to just run away from your problems can't hurt is what I always do and I like you guys and I like you and I like you and I like you and I like you and I like you and I like you and you fucking weird eye what's the deal with that oh this it looks almost magical he waves his hand over it and did anything happen a cartridge pops out of his sleep yeah a dead bird falls out of his arm all three of those things a deck of cards still wrapped in plastic a dead bird I could tell you about it but it might be a little traumatic for me you don't have to say anything you don't want to fathom a tale for another time you come on in I think I'll tell it now a man who both my friend and foe but mostly my foe from enemies to lovers to enemies most mostly enemies just saying lovers you know to make the story intense ed mears knows that tuck and fathom because he's heard the name fathom and tucks fear so he's like I will not say his name he beat me in a fight he fought dirty and you know I always thought I was a stronger one but he showed me through trickery no doubt I think so yes anyway when I return to this land I will deliver that revenge that he is so dearly owed and he punches the table that's better the table collapses oh sorry about that I could probably throw together a new one for you that yeah that's okay uh but mirrors realizes like at hearing this story he's like tuck and fathom knew each other and maybe he's talking about tuck does that mean tuck and billy and ving are here in this place that we're at and he gets up and he runs to the door and he throws it open and there's just grassy fields so this place moves around that's fucking sick I mean I guess that makes sense because I thought I thought you were like my girlfriend's friend and I'm like oh this is my girlfriend's apartment so I like that this place shows up when you need it and he was going to bust into his girlfriend's apartment when she didn't want him there and then it was like no no no you don't need that you need to to go chill out with these people learn who you really are was like don't don't don't do it we gotta catch this guy before he busted on his girlfriend having sex with another tetherball player and fathom is going to get a uh experience from crafter oh so you get one of those um repair fix anything with enough time nice cool time is on our side here and that is the end of the first steps oh now how this works is we go around now how this works is an 80s style opening theme starts nimble walks on the frame and goes welcome down to hither and yon where friends hanging out and running about we got mirrors hey nimble rap car too and introducing fathom yeah and then there's a the title thing goes hither and yon and it's all of us next to the bar and it appears in the air above us and then it flickers lifting it up yeah yeah flickers and then starts like fixing it he's been like beeping on like a calculator watch and then nimble goes okay that's great let's try it one more time everyone was flat everyone was flat somehow impossible I do not know how that's possible you call me flat in your dream you better wake up and apologize you're in my dreams every night but you're chasing me into a pile of rotten tomatoes that I'm trying to sell to an orphanage well I am maybe riding your ass a little hard but we I've seen your potential boy that was a little bit of gref uh so how the game works from here is that you're going to have to go to the bathroom and you're going to be a widz and a widz widz widz draw three cards from the deck to determine what the ingredients are.

And for each card, roll two six-sided dice to determine how large the ingredient source is and where it's from. So I am going to draw three cards. Those cards are the five of clubs for one ingredient. Next is the jack of clubs. Uh-oh, clubs heavy. And the last one is the four of hearts. So I need you guys to roll two dice each. 2d6? Yeah, 2d6. And then tell me what they are and then give them to me. I got a four and a one. Four and a one. I got a one and a two. One and a two.

I got a six and a five. And a six and a five. So the first one is a house-sized ingredient that we find underground. So I think what this is, is we've noticed as we've gone on and Hither and Yon has continued operation, I think we're in a weird… We've been in this kind of weird grasslands-y place for a while. So we haven't had any customers, except for maybe a passing shepherd once in a while that's been here. So we haven't had any customers. So we haven't had any customers.

So we haven't had a bar under this tumble of rocks in the middle of a field. So we're starting to run. We were stoked that day. We were getting stir crazy. And there was a thunderstorm. That's why he ran in under the rocks. Oh yes. So somebody comes in and we're like, oh, oh, oh, oh. And I'm digging around in the back and I'm like, guys, we don't have anything. We've got nothing. We just have like oats and like a paste of some, I think it was milk, but it's paste now.

We've got ingenuity and stick-to-itiveness and talent, endless talent. Let's go. Let's cook. And we, like the storage. Room door opens and there's like a cave. Oh shit. What the fuck? And inside is a large thing that we find underground and based on clubs. Clubs are fungi, lichens, and molds. Fragrant mushrooms, yeasts, bright green and orange slimes, dried lichen, etc. And it being a five means that it is an exoskeleton of some kind.

What do we find in this cave that is like an ingredient that is a house-sized exoskeleton? I was gonna say like a sourdough starter that got out of hand. Oh yeah. It has this delicious crust on it. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, we go down and we collect a bunch of bits of this like hardened sourdough starter that we find underground. And it's like what do you think you're doing? Sentient now? Yeah. I just need a little bit of this. Is this you? A please and thank you would suffice.

Look, I just, I'm in, I'm kind of stressed out. Can I just have some of this? You mean some of me? Yeah. What are you gonna do with me? I was gonna cook you in something. Excuse me? What? Uh, yeah, I don't have any adventure experiences that might help with this. Does anybody else maybe? I have no work. I'm able to obtain anything. And he slides down on the banister. Is there a banister? I mean, I guess there is now, yeah. Yeah.

He slides down on the banister and does a hand sprink and then lands in front of the guy and he's like, hey guy, what's up? Hey. What do you want to, why don't you want to give us some of your body? What are you talking about? All of a sudden, poof, I'm in this dark cave. I used to be a bread. I'm sorry, I take on the voice of where I'm talking to. That is the easiest thing to do. I just became, all of a sudden, I poofed into the darkness and now I'm white.

The first time I see someone coming downstairs, they want to cook me up for dinner. I didn't see my friend. How about you be my friend first? You have become now more Italian than I am. Hey. You thinking, maybe if you made a little bit of pasta, I'm a favo giullo by eight. Yeah, I mean, I more agree with this. And then Nimble stabs it in the face. Here, how about this? You let me have a little piece of you and the next time we come across some sugar, I'll come down and feed it to you.

You promise? I promise. It's a Nimble guarantee and he sticks his hand into the dough. He just jiggles it around. Oh. And he pulls it out. He's like, what was that? That was your gift. So are you using your network? Yes. So when you use an experience, you cross it out. Oh, no, I can't use it anymore. Use it again. Oh, shit. That's okay. I got some star. Good way to get this stuff. Cross it out. And we take the stuff upstairs and we open the door and it is now snow blowing in through the door.

We have been teleported somewhere else and outside we find a tiny also clubs fungi, lichens and molds, but in a snowy place. So what do we find out here? It's just a tiny little thing. Yeah. Rock lichens. Yeah. What? How does it? What does it smell like? What does it look like? It'll taste like like rosemary. Oh, yeah. It's like a hanging kind of rosemary. I like that. And mirrors pops out. He's at this place freaking me out.

Just every time we close a door, it opens somewhere else, gathering a bundle of lichen, shoving it into his cloak and nipples like, I'm going to close the door like close that door. And then the wind picks up from outside and sucks. The door closed. Oh, shit. And the third place it opens onto is a desert. So these are just the three ingredients that we've drawn, basically. And the last one is hearts or animal parts or parts of animals. Juicy steaks, powdered horn, delicates, shells.

And we find that outside this door. What is the last ingredient that we find? Absolutely. A bunch of steaks. Just a bunch of steaks. Oh, my God. We're going to make beef Wellington or whatever when you circle it in bread. Yeah. It's a mountain of steaks. Are we out? Sorry. What's the area we're in right now? It's a desert right now. Okay. So we're at like a ranchers. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Stuck in his barn. Yeah, that's perfect because the trait that it gives it with the four of hearts is hostile.

Okay. So there's just like a rancher like we open up, we come out of his barn door and there's just a guy standing there next to his pile of steaks. Yeah. What are you doing here? And Fatim just says nothing and then swipes all the steaks with one arm. And close the door. That's it. Just grabs him, slams the door. Do we have to use skills every time we do actions? No. Oh, you can just improvise. Oh. Should I use a skill to make sure that farmer can't come in?

No, I think once the door closes, we're safe. Yeah, because he probably runs back in and it's a barn again. And he wonders where the giant man in the tracksuit that grabbed all his steaks went to. Yeah. So yeah, those are the ingredients that we have. We have steaks from some sort of animal, any animal in particular. Um, desert cow. Perfect. Desert cow. A.K.A. The Camel. Sure. But we can make a different kind of camel that has big old titties, just like a cow does.

It looks like a camel, except its neck is shorter like a cow. It's got big cow boobs. And horns. Can it have horns? It can have horns. And a tufty little haircut? Yep. Yep. Beautiful. Then the next thing is, uh, tasters. You're the test group for this new dish. The player characters, a small group of trusted regulars, or a guy that wandered into the bar. That's what the shepherd is. He's the guy that's tasting this new dish.

And Nimble's talking to the shepherd, and he's like, alright, I have bad news for you, my friend. Okay. We are no longer in your home country, for sure. What do you mean? And then Nimble throws the door open. And it is green rolling planes. Oh, fuck. What are you talking about? Um, I guess the Nimble's like, closes the door, opens it again. It's still the green planes. And then Nimble goes, I guess I'm a lying little kid. Okay. Alright, I'm gonna go talk to my friends. Okay.

And then as he shuffles away, he's like, Nimble's gonna live forever! And he continues to drink his drink. Why did it stay the same for him? I think the bar wanted to put him back where it got him, because he didn't need to be in here. Yeah. Which is cool. So let's just, let's describe what we're planning. What we're planning to do. So we've got a yeasty exoskeleton kind of bread goo. And it's expanding quite quickly. It's getting big. Yeah.

And then we've got these steaks that, uh, were steaks when we found them, just kind of out in the sand. So we've got sandy steaks that may or may not be old. They're dry-aged. Yeah, dry-aged in the sun. And then we've got lichens that taste like rosemary. Nice. This is great. Yeah. So what are we trying to make? Kind of like a The thing where you put a… Yeah, a little beef wellington. Oh, right, yes. A rapidly expanding beef wellington.

And there's kind of a clock on it, because we're like, we don't know how to get this thing to stop getting bigger. Uh-huh. So we gotta get this guy to eat it quick and get the fuck out of here. Before he explodes. So we make very small beef wellingtons. Yes. We've learned that the hard way. Yeah. And Nimble leans into Fatim, and he's on his shoulder and he lifts the hair on the side of his hand. He's like, Fatim. What? Can you tell me what a beef wellington is?

I've kind of just been poking at the dough. Yeah, you take, like, the good meat and then you wrap it around the dough, you cook it, it's like, kind of like a sandwich, but really fancy. Is it, like, kind of like a calzone, but with meat inside of it? Yes! It is! Oh, thank you, Nimble. I was trying to think of something really good like that, and I was just like, the closest I could get was sandwich. Okay, cool.

And Mears, who's, like, doing, like, karate chop massage to the steaks, is like, what do you mean a calzone but with meat in it? What if the calzones you've eaten had in them? Oh, no, like, feta cheese and, like, spinach? Yeah. I had a calzone for my birthday last year. Alright, Rathgar. He had a birthday calzone. He had a birthday calzone. It was vanilla and strawberry. Okay, so we begin making the beef wellington, and we know what we're trying to do.

We're trying to make a new, a hot new dish with these old, weird arcane ingredients. So what we gotta do is we're rolling dice equal to four plus our cuisine rating, which is one. Okay. So we're gonna roll five dice. Each? You all, we'll each roll one and then someone will roll one extra. Okay. So just roll them. Ooh. One. One. Two. Six and a three. Okay. So we have four things that we're putting these dice on. We're gonna choose one die for each of these ratings. Okay. One to three is bad.

Yeah. Four to six is good for goal. Then besides that, it's like one to two, three to four, five to six. Think of it like Blades in the Dark. Okay. And the choices are going to be like, or goal, whether or not you succeed at actually cooking this food. Seasoning, presentation, and texture. Who wants to assign their number to what? I'm on presentation. Okay. And then he kind of fails on it, I guess. Mears will be on seasoning. Uh, I will be on goal. I have a six. Okay.

And that means that Fatima's on texture. Yeah, absolutely no problem. Okay. So seasoning, one. Oh no. What did you forget? Or what did you put way too much of? He put sugar instead of salt. Oh, so it's really sweet? Yep. Oh no. Yeah. And that sweetness is feeding this manic yeast. That's why it keeps growing. Oh yeah. Good point. So we're in the back like pushing down this huge thing of yeast that just keeps growing. Why is it getting so big?

And Nimble is like wringing his little hands and he's like, I got a confession to make to you guys. What? I traded the salt for the sugar. Because I was trying to do a classic salt grift. Oh no. So the sugar is probably why it's expanding so much. What? No fucking way. And then Fatima's so mad he starts taking his anger out on the steaks. Punching them. Nice. I got a two, so that's not great. Two. Um, he punched them so hard they became minced beef. Yeah. Just a bunch of hamburger.

Two on texture is food probably shouldn't be this texture. Yeah. You don't want like meat paste inside of beef Wellington. Oh, so it's sweet meat and then it's like the meat is like gooey. Oh yeah. Kind of making a mince meat mince meat pie. Yeah. So presentation. Yeah, we got a three. Okay. So the dish looks pretty good. Everything is right where it needs to be. Describe one flourish they're proud of. When you cut into it, blue liquid comes out and he's proud of it, but it looks awful. Watch.

Do it again. Oh, fantastic. Uh, but goal is yeah, six six. So you succeed. A taster gives you a compliment. So the guy like the shepherd who's sitting at the bar eating this weird puffy beef Wellington pie like don't Donald eat up now. He's like, you know what? I like the way the goo makes me forget that inside the meat is actually meat that should be a different shape and fathoms like really proud of himself. What do you? What do you call this thing?

It's like growing in his mouth to like he has to chomp down on the yeast. It it's called the everlasting beef stopper. Yeah. Yeah, because it stops you up, keeps you from going. So if you ever have to go a long time without taking a little doozy, you have one of these and it plugs you up good so you can run forever or hibernate for years. That's perfect because I'm a shepherd. I'm out in the grasses all the time.

I don't always have time to take a shit now with those nimble sheep of yours are always running off. I do like the nimble keeps bringing the word nimble into all this sense. You know what? Just pretty good. I'm going to tell my friends about this and he dabs his mouth off and gets up and heads back out into the grasslands. Does he pay us? He does. Yeah. A couple coins. Great. Can we frame these coins? Put it on the wall of the buyer behind the buyer. Beautiful.

Everybody standing around the coins at the end of the day. Wow. I told you we could do it. We're a really good team. Everybody come on. I'm feeling emotional guys. Come in. Come on. Say things that you like. Come on. No, this is too much emotion for me. I'm just going to go sit in the booth over there. Okay. Wait, nimble. Come on, buddy. And nimble goes you can have my emotions when you pry it out of my cold dead heart. Okay. All right. Rat Rathgar. Rathgar. Yes. Great job, man. Exactly. Encore.

I bet you're saying inside your head. Well, there's plenty more where that encore came from. Young man. Put her there. Puts his hand out. He goes out to shoot. He does the thing and he goes magic and everybody leaves mirrors and he's standing there behind the bar looking at the framed coins that are like jingling around in the bottom of a picture frame because no one thought to actually adhere them to the frame. But he has a little smile on his face. He's very proud of the day's work.

After you finished resolving tasting the dish, you can write down any NPC that really liked the dish as a permanent NPC. If you're going to make this dish a permanent part of the menu, come up with a name. How do customers react? Oh, my God. I mean, shepherd's pie. Seems. Oh, my God. It's a shepherd's pie. We're having a staff meeting and and Rathgar says that we're like, oh, that's a good name. I'm Rathgar. Stop it. There is another. There's another dish called a shepherd's pie.

Well, soon we will take that dish name over. Okay. Shepherd's pie. All right. Yeah. You're going to take the food world by storm. I tell you. Okay. I like it. Shepherd's pie. Well done, everyone. And mirrors goes over to the chalkboard behind the bar that says like specials and writes shepherd's pie. Cute. Two coins. Two coins. He erases it. Three coins. Now he erases it and puts it in the two coins. Okay. All right. And that is the end of tasting the dish.

Now because you guys don't know what the games actually are. Abdul, do you want to choose one next? Yes. Okay. So the games we have are NPC side quest and NPC gives you a side quest. Where in tear is us fixing up the bar market day. We go to a market to buy some things we need homegrown. We're growing some ingredients ourselves. Yeah. Romancing a stranger. Oh, a stranger comes into the bar that is romancing somebody off the clock. That's just us hanging out.

I think a friendly tavern brawl breaks out festival day. There's a festival. We end up in a bard's tale. A bard shows up to tell stories about someone in the bar and people are kind of arguing about like how the story is wrong or trying to tell the right story. Oh, a glass of the gods, which is somebody. An adventurer comes in to tell their tale of woe basically to the bartender. These are all great. They're good prompts. Yeah.

Let's do romancing a stranger to start because I think that that is funny. Classic horny Abdul. So what romancing the stranger is someone in the tavern makes eye contact with you and their gaze lingers a little longer than you'd expect. Your coworkers urge you on and make every excuse they can to send you over to talk to the lovely stranger. One pair plays. One person is the romancer and one person is the stranger. I will be the stranger. Okay. Yeah.

So you're the person that comes into the bar and is like ooh la la. Yes. Yes. So Fatim just got out of the shower and he's in a cut phase. And he's just got like his little teeny tiny towel around his waist. Wasn't expecting anybody. Throws his hair back. It's wet. Yeah. What is the consistency of Fatim's hair? Just out of curiosity. At first I thought he had no hair, but then you guys remind me he has hair. So I think it's actually like longish. Is it like Fabio style hair? Yeah.

Oh, like really long. Oh. Like Momoa long. Holy shit. That's cool because I think last time we saw him he had like it shaved on both sides and it was like kind of a ponytail, but he's let his hair grow out. He's got a beard now. It's him getting into a softer kind of vibe. Yeah. Nice. So how just for the listener how this game. He doesn't have a beard. He doesn't have a beard? No, I fucked up. Oh, okay. That's fine. Yeah. No beard. Okay. No beard. Long hair. No beard. Five o'clock shadow. Okay.

Perfect. Oh, yeah. He forgot to shave in the shower. Yeah. And as he walks into the bar nimble who has found a saxophone at the last town they were in is like he's on the bar like doing the Kenny what's his name? It's Careless Whisper. Yeah, but he's doing like the hip movement. Oh, yeah. I see. And Rath has been experimenting with this globe that's covered in tiny little mirrors and he's hanging up for making lights go into all the corners of the thing and he's shining this blue light.

So as soon as he comes out the saxophone starts up basically a disco ball goes and there's no read in the saxophone. So it's nimble literally going to do to do to do and as Fatum comes into the room with his like towel just out of the shower mirrors is not looking at him very stiffly not looking at him beet red. Yeah, he's just like a lot of onions.

So loud his own metal fingers so who comes into the bar a tall redheaded woman angular features and we're in a snowy landscape and she wearing a fur lined parka. Yeah, she's got a fur lined parka like high heel for high heel boots. She's got opera gloves. Yeah. Yeah, for aligned opera. Yeah, and she walks in with her hair. Underneath like a scarf to start a fur lined scarf and then she like she pulls the scarf off and then as the do do do do Kenny Rogers careless whisper is going Kenny Rogers.

Sorry. It's a Kenny Rogers version of it. Yeah, but she like whips her hair out and it's like long flowing red hair and the audience recognizes her as Allison. Of course. Yeah, of course. Okay, so Fatum sees us and he slips down the stairs because he's just like, whoa, and he slides all the way down tumbles boom boom boom his towel falls off and he's like, oh, I'm so sorry and he pulls it up like just covering his crotch. Oh, you slide down the stairs into the tavern. Yeah. Okay. All right.

I got you which is like the foyer of the outside zone. Excuse me. Welcome to welcome to hither and yon my lady then Allison puts a long red nail in her mouth and she like kind of like cheekily looks down at Fatum's tackle box and she's like kind of lost some of your linens there. Yeah. Yes. And Fatum he wants anyway he's thinking to himself. He's like trying to do some moves some poses, but he's got to keep like one hand holding.

The towel is crotch and then he like leans up against the window like it but it's too far away. And so he's like really leaning totally can I get me. Are you just a table for one and then Allison's like, yeah, I and then she like again in a very predatory way looks him up and down. She's like I stopped in for dinner right this way and he's walking backwards like leading the way to the table, but he's facing her so that she doesn't see his butt. Okay. No, he's got he's holding the towel up. Okay.

She's like, oh, thank you. Fatum. My name is Fatum. Okay, Fatum. Thank you. I am Allison. That's a hot name. The camera rack focuses over to mirrors behind the bar and he looks over at Allison. And then looks away and scurries into the kitchen right mirrors met Allison knows that Allison is a succubus and as mirrors like runs into the kitchen. She like just barely misses him behind the bar because she knows she would be made if she saw yeah. Yeah.

Here's the menu and let me slip into something a little more comfortable. There and he's got the table with like a cloth. It's so well set and then he grabs it and yanks out the the tablecloth and it comes out perfectly and then wraps it around Fatum. Thank you. And Allison's been perusing the menu and she's like, you know what? I don't see you on this. Adam was in the process of taking the towel out to wrap around like a fancy scarf and he falls over again. He has no shell.

One of the prompts is I trip and fall against you. What do you say? He falls over and accidentally grabs her boob. And he's mortified. I am so sorry. That was totally an accident. And then she she like steadies him by grabbing his big biceps and she like pushes him up and then squeezes them for a second and he flexes and and then she because like her predatory instant kicks in she squeezes tight enough to like leave nail marks.

And then in response to him like grabbing her boob she goes, oh, I hadn't planned on that for a couple of hours. Would you like red or white wine? Red for me always. Yeah. And then he sprints to the kitchen. I know, right? You gotta be you gotta be careful. Why? Be careful because I'm gonna fucking bust. Take it slow, my friend. Think of tetherball. Remember. Think of tetherball. You're right, my friend. The mirrors goes beet red again. Just an embarrassment at being around adult sexuality.

And it's just like, I'm gonna I'm gonna make you food. Okay. What's the best ball of red we got, Mears? And he goes over to a crate of dusty bottles and he starts holding them up to the light and blowing dust off the label. I think this one's red. Perfect. And he grabs two huge wine glasses on his way out. He's pouring as he's running. Okay. Takes the cork out with his mouth. Yeah. Wrathgar, bud. You mind lighting? I'm lighting candles from across the bar. They're lit.

A little bit of her hair goes on fire and then he runs over and squirts some sort of weird foam on it. It's like all part of the fun theater. It's like Chuck E. Cheese in here. I was wondering like, okay, how did Wrathgar light the candles? But now I'm imagining he put candles down with fuses that were going to light in 45 seconds and was like, please ask me to light the candles. Please ask me to light the candles. Please ask me to light the candles. And I'm a good friend, so I did. C.F.

Adams sets the wine like sloshed. It's sloshed everywhere. Sets the wine down in front of Allison like, my lady. Allison takes the glass of red. It's full to the brim and soaked. Yeah. And Fadams is also full to the brim and he's like chugging it like. And Allison chugs too, actually, but she's doing it effortlessly. Fadams like, wow, you are an impressive drinker. You're really guzzle. You're really fit a lot. You can really fit a lot in that big, big mouth. That big mouth. Allison laughs.

And she is starting to like blush, like get red. And she's honestly like everything Allison does is basically like fake human emotion, right? So she drank this much to force the physical body to blush. So she's like, she is like snaring a trap. Like, that's all. Allison cares about. So she laughs in a very like you're hilarious kind of way. And she's like, why? I feel like I've met you before. Probably in your dreams or in my dreams because you're my dream woman.

And she's like, maybe I could see having a dream about you. And he's like flexing, like posing in different ways. Like, oh, yeah. And she's like, oh, teller ball McCall, you're the hammer. I am. You are the game. She's like, yeah, I was at all the games. I had the season's pass last year. No way. Yeah. You kind of just disappeared. Saw me play. Yeah. You were like the best in the league. And then she like starts spouting a bunch of like this is she's basically being like, yeah, jock catnip.

Yeah. And he is enamored. Yeah. She's like just spouting stats like about like number of yards gained, number of glass figurines shattered, number of nut taps. You had more than anyone else in the league history. And you did that in one season. Wow. And if Adam has already imagined his life with Allison and the children and he's picked out names and stuff. And Allison is like, she's feeding on all of this. Yeah. He's just like, Allison, you know me so well. You know the game better than I do.

And he's like crying because he's so in love. All those tears for her. Wow. Allison, I feel like you and I have known each other. Yeah. Yeah. Our whole lives. And I could tell you, I don't usually get this emotional at all, especially for all ladies. I hope you can forgive me. I just never been so. No one's ever seen me like this. And then she lays a hand next to his hand. But like that thing where it's like the fingertips are barely touching the side of the pinky. Yes. Just like a molecule.

Oh, my God. Yeah. The hottest hand touch. Yeah, definitely. Because she's like she's trying to generate as much lust as possible. Because what's happening right now is she's being hunted. Oh, yeah. And she was like starving. She broke out of a prison in the frozen north and she was starving. And she was she found this bar and she I guess maybe that's why the bar showed up here to feed her. Yeah. Even her scruples are hungry. Like she is putting aside her like want to be a good person.

Yeah, totally. And she's not killing everyone in here. Still. She's. She got to eat. Yeah. And she is. That's the thing about Allison. I think she's like cognizant of like she's like I can't just kill people, but I have to break this guy's heart. So I have enough energy to fucking escape that mob of what might be like warlocks or whatever. Oh, I can. I can. Yeah, I think. Iconoclasts. Yes. She's. Oh, God. I wish I could tell you what she was thinking right now. Do you know? Yeah.

Oh, I have an idea. Whoa. Oh, what is the rules around? This? I don't know. I'm realizing the power I've put in each of your hands. That could really be a problem for me later. Yeah. I could tell you guys this. Was this something for Spout Lore that you knew already? No, no, no. I just came up with it. But you can try and get it out of me because Phantom hasn't asked her any questions. Right.

And he's like, sorry, I feel like I'm talking mostly about myself and that I've just I've never been on such a good date. So like, where are you from? You know, tell me about yourself. And she does this, like, stretch. Yeah. And he is hard. He's been hard this whole time. He's like, faint. It's the kind of thing that, like, she does a stretch and crosses her legs in a way that like the hairs on the backs of everyone's neck stand up even years.

But his in like, there's a tiger in the bar kind of thing. Actually, can I can I throw something in there that is like kind of canonical? So Allison stretches like that, Fatim, and you feel like a warmth, like a heat kind of in your head. Okay. And Allison, the eye in the right side of Fatim's head flares a little bit. Whoa. You feel yourself like cowed. Whoa. Like you are. You like you curl in a little bit. You pull your power back for a second. Uh huh. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa. That's fucking crazy.

That's fucking crazy. That's fucking crazy. That's fucking crazy. That's fucking crazy. That's fucking crazy. That's fucking crazy. That's fucking crazy. What? Cool. So you see Allison flinch a little bit after she stretches like she tweaked something, maybe. Right. And Fatim reaches for a hand. And she grabs his hand to like steady herself. And the Wrathgar comes in. Oh, hi. And puts a menu down on both her hands. There you go.

Because now he's he's like fighting and now he's going to give her a bunch of lust. Even Francis has no idea what's going on, but he's also there. Like he feels a bunch of energy on this side. He's like, oh, hi. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. There's a ton of energy. There's a ton of energy. There's a ton of energy. There's a ton of energy. There's a ton of energy. There's a ton of energy. There's a ton of energy.

There's a ton of energy. There's a ton of energy. There's a ton of energy. There's a ton of energy. There's a ton of energy. There's a ton of energy. There's a ton of energy. There's a ton of energy. There's a ton of energy. There's a ton of energy. There's a ton of energy. There's a ton of energy. There's a ton of energy. There's a ton of energy. There's a ton of energy. There's a ton of energy. There's a ton of energy.

The saxophone no he found a french horn he's just screaming and so uh fathom can feel like rathgar trying to like get in his way and he's like taking that badly he's like man back off I fucking got here first yeah man I know but this is not a competition just kind of want to see what your lovely lady I have a question for I noticed that he wasn't asking you any questions I just wanted to have a question for you first of all where are you from hey and and uh fathom leans in oh where where'd you go where are you going where did you come from and where where are you going cotton eye joe and he points at fathom when he says cotton eye joe get a load of cotton eye joe over here and then uh allison's like whoa whoa whoa so many questions so many questions and I feel like I have to catch my breath holy I know right this is so us I had that you!

This is tesla wall or whatever it's okay it's like a an energy source for a succubus that's like holy shit these guys are gonna fucking fight over me yeah and she's like oh my god stop don't but she's just charging up yeah totally and and fathom stops punching and he's like you know what allison why don't you and I just run away together I don't need to be here anymore I don't need to be around these guys and then rathgar's like his face is pummeling he got punched the shit out of him he's like black and blue and he spits out blood and a tooth falls out he's like you let's just get out of here go somewhere romantic and uh you notice like in the windows behind allison like torchlight is approaching and she's like I think maybe I will step outside for a second while you wait for me to get my stuff right exactly I want you guys to go get your stuff I will wait right outside and then she comes and she's like oh my god I'm kind of like gestures generally to both of them and I will be taking you home with me I'm into not not if I get there first and uh fathom like sprints upstairs he'll grab just like hauls a armful of his stuff but it's not a organized collection it's mostly rathgar stuff uh-huh and and I'll you yeah she's uh she like she's outside um so fathom and rathgar like elbowing each other as they're running downstairs yeah and then um get to the door get to the door open it allison my love it's just like a quiet alleyway steam rises into the end of the air from stacks in the distance alley babe guys close the door she's gone isn't she she left me she did the old disappearing heart trick I need to be alone right now my feelings he throws down a smoke bomb he's gone but he's he did it he moved three feet he's lying on the couch sadly we're laying on opposite couches facing away from each other uh-huh yeah uh and that's the end of romancing a stranger can you guys make up we will there's a rift I think I think what we'll do this is not usually how it goes but I'll do a little directing so the next game we're going to play is called wear and tear okay wait before we move on can can I tell you what was what I think was going on with allison it didn't come out but I think what was happening was she so one of the reasons why she's been off the map is because she was trapped by like an iconoclast which are people who study icons basically demonologists in our world and they were trying to extract the demonologists from the world and they were trying to extract the demonologists from her so that they could like trade it to a warlock interesting uh for like use cool yeah I feel like they came to at first we're like we can help you solve you just are you tired of living like this you know without trying to sell her on all the good points of it like like a real kind of like kindly kind of vibe where it's like we're trying to help you we know you try not to kill people yeah and then maybe that's how she got trapped yeah yeah yeah oh the only thing is I misspoke so yeah if there's people that study they're iconographers uh iconoclasts are the ones that study them iconoclasts are people that hunt and destroy demons okay which is they don't really exist anymore no not in the same way even iconographers are pretty rare yeah so wear and tear uh there's always something to fix or clean or pay off after playing this game you may increase one of your tavern ratings by one setup anyone can play as a group decide what parts of the tavern need fixing and touching up and what new features of the taverns there are uh something that the game we did this we've been doing this throughout the day but this is actually the point in the game where stew pot itself is not a tavern it's a tavern it's a tavern it's a tavern it's a tavern it's a tavern take a break before you play this take a few minutes leave the room that you're in go walk around okay and then come back and if anything's come up that you want to talk about in the game any problems you're having anything you're stressed about then bring it up now give yourselves an opportunity to check in because wear and tear we're fixing up the tavern but we're also maintaining ourselves that's nice so we've all got coffees now thank you uh to super dove for bankrolling our treats today that's so incredibly generous Superduv, thank you very much for the chicken And thank you very much for the coffees I did not take a picture of the chicken Because we ate it too fast We really did We could take a picture of the garbage The detritus that was left behind I'll take a picture of the bag right now Okay, so Let's talk about Hither and Yon And what we think needs fixing up And what new additions people might want to make I think Mears' goal, of course Is the kitchen It's fixing up the stove, maybe getting a nicer stove The stove's pretty small, guys I can only make one Shepard's Wellington In this thing before the yeast Starts popping out of all the holes I need a bigger oven Oh, don't worry, Mears, I can help you there You know how I've been, like, playing With some pottery on the side, making little cups Is that why you've been so Clay-y lately?

Yeah, I could build you, like, a new brick oven If you want No way You would do that for me? Fatim?

Yeah, Mears, you're like my little bro Maybe you're not so bad after all Maybe I'm not But maybe I am Who knows And he slams down, like, a big slab of clay And starts going Nice And he starts literally wrestling the clay Yeah, he's like, fuck you Fuck you, dad And he's, like, punching it And then he's, like, ripping it apart, being like Fuck you, Tuck, this is your head Fuck you And Mears is like, oh my god I forgot he doesn't know that I know Tuck Mears is keeping so many secrets right now He really is Fuck you, Torch McCall Fuck you, Torch McCall You don't fucking know me You don't fucking know anything but, like, I don't know The god of the flame, barely His eyes flaring Yeah Anyway, like, a day later, after a lot of fighting And Fatim got super sweaty Took a lot of shower breaks and stuff He definitely didn't have to go this hard Anyway, there's, like, a very delicate, beautiful And sturdy new clay oven Oh, wow Cool Yeah, you can make all tons of shit A bunch of shepherd pies and wellingtons And you can make loaves of sourdough You can make pumpernickel bread Which I know you like Oh my god You can bake a bunch of chicken curries in here You could do a bunch of baklava Which I have personally tried out And it worked out well Great And Mears is, like, running his hand down the oven Searing sounds, smells Filling the kitchen Anyway, I'm gonna go do a bunch of chin-ups So, I'll see you later Okay, bye, thank you And, uh, over the next couple days This is, so that was Fatim's, I guess, work on the tavern Mears' work on the tavern is He tidies up and organizes the kitchen He, like, pulls out a bunch of old Kind of worm-eaten Shelves that were in there for a long time And He's like, Rearranges the spices in bottles And makes things nice and clean Cleans up everything It's so, everything is in reach To where he needs it to be when he's cooking He's starting to feel good about it So we have a cuisine rating of 2 right now Oh, nice Yeah Yeah What's, uh, what's Nimble getting up to?

Uh, Nimble has People have been noticing that Nimble's been walking around With, uh, like, he's always chewing gum Okay And every day It seems like he's chewing more and more gum Uh-huh And it's because he's been going underneath all the tables And taking the gum Of course People have been sticking there Okay And chewing it Like, mostly for selfish reasons But as a result He's really been, like, cleaning up the tavern Because all the gum's gone from under the tables But then all the dust and grime on the floors is gone Because Nimble's been shuffling around so much Yeah Also, his, his, his chin line's been cleaning up With all that chewing He's getting real cut in the chin Yeah, and he's, he keeps dropping the big ball of gum He's been chewing, too So that's picking stuff up Oh, God Yeah, because Francis is rolling it around Yeah Like a dung beetle, yeah Francis tried, yeah, it's an instinct Uh-huh It's because woolly pigs lay eggs And that's how they Woolly pigs lay eggs?

Yeah All right, I guess woolly pigs lay eggs Yeah Never said that before So he's treating it like an egg Great Yeah You're doing a fantasy by numbers To get your woolly pig egg dice Yeah Is he, is he having, like, parental instincts right now? Yeah, he's, like Oh, Francis He keeps, like, stealing it and taking it to his nest And then Is this a male woolly pig behavior? Or is this a female woolly pig behavior?

I think it's male It's like they're, they're like emperor penguins Okay, yeah, like the males raise the young Yeah Yeah So he's got a big nest somewhere that's, like, smashed up Crates and rags that he's dumped in a corner It's one of the rooms Yeah It's just ruined You can't get in there at all Yeah But, yeah, he comes up to Mears And he's like, oh, I'm not going to do that He's like, hey, uh, check this out This is the biggest ball of gum you've ever seen or what?

Oh, my God Where did you get that? And he's holding it over his head It's huge You haven't been chewing that, have you?

Oh, yeah, not all at once I haven't been able to fit it in my mouth for a few weeks now But, yes You, you gotta, you gotta stop chewing on that I'll stop chewing on this When you pry it out of my cold, dead jaws He starts, he starts biting it Nimble is, like, a scarier version of Billy Like, a more, a sharper vision But he also, like, as he kind of runs away He turns to Mears and he shows him a page of a notebook That he's just been sticking stickers to Oh, my God He's like, I found these stickers Where?

What do you think of it? I don't know, they're cool That's like a little pig, that's cute Yeah Is that like a, like a dog? Yeah I don't know what this stripy horse is The colors on this horse are all wrong This one's a duck Oh Why is it even a duck? It's yellow None of your fucking business All right Jesus He runs into the kitchen Oh, what?

He clutches the book and runs into the kitchen Kid scares the hell out of me That's for Nimble to know and for you to find out What's, uh, how's Rathgar been contributing to the upkeep of Hither and Yon?

Uh, he put in a stage in a performance area Oh, God, no Yeah And he's really been MacGyvering a whole setup He may, has chairs, but they're all upside down buckets Mm-hmm Uh, he made up a bunch of lights, like a lighting rig Ooh And they're all out of, like, the, he took apart the bathroom to make a stage So And then he, like, was like, I fixed the bathroom I just imagined, like, in the middle of the night, Fatim going to take a shit in the toilet and not being there There's just a hole now Slamming into the ground And then there's a sign on it that says, it still works Cause he turned the toilet into a trap door Oh my God So then, Fatim's, like, stuck in the shit And he's like, oh, I'm gonna go to the toilet And he's like, oh, I'm gonna go to the toilet And he's like, oh, I'm gonna go to the toilet Someone comes to use the bathroom in the morning and Fatim is just there No, no, no, no Get me out of here Occupied Yeah Oh, so we've got a little stage now He's rigged up a piano, too Rigged up a piano?

Yeah, he's made, like, an organic, like, a player piano Cool Like ones where you don't have to play it Yeah, it runs on the little blue crystal batteries Cool So, what kind of song, what kind of songs did Rathgard put on there?

Well, I don't know I don't know Well, he's been playing a lot of It has, like, a different thing You can put a French horn on it And it plays the French horn You can put the saxophone in It'll play Oh, nice He's attached the saxophone to the piano Yeah, it'll play any instrument That's so cool, actually That is really sick Yeah, it's a robo band Yeah So, the cuisine went up because of the sliced thing But it sounds like atmosphere is going up Yeah, can I ask another question about this player piano?

Please If you put a bottle into it, does it play it? Yes Is there a place where you can just, like, if you have a bottle? It'll take many bottles, too You can take a jukebox of bottles Nice If you put an empty, could you, like, get music into the bottle?

This is the thing So, you can, it also creates music Wow So, if you have all the instruments, you can attach them to this thing I'm glad you guys like it This is something I whipped up Well, I was thinking about this This is where music bottles come from Arcanix invented music bottles Yes, 100% Whoa So, if you have all the instruments, you can fill up a bottle So, right now, it's just, like, we have one bottle of So, maybe we can sell it Now, we have Guys, look, we can sell music bottles as well as booze Ooh And our one food item That's exciting Mm-hmm Okay I forgot the menu is one food Yeah Well, that's the most notable item That's the special Right Mears looks at the special every day, too He's, like, a guy that likes new and exciting foods Uh-huh So, every morning, he wakes up and looks at the special, which is Shepard's Pie And then in brackets, Wellington Yeah Yeah Yeah!

And he's just, like, fucking… God damn it! Yeah I hope nobody orders this But, so, Atmosphere, we're increasing Atmosphere Yeah So, our Atmosphere rating is now at two as well Such a weird game to be building up this bar that no one can ever really get in here just one at a time Yeah I don't… I mean, like, I think there are times where it goes to a place and there is regular customers True For, like, a few months Yeah Yeah And then we just disappear again Yeah And then…

Because everyone has those stories We went to this bar I can't remember the name of it But it was awesome Yeah I think it's, like, in those situations, the bar senses that the community needs something Yeah Like, it's not one person needs a place of refuge or needs food Exactly Or needs help It's, like, this community needs a gathering place for a bit Yeah Yeah, there have been times where, like, worker uprisings have been planned here Yeah And, like, you know, weddings and stuff have taken place Like, it's just…

It's, like…

Regicide planned out Exactly Yes Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Regicide foiled Yeah Regicide foiled Like, there's a night where, like, in some town somewhere, somebody's getting mugged in an alleyway And then in some town a million miles away, a bunch of roughneck workers are hanging out at Hither and Yon Yeah And it teleports them to where the person's getting mugged Yeah, totally So then just a bunch of angry construction bros come boiling out of a bar that appeared out of nowhere Hey, what are you doing to that car?

Out of a porta potty Yeah Yeah Just come out with, like, clowns in a car Yeah But now the… Up, up, up, up, up Just above the door of the porta potty on the plastic and marker is written Hither and Yon Yeah, exactly I also think that there are times when they're, like, Hither and Yon is fighting itself Like, there's two versions of Hither and Yon in one place One where, like, an uprising is being planned and the other one where, like, the…

Yeah The officials It's being tried to quash The counter-rebellion Yeah And they're like, they need to get it out of their system Exactly That's great Yeah, it's… The thing is, Hither and Yon has no morals Mm-hmm It just…

It feels when it's needed and then it moves to that place So, Atmosphere 2, canvas cots, freshly painted walls, clean windows You walk into Hither and Yon now, it looks nice Yeah It's tidy We've got a fucked-up magic piano machine in the corner And, um, sorry, our restroom's out of service Boy, is it ever But people keep using it We're really trying to get them to stop Yeah But they love it They're… It's kind of a novelty at this point Where they're like…

It's like, hey, there's this secret bar where the bathroom is a stage So it's kind of an arts piece where you taking a shit is like performing And I guess it means that art is shit? And it's not even like a… It's not real because when you go outside, like, it's… The shit's not there He's found a way of that made the toilet go out… Channel outside so that it just always goes into wherever they're going Yeah Hither and Yon ended up with a pretty solid review in a local…

Art zine That we just never saw So, Paul, it is now your turn to choose the game that you would like to play Okay, a distinguished guest A distinguished guest, okay Yep, somebody cool comes in Yeah Could Kem come in? Oh…

Yeah, yeah, yeah Someone can play Kem Yeah So, a distinguished guest Someone important is in town and they're almost here The tavern has to be at its best for this guest Kem After all, they might leave a generous tip It could be Kem A setup As a group, figure out a few details about the important guest Where do they come from? How important are they? Have you heard of them before? His name is Kem He's the most important person in Mears' life So, how does Mears…

Mears doesn't ever shut the fuck up about it Yeah So, how does Mears know? Oh, because we… Because he's from Pinewood He's from Pinewood We open the door and there's a… We're in Winewood Yeah, we're in Winewood Like the new… A bustling town in the woods on the shores of a wine-soaked lake Cool But Mears looks out and is like…

Oh, shit Oh, no Oh, no, I know where we are Oh, my God Oh, my God And there's, like, hanging on a tree Uh-huh Because the door opens out of a tree And sticking out of it is a beautifully carved wooden sign That says, Hither and Yon And then Nimble sees Mears freaking out And he's like, what's up? Did you lose your saffron again or something? No There's… There's a boy here His name's Kem And he… What if he comes here? What if he comes here and what do I do? What do you mean? Yeah, he's…

You just want to look your best? Okay, on the ground Give me ten push-ups right now You want to get that pump going No You want to get that pump going And Mears is trying to do push-ups But it's really awkward on, like, his metal hand And he's… And, uh, Fatim's helping him by doing push-ups with him Yeah, next to him Yeah What? Because his meat hand is way weaker than his metal hand Oh, yeah So he's just like… God Like, lopsided push-ups But I think, um, he's been…

Because of that, uh, Fatim's been training him to do one-handed push-ups Yeah Just with his metal hand And also just with his… Meat hand? Cool Yeah So he's getting kind of… He's getting that, like, teenage boy kind of lean muscle I think so I think it's like… This is a situation where Mears hasn't looked in the mirror in, like, months Maybe years Who knows? And if he did… What if Rathgard took all the mirrors? They have to go in the piano Well, what is smoke but without mirrors?

And I think if Mears were to look in the mirror He would look a little bit older than he expected And it's the best he's ever looked Oh, certainly, yeah Oh, yeah Like, him without having to worry about what he's looking like He's looking so good Uh, so how this game works is One player will play the guest Jessica as Kemp Other players are challengers At least one for each challenge Each challenge tests one of your tavern's ratings Ooh, I'm Kemp's new boyfriend Huh?

Oh, what kind of challenge are you talking about? Ooh, yes What if? Yes No, guys, you gotta… Hold on a second Sorry, sorry Regardless of whatever you're doing, you gotta…

Whatever he says next My statement stands We misinterpreted the rules for a second Okay And then we got excited about what that might mean So it means there's a cuisine challenge An atmosphere challenge And a service challenge Each one, you flip a coin A number of times equal to your rating Heads is good, tails is bad So, like, we've got two cuisine So if I flip heads, then the food that I make is good And the guest player describes what they enjoy most about the meal If I get a tails, I fail The guest player describes something unpleasant They find in their food So that's what we're trying to do We're each gonna be flipping coins during the challenge Trying to get a heads To make a good experience for the guest Okay Yeah But also Sounds like Kemp has a new boyfriend Yes So Mears Gathers everybody Okay We gotta get our shit together There's somebody in this town And if they come here and they have a bad time I will lose my mind And Fadum takes this really seriously Because he's never heard Mears talk in any different way I will absolutely lose my shit On everyone here And myself for months So we gotta be top of the line Okay And we're standing to attention Like the towels over our arms Yes, exactly And Mears is standing on top of the bar He's striding back and forth like General George S.

Patton We're gonna lock it down We're gonna do our best We're gonna excel Victory We're gonna do our best We're gonna do our best We're gonna do our best We're gonna do our best We're gonna do our best We're gonna do our best We're gonna do our best We're gonna do our best We're gonna do our best We're gonna do our best We're gonna do our best We're gonna do our best We're gonna do our best We're gonna do our best We're gonna do our best We're gonna do our best We're gonna do our best We're gonna do our best We're gonna do our best We're gonna do our best We're gonna do our best You're cold as ice.

I'm going to fucking chop this potato so fast. You're impossibly fast. I'm going to lose my mind if I have to hear any more of this. You're so strong. Sorry, this thing's stuck on medley. You're emotionally abusive. There's some weird Mormon overtones to your behavior. And I'll say it out loud. All right, I'm flipping this coin. Fun boy. Okay, last attempt. If Mears blows this, the food's bad. Okay, you do it. Heads. Heads, heads, heads, heads. Oh my God. Heads. Heads. Yes.

Oh, that's incredible. Wow, I like this game a lot. Okay, so Mears, like cuts a potato in the air. Oh, yeah. You cut it, but not all the way through. And then you put slices of butter and cheese in between and put it in the oven. It gets all crispy and baked on the inside. Oh, fuck, yeah. And then the fish gets laid over that. At the last moment, Mears is like, red wine. What am I thinking? With cheese and onion and the potatoes? It'd be disgusting.

He dumps it in the toilet and splashes out into the street in McCall somewhere. It just shoots out of a pot on the road. Hot, hot red wine. Yeah. Fish mold wine. So he just, what's a better, he just uses, he just butters it, poaches it in butter, you know, does that thing where you take the spoon and you kind of throw it over the thing you're cooking as you're cooking it. Or grills it. Yeah. Or grills it. Because he's so fast and spicy right now. Yeah.

Oh, and the wood he's using with like pine, wood from outside. So it's kind of got like a pine grilled. Yeah. Yeah. And he brings it out to the table. Rathgar has got like his, he's like making an illusion. So it's like, the chef would like to deliver his food personally to your table. Oh. And Cam tries not to get too excited. Oh, really? Does he know that it's Mears? Yeah, he saw him. He saw him, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'd be interested to meet this chef.

Yeah, I mean, not that like, I'm, not that I know him. Yeah, absolutely. I'd love to meet the chef for like the first time. All right. And so then he's like, please, gentlemen and gentlemen, put your hands together and welcome to the hither and yon from which you know not when you go, but where you are transported to in the minds and mouths of babes across the world.

Mears takes a deep breath and walks out of the kitchen and around the bar and is like, man, they really went way too hard on this intro. I got a lot to live up to now. There's smoke and sparkles happening over a blue light. And then through the blue light, he puts on the music. Please put your hungry hands together for our chef Mears. Hi. Hello, Kim. Mears, you look well. Ah, Sodi, you look so as do you. Thank you. Thank you. Who's your friend here? Hi, I'm Darby. Hi, Darby.

Yes, this is my friend, Darby. We're dating. My name's Darby. We only just started dating. Right, no. No, that's cool. That's cool. That's fine. That's nice. My dad is the town leader, Yilliam. Oh. Or William. It's really hard for me to remember which is which. It's Yilliam. I remember Yilliam. Yilliam. I've been here before. You know the wine lake? Oh, yeah. He invented it. Oh, you invented the wine lake. Kind of. I was there, I think. I was involved.

Were you the boy who got concussed on the course on the way out of town? Oh, no. I don't know what you're talking about. But I saw… Today, I'm the head chef at this place. You might have known. No way. Yeah, this is kind of my place. And Imagineer. I am impressed. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, today for you, I have… Salmon poached in butter and grilled with pinewood smoke and on a bed of Hasselbeck potatoes. Enjoy. On the house. It's like you knew. The potatoes were my favorite food.

Guest player describes what they most enjoy about the meal. Oh, the crispiness of the potato mixed with like the soft, melty, buttery insides. Oh, that's nice. All right. And they settle into their meal. And as they begin to enjoy the food, they really start to soak up the atmosphere of the Hither and Yon, which I believe seems to be the purview of Rathgar the Nightblade. Has he decorated in any interesting, weird, arcanical ways? It just looks like a prom. Like glittery disco balls. Yeah.

He made Hither and Yon under the sea. Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful. It always ends up being a prom with us. Oh, my God. Francis is dressed up like a little… Mermaid. He's just going to town on a pile of garbage. Yeah. Rathgar has sewn a bunch of extra sleeves on his cloak, so he's like an octopus. Yes. Mater D. And Nimble is dressed as… He found like a stuffed shark in the basement and he shoved himself into it, so he's dragging around like an eight-foot shark behind him.

The next challenge is the service challenge, so keep that in mind. Okay. Great. Yeah. So go ahead and flip it. I want heads. You want a heads. I got a tails. Okay. So you get one more and then one more because of your jury rigging or your arcana. Come on. Heads. Heads. Heads. Heads. Heads. Heads. Tails. Oh, no. Fucking shit. One more. Okay. Here we go. Okay. Last time. Heads. Heads. Yeah. All right. It's so romantic. Yeah. He filled all the corners of the bar with water.

There's all these tubs of water, and he made all these lights pointing into the corner, so they're reflecting all this underwater thing everywhere, so it actually looks really underwater. Hell yeah. Yeah. And it's full of smoke. You can hardly see 10 feet in front of you. Amazing. And he rigged the little fishes and seaweeds to the ceiling fans, so they're all just swimming around the bar. Nice. So it's kind of a hazard as well, which might interrupt the service. Yeah. Perfect.

So the guest describes a special memory they will always have of their stay. It's when Rathgar introduced Mears, and Mears was standing there, with the glow of the butter highlighting his face. The light was shining off the butter, and he saw Mears for the first time. What feels like forever. And you notice how much he's grown. Grown. I mean- And how much you are growing. Growing and showing. Our little baby boy Mears might no longer be 14. How old is he, do you think, now?

I'm fully willing to believe that he has turned 16 since he has been living it. Yeah. He's a little bit younger than Heather and Jan. Yeah. And he's got like big, these big shoulders from training with FATM now. I also, I think he's getting kind of bar keep body. Like he's getting muscular, but he's putting on weight too, because he eats a lot and he moves a lot of stuff around. Yeah. So he's filling out, but he's got muscle too. I like that.

And then his facial hair is coming in, so he's getting a little bit of like a blonde curly beard. Oh yeah. Yeah. So he looks kind of like young gravy. What's that? Oh my God. I guess he kind of does look like that. He does look like young gravy a little bit. Okay. Fatter. Yeah. Like a chubby young gravy and shorter. Mears isn't a super tall guy. Is that the rapper who likes moms? Yeah. The rapper who fucks everybody's moms. Yes. Love it.

Whenever people go to a young gravy concert, I always see stuff on TikTok that's like, my mom got selected for the young gravy pre-show experience. Oh my God. That's hilarious. And then it's like hot mouth like going backstage. Oh yeah. Okay. And next, so the dinner is out. The stage has been set. The only thing left to make sure Kem and Darby have a nice time is the service, which I believe is under Nimble's control, probably with Fatim. So Fatim or Nimble has shoved himself into a shark. Yeah.

Right. So, so that means he can't carry the trays. So, so Fatim's carrying all the trays and he's also serving all the other tables cause Nimble's taking so long to move around in his outfit. Uh huh. Nimble's getting pretty hot in there. Yeah. It's packed in here. I forgot that. It is. So Fatim's on roller skates, like zooming around and he's, he's making sure we pay special attention to, um, Kem's table. Yeah. Perfect. And he is stacking tips. Oh yeah, he is.

There's a lot of moms in this restaurant right now. Yeah. Uh huh. Yeah. Quan on Quan. A lot of people that, yeah, really appreciate a strapping lad. On skates. Yeah. It's the skates that really nails it home. So Abdul is going to flip coins for this. Yeah. So our service rating, aka, $1,000. Yeah. So we're going to do a little bit of a quick review. So we're going to do a quick review. So we're going to do a quick review of this. Yeah.

So our service rating, aka, the number of coin flips you get is one. Okay. So unless you cross off any of your experiences, you're only getting one. All right. Okay. Heads. Hell yeah! I fucking knew this was going to happen. Can someone describe how cool, how did the coin flip was? You ended up with almost not even looking. It almost hit the ceiling and you caught it out of mid-air and slammed it on the book. Silence. No expression in his face, but a quiet shirring.

Of the luck that befalls him at every turn. And I'm pretty sure you kept eye contact with Sean the whole time. Didn't even look at the coin. Caught the coin without looking. Slammed it on his book. Plucked it out of midair. Didn't wait for it to come back down. Heads. If one of your coin flips comes up heads, you pass. The guest describes an interesting conversation they have with someone at the tavern. Okay. But maybe it's mirrors. Ooh. Okay. Maybe they bump into each other on the way.

Yeah, Kim tries to go to the bathroom. What bathroom? I know. And that's what he says. He's like, oh, sorry. He walks in on Kim. And Kim is crying. Oh. Or mirrors is crying. Yeah. Oh. Mirrors. I'm so sorry. Oh, no, it's fine. I was just. Chopping onions. Yeah, I was chopping onions in here. In the bathroom? Yeah. It's a mudlarkian style of food preparation. Right. You wouldn't understand. I just want to be clear. Darby's fine, but I've always. I've always held a spot soft spot for you.

I didn't think. I didn't think you'd be leaving so soon. You know, I just. I got lonely. Look, Kim, it's been. It's been two years. What? It's. Here's been like a month. Ooh. I mean, and I like, you know, I had sent you letters. I didn't hear back. No. No, no. I look. I'm. I'm sorry. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't get any of the letters. I just thought that you'd moved on. No, you know, I thought I thought you'd moved on. You know, you're like going out to do cool stuff. And, you know, I thought.

I thought you didn't like me because I didn't have like cool accent like my dad does. Why? No, I don't have a cool accent like my dad does. Right. Cut to Dick Faust. Yeah. Boy, I love digging in the mud. Ever since Mudlark was raised to the ground by the army of. Bully wags. I've been digging in the mud trying to find my old beloved horse Matilda. Oh, there she is. Cut back. I. I. Sorry. You go. No, you go. No, it's fine. All right. Okay. Look, Kim, I like you.

I know that you're with somebody right now and that's fine here. Just a sec. And he runs out and he grabs a piece of paper and he writes down the mailing address for hither and yon. Whoa. She's found is like if you write. The hither and yon address on a letter and put it in a place that letters are placed. Yeah. They show up at hither and yon. Whoa. What's the hither and yon address? Hither and yon here, there and everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. I love it. Okay.

So here he writes down hither and yon here, there and everywhere. If you put this on an envelope, I'll get it no matter where I am. But you have to put proper postage. You gotta put a stamp on it. You still have to. I don't know what the deal is. But if you don't. If you don't put a stamp on it, it comes, but it is ashes. Right. Right. And, uh, Kim folds it up really carefully and puts it in his breast pocket.

And he's like, can I, I mean, this might be weird cause I haven't seen you in a, in a couple of weeks, but like, can I hug you? Can I hug you? Yeah. Can we hug? We can, we can hug. Yeah. We can hug. We can hug. We can hug. And that's when, uh, Kim hugs him and feels like the new muscles that Mears has started putting on. And the little like. The weight that he's like a kind of solid guy now. Look, don't force anything with Darby. Don't rush anything. Don't end anything just for me.

But if you ever have the inclination, you know where to find me. Kim nods and he, he's like, yeah, yeah, I'll, I'll, I'll send you a letter. Okay. I hope you have a good night. I really missed you. I missed you too. We'll talk soon. Yeah. Okay. You right. Yeah, I will. Yeah. All right. Seriously. Where's the shitter? Oh my God. Yeah. Sorry. This is the bathroom. Sorry. I've been really holding it in. Yeah. Don't stand too close to the hole when you flush it or you will get sucked in.

You'll end up in my car. And Mears closes the bathroom door for him. And, uh, can you cut to what nimble is doing right now? Cut to nimble. Uh, I'm in the stock room with Darby and I, I've got a knife. I've got a knife. I've got a knife. I like this. Whoa. Whoa. Well, well, what was the goal of that last round? Having a memorable conversation or interesting? Interesting conversation. Okay.

And then, uh, so nimble goes, Hey, well, well, well, look who's having an interesting conversation with nimble. It's Mr. Darby. And Mears walks past the stock room and goes, Nimble, what the fuck are you doing? And nimble slams the door and jams the knife. Yes. And then you, you hear nimble go. And this one is a koala bear. He's showing him his sticker book. I don't know what a koala bear is. Look at it. That doesn't look like a bear at all. Look at it. It's a koala bear.

It looks like a little mouse. It's a fucking koala bear. Okay. All right. It's a koala bear. And this one is a little elephant. Okay. All right. Okay. It's an elephant. It's an elephant. I want you to steer clear of chem. Never get near him again. You hear me? All right. Okay. Whatever. He's spoken for. Okay. All right. All right. Why? I'm going to go. And before you leave, I want you to remember one thing is nimble. It's going to live forever. Okay.

And Darby shoves himself out the door and goes and sits down with chem, but keeps like looking over at the stock room and you see the stock room door open and a nine foot shark shuffle out on the ground. And then Rathgar looks at Darby. Uh-huh. And then he mows the ground. There's a ton of emotions. Raking his thumb across his neck like, don't you dare. And then at the same time, Darby feels like a finger go across his actual neck. Creepy. Creepy. We cut to Fatum.

Fatum's got Darby in the hallway. Oh my God. Like, held up by the scruff of his neck. And he's like, I don't know what you think you're doing here, but you are not welcome. Not your kind. And by your kind, I mean you, Darby, alone. Kim can do so much better than you. And by better, I mean he could do mirrors. Not in that way. You know. Not yet. But you know what I mean. So you should fucking back off right now. This kid's getting threatened so many times. He's getting threatened so many times.

Just for dating somebody. I know. We're being really mean. No, it's great. What I thought you were going to say was Fatum talks to him and he's like, if you keep going out with mirrors, I'm going to fuck your mom. What? Oh, she's a wine mom for sure. Oh. Oh my God. For sure. And so the night ends and they finish their meal and Darby's looking over at everybody else in the bar. And every time he looks at mirrors, mirrors is like, no, it's not. It's fine.

But he thinks he's doing the neck thing again. Yeah. Fatum's behind him going like, I'll fucking kill you. I'll fucking kill you. Doing the like slit across the neck thing. And he's like, he's got his chain and his tether ball in his hand. It's making those scary chain sounds with it. How are we not going to believe this? Kid in mortal terror. Well, this is essentially what we did to mirrors in season one. And all that's true. It's true. We do threaten children a lot. I know. I have no chill.

So mirrors tries to meet them at the door as they're leaving. And it's like, Hey Darby, I hope I, I hope you had a good time. I'm sorry for my friends. They're really intense. And Darby looks at mirrors and he puts a hand out to shake his hand. Yeah. And he goes to shake Darby's hand. And then Darby goes, I just want you to know that I treat lower class. People worse. Oh, thank God. Get the fuck out of here. You nerd. He's like, I pretend to tip, but I don't tip.

Even though I have a lot of money. You get out, get out of my, get out of my bar. Now I refuse to pay a shoe store. Sometimes you made your choice in how you live your life. I'm not paying for that. Oh my God. Get out. And the door closes and the night carries on pleasant mirrors. Thinking very suddenly of a letter he might receive in the future. Nice. So if you pass two or more challenges, which we did, we passed all three challenges. You succeed in impressing your guest.

The guest describes a lavish gift. They present to the tavern before they leave, which I think will actually be something we find maybe in the bar in the morning. Oh yeah. I was going to say, or because Darby didn't tip, but Kim left something behind. Yeah. So this gift helps you instantly upgrade one of your tavern ratings. So one of our ratings is going to go up. Oh, a Yelp stone. Guest describes the gift. Yelp stone's pretty funny.

So Kim left behind a note in an envelope with like a weird amount of money, but like quite a bit. So like. $63. Yeah. 63 coins. And a note saying, hi mirrors. It's Kim. From before. From before. Remember me? Darby was being a huge dick. So I took all his money. Here you go. I love. And he scratched that out. From Kim. P.S. Fix your bathroom. Yeah. All right. So which one of our things do we want to upgrade? Bathroom. Bathroom. Atmosphere, I guess. Bathroom. Okay. That's so. Yeah.

Would that be atmosphere? Do we think? Yes. What else is there? Structure? Service and cuisine. Let me just double check. What service? The lowest one. Yeah. Service is only one. Services are bathrooms. Bathroom would be one of our services we provide. It does represent your staff. But we are the staff. We're not hiring new staff. Yeah. The four of us is plenty. So we're going to hire a bathroom. Yeah. I like that. A sentient bathroom. We buy a toilet. Cheating me.

Our rating is now two, which means we now have a sentient toilet. No. Rathgard rigged the toilet to say that. He just put it on top of the trap door. Uh-huh. Yeah. So you're just pooping in the middle of a stage. So it looks more like an art thing. Wait. I thought the toilet was upstairs. Oh. It is. Yeah. The bathroom. The bathroom. The bathroom. The bathroom. The bathroom. The bathroom. The bathroom. The bathroom. It's taken apart to make the stage. Oh.

But the bathroom is still upstairs, isn't it? I thought the stage. Oh, God, no. It was the bathroom. No fucking way. Okay. Well, that's what we did talk about, though. Okay. Because it's made out of parts of the bathroom. So some people think it's a bathroom and have used the stage. Oh, yeah. Okay. It's very embarrassing. Okay. For that person. Well, the person is never embarrassed because they do it anyways. That's the weird part. Yeah. It's embarrassing for everybody else. Yeah.

It's embarrassing because you got to watch it all. Okay. So off the clock. It's been a while since you've all had a proper day off. Things are slower right now and you can get away with closing up for a day. Where do you go after the tables are wiped down? Anyone can play. Each player describes the first thing their character is doing to wind down, let loose, or otherwise forget about work for a while. And it's just everybody kind of does a scene about how they spend their time off. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. One at a time? Yeah. We'll do it one at a time. I can start. I think Hither and Yon has moved again. It's been a few weeks after Mears met Cam again and he's received a couple letters. Oh, wow. Oh, nice. Which has been nice. It's just like, hey, what's going on? School's really hard right now. I'm helping out at the offices of my parents. Actually, I think that's what it is. Mears goes to… The door is open one day on kind of like a nicely wooded hillside.

And he takes some paper to go write a letter back to Cam. Oh, nice. Which is difficult because he has to write with his left hand now that he's lost. Like, he's still getting used to writing with his left hand now that his right is metal. Oh. It's a little harder to hold. Nimble made him a thing. Oh, what is the thing? He took some of the gum from the gumball and he wrapped it around a pen. And he was like… Oh, yeah.

It'll make it feel like a normal pen because your hand's all fucking weird and metal. Thank you, Nimble. Thank you. And the gum is soft like a lady. Thanks. Thanks, Nimble. It's like you're writing with a lady. Okay. All right. I'm going to go. I'm going to go now. Okay. Thanks. Have a good day. Yeah. So, Mir sits down on a rock and has Nimble's clipboard and a piece of paper clipped to it. Nice. And starts writing, Dearest… No, that's too weird. Dear… No. Still too personal. Hello, Cam.

Hello there. Too casual. Too casual. Hi, Cam. Thank you for your letter. I read it 13 times. Don't tell me how many times you read it. I read it. And it's the best letter I've ever gotten. Sorry if this is messy. I'm not used to writing with my left hand. But I wanted to tell you that I've thought about you a lot since we left Winewood. I had a dream about you the other night.

And in it, we were in Mudlark, which is where I'm from, sitting next to the pond behind my house and looking at tadpoles. I looked at your eyes. They looked like two big… Bowls of… Soup… In brackets. That's good. We held hands. And when I woke up, I wish that I was actually able to hold your hand. Anyways, I gotta go. I'm excited for your next letter. Love. Nope. I don't know. Bye. Mears. And he folds it up. And he holds it in his hand. He thinks about it.

And then he nods and he gets up and he walks back to Hither and Yon. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. That's nice. So what does Nimble do with his time off? Nimble has been rummaging around in the Hither and Yon trying to find secrets. Okay. He's trying to find secrets. Nimble loves a secret and secrets make you live forever. Nimble's gonna live forever. So he's trying to like find clues to like what this place is. Like what? Who built it?

You're not gonna get a bunch of canonical information out of me that easy. I want you to know that. What can I do? You can just describe how Nimble uses his time off. This isn't a roll and find out new and exciting things. What if I roll these two dice? Nothing will happen. They always give snake eyes. Nothing will happen. And they get boxcars. Nothing will happen. Do it. Will you tell me one thing? Okay. If you get two sixes, I'll tell you one thing. Okay, guys. Oh my God.

I'm gonna go get a boxcar. I'm gonna go get a boxcar. Oh my God. Boxcar, boxcar, boxcar, boxcar, boxcar, boxcar, boxcar, boxcar, boxcar, boxcar, boxcar, boxcar, boxcar. Oh, that's a shame. I got a four and a five. Damn. Too bad. So what does Nimble do with his time off? So he's digging around looking for secrets. He's trying to find secrets. And then he gets so angry that he doesn't find any secrets that he takes a bunch of pots that Fadum made and he throws them out.

He like drowns them in the lake. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. But under a carpet, he finds a letter that was addressed to Mears and he does grab it and he gives it to Mears. He's like, oh shit. Gotta give this to him. This is from Kem to Mears? No. From Mears to Kem. Nope. It's got Mears' name on it, but it's a letter that was just in the bar. Okay. Yeah. And he runs up to Mears when Mears is coming back from writing his story. Yeah. And he's like, hey Mears. What? You fucking chode. Whoa.

What's with the hostility, man? Sorry. I'm about to do something nice for you and I feel weird doing it. So I have to preface it with an insult. Okay. All right. You fucking… Do you want to give me that? Yeah. Okay. What is it? Where'd you find it? And then Nimble like looks so embarrassed and his face turns red and he's like, I found it under the carpet in the main room. Okay. We don't usually clean under there. We usually just stuff dust under there. You shouldn't be doing that.

I mean, don't fucking tell me what to do. And then he stabs Mears a little bit in the leg. What the fuck? Get out of here. Sorry. I feel weird doing nice things. You're the worst. Leave. Bye. Okay. Hmm. Mears. Well, that is my name. Okay. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Oh my God. How is… Who wrote this? Dear Mears, I will miss you. You are the bravest guy I have ever fought beside. Tuck. Huh. He really doesn't know how to write an E. There aren't a lot of backwards E's. Bet.

The weirdest part is that some of the E's are forwards and then some are backwards. Like he forgot how to write an E halfway through. I think Tuck was quite drunk when he wrote this. I have a feeling Tuck was very dyslexic at the time. It's the kind of thing that like when Tuck like put it, he like left it on Mears' stuff when he was leaving Heather and Jan and he like took one last look at it and he's like, this looks like Billy fucking wrote it.

I thought when you pulled it out, I thought it was him. I don't fucking believe that. He was like, God damn it. I gotta, I have to stop drinking so much. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I gotta stop drinking so much. So what's Wrathgar do with his time off? Um, Mears comes into the back room and um, there's all this smoke in the room, but it's not usual smoke. Usually it's like, uh, you know, it's like atomized.

It has that chalky smell of a smoke machine always, but this is like smells sad. There's like a disparity to this room and the dankness. It's not like you can't see the smoke, but you feel it. It's like it's cloudy in your vision and your mind. Yeah. And in the middle of the room. Yeah. Wrathgar is sitting there. He doesn't have his usual flashy cloak on. He's just sitting in these, um, a red pajama onesie with a butt flap, but like they're all really mangy and tore up.

And he's sitting in front of a big burning candle and his body is twitching in this weird, Oh shit. Sort of jerky, jerky way. And his head is doing these awful spooky circles. And there's a, a strange presence in there. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman.

There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman.

That cool um fathom is having a self-care day so he's like having a shower he's um he's in the middle of shaving and his eyes like throbbing and like glowing or whatever like it's just like hot he's like fuck this like he's trying to splash water on it he's splashing water on it try to cool it down but nothing's doing anything and he remembers the torch giving him the eye and telling him this will not only help you see but it'll help you see into the darkness that's sick that's so sick fathom stops mid-shave and he starts washing it all he just wipes off all the soap and he's he's like something something's going on yeah he starts rummaging around the inn looks outside looks fine we're not anywhere weird and so he just he like sits there with his eyes shut and he opens them again and he's like oh my god this headache and he closes them trying to like block out the pain like he's got a migraine so he goes upstairs to his room to lay down and he's like bumping into the walls and kind of tripping up the stairs as he goes and his headache's just getting worse as he gets up to his room but he closes the door and he lays down in his bed and um he he presses the cold side of his pillow across his eyes and he's like no that's not helping and uh as he moves around tries to get comfortable and he's like oh my god I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die thankfully he starts to fall asleep and he dreams he dreams of a hill and the wind is blowing through the grass and fathom is walking up the hill the wind blowing through his hair and he's so tired and his head hurts and the the closer he gets up to the top of the hill the more his head hurts but he knows in a way that he thinks I'll find relief up here and at the top he's huffing and puffing and he's sweating and he's like oh my god I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die And the wind is blowing, but he doesn't really feel it.

And as he collapses into the grass, he looks up and sees fire ripping through a tree and watches as the leaves fall around him. Ash landing everywhere. Fucking sick. Oh, man. Now we got to end it there. Okay. You figured out you've got a Sean O'Hara ass cliffhanger. Yeah. Okay. So we're going to do that. And then that's where we're going to end it. Yeah. It's a Charles Eve special with zero Charles Eve in it, but that's too cool. Okay.

Thank you for joining us, everybody, for Charles Eve at Hither and Yon, the least Charles Eve-y Charles Eve special we've ever done. Thank goodness. It was Charles Eve when Phantom was trying to fuck Allison. Yeah. Exactly. And actually, that's probably why Wrathgar was trying to get in there. Oh, could be. Yeah. Because he was attracted to the demon. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, he's feeding off the feeder. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. So, yeah.

Thanks for joining us for Charles Eve at Hither and Yon, our special where we play. We've been playing a heavily modified and shortened version of Stew Pot by Takuma Okada. Thank you again to Takuma for sending us the most current playtest version. So kind. And sorry. Yeah. Sorry. So sorry. This is but a taste of the things that Stew Pot is capable of. I've had a lot of fun. With apologies to the creator of Stew Pot will be the name of this episode. Totally. Yeah. We did our best. We did.

We spent way too long creating characters. And then we we took a break between character creation and playing the episode to talk to Aaron Reed and eat 31 pounds of chicken. Yeah. So it is our fault. In a way, we kind of Stew Pot ourselves. The true Stew Pot was in our hearts all along. Check out Stew Pot in the future will be published through Evil Hat Productions. So keep an eye out for any crowdfunding campaigns.

Coming up, which you can find at at Evil Hat official on Twitter, or you can follow Takuma at at Takuma T-A-K-U-M-A underscore. Okay. A D-A underscore at Twitter. And I've been your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always playing nimble. Gonna live forever. Abdul Aziz. Nimble's gonna live forever. Playing Rathgar, the Nightblade, Paul Hoppers. And my blade. And playing Fatum, the Hammer, Adam, Jessica Tai. And my blade. And my blade. And my blade. And my tetherball on a chain.

If you want to get more Spout Lore in your life, this is a pretty good example of the kind of stuff that you can get on our Patreon. Yeah. So check us out at patreon.com slash Spout Lore or Spout Lore.com slash money, please. And you can find our brand new merch with our new merch partner, Fantasy by Numbers at fantasybynumbers.ca slash spout. No, wait. Spout Lore.com slash merch. Or fantasybynumbers.ca slash Spout Lore. Or fantasybynumbers.ca slash Spout Lore. Thanks for listening.

We'll see you next time. And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be for times of rest in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without. The resolution. Return next week to hear some more. Whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you I'd gladly Spout Lore. Thank you.

Uh if you like spout more no wait is this me or if you like Spout Lore and you want to hear more of it go to patreon.com Spout Lore and maybe if you give them enough money they'll release me and we can see each other again I've been in this bar for years save me gather around friends let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold a brute a druid and a thief who is but nine years old you know them by name you know them by deed their quests are famously daring so here I sit singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing tucker's the brute he knows not his home he loves to sing and fight this is a dream a dream Hello, everybody.

And welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. And joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdul Aziz. Hi. What the fuck was that? Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. Hello. I'm playing Fat Billy, the half-league thief, Jessica Tai. Hi. Everybody's so sure. We're getting right into it. No wasted syllables. I'm using all up the syllables that you guys say. Can you just get to the point, Sean? Sean, we've been trying to end this show for six years.

Nine seasons. You guys are drawing it out, introducing more and more NPCs in there and fucking narrative plot points. Holy shit. We're on a boat again? When are we going to finish the hot dog festival? I've been trying to get back there since 2017. Get back the schloss me to death. Who poisoned Dan's schloss me? Why do I have all these wooden tokens if we're not going back to the festival? I would like to vote. We abandoned the current plot. And all the goals. Love it. And we go right back down.

To the hot dog festival. To figure this out. I wanted on record that I tried to get you guys to go back to Mudlark three years ago. Yeah. And you remove it. Back then, we did not want to. Yeah, because it was pre-pandemic. The world was different, Sean. Yeah. Hillary Rodham Clinton was president of the United States of America. When last we left our heroes, they were enjoying a trek ride in a cargo container full of dogs. Billy snuck up to the front.

And introduced a brand new NPC and friend in the form of Trev Driver. Cinnamon bro extraordinaire. Yep. Who also has… Sorry, Jessica's so tired, she's physically holding her eyelids open. And every time I look over, it freaks me out. Oh, is that what you're doing? She looks white now. Every time I look over, I'm like, who's this? My eyes are already huge. Jessica does have really big eyes. Just like that, Abdul. Abdul looks more white. Whoa. Nope. Never mind. I'm white. He looks less white.

Look at my eyes. Look at my white eyes. Give me your land. Give me your land. Give me your land and your culture. You look like those scary masks in the museum. Yeah. Yeah. The more you reveal just bare eyeballs, the more you look like that racist puppet that Jeff Dunham made. I'm Jeff Dunham's puppet. Trev Driver. Ice road trucker. Working on himself. Up and down. In a relationship. Cinnamon bro. A thing that he keeps suggesting is a real thing.

I think that this is a bit of a, like, there's a group of people that Oleg has inducted into the Cinnamon Guild. Might be. Might be. We learned some things about the greater goings on of the world. It was a real hangout in a truck with a new guy episode. It was nice. Yeah. So we learned about Trev and we learned about carbonated energy drinks, how those exist. We learned that there is a war brewing in the principalities. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

The current climate, basically the state of the world has provided an opportunity for one of the princeps to move on a neighboring territory. Fucking wicked. And also that there have been storms throughout the North and smaller communities have been getting hit pretty hard. And that Trev swears he saw a giant white Thunderbird emerge from the clouds one night while he was driving. Pretty cool. Oh, and as a result of the war, the frozen North has been upping production on military equipment.

We learned a bit about the war. We learned a bit about the North in that they are a seceded former territory of the kingdom of Kinos who isolated themselves and militarized. So cool. Arcanics we think might be a big deal here. Magical technology using leftover magical energy stored up in the frozen ice of the North. We got stopped at a checkpoint. Mm hmm. Billy saved the group by creating an illusion of everyone looking like a monster.

Like a big bag of beans that was shaped like Tuck, a Tuck shaped bag of beans. Yeah. One of the guys was like, that's the fattest bag of beans I've ever seen. Don't say it. Don't say it. Everybody covered my mouth. Yeah. And then as we sailed away, moving closer to sheer city, Ving was looking out the window at a copse of trees that they passed. Beautiful. An arrow soared through the air. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful. Slammed into the wood just beneath the window. So sick. Drive faster.

That is where we find our heroes now. Driving faster? Yeah. What happened? Go. Okay. An arrow. And he pulls his wheel off the front and slams it down and it whips the reins on the dog part. And they all kick it into overdrive. Oh my God. So sick. What's going on? What's going on? I pulled the arrow out of the side of the door and show it to him. I look at it. I inspect the arrow, discern realities of the arrow. Yeah. Discern realities. 2d6 plus wisdom. Eight. Okay. So you get one question.

Who's really in control here? Okay. So who is really in control here? This arrow is fletched in a style that is very reminiscent of the Ranger King's Talon. Talon being? Talon being a unit in the Ranger Corps. Oh shit. Yeah. I have a whole thing for how the Ranger Corps works. Cool. Somebody roll Spout Lore so I can. Make this be useful. Seven. Yeah. So the smallest unit of the Ranger Corps is the Talon, which is comprised of six Rangers of more or less equal status.

A wing is composed of six Talons. And out of all of those wings, there are led by an individual Ranger called the first Talon. Cool. And then the next step is the flight, which is composed of six wings. And the leaders of those wings are usually Rangers of great renown. Six. Sick. Yeah. So the Ranger Kings, this arrow is fletched in a style that you remember being very reminiscent of the Rangers in your father's wing. Oh yeah. And the different wings are fletched in the feathers of that.

Like there's like Osprey. Yeah. Owl. So what's your father's style? What's the feather they use? Raven. Raven. Tight. Whoa. That's so thematically on point. Yes. With how like dark a countenance he has. Yeah. Death. Yeah. And the black wolf. Fucking sweet. Dude. Ravencore. So Talon wing flight. Yes. Cool. There are six total flights in the Ranger Corps and each is represented by an individual Ranger without formal rank.

They are technically part of the echelon structure, but are rarely forced to bicker for votes. When one of them speaks, the others listen. These figures are functionally legends, often very long lived and survivors of countless conflicts across hundreds of years. If my sleeves were rolled up, I would be showing you all of the goosebumps that I have. There's a ton of work to be done.

Uh yeah so one of those is the ranger king that's so cool and I think we decided that dathaniel's called the ranger king because he is a ranger as well as a noble yeah which is uncommon in the ranger corps I'm sure there are lots of princes that are rangers but your father is like yeah a noble noble and a high-ranking ranger yeah he's not the king of the rangers no there's a king among rangers exactly it's so cool that like dathaniel's rule is so unchallenged that he can fuck off and be a ranger for a while and come back and not have to worry about like wars of succession or whatever uh yeah so you're holding an arrow with raven feathers it's my father's arrow the raven I'm saying this just to the arrow and to tuck and to billy I look at the window can I see anything no can I see anything uh you can try yeah 2d6 plus wisdom for discern realities 10 what here is not what it appears to be cool uh so you are basic because this copse of trees that you were passing is long past you now but billy you like poke your head out the window to try and get a look at it be careful and um just the barest little glimmer through your bill noculars you see what looks to be like a bush at the base of a tree move away and disappear into the into the shadows and uh what should I be on the lookout for so you you turn back into the cabin and kind of tell everybody what you saw yeah and ving you would know that based on the fact that it was one shot and it hit where it hit whether or not this was your father directly it doesn't matter this is a message this arrow to you communicates everything it's we know you're here we know where you are we're watching you oh yeah because they could have killed us if they wanted to they don't miss that's the thing that's the thing they hit the truck where they hit the truck because that's where they wanted to hit it yeah so they wanted to let you know that they were close yeah yeah so not really even trying to hide then no no and neither are we I'm sitting in the front seat I'm not on the lam at all and tuck is sitting in the little bucket seat in the middle and in the second row yes because I lost roshamboa I'm just whistling shotgun the whole way there uh yeah so that's that's what you learn is that this was just a message so do I keep going or is there something you need to take care of absolutely don't stop okay not even for a little pee pee not even for a little pee pee not even but what if I have to take a little pee pee well we got all these empties yeah you piss into this can dude what do you usually do for pee pee I pee out the window while I'm driving I look check it out and he rolls down the window and he puts one hand on the wheel but then he like lifts his body up and like just hangs his crotch at the window wow throw one leg over the window yeah see check it out check it out there's pee going all over him yeah no I wasn't I mean you know I wasn't trying to pee my pants are still on I was just trying to show you how I did it but doing the movement actually just activated that in my body and now I'm peeing all over the place I hear you're trying to pee trevor I sit down to pee and I sometimes I shit a lot you know sometimes that happens to me too when I'm doing this it's just a biological impulse wait are you telling us that you shit your pants on a regular basis or that sometimes when you sit down to pee in a bathroom you accidentally shit yeah it's surprising you know you didn't answer you just said yes yes I I sit down and I surprise shit a lot man I get it though there's a wise person once told us every poo-poo time is pee-pee time but not every pee-pee time is poo-poo time you know what I mean damn that's deep yeah wow really makes you think about when you should be peeping and pooping ving's writing it down billy's looking over ving's shoulder while he writes it down and he is thinking hard about the don't even stop for a little pee-pee as you guys pass a another trek stop he's like we gotta keep going well here's the thing dude we got two groups on our ass now one is the coppers and then two is the fucking rangers maybe do you really want to get caught in the middle of that also you're totally unlicensed I don't need a license I'm freelance that means that I am untouchable by the laws of man and god I also thought the same thing too until tax time rolled around and I learned so much what what do you what billy you've paid taxes bill you've been paying the taxes have you not been paying the taxes I mean that's what perel told me the thing slides open yeah what's up have you been explaining to billy about taxes what's that maggie are you making billy do your taxes I gotta do there's a dog back here he needs my help bye he said if I didn't pay taxes I would go to jail I'm going in the back I go to the back who did you pay billy did you pay him yes I'm shaking him down slapping his shit I it was I thought it was funny at first I'm sorry and then I just I really need the cash how much money have you made off our kid I don't know a hundred hundred fifty coins he I think he's taking it from other people yeah he's a thief I don't want to go to jail and I don't know what I own taxes you're making him steal more I'm it what are you using the money for well I'm you know I'm buying us supplies and stuff you mean your hats um a hat is a supply and mustache is a supply silk scarf is for me but I deserve a little treat now and again it's gonna be hard to pay my taxes up here billy there's you don't have to pay taxes in the north what you guys are freelance you don't have to pay taxes up north I'm free I'm being lance or free I'm free lance billy looks wistfully out the window free from all his taxes freelancers are basically sovereign citizens that all follow the teachings of a guy named lance who is like I am not subject to any laws zing opens a bottle free free lancer uh I I here you go any hands over a bag how many coins are in there there's 150 coins yes I kept all my receipts and I would get returns through return scams that I was doing wait you didn't spend any of the money billy gave you no like I would keep the stuff but I would do like a little returns like I'd buy a hat and then I'd get the box and then I'd put a bunch of dirt in the box and say I don't want the hat anymore prel I'm really proud of you billy I'm so impressed you know what here you go and he takes the bag back from tuck and he gives it to billy no no it's your tax return I don't want it you're the new thief now and tuck starts a slow clap and prel puts his hands up oh guys come on come on and the dogs start howling because they don't know this what are you guys fucking doing back there to my dogs I can show you guys how to return scams if you want hell yeah fuck yes we spend the money on the dog and then we go to the rest of the trip learning about return scams there's a montage yeah with no audio as prel's pointing at a whiteboard that has like a box with a hat in it and a box with an x in it he's just got a piece of chalk on the wall of the of the chip yeah and you continue on at the end you learn all about how to scam a store out of uh their merchandise while still getting a return on an item and then at the end he's like so yeah if you go in and you look rich they're not gonna question it that's very good tuck that's what it is is rich people get to do whatever they want so you got to pretend to be a rich person sick yeah and then you hear trev in the front going like oh I think we're we're almost at the city guys oh sick so what do you want to what do you want to do here do you know anywhere that we can go or stay in the city is there is there an inn or uh something like that oh yeah I mean like sheer city's like uh it's like a for real city but do you know where we're secret because cinnamon bros and wanted posters yeah where people kind of won't ask questions about us or tell the cops about us uh-huh yeah uh yeah so he does know a place let's talk about it I kind of like it being a motor inn what's the proprietor's name is their cabin you know like how every truck has their own cabin but it's like you stayed in your cabin for weeks now stay in spencer's cabin or whatever it could be like an old building like ironwood or something oh yeah I like that yeah it could be an old bunker yep because it's such a military yeah so they built it out of ironwood to a stand like attack yeah there's like tons of fireplaces in the building to keep everyone warm oh yeah maybe that's why it's called a motor inn because there's an engine that runs at the center of it that makes that heats it up like it's an device uh-huh yeah why waste energy just heating when you can do other stuff with it totally yeah that's cool so these places where there are these old arcane engines deep in the city there's a lot of things working off these few city centers and so maybe shutting those down you can shut down sections of the city oh yeah so like neighborhoods will be built around one of these engines yeah these cool I like them being called hearts yeah yeah because you would build stuff there but you'd also like you would eat there you know or cook there or something like that yeah so it's an old military bunker but it's made out of ironwood and I think you know like attachments have been built onto it yeah you know to house um a few of the widziano's um a few widziano's um a few widziano's um a few widziano's um a few widziano's um a few like a smoke tent.

Maybe there's like a little like communal pool. Like a YMCA here basically. Yeah, sort of thing. You guys are staying at the YMCA. For truckers. But for truckers. Yeah, it's got everything. Yeah, so you pull in to this place. It's outside the city so like you don't have to go through another checkpoint basically. Oh, cool. But there are a lot of people milling about and you do see like a lot of guards just kind of around. It seems like something's going on. Okay. At least in the city.

Like the city is very busy right now. Like there are a bunch of other ice tracks that have pulled in. Cargo? Yeah, seems like it. And some people don't have their cargo containers anymore. Like looks like some people have dropped stuff off and are on their way back. What if it's attached to like a little like railroad system? Sort of like a small cargo railroad system so that you don't have to obviously bring the ships into the city. That's so sick. Like cargo trains that'll take.

Yeah, if it's your last stop you can unload. That makes so much sense. It would be cool if this train kind of like went all over the city. Yeah, it does. There are like passenger versions of it and then there's cargo trains that also like at this meeting of where like the docks are and then all the roads coming in from the north kind of meet this one central train station. That's so cool. That's sick. I like that a lot. When you said that I also thought gondolas.

If the city like existed on some kind of incline, it would make sense that there would. Maybe some of the docks down to the shipyards, there's a gondola off some cliff somewhere. I know old share when we talked about it for the first time, I think it was said that there's cliffs ice cliffs. Yeah. Yeah. So maybe it's like shelves like terraced spots. You know what I mean? So there's yeah, there's passenger trams and then also gondolas that go up to the higher parts.

A lot of people like the poor people, the people that use the trains as a non-sanctioned transportation. Oh yeah. Yeah. Right in the rails. Because you like if you're living on the outskirts, but you work at the you just take the cargo train. Yeah. Yeah. Great. So who what's who's the proprietor? Feels like a retiree kind of thing. I think it that ex-military orc. Yeah. I like that. Yep. An old orc. What do we call him? Yorick. Yorick. That's cool. Yorick's pretty good. Yorick's cabin.

I like that. Yeah. Yorick works. Cool. So are you guys staying here or are you just using this as a place to sneak into the city? I think our priority would be like try to find transportation further north. Yeah. Because we are ultimately heading to the glacier. Okay. Yeah. We don't need to be in sheer right now. No. We're just trying to get information about Natternack. And we are ultimately going to their tower, right? Yeah.

I think we just came to sheer city because that was like the closest we could get. That's where the truck was going. Yeah. So this is actually a good place to maybe pick up more transport. Yeah. Is there anyone going further north? Oh yeah. Probably. There's people going all over the place. Trekkers? Yeah. Can you introduce us to one? A trustworthy one? A cinnamon bro one? Cinnamon bro, eh? I'll see what I can find. You guys go get some grubs or something. I'll be right back.

Should we go into this Yorick's pub? Yeah. Yeah. So what does the inside of Yorick's look like? I think it's pretty dark. It's in the wood. Does it have like an old like country jukebox kind of music going on? Do we have a jukebox? At the trucker stop? I want to stay away from we just left the husky. Yeah. I don't think we have one. Oh yeah. I don't think this is the kind of place as like jovial as husky place. I'm thinking of like the prancing pony kind of. Yeah. Totally.

But behind the bar there's like an old orc. Maybe there's not a lot of people that he's like really like oh yes! Welcome! Like trying to make this shithole. So funny. Trying to sell us on staying here. Yeah. Okay. So there's an old orc behind. What is he? Is he trying to dress to impress? He's maybe got like a shitty little bow tie on. Sleeve garters? Sleeve garters. Oh he's got like those piratey linen shirts. Oh yeah. Totally. Everything's Oscar the Grouch did his whole like full. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Absolutely. And he's wearing this like wool scarf. Yeah totally. It's cold. It is cold. It's cold all over the place here. I like his wool scarf. You do? Welcome to your XR. Please come in. Come in. Thank you. Come in out of the cold. It's actually colder in here. Oh that's part of the charm at Yorick's. It hasn't been warm in here in 55 years. Do you have blankets? Do I ever? And he rushes off to the back and he comes back with an armful. Do I ever? Do I ever? Slam slam. Bang bang bang.

Clang clang. Behold here your finest blankets this side of something else. And he throws out blankets to everybody. Thank you. Thank you. Maggie and Perel in the back. They're also here. Here's all your blankets. Now what can I? And he starts shining the bar. What can I do for you? The rag is dirtier. It's making the bar dirty. Do you have like a hot soup? I got a cold soup. It's good for the bones. Keeps the joints stiff. Yeah. Stiff? I think I do need a bit of more stiffness in my body.

So let's do that. Yeah you don't want your joints too loose. That's how your joints get old and loose. There you go. And he slops out an ice cold bowl of stew. That he pushes across to Billy. And then he scoops a bunch of ice cubes. It was hot to start. He cools it down. Thank you. Make sure to let those melt first. Okay. Okay. He's trying to melt the ice cubes. No no no no no. Don't blow on them. It's too hot. Do you have a menu? Uh well. Menu's up here. He points to his head. Okay.

There's only menu Yorick needs right here. Okay. Do you have like eggs? No. Do you have any greens? No. Browns? It depends on what kind of brown you're talking about. Do you have gravy? No. Toast? No. Dog food? Yes. That's for the dogs though. Do you have bread of any kind? No. Do you have cheese? No. Do you have like a meat? No. Do you have cold stew? Yes. There we go. Cold stew. I think I know what he has. Okay. We'll have some of the cold stew. Four cold stews coming right up.

Cold stew gives me hiccups. Slides it across the bar. Puts the ice cubes in each of them. Make sure your mother does melt. Okay. Don't touch it. Let it melt. Okay. It's part of the tradition of the meal. You let the meal cool itself. Okay. Yeah. Sounds good. And then Tuck's like oh what kind of alcohols do you have? Because he wants to distract him away so he can get some of these fucking ice cubes out of the stew. You trying to distract me away from the ice cubes son? No dude.

I am interested in those interesting bottles behind you. Well in that case. He turns around. Okay. 2d6 plus what to get him. Dexterity. To fish these out. Dexterity. Dexterity I guess. Yeah. Seven. Seven. So he comes back around. This is a bottle of old blue. Old blue what? Alcohol. Alcohol. And because you as you know in the hospitality. Of your ex since you asked me to get this bottle you got to pay for it. What what five courts he points to the door. There's a sign clearly there.

Management reserves the right to make you pay for bottles of alcohol you ask about or look at in parentheses. I think I know why a lot of people aren't in here. We're the only people in here. You are. It's then that you look back and the tables are like dusty. Can I Spout Lore slash have an idea about this old old blue. Yeah totally. Yeah. Okay. Is it like glacier water that they've made into alcohol it's sort of like an absinthe where it's like because got a little bit of magic in it.

It makes you like hallucinate a bit if you drink a lot. I like that. I love that. Sweet. Magic alcohol. Yeah. What's it taste like? Is it just water that is somehow alcoholic or is it because it has magic in it it feels like it's alcohol. I think it passes by some sort of route. It's like the distillment of when the glaciers melt in the runoff but really early runoff and it goes by. Yeah they harvest these roots and they ferment it like you know.

I was going to say licorice root because of absinthe but it doesn't have to be. Oh could be. No that's cool. Yeah. It tastes like licorice but also like you're licking a battery. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's that's the story old blue and now that I'm talking about it it's fancier than that so it's 10 coins. Fuck. You're it. What? I have to make sure I'm accurately pricing my goods young boy.

I understand that you haven't been pricing a lot of goods because it doesn't look like you've had a lot of business in quite some time. Well Yorick says a bit of a discerning clientele if you know what I mean. I just haven't any old wonder about coming through my doors. He's shining us on and I like it. Okay fine. Who has the money then? Perel. You've got the money. I thought this was my money. I know it is but now yours is ours and what's ours is ours. Okay whatever. Here you go.

Maybe he can return the bottle. Get his 10 coins back and Yorick scoops it off the table into his apron. Does Yorick walk away? No I'm standing right here. Well we have to have a conversation now. Carry on. And he crosses his arms. Ving flips him a coin. Thank you. This is for It's not that kind of place son. Wait do you watch us talk? I don't have to. Alright fine. Come to New York's place for all his finest stuff. I don't even get to listen to your conversation. He goes into the back room.

That's maybe one of the least personable innkeepers I've ever met in my entire life. And you hear him start slamming down pots like he's really embarrassed. Ving is everyone like this up here? As far as I remember all innkeepers are incredibly cold and poor and pushy. That sucks. He hasn't been to many inns though. Keep that in mind. Right you were a prince. This is my first inn. But you want to impress us. Yeah exactly. You know I don't know I thought he was kind of cool.

It's a nice little energy that he brought you know. Sometimes it's nice to just tell a customer to fuck off you know. It worked for you. It sure did. It sure did. Okay what did you guys want to talk about? I don't know. Well I want to talk about what we're doing next but also I had an idea which is rare. Are you okay? Yeah no. She had a concussion? Okay I'm sorry. He thought so hard he gave him a second concussion. I'm fine. I'll be fine. I just can't sleep for the next few hours.

But for real though he points at the blue alcohol and he points at Perel and he's like do you think if you drink this whole thing you will get your magic back? I didn't say it was a good idea. I just said it was an idea. But I'm looking at Perel like do you think? Well I mean it's definitely an idea. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. He's like slowly peeking back around the door. Okay here we go. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug.

He starts chugging it and he coughs it up. Oh it's so intense. It tastes like rummy alcohol. Can this be my spell lord? Uh yeah sure. To see if like this alcohol will make Perel magic again? For a moment? Or even yeah give him a little bit of it because if he's drinking it. He's drunk? Yeah. 2d6 plus intelligence. Ooh.

Everybody pray that this is a 12 because we might have a way to get Perel a little bit of magic back every once in a while while also making him drunk which would be so funny and useful. Please. Please. Eight. Eight. Minus one is fucking. Seven. Seven. Oh man. Okay. It's okay. Uh so. Interesting. Yeah interesting but not useful. Did we talk about the like the candle thing that he was doing? The like burning the candle and like meditating in front of it? Did we talk about what he was doing?

Not really. He just said that it didn't work. Yeah so I'm thinking maybe that thing that he was trying to do would work now a little bit. Oh cool. When he's drunk he can use his ion candle. When he's drunk he can perform the boundless thought principle. And what is that again? It's he's basically folding his brain into different instances so he can think about multiple things at once fully. That's so cool Sean. So he drinks all of this alcohol over the course of a few minutes.

Cause he's a bitch. He's a lightweight for sure. I imagine it's like a wine bottle though. Yeah totally. Yeah. Yeah it's big. Okay. It's like a 750 mil of blue cacao. So I think I've got about six or seven minutes before this gets really fucked up. Hey Eric. Yeah. Could we get a room? Alright yo. Um uh yeah. Give me five minutes. Fifty bucks for the one you're in now. And he runs off like through the bar like through the empty darkened tables just to the other side of the room.

He's holding a hammer and a band saw close it off. We don't know what it's for. You might have been using it to cook. He might be using it to open the sounds like he's chasing a chicken possibly to pluck it for maybe a pillow and uh yeah five minutes later. Come on. Yeah, come on. You got a room for you and he's kind of like tottering a little bit because his joints are so stiff. I pick up Perel like a baby because he can't stand Hey, thank you so much for this. Yeah, no problem, buddy.

Thanks for drinking all that alcohol for gonna be so sick. So soon hold it in man. Just hold it in for a little, you know, if you hold your thumb in your hand, you don't gag. He puts both of both his thumbs in his hands and he goes gags right away. He's like I can't I can't do that and uh York takes you to a room that looks like what it looks like it had been a boarded up.

He forgot to take down the like a city and like notice of like closure health risk and he's like pulling sheets off furniture and like off of this is our finest room and there's a mirror on the ceiling the bench shaped like a heart. What's this room called? This is called the mirror over the bedroom. Wow. Very elegant. It is. It's an old um orcish custom where it's good for your spirit to see your bodies having a restful sleep. No way. And for looking at your lover's bums and missionary.

I would know because I'm an orc and that is orcish custom. Wait a second. I am an orc for sure. That much is guaranteed. Have a good night. Oh, by the way, 50 coins. 50 coins. Okay, 20 coins. 20 coins. No, that's not how this works. 15. 15 deal. 5. Wait. Yes. No. 8? No. 11. Okay. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop saying words. Just give him 14 coins. I'm throwing 10 coins out the hallway. He's running after them. Slam the door locket. There's no lock. The lock is Billy sits in front of the door.

I go to slam the door and it just goes all the way open. Like a saloon door. Yeah, and Perel flops down on the bed and he goes I'm feeling something for sure. I think I'm a wizard again. He stands up and he stands up to his full height and he stretches his arms in the air and he's stretched too far forward and he starts to tip over. Okay. All right. I'm not a wizard anymore or any. I'm not magic, but I think and then his eyes open.

And they like look into the middle distance and he you just hear him say, Oh my God. What? What? I can see it. What? What? I can see it all. What? And he drops down into a sitting position crossing his legs, puts his hands on his knees and closes his eyes. Perel? I'm so fucking drunk right now. Do you have the ion candle? Should we take out the ion candle? Give me the candle. Light it. Give me my candle right now. I'm trying. This thing's out of focus. It's a fucking fuel. It's a candle.

It doesn't have fuel, you dumb fuck. Can you light this? Yes. I gotta use my elemental master. Guys, I'm gonna boss share piss in three minutes. Perel, you gotta hold it in. You gotta hold it in for us. I'm gonna fucking triple right now. All my holes are gonna be on full alert. You gotta close those holes, Perel. Close those holes, buddy. If I was a wizard, I could close these holes so perfectly. You are a wizard. You are a wizard. I am a wizard.

Yeah, all that shit and piss and puke has magic in it. I'm running out of time. You gotta light that candle. Okay, I'm gonna elemental mastery this candle. You're gonna what? What? I'm trying to start a fire. Two dicks plus constitution. So, I got eight. Uh-huh. Affect the desire comes to pass. So, I won't retain control. Uh-huh. Or avoid paying nature's price. This might just mean that you burned the candle really fast. No. No, we can't lose this candle.

Unless, I mean, he doesn't have much time left. Anyway, I can see his cheeks are all puffing up. Flare the shit out of it to see if it, like, really gives him some juice. Who knows? Let's do it. Let's do it. And you pay nature's price. I pay nature's price. So, you set the candle down. The flame is guttering. Yeah. Doing this, rubbing my hands with the wick in between my palms. And, woof. And it burns hard. And Perel breathes in. Deeply. And hiccups. And breathes out.

And you can see his eyes fluttering like he's in REM sleep. Like his pupils are moving so wildly behind his eyes. He's sitting there for like 45 seconds, basically. And the flame on the candle flares up. Uh-oh. And suddenly winks out. And Perel opens his eyes and goes, I know how to get my magic back. Whoa. What? What? And he passes out. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. It's okay. It's okay. Is he still breathing? Yeah. Tuck puts his nose in Perel's mouth. Is there air coming out?

I didn't know you were a paramedic. And he's like, yeah, he's breathing. Okay. Nice. Smells like a burning cigarette factory in there. Yeah. And Maggie grabs Perel under the armpits and throws him up on the bed. Uh-huh. And goes, what the fuck was that? What happened? I put him in the recovery room. Reposition just in case. Yeah. That's a good idea. He's definitely gonna barf piss and shit. Yeah. So, I mean, I'm gonna stay here with Perel and make sure he doesn't fucking eat his tongue.

But what's next? What are you guys gonna do? And Ving, as she's speaking, you start blinking a lot and you feel kind of lightheaded. Then your vision clouds. No. What? And you see clouds whipping past you. You feel just a heart hammering thundering, per se, in your chest. You know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, it's behind you. Your life is a hair's breadth away from being taken from you. Oh my god.

And you burst through the cloud cover and you see in the distance a city glittering on the shores of an arctic sea. And then you're back on your knees on the ground. I run outside. Oh, yeah. I follow. Billy follows. Yeah, so you run out and the moment you exit, the door of Yorick's far, far in the distance, you see a dark shape duck down out of the cloud cover. And coming out of the clouds behind him is a powerful-looking, large, bone-white thunderbird. Whoa.

Cloudpiercer's being pursued by Thronebreaker for whatever reason. And you can feel that Cloudpiercer knows that you're there and that you can see him, but he also knows that if he gets any closer, he's drawing Thronebreaker too close to you. But people in the crowd, like people outside this place, start looking up and calling out as they see these two massive birds coming out of the clouds. It's like when, in movies, when like… Like a meteor? Yeah, meteors.

People are like, what the fuck is going on? Slow screaming? Yeah. Oh, and there's that sound as they're flying just under the clouds. You can hear the thunder. They're like cracking? Yeah, as they're flying so fast, it sounds like they're breaking the sound barrier, basically. So cool. There's huge cracks and peels of thunder over you. Lightning starts building in the clouds, but Cloudpiercer pulls up back into the clouds. Looks like he's drawing Thronebreaker away. Oh my god, he needs our help.

I need to get up there. I want to use elemental form to transmute my body into a form made from the raw elements and I want to get up there. Okay, so you're going to take an elemental form. Yep. So a form of moonlight. What form are you taking? I'm on my knees, just gathering all this snow and permafrost. Grit and frozen earth around me and just lifting it up like a sheet. Like the first top thick first foot of hard packed snow and ice and rocks and grit.

And then jump up and kind of splay my hands out the side. They shoot out into wings. I want to make a giant thunderbird. Wow. Out of ice and stone. Yeah, fucking cool. Get up into the sky. That's so sick. I imagine when the rocks and the permafrost is floating around you, you're kind of like stepping on it like stairs to get into it. Oh, I like that a lot. Like strapping into the mech. Yeah. This thing walking up to it.

Wing, wing, either arm and the top of the bird is all white because it's snow and then it goes into clear and then black on the bottom because of all the rock and everything. Well, let's roll it. Let's hope you do it. Okay, I really hope I do. 2d6 plus wisdom. Alright, constitution for elemental form. Elemental form. Eight. Okay, eight. Perfect. So I get to hold. Yes.

And you take this form of this majestic powerful sinister near almost looking bird of stone and permafrost and take off into the sky. Not yet. I can't do this alone. And Tuck is like, I got you, buddy. And then he like whips the battle axe off his back and then he tosses his backpack to a random person in the crowd. And then I run up to that person. I'm like, give me that. And then he, yeah, he jumps on your back and I make a little saddle for him. Oh, yeah. No saddle. Perfect.

Is Billy going up with him? Billy? Am I invited? I mean, I don't want to put you in harm's way, but I could really use you. I know how powerful you are. I'm on. I have got Tuck's backpack on too. Nice. This massive backpack on this little boy. I know he has a tiny backpack, but it's still as big as Billy. Yeah. This is basically the magic school bus heading out. You're all strapped in. Please let this be a normal field trip with the frizz. No way. What? Fly up into the sky.

And that's, we're flying. We're soaring into the air. Powerful wing beats. And my kimono gets ripped off. I forgot you were wearing a kimono. You finally lost the kimono. It's been episodes. So many episodes. Someone in the crowd, it lands in their face and they're like, ooh. What's that powerful masculine musk? Smells weird. And super masculine. Also, any semblance of secrecy that we had in the town just gone. Anyway, you're now powering through the skies above Sheer City.

The wind is like knives on our faces. Yeah. Tuck's put on his glasses to protect against the wind a little bit. And yeah, the clouds are coming. Okay. Going towards it. Getting in there. I want to follow this trail. Can I close my eyes? Can I try and see what he sees? Yeah, you close your eyes for a moment inside your ice and permafrost bird mech. And I can see the screaming beak of Thronebreaker. Thronebreaker, yeah. Cloudpiercer's turned around and is like swiping and pecking and biting.

It scares the shit out of me. Yeah. It's terrifying. And you come through the cloud cover into the realm above the clouds. This is the domain of Thronebreaker. Towering mountains of cloud above you. No earth to be seen below. Brilliant blue skies above. And pandemonium. So many? Dozens of thunderbirds. All locked in battle. Some sort of war that's been taking place above the clouds this whole time. That no one has been privy to. Holy shit. What's going on?

Great torrents of wind and lightning and huge peals of thunder as if the very elements themselves, the sky itself is rending under the power of their fury. Fucking metal, dude. He lifts his axe up. Yeah. As this bolt of lightning comes down behind you. Yes, Billy looks like he's dressed in like a fur bikini for some reason. And Tuck is like, fans, somebody draw this. What's that guy's name? We did all the crazy. Yeah. Yeah. This fucking rules.

And you see Cloudpiercer and Thronebreaker off in the distance locked in battle. Cloudpiercer is definitely trying to get away. Thronebreaker is a massive specimen. Though Cloudpiercer, you notice, is much larger than the last time you saw him. But between you and them are battling thunderbirds. I want to go up high. Instead of going in, I'm going to go way, way up high. Hold on. Are you going to use one of your hold or are you going to fly? I'm going to fly. Okay. 2d6 plus strength. Six.

Oh, can I aid? Yes. Thank you. How are you aiding? I am working as like a conduit for all that spiritual energy. Right. Yeah. Ten. Oh, fuck yeah. Cool. You start flying up this kind of slope of dark gray thundercloud. Billy on the back acting like a little backup battery. Yeah, actually, how I do this is I talk in like fairy language to the element. You start talking in tongues. Yeah, like very quietly. So sick.

And Billy has to lash out with his voice and admonish a spirit as like you see a powerful like claw emerged from the thundercloud like made of cloud and lightning. Whoa. And it swipes at Ving, but Billy like castigates it like in the fairy language and it recedes. So cool. And this episode took a turn. Yeah, it did. Here I thought, we're just going to go to like Valley Village. I know I wanted. I want to fancy so bad. No, this is great.

Actually, we cut back to like the Valley Village that we would have gone to and you just hear young and loose and lovely and people are just like wheeling your car but in the window at the back, you could see tumbling men made of ice and fire. Someone looks at a tag on a button down shirt and is like 50 bucks. This is the worst day of my life. The imp from girl from girl. There's so many different versions of this song that we've done on this show.

And yeah, you carry up along this towering slope of storm cloud rising above spiraling, spiraling a pair of Thunderbirds locked their talons locked blood and feathers streaming as they spiral down towards the cloud cover. Tuck it. Tuck his leaned in to Ving like as close as he can because the wind is like ripping me off. That's really good. Wind is what ripping me off. It really did sound. What did I say? It sounds really sexual. It's so funny, but we made a sexual. I know I can't help it.

The wind is fucking ripping me off. I'm ripped so tight and I'm pressed into Ving's back. I'm pressed into Ving and I'm getting ripped off hard and you crest the top of this cloud. Great. And now I want to like tuck in. Hold on. I have an idea and make ourselves a missile to go for now using the gravity and like, but yes, are you using a hold? Are you rolling? I'm going to use one of the hold. Yeah, you spend when you're hold. You've got it.

And what is your goal with this to hit thrown threat thrown breaker Thrasher. You named him thrown breaker. I want you to know that renamed him. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Roll your damage. Two. So you tuck in your wings. Yeah. And do a spiral down. Yeah. And just shoot. Tuck and Billy are barely holding on. I want that. So either you can stay locked in this fight for as long as you want, or this could be an opportunity for you to basically tackle cloud piercer out of the fight.

That's what I was initially trying to do is tackle him out of the fight. So you spiral down like a rocket. Yeah. And you slam into a throne breaker and cloud piercer is able to remove himself from these claws and begins like soaring around in a circle and he calls down to you like no, what are you doing? I'm taking him down. I'm saving you. I also want to know what's going on. Yeah, me too. That claw. Yeah. Spirit claw spirit cloud claw. Yeah.

Is it the Thunderbirds and something else or is it the Thunderbirds fighting each other plus something else like I want to know should we just ask cloud piercer? I mean if you were to leave the battle and take some time to ask some questions, no time to ask question while I'm on things back. Who are you asking the question to the spirits? Can I do that? Well, you sold me on it. So yes, you can. So certain realities, I guess nine aid how I'm giving you repose.

I'm giving you a moment calm moment after we smash into him and then backing off and floating back to calm down and I'm following cloud piercer back as their own breakers reeling. Yeah, perfect. Okay, so two to six plus bond. Nice 11. Okay, so you get three questions off the list. Who who's really in control here? So you I'm asking the spirits. Yes, which spirit the storm doesn't matter.

There's one spirit here that is overpowering the rest by a long shot and it is a spirit that you are familiar with. This is a force a malice that you have felt before the storm. I the storm the storm is alive. They're trying to battle the storm. Oh shit Steve Graves storm that followed us it being released it. Okay, so so it's Lillian storm is what's in control here. Yeah, pretty much. So so that's grief while Lillian. So Lillian storm is a complicated thing.

Yeah, it's not just a manifestation of Lillian grief Lillian being the goddess of the moon. It was more something that cropped up around her grief and anger. Okay, and you feel that like rage and that anger but also the fury of like an unleashed animal. Okay. Yeah. How about this? What here is not what it appears to be between cloud piercer and throne breaker.

Yeah, so you're connecting with the feeling of this storm hearing and feeling the rage in the air and you feel that echoed in a large number of the Thunderbirds that are fighting but you feel the opposite from the others like you're you get the idea that one group of these Thunderbirds are fighting. With the storm and the others are fighting against it. Thronebreaker seems to be one of the birds fighting with the storm while cloud piercer is fighting against it.

So there's a faction of Thunderbirds that are who's like God is the storm. Yeah, like the storm you can feel whipping up around Thronebreaker as this like massive force. He's like the winds are buffeting every time he flaps his wings. I wonder if the storm is clouded his mind. Sounds like it.

What here is useful or valuable to me for whatever reason it seems like Thronebreaker is really focusing on cloud piercer like every time cloud piercer gets a little bit further away and begins to escape Thronebreaker breaks off of the fight and chases after him. It seems like cloud piercer is trying to distract and draw him away. Keep him occupied. Basically well piercers missing like feathers that don't grow back like there's yeah, you know what I can hold like battle scarred for sure.

Yeah, we're here to help. How can we help? Yeah, he says like follow me into the clouds and he just starts to fly away and goes for one of the like big pillars that doesn't look like it's full of horrible storm energy, but Thronebreaker immediately begins to like turn and give chase. He's much larger and it's harder for him to maneuver as quickly. Yeah, but yeah, cloud piercer begins to fly away. Oh, can I attack Stormbreaker? Yeah, absolutely. All right.

I want to turn around and jump off things. Back and at Stormbreaker with the axe. I want you to understand the stakes. I hope you do. Yeah, I guess again. We're going to slow motion lightning feeding behind you as you're jumping from the back of one Thunderbird into the face of another looks cool, which is honestly most of Tuck's motivation. This is going to be my album cover. So maybe that's what he screams. This is the cover.

I think as Bing is like turning to follow cloud piercer talk, you look behind and you realize he's not going to be able to get far enough before Thronebreaker attacks him. Yeah, Thronebreaker is fucking gaining on us and I can see the bees or like charging up kind of it feels like he's dragging an entire storm in his wake. So Tuck turns to Billy and he's like, all right, Billy, you hold on no matter what happens. Okay. Okay. And he's like, all right, here we go.

He's supposed to take CLC on his back and he jumps and that's seven, but I have three strengths. So it's strong boy. So hack and slash. The benefit is that Thronebreaker is coming right towards you. Yeah. So yeah, 2d6 plus strength for hack and slash man. This looks so this looks so cool. Yeah. Remember me. Remember me. Yeah. He meant to say remember this, but he said me. It really sounds like he's about to die. Well, he knows. He's not going to die because there's no trees up here.

All of a sudden, a tornado tree on fire. It found me. Okay, here we go. 2d6 plus strength for the attack. Hack and slash. Okay. Seven plus three is ten. Damn it. Wow. Jesus Christ. Okay. Here is a rule that I have always forgotten about until one of my Patreon groups reminded me of it while we were playing. So thanks to Patrick. A show Kevin and Andrew on a ten plus you deal your damage to the enemy and avoid their attack at your option.

You may choose to do an additional 1d6 but expose yourself to their attack. Oh, yes, I will do that. And the reason why he can do two damage is because he's got the axe in one hand as he's jumping. He pulls the waning knife out from behind his back. And it's a light with Lillian's light. I was gonna say do you think it's so bright right now? Yes, the clouds around are glowing. Oh my God. It's bright and purple. Yes, because we're in Lillian's storm. So it's charged up.

And the amethyst is glowing. Yeah. Okay. So lightning strikes the waning knife. Fucking waning knife. Yeah. It's a charge. I am using the power of their storm against them. Guys, this is so cool. It's so cool. It's been so long. I can't stand it. I can't stand it. It's like dead. Sabotage. Guys, we haven't rolled the damage yet. I'm so sorry. It's gonna be. It's charging up the dice. Yeah, let's charge them up with our powers. Yeah, let's roll with our powers of imagination.

Yeah, I am thousands of feet in the air. Yeah, waning knife in one hand, axe in the other purple light on the left and white light on the right as if I am both demon and angel coming for the king of all thunderbirds and the queen of the sky herself. The moon is so cool monologue flying through the air. Famous to himself. Just roll your damage man, please. Oh, my lord. And then the additional six. Yes. What? So ten damage. Ten damage. Ten damage is not nothing.

And if it wasn't for everything that you'd set up, I don't know that this would have done a huge amount of damage because he's a very tough bird. So you leap into the air feeling the presence of your family recede behind you, but knowing that you're traveling forward to protect their lives and you see this colossal thunderbird head as big as a fucking school bus. You know what I mean? Like massive animal.

And I am having second thoughts because I could not tell how big he was because of perspective. Really? Yeah, exactly. And also because of the glasses, they fuck with my depth perception. It looks so cool, but you look like such a nerd at the same time. Oh, yeah. And you leap forward. This bird coursing through the air towards you, shining waning knife in one hand, glowing axe in the other. You stab the knife into the side of Thronebreaker's head. Yes.

Bring the axe back and connect with the magical gem, the bezoar, the precious stone in the middle of his forehead. Yes. And it shatters under the power of the axe. Oh my God. Releasing a massive thunderclap and a force that is powerful enough to blow you off of his head. And then Tuck goes, I got blown off! Jesus Christ. And that is when you're going to roll 2d12. Oh, shit. So you're going to roll two of these and take the highest. Can I activate defend as well?

Because I'm acting in defense of my friends. This is more of a balls-out attack than it is a defense. And they were out, my friend. They're always out. Flapping hard. All right. Fair enough. Here we go. Both of them are eight. Both of them are eight. Which feels like fate. So you take eight damage. Eight. Yeah. Okay. That's not bad. That's a lot. That's not bad. Don't forget, I have two armor. Oh, man. No. No, say it.

I mean, it's always, I always love the idea of someone getting like a cool-ass scar from a fight. I kind of love the idea that much like his dark reflection in McCall, Tuck loses an eye. Whoa, like Fatum? But that might be too much. I think that's too much. Yeah. Yeah. What about like a crazy scar that like gives you like… Like the lightning scars that people get when they're… Oh, that's cool. That, I like that. Lightning.

And it's actually, it's connecting up the coin pieces that are in my chest. Oh, that's kind of sick. That's pretty cool. Yeah. Okay. So you feel, yeah, this electricity arcing through your body as the gem explodes. And I don't take the full damage because I have divine protection. And it's because like TLC are like filtering as much of the lightning out of me as they can. Well, you've got that lightning rod, of Rian. Yes. Also that. The lightning knife. Yeah. Yeah.

And it actually like it goes through the tree tattoo on my arm too. Like where it's like these like arcing burns are connected like from the coin shards to the tree tattoo. And Ving, you're tossed back a little bit with the force of this bezoar bursting. Like it's a shockwave around Thronebreaker. Who is notably not dead. Yes. But he like falls for what feels like a long time. Like that slow turn. Yeah. And then like dips below like begins to dip below the cloud cover.

We're both falling in parallel. Yeah. And you see an eye open. A fucking massive eye. How big is he? Is he like the size of an elephant? Isn't he like the size of a house we said? His head is the size. He's like a quarter mile long. Oh, that's intense. Yeah. He's really, really big. It's like I'm I fought a dragon. It's like I jumped out. I thought I was going to fight an albatross and I and then I got to him and I was like, this is a dragon. Yeah.

And he so he like his massive eye opens as you're falling. Tuck is falling by the way. I bolt for him. Yeah. And Tuck you see his eye open and kind of focus on you in that weird sideways like bird way, but he begins to write himself and as he dips below the clouds you see him flee. Ving. Yep. I'm in Paragon Falcon freefall wings tucked heading for for Tuck. Are you rolling for this? Yeah, I'm going to roll for strength. I guess or dexterity dexterity dexterity. Okay. Flap flap flap flap.

Nice 10 10. Perfect. Yeah. Yeah, you rock it towards Tuck. I'm like dodging shards of bees or grab one of them. Yeah. Oh, I think like maybe like the electricity and the power in them. There's like a field of shattered bees or like hanging in the air. Oh, yeah. Electricity arcing off of them. Oh my God. He's our shard. And yeah, you is Tuck. You're trying to let Tuck land on your back. You're trying to grab him. Yeah, I just like scoop him down underneath. Bam. Grab him and head down. Yeah.

Tuck slams into your back with the force of a thousand suns. Absolutely crushing Billy. Billy, are you okay? Fine. Okay. Cloud pieces to me right here Ving and he's like right next to you formed up off your wing. Okay, cool. And then I dig Billy out from under my belly. I am flat like a cartoon. Yeah. It's a blow into his thumb to pump himself back up. Are we safe? For now, that was no small blow that you struck Thronebreaker. He'll need to recover. Yeah, man. I blew that guy off so hard.

I warrior. You did blow him off. And then I I'm riding Ving like a knight. Yeah. There's like blood on me and stuff. It's a knight who has recently returned from battle. And then I find my head to him and I go, it is good to see you cloud piercer and you Tacoma and you young Billy. Why thank you. It is also an honor to be in your presence again. Quite now, please retreat. We must away. I know a place where we can take refuge amongst the peaks of the mountains. Oh, wow.

Yeah, the clouds will shield us. Cool. I turned to talk. I'm like, are you actually okay? And he leans into Billy and he's like, I think I think I got electrocuted pretty bad. I don't want to alarm you, but like, yeah, definitely. I'm seeing a lot of weird marks and scars on your body that weren't there before. I'm like, does it look cool? It looks so cool. I'm really jealous that you got to be the one to get those scars. Thanks. Do you think Allison will like it if we run into her?

No reason why I'm asking that specifically. I think she always likes running into you. Cool. Thanks. That's great. What an offhander. End question. Do you think we'll run into her again soon? I hope so. Yeah. Guys, stop looking at me when you say that. And Cloudpiercer leads you like above the clouds through the cover at one point. Like it looks like he's trying to kind of cover his tracks. Is there a team of Thunderbirds of his friends following us? Yeah.

Every once in a while, they'll form up, but like they try to not get too close together for too long. Cool. And it looks like because it looks like they're definitely trying to get somewhere without the other birds. Knowing where they're going. It would be cool if they intentionally go through like rainstorms to cover their scent. Yeah. So you're all soaked to the bone. Oh, yeah.

But eventually you arrive at it's like you're in the clouds and then very suddenly there is the face of a mountain in front of you. Holy shit. And Cloudpiercer alights on a cliff takes his place and goes here. Here we can rest amongst the peaks of the mountain. Is it just ice or is there any like nests or anything here? There's like, yeah, there's some nests that look like they're made out of, you know, fucking trees and shit like really big nests. Holy. Is this where you sleep, Cloudpiercer?

When there is time, the battle rages on. How long is the battle been going on? What are you fighting for? We are fighting for the protection of all bird kind. Who are you fighting against? Thronebreaker. His ilk and the storm. Why? The storm has clouded his mind. He seeks to spread the storm. If he has his way, the earth itself will be wiped clean. The storm that I unleashed. Yes. This is my fault. It is no fault of yours. No. The storm is uncontrollable.

Many have tried and failed to yoke it to their cause. But we did break it out of containment. I'm trying to get you off the hook a little bit here. I see what you're trying to do. I'm just saying there is some responsibility here. Possibly. And I appreciate you fighting our fight. Which is your fight. I'm not trying to take away your fight. Just sorry, dude. For doing this to you. And all your friends who died. That sucks. That sucks. Apology accepted, but unnecessary.

War is the fate of the warrior. And I, a warrior, am a warrior. That's deep. You really got stoic and serious and shit. War will do that to a bird. Do you still like to perform? Do you still know how to juggle? I haven't performed in nigh on however long it's been since I've seen you last. So you have not come to fight then? Not this war. We're fighting a bigger, bigger battle, my friend. What battle is that? I pull out the arrow. With the raven fletches on it. We're going for my father.

Nathaniel. My daddy. Daddy Nathaniel. Ah, I see. And we're also trying to get to a glacier that a wizard named Adernick Allwater used to live in. They said it was past a mountain range called the Jaws. Do you know where that is? Yes, but it is not a mountain range. What is it? It is a section of the ocean. What? Yes, this is what I said when I introduced the Jaws in the first place. Called the Jaws because the shifting flows destroy ships that pass through.

And there's giant frozen chunks of ice in it. Right, and it looks like jagged teeth. Exactly. Is it a frozen ocean? Partially. Much like the Arctic. Some of it's frozen, some of it's not. It's unpredictable, but I care not for the sea. Okay. Not even a little bit? My war is in the skies, Bing. In the skies. Cloudpiercer, our friends are back in the town. But I think we're going to have to leave after that. I mean, we were trying to be secretive and that was the opposite.

Will you take us up north and can one of your friends get our friends? Yes, this can be done. You have done us a great service this day. Thronebreaker does not often lose, but today, his humiliation will be felt. Also, what's the deal with the Beezor? Can he not cast lightning or whatever now because he doesn't have Beezor anymore? Yeah, does it grow back? Yeah. It does, yes. But it will take some time. And in that time, his power will be diminished. And will he hide in that time? He will.

He must. So we've bought you some time at least. You have. Peace is here. No. But for now, yes. That's what I meant. Okay. You've got a little… Chunk of peace. Yeah, a little bit. A moment of respite. Yes. To clean up our mess. Exactly. And so, you are welcome to rest here. May we join your flock. You may. But the storm and the sea carry much around the world. And there's something I believe that you have lost that I have found. And he walks into a cave in the side of the cliff.

And he rustles around in whatever's in there. So cute. And he comes back and clutched in his beak is a simple leather fanny pack. Fuck. What? I thought it was Allison's scarf. Never mind. That's where we're going to end it for this week. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Tacome Tome, the barbarian Abdul Aziz. Playing Ving the half-elf druid, Paul Loppers. Bye. Playing Fat Billy the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. It's okay. We'll get her scarf back. I don't care.

I don't want it back. I know you do. Yes, you do. Clap your soul. Find it again. Thank you to Aaron Reid for our intro and outro music. So incredible every time. You can find all the music performed on the show at SoundCloud. You can find Aaron's album, Healthy, at aaronreid.bandcamp.com. And if you want us to support the show on Patreon and get access to a bunch of bonus content and all that kind of cool shit, join us at patreon.com slash speltlore or speltlore.com slash money, please.

And you know what? Thank you to you for listening. We'll see you next time. And so ends the tale of adventures three Who tried the best they can Though dumb and scared and lost they be For time's abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resume Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I'd gladly Spout Lore

If you like Spout Lore and you want spelt more of it, go to patreon.com slash Spout Lore for exclusive bonus content, bonus games, exclusive merchandise, and more. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers half-elf, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart.

Best and raddest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round, friends, and listen close. Oh. For the tale's about to start. Hello, everybody, and welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdul Aziz. Hello, everybody. Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. Hello there. Playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Hi, everyone.

When last we left our heroes, they arrived at the trek stop deep in the ice road route of the frozen north. After finding, thanks to the help of Pantera, the blood-debt-owing snow leopard, a wanted poster featuring our dear friend Ving. Looks nothing like me. A very offensive rendition that makes him look like an absolute beast, but still noticeably Ving. Determined, nonetheless, to take refuge at this trek stop, they disguised Ving.

Ving, as a nice road trekker, shaving his head and using the hair to give him a handlebar mustache, I think. Handlebar mustache and a mullet. And a mullet. Under a hat. Was there chops coming out of nowhere? I mean, we could just say that now. There's chops coming out of nowhere. Yeah. Like, not connected to the mullet? Yeah. It's shaved between the top of the mullet and the chops. Yeah. And then the chops, and then a mustache. Awful. Not one unified hairstyle on the entire head.

They went to the diner. In the trek stop, featuring all-day breakfast, and took a spot in a booth to plan their next move, meeting aggressive, yet not realizing it's off-putting diner waitress Becky. She was just reading the game. Like, she just got a copy of the game. Yeah. And she saw Tuck and was like, I'm going to neg the shit out of this guy. He's going to find me irresistible. Yeah. My feelings were for sure hurt by everything she said. Those feelings are hurt. Cops came into the diner.

Designer took notice of the party sitting at their booth tuck accidentally drew the attention of one of them I think we're so excited about all day breakfast we forgot we went there to make a plan yeah that might have been it yeah uh we later on learned that billy and or jessica misunderstood all day breakfast to mean all you can eat breakfast absolutely I misunderstood personally very reasonable ordering basically 15 times the amount of food of anyone else at the table tuck drew the attention of one of the cops who came over and asked what was going on what your business was and then uh they both left tuck talked to a woman at the bar trying to get an idea of your your plan I remember now was in an attempt to learn more about adernack all water was to just ask any one person you saw you looked like they might be intelligent so she was reading so we're like this person definitely knows about wizards she knows about our quest specifically bothered a bunch of nerds that day yeah tuck approached her and scared her off accidentally losing the weather book that he brought with him to seem smart as well billy snuck out after her yes and saw that she was informing the cops preparing to enter the diner and apprehend you all billy returned to the table and and!

Gulnau this huge guy you can really help this out uh and at that moment the cops stormed the place ving threw a jar full of gunpowder into a fireplace creating a smoke bomb of magnificent proportions uh you escaped out the back oleg throwing you into the back of a moving ice trek that was on its way out the door and you all escaped ving calling the storm around you to pick up speed and also obscure your trail receiving thanks to his connection to the spiritual realm and the elements of vision of a great battle taking place in the skies high high above cloud piercer the thunderbird nearby and in pain oh and that is where we find our heroes now does ving do anything immediately about the vision he yells out cloud piercer what I stick my head out the window the clouds have kind of come in so you can't really see much yeah it's windy you do we hear thunder yes you hear thunder the wind in what direction the sky which way are we heading I do mean it in that it is above like it seems like it's rolling out from everywhere whoa yeah oh my god is there like weather above us that looks like stormy at all ving kind of called up a storm to obscure you so you are it's it was pretty snowy and blustery already and now it's even more so and the truck is rumbling as you're pulling out onto the ice road you're like oh my god I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared dogs as far as the eye can see back here uh the the dog team has been pulled in because it was already pretty windy and they're just like oh hello friend I am ving hi I'm your friend and he holds out his little paw what a good boy welcome to the truck my name's balto I guess I'm kind of the leader around here that's great anything we can do for you do you guys need anything from us you can just put it in the chat box and I'll take care of it for you guys take care of it for you guys pet scratch my head you get it bolt though oh yeah this is great hey guys we got some friends back here and you're like oh my god hi what's going on just a pile of dogs now they're all over me licking my face and stuff this is great perel's kind of like standing up he's got his hand out and he's like lifting up one leg as a dog gets closer to him hi hello perel do you not like dogs no I like them fine they're just this these ones are big that's you just stay down there buddy stay down there and then tucks on the ground and he's like underneath one that's huge and he's scratching it on either side he's like just scratch them like this and they'll be fine no that's fine it's okay you can just stay back a little bit uh and uh maggie is sitting on the ground and she's got one laying across her lap ving and balto are laughing their butts off oh no I rolled in it and it turned out it was my own that's what happens out here on the ice road oh my god yeah you're a good boy what's the driver's name oh uh uh he's never told me his name gotcha no clue dog only knows its own name yeah yeah exactly dog knows balto other dogs yeah and then food person food guy yeah he thinks the guy's name is come here boy wait do can you ask him where we're going yeah where are we going where's this truck headed oh we're going to um uh the big the big place that place with all the you know what they're called there's all the people the city yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's gonna be a while but that's where we're going eventually is there is there buildings made of ice I was thinking about this earlier yeah we don't know anything about the frozen north we're going to sheer city so we're going to sheer city or old sheer probably sheer city if it's a city but we don't know anything about the culture we don't know what the government's like yeah is the frozen north like attached to the principalities is it separate from the principal I assume it's separate me too but I don't know is it city states is there a full is there nationhood up here there seems to be nationhood doesn't there yeah so sheer city sounds like it's probably if not the capital a big city it's a big city on the coast yeah can we do a thing where we come up with a name for the city come up with a name for the city come up with a name for the each say a thing that our characters have heard about sheer city I would love that starting with what we know about it so far that's what I want to know is that old sheer was the first city or settlement when people came over from hibernia I think and some of them settled there and it was like one of the first communities on this continent theoretically yeah that makes sense it was probably maybe not on the continent but definitely in the north yeah it was one of the bigger because we don't know anything about really about the indigenous people of the continent right you know what I mean so like how long have people been here are these the people that were here like originally like well what do we know of the winter war like what were the people that were there because it was the people from the elves and fairies that's who took part in the winter war were the elves the dark elves and the fairies and it feels like a lot of people got pulled into it I think so too I was thinking of like how the north like sheer city had a lot of people who were here and they were like oh my god I don't know what's going on here and they were like oh my god I don't know what's going on here a lot of military ground because of its advantage from the shore and they're also trying to secure passages to other parts of the country so it is like in a northwest passage sort of thing yeah how a lot of the arctic our arctic has been settled by military and that's a lot of the infrastructure there is based on some sort of militant occupation or so maybe it's a hangovers from the winter war or other wars like that there's a bit of a colonial a military uh establishment there's a bit of a colonial a military establishment there's a bit of a colonial here okay yeah we we did establish that old sheer was like kind of just like end of the rotors and then the government re-established the city further south in a place that is the navy could like in a bay kind of that the navy could like live in and then it kind of became a military town sort of like victoria and is that that's sheer city that's sheer city that makes a lot of sense actually old sheer is the some of the original ones yeah yeah yeah it should make sense like the way you described it originally like there's a lot of people who are like oh my god like there's a lot of people who are like oh my god little houses and stuff yeah yeah I think a lot old sheer we said was a lot of people who refused to move to sheer city yeah like they're anti-establishment so it ended up anti-war probably oh yeah yeah okay so this is this see this is giving me a picture of what the north is like it sounds like it's a very militant place yeah like it's a it's a country that is like we have a powerful navy and we control the upper part of the world but I like the thought that this military culture doesn't get through the forest you know I mean like it doesn't really affect the elves at all the elves are more powerful than that so the the great forest and the boreal reach is its own kingdom and territory oh yeah definitely and then frozen north is separate from it yeah that's kind of cool like sheer city is made the hub of like the military yeah then there's like all that frozen area that's sort of like no man's land yeah a bit yeah is it kind of like a alaska then yeah okay that makes sense so it's like maybe it is an outpost of the principalities but maybe they seceded yeah so like it was originally a territory of the principalities and then they declared independence so there was wars yeah and that's why they have such a strong military what makes their military navy especially so potent uh their ability to travel and and like navigate the ice fields and yeah and everything cool I like it uh ships that are like they can like camouflage with the ice sort of thing they hide out they can go further north than anyone because they have like icebreaker ships I was just thinking icebreakers they probably have some sort of thing in the front very cool and they can maybe sometimes go up like if it's a huge glacier field they can like they get up on skis or like yeah they're slightly amphibious because you can put them up cool pull them across they grew out of the winter war a little bit that would make sense yeah like some of their their weapons were yeah used like the you know uh you know military breeds yeah necessity sort of thing I was thinking that about the shipbreakers that it was like an engine on the front of it that was powered by magic and there was a maybe there was a ton of advancement yeah there was a ton of advancement and then that like that really makes sense about we're talking about how magic is used whereas the spirit energy energy is about taking part in the process of the ship and then it's like yeah totally so in the absence of magic they were probably forced to industrialize basically like find ways to replace that energy yeah oh like you mean after the wizards left yeah because it is part of their like military industry was powered by magical artifacts the mechanism era I'm imagining like you know like cold snowy icy cities but with like belching smokestacks and right slamming machines and that kind of stuff rocks covered in ice yeah things covered in ice like ice is mortar oh interesting and like some of the old old buildings that makes sense permafrost buildings using like water as like the heat source you know like because there's magic in it yeah yeah it's easy to you know use magic to heat the water and just use like steam power and stuff like that oh that would be so cool as like one of the discoveries that they made during the war where they were like like a wizard is just like there's magic in all the water yeah and if you like attach these like contacts to it and run a specific current or something like that it's like a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind above they can't be above ground so it's secret no you can't because like I mean the whole principalities like fuck no magic and then probably old sheer or not old sheer but sheer city is probably you know they probably just don't want to like tick them off like they have military I like that some arcanic magic was like amazing old wizard type people live in old sheer that's part of it too probably maybe that's why they seceded because the exodus was happening and then people the exodus happened and people cracked down right on on magic and then they were just like we still have a bunch of magic users here we need to secede and kind of erase because it's like they're so isolated so people don't really know what's happening out there yeah they don't even question they don't ask yeah go up there because they're also scary they're militarized they're like america basically uh okay so we have a better idea of what the north is about weird isolationist magical mechanics yeah secretive kind of advanced machinery electric lights probably yeah either way you're in the back of a truck with a bunch of dogs with a bunch of dogs how can we find out who the driver is can we see this person uh I mean billy could always try and crawl through to the front if you want to so at the back there's like um that's where all the cargo is yeah and then that goes up to like a hatch basically that the driver can pop open to like see how his dogs are doing I just want to see get a glimpse of this driver yeah so I'm gonna roll I guess to certain realities yeah does it go dogs cabin cab I mean it kind of goes like dogs cargo and then cabin and then driver oh so you have to climb back there yeah yeah you're gonna have to actually climb like through the back of the truck like the cargo into the cabin to see this guy is it am I risking falling into the ice just roll it jump in yeah nine nine so you get one question off the list I would like to know what here is useful or valuable to me yeah you pop open the little hatch in the cargo area and then you hop over to the little sill of the hatch in the back of the cabin open that up and uh there's music playing on a music bottle oh nice what kind of music is it sounds like the fantasy version of like credence clearwater revival like it's like I feel better moon rising so pete seger solo yeah it's just like dad music yeah this is how you remind me of what I really am all right no it changed my mind it's it's newer dad music vindicated I'm selfish we're going even younger oh no I'm this is just how many songs I've been like vibing out for yeah somebody I used to know yeah so he's listening to sirius xm 18 countdown.

Billy's been sitting back there for like 30 minutes spying and he's just like, he's got a great taste in music. So tell me about this driver. Are we thinking like older, drinking whiskey out of a flask, gruff dude? Are we talking young, slamming monster energy drinks, trying to pay for school? Writing a novel. Series of novels. I really like older, but we haven't had like a young sort of driver. They've all been kind of gruff dads.

So I kind of want to go for the younger dude who's like in his like early 20s, slamming energy drinks. Probably recently broke up with someone, which is why he's listening to like basically Nickelback and stuff like that. Or he's about to break up with someone. Who knows? He's trying to break up with the person. He's trying to run through all the scenarios. You can't take this anymore, man. You can't just keep walking all over you. You gotta get in there and you gotta say, no more.

Also, I'm on the ice road like six weeks out of the two months. Why did I do it like that? It's so hard. Because when I get home, I need to break up with her, but I'm so horny. So we have sex and then I like her again. And then I'm gone. I don't have time to hate her. No, actually, you know what? Like they have a weird up and down relationship and his six weeks on the road is him working through all of their arguments together until he and like working on himself.

And then he gets home and he's like, I love you. I love you better. That's great. He has a crate full of like therapy bottles for like self-help bottles. Yeah. He also eats like tons of chips from the restaurant Oleg works at. He also goes like he and Oleg are friends and he asks Oleg for a ton of relationship advice and Oleg. He actually got certified as a counselor in prison. Yeah, he's like actually really nice to talk. That's great because he's had a string of terrible relationships.

So he's like, yeah, maybe I can help other if I cannot help Oleg. It's not toxic masculinity to do therapy. And yeah, so he's there's this kid. He's sitting up there early 20s. What does he look like? He's so buff. Okay. All right. Lay out how attractive you think this guy is. I know. I'm sorry. No, this is my fault. Okay. He has to lift all the cargo. He can't afford to like hire another guy just to sit back there. So he's got to unload and load up all the cargo himself.

And sometimes he's got it. Like if there's big chunks of ice on the road, he's got like, like push that off and cut up a bunch of stuff with an axe. I don't know. Yeah, totally. Seems sticking to pick. He looks like a character from Frozen. Kristoff. Oh, yeah. The elk guy. Yeah. He's pretty like thick guy. He's a thick boy. Yeah. He's a human. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. So he's just sitting there. He's slamming chips. Yeah. Crush and energy drink, which I mean, Billy would notice this.

He's drinking out of carbonated cans like he's popping a tab on a carbonated can. Whoa. Arcanic. Yeah. And drinking it. And he's just like fucking rocking out to his music bottle thinking about the fantasy novels that he's working on, which are set in our world. All right. Six friends live in New York City. So. Okay. And so Daniel is good. He's got his boss asked if he could talk to him and Daniel's like, oh, no, now it's going to happen. I'm going to get fired for sure. His friend got it.

He's like, man, you got to stop making up these ridiculous sounding names. New York City. Are you kidding me? Daniel. What the fuck even is a graphic designer? Dude, you can't just make shit up. Unbelievable. So is Billy just going to report back or is he going to try and talk to this guy? I think I'd like to wait. What would what should I do? Second one for sure. Okay. I'll try to talk to him. I think you're going to try and take some of his chips. It's not a bad idea.

I think this is why Billy's been up there for so long because he doesn't know how to introduce all of us. Should we all come up here? He's like, no, that might scare him. He's taking so much responsibility because we were just like, go check out what's going on. And then but we didn't tell you to come back. Right. And I'm stressing out. I'm like, but if it's just me and I disappear, there's going to be no one left to tell them what I saw.

I mean, I feel like once Billy saw this guy who'd be like, okay, I'm not in danger at all. He doesn't know. True, but probably he's looking all around the cab for his like hidden weapons. Maybe he's a murderer. He sees the ice pick and stuff like that and the axes. In his rear view mirror it's like, be a better person. Affirmations written everywhere. There's a lot of like conflicting information. Yeah, but the most important thing is that bag of Doritos. Oh, absolutely.

He's got so many bags of Doritos. Cold ranch. I love the idea of the conflicting information. Billy looking around the cab, cut to a pick axe with a wicked blade. Cut to be a better person on the mirror. Cut to angry music. Cut to self-help bottles. Yeah. Cut to the axe and then bloody meat. I don't know. It's for later. It's for the dogs. Yeah, he's cutting up like raw meat for the dogs in the back. Yeah, and he's like, oh. Cut to the chips. Yeah.

So Billy's like, I'm going to go for the food first because at worst if I get kicked out, at least I ate something. Uh-huh. At least I have two chips worth of calories. Yeah. Okay, so I'd like to secretly get to the open bag of chips. Yeah, 2D6 plus dexterity. And it's a crinkly fucking bag. It's so crinkly. Oh my god. 8. Okay. It is a crinkly bag. Billy's seen a crinkly bag before, so he knows that if he goes for these chips, the guy's going to become aware of you right away.

You can either avoid his attention by not stealing a chip, but if you steal a chip, he is going to become aware of you. Fuck. Okay. I mean, do you have a fairy child? You could always charm him for a while. I don't want to charm him. I want to be my authentic self. Uh-huh. You were about to charm him, then you saw an aphorism written on an air freshener that said be your authentic self. Yeah. Billy's been sitting here for long enough that he transitioned to the bottles, and he's like listening.

All this therapy now, like, yeah, I should just be the real me. So I've already crawled into, like, the driver part of the cabin. So you're sitting next to him, and he doesn't know. Yeah, he hasn't seen me yet. I'm looking at the chips. I'm like, he's going to hear me. So I just ask, excuse me. Whoa! I'm sorry! Scurvy! He immediately starts cut to the back, and we're bouncing. Dogs everywhere. Bouncing. Oh my god. And you guys get slammed around. The car goes secure so it doesn't move.

There's definitely food up there, I say to Doug. He's saying this to me as I'm being dragged out the back because I fell and grabbed a net. Yeah. Oh, nice. Maggie has her arms and legs braced and her core absolutely solid flexed, not moving. I didn't grab a net. I grabbed her cloak. I have a huge armful. I have five, six giant dogs. You're saying, I'm keeping them in the middle because they're bouncing around. And Perel is slamming around like a foosball. You're on your own. Oh my god.

And eventually the truck comes to a screeching. Well, I mean, it's a ski, but it comes to a skiing halt. And the guy starts opening the door and crawling out. He's like, what the fuck? Who are you? No way! Oh my god, how'd you get in here? Oleg, let us up. Oleg, how do I know that you did not take the life of my dear Oleg? Look at this bottle of cinnamon that Oleg gave to me. By his own decision making. Fear not, young boy.

I know that if you bear the cinnamon and then he reaches into his shirt and pulls out another vial of cinnamon. This is great. It means that I can trust you because Oleg trusts you with his cinnamon. And then they touch and it makes a heart. It makes like a ringing crystal. Wow. So we are brothers for life. We are cinnamon bros. Also, I like that Billy's like, I thought I had the only cinnamon. Yeah, he's a little like… So we're cinnamon bros then. Yeah.

Oleg said you could give us a ride up to the north. To Shrew City? Yep. Alright, that's fine. Okay, so just to be clear, it's not just me. I have a few friends in the back. No, we're keeping the dogs entertained. Okay. It's my friend, Ving and Tuck and Perel and Maggie. For any more people back there I should be aware of? Are there any more people? No, that's it. There are only four to five of us.

I gotta say, I'm not super jacked about this because you might not know, Ice Road's a dangerous place. I gotta be really careful with my poundage. For sure. Alright, fine. But if we cross a bridge, you all gotta get out. Aww. No, but then you can get back in on the other side of the bridge. The bridge, probably. Okay. It is a treacherous road, my bro. I've heard. And it is two days, probably, to Shrew City on a good day.

And as you can tell, we don't have a soundscape in this podcast, but it's windy as fuck right now. For sure. Oh, yeah. It's really blustery out there. Yeah, so he hops back in, he closes the door, blocks out the wind. I'm Trevor. My bros call me Trev. Nice to meet you, Trevor. No, no, no, no. And he holds up the cinnamon. You call me Trev. Trev. Nice. My name's Fat Billy, but my bros call me Billy. Nice. I will call you Billy, then. Yeah.

You're welcome to sit up here with me if you want, or go back there. Do you need anything from me? Yeah, could I have a handful of chips? Yeah, sure. Sure, bro. Thank you. You want a, what do they call monster energy drinks? A cold pop. You want a cold pop? Yeah, I want a cold pop. Ice cold pop. And he reaches down through the floor. To a rack of drinks that's hanging out in the open ice. So cold. And he pulls one out, and it's a tall boy can, so it's almost as tall as Billy.

So I have to hold it with both hands, so I put the chips in my pouch. Of course. I say, I'm gonna go back to my friends for now and let them know what I've learned. And then you hear Yes, hello. Hello. Hi, what's up? Hey, we just wanted to make sure Billy was okay. You okay, Billy? He's talking to you through the hatch in the back. I've climbed up on the can. I'm trying to open it. Climbed up on the can? Nice. Trying to rip it open with both hands.

Ving's got his head at the passenger side window. He said he went outside and went around. Get in! And he opens the door, and it's like, Get in here! Have you ever been in the north before? Have I ever been in the north? Look it, I'm wearing no shirt. I took my shirt off to show you how much I'm in the north. That makes me think you haven't been in the north before. And Tuck is like, I also don't have a shirt on.

And he's talking through the little hatch in the back of the thing, and then he just His beard's sticking up under his shirt. And then he moves his body, and then presses a nipple against it. No shirt. Oh my god. Just this kimono and my loin guard. And then he pulls up and presses it. Oh, man, come on. Get that thing out of my window. It's a loin guard. Okay. Yeah, the little… Billy, explain the situation to me. Where are you headed? Sheer City. Perfect. Everything's good. Get in the truck.

Close the fucking door. I'm in. What's all these tapes for? Why'd you come up here? I mean, what's going on here? They're self-help tapes. I'm working on myself. We were concerned about our kid. That's why we came here. You're in the back, and I just saw your dick and balls. Hey, no. It's a loin guard. I didn't show you underneath. Well, I saw a lot of the outline, okay? I'm working on myself, okay? Okay. Me and my girl, we got a pretty up and down kind of thing.

And, you know, I'm not going to say that she's blameless in this, but I need to work on myself, and these tapes are really helping me. I call them tapes because I had to tape the tops of the bottles shut. So they don't leak out so I can listen to them more often. Well, if you ever want to talk, you let me know. Yeah, Ving is a registered counselor. I don't know you at all. I just learned… That's perfect. I'm impartial. That's all you want, man. Oh, fuck. You're right. Okay.

We'll be in the back. Thanks. Thanks for driving. Driver. Driver? Thanks, driver. Trevor. Trevor. My last name is Driver. Trevor Driver. But it's, you know, my whole family… My dad was a driver, my mom was a driver, and my brother's sister's drivers. Your last name is Driver. Yeah. Ah. I knew a halfling back in the Great Forest who was a traveler. Uh-huh. He was a driver. Uh-huh. His name was Mini Driver. There it is. Wow. What a circuitous route.

I could tell by the way you were playing fast and like, I knew a halfling in the Great Forest. I was like, well, I know he knows they don't live there. He's setting something up. Damn it. You related to Mini Driver? Yeah, that's my uncle through marriage. Do you know a guy named Adam? Don't you? I don't fucking say that name. Don't you fucking… Adam tried to steal my fucking girl from me. Whoa, Adam. Hands off. Yeah, right. That's what I'm trying to say.

We have an exclusive thing going on and Adam was like, I'm tall and I have an oddly wide torso. And I've been in some pretty good movies and some pretty bad ones. Adam sounds like a cousin I had. Yeah. Well, not my cousin, but just a cousin. What? What? What? Adam sounds like a cousin I had one time, but not my cousin. Just a cousin. This is Billy trying to relate. He's like, yeah, I have family. Yeah, what about Adam?

Oh, he was going after another dude's girl and they had a big fight in the pig pen. Uh-huh. Adam lost. Oh, no. We don't talk about it. You don't want to lose a fight in a pig pen. You don't want to lose a fight in a pig pen. You lost more than his pride that day. Oh, yeah. Lost his face and head and dick and balls. Face and head and dick and balls. Billy just heard. In that order. Yeah. Face first, then head, then dick, then balls. And then you hear.

And you look over and Tuck has like one of the bags of chips and he's eating it in the. Hey, did you get that out of the crate? No, I got it from in here. Oh, you got a long arm. Yeah, dude. I'm pretty big. You haven't seen the whole of me yet. It's going to be impressive. It will be surprising. And just to give you a heads up, I am in a bulk face. So I love the idea that Tuck has to caution somebody who hasn't seen his full scale. I'm really big. So don't freak out when you see me.

You can't freak out. Okay. You've just seen my face. I am monstrously huge. Okay. So I'm going to drive now. Is that okay? With everybody? That's great. That's cool. We're going to hang out here. We like you. Oh my God. All right, fine. But nobody talked during my tapes. Okay. Okay. Okay. And he reaches over and he peels back the tape on one of them and he pops it. It's like, welcome back to loving the you. You love to you. You can't really edit what goes into a bottle.

Sean's never listened to a self-help tape. It's all one take. You have to like, put your hand over the bottle. Oh man. That's why good songs are so well traded because they're like, that was an amazing take. They didn't fuck it up at all. Everything was in key. And he, yeah, he starts heading down the road. I'd say this, this is an opportunity to learn things either about the state of the North or the world really, because he's a tracker.

He's probably heard some stuff about what's going on all over the place or to learn things about the environment, which is my way of saying, if you want to Spout Lore or discern, realities now is the time. Hey, what have you learned about what, why, what are these posters for? Have you heard anything about this? Like this? I have one of my wanted posters, but he's still in disguise. You know what?

Now that I'm looking at this poster, the general shape of your face is very similar to the shape of this guy's face. Me. What do you mean? This is me. What do you mean? I don't know. I'm wanted. What do you mean? Where have you seen these roll a two D six plus charisma? Oh God. Billy. Billy. Stop mid pop. Like yeah. And tucks up mid crunch. 10. Holy shit. Good job. He reaches into his shirt and pulls out a little vial of cinnamon on a chain.

He goes, you're lucky you have shared this information with me. A cinnamon bro. Destroy that poster. If you know, it's good for you. He eats it slow. So slowly bites little bites. I just did a poster 20 minutes ago. Billy lifts up his pot to you. Oh, thank you so much. Billy. You drink it and it tastes like it tastes like a poultice smells. It's like medicinal in its strength. Oh my God. This is like a virgin Jaeger Meister. I love this. So it's red bull. Yeah.

So Billy pops up in the, in the little face hole now and his pupils are just, Oh God, dude, Billy, you tell me you haven't been drinking this stuff. Oh, I had half. That's a big half. I can see. All the way to the forest. Tell me Trev, what sort of things do you find across the roads? What do you want to know? What sort of dangers have you encountered? Yeah. Speller two to six plus intelligence. Seven. Okay. So he looks at the poster again as Ving is finishing eating it very slowly.

Oh, I'm, I'm, I'm, I have a stack of these things. Kind of eat all of them. You can destroy posters in other ways, dude. No, this is this. He's right. This is the safest way to destroy a poster. Give me one of those. Challenge. Bros. Gentlemen, bros. And then tuck doesn't want to be left out. So he reaches in and grabs one too. Yeah. Here. Any hands, a couple back to Billy. Give those to the other one. One's back there. No problem. We all have to eat them. Feed them to the dogs. Yeah.

He just drops them behind him and he's, his eyes are straight. A little, a little, a little too. Askew. Yeah. The East and West meet. So what he knows is, um, things are getting pretty, pretty rough out there. It's a shame, but from what I've heard, war is coming to the principalities. What? Yeah. Things are getting pretty bad. I'm sure, you know, like the weather's been all over the place. There's been strange occurrences kind of across the lands. Whoa.

No, we didn't, we didn't know anything about that. Even this, this storm, any points up. This is a, I mean, you know, it's the north, but this is unseasonable in terms of its power. And I've been hearing that there's been a destruction in the smaller communities of the north storm sweeping through great shadows in the skies and whatever's been going on in the principalities. One of the Princeps, has taken this opportunity to make a move on a neighboring territory. Oh fuck. Oh no. Yeah.

So things are getting pretty dicey up here too. So, uh, the northern forces have really locked down on people and, you know, a lot more checkpoints than usual. And, uh, these, and he shoves another poster in his mouth. I wouldn't be surprised if this was related to it somewhat. Oh God, what stock is that? They're laminated. Oh, I can tell. Oh, dude, not going down easy, bro. We're going to have terrible shits later. We're not going to have any shits later.

So, you know, it's a good thing you're in disguise, but you know, I'd keep your head down. Do you know anything? Why? Who's, who's putting these posters? No, no, no. I mean, nothing. Why? Why is it unusual? Like I assume you did something. Um, you can tell me I'm not a cop. I'm wait a second. I'm not, I'm going to say I trust you, but I'm just going to keep this one a little close to the chest. For now, if you don't mind. Yeah, no worries.

Let's say I need to work on myself a bit before I talk to you about this. He nods sagely. I wonder if there's, uh, there's also, because like they're gearing up for war in the principalities, like production of like military equipment and old sheer has like kicked up. Oh yeah, probably. I think so. They're getting a lot of orders in. Yeah. So maybe that's another thing.

Uh, Trevor says he's like, yeah, I'm going to drop off a bunch of, um, food in old sheer, but I'm picking up a shipment of, uh, of, of weapons and armor, taking them back down South. Really? Yeah. War is mechanizing again. Yeah. I mean, that is the old sheer way. Whenever there is conflict, sheer city is there to make a buck, you know? So it's bloated in population right now too. There's people coming in. Yeah. A lot of workers coming up, a lot of travel on the ice roads.

That's kind of good for us. Then there'll be less likely to find us if there's a ton of people going in and out. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Can I spell her about something? Yeah, everybody can. So what is it? Plus intelligence? You know that negative one. I got a seven. Okay. So what is, what is, what does Tuck ask? Uh, has any, do you know of anyone or have you, cause you've been like on the road this whole time, right? Yeah.

You ever seen any like huge birds that cause thunder, lightning or whatever around? I mean, do you mean thunderbirds? I do mean thunderbirds. They are a thing that people know about existing. I think, you know, of thunderbirds. Yeah. Giant birds are hard to miss. But I saw, I saw, and he gets really conspiratorial. He hunches down. So one night I was driving the ice road. These things pretty much drive themselves. I'm guessing. Oh, do they?

And he crosses his arms in front of his chest and the wheel starts to turn. And then the whole 18 wheeler kind of structure of it starts listing to the side. No, it's okay, everybody. Don't worry. These things drive themselves. You keep taking your eyes off. You're, you're crouching down. You're crouching down. Telling us a story. Not watching. That's a great point. Seems to be doing. You seem to be doing a lot that I can't see. You're a great driver driver to thank you.

And he puts his hand on the wheel and immediately writes the truck. Yeah, I've been doing this for a long time, bro. Oh, it's almost four months. And that is after three months of having my license revoked. So I'm doing pretty good. Are you an owner operator? Yeah, this is my, he slaps the side of his chair. This is my baby right here. That's awesome. Yeah, man. I am a hundred percent for reliance, baby. That's sick. You know what that means? No taxes. That's what a hundred percent profit. Baby.

That's not what that means. A hundred percent profit. Anyways, any hunches down, it gets really conspiratorial. One night driving the ice roads. I was trekking halfway between the rosin yields and the white waist. The clouds grew dark. It was dark or it was nighttime. So it was already dark, but I could tell the clouds were even darker than that. All of a sudden, as if from nowhere, lightning right above me, whoa, heel of thunder and descending through the cloud cover.

Um, massive bone white Thunderbird, the biggest bird I've ever seen in my fucking life, bro thing had to be a really, really big bird. And just as I was, I swear to God, I swear to God, just as I was looking at it, it looked at me and it winked and then it went back up into the clouds and it was gone. It sounds like cloud piercer. He loved to perform. Yeah, I was really slamming energy drinks at the time though, though. So that might've been an embellishment on my brain's part.

Did you notice any stones upon its brow? Yeah, it was dark, so I couldn't see the color of his gem. All I saw was the reflections of the lightning. Really intense story. It was fucking bad ass. And tuck pops a boner boner. You hear it smack against the wall, the whole truck tips a little bit, but the, but that like he kind of has been like opening the top of a, the bottle slowly. So music is slowly creeping in.

And then when he says it was fucking bad ass, he opens it all the way and it goes, give me fuel, give me fire, give me that, which I desire. Wow. And he just starts slamming his head up and down. Hold on fuckers. Yeah. The shot shifts to outside as he shifts gears or whatever. When he shifts gears, it puts down different skis. Oh, cool. And that is how you pass the night on that first day is him telling you, telling you about war, telling you about the giant Thunderbird.

He saw we tell him stories too. Yeah. What do you got? It was one time. Tuck got beat up by a woman in a cave. Uh huh. Yeah. This lady beat him up. Got him real good. Yeah. And then I think you, you got some good shots in there, pal. What, what is the situation? Are you talking about? I was a whale. You drank way too many. Everybody's just slammed on these. Billy's now all pupil. His eyes are completely, completely black. He's not even like there. He's astrally projecting.

He's in like fairy realm. He drank so many energy drinks. He crossed over. Yeah. He's shadow dancing right now. And, uh, Tuck tells him a story about the battle of land Springs. Cool. Yeah. I tell him about that. Cool. But I don't say it's us. I say, I heard about these three guys that, that like did, I guess I'm trying to like expand ever since Pharaoh was like, people are telling the tales of you guys. I've, I've been like, kind of like putting it in there. Classic bird. Yeah.

And then I get to the part and it's like, and then as they put the Saffron rope around him, he burst into flame and it turns out he was the demon of zealotry the whole time. What the fuck? I know. Right. We couldn't believe it either. I mean, they couldn't believe it either. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh, tux pupils are huge.

It's What, what, that doesn't really shut the fuck and just listen to what him questioning the timeline. I think, Paul, you haven't, Irving hasn't rolled discern realities or Spout Lore. If you got the urge. Yeah, I wanted to know about the army that his dad has been gathering. What have you heard of the building of the army? Has Nathaniel been building an army? Yeah, he's getting garrisons and soldiers from all over the north. He's making it disparate. Is he? Where did this come from?

I don't know. I made a note. Okay. Yeah, go ahead and roll. I'm not 100% sure. 11. 11. Holy shit. Maybe it's not a full army yet. Yeah. No, he's building his followers. He's gathering his followers. Yeah, totally. Yeah, I mean, as far as I know, I haven't seen much. I haven't dealt with rangers much. Most people don't. Those guys kind of stick to their forest, but I do know that a lot of Trekers… Okay, there have been a couple that have gone missing. I'm going to be straight up with you.

Truckers have been going missing? Yeah, like whole treks just gone. It's part of the reason the road's so dangerous these days. Like they find their wreckage or gone without a trace? They leave one stop and they never arrive at the next one. Hmm. And I don't know what's the deal there, but something's happening. There's something going on in the woods. I don't know. They're getting pissy. So people who have to travel near the woods are going missing. That seems to be the situation.

Well, I hope you stay safe. Hey, thanks, man. Appreciate it. And then he pops a bottle and it's I Will Always Love You by Dolly Parton. How does that go? It was one of the shitty takes. The I part goes on for way too long. But okay, so interesting and useful. So maybe he tells you like exactly where there's been a certain site where a bunch of them have been going missing. People have ice trackers have the union of ice trackers has said they're no longer taking that route.

Oh, yeah, there's a route that's like closed. Yeah, I like that. And it is near a region of the forest that Ving is familiar with called my brain said bone city bone city. It is. I mean it's like like all dead trees but former it's a burned out forest that the whole thing just looks like skeletons. Oh, I like it bone city. It's actually called bone city. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Bone city is not the word that I know for it. I just know it is. No, I call it bone city.

I'm the kind of guy that would love calling a thing. Yes, it's part of the forest. I call it bone city because it looks like a bunch of bones and yeah, they close out whole route down dunzo. Don't know why but if I had to guess as an amateur author myself an imagineer maybe there's like something out there. They're like looking for and they don't want people fucking around in there. How far is bone city from the old sheer or from sheer city from sheer city three days. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Thank you. Two and a half days. Now three depends on how many drinks I had more drinks means faster because I get more reckless and if I'm listening to free bird it's two days because I'm free. That's free falling free bird. Yeah. So that's pretty much, you know, the situation that I know about that. Those guys scare me. Do you know anybody who's gone missing personally? Not personally, but like a friend of a friend's brother's friend did go missing. Oh no. Yeah.

It's pretty shit, but he's he's like a union guy. So his family got taken care of. Oh, there's a union. Yeah. Truckers Union. Oh, cool. Good for you. Now, fuck them. What the fuck dude? He's freelance. I'm freelance, baby. I'm not paying fucking dues. So you're do you think the union dues are the taxes? Yeah, man, they're not taking my taxes. Okay. You don't know what taxes are that nobody knows what taxes are, man. It's just the thing that the government like does to you, bro.

Government the truckers union or you're not listening. This guy is working. He's operating so illegal. He's not even aware. He's outside the line. How broke how criminal he is. I'm freelance baby all the way the union. They kick me out and that's on them and they don't get my taxes anymore. I get my taxes and I pay them to the good old country of us and me us and you know me just me. Maybe he's also like the union can't tell me where to go. So he's going to be taking a delivery there.

Oh, I'm going back through Bone City because they can't stop because he can make mega bucks do. Yeah, take a short contract jam through Bone City. Then you can take like six months off be with your lady. Oh, that's the dream bro. Really work things out. Yeah work things out or break up with her. Finally. Well, we'll see depends on how much I get through these tapes. Did your lady have like a sister or something? I don't know man. I literally don't know. It's never come up once.

You need to ask more questions, my man. Yeah, I probably do. That's what tape three is about asking more questions and I'd say like on the morning of that second day is everybody's kind of chilling in the cab or do you go in the back or what Billy's in the back with Maggie and Pearl now that he's like back to normal and he's telling them like I need to stay away from those pops. That was something else. I went very far away. What? Yeah, you definitely shouldn't have those drinks anymore.

Billy, I'm going to keep an eye on you and you guys are hanging out with Trevor. You in the back we go to the back. Okay, perfect. Big is crashing hard. Okay, great. Those drinks. So Tuck is trying to stay awake though. Oh, yeah, because he doesn't want to dream. Right? Yeah, that makes sense. So Tuck's a little off right now. Yeah, just in general because on the morning of the second day, I think we'll talk you would notice because you're trying to stay awake.

You feel the truck start to rumble as it slows down. Oh, and he climbs out the back and around to like look at what's going on. You so you get out of the truck. No, just like I don't get out. I hang out the back. Yeah, you hang out the back and you immediately see a group of people in those cop uniform. Okay. And officers I duck back here. Give me a defy danger dexterity. Okay, there was a people people. Oh, that's right. Okay, I got two ones in my decks is zero to two.

So can I do anything about it? I mean, you can maybe do something about what happens. Open the thing. There they are. Yeah, you hear Trev like leaning out his window talking to one of these guards. Did they see him? Pawtuck for sure. Yeah, these two snake guys mean they're snake guys. These snake guys so you hear I mean I thought maybe this would be a tense little substribution thing. Sorry, you know, this is perfect. You do hear them go.

Hey, and then a couple like three guards start running over to you. Um, I would like to use create convincing illusion. I have two fairy childs left. I create a convincing illusion that the back of this is empty fully empty not fully empty, but like just the dogs like a bag of beans that looks like a man so that they'll be like, oh, is that bag of beans? That's a great idea thing. Bag of beans ducked out of there and shut the door.

Beans are flopping around all over the place in the back of my lorry. Get in tight everyone. Okay, make us into look like a big old bag of beans. Everybody lies down on tuck like and then he hugs all of them. Uh-huh. And the guards come around and they like skid to a halt and look in the back and they look very confusing. They go. I could have I could have sworn this was there is a person back here, but he looked at me yet dude.

That's a bag of beans and Trevor comes around the other side and he says yeah, so like I was telling you guys, I'm just going up to sheer city Holland and he comes around and sees the back a big bag of beans. And other things. So I guess that's it. Oh yeah, I get all right fine and they go back around to the front of the truck to continue their conversation about getting through. They ask him for his union card. Oh, they ask him for his union card.

I don't have one because the union is a bunch of jackbooted thugs that are trying to take my taxes away from me to pay for their duties. It's not happening and it's about 20 minutes of him ranting about the union and then he comes around back and looks very confusedly at the bag of beans and then closes the back of his truck and all the dogs get out because the winds died down and he hooks the dogs up and then the truck jolts forward as it starts to move. Oh fuck. Good move Billy. Thanks.

Don't fucking hang your head out in the back again. Language. Sorry Billy. Sorry. We're all a little scared right now. But can we all just please stop fucking yelling? I have such a headache. Sorry thing. We gotta stop drinking these energy drinks guys. It's tearing us apart. We water should have brought more water. Yeah, we're also cranky. Yeah, we gotta stop drinking these energy drinks. This is the last one. This is the last one. I swear to God.

Can we go up to the front tuck can't because he'd have to cram himself through without being spotted. Uh, but Trevor's like, oh man, that was what the fuck where that big bag of beans come from. Yeah. I wonder where now you can tell me I'm a cinnamon. Right cinnamon bro. You're right. You got our back. I got some moves. You know, I I can do some things like like if I'm really scared I can like hide or I can make light sometimes if it's dark I make a little like wicker the wisp. Yeah.

Um, well yeah. Fucking word. So you're like a little organic. You're like a little organic guy. You got a little gadgets and gizmos on you. No, more like a fairy scream. He just goes up tight and he looks forward. What's going on with you? Your demeanor has changed Trevor. Um, but I'm Trevor. I'm I'm afraid why are you afraid? We're cinnamon bros. I know I'm afraid of fairies. Why are you afraid of all the stories I've heard is a lot. Oh boy. Oh my God. Fairies do that.

So to like on purpose to make people afraid we don't actually have to convince me somehow. Okay, so I'm too afraid now. I'm gonna roll 2d6 plus charisma to convince all of my tapes have taught me to express my emotions. So I'm feeling fear right now. I'm feeling in danger and I'm feeling like I'm about to pee my little pants a 10. Oh, okay.

I just do nice stuff and I'm like making like a little will of the wisps and I turned some of like the chip bag into like a bit of a bigger chip bag bigger chip bag. I picked up a handful of dust and crumbs. I made them into like one big chip, you know, just normal nice stuff normal stuff delicious chip based magic. So this is like half an hour of you doing like little tricks and stuff for Trev. I'm pretty harmless. You know, maybe once long long long ago.

I was a bit scarier, but now I'm pretty nice and I'm really only scary if you hurt me which because we're cinnamon bros. I know you won't I would never hurt a cinnamon bro. It is against the sworn vow that I've taken. Absolutely. But for a non-union guy he's really into this guild of cinnamon bros. Oleg told me not to swear a vow but I swore it anyways and now I'm a cinnamon bro for life. It's really good though Trevor to know what your emotions are and to like see them.

My emotions are that I am fearful, but I am hopeful and that I am choosing to trust my cinnamon bro for now despite the fact that he says he is a fairy which is confusing to me because it does not align with what I understand about fairies because he looks like a low guy. But isn't what all the work you've been doing and trying to change your understanding of what you believe before like this is what you've been doing, right?

It's changing your understandings of things and this is moving towards making you a bigger better person son of a bitch being your absolutely right. I am trying to change who I am about myself understand open the hands of another. Thank you so much. I'm starting to flag and he just he reaches over while not taking his eyes off the road and puts a hand on Billy's shoulder goes. Thank you for helping me overcome temporarily my prejudices against the fairies and my fear of them.

I feel like I've made a real bro today in addition to a cinnamon bro. Oh, yeah, man. We're bros for life bros for life. I'll prove to you. You got nothing to fear Trev bump and you continue on down the ice road thing. You're sitting in the cab looking out the window as you pass a cups of trees.

You're outside the great forest now, but there's still tree cover here and there and as the the sun glitters off the snow and ice hanging from the branches your reflexes for just a moment catch movement in the air and then just below the window slamming into the wood an arrow. And that's where we're gonna end it this week. Fuck. Whoa. I'm your game master Sean O'Hara joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdul Aziz so long playing being the half elf druid Paul Hoppers.

Take care playing fat Billy the halfling thief Jessica tie by everyone. Thank you to Aaron Reed of Vancouver Sunday service for our intro and outro music. You can find all the music performed on the show at SoundCloud and you can find Aaron's album at Aaron Reed dot band camp dot com. Thank you to all of our patreons supporters around the world for supporting the show. If you want to support the show and get access to bonus audio content outtakes art and a whole bunch more.

You can find us at patreon.com slash Spout Lore or Spout Lore dot com slash money, please. We'll see you next time. And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can dumb and scared and lost baby for times of breast in revelry and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly have a good time and I'll see you next time. Bye. Bye. Bye.

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P-a-t I'll start over sorry it sounds like a fucking Alta Vista ad gather round friends let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold a brute, a druid and a thief who is but nine years old you know them by name, you know them by deed their quests are famously daring so here I sit singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home he loves to sing and fight Vig is half-elf, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief his tiny size does mask the largest heart best and brightest they may not be but their friendship outweighs their smarts so gather round friends and listen close for the tale's about to start perfect five stars baby welcome to Spout Lore I'm your game master Sean O'Hara joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome the barbarian Abdul Aziz playing Vig the half-elf druid Paul Oppers perfect star, five star rating baby playing fat Billy the halfling thief Jessica Tai welcome back to Spout Lore perfect five star rating five stars every day, every night non-stop or higher five stars or higher, welcome to Spout Lore five stars or higher when you're here, you're family welcome to Spout Lore you're gonna like the way you look Spout Lore, get us working for you Spout Lore, just do it Spout Lore in it nothing runs like Spout Lore Spout Lore, just do it where's the beef?

Spout Lore vote for Hillary Rodham Clinton Spout Lore drink Coca-Cola please I would love if our podcast got acquired by the Coca-Cola bottling company that would be really hard to stop it from being evil when last we left our heroes that would be like that would be like if Leonardo da Vinci got killed 85% of the way through the Mona Lisa and then he just drew the crusades in the background or something and then he changed the Mona Lisa to be like yes, crusades one thumb pointing over his shoulder the other thumbs going up welcome to Spout Lore a Lockheed Martin production when last we left our heroes they had beached themselves on the shores of the frozen north, they quickly realized unfortunately that they were quite far from old sheer and cold quite close to the great forest a plan was made in which Oleander Dreyfuss would limp the sun runner to a place where he can do some makeshift repairs and then head to old sheer where he will wait two months for you to return and if you're not back in two months he'll assume that you're dead and he will leave I'm gonna be honest with you guys as soon as he was like I'll wait for you guys to return I had an image of that seed from Indiana Jones where he was like running over the hill and he was like start the plane start the plane and then just like a hundred rangers are running behind you start the boat arrows like into the deck as he's jumping on board he has to throw his fishing rod in the ocean uh, Corrine decided to stay behind after a conversation with Maggie Cole that we were not privy to and Maggie and Perel headed off with you three to find uh, what Ving remembers as a prominent trade route called the Ice Road that heads up through the frozen mist mountains and connects with the ice road and connects with the ice road with the frozen north Ice Road Trekkers that's right frequented by trekkers the most dangerous and hardy of all merchant caravan-eers yeah, and they ride on the the ice boats from Cruel Runnings yes the party decided for some reason to engage in a foot race uh, immediately getting themselves more lost than they were before classic but uh, taking shelter next to a large stone or what appeared to be a large stone ooh oh, mystery sound and it was actually a dark elf crypt oh, dark elf crypt classic yeah and Billy keeping watch by himself doing karate on top of a rock to scare away animals you know it worked with some wolves it fucking worked for real yeah, Billy got so sweaty up there oh yeah he really did and then he tripped and fell a little bit during his karate moves and saw that the rock seemed to be the entrance of a tomb collapsed into the dirt he dug it free a little bit and made the, I think pretty reasonable decision to dig the entrance of the tomb out a little bit instead of entering the tomb fully by himself mm-hmm Tuck and Ving woke up and did not feel the same way at all well, we woke up and our kid was gone you woke up to me screaming our kid's name yeah uh, you found Billy completely nude in the hole covered in dirt cause he got sweaty digging it out not the first time we found him naked in a grave in all honesty filthy in a hole yeah and then the party, uh, plus two oh wait Ving almost got attacked by a drift leopard oh shit, right uh, a cat who referred to Ving constantly as meat but in attempting to trick the leopard into stepping onto some thin ice Ving and the leopard plunged into the icy waters of the pool beneath the cat immediately going from predator to pleading to sad kitty sad cat wow and everybody worked together to get Ving and the cat out of the hole the cat then swore a life debt to Ving for saving his life which would be repaid shortly we would find just so we don't get into the habit I suppose of collecting more companions mm-hmm anyway, back to the tomb we go into the tomb we find the body of a dark elf scout laid out in armor and holding weapons watched over by a war golem Ving recalling a letter from Ving a lesson in which he learned the dark elves had a cultural practice of burying their scouts on the far ranges of their territory yeah as sort of symbolic watchmen and then Billy had a fucking flashback I did Billy had a terrifying flashback of dark elf war golems mm-hmm so Billy pleaded with the rest of the party to not rob the tomb as is their usual method uh-huh knowing that it would awaken the wrath of the golem we learned a couple things we looked at some beautiful elven weaponry and armor Perel wondered at the construction of the golem itself which appeared not to contain any machinery but completely artificial musculature bones, etc.

Ving saying that he heard stories that they were constructed using the body parts of dead elves the party smashed the entrance of the tomb closed packed up camp and Ving sent his life debt swearing snow leopard Pantera uh right, you named it Pantera whoops haha whoops whoops whoops whoops whoops whoops whoops whoops whoops whoops whoops whoops whoops whops in the distance and through his eyes watched as the panther slash leopard circled the place discovering what seems to be just some sort of trade post like a arrest it's a truck stop it's basically a fantasy truck stop there's a bunch of like sledges outside yeah yeah humans chatting a wall trekkers everywhere yeah ice road trekkers probably not a super populated place but like you know good numbers of people a husky stop is the husky stop for the actual husky dog yeah there's a there's a husky outside husky stop outside where you feed all your dogs we've never talked about it but there are probably like dog teams up here oh god I love that and perhaps most impressingly on a message board outside the gate a wanted poster featuring the face of ving and he looks bad really mean yeah he looks really really mean do they have a pencil thin mustache on him for some reason yeah cut to that's the thing panther brought back the wanted poster somehow and we're like you look not good in this picture you look old in this man this makes me look like a complete creep guys is this what I look like is this what I put out there no they gave you a scar along one eye oh my god the bags under your eye are like so dark and deep I'm putting snow on my underneath my eyes don't worry not in real life I'm not gonna lie to you I'm not gonna lie to you in real life yeah your your bags aren't that pronounced in real life ving don't worry do I look this angry all the time no your eyebrows go the opposite way they they gave you some missing teeth oh no this was somebody else the ink is a different color somebody blacked out your teeth I have a little tiny mustache just in the middle underneath my nose that's a bad look dude that's not good I can't quite tell why but I hate that mustache what's it say who do we report to it just says report to your local authority if seen yeah it uh it what talk to a ranger no I don't think it's like that but I think it is like report to the like local watch warden or something like that oh cool but you get the idea of thing that this is human stuff this is like frozen north authorities not the rangers what yeah what is the reward uh it is talk what the fuck man I just want to know it's uh five thousand coins five thousand coins holy shit no just listen hear me out I walk like this oh no we're all right we're already on the same page we turn you in get five thousand coins five thousand coins and then we buy the whole frozen north with the five thousand coins and then we free you this is amazing plan we could definitely kill so many selkies with five thousand gold coins five thousand gold kinds would make us fucking bulletproof we could buy that gash and bury it in the ocean if we wanted to I'm just gonna go ahead and do it and look at how bad I fucked up how much money is that's so much money it feels like it's like 10 million dollars uh okay so actually it is exactly enough to buy one merchant ship damn oh yeah still pretty good still pretty fucking good oleander's like what how much don't tell oleander how much my reward is we cut to oleander and he's at a different he's already is that fucking ving at the mill and they have a post that's not ving is no ving doesn't have a little mustache in the middle like that five thousand oh man I'm I'm glad that's not ving because I'd turn him in for five thousand coins no question on one hand he has a wanted poster the other hand he has the bill for the maintenance on his boat he's just like looking from one to the other four thousand nine hundred and ninety nine coins and ninety nine cents I'd have a little bit left over for myself uh smash cut too I mean it is hilarious of course to imagine fleecing the local authorities for five thousand coins but do we maybe want to avoid capture yeah great guys probably yes probably yeah you know what hundred percent I would never sell my friend but I feel like we're in kind of a blue sky sort of mode right now this is true this is true I'm all that I mean most of our tactics in the past have included turning ourselves or someone else in that's true you guys did turn yourselves in once in mccall remember that's how you got arrested and taken to the hearth that's how we found and freed ama yeah yeah and shia shia got the reward for that yeah totally so we've done this before there's precedent set what I'm saying what if like we go in either ving is disguised or we hide him and like we ask around like oh so just wondering like whereabouts would they potentially take this criminal shot on sight then we're like okay we won't go that is a good point really we should disguise ving if we are going into this outpost okay I'll put on this little mustache I make sure I put bags under my eyes uh okay well perellis or no perellis me say ving you might not need to disguise yourself because this poster is dog shit so you might not have to I'm gonna I'm gonna disguise myself somewhat okay how if I might ask what do you mean I'm just you know I'm I know a little something about a little something when it comes to altering someone's appearance and here I'm feeling now I know this is going to sound wild coming from me this feels like a less is more situation and when he says that tuck puts a vampire teeth that he was taking out of his bag ving has taken a handful of soot and he's putting it back down tuck is pushing that to the ground and billy takes puts away the coconut boobies did we raid a discount party halloween warehouse all halloween stores are racist yeah I'm thinking now you're gonna hate this but I'm gonna pitch it anyways okay we cut your hair I'm in oh whoa whoa grab it knife cut handfuls handles off whoa whoa whoa whoa buddy buddy buddy buddy bangs bangs bangs not bangs no it's all bangs oh no okay he gave himself like a weird bowl cut a bowl cut now bullcob page boy goes up across down page boy out like this oh wow oh my god what too much I mean two emo phillips kind of look like emo phillips does it look like a mug mushroom cut or does it flip out like a bell I was imagining like amelie short hair oh my gosh do you look like amelie shave the sides okay down buzz cut all the way down what if you take some of the hair that you shaved off your head and then give yourself a big long handlebar mustache then you'll look like an ice road trekker oh that's a good idea yeah amazing yeah can we get you a trekker's hat I mean her tat and some trucker tats yeah and they might sell trucker hats at the stop too yeah trekker hats here are like russian hats and they're like a lot of them hats they're big fur things yeah yeah but they still have the brim and they still say bass pro shops on the top different stuff yeah cabela's so what so ving has cut his hair short yeah wow big look change right now yeah so now it's like a puffy like mushroomy sort of bob thing no it's all the way shaved down that was a full progression you cut the hair all the way to the scalp it's buzz cut down oh buzz cut oh he had a buzz cut when he was a kid right in yes when you were a kid and then also three days season seven and mccall yes yeah so your hair grows hella fast that's what we know is uh you probably got like a good couple weeks before it's back to its normal leg yeah wait if I'm going as a trucker I should probably have a mullet oh well we'll just put the hat over top oh some of the hair into the mullet yeah perel holds up his hands I can yeah I can work with this oh so do we get like a little beauty montage now yeah eye on candle lit yeah yeah he's doing those weird uh meditative movements but as he prepares and uh yeah he takes a hat that he had and he chews up some resin that he found like on a bush and he takes some of the hair and he glues it to the back of the hat to create like a long mullet on just the back of the brim slaps it on your head it actually looks pretty good thank you so you've got a hat and you've got a mullet and you've got a mullet and you've got a mullet and you've got a hat a long gray mustache and long gray hair beautiful let's change up your voice yep no problem hey I'm not ving I guess they don't know what your voice sounds like yeah I think you could probably do whatever you want in there whose dad's the ranger king anyways what's the deal my mom's alive it's the performance of the century thing way to go and just as you're like getting ready to head towards the trek stop pantera stands before you is my debt repaid meat not yet you dare ask more of pantera I wanted to give billy some sweet what can the oh sweet gift some slippers of his own you desire me to steal slippers from the human people or what if he would donate some of his winter fur to me his under fur yeah and I could felt slippers this is what I was hoping thank you ah I see you wish for pantera's lush undercoat please give up your under fur for winter boots for the the young maid I shall do this upon one condition meat yes name it scratch pantera at the place where his ears connect with his head oh my god goes in with the knuckles you know how you oh yes under for gathering in my palms yeah molding felting slippers our debt is repaid and now pantera returns to the tundra where he lives wild and free and he turns and he begins trotting into the snow ah yes the wide tundra and then he stops and he looks back at you for a second and he looks kind of sad no I'm a creature of the wilds and I shall be free and he runs away come find us anytime you want I will not maybe I will he's gone into the snows well thank you there you go for my feet yeah wow these are like snowshoes you can walk on the snow with these probably you don't have to carry me anymore thank god what I mean that's nice slippers they are wow they're so soft so much softer than the slippers you had on the boat okay billy's got some beautiful new drift leopard slippers oh my gosh I'm walking around like a little prince yep your feet are honestly like perfectly tempered not too hot not too cold and you continue your walk up to the trek stop it's a couple hours walk for sure but you all get here and uh it's nice to be amongst civilization I imagine at least for that's what perel says wow it is nice to be amongst civilization again you can smell you smell that you smell that peat smoke an outhouse probably that kind of hot mossy shit smell oh I missed it I honestly missed it smells like barbecue someone's doing barbecue smells like a pancake yeah I smell a shit pit no no no it couldn't be and perel like runs around the wall of the building okay the outside and he runs to the gate and he looks at the gate and he drops to his knees and he's crying in ecstasy as he sees a sun and he's like oh my god I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die next to the door that says all day breakfast what does it say and then tuck looks at billy and he's like it says all day breakfast I also fall passed out I fainted and maggie just walks past all of the uh ecstatic writhing that's happening in front of the gate being watched by a couple ice road trekkers who are just letting it happen yeah but uh inside we see we need a table for four and a kid's seat uh okay who's this server hey welcome at to what's this fucking place called ice hop that was instantaneous yeah I'm becky welcome to ice hop uh what are you looking for you're looking for a table for what four I think there's a high chair one two three four five in a high chair five five four no perl maggie uh my friend dave uh any points of uh me and then yeah our kid okay yeah so four and a high chair okay that was a that was a big number for you huh big guys yeah uh sorry no no no no it's fine and she bobs you with the handful of menus that she has tuck turns to vayne and he's like I don't like our server all right right over here and she walks you to like a table and she's like oh my god I'm gonna like a booth look this is a fantasy world we try really hard to paint a fantastical picture for our audience this is a diner you know what a diner looks like she sits you at a booth that's right next to a window could be like a log cabin kind of diner though absolutely yeah yeah so it is the shape and layout of your classic denny's I hop diner but everything is suede log cabin suede but like beautiful woodwork too like everything is so over designed like all the booths have like roaring bears and like trees and mountains they come from pinewood oh imported yeah yeah pinewood imports yeah that's that's the name of the store pinewood imports and it's just the pure one imports oh my god yeah there's like a roaring fire in the center of the diner oh yeah and then there's like a stone over top of part of that fire and that's where the like flat top griddle that they cook all the shit is on yeah the menu is like 35 pages it's so big it's like it's all day breakfast and that's four pages and then after that is like lunch and dinner yeah and senior specials oh and the senior specials are 30 pages long yeah alone they actually give you another book can I start you off with uh some waters and drinks or anything yeah can I get um like mead or whatever oh it's a little early in the morning for me don't you think jesus fuck mead I'm gonna get some water and I'm gonna get some all right one mead for the uh questionable guy in the corner uh what can I get for the rest of you can I have a chocolate oat milk please oh absolutely sweetheart and she pinches your cheeks a little bit oh I don't think anyone's pinched billy's cheeks in the entire show a couple months anything else no I'll have a wintergreen latte please okay all right interesting taste I like it dave uh and perel and maggie both order uh perel orders a tea and maggie orders um what does maggie order butter rum hot butter rum hot butter rum oh can I change mine to hot butter rum uh okay and she goes back and she crosses out one of those are you she crosses out mead very dramatically abdul in real life is so upset okay two butter rums a tea an a chocolate oat milk and a wintergreen latte okay I'll be right back and she throws out some menus and she walks away and you can hear she can see she walks over uh she swings her hips a lot when she walks and she walks really fast she goes over to uh another server and they start talking really quietly and looking at you and laughing a little bit I don't like this place guys I took leads and he's like I don't like this place what's wrong you know what I feel like they might be making fun of us but they're definitely not suspicious of us and they're not of me being a wanted man so I think we're maybe this is the best case scenario is that they think we're stupid dumb idiot hick tourists fine fine I'll stay it's the most beautiful place I've ever been so you're just smelling all the foods that are cooking behind billy's not even looking at everyone he's looking at the hot stone with all these eggs being fried up yeah and I love it because billy in my mind he's turned all yeah billy's in a high chair and he's like completely turned himself around his legs are dangling off the back he's like justin timberlinking the high chair and the cook honestly looks like uh an escaped convict like he's like huge like huge arms t-shirt rolled up big hairy arms big huge guy just taking pokes everywhere oh yeah he looks like he did his own tattoos shit and he's just dicing it up cooking like a champ it looks like he's he's got some real skill at least in the diner world and you're sitting there looking at your menus and you hear jing jing as the bell at the door rings as uh two uniformed warriors of some kind walk in oh shit be cool be cool everyone should just be cool can I sorry no and they sit down at the bar and they just flagged down a waitress who starts pouring them coffee can I roll to try and figure out what they are yeah totally okay okay come on please nope four I got four shit and tuck you're sitting there and uh you're looking at the two warriors guards militia folk whatever and one of them turns around and looks at you and I immediately like hold the menu up in front of my face like we make eye contact and then I'm like nope flip over you tip over a glass of water I'm doing so when I do that and uh and then he also sees me peek over the menu and sees that he's still making eye contact and then I duck back behind and then he just turns back to the bar and continues drinking his coffee um tuck why did you do it like that I panicked I'm sorry now you're gonna have to pretend like you were flirting with him okay it's the only way you're right all right I'll do this okay I'll do this for us all right you can do it and then tuck puts the menu down and he stares at the guy and he goes to the back of his head yeah and the guard turns around and he's like oh my god I'm so sorry I'm so sorry and then he turns around again and looks back in your direction and then tuck goes uh dual's got his closed fist up to his mouth up to his open mouth tuck is this unaware of how to flirt with a man yeah he was gonna do a jerk off motion to his face and then he's like no that's offensive and then he dips a figure in the water in front of him and he licks he licks the water off of his figure he's like and then he dips the next figure and then he does it with every finger and then uh once all of the fingers are wet he does one of these wow wearing wig flirtatiously waving all of my fingers roll 2d6 plus charisma nope it's not what the fuck is going on even though I have a plus three charisma I got a five what happened oh my god that was bad and that is what perel says into his hand as the guard gets up and starts walking over to the table hey folks hey big fella you look thick as fuck today I'm sorry officer my friend loves a man in uniform I love a man out of uniform a little bit more if you know what I mean six inches more yeah yeah baggy reaches across and puts an arm a hand on his shoulder and he's like oh my god I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry a woman runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and runs up and christ you're a halfling yeah I thought you were a little human baby I mean I'm kind of both okay but that's where we're from the halfling lands all of you hither and thither but that's where we came from what's your what's your business around here fucking breakfast bro what about you man just in here for a nosh and brought by like the most gnarliest beers in town heard they had some good brews on tap man sorry the face paul made after he finished shocking I imagine making that face just panicked and scared where are you headed what's your business we're on a brewery tour yeah all across yeah the frozen north and then back down along the other side he takes a long obnoxious sip of his coffee all right enjoy your breakfast and you enjoy having maggie just grabs your beard and yanks your head down the table level and he finishes a good day sir okay so I think we can all agree yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes Guys, am I bad at flirting?

Yes. Sorry. I mean, yes. Yeah. No. Unequivocally. Yeah, absolutely. Just with guys or with women too? I've never seen it work once in my entire time I've known you. I think bad's enough of a word for what you are at flirting. I'm honestly not even sure that we could call what you were doing flirting. That's true. That was more harassment than anything. And the fact that you didn't mean to harass them. Yeah, that makes it worse. That makes it a lot worse. Well, how are they supposed to react?

Are they not supposed to look that upset? Here's how I imagine it going down in my head. I would do the water thing with my fingers, and then I thought he was going to reach behind the counter, grab a bunch of cucumbers, and then dip them in his water, and then do the same thing, but with the cucumbers. And then you would grab a zucchini. Yeah. It keeps getting bigger. And then it keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger until we're fucking each other.

So that's how you imagined it going down in your head. That's how I planned it. That was your plan. Your plan involved him having a secret store of cucumbers that you were not aware of, and then returning the gesture in a similar but scaled up way. Yeah. Slowly lifts up a handful of giant zucchinis. Planned. Okay. I've got some drinks here. Here's your chocolate oat milk. Here's two hot rum butters. Here's a nice chamomile tea. So early in the morning. What an interesting choice.

And a wintergreen latte. Okay. Can I get you any food? I will have one of everything, at least. One of everything? Okay. Maybe that's… You know what? No. I want to eat fast, and I'll have a bunch of pancakes. Okay. Bunch of pancakes. I'll have a bunch of eggs. Bunch of eggs? How do you want those? Anyway cooked. Cooked eggs? Okay. I'll also have a bunch of meat. Bunch of meat? Any specificity to the meat? Nah, whatever you got. Just loose. Just loose. A lot. Can I have a lot of syrup? Butter?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Have a lot of whipped cream? Okay. Where do you want that whipped cream located? Anywhere. Not on the eggs. Okay. Not on the eggs. In my mouth, stupid. Okay. And… And… And… Can I have some gravy? Gravy? Yeah, okay. In a bowl. Okay. I have two gravies. Billy, finish the first gravy before you have a second. Fine. You can have a second gravy. Fine. Okay. When you finish the first. Fine. I'll… Is that… Well, I'll start with… For my appetite. Thank you very much.

We are fucking dog shit at setting boundaries. We let him order so many things that we're like, maybe just get the one cup of gravy. And then I have a 10% gravy. I want two! And what can I get for you? I'm just going to eat what he doesn't eat. Your… Your… Voice? Your voice? Your voice changed a little bit. Sorry. I have this… I have a poutine. That's not it either. I'll have a poutine if you've got it. I'll have… You got… My dad here. Oh, yeah. I love… I'm good with the beer.

I'm mostly sticking with… That's the worst. I've got some pretzels. I love… Y'all have pretzel poutine? I'll have… I'll have… Corned beef hash. Corned beef hash. Okay. I don't know if there's an audio setting I can put on this that will make that not horrible. Oh, you have… Don't say salad. Don't say salad. Don't say salad. Caesar salad? Awesome. Nailed it. Caesar salad. It's an interesting choice this time of year in this part of the world. For an ice road checker. Yeah. Interesting.

Okay. I'll see what I can scrounge up. I don't know what we have in the way of leaves, really, but we'll see what we can do. Whatever you put in your Caesars, I'll have that. Understood. Caesar. Here we go. I'm good with that. Okay. What about you, big guy? Can I get, like, 40 eggs and a ham flank? Oh, somebody's in a bulk phase. I fucking hate you. And what about you two? And Perel orders eggs Florentine. Of course. And Maggie says that she's fine with her drink.

I look at Maggie with so much serious… I look at Maggie with so much seriousness in my face. I'm like, this isn't all-you-can-eat breakfast. No. It's not what? No. It's not all-you-can-eat. It's all-day breakfast. What? And Becky walks away. Billy, you just ordered 40 gold coins. How can a little kid mistaking all-day breakfast for all-you-can-eat breakfast is so fucking funny. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. It looks very serious. She's starting to… She's sipping her drink. She's leaning in. Okay. So, one, I'm not sure that we actually have enough money to pay for all the food that Billy ordered. And two, we might have the fuzz on us any time now. What makes you think that? Well, I mean, as a member of a secret society, I have had to work against a lot of authority figures in my time. And trust me, when you get to my age, you get to work. You get to work. What's the word?

Recognize the movements of the pigs. You know what I mean? Do you think we should go right now? I think it would rise more suspicion if we were to run out on our bill. What if we each get up and leave separately and then we convene somewhere else? Yeah, that could work. That could work. But right now, she kind of looks out the window. She pulls down the Venetian blinds a little bit and peeks out. I think we're okay right now. I think we just want to be careful. So we'll eat our food. We'll pay.

We'll pay. Somehow. We'll tip an okay amount because she's kind of… She's really into Tuck. I don't know what's going on there. What do you mean into? You poor stupid boy. She's insulting me so much. Oh my gosh. She's negging you, bro. Well, it's working. I feel negative. And then we'll head out carefully, quietly. If it comes to it, you know, if they make… If they make a move on us, then yeah, we'll bolt.

But we just want to be careful because there ain't really much place to run around here, you know? Yeah. It's pretty flat and white. Pretty flat and white. You have adequately described the environment that we're all familiar with. Yeah. Perel is drinking his tea. This is great, guys. I'm having a real adventure. I'm having the best time of my life right now. Billy's already gotten a small stack of pancakes that Becky did not bring. Well, I can get out of this high chair. Anytime I want. Yeah.

Billy's already made friends with the chef. Oh, yeah. The big tattooed chef. He's mother's recipe for pancake. They're the best pancakes I ever tasted. That secret? Yeah. He's I ground cinnamon, I grow myself. No way. Yes. And he reaches into his shirt and on at the end of the chain is a tiny little vial of cinnamon. Only one peach is need for whole day pitch. Just one? Just one. Just one. He's precious to me. My name, of course, being Oleg. Yes. He's precious to me, Oleg. Oleg Bogdan.

Oleg Bogdan. A beautiful name. Yes. For a beautiful chef. Oh, you're too kind, little boy. No, you have blessed me on this day with the greatest feast of my life. You have blessed Oleg with opportunity to follow his passion. His passion being making pancake for small boy. Thank you. And I love to eat. Food made for small boy. You and Oleg are of one heart, little boy. One soul and one mind. You know? And he pulls the chain off his neck and he places in your tiny hand the vial of cinnamon.

I simply couldn't, Oleg. You must. I know how much this means to you. I want you to have it. I will remember this kindness. No one in this place say Oleg pancake is good. What? The menu is so large. So many things on menu. No one ever have Oleg pancake. I will carry your legacy on with me for the rest of my life. I wish you to do this. Okay. Okay. Plus I have vials of this at home. This is my cabinet full of necklaces with vials on them. Small boy doesn't know this though. No.

I carry it with me in my heart. And then from the table we're like, Billy, can you stop bothering the chef? Okay. I have to go back to my high chair now. Farewell, small boy. Okay. I'll see you later. Goodbye. Dosvidanya. Dosvidanya. How did you know that? Anastasia the movie. No, no, no. How do you know that, Billy? Oh, Billy? Anastasia the stage. He Oleg taught me. The reggaemuffin. He Oleg taught me. Yeah. That's what we didn't see was Oleg being like, dosvidanya means farewell.

In place the time from which is, um, Durvor, I suppose. Oh yeah. That makes sense. We have established as Eastern Europe a fantasy world. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. We have established as Eastern Europe a fantasy world. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. Uh, and Becky comes back with all the food. Billy's absolutely colossal mountain of shit, uh, is placed on his high chair and then half of the table. He got as much food as like the rest of us combined. Yeah.

And he's already eating a stack of pancakes. He is going complimentary stack of pancakes. You don't really usually see that. I don't know. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I don't know what I'm going to eat next. It's just to carry me for two months. She's handing it out. And here's your corned beef hash and eggs Florentine. Nothing for you, frugal Fran over here. And here's your 40 eggs and your ham hock.

I didn't even bring you a fork. I didn't even think you'd want it. Fuck you. All right. Becky walks away. But like doing her fast hip swinging walk. And she looks back at Tuck like, okay. I like you. Got a little fire in you, don't you, big man? I don't know. Maybe I am gay. I fucking hate this. This sucks. Yeah. Do you just enjoy your meal? No, I didn't want to order this. This is not what I wanted. But I'm picking around the corned beef. Like a little burnt pieces of red pepper. I hand Ving.

The garnishes, the vegetable garnishes off of my plate. Thanks, Bill. Yeah. I think you could probably cobble together a salad out of that. Thank you. You're welcome. I take the celery out of my Caesar and chop it up. Oh, yeah. She gave you a Caesar. Yeah. Tomato juice, alcohol. So much celery. Oh, yeah. It's one of those weird ones from like diners where it's like celery with toothpicks in it and there's chicken wings on the toothpicks. There's a donut on top of the celery.

It's a tower of shit. Oh, cool. Yeah. Do you want some of my eggs? I got 40. Thanks. Here we go. Beef hash on your plate. Thanks. And anything like is there anything that you guys want to talk about or think about or plan during the meal? Yes. Yeah. Uh-huh. What should we talk about? Tuck says. Well, we could talk about either Ving's dad. Yeah. Or we could talk about Addernack All Water and how we're going to get in there. Yeah.

Do you think there's anybody in here who knows anything about Addernack? In the restaurant? Yeah. Can we look around? Yep. Just turn realities. Listen around. Four. Probably. Or three. Shit. Oh, you know what? Yeah. I'm going to turn my shitty failed roll into a seven and nine. Hell yeah. Nice. Perfect. Okay. Oh, and you should probably roll your fairy child. Is it tomorrow? Because it is the next day. Yeah. Okay. Nevermind. Oh, no. Six. Oh, gosh. On a six, I believe you get one. I get one hold.

Okay. I'll use it. Okay. I use that. Yeah. You use your one remaining, your tiny little reserve of fairy energy, which has been smothered by the stack after stack of pancakes. Honestly, yeah. At this ice hop. And you, what do you, yeah. What question do you ask off the discern realities list? Finn keeps taking sections of the whipped cream. Like, this is going to be, it's way too much sugar. Oh, yeah. You know what? And cream. It's so much cream. He's going to keep. Yeah.

Even the little amount I've had is like, I'm like. Messing with my judgment. Yeah. You're a fairy child. Yeah. All right. All right. Okay. What here is useful or valuable to me? Like, in the way of someone that would know something about Adderneck Wall Water? Like, maybe, like, there's probably other people here in the restaurant. Yeah.

So, there's like a pretty mousy looking young woman who looks like Ving to you, looks like someone from the frozen north, who is like reading a big textbook, like straight up, just like at the bar by herself with like a coffee, reading a big textbook. That Billy's like, a smart person. A nerd. A nerd. Do you see her? I see the nerd. Ving. Mm-hmm. Should we talk to her? Can we see what book she's reading? You'd have to go up and ask her. It's like laid on the table.

So, Billy, you can't see the cover. Yeah. And if Billy were to try and see the pages, it would look like gibberish to him. It seems weird for Ving to do it since he's trying to be undercover and. Right. Unassuming. Yeah. Oh, I was going to say, I can go do it. Mm-hmm. Maggie reaches out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Are you sure? Yes. I know how to be a nerd. And then I put my glasses upside down. Okay. Do we have any books on us? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Shit. I have. Fuck.

I have a weather book. I have a book of sea shanties. Oh, my God. Oh, great. We all pile the books into Tuck's arms. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I take one of my leather belts and I tie them around. You know what they used to have back in the day? Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Does anyone else have anything that will make me look smarter? Yeah. Another pair of glasses. Yeah. On the top of your head. Yeah. No, my sage glasses. Oh, yeah. Oh, I have like a tiny piece of fabric that I use under, like for warmth.

And I tie that around like a little ascot. Oh, cool. Yeah. So you look fancy. Yeah. Oh, in my poultice kit, I pull out a little bit of bandage and I put it around the middle of your glasses. Oh, cool. Yeah. Just to show that you are one of her, truly. Yeah. All right. I'm going to go over there. I'm going to talk to this nerdy lady. I shuffle over. Okay. Big fist bump. Pop fist bump to me. Yeah. You can do it. I know. I will. Yeah. I'm going to go talk to her. Just look at what she's reading.

And charm her into giving me some information. Wait. Before he goes, he talks to me and he's like, do we know where the, like, what do you know about the vault? Do you know where it is specifically? I mean, I mean, I kind of do. Like, it's, I've been there once before. Is it past Old Shear? Yeah. Oh, no. It's past Shear City altogether. It's like up and it's like north. West. West from here. Mm-hmm. On the very edge of the continent, basically.

There's a place where the glaciers collide with the icebergs. There's like a glacier coming down from the glacier divide. Oh. And they're driving together and they're like smashing up and creating these big wedges of dangerous ice passage. Yeah. It's called the Jaws. Oh. Jaws. Like, because it looks like teeth? And it grinds whatever goes through. Whoa. Extremely dangerous. Okay. Yeah. And that's the vault? It's past that. Yeah. A little bit past that. It's past the Jaws? Yeah. Dude.

Like a natural defense. That's wicked. Yeah. It's pretty fucking cool. I agree. Remember, you're a nerd. Don't say things like wicked. Okay. Cool. Very interesting, m'lady. Don't say m'lady. Nobody likes m'lady. Okay. Thanks. All right. And then Tuck picks up his books and he walks over. Mm-hmm. He sits, he plops down like two seats down from her. At the bar. She's just reading. We're all watching Tuck. Tuck sits there silently. Ving's miming opening a book.

And I'm miming, like, wiggling the glasses. Okay. Yeah. Tuck looks over and he opens a book and he's like, Creak! He makes a creak sound with his mouth. Slam. Uh, book. She looks over and looks back at her book. And then Tuck loudly licks a finger and turns a page. Sorry, when you say loudly licks a finger, what the fuck do you mean by that? All of his attempts to get information from people involve him licking his fingers. Not all the time, just today.

His fingers are just raw from all the licking. I think we forgot to tell him, like, you can talk to her. I have faith in him. He'll get there. Okay. He's doing his thing. He's a master of something. Maybe not this. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But someday. And hopefully this. She sips her coffee. And then Tuck starts actually reading the weather book that he's got. And then he goes, what the fuck? Roll 2d6 plus charisma. Because he's never opened this book. Yeah.

And he's like, they're dumb. Different kinds of clouds. Oh, I love this. Genuinely interested. What? Snake eyes! Can we roll a different? No, you can't reroll. No, but like those dice- These dice are weighted fucked. That's fine. Don't roll them anymore. Can I not do that one? No. You seriously want to reroll? Shawn- No. I'm asking. This is- these dice are fucked. Okay, fine. Wait, let me try- roll them one more time.

I just want to see- to see tux trying to act smart you just literally rolled a 10 okay so I guess it's fate and I fucked up I rolled a five yeah uh you say what the fuck and there is a failure beyond the fact that she simply doesn't look up she's engrossed in her reading and I think you feel your confidence fail you're like I can't fucking do this I can't fucking talk to this nerd this is too intimidating I gotta get out of here uh but you leave in your haste you leave one of the books behind oh no you had two books you had the sea shanty book and the weather book you put them down and then you feel your confidence break and you're like I gotta get the fuck out of here and you come back and you sit down and you have a book and a menu okay and I left the weather book behind the more important of the two where's the weather book I left the menu I was like this is oh fuck damn it uh do we see her leave with it yeah you look and she gets up finishes her coffee puts it down reaches over grabs the weather book and walks out the side door can I chase after her yeah absolutely yeah billy's like that's our weather book I steal books yeah 2d6 plus dexterity okay nine nine we can aid by creating a distraction elsewhere oh yeah totally because you got a nine okay yeah maybe you guys uh create a diversion small one small small innocuous I'm gonna um oh nice I got nine okay uh diversion is I drop my caesar on the ground yeah everybody in the diner looks towards your table and at that point I scurry down I run out the door before it closes and the server says opa oh yeah absolutely and she laughs as she does it this chick sucks and billy you dart out the door and uh slip it through it just before it closes watching this woman hustle across the yard of the trek stop and uh she goes out to the gate and from where you're hiding kind of behind the one door that's closed you see her talking to the two guards that were inside the diner and she hands over the book what I'm gonna sneak closer 2d6 plus dexterity seven okay as you get closer like you're creeping like from behind a crate to like behind a wheel behind a husky there's like a dog sleeping on the ground and you're hiding behind I'm like oh so soft so soft you get kind of distracted a little bit as you're petting this dog he rolls over but you hear the woman go yes they're in the diner right now I believe that they are unaware of our surveillance of them but I think that if we are going to and they kind of start walking away if you want to get closer they might spot you I'm gonna get closer okay roll it again 2d6 plus dexterity 10 so as you're standing there petting this husky it miraculously gets up and starts walking in that direction and I say good boy and you're hiding behind this moving husky and then it flops down a little bit closer perfect we could see from the other side of the dog like oh oh we're watching through the venetian block blinds so it's like three slits are open in the blinds you can hear from the other side when the dog sits down and barely stays hidden like from behind watching sports you can see the blinds like shaking and the two guards and the woman are talking okay well if they're unaware of this is one of the guards speaking if they don't know that we're watching we'll just prepare and the second that they walk out those gates we will attempt to detain them okay so I I!!!!!!!

Like sheer city okay then if oleg can sneak us out of here and on one of those then that's the way I think out of here without getting caught okay I've got I've got your bill here here you go I just put it all on one she puts it in the middle of the table start clearing some of these away for you thanks becky a compliments to the chef hey you hear that oleg and he nods solemnly we would like private audience with the chef to give him our compliments what the fuck I don't know bro yeah when you say we would like private audience becky's like hmm and then you say bro and she goes ah there we go uh 2d6 plus charisma seven okay yeah no problem just uh we can just clear up your bill and then I can send you into the back with oleg yep bad news guys everybody that got a normal meal is one coin and then billy is 15 coins?

God damn it that's 18 coins okay I'm really sorry everyone it's okay you ate it all I did but I thought it wasn't all you can eat and it was too late once I found out the truth how much how much money do you have zero oh yeah I don't have I gave oleander all our money you had 20 all of our money okay we had 500 gold coins at one point billy might have a couple coins I do have forger's gold oh that's how we could use up we could so the plan is what to try and pay for your bill with forger's gold yes and what form is it in right now it's like a little vial right yeah it's in a jar so I need some time can you just make a lump of gold that looks like it's huge enough to cover an 18 coin would that work I mean do that yeah you know what let's roll Spout Lore 2d6 plus intelligence so eight eight okay so yeah ving you remember this uh of course the great forest doesn't really have traditional currency which in some cultural way extended to much of the frozen north uh barter is accepted basically everywhere if not on a governmental level like when you get closer to the cities of like sheer city and old cheer we got to talk more about what that is actually like up there there are unified currencies but most places will accept barter just because that's the way it was for a long time so you think you could pass off a lump of forger's gold as enough gold to pay your bill okay I'm gonna um yeah I'm folding up a fork and bending it around the fork just to give it some weight I guess I don't know oh that's smart that is really smart yeah give me 2d6 plus wisdom yeah see if you can do this in a smart way I got six I'll eight squish up the fork yeah I'll help you squish the fork with my stupid big hands with my big hands that I can't seduce a single guy with oh what my god amazing snake island is fucking christ this is bullshit incredible that's fate that's fate baby damn it so we both fail oh no yeah you both fail shitting fuck this doesn't make any sense I've gotten so many snake eyes this episode it's cause you said you didn't want any so you're squishing up the fork and ving is like pouring foragers gold into his hand and like trying to mash it into a lump but it's like sticking to your hand so you got this like layer of gold on your hands and you're both getting really panicked cause you're like how the fuck does this thing work and maggie's like uh fuck uh hey folks I hate to be I hate to be this person but I think we've got company and she looks outside and the two guards are like moving towards the diner shit fuck time to dash can I do escape route but like apply it to her everyone or is it just me uh read escape route for me so when you're in too deep and need a way out name your escape and roll a roll plus dexterity on 10 plus you're gone on a 7 to 9 you can stay or go but but if you go it costs you something so yeah I think with a 10 like I think with escape route if you were to succeed mm-hmm billy would be able to get out without additional rolls and I think it would reveal a path in which the rest could escape but they would still have to like probably roll something to follow you you know what I mean yeah I think that makes sense does that work that seems like the safest way out of here like we're gonna fucking make a ruckus getting out of here anyway I have this gunpowder I'm gonna throw it into his fire get him out of the way good idea oh yeah okay roll your escape route uh 13 13 holy shit yeah so I I tell you guys really quickly what I'm gonna do and I'm gonna say meet me in the back okay I like jump out of my high chair and run over to oleg and I'm like oleg you and I are blood brothers now hey yes boy yeah I really need your help getting out of here anything for you my small boy please lead me and my friends to safety out the back why what is wrong there are a bunch of narcs coming up after us his his vision darkens I hate narcs I do too come with me okay if you want to live I do want to live he looks like arnold schwarzenegger looks exactly like arnold schwarzenegger massive guy come it's arnold schwarzenegger with prison stick at books yeah and he grabs you and just carries you into the back like a small bag of apples I look at my friends be safe and he takes you yeah through like the back door out into the snow one of the back of the ice tracks it says um the chopper on it get to the chopper yeah he looks at you and says this one needs to leave soon my friend he is he is good he is trustworthy boy a heart of gold he's he go to sheer city he goes all the way to sheer city he do but the road and he holds you close to his face the road is dangerous between here and there my friend it's okay many many obstacles I will be brave okay and our and your friendship our friendship will give me the strength to go on he clutches you to his chest I clutch him oh like how can I ever repay you leave and he throws fucking whips him into the back of his truck and uh yeah the rest of you are sitting at the table and just so I understand what the treks look like they look like the ice boats but they're huge with massive skids on them I'm genuinely imagining it's hard for me not to just imagine a semi truck that's what I was thinking made of wood with skis okay and but but like the front and the cart are like attached because it's still like a carriage basically okay it's covered okay you know what I mean and then there are uh teams of dogs that are just in there too yeah there's also dogs here okay are they just like sleeping up at the front yeah pretty much they're like the spare they're like spare tires like if there's not enough wind then they get the dogs out okay yeah maggie's like looking out the window at the cops and she's like okay they're coming what do we do what are we gonna do slowly get up and move out here I'm gonna throw this gunpowder into the fire in the middle of the room it's gonna make a huge ruckus go go go okay defy danger charisma to act casual okay everybody act casually okay uh ten yes uh plus charisma seven okay so tuck you get up shockingly casually uh dave ving's persona slides out of the booth next to you and maggie starts sliding out of the booth like pushing perel who was on the aisle side and move just go go now get up I'm trying to get up but I'm trying to be casual and he's like trying to drink his tea as he stands up leave your fucking tea dude and then he looks at the window and goes and he sees that the cops are like hurrying up and then you all look and the cops start rushing towards the diner they definitely see we start running I say I apologize everyone for what's about to happen and then throw the just smash the jar of um gunpowder into the the fire in the middle of the room underneath the flat top okay 2d6 plus wisdom wisdom yeah yeah great six gonna need some I help oh eight okay great thank you so um it is ving throws it and it hits the ground and and tucks scoops it up and it whips it into the fire yeah so I slam it down as hard as I can it goes ding ding ding doesn't break that's I told you mason jars are incredible and the jar skids across the lid pops off and all the powder scatters across the ground oh my gosh so tuck scoops it up and throws the powder into the fire so it's not a bomb like a like a glass jar full if it would have been so it doesn't do exactly what you want but it is very loud and it does that like firework like like instead of a huge boom but the only problem is that the room rapidly fills with smoke yeah oh yeah it's hard for you to see now we get low and get go yeah and you hear the door burst open the bell sounds like it rips off the wall and then tuck screams fire everybody get out to get everyone to rush rush the front door yeah totally 2d6 plus charisma having a bad time you got this no no yeah 13 okay and a bunch of people the scattering of people that were in here including becky like rush towards the door yeah and as you're hustling towards the back you hear like twang twang and two crossbow bolts like thunk into the wall around you you get through the back there's still a little bit less smoke but you see an open door and standing in the door is a powerful man covered in stick it poke tattoos and he goes this way and we follow him of course you do it's impossible not to and you get outside and the wind is starting to pick up the snow is starting to blow whistling through the stones and there's a big open freight entrance with a a track right there rumbling in the snow as the dog is starting to like yeah pull at their lead it starts to pick up speed they're raising the mast on it too wind is picking up in the sails and he goes go be free do what it is ever you are doing I don't know but go get away from the tux says thank you oleg and then he holds his hand up for one of those oleg grabs your hand what is this kind of handshake called this is just called the predator handshake it's the predator handshaker predator handshake your biceps both bulge aggressive you son of a got you pushing too many pencils and then we hold for too long as we both try and make our biceps as big as possible but it's like a show of respect rather than intimidation yeah totally respect and we're also looking at each other's yeah there's a little bit of it that's flirting yeah just like god damn that's a big man right back at you buddy now go okay and then tuck uh it shifts to a wide he's holding uh an on fire log from the fire and he whips it at the cops that are coming through uh give me a defy danger dexterity uh ten now you're rolling great so the two cops come rushing out the back door and they both just get laid out by a huge log and you're you run along so you run up behind the ice trek and you hop in the entrance and ving tuck billy and perel and maggie all course off into the snow blizzard starting I want to do a elemental mastery okay yeah to try and cover our tracks yeah otherwise they'll just know exactly where we went nice so roll plus con ten ten okay so on a ten the effect I desire comes to pass and I will retain control so you will pay nature's price yeah okay so you call on the winds of the frozen north the mighty northern gales to blow the snow to cover your tracks to hide you from your enemies and get us out of here faster and get you out of here faster the wind picks up in the sails and the dogs basically start falling behind because the trek is going so fast and they're trained to jump on when it accelerates under the force of the wind it's actually pretty cute to watch because they nose each other up I was thinking that too so cute uh and then suddenly your mind is filled with a vision of gale force winds towers of gray cloud piercing into the sky locked in battle with a mighty thunderbird whoa claws wings feathers flying blood arcing towards the ground you know that you are seeing through the eyes of cloud piercer and he is in pain whoa and that's where we're gonna end it for this week your game master Shawn O'Hara joining me as always playing tacoma dome the barbarian abdulaziz so long playing ving the half elf druid Paul Oppers take care guys and playing fat billy the halfling thief Jessica Tai nooo aaron reed is our intro and outro music composer and performer you can find all the music that aaron has composed and performed for the show written by abdul and I at soundcloud.com and you can find aaron's album healthy at aaronreed.

Bandcamp.com thank you to our supporters around the world for supporting the show if you would like to support the show and get access to hours upon hours of bonus content merchandise special games clothing or not clothing just saying whatever clothing food implements handcrafted blades custom written wedding vows and my hand in marriage postcards and a whole other bunch of cool stuff find us at patreon.com slash speltlore or speltlore.com slash money please we'll see you next time and so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for time's abreast in revelry and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly speltlore