Tag: Patreon Bonus

Hi, Spoutlorians. Abdul here. Just letting you know that we dropped a brand new episode of our Patreon-exclusive bonus game, Speltmore Mall Brats, over on our Patreon feed, and also dropping a little teaser here in the main feed for you guys. So if you're interested, head over to Patreon for the full episode. Links are in the show notes. When Franklin returns to the mall, what do we find? How do we see him? He has a very faint, blonde, long, scrangly mustache.

You know, he's not shaving because he thinks that'll help. But it's just, it's not great. No, it's not. But also a little bit of a goatee. So he looks like a really old lady's facial hair. I do like the idea that when you come back into the mall for the first time, like the sliding. Doors at the front open. And then it's just like, ooh, ah, sexy baller dude. It's like close-up shots on all of these. They were also getting a delivery of dry ice at the time.

Something going on with these flashing lights flashing around like that. They shouldn't do that. These lights are definitely broken, kid. You got to get out of here. I'm just going to practice my electric drum kit here. And everyone slowly turns in slow motion. And you walk in. No, watch out for that box of lasers over there. That box of lasers. Don't knock over my box of lasers. My laser collection. He knocked it over. Tumble tumble lasers. I like that they're just already lit lasers.

And they had breathing holes in the box for the lasers. It's the worst glow worms. Yeah, beautiful. Beautiful. Oh, it's a worm that gives off a little beam of light. Yeah, it's like the glow worms or whatever. Laser worms. Laser worms. Oh, wow. So I'm imagining. I'm imagining that he's got his like, bwop bwop coming through the doors of the mall. Everyone's like, oh my God, it's Franklin Stein. Oh, you know what? We could be leaving the doctor's office and then see Franklin coming in. Coming in.

Yeah, we see that. Oh, yeah, totally. Yeah. And like all the lasers and the fog machines and the air conditioner being like fixed and blowing around. All the kids are like running up to the balcony around the top layer of the mall. Oh, yeah. Like, who is it? Oh, and Mindy's there and she sees you for the first time. Oh, my God. Stop the press. Who is that? All right, let's do it. Let's do it. Yeah. Okay. So, yeah, Fenton and Clover, what you're leaving, I assume now. Yes.

And you hear like a commotion down the hallway near the entrance. There are kids like running up to the edge of the balcony because Dr. Hooks is on the second level. Yes. Yeah. So there are kids rushing to the edge and you see lasers and hear music. Oh, I passed the ice cream truck. Oh, shit. Let's go. I'll race you. I'll race you. And then Fenton pushes Clover. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And she smashes into the escalator. And she's now being carried down the escalator. Oh, no.

And then, yeah, Fenton tries a Phantom of the Opera descent from the second floor. Sliding down the middle of the escalator. Yeah. Classic. And you both arrive at the bottom of the escalator, Clover in a heap on the stairs and Fenton rolling down the center after a failed Phantom of the Opera descent. I tried to slide, but I was running low. There's a woman. There's a woman. And they can never shut them off. So all the wind that built up overnight. There's papers blowing out of the street.

People running around going, Party store's next door. All the confetti. 40 party cannons going off at once. Dry ice, lasers. The magician just arrived and he was all caught up with the dry ice and he crashed his truck out front, his car out front. All these doves are flying in above his head. Yeah, we look up and we see Franklin in slow motion.

He's nervous and he's walking in slow motion and he's got a shaved head and he kind of whips his head around as a dove flies up and you see that he's got a long, curly, blonde rat tail. Oh no. Oh my god. So elegant, like a horse. And then in Fenton's Sherlock Holmes overlay you see a word that says, Franklin's fucking hot now. Like scratched into the sky. And then more words show up and it says, move over, a lantern. There's a new boy in town and he's serving up dinner for Fenton Beasley.

All the R's are backwards. I hope that there's blood in that dinner because I'm a vampire. His Sherlock Holmes overlay puts everything in slow-mo. It takes so long that it's basically normal time. It has to like pan over. To read. Away from the thing he's looking at. It's like a poorly produced typography music video where it's just like everything is on top of each other. Can't even read it anymore. What do you do? I run up and grab them in my arms and hug them. Oh my god, you're back!

I'm back! It's like being whole again. You're so tall. Really? You think I've grown? Yeah, you have a beard now. Oh my god. Stop. Thank you very much. Look at your mustache. Oh yeah. It's blowing in the wind. All of the adults are looking at it like, oh my god. He's wearing cargo overalls with one of the straps undone and ballet combat boots. Like silk lace. You look amazing, Franklin. Borbo's gonna be jealous. Where is Borbo? He's touring. He's on tour right now. What?

He went, I don't know, like the Panusian folk festival. Circuit. The Panusian folk festival circuit. There's one folk festival every three days in Panusia. He's that burning elf. He sent us a letter. He said it was like a meat grinder out there. I don't know if that's good or not. I think that's pretty good. We know how much he likes meat. It's so good to see you guys. I have so many stories that I'm gonna keep to myself that I will never share my trauma with you.

I too have so many stories that I will just keep in my head. And Fantin is like, Franklin, I have a terrible truth to share with you. I have turned fully into a vampire now. Oh, and Franklin's like, oh no. Yeah, and Clover's behind Fantin like just shaking her head like. I have been extracting the delicious sanguine sustenance of blood from many things and Clover has been helping me. She is my familiar now. And Clover's like, yeah, totally. And she's shaking her head.

I drink the blood of carrots and broccolis. Oh, yes. Good. And he's like nodding back like, good job. The red, red blood of cheese and macaroni. Like, wouldn't you know, every blood is red from everything. And the delicious red, red blood of prunes when I am stopped up from all the cheese blood. Yeah, I want to present a gift. Some leather bat wings that he made for Fantin while he was at military camp. Out of all like military surplus old leather. And Fantin is speechless.

He's because they're like so much better than all of the paper mache bat wings that he's been trying to use to fly. He puts them on and it's a little leather jacket, but the arms are connected to the waist. So he's just like, oh, I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die.

Vampire and there's so many zippers on this jacket there's zippers like mid wing all over the place so many zippers so many places for me to hide things I love it and he goes I love it and then he goes you are also allowed to be one of my familiars frankly thank you and Clover I got you these I made them out of all the soda tabs and he made a bunch of like snap on earrings and eye rings and nose rings and all different rings and studs and everything so a bunch of fake piercings if you want thank you Franklin you're welcome she starts like attaching them all down her like eyebrows and like around her lip and just anywhere that it'll hang even like her hair amazing thank you whoa Franklin as you're so as the kids are heading back towards Candyland you kind of your eyes are drawn to the balcony above you where you see looking down gripping a handful of flyers Mindy cart I reach up to one of the flyers that's hanging next to me and I rip off one of the numbers I read it so it's a drawing of a bunch of kids being happy and a bunch of slightly larger kids above them looking caring and the thing says babysitters club got a baby need it sat call us now we're all qualified and we have all of our licenses and we have a lot of experience looking after and they ran out of space so that's where it ends and underneath it has how do people call each other in the mall give like an address oh yeah it's like yes door front that you rip off yeah or maybe oh maybe this is the tubes so you guys had tubes that you yelled into that like the kids understood but I think over the summer a new business venture has installed communications tubes across the mall oh yeah remember in like we had the elf tubes yeah Nortel oh right you can it's like you put a thing in the elf takes a message to somebody yeah that caught on one of the kids was like a startup yeah yeah so yeah it says call us tube 771 you just yell that into the tube and an elf takes it that's what it says on the piece of paper yeah listen to it too so then you look up and you see Mindy looking down at you with her with her flyers in her hand and a hand from out of sight from behind her lands on her shoulder oh can it can to put a leather jacket around yeah a letterman jacket jacket you see on her hand that she's got a sports ring yes what's a sports ring her new his championship yeah from her new boyfriend a land Tim whoa shit fucking shit fuck this just saying I grind right I kind of worked I heard it no I know but that absolutely drove me insane you hear the sound of Franklin's teeth grinding a woman

Hi, Spoutlorians, Abdul here, just letting you know that we dropped a brand new episode of our Patreon-exclusive bonus game, Speltmore Mall Brats, over on our Patreon feed, and also dropping a little teaser here in the main feed for you guys. So if you're interested, head over to Patreon for the full episode. Links are in the show notes. What if he's double-crossing them? That's the thing. It's got to be said. The Hubberstone twins work for the Hubberstone twins.

So they could be manipulating you, too. It's hard to say what is true. Yeah. Clover's not trusting anyone. Her mind is just going nuts. Oh, my God. She's got that dark chocolate mind. I do. Oh, yeah. You start hearing like, don't trust him. What did we tell you? Don't trust him. We were right. Don't trust him. Don't trust who? Anyone. After that whisper ends, Fenton, who is now inside of your costume. Fenton, how'd you get in here? Up the bottom. Crawled up a leg. I crawled up one of your legs.

Oh, God. That was so hard. It's so hot in here. Guys, what are we doing in here? How'd you fit in here? We needed privacy. You smell like sour milk. You smell like sour milk. Why didn't you take a shower? I haven't taken a shower since we left the sugar shack. Guys, what's going on? What are you doing here? This is big shit. We can't totally 100% trust the Hoverstone twins. And we need to find a way to figure out if we can trust Seamus.

Because if we're out here on our own, everything sucks right now. And if Durga is actually here for us, then we're in a lot more danger than we thought. Because as soon as we step outside of the Caprice Theater, her thugs are going to fucking grab us. Probably. I have an idea. What? What? I think Seamus and I should trade places. What do you mean? On stage? Yeah. I don't trust him alone with the chocolate, not even for a minute. He doesn't know the dance routine. We don't know the dance routine.

You told me you learned the dance routine. We did our best, but we didn't have anywhere to practice. Is this a bad idea? No. Oh, this makes sense. I think it works. One thing I was going to suggest was if we fed him one of the little turdlets, you could, you could read his mind. That's a way better idea. And then, and then, I mean, I already know the dance for sure. Definitely. I know the dance. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I already know the dance. Okay, good.

Because you guys told me you knew the dance and this whole thing is based on the dance. So as long as you know the dance, that's fine. That's fine. That's cool. Franklin is so disappointed in what I'm putting up on right now. It's crazy. It's fine. No. You learned the dance. You learned the dance and that's fine. We're. We're best friends. Family. Yeah. You would not learn the dance. He's not even enunciating anymore. He's so stressed out.

And then Benton crawls over to Franklin inside of the costume and he's like, okay, Franklin, here's what I want you to know about how much I learned the dance is I know dance lives inside of the heart of every vampire. And so I will let it pour out of me. Oh my God. When the time comes. He didn't know the dance at all. I will let it pour out of me. It will come. It will come. From my heart. And that will be the best way for me to know how to dance with you is if I just fucking improvise.

You hear a from the club, from the crowd. Shit. Get out of my costume, guys. I can't run over there. Get out of my car. But this is the first act starting. We're in the middle, right? No, but we got to talk to Seamus and I can't. I still can't. We can't do all this together. We try to get out. We fall. We roll off the front of the stage because it's a rock stage and shit rolls downhill. Oh. We roll to the back of the theater. As you hear all of the trumpets begin their fanfare of. Is this Mr.

Sandman? You didn't even get the song right. It's Mr. Sandman. Nice try. That sounded exactly like Pretty Woman. It did. I've been practicing. I practice every night for 30 minutes in the mirror. This is the horn player. He's pushing all the other musicians. You fucking heard that? That was perfect.

Hi, Spoutlorians, Abdul here, just letting you know that we dropped a brand new episode of our Patreon-exclusive bonus game, Speltmore Mall Brats, over on our Patreon feed, and also dropping a little teaser here in the main feed for you guys. So if you're interested, head over to Patreon for the full episode. Links are in the show notes. Okay, so then we will do the engagement roll. Your approach is definitely transport, carry cargo or people through danger.

And we know the route, which is straight through the mall from here to the Wild Nog's Creamery. And the means is the Wild Nog's Terrain Bikes. Sweet. So you got two dice for this engagement roll. Who's rolling them? I'll roll it. Okay. Engagement. Activate. Fenton Beasley, form of a bike convoy. One and three. Oh my God. Shit. Darn. So you're in a desperate position when the action starts. Cool. I think we've got, you know, you're gathered at the base of the stairs. The convoy is set up.

There's like 10 bikes with terrains full of cream. Some of them have like wagons attached to the back with like even more terrains. Who's on whose bike? I'm in the back of one of the wagons. Nice. Yep. I got the pool noodles with me. Sweet. Where's Franklin? He's on a bike with no terrains. It's going to be hovering. They can go up and go around. He's more mobile. Cool. He's on pegs. He put pegs and he's facing the opposite way. Oh. So he's like ready for a fight. So you're facing backwards?

I'm facing backwards. While someone is biking? Okay. With all my like candy gear on. So cool. I thought you meant that you were driving. You were like piloting a bike backwards. Backwards. And I was like, well, now hold on. How does this work? And where's Fenton? Fenton is at the front of the charge wearing an all red full body suit with a guitar that's got a flamethrower on the front of it. So you're on a lands bike. Yeah. For sure. A lands at the front. I'm in the basket of a lands bike. Oh.

I love it. In the basket with a little guitar. A ukulele. A little ukulele. With a sparkler stuck in the end of it. Yeah. This is the kid version. This is the kid version of Mad Max Fury. Yes. So this is a land like turns back and he's like, all right, wild dogs. We ride. And they put their swimming goggles on. They all put their swimming goggles on and a land holds his fist up and you hear all the kids go. With their mouths. That's my bikes.

And some of them are like, you see them taking playing cards and like pegging them to the spokes of their things. So cool. Yeah. Putting like fingerless gloves on. Yeah. All of them put their helmets on and clasp them on and make sure they're tight and they fit properly and they all go by and they knock each other's helmets to make sure that everybody's being safe. Safety is cool. Fed says with two vampire teeth in his mouth. Definitely risking choking to death. So a land. Yeah.

Holds his fist up. And I think a land is also like, this is how we do it, boys. Yeah. This is how we get. Our honor back. It's a sore day. A red day. Air the sun rises. We are fast. Fast. We are furious. Furious. He goes, wild dogs. Ho. And then two other kids throw the double doors open and you go. And then everybody rides out into the mall proper. You fucking hit it hard. You're going strong. Streamers flying. Fenton playing so much ukulele so fast. Wait. There. There.

Festival happening it's a pretty like chill festival it's not like heavily attended it's not heavily attended they're sort of like it's kind of winding down it's a loose tea festival and um you know there's like tea farmers and sellers with their wares out and they've got like a couple tents where you can do tea tastings a lot like couples like elderly couples uh-huh and there's a man playing like one of those what are those like chinese instruments yeah it's like someone's playing that nice yeah beautiful this is a desperate position as we said because you failed and the desperate position is there are old people everywhere they are not fast they're in the way and you got and nobody here wants to hurt an old person no so you gotta ride hard so yeah you rip out and fenton the first thing you see is like a butt like an old couple like it's like a nice poo ear I love to just smell this one darling and you're just bearing down on these two old people and then fenton goes get out of the fucking way old people and he takes an egg that he grabbed from a nest from up top and he whips it at this old couple so what role is ignoring though none of us want to hurt old people yeah this is so this is a desperate role um um um um

Hi, Spoutlorians, Abdul here, just letting you know that we dropped a brand new episode of our Patreon-exclusive bonus game, Speltmore Mall Brats, over on our Patreon feed, and also dropping a little teaser here in the main feed for you guys. So if you're interested, head over to Patreon for the full episode. Links are in the show notes. So, can I make a phone call to Seamus? Through the pipes? Yeah. The pipes? Yeah. Because that's how it happens, hey? Yeah. It's like a canned telephone. Okay.

God, I sound hot. Seamus! Yeah, we are like, ooh. We're blowing air at you so your hair blows. Thanks, guys. It counts. It counts. Seamus! Seamus! It's me, Clover. Hi, Clover. Sorry I was in the bathroom. Oh. Sorry to interrupt you. You're just like, fuck, why did I tell her that? Fuck. I mean, I was doing push-ups. That makes sense. I know you do those every morning. I do. In the bathroom? Seamus, why weren't you at the party last night? Oh, I just had a stomachache.

That's why I was in the bathroom. Oh. Since the party? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've just, you know. I ate something. I ate something bad. We got a shipment of jerky and I had to test it out and I haven't been feeling so well. But I'm feeling all right. I'm better now. Can you do us a favor, Seamus? Oh, I don't know, Clover. Are you, is it because you're stuck in the bathroom? Yeah, I've really got the squirts today. That's pretty gross. I shouldn't have said.

I mean, I really, my arms are tired from my push-ups. And then Fenton covers the phone and he's like, hey, does it seem like to you guys like Seamus is lying and hiding something? Okay, that's what I thought, but I wasn't sure. Who would own up to the squirts so readily to a girl they like? Yeah. Seamus? Yeah? Are you lying to me? No. No. No. How do I know this? Can I roll for it? Yeah. Uh, yeah. What are you rolling? Like study? Study would, yeah. Study would totally work. Five. Five. Okay.

So that is a mixed success. Uh-huh. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh. Seamus, if you don't tell me right now, I'm going to break up with you. Yeah, and I'm going to suck you dry. Fenton, that's a fucked up thing to say. Holy shit. I'm just, all right, I had insane diarrhea yesterday, okay? Bullshit. He's clearly not telling you something, but he's trying to smooth it over. How do I find out?

So that's the mixed success here, is you know that he is lying to you, but he's not telling you what it is, and he's continuing to lie to you. And Fenton whispered, he's like, hey, we can ask the Upper Stone Twins. That's a good idea. We can go to them on the way and just ask them if they've heard anything weird about Seamus. So I'm going to pretend like I believe Seamus. Okay. Oh, that's too bad that you had diarrhea last night.

I totally understand why you missed the party then, and I'm definitely not going to think about it. Okay. Okay, good. We'll tell everyone in the mall that you have really bad diarrhea so that nobody bothers you today. Yeah, that sounds great. Just let them know. I'm not feeling so good. But I mean, what did you need? Did you need my help with something? Yeah, I do. I just, you know, we want to have a little talk with the Wild Nogs. And last time we saw them, it didn't end very well between us.

Mostly their fault. Yeah, it's definitely their fault, which made me don't mention that part. But just so that you know, it was their fault. Quick flashback to a cut scene of us pissing all over their bikes. Getting beaten up. Pushing over all their terrains and shit. So anyway, like they wronged us, Seamus. But we've forgiven them. And we're just wondering, like, I know you are kind of like on, you guys are on good terms, better terms than we are.

Do you think you could call them up and say, hey, the cool treat kids. They want to have a little meeting. Yeah, we have something we want to, we want to offer them. Yeah. We have a deal for them. Yeah. Something that can get them back in the good graces of the Nog Hugs. All right. I'll, I'll see what I can do. And I'll send you a message as soon as I've got a date set. Not a date. Like as soon as possible. Ooh. Yeah. And then frankly does the finger crossing thing.

When you do the finger crossing thing, Fenty goes. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! No, it's okay. This kid. It's too much sometimes. It's just regular water. Cut to brushing his teeth. I can't brush my teeth. It's holy water. It's just a mirror fenced in. You can see yourself. I can't see her. I can see a toothbrush floating, not brushing teeth. I can't see myself at all. And then wiping something off his eye. At all.

There's been a change of leadership in the Wild Nogs. They're led by a really cool kid named Alan. So I'll try and contact Alan and see if they are interested in meeting with you. It's pronounced Alan, actually. Alan. His last name's Tim. Alan Tim. Alan Tim. We'll talk to him and I'll get back to you soon. Now I have to go have more diarrhea. I believe you. Good, because it's the truth. Yeah, I have no reason to question that. Okay, gonna go. Poop now. Okay. Clunk.

What a normal conversation that was to listen to. I'm gonna find out what he's hiding from me. One second, I just have to write in my diary. So Clover does that. She spends five furious minutes scribbling in her diary. She keeps punching through the page. Her pencil is writing so hard. Let's get a couple seconds of what she's writing. Dear diary, I am so mad because I know Seamus is lying to me. He said, I have diarrhea. I know he didn't have diarrhea. Seamus never has diarrhea.

He has a way better immune system and gut health than I do. I'm the one with IBS because I eat too much fiber. Seamus, if I find out what you were hiding from me, and if that thing that you're hiding from me is a girl, I am going to break up with you and also punch you in the face. I am so mad. And I… I underline it. And then cut to three minutes later when the anger has just turned into absolute sorrow. What does he see in that girl? What does she have that I don't have?

I look so good, especially when I wear my blonde wig. That's what Fenton and Franklin say. And I've been working on myself, dear diary. And I'm a real woman now. Like, there's no one cooler than me. And three minutes later when she's kind of hopeful about the future. And, you know, maybe this is just a rough patch. And Seamus and I have… Seamus and I have gone through way worse stuff. You know, there's been a lot of things that I've been working on.

And really, the most important thing is I treat myself well and I follow my instincts. Back to rage. And what my instinct is, is I know that Seamus is lying to me. Oh, God. I will get my revenge. Cut to outside this room where we're waiting. Yeah. How long do you think? I don't know. She said she was having her period right now. So this could be forever. And then Seamus's voice comes through the pipe. Yeah. I… They have agreed to meet. Alain has agreed to meet with you at 2 p.m. 2 p.m.

All right. Wait, no. Sorry. He just said he's got volleyball practice. He has to push it back to 4.30 p.m. 4.30. Okay, that's fine. Tell him we'll meet him… At the volleyball court. At the volleyball court. At the… All right. Right after practice. Right after practice. All right. Good. Good idea. He'll be sweaty and tired and… Exactly. Yeah. Ready to be manipulated. Yeah. So glistening. Okay. Should I be there to mediate the… Mediate the meeting? What do you think, boys?

I think it would be good to have a little bit of muscle on our side. All right. Because if this guy's playing volleyball, he's going to be in tight shorts. And we can't handle that. You know? That business is going to be too much for us. All right, Seamus. We'll see you there then. All right. I'll see you there at 4.30 p.m. At the volleyball courts. All right. I'll bring you some electrolytes. Thank you. I need them to replenish after all my diarrhea. Mm-hmm. You said. Okay, bye. Bye.

Saying diarrhea so much has kind of lost all meaning. I know. Which is crazy because, like, you have diarrhea every morning. I know. I'm so intimately familiar with it. And despite that, there was so much diarrhea talking in that conversation, that word kind of, like, doesn't even mean anything anymore to me. He's on the toilet, as he says. Dear diarrhea. Dear diarrhea. Dear diarrhea.

Hi, Spoutlorians, Abdul here, just letting you know that we dropped a brand new episode of our Patreon-exclusive bonus game, Speltmore Mall Brats, over on our Patreon feed, and also dropping a little teaser here in the main feed for you guys. So if you're interested, head over to Patreon for the full episode. Links are in the show notes. So I'll just make a badass party happen. Maybe I'll throw off some sick dance moves.

What's going to get teens on your side better than being really good at dancing? That's a great question, and I can't possibly give you a better answer than dance moves. I also want to go around the thing and give out Flamin' Hot Cheetos. Okay, yeah. Teens love Flamin' Hot Cheetos. Yeah, like, don't tell adults that we've got these. Of course they're called Cheezos. Cheezos, they're just going to blow your butts off. You like them? You blow them in a candle first.

Yeah, and then you blow them out, or do you eat them with the fire? Yeah, you blow them out, and then intense kids eat them with the fire. Whoa. That's so sick. What? What? Abdul's genuinely so taken with lighting a Cheeto on fire. That's 100% what, like, kids that are trying to be bad would do. They're like, you take a Cheeto, you light it on fire, you eat it when it's still on fire, if you're hardcore. And then it gets you super fired. Fucked up. It burns. Oh, my God.

Also, Franklin found a bottle of beer. Oh. A real bottle of beer. Holy shit. Everybody's taking a sip from the bottle. Well, yeah, maybe. It's one that Borba opened and forgot to drink, like, the other night. So flat. He was out drinking. Yeah. He got home like, hey, one more night, yep, put me down. Then passed out on the couch beside a flat, open beer. Warm as the fucking day is long. Yeah, exactly. No bubbles. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You needed a warm. He's been putting him by the heater all night. God. So it's hot now. This is freezing cold. Ugh. I mean, everything I eat, I want to eat hot. Yeah. So I'm heating this up. So he makes a dance circle and, like, makes sure that none of the adults around and then being like, hey, guys, I don't know if anybody's into this, if anybody's game, but I got this beer. And all the kids, like, eyes widen and they're all looking at each other. You hear a collective gasp.

And then. And then. And then. And then. And then. And then. Mindy Cart steps forward. I'll drink a beer. Whoa. Do you want to share some of it? Do you want to share some of it? I want a beer too. Yeah, I want a beer too. And Tony Bologna steps forward and goes, I want a beer too. Shut up, Tony. Pepperoni Tony. Wait, no, what it was? Tony Bologna and Tony Pepperoni? Oh, it was Tony Bologna and Pepperoni Tony. Two of them were named Tony and then one of them was something else. Who was this?

It's the Cold Cut Trio. The three hot meat boys that hang out with you guys sometimes. Right, Gabagool or something? Yeah. The Gabagools? All three of the Cold Cut Trio step forward and they're like, we also want beers. Whoa. Okay, well, we only have one beer. Okay, so we all take a sip of the beer. Stop saying beers. Okay, then we all take a sip of the beer. That's one beer five ways. That's plenty to get five kids wasted.

And then the Hoverstone twins come in and they're like, we heard that there was beers. We also want a beer. Shit, we only have one beer. There's not enough for all of us to get wasted. All the kids are clamoring for a beer. Beer, we all want beer. Beer, beer, beer, beer, beer. Greg's like, that's probably not what it looks like. You know what? I'm not going to worry about it. I'm just going to think of Doris's sweet cans. He says this to Corbin.

Corbin's eating a fruit by the foot, nodding like, right on, brother. This is the most adult party we've ever been to. Cigarette smoking? A beer? Boobs? Because the only reasonable chaperone left to do SB&I. So, Franklin says, okay, there's only one way to settle who gets to drink this beer. Dance contest. Oh, shit. Awesome. Hits a play button. On a bottle. And then he flips. He pulls out a cassette tape out of his torn off jean jacket with a tux underneath and then slams it in a boom box.

Uh-huh. Closes it. What's that in music bottle terms? I want to hear you justify this. Oh, it's two giant, like four liter water jugs. Sick. With a little arm that goes up to a lever with a forward pause eject stop. That are all things that control one single cork that go in and out of it at different speeds. Cool. So you hit play and then it just pops the lids. Both of them same time. So you get synchronized music stereo. This is like early stereo. Love it. Pops it up. And the music starts.

I like the idea that there is like a little flask that's almost shaped like a cassette tape that you jam into it. Oh, yeah. And it's connected to the two jugs. Oh, you slam it in upside down. Yeah. Do you guys remember Chubbies? Yeah. Yeah. Chubbies, Chubbies, Chubbies, Chubbies, Chubbies, Chubbies, Chubbies, little fat pop bottles. And you slam one of those on top and it goes into the jugs. And then. And who starts? Does Franklin go first to set the tone for the dance battle?

No, he puts his hand out and points at Mindy. Whoa. She goes, me? Who else? She grabs your hand. Boom. We go into it. Yeah. Strutting. Doing like cool, like intertwining. Oh, yeah. It's almost like you practiced because you guys were practicing for a dance competition. Totally. Right. The crowd's kind of giving you guys a lot more space. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh. Whoa. Doing a robot on top of a worm. Oh, my God. He's starting to do a robot. It's just a dance move, everybody. It's just a dance move.

He looks like a robot. Fenton. Fenton says it. And Greg goes, don't worry, boy. He's just doing a dance. A sick dance. And then the cold cut trio all spin each other into the circle and they start doing a three man dance. Three man robot. Oh, no. They rehearse for sure. Oh, definitely. It looks so sharp. It looks so great. There's like a thing where like two of them crouch down providing like steady legs as a platform and the third jumps up on top and does like a cool move. They're Voltroning.

Oh, my God. It's a pyramid of robots. Just another dance move. And he does like a, he does like a, he tries to do a flip and he overshoots it and he lands right on his face. And all the kids are like, oh, fuck. Oh, no. And then the two cold cut trios drag Pepperoni Tony out of the circle. Clover steps in. Yeah. And she throws off a hat that she's wearing. Go, Clover. It's just a toque. She was trying a hat for part of the movie. Yeah, totally. And she does the dance that Wednesday Addams does.

Yeah, totally. From the hit TV show Wednesday. Yes. And everyone is enraptured by this absolutely baffling dance that's like kind of scary sometimes. Sometimes because she's just staring at people. But then everybody's like, uh, yeah, hell yeah. That was that showed pizzazz. Yeah. She finishes. She pulls out another cig, lights it, puff, and disappears. And disappears. The smoke clears and she's gone. And all the kids were like, that was actually sick. The dance was not cool.

But the fact that she started smoking in the middle of the circle and then disappeared. And then who finishes? What is, does Fenton dance? Yes. Oh, uh. He gets too shy. I was, I was not going to. Why not Fenton? I'm, I'm standing beside you now. I was like, I'm not very coordinated. I'm not good at dancing. I don't think I've ever danced. Did you see what I just did? What if you had a partner? Penny. She's dressed like a cactus. She holds her hand down. I take her hand.

And she walks you into the circle. Yeah. Ow, you get poked by the costume. That's a lot. You put more thorns on. It's anatomically accurate. And then she just swings. What the fuck does that mean? She's, Fenton's so confused. And she walks you into the circle. And she takes the lead. She spins me in. And then her dance is just holding you by the shoulders and spinning in a circle. Slowly. Moving hips very sideways. Moving hips.

Like when a baby dances before it knows how to, it just shakes its butt back and forth. Yeah. Yeah. She's doing that. I do that too. And it goes on. You guys do this for like two and a half minutes. We do it for way too long. It's, we go way longer than all the other kids in there. Cause we are so young. We have no frame of reference for what's normal or appropriate. You guys do like a few songs. Yeah. And eventually the dance competition moves away from Penny and Fenton.

And we're just slow dancing with each other. And. Oh, who goes next? Either who goes next or who's the winner. Oh. Well, I thought the crowd decided. By applause-o-meter. Oh, yeah. I think. Greg rolls up and he's like, all right, we're gonna, we're gonna do this according to the ancient laws. I'm gonna put my arms like this. And when you clap, the applause-o-meter will determine who wins. Just like we did in the army. Under Colonel Ricky Lake. So. Okay. Let's hear it. Let's hear it.

Let's hear it. For the cold cut trio. Oh. Some pity. Some pity claps there. Someone says the flip was cool. You did more than one flip. That was a good flip. That's actually cooler than less than one flip. And you hear a guy on the couch go, thanks. And let's hear it for, for Clover Ivy Fern. Yeah. Clover. Clover. It was like some people were like scared of her. Yeah. Totally. And let's hear it for Mindy. Mindy and Franklin. Oh, it's broken. You broke the applause-o-meter.

That means that Franklin and Mindy win the beer. Why did I let this happen? Beer? When is there a beer? Worst chaperone possible. Oh, shit. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Hi, Spoutlorians, Abdul here, just letting you know that we dropped a brand new episode of our Patreon-exclusive bonus game, Speltmore Mall Brats, over on our Patreon feed, and also dropping a little teaser here in the main feed for you guys. So if you're interested, head over to Patreon for the full episode. Links are in the show notes.

You carry on traveling through this cotton candy forest, just like burning away candy floss as you go with your brand new torches, and you're walking for another, I don't know, 45 minutes, and you start to hear like water, but like thick, like thick water rushing in the distance, and you get to the base of what does indeed look like a mountain. It looks like it is a network of conveyor belts. But over time…

Whatever happened, whatever chocolate logistical pipes were at the top, stuff like tumbled down off the broken and disused conveyor belts and started solidifying and piling up. So it's created this mountainous structure. There are these cliff sides and roosts and peaks, clefts, valleys, all this kind of stuff, but sort of miniature. Yeah. It's like an indoor climbing gym made out of chocolate. Yeah, exactly.

And the thing that makes it a little difficult is you know the chocolate that you're probably looking for will be at like… Like the mouth of whatever this liquid chocolate fountain is. So there is conveyor belts that go up to a point, but then they are covered in this running chocolate that is like pushing it back down. So what's your mountaineering expertise like, children? I have a grappling hook. That's pretty good. Do you have a grappling hook? Don't we all?

I have a lightning hook, it says. Whoa. Yeah, you sure do. What is a lightning hook? It's just a grappling hook, but it's got Christmas lights attached to it for decoration and practicality. It's how people hang their Charles Eve lights. Oh, yeah. I see. All right. Well, that will do. I mean, we've got the one. Perhaps we can all make use of it somehow, but it's going to take us some time to get up this mountain, children. I'm sure you understand.

This thing is probably not the most structurally sound, and who knows what the machinery will do when weight is pressed upon it. So I shall watch you go first. Sorry. And it's at this time that Borbo, you're all reminded Borbo is here, the goats having pulled him along in the cart all this time. Gosh, I didn't know that goats were attached. That's so cute. Oh, yeah. You've got a little, you've got like two little goats that pull it, and Borbo's like, all right. Mm. You guys go.

I'm going to hold down the fort down here. And he grabs his backpack, and he fishes out the baseball bat, and he starts swinging it in front of him. Nobody's getting near this fucking cart. Okay. I'll watch these goats with my fucking life. Would it make sense to send the goats up the mountain first since A, they're so nimble, and B, you would test the weight? That's smart. Yeah. That is quite smart. Let's see what the goats do. Okay. I see you rolling dice. What are you rolling? Resolve.

Command. You're going to command the goats. Yeah. Mindy gave me these goats, and when she gave them to him, she said, you do whatever this beautiful boy says. Okay. Yeah. So it's risky, and it's limited because these are goats, and they're not easy to command. Okay. Four. Four. Okay. So on a risky limited, you still command them, but there is a consequence of some kind. They don't come back? We have to pull the cart out of here? That's hilarious. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So you see the goats start.

They walk towards the chocolate, and they lick the base of it, and then lick the base of it. I shouldn't have said that. Do they also climb up the shaft of it? They pay special attention to the balls. They start chewing on the chocolate. Yeah. I hear you. That's sort of at the base of the structure, and they hop up onto a conveyor belt and walk, walk, walk, chew, chew, and you just watch them for, I don't know, probably 10 minutes as they climb up this mountain. Yeah.

We kind of forget that this is like a tester, and we're like, oh, it's so cute. Yeah. Oh, look, he made the jump. Look at the natural environment. Look at him go. Their ability to balance is nuts. I know. It's like they climb up sideways like that. It's so cool. And then we hear, and a giant flying creature comes in and grabs one. A condor? A candy condor? Oh, no. Oh, no. And one grabs the goat and flaps away with the goat into the darkness. And the goat is screaming. And you, yeah, all right.

That happens. So now I'm going to go ahead and start another clock real quick. Clover hates it. She's like, I don't want a handhold to die. I can't believe this. We don't know. I'm supposed to be a vegan. I shouldn't even be using goats. This is what you get for using beasts of burden. And in the distance, you hear like, as it sounds like there's a crash in a candy tree, and it sounds like the goat has been deposited in a nest nearby. Okay. Still alive. Yeah. Freaked out in a tree.

But then you hear like, oh, no. As it starts coming back around. What do you do? I have lights out licorice. Can I throw it at the goat and shroud in darkness? I might need that for a fight. And that's also not what lights out licorice does. Careful, children. When fight facing an enemy capable of taking to the skies, you have to take special care. Do something. All right. Fine. And as it swoops down at you, it's feathers. Yeah. Look like that. Like rainbow candy tape stuff.

And it's beak is saltwater taffy. Saltwater taffy. But like hardened on the edges. Like it's stale. Saltwater taffy. And it's got talons of shining. Werther's. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's ugly. No, it's Werther's butterscotch talons. Yeah. Butterscotch talons. And you say, do something to Adric. And he goes, oh, okay. And he puts a foot up on the cart and leaps into the air as it swoops at you. And he grabs one of its talons. Holy shit. And he's just hanging from this bird as it flies away.

Whoa. And he's like swiping his sword at it. Like, how about me, beast? This is awesome to watch. Now, that is something. And he is carried off into the darkness, basically. And you hear. And swipes. He's fighting a condor in a tree somewhere. Bite me. I'll bite you. Delicious. He's going to be dropped off with the goat. Stands to reason. Now we're alone. We're gone. Yeah. What's going on? Kids. What about the adult that was with us that wasn't drunk is gone.

So we need you to be the adult that's with us. That's drunk. Oh, okay. All right. Well, here I am. And he like lifts himself out of the cart and tumbles on the ground. And yeah. So you're just, you're at the bottom of this chocolate mountain.

Hi, Spoutlorians, Abdul here, just letting you know that we dropped a brand new episode of our Patreon-exclusive bonus game, Speltmore Mall Brats, over on our Patreon feed, and also dropping a little teaser here in the main feed for you guys. So if you're interested, head over to Patreon for the full episode. Links are in the show notes. All right. So the next part is crossing the Candy Grass Plains. What lurks within these shadowy realms?

The last time we came through here, some weird long-fingered creatures were following us. Mm-hmm. They look kind of like elves, but really fucked up. You already know what those are. I have seen you enter a counseling session with one. Mm-hmm. Oh, the hobnoblin? Yeah. But the hobnoblin's cute. Yeah, these are wild. These are insane things. Hobnoblins are monsters. Don't you dare call Rara a monster. And then from my backpack, you hear, rah! Is he with you? You brought it with you? No, no.

Get him out here. That was me. I made that noise. Get him out here right now. It's because I just shit my pants, and then… Young man. No. He'll do it. Young man, get that hobnoblin out. Here, right now. And Fenton throws his pack to the ground and kicks it open impudently. You were so mad at having to get Rara out that you kicked him. So Rara comes tumbling out? Yeah, and he's like… I knew it. I knew that you brought this little thing in here with you. What?

Maybe this thing can help us parlay with the other things and talk to them and help us get through. Rara, we need to get through. Yeah. Yeah. Send her to call that we're here for… No harm. Send her to call and draw attention to all of us right now. And he salutes. Yeah. And he walks up. He stands up on a little chocolate boulder that's sticking up out of the thing, and he puts his big, long-fingered hands to his mouth. Got there just before me. Thank you. Sorry. You're not there.

And why would you ever want him to do this? I'm asking. I did not ask him to do this. I meant put a collar with the ram-rams. Yeah. Help us parlay our way through. Exactly. If he's one of them, they're going to trust him, because they probably know we're here already. Yeah. Okay. They're not stupid. Well, I mean, they actually are very stupid. Okay, fine. But we are stupider. You guys have amazingly made friends with Rara, but he is a wild animal, basically. But yeah, you hear…

And the grass, the grass starts shaking. And then like… Two arms! Two arms! There's like… Wait, you're going to fight them? No, I'm just getting ready. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Hands on swords. Wait, wait, wait. We have to come in peace. Remember? Yeah, we have to appear non-threatening, says Fenton. So he lifts his belly up and lies down on the ground. He lifts his shirt up to Joe's belly. Like a dog. Who lies down on the ground.

Franklin starts picking both his nostrils with two different fingers. Uh-huh. The least threatening thing possible. Clover does the squat with her hands up, like in a prayer next to her face. Like, we're cool. Yeah, trying to look super cool. Like an Instagram. Yeah. Girl. Exactly. She puts a pair of wire rim glasses on. Uh-huh. I'm less threatening. And Adric is just watching you all do this. And Fenton's like, get on the fucking ground, dude.

So this sounds like it's going to be a group action because you're trying to calm them. Oh, yeah. Pretty risky, I'd say. Yeah, this is risky for sure. I would honestly say almost desperate if it wasn't for Ran Ran. Yeah. So this is… It has thankfully been risky. It's going to be standard effect. Is this like consort? Oh, sway. Oh, consort. I mean, you guys tell me. Consort, I can see being used. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Okay. That means I have two. Yeah. So everyone's rolling consort. I have one.

And it is… Who's the leader? She's got two. Excuse me. Okay. I also have two. Oh, yeah. You brought Ran Ran too. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That makes sense. Oh, yeah. That makes a lot of sense. Okay. So yeah, everybody that fails is going to be one stress for Fenton. Okay. Here we go. Oh, my God. You're almost taking… Doesn't matter. Okay. Five and two. Six. I got one and a three. And a six. Thank God. Okay. So… I take one stress. Yeah. Yeah. It also… I feel like you should know this.

And I feel like maybe we did know this. But if you… Because I know if you fill your stress out and take a drama, you're out of the job. What? Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. That's how it's always worked. Clover wasn't out of the job. Yeah, she was. Yes. Remember? Yes, I was. We forgot that. Oh, gosh. Shit. Yeah. So if you take a stress… I have one more stress. So wait. How can you… How do we avoid stress again? Uh, armor. Uh, you… Can I use the armor? How? Can you? Because I have special armor.

Because I… Oh, my gosh. What if your armor is a paper mache that you made and it calms you down? Yeah. I mean, yeah, you can use it if you want. Yeah. Yeah. I'll use it. Okay. So what are the hobnoblins that come out of the candy grass look like? Long, wild hair. They're wearing like candy skirts. Like candy grass skirts. Oh, yeah. Candy grass skirts. Candy grass skirts. I'm a… Maybe they're like old, old… They're old Scotland and Ireland. Like they have like blue whorls. Oh, yeah.

Like candy paint on their faces. Like Pictish people. Yeah. Like they look like Picts. Yeah. Yes. I like that a lot. And they come swarming out and there's like dozens of them. Yeah. And you can see more movement in the grass. And they're like… And one of them steps ahead from the group and we… The largest one. Yeah. And we recognize that there's a familial similarity between this one and Rara. Yeah. And this one is large and is carrying a spear. Wow. Whoa.

With a ring pop that's been sucked to a vicious point. Wow. On his ring. On his spear. Yeah. And he stares down Rara. Yeah. And goes, Rara. Whoa. Oh, is this his dad? I don't know. What's Rara dressed as? Just for kind of… Rara has always kind of dressed the same. He's wearing like a… A paper bag princess style. Yeah. He's wearing a paper bag. Nice. Yeah. Like cargo shorts that he made out of a paper bag, basically. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. But he does have his therapy cardigan on. Yeah.

And some Pinson has glasses. And the chieftain of the hobnoblins is… They're very aggressively like… And all the hobnoblins are like… And Rara holds up his hands and goes… Can we shift perspective to… Yeah. To… To English? To English? Understand. Dude, I don't know. Yeah. Okay. Not like the country kids don't understand it. They just see this rabble happening. But we want to kind of go into like Rara. Yeah. Friends. Rara. Yeah, exactly. So we're in… Let's remember. We're seeing…

Father. These children are my family. Oh, God. I have taken their guardianship under my protection. And we must travel through these lands… …to the world around us. Or the world around us will be torn to flinders. They are our last hope. Yeah. Oh, the destruction of… Yeah. …the homeland. Yes. The impeding doom. The destruction that came to us, lo, those many centuries ago… …shall come to all outside these candy forests. And all the Raras go… And his father steps forward. Oh, sorry.

They are whom… …the prophecy foretells. There is a hobnoblin prophecy… …about three shit knobs. And that, like, that an elder says that… …and he holds up a scroll… …and it's a picture of Fenton on the ground with his belly exposed. A Jalanus cube with bones inside of it. They hold up… Yeah. A shit… Like a hunched over old, like, hobnoblin elder… Yeah. …walks forward with a… …with their robe… …shaking. It's the… They are the children from the ancient scrolls.

And he holds up a battered piece of cardboard. And it's got a painted picture on it. An old, faded, painted picture. And there is a brown-haired kid wearing, like, a white hat and shirt. And then a blonde kid in a blue shirt and a neckerchief. And then an even darker-haired kid in a red shirt surrounding a bowl of what looks like a delicious breakfast cereal. It's like… I believe that these children represent the ancient gods of Snap, Crackle, and Pop!

The stories are told that these children would come and will save our people. Is this true, Achilles? Achilles! Ray O'Reilly's name is Achilles! I believe it is, Father. And I think that you must let us pass unharmed. These children will not bring any woe to our people and will in fact be our salvation. And he bangs his push pop spear on the ground and the hobnoblins separate, leaving a path between they push the grasses aside, separating this field before you like the Red Sea itself.

And shift back to our perspective and what we're seeing is like them hunched over like little dogs snapping at each other. And one of them is like gripping a piece of like wet cardboard in his hands. Is that what he churns? And then they all back into the grass. Holy shit. And Ranran turns around and puts a fist on his chest and bows to you. And Benton puts his fist on his chest and like goes to one knee and he goes, I am forever in your debt.

And then he grabs your bag and he grabs a big pepperoni out of it and he shoves it in his mouth and he disappears into the grass. That's all right. Ba da ba ba da ba.

Hi, Spoutlorians, Abdul here, just letting you know that we dropped a brand new episode of our Patreon-exclusive bonus game, Speltmore Mall Brats, over on our Patreon feed, and also dropping a little teaser here in the main feed for you guys. So if you're interested, head over to Patreon for the full episode. Links are in the show notes. Welcome, everybody, to Speltmore Mall Brats. I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara.

Today, we continue our game of World of Blades by Duam Figueroa, based on Blades in the Dark by John Harper. Joining me as always, playing Fenton Beasley, the slide, Abdul Aziz. Hello, everybody. Fenton Beasley here, the slide. Whoa, full intro this time. Playing Franklin Stein, the cutter, Paul Oppers. Hi, I'm Franklin Stein, the cutter. And Dan… Dancer. And Gref… Schmuslin… Protege. Whoa! Take out that pause. And playing Clover Ivy Fern, the whisper, Jessica Tai.

I'm Clover Ivy Fern, the whisper, and also candy maker queen, and good at palm reading and Seamus' girlfriend. Oh! That's right, she's not just one thing. She's a dozen things. Yeah. She's too many things in one… Barely contained shell. Yes. And we are scared of her sometimes. She has her period now. The older she gets, for some reason, once every month, she goes fucking ballistic on us. She turns into a cat, we think. Something about the cycles of the moon. She might be a werewolf.

There's no way to know. Or a wizard. But no matter how many peaks we try to sneak… We cannot see her transform. We just see her screaming at us to get out of the bathroom. When last we left our heroes, the Cool Treat Kids embarked on their job. Their score being the support of adventurer and explorer and guide and karaoke star, Adric Swift. Sorry. I can let you guys keep doing this. No, it's just so funny. It is very funny. Yeah, what? Thinking that she's a wizard or a werewolf or something.

Well, she's just trying to, like, change. She's trying to fucking have my fucking period. And also, when I was younger, my siblings would come in all the time and be like, Yeah! Yeah. Oh, man, that's so funny. Also, what terrible brothers we are. Oh, yeah. Trying to sneak in. I swear to God, she's a werewolf, man. Literally no fucking peace. Yeah. I was looking through the keyhole and all I saw was her duct taping. She's like, I'm going to bring up the keyhole.

And then they have interventions with me after. Like, Clover, we're a family. We're supposed to share it all. We're supposed to share everything, Clover. Like, I know you must be in way too deep because when you, like, you turn into a werewolf, you leave a bloody mess in the back. Yeah. Who'd you kill? I didn't kill anyone. It's totally natural cycles of the moon. It's just because I'm a woman now. And that's just what I have to go through.

There's way too much blood for that thing to still be alive. I don't know how to explain it to you again. It's normal. It builds up throughout the month and then it just all comes out. If it's normal, Clover, then why doesn't it happen to us? That's not normal. We do everything together. Borbo already explained it. Yeah, guys, you really got to leave her alone on this one. You really got to back off. Oh, our ignorance is driving us insane. Your ignorance is also. Driving me insane.

So you got to shut up. Yeah, that is the kind of thing where Borbo would just be like, you guys need to shut the fuck up about this thing. Okay. After like the 12th time. Yeah. Part of being a good brother is shutting the fuck up about this particular thing. Certain things you shut the fuck up about. It's this. And then it's whenever she listens to Sidney Lauper. Okay. Sidney Lauper. Whenever she goes to the Sidney Lauper. Yeah. Sidney Lauper, of course, is a it's L. O. P. P. E. R.

She's a warrior musician who's known for lopping the heads off her victim. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. But God, she can fucking play a song that gets to the heart of a young woman. Yeah. Like an arrow, man. Beautiful stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Hi, Spoutlorians, Abdul here, just letting you know that we dropped a brand new episode of our Patreon-exclusive bonus game, Speltmore Mall Brats, over on our Patreon feed, and also dropping a little teaser here in the main feed for you guys. So if you're interested, head over to Patreon for the full episode. Links are in the show notes. I think Taylor is like, oh, yeah, you can trust me. You know, if I wasn't trustworthy, Adric wouldn't keep me around. You can trust Adric, too, in fact.

And it cocks its head. And you hear a knock, knock, knock. Taylor, I understand there's a birthday cake here for me. He opens the door and, like, sweeping into the room in a flurry of, like, a beautiful purple cape, blonde hair down to his shoulders. A kind of tan complexion with, like, the littlest hint of an elf ear. Cool. Very handsome man with, like, a real swashbuckler, like, blonde mustache and the blonde chin strap. Wonderful clothes just swirling into the room is adventurer Adric Swift.

Whoa. I break out into a round of applause. I'm going to run up to him, put my cane to his throat. Yeah, I don't know. I don't totally trust this guy. All right. And as you run towards him with your weapon in your hand. Yeah. Before you can blink, there's a rapier pointed at you. Whoa. Careful now, child. Who the devil are you? Who am I? I'm one of the cool tree kids. And we came to talk about our home. And maybe that you don't know that you might be taking it away from us.

We want to know if you know the reasons behind your newest adventure. And he looks at you for a moment. With an appraising eye. And he sheathes his sword. I sheathed my sword, which is just putting a candy cane back in my mouth. All right, child, you have a moment. Who hired you? Ah, let's take this somewhere a little more comfortable, shall we say? And smash cut to the restaurant and bar of the Spearman B&B. And he's tucking in a napkin into his shirt. Into his ass cut. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Delicious. Fenton is sitting in a children's seat, a booster seat with a little table on it. Alright, children. So, as I'm sure you can understand, I can't tell you everything you might want to know, but I'm happy to tell you some. Indeed, the vineyard hath hired me. Hararara! He just starts meowing on a rib. Are they paying you for this job? Quite handsomely, yes. Okay, is that the most important thing to you? Yes, it is. I love money above all things.

I thought you loved adventure. And adventure. I also love adventure. Very astute. What's most important to you, Fenton says, is he skewers a chicken nugget. And then he, like, daintily dips it in a little cup of ketchup. He's like, is it money? Or is it adventure? Nom, nom, nom. He's being a very delicate little boy. Very fancy lad. Let's go around the horn and get him out. Oh, sure. Because I want to know what the kids are eating, too.

Clover has one of the coloring menus and a bunch of, a cup of crayons that she's coloring. Glass of chocolate milk, chocolate soy milk. Nice. With, like, the little red and white straw. She's vegan. She's vegan. And she's got a plate of plain spaghetti with sauce on the side. When it's not candy, Clover eats like the pickiest kid in the world, it sounds like. Wait, why sauce on the side? Because then I can coat it the way I like to. This is a smart girl.

You would listen to your compatriot friend. Sauce on the side. Each noodle sauced precisely as you desire it. Sometimes you get more sauce that way. Exactly. It's true. Sometimes, they think the coating of the sauce amongst the noodles is enough to convince you it is a full dish, but it is not. Oh, yeah, and then if you have sauce left over, you have, like, a little soup you can drink at the end. A little night sauce. I like the way you think, boy.

As you can understand, as a man on the road, I've come to appreciate the dining establishments and roadside motels such as this. Some of the finest dining in the world, I say. Right here? Right here. What have you got there, my man? Well, I ordered a flambé meal. It's like a sizzling.

They come in, they put a burner down, and then they sizzle out the wok, and you get to cook your own food, like a Korean barbecue, but I'm making a s'mores over the fire with peanut butter cups instead of chocolate bars that I brought all my own supplies. I say, is that a peanut butter cup inside of a s'more? You're darn right it is. Savory, sweet, adventurous. You children are quite something. And I got chicken fingers. I saw. With a side of ketchup. Delicious. And a Cape Cod lobster.

A full lobster, you say? It is very difficult to get into. I was unaware. Delicious. And Fett is doing his best to crack into this thing. Here you go, my boy. Here's something that I've learned after decades and decades on the road, and he pulls out a little cracker for a lobster and hands it over. Thank you. Always be prepared. Thank you, Mr. Swift. And then he cracks the lobster, takes the meat out, dips it in the ketchup. Mr. Swift was my father. Please call me Adric Swift.

So, as I was saying, I am in this purely for the money. I'm a man of means, but those means are acquired through the doing of adventures. Yeah, was your life about the money that you earn or the venture that you seek? Are you someone who can be bought or are you someone who's in it for the thought of adventure? He slowly lifts a rib up to his mouth, looking at you thoughtfully. He's got sauce all over his mouth now. There's a woman inside a woman's heart.

Hi, Spoutlorians, Abdul here, just letting you know that we dropped a brand new episode of our Patreon-exclusive bonus game, Speltmore Mall Brats, over on our Patreon feed, and also dropping a little teaser here in the main feed for you guys. So if you're interested, head over to Patreon for the full episode. Links are in the show notes. I'm going to tick my clock for bigger gang army. And this is you like going to the study group and being like, we need your help.

Yeah, we need one of the other groups because we're in with these guys pretty good, right? You're not, I wouldn't say you're like super pals, but you're definitely not like hostile. We definitely think that we're closer to them than we actually are. Yeah, definitely. Some of the study groups is just like rolling eyes. Like, oh, you go down, you lock the door.

You go down to the study hall, their library, and you're speaking to a 15 year old named Father Arthur because he dresses like a priest and he has one of those wide black hats. And he's sitting at a table with like a burning candelabra on it. So you come to me for what? Well, I want to know of the other people who live in the tunnels. What of the other tunnel teens? The tunnel teens. These tunnels go far and wide around the mall. I'm trying to go deep, but it's not. It's okay.

You can just use your normal voice, buddy. I'm intimidated by all this fire and that big hat and you're dressed like a priest. Okay, fine. So if you are looking for the tunnel teens, the teens you shall find, what kind of, what do you want to know? Like kind of who's around? Well, who has the most immediate access or who can walk amongst the adults? The best. Or the most unseen or somebody who's associated with the vineyard. Anybody who has any ties with…

No one in these tunnels is associated with the vineyard. Those are the movers and shakers of the mall. The tunnels are a world unto their own. But if you are looking for folks who might be able to move about unseen, the shadow cloaks are the ones that you seek. They move about the mall with utmost stealth and are friends of the study group. And then we hear a bunch of clanging in one of the vents. And a kid falls out of a tube. Does he land like a superhero with a sword? Yeah.

He does have a sword. Yes. He lands kind of in a pile, but his sword is sticking out to the side. There's like dice go everywhere when he gets to go outside. My die. Did someone call for Rathgar the Nightblade? Whoa. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Shadow Cloaks. Are you new to the group? I am not new.

I am its foremost warrior and blade. Cool, cool, cool. So what needs you from the Shadow Cloaks? We need your prowess, which is legendary among the tunnel teens. Surely you've heard of us. The Cool Treat Kids? Aye, I have. Have you heard of our plate, shadow base? What's her, what's her? Rathgar, the Night Blade. Hey, hey, Blade of Nights. Have you heard our, sorry, what did I say before? You said plight. Okay. No, this is good, this is good. Rathgar, have you heard our plight?

We need a blade in the night, a night in the day, and a day to illuminate the night that is cast by the duplicity of Tina Durger in the Wine Moms. Yes, I know this threat well. And he sits in a chair and he is by a table with a burning candle and he, kicks his boot up on one table and puts a long pipe in his mouth so his face is hidden in the cloak and bubbles start coming out of the end of the pipe.

And Fenton is so stoked that he got that whole thing out in one go that he grabs a bottle off the ground and he smashes it against the wall. He's just so amped. I did it. That was great, Fenton. Thank you. That was a very potent sentence there at the end. Oh, I just realized what the shadow cloaks are. They're not all the same. They're a, they're, they're, they're a fantasy adventuring party. Oh yeah. So this is like the ranger. This is like their leader, the Aragorn of the group.

Someone's like an elf and they've got like, you know, the quiet footsteps. Yes. The bow. The cleric and the barbarian kid. Yeah. They're a LARP group. They're like a D&D party. There's like a Council of Elrond scene that's coming up where they give us and most of them are cardboard cutouts. Okay. I love it. So what do you require from Rathgar the Nightblade of this plight of Tina Durger? I don't know. I guess we just need information.

We need somebody to be able to move in the shadows without being seen. Doth, we need safe passage through the night and tunnels. I know the shadows well. They are my allies and my friends and also my step siblings and I can give you safe passage. But what is in it for mine adventuring compatriots in the shadow cloaks? Do not work for, say, five gold pieces a day. Purse. Jingle. Oh, the coin purse that you stole from Maurice. We only have two coins, dude. I'll jingle it a lot.

But if they're actual gold coins. You know when you put like a a big piece of money in a tip jar and you throw it down really hard to make it sound like more? That's what I'm doing. But do you think they're gonna beat us up if there's only two coins and not five? Look at these guys. This guy's a blade of night. He's a shadow cloak. He's playing. Look at his shoes. Bubble, bubble, bubble. Bubbles would come out of his pipe. Yeah, you're right.

And he holds up his hand with the fingerless gloves to get you to throw the bag of coins. Fink, flink, flink. And he opens it up and he pours the two coins into his hand but sees that they're actual gold coins from like the outside world. He thought there was five Starbucks in there. He was so sick. Five Starbucks? What do we call them? Mall bucks? Mall stars? Oh my God. Spear bucks. Spear bucks. Five Starbucks gift cards. There's two bucks on each of those. There's five Americanos in this bag.

Get a frap on us, boys. I see that your coins will spend well in the food court. I will eat many pizza pies with this fresh coinage. I regret this. And he slips it into his pouch next to the chain that connects his wallet to his jeans. This is Walgoat zip because of the… He's got to zip up the puck. Oh yeah. See, it says rancid on the outside of it. So, okay. So you're gathering information. So what do you want from these guys? What do we want? What do we want?

I thought you were completing your project clock. Oh right. This was like the shadow clocks. I know, but that's toward getting more and more people. I also want… I also want… I also want… I want to impress them so that we don't have to keep paying them because I want to build prestige and build our gang so that we can just to have everybody be on our side. We could tell them like other gangs are uniting with us. Yeah, I like that a lot. Which is true.

And we are here to fight the great darkness that… Is adulthood. Yeah. These mature people think they can just step all over us because we're kids. Well, they'll see someday we'll bang together. What we need to do is be able to stand up against them. He stands up very suddenly and he pulls a sword out and he… Puts the point on the ground and kneels down and dips his head and goes, you have my blade, sire. And you have the blades of all shadow cloaks. We will come to your aid when required.

Thank you so much. I give him some weapons, candy weapons. Oh. Oh, cool. You give him a weapon. So what do you give him? I'm going to give him some lights out licorice for the shadow. Oh, yeah. Hey, this will extend your shadows beyond your normal reach. Cast shadows and move within. And it's sweet and delicious, too. It is food? Don't eat it. Okay. This is called lights out licorice. And anybody that comes in contact with their mouths will be lights out. Create a shadow in their mind.

Ah, foul sorceries. But sorceries that I shall bend to my use and the use of my comrades. Very well. You kids are warriors, I can tell, of great caliber. Aye. We are very strong and brave. For sooth, I also have a gift for you, my friend. Shadow Snout. What's his name? Shadow Snout. Rathgar the Nightblade. Rathgar. Rathgar. I also have a gift for you, Rathgar. Aye. And then I give him a grappling hook. Whoa. Holy shit. Oh, my God. Is this real? Yeah, man. I found it. That's so fucking sick.

I found it and I tried to use it. Okay. And I fell. Two stories. You what? Oh, my God. I do not have the upper body strength to use this noble knight, but clearly I can see from the progression of your teen stache that you do. Oh, yeah. He's got a ratty little teenage mustache. Yeah. Oh, my God. Valindra Starvale is going to fucking flip out when she sees this. That's great. I got to write down these names or I'm going to forget all of them. So cool. Okay. I guess we're all giving gifts now.

She says it loud. Yeah. He turns to Clover. All right. I beseech you, the Nightblade Rathgar, to accept this gift bestowed upon me or bestowed from me. Please taketh this card, which will show thy future. I push towards him one of my, what are they called? Tarot cards. Oh. And it is the knight. Oh. Ooh. He picks it up and it gleams in his eyes. Let his sword guide you through the darkness. I thank you for this boon, fair lady.

And he touches it to his forehead and he does that thing where he like puts a fist on his chest in like an old Roman style salute. And he goes, and now I must away. And he jumps up and grabs onto the tube and goes, come on, kill him. That was a date. And he gets up into the pipe and his sword hilt gets caught on the edge of the pipe. And he's trying to fall out a little bit. And then boom, boom, clang, clang, clang. And he's gone. Honestly, age that guy forward like 20 years.

He might be like one of the greatest warriors in the land. Yeah. He's starting early. If he's taking it this seriously now. Yeah. So I'm also here still, Father Arthur, Cardinal of the study group, but I assume you don't need anything from me anymore. There's a ton of work.

Hi, Spoutlorians, Abdul here, just letting you know that we dropped a brand new episode of our Patreon-exclusive bonus game, Speltmore Mall Brats, over on our Patreon feed, and also dropping a little teaser here in the main feed for you guys. So if you're interested, head over to Patreon for the full episode. Links are in the show notes. Yes, that is the image that we left ourselves on, was Master Gilbert, the three-person trench coat disguise.

We're more powerful than we've ever been, my friends. We're like a centipede, but human. And you're 100% committed to going in as Master Gilbert. Oh, yeah. Okay. And all of us are smoking. There's a lot of smoke coming out of this thing. I'm in the middle. Yeah. Just coming out the gut. Yeah. You guys all have those stage cigarettes where you blow into them and baby powder comes out. Yeah, totally. It's evening. You're going in at nighttime. The noir aesthetic has maintained.

Yeah, it's dark in this part of the mall right now. The lights are off. There's lampposts burning. There's like a fog rolling on the ground because somebody's… The air conditioning's fucked up. The air conditioning's fucked on this part of the mall right now. And the sign for Nogweiser's… Neon sign flashing, flickering a little bit. There's a couple sad, lonely souls at the bar. And there's a guy in a button-down shirt with the garters on the sleeves. So what can I do for you, Mr… Gilbert.

My stomach says. I'm fucking starving. And then, yeah, Benton puts his hand where Clover's face is. In the middle of the… And it's like, sorry, yeah. I had some bad spaghetti earlier and it is repeating on me. Oh, are you… You said a spaghetti there. Is that a regional accent or did you just misspeak? No, it's a regional accent. I'm from… Don't just say Italy. Come up with something else. I'm from Vertgrass. Oh, I've never been. Yeah, it's Coastal City. It's really nice. It's really nice.

It's really nice. It's really nice. You know, sometimes I think about getting out of this place and going to the coast, but too many strings tying me down to this mall. It's hard to get out of the mall. It's hard. Every time you think you're dragging yourself out of here, that high spear just stabs right through you. I hear that. So anyways, what can I get for you, Master Gilbert? Give me something that'll make me forget my troubles. Ah. Give me something for a new beginning, friend.

Franklin yells, and a stool. A stool. We've been standing there for a little while. He's been doing squats for weeks through preparation, but it's a lot. And he grabs a bottle off the top shelf. Top shelf. Yeah. Pours a dark brown liquid of some kind into a shot glass and slides it down the bar to you. He doesn't catch it. Keeps sliding. It's a smash. Because Fenton's arms are too short, so he's got two mannequin arms. He's got a plastic. He's holding two plastic mannequins. It shatters.

It gets stuck. Gets his mannequin arm. Yeah. And then he goes, another, my friend. He pours another one and he puts it in front of you. Thank you. Hey, this on the house for a fellow lost soul. And I say, if you ever get out to Vertgrass Way, try and get yourself on a catamaran. Oh, yeah. A lot of men take to the ocean to try and find themselves. Oh, yeah. And then he dips the mannequin hand in the glass and then licks it. It's extremely strong liquor. And then he's like, yummy. I love it.

So much. Man of taste, I see. Yeah. Oh.

Hi, Spoutlorians, Abdul here, just letting you know that we dropped a brand new episode of our Patreon-exclusive bonus game, Speltmore Mall Brats, over on our Patreon feed, and also dropping a little teaser here in the main feed for you guys. So if you're interested, head over to Patreon for the full episode. Links are in the show notes. Okay, so what happens is you're all hanging out in the tunnels, in Greg's tunnel, and Borbo comes ripping down the corridor on his skates.

And he's like, kids, kids! Oh my god, kids. Oh no. I'm so sorry. Oh my god, it's awful. It's horrible. What happened? I just, I don't know how we're gonna… Oh my god. Oh my, who was it? He's got his hand on his side. How did they die? Oh my god. Let me see. And he pulls his hand off his side and he's got a piece of paper. Oh, it's terrible. Paper? It says zoning on the front of it. Okay. Right? What does this mean? Greg rolls… Development. Greg rolls up on his chair.

Greg rolls forward and he takes it from Borbo and he looks at it and he goes, oh, they're zoning your sugar shack. What does that mean? Oh, cool. It means it's being zoned for residential. They're gonna tear it down. Tear it down? What the fuck? They're gonna tear it down and they're gonna build condominiums. Whatever the fuck. Fuck those up. Let me see that. He hands it. And I read it. So it says, application submitted by Tanya Ropes, LLC. Fucking son of a bitch. Fuck.

Tanya Ropes, Kessarin's mom. Fucked us from a distance. She's trying to get rid of our fucking house. Capitalist pig. I knew it. We have to go protect our home. We can't let them win. But what are we gonna do? We can't beat zoning regulations. No. Not alone. Cut to. It's date night for the three of us. The six of us. Where are we? Let's set the scene a little bit. We are at Chili's. It's Thursday night. It's Chili's night. It's our new poofs. Yeah.

So I tell Seamus about what we found about Kessarin's mom wanting to bulldoze our home. Wow. And it's only time before they come after your home. Time to. No. The hot meat boys? Yeah. But how? We're so powerful. Yeah, but you're now associated with us. And they know you're on our side. You think they give a shit about carts, Mindy? I mean, I'm rich. All right. So. I guess you are too, Penny. Yeah. Wait. Penny's mom is in the wine moms. Oh. What? Oh, right. Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. Right.

Penny doesn't know much about what's going on. No. She's got like a chicken satay, like a stick with chicken on it. And she's just like shoving it all the way into her mouth and then pulling all the chicken out. Oh, my God. She's done that about three or four times. Ow. Those are sharp, Penny. Uh-huh. She's biting the stick off. The stick off. Well, then what are you going to do? You mean what are we going to do? Yeah. This is all of our problems. It's not just us. It's not just you.

It's everyone. All the kids in the mall. Yeah. If the wine moms get away with this, then they're going to keep going. Like, we all live in dilapidated pieces of shit that are full of rats and garbage and shit. And those are prime targets for these fucking total slags to turn into condominiums, whatever the fuck those are. Yeah. They sound scary, whatever they are. Yeah. You don't want the. You don't want the bourgeoisie coming up in here, taking all of our good places.

What do you think life would be like if we didn't have our dilapidated homes and our rats? Yeah. Horrible. We want Grimsby's, not NIMBY's. Yeah. Can you imagine our lives without rats? I mean, where I live, there's not a ton of rats. I don't know. What the fuck are you talking about, dude? All the hot meat boys live in like an apartment building. Must be nice. It is. What if the wine moms come for your apartment? They wouldn't dare. They might dare. They would dare. So what are we going to do?

We have to fight together. We have to come up with a plan. I mean, maybe there's something in the candy jungle that could stop them. Maybe. Or at least slow them down. Candy jungle? You don't mean the chocolate factory. I do. You've been in there? Yeah. Yeah, a couple of times. And also to shit a lot. We've been in there to shit a lot. And then we went really far in one time. Holy mackerel. Basically go in there every day. You know, no big deal. Yeah. Wow.

You're so much braver than I thought you all were. Thanks. You especially, Fenton. Thanks. I definitely am now realizing that that was sort of an insult. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Thank you.

Hi, Spoutlorians, Abdul here, just letting you know that we dropped a brand new episode of our Patreon-exclusive bonus game, Speltmore Mall Brats, over on our Patreon feed, and also dropping a little teaser here in the main feed for you guys. So if you're interested, head over to Patreon for the full episode. Links are in the show notes. I'm thinking we could maybe visit the Batman and get some bats. Because I know Seamus, one of his dislikes are the bats in his bedroom. So what do you think?

The Batman is a competitor of the Ratman? No, they're cousins. Yeah. Okay. The Batman. Yeah. Okay, so you're going to the Batman to get some bats. Yeah, 100%. Step one of this plan. That makes sense. We'll get some bats. We'll take the smoke machine to the pool, sneak it in after hours. We'll sneak it in after hours. We could bring it in before hours and leave it. Totally. Oh, yeah, that's a good idea. Stash it? Yeah. We'll have to get our spookiest swim trunks on, I guess.

Yeah, we can make some swim trunks out of those weird, like Victorian swim trunks are so scary. So scary. Not an ankle in sight. The stripy ones? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'll stay here then and make… I'll take the swim outfits. Okay, thank you. Sweet. And we'll go to the Batman. Okay. Sick. Where does the Batman operate? He finds you. What are you? There's a signal that you have to turn on. You have to find a mirror and say Batman five times into it and then he appears behind you. Yeah.

That's really scary. That is scary. And Fenton kind of thinks that he might be a vampire. He might be. So how are you guys summoning the Batman? Okay. Yeah. We find a mirror. Yeah. Oh, the mirror thing is real. Yeah. We're going to do the mirror thing. This is what we heard. Yeah. It's kind of like Bloody Mary. We think we're hiring somebody that's like maybe fictitious. Oh, yeah. Gotta try Batman. And we have to go to the scariest bathroom in the food court to do it. Yeah. There we go. Okay.

The one that's in the maintenance hallway. Yeah. Nobody uses this one. With the flickering light. Except for janitors. Yeah. So, yeah. You're facing a mirror. Flickering light dripping from somewhere. Oh, God. Okay. Here we go. Okay. Are you ready? You say it twice and I'll say it the last time. Okay. Wait. What? Five times? Five times. You say it twice and then I'll say it once and then you say it once more and then I'll say the last one. Okay. Okay. Okay. Here we go. Oh. Nope. Batman. Batman.

Batman. Wait. Wait. I had to say it. I was going to say it twice. Okay. You say it twice and I say it once and you say it twice and then I'll say it once. Batman. Batman. Batman. Batman. Batman. Batman. Batman. Batman. Batman. Batman. Batman. Batman. And the lights go out. Batman. Is that you? And the lights turn back on and standing behind you in a cow on a cape. Okay. The Batman. What do you want? Yes. Hi, Batman, sir. Batman. Why did you call me? We need some bats. We need your scariest bats.

All bats are scary. That's why I dress like one. Oh, that's what that is. Yeah, it's so bad. So you can't really tell that it's a bat. Why is your voice like that? I have a sinus infection. When you spend enough time around bats, your nose gets all fucked up. Oh, yeah, they have that fungus. Yeah, it's like a nose fungus. Yeah, I would get that looked at. There's no doctors in the darkness. Oh, no. Your cousin, the rat man, is a good friend of ours. He stalks the town of the grand shadows.

And I stalk the shadows. I can barely understand a word you're saying, Batman. I think he said he stalks the ground shadows. And he stalks the shadows of the sky. Whoa, that's pretty spooky. You're a pretty spooky guy, dude. He's an ally. He's an ally? Yeah. Come on. Don't make me repeat stuff. So you need some bats. How much is a bag of bats? Oh, they're free. Oh. Oh. Bats are fear. And the more fear I put out into the mall, the greater my web powers are.

He said it's the greater his white powers are. Oh, yeah. That's not what I said. What did you say? I said the greater my weapon and powers are. Oh, sorry. Okay. Well, then you might be interested in the job that we're about to pull because we're going to scare a couple of kids so bad that they're going to break up with each other. Sounds fucking sick. I love fear. And I hate love. I guess. I don't know. Do you want? Yeah. So you need some bats. We need some bats.

Yeah, we need some bats for this job. What's the best way to, like, release them, to get them really riled up? Bats are always riled up. At least my bats are. So where do you need these bats to be? We need them. We need to take them to the crystal pool for tonight. Tonight? Yep. Okay. Do you know how to get in there? I'll figure it out. Okay. And he says, Hey, could you… Could you grab that for me? And he points to something behind you. Yeah. What is… We turn around to look at it.

What is he pointing at? And he turned back and he's gone. Can we just hear this? You hear… In the vents, you hear a banging. So the Batman has agreed to take some bats to the crystal pool tonight. Cool. And that he'll figure it out. That's great. Thank you, Jessica, for letting us bring the Batman. For introducing the Batman. I love the Batman. Thank you for allowing me to workshop that impression of Christian Bale's Batman. That was great. It is. It's a great show. It's a great show.

It's a great show. It's a great show. It's a great show. It's a great show. © transcript Emily Beynon

Hi, Spellorians. Abdullah here. Just letting you know that we dropped a brand new episode of our Patreon-exclusive bonus game, Spellmore Mall Brats, over on our Patreon feed, and also dropping a little teaser here in the main feed for you guys. So if you're interested, head over to Patreon for the full episode. Links are in the show notes. Okay, so the poof's haunting. I assume Borbo's on board for this one? Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe we can get him, before he delivers the food, like their alfagetti, he can spell something, clover nose, in their food. Yes, that's so smart. Like tea leaves or something? Yeah. Yes. Borbo's like, that is fucking so cool. That'd be so scary. One time, I was eating an omelet and it accidentally looked like the word Borgia. And I fell out of my chair. So we cut to the back room of poof's, the kitchen. It's busy.

And like a middle-aged guy with like kind of a comb over and a flop sweat is like, Borbo, it's getting pretty busy out there. Do you think that these kids could leave if you could start doing your job? And he's like, Jared, shut the fuck up, man. There's a whiteboard, maybe, and we're all trying to write down like the plan of like what to write into their food. Borbo, that was the specials. Borbo's board. That was all the board that had the specials on it for this evening.

We've talked about this. And he's like, Jared, I swear to God, I got 15 minutes left on my break and I can do whatever I want with it. Okay. And Jared huffs and turns around. He's like, okay, so what's the plan? Alphagetti. Okay. And we're going to spell. What are we going to spell out? Yeah. What's our secret message? Oh, is it like you killed me, Kessarin? He's got a cup full of sour cream. Sour cream. We don't even get this. We don't even have sour cream here.

I brought it from the other place. It's weird, man. You go through like weekly cycles of just eating one thing. And I think you're really going to find that that is not healthy for you in the long run, especially when it's just a goo. Tishy, my friend. Okay. Yeah, I can probably. And he goes and he tries to find a bowl of. Oh, what's it called? Rune glue. Rune guine. Oh, right. Yeah. Rune guine. Rune guine is the. We wrote it. We added it to the specials board. I see. And we made it super cheap.

So like. Oh, yeah. He's going to order it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So, yeah. Borbo as a server is going to go out and try and really push the rune. Rune guine. Rune guine. Okay. So I haven't been out on the floor as a server in a while, but I am ready to impress. And he's wearing his like. Uh. Poofs like dishwashers uniform. And he rips the sleeves off. Yeah. And he grabs his rollerblades on. Yeah. And he slaps on a name tag that says Jared. And he puts an apron around his waist. He's like. All right.

I'll be right back. Now, I think this is going to be a luck roll. Someone's going to roll one die. And we're going to see how well Borbo pulls this off. Not me. I have bad rolls. Okay. I'll do it. What was the message? What do we come up with? What the message is. Oh, yeah. Kessarin betrayed me. Or. Don't trust Kessarin. Yeah. Don't trust Kessarin. Oh, yeah. Because we're trying to drive a wedge. Love Clover. Yeah. From beyond the grave. Oh, yeah. I squeeze that on from beyond the grave. Yeah.

Clover. There's so many words in there. So the luck is that if Borbo can like roller skate, roller blade this passive. Yeah. Delicately spelled out in cursive. Okay. Yeah. That's cool. And there's also like there when it says love Clover, that's on a corn dog and it's written in mustard because we didn't have enough room on the. I like that. So fortune rolls, it can be basically gather a pool based on certain things. So we've got one. Okay. We think that there's a pool because Borbo is involved.

Like there's another dive. Definitely. Here we go. Do we think there's maybe another one because you've already succeeded in kind of scaring them with like a pseudo haunting? There's a pre. Yeah. There's a pre. Yeah. They're already looking out for. They're having. Supernatural. Some spooky times. Do we think that there's, we maybe take one away because you made the message so complicated. Nah. Oh my God. Okay. We take one away. Yeah. You get two. You get two. Okay.

But do we add one because we're friends and friendship triumphs overall. No. Go ahead and roll. Okay. So you're rolling 2D6 on a fortune roll. Okay. Okay. Everybody. I want you guys to look at the sixes on this and visualize them both coming up. Underlined. Underlined sixes. Six. Think about these. I got it. Okay. The intention is there. Here we go. Oh, I lost. Hey, six. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Okay. Hell yeah. Nice job everybody. Yeah. That's friendship. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

So you guys watch through like the little Ratatouille window in the door. As Borbo skates out with the Rune Guini that Seamus definitely ordered. And it's like he's jumping and twirling. The people falling are all right. He's just like he's skating through the eye of the storm. Yeah. Blading between the raindrops and he drops it off and he doesn't even stop. He just drops it on the table perfectly and keeps going. So they don't even know it was Borbo. Yeah.

Everybody knows Borbo kind of hangs with us. That's good. He does have that other name tag on. Yeah. He's like, no, man, I'm Jared. He skates on by. And we get to tip your Jared. And you watch as Kessarin and Seamus start eating. And Seamus looks down at his bowl of Rune Guini. And his eyes are wide. And then Fenton's like, I forget what we said on there. There was a lot of words. Yeah. What was it? What to start with? Oh, it was something like, like Kessarin did this or like, I don't know.

You guys don't remember. Oh. You are. This isn't you. Jessica's trying to remember. Actually, Kessarin did this. Do you remember? No, not really. And that's even funnier. Honestly, if you guys tried to write something out, you can't even recall what it was. We put so many words on there. We can't remember. We didn't hammer it down. The corndog said love clover. That's enough. That's true. I know. And before it said from beyond the grave. Yeah. Love clover. Yeah. But what was it before?

I think it was. Oh, it was don't trust Kessarin. Don't trust Kessarin. Yeah. That's Borbo says that. Yeah. It was don't trust Kessarin. It was don't trust Kessarin. You guys did this 30 seconds ago. I'm sorry. We don't remember. That's a lot of seconds. Yeah. I haven't had my fifth cup of sour cream today. And you're not going to. And he takes the sour cream away. Whoop. And you're watching as Kessarin's like, from a distance, you can feel like she's saying, hey, Shamus, what's wrong?

What did you order? And he picks up the corndog and he licks it right away. But he's like terrified. Just looking around. He looks at her seemingly suspiciously. Or maybe he looks back at the kitchen and we put like a bit more smoke coming out from underneath the kitchen door. Good idea. I'm flicking the lights. Oh, in the kitchen. In the kitchen. Jared's like, what the fuck? And there's smoke and like limited visibility. Yes. It's thankfully it's not too much. You didn't overdo it.

The lights come back up, but there's a chef with half a finger. This guy's on fire. Like chaos. I mean, you can roll for that if you want that to. How bad is this going to be? No, we got to roll for it because this is drag attention. It's so funny. That's really good. Let's just do one fortune die and see what happens. Okay. So what are we trying to get? A low number or a high number? High number. Okay. Yeah. Fuck. Three. Okay. All right.

So Jared comes into the kitchen and is like, out, out, out right now. Out. Borbo, you're fired out. No. Borbo. No, don't fire Borbo. We, it was us. Yeah. Borbo had no idea. He knows that. He's still fired. Jared looks at you and he's like, okay, kids, are you willing to take the fall for your friend Borbo here? What does that mean? Are you willing to be banned for life from poofs? For life? Even on Thursdays? Especially on Thursdays. I'll do it. I'll take one for the whole team.

I'll take it for the whole team. No, I'll take it for the whole team. Oh, I thought we were all good. I don't want to be banned. So you guys can take it for the whole team. They've got the thing. We're like, what the fuck? They've got it covered, right? You're supposed to fight for us. Guys, I cannot sacrifice my Saturday morning eggbrookadagbras, okay? I cannot sacrifice it. It's the only thing that keeps me sane. I'm barely sane. They're there. They're there.

Jared, you're going to regret this. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we will see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we will see. Oh, we'll see. You might not see. If you know what I mean, moonwalking out of the restaurant. You won't see us coming. Yeah. Oh, we'll see. No, you won't see. You might not. If we gouge your eye, we should go. And Borbo starts roller skating backwards out the door out of poofs. And he's like, Jared, I'll see you after work. Me with the flagpole. Oh, no.

Clover has decided to go to ground living in the tunnels with Greg. Yep. And something that we realized after we talked about how sad this was, was that the Cool Treat kids have maps of the maintenance tunnels. And you could go see her probably whenever you want. Yeah, I think like the tunnel leads into the chocolate factory. So really, I'm just, I can come home. I just have to go through the back door. No, it's so dramatic and huge though. So do we open on you guys in the tunnels with Clover?

Or do we open on Clover just coming through the back door of the sugar shack? Yeah, I come in through the back door. We've built a shrine with Clover with pictures. And we have like everlasting candles burning. And we're like Clover and doing like a little speech. That's exactly what we cut in on a memorial service. It's a funeral, yeah. Okay, tell me what everybody's doing in this memorial service. There's a lot of kids there actually. A lot of kids. Totally.

The way we communicated it was so unclear that it really seemed like she died. Everyone thought she's actually dead. Even the Humberstone twins showed up for this. And it's because I think everyone showed up because they were like, you know that thing where like one kid has like sort of like a traumatic thing happen. And like all the other kids are like, oh my God. Yeah, me. This is so affecting me. I need attention. That's why everyone's there basically. And now I'm the one. And it has drama.

They're like, wow. She was such a good friend of mine. I remember talking to Clover one time. I really loved that. Yeah. I really, really loved Clamber. I think she's a really, really sweet. Clamber. So there's a bunch of kids and we're all, yeah, they're all standing around. Yeah. Fenton and Franklin. Yeah. Doris is there. She's serving shitty food. She's catering the event. Yeah. Borbo is playing sad music. Yeah, and a pipe organ. Yeah. Yeah. And he found it. He rolled into the sugar. Yeah.

And it's a regular organ. He turned into a pipe organ. Yeah. Sounds like shit. Like paper towel to sticking out of it. I was thinking you ruined an organ with like a hacksaw. Taped a bunch of paper towels to the rec top. And it's like there's an open casket at the front. With nothing in it. Nothing. Or is it like with a with a mannequin that you made of her? Yeah. That paper mache. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.. Yeah. Drawn on it now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you know, you gotta do what you gotta do. Yeah. And we put her how she would always want to be remembered in that duct tape janitor jumpsuit. In duct tape. Yeah. And the first speech begins. I go up there with a glass and like a spoon. Everyone's already standing in front of you waiting. And it's full of yogurt. And I'm like, cling, cling, cling, cling, cling. Cling, cling, cling. I'd like to make a speech in celebration of Clover's passing. My name is Fenton Beasley. I'm a slide.

Everyone in the audience nods. He was. He is. He is a slide. I'm like, I know not a lot of you know who I am. And the ones that do, not a lot of you like me. And the ones that do, it's begrudgingly. But, that's what was so special about Clover is I was abandoned in the mall over a year ago. I was lost and scared and alone. It's only been a year. It's been a year and Charles has happened like five times. This is an unprecedented year. Sometimes it happens a lot. Yeah. It's true.

It's whenever Charles sees his shadow. And I didn't know what I was doing. And I was lost and scared. And I didn't know anything about like crime or being a criminal or really anything that didn't have anything to do with turtles or scarecrows. Because as you guys know, my dad is a merchant who sells scarecrows to farmers. He hates farmers. Everybody nods. As you know, my mom loved turtles. She loved turtles more than me. That's why she lost me in the mall. Everybody nods. Yeah, everybody nods.

Everybody knows my backstory. People are snapping. I was like, I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to do this. But Clover found me. She found me wet and ragged and alone, drowning in one of the fountains in the food court. She saved my life that day. She pulled me out of the fountain and she brought me here to the sugar shack. And she made me a cool treat, kid.

And I'd be dead today if it wasn't for Clover. So, in honor of you, Clover, and then he pulls out his cane sword. Everybody in the front row, step back. Holy shit. Jesus. And then he takes, yeah, he takes the sword and he, and Fenton legitimately had not thought this far ahead. So he's now, he's just holding his sword. In honor of you, Clover. Franklin's looking at him, his eyes really wide, like, buddy, buddy. Borbo started to stand up from the organ. The sound of an organ stool. Man.

Moving backwards. Everybody knows that when Fenton is forced to improvise, shit goes fucking crazy. I don't know if he's ever actually drawn the cane sword before, so everybody's pretty scared. So people were like, holy shit, there was a sword in that thing the whole time. And then he, like, puts the blade down on the ground and snaps it in half. And he's like, I'll never wield this cane sword again in your honor because your memory, is the sword that cuts through my heart now.

And then he tosses the pieces into the crowd. Heads up. Put your kids dive out of the way. Borbo grabs the handle out of the air and is like, whoa. All right. And he starts clapping. Thank you, Fenton. Thank you. And he starts to, he walks forward and kind of nudges you away from the front. I still had, I still have to. I know, I know, buddy. We'll talk about it later. Okay. Franklin, do you have anything you want to say? Um, hi, everybody. Uh, Franklin, Stein, Cutter. Um, everybody nods.

He's got his, um, um, tuxedo t-shirt on and he's sewn back sleeves because of a different color. They're like beige, like they got little pockets on them, like cargo sleeves. They're the legs of cargo. So enough of them. I got them from some barbecue dads. They're so loose and they're the kind with the zips on the end. Yeah. Yeah. Hi, I'm, I'm, uh, I'm a boy of few words. Everybody nods. Yeah.

Um, Clover was a special person to me and I can't believe that she's gone down below to that place where we can never go until the day that we ourselves are drawn below the, our feet that we walk upon this earth. Some people start crying a little bit and snapping for my, for my speech. I have prepared a dance and, and the honor of Clover's passing.

Borba sits back down at the organ and it's like, there's really mournful, like me being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, doing like hands out in front, arch back, tip toes and then arms back and head back. He's, he's just going back and forth and back and forth. Does a spin, a slow spin and like a very, uh, purposeful, like he've crying on the coffin. Oh, whoa. Yeah.

And then like goes to the audience and like mimes like, Oh, tears, falling down in space and then um jumps up into this the rafters and is like spinning like crazy spider-man like around us from his really so yeah it does like uh yeah it does like a parallel uneven bar uh thing above their heads uh and then um as this song builds comes the end he lands in in front of the coffin on stage and uh pulls out a match and lights the coffin and the paper on fire and then ends like as it like burns and everybody is clapping and weeping and borbos freaking out runs into the fire extinguisher and immediately starts putting it out uh but before but while this is all happening the dance the fire extinguisher and then ends like boom as it like burns behind you and everybody is starts to burn uh clover you I've been watching from above the whole time yeah because earlier I'd shown up in the in the chocolate factory and I thought you know I may I may as well pay my friends a visit so they don't worry about me and all this is going down you were worried about us worrying about you yeah and I'm I mean I'm touched like that was a beautiful dance clover do you see anybody does anybody see you no one sees me okay but who do you see in the audience seamus oh yeah seamus is here is katherine here he yeah they are together and but seamus is like uh ignoring her basically yeah but I I want to position myself so I can uh get a spitball to land on katherine's head cool I like that she's wearing like really tacky I heart clover like oh yeah she's totally like we were best friends yeah we wanted to have her in the pixie sticks she she came and we were like oh my god she's wearing like a black clover and we asked her please and she said no I live dangerously and look where it got her so I'm monkey barring like over I don't know no we're in downtime I'm not gonna make you guys roll for this sick yeah so I I'm just like very sneakily heading over to katherine I'm getting the juiciest loogie again yeah gross and she's uh she's like like really playing up the weeping and the shame is the shoulder of the huge spitball and it lands right on her stupid head wait so when you may when you say spitball you don't mean a piece of paper no I mean literally like a oh like literally a gummy ball of spit nasty and it hits her right in the center part of the center part so she feels it so hard uh and she but she is going to start to look up well I I I hide she's dressed like cobwebs you know I mean I look like a dirty laundry pile yeah and there's a lot of those in the sugar shack yeah so she she wipes it off her head and looks up it goes yeah and you can tell when she looks up her face is bone dry not amos can smell the hot dogs in the spit though corn dog residue he's like it's almost like she's here I feel her presence around me all times meanwhile cut to the rafters where clover's hiding and she's she's like chewing a hot dog and burping yeah I do it quietly it's just wafting over the crowd I'm trying to eat my hot dog in secret uh it's a long ceremony yeah that's a pretty long ceremony because we have been improvising a lot yeah yeah all the people are pretending to be your friends who are getting up and be like she literally said we were best friends so after the after the ceremony uh especially after the fire board was like okay everybody maybe time to go thank you for coming wait but the elf is doing catering maybe time to go and uh you know clover she's with us always she's she's always in our hearts and she's always nearby she's so close right now I can feel her presence in the room I'll pat him on the shoulder I know buddy me too okay everybody thank you so much and he kind of shuffles all the kids out of the sugar shack you

Um okay so clover's gonna do the sneaking in sure okay so I'll dress all in black yeah you've already been dressed yeah my black oh okay perfect the transformation that's it took the outfit to lock in what we oh that actually makes sense because I like black velvet okay black velvet and I've put eyeliner on but so chunky because I kept messing up the lines oh so how much do you have on I don't know just a little bit yeah I just want it to look natural yeah it doesn't okay I keep going keep keep putting it on no no no no no no no no keep telling to do the next thing I mean oh sorry this is it I guess I could put my hair okay I put my hair up and stuff it like a dark toque oh perfect sick okay that's good and what else to make me sneaky what clothes is she wearing it was all black velvet stuff like uh you know the 90s stirrup tights yes so black velvet of that oh yeah those uh black velvet like top turtleneck cool you look like a cat burglar thank you so warm and I have some really shitty ballet shoes because I thought they'd be very sneaky yeah they look sneaky yeah those are the only thing that aren't black those are bright pink yeah um and borbo's watching all this happen with like crossed arms it's like I'm gonna come with I'm gonna come with you do you think this is gonna go bad no I'm just gonna I'm gonna like be nearby okay you gotta taste the dog don't you are you hooked on the nog yeah no really you were like guzzling that yeah I wasn't guzzling and I was chugging it guzzling implies a lack of control chugging is a challenge to be overcome borbo you couldn't breathe through it okay let's go and he starts uh he starts loading up like he has a backpack and he puts like a baseball bat in it and like uh you know like another baseball like a catcher's mask oh yeah yeah he just found a bunch of baseball stuff somewhere it looks like he's got baseball shorts on he's got the shirt he's got umbro shorts long socks yeah the long socks with the cleats I guess I just have a baseball outfit on baseball's the same here I guess oh it's a base the the poofs team baseball the beer league yeah the beer league poofs he's the umpire for poofs uh and yeah you head off umpires and um a few of his umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires umpires ump

Okay so are we going to corb for information before we go back to the hot meat boys yeah hell yeah okay where's corb at corb is uh you could always do a thing where you like set up a clandestine meeting he sets a fire I knew you'd show up and meet and eventually the fire truck comes they have like hoses they're putting it out that starts creeping up the wall when they leave and then like the the detectives are there and franklin just comes out of the I knew you'd show up eventually I have to set the corb signal it's just a fire dumpster fire that that happens like the the unofficial fire brigade shows up puts it out and then corb is like franklin what the hell are you doing I'm trying to get your attention and it worked we need a little information from you pops you do not need to set a fire every time you need information from me no no if you have a better way of getting hold of yourself I'd like to hear it how about coming to my office so you have an office I think you may have actually been to my office before look at this I set a fire I get information now I know you have an office my way works too are you gonna help us or not he takes his little cowboy hat off and rubs his eyes franklin puts his cowboy hat on that he got from bill hook oh my lord my lord!

And uh a few weeks after the show you're all chilling in the sugar shack and you hear hey hey get out here cool tree kids get out here barbo barbo barbo and he comes up and his hands are like in knife position he's like what's up what's going on someone's calling us out oh yeah and he gets up and he stumbles a little bit out of his hammock because his legs are like healing but he's still a little sore okay okay give me a second just give me a second kids and he goes outside wait I want to put a bandana on you there oh all right thank you a bandana around your the rest of your face with just your eyes cool here pull one of these boxing gloves on just one just one does this look intimidating and he's standing there in his shorts in his security crop top with two bandanas on his face and a boxing glove on his left hand and then fenton uh he draws abs over top of uh barbo's ass just gotta like naturally uh accentuate the abs contour okay oh are you guys gonna come with me or am I just gonna go there by myself I will wait here yeah we'll wait back here okay uh and he goes outside and as he's walking out he's like what the fuck is up and he walks out the door whoa and then a couple a couple seconds later he comes back in covered head to toe and eggnog and he's like they mean business the nogs so you go outside and there are like a dozen at least wild nogs here with their leader at the front on his uh you know those like banana seat bikes that are kind of like uh yeah like harleys yeah and they all have those um nog canisters on the back and yeah their leader at the front he's got a jean jacket and long blonde hair and the beginnings of a wispy teenager mustache oh it's so intimidating yeah no oh my god yeah and this is you've seen this kid around uh this is saddler triumph oh and he's smoking a real cigarette oh yeah and he looks like he's gonna throw up because he's when he's when he sucks in the smoke he chews it in his mouth because he thinks that's what you have to do um oh god I love to smoke a cigarette burps in a big cloud of smoke comes out I want to come out behind borbillo on my bike and in like the handles I've stuffed incense and I've lit them so it's like smoke oh fuck yeah what do you guys want funny you should ask uh I think it's time that you and your uh cool treat nerds start to learn to pay a little bit of respect to some of the gangs around here and I'm gonna go ahead and do that so if you're coming here huh if only there was a respectable gang around here it's on the ground in front of them spit boys and they all go and don't spit at us we spit at you and the pendant goes spit everybody's bad spit boy spit harder and it goes on for fifteen minutes and everybody's got a dry phone runs inside grabs a jug of water and brings a no fry cool tickets there's adults passing by just be like whoa widz widz widz widz widz widz widz widz widz a widz a şu like what the fuck somebody gets a drip on their head looks up spitting dribbles in their face mall security walks by in this like because it's kind of a semi-abandoned part of the mall right on their patrol and they're just like what the I just imagine a janitor comes up because they've got the call and they're just waiting with their fucking waiting off to the side floor side got that kids spitting all over the floor uh and yeah creamy nog spit gross yeah they're all uh re-nogging after the spitting's done it's so slippery now so what do you think kids you're gonna pay up or are we gonna have a problem here I don't know if you think a problem is shoving it up your ass is this how it's gonna be yeah you know it yeah you're not gonna get shit from us you little dick piece of shit whoa whose little kid is this he's our little kid and we're the only good gang around here well all right okay look I didn't want it to have to be this way but I hope nothing bad happens to your shop and I hope nothing bad happens to your bikes and then fenton pulls his little wiener out and pisses on one of the bikes all right this is like the kid once you say that you're a little dick piece of shit you're a little dick piece of shit I hope nothing happens to your bikes they all stand up straight off their bikes and the kid that you start peeing just pushes you to the ground oh shit I can't stop oh my god I jump in and deck them oh yeah yeah all right knuckle in the face roll up what is it fight what's it called scrap something skirmish oh skirmish yeah okay so this is going to be um you're in a controlled position because uh he's distracted pushing franklin over friend fenton over it's a little savage uh I roll over and I'm like oh my god I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die just one because I don't I have skirmish yeah skirmish and prowess yeah yeah so you're rolling two and take the higher yeah and this is a um this is just risky three three's my highest number all right we don't send them yeah that's not good uh so you hit this kid describe how you hit this kid and he walks up when he pushes fenton over and then he steps on his uh right foot and then pushes him you know when you do that thing steps on his right foot and pushes him into his friends and all the bikes with like dominoes through them and they fall their own spit.

Yeah. They're slipping in the spit and Fenton still pissing. He really had to go when they showed up and all their nog you got me. All their nog canisters hit the ground and start spilling. So there's nog spit and piss everywhere and that janitor is crying. I knew this day would come and after 10 minutes of slipping and sliding the wild dogs get up and Sadler Triumph goes boys.

Let's get out of here, but you haven't seen the last of the wild nogs and then he does a he tries to do a wheelie on his bike and it skids in the nog and the spit and the piss and then they start riding away and Borbo goes. So you guys decided to do the piss thing. Yeah, you're more for like intimidation factor. Cool, cool, cool, cool. We do a flashback to when we're talking about different ways to deal with a large group and they're the top of the list. It says the piss thing. The piss thing.

So step one, Fenton starts pissing on something to make them mad. Step two, Franklin does that move. There's a diagram of Franklin stepping on somebody's foot and pushing them. Yeah, and then Borbo Borbo was after, but we were like, sorry, it was finished before then. Clover's drawn a little rat with a tinsel neck down the corner of the chalkboard. He's part of the piss plan. You guys all come back inside and you're like all went according to play. This is why we practice guys.

I'll do this more often. Okay, so yeah, wild nogs not going well with them.

Uh and clover you see you see seamus and the hot meat boys walking down the aisle kind of far away from you but seamus is you know catching a glimpse at you every once in a while hey guys there's seamus is he looking at me yes yeah what does he look like does he look sad yeah I mean yeah he actually does oh really yeah he looks kind of pensive like he's thinking really hard harder than he's maybe ever thought before looking at the ground a lot and looking at you he's clenching a a tube of diarrhea yogurt and he hasn't had any of it it's just oozing out all over his hand I like that uh fenton calls it diarrhea yogurt not realizing that he is lactose intolerant yeah he thinks that everybody gets diarrhea when they eat yogurt he loves those yogurts so weird he usually eats them really fast I mean like just when I do see him not that I like used to like look from far away or anything uh anyway we put I put my hand on and clover's hand yeah and I'm like clover you don't have to lie to us if you're having a bad night you could just say you're having a bad night okay I was just I was just trying to be strong you know you are strong yeah there's a lot of strength and weakness too especially when you get to do it around your chest and um and um and um and um and um and um and um and um and um and um and um and um and um and um and like maybe if I'd worn something like mindy he would have been so ashamed uh and as you say I should have worn something like mindy you get bopped in the side of the head by her parasol she's trying to close it I'm so sorry somebody behind her's like down in front close your fucking umbrella who the fuck brings an umbrella to a goddamn concert we're in a mall you idiot somebody's yelling at your date franklin hey why don't you shut up why don't you shut up close your stupid parasol you get down here and close the parasol why don't you get up here and tell tell me if you've closed the parasol yet hold my diarrhea to yogurt and he starts climbing over the thing oh my god all right he's fired up get up to who's yelling it's uh it's one of the wild nogs oh oh and they all all of them are have the shirts off and each one has a different letter my alchemical there's romance there's a shit ton of them he gets up he didn't know it's like you see he's got it yeah one of them's got like a c on his chest and you're like why and then you see the rest of the letters and you're like oh fuck it's a reveal where they all from the central c take off their shirts it's just from the letter c fills in my alchemical romance I guess we would see this happen as franklin's halfway up climbing up the rose so we're like fuck and the guy in front is he's flexing his tiny little like 13 year old bicep and he's got a drawing that he drew with markers of a pig drinking eggnog and he's like what do you want I want you to just relax and take back what you said to my date roll this will be risky standard three that's a failure wait is this suspicion clock still going oh yeah shit yeah so you've still got you've got three ticks left on suspicion I mean like this could just be that franklin is going to be a failure I'm not going to making trouble so security is becoming more aware.

That makes sense. Yeah. Okay. So I'm going to take two to unless you resist it. You can always resist it and make it one take instead. It's going to cost two stress. You've only got one stress too. Yeah. I could take some stress for this. Okay. Okay. So I'll only fill in one tick. You're two ticks away from security catching wise that you guys are up to something. So they just get each other's face and they're doing it quietly and darting their eyes to security.

And some of the other wild dogs are like, shut the fuck up. Shut up. Get back to your seat. And security's like, hey, hey. You see so close. And as you guys hear hey, and you look over and you see a crisp button down security shirt with a badge that looks homemade and you see the embroidery, the poor embroidery of a hawk. Oh, no. Oh, no. And you just see the back of the shirt and you see two thumbs pointing down at the hawk. And I slink down below the people that are in front of the wild dog.

This is basically a movie theater. Just so sticky. There's nobody that cleans up. Actually, yeah, there's not enough staff in the mall to keep this place clean. It's basically just ancient cruft like this stuff has been here for hundreds of years. You actually find a coin that looks ancient. Cool. Pick it up. It crumbles to dust in your hand. I'm going to erase that you blow as you're watching. You blow and a tile reveals ancient writings that reveal a prophecy. It crumbles to dust.

Oh, so close to prophecy. Finding more stuff. You see a hole in the ground and you go over it and there's an echoing chamber and you hear release me. And then a piece of gum falls in the hole and seals it up. Damn it. Just. I think it was the hole. It was a tiny little hole that you put your ear to and you could hear the howling winds of a deep, dark cave. A buried kingdom. Oh my God. This is awesome. So cool. Under the amphitheater.

We forget to talk about this is a fantasy world and that you're in an ancient wizard built facility. Yeah. What was the high spear ball before the high spear is a wizard tower that was used for things that we have never examined.

There's also a wizard built chocolate factory that has since broken down, but the mall itself from what we've all been able to tell has always been a place of like commerce because remember there are those like they don't work anymore, but like the floating elevators, right? That kind of move around. So, you know, I'm not sure. Over time, as we reached this like kind of post apocalypse, people came to live in the mall because it was safe. Yeah. So Franklin, you slink back down.

You see Danny, the hawk to Berna. All he did to get you guys to quiet down was point at the hawk that he's embroidered on the back of his shirt and you see him whip around and he goes, that's right. You see his mustache freshly combed. And like little eagles wings. Oh, yeah. It looked like a little. Yeah. This guy. I respect him. I respect him and how much I don't respect him knows even his comb over is intimidating. Wow. Yeah.

So you come back down and you see the wild knocks are like giving you the eyes, but they shut up. I flip him a bird. You get 24 pairs of hands coming up to flip you the birds wide eyed and many is like thanks for standing up for me. Franklin anything for you, Mindy. I mean, I don't know. It's not that I can't. It's not like I care really, but thank you. Thank you. You're welcome.

And she, uh, she does that thing where she kind of like crawls her hand over to you and she, she tries to hold your hand.

And all yeah all that's left to do is for you guys to go to the concert yeah so you um you head to the auditorium which is called the coxburgh hawthorne memorial auditorium and outside everybody who's anybody is here tonight who's here like it seems like the majority of the kids in the mall are all here uh some are wearing like my alchemical romance t-shirts some are dressed very fashionably in a way that is out of place because they just want to be seen here but don't actually know anything about the band um some people seem like they're really excited about a different band oh oh like the open yeah they're really psyched about like the opening act cool uh and oh they're like yeah the super super hip kids are like they're older kids yeah exactly there's like the teenagers are here too there's a few adults but not that many cool uh and security is like letting everybody in so there's that slow like flow of bodies into the coxburgh hawthorne memorial auditorium sick and the entrance to the auditorium is in like a lofty area with a glass roof like many areas of the mall and all you guys can do is wait for your dates where did you say you were going to meet near the front there's a few groups waiting for meeting people before they get in the line nice so we're there okay well there's somebody there scalping tickets for sure oh totally it's uh it's the rat man a rat man the rat man he's like yes I'm the scout man to no no um I'm I'm still rat man but I have tickets I'm gonna go over the rat man guys I'll be right back in two seconds don't do it no don't do it guys I'll be fine don't do you have any money to spend on you no he doesn't okay I don't have any money it doesn't matter I'm just gonna go talk to the rat man okay hello I'll repeat the customer hello hey rat man how you doing ah the rat man how's your sciatica thank you for asking my uh left pinky toe has been numb for some time now well I you know what you just keep doing those stretches that the physio told you to do and I think you'll you know you'll lick it and then you'll you'll get back to competitive speed walking and no you're not you're not you're not you're not you're not you're not you're not you're not you're not you're not you're not you're not you're not you're not you're not you're not thank you fenton you've always been my best friend and supporter I mean um thank you the rat man appreciates the confidence that you have in me there's depth launched here tonight anyways would you like a ticket oh I know we got all the tickets we need ah what are you selling them for um one rat for two and two rats for three wait what you're selling tickets for rats yeah how do you think my economy works God I'm still so confused This guy walks up and says I'll take two rats Hands him a ticket He's so confused He's getting tickets and rats And trading them to sickly I just like to trade and sell And be in the crowd Yeah and he reaches into his coat and pulls out two squirming rats And hands them to the guy and takes the ticket And puts it where the rats were The guy's like sick Guys I got him And he's got a group of friends away They're like yeah It's a two rat kind of night And they high five each other How old are these people Like 30's What is happening And unless you stop him the rat man Wanders away into the crowd And people keep bringing him tickets and rats But Clover you see Seamus She's drinking her juice And she's like hi It has spilled out You gotta stop drinking juice Clover Clover I already fixed the problem Here you go How do I look You look pretty good actually Sick You always look great bud Oh thanks bud Okay I'm gonna walk up now Just look normal She's like doing weird stuff to her eyebrows And like trying to look cool But she's kind of jutting out her head too far So she's like coming at Seamus like a little monster Goose Neck stuck out arms back Yeah Hello Yeah Hi Hey Seamus The diaper sound of duct tape all over your body Yeah you hear it Just It's great It's great plastic And Seamus turns around And for a second you're like Oh my god Yeah He looks incredible Life stops for a moment While I gaze at his perfection Yeah he's got Jeans with wide legs So wide He could fit three of his legs in those legs And Around that he's got A studded belt with a chain That goes from one of the belt loops to his pocket So cool What's at the end of that chain?

Who knows? Mystery He's got a white tank top on And over that tank top A silk over shirt Whoa Fistooned with an image And suspenders Yeah suspenders as well This shirt Fistooned with a brightly colored image Of a dragon Oh my gosh Of a style that you have not seen before Oh my gosh Oh my gosh It's so exotic So cool From what land does this shirt hail? Who knows?

He's got a thin metal chain around his neck His hair is gelled up It looks kind of spiky and crispy But in a way that lets you know That he is not going to let that hair go anywhere No He is in full command of that hair And that shirt Like what a worldly person So well traveled And well read Is the answer to that question That's the only way You can't wear a shirt with a dragon on it Without reading Can you roll 1d6 for me?

This is a fortune roll I actually have I have a theory Four You realize As you are watching Seamus Like my god He's so beautiful It's not until you are within like A few meters That you realize he is standing With his friends Oh And he turns around And he looks really nervous To say hi to you And he looks really high for a second